EVERYTHING WRONG with 'Love on the Spectrum' (autistic perspective)

These are the biggest issues with this show, from an autistic aspie's perspective.
I think there are some really big issues with this show and how it portrays neurodivergent people, so I wanted to make a video about it.
Please let me know what you think in the comments, and if you have any questions let me know :)
🥀 Follow along
/ sagajohanna_

[@anandabeckman]

Thank you for saying something about the bizarre coaching! The way she explained the way the young lady backed out on Andrew was so messed up. She basically called her a liar, when it’s more likely (as an autistic person) that she actually had something going on or was just nervous. Like she straight up went “she really just means she thinks you wouldn’t be a good boyfriend.” I don’t really care if the show is “coming from a good place”, because I read a lot of these dinner dates as putting these sweet people into an uncomfortable situation for comedic effect. Or a pitying effect. I’m also not a fan of the lack of seriousness of what it means for a disabled person to get into a relationship. A couple of the female cast mentioned being abandoned and used by past partners, but the creators completely sped past all that.

[@SagaJohanna]

Oh my gosh! YES! That moment made me so angry, that "coaching" made absolutely no sense and also removed the consent from the young lady. Like, why was she not allowed to just not reply? Thank you for this note too. I wholeheartedly agree and I think it is such an important point! People can do terrible things "coming from a good place". It's about constructs and norms and those people's responsibility to educate themselves rather than just acting on their beliefs. And again, I probably should have mentioned your last point as well in my video... Might have to make a second one because it is so important. I recently read a horrendous stat about how many women with disabilities have been sexually assaulted and I don't think people know, or want to know, how common it is by "normal men" to literally assault and take advantage of women with disabilities. It also think that it becoming less popular in this "woke" age for women to say that they want to be in relationships.. It makes for better tv if we all just use each other... So thank you so much for your comment. So well written, and inspiring. It makes me want to talk about this subject more!

[@anandabeckman]

@@SagaJohanna The mismatch between what nt men think is okay to do to nd women is horrendous, as I’ve been a victim of it myself. Completely tying into your point about how the whole woke view of relationships absolutely contradicts what most autistic people probably want. I’d say most autistic people are as virtuous and traditional as Michael, for example. He is a beautiful example of a person who has the meaning of relationships sorted out. But people that use/manipulate/have casual things going on with multiple people conveniently “misunderstand” that they’re doing something that the other person is not okay with, and will be scarred by. I wish I used to be as able to detect bs as well as I am now, but no one taught me. It’s bad enough to do to this to any genuine man or woman, but it’s worse to use excuses like “you’re hard to read so I didn’t know”, “you’re too sensitive”, “you’re so gullible”, all as justification to manipulate an autistic person. This reality is what needs to be part of any so-called relationship coaching for autistic people. I actually got off of Hinge bc of the degree of harassment I got around my autism. One guy actually said, “how do you expect having kids to work out for you if you never want to touch them or be around them.” That was an opening comment from someone I had not matched with.

[@SagaJohanna]

@@anandabeckman Yes. I think most people are inclined to monogamous relationships, but as autistic people we are especially not inclined to gender stereotypes leading to more gender neutral relationships - which can be so hard to find because of hrm... MEN! And you are so right. Both NT and so called "ND" men (I am saying that ofc there are autistic men, but I've met so many men claiming to be autistic pretty much as an excuse to their behaviour or because they want to be Elon Musk...) so often "misunderstand". But that is ofc not the problem. The problem is that they do not ask. They do not understand consent. And they would never wait for a woman to take the first step. After meeting my husband I am more and more inclined to women taking the first step in heterosexual relationships simply because a. it makes more sense given our society, and b. it makes everyone have to question consent which is so helpful. AND YES, that so needed to be coached. Instead I felt like the coaching was, "don't be autistic, be less of who you are, and always treat people as they don't mean what they say."... And THE NERVE of these guys who will literally do anything but being nice to try to get in bed with a girl. “how do you expect having kids to work out for you if you never want to touch them or be around them.” that makes me so angry, because it's trying to manipulate you into touching them or being touched. It makes me so angry. Men trying to convince women to have sex with them is on my list of video topics, because I am so sick of it. Especially when they are preying on women with disabilities, or (this has happened to many of my friends), women who are insecure or very polite.

[@anandabeckman]

@@SagaJohanna Yes, I would not find it surprising if a good number of people had a problem with the show’s lack of representation of non-cisgender people or gender neutrality amongst autistic people. I’m gender neutral and never talk about it, because it’s THAT irrelevant to me. And in no way do I think people are weird if they do ponder it deeply or identify openly as non-cisgender. This trait is SUPER common, even in people who don’t appear as such, like me. I hate to rag on cisgender men collectively, as partly why I continue to gravitate to them is because they’re so easy to joke with and they like sci-fi and video games like me lol But I’d be lying if I said my romantic experiences weren’t extremely pathetic and poor compared to literally anyone who ever talks to me about their own experiences. It is abnormal. And it entirely has to do with me being autistic and attracting narcissistic people who are hung up on an ex that cheated on them. It’s the same thing over and over. And I do not condone the responsibility of protecting oneself fully on an autistic person. All these awful people are lovely at first. NT people get hurt in very much similar ways. But do I think they’re also given more genuine chances and offered more closure on the regular? Absolutely. Btw when you said you nor your husband have to compromise in your relationship, that you can come home and just BE, it made me so happy to hear that! This is so priceless. And that should absolutely be a goal for all the people who appeared on this show.

[@Brainsore.]

@@SagaJohannaholy crap, who hurt you?! Take a chill pill fr 😂

[@nixthelatter]

But in the shows defense, these people really WANT to experience a relationship like the ones that they see non-ND people have, and a lot of these ND people probably have a hard time building romantic relationships due to the stigma they experience in daily life.

[@SagaJohanna]

Yes I think so too. However I don’t think that’s a behavior that should be enforced. Both for NTs and NDs. I think it’s a failure from society and their parents frankly. But then I believe in the most wonderful possibilities

[@nixthelatter]

@@SagaJohanna I can't disagree with that. It is true that ideally these folks deserve to find and build relationships organically, rather than under the guise of television entertainment as a public spectacle. At the same time, I appreciateciate that the show at the very least does help to highlight that these individuals deserve just as much love and compassion as non ND people. I really felt like I came out with a newfound respect and appreciation for ND people and their experience.

[@elizabethowen8559]

I think what some people are getting at is you shouldn’t have to act like everyone else to be treated like everyone else so long as you are polite and well meaning.

[@Marathonschannel]

@@nixthelatterAsk yourself a question though; how fucked is it that you needed a show for you to come to this realization?

[@drummonkeystuffuk1875]

@@elizabethowen8559 being poilit and well meaning is another expectation of society, and is also extremely subjective to what everyone thinks is polite - therefore its all based on personal opinions of what constitutes as good behaviour. Basically another way of people telling other people to givew up who they are.

[@bazinetjonathan5922]

Actually I didn't judge Any of the participant and I found it really interesting to see life through their perspectives and knowing that some of them really found love ♡

[@SagaJohanna]

I think most people who are watching it - like you - are lovely people who weren’t judging anyone 🥰 but I think the people behind the show weren’t thinking about the people in the show enough, and I think the perspectives of the people on the show might have been misrepresented

[@VelcroKittie]

I absolutely loved the show. James is my new found hero. The guy is nothing short of a breath of fresh air. Only speaking for myself here, but I went away from that show believing that the world is a much better place. Perhaps that's just how I absorb these types of things, but I also know my wife and my best friend felt the same.

[@user-jy2sj4ed4i]

I don't think Love on the Spectrum has unique issues that most modern tv doesn't. Reality TV in general makes a spectacle of humans. With such a sensitive topic there is understandably more scrutiny, but it's only a show and a pioneer at that. I enjoyed relating to new people and personally think it would feel nice to he included in something I'd been previously excluded from, even if it's just a Netflix show.

[@SagaJohanna]

I agree that most reality shows are ridiculous. But the argument that being included is enough doesn’t cut it for me. It’s like saying “I’d rather be included than being treated with the same and dignity and normative people (aka white men)” and that just doesn’t sit right with me. I think we need to constantly evolve and do better, and I think all people deserve to be treated with compassion, kindness, and respect.

