Erica Komisar: Helicopter Parenting Is Bad for Your Kids’ Mental Health

[@DadSavesAmerica]

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[@annaomodeo7318]

Our school system has BIG flaws and we are failing our children from the start giving absolutely awful maternity leaves and getting our 6 weeks old infants already in school…. I like how Mrs. Erica is speaking the truth. We need more people to talk about this uncomfortable topic because our children are getting mental health issues so much younger and getting into drugs and being unhappy with themselves more than ever

[@mostaanroya]

As a resident of Orange County California I decided to raise my son instinctively, like our ancestors, if I feel it’s right I do it, no pressure, he had the worst grades , it wasn’t important to me , I wanted him to make memories and friends in high school, then he entered college and realized this is serious now , and he is one of the best students and most balanced well adjusted person I met in my life.

[@El_Rey_Mexicano]

You do know that sounds biased coming from you?

[@muguapanda9416]

You did good then!

[@slchance8839]

@@El_Rey_Mexicano doesnt sound biased to me. Biased or not, we all KNOW our children: we know who's the thinker, emotional, popular, nerdy, or finicky. When your kids grow into nice adults because of their upbringing....you know. you dont need bias....you need common sense. I have to remind myself that 48% of the country doesnt have common sense.

[@El_Rey_Mexicano]

@@slchance8839 it is biased

[@tycobandit]

@@El_Rey_Mexicanowho cares if it sounds biased. it’s her son, she’s proud of him, that’s all that matters… as a parent you should be a lot more proud of your kid than you are of yourself for raising a good kid. If it’s not like that you are probably a bad parent.

[@williamwenrich3288]

I graduated high school with bad grades and went into the Air Force. After the service, I got an AS, a BS, and an MBA all at night and got good grades.

[@Belzediel]

Oh, I got BS for free real early.

[@gnlout]

same here. 2.0 if i was lucky in high school. joined the marine corps. started my degree. same crappy grades. years later, finished my degree. graduated cum laude. crushed it. congrats to you for pushing though.

[@MWear-x8t]

Just don't let kids explore the internet when they are too young! It's more dangerous than the playgrounds.

[@alenaadamkova5322]

Some say it also depends how many hours... If its only 4 hours playing videogames, the kids may learn some skills but if its above the 4 hours......the children area social, and are nota ble to learn social skills.

[@mary34610]

This! Society seems to be more concerned with kids outside playing independently than being online. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@tycobandit]

Since when did play grounds become dangerous?… this is exactly what she’s talking about, parents these days are hopeless.

[@mary34610]

@ not this parent! I let my kids play all the time at playgrounds

[@plugnut4713]

So true! In my dad kids solved our problems on the playground amongst ourselves without the grownups involved. It was the best way to learn how to have healthy relationships for all your life. Today kids and young adore so insecure and hyper sensitive and damaged and unable to cope with life’s challenges.

[@Life.Love.Locs.]

I'm not so sure about that. Some kids are bullies and other kids are not always equipped to deal with them properly. We are also speaking more as a society about s*xual abuse of children on other children... adults do sometimes need to supervise and step in. Adults should know more about how relationships should be, and guide children rather than leave them to their own devices totally.

[@amandaalvey]

This is ME!! And I'm a mom of ten. Lord help me ...what wise words she is speaking.

[@MrDavos501]

Our 6 year old won't leave us alone, we have a helicopter kid!!

[@nastehdawg]

that... makes sense? she's 6, she is a baby, obviously she isn't going to want to be alone

[@Serenajoy4eva]

The problem with this is now parents arent parenting

[@SherryMacoy-dk4zh]

💯

[@BloodSweatandFears]

You’re absolutely right. I tried to say something similar on a conversation about issues effecting kids right now and all the parents jumped down my throat like “how dare you blame parents” what?! Parents should have accountability too it’s ridiculous.

[@El_Rey_Mexicano]

So how would you say we fix this issue?

