ENNEAGRAM Type 4 | Annoying Things Fours Do in Romantic Relationships

[@AbbeyHowe]

The first 1000 people to use the link will get a free trial of Skillshare Premium Membership: skl.sh/abbeyhowe03211

[@JacqueArmijo]

I've definitely declined to hang out, and then constantly checked my phone waiting for someone to BEG me to join.... :\

[@AbbeyHowe]

that's good to know about yourself!!

[@fk3798]

"I'm not upset, I'm passionate!" Ahhhhhhh I feel personally called out

[@fk3798]

"I am a slug" BAHAHAHAHA I'm trying to find that secret video camera

[@peachesandpoets]

I have had the avocado fight about all manner of nonsense

[@lstephaniechung]

Hahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@larkfly]

“I’m sad I need cuddles” , spot on for a 4w5 and hilarious! I love your energy and the great way you explain the enneagram! Keep it up!

[@AbbeyHowe]

😊 thank you Heather!

[@spacechampi0n]

Not every 4 wants to be filmed/photographed. Most I met avoid the camera.

[@Busina4eva]

This is me! I'm a photographer I love capturing others but I can't stand being on camera

[@AbbeyHowe]

I hear that... tbh I didn't even write that in the script. I improv'd it and thought it was funny so I kept it in, but I don't think I would've intentionally written it lolll

[@benjaminfast5496]

I "dream" about being in front of the video camera and being a famous star, but anytime I've actually had to be in front of one I clam up, get anxiety, and embarrass myself. If it is just for taking pictures, I am super critical of myself and say I look weird all the time and when other people say I look great, I think they are just saying that to make me feel better but don't mean it. Then I have to tell myself I'm being to sensitive, and then I criticize myself for being so sensitive. It's a viscous cycle!

[@makeitlight]

My wife is a 4 and she’s a photographer. And she wants to left alone and adored.

[@kwrmit]

I am a 4 and I avoid cameras because I feel insecure, especially with people who do not belong to my inner circle. Pair me up with my close friends and I can pose all day ^^

[@TheBetterAdultProject]

"I hear what you're saying, but I'm choosing something else." A great thought stopper, reminding yourself that you have the ability to choose the stories you tell yourself. That's what helps me. "I'm a slug" 😂. Great video!!

[@AbbeyHowe]

ooh I love that thought stopper!!

[@AMoniqueOcampo]

Even though I am not in a relationship, I feel SO called out! LOL!

[@AbbeyHowe]

LOLOL. some of these things apply to non-romantic relationships too!

Same!!!

[@YMH-d5m]

same girl😂😬

[@K.P13]

this is so painfully accurate, i laughed the whole time. Im a type 4 and these videos have helped me in my relationship and daily life, im proud to say i think im finally a healthy 4 ❤

[@nancydavidson7306]

I’ve been practicing psychotherapy for 35 years and Abbey you have the magic blend of clarity, heart and wisdom about celebrating the honest highs and lows of each type and loving all of them equally but perhaps liking one certain type over another. You explain and demystify and enact what each type experiences in understanding oneself - you do it as well as a comedic Lucille Ball. “You contain multitudes “as Walt Whitman said and you play with the contradictions of our best motives and all the myriad inescapable foibles of being a person. I am your admiring 4.

[@AbbeyHowe]

Wow. This really touched me. Thank you so much. 🙏🏼

[@GirlGamerRULES]

Ok why is the withdrawn coping style so real for me my poor type 9 mother. When I’m feeling blue I always push her away but when she leaves I get so mad, 😂 I’m like, “Wait no, come back and love me!” Dang that was literally spot on. Good job Abby!

[@AbbeyHowe]

thank you!!

[@sofiyaserj2553]

Lol same here, so grateful I have type 9 mother who stays calm while my emotional outbursts🤦

[@themisfit9465]

“I’m sad I need cuddles” lol 😂- I told my wife the 4w5 this because she says if a lot. And she was like “yes! I need more cuddles”

[@CuddleClaw.]

“I’m not upset! I’m passionate!” - I say that a lot lol

[@ritahertzberg5762]

I’m a T4/5 married to a T5/4. This is so spot on! Oh, the humanity!

[@AbbeyHowe]

yay! glad you related to it 😂

[@KKTanaa]

“I shouldn’t have to ask. You should just know.” 😂

[@smileyjing]

The avocado skit is spot on and hilarious. My sister is a 4 and she did this when I threw half the avocado I cut that’s still unripe… What’s funnier is that I discovered I’m a Type 4 too after going through Enneagram classes, which is totally unexpected

[@mostlyyinwithkayce870]

(4 here)I love that you share about your counselor, therapy is the best. For my thought stopping, I say "You are welcome to think about this, but not right now." That allows me the freedom to know I can come back to it, and generally the time to move out of emotional reactivity. Loved this whole video!