[@user-jy2sj4ed4i]

@@SagaJohanna I never stated that it's enough just to be included, because it isn't. Without the power to tell your own story you're still an object and not a subject. Or something like that 😄 but I think it's nice the show was made (even if it was made with profit as the goal in mind, not to fairly represent a minority community.) It's still a step in the correct direction and this is part of the process of evolving to do better. Representation is important and I agree there should be more NDs involved in the total process. Not just in the process of telling our stories but stories in general. Personally I feel like they did a better job of dignifying the subjects of this reality TV show then is typical for many "normative" cast they exploit. I don't watch much Reality Television but it seems to me none are treated with compassion kindness and respect because, money and profits. My overall "argument" isn't this show should be good enough just cause it exists and I'm in no way attempting to invalidate the points made in your video. Just to point out that it's a challenge to expect adequate respect and fair treatment in a medium that doesn't usually grant that to their cast.

[@SagaJohanna]

@@user-jy2sj4ed4i thanks for explaining, now I understand what you’re trying to say much better :) I never watch reality tv because I despise it so I also don’t have a comparative aspect in mind! I see what you mean! Yeah I mainly think it’s wrong that they try to make ND people behave like NT people and that my NT friends think this is a “cute” show because they pretty much enjoy looking at these people “trying to behave like humans”. Hoping for better things in the future!

[@jessicamarck449]

Johanna, Thank you so much! I love hearing you talk and seeing you speaking on this issue. I did not know. I am a NT, so this was so great to watch! I appreciate it immensely. Sad to hear the truth of the show - but so important. I hope autistic people do not feel they have to strive to do neurotypical things. The show was geared to the majority, I assume- neurotypical population. I feel it was my first experience listening to the autistic perspective, sadly. I’m young- but with every experience (including watching this video) , I am grateful for the knowledge I acquire by listening. :) again thank you !

[@SagaJohanna]

Wow thank you so much for such a sweet comment Jessica ❤️ this inspired me to do more videos on this topic in the future !

[@palmtrees2420]

I am not on the spectrum, but I have family who is that I love very much. I thought the show was a very nice change of pace compared to most reality TV shows. I started to realize that people on the spectrum are usually much more genuine in their approach to finding love, unlike the neurotypical who often have alterior motives. With that being said, I do respect your opinion and appreciate you bringing this issue up.

[@SagaJohanna]

Thanks. I think most NT people watching this are watching it from a genuine perspective. My critisism is mainly against the team behind it. :)

[@anglobostonian]

As a 38 year old man on the Spectrum (diagnosed with AS at 15) I would probably see it as a "superpower" if I didn't have difficulty with dating. Unfortunately, there are really no programs designed for people on the Spectrum for dating that aren't essentially scams here in the USA where I live. I don't know where to go.

[@SagaJohanna]

Completely agree. I think I was exceptionally lucky meeting my partner. I had no luck prior to that! And I agree on the scams as well. Good point! I will try to make more videos on relationships in the future. In the meantime I would suggest trying to find people with autism, or people with similar interests or hobbies to be friends with. The best relationships are those built on a solid friendship and trust.

[@anglobostonian]

@@SagaJohanna I am in an Autism group in the Washington, DC area where I live and I am active in Democratic Party politics there. I do best with people who are friendly and who have common interests and who won't - metaphorically - throw me under the bus for being somewhat "off" socially.

[@SagaJohanna]

@@anglobostonian That sounds good. I would also suggest other meetups where people might just share your interests, sometimes dating with "regular" people who just think you are a bit odd might work better. At least it felt better for me. As a man I think it is a bit harder, because of the inequalities in society. Women are often very friendly, but can get upset when someone they trust try to hit on them. I have had many male "friends", only to discover they didn't want to be friends with me unless we were romantically involved. So as an autistic man I would try to be careful, and only asking someone out once you feel confident they would not take it the wrong way. And just ask them to go on a date, rather than say that you are interested in them. That can create a lot of pressure, and in my experience my interest in other people have changed rather quickly once I have gotten to know them better. And if they rejected me it would take me a surprisingly short time for me getting over them, indicating to me that maybe I wasn't that interested in the beginning. Or maybe I was just curious, but not in love. Not sure if that makes sense at all! But those are my thoughts on the subject.

[@KimberlyFaith260]

I was diagnosed with autism at 2 1/2 years old, and am now 18. I have never been in a romantic relationship, although I do have a current crush, but that’s most likely just from hormones. My mom is a teacher with students with moderate to severe autism. I would say I am pretty mild on the spectrum, at least from what I’ve been told. When my mom, my sister, and I watched the show during a vacation, my mom was telling me that “everyone is on the spectrum”. Neither my mom nor my sister has had a diagnosis, although my sister was tested at the same time as me. I understand her point that the spectrum is a rather large one, but as someone who has autism as a big part of my identity, it hurt. I told my therapist about it, and she agreed with me that while there are more diagnosis of autism than before, not everyone is on spectrum. That just disregards the sensory issues and trauma we deal with. Sorry to vent, but I thought I would just share. Thank you.

[@SagaJohanna]

Thank you for sharing. I really appreciate it because my dad (who was a teacher too, and now a principal) would say the same thing “everyone is on the spectrum, even me”. And it made me feel very hurt because I finally felt like I found the explanation and understanding of myself to feel okay with why everything was so difficult. And I think it diminishes our experience. Because everyone on the spectrum if it is a spectrum that includes everyone and anyone. But that also mean people on one end of the spectrum struggle whilst people on the other end does not. So it’s not fair to say of them. Since they aren’t autistic. ❤️

[@KimberlyFaith260]

@@SagaJohanna Yes, exactly. Thank you for your response. 💙

[@drummonkeystuffuk1875]

@@SagaJohanna I have a freind who does this to me, used to go out to clubs, and he constantly kept on telling me everyone in the clubs were autistic - really annoyed me as I felt like he was trying to invalidate my struggles. He has a son who is diagnosed, and you can really see it in him, as he struggles the same as I do. My freind thinks he's on the sprectrum - he might be, but the way he uses it to get special treatment from others, ffreebies at venues and cheap event tickets really gets on my nerves. He uses his sons disabilities for his own gain. Not cool.

[@celticpridedrums]

how can such a young person be so wise? I am overwhelmed

[@susanashton6608]

You reminded me of something I thought when a teenage (and that wasn't yesterday). I felt that in order to have a relationship I would have to not be myself, I would have to fake it and being a pretty straightforward person I didn't like that at all. So I had fairly few relationships but that was OK. And yes, I totally agree about the "shared interests" thing. My husband and I have divergent interests and that has changed during the period we have been together but we teach each other, learn and grow together. And that is what it is all about at the end of day. Thank you for your honesty.

[@SagaJohanna]

Thank you for your kind comment 🥰 yes I remember thinking that as a teenager and even child when looking at my parents who were divorced and in new relationships. Suddenly they changed and they seemed so stiff and under pressure, I thought how difficult it must be to live like that. And I think different interests are great because they might even help you find some new ones !!

[@floor5188]

Hey! Thank you so much for you perspective! I just want to say that I think many of the points you mentioned (like that romantic relationships don't need/shouldn't to be the prime goal, being sensitive, disliking small talk, not wanting to compromise for your relationship etc) are also things that many NT people can relate to. Similarily, I was surprised that so many participants of the show are so focused on having a primary partner. I guess what I'm trying to say that in all the diversity of NT and ND people, NT and ND are sometimes really similar and sometimes we differ so much even though we are similarily 'wired'. All the love!

