ep.41 How Do I Find Meaning In Life?

[@alisonprendiville5484]

I always forget when you're posting then PING. So worth clicking the bell 🥰⭐

[@kyliereeves4331]

After my life partner/dog passed away after 16yrs from heart disease I'm now struggling to find who I am since. She was my main purpose of living and only support, one to give me hope to keep going especially on extreme dark days. I started back at my old job at the racestables, which is helpful and feels like coming home. I've always felt I'm home/ safe around stables and horse from a young age helping dad at the stables away from my abusive mother and bullied at school.

[@nisafinnegan]

*Timestamps:* 2:31 How do I find meaning in my life? I struggle to find my purpose and feel like giving up constantly. 9:09 My dad left when I was 8 and recently he reached out to me for the first time in ten years. I repressed the feeling for so long that I truly lived in a happy delusion of believing my dad leaving had zero effect on me. Why does it affect me now more than it did before? What can I do to get back to the way it was before? Am I obligated to reconnect now that he wants to make amends? 23:30 Do therapists really mean it when they give you compliments or are they just saying it to build the therapeutic relationship? I've had therapists say things like "I'm in awe of you" or "I was completely blown away when you said...". I find my inner voice saying, "They're just saying that because they're my therapist". 28:52 I was wondering, if you're around a narcissist for a long period of time (dating, married or grew up with one etc), can their narcissistic qualities rub off on you, making you display their traits without actually being a narcissist yourself? 33:46 What is a healthy amount of control? I tend to feel all or nothing is the only approach. I try not to control others, but I feel like I’m the only thing I can control, so I can be a little rigid about living up to standards that I've set for myself. 40:50 I’m a pretty shy person and I struggle to make eye contact with people in my daily life. The only person I can look in the eyes without feeling embarrassed is my therapist. How come I have a hard time looking at people in the eye? 44:46 How can I stop replaying the bad parts of my last therapy session in my head? I feel like my thoughts spin round and round like on one of those teacup rides - it's nauseating - and with my appointments being every fortnight, it's exhausting. I told her about a new intrusive thought that I'd had, which freaked me out. She replied, while taking notes with a sound which my logical brain says was an empathic acknowledgement sound, but all I can think of is how stupid my confession must have sounded. It just sends me down to a spiral that I'm being a dramatic and attention-seeking. 51:19 Is psychosomatic pain a real thing? If so, how could one differentiate psychosomatic pain from a physical pain? Or, just chat about psychosomatic symptoms in general. 55:14 Every once in a while, I have a feeling of intense anxiety or feeling down for no reason at all. I feel like I have to have a reason for why I feel the way that I do, or else I will overthink it and I don't like not having a reason. Could there be a reason for this and is this a normal thing to experience? 1:00:58 Hi Kati, should I and how should I approach the topic of touch starvation in therapy? I struggle with touch starvation and didn’t really have that need fulfilled as a kid but I don’t like to talk about it in therapy because it’d be weird knowing that my therapist gives hugs after hard sessions only pre-covid and that might stop. love this week's questions! they're so great. happy thursday everyone :)

[@mysonrando7789]

To the first part of this comment this is how I have been trying to think: , is what I am thinking about right now worth the attention or does it cost me more then it offers back? I get to pick the shows I watch I also get to pick and choose what I think about, this dead end drama just isn't cutting it dude I'm over this series? Time to binge watch something else !

[@jasminedarden_]

Thank you for the time stamps!!

[@nisafinnegan]

Jasmine Darden you're welcome! you have a good day

[@throughrose-colouredeyes6284]

"my children owe me everything." "well, fuck you. they don't owe you a thing." haha, that made me giggle a much needed giggle. thankyou kati. 💛 i always feel you when you speak about your dad. i'm so sorry he passed away, especially when you were so young. loss is the hardest part of love. i can't imagine what that would be like, but i do know he'd be proud of you for trucking on, and becoming the person you are. i know it's not the same, but he's still with you - you just can't see him as clearly. but you will see him and be with him one day again. that thought sometimes comforts me. i'm sending you lots of hugs.

