ep.37 "I Was An Emotionally Neglected Child & Teenager" | AKA

Audience questions for Ask Kati Anything:
1. Hi Kati, what does a healthy attachment to your therapist feel like for the client? I am constantly wondering whether my attachment is healthy, for example, is it okay to be excited to tell them something that has happened to...
2. Hi Kati! I’m just curious to know if therapists “stalk” their patients on social media? I would find it so tempting to want to know more about my patients if I was a therapist and I feel like I would want to look through their Instagrams and...
3. Hi, Kati! I have a question. I’m 21, and I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety for several years. I’ve tried therapy on and off starting when I was 14. I would always just talk with a therapist about how I was feeling, but it never really went anywhere. I eventually stopped because it wasn’t helping. I feel...
4. Hello Kati, Do you think “birth order” may play a role in mental illness, and have you seen any trends in your counseling sessions? (such as depressed middle children, eldest children facing too much pressure, youngest who might have been smothered) I’m...
5. Hi Kati! My therapist and I both independently came to the conclusion that I was emotionally neglected as a child and teenager, but almost a year later I'm still struggling to see how it could have been bad enough to cause such severe mental...
6. Dear Kati, Why do I feel the need to google or research things? Whenever a topic or item is posed that could be relatively related to me I find myself compulsively looking it up. I’ll spend hours reading about a topic and get a brief sense of relief, however...
7. Dear Kati, How can I experience the emotional charge of trauma memories at the "right time"? My brain is very protective of me; it still treats the trauma as if...
8. Hey Kati, what is the difference between social anxiety disorder and avoidant personality disorder? What do you have to work on with clients with AvPD vs...
9. Hi Kati, why do I miss the old times when I felt bad and can't accept that it's good that I don't self-harm anymore. I miss feeling bad and that's crazy...
10. Hi Kati! How do you take care of your own mental health when having to be a caretaker for your parent that has a chronic illness? I’m only 23 and feel completely burnt out from having to take on all of the household chores...
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[@LisArgollo]

Hey, beautiful people! Here are the timestamps: 5:09 - 1. What a healthy attachment to your therapist looks like? 14:06 - 2. Do therapist stalk their patients on social media? 18:34 - 3. Why hasn't therapy been working for me? 28:24 - 4. Do you think birth order can play a role in mental illness? 37:22 - 5. How can zi bring myself up to believe that my experiences and feelings are valid? 47:34 - 6. Why do I feel the need to google or research things? 51:12 - 7. How can I experience the emotional charge of trauma memories at the "right time"? 57:58 - 8. Differences between Social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder? 1:02:03 - 9. Why do I miss the old times...? 1:06:60 - 10. How do you take care of your own mental health when having to be a caregiver?

[@outoftheklosset]

Thank you.❤️

[@vals3922]

I think being empathic can create a harder worker, but also makes it hard to not get burnt out and not be able to care anymore.

[@Kruemmel97]

Yes this sums up my life right now 😄

[@vals3922]

@@Kruemmel97 I'm so sorry ❤️

[@maddyfox8545]

I personally feel the opposite Kati. I hate CBT and love psychotherapy. I had psychotherapy and found that I naturally did the “homework” over the week. Please don’t throw it out. It’s the only therapy that worked for me and saved my life.

[@roksana1736]

Yes, I think it's extremely ignorant to say that psychoanalysis doesn't work. It definitely does work as it has helped many people and there is scientific evidence for its effectiveness as well. I personally don't like CBT but wouldn't say it's useless. I think it might work for some people who either don't have very serious issues or don't want to dig as deep. I've always felt more inclined towards psychoanalysis but when I was 23, my psychiatrist recommended CBT so I gave it a try. I had a great therapist, he was very emapthetic and supportive but it didn't help me that much. I felt like it's all very surface level. I know my issues stem mostly from my childhood experiences, and we did talk about my childhood, but didn't really work on it at all. I got really depressed this year so I decided I have to start therapy again. This time I decided on psychoanalysis and it seems to be a good fit. I know I won't see any results right away and it's been a diffcult experience thus far but I finally feel like we're digging deep and not just focusing on my symptoms. No one would treat a physical illness by getting rid of the symptoms, they would try to look for a cause. Why is it so different for mental health issues then.

[@lilyrye5651]

Psychotherapy saved my life aswell!! And saved my daughter from having to lose her mom at only 9 years old!! The crisis team at the hospital where I live didn’t do their job and let me walk out after my husband dropped me off because I wanted to off myself and I struggled with even telling anyone! The crisis team member was horrible and triggered me so bad!! I ended up walking out after being told that they don’t think I would kill myself! They didn’t bother to call my emergency contact (my husband) or the police! I literally almost hung myself in the field behind my home that night! And the only thing that saved me was my husband messaged me a voice clip of my daughter saying she loves me and hopes I feel better really soon because she already missed me so much 😭 the next day I had my appointment with my therapist and opened up about what happened and she went above and beyond to make sure I got the help she thought I needed! And she checked in on me everyday and also called the crisis team herself and told them to reach out to me daily! Now I’m in ASAP therapy and still waiting for DMT therapy and a couple others! All thanks to her! And there’s only so many appointments you get with free therapy and she booked me 4 extra appointments so she can make sure I was getting to where I needed to be! So I agree with you on psychotherapy!!

