Enneagram: Mental Health & Type 4

[@aninfphilosophy]

😂 I laughed when you said, "We're looking at the mental health for type 4 so you know that's going to be good." 😂😂😂

[@twlahue]

:-)

[@lisanapoli6061]

I really appreciate your work and videos Tom. I'm a self pres 4w3, and I can get very low in depression, melancholy, and also instantly happy in my mood swings. Yes, misunderstood, feeling different, and retreating 100%. Yes, I remember everything hurtful in the past, even the slightest comment, and I dwell on it, wishing it was different.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for sharing this

[@karenslaughing]

Totally- hard to overcome this pattern- doing my best to learn and find strategies to help me get needs met in a healthy way

[@RandolphTheWhite1]

One thing I've noticed with fours is introjection, which basically means internalizing the beliefs and ideas of others. So they'll adopt shame that isn't theirs, or feel guilty for something they had very little to do with. It gives them a sense of control.

[@madelyng8624]

This. As a 4 I sometimes have to ask myself if I actually hate myself or if I’m just absorbing hate from other people? In other words, do I actually hate myself or do I think other people hate me so I then adopt that belief. I’d like to think if I lived on an island by myself I wouldn’t feel that way anymore. I wouldn’t feel the need to change anything about myself.

[@Anita-silver]

100% me. Feels so heavy and painful to hear it all out loud. The thing is as a 4 I can't help people understand what's happening inside or why because it just is. Going deeper with God is what is transforming me.

[@sugarcravings1797]

I see a contradiction in the title.

[@BombaclaatGatofish]

😂

[@marykatherinerosson213]

😂😂😂

[@tlhogid663]

😂

[@bdragon1445]

Bruh

[@thenondualisticmystic]

There is a disorder called BPD. I've always said that for type 4s, that disorder doesn't really exist. It's not an official "mental illness." It's just us 4s at the unhealthy levels xD

[@peachesandpoets]

This sounds like a list of traits of people who are recovering from narcissistic abuse. That makes sense, being a weirdo from an early age can make you attractive to some really shit people.

[@annaandrea8320]

As a 4w5, dwelling on the negative helps me keep my idealism in check. I tend to long for a perfect world/life, and the pain I've endured in the past helps me have realistic expectations. I wonder how many of the 4s are also INFJ-Ts and on the autism spectrum...

[@Thrivinginthespotlight]

Hi there, I'm an enfj (extroverted 4, it's weird lol) and autistic

[@Anna_matopoeia]

I’m a 4w5 and INFJ..I’ve also wondered if I’m on the spectrum…

[@BronwynWilkie]

I’m a 4w5 and my mum is a 7w6 (like Dr Tom!). I have gotten so frustrated with her in the past for “mentally air-brushing” out all the conflicts of our family events and remembering them only as happy, positive occasions, even though I know she was just as upset by them as I was at the time. Only very recently did I realise that maybe I have my own tendency to fixate and dwell on the negative. This has completely changed my perspective! I thought I was just being “real”; I couldn’t see my own distorting viewpoint. Anyway, nailed it as always, Dr Tom 👏 This video really captures the 4 experience so well, I think. I was nodding along the whole time. So healing (and unusual) to feel so understood!

[@twlahue]

Wow...I love comments like this.

[@BronwynWilkie]

You mentioned maybe doing a future video on this subject, and I was wondering whether an idea to explore might be that, in the average-to-unhealthy levels, focusing and reflecting only on the bright side makes certain types (7s, 9s… and maybe 2s?) more likely to repeat certain events or get stuck in cycles without taking the necessary steps to change and improve them, while focusing on the negative makes 4s (and 5s?) more likely to withdraw and avoid future events or experiences, making their worlds smaller and smaller over time? Just a thought! ☺️

[@romy310390]

Ooh the dramatic exit. 😅 I've seen this multiple times as a 7 in a relationship with a 4. Thanks for the video. Spot on.

[@thenondualisticmystic]

@14:30 i will tell you what it does for me, sir. (I mean thining about the past, in general). Strategically speaking: 1. It fills me with gratitude (the highest vibration there is) and actually boosts my mood/outlook on life as a result. 2. It inspires and delights me. This can include generation of new ideas, creative project prompts, etc. 3. It gives direction for my future/present life. Even if I can't DIRECTLY experience something from my past a second time, I can still pursue something SIMILAR in the now, based off knowing what I enjoyed in the past. And that in turn improves my life in the present. Focusing on the past and memories isn't all negative and doesn't have to be sad for me every time. I find reminiscing to be quite good for my personal mental health, as long as it stays balanced and doesn't become excessive. And personally, I don't focus on "negative" things in the past excessively. Just enough to inform my future and remind me of good lessons I've learned/ways I've grown.

[@peachesandpoets]

My brother is a 7 and he doesn't remember anything. He's not lying, like he just erases negative memories from his head

[@twlahue]

Yes

[@michaelk622]

As a 4w5 that ability sounds great…I know…envy…LOL

[@kristiebeaver756]

you explain me better than i can explain myself 😂love your videos

[@davidtalley9617]

As a 4, aristocrat variety, I think you nailed it. I don't relate to the "dwelling on the past" but wonder if subconscious memories that impact the present would be a version of that.

