The Key Salesman | ASMR

As you patiently wait for your next A.S.M.R. treatment session, you are paid a visit by the key salesman! What a coincidence, because not so long ago some of your own keys mysteriously went missing.
Patreon ► bit.ly/1EZgmNi
Website ► ephemeralrift.com
Listen to selected works outside of KZbin:
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Podcasts:
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Social Media:
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What is ASMR?
ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. It's a non-scientific word that an everyday person came up with to describe the feeling characterized as a pleasurable tingling sensation felt in the head, scalp, back and other regions of the body in response to visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory, and/or cognitive stimuli, such as crinkling bags, hand movements, whispering, personal attention or watching someone perform a task. It's like goosebumps but much more pleasant and without the uncomfortable chills.
ASMR videos are meant to intentionally induce this sensation in the viewer, often referred to as "tingles", but the videos also serve to provide a relaxing, calming and soothing experience for the viewer. Many people who do not experience ASMR still enjoy the videos for their calming and sleepy effect.

[@MendicantBias124]

The Key Salesman was a once a car salesman, who had a love for what he did. At heart, he knew that he was meant to be a true salesman. One day however, he ended up in a terrible crash while giving a test drive, and it left him in a coma for 4 months. When he awoke, he did not know where he was, or who he was. When he asked a nurse who he was, she said that he was a salesman. The KS, after retrieving his belongings from the hospital personnel, discovered multiple sets of car keys. At this point, his brain had suffered sever trauma, and he could only comprehend the most basic ideas. So putting 2 and 2 together, he decided that he was a Key Salesman, and that it was what he was meant to do. After he told this to the Medical Staff at the hospital, they insisted that he be put into care at Arkham Sanitarium for his rehabilition. Word has it around here that he still sells keys to the patients.

[@yesno-cs8yw]

That's a good backstory.

[@LunarEdge7]

How long did your weed session take before you got this idea, and how high did you fly in the sky?

[@yesno-cs8yw]

Did you just delete all your comments?

[@LunarEdge7]

@@yesno-cs8yw Who? And.. too bad this Salesman ain't the Car Key seller.

[@chicnflopper6460]

He sells pants too, I scored some nice khakis. Car keys and khakis.

[@SouperPug]

The *KEY* to relaxation.

[@redmountain.9687]

Go home dad

[@bennygokgoye3974]

slejie DAD GO TO SLEEP ALREADY ITS 2 AM

[@SouperPug]

2mAs im not you drunk are

[@armchairphilosopher6880]

hey I'm just here for the free CS:GO case keys

[@nostalgictherapy2013]

Marry me

[@WillamsburgJackets]

Imagine ordering a meal at Taco Bell and the cashier saying “Cash, credit, or essence?”

[@CorruptPianist]

That sounds... Unsanitary.

[@hentaisailor5951]

you're eating at a fast food place you're already draining your life essence

[@samspiegel879]

@@hentaisailor5951 LMAO

[@souptime8635]

Key Car Salesman: _slaps roof of this ASMR video_ This bad boy can fit so much sleep in it

[@bennygokgoye3974]

Soup Time this meme is dead af

[@mybackithurts7792]

Slaps roof of conment you can fit so many stupid memes in this bad boy

[@nkenzdotjpg]

this meme is more dead than I am on the inside

[@dinkelheit88]

Soup Time it’s pizza time

[@trash2958]

Hilarious

[@lxrdszn6510]

"So if money's an issue, we will gladly accept your life essence." That's it. That's peak capitalism.

[@pineappleplaguedoc]

debt in a nutshell

[@hypebeastfarron9294]

"Life or debt?"

[@RegressorJin]

@@hypebeastfarron9294 the real question is material or spiritual

[@TheUncivilizedNation]

I always wondered why selling your soul usually wasn’t a payment option in the rift world

[@crunchwrap8663]

@@TheUncivilizedNation speed wagon best waifu

[@TheBladeOfTheHero]

The Arkham Locksmith could use some of these keys.

[@toneiibrickz598]

Indeed

[@endermage77]

Specifically, the 3-key, the 11-key, and the Ω-key.

[@Short_Potato]

Sippy he probably hated his life when he found out about the Key Salesman.

[@Deathstroke1394]

Maybe this is the guy who took the locksmiths keys, maybe that’s why he became a locksmith

[@CorruptPianist]

Keys remove the necessity of locksmiths. This man is every locksmith's mortal enemy.

[@BlitzBaron]

“Why are we whispering?” “Because it’s an ASMR video.”