[@SagaJohanna]

Thank you so much ☺️ yes!!! That’s exactly the message I wanted to convey. I might have to make a second video 😅 I think these points are crucial for ALL people. And that it’s perplexing even a show showing ND people still focuses on having a primary partner. Especially since a big part of autism is the ability to understand that all the concepts we have in society are just ideas.❤️❤️

[@michaelseitz8938]

This series really felt like the creators wanted to make a freak show for neurotypical's entertainment. That season 2 was worse only shows that season 1 wasn't an accident. Talking about stressful situations: The restaurant setting wasn't even the worst. Speed dating was more of a nightmare! 🙁

[@anotheridealist4852]

You made some points that are valid, and other points that I disagree with. I've been married for 20 years. We got married after 6 months because the connection was so amazing. The first connection was shared interests. Then we realized that our personalities complimented each other with different strengths. Our shared values grew together with time; it was not something we had at the beginning. We have both changed a lot since we were first together. We continued to be open and to adapt so we learned from each other. Compromise helped us become better. I am NT and my spouse is ND. But even though I am "NT" in the autistic sense, I am not NT in regards to a disorder that I have. I thought this show was great. This show reminds the NT and the ND community of the diversity on the autism spectrum. Some people with autism want to find a life partner above all else and they would like to have dates at restaurants. There are four basic personality types according to Myers Briggs who got the idea from Plato. I have found a lot of evidence for these types in my psychological studies and my interactions with people. The Idealist type (xNFx) want to have a life partner above anything else. They will feel unfulfilled unless they find this. And the Guardian type (xSxJ) will want to carry on the traditions of their family and their culture at almost any cost. So they will deeply desire to have traditional dates and relationships. You are probably an Artisan who finds personal freedom and autonomy to be of top priority. All of these life philosophies are valid. Its important to understand personality diversity and respect that some people won't value personal freedom and autonomy as much as you do. Thank you for sharing your beliefs. I always appreciate hearing different views, and in this case, the view of someone on the spectrum :)

[@SagaJohanna]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and thank you for watching! :) So happy to hear about you and your husband. I am not super into categorizing myself in personality types etc, because I think a lot of them are caused by nurture rather that nature, so I like to focus on being who I want to be instead! If that makes sense :) However, I think labels can be really useful to understand certain behaviours, but I am always working towards more freedom and less ideas!

[@lilichacon4036]

I am on the spectrum and I love this show. Gives me hope. Makes me so happy. I love watching beautiful people find love. I hope there are more shows like this one.

[@sarahdillingham8850]

I have a very different perspective from many that you presented here but I absolutely agree that this show constitutes a vehicle for voyeurism, and one that not all the participants probably fully consented to. Thanks for the video!

[@SagaJohanna]

Thank you so much! Yes, I think you really put that perfectly. The voyeurism of this show seems quite different compared to the ones of shows like the Bachelor etc.. Here it seems to lack full consent and there might be other interests involved !

[@rachelwalton3772]

I learned from this. Thank you. Very well explained and very interesting.

[@ytvuer]

Well, I had all the same thoughts too! Now if they were going to set them up with an NT date then maybe learning some of that stuff could help but they often set them up with others on the spectrum and expect them to act like everyone else. But the ones who got married were already together, so they built that relationship on their own. Most of them appear to come from middle class backgrounds so these young adults seem a little too sheltered and so they can still have adolescent views of compatibility (liking the same music or movies etc.). But I think many on the spectrum (I'm on it myself) seem to want to just get into a serious relationship right away. Since the dating scene is full of being fake and playing games and trying to impress it's far too much for anyone on the spectrum to handle or even make sense of. But it is not always just society telling them to they need to find someone; many of us also feel a deep need to feel connected and have shared experiences and affection. Loneliness is very devastating and is likely one of the main causes of the unfortunately high suicide rates of autistics. There is a definite need for alternatives to dating but all the research is aimed at children and parents. Of course, helping adults would provide more helpful ideas to help kids on the spectrum when they grow up. BTW I'm also a minimalist. For me it helps to reduce all the distractions and stress of a world that was clearly not made for us. Many on the spectrum are big collectors of things so I don't think it's that common. Maybe you could talk more on that in another video if you want.

[@SagaJohanna]

Thank you for your in depth comment. I think you make a very good point! I often struggled with a sense of not feeling like I belong, but I think of the way my parents raised me (in a non gender conforming way) together with being autistic, a relationship never seemed like the answer to loneliness. Instead, meaningful friendship and knowing other autistic people made the biggest difference for me. I love to hear that you’re minimalist. It also makes me so much more calm. I was actually thinking about making a video that I wanted to call “autism + minimalism” but wasn’t sure if anyone would be interested. Now I know and I will definitely make that video in the beginning of next year! Thank you ❤️

[@Simon-zb6fp]

My greatest privilege in the job I now do is to have a manager who was the neurodiversity champion in our organisation and she often shared with me the challenges that she had with our colleagues at work. Sometimes she said that I helped her see things differently. I don't know how I did that by the way but maybe you can explain that to me. She taught me how she brought up her children who were also on the spectrum which was so enlightening.

[@SanaaJadeCruz]

You sound really happy and satisfied in your marriage I think everyone wants that a reality show is probably not the ideal way to attain that for any type of person. I did enjoy getting to the know the individuals on the show I related to some of them so much. As a NT person I hate dating especially at a restaurant.

[@SagaJohanna]

Yes, I am. I was never in a relationship before that, because I could not find anyone I was as aligned with. That sounds really nice :) Yeah, dating is especially hard. I honestly do not know many settings that are not difficult to date in..

[@kylemonkiewicz2803]

I hate how they treat them like infants

[@SagaJohanna]

Yes! Totally agree. Empowering people and giving them responsibility is the best way for growth. That is literally how children succeed!

[@jmfs3497]

For the last decade I kind of stopped trying to date at all. I loved my last partner, but I wasn't aware that I might be on the AS. They were stubborn about what they wanted even if I recommended doing things slower, and it led to me shutting down. But the point is it liked them SO MUCH that I haven't met anyone else that makes me feel worth dating. I want physical affection with a person that likes me as a person. Someone who isn't trying to make me jump through hoops to soothe their ego. I don't really enjoy texting as courtship, but I'm happy to text people that are part of my regular face-to-face reality. My routine-based lifestyle has actually led me to feel pretty happy with my life. I've saved money, bought a house, have a great job, have good friends, and I have very rewarding hobbies... but I might also be kind of boring to "dates" or something. I like flirting, but I don't like any sort of competitive behavior or people that are seeking to alter my reactivity. I am trying to trust my gut to realize that I AM pretty mature and healthy, even if I have a childlike attention to my special interests. If I find a date's interactions with me to be confusingly hot/cold I get kind of worn out from spending any time on them at all, and I'm trying to trust that without feeling like I am doing anything wrong. Perhaps autist women experience dating differently because men feel less threatened by that childlike spark in a woman, where in a man it seems low intellect to have that childlike spark. I'm still a man. In fact I feel like I am healthier psychologically than most men. I'm not afraid of my feelings or anyone's feelings, and I find it comfortable to be direct about everything as it's the fastest way to get anywhere. My directness does seem to make people uncomfortable, though, and the only people I really feel threatened by with my directness are manipulative/narcissistic types of people that can't be honest with me about what they want, which is funny, because I would directly tell them how to achieve whatever it is they want if they could only be less afraid of asking for it.

[@anncat1111]

*Love* your beautiful self-expression on this. LONG comment alert ! ;) I was pleased to see the show existed just so that some NT people who think NDs can't date can see that they can. This was a step that felt personal to me because, in trying to get a diagnosis myself, my doctor told me I couldn't be autistic because "they can't speak, can't work, and can't have relationships" she laughed *hard* at everything I said, and I cried, and she still laughed and said I was acting because I was trying to get benefits by pretending to be disabled. Of course NDs know we *always* tell the truth. I didn't want benefits, I have always worked. This was an extreme response by someone with medical education and power and supposed 'care' over others, which I know isn't common across all NTs. However, I found when I saw the show that it felt like it was indeed posed as NTs seeing NDs still as 'incapable' and not seeing their innate deep high intelligence in many ways that an NT does not have. I'd love to see a show where NTs understand (or try to) NDs, and are our allies, and support us in being the real us. Everyone is who they are for a reason and being our authentic selves is paramount importance for our whole world and everyone in it. I can see that NDs have highly evolved brains, and I think that is the way humanity is going, with a deeper empathy, sensitivity, and synchronicity with nature and the world. More bluntly, it is actually essential we are more empathetic, sensitive and synchronised with our natural world for our planet to overcome and survive this infestation of humans who destroy it in every way, and therefore for humans and other life here to survive too. I wish more NTs had realisations about the NDs' experience of the world, and learnt from it, rather than what it seems is society's current expectation of NDs to learn to be like NTs and 'fit in' and not be 'weird' or 'a problem'. Oh dear, NDs are not a problem really. I know many people may see it differently to me, but I hope in sharing my perception, it allows minds to wander and see other perspectives and perhaps a broader view of the world in general and the ND world in particular. Love to all.

