Enneagram: The 9's Missing Files

[@Sundayonthefarm]

This, in my opinion, is the hardest thing about being a 9.

[@twlahue]

Probably right about that.

[@perjohanaxell9862]

The 8 is there to save you. I love my 8, my savior and guardian. :)

[@angelbowers2726]

I totally agree

[@BrandonMillerTime]

Oh my gosh this is so spot on. I have despised myself for having zero ambition and an inability to define what I want. I feel like life is just passing me by.

[@b.lassen287]

I'm a 9, however didn't find out till age 63. I did multiple jobs and yes it was originally frustrating to be different in not knowing, not having goals, but now I look back and realize what an amazing freedom that was. I am open to learning and changing because I don't feel tied to one thing....including the idea of a job and what to be in life. So at 65, I am still interested in scanning many things and just letting my intuition and feelings guide me! And I appreciate your videos because they put into words what I experienced and have given me some understanding and acceptance of myself.

[@ethannikkel5355]

Thank you for sharing this perspective

[@perjohanaxell9862]

Exactly, I to enjoy many things. I like new and learning and trying. I enjoy being a jack of all trades, not everyone needs to be a specialist. Being brod has its own merits!

[@nancyfunk615]

I agree. I have found value in not basing my sense if self on a job or a person…we can always shift to match our surroundings, we can always find ways to be happy. I disagree with the premise that we need to disturb our peace to do so…I think the key is looking for things that *don’t* disturb our peace, so we know what fits. I enjoy mediation, because the goal is bringing peace to relationships…I did not have to fight to reach that conclusion, and the fact that I’m willing to fight for it tells me it’s a good fit.

[@jaycline6879]

Thanks for that statement: "I disagree with the premise that we need to disturb our peace... I think the key is looking for things that don't disturb our peace, so we can know what fits." I need to think about that. ​@@nancyfunk615

[@silviapisces3342]

I relate to what you are saying. I also never had goals. I felt like I was carried by the wind, blown here and there. I also only found out recently that I was a 9, I was 62 or 63 years old.😊

[@richardhamshire6151]

With a missing childhood message of ‘your presence matters’ it’s pretty natural to develop no wants and dreams, then convenient to hitch onto other wagons. At 58 I’ve known many purposeful ‘drivers’ reflect in a very dissatisfied way about their strong sense of direction. So that’s not always so great either. The idea of everyone having a strong sense of purpose may be nonsensical. For me I have to start very small with wants and dreams. Just coming to terms with ‘My presence does matter’ is a big thing!’. Baby steps towards a plan.

[@ElizIndRhythm]

At 54, I can second the idea that being so driven isn't necessary good. I'm seeing people in their late 40's-early 50's starting to develop lifestyle diseases and then question their goals and their work habits, asking 'is it really worth it?'

[@helenee.5462]

Yes - a strong ego sense of self, doesn't mean a strong sense of true self. I've heard kids telling me they want to become accountants - and that's for sure not coming from them - that is a message that they've gotten from someone. So it's not coming from their true self, but rather their programmed ego.

[@nancyfunk615]

Haha - I grew up listening to missionaries talk about how they had a strong plan in life & God took it away & gave them a better one. They really went into depth on how painful it was to have to adjust their expectations...so my take-away was that I shouldn't tie too close to any plan, because that pretty much guarantees it will be taken away!

[@katherinepeters4607]

Initially this was very painful to listen to. This can feel like a living hell not being able to “find my files.” I struggle with this EVERYDAY. My whole life all I wanted was to be a wife and a mom, I had no other motivations. It’s easy to keep myself busy with that but as I get older and my kids are starting to leave the house I find myself wondering what I’m going to do when they’re not here anymore. I also think these 9 tendencies affect my relationships. I feel like I’m a boring person, I just follow along with what everyone else is doing because I have no original ideas or great motivations myself. I just don’t necessarily care that much about stuff or feel the need to fill my life with all the things other people do. I still desire relationships though.

[@twlahue]

Thanks Katherine for sharing this.

[@katherinepeters4607]

@@twlahue I should have added that I so appreciate you identifying this for us. This gives me some vocabulary to use and the ability to process through this some more and things to pray about. Thank you!

[@tiffanythorne6740]

I totally get you, Katherine. The world needs your nurturing-your momming. And we nines can get comfortable taking up space.

[@nannatheilgaard9156]

I feel like i could have written this, I identify with this so much. I am oftes concerned and aware off my lack of passion for interests, when i see my friends being busy with goals, carriers and dreams off travelling the world. When all i want to do is enjoy life with my friends and family. But i often feel a bit left behind, when every one else is running around chasing dreams, and i am judt trying to enjoy the moment.

[@HUGSsandi]

WOW. I am a homeschool mom of 6. When my first graduated I spent at least an entire year grieving HARD, because I recognized change coming a long way off, and I had REALLY LOVED my life. I did find my way through it and found ways to look forward to my future. Sadly, as my marriage now is unstable, I am very unhappy. I thought I had the perfect life. This has been the most difficult trial I have ever encountered, and I don't know what I am doing.

[@ydilbaz]

As a 9, my only goal in life is to be “free”. To %100 free in our world you need three things: money, time, health. Seeking freedom motivated me to start a successfull business at the age 25, helped me to quit smoking and start sports again. But, the pursuit of “freedom” doesn’t affect my current schedule. Even on the pursuit, I try to balance work, free time, time with loved ones and improvement. Just wanted to share what worked for me. But this wasn’t a smooth ride. I spent 4-5 years literally doing nothing but watchin anime and playing games. As a 9, we need to understand that to be in comfort and peace tomorrow, we need to do the things we need to do today. Problems don’t go away by themselves and literally nothing happens when you don’t put the effort needed.

[@JustNekoChan]

I agree with this as a 9 I think my main goal is just to be free and stability so that I can enjoy living in the moment free of worries of money time and health like you said.

[@jaycline6879]

Hmmm... thanks for sharing this. I've spent the past two years working really hard at wasting my days. It's amazing how little one can engage with living if they really put their mind to it. Can I ask what prompted you to end that 4-5 year anime/game streak? What changed that impelled you to suddenly start "seeking freedom".