[@brittanyjames244]

SAY IT AGAIN VERY LOUD! PARENTS NOW DONT WANT TO BE PARENTS. PARENTING IS WORK! LIKE ANY OTHER RELATIONSHIP OR RESPONSIBILITY.

[@brittanyjames244]

​@@El_Rey_Mexicano? People have to start being parents! It's that simple. We are children's first teachers.

[@ajmalin121]

I’m going through this right now. Mom alienated me from my child for four years, I just recently won shared custody after being absent all that time. Now I finally get to interact with my daughter, but she is terrified of the world. She does not want to play with other children, she will not try anything new or difficult, she does not want to solve any problems and if I take her out to play, she wants me to be within arms reach the entire time. She also cries constantly over just about everything. I’m trying to give her encouragement and comfort her, but I know that this can’t go on like this . Her anxiety is very troubling to me and I cannot trust mom to bring her to appointments with a therapist. Sounds like it more time with her, I make it a point to continue to work on getting her used to making her own decisions and not being so hard on herself. We have been making some progress, this past weekend she went down a small slide by herself at the park and was incredibly proud of herself for overcoming her fear. I don’t know what else to do, but just keep working at it and slowly distance myself a little bit more and more every time we interact so she can learn how to play and be a child

[@taylorraine8264]

Sooooo true! My cousins went to private schools and got sent to good colleges and right now one is mentally gone. Just lost it. Lives at home, talks to himself (“or someone”) never leaves the house.. claims he needs to watch the house even though he put cameras inside. Just total schizophrenia. The other one holds a job but is a major addict. On the other hand, my dad was laid back a little to laid back but I have a decent job where I can live comfortably. Not super succesful money wise but I have a family, I have friends and good social environment and most of all I am happy. Of course I’d love to have more money who doesn’t but like she says successful in living basically. Which IS certainly important !

[@AMERICANsparky32]

Helicopter parenting should be directed towards the internet and social media.

[@etaokha4164]

Thats why I have never pressured my kids to read books or write or read because the do it at their own time. I let my kids be kids and enjoy childhood and play. 0-8 A child is meant to play and create memories with their childhood playmates . My 5 year old does amazingly well in school because shes not pressured at home by me forcing her to do homework or read or write and she goes to school and thrive and enjoys learning and good listening skills

[@kimjohnson8471]

I've noticed over the past 20 years or so that younger children seem to interact with parents and other adults as if they're peers. The language and behaviors border on rude and disrespectful. Let children be children. One of my grands old me she hated me. I responded with, "That's OK. I don't need 5 year old friends. "😅

[@Es24688]

We make our children use titles with adults (Mr. / Ms / Mrs …), and I ask children to refer to me with a title. When pressed on it, I reply that children are not peers with adults and should not think they are.

[@kimjohnson8471]

@Es24688 In the words of my father: Put a handle on that!

[@maryellenhussey7574]

It doesn’t help that the parents are acting like children, like their “buddies”. Our kids dressed up for Halloween; we didn’t. It was THEIR night, we had our time when we were children. We have a lot of young adults who don’t want to grow up and take charge. Kids are begging for rules and boundaries which help them to feel safe and secure.

[@priusa8113]

😂😂😂😂

[@care2crochet]

So interesting. I hadn't joined the liking with respect. I too had a friend's 4 year old son say he didn't like me after I reprimanded him about his violent behaviour towards my 2 year old. I responded with thats ok not to like me but we have to be kind to each other. I also don't desire to be a 4 year olds friend!! 😂

[@EC-rd9ys]

Once in college I worked a summer job at a math camp for teenagers that were learning graduate level math. This is what their parents had told them it would take to get into an Ivy League school, which of course was absolutely necessary for some reason. I've never seen such misery.

[@alenaadamkova5322]

She said it well and they say children dont have the emotional self-regulation of nervous system.,..that adults need a hug often, but children need it much more to feel safe ...so parents should often hug them or comfort them with hugs which is very healthy for their nervous system and feeling of safety, becaudse the child feels great trust toward the parent when they are hugged, and when parent asks in kind way how are you, etc having the feeling that parent isnt just giving commands but cares about the wellbeing.

