Episode 128: Can Men and Women Be Friends?

Episode 128: Can Men and Women Be Friends?
In this episode, Fr. Gregory Pine and Fr. Jacob Bertrand Janczyk take a look at whether platonic friendships are possible between men and women and, if so, how to safeguard those friendships in virtue.
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[@ffvvaacc]

Sounds like male-female friendship is a good and solid start for marriage.

[@tinalettieri]

Yeah, if it's the couple who are friends first.

[@Starwarp02]

@@tinalettieriI got friendzoned by a girl I was close with

[@amaraheising4672]

Thank you Fathers. Wonderful subject and sensitive informative and thoughtful guidance. As a Marriage and Family Therapist I use the example of dance to get my clients to think about what's going on. All relationships contain an element of dance (family, parent/child, business, etc). To dance well requires learning multiple elements. A few to consider: listening to the music, learning specific steps, including appropriate physical proximity as needed, desired, acceptable. #1 Consider what's the goal? Why am I dancing with this person in the first place? Do you have an audience? If married then act with the intent of honoring the wedding vows, observing behaviors that would not cause discomfort to you or your loved one if they were watching you. If not married be honest with self and other regarding the goal in mind. If the dance will require a trip to confession then a change in the goal, music, and steps is needed. Good dancing requires work and attention. Social media, alcohol and drugs, hormones etc. complicate the dance to be sure. If you had good teachers (parental role models with good boundaries) you got a head start. Observe those around you who dance well and let them mentor you. Get lessons if needed., ask for help....it isn't easy but is possible to learn and beautiful when done right. Saints have had male/female friendships that celebrated and nurtured common interests and growth and you remind us we are called to be Saints. How about it Dominicans...there must be a good thesis or book on this somewhere. Saintly friendships as practiced through the ages?

[@paynedv]

Roman Catechism of the Council of Trent The Duties of Married People The more easily to preserve the holy state (of marriage) from dissensions, the duties of husband and wife as inculcated by St. Paul and by the Prince of the Apostles must be explained. Duties Of A Husband It is the duty of the husband to treat his wife generously and honourably. It should not be forgotten that Eve was called by Adam his companion. The woman, he says, whom thou gavest me as a companion. Hence it was, according to the opinion of some of the holy Fathers, that she was formed not from the feet but from the side of man; as, on the other hand, she was not formed from his head, in order to give her to understand that it was not hers to command but to obey her husband. The husband should also be constantly occupied in some honest pursuit with a view to provide necessaries for the support of his family and to avoid idleness, the root of almost every vice. He is also to keep all his family in order, to correct their morals, and see that they faithfully discharge their duties. Duties Of A Wife On the other hand, the duties of a wife are thus summed up by the Prince of the Apostles: Let wives be subject to their husbands. that if any believe not the word, they may be won without the word by the conversation of the wives, considering your chaste conversation with fear. Let not their adorning be the outward plaiting of the hair, or the wearing of gold, or the putting on of apparel: but the hidden man of the heart in the incorruptibility of a quiet and meek spirit, which is rich in the sight of God. For after this manner heretofore the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. To train their children in the practice of virtue and to pay particular attention to their domestic concerns should also be especial objects of their attention. The wife should love to remain at home, unless compelled by necessity to go out; and she should never presume to leave home without her husband's consent. Again, and in this the conjugal union chiefly consists, let wives never forget that next to God they are to love their husbands, to esteem them above all others, yielding to them in all things not inconsistent with Christian piety, a willing and ready obedience.

[@msgoody2shoes959]

We're so dead inside, if you find a mature, sane, American....please go befriend them! God has an abundant amount of mercy. So few good honest people... find them and love them, willing the good for them.

[@msgoody2shoes959]

Everyone deserves affection.

[@msgoody2shoes959]

....my drinking pals were all single, God-fearing men....no problem. I miss those days, soo much.

[@karenglenn2329]

Since l am almost 80 l have seen much. One dangerous relationship is the needy woman and a priest. I will say no more.

[@amaraheising4672]

Not as dangerous is a needy priest with access to women and children. The relationship is off balance to begin with due to power and authority issues. A priest is not dependent upon a woman for confession, absolution, or access to the Eucharist.

[@peace-and-quiet]

@@amaraheising4672 True, but that's entirely a separate issue. I think Karen's comment is valid and is a topic that sort of flies under the radar and is seldomly discussed, if at all.

[@karenglenn2329]

@@amaraheising4672 sorry l made the comment. Yes you are correct. I think KZbin can confuse things. Sometimes women need women friends who will hold them accountable without emotional distortion. Christ peace.....Old ladies like me should back off. But Christ Peace.....