[@davegsux]

I don't like ampersand. It's coarse, rough, and it gets ampereverywhere

[@jellotrooper]

Violently Sappy &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

[@jonica5566]

All the better because "amper" means "almost" in Afrikaans.

[@marthnair1599]

not just the ampermen, but the amperwomen and the amperchildren too!

[@mcdaviddeservesbetter8]

You were the chosen one & my brother & sworn to destroy the sith & not join them & you have don’t that yourself & THIS is pod racing.

[@qwest500]

lol

[@brandonjeffers7164]

Heya ER! May I suggest a new thing to try in a future video... Take a latex balloon, put a little water in it (about the same amount as a water balloon), and add plastic beads to the water balloon. I did this with my niece as a small project just for fun and as it turns out, rolling those around in my hands even kind of close to my ears sent mad shivers all over. Try it out yourself and see what you think. Different sized beads call for different sounds. It's actually a great effect! Maybe we'll see it in a future video. Peace out and have a(n) ASMR day

[@LunarEdge7]

Looks like we found a genius in the midst.

[@bennygokgoye3974]

That sounds cool

[@brandonjeffers7164]

Dark Valoria I'm telling ya it's a whole new sound. Like you're underwater during a hail storm (That sounds anything but relaxing I know) but yea... Try it yourself haha

[@theBbnj93]

Brandon Jeffers *GOAT*

[@bennygokgoye3974]

Brandon Jeffers maybe not today, but when I get the chance to

[@Jpthemanz]

A spacebar? Could this man be the spacebar thief from the password make video?

[@the_protectorof_smols3563]

Seems legit

[@dmauldin7615]

That's what I thought

[@Ashbros01]

I have both the Password video and this one open at the same time lol. The coincidences though.

[@Clonest]

Thats Good ol ER paying tribute to his evergrowing Riftworld shared universe for ya ;)

[@aydenfimbres9406]

Hmnmmmmm 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

[@visionari2318]

I’ve been watching his channel for about 5 years now, and now I notice I’m more enthralled not by the relaxation but his creativity video after video. He adds a very nihilistic POV to things, e.g., omg I’m gonna sell you a key (...that you’ll likely never use) but hey ur still gonna pay for it lol love this channel

[@Bone20647]

Someone keeps liking comments saying stuff like this. Mine got liked, too. Maybe it's Rift, maybe it's someone who's looking for people who say this stuff. Maybe it's a different person.

[@visionari2318]

Well if it is him maybe he’ll announce himself....

[@user-nn7he4dm1i]

NOBODY LIKE THIS IT'S AT 69!

[@gavinthroop2839]

A video, would probably be a shorter one where you say “hi, I hope you are doing well” but in every language you can find.

[@jackfondue639]

i approve this

[@boiledcheetos7359]

Japanese would be "こにちは、あなたはだいじょうぶです。" or somewhere along the lines.

[@leaf1219]

Yeah in portuguese it would be "ola, espero que voce esteja bem"

[@ninjaturtle9776]

In English it would be "hi, I hope you are doing well'

[@kp8923]

I want to agree, but this is a lot of research overhead for not the biggest results. But I mean, in a perfect world, fuck yeah, so good.

[@Bman64]

Rift is really good at keeping things fresh but also the same. Kinda like Nintendo games!

[@dr.mcquackle8179]

Okay

[@keiko3520]

_Bowsette_

[@matthewhogan925]

@@keiko3520 nonononononononono

[@keiko3520]

@@matthewhogan925 Hehe

[@waldenotwalled5783]

Keiko No

[@CDHyena]

I KNEW WE WOULD MEET THIS SNEAKY GENT ONE DAY!

[@guydude9776]

“...I even Traveled to Pineapple under the sea...” :the voice of a pirate saying yoh intensifies

[@czosnekmarek1151]

You should make a new Zed Zombuy's Ashopalypse video but since Zed is dead now, he should be a zombie and constantly have to resist the urges to hit himself with the weapon he's trying to sell you.

[@deadmeme2732]

Czosnek Marek when did he die?

[@YLS8763]

“Zed’s dead, baby... Zed’s dead”

[@C43P9]

@@YLS8763 nice one.

[@Cxleb-xx9xe]

I love the bag of keys it unlocks my relaxation

[@warbirddove4032]

Unoriginal pun is still unoriginal

[@haydeno_o3057]

I've had a headache all day as soon as i started watching it went away thank you are a life savior

[@notnicecole]

A 58 minute long video that was posted only 20 minutes ago already has a dislike. Smfh why do people hate

[@raulrgarcia4562]

Vitamin C cause they are dyslexic

[@tailgunner2]

Maybe the phone was upside down?