[@miryoa786]

get into(the right) alignment with your deep feelings when using your words-this is my challenge!

[@MWear-x8t]

But didn't 16 year olds marry and have children in the past, or start apprenticing in the family business by then? Or is that more strait forward in a way because there were less decisions? I m not saying that teens should be running buisnesses and families at 16, but that in some ways they are capable, so how do we let them do what they are ready for, but not push them.

[@PoeticAmmunition.]

I was thinking the same, I think the problem is we baby them too long. The teenage years is a made up term and we use it as an excuse for immaturity lack of self discipline etc If they were capable to do these things at such a young age before then what is the problem now...?

[@bonafidetruckingpresentsea8222]

There's a school in Tyler TX where 13 year olds manage the payroll. It's not harmful

[@dde716]

My son is 2 and that is the falling down constantly, exploring and it is soooo hard for me to not be anxiously watching him too close. 😩 With all my care he still bumps here and there and I am already getting nervous when I think about him in prek or school and etc...

[@NorthernNessa]

Not to mention, we don’t know how to enjoy the simple things of life. We have no life philosophy. And then life is painful. And the fact that we are materially blessed, adds fuel to the fire, because we don’t even know how to be grateful.

[@alenaadamkova5322]

Some Psychologists say children shouldnt even go to kindergarten, its the age when the kids need the parents the most...especially if parents can afford it financially to stay with kid. with all the rules they lose part of their personality to follow the strict rules because they dont ahve authomatic emotional regulation as adults have, therefore especially boys suffer from mental illness much more and also partially because of not having the male role models, as thye are often whole day with female authorities or strangers etc...But in family the parents can create the rules witha kind communication.. Children enjoy boundaries, but with people they trust as with parents.

[@katie8325]

No. No they don’t say that. Hope that helps.

[@AdnanDanipagieh-gl8hh]

Now i see why children now sometimes disrespect olders/adults Their childhood followed by parents who over worry

[@WesternPatriot-v8m]

Or were raised in daycares adults doing their job part time. I’d be mad too

[@karljuhnke8882]

Not enough Dads. Not enough masculinity. Too much of the other.

[@marciestoddard730]

Right.... .... OK.

[@priusa8113]

Is there a link to the full episode with Erica please?! Thank you very much ❤ pls share it

[@kab649]

It's under the description. It's called "childhood isn't supposed to be stressful".

[@alenaadamkova5322]

Lack of father influence...who isnt in family, or he is constantly at work and never present with sons according the psychologists, he can not develop such respect for women because he hears mostly from mom, or even from older sisters who are mimicking the mom, constand commands Dont, dont do this, dont play, or jump, dont be loud... its a normal boy behavior.... he hears it since age 3 years old on top of it he has very difficult personality around age 6, he is just exploring the world...so he may do stuff that his mom doesnt like, so father should be present and set boundaries in healthy way and if he hears 200 000 commands from mom and from female teachers till age 18 and doesnt hear the commands or advice from a male role models or father, or feel his influence to be respectful but competitive the effect is that in his marriage he isnt listening his wife ideas about fixings something, or helping with something because he had to stop listening female role models in order to develop his own individuality as a man Because women are build for cooperation with others men are build fro competition. and if both genders are raised in wrong way they can not colaborate together. Women also were raised in wrong way, since chiíldhood they were forced to compete in man´s world even though women are nít build for competition , but for collaboration with others. Feminity is about acceptance collaboration, empathy competition suits men better, its natural for them. They dont feel as drained from being competitive, Women and small girls are anxious for being competitive, because they think that being competitive is suiting their selfworth as a woman.

[@jimskinnermusicetc.811]

@@alenaadamkova5322 why, you sure had a lot to say

[@aastha466]

Lots of gender biases as per suitability to ones owns perception. It is difficult to put human beings in one box. Both genders can collaborate and both can compete depending on the circumstances they are put in. Society should be about inclusivity and flexibility for both genders not about putting people in hard gender boxes. With changing times both genders should be taught to collaborate better.

