Enneagram: Mental Health & Type 8

[@dianeyost312]

Yep, I’m a female 8 and I’m definitely “too much”. And my language is very “colorful”. You hit the nail on the head. Kudos!

[@TaraArgumaniz-tl6td]

SAMEE!

[@SoulfulVeg]

Me watching this while isolating. 😮 All of these are spot on! 💯

[@sandydemars8100]

Me too.

[@finolafinn6002]

One of the best talks on type 8 I’ve ever listened too. Really gets to me to understand my wonderful 8 female type !

[@VaughnVirgo]

I definitely agree with strong since of responsibility and the constant feedback that I’m too intense or too much for those around. It does make me retreat or just avoid people who tend to tell me my being is too much for them. The struggles of an 8 are real…lol. Thanks for y’all your hard work with these videos. Ive never felt so understood before now…lol.

[@rhondabryanthistlethwaite5351]

Totally agree! I’ve been told to lighten up my whole life. I also think I’ve just kind of stepped back from people who can’t deal with me. It’s just easier as I’m getting older. I don’t have a bad temper and I don’t curse. I just can’t stand indecision and anything that reeks of dishonesty!

[@cheetalia]

26:28 As a female 8w9, I feel like part of it is, yes, wanting to be strong, but for me it’s one of the few ways I can actually show vulnerability to those who I care about. Like, I have a 9w1 friend who, in the midst of me being in an abusive situation and me saying I can take it, she reminded me that I was human. That instantly made me pause and receive that love and protection from her. She reminded me of my vulnerability and that made me feel seen and protected by her. I hope that makes sense.

[@marykatherinerosson213]

8w9 here and this is just so spot on as usual Dr Tom! The part about staying in relationships too long- for me if I’m honest, it comes from seeing that as a challenge that I need to work through, but I also have a strong guilt of “abandoning” this person. I don’t have a hard time getting out of unhealthy friend relationships, just when they are very close to me as in a child or spouse. Also, the lady and the horse farm sounds amazing 😂

[@christinadonnelly781]

Partner is an 8. Honestly one of the biggest things i don't understand is when an 8 is feeling like they need support and are under stress they tend to just get angry at everyone. Its kinda hard to want to support someone who is just super angry sounding. I understand that it is probably pain/ sadness but how can we make our 8s realize they are pushing away people that actually can help?

[@sandydemars8100]

I think, for me, it is frustration trying to make people understand what I mean. When I tell my husband I just need support, or a hug, he says well, it's hard to hug a rattlesnake. Or he Says mama grizzly bear. Funny but not.

[@angelaferellla6950]

Dr. Tom you are spot on. I’m an 8 and have to hold my tongue so I’m not “Too Much” for the people around me ….. it’s draining .

[@Petra-ms3ku]

Being a mature female 8 is the bomb though. We know to pick our battles, and we’re sure we will win any battle we choose. 😉 I’m an 8 forged in trauma. Severe CPTSD. I am a survivor. We’re like the frog in the pot. We can tolerate anything and everything for a while. 🐸 EMDR was life changing.

[@courbard]

What is EMDR

[@gowtham7231]

I need to be invulnerable to protect myself from abusive people and exploiters, as I was abandoned and neglected by my parents as a child and had to survive harsh environments without any guidance. And regarding PTSD, you are absolutely right. I was unable to get over my broken relationship for around 2 years. I had frequent nightmares and panic attacks whenever I was triggered. It is the inability to accept that she has moved on and the anger as I believed I was exploited.

[@Dani-jo9yr]

Well - you made this 8 😢So spot on - speechless 😶 Thank You 🙏 so much So makes sense

[@twlahue]

Awesome

[@joedoe8558]

At 11:00 psychological abuse can be a form of challenge as well. Problem is it accumulates over time and can cause ptsd once your safe world burns up. Getting over ptsd is a new challenge and after that what else can they do to you?

[@masonthompson8757]

I’m a female type 8 wing 7 and this was so very spot on- the description of being too much (fill in the blank) is very true for me.

