EP 364: How to Properly Pace Yourself in Early Stages of Dating

[@Geaxuce]

I think the way to say that is "slow is smooth and smooth is fast." Great advice

[@zwerrell]

Or, as my brain surgeon uncle would say, “to move fast, move slow”

[@mrmartinez4188]

I realized after many years of dating, I needed to start slowing things down. The last 2 Relationships went way too fast, and as I got to know their character of these women, I was apalled that I was in a relationship with women like this. It is much simpler than that. I just told the woman I started dating. I needed to go slow so she could get acquainted with who I truly am and I could do the same with her. I reiterated this a few times. She’s good with it. We only date once a week and we communicate a few times a week. I do enjoy this freedom of not getting locked in with somebody and realizing the idiosyncrasies are something I can’t handle. It goes both ways I understand. But if we go slow, then we have an opportunity to become more friends and keep the kissing and making love until we’re sure about each other. I feel this is a more mature way of relationships. I just have the conversation I don’t worry about what to say. it should come out natural and smooth and most definitely authentic.

[@annastone5624]

Love the pool analogy too..

[@annastone5624]

Excellent advice!! 🌸

[@hannah4323]

I keep finding the same pattern, having a great first date - the guy says how great it was and that he’s interested without me prompting and then by the second date things fall off. Any advice here?

[@katieletts8131]

Pacing is so hard to know when the person you’ve started to date is someone you’ve been friends with for years. What is the pacing like when you make that shift with someone you know, because the rationalization that you don’t know them yet isn’t fully true? 😩

[@Y2kJOJO]

But you have to remember that people are different in friendships than in relationships

[@katieletts8131]

@@Y2kJOJO Oh, absolutely! That is so true. And it also all depends on how close you were as friends, too. My own boyfriend and I were friends for 3.5 years before we decided we were ready for a serious relationship with anyone, let alone before we decided we were ready to change the friendship dynamic with someone within our best friends group. Heck, we’d already been on road trips and had shared Air BnBs with shared bathrooms and kitchens together, and we’d both thought about dating each other long before we decided the timing was right for many reasons (he lives an hour and a half away but now is planning on moving close by, for example). I can honestly say that ever since we started dating, there’s been nothing different about the basic fundamentals of his personality, his values, how messy/clean his bathroom or kitchen are, or how he treats his friends/family. He’s still the same guy, even if my personal relationship with him has drastically changed. There are tons of things I’ve learned about him in a relationship capacity that I didn’t know as just friends (he’s a mushy romantic and needs time to process his thoughts and communicate them after an argument), but who he is at a basic level and our mutual respect/general compatibility have not changed. Romantic and long-term relationship compatibility is the only thing new. I absolutely believe it still takes time to get to know someone in a new romantic capacity, but it’s not even remotely the same pacing with someone you’ve known for years as it is with someone you just met and don’t fundamentally know. Because at the end of the day, going into a relationship already knowing first-hand that someone is a kind and generous friend who shares your values and long-term goals is very different than going on a few dates and making that assessment without knowing who they really are.

[@rsmith9047]

Word of advice….move the microphone down…it is covering a large part of your face…which is distracting