'I went to high school with a wizard...'

[@stinko444]

I think they just experienced 2 cuils

[@TheKhopesh]

+stinko444 Pinkie Pie in human form...

[@Bone8380]

+TheKhopesh Fuck off.

[@felipepalmacastro]

The kid was literally attacking the consensual reality. And he succeed.

[@quantumblauthor7300]

As a fellow internet explorer, I concur with your measurement. Perception itself is no longer reliable in this scenario, perfectly befitting a measurement of 2 Cuils.

[@RedTriangle53]

I had a dark wizard/bard guitar teacher during my music education. He could play the guitar so mockingly that he used it instead of sarcasm, so every time I didn't play with perfect dynamics he would start playing whatever I did wrong so insanely offensively, in the weirdest way. He was cynical and annoyed all the time(perhaps for good reasons), and his classes were a stresser to say the least(though he was an amazing guitarist, and I learned a lot). Then one day my class was listening to music during the food break, and he came in and told us to turn the volume down. We did at first, but eventually the volume found its way back up where it had started. This goes on for a few minutes until the door opens with a bang. He appears in the doorway with an angry look on his face. He homes his deathly stare towards the phone that was connected to the sound system, and reaches out his hand towards it. The music stops immediately, in perfect sync with his hand-fling, and he slams the door and disappears. The owner of the phone goes to check what the hell just happened, and nothing is wrong with it. The music just stopped, and the phone thinks it's still playing. That was the first time I shared infinite intrigue and fear with ~20 other people at once. It's like his presence alone paralyzed us. It was an amazing experience, and I recommend everyone to try angering a dark wizard to try for themselves.

[@AxelLeJeff]

I followed your advice, but now all of the outside doors to the house just lead directly back to my room, and when I do hear music, it's always in reverse. Thanks a lot.

[@dayofsatantree7573]

Jeffman12 Reminds me of the time I left class, and found myself in the library all the way across the school. I turned around and found myself in my bedroom. Grabbing something that I couldn't have had when I got to school I walked back through the door. My friend who happened to be behind me spoke up, "What the hell? How did you? When did you? Huh?" Flowing with the moment I told him this. "I wanted a god damn sandwich," which is exactly what I had.

[@yoshi6236]

RedTriangle53 maybe he just turned off the volume

[@Falk_René_Skamiera]

that guy probably "sold" his soul not something one should do

[@ghostsinthegraveyard5766]

@@Falk_René_Skamiera No need for quotes, if its not of the Lord, its from the father of Lies

[@GLaDOS551]

You're a wizard, Andy.

[@HomeoftheWilt17]

I don't care if the rest of the internet comes for the Cuil theory reading. This is, by far, my favorite video from you, probably next to 'Guy thinks his sister is hot'. I mean, c'mon. How can you not like the line 'this will be a perfect place to summon a cleaning appliance' with the way you voiced Andy Kaufman? I fucking crack up every time.

[@fetch_my_laptop1521]

*Shop-Vac is best described as a vacuum-cleaner for industry jobs. I can't be the only one that had to google this?

[@eckjesse]

thanks to you, my dear sir, i don't have to

[@TheKhopesh]

+prolox1 I've worked with them at a local auto repair garage, so I know immediately what a shop-vac was...

[@cooper3795]

Same here

[@kylescalling]

Fetch_my_laptop I did too😂

[@Xokoy]

I only didn't have to because I already googled it because of a Jonathan Coulton song a year or two before I came across this video

[@Pompadourius]

THIS WILL BE THE PERFECT PLACE TO SUMMON A CLEANING APPLIANCE!

[@taylorkruger1600]

This reminds me of something that happened to me in my old apartment. So I'm doing my eyeliner with a Sephora brush, which is pretty large and uniquely shaped. Just a backstory on this: there is almost no clutter in my room and the walls are white and the floor hardwood. There are no vents in my room. I reach to get one of my other brushes to fix a mistake I made, and I hear a little sound, like a small object hitting the floor. I look to my dresser, my eyeliner is gone. I start looking on the floor for it, I can't find it anywhere. I don't have a closet near that area, and I checked all my drawers: nothing. About two weeks later, an entire bedsheet set of mine is missing. Pillow cases, sheets, bedsheets, everything. I lived alone at that time. Nothing really happened for about two months, but then I wake up one morning and one of my pillows is gone. it was nowhere to be seen in the apartment. About 2 months later, I moved out. I never saw any of the items again.