[@ydilbaz]

@@jaycline6879 I didn't quit gaming or watching anime, I just balanced my time better. Previously when I had something I need/have to do I'd run away from it by gaming etc. Now if I have something to do I have an urge to get that done as soon as possible so that I have time for the things that I want to do. Just a change of mindset but changing the mindset isn't an easy thing to do ofc.

[@lauratolli4056]

"Missing files" is spot on. I have always felt "something is wrong with me". Really struggle with creating success in my career, accomplishing goals and staying in motivated action. Even though I really want to be more like the 3, it just feels like I don't have the "know how" to make that happen. Thank you for understanding the nine, and giving me a more accurate perception.

[@karabarre7422]

As a 9, this made me cry. I was immediately able to identify all of my tractors over my life so far. This was so on point for me that it made my face flush. I have a lot of work to do. Thank you so much for this video. ❤️ ps- I DO have something to bring the table and I always knew it deep down. Peace! Not peace at any price but true peace and harmony.

[@twlahue]

Awesome... Real growth is always a bit painful.

[@mojdahakhavan]

I cried too in recognition of myself in Dr Tom's words.

[@daisyc6764]

I have had such a scattered life. Scattered career, changing my mind, putting others needs before my needs/goals. I'm still waiting for the moment to follow my dreams at 55.

[@trustyourself-ashleyching3646]

It sounds like a ENFP personality’s nature.

[@richardhamshire6151]

58 and waiting to get the dream to follow 😂

[@VajraHeartNorthStar]

I so resonate with what you said! I'm a 9w1 and I'm 55 too. ❤

[@dianewing1277]

I’m with you Daisy!

[@silviapisces3342]

I relate as well. I am 62 yrs old, 9w1 , and I can be ISTJ and INTP. In my younger days, I used to say I just go with the wind. I have no plans, have no goals, no ambition. Now I understand why. I am still often, just carried by the wind, blown here and there.❤️

[@stephaniem2743]

My favorite part was the "hold on, I gotta clean this filing cabinet off!"

[@nic5126]

I always connected that 9s are unaware of their wants/needs but until yesterday I didn't realize that every 9 goes through what you described here. Someone described it as looking into their future and seeing nothing concrete. Having no vision pretty much for what they want their life to look like. It's almost comforting in a way to know that other 9s are experiencing this but either way like you said we have to dig into those file cabinets and sit with the discomfort of uncertainty to figure ourselves out.

[@hunky-doris]

a "9 special" is very appreciated always, thank you :)

[@twlahue]

You’re welcome 😊

[@marniegrimes5483]

Yes it is! Thank you!

[@JBfanLeonie]

I am a messy 9 and I miss my files metaphorically and literally 😂

[@lanaodonnell9620]

I hate being a 9. I’m 43 and still haven’t found my “ file”, tired of seeing everyone accomplishing things and being stuck on the same place. But I really appreciate all your videos. Thank you

[@jackie5095]

I A M IN THE SAME PAGE. BUT I SOW ANOTHER VIDEO WITH A SPANISH PSICOLOGIST , SHE SAY SHE LOVE 9'S AND THE WORD NEED MORE 9'S.

[@walidbenhawi1742]

As a 9 this made me cry so much. So much tears! I am still not sure where my file is. But your words are so helpful. Thank you for everything you do for us nines ❤️

[@vulphin]

as a 9w1 this feels so real I used to feel so unaware of what I wanted, and when I found out what I did liked it took me a while to take it despite judgement and hatred, but after a lot of tears and lessons I feel like I am finally confident about what I want: helping others find inner peace by making art as I did, and this all feels so related

[@Elemenohpea440]

I was reading “Rip Van Winkle” to my kids last night, and he is such a nine it isn’t even funny. He even falls asleep for 20 years and misses the Revolutionary war! It’s a great insight into nineness.

[@APackofPeasants]

Man that was incredible. That was about as accurate as someone could describe me. Im 27 now and still feel like my job is so much below my real job to create peace and harmony. I recall being asked at age 5 what I wanted to do and I responded that it was more important that I interacted well and was a good influence to others than what I was actually doing. This was a mantra i've tried to live by and since my darn wagon doesn't really move well without others there times I've completely hated myself for not utilizing the blessings I've received and felt I squander them as an apathetic POS. I know that's not true but boy is it difficult. I'm surprised a 7 can even know what that's like. I commend you Dr. LaHue you must be a great listener.

[@taramorris5080]

I am a 9. The missing files analogy is brilliant and I laughed out loud about the cinnamon buns. However, I look at motivation a little differently. I am not motivated by peace, harmony, comfort and tranquility. As a 9, my core fear is of separation and of not belonging, I am highly motivated to avoid disconnection. My strategy for ensuring belonging is to craft a persona that is easy going, adaptable, peaceful, kind and inclusive and to intentionally and unconsciously avoid or go to sleep to the parts of me (thoughts, opinions, desires, emotions) that may create conflict or threaten belonging. My peaceful, harmonious nature is a strength and a gift I can offer the world but if I live into that without doing the deeper inner work of wondering why am I motivated to be this way, I am simply reinforcing my personality and continue to avoid knowing my own depths.

[@TR-gz3be]

Omg yes! So true.

[@helenee.5462]

agree - I'm not here to bring peace - that's a role I might put on to avoid disconnection.