[@lauranedomlel9875]

Check in : dealing with anxiety, depression and my BPD symptoms. But I'm trying and thats amazing

[@lucybuttercup1006]

Yas Queen ✨✨✨❤️ -much love and support from Greece

[@kerrylarmand6301]

CHECK IN- Thanx for this Kati...even though it's just my comment getting sent through cyberspace...and not that anyone is concerned or hears....but I'm having a pretty damn good day. It feels good just to get it out. One of the better days I've had since the spring....

[@nisafinnegan]

*TIMESTAMPS:* 0:18 Check in + introductions 3:28 Does being empathic or sensitive make us harder workers? 5:12 What does a healthy attachment to your therapist feel like for the client? Is it okay to be excited to tell them something that has happened to you during the week and for you to wonder how they might respond? 10:17 Is "stalking" your therapist on social media, on their professional/business profiles okay? 14:12 I’m curious to know if therapists “stalk” their patients on social media? Is there some sort of ethical rule that says you shouldn't do it or is it a common thing to do? 18:35 Why hasn't therapy been working for me? I’m 21, and I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety for several years. I’ve tried therapy on and off starting when I was 14. I eventually stopped because it wasn’t helping. I feel like I've always come out of it the same way I went into it. I've also tried numerous medications, none of which have ever helped. 28:12 Do you think “birth order” may play a role in mental illness, and have you seen any trends in your counseling sessions? (such as depressed middle children, eldest children facing too much pressure, youngest who might have been smothered) 37:24 My therapist and I both independently came to the conclusion that I was emotionally neglected as a child and teenager, but almost a year later I'm still struggling to see how it could have been bad enough to cause such severe mental health issues later in life. I know thinking that it wasn't that bad is common for survivors of childhood emotional neglect, but I don't know how to stop feeling like I'm just overreacting and something is inherently wrong with me because I have no reason to feel this bad. 43:52 Could you talk about the difference between neglect and abuse? Can something like this not be abuse but still be traumatic? 47:37 Why do I feel the need to google or research things? Whenever a topic or item is posed that could be relatively related to me I find myself compulsively looking it up. I get this sense of relief, but this need will always come back again. 51:13 How can I experience the emotional charge of trauma memories at the "right time"? My brain is very protective of me; it still treats the trauma as if it was happening to someone else. I can talk about it over and over again without feeling triggered, however, the problem is I couldn't really process them. 57:00 What is the difference between social anxiety disorder and avoidant personality disorder? 1:02:54 Why do I miss the old times when I felt bad and can't accept that it's good that I don't self-harm anymore. I miss feeling bad and that's crazy. 1:06:47 How do you take care of your own mental health when having to be a caretaker for your parent that has a chronic illness? I’m only 23 and feel completely burnt out from having to take on all of the household chores while also trying to start my career.

[@annasophia2005]

Thank you!!!!

[@nisafinnegan]

Lotte Anna have a nice dayy!

[@annasophia2005]

@@nisafinnegan Thanks!!! You too! 😊

[@nisafinnegan]

​@myosotis awe HAHAH pleasure! i was looking for the timestamps myself and hadn't seen any, and so i just decided to make my own. im glad it helped you!

[@prapanthebachelorette6803]

Thanks

[@LisArgollo]

Check in: I've been struggling like hell with a lot of symptoms that still don't paint a picture of a full diagnosis. But I am lucky to have an amazing therapist, and though I feel like killing myself sometimes, I'm gonna fight every single day and keep living. If you read this thank you for existing, you are an amazing human, don't ever go away.

[@lindsayjames5549]

Thank you for answering my question Kati (#10) and sharing your own experience with your dad as well! It was definitely what I needed to hear and thank you for reminding me I need my own life as well (as impossible as it may feel)! My dad has deteriorated over the last five years and he had a heart attack at home right in front of me last year so I know how hard it is and can definitely relate to your story! Thank you for all you do and I love your podcast!

[@joelswe86]

Half-way into this, I love how raw and honest she is!!!! I was neglected by certain people in my family, unresolved but slowly confronting this and talking about it no matter what, so that I can feel. Plus remember that I matter and are worth it, positive affirmations are so important, but sometimes it's ok to no Not Be Ok. I love how Kati answered the things on neglected and what it's like to deal with neglect and hurt Kati Morton from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU FOR BEING UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU!!!!

[@anneschmidt9587]

My therapist says I'm an empath and I think it depends on the field. As an attorney, empathy and feelings in general are frowned upon. So when I worked in the field, I had to bury my empathy. I ended up not fitting in well there and thus not motivated to work hard since it didn't mesh with my values and personality traits. Thanks for your videos!!

[@throughrose-colouredeyes6284]

CHECK IN: i've been having a rough time, but seeing all of these check in's in the comments just made me smile. go world! it's beautiful seeing people be vulnerable. i send my love to everyone, and thanks to kati. 💛🌻

[@BluePenguin835]

Re: Emotional Neglect I think my problem is that my parents are good people. My Mum had a very messed up childhood and as a result she has very little idea about how to reassure or soothe a child. My conflict is weighing up my parents good qualities with their...and I hate to type this...emotional neglect of me.

[@anonanon7553]

Oh my God I really relate to this. Because I know I wasn't given what I needed as a child, but my parents were never physically or emotionally abusive. They tried their best. So I have a hard time coming to terms with my childhood

[@majoxt]

I feel you. The fact that parents are also people with traumas of their own is hard to accept.

[@taramacphee9093]

@@anonanon7553 same! It’s really hard.

[@crafter961]

Yeah and to accept that "my parents are good people" and "despite that I didn't get what i needed emotionally" is really hard for me.

[@webofstarlight]

I struggle with this too.