[@pooneil]

I started to write a lot about the marijuana issue, but I have to note that I live in a state where it is legal. I’ll start by saying some positives. Overall, I do agree with her message about giving kids the type of space she describes while also giving them the type of support she describes. That’s basically the main point of the video which I do agree with. As for the marijuana issue, I acknowledge that people do use it as a disassociative agent, but in every instance of this I see, the person will mix a measured amount of marijuana with an excessive amount of over-the-counter medication or other drugs. The safety profile of marijuana along with it being tested, labeled, orally consumable, and so medically effective to those of us with disabilities leaves it difficult to criticize. I do acknowledge that it can cause psychosis in those with a predisposition and/or those who ingested too much, but in a majority of these cases, the issue resolves, and if a person consumes too much, they are less likely to in the future as legalization and labeling and packaging standards have gone to great length to prevent this from happening.

[@fierto]

Politicians are not talking about the mental problems among kids, because it doesn’t give them votes.

[@FofaBeijFeli]

I have BPD and i have a 13 month old, I'm also a Montessori directress. I struggle with how much freedom is too much freedom for her. I believe in liberty, in allowing her to explore the environment without butting in, within limit. An example is that she comes down a step to the grass area and is very cautious, so she climbs down the step...she's figured that out on her own because i allowed her to test and see how she gets down on her own. Obviously I'm observing and watching, allowing a bit of a struggle, but not letting it reach frustration. My concern is that I have impulsive risk taking behaviour and so just worry if I'm not by any chance encouraging this same type of behavior by letting her test every limit available for a particular situation. Sounds ridiculous but is an actual concern, I just don't want her being like me in my calculation of risk taking. I also can't help but follow along with what she's showing me she wants to do. She recently realised that she can throw her legs up, to land up on her bottom, on the trampoline. I don't know, alot of other babies are not so daring... She's very obedient inherently and knows "careful" means I better watch out. But still... Could my BPD, aside from behaviour, brain chemical wise, affect her in any way?

[@skylinefever]

This is what I like, asking why people do drugs, and listening to answers that didn't come straight out of D.A.R.E. The "Just get high of life" argument assumes people get the agency to reshape their life circumstances for it.

[@alenaadamkova5322]

Some other czech psychologist said "Children shouldnt bring the phones into the school. even if they have the smartphone in their cabinet, during the break they are checking what nonsense their friends sent and these kids have much worse grades and success and ability to focus in school than kids who left the phone at home. and all the hard work of teachers is wasted when we expect the teachers to do their best."

[@jeremyabbia4325]

I feel so guilty that my OCness (Obssessive Compulsive Disorder - well I’m not actually diagnosed with it, I’m just exaggerating hehe) in terms of health issues and cleanliness, made my toddler anxious also especially during bath time. He cries a lot (scared of the water getting on his face) and the scene is always so stressful for me and my husband. I remember when he was still an infant, I was so careful whenever I bathe him, that no amount of water would get in his mouth (coz we live in a province with quite unclean water). And now that he’s 3, he’s always stressed and crying a lot during bath time 😢

[@hamitcampos4989]

The other thing is jon and my 45 year old big brother Roger mentioned this I suppose once he worked it out is you the parent need to at some point stop building cassles in the sky. Meaning work within what your 18 to 25 year old is capable of and what his or her talents actually ar. Sure dream hi but be willig to suck it if we meet someware in the middle. They may not be Harverd MIT or what ever material but lead them to what they can indeed do best. A lot of this is stop caring what other people will think and also that realizing that like Professor snape said to Harry fame clearly isn't everything. people are too obsessed with money money money money.

[@andrewcombe8907]

I am the parent of a disabled child. I had to follow my son around at the park and sporting field and church and beach constantly to protect him. I had to stand next to him at all times to make sure he didn’t hurt himself. I was told by my former father in law I was a “helicopter parent”. I wanted to tell him to get f@&ked on many occasions.