[@melelconquistador]

Maybe you had someone living in a secret room or inside the wall?

[@hiimmax2450]

I think you may have been robbed

[@kaylaures720]

this is still one of my favorite dramatic readings if not my favorite

[@Armegeddonizer]

Judge a fish by its ability to clime a tree and it will think for the rest of their lives that it's dumb.

[@owenorceater7845]

i am 99% certain this kid is at least part fae 😂

[@CatsWithMachineGuns]

As embarrassing as it may be, I didn't know what a shop-vac was when I watched this video. After googling what it was, I can conclude that yes, he was indeed a wizard.

[@KennyVo120]

My god. This is like all the strange and weird children I've met in my childhood compounded into one, probably inter dimensional wizard child.

[@Dukeofnachos]

You sound like adult Danny Phantom and it's beautiful.

[@mitchellwhite7480]

Oh god he really does

[@master3243]

1:00 'I'VE GOT IT!" sounds like jontron

[@DrProctorr]

I'm glad you put the URL of the thread in the description b/c I'm totally gonna upvote this commenter.

[@qwertyfingeryeah]

URIAH HEEP!! as a new fan, you're just winning more and more awesome points. (for those wondering, the wizard song at the end was The Wizard by Uriah Heep, an excellent song indeed)

[@stuffinaboxguy]

The first time I watched I did so without the sound because of location. I'm REALLY glad I turned the sound on later.

[@notherNappaghost]

Connor The Brain As irrelevant or not as this is, I keep staring at your profile THINKING it's homestuck but not quite being sure.

[@stuffinaboxguy]

Tea Time It's grandpa Harley in a fly hope-colored conductor style suit.

[@notherNappaghost]

Connor The Brain That's amazing. I love it. I want at least 50.

[@bkr1895]

Marvin the Martian is apparently a wizard as well

[@andresgoyer4307]

Amazing.. cried from laughter.... thank u wizard..

[@klix9591]

I searched up xkcdhatguy and this popped up lol 😂😂

[@heyimbearded6323]

bruh same

[@klix9591]

Lol

[@tykaboom0113]

A shopvac has a large capacity, a reusable air filter (usually), a fair amount of sucking power( lets just call it horse power), the ability to suck up water( usually), and a strangly, enough appeals greatly to middle aged polish males.

[@dayofsatantree7573]

He put the clock there. *dramatic music

[@prophecyfulfiller]

chaotic neutral

[@notkivic7060]

that kid regularly carries around 2 cuil in his pocket.

[@GypsyLeah]

I... need to know more.

[@Speed001]

Yeah, seriously

[@Falk_René_Skamiera]