[@LLLLLL000]

Love how real you are: "its fucking hard, it sucks, I hear you"

[@ryannesumbry4130]

I appreciate this podcast so much in particular. My very first therapist was TERRIBLE!! And it took me along time to get over it.. until I listened to this podcast.. you really are an angel in disguise

[@oliverschubert8242]

This video enabled at least 3 breakthroughs, not just any kind of breakthroughs- really proper eye openers. Thank you a lot!

[@reallifepsych3309]

I hope everyone who reads this has a great Thursday! So thankful for these videos!

[@sampsonspadafore]

To your point about neglect Katie: you started off by talking about how parents can do all of the right things. They can bring you to your appointments or after school things, they can make sure you’re fed and physically healthy, they could even do things like pay for college. My parents were certainly wonderful in this way, but definitely toed the line of emotional neglect. But what I’ve also heard from therapists in the past is to not blame our parents for all of our problems we have as adults. I don’t think this person was trying to discredit my experiences, but just bringing to light that not everything that I struggle with mentally is from my situation with my parents. However, it sure feels like it sometimes!!

[@nelli452]

Excited for another ep!! I think that being empathic can go both ways, it makes us harder workers because we want to get the job done and not disappoint as you said but on the other hand it can lead to overthinking because we don't want to disappoint. But I prefer looking at it the first way 😌

[@iamrjdennis]

Hi, Kati! To answer your question, I feel like the idea of being an empath making you a harder worker is true! I can definitely relate to that. Thank you so much for answering my question as well. I've been following you online for years now, and love watching your videos. You are such a light. Keep doing what you're doing, and thank you again! 💙

[@janetslater129]

Also, with social media, I feel like that can borderline damaging because as a client, there’s a a certain amount of trust that I have with my therapist. If she looks through my FB, I would feel like that I’m not being trusted. ..kinda like a parent reading their children’s diary.

[@JennyJenny-yr2mh]

I think being sensitive makes us harder workers. I'm sensitive and always been told I'm a hard worker.

[@madmaxls6]

Good afternoon Kati. We were officially diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder almost 11 years ago and have had 3 different therapists during that time. Our most recent therapist has really helped us move forward but, we have run into a situation that I find very puzzling. We have been working on EMDR by way of bilateral tapping on either our knees or shoulders. During our previous session, we attempted to use eye movement but IMMEDIATELY began to dissociate which lasted almost 5 minutes before we were able to become fully grounded once again and able to safely be present. The previous details are to help preface this question: “Is there a reason that visual movement versus bilateral physical stimulation would be responsible for triggering such a response?” Thank you for your time and all that you do to help reduce the stigma of mental illness and health. Have a wonderful day. Us

[@spOystila]

I've just been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder and didn't know it existed before this week. I personally don't believe I fit the criteria for social anxiety disorder, I have no problem being in public spaces, meeting new people and making small talk, speaking in classes, etc. because during childhood and adolescence I learned how to "act" as society deemed acceptable. I have many non-committal, superficial relationships and that is how I've learned to cope with AvPD. It wasn't until this year, living alone during COVID, that I realized I've completely isolated myself from every form of intimate relationship - even the people that are closest to me don't truly know me because I hold so much back to protect myself from perceived rejection. I can handle rejection or disapproval or embarrassing myself in front of people that don't know me because I know their judgement says more about them then me, but the thought of reaching out to my closest people when I'm struggling during covid has been debilitating because the possibility they will reject me due to safety risks is highly likely. I don't avoid social situations, I avoid creating intimate relationships with people in fear of them seeing me for who I am and rejecting it. But holy shit do I want them so bad. I had no idea I was keeping everyone at a distance- different distances depending on how much confirmation I've gotten that I can trust them not to hurt me. I hate the pain that hiding causes me, but it feels like the only way to survive in this world. Learning about AvPD has renewed my sense of hope for a more fulfilling life. Like I said, I don't believe I'm suffering from social anxiety, so please correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that the biggest difference between an AvPD diagnosis and a social anxiety diagnosis might be found in how one functions within intimate relationships.

[@spOystila]

also, fantasy relationships, with a real person that is unavailable, that destroy years of my life is a pattern of mine that I have heard is pretty common with AvPD.

[@janetslater129]

For EDMR, my therapist considered it, but said that it’s majorly expensive. So that might be a barrier for therapists who want to want the training, but can’t.

[@milenaciaramella3524]

Every thursday i Just know its going to be an awesome day just for kate

[@martharuvalcaba8233]

Same☹️ can’t wait to listen!!❤️

[@kartsupirtsu]

To your first question: yes! I just realized in therapy some weeks ago that my motivation comes from not wanting to let others down. And it’s been that way all my life. Now that I’m in uni and the teachers don’t really give a shit if I succeed or not, my motivation is non-existent. Thank god for group assignments. That’s why I could never work alone in a lab or be a one-woman-show entrepreneur etc. I need to be a part of a team in order to get sh*t done. I also believe I’m a highly sensitive person and I sometimes think too much about what others think of me.

[@storytellerhut3488]

The empathic hard worker: I think it depends, or at least I can say this is true for myself. I never want to let others down, or not do my share of the work. When I am working with others I will often work harder, I will even take on more than my share to lighten the load for someone else. However, because I am an empath, I can get easily distracted from tasks to people and feelings. For example, If my coworker comes in tearful from a break up or something I will easily forget tasks or set them aside to give them space to talk it out. In a big group of people like in a meeting, I can also get overwhelmed by all the feelings in the room and shut down, my ideas and input can sometimes be muted because of this. But I do think empathic people want to work harder, want to shoulder a heavier load for others and are often drawn to jobs that are working with people- people unlike tasks aren’t easily checked off a list. The work is never done.