[@SagaJohanna]

I love the idea of a show that focuses on NT people trying to actually accept and understand neuro diversity, that sounds so interesting. I just spoke to my friend about this and we said very similar things!! Im so sorry to hear about your experience. It baffles me how bad some therapists are and it’s really sad. I hope you feel better now and that you can still get help on your journey. For me books have helped more than therapists ever did… And I totally agree. I think NTs could live better lives if they listened to advice from ND people. I think we are forced to figure this thing called life out, because we can’t survive in suffering. And I think more people would be happy if they also listened to all their sensitivities. Even if they don’t feel them as strongly as we do ❤️❤️❤️

[@anncat1111]

@@SagaJohanna Thank you

[@Tubbkin]

I find it's odd they choose people who are peoples automatic mental version they picture whenever you think "autism" and I wish they'd showed a more diverse range of people functioning on the spectrum. It's really odd for me to watch it because it makes me feel that if normal people see this they will think we are all like that. I feel they purposely go for those who stand out more in a typical "normal" setting and aren't as high functioning. Nothing wrong with that but it would be nice to see someone like me a little. Then again I mean idk what I act like in the view of others lol.

[@SagaJohanna]

I completely agree. Especially since most autistic people are not conforming to traditional gender roles, looks etc. !

[@dortz2024]

There were definitely some high functioning people in the Aus version. The gingery blonde guy from Season 1 who married the dark haired girl with the snakes for example, plus the girl in Season 2 who married the guy called Jimmy. I feel like Steve from the US version is defo high functioning also. There are definitely more examples but I feel sleepy and have forgotten most of the contestants at this point XD.

[@brookelynrhodes1998]

It most certainly didn't really display Autism being a spectrum like it should be in the show. I just started watching the show and I notice how they casted the very visibly autistic people. They also portray them as being straight when lots of Autistics are LGBTQ+ and non traditional with gender. They were definitely trying to put them in NT situations.

[@brookhagen6188]

LOTS is a pioneering tv program. I see the program evolving to explore these different aspects of being in the Spectrum. You remind me of my niece. She reflects the aspects that you discuss.

[@SagaJohanna]

That would be great! I hope it would be a bit more nuanced, and maybe more focus on helping the individuals find happiness themselves! 🥰

[@breatheinsimple5369]

My 8 year old autistic son is very sure he never wants to be married or have kids. He says it is way too much work. He never cares about fitting into what everyone else is doing. He never wanted a birthday party and says he never will. He is amazing I learn so much from him everyday and his brain works in the most fascinating ways!

[@SagaJohanna]

Wow that’s so cool! I love that you’re learning from him, he sounds like he’s able to express himself and it sounds like you’re raising him with confidence. I too don’t celebrate my birthday or my partner’s birthday and so happy I don’t have to anymore! Your comment made me so happy 🙏🏻❤️

[@breatheinsimple5369]

@@SagaJohanna wow that's so neat you do not celebrate your birthdays either! 💗

[@Ihavegivenup825]

he's only 8 years old. Don't force him to do things he doesn't want to do, but don't make him proud of being an outsider either; it's not healthy for a kid to define himself by his mental traits. How can he have an opinion on marriage and children? The kid is 8 years old

[@kevinr3866]

An 8 year old already having the same values as mine, interesting!

[@alwachart]

Compromising: had a relationship once with someone who didn't want pets. Not against it but didn't love animals as I do. That's just not happening ever again.

[@SagaJohanna]

Such a good point! And happy to hear that you didn't compromise, it becomes so unsustainable over time!

[@jimreadey4837]

First, Johanna, thank you for speaking from your clarity. I've always thought restaurant dinner dates were awkward situations to impose on just about anyone. So, yes, it seems the show's producers are quite happy to put its subjects in some anxiety-producing situations for entertainment value... so that neurotypical folks can be amused by how uncomfortable the date is for the pair. I want to challenge your opinion regarding compromise. While I agree with your point, generally, that it is important to be ourselves, I want to suggest a nuance I've observed in my own life. I started out my life fairly rigidly, when it came to opinions of other people, and this carried over into dating. You might say I was very picky, very opinionated, _uncompromising._ What I've come to learn, decades later, was that this was part of my hypervigilant defense system. Compromise, to me, meant vulnerability... and vulnerability meant danger. Now that is not necessarily wrong... it's just an incomplete picture of life. Vulnerability also can lead to connection. If I can let go of my rigid opinion about something (if I can compromise in some areas, in other words), *I just might learn something new.* My world might grow bigger. I might move beyond some of my irrational fears, and begin to live life more creatively. If we can't open ourselves up to the occasional pain that happens in life, then we can't open ourselves to love either. The key is learning how to *balance* defensiveness and openness. There's an analogy with the anatomical heart. It is continually opening, and closing... and, if it ever remains in just one of those positions for very long, we die. ♥

[@orlandoweichistocool]

What are the qualifications for a successful dating show for people on the spectrum? What would you like to see?

[@SagaJohanna]

What a fun question :) I think I would like to see complete freedom and exploration. Maybe some form of 1-1, online, or group gathering (whatever the participants felt most comfortable with), in safe and calm settings. Wouldn't maybe be so fun to watch... But something that went a bit slower, and a bit more casual. But I'd imagine people on the spectrum who wanted to date could get to "date" by just hanging out, doing their favourite activities, or just talking. If it was too difficult maybe a group setting would be better. And I still think and educator would be helpful. But I'd like a relationship coach that talked about the importance of consent, the issues that can arise dating a NT person, the issues that can arise dating a ND person, how to have equal sex if you want, etc. Like the things that are practically important to have a fulfilled and happy relationship. What would you want to see?

[@JCfallarah]

Due to there being a spectrum, many individuals with asd like myself will have an array of answers. I am personally interested in dinner restaurant dates as well as other things.i do respect the opinions in this video though

[@ivapetrovska9986]

Thank You for Your review . I was bothered by the strange date-coaching as well, where first - the nd participants were coached not be honest and direct, natural themselves (which directness would be a grate advice even for nt relationships, and for which characteristic I believe the neurodivergent people are superior over neurotypical ). And second, the obsession with the same hobbies and interests, which me also rarely had same with a partner in a relationship, and don't think are necessary over energy, mutual respect, understanding, compassion and solidarity. 💖🌻

[@susandean8584]

Thanks for this insightful video. I think you are such a emotionally intelligent human.

[@takashix321]

The US version did a better job of picking suitable locations (maybe they watched your video haha). James at the Renaissance fair was great, he was in his element and so happy. I could watch a whole show just of him at Renaissance fairs.

[@SagaJohanna]

Haha, I haven’t seen the US version but that sounds way better ☺️

[@sarahbailey6723]

You know…I used to connect in a “grass is always greener on the other side” [we notice the good things that others have/do and adore or feel jealousy] kind of way about the Swedish young women that I’ve seen, thinking, “oh, life makes so much more sense there” and it may well make more sense in Sweden than in the United States of America. (That’s highly likely, even, depending on one’s political opinions…) I think now that I might need to weigh that against the possibility that the Swedish women to whom I’ve listened the most might not all be on the Autism spectrum, and it’s actually *that* that I’m connecting with rather than anything Nordic/Scandi/Swedish. It’s been a very small sample size. I haven’t actually learned Swedish. So many of you know English, I don’t know if it would be seen as insulting or complimentary-probably just confusing, considering the trillions of hours spent collectively working on learning and teaching and using English. Anyway. I’ve only really watched/listened to three of you. (You, Jenny Mustard, and Greta Thunberg) Anyway, I like you all, but I wonder if you are a sample representative of Swedish women overall or whether it’s more women from metropolitan areas or … Naturally, it’s difficult to conclude wonderment, so I’ll stop here or I’ll wonder if these comments have an eventual character limit, and whether I will be the first to find out. 😅

[@MirkkGoffe]

Nicely said, totally agree. Guess not only gender roles are fake, but every role you play to define and limit yourself, and why would you wanna do that? 🧐😆

[@SagaJohanna]

Thank you!! Haha you're right, that's exactly how I feel. Just gotta work on breaking free from those roles in every single moment.... :)

[@gerrytolbertjr.6246]

I agree. These people are not to be in love. They don’t even know what love is. They’re emotionless) by no fault of their own, but definitely they lack empathy. Imagine if they have kids? Just adds to the spectrum. More potential disadvantages and disorders. Great video. Well said.