here is what might have been happening to that guy master li hongzhi said in "zhuan falun": True insanity usually has a prerequisite, which is that the person’s base has to be excellent, and he has to be getting on in his years. When somebody is a bit older there’s not enough time for him if he wants to cultivate. People with excellent bases often come with a mission, and they’ve come from high levels. Everybody is afraid of coming to this ordinary world-after your brain is cleared you don’t recognize anyone. After they enter the environment here in this ordinary world, the interference they get from people causes them to put a lot of stake in their reputations and personal gain, and eventually they’ll drop right down, and they’ll never be able to get out. That’s why nobody dares to come and everyone is afraid. But some of these people have come, and after they get here they really break down in the midst of ordinary people, they really are about to fall, and they’ve done a lot of bad things in their lives. When a person fights to benefit himself, he’ll do a lot of bad things, and then he’ll owe a lot of things. His master sees that he’s about to fall. "But he is one with Fruition-we can’t just sit by and let him fall like this! Now, what can we do…" His master is very worried. There’s no other way to have him cultivate-where could he find a master at that time? He has to return, he has to cultivate back from scratch. But that’s easier said than done, right? And he’s getting on in years, and he doesn’t have enough time left to cultivate. Where could he find a practice that cultivates both nature and longevity? This person has to be someone with a superb base, and under that extremely special circumstance, and only then, can the method of making him insane be used. In other words, when there’s absolutely no hope, and in a situation where he can’t return on his own, that’s when this method might be adopted-to have him go insane, that is-and a certain part of his brain will be shut down. For example, we humans are afraid of the cold, and we’re afraid of filth, so the part of his brain that fears cold is shut down, and the part that fears filth is shut down. After these parts are shut down, this person will have some mental problems, and he’ll really start acting like a lunatic. But people who are like this usually don’t do bad things, and they don’t insult people or hit people, instead, they often do good things. But they’re actually cruel to themselves. They aren’t aware of the cold, so they’ll run around barefoot in the winter snow, wearing just a thin layer of clothes, while their feet freeze to the point of cracking and bleeding. And because they aren’t aware of filth, they’ll even dare to eat feces and drink urine. I know that there used to be this one person who gnawed away happily on horse manure that was frozen hard like a rock. They can bear hardships that an ordinary person couldn’t bear while his mind is still intact. Just imagine how much they suffer from this insanity. Of course, they often have abilities, and in most cases they’re older women. Older women had their feet bound in the past, but there was one who could easily scale a wall that’s over two yards high. When this older lady’s family saw that she’d gone insane and always ran outside, they locked her up indoors. But when her family went out she would just point her finger at the lock and it would open, and so she’d get out. "Then let’s lock her up with steel chains." After her family headed out, she would undo the chains with a mere shake. It was impossible to restrain her. And it was this way that she went through a lot of hardship. She really went through some serious hardship, and things were just brutal, so she could quickly pay back the bad things she owed. It doesn’t take more than three years, and usually it’s over in just one or two. The hardship she goes through is pretty huge. As soon as it’s over they understand. With this their cultivation is considered done, so instantly they’re Unlocked, and all kinds of divine powers come forth. These cases are extremely, extremely rare. This has happened in history, though, but it’s not something a person with an average base is allowed to do. You all probably know about crazy monks and crazy Daoists, and they really did exist in history, it’s been documented. There are a lot of stories like the one about "the crazy monk who swept out Minister Qin" and the ones about crazy Daoists.

[@ghostsinthegraveyard5766]

a year later your post has benefited someone, wise words in here. For those with Eyes to See

[@NOSSOBSEMAJ]

Please continue to do these. Just subbed and they are bloody fantastic.

[@coyotehinderstein37]

Kaufman's back reincarnated

[@kingbeauregard]

Great story, appreciate the Uriah Heep at the end.

[@randompunkbaby]

We have a kid just like that at my school. I just talk like its normal, but i make up crazy stories that he cant follow. Eventually he gets confused and leaves.

[@CruzaComplex]

I think these types of readings are my favourite. Humorous, but not purposely so.

[@heyitsenso]

Reminds me of how Zach Heder lives his life, just walks up to people and goes "My dad thinks I'm pretty much the most ripped guy ever so..." and then leaves without a word

[@JustSomeGuyOk]

Uriah Heep at the end... Nice

[@silverseraphim666]

Those guys should read Mage: Ascension, to understand what this guy did and why.

[@ghostsinthegraveyard5766]

Much like DnD, it seems this game was made by occultists, thanks for the tip

[@marselmusic]

Searched up xkcd hat guy and im not surprised.....

[@PSX179]

2:34 sounds like Burnie Burns from Rooster Teeth lol

[@moekanz]

What video editor do you use?

[@EssenceOfImagination]

You are officially the most awesome person ever.

[@dumba55username]

Looks like someone made a thread on Reddit asking who was/is the weirdest kid in your high school and what did they do? and Roy read off this post that was a reply to that thread.

[@Twixx1097]

I rlly like your videos, but please tell me what is a shopvac ?

[@xEpicAndrew]

i love him the most

[@RustleRustle527]

He has hammer-space.

[@webusecom]

Yeah man! I freaking love Uriah Heep!!

[@matthewlee8667]

Literally right after you said he would stop mid-word, the video froze mid-word.

[@AvailabilityOfTime]

Just another amazing story!