[@kerrylarmand6301]

Funny story....just heading into my counseling session..about this very thing..LOL...can HARDLY WAIT to listen tonite!!!!!

[@mickyforsten6107]

Yes! Being empathic and having anxiety has made me a hard worker (almost to my own detriment)

[@JACk79457]

Just starting the video but omg Katie you’re from Washington! It’s always so cool when I see youtubers visit our state / are from our state! So cool 😭🥺

[@juliajones3837]

CHECK IN: All of a sudden got really confused about myself and my brain. Feel really spaced and weird. I don’t know what to do to feel normal again. I’m scared I’m never gonna feel normal again...

[@jong2146]

Hey. Normal only exists in our head. There isn't a normal. Be proud, confident and try to appreciate our differences. Differences are part of what makes us human.

[@emmajean2386]

Feeling any different/better? 💟

[@juliajones3837]

Emma.J.L. Roy nope😩

[@emmajean2386]

@@juliajones3837 I'm sorry to hear that.. what you described in your comment sounds a lot like experiencing depersonalization.. maybe something stressful happened recently and your brain is just trying to protect you...(?) Well, I really relate to your comment somehow. I've had times like that too, where suddenly I felt weird about myself, life in general, and thought I was going insane.. the good thing is, i realized it was usually just things my subconscious was working through, and i am learning to trust myself more and more.. After all, "this is the strangest life I've ever known." ( One of my fav quotes ). I genuinely wish you all the best right now 🌷

[@juliajones3837]

Emma.J.L. Roy thank you💖 yeh, I figured it’s something in the lines of derealization/depersonalisation... It’s really uncomfortable to experience this. I also do think it’s just my brain being way too overloaded with all sorts of things...

[@kristinakomarova7555]

Check in: I finally feel alive! After extreme mental breakdown that lasted 3+ hours I was exhausted for about a week. Then I went for a run. Ran until I could catch my breath. I am still in maniac mode. I wanna run, work, walk my dog, do creative stuff to sell, write content for the rescue organisation i volunteer. I wanna sing! Oh and I just spent £300 for my dog's toys and accessories she doesn't need. I feel alive. But still don't know how to smile. I want to smile but feel like my cheeks are too chubby and just saying: whatever

[@_maia_m]

Concerning question nr 3 - I think I've read and heard a lot of times that medications for mental illnesses often aren't recommended for adolescents/young adults and children and that the research that has been done on that age group is limited. So that could be one component. I tried a few different medications when I was around 18-19 (several months for each) without any effect. Then when I was around 30 I was in hospital, and head psychiatrist didn't think it was any point to try out another similar one, but he was persuaded by some of the other doctors and nurses in the hospital, and that time it worked. As for a therapist I saw for about 1,5 years at 18-19, later told me she hadn't had any experience working with that young people. And it seems logical to me that that's important, cause it's a huge difference between how a teenager understands themselves and their issues, and how a 30 or 40 or 50 year old understand themselves. This got long, sorry, but my main point is, I think it's important for kids to get help from people who know how to help kids. Not all do.

[@coldshadow9567]

I think being empathic is exhausting.

[@ryannesumbry4130]

KATI KATI KATI!! I love you KATI 💋😘

[@aliceg2890]

Always love hearing your voice! May I ask you a question? Ive just been discharged from a psych hospital how do I get myself back to work? 💖

[@lynn3799]

Hi Kati, I recently just moved back East to be with my family. I was by myself in California. I was in a church that was along side me with my mental health. We worked on rules for me. Now where we are at is if I cut myself or go to the hospital for suicidal reasons I will not be allowed to interact with anyone from the church. I went there for 7 years and I have a lot of friends from there. I have started therapy again. My friends from church don’t know. It’s a hard situation. Sometimes I feel like hurting myself but I do not want to loose my friends. What do you think?

[@tedseb7726]

30:25 at this moment Katie became a physical therapist

[@shaniarafeli478]

I wonder if anybody's therapist ever cried during your session with them

[@lovelaughdance98]

She answered this question in a recent podcast! I don’t remember the exact one ... but not more than 5 episodes ago!

[@ethanmichael17]

I had someone do that once. We were in a process group and she was working on her master's degree in psych so she was at the school counseling center working with us

[@katiebwheeler]

Mine has, not like sobbing or anything but a few times I could just see a few tears rolling down her face, sometimes it was when I was working thru hard stuff a few times we were both shedding a few happy tears... she never drew attention to it at all and always very subtle in wiping tears away. At times it was validating for me, like one of the questions Katie addressed I at times struggle to admit that some things that happened were “bad enough” to hurt me or cause my mental Heath issues so seeing a few tears roll down her face made me be able to acknowledge ok yeah maybe that was a hard situation, maybe it makes sense that it affected me so much...

[@abigailrandall7520]

I have to admit that I'm really disappointed to hear your strong criticism for psychoanalysis. I understand that it's a treatment that is not the right fit for everyone, but I don't appreciate discouraging people from it with remarks that would lead them to believe its dated and ineffective especially when neither is true! There is so much evidence based research that has shown it to be an effective treatment for people with many different psychiatric issues. I feel like CBT and DBT therapy gets a lot of hype because its fast and there by cheaper for insurance companies. But fast results may not bring about sustainable change for everyone.

[@amentet]

Love these videos!!