[@tigerkitten8352]

I really really needed this today. I am a type 4. My husband is a type 4. Our girlfriend is a type 4. And I am moving to unhealthy side and trying to get healthy again and get my feelings out and be happy again. I have been withdrawing a LOT. Thank you for posting this.

[@AbbeyHowe]

thank you for this comment. it really makes everything worth it when I know that the videos are helping someone. I really appreciate your feedback. 💕

[@wholestself8790]

"Our girlfriends" but you are a girl right?

[@jocelynferger9681]

39 seconds in and I feel attacked. LOL just kidding, but seriously I’m a four and this is so accurate. I love watching and sending these videos to my partner! He is a six so I can’t wait to see one for them!💖💖💖

[@AbbeyHowe]

I'm hoping to make the rest soon! Thanks for your support on the channel, Jocelyn!

[@sstephens630]

I have a friend who is an enneagram 4 and she suffers from anxiety, depression, insomnia, and realized recently she may also have ADHD. It's interesting that being melancholy is a trait of a 4, just like being anxious is a trait of a 6 (my husband is a 6). I never considered how mental health disorders can also be personality traits, which likely isn't encouraging for 4s or 6s that there's end in sight for their worries.

[@roy.shrestha]

There are certain behavioural patterns I exhibit with my family and friends, especially self expression. Growing up, I used to draw and paint. Now that I am an adult, I don’t get enough time and I express myself by discussing it with my friends. My childhood friend often ignores my messages/keeps it on read and the other best friend (who is a sweetheart and very practical) tries to understand and makes me feel validated. But they are not interested in my favourite subjects and I feel like a burden. Sometimes, getting ignored hurts me a lot even though I understand that I am being melodramatic. I think I need to take out time to practice art and journal, that will be a good solution

[@KKTanaa]

I understand completely

[@gabriellagrey4163]

I have never felt so attacked in my life lmao. Also I’m laughing so hard. Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️

[@carleaa]

Hahaaaaa 🤣🙈🙈 'why aren't you as upset as I am' ?

[@AbbeyHowe]

LOLOLOL

[@KKTanaa]

Exactly!!!!

[@simranlageju]

😂😂😂

[@ragnarkisten]

The way you just slipped the advertisement in there... you truly shared your skill with us!

[@tealeaf93]

I’m a 4 and engaged to a 7 I think this will help us out understand why I do what I do! He’s always trying to “fix” me to make me happy and I withdraw so he’ll come closer but he doesn’t understand and thinks I actually don’t want to be around him. This helps me understand this and don’t feel so crazy!

[@AbbeyHowe]

I'm so glad it helped you understand yourself better! You are not crazy!! Thanks for watching and commenting, Teall!

[@ParisBrockington]

My type 4 bf is such an emotional roller coaster. Everyday I hear, “I’ve never cared this much for anyone “… “your my dream girl “ … “I’m falling hard for you” … “you’re perfect for me” and THEN bam… one tiny thing hurts his feelings and he’s telling me “I don’t see us working out and we should just breakup”…. THEN he’s apologizing the next day. I find it very hurtful. I don’t know if he’s serious when he’s threatening we should break up or if I just need to let him ride out his emotions and wait for his storm to pass? Either way, this feels unstable to me and make me want to jump ship.

[@lottiemillard3333]

im an enneagram 4, and you can tell that it fits me, because this video made me cry, and then i wrote a song.

[@Youcancallmesoo]

Omg. #6 is true for all aspects in life: romantic relationships, platonic relationships, jobs, days, the future itself, my own self, etc. which results in disappointment and ghen withdrawal and all those other listed unhealthy 4 coping mechanisms listed. HELP! And thanks for this!

[@AbbeyHowe]

thank you for watching and commenting, Susie!

[@Ayesha_11122]

I should have learnt more about the enneagram before i broke up with my (most probably type 9) boyfriend. 😔This is so revelatory and ON POINT. Thanks for your work! ❤️🙌🏼

[@pattiepear3090]

I'm a Four and I could really see my own behavior in your little skits. Thanks for this!

[@jules8367]

Abby, can you do a video regarding what happens when an Enneagram 4, Wing three OR an Enneagram Wing 5 grow up in a intensely abusive home. Type 4 enneagram's already struggle with feeling loved, but we know domeone who is a type 4 enneagram, and his parents actually told him that he is unloved and unwanted, so what happens when an Enneagram four grows up in a very abusive and traumatized home. Can you do a video on what Enneagram 4 looks like traumatized and how they can get better?