[@FirstFallSnow]

Everyone I went to highschool just got addicted to heroine and had some kids. I wish I knew a wizard.

[@coyotehinderstein37]

what song is at the end

[@Grubnar]

"The Wizard" by Uriah Heep. A good song by a great band.

[@GeoRyukaiser]

Suddenly reminded of the alien dude from Kenichi: History's Strongest Disciple.

[@zeratul575]

yes.... just... yes... yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

[@ezepisodes]

This is amazing

[@ChuckFinly881]

pinkie pie incarnate

[@sunnyblossoms]

Ghostbusters. Now with more wizards.

[@MrBeastdude123]

holes don't exist

[@Bone8380]

+Mr. Broski They checked it, there was no hole.

[@billiamdianthus4242]

Andy sounds like he had Williama syndrome.

[@Barbaroossa]

I went to high school with a kid just like that, he had Asperger's, was completely detached from the real world and he performed freaking somersaults whenever you asked him to.

[@Speed001]

Sounds like a cool dude

[@serge263]

This story made me laugh.

[@ShinjiIkari459]

Huh. Do you go to school in rural Scotland by any chance?

[@thepurityofchaos]

His name is Crazy Dave.

[@Nyerguds]

Gobble gabble!

[@johne9331]

1:00 ive got it burnie burns

[@wormudon]

I thought the same when I heard it, so I scrolled down to see if anyone else had catched and it was even in the top comments, hahah.

[@gio1135]

Is this from r/nosleep?

[@Armegeddonizer]

Thank you

[@DanielRhodes7]

A Wizerd?!

[@SephShareBear]

Full metal alchemist?

[@IamDootsdoot]

Sounds like me. Except I was high on LSD and Mescaline. I was THAT guy who happened to be the wierdest fuckhead ever. I once came to school with a fake devil out fit and a plastic axe. I ran around yelling "WARVEN DWAREVEN!" attacking my classmates and tripping on acid. I climbed to top of the school and continued to yell "WARVEN DWARVEN!" this time in a German-norweagen accent while I stripped naked and threw my clothes at people. I don't remember any of this, my classmates do.

[@thomasking4625]

What is the reason for this majestic creation of a story?

[@mancreep]

i completely fucking lost it at the SHOP VAC.

[@dumbasffff]

you vs. morgan freeman. this has to happen

[@MacGDafi]

Homstar

[@WheelieTruther]

In tears laughing.

[@resveries_]

This is beautiful

[@SillyWilly888]

I'VE STILL GOT IT!!!

[@SillyWilly888]

I'VE GOT IT!

[@Seregfaroth]

Uriah Heep!

[@BeMyManikin]

WOW! ME TOO!

[@Kenshin8080]

whats a shop vac

[@ThePurpleFox21]

ill be scared i he does

[@Twixx1097]

ah ok, so it s a kind of vacuumcleaner ?

[@apiteros]

its pretty much a industrial vacuum

[@LilPinkFuzzyMonster]

Is it wrong for me to not understand the punchline? is there one? I don't follow :

[@WatermelonCarver]

The absurdity is comic.

[@p0ffertjespan]

that is so true

[@taylorsks101]

Please become the new Siri.

[@master3243]

what the fuck i though i was the only one that thought he sounds like church cause i was just watching RvB but wow i never possibly imagined this much people

[@Kenshin8080]

I know its not a lot of work but I dont care to know that much

[@prestontull]

you're a wizard andy

[@Lamia7609]

I love this.lol

[@Arcterion]

Brilliant.

[@lolsoar]

Now 55

[@marsling12]

If you don´t have anything not incredibly stupid to say, just say nothing.

[@HmTastySoup]

I, too did not know what a shop vac is. i paused the video, googled it and then went back to the video. Ruined the entire video.

[@masterzoroark6664]

They met a guy who cheated Matrix

[@wearywanderer7018]

i dont get this one??

[@notkivic7060]

Well

[@Rainec777]

Oh god my sides

[@theomnisanctum]

climb*

[@cooljwj]

glorious!!

[@apiteros]

google?

[@Skywreckdemon]

What is this I don't even...

[@MrShoe321]

Holy shit...

[@0mni42]

Holy crap, it DOES! o.O