[@Maya-yt3xn]

Hi Kati, answering the question about a healthy attachment to ur therapist u said - Im reframing so correct me if Im wrong- u do not find it ok to write to ur therapist during the week unless its technical information unless one is in crisis. It makes me wonder what u define a crisis. Ive been seeing my therapist for almost 3 years, shes amazing. I dont remember the beginning but after a definite crisis she made me check in with her every day, which isnt something I need anymore but I can text her and she will sometimes respond. It wasnt planned but is just an agreement that came to be. I like it this way since I feel more secure and less alone. I know the boundaries, I dont write a lot ( usually once a week) I dont write unless Im struggling and feel like her knowing would be of importance to us somehow. I dont plan on raising this topic with her but ur comment made me wonder if u think the situation Im in while wanting to write her is a crisis or not. I have trichotillomania which at least in my case is a form of self harm and I usually write her before or after I pull. Its not life-threatening, not making irreversible or dangerous physical damage nor would not receiving help in the near future lead me to such a state. Would this be enough for u to consider this to be a crisis or would u let ur clients deal with the situation alone / let them write an email...? Id love to hear ur thoughts and thank u for ur videos:)

[@lyrikos_sk]

I don‘t know if I misunderstood. However, I actually don‘t think that it is the hypersensitivity and empathy that lead to a higher work output, at least not explicitly. Implicitly, yes - why? Hypersensitivity means the radar of an HSP is faster to blink due to its universal activations. Now, as an HSP you‘re very aware of your radar, you‘re aware that everyone has one and you‘re aware that you can‘t tell how sensitive any radar is. You‘re radar is pretty sensitive an because of that you assume, for the sake of the other people (in order to protect them), that everyone‘s radar is as sensitive as yours, even though you know that’s mostly not the case. Now due to that you perform higher as to not collide with the radar of others, to protect others, but maybe also to protect your own. Empathy. Empathy and HSP sometimes goes hand in hand. In this case you can say that as well. Now you‘re an HSP plus empathetic, meaning you‘re aware of the potential that a radar can be pretty sensitive and you can empathize with how it feels when a radar suffers collision. Now you work even harder because you additionally can empathize with someone whom his radar is collidung. So writing myself through my thoughts I‘d also vote yes, however I couldn’t vote yes without emphasizing that its correlation is only implicit! On a second note, next to this two factors, I believe - as an HSP and especially as being highly sensitive of how other perceive you - that another factor weighs even more and that’s the factor of not wanting to be disliked: fear of social exclusion (referring to our basic need to belong and be accepted by others). It‘s a more selfish one. But these three factors go hand in hand. You want to protect yourself. You want to be accepted. You don‘t want to bother others or be a burden/obstacle to them. You don‘t want others to feel bad because you know how it feels (empathy). You know how intense feelings can be, especially as an HSP, and in accordance with that you don‘t want that for anyone else. In conclusion, you give it your very best to implement all these factors, meaning you work as hard as you can. Sorry for grammar mistakes, not native. Hope someone did read it and understood it. :) Have a good day my friends. And Kati, you’re videos are great, I love them and I am always looking forward to the next episode!! Keep it up. Excited for your new book. Check In: pretty tired, here it is 1.49 am. had a pretty good day surprisingly without any major flashbacks, so that‘s good :) and I ate sushi for dinner which was awesome. Would love to have anyones thoughts on that.

[@nikkimckay860]

Kati Morton hello and good evening to you just asking how has your week been I have just put on this podcast from seeing my notification I'm,late watching but I'm here still glad I'm here I wish I could say my weeks been ok but I don't like lieing I'm feeling the usual fed up and stressed out during my week my depression has honestly been up and down everyday had bad days and ok days I posted a question hopefully next week I'll,tey again I'm not going to give up trying anyway u looking nice like the jumper I'm going to listen to the question and answer s now x

[@libbycatherine]

Re: Emotional Neglect I think it would be helpful to clarify what emotional neglect is not. I still don't understand why emotional neglect is abuse though. No parent is perfect, and it's reasonable to say that a parent will not always be able to meet their child's needs. Should we call every parent who fails to see their child's needs for whatever reason an abuser? If you can have trauma without abuse, can't you have neglect (which is traumatic) without it being abusive? Also some people are born with more resiliency than others, so my weakness and sensitivity is my own inherent defect.

[@rosannaien9596]

Check in: finished exams, my long latent depression has reared its ugly head due to covid-19 and all the things i use to fill the void inside are not accessible right now and it’s been hard, but i’m managing. this too shall pass.

[@annasophia2005]

You can get through it! Hang in there ❤

[@quazymodo3648]

Definitely harder workers 🙄

[@nikkimckay860]

Question 3 was a good question and could relate a little to it only because I was in therapy last year I had a psychologist I would go and see and talk to but it was my first time trying and being in therapy it was only 1 day a week it was uncomfortable and I would feel my anxiety being triggered everytime I was in therapy my experience was difficult I was never properly able to tell my psychologist everything I was going through I was always asked loads of questions it was tough time but I could relate to question 3

[@barn_ninny]

I know this is an old video, but in the video, you say repeatedly that you're going to provide at least one link to research on birth order in the description. There are no such links.