[@SagaJohanna]

Thank you! Well yes, I have to agree. I think we need to develop a certain emotional capability to have children and support them well!

[@stephenbetterly4808]

Do you people not understand that the rich people behind this show only created it to make money and to belittle these type of people. It's like they are saying "here we have exhibit A meeting exhibit H in a very unsettling habitat to them, let's see what debauchery unfolds" so "normal" people can be entertained.

[@SagaJohanna]

Thank you!

[@lifeis_strange]

I like the video and I've been thinking about similar ideas. When I'm interested in someone, I feel kinda clueless on how to proceed and tend to resolve it by thinking in terms of what a ""normal person"" would do, and looking at it as some sort of game, when it really should be about expressing yourself and having meaningful moments together. On special interests, I agree that they don't really have to match. It's important that the person is happy to hear you talk about stuff that make you excited, but it doesn't only happen when they're equal to you, lol. It could be an opportunity to learn more about a new way to look at the world. I also don't quite get the appeal of restaurants. Like, eating good stuff is cool, but talking to someone while I'm eating is kinda weird and tiring, lol. When I do it with my family, I enjoy being with them, but I don't really talk much

[@andrewsandeen8109]

Neurodivergent, neuroklassisk, neurotypisk... Det är svårt att försöka placera alla i en av dessa kategorier och använda en standardiserad metod för hur alla 'borde' vara. Det som förenar oss alla är att vi är unika individer. Många av mina klienter befinner sig inom autismspektrum, men ingen är den samma som den andra. Jag är konstlärare, och det som oftast gör konst intressant är när den bryter sig bort från det vanliga. Den konst som skapas oftast mycket intressant.

[@demonbunny6555]

What I hated was that the only people they showed seem like they were on the middle or the lower end of the higher end. I noticed all the people were in there all in at least there mid 20s and still lived with there parents and didn’t seem to have that much of their own lives or independence, they also seemed like people were talking to them like children. They didn’t really show any people in the upper end who lived alone, had careers, had there own circle of friends and such, have had serious relationships before and were completely independent, mature, competent adults. There are plenty of autistic people like that and they didn’t show and I think the show gives a narrow view of autism and what people with autism are like and capable of that seems cute to neurotypicals but is really spreading misinformation

[@SagaJohanna]

Yes it really is. It is showing a narrated version of reality to push for the favored agenda.

[@demonbunny6555]

@@SagaJohanna I agree, it also makes autistic parents think that’s the kind of lifestyle there children will have. I was watching it with my mom and I asked that and she said that’s just normal to live with your parents that long for people on the spectrum and there’s a difference from what I want and what I can do (basically it made her think I ain’t moving out because the all lived with there parents)

[@SagaJohanna]

@@demonbunny6555 yes that’s unfortunate. I think living alone or with a community (not your parents) is so important for one’s freedom and growth. And I think there are so many ways one can do it!

[@robinohara226]

but those people wouldn't need help finding dates and therefore being on the show would be kind of condescending, the point of the show is to help people find dates who are having trouble doing so

[@robokill387]

@@robinohara226 Not true, just because someone is high functioning doesn't mean they get dates easily, it's not a simple scale.

[@elisabethhumphrey2115]

Yes yes yes yes! My BF (both ASD) do not go out to eat. We go hiking, or for walks, or just sit and talk and talk. I love that I don't have to go out to eat with him. Most ND dudes always want to go out to dinner and the whole time I'm out I just want to go home! We also don't live together, and never sleep over, because we're such bad sleepers. Everyone thinks it's soooo weird. But it works for us. He's the most supportive and understanding person I've ever been with. We're also 14 years apart (I'm older) people also think that's strange but we just click. I lived with two ND men before I realised I was autistic at 42 - and I put alllll my effort into masking. I put all my needs to the side and the relationship took over. I'm way better off being "alone" 6 days a week and seeing the BF once a week. As for LOTS - yes so so many issues. I have ND friends that ask me what I think and I'm like "nooo it's so cringe - and infantilizing!" thanks for your review- it is so spot on!

[@x_m.h_x]

I agree relationships and sex is not important in life. I agree with the settings, I believe the settings could have been more calmer (less stressful). However the show did presented ND dates where the couple decided to go for their date. Michael wanted to do a dinner, tho he didn't know his date would be uncomfortable, but he chose to have his date there. Mark chose to go to museum and the zoo. Michael's first date wanted to go to a comic con. In the second season, Michael decided where to date like having his date meeting his parents because he wanted to do that. Ronan wanted to take Kate to a driving simulator, which he did. I agree, many other dates were a at a restaurant but not all dates were forced NT settings. they got to decide (whether or not they knew it may be a stressful place) for their date, freely. Many of the married couples had their own dates that they decided to go to. I would have to disagree partially that society was pushing the cast to find love. Take the example of Mark and Michael and many more, they wanted to find some one. Michael and Mark wanted a relationship, find a a partner, and still are. That wasn't forced by society nor their parents, just their freewill. Any time Michael was going on a date or talking about finding a woman, his parents kept supporting him and reminding him that's it's ok if the girl is not the one. They didn't forced him, they just reminded him and allowing him to decide to find a wife. The only one I could see why you see society pushing a ND cast member to find love was Kevin. His father did not want him to be alone, but Kevin allowed himself to go on dates. He could have said no to his father but he did not mind trying dating. Their parents supported them whether or not they wanted a relationship. Same with forcing ND people to think NT, I saw the cast being themselves, their parents encouraging them and not forcing to not act themselves. Their dates did not force them to stop being themselves. They were respectful. For similar interests and Jodi, it looked liked many of the cast members wanted help. They wanted to learn how to keep the conversation going and feel less stressed during a date. The similar interests is just a stepping stone in a first date. I agree, their similar interests shouldn't be the main factor to start dating for a long relationship. However, not knowing you and another person's have similar interests on a first date would be hard to know if you are compatible. If you like their personalities but you have nothing in common it's going to be hard to keep the relationship going, especially for a romantic one. For example Teo, when Teo learned Morgan liked politics like her, they felt more comfortable with each other, and continue their conversation. If she did not like politics or alternative music or any interest he has, it's going to be hard to keep the conversation and relationship (platonic, friendship, or romantic) going. In addition, Teo is into personality more, which is good. But of course, like all relationships it's going to be hard to keep it going if you just like their personality, looks or interests only. Once again, I agree with you about similar interests shouldn't be just the factor to keeping a long relationship, especially romantically. But it's a good stepping stone when meeting someone. On the topic of "Oh that's cute", I think that most viewers saw the actions or gesture as cute. Sure, there are people in the world that could make fun of them, but I think it's because of the gestures the cast does, like kissing good bye or them bring flowers to each other, is cute whether or not the date is ND and NT. Lastly, the show did presented non-heterosexual dates. Chloe went on a date with a girl. Second season had a male going on a date with another male. and Teo did a date with a man and female. Overall, I respect your opinions, I am just giving my points, and you can take it or leave it, I won't be upset :)

[@SagaJohanna]

Wow you really have watched the show! I only watched the first season :) Thank you for your comment. I would like to say that “pressure” isn’t always outspoken. It seemed to me like a lot of them were brought up in families where marriage and children were expected. I grew up in a family that said that didn’t matter. So the pressure might come indirectly from family, and of course we have to remember norms from society. Our society is a heterosexual normative white male patriarchal society so the norms in are society are not equal or completely free. That’s what I wanted to convey :)

[@x_m.h_x]

@@SagaJohanna I agree that the majority is white and heterosexual in the world unfortunately. As a part of the lgbtq+ and Asian I know. But shows like these is a step not the perfect step nor the perfect representation, but it's a step. I respect your opinion always, just giving mine :) a nice conversation

[@kevinr3866]

Were you born outside of the U.S? Seems that there are instances where your accent slips out. Asking from someone living in Australia. Also watched the show and Im an undiagnosed aspie seeking a diagnosis atm

[@SagaJohanna]

I was born in Sweden and lived there until I was 18! Since then I've been living all around the world, and now NZ :) Don't think I'll get a Kiwi accent anytime soon though :D Good luck with your diagnosis

[@Dylanthestudent]

I respect your opinion although I don’t share it. I agree with your point about the strength of autism in being able to be upfront and how that should be something neurotypical people should learn from but I don’t see why race had to be brought into the conversation about autistic perspectives vs neurotypical perspectives on dating.