[@amaraheising4672]

I think both issues are valid. This is not a contest of who is most right. I don't believe that your age disqualifies you at all. Age brings experience and I respect that experiences influence perception. Can we share and learn from each other in a spirit of respect and love. I too pray for and wish God's blessings on each of us.

[@karenglenn2329]

@@amaraheising4672 Thank you for your comment. It was the voice of experience that prompted my first comment. God's grace revealed my impudence. Again Christ's Peace.

[@dranerane4912]

Can you expound the topic of boundaries of male and female friendship especially for young singles catholic please. We need more guidance on it.

[@peace-and-quiet]

Have you already had a discussion on the "cheapening" of authentic friendship(s) by way of social media?

[@lohanthony]

I found this video extremely helpful. Thank you Fathers!

[@BlessedisShe]

Great discussion! Thank you for this!

[@aiantenor9080]

thank you so much. 🙏

[@michelinequezada4101]

I love your videos and look forward to new episodes. Subjects are always helpful. I am curious though, how do you keep your white habits so clean and do you wear regular street clothes under the habit?

[@Vision-uf5mm]

Thank you.

[@martecoronel]

Thank you for your service, Fathers. I do have to say that Fr. Pine's volume was quite low.

[@JohnCenaFan6298]

I'll watch this. Tbh I don't see how I can be friends with a woman unless it's my mother or sister, or if I was married and friends with my friend's wife or something

[@SuperMan-vn1mr]

They are all paying and as long as they do the friendship continues..

[@oldegeezer]

Summary: Yes, but prudence.

[@hawthornetree646]

So can they or not. It would be good to know would save me trouble

[@Bernadette613]

Fr. Pine: “yes, I think it’s possible. I think it’s difficult and I think it demands much of both parties in terms of virtue.” Honestly, I think the difficulties and demands of the path are often not worth it unless you plan to date him or her. If you “keep it light,” how does the friendship grow? If you don’t keep it light, it gets a little too close. Difficult is definitely the best word. Safeguards do help, but again, is it worth all the trouble?

[@hawthornetree646]

@@Bernadette613 probably not

[@deussacracommunioest2108]

Moderation in the desire for intimacy with a God given person is really hard. I mean, are we not supposed to pursuit the Mystery? And isn't the Mystery about this same intimacy? Is it about sexual tension becoming unbearable on account of that same intimacy? If so, wouldn't a greater intimacy with God suffice to sanctify the immoderation of such pursuit?

[@kimberlysmiley5071]

I would love to be friends with you guys, I am a female that grew up with my father in three older brothers and I find it very comfortable to be friends with guys, it's just a bit more comfortable for me in a way. Do you brothers have friends that are female or do you not really have time for that kind of friendship being as busy as you are and mostly dealing with men in your brotherhood, I guess..

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

I have no doubt that you feel comfortable with men; but the question is, if you are in a committed relationship, how does your partner feel about it? Additionally, your male friends may feel differently than you about hanging with them 😏

[@diplomaticexorcist6130]

Thought: if a guy and a woman are tempted to sleep with each other, why does he instead of giving into sex, give her what she ought? And here is how it works for the saints: First, lives of the Saints. When a Saint was full of lustful passions, he would jump into a bush and fall into it, or a cold body of water. Second, how then can this be understood when a man and a woman are together (unmarried man and woman) in a way they are tempted? Well, the guy can flip over off the couch and face down on the floor. Which, then, he turns over kneeling on one knee, amd asks her to marry him. Then, taking all that passion and to go with her through visiting a priest on the alignment to the Sacrament of Marriage. Abstain from sleeping with each other, and instead pursuing marriage as best as one can. You have to open up that relationship to a priest. You also gain a Confession if something goes off.

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

If people are in a committed relationship it is better that they not spend any time with the opposite gender without their partner present.

[@absolve4024]

Lot of things can happen with the partner present.. but yes.

[@adelephilomenadonata3226]

Sex is an issue. Nuns are primarily from within the Catholic Church unlike us Quranic Studies intellectuals within Sicily Studies who are Roman Catholic. Nuns are like the children of priests unless a priest feels so biologically driven that he sees sex from a different Roman Catholic POV like ours. House chores assigned by the father?

[@IlPadre4103]

Wait a minute... if a not b then discerning b means not a and vice versa. If everyone is called to marriage (which is perhaps biologically true) then yes there is no discernment of marriage. One exception disproves everyone. So while true most people are called to marriage for any individual man there is a discernment to religious life and priesthood, not a, so there must be a discernment of not b or c, thus a.

[@hamilton9651]

If you are not seeking marriage no they cannot be friends.

[@josephcade3541]

After what you guys did to the Catholic church can men and women be friends not likely