[@mysonrando7789]

Kati is a delight to have on KZbin,

[@loristegner3272]

My Mom was a control freak when I was growing up...with a side of narcissism I’ve come to realize. Later in life, any time I ever tried to have an adult conversation with her to explain how she made me feel, which was that I was “never enough”, she fell back on “Honor thy Mother and Father” with zero accountability for her behavior and “I’m sorry I was such a bad parent.” Through therapy and your amazing videos I learned my mental health has names. OCD. PTSD and GAD. I’m learning how to manage them and one of the things I HAD to do for my own sanity was walk away from from having any kind of relationship with my Mom. I simply could no longer allow myself to be shamed, blamed, made to feel fearful, guilt ridden or judged. I’m sorry that it came to that but I’ve been freed from waiting for the next “ Mom bomb” to drop. I know that’s hard for some people to process but as a cancer survivor, I don’t wanna waste another minute of my life trying to make a relationship work with a toxic person whose unwilling work on herself. ...She brought out the worst in me! Thank you for validating that I owe her nothing! 💪🏻

[@heladds]

I totally understand what you're saying and know how hard it is. I have the exact same situation. Don't feel guilty about taking care of you. Xoxo

[@seesandsrun11]

I had a similar experience with my mom and went no contact also. Good for you for putting healthy boundaries in place!

[@loristegner3272]

@@heladds thank you so much for the support. I really appreciate it. I just cannot suppress those emotions any more. I know she’s doing the best she can but unfortunately her best is not healthy for me. 🙏🏻❤️

[@loristegner3272]

@@seesandsrun11 thank you so much. It’s affirming for me to read “boundaries” because that is exactly my New Years resolution!. I am setting this year boundaries mynsure as few folks as possible

[@cynthiafortier2540]

I walked away too, to save myself. I had enough, they can now hurt each other.

[@karenswartz8280]

I was glad to hear you talk about “touch starvation.” It’s definitely a real thing, and I also have heard it referred to as “skin hunger.” It’s a real thing for me. I didn’t get a lot of it as a kid, but as I became caregiver to both of my parents, I like to think that I showed them how important it it. I never left their house without giving them a hug and a kiss, and eventually, it was reciprocated. In fact, when my mom was in the throes of dementia and would become agitated or restless, gentle caressing or rubbing is the thing that calmed her the most. I live alone, and especially in these times, it’s something I crave the most, and miss the most. Fortunately, I have a niece and nephew who live nearby, and we are safe to be around each other. My favorite thing is to cuddle with the kids, watching a video, and caressing my nieces hair. I always leave feeling rejuvenated and comforted. Never underestimate the power of touch. I was also a nurse for 40+ years, and learned the wonderful benefits of healing touch. Hugs to all, and hug someone today, if you can do it safely!

[@mackenziedial6776]

What a wonderful comment :)!! Hugs back and thanks for your service as a nurse !! I’m applying to nursing school in February!! Also, so sorry about your mom’s dementia :(. My grandpa passed from it a couple of years ago, and my uncle is struggling a lot with it now. They both had Alzheimer’s. Such a hard disease :/. Also, I completely understand being touch starved too! It is so real and ugh it’s been bothering me sooooo much

[@karenswartz8280]

❤️

[@alisonprendiville5484]

That is the one thing I have found the hardest through covid..like you said never underestimate the healing power of touch 🥰 x

[@danaak668]

I'VE NEVER CLICKED SO FAST ON A VIDEO AHHH

[@mysonrando7789]

Not having a Father definitely seems to have effected me more as a grown up then as a child, I feel like those of us who grow up with out a decent parent structure lack a healthy emotional structure

[@brendak4291]

Agreed. My father died when I was 8 and I know it affects me. Hugs.

[@DrummerGrrrl]

@@brendak4291 Mine died when I was eight, as well. However, in my case, I was always scared of him as he didn't know how to deal with children AND when he got to drinking alcohol...he was SCARY. I idolized my mother (I originally had been named after her) but felt it was my fault she was an alcoholic. My older sisters probably felt the same. Long story short, my mom died four years after my dad. I was twelve. I'm 53 now and STILL working through some lingering trauma...