[@zico77a]

I really don't agree. This show makes me a better person to be honest. Because it highlights what's wrong with society and makes us value the important things. It's a dating show so it would be weird if it's focus was on the diagnosis instead of how beautiful life can be when everybody understands each other. Without these kind of shows many people wouldn't even try to understand. I'm grateful for this show.

[@SagaJohanna]

That’s great. This is my opinion. I don’t think it highlights what’s wrong with society, but rather encourages it.

[@mikalnolan_3393]

I don't think the show pushes that being in a relationship is the end all be all gold standard for ND people. The participants seem to really want love and I think maybe you're have the opinion you do because the show isn't showing you the counter senerio. However, Thanks for your thoughts. You have some really interesting insights and I found your insights to be informative. cheers

[@SagaJohanna]

Thanks so much for sharing :) I hope so too. I’m wondering where their desire for love comes from though, but as I’ve said in the previous comments I am an idealist at heart and hope that no one has to feel the need to search for love ❤️

[@respobabs]

good video. i think it's important that you pointed out that the show is somewhat using/exploiting ND people to entertain an NT audience. making content about ND people, for ND people...probably not "commercial" enough for netflix. NT people might watch it and just get confused, or maybe accuse the show of "attacking traditional values" or something...ND people as inherently subversive/threatening? hmm

[@SagaJohanna]

Great point! Thank you :) yes I really think the “realness” or lack of social norms would make it very confrontational for people with “traditional values”.

[@shannonbrown8717]

Really like this take!

[@SagaJohanna]

Thank you!

[@drsfsmith1603]

I have only seen fragments of the show but agree that it has problems. I find Sagaa's comments on the show and autism generally a bit too strident although I have enjoyed many of her KZbin videos very much. Autism is a spectrum.Some of those with it (in deference to Saga i will not say "suffering from it") are low functioning and non verbal. At the other end are folks almost neurotypical with some well controlled autism-like personaity traits. While I am confident this is not the case, Saga's presentation seemed to assume that all labelled autistic are like her: an intelligent enough, young, attractive person able to function in the world. An important point often made about autism is that those with it struggle with relationships. Saga seems to have a really good relationship with her husband. It is a pity this aspect was not explored further in the video. Has his affection caused the autistic influences to abate or made them easier to deal with?

[@taurnguard]

I've seen all of the episodes. I'm not autistic (at least, I've never been tested for it). The only point I would argue with you about is that it's not necessarily a relationship that the show is making so important in life. It's love. If you have ever truly been in love with someone (once for me), you would know it's the greatest feeling you could ever have. Imagine your mind, body, and spirit in synchronization and every cell in your being as one feeling nothing but love. THAT is what everyone SHOULD want. Some need to first correct their definition of what love really is.

[@SagaJohanna]

I think one can be truly happy without love (Tibetan monks and nuns for example, and other highly realised people). But I know how happy love can make one. I live with a person whom I love unconditionally and he is, without a doubt, one of the best things that ever happened to me :D

[@robokill387]

Why SHOULD everyone want that? I don't. Claiming that everyone "SHOULD" want romantic love is part of the problem.

[@JacobThomson1988]

Please tell me this is not a hate speech against people with autism because it’s so happens. I have Aspergers.

[@markpw2613]

2.07 is not necessarily about acting neurotypical. Its about trying to adapt to society. Being completely honest with you, masking is inevitable in a world where people just dont get or understand the condition. Acceptance by society is the problem and shows like that actually make the stereotypes worse.

[@MirkkGoffe]

If only people would realize that it's core values that should be similar in relationships, not taste in pop culture 🤣. Lol, just wrote that while watching and then you mention it too...

[@SagaJohanna]

Haha, funny :D

[@nachtaron]

Yeah just tried to watch the show and damn not even 5 minutes in and I feel super infantilised by the portrayal. I am not some quirky outcast that wants to fit in with nt expectations of what love and dating should be, I want to be treated with respect for my experience and understanding on romance. But the only thing this show tries to get out of you is pitty and that's the last thing I need.

[@SagaJohanna]

Yes absolutely agree. The respect for our experience is completely missing.

[@abbyhughes8271]

That really pissed me off, as well! That Asian mixed girls was so rude and hateful towards that guy who did everything to go out of his way to do things for her. I have Asperger Syndrome and I’m not that fucking heartless lol! I have lost all interest in the TV show, because half of the people in there are not even autistic or have what I have. I am extremely high-functioning and no one can even tell that I have Asperger’s, but I cannot normally always tell when someone has autism. I love what you said about autism and how it is a super power, though! That was very inspirational and I could not have said it any better than you did. I have such a hard time explaining myself in a video, but I am so much better explaining myself, in person. I have never dated someone on the autism spectrum, never had interest 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@SagaJohanna]

Thank you so much! Sounds like we feel very similarly about autism ❤️

[@timothyespinoza5051]

I had to come to KZbin and see just how staged the show was! That’s not right for people to act a way they are not! Because it’s disrespectful to who is! I loved your video so much! And it was perfectly opinionated! I totally agreed with you on all levels! Gf hacked)🙂✨

[@SagaJohanna]

Wow thanks so much! Putting opinions out in the open is a bit scary but so happy you liked it ☺️

[@timothyespinoza5051]

@@SagaJohanna yes it is scary.. that’s y I’ve procrastinated with my channel and social media n general. Everyone can b so quick to judge.but nothings better than being yourself and seeing who’s really there for us! It’s a magical connection! Keep doing your thing love! New subscriber here! When I’m back with my own account..forgot my pw 😭😢 but when it’s active again ..I’ll add u there as well!😊✨

[@notquitehim]

I enjoyed the show if I'm honest, but I totally agree with you in that the premise might be a little questionable. In the back of my mind I kept thinking perhaps if the people in the show really wanted to pursue romantic relationships, they'd be better served doing so in their own terms and not through these artificially constructed scenarios presented in the show that feel very Hollywood-y and cliched. Personally i wouldn't go to the Zoo or to a restaurant, heck I'd much rather be at a safe space where i feel comfortable and talk to the other person, heck even just texting is sometimes a good way to get to knowpeople

[@SagaJohanna]

Yes! I agree. I wish I would've said it better in the video - it was one of my first ones... But I think most autistic people know, who's gotten help with coping and living in this world, is that the best place to get to know new people in (and especially finding love) would be in our safe space!

[@notquitehim]

@@SagaJohanna I think you expressed yourself very well in the video :)> Cheers for posting it and taking the time to reply

[@asdf9890]

I totally agree with you, everything about the show screams fake or they are exploiting these poor people without their consent.

[@SagaJohanna]

I think so too 🙏🏻

[@auti34]

I got interviewed to be on the show we is for people that want to be on the show and look for to meet somebody

[@joebleibaum]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with the show, if you dare to view it from the perspective of the producer. The show was invented with the intend to entertain "normal" people and earn the producers a hell lot of money. And there you are, spoiling the fun by doing a reality check. You know, life is about imagination and an imagination can become reality. If this series helps neurotypical people to not ses us as monsters, freaks or what ever stereotype else, we have achieved a lot. That is way better, than the media portraying people on the spectrum like Temple Grandin, Daniel Tammet or Elon Musk as genius freaks. If it takes a series like that to help "normal" people to relate to us, so be it. Jm2c.

[@SagaJohanna]

Haha I love your comment ❤️ I’m challenging the norms of the producer but in adverse agree with everything you say.