[@david26481]

I went to an enneagram retreat a couple weeks ago and one of the hosts was Beatrice Chestnut-I've been watching her videos since last year and was looking forward to meeting her for the first time (virtually). I was always unsure of my type so signing up to this retreat gave me hope to finally seek out clarity of who I am. After some inner work and further discussion with Beatrice, her colleague, and the rest of the cohort, I was able to close the "unsureness gap" and cut my possibilities down to two types: 7 and 9. I then went on to take their enneagram profiling questionnaire; as an end-all-be-all to putting this constant internal confusion to rest. Once I finished it I got back my report: my highest ranked type was 9, followed by 2 and 7. Even after reading through the report, and resonating a lot with it's description of 9 (including subtype), I didn't get the "Oh yeah, that's me!!" reaction I was expecting out of myself. I've been letting the info sit I little bit so I can digest it since. This video finally gave me the clarity I've been seeking. I can't tell you how much I relate to the wagon tractor and missing files analogy-I always knew my tendency to merge/ fuse with others, but the "I'm hooking onto this tractor and I'm going places" and "I can't find my file but hey his/ her file seems good so I'll just use theirs" really struck a nerve (in a good way). Even though I didn't know I was doing it at the time, I hooked onto a lot of type 3 tractors and fused myself with their work ethic and motivation. I started to attend business conferences, seminars and costantly engulfed myself in a business culture. Once I unhooked myself however, all of that motivation I had vanished. It's hard to see and accept the tractor I've hooked onto isn't mine. I've kept other people's files in my cabinet for so long that I forgot that they're not mine in the first place. I need to stop distracting myself from trivial files and start ranking the ones most important to me. I need to find my own tractor that I've abandoned (probably because it broke down), take time to repair it, and hook my wagon back onto it.

[@elgringo0219]

I believe I was in denial for a bit when I finally realized this was my personality. I'm also majority 9 with a big 2 and 7.

[@Trib21ca]

❤

[@miu2b1967]

Me too: 9, then 7 then 2. So common. Wonder why.

[@everybodysayparty]

Hi all my fellow 9s. Barbara Sher talked about “scanners” - people who have a wide variety of interests but don’t stick to just one. Her videos were so refreshing. She also wrote a few books. I cried watching her videos. Also thank you Dr. LaHue your videos have also been of GREAT HELP!!!

[@binkao2938]

That sounds more like me! Being drawn in infinite directions and just ending up doing nothing because it’s overwhelming making decisions and prioritizing

[@starlingswallow]

Thank you!! I'm about to watch her videos❤ I'm very grateful you shared this. I have so many interests and I'm good at many artistic things, but I'm stuck PICKING ONE! 😢

[@starlingswallow]

@livepono I have to say thank you again and I wish I could hug you and exclaim to you how grateful I am for your comment and mentioning Barbara Sher. I've been devouring her YT videos, already ordered her book with her other books in my Amazon cart. I just can't put into words the day I had yesterday because of _YOU!_ I've been journaling and crying. I FINALLY feel like I've found the answers to what seemed like my life's "problems". Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!!

[@kassiopeia1232]

Yeah, grabbing somebody else's file resonates with me. After graduation I didn't know which career path to pursue. In a small talkish conversation a friend told me about her mother being a nurse. So a nurse I became... 9w1 here.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for sharing!!

[@pispoika75]

Not having these missing files is like being in no man's land. It would be nice to be able to walk out in the world like a child, excited to find out what's out there. Instead, there's been a lifetime of memories and experiences and at 46 standing alone in my home after a breakup the vast emptiness is beyond overwhelming and with no direction.

[@nannatheilgaard9156]

Omg, this was sendt on the best time ever! Earlier today, i was writing in my journal about what type off person i want to be, what i want my life to be, and what my hopes and dreams are. I had such a hard time writing something down other than: "Being happy, content, connected to others, a good person and honest with my self". At the end i was allmost banging my head to try to come up with something, but nothing seemed more important than that. Your way ff explaining how the desire to have peace harmony is a valid goal in life makes so much sense! Thank you again for your great understanding and all you do for this lovely community ❤️

[@twlahue]

So glad to help. I love my 9's.

[@jmvanzalinge5023]

🙋🏻‍♀️ this has been my experience since 7th grade when they gave us a quiz for if we were an analytical, creative, etc type and what kind of jobs those types typically went into. I've taken sooooo many personality and career quizzes in my life. I changed what I wanted to do over 10 times and never settled on anything. At one point I thought that if I told a bunch of people what I had settled on and acted really excited that it would stick but it never did. Whenever I watch something with a really motivated person (motivational talks, August Rush, Ratatouille, etc. ) for a few hours to a few days I "attach my tractor" to that aspiration and then it fades. Right now I'm in limbo. I've got an Associates in General Studies, married 8 years, 2 kids, work at a store on the weekends and looking for something I can do while watching my kids during the week. I think I might have finally found what I want to do but it's scary. It's an idea that's been in and out of my head for over a decade and now putting it into practice might be my only option. But there are so many unknowns around it that make it so terrifying. And yet, if I had just implemented it a few months ago I might have already over come most of the scary parts of it. It's so hard to do what I want when I'm so used to ignoring it and seeking the satisfaction of other's ideas for me. But I think the scariest part is what my husband will think if I tell him. He has a certain expectation for what I need to do to earn money at home and I understand and agree. Accept that I've applied to dozens of those jobs for the past few months and we're not getting that needed money anyway, so why not try my idea? I don't know, it's hard. But I have come to a point where I realize that I need to not just bring peace to others but I need to allow myself true peace that isn't tied up in others expectations.

[@mikesimpson7555]

You're on the right track. Keep it up!

[@bbjudyfit]

I feel like I've been so happy doing soo many things.😩 which is why i can switch so easily. But as an INFP 9w1.. I always have a goal or file im striving for and I'm passionate about. My problem is choosing and sticking to one.

[@JustNekoChan]

As a 9 I relate to this so much! When I was younger and in my young 20s I never knew what I wanted to be I was just going through the motions of making sure to not rock the boat and support others. However older 20's i have so many passions and dreams and things I could do but sometimes I'm immobilized trying to pick one.

[@bbjudyfit]

@@JustNekoChan I'm finally learning to just... pick something and... stick with it until i get good at it. It feels good when you can have something you're passionate about.. and it's YOUR thing and everyone knows it's your thing. Instead of just being kinda passionate and good at too many things.