[@shawna2154]

This helps me so much. It’s the best enneagram video I’ve seen in a long time. I’m a 9, my partner is an 8 - and we sometimes do not see eye to eye, and neither of us is that great at verbalizing our feelings - this video rings true and it helps me to understand him. Thanks!

[@twlahue]

Glad it was helpful!

[@1111OOOOI]

I feel responsible for every problem I come across in life like it's my responsibility to help,save, rescue and fix everyone's problems even strangers in some way small or big, I feel guilty if I don't do something to help so I've been telling myself "nope it's not my responsibility, keep it moving" over n over in my head and telling myself I should not feel responsible or guilty either, trying to find that balance

[@twlahue]

It's awesome that you want to help out, but don't forget to take care of yourself too. Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup!

[@eduardapianista1572]

1. Strong sense of responsability 2. The general sense of being too much 3. Feelings out of control 4. Isolating myself 5. High risc for PTSD 6. Difficult in accepting emotions 7. Controling anger 8. Incorrect assumptions 9. Low grai paranoia I'm a 9 with an 8 dad. And i can confirm that their anger isn't necessaraly anger. My father feels the responsability of taking care of his family only in his sholders. His first one preocupation is providing to us everything that is necessary. So, he needs to be bold. That's what he belives. He shows his care for us, and all his worries throught anger. "-Where have you been?! I called you 5 times! You don't thing about the consequences?" He was worried about my well being. "-This room is stinky. Clean it up today." "-You're coughing. Make a tea." "-Have you already finished the task that i managed you?" He demonstrates his caring trough orders (angrily, because being worried afects them and they are not afraid to show it), making sure that i am taking care of myself corectly. Once i learned this, i understood that this was his way of demonstrating love. Sometimes it was "too much", in a brutal way, leading me to make him recognize that scared me sometimes, and that i wanted to him to teach me on a more soft way. But when he sees me doing something that isn't good to me he steps in. In he's head, there's no way that "i am going to see my loving ones doing something harmful to themselves and standing sidly". He can't just watch, he takes action. When he finaly open up to me about his fragile side, i am happy! That now, i will be the one helping him! And the best way to get them to open to you is asking: What's your goal? How can i use my energy to make this happen? After hearing this, they are going to give you a task, and will be imensabily happy that you are willing to helping them, and will be even more happily if you do it. Asking for them if they are "fine", if they "need help", if they "are worried", or if that "hurts them", or even if they are "sensitive" about something or some topic (i belive princibaly the last one) are, in first instance, attacs to them. You're asking to them about their weak spots and they're not going to like. Only trough time and patience you can make them come naturaly to you (much as like a savage animal XD). When they want to be alone, don't bother them. Wait for them to take their rest aproprialy. They can realy, be the most caring, loving, cherfully, suportting and lightly companions that you can have. Just always make sure where you bouderies lay down for to them never make you sad accidentally. If they really love you, they want to know your limits, AND became imensally happy that you assert yourself. But, please, always do this in a respective way, to everyone. Their goal is to make you as confident and great as they are. Help them seing how YOUR naturaly capacities are as great to became a person as theirs are. This is long. But i couldn't miss the oportunity to help as much this channel helps me. And as Dr. Tom LaHue always say: "Be present to life!" 😘

[@twlahue]

Thanks

[@davehancuff]

You asked about relationships: Had 1 truly toxic relationship. I was miserable by year 2 but it lasted 7. I can not identify nor recognize any emotion besides “anger”. Probably remained out of duty and my desire to protect her. Subconsciously probably enjoyed the conflict. That relationship had the worst consequences in my life. Changes inside of me lead to actions and decisions which will be the lowest moments in my life.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for sharing this.