[@patronsaintofdoom]

could the SA and AvPD (SAPD if you like) difference be a bit like OCD and OCPD with being ego syntonic and ego dystonic? a have AvPD and while i still think of my behaviour as uncomfortable, it just seems to be me (i am wrong, i am inferior, inherently inadequate). and also intimacy could be a big difference? i talked to my friend about this who has SA (or rather she talked to me) i am often very cold and unapproachabel when meeting me and "block" all attempts to get to know me and often convince myself that people in general are stupid so why bother. she says that in general she isn't opposed to get to know new people but dreads the social interaction part and hence appears "nervous" (talking too much/fast, nervous laughter and stuff like that). she says her shmptoms are considerably lessened or even absent around her friends. for me sometimes it's the opposite. i feel less threatened by strangers in regards of "intimacy" but i am very reserved earound her who i'd consider my only friend (i have more "aquaintaces"). so even with people i know i share very little about myself and never something i consider intimate which could be something as harmless as what my favourite colour

[@anonanon7553]

I can relate. I'm good at surface level social interaction, but anything that shows my true self and personality I hide away and avoid intimacy

[@cathyjennings5580]

Well Therapist are our GO TO PERSON , to get fixed UP, Built Up, to have the answers to our questions that repair Traumas Experiences. Therapy should Repair the wounds??? Sooth our heart heartaches. Be our Nurturers to heal our broken hearts with sympathy & empathy & CHEER US UP WITH PEP TALKS ? WE NEED EMOTIONAL SUPPORT for stability, relief & healing our broken heart. EMOTIONALLY weakness. Repair our depleted abilities. Offer, NUTRITIONAL supplements???

[@cfjohnson7369]

I saw my therapist on the street (he did not see me). He was checking out the women walking by. Now I don't know what to say (or not say)!

[@nikkimckay860]

Hello 🖐Good evening to people here how are people and what time is it where you are from stay safe people ❤

[@silent-trouble]

Hello, nikki. It's 8.30 pm here in germany. I have a job interview tomorrow and im terrified. How are you?

[@nelli452]

2:38pm. Hope you're having a good day!

[@nikkimckay860]

@@silent-trouble hello thanks for your reply nice to meet you always good to have replays good to share things on here its 8:13pm in England good luck with your interview 🙂

[@nikkimckay860]

@@nelli452 hello good evening to you nice to meet you it's good to connect with people here thanks for your reply and asking how my day was hope you doing ok 🙂

[@_maia_m]

@@silent-trouble good luck with your interview!

[@coldshadow9567]

What if you are going through something difficult but you cancel the appointment because you don't want to talk about it. Does that mean I don't trust the therapist?

[@rosewaggoner6834]

check in: I dont feel like I can tell anyone how i feel in person every time I try it feels like my throat is closing up and i physically can not tell them my parents and friends have asked me if i need help for months but every time they ask I can not tell them it makes my skin crawl how do i get over this i dont think ill ever get over this and i know therapy hells so many people but i dont think i could ever do it and be honest

[@sparkeli4513]

It appears that I am too early and no one has commented with the time stamps yet. 👀 Please can someone comment on this when someone does do them. 👀

[@audrey9610]

Check in: today has been shit. I’m super tired and unmotivated. Hoping tomorrow is better.

[@ravenkelly8647]

Alfred adler's birth order theory 😊

[@khazna390]

thank u for everything you do ur vids helped me alot my question is my mom died in 10 Jan 2020 and ever since she passed im like emotional track everything makes cry i can't sleep if gain weight but that the most important thing is that 1 month before she passed something happened in the hospital like they prepare us like they told us that shes gonna try soon blah blah blah anyways since that day im soo emotional I remember( hospital days) everyday I remember every word the day she passed i remember it that it was yesterday and its soo hard and Idk what is it what do u think?? BTW I have never been to a therapist! thanku

[@aidis138]

A week ago there was beautiful, sunny, autumn day. 3PM, you walking down the street, there's yellow leaves laying around, +8C and no wind, everything so yellow and warm, feels pretty pleasant. And the next day there's -2C and snow fell out! That crunch under your feet! A winter in November! And some trees still have green leaves! Probably because most of the autumn weather were very warm... Autumn weather are most fascinating. I'm feeling amused. Thanks for asking!

[@xavierryan4602]

New theme song, please?

[@AbbyJenna]

I love these videos but I have to push back on something: It is simply not true that psychodynamic therapies don't work (One of MANY examples: "The lack of significant differences in the effectiveness of PDT and CBT could be due to the fact that both treatments are effective in dealing with anxiety disorders, as shown by several randomised controlled trials (Epp, Dobson, & Cottraux, 2009; Leichsenring, 2009)." Comparison of cognitive-behavioural therapy and psychodynamic therapy in the treatment of anxiety among university students: an effectiveness study. Monti et al) Also, Freud died almost 100 years ago. A lot has happened since he wrote down his weird ideas.

[@cathyjennings5580]

The therapist is not a friend to trust to take their suggestions to help doctor friend that IS ABLE to carefor the troubles this person was in. Offering a helping Supportive pal, buddy supporters. We need to be offered a helping hand ???

[@USALibertarian]

You are "crazy" to not want your picture on your book with this smile 24:32

[@nobody8328]

After 1 month of zoloft, i had headaches, confusion and nausea. My psychiatrist upped my dose. Another month my headache was even worse and almost constant. My brain wasnt putting 2+2 together well enough to explain to my psychiatrist how horrid i felt. He upoed my dose again, telling me that we 'have to give it a full trial'. The third month, my headaches were so bad that i couldn't drive and i had all but quit eating because of the nausea. By the 4th month i realized that i would unsubscribe from this mudball was a much better option than zoloft, because now im grieving AND physically feel like baked anus AND my brain feels like it's trying to slog through deep red mud. Id rather be depressed than this, and i already know that i cant take any more of that. WHY? Doctors dont hear me when i say im allergic to doxycyclene and streptomiacyn. My psychiatrist didn't seem to care about my sensations. He kept telling me we had to "give it a full trial". I understand titration, but wtf did i have to suffer for 6 months before he was willing to change the meds?