[@noeljohnson6747]

I'm kind of the same (also an INFP 9w1) I know where my "What Do I Want to Do In Life" file is, but it's got one sheet of paper with the vague message "Tell Stories" on it, but then a hundred crumpled up napkins with notes scribbled on them like "Web comic - no money tho", "Look into visual novels", "Start business? Creat tumblers? Stickers?", "Message therapy looks cool", etc. But then I see the files for what others need me to do - "Make a steady income, lead a comfortable life". And that conflicts with my wishy washy desires, doesn't it? And trying to reconcile that, or somehow do it all at the same time is overwhelming. So then I just....pull out the file on cinnamon rolls, because I know I can do that, and everyone likes cinnamon rolls.

[@bbjudyfit]

@@noeljohnson6747 wow! Totally relatable!!

[@sweetpeasandyarrowaranchdi8327]

Same, except INFJ. I just realized listening to this, is my motivation behind it. Every time I focus on an interest, there comes a time when the next step is hard. Doing it, will take me out of my comfort zone and away from peace. So I will find another interest I'm comfortable with instead. Usually I will go back and do the hard thing, but the anxiety it caused, will make me focus on a different interest to feel peace again. I constantly ping pong around. Even if I have to make a stressful phone call, I'll go clean out a drawer or something, until I absolutely have to make the phone call. Now if someone elses needs are involved, I will do it right away, because self sacrificing and merging is comforting.

[@carolynantonetty5469]

This video was so helpful! At first I was slightly offended because I didn’t want to admit I have been like that wagon…but it’s true! Thank you for lightening things up…I laughed so hard about the cinnamon buns, horses, and dusting the cabinet. You nailed that!

[@trustyourself-ashleyching3646]

I think consuming media like watching tv and internet is the equivalent of the cinnamon rolls/horses examples. The way 9s are described here reminds me of 3s who don’t know what they as individuals want deep down.

[@donnalindner8124]

This describes me perfectly. Thanks so much for the brilliant insights. I tend to beat myself up for laziness. Now I see that it’s not really that.

[@lolagomez7130]

So true about the missing files and being a 9. Still looking for what i want to do in life. I feel envy of people with everything clear.

[@elgringo0219]

100%... I started listening to this and started having flashbacks throughout my life. Everything from jobs, hobbies, likes/dislikes. Where files from somebody else. Wow

[@shnnajones6201]

Thank you so much. I asked God for peace and He gave it to me. Now I have my life’s purpose. Peace and Tranquillity in everything I do. Now I understand my career and my additional income side hustles. Boy it feels good 😊. No pressure

[@deanjbaker2]

I'm a 9w8, and your description here is pretty accurate. Quite often when asked what I want to do, my mind just draws a blank, and it really does feel like I'm looking through an empty or unorganized mental filing cabinet - it is very frustrating. I've always had big dreams, mind you, so it's not like I lack ambition. Yet it took me over 20 years to buckle down and finally follow those goals! One technique that works for me when I can't figure out what to do is to narrow my options down to a few possible courses of action and then just choose one as quickly as possible - even if it's on a whim - and stubbornly stick to that decision no matter what. (Or at least stick to it until I'm able to find a better course of action.) This methodology has led me to have many great adventures and misadventures and my life wouldn't be the same without it. Of course, now I often draw a blank when I'm asked WHY I do the things I do, but at least I'm being productive. 😁

[@jenjones6284]

This is helpful advice. Thanks for sharing.

[@miu2b1967]

Excellent! Makes sense. Peace and Harmony are our anchor. I need lots of solitude (meditation/prayer) to remain anchored in preparation to go into the chaos.

[@GyroLamb]

It's easier not to think about that stuff, and I think that's appealing to 9's.

[@conniecepeda3441]

This is so me!!! I've always wondered what was wrong with me because I am 57 and still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. Yet my twin sister knew from the time she was 9 exactly what she wanted and how to get there.

[@dawngiffin8692]

I think you got that a wrong depending on who you are talking about. If a 9 is in a relationship with a more dominating enneagram number, the peaceful part of us gets absolutely worn down and exhausted trying to defend ourselves and get what we want once we do decide on it. We are more gentle souls in most ways and some of the other personalities are not and mow us down. I can decide what I want and get so run down that I quit making any sort of decision or goals for myself because I have gotten negated so much. Maybe you can address that.

[@emilylangley9692]

I second all of this!

[@BarbaraMerryGeng]

There’s that 👀

[@jaycline6879]

I appreciate and respect Dr Tom's insights. The Missing Files illustration and the Tractor/Wagon illustrations both resonate with me. There's a part that bothers me, though. It's the part about how the world NEEDS me to be a peacemaker for them at the cost of my own peace. I'm fairly new to the enneagram so I may not be understanding correctly, but it feels like 9s get the short end of the encouragement stick. - 8s need to be in control so they get encouraged to take control over their own lives and cautioned against controlling others. - 2s need to be loved so they get encouraged to love and care for themselves and cautioned against trying to purchase that love from others. - 4s need to be accomplished so they are encouraged to be take steps to actually accomplish worthwhile things and cautioned against obsessing about failures. - etc... It seems everyone else gets encouragement to "realize" or pursue that thing which they need but in a way that is "healthy". But 9s, who need to be at peace, get encouraged to walk into chaos so as to bring about peace for/between others. Why don't we get to pursue what we need? (I sound like a petulant teenager here. There's probably something I don't understand.)

[@twlahue]

Thanks

[@elyardon6684]

I just recently learned about the enneagram. It was so freaky to read the description of 9. It was as if someone was reading my mind and my life. I’m reading and listens to as much information as I possibly can. I’m still amazed as how accurate this is!

[@danielwedel9970]

Ironically, your Ramblings Of An Old Curmudgeon video describes beautifully my own paralysis as a 9 type. I always feel like pursuing my own agenda makes me the guy who cuts in line- and I find it very hard to truly let go of the anger that the line-cutter makes me feel. I know where the files are, I just don't want to look at them. Love the videos Tom!

[@ninaivana1106]

A quote (from Napoleon Hill): "In every soul there has been deposited the seed of a great future, but that seed will never germinate - much less grow to maturity - except through the rendering of useful service" that was at the beginning of the week actually my motivation to search for "my file" and now you uploaded this video :)

[@genasseeceline]

42:25 “maybe *your* peace needs to be disturbed a little bit to bring peace” to a disturbed world. Woah. That’s good.