[@gemmacorke7077]

I totally understand. I also have a disabled child and have wanted to tell many an ignorant adult to go duck themselves! It's very difficult trying to get the right balance. They may be 6 with the mental age of 2 year old, and people just don't understand. In the end, I've found that trusting your own instinct as a parent is the best way to go. All the best to you ❤

[@rabouala]

Omg this! Parents of special needs kids are totally alienated from these conversations. We are treated as a different species who can go figure it out on their own. Thankfully we have our experts physical and occupational therapists who understand how “spotting” and “supervise” a child with physical and cognitive impairments works. My mother for example just doesn’t understand how low muscle tone affects your strength, your agility, your balance and most importantly your protective reactions when you need to “fall safely”. I try my best to be constantly present when my daughter plays in the playground without looking distressed but there’s no way I’m letting her run wild with other kids who just can’t understand her limitations. It is our reality and it feels isolating. Yayyy to play dates with like minded parents ❤

[@jimskinnermusicetc.811]

@@andrewcombe8907 you mean there was no one else who was capable of seeing that your child couldn’t hurt himself that you had to be with him all the time? Is that what a helicopter parent does? If so, I guess you were one weren’t you?

[@bonafidetruckingpresentsea8222]

How did this video make u feel?

[@johnl5316]

In the 6th grade I wondering about what PhD dissertation I would embark on. I entered an elite US boarding school in 1965. We had classes 6x week. We studied a ton. I went off to Sanford and studied a ton. It was ALL stressful. I completed my PhD in 1979. I married a great guy in 1984

[@kristine778]

This is excellent.

[@sarahderrico5449]

Excellent advice!

[@HeyGingerBlog]

I find it so hilarious, the people yelling helicopter parent! While in the same breath telling parents they arent paying enough attention to their children and calling 911 for seeing a 9 year old walking to the store. Mothers and Fathers trying to parent in todays age: all you can do is your best. There will always be someone to scream about what a terrible job you're doing, but if you are doing the best that you know how to, I applaud you. Our systems are broken. Our public squares are no longer safe and the flames of division amongst society have gotten out of control. So yes, protect your children! Make them aware of the evils while keeping them from harm. That is A PARENTS JOB. To teach and protect! I would much rather be told im over protective than to be a parent who never cared at all. I dealt with those types of parent as a child. I'll be dammed if my kids ever feel that way.

[@BloodSweatandFears]

Being over protective is damaging. There has to be a balance. If the kids are so overprotected that they never learn to handle real life and negative emotions they will never have a chance at a normal adulthood. Someone I know overprotected their kid so much this little 4 year old is having panicking attacks just going to the store because she’s scared of being around cars and people. That’s not fair to the child.

[@HeyGingerBlog]

@BloodSweatandFears in my eyes that would be called sheltering a child. I can protect my child while educating them about the world around them and preparing them for emotional trials. I suppose my comment was directed in that way. I don't believe kids should be sheltered from all negative feelings and emotions. That is just part of life, and to do so would serve as a great disadvantage, as you mentioned. To protect in my eyes is different than sheltering or hiding a child away.

[@BloodSweatandFears]

@ Oh yes this is only for parents that are going to the extreme. The friend I spoke about told her daughter wayyy too much negative information about the world(how bad car accidents can be, kidnappers murderers saying she’ll get stolen if she walks away from her etc.) protecting our kids are exactly what we are supposed to do for sure. Seems some people are just going way too far. I’m sure it comes from a place of wanting to keep the child safe, though.

[@HeyGingerBlog]

@BloodSweatandFears i think all of the points you listed are great talking points for kids and should be spoken to them about. As a sexual abuse survivor (happened to me as a child), I had wished my parents had told me about such dangers and had been more aware. To me, that is exactly what protecting is. But to never let a child go anywhere, to intentionally scare them or on the flip side telling them the world will never hurt them, that is sheltering. You are right, balance is KEY. The world is dangerous. Not all of it, but we can't be blind to that fact. Children are naive and need to be made aware of these things. I have explained these "over protective" things to my own kids, BUT I make sure they understand there are ways they can prevent such things from happening. (Don't talk to strangers, don't take candy from anyone/get into strangers cars, that their private areas are meant for them alone and if something happens tell a grown-up Etc). I guarantee you that if I had been explained these things as a child, I wouldn't have been assaulted to the extent I was. Parents that blindly trust people are fools, even family members, unfortunately.