[@Nico.Broccoli]

i’m very sorry, as i did not enjoy the representation of people on the spectrum i did still find myself interested int theses people who are trying their best to help spread awareness for the struggle that comes in our world with autism and relating to that struggle especially in relationships. Also i think your personality might be rubbing me the wrong way, i just don’t think i would get along well with you personally

[@SagaJohanna]

Im unsure why you would mention how I come off as unpleasant to you

[@belizejuliette7223]

❤❤❤

[@timothyegan3114]

so you think people with autism shouldn't be able to be on shows like this? All the participants clearly wanted to be on the show, a lot of them now have big social media following and some have developed a their career from it just as lots of people do of reality shows. i think your applying your own views and perspectives whereas everyone should be able to do what they choose. the only think that would lead me to take any issue with a show like this is if people were being manipulated or made fun of. I think it's a beautiful show and i think it's also shone a really positive light on autism and people with autism can have the same opportunities, dreams and needs as anyone else. i'm sure there lots of autistic people that would never want to be on a show like just like there's lots of people wether their autistic or would never want to go a reality show but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with people that do. my view of most things other in life is if it's not hurting anyone and people are doing what makes them happy then who am i to have any issue with it, look at Danni of the american series she has used it platform her animation business, she's got a massive social media platform that has grown massively since being on the show how can anyone seriously claim that is somehow wrong. If the participants are happy and chose to do this that's right i wish them all the success in the world.

[@typing_social_catalyst]

❤️

[@BERNTRR]

Idk. Sure the point of putting them in situations that arent natural to them is okay, like, going on dates they would like. Its a show for most people, we enjoy seeing them try to connect, we're not trying to make them like us.. I have so much more to say but the more you talk the more i have to say, people dont listen to her. If she's happy good for her but she doesent know what shes saying..

[@SagaJohanna]

Who do you mean by “we”? Everyone have different opinions. There are definitely people who watch it to see ND people being silly and “cute”. Please write a respectful comment, thank you!

[@BelfastDutchie]

'We' enjoy seeing 'them' try to connect? We (as in autistic people) are not circus monkeys for you to watch as a source of entertainment. We are actual people with actual needs and emotions. Who are you to say it's fine to put us into an environment we don't like?

[@HessianPeel]

While I admit the show has its flaws, I feel it remains more of a net positive. There’s little in the way of autistic representation in the media, and what we get is pigeonholed into the same tired tropes. LOTS, however, helps show that the spectrum is wide and varied and that, as the saying goes, if you met one person on it, you met one person on it. This is what gave me my own lightbulb moment and has led me down the path towards getting my own autism screening (which hopefully I’ll be able to get done before year’s end; it’s been a lengthy process). I saw people not too dissimilar from myself, people I would’ve otherwise categorized as “normal” and started to learn how wide the spectrum really is. I think the show does a great job of giving NTs a look into how their minds work, and I think that helps a lot to aid understanding. Also, as others have said, whether it’s a result of society making love the end-all-be-all or not, the people on this show very much want that type of connection, so I don’t see a problem with them seeking it out. And the voyeuristic aspect is going to be an aspect of any reality show period. But I’ll take it if it means also showing that people with ASD are deserving of love and can love just as intensely and beautifully as anybody else. What I will agree with you on is that the date settings weren’t ideal. But, while it’s been a while since I saw those seasons, I do recall thinking that it seemed like there was a decent amount of empty tables surrounding whichever table they were at, almost as a courtesy. And the US version did seem to have fewer dinner dates and more dates tailored towards the interests of the people. (Though I recall the other version having some of those too)

[@SagaJohanna]

Thanks for your comment. I wish you all the best on your screening, and remember that they are not always perfect. Hope you get a good one! I have met people who were super educated on the spectrum and people who had no idea what it was... I am an idealist at heart, and I always aspire for better, not "as good as" a reality dating show. Maybe one day!

[@Kometheus]

They don't have to be in anything or do anything. No one forced them to be in this show.

[@SagaJohanna]

“To not be forced to do something” is not the definition of a choice

[@remuspierre8038]

Good advice

[@Bob-ln1jh]

The production company is doing it just to make money. And the people who watch it are doing it just to make fun of us!

[@gie3973]

The notion that you can be in a relationship and not compromise is absolutely false , the show carried I believe in as good as a light as it could be, alot could have been adjusted but you can't get anything right.

[@SagaJohanna]

I’m in a relationship without compromise. It’s one of our most important promises to each other. No compromise. Clear and honest communication. Only speak with love and compassion. Promise that if anyone wants to quit the relationship they can - without drama or negativity.

[@ceilazel6061]

I think in every relationship there will be inevitable disparities in what each person wants or needs, at some point. It's impossible for two people to be in lockstep for decades with identical desires. And people get sick, and may have to take turns taking care of each other, which requires sacrificing what you want sometimes. To abandon someone because they got sick would be cruel. So to survive every relationship requires compromise. However, you should never have to compromise who you are and your own well-being.

[@planetag310]

I view 'neurotypical' dating shows with the same critical approach as you view 'Love on the Spectrum'. Shows like 'The Bachelor' are cringe-inducing because they feature outdated stereotypes and simplistic romantic notions that many of us laugh at in 2024. As individuals, NTs don't all value relationships to the same extent and may be socially disadvantaged in ways that have nothing to do with the autistic spectrum. So it's limiting to paint all NTs with the same brush. The fact that Love on the Spectrum is playing to an NT audience is kind of expected, as the goal of TV shows is to make money by appealing to as wide an audience as possible. That's not to say that I don't agree with your criticism - the show does have a narrative that says autistic people should be in a relationship. I'm against this narrative in the same way I'm against 'The Bachelor's' narrative, which is the same. It's destructive to both ND and NT people.

[@dortz2024]

It would be good if you could suggest an alternative method to the NT-style dating scene for the contestants on Love on the Spectrum. As an Aspie myself (and probably ADHD also, among other ND conditions) I've taken part in the NT-style dating scene myself. And support the show doing so in the absence of decent alternatives. Not ideal, no. But I'm sure the show makers are open to ideas, as I also am. I'm so pleased the show exists atleast actually.

[@dortz2024]

Every relationship features compromise BTW. Even most friendships and when you start a course or job. Yes have boundaries. Yes have things you're not willing to compromise on. But beyond those ; keep an open mind and consider compromising... If you will benefit from it. If you won't then don't, but yea. Not a fan of Smalltalk either. But if I go to an event and someone strikes a convo with me using smalltalk ; I tell you what = if I have time for them we won't be talking smalltalk for long! I'll soon inject some naughtiness, hehe

[@SagaJohanna]

I am personally 100% sure relationships should not include compromise. There are more loving ways to be with a friend or a partner! Yes dating is difficult in general I think.. I think the best way to date is to do activities and to not fall for the common norms. And also, to not search for people, just letting them come to you. Be open and do stuff and you will meet people :)

[@dortz2024]

@@SagaJohanna I meet plenty people, and have a partner, as I said. And I disagree with you about compromising. For me loving someone can sometimes involve meeting someone in the middle where you are able to, while also maintaining boundaries about certain things. I wish the world was tailored to my whims but realistically I accept that I must adjust to it, as those around me also sometimes adjust to me. I hear ya about the activities thing actually. But in the show's defence they did do have the contestants engaging in activities alot of the time though. I recall my favourite Mark took his date to a place where there was alot of dinosaur stuff. As for not searching for people, letting them come to you ; if you find that works for you then that's really good (and luckily that eventually worked for me, after kissing alot of frogs. It's a long story, happy to elaborate if you like though). But the contestants have chosen to take part in this, and there's obviously a reason why they did, and I support their decision.

[@baranovna1]

So you can act how you want.. how about your partners?. Can he act how he wants? Can he start yelling if he feels like it?. Or is it all about you?

[@SagaJohanna]

No, in my relationship we have a rule about compassion. We always speak to each other with love, and if we can't do that we will leave the room until we can ❤

[@joranbachtold]

You are amazing 😊

[@SagaJohanna]

Thank you so much 😀

[@johnp8587]

Were you diagnosed by a doctor?

[@SagaJohanna]

A psychiatrist suggested it and did the main investigation, not sure the definition of that medical profession English. And a team of other people.

[@BelfastDutchie]

Agree about LOTS but I disagree about autism being 'cool' or a 'superpower'. I am autistic (probably ADHD, too). I wasn't diagnosed until the age of 44. Autism ruined my life. I never felt cool, I never felt that I had a superpower. I just felt broken, lonely, left behind. Even now, every day is a struggle. Autism may be cool to you, but it isn't objectively cool. Language matters.