[@dittyman]

Probably one of your best videos on a 9!

[@TateHoxworth]

So good. Watching this at least once a day as I am very familiar with hitching my wagon to the red, green and brown tractors. “If you are going to do the 9’s job, you have to lean on both your wings…”

[@francesfranz9873]

I know if I had stayed single….it would be a whole lot easier to access my files. Apparently being married with triplet 18 yr old girls has put my files on the back burner . Opening up any of files right now will bring on conflict…and right now I have no time or energy for conflict.

[@twlahue]

The struggle is real.

[@melissaphillis7247]

I totally understand...I have an 18 and 22 yr old, both not totally well....but busy....that's enough, for now...anyway

[@jeannedippenaar3122]

Brilliantly unfolded! Thanks for helping me better understand our dear 9s!

[@twlahue]

You're very welcome!

[@wacoglee]

Thank you for this. Sometimes I feel imprisoned by the style of 9. You captured the style but also gave some sense of how to get out of the prison created by avoiding conflict.

[@tyleremery7088]

The hardest question I've ever been asked - which I'm still unsure of the answer to - is, "Who are you?" If I were a computer I might as well have had a 404 error. I responded with, "What do you mean?" (Translation: "How do you expect me to answer, so I can answer in that way?")

[@rogermcneal8094]

In my experience as a 9 while looking for a file we find other files, and I reminisce in the memory. It's at this point I completely forget about the file and start opening up all the files. Lol

[@margaretjudice8944]

I'm a 2 but I did an assignment in Bible study class that helped me. I think it might help 9s too. My church has a declaration we all say everyday, but in Bible Study they asked us each to write our own declaration. That exercise really helped me get perspective of what I wanted. Great video! I think young adults as a group, not just 9s, become the wagon at college sometimes. Thank you for sharing!

[@lendalcat]

I'm 63 years old (Enneagram 9) and I ended up "choosing" to be a nurse at 18 because my Mom kept "bugging me" to choose a career. My Mom suggested nursing because two of my Aunts were nurses and thought it was a great career. My (much more ambitious) fraternal twin sister decided that she wanted to go into nursing so she said "Yes!". After a few more conversations with my Mom, I said "Fine - I'll go into nursing!" And I did! 15 years, 6 hospitals, and one care center later I "retired" from nursing and happily became a full-time Mom myself. Looking back, I'm grateful that both my Mom and my Dad steered me towards a career. Back then most women were nurses, teachers, or secretaries if they chose a career. Both my husband and two grown children are naturally ambitious so that's been helpful for me. Great video! You really captured the essence of what it feels like to be a 9 like me!

[@jameslammers9826]

I did the cinnamon roll thing...multiple times. I am quite the cook as I cooked professionally for 10 years after thinking, "yeah I like good food, maybe I'll do that!" Lol. I also did the Mom file, significant other file, people I respect file. I've done so many things. Some people envy me. They wish they could do many different things. I have learned a lot and made some decent life moves--got married, about to have a kid, I own my home--BUT I have always had a longing to find "my file" - who I want to be, what I want to do, etc. I've been painfully aware that I was "missing my files" since I was 16. I got sick of waiting around for answers and hitched my wagon to other people's tractors just to DO something starting around 22! But life is long and at 32 I am still searching for my own story and personal significance. This video was spot on - I've fallen in with the extraverts. They almost killed me. But I know how to survive when the situation calls for it! That tractor rolled on...thank goodness. What Dr. LaHue said happened to me. I didn't know what to do. I waited patiently, took care of myself, ate healthy, journaled and another tractor came along...the business people. At least now I'm making money!! For the longest time, I wanted someone to tell me what to do. It never worked out. I have taken scores of personality tests, career assessments, journaling, etc. I am trying to lean into the discomfort. I have taken more risks with trying things "I think I want to do" even if it's "a problem" for others. However, I have been wrong so far. But I have learned things and hope I am getting closer. Doing this has helped my relationships tremendously. Hopefully, I can use the same strategy to recover my "what I want to do with my life" files. Bringing harmony to disharmony has been helpful. Whatever I do, I end up working on "restoring the system." Lately, I have been working as a business consultant helping small businesses stabilize and get over their problems. I think of it like pruning a tree. You have to cut out the dead to create space for the living branches and for air to flow. Becoming a Christian also changed my life. Don't give up hope my fellow nines! The world needs you. 9w1 INFJ

[@natalim5740]

This video and the "9s and the hundred acre wood" are the ones that have helped me the most, even brought me to tears at some point, because not only I feel understood in some way, that I am not crazy or that there's something wrong with me, but that I also have a purpose in life, a purpose that truly resonates with my self and not with the external noise. Thank you so so much for your guidance!

[@twlahue]

So glad to help. Thanks.

[@tjlowery7]

I am so grateful for this message, and all of your messages. I laughed and cried through this entire video. I immediately sent it to my five closest people. I don’t feel aimless, but that’s only because I came to peace several years ago with the fact that I just want to make people happy and comfortable in any job I have. So my profession has very little to do with my purpose, but it allows me to live it out.

[@AlexJ1]

Oh. My. God. I'm 34 and this was the most DIRECT and SPECIFIC and ACCURATE dressing-down I've ever experienced. Even down to the "Come along to Yellowstone" example 😅 It's that knowing... that **deep-down** knowing... that none of this really matters. I do envy those that just WANT to do things. Excuse me? What? How? Where does that come from? But what I've learned to do is exactly what you've recommended: I put myself in uncomfortable situations and, by making them comfortable, I advance at an incredible pace. The challenge is pushing myself into the next uncomfortable situation. It takes pure willpower, but it's always worth it.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for sharing.