[@USALibertarian]

Probably most of the people EVEN IN THE USA do not have access to a good therapist and never will. Bad therapy might be worse than no therapy.

[@lindaprichard5907]

I think being an “empath” is BS, isn’t it just that you’re hypervigilent and so you can read people very well?

[@lindsay3793]

Great content on YT . . . worst intro on YT.

[@SendMeToTheVoid]

Oh lordy i thought this was a colleen ballinger video with that theme song

[@howmanypenises]

Katie: Talk therapy doesn't always work for CPTSD. Me: traumatized surprised pikachu face. I should go back to therapy...

[@libbycatherine]

My therapist says talk therapy and things like CBT work for many disorders, but the one caveat is trauma. Talk therapy, CBT, DBT etc are higher brain therapies in that they target higher cognitive functions (like reason). Trauma is stored in the lower brain and brain stem, it can't be reasoned away, and so it benefits from more appropriate therapies like EMDR or Somatic Experiencing, which target lower brain functions.

[@jpjpvds]

AVpD is honestly different from social anxiety disorder. (For me) It's the difference between being asked to swim and being asked to swim in the 100m Olympic final. Me (AVpD) you can't get me in the pool because of the AVpD, but if you find me in there, I'm a fine swimmer! Social Interacting; I'm great at it but the AVpD will prevent me from being social

[@SelkiesSong]

I'm the youngest and I was definitely NOT spoiled. My mom filled my head full of fear because I was the only 'girl', I wasn't allowed a lot of the freedoms my brothers got in primary school, and consistently my mom left me out of things she did for my brothers (scrapbook for graduation, big 30th birthday party, etc). My brother was the golden child because my mom was also the middle child, meanwhile I was the emotional punching bag and because my grades were overall good and I stayed out of trouble, my needs were basically ignored.

[@joannaclayton-smith6412]

do you have the links to the articles on birth order please? sorry to point it out but you haven't linked them! take care :)

[@haisesasaki3944]

Checking in: It's been a while since the last time I journalled. Lately, journalling has become "something I have to do" rather than something I want to do. It's so cold here that I can't feel my hands. How are you everyone?

[@MyBoredPhotography]

CHECK IN- Dealing with grief, anxiety, terrible emotional pain held in during the day, crying to sleep daily, hating myself, hating my life, starting to have self harm urges, covid taking all my support system away, etcetc. Not the best months of my life

[@ellsworth9430]

I am dealing with similar things so i understand how it feels

[@rosannaien9596]

Hang in there. Dawn is coming.

[@annasophia2005]

The sun will rise again. It truly will. Every feeling and every situation is only temporary. You can get through this, hang in there ❤

[@catew-w3816]

answering your question about empaths being harder workers :) i find that for me it's the opposite - i'm so afraid of letting people down that i just give up straight because i don't want to give them false hope and end up disappointing them. i can definitely see how empathy would motivate some people, but for me, and others i know, being empathic makes it harder because you care about others feelings so much you'd rather not have any chance to let them down. i hope that helps, thank you for this video and everything you do 💛

[@DrummerGrrrl]

"I know a lot of you are excited about the trauma book". I know what you mean, Kati, but it SOUNDS weird. 🤣

[@Missnickledime]

I obsessively research things and I think its my ADHD.

[@cathyjennings5580]

Explain STABILITY? Emotional & physical and social etc. ?

[@ryana8246]

To answer your initial question: it's a double edged sword being an empath. You really do work hard for people, but when things get overwhelming it's actually a detriment and you get too maxed out to be at your hundred percent when anxiety and despair overwhelm you.

[@cathyjennings5580]

We all need moderate ATTENTION FOCUS on ourselves. ..

[@cathyjennings5580]

What is a Mentally HEALTHY MINDED PERSON as woman??? Thereis so many personalities. What is the GOAL FOR MENTALLY STABLE HEALTHY PERSON ?? STOP LOOKING AT the symptoms of example: Personality disorder or impaired ?? Traums of all kinds are going to change our behaviors. What is average norm ?? Is anybody healthy ? Is anyone actually mentally WELL, HEALTHY ??? CAN U EXPLAIN ??

[@micaelalmeida1997]

For me being empathic makes me be more hardworking towards other people, like, i try my best to really work to help them. But i get really bad when working on stuff for me. I forget about myself and i dont really care anymore about what im feeling and what i have to do.

[@megangeyer3256]

Hi Kati, You're right about being sensitive possibly being connected to higher productivity, but it's actually two traits, not just one: Conscientiousness and Agreeableness. "If you want to hire someone to exploit productively, you hire middle-aged women who are hyper Conscientious and hyper Agreeable, because they'll do everything,. They won't take credit for it. And they won't complain."--Dr. Jordan Peterson on People Who Get Taken Advantage Of as described by the Big Five. kzbin.info/www/bejne/h6KWnGRmiNGjpac

[@bluebirdproductions8871]

In answer to your question about empaths or HSP and if we work harder...not necessarily. I find that if I am picking up negative vibes from my boss, it will affect my productivity because I am trying to figure out how to neutralize the situation. Even though I want to 'fix' the negative vibes, it isn't always possible. For work, I don't feel that empaths or HSP necessarily have increased work production. I find that it is a great asset to have to connect to other workers in the work place, and often, you provide a safe place for openness. So, empaths and HSP will have many developed work relationships compared to others. Just my experience.