[@LunarEdge7]

Or some people have specific tastes of whether this gives them tingles or not. I for example, do dislike some of my subscribed KZbinrs' videos, but only rarely, when they don't meet some conditions such as: 1. This video looks forced. 2. They are acting unlike themselves. 3. This ain't the content I was expecting with the given title name (AKA Clickbait) Etc. other times. Basically there will always be dislikes but it doesn't have to come from no-life haters who only come here to dislike.

[@notnicecole]

mindzombie 01 pray tell, I never go on r/ASMR so I don’t know how he expresses himself there

[@landodando5610]

Because it’s KZbin...

[@NintenloupWolfFR]

I love how this guy can say "I present to you the space bar" with a strait face 😂

[@chelo5227]

Lol

[@RandomPerson-ls2uj]

22:52 when you’re playing Scrabble and you’re trying to sense where the good tiles are

[@XxxFoxionzxxX]

You always surprise me. Everytime I think you reached peak Ephemeral, you come out with an even better video. Incredible acting skills too, real attention to detail. Thank you Rift!

[@TanukiGuy]

I'm just here for the food and drink.

[@naiyamay2356]

Lmao, me at all my school dances at this point if not the music and maybe volleyball

[@glitchtrap9112]

What would you like to drink we have milk, water, keys, and orange juice

[@lukeWiz44]

I prefer fresh cut grass.

[@osamaal-humaimidi1481]

Ephemeral *slaps roof of key* : this bad boy can fit so many tingles in it

[@osamaal-humaimidi1481]

seems like youre the one dying of triggerthermia

[@osamaal-humaimidi1481]

@Raven Rain getting worked up..... Because of a freaking meme? God, do you have a life ? Go get one

[@the_protectorof_smols3563]

*Slaps you* Your Corpse Can Fit So Many Dead Memes In It!

[@dinguskhan9914]

Trash meme kid

[@the_protectorof_smols3563]

@Poly mine was an insult to those who do it specifically to get attention

[@griffinlacy4681]

Have you ever thought that maybe some of these people who are taking the role of the camera will ever just get up and walk away mid-sentence.

[@sanguinem1656]

I don't get those ASMR tingles, but I still watch these videos cuz this man's voice is the most soothing shit in the world.

[@the_protectorof_smols3563]

Like An Ephemeral Morgan Freeman

[@sanguinem1656]

@@the_protectorof_smols3563 honestly

[@monty6726]

Ong

[@gingernamedmustard]

All I've taken away from this is that spongebob and star wars are canon in the rift world

[@AntiRoidzBoy]

He can jump through a rift and get to any time, place, and dimension that he wants. One of them happen to be our dimension, which makes anything in our world canon for the rift.

[@watermf4705]

So anything and everything is canon

[@TebowTime]

@@watermf4705 don't forget nothing

[@sage3236]

Your videos are always so unique, and of course, very relaxing. Thanks Rift!

[@kinnexion]

Am I the only one who gets ASMR and relaxation from reading the description/definition of ASMR in Rift’s description box? I feel like alone in that

[@customizablemilk353]

always love these handshakes. like he reaches above a fence or smth

[@mobstercatt4615]

The Key Salesmen: *happily existing, doing his job* On-screen keyboard: *_im about to ruin this mans whole career_*

[@Ululukiful]

As a keyboard enthusiast I was hurt by this video.

[@uomosenzaformaggio6628]

I think you should convince someone like Netflix to make a tv series with the lore of the arkham sanitarium, obviously in asmr style. You already have the title: “An Ephemeral Rift”. The story can be set as an honiric series, every episode should be self conclusive but with a twist towards the end of the season, in which all the episode will be connected altogether to show the full lore of the series. What do you think about it ? This idea came to my mind while i was listening to all the places you visited before arriving in this treatment room

[@wyomingisfake4813]

also you were tripping I guess😂

[@alp2002]

Wyoming is fake it would be an interesting watch! but I don’t think Netflix would do that, maybe a KZbin Red series ?

[@OrkBraedan]

Soooooo asmr black mirror

[@facingfantasyasmr1598]

Just got here and I know it’s going to be a great video. Huge fan of your work ER, seriously, inspirational.