[@laeliawatt8593]

I actually studied horse training in college, so that was funny. This has helped me a lot. Lately I have had a much clearer vision about my "What I want to be" file, but it took a LOT of work to get here. Sometimes I look back on my many changes of seemingly unrelated jobs and moving all over the country and it derails my confidence, because I start doubting that I actually know what I want. This video helped me look back on all the roles I had in jobs or in my communities that I lived in during each phase of my life and you are right, the common theme WAS that I was bringing peace and calm into the chaos wherever I went. I like having that as my core vision, because it will help me focus as I am moving yet again and will have to find a new job and new community in the next few months. And the motivation really supports what I have decided is my ultimate "What I want to do" file (ie: art/singing entrepreneur). I will keep this propensity for bringing harmony in mind when I start interviewing for regular day jobs too. Thank you!

[@perjohanaxell9862]

I think you are very right! This speaks to me as strongly as your 7 miles forest vidio. It is fantastic that somebody can see this. I have begun to see it within myself but I rarely get it from the outside. I think that's part of the problem. If you never get to hear, wow, great what a fantastic thing you did there. Than it's easy to start to think that it doesn't matter. That it's the wrong file although it isn't. If you discribed how a machine works I bet you will take the lubricant for granted. You only notice it when it's gone. It's sometimes a bit hard to be the lubricant, he's just here what does he really do? Another thing with this is that nines really needs a team. There is a downside to it like you described with the tractors but it is allso how we are wired. There is no point in harmony and peace if there is no team or tribe.

[@CalmLisa]

This description of a 9 sounds like you are describing a Projector in human design terms. I encourage 9’s who resonate with the info in this video to find out what their human design type is. Projectors live in this world that was built by Generators and so it can feel like they don’t fit in the way others do. Projectors have a different type of energy that may not be self generated. They need others for energy ie the tractor and wagon analogy. Also the tip for 9’s to be steering toward the chaos rather than away from it is similar for Projectors because Projectors are here to guide others. The rest of humanity needs the calm balance that they intuitively provide.

[@bethisom3850]

Excellent Dr. Tom....Right on time with what is going on in this social 9's life. I am at a crossroads in my life. I need to schedule another appointment with you. Last night I was trying to save a PPT presentation that my friend tweaked for me. I asked my husband (social 7) to help me save it because I couldn't get it to save correctly. I save EVERYTHING to my desktop so I can find it later. He said "I don't see how you find anything" when he saw my desktop. I replied if I don't save things to my desktop I can't find the FILES later. And then an hour later I see you posted this video. God is using you to help me find my files!!!!

[@alyssaw.4721]

Wow, this analogy of the missing files was spot on. Thanks for this!

[@bradarbful]

Dr. LaHue was spot on in this one. Both analogies of looking for the missing files as well as hooking our wagons to the best looking tractors equally describe the reality of 9’s well. Thanks for these really useful and helpful perspectives.

[@noshinm6545]

Hello doctor I hope you’re having a great day. I’ve been watching your videos for almost a year now and each one taught me a new thing and it’s great to learn new things about yourself. It’s really hard to be a 9…I just cried for 6 months when I found out I’m a 9 because all of sudden I had to wake up and understand I don’t have anything…these things are not mine they are other’s (feelings, interests, …). It was so painful that I almost decide to forget about it but I couldn’t and it’s all because of you that I felt less pain and I just wanted to change, finding myself. I’m feeling better now and I try to think about every little things about myself and loving the true me. I feel like I never was something important I was born to serve people and die in silent. But I want to be important and valuable I want to love people and others to love me and I can see how much pain is in this world and how it exhausts me but I can change that. I always knew that I’m good at doing everything but now I know what I really want to do but I know there’s still a long way to get there but I’m trying. Thanks to you of course. Sorry I talked too much. I’m not even sure if you read this but I just wanted to thank you for everything and I believe world is such a better place with people like you.

[@Maple_Breeze]

I'm a 9 and I always feel called out whenever I watch these videos but this one really hit hard. This is definitely me with latching onto specific people and groups files of what is good. Being with different groups of people is very much what I did in high school by joining a bunch of activities because I really did love all of them. But I let them become part of my identity and when that was pulled away I was lost.

[@sarahcampbell6008]

For me, it's not that I don't know what I want to do or be. I've known I was meant to be a teacher since I was 6. I'm now starting year 19. For me as a 9w1, it's about figuring out which desired options will be worth going through the inevitable discomfort of change and growth. If it's worth it in the end, I'll do it. I just need to be relatively sure before I take the leap.

[@andream9977]

Thanks for saying “we need 9’s” - I think it’s easy for 9’s to undervalue and under-appreciate what we bring to the table

[@twlahue]

You've Got It!

[@dormanmom01]

Serious anxiety after watching this, after being run over consistently. Putting oneself out there and facing conflict…. whew, scary territory. I like the hundred acre wood WAAAAAAAAY better.

[@dlvilla]

Thank you for this! Finding harmony as a motivation to ENGAGE and bring peace to the world rather than a reason to avoid.

[@rainkisses117]

This was me to a T from 17-25 haha. I chose a degree my guidance counselor told me would be good, I tried ROTC because I knew I wanted to serve people but didn’t know how to do that, i got really behind a salesman business because my boss was super excited about it, I got excited about my job with people with disabilities but left when a lot of my coworkers changed over. I’m finally doing a job I love. Granted I organize for other people but it’s such a great balance of who I am and helping other people get passionate about organizing their homes!

[@joeweir3768]

One of the best discussions I have heard about the 9's biggest hurdles. Very much appreciated. Wish I had heard this when I was 25 years old.

[@twlahue]

Thanks Joe.

[@samwade6761]

I listened to this while "cleaning all the knick knacks" 🤣. Never felt so seen!

[@lesliethurston2151]

Thank you for this atomic enlightenment! Raised by a malignant narcissistic father, I have paid the price ( times over) for every decision having been made for me. As a middle-aged adult, I am just now at the starting line in locating these "files." Your efforts are dynamite providing the guidance I never received. 🌟

[@twlahue]

Glad to help

[@dannymurphy2850]

I come here to laugh at myself in the best way possible

[@nookers]

This video really speaks to my inner nine and I super appreciate it and I think it will help a lot of nines - I really do hope so!