[@melk.3485]

Thanks for the video Katie ⭐ Some notes and timestamps: 2:20 - Q1 on finding meaning in life 9:08 - Q2 on repressed feelings and difficult relationships with parents 23:27 - Q3 on difficulty trusting a therapist's compliments/kindness 28:48 - Q4 is narcissistic abusive behaviour contagious 30:53, 32:53 33:37 - Q5 what is a healthy amount of control? (control as an illusion used to distract us from the pain we feel 35:46, 38:38) 40:43 - Q6 on shyness, eye contact, social anxiety and Autism Spectrum Disorders 44:40 - Q7 on intrusive/obsessive/rumination thoughts and self-criticism (Obsessive Compulsive Disorders - thought stopping, distraction, soothing and self-talk) 51:16 - Q8 on psychosomatic pain 55:12 - Q9 on unexplained/unexpected anxiety or mental health dips 1:00:54 - Q10 on touch starvation in therapy

[@HL-vq4zu]

Thank you for telling people to get physical symptoms checked out! I was misdiagnosed for more than ten years by doctors completely dismissing my symptoms as just my anxiety when it turned out I had a chronic illness that was causing them. And when I developed a second chronic illness my then-gp decided I was just depressed. Providers should always rule out organic causes for symptoms.

[@SavedbyGod_]

Kati you’re literally my hero 🙌🏻 thanks for all that you do! Sending love from the UK!

[@crystalherbert8401]

Yas! The notification worked this week. ❤️

[@askkatianything]

Yay! Thank you!

[@1oojess]

I was just now watching your last episode when I got this notification and you answered my question! Thank you for everything you do and I hope you have a good Christmas

[@geckotime7552]

Yay! Can't wait and you're answering my question tonight thanks! Love you Kati! Xxx

[@nikkimckay860]

Gecko time .hello I'm nikki just wanted to say hello as like your comment and like talking to new people on here congratulations on your question x

[@clairereid3762]

Love your videos Kati! Much love from Australia 🇦🇺 💗

[@miamiggwilson4849]

I'm so happy my question got picked. Question #9. Love this podcast!

[@pipersecretp3]

@OpinionsThatDontMatter I cannot offer anything less than 100% support of Kati doing more science-y videos. Please!

[@pipersecretp3]

Animation not necessary.

[@ryannesumbry4130]

Yay!!! ... number #8! My notifications always work 🤗

[@ilovemirandamuchsigga6029]

Thank you for great podcast! The part on the control is very similar to the merovingian in the matrix. The questions is to understand the cause and effect because we are not in control. 😁

[@amberbond87]

Please do science videos about the brain!!! It’s so interesting!

[@pipersecretp3]

Got a notification on the bell.

[@lisasnoozy3749]

Another great video Kati! I be been disassociated a lot in seediong

[@nikkimckay860]

Just seen my notification for this weeks Thursday s new podcast feels like the days just go past so fast sometimes who else feels like this just watching now and listening to the new list of questions and answers s from kati who else looks forward to this podcast every week and hope s that they feel calm and less stressed out I always seek comfort from watching this just want to add hows everyone x

[@askkatianything]

Welcome back!

[@nikkimckay860]

@@askkatianything hello and thanks for welcoming me quick question I sent in another question for another podcast just wanted to know if it will be accepted thanks

[@hyperchord]

I had a therapist tell me "you get me how you get me," which is basically the same defensive bs as "I did the best I could. Now I hate myself for not having her job for lunch

[@jspider6185]

Thanks Kati. Answer to Q7 made me tear up.

[@thestatusquoy]

Me too 💜 I finally felt seen 💖 I hope you feel seen too ❤️

[@jonathanalcantara3385]

On going on a run- going on a run isn’t a bad thing unless you’re injured or pushing over the threshold or if it’s bad conditions. It is perhaps the best thing you could do for your mind and body, the production of brain derived neurotrophic factor, increased heart rate, better cardiovascular health, all do us so well. Now, what you’re cognitively engaging in during the run, yes that can be ignorant of the present moment, and even delusional perhaps because of the endorphins or runners high. But, why can’t we just practice allowing during the run? I’m an avid runner and perhaps that is why I’m so defensive about this subject. 😬 Anyway, thank you for your videos Kati, these are so great to listen to while I go about my daily activities. Have a great day!

[@nancyliawoods]

Thanks Kati ❤

[@juliana604]

Yes! Nerochemical videos please!!!

