Ep176: My Mom Catfished LDS Guys Online to Get Me Dates: And Other Parental Boundary Stories

On this episode of Mormonish Podcast, Rebecca and Landon are joined by Ember Tonge to discuss her hilarious story of having her own mother troll LDS dating sites pretending to be Ember in order to line up dates for her.
We all agree that parents usually have our best interests at heart, but the high demand high control aspects of Mormon perfectionism add a level to normal interactions that can cause LDS parents to ignore boundaries.
We're sure you will be able to relate to the stories that Ember shares as we take a humorous yet important look at parents and boundaries through the lens of Mormonism.
***How to DONATE to Mormonish Podcast:
If you would like to help financially support our podcast, you can DONATE to support Mormonish Podcast here:
Mormonish Podcast is a 501(c) (3)
donorbox.org/mormonish-podcast
***WE HAVE MERCH! ***
If you’d like to purchase Mormonish Merch, you can visit our Merch store here:
www.etsy.com/shop/mormonishmerch
We appreciate our Mormonish viewers and listeners so much!
Don't forget to LIKE and SUBSCRIBE to Mormonish Podcast.

[@suzieq5383]

This happened to my husband. Before we met, he was dating another LDS girl. This was over 23 years ago so they were talking to each other through the chat page ICQ. He dad got online and pretended to be her so he could sus out information and possibly check to see if anything inappropriate was being said. Once he found out, he broke up with her because he did not want to be a part of a family like that.

[@michellemilne3315]

34:14 This is what drove me crazy in my family. No one ever talked about anything important. We could not be vulnerable with each other for fear of judgement so issues were ignored or swept under the rug. Unfortunately I’ve taken a lot of that into my own family. Definitely trying to work on being better about saying what needs to be said and listening without judgement.

[@nancyking8438]

Great conversation!

[@haroldwhite5761]

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES. If LDS culture taught healthy boundaries we might not have such a multigenerational c.s.a. epidemic

[@rebeccainspired]

The disinterest in anything that isn't church related - that was true for my family even BEFORE I left. I was getting ward updates about people I had never met or heard of until my mom said Sister So-and-so did this. I had to remind my mother I hadn't lived in their ward in over a decade and unless it was the parent of someone my age or some other long time member, I had no clue who they were. I stopped going to any family get together because there were always missionaries and 'potential converts' attending that I didn't know. I realized my parents didn't ever want to see me or talk to me. They wanted photos and a story with 'all' their children/grandchildren to show off to others.

[@countkolob]

Landon's story about the birthday card reminds me of a Christmas card I got from my non-Mormon grandmother when I was a missionary. My grandmother was a hardcore evenagelical christian and when my mom converted to Mormonism, she wasn't happy. But I know she thought we wouldn't go to heaven (at least at some point she thought that because I remember the arguments they had about it). By the time I was a missionary, she had softened somewhat, but still was the same person. She wrote me pretty much weekly, so I was always happy to get (and respond to) her letters. The Christmas card though was pretty funny. It was a regular Christmas card and old lady in the 80s would have bought, but her handwritten message was what made me laugh. It said, "Have as Merry a Christmas you can away from family and all the people you love." 🤣

[@mormonishpodcast1036]

Ha this is great!!! Thank you for sharing!

[@schrecksekunde2118]

awesome I love your project! love & greetings from Vienna 🤘😊

[@maxjenkins7139]

To parents who estrange themselves from their kids during this life why in the world would their kids want to be with them during all eternity?

[@wayward_lamanite]

Even before this happened, I was already emotionally estranged. While my dad has now passed away, I am working hard on my mom to understand why the things she did are not okay and how the church pushed their agenda to assist her feeling it was okay.

[@whitesalamander]

Well worth the listen to. Thanks for sharing!

[@elainechester4756]

I was on LDS Singles once and I only met imposters!

[@townsendv58]

No way should a parent do this. If my parents had done this i would have raised holy hell and probably i would have not spoken to them for quite a longtime . I wouldn't even consider doing this to my own daughter (Similar age and an only child).

[@wayward_lamanite]

I've gone through stages, many many times, that I wouldn't speak to my parents, especially my mom. This was definitely one of those times that they didn't hear from me. At the time, my mom and I worked at the same place but in different buildings. I wouldn't even acknowledge her for a bit, because the boundary was crossed soooooo far

[@jacobmcneal3011]

I have girls that will not talk to me unless they see me a dating potential 😂 I am a RM in my late 30’s 😆

[@Drawmack]

On the president Nelson comment. My Mom attempted to insist that I refer to God as Jehovah in her house - I left. A couple years later she said that my love in girlfriend and I couldn't sleep in the same room in her house - I said ok well since you invited us I guess the visit is off and I didn't go.

[@sleepycalico]

That's fascinating that the percentage of unmarried LDS women now matches the general US population. When I googled, the answer specified 18 or older for LDS women. I don't know if the general population data is directly comparable, because being married at 18 sounds odd for the general population. Maybe LDS women in the earlier decades of adulthood still have a higher rate of being married when compared to the general population. Then, as time passes, with marriages ending, the stats align at some point? Statistics confuse me. I would like to see a breakout by age.

[@amygreen758]

My TBM sisters are heavily involved in creating dating profiles for their children. They send their daughters to BYU (not to go to school-- just to date). My sisters manage the scrolling and spying on the young men they want their daughters to pursue. I think it is vouyeriustic and creepy that they do that.

[@brendamoon2660]

My Methodist grandmother didn't allow cards either

[@brendamoon2660]

Unconditional ..but lol

[@wayward_lamanite]

there will forever be a "but" within high-demand religions and organizations......always

[@rtharalson]

Loyalty = sunk cost

[@DeanneSanchez]

Sounds like the typical lds parent lol😊

[@wayward_lamanite]

This was definitely unique, but also typical.........suprised not surprised....thus just telling my parents, NOPE I'm not going on that date!!

[@DeanneSanchez]

Where can I get a mug Rebbeca ? 💜💛💙

[@mormonishpodcast1036]

www.etsy.com/shop/mormonishmerch

[@brendamoon2660]

A lot of these things aren't specifically Mormon, it's just baby boomers parenting

[@haroldwhite5761]

Yes and...the combination of the two was especially horrific.

[@henochparks]

drama drama drama.... hey guys get a life.