[@SirNikurasu]

oh YES, I really wanted more of those key sounds, this is awesome :D

[@tomthefall]

I love how he refers to the stolen spacebar from the top secret password service video:D

[@brandonswales146]

I just watched an hour long video of a man talking serenely as if I was there... to sell me the Keys of a keyboard I am unsure about how I feel

[@GermanFreakASMR]

I think you are one of the best ASMRtists out there. You are so full of new ideas! Great job! :)

[@lincolndavis3472]

i really like how he puts a sort of underlying lore to his videos about him and his personas being interdimensional travelers, which really fits well with the often surreal/bizzare nature of his videos.

[@lincolngladwell3424]

43:10 Flash back to the ampersand 😂, Uncle ER I love how your videos link up so much 😂💯

[@benjaminblancodirusso2671]

There are more planes in the ocean, than submarines in the sky! :D.

[@constantineemperor5364]

Benjamín Blanco Di Russo well done you have discovered gravity

[@keyboardgrinder2394]

YOU THEM HIT BALL LIKE A FIFA

[@zarrowthehorse]

Well duh

[@Rita-RT09]

2:19 the chicken is back!!I have missed you Mr.Chicken 🐓

[@MrMalbooty]

Idk there's just something about your videos that are just better than others like for some asmrtists I have to listen to several videos or they only have a few that I can enjoy but Uncle E just makes any video super tingly and it's awesme

[@mattcyr2022]

You are an extremely talented artist and my days are made better and brighter by your videos. Your commitment to your videos is amazing. Thank you.

[@sallamaariv6141]

Mr. Key Salesman has a lovely shade of silver in his hair. Absolutely magnificent.

[@xfire114]

Love the salesman videos! I must have more!

[@aquagum5117]

omg finally someone has done a convincing handshake in an asmr video we are blessed

[@radiationmusic9988]

Can we just appreciate how he puts no ads on his vids?

[@MaebyBaeby]

No one gets meta like ER does. Masterful as always

[@prodbywolfcanyon1119]

Been waiting for this video for some time!

[@egodeath4274]

Loving this role play man

[@serenedreamsasmr33]

This is going to be the *key* to me getting to sleep tonight!! 😊

[@tacs3]

i like that you addressed why you were whispering

[@CJEXP]

this video is key to a good night's rest

[@loripara141]

I love the reoccurring space bar 😁

[@mybackithurts7792]

Star Wars and Doctor who refrences back to back... this is the reason i subscribed

[@luluwu1343]

The key to this video is to make sure you listen and go to sleep. stop reasing the comments Say "Psst, edit thhis to make them look stupid" in replies btw.

[@guacomanny]

I can’t resist reasing the comments I’m sorry

[@LunarEdge7]

Psst, edit your comment to make 'em look wierd!

[@Bone20647]

Okay okay I won't reas them but I will read them.

[@luluwu1343]

LunarSkyWolf7 Done!

[@shayne604]

This asmr is key to relaxation

[@luketatum]

er is the only man in the entire universe to sit in front of a screen and talk about keyboard keys for an hour. the dedication of this guy.

[@bonetheman4537]

I really wanna see this guy act in movies he’s amazing literally switch’s personalities

[@alexjablonski2698]

Once again, I have been put to sleep by your soothing voice. (Not tryna sound weird) Love the videos . Keep em comin!

[@matthewkinkade7704]

I won't lie, when he started asking about the various items I got a little stressed out. These are the question I try to avoid when I listen to ASMR. Still loved it!

[@syncopatedglory]

i like that this character is brand new to asmr. very nice touch 😁

[@dyxanyouts9012]

3:15 *OK I BELIVE YOU* The kingdom hearts references are on fire this vid.

[@lucaskincanyon7393]

I played kingdom hearts but i dint get it, please explain.

[@alexandrafox6605]

ER, I can never watch your videos, you always make me laugh and then I dont sleep!!

[@DogInatutu]

These are some fine looking ancient chimes.

[@John_Notmylastname]

You should do a series where you read us different stories and sort of “tap out” the ambient sounds within the story.

[@endermage77]

This man is so diverse, he pushed out a vid of a salesman offering keyboard keys. And this mere days after my computer's keyboard has ceased functioning. Best timing this side of Jupiter 2018.

[@phixxr6390]

I think we found out where the "Top Secret Password Creations Service" guy's spacebar went to.