[@ronjar.747]

Spot on from a female 8w7 sp represssed. I feel responsible to make sure that people around me are protected and know the next steps on their route to their goals and desires. And get the impulse and wnergy to het started. Being too much (loud, quick, brave, bright, bossy, direct, funny) is a core belief of any eight. And that I constantly need to restrain myself in order not to "roll over" others. It was helpful for me to watch the 8 panel of Beatrice Chestnut. My fear would NOT be to be controlled , but not be able to act. That feels very different. And physical workout is crucial and the straight pathway back to myself. I LOVE the expression " benign neglect". And after all - "sometimes, the fastest way to get there is to go slow and sometimes if you want to hold on you got to let go...."( Tina Dico, Count to 10). And spot on about anger as a pleasurable cover up for other emotions, in particular helplessness and sadness.

[@ronjar.747]

P.S.: It's hard to admit that one is hurt, as this makes you appear vulnerable. And when you are vulnerable, you cannot possibly protect yourself or others adequately. In the wild that would mean you are prone to be killed more easily. So: it would be directly suicidal to admit you are hurt.

[@ronjar.747]

P.S: intensively training in realizing whenever I feel afraid. I took me years to realize that I was indeed fearful at times. It was so out of my self- perception that I was unable to feel fear at all.

[@marierose6792]

I have observed that in their desire to be strong, big and not succumb to feeling weak, they may isolate and use substances ( ie alcohol ) often secretively until it is not secretive. When not acknowledging that this is a problem that they need help with, can turn life to their demise. But again, they think that they can handle it. Their lust will factor in as well.

[@germanarovinelli5973]

Great Video 8 w a 7 wing female I healed a lot of confusion when I understood my style decades ago

[@twlahue]

Perfect!

[@davehancuff]

Appreciate you Tom! Thank you for what you do.

[@twlahue]

Always!

[@HeidiRain]

Laughed out loud it. What is normal ?anyone but an 8😂😂😂

[@edgewalker7459]

, sums me up , , strong sense of responsibility, the need to fix ,the anxiety , my intensity can be too much for others and so on , I have been both an unhealthy 8 and have become a healthy 8 , the difference is huge ,

[@cuegod]

Thanks again… I’m an 8 who recently split with my wife a 2… after 17 years… 4 children… your videos are helping us so much.. ❤️❤️❤️

[@rhondabryanthistlethwaite5351]

This is so spot on!!! The woman on the horse farm sounds like heaven to me!!!

[@Eyephonestories]

Wow this is such an insane insight into myself.. I think I’m going to share my family and friends. ❤

[@twlahue]

Please do!

[@throughmichaelslensphotogr2000]

I just took the test . I rolled an 8 . I just started to explore and I’m floored how much you just discussed my life . 🤔

[@beiridescence492]

So thankful for this video. You've helped me understand myself in a new way. You explained this so clearly 😊

[@twlahue]

Glad to help

[@rsasllc-houseflipping6917]

This is crazy. It's like you know me personally. My counselor said I was an 8w7 and that I needed to move more to a 9. My husband and I butt heads constantly but when we work together, we're literally a power couple. I wonder what his enneagram is?

[@sandydemars8100]

Sounds like ne and my husband. I'm an 8w7 and he's a 1W 9.

[@sandydemars8100]

I'm a female 8W 7. I have always felt I'm a misunderstood person. Sometimes I notice right away that I have been misunderstood or I didn't say it like I meant it. But sometimes it's later that day or even months later that I realize, wow! They misunderstood me! Sometimes I can't even figure out what I said or did wrong. Anyway. Thank you for putting the time into these videos. My husband and I are learning so much from these videos on how to understand each other better.

[@twlahue]

Awesome

[@mavr1ck_garage]

So thats why I tested and got a 5 I've been overwhelmed lately but when I started down this path I really started to resonate with 8s and I feel like I'm definitely an 8

[@twlahue]

It's great when you find a personality type that really resonates with you!

[@1111OOOOI]

So true 8 NEED daily exercise but not just a little walk, if I walk it has to be at least 3 miles or 1 hour in the Florida heat to get the excess energy or edge off...

[@twlahue]

Regular exercise is definitely important for maintaining energy levels!

[@susanneankegotze4858]

Thanks for your fantastic work. Keep going ...