[@tornikegavasheli8732]

i am not really good at making and retaining friends, have never had a partner due to my shy and withdrawing nature and am generally a recluse when it comes to hobnobbing with other people, so no luck in my finding meaning in relationships. On the bright side, i utterly enjoy reading, watching movies, fishing, on the whole, acquiring knowledge about various things. However, most of the time i feel miserably alone and held back from realizing my potential, which perpetuates my depression and low self-esteem. As a result, i am too struggling with the meaning of life, my life that is, and reckon that my life would be and would have been a lot interesting and fulfilling were i not such an introvert and had at least two very close friends as well as someone with whom i could build an interesting relationship. Anyways, thanks for your observations, i'll try to take them close to heart.

[@sashanikultseva2880]

56:41 Yes yes and YES to the sciency videos!

[@kaydeebug24]

Hey everyone reading these comments! I'm creating a Google doc with all of Kati's questions she's answered on these podcasts and sorting them by topic. That way if I ever want to hear some answers to questions about, for example, self esteem and confidence I can just go to that topic. If anyone wants to help me do this that would be amazing! Email me at [e-mail] to be added :) Or, if you have any ideas for topics/categories leave them below!

[@kaydeebug24]

So far I have: · self esteem/confidence · attachment · depression, lonely, sadness, despair · trauma · childhood emotional neglect/emotional abuse · being a therapist

[@Undonecroissant]

The meaning of life is 42- should have saved it for the next episode.

[@Katie-xl8ep]

idk if anyone relates but i really want my mental health to be the best it can. however, i don’t want to give up self h*rming. does anyone ever experience this or have any advice? Kati, is this a feasible option?

[@OzwaldCobblepot85]

I totally get it. I find my coping mechanism extremely satisfying. However, my desire to keep up the behavior speaks to who I am now. And I suspect when the underlying issue(s) that inspires my behavior is discovered and resolved, so will my desire to engage in the behavior. I imagine the emotional "itch" to do what I do will slowly fade.

[@patronsaintofdoom]

i totally relate! i have giving up most of my extremely unhealthy coping mechanism and really want to get better so that eventually i reach a point where i'm glad to be alive. but i don't want to give up self-h*rming.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Good God, two years ago, I hope you have stopped such destruction. Chew gum, anything!!

[@RyanSmith-qn8wj]

hi kati. I couldn't exactly find a direct message. Love your videos and podcasts, super helpful. Any tips on using social media with a little more awareness, for me personally, and alternatives when tend to just reach for the phone a lot? I wish there was something, more alternatives to portable music so it isn't always connected to phone. Best, Ryan

[@RyanSmith-qn8wj]

self comment too. This tendency also with covid and now winter in my area, sometimes the days can blur a bit. One of the reasons I count my blessings that I am still working and when I can do a lil covid safe outing. Thnx!

[@RyanSmith-qn8wj]

last comment promise. last week I tried an experiment. I was already meeting my friend at the mall. I arrived early and decided to not pull out my phone while waiting in the food court. We were all spaced 6 feet and the small crowd of us had masks. I just sat at my table and yes, awkwardly looked around. Surprisingly, no one seemed to notice and I personally felt my shoulders relax a bit and just enjoy the idea was about to chat with a friendly face. Relief when she came and I was glad I tried it. R

[@RyanSmith-qn8wj]

FYI I'm not against music streaming sites its just nice to have options. More just a larger thing about the phone. I would be surprised if the discman made a comeback.

[@ADDMeetsInsomnia]

I keep not making it online on time to ask a question on her posts, but so many questions revolve around the kids of bad parenting. But I'm curious from the parents perspective, how that would be answered. A parent that struggled and tried their best but when their kids got older, they realize how much they fucked up and how to change it or idk fix it. My kids are only 6 but I feel like my best sucks and I should start making a power point presentation for their future therapist of everything I did that may have messed them up 😂😂😬

[@insolubletoaster8133]

If anyone scrolling by has any words of wisdom on deescalating self-destructive behaviors while waiting to get into therapy, I'd greatly appreciate it. It could be any kind, SH, ED, SUD, etc. I'm stuck in this limbo of preparing to move to another state, so finding a therapist and knowing my budget are currently both variables I can't solve for just yet.