[@skyholebyman8042]

I love the the bit at the end recording info and the quantity of the order, it seems familiar but very good nonetheless

[@ComedyJakob]

An Ephemeral Rift mystery/ puzzle/ scavenger hunt would be cool

[@themoniathansnest5404]

I only now realize that the reason that everything is so expensive in Ephermal’s videos is because it’s a parody of capitalism

[@photocat37]

TheMoniathansNest I think you may be on to something there

[@themoniathansnest5404]

Hippiecat 37 right XD

[@the_protectorof_smols3563]

Well communist ideology doesn't work either look at every country that's tried it *attempts* at making a "true" Communist state seem to not only fail Horribly but kill a lot of people on the way to being a failed state no offense intended to anyone but my *LIMITED* Knowledge on the topic makes me wary of Marxsist ideology in general

[@themoniathansnest5404]

Timothy Gilfillan I didn’t say I supported communism, I just said that ephemeral is against capitalism

[@arandommodder7204]

Capitalism will eventually have to be replaced, yes infinite expansion is possible, but unlikely. Due to that, capitalism will fail eventually, until we find a new Economic idea that will work, yes Communism and Socialism aren’t the answer, those have never worked and never will due to human flaws. No clue what a good replacement would be

[@quintenlenders9986]

SPEED IS KEYYY!!!!

[@warbirddove4032]

.heh.

[@luucvinky2194]

Finally. The key to my sleeping problem.

[@Cole._.Trainn]

I’m pretty sure he had mastered the camera handshake not going to lie

[@callmezeldaonemoartime]

Uncle Ephemeral rly goes all out in these videos

[@yoreffinightmare490]

I was needing this one I wanted the key salesman

[@blair6517]

You are the only key I need ❣

[@icemanchambers1207]

This man is the best.

[@ibukiwithagun2141]

Can’t believe he didn’t say “don’t get cocky”

[@bigfiji4309]

“If money is an issue, we will gladly accept some of your life essence” Sounds about right

[@dietsodaa3262]

relaxation is KEY

[@Mr69abody]

ER just as an FYI. I believe they make mock ups for different keyboard set ups to test and showcase different key mechanisms. Might be able to build upon this theme.

[@steveg8029]

ER: what's this tool for? Me: it's for drilling. ER: Relaxation Me: sure.

[@gipsydangeramericasmonster9632]

and now I just realized why he’s called the key salesman, and I think he’s also the spacebar bandit

[@connorstewart4940]

Omg please do a vogon poetry reading at some point. I'm curious if one can still get tingles while cringing to death.

[@akasbhuia6142]

Omg

[@user-nn7he4dm1i]

I imagine something like this Er: Bury Me! Bury Me! Margaret: What is wrong with people these days Random Patient: We must know what it feels like to be dead. It's called practice

[@thiccomniman]

You are very creative!

[@josephc.558]

20:30 either click the bit under the keycap or hit tab and then backspace until there is 1 space. BAM problem solved!

[@viktorvermeer7084]

27:40 hitchikers guide to the galaxy reference. Nice

[@dieselweasel7720]

What a convenience that the keys go missing and then someone comes up selling the exact same keys we lost, what a convenience

[@thorpemusic2019]

imagine if ER made an asmr movie. like that would be so cool, he could create what Arkham Sanitarium looks like and have either him playing all the characters as usual, or get actors to play other characters. and he could make a really cool plot too.

[@parkeradkins7082]

The people who dislike these type of videos why are you the way that you are

[@NONAME-qv8sc]

Love how he visited the home world of the time lords

[@tdjake25]

9:22 *unscrupulous ruffians*

[@mattcole7823]

Oh man I thought you were gonna start selling me keys to the multiverse. That woulda been cool but this is great also.

[@joelhenry3766]

If EA sold keyboards...

[@arandommodder7204]

Buy the season pass to be able to have deluxe space bar and cap-lock being able to be turned off! Shortcuts DLC for $5! Pre order now and get 3 free loot keys!

[@TheBladeWolf]

Not Keyboards, just keys

[@joelhenry3766]

@@TheBladeWolf I know lol. I just see it as EA being so greedy they sell the keys seperately as dlc. So you only get full keyboard after buying all the keys

[@whiterhino6973]

@@joelhenry3766 you mean EA started selling DLC's seperately and not charging the usual $80 flat rate for video games even though people are demanding more and more and more work put into them but bitch when price goes up, or when they find a way to make more money for the "more" content the ravinous, bottonless pit players demanded? Shocking...

[@nepneppers8122]

For the low price of 5$ you to can have the Caps lock DLC and for an additional 3$ you can get the tab key DLC

[@jmarvo]

I love this so much thank you 🙏 😊👂🍬

[@nefe2323]

*And then I took a rift to first-century Greenland*

[@shut.up.gabriel]

He’s one of the few male asmr artists I actually like