[@twlahue]

Thank you, I will

[@amethystpurple333]

You said you wonder how 8 get stuck in unhealthy relationships and someone would expect the 8 to kick the person to the curb. I think 8 do have the extra strong walls protecting them because they felt weak as children and decided they would never again accept such a situation. But the wound is still there, behind the walls. Once they let someone in, they trauma bond with this person, the unhealed child aspect kinda required this abusive relationship to relive it with the hope of changing the ending. Once someone is inside the walls, near the heart of the 8, it is hard to disconnect and place them outside again. The 8 has to give up trying to change the situation and the other person and giving up is difficult for an 8, it means they are failing and standing abuse, is perceived as a sign of strength for them. So they stay in such situations until they get enough and are very damaged. They are hoever very fast on their feet again, ignoring the inner emotional damage. The 8 do have a very soft core too and that's what all the strong walls are trying to protect, once they develop their feeling function and focus their energy inward understanding their inner child they do soften up as the wounds heal and the walls cause more separation than protection. This might be the reason why 8 do soften up sa they age and want to be seen and felt.

[@twlahue]

Hey, thanks for adding your thoughts! It's always interesting to hear different perspectives on personality types and relationships.

[@1111OOOOI]

So true about being in the group I've been shocked many times when I simply make a comment not aggressively about what we're talking about and call out the elephant in the room topic and realize oh everyone is trying to hide the elephant and it's unacceptable to call it out. Crazy making...

[@twlahue]

It can be tough when you feel like you're the only one willing to address the elephant in the room.

[@nurtureulifecoaching3226]

I relate most strongly to needing to be in charge and fixing things!

[@patriotsports7745]

Me becoming an 8 was due to a PTSD moment when I was very young. My mother and stepfather murdered my dad. As I grew up, I decided I would never be a victim again. I only allow a very few to ever see behind the curtain.

[@elizabethhong1331]

I’m an 8 wing 9 . But a strong 9 wing sometimes people think I’m a 9 w 8. But I resonate with this video so much!

[@mennaabdo6473]

Your content is so self regulating for an 8 like me So thank you really

[@twlahue]

Happy to hear that!

[@haleytruslow7200]

The female 8 is the most misunderstood person on the enneagram.. I feel that. I have always had the feeling of being too much.

[@twlahue]

The struggle is real

[@karienrothmann9395]

Tom LaHue - I love you!!!

[@twlahue]

Awe...Thanks

[@PearlPaisley]

Good stuff! I just have to say I loved your expression of speaking the truth with lots of colour. I am claiming that expression from now on 😆

[@nurtureulifecoaching3226]

This is the quintessential 8 video! Spot on

[@twlahue]

Thanks

[@Sarah-ww5iu]

Eights do not leave situations that are bad for them easily because they do not believe they deserve better.

[@blueanima8623]

I think that might be a self-respect issue moreso than an 8 issue... also... perhaps you could reframe it from what you deserve to what you want? Regardless of what you may or may not DESERVE, if it's YOUR choice and YOU don't wanna be there, then... kick down that wall and walk out. Who's to stop you? If the choice is yours, the choice is yours, and a lot of life has nothing whatever to do with what we deserve. The sun shines on the evil and the good... maybe none of us deserve a world as amazing as the one we get to live in. :)

[@bexsolo369]

I don't feel that way. I'm a female 8 and I don't leave bad relationships because I see people's potential (rather than how they really are) and don't want to give up on them

[@The_whimsical_avoidantcope]

@@bexsolo369 you read my mind

[@Enfpmom]

Currently isolated due to being in between jobs cant stay still but have no choice

[@alicemanning6799]

Female 8+7 wing married to a 1, can you do an in a relationship video on enneagram one and eight? 🙏 please ? Haha I get the horse farm, my version of that was driving from California to Canada on my own for a few weeks while hiking .. I 100% relate to the jittery feeling when there’s a sense of lack of control and working out as an outlet for that to find calm through endorphins , that whole statement was exactly me!

[@catherinebullock9748]

De. LaHue where did you earn your doctorate degree and in what discipline?