[@sunilpsych1]

Great post for us 9s Tom! My file is to bring peace, harmony and tranquility to a broken and fractured world. That is so accurate and makes so much sense. I need to look for where there is that chaos and disharmony as it motivates me to bring it.

[@luluuu9096]

I hope I find find as much as motivation as you do 😃

[@pamhyland5904]

I want peace and harmony so over chaos..lol..Love Cinnamon rolls

[@pamhyland5904]

Hilarious!

[@danilustre6753]

You had me laughing at the cinnamon rolls example, very recognizeable. I've gone too many times from one thing to another and I observe this from other nines aswell. Just doing random things just to be doing something. Have shared your videos so many times by now, thank you Tom!

[@annam9741]

WOW, this was gut punching stuff Tom! I'd like to chime in on those commenting that they feel boring, left behind, and/or lost, career wise, that too much emphasis is placed on value and self worth based on your career -especially here in the United States.- IMO. I understand that work is important, and that we spend a lot of time in work and building our identity around careers. BUT, I urge people to step back from this a bit and have some perspective. Our relationships are what are most important -as a mother, a brother, a friend, etc. You can be an engaged, interesting, and valuable person outside of a career ( or raising babies for that matter). I think its important for those who don't know themselves well enough (to feel a particular calling) not to feel less than, or a failure, because they aren't all wrapped up in the trappings of the perfect career endeavor. You have value just being present in life -to yourself and in service of others. I know it can be easier said than done, but strive to recognize your self worth outside of conventional parameters of career paths and strive not to beat yourselves up! Love, from a fellow and ever evolving 9. :) As for myself, this video and your Hundred Acre Wood video really resonated with my 9-ness. I very much enjoyed the career wagon that my type 8 mom suggested would be a good fit for me, as it was fulfilling, paid well and I could do it part time (giving me valuable time and freedom that a 9 needs). However, after 20 years I was burning out at the fast paced and physical nature involved in the type of work I was doing. Stepping away from my career due to prioritizing family during the pandemic, I feel untethered not having a job outside the home, which feels very strange at the moment. Many, many, many, interests have been explored in the meantime: moving to a new state or country, opening a business that resonates with my values, developing and marketing a product, finding a new creative outlet, mastering a foreign language, considering becoming a health coach. LOTS and LOTS of ideas that I've devoted time on and have explored, but lack the drive and motivation for follow through. I am a expert at dusting off the trinkets and the knick-knacks on my filing cabinet while embracing my inner Winnie the Pooh. lol!

[@lovelylori2517]

Wow, this feels like it came straight out of the pages of my own journal…I too stepped away from a stressful career and now am feeling quite stuck. Like who am I and what should I be doing? Just curious, how are you doing currently?

[@Nyagali]

As a 9, you got it perfectly. I loved how you shared beyond the missing file. Too often speakers just dwell on the sloth part.

[@mindfulnessfinanciero]

Lol! This is so funny because it is so true! 9w1 here (who used to think I was a 1w9 until I watched one of your videos on 9’s yesterday). I soooooo relate to that wagon analogy you made! OMG!!! I am that wagon!

[@sashinova8189]

Also lol as a 9 I will say learning to become more selfish with my thought process, my perception as well as developing my intuitive abilities helped me build a better understanding of reality and my connection with people in regards to it. I've learned I have to be truthful and responsible with myself in every way because most are not (especially if I want to maintain a level of clarity and peace in the situation regardless of what it is) and doing that true grunt work removes alot of fog and fears. Developing my own understanding of my core self through active meditation and proactive corrections also made a world of difference in my decision making. Currently I'm at war with building on a genuine daily routine that would sustain my energetic growth and movement overall and im getting closer each day, I've yet to develop as much as I have been lately and I'm beyond grateful.

[@jackie5095]

EVERYTHING YOU SAY HAVE A LOT OF SENSE TO ME . DESCRIBE ME. I SEE MYSELF. ALL THE WORDS YOU ARE USING FROM THE BEGUINING IS LIKE A MIRROR OF MYSELF. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I START TO BE CLEAR.

[@patriciaguimaraes4430]

Thanks so much for video. I'm a type 9 and although I consider myself to be a moderate to healthy type 9, I have all those sins... You showed me how I can find my motivation and that is exactly what I needed in my life! It really makes sense to me. And now my path continues... thanks again for your videos!

[@theoldaccountthatiusedtous6767]

This is such a good talk! Spot on. The things I distract myself with are things I initially thought would help me move forward (or at least put me in the best situation for when I was finally able to move forward), so I now can't just say "journaling is healthy for me" or "making my space tidier is healthy for me" because it all depends on whether I'm doing it to make my life better, or doing it to feel productive while avoiding what I really need to be doing.

[@joannamarieart]

This is very interesting as a 9... I have always had some very specific passions, but have also always had a really hard time nailing down an actual direction. Like as an artist... I'm constantly doing new styles and techniques and never quite sure how to market myself, or what to sell, or if I even want to. :P I just recently decided to take a break from art as a business and am just playing around with whatever catches my interest, which has taken all of the stress out of it. I really appreciated the call to action, that bringing some harmony and peace to the world via our personal circles is important and needed.

[@SchmausiMausi]

This is painfully spot on. The worst part for me is that now, at the age of 40, I finally know what I want, but it's too late. The job I desire isn't suitable for someone my age. So, I've given up on myself again.

[@twlahue]

The Struggle is Real

[@TashHardy2112]

Hahaha 😂 I was laughing at you finding all of the other people’s files and saying “yes yes I agree with that, I believe in that”. I’ve done this sooooooooo many times when trying to find my WHY, my purpose, my motivation. It’s so easy for me to see the bigger picture, the vision & potential in other people’s biz ideas or even the potential in other ppl. And I can become absorbed in that and lose my sense of potential, vision, dream. Maybe that what I need to be doing as a business 😂

[@ruthromero8660]

Oh my goodness! This is so me!! Figuring out my type has taken a huge weight of my shoulders and I feel like I have a path to figure myself out!! I have always been frustrated with why I am the way I am!! Your videos are really helping me figure out what motivates me, my strengths and weaknesses etc!