[@despobordello]

I💖U MY FELLOW 4W3.JUST BECAUSE🫂💖

[@nancydavidson7306]

You’re a terrific performer , communicator and teacher of human pain and folly.

[@lenkavomocil]

I am a 4 and I am partially ashamed but I am laughing my ass off ... Its so accurate.... Its good to see these things about myself though and be able to think and work on it. I love the way you describe it. Its fun, unhurtful way to show us our flaws in order to work on fixing it... I love it... thank you

[@marishaten7399]

Great video Abbey! You have portrayed Type 4 with so much humour and compassion. Usually they get a lot of flak online.

[@katiepelletier2148]

4w3 here. THIS IS COMPLETELY ACCURATE! 🤣♥️ Well done!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks Katie!!

[@vashtizerlinda]

Oh god, Abbey thank you so much for this content! I actually learned so much about my own defense mechanism when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I used to think something is wrong with me, but apparently they're traits that are common in type 4. I'm now aware I need to work on those to bring positive impact to others's mental health and my own mental well being. Hope you have a good day, keep making awesome content!

[@ginaharold6250]

As a four watching this video I can’t help but notice how pretty your blouse is. It is full of rich color and I want something like that. 😂

[@mynameisKorie]

I've watched like 5 Type 4 video's by now and I have to say its scary how accurate these assessments are. Before I always used to say "my biggest fear is being forgotten, the memory of me being erased, insignificance etc and ive never really understood why or where those insecuirites come from but your videos have helped alot just in this little bit of time. Hopefully I can incorporate some coping strategies in my everyday life in the near future.

[@spacechampi0n]

For negative thoughts I say STOP, HAMMER TIME!!! YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS

[@AbbeyHowe]

HAHAHAHA THIS IS AMAZING

[@starseedshan6294]

I love your dramatic depictions of the four’s behaviors. Great presentation.

[@BestBrandsPerfume]

Hi Abbey! Nice meeting you!

[@dianana7371]

But throwing away half an avocado is a waste of valuable resource and kind of disrespectful. 4w5 here Oh wow most of these were spot on for me, kind of scary

[@AbbeyHowe]

agree about the avocado 😂 THEY ARE TOO GOOD TO WASTE!

[@karhart6663]

I'm a 5w4 and I was so close to being 4w5 that much of this video is relatable. I feel this way and I get so passionate and think so much on the negativity angle but I often will do my 5 thing of stepping back and analyzing the situations instead of wallowing within myself.

[@mostfrozenburrito]

Yikes!!! As a 4, literally just yesterday I was just telling my boyfriend about how unworthy I am of him and that I’m a terrible girlfriend and how the rainy weather made me so introspective and sad but he still wants to be with me so I’m happy about that

[@o0ofatasyo0o]

Omg! Yessss! Thank you for making this 🙌🏻 I wanna point out how EVERY SINGLE TIME when a type4 anything starts with how much sentimental/emotional/expressive/etc 4s are I immediately roll my eyes 'cuz I keep swearing I'm not like that... and then the points start being made... and I... I just 😶😶😶😶 Hahahahahaha needless to say I do all 7 points, specially these past couple months. Can't wait to start therapy 🙌🏻 But seriously though, who the f* throws away half an avocado?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?! Is second hand upsetness over a fictional scenario a thing???????

[@AbbeyHowe]

You're so welcome!!

[@DaxstersDangerZone]

God Damnit.... This is WAY too spot on xD Even though I am a 4 myself, I get annoyed from the thought of having to deal with all this.

[@AnotherGiGi]

This was the best! I'm a 3w4 and I can relate to this so much, both the 3 parts and the 4 parts!

[@AnotherGiGi]

Can't wait for the 3 version this video!

[@AbbeyHowe]

yay! glad you enjoyed it! can't wait to make the others 😊

[@sohelsabbagh8774]

The saying goes : "over exaggerate to make a point". But in my opinion the "acts" that you do in your videos are extremely over exaggerated and doesn't deliver the point in a good way to justify it, also it's very distracting I love when you deliver the ideas objectively, invest this creativity in a smarter way of delivering the ideas, it's an educational video after all. Saying this because I think you have so much more potential !

[@maescabra]

Hi 💗 I'm a 4w5 in a relationship with a 3w2 and I wish you had made a video about type 3 (shouldn't be too hard for you!) Your way of talking about enneagram is so cool and it sounds a lot smarter than Frank James' way of dealing with MBTI

[@Ro_ary]

I scroll down to say "I feel so called out by number 5." Only to realize all the four's have felt called out by this video. LOL. Can't wait to use Skillshare though.