[@twlahue]

Doctorate of Ministry from Grace College and Theological Seminary in Warsaw, IN From my website: www.tomlahue.com Education Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Johnson Univ, FL. He holds 3 Master's degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctorate is from Grace College and Seminary (Winona Lake, IN). He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991 and they have 5 children & 4 grandkids. Dr. LaHue earned a certificate in marriage coaching from the American Association of Christian Counselors. He also earned a certificate in natural health from The Natural Health School. Tom has also served as an adjunct professor at the following schools: Indiana Wesleyan Univ, Louisville Bible College, and Johnson Univ, FL.

[@JuliaOstrovok]

24:30-25:00 completely true

[@HeidiRain]

❤really great video

[@twlahue]

Thank you!!

[@HeidiRain]

@@twlahue and I know I was the one cursing in our session 🤣💪❤️

[@FutureIsFreindly]

Why do people think we are too much? To me it’s just normal. How can I recognize when I’m not being normal or too much for people? I don’t get it. I think everything is fine, then I hear otherwise. Why can’t people say what they mean!!

[@twlahue]

It's definitely a challenge to navigate social norms and expectations! Sometimes, it helps to have open conversations with those around you to get a clearer perspective on how they feel.

[@LelaBria]

lol sorry I’m just laughing to myself at ur attempt to get us to imagine what people might be feeling under the anger. I appreciate the attempt but , I think if we have alexithymia issues (extremely common with autism) or childhood emotional trauma (pstd or cptsd around it ) then unwrapping our damaged relarionship to our emotions let alone an AWARENESS THERE IS A PROBLEM 😂 is gonna take a lot more than just telling us to imagine what someone else might feel 😂. I think m perhaps understanding that we literally are unaware or not identifying tons of emotions if that was not safe to do from past trauma for various reasons. Or just good ole alexithymia and understand how that manifests for us and working to minimize some of the issues with that would be likely more helpful in helping us slowly close the gap , or do the trauma work healing to undo some of those habits. But ur absolutely correct 😂the way I suddenly realized at some point of my emotional teajama work journey, HOLY SHIT IM ANGRY BUT ITS ACTUALLY PAIN😂 lol or IM ANGRY BUT ITS ACTUALLY SADNESS. etc 😂like if you had said that to me before a lot of that trauma work I would have just laughed and said , stop hoping I’m feeling all that crap I’m not 🙄 Lolol so. I’m imagining a lot of 8s may literally need a lot of intentional safe therapy or traumas work to even re attune to their emotions at all and get better at even identifying what they’re feeling and when. Focusing on the physiological “symptoms” every time ur “mad” is a good place to start 😂imo an experience. Start quite literally tracking the combination of physical “symptoms” you experience in ur body when ur feeling anything even “anger”. And start noticing that sometimes there’s patterns for you of groupings of or certain symptoms. Eventually if you do the trauma work you might realize they’re the same patterns when ur sad or anxious or hurt or whatever. And you might backwards through attinement to the somatic part of ur emotions start opening up ur awareness to what else ur actually feeling aside from anger lol anywho

[@twlahue]

Thank you for sharing your insights! You're absolutely right; understanding and unpacking complex emotions takes time and a lot of work, especially for those dealing with alexithymia or trauma. It’s important to approach this journey with patience and care.

[@LelaBria]

@@twlahue no worries ! Hopefully the adhd all over the place information isn’t too confusing 😂 idk I tried 😂

[@LelaBria]

If this song doesn’t make you cry when no one can possibly know you cried. Are you even an 8 😂 (Luisa’s song from kids movie ENCANTO) kzbin.info/www/bejne/qoLah36obdd2j9ksi=njA9yIT0ypyBGF9x

[@JodyWillis-wr8it]

Not doing something … is doing something…😮

[@twlahue]

True.

[@jenaevans]

Horse farm!!!😂 YES!!

[@Nick_Taylor.]

A female 8 is as misunderstood as the male 4.

[@twlahue]

True, also male 2's