[@erikaforester1384]

When you were talking about going out and bringing harmony to the chaos and leaning in to the 8 wing I actually turned the volume down. I realized that my 9w1 was literally trying to hide from the video! Hmmmm… I think this might be accurate. I was looking at maybe going back to school, or getting a part time job now that my kids are older- but- I’ve always wanted to learn how to crochet- so here I am- crocheting. 😂😂😂

[@JaneDeuberInter]

Dr. Tom, this for me is hands down the most helpful video on 9s. Thank you! You may remember me from our coaching call last year. I am a 3 and my son and husband are both 9s. We are all on this journey together as we build the family tech business. Whew! Your wisdom has helped us navigate the ups and downs with compassion for each other and a great understanding of the dynamics. So helpful! I look forward to our next call. You are truly a blessing. ;0)

[@twlahue]

Wow, thanks!

[@christineklapp2043]

This is spot on and I wished I knew this information years ago. My son is a 9 and I wish I would've known this ennegram info when he was young to have been a better parent and help him shine. I am grateful to know now though. Thanks for putting this content out, I needed it ❤

[@twlahue]

You are so welcome

[@contrary8880]

Dr. Tom...this is so right on about the 9 that I know. I am an 8 and have had to consistently bring the 9 back to focus. I appreciate your breakdown.🙂

[@meganhill453]

This resonates SO MUCH. Seriously I’ve never heard anyone explain it so well

[@maryc4463]

Oh wow!? I'm only a few minutes in you've just blown my mind...this is exactly what I have struggled with my whole life!!!!! Not only do I not know what I want in life, I don't even really know who I am!? I don't know what my favourite colour or food or band or anything!? Hopefully this video helps me figure it out lol

[@peilinsu6283]

Wow! This is amazing, not the easiest to hear but so many truths that I need to face and confront for myself as a 9.

[@nursen2106]

I am listening to this and had listen to others about 9 loosing their grip and not being alive. I started looking up those Enneagram videos and books because I felt the suffering was bigger then I want to bear. I wanted change in my live. Also I started a therapy. I thought working on my emotional trauma would also help. But in fact, I still don't know, how to get out of that trap. How waking up would be like. Because the only time, when I feel like, I am awake and that is all that mattrs, that is, when I medidate or pray and feel the resonance of something spiritual. then it feels like, this is all it takes. and when it comes to how to continue with what I feel like, transferred to me, I still feel like on breakes.

[@davidmorton5949]

For me it's this: I have a few ideas of what I would like to do in life, but I don't want to disturb people enough to actually go do it, and then what if I do it and I'm wrong, and it's terrible. So I sit there wishing I could do something else, but without the umph to go do it. I'm 43, and I still haven't decided what I want to do in life. I'm a programmer, and I kinda fell into it.

[@mygreatescape]

I laughed about the cinnamon roll analogy bc when I want to distract myself from the reality of having my missing files, I BAKE!!! Lolol I usually bake cookies but still. I got a good self own chuckle from that.

[@HarryVoyager]

Went through this, pausing at various points to have some thinks, and largely agree with the conclusions. Strip away everything and my great desire in life is quiet tranquility. While there are a lot of very fine things in life, and I've tried some of them, they aren't that much nicer than what you can get for way less effort. The juice isn't worth the squeeze. So where most people have "I want to be an X when I grow up!" we've got "eat, sleep, and be comfy." In a subsistence society that's motivation enough, but we're past that, which means to be productive in our current society, we have to directly face, and in a way embrace, our core fear. Instead of running away from conflict, we need to run towards it, plant ourselves in the middle of it and bring it to as mutually beneficial a resolution as we can. But that takes intention and choosing to put your hand into the fire instead of running away like our instinct is. But if we can do that, we're the one who can pull the burning brands from the flame. I suspect both Moses and, at least the modern depiction of, Arthur were both high functioning 9's. (And the true nine looks at that and says, "But I don't want to be that.")

[@jeannayates2633]

It was funny to here you talk about just reaching in and pulling out a new file to try when looking for what I want to do in life because that's exactly what I've been doing my whole life. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I used to hate when teachers would ask us to write about that topic. When I was a child I moved from girl scouts to ballet to sports and all kinds of different stuff, and as an adult I've done the same with jobs and hobbies. Both of those lists are super long, and I've lived all over the United States. I am currently going to school to be a metallurgical engineer, and I was recently worried about, "what if this isn't what I want to do". This video has made me not worry about that anymore.

[@artistocracy]

This is very interesting to listen to, Tom. I am a 9 with a strong 8 wing and am a 67 y/o female so have had a large portion of my life over which I can glance back upon.What has transpired is that I have discovered who I am and have actively achieved an incredible body of work as an artist and writer. In my youth my first job as a high school lab assistant (I am Australian) was given me by the head of the school after completing the full 5 years of high school. My mother told me to be a teacher, but my parents split at age 15 and I missed my father so terribly my grades dropped in my 4th year so didn't apply for teachers college like my mum said I should. But, I became an offset printer, and had a couple other art/printing company jobs, then I got into real estate but didn't like it, so began drawing and painting and became a fine artist because THAT's what I always wanted to be, and do, growing up! Then at age 25 I went to design school, got a degree in graphic design after 4 years, and worked in design studios for 10 years. I do super detailed coloured pencil drawings, and have had exhibitions of my large oil paintings. I can access so many inspirational ideas that translate into gorgeous creations that I know will never stop coming!. I've not cared much about making money so many years later moved to live in a semi rural community with my 8 husband, a writer and art ist who's been in the building industry all his life, and we livein a cottage we own with long views across fields around our house. I love reading the bible and recently joined a large church. I'd say that being a 9 with an 8 wing has truly made me who I am. I can also alternate being extremely hard working and capable at many other things as wll as knowing when to stop and be totally lazy! I even have Christian KZbin channel!

[@mariahstar9794]

Join the team and turn us into a team! Yessss 🙌🏻 love this vid so much! thank you! 9w8 here