[@AbbeyHowe]

4s always leave "I feel called out" comments and I love it because 1) the feelings, 2) the self-awareness. also, lmk what skillshare classes you take!!

[@fouyurefdbv]

I thought I would be offended by this, but I actually learned that I do most of what you said. Being a 4 who was in a relationship with a 7 it was so frustrating for me trying to make it work. I always thought I was too much for him to handle, and it turned out to be true. The irony here is how I feel flawed, but these flaws you mention are true, so then I am in fact flawed.

[@AbbeyHowe]

well the good news is that we are all capable of being in a growth path (other ways of saying this: in-alignment, healthy) Knowing yourself and how you work and why you do the things that you do is a GREAT way of getting on your growth path.

[@estelle859]

Thanks

"Abbey Howe as 9 annoying girlfriends in Enneagram (Comedy) Series." So good acting!!! 😂

[@mynameisKorie]

"Why are you not as upset as I am" (I felt that lol)

[@expiredmilk322]

lmao you did a great job with this!! I learn much more about myself through your videos. Thank you Abby :) I'm definitely checking out skillshare now!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Yay! Thank you!

[@niinjaslayer6394]

I am a 7 and I love 4s, so “their own”. I’m someone who craves genuine, real, it’s own thing when so many things in our world are copies or repeats.

[@karencreason635]

I'm new here and am loving this space! OK...all the 4 humor.. sooo true..not gonna lie...I'm a 4 married to a 9w1- the AVOCADO-be passionate about the avocado! hahah my poor hubby! Thank you for the Skillshare free trial...I look forward to it! xoxo

[@AbbeyHowe]

Yay! Welcome Karen! 💕

[@karolinasowinska]

Hahaha I loved the avocado scene, I can see myself being triggered by a vegetable😂! Nice acting!

[@sophianieves9378]

Would you be able to do a video on if theres any links between astrology and enneagram types? I think that’d be super interesting to try and connect the two.

[@zerjiozerjio]

Dammit. This was so accurate I squirmed while I laughed! I’ve done literally all these things in the exact same annoying way. I’m the worst. I’m gonna inch my way out like the slug I am! Lol

[@afinkeln]

I do not know for sure if I am a 4w5 and probably will never fully know, but in looking for fun and quirky ways to help my wonderful wife deal with me on a daily basis, I found each of your aforementioned characterizations remarkably sapient.

[@sarahlane77]

Wow. This is really accurate… and I didn’t know this is why I’m like this

[@holalucy]

Sooo good! Self preservation 4 here, was able to laugh about myself! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@NonSoup]

This is with close friends too and I feel called out

[@AbbeyHowe]

yes, it applies to any close relationship, I think!

[@arcanacapra9792]

Recently found your channel and I've been binging through it. This was a great video, as always. Thanks for the awesome work! I'm a 4w5, currently interested in another 4w5, and most of these things are painfully accurate for both of us, even though we're not in a relationship (but fingers crossed). We're trying to improve, though! Also, funny coincidence that you mentioned Fleet Foxes in #6, it's my favorite band!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Welcome aboard!

[@ParisBrockington]

I’m dating a 4 and god help me. This is brutal

[@makeitlight]

I want to laugh and cry watching this. It is super on point in my experience. I wish I could show it to my wife. But, she would say that I think she is the worst and should leave her.

[@vickyferre1705]

OMG!!! I’m laughing so hard right now 😂 I’m a 4, by the way. Now seriously, I just found out about you and you are very helpful. Thanks 🙏

[@rudolphmaree]

THIS IS ME! Love it!

[@PublishWithEmissary]

I’m a 4w3 Social and I do variations of most of these … esp #7, my Enneagram 1 bride is always asking, “Why do you always hate what everyone else thinks is cool?” lol

[@ToxinWolffe]

It's weird- when each section is described I feel, "No I'm not really like that" then when the example plays I realize, "Hey wait a second, I did that the other day before I even took the test!"

[@Faeriefungus]

13:20 that joke had to be froM her Hubbie bubbie. Very spot on :)

[@yoniversum9416]

the problem with sp 4 and not knowimg is, that the happy, enduring, liking sport and spiritually version looks like 2 more. Less dramatic, more practical and ohh... that 3 sp wing, you know, more image and tshirt, jeans like. Also sp 4 is more found in teachers and relashionship coaches or bicycle sport

[@user-mj1fu8fe3m]

WHO THROWS AWAY HALF AN AVOCADO.