[@hamitcampos4989]

Wait what's depersonalization? I don't think I've heard this about pot use yet.

[@JayceFisher]

I think we should instill work ethic early but not end goals or outcomes

[@ElizabethHurtado-py8ur]

I've heard this term before, if I wasn't paying attention my kids would be dead ...call it what you want.

[@Sillybillyilly]

More the screens and no learning from consequences nor having them

[@cs6-n3p]

Good👍

[@lucidous]

I feel like modern parenting takes away the right from kids to risk their own lives.

[@alenaadamkova5322]

If fathers are too much at work...at least craete some couching programs male coaches who would teach boys practical things about being a boy and creative buta t the sam etime respectfula and conscious. If in schools are too many female teachers in sports clubs the boys amy mee the male role models coaches. But teh male coaches should be aware of this problem, so they will raelise both genders need to be respected.

[@courtneypuzzo2502]

yeah that's because there's not as much pushback as there was a few decades ago when a kid mouths off there not going to be hit with a belt like my mom was growing up or get their mouth washed out with soap as even I did once for accidentally using the F word age 12 at my paternal grandmothers house

[@jimskinnermusicetc.811]

@@courtneypuzzo2502 perhaps some of that being brought back might boost the level of respect that young people have for adults in general and society as well

[@k-1llmatic832]

No doy.

[@aslkdjfzxcv9779]

helicopter parenting fawning over women kneeling to government

[@brentfrank7012]

These so called experts speak in such broad terms as if we are all the same. Nonsense.

[@jimskinnermusicetc.811]

@@brentfrank7012 in many ways we are the same. If you deny that, then you need to reconsider.

[@matthewatwood8641]

Alcohol is a drug. Alcohol is a drug. Alcohol is a drug. Alcohol is a drug. As a matter of fact, it is one of the worst most destructive drugs there is. Cannabis is not responsible for suicidelity, or any of this other stuff that she's talking. Why are we focusing on cannabis? When people are out there, doing fentanyl, and smoking crack? That statistic about emergency room visits is definitely b*******. She has a prejudiced against cannabis, and she's using this forum to promote it. Not to mention the fact that most of what people are smoking is farm bell compliant hemp, with extremely low levels of delta nine thc, which is the naturally occurring thc, that gets people high, and boosted levels of t h c a and delta eight thc. Gee, whiz, could that maybe have something to do with emergency room visits?

[@BeBedabit]

“When a bunch of guys get drunk, there might be a fight. When a bunch of guys smoke marijuana, somebody writes a song!” 😂

[@mohamedelfatih9826]

I see that psychology is getting used of dealing with our lives with terms. Instead of calling it helicopter call it anxious. Why can't people use simple direct language any More 😂

[@hamitcampos4989]

Then the last thing and this is 1 where I don't know how you tred litely so I'll say it in the meanish way. Screw you you aren't entitled to their life being what you want or like. To expound and maybe someone could put it better then that but what I mean here is and right wingers are more into this. But remember your kid is someone else. They aren't you. So again it goes back to what works for them and what will folfill them. Ah and I'll tie this to the living wage thing. Jimmy dore put this in an interesting way. Why is any job just intery level? I think this also is another problem. Let's value work for work's sake. All jobs are needed thus all workers are needed. We need to cut it out with excusing oligarchs and doing the lesser then thing to people.

[@Tusk_Tact]

Duh

[@johnl5316]

old news

[@disconnectpub]

Blah what a waste of time listening. stupid hyper-inflated hypothesis’

[@kyleegarcia5569]

I’m not even watching but was curious what the comments say…lack of parenting seems like the real issue these days!