[@SagaJohanna]

You sound triggered by what I said. Autism for sure made my life harder, just as many other things, but I try to have a positive perspective and see the positive aspects rather than focusing on the negative. As my teacher says "As long as we have our minds we can be happy, we can be free"

[@neoncity3471]

This show creates awareness, the people in it is very heartwarming, james is funny fir example but above all i was impressed by the purity of their soul...these people are so kind its incredible. Sometimes we dont need to overthink, this show is a glimpse of the life of very interesting people. I feel so much for James that he didnt git his 3rd date...but he will he is a great guy. 99% of the tvshows today is all about protagonism and stuff. Here we have REAL INTERSTING AND HONNEST PEOPLE that we end to care about. 10/10 show in my perspective

[@virgoliz6611]

I also get very invested in the people on the show. To the point where I REALLY root for them and want them to find love and happiness.

[@SagaJohanna]

What do you mean? This show has protagonists? :)

[@neoncity3471]

@@SagaJohanna u read me wrongly i'm afraid. I said that other tv shows are all about self protagonism. Here we have real people, kind and genuine.

[@neoncity3471]

@@virgoliz6611 me too

[@SagaJohanna]

@@neoncity3471 Just because they are autistic does not mean they are real. Masking is a very difficult thing that many autistic people struggle with. Self Protagonist is not really a thing. Protagonist is the lead character, like Cinderella in the story of Cinderella. This is a reality show series.

[@codywalden7105]

I will say this, even though you don't "need" to be in a relationship or be having sex, a lot of people still desire it. Why? Because most people are hard-wired to seek out sex and relationships, unless you're aromantic and/or asexual of course. For a lot of people, and especially men, we're simply hard-wired to be drawn to beauty and sex. Why do you think porn is so popular? Or why men go to strip clubs? or guys go crazy for pretty girls? It's because we're hard-wired to be this way and it can't simply be turned off. I'm a 26 year old man, I can't help that I like women, I just can't. And as long as I like women, of course i'll desire being in a relationship with them.

[@SagaJohanna]

Where do I start... STUDIES CONFIRM THAT MEN AND WOMEN are equally interested in sex, think about sex, and want to have sex the same. Unfortunately, in our society, statistics also show that sex is normally less fun for women because of inequalities - men are often uneducated and unaware on how to make sex pleasurable for women. And women have often grown up being told to hide their sexuality. This makes sex a very complicated topic for most heterosexual people. You can have lots of sex WITHOUT being in a relationship. You can have sex being in a relationship. One isn't necessarily better than the other. The good thing about being in a relationship is that you can explore your sexuality together. However, most heterosexual relationships struggle with orgasm equality. Sex where only one parts orgasms is pointless. Men are not "hard-wired" to beauty and sex. ALL HUMANS might be biologically inclined to sex, but beauty is a concept and if you look at Darwin's theory and theories about human and animal biology, it's actually the female who is drawn to "beauty" and the men who should be making themselves very beautiful. If you haven't looked into this, please do, it's very interesting. Also, "beauty" is completely different in every single country, year, time, and space. It's a concept created by society and it's not real. The reason porn is popular is because a lot of men are lonely and not sure how to handle sex. The other reason is because our society says that porn is okay. The third reason is because we live in a society where women are being told their only value is their ability to be "having sex with". Porn and strip clubs are a great place for women TO BE ABUSED, and especially young and vulnerable women. Again, all studies and research shows that women don't choose to be in porn/prostitution/strip clubs, they end up there because of not having any other choice. "guys go crazy for pretty girls", do you mean when men scream, rape, and catcall girls? Or do you mean when men "can't help themselves". You are diluted and completely wrong and extremely juvenile in this thinking. You of course can like women. I like men. That doesn't mean I desire to be in a relationship with MEN. I prefer monogamous relationships so I'd choose 1 man. Your "desire" is a concept. You should study some philosophy... Here are some books for you Darwin On the Origin of Species Judith Butler Gender Trouble

[@alwachart]

@sagajohanna just found your channel, miss you're a gift to society.

[@SagaJohanna]

@@alwachart Aw thank you so much! That is my favourite comment ever !!!

[@unicorntomboy9736]

I think that some of their views on love and relationships are a tad naive and idealistic (especially Michael) especially since a lot of people in this world are full of shit and put on personas and don't truly say what they truly think. Maybe it's because I didn't have good parents like these people did. As a child I had a step-father who was a narcissistic sociopath.

[@SagaJohanna]

I do agree. I think they are idealistic in the sense also that they don’t think of relationships as equal with two human beings, rather some sort of Disney relationship. And that’s a problem to create meaningful relationships with respect. Sorry to hear about your dad. My mom was bipolar / alcoholic and it was the worst.

[@remuspierre8038]

I agree

[@remuspierre8038]

Good morning Saga

[@ZakarooNetwork]

You Know Im Just Teasing you so you get more Money from KZbin. Comments help support your channel :) Autistic people need Love Too. I cry tears of joy every episode.

[@SagaJohanna]

I actually had no idea, this comment just made my morning a bit easier ...! :D Thank you!

[@niecybaby1960]

It appeared that these people wanted to be in relationships and there’s nothing wrong with that. Thank God the show is trying.

[@SagaJohanna]

It’s a show. They’re trying to make money

[@palmtrees2420]

@@SagaJohanna every show tries to make money. Does that mean we should all just quit watching all TV shows? I am not on the spectrum, but I have family who is that I love very much. I thought the show was a very nice change of pace compared to most reality TV shows. I started to realize that people on the spectrum are usually much more genuine in their approach to finding love, unlike the neurotypical who often have alterior motives.

[@haydenhoffman221]

My mom makes money helping autistic kids doesn’t mean that’s the only reason she’s there she truly wants to help them and be a safe space and make them feel accepted

[@SagaJohanna]

@@haydenhoffman221 not sure what you’re talking about :)

[@Theganjaman88]

Its about them finding love ffs

[@Rykken4]

I don’t think it pushed relationships as the highest value. Everyone in the show volunteered because they were seeking to find a relationship.

[@SagaJohanna]

I think it did. Many characters mentioned how a they really wanted a relationships and unfortunately the parents really pushed this too

[@Kdubs13]

I, 110% dont agree with much of anything your saying, but then again i dont have to agree because I can recognize that all it is, is your opinion and not how it really is! A piece of advice though.... maybe dont speak on others behalf when you don't personally know how they feel! And i have a feeling that maaaaaybe the parents need to be given a little more credit... do you really think any of the parents with a child on the spectrum, would put their child in a position if they didnt think they couldnt handle it, or didn't want to be on the show? I have a pretty strong hunch that they all had a conversation about every aspect of the show beforehand lol Come on now! You can't force a willing person and they all look pretty willing and super happy and excited to be there. Just sayin'! How can you sit there and honestly say that they are even being forced lol each person I've seen on the show that do go to a restaurant, they all seem quite happy to be in one! You don't like small talk???? Ok?!?! But just because you don't like it, it absolutely doesnt mean that everyone on the spectrum dislikes it too lol i know that one for a fact! Voyeurism? Huh? What show are you watching? They are all clearly WILLING, happy and want to be followed around on dates, to learn and grow... and your knocking it down?!?! I appreciate you as a perso , but what the heck. I didn't get the impression that they were trying to, or being force to do anything at all and the only thing that I've seen negative about the show that would give me any sort of feeling is, listening to your opinion about it! What a shame to see things in such a grim light. It's a beautiful show and I can't wait for the next season to come out. With all the WILLING men and women

[@SagaJohanna]

You need to look up the definition of consent and decisions. You can’t disregards norms or social pressure.

[@robokill387]

"do you really think any of the parents with a child on the spectrum, would put their child in a position if they didnt think they couldnt handle it, or didn't want to be on the show?" YES. parents do horrible things to their autistic children without their consent literally ALL THE TIME. Tons of parents of autistic children literally make their children drink bleach to try to cure them, ffs. It's a literal FACT that autistic people face more abuse from their families than the general population, and in fact most autistic people have been abused in some way, like 90%.

[@anglobostonian]

You keep saying "you don't have to be in a relationship." Well how about those who DO want to be in a relationship? Where can they get said assistance?

[@SagaJohanna]

I don’t think that assistance exists yet. I have made one video on dating so feel free to check that one out. And my other suggestions I left in my other comment to you :) And another thing I would add is, learning from good sources is always a good idea. Granted