Esther Perel interviews Terry Real on March 7, 2016

In this dynamic interview, Esther Perel explores how therapist Terry Real uses what he calls "fierce intimacy" -- a way for couples to keep the passion alive in their relationship by "joining through the truth." Despite our damaged family history (and we all have this; some more than others), we can free ourselves for a more intimate relationship by practicing "relational mindfulness." By telling the truth in a loving way, couples can renew their relationships and heal their pasts. With a difficult family past, Real practices what he preaches and is a shining example of an evolved, healed man, but he says the choice is ours to make.

[@Goldo1968]

When you mix fierce, benevolence, courage & love you get Terry Real…a true gift 👊🏼

[@taz7449]

As fine a therapeutic pas de deux as ever I've seen, Perel and Real are casually brilliant together. I've always appreciated Esther Perel's meticulous phrasing and insights, but in this interview she positively shines, particularly in her choice of questions. I resonate with the concept of fierce intimacy; and of his practicum of dealing with the nature of the conflict, moving to "the heart of the heart" of the childhood trauma, and finally the psychoeducation that embraces solution. And I especially loved Real's reference to the spiritual dimension of "autonomy from our own reactivity", which embraces the Buddhist view of attachment. As both a therapist and someone with deep organic knowledge of developmental trauma, I have great respect for Terry Real's candid admission of his personal trauma history, and couldn't agree more: we are all drawn inexorably in the direction of our healing. Kudos to both for this masterful presentation!

[@joyepstein4017]

0

[@reformedbodies1]

Well SAID!

[@fitnessn30sec43]

You can tell he's been through it.. I respect him so much to take on the father role for so many people and to give his life to help people.❤🙏

[@anneruthbarrett1930]

Incredible human beings ❤

[@newcures7813]

Thank you both! That was wonderful! 🙏

[@catherinecompagnion9978]

"the creative pair" ~~ you guys are Beautiful/Amazing. Reading comment below , i ve been following Esther ( tu es la meilleure:) for over 3 years and listened to Terry interviewed by Alex Howard tonight. Truly enjoyed this interview Esther. Thank YOU both.

[@reformedbodies1]

What an amazing interview with two brilliant people. This is my first view of terry and wow. The thoughts and then explanations back and forth are so insightful. I am grateful for you both today.

[@mindtraveler1]

This was an incredible interview of Terry Real. Both very powerful clinicians in couple work.

[@ericksonfoundation]

Thank you, we are glad it resonated so much with you! 😊

[@annawasterbyjara9527]

What a beatiful conversation. Thank you ❤

[@ericksonfoundation]

You're welcome 😊

[@TomDee1972]

Fantastic conversation. Thank you. I discovered Esther Perel through Terry's book, The New Rules of Marriage. But to hear a conversation between the two of them was just great. Much gratitude.

[@sushmapghosh7942]

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[@sentirparasanar68]

What a gift!!! I loved it; even more when he introduced spirituality! I admire them both.

[@Slapsista]

Thank you both.

[@gayejenkins7913]

This is fantastic stuff just love to listen and learn....Esther Perel is amazing and this guy really is amazing too. Such alot of valueable things and skills to learn.

[@elisadinapoli6032]

My two favourite therapists in a oner. Amazing.

[@samanthatermizi]

This brought me to tears. Thank you.

[@cleange1]

Thank you for sharing your experiences... Knowledge and therapeutic reflexes

[@lindamorgenstern3519]

You nailed it, Terry - Your words about our culture :) Great conversation ! God bless You both ! Shalom

[@michaelorbom8137]

This terry Real is a mind magician! Top top level!

[@rachellestevens-carr2070]

I value Esther Perel’s perspective and expertise in couples therapy. I also value Terrence Real’s perspective and expertise in marriage and family therapy. This interview highlighted Esther Perel’s ability to summarize Terrence Real’s work. B+ on your book report. Let the man speak.

[@denisecurran2324]

Love this interview! So enlightening! Hopeful too. I respect them immensely!

[@ericksonfoundation]

We are glad you love it, thank you!

[@fitnessn30sec43]

Thank you this was very knowledgeable I might be a little grandiose in my partnerships. It's definitely life learning to me and I am on a path to try to be the best i can be in my life.

[@heloisasa3715]

Simply fantastic!!!

[@ericksonfoundation]

Thank you, we are happy to know that you enjoyed this video!

[@paradiseheaven]

Thank you

[@whitewindbluehand]

Fantastic, thank you!!

[@mindofown]

excellent

[@Goldo1968]

Amazing ❤️👏🏻 soooo gooood✌🏻

[@kristine8338]

Therapy is paid humanity to serve the good. Friendship has a different dimension in my opinion.

[@elvansavkl7972]

great

[@MrGriz]

Thank you both for the honest personal sharings. But Terry, why did it take you this long to come to those spiritual notions [e.g., "you aren't who you take yourself to be"]? With all due respect (and I have GREAT respect for your contributions to relationship work), where have you been? ;-) But I highly recommend checking out how John Welwood integrates both the "Human" experience and "The Spiritual".

[@hol-upLIL-bit]

Why does Terry remind me of Gargamel in this video? 😜 love the content as usual.

[@louislorenzi-prince3842]

The interviewer talked way too much. She took all the wind out of Terry's sails just as I was getting into what he was saying. She was too interested in showing Terry how well she understood and applied his concepts to the point of admitting that she "channels him". I felt bad for Terry.

[@michaelorbom8137]

Can anyone give input to what things that can or could new to this topic regarding how people should be to each other? I mean, the ten commandments, are they not relevant today? And the thing about so many dont know the simple things to what to feel, is it because lack of food and insane levels of stress in todays world? Maybe its problematic with such long workdays. And lower the price on food!

[@hh7788ify]

This is great. I am a fan of both peoples works. Highly informative and interesting. Thanks for this. PS: his sleeve was irritating me so much :P it look like he is wearing a jacket with only one sleeve haha #ocd

[@jillduran2069]

Interesting, but what about when deep trauma is triggering and driving the behavior?

[@michaelorbom8137]

Why would anyone go to Terry instead of a spiritual leader when he says that you have to have a sense of spirituality? Reading a book of Dalai Lama for example. Its soo easy to understand, so I dont quite understand this whole therapeutic thing. Could anyone answer what therapy really is for, in just a couple sentences? Kind regards

[@jamesf9447]

To come to terms with your experience of reality. To understand what fantasy’s might be holding you back from being congruent.

[@beautymore9386]

Please listen to Amor Zero with psychologist Iñaki Piñuel from Spain about narcissism. I love Esther, but in this video I do not agree to this doctor point of view

[@if-i-stumble]

28:24

[@zoomkidskarate843]

Any healthy women out there?