[@soothingstories6517]

Some things that helped me to cope with self harm urges are: putting an ice cube on the area you want to self harm on (because the coldness kinda hurts as well, but in a different way), drawing something with a soft (!) pen in that area, doing an intense breathing exercise (there are tons of videos on yt), going for a run (if you feel agitated or angry), curling up into a soft blanket and listening to calming music or a soothing voice (Katie's videos are really soothing ^^), talk to a friend about it (if you feel safe doing so), distract yourself by watching Tv or reading a book and the thing that has helped me the most; imagine you're not cutting your "adult self" but that innocent, little child you that just feels lonely, sad, upset, unloved or anxious. I hope you found some of this helpful and get all the help and support you need soon. Stay strong, it can and will get better with time and patience. Much love :)

[@rebeccas8054]

How weird, my notifications always work except for this day

[@askkatianything]

Thanks for letting me know!

[@korinaanders1097]

Hey kati I have a serious question. I'm struggling with severe multi morbidity and a few personality disorders adhd ptsd executive function disorder and autism....and I want to take control of this insanity and can't even know where to begin with the multimorbidities, covid, parenting and there's no idea where to begin because they all are so similar but distinct in specific ways where do I even begin?

[@nurnknknkknk]

i think you should find a therapist in your area who specializes in cases like yours

[@korinaanders1097]

I've reached out to every service available and unfortunately have been waitlisted everywhere. I have a psychiatrist but he won't spend more than 15 minutes per appointment, and each appointments 2 months apart and he said he just manages my medication @@nurnknknkknk

[@ryannesumbry4130]

I have a question?? Have you ever treated someone who was hard of hearing 🧏‍♀️ or deaf?? If so how was it...or how would you go about treated someone who was? Would an interpreter be allowed to be present for sessions

[@fzahra5521]

What if parents don't want us to go to therapy?

[@nikkimckay860]

SStyles. Hello🖐🙂 I'm nikki I like your comment and it's a important comment I can understand and relate to what you wrote because when I was in therapy my family wasn't into me going to therapy took time for them to get use to it I feel you

[@fzahra5521]

@@nikkimckay860 hey omg thank you for this comment I was really feeling down cuz of this

[@fzahra5521]

@Bette thank you so much u guys r so sweet take care of yourself as well

[@OzwaldCobblepot85]

I'm sorry to hear your parents aren't supportive. That sounds really difficult. I was on the total opposite side of this issue when I was a child. I was being sent to therapy because I was my dysfunctional family's identified patient. Dysfunctional families suck. Have you considered online therapy or support groups in secret? Good luck!

[@nikkimckay860]

@@fzahra5521 you are welcome I'm friendly like to chat to new people on here I always follow and watch kati s,video s and podcast we all suffer from health problems here I want to support people and nice to receive any support would be nice you take care of yourself stay safe and therapy dose get easier x

[@negin8131]

I know it's weird but i always get excited about wwi & wwii

[@cfjohnson7369]

I don't want to say "Kati Morton says ..." because someone might say "Who is Kati Morton?" Then I would be shocked and amazed that someone had not heard of Kati Morton.

[@dj-kl8iw]

Wooooo

[@brendak4291]

❤️❤️❤️

[@raquelrivera7415]

Where can I summit my question?

[@psychologicalawareness3672]

♥️♥️♥️♥️💕🙏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@user-qo9xu6fe5x]

yay, the video is monetized!

[@aussiemom3559]

Interesting a question that had 86 thumbs up and she ‘hearted’ didn’t get answered? Hmmm

[@DontWantToBeRecognized]

What is it you're trying to say?

[@aussiemom3559]

@@DontWantToBeRecognized was frustrated thinking it would be answered because she said she would heart the ones she was going to answer. And 86 was the highest number I believe.

[@DontWantToBeRecognized]

@@aussiemom3559 are you sure you're looking on the correct post? Human errors happen and even myself have tried to arrange comments by the most liked first....KZbin didn't want to make that happen though

[@aussiemom3559]

@@DontWantToBeRecognized yes it was the one about front line healthcare workers. Was hoping she could share some insights and ways to not get burnt out.

[@DontWantToBeRecognized]

@@aussiemom3559 I think I found the comment you're referring too, that's for next weeks AKA as it was only posted just this Monday. All those questions along with the editing and getting it out in 2 days would be a miracle! It also gives others who are in different time zones (like myself) a chance to put up a question if I wanted too or like/interact with the community on there I hope this helped - if you go into the community tab of this channel and find last weeks post you will see there the questions Kati has answered for this episode :)

[@sarahpfeuffer1396]

Jesus is the answer

[@NothingToNoOneInParticular]

Just do a whiteboard for the nerdy vids you want to do. Save the moolah but serve the knowledge, plz.