[@AbbeyHowe]

💀 I used to BUT I DONT ANYMORE I USE THE WHOLE AVOCADO OK

[@Pepita4Marlene]

This is just the best I have seen in a while 😂😂😂 I am a four, I have been to a few enneagram workshops and even if I didn’t know it from these, all of this is 💯 me … at the moment I am full four and this makes me laugh so much..

[@aamu3]

Type 4s are like cats 🤣

[@rydiaom]

You didn't need to call me out like that :v Seriously though, good video! ♡

[@AbbeyHowe]

thanks Rydia! 💕

[@ginacosme9359]

I related to this video so much. It made me laugh and nit feel so negative about being a type 4. Thank you ❤️

[@joava3328]

Me, a 4, hearing the bit about a Fleet Foxes concert: GASP I LOVE FLEET FOXES!

[@margaretjudice8944]

Good information! Funny too! Thank you for sharing!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Glad you enjoyed it Margaret!

[@cmm867]

You are hilarious 🤣 I see quote alot of myself in this!

[@mickeyc2137]

As a 4 I am laughing at example 2 because my ex husband who is Mexican AND a professional cook would only eat half an avocado. Though he wouldnt throw it out, he would put it in the fridge unpreserved and it would be brown. One time I really went off on him about this and he said he was saving it for me but how can I eat it if its brown? I would say to him "you might as well just throw it out!" 🤣 honestly though as a 4 I am not super emotional, probably less emotional than what is typical for a 4 I guess but yea when I would be upset with my husband I would usually sit with it for 2-3 days before I would talk to him about the issue or sometimes I just never would address it with him. I dont get depressed or anxious and I dont typically say negative things to myself

[@theperpetualeveningshow]

I have a crush on a 4, and I'm a 4w3 😂. Me and this guy are so hilarious with trauma, and we mostly talk about deep stuff, and we often forget to talk about small talk stuff. It's always about passionate topics. also, i do like watching movies when i'm doing bad and love The Office do much, lol.

[@CODE.8301]

15 seconds in and I already feel attacked by the accuracy

[@kirstenerman8068]

I am pretty sure my husband is a type 4. Most of this clip points to his comments about feeling like a failure and being unworthy...and rejecting attempts to change those feelings. He has no patience whatsoever for having a conversation with me if I start to cry or if I talk too slowly (when trying not to cry) so I don't know if I can agree with meeting them in an emotional battle. Maybe it's meeting his emotions and not the other way around.

[@liug_yiuh]

I am sorry. Hope it got better since you wrote this.

[@storiesbynaima]

Why are you so amazing at this!!!!!!

[@sweetcherrypie2225]

am offended the avacado omg omg

[@deemoore97]

These are all actual conversations I’ve had with my type 1 girlfriend… oh dear

[@WalkScripture]

4w3 ENFP here. Laughing so hard I can't breathe

[@LilacSnowBun]

You are amazing with these videos, thank you! 🌷🌷🌷 Also, I’m a female intj, 4w5, is that weird?

[@doriravenwood6819]

Amen I'm a 4 and I love this!

[@AbbeyHowe]

yay!!

[@wildfloweramanda]

I feel like you have been following me around when I interact my romantic partners .... Omg

[@emilyjackson9234]

This video was amazing. Ahhh. I laughed so hard

[@seizerevenge]

Why are you reveling and attacking me so harshly? Lol 😂

[@TeamGtriix]

As a four most of this is spot on, but also we’re not THAT DRAMATIC you’re making us look bad!🙃

[@AbbeyHowe]

this was DEFINITELY exaggerated!! 4s are not that dramatic. I got a little carried away when I was acting in some of the scenes 😂

[@TeamGtriix]

@@AbbeyHowe lol I forgive you friend love your content!

[@bananaoranged1404]

@@AbbeyHowe hehe

[@fernandadealencar1158]

I don’t have a boyfriend, but surely my mom would agree with all of this

[@14xx07]

26 years old… just out of a 4years relationship with a guy whom I’ve known since 7 years old… that was somewhat how I broke up with (type 3) ex boyfriend… he was confused beyond all… and I have been so sad about it no matter where I go and what new things I do… cuz.. I’m single…. 😭 eggs are dying out and what is happening to my dream of having my first child at 26. 😩 With how the lock down is going, I’ll probably never ever get to meet a suitable husband before I die..

[@mysticalstarot8620]

You're hilarious! And I feel like I've finally been seen :)

[@milliepatel2561]

I feel so attacked right now as a 4 wow

[@AbbeyHowe]

Sorryyyy

[@mickeyc2137]

OMG #6 and 7 is the one I can relate to the most as a 4

[@KendrixTermina]

It's only my wing but still I am experiencing a fair bit of "im in this picture and I don't like it"