[@TN-ow7yd]

40:00 triggered that emotional comforts that was missing in my early development stage. I remember the school called my mom to pick me up bc I fell on the ice on a school skating trip. And when she come picked me up, I felt nothing but an inconvenience to her. Now i know why when ppl help me I would feel so bad and feel like an inconvenience or never ask for help.

[@RachelBalt]

Completely agree with the empaths working harder!!!

[@odalysromero1571]

Check in: I had a huge test with the most difficult subject and teacher (love her tho, she's great) in college, and I panicked but managed to do it, and now I'll wait for the results. I'm really hoping for a good grade, we'll see. Although I have to work on my dissertation for getting my BA, now that you're talking about your book so excited it made me excited about my work too, it is hard to stay motivated on these days and also bc doing this kind of research is quite new for me so..still just thinking about my topic excites me. I'm sooooooooo excited for your book, I can't waittt, I bet is going to be wonderful 💞

[@Zero_Zilch]

Kati: That's not my specialty but... Me: Well, you just explained my whole life in one run on sentence, what do you mean? 😅 -stares in silence; laughing internally- Love the video Kati, thanks to everyone for your questions💌

[@cillarandle]

I would love to have a conversation with you. I don't think I have the insurance I used too.

[@tamiwigginton7137]

Yes...i agree, im leaning towards yes, i think i do!!

[@gemmabuick570]

So happy to have discovered your channel!!! I have learnt SO much! All of your techniques and tips give me hope and help me feel less overwhelmed with my daily thoughts and struggles ❤ you sound like an amazing Therapist, your clients are so lucky to have you in their corner. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, it means more than you'll ever know 👏🙏

[@USALibertarian]

My Bsychiatrist put me on Benzos and they almost killed me in a week and then withdrawal almost killed me AFTER ONE WEEK.

[@kaedatiger]

Checking in. I've been losing more and more hope about my situation. I feel like my medical needs and gaps in work history have destroyed my future. And I worry that I'm a moron for dating someone with BPD who doesn't seem to care to understand me as a person. I can't seem to connect with people who have a secure attachment style.

[@kaedatiger]

@@idiotsmidiot3666 I'm glad you're finding ways to improve your situation.

[@kavleenmarwah4373]

It's 2.26AM right now and today was the first time in many weeks that I could go to bed on time and had a good sleep. I suffer from sleeping issues and even after 6mg of melatonin I couldn't find myself comfortable enough to sleep until my doctor increased my dosage of stivan. I went to sleep like a baby at 10.30. But then I was woken up by the sound of my mother at 1.30 that dad had pooped all over the house. I don't blame him because he's 67 year old diabetic with chronic kidney disease and recently recovered from covid and brain stroke. But cleaning up the mess I found myself back to square one of self pity. Because I had this one night in weeks. But then you uploaded this video and it has a calming effect. My life is still shit but I'm a little less worked up now.

[@NovemberMe5213]

Hi kati, in regards to the difference between AvPD and Social phobia. I found a podcast called Two Shrinks Pod and they did a deep dive about it. They make the distinction that AvPD is Social phobia in all contexts, where as Social anxiety commonly occurs in some situations. Hope this helps, love everything that you do.

[@leahklein1405]

you ask for us to write in the comments... how long after you post your videos, do the comments still reach you? I have an Ask Kati Anything but would prefer to just send the question to you without it being posted for everyone- is there a way to do that? Also thanks for your videos, I really got a lot from this one today :)

[@_maia_m]

About question nr 9, for me personally, not wanting to feel good was about more than what was comfortable and familiar. Feeling good used to make me feel like a different person. It was kind of like I disappeared or died and another person took hold of my body, which made me feel resentful and hostile. It felt fake, like the mask I'm so used to putting on sort of devoured me. It felt alienating almost in the same way as dissociation, where I also often feel like I'm disappearing (not my body but the me inside my body, and I've often used self harm to keep that from happening, like a hand that keeps me from floating off). I've been feeling depressed for so long that it feels like a part of who I am, and it's been difficult to differentiate between me and the illness. Sometimes I even thought (somewhat sarcastically) that I _was_ an illness. This probably has a lot to do with emotional abuse, and being told it's no wonder that I'm depressed when I like/think/do/am interested in xyz. That seriously f'd up my mind. It made me feel like I could either die as me or live on as someone else, which ultimately would be the same result for me. So clinging to the depression was like clinging to life. Not at all logical to a "normal" mind, I guess, but I suppose that's what mental illness can do to you. And I now believe that living with that is traumatic in and of itself. It's terrifying. I don't know if maybe I might have been psychotic in some of these situations..?? I've worked through a lot of this, but I still have to remind myself that I'll still be me when I get better. I would love to hear if anyone has felt anything similar.

[@_maia_m]

@@missn9602 Thanks so much for your reply! Although I wish no one would ever feel that way, it's comforting to know that someone understands, cause it's a hard thing to explain to others.

[@_maia_m]

@@missn9602 you're absolutely right! I guess it's just something we have to keep reminding ourselves of. :-) And your english is great as far as I can tell, but it's not my mother language either, I'm norwegian. I had french in school, but that's a long time ago now, and then I married a german, haha, so most of my french is gone. 🙈

[@crimsontuba1]

My therapist doesn't have a poker face 🤣 but my ability to read her only goes so far. I know when I've told her new information that allows her to connect dots...but I have no idea what dots.... I know when I tell her something that genuinely surprises her. And I know when I've finally caught up to whatever she's been waiting on 😂