[@MiillieMesh]

Being a 4 seems sucky from hearing you speak about it 😂 I had to start cramming affirmations into my head 2021 because I was so sick of myself! I'm an INFP who is a Libra btw. But on the backside is a whole Scorpio stellium, so it's like being a dark & heavy cloud. Just light enough to float but dark enough to rain. I've been heavy into spirituality for the past 5 years, so many questions about this realm & about myself. And I think you're right about being attracted to simple people LOL I have a thing for Virgos, plain janes & predictable 😅

[@DemitheDaredevil]

Note to show Maddie : 4:00 and 16:00

[@johnfaulk7775]

I’ve found that artistic expression, as a 4, is a very healthy outlet for the gloom and doom issues from the past!

[@sailingcosmo47]

Very very accurate description of 4

[@Thrivinginthespotlight]

Thank you Dr. Lahue for coming up with great examples for 4s especially younger 4s. I want to add that there are some of us who are estranged from our parents and families and have many "real world" problems on top of everything else as a 4 that hurt and deplete us. Is there a meetup group for 4s?

[@twlahue]

Welcome...there are several groups on Facebook for Type 4's

[@ontheroadwithrosa9286]

I’ve just discovered this and your channel and as a 4 I have never felt more understood 😂

[@twlahue]

Awesome

[@DemitheDaredevil]

My perspective about being Stuck in the past: the challenge is, if I am made up of all my past experiences which are lodged and hidden in me, how can I not be controlled by that without really diving in and facing it? Looking at the past seems like a lifelong effort, I wish I could be free of it

[@amymills7223]

I would say that my response to criticism is that I lose trust in that person, I begin to criticize them back even more harshly, or I seek revenge.

[@ElHolyBoy]

As an 8w7sx/so and an eight core 864 tri-type who has occasionally typed as a four, This was very refreshing. Affirming.

[@SusanBloemhof]

I'm an Artist - mostly a Portrait Artist. I recently revisited a painful life-experience and painted a self-portrait of around that time (from a photograph). I needed to sit with those memories in order to get closure. At least 4s find a way out and are aware of their experiences. Not dealing with past traumas are harmful... to me anyway. I'm an ENFP 4w5.

[@johnfaulk7775]

Nailed me with the tattoo that nobody understands…😂

[@michaelk622]

Same here. 😂

[@elife8306]

100% me. Feels so heavy and painful to hear it all out loud. .after one week sleep over friends(i was keep nice ,make them happy actually i was understress i didnt know ) , after they went i found myself in my dark side, i sleep 12 hour ,day and night , im so un happy i dont feel anything , i push my husband away , self doubt thoughts coming, critisize myself ,. i cant figure out whta happen after watching video inow i understand

[@twlahue]

It's tough when we go through those moments of self-doubt and unhappiness. Remember, you're not alone in feeling this way.

[@michaelk622]

I’m not in a place right now where I can appreciate being a 4w5…

[@twlahue]

Hey, take a breather and come back to your 4w5 vibes when you're ready. You got this!

[@evelic]

4:00 thats EXACTLY what my mother usually said to me

[@twlahue]

Yikes... sorry

[@lemonadecrunchyice8337]

“a lot of the popular, mundane things in life are popular because they’re great” the day i learned this was the day i started liking marvel movies LMAO

[@thenondualisticmystic]

I was embarrassed for a long time that I liked Taylor Swift music (especially lyrically). Then I came to accept it. After all, she herself is a 3w4. And I am a 4w3. Go figure.

[@RunToEternity]

While this memory is fresh in my mind today, "Youuuu!" "Both of you!" Now seemingly calm, "Oh what I'm going to do to you." Now don't worry, it only really happened in Ren & Stimpy. But if I'm angry enough to remember this segment of that episode, that is enough.

[@andreeadobre3190]

"As a 7 I'm wired for the future" - so that's where my w7 was hiding! Thanks for the insight :)

[@marykatherinerosson213]

I have a few 4’s in my life and I’d say this is so accurate 😅😊

[@Masechka143]

This made me sad. Surprise surprise...total 4 here.

[@peachesandpoets]

Omg. I totally test friendsnand dates etc like that. To be fair, it works mutually. If I'm too much, good for us to know that then and there.

[@jasmin1773]

Those are protection strategies, to keep us away from old wounds right? Enneagramms are for more self awareness...

[@Nick_Taylor.]

My Tritype is 6-4-8 (led by the 6) and I'm just now facing how much of my experience of abandonment is connected to my 4. Basically everything Tom said is something I've been doing and have always felt I couldn't do it any other way; I'd either feel too fraudulent or too vulnerable.

[@twlahue]

648 The "Truth Teller" - The 3 "Reactionary" Types

[@Hu.uh01]

Very very accurate

[@gregoryritchie7852]

Learned something as a 4 - I've pushed away good people and pulled in the bad - just like Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden.

[@twlahue]

Thank you for being so open and honest about your experiences. It takes courage to reflect on past interactions and learn from them.

[@aliciacoffey8992]

100% accurate!

[@witchoftheblackforest]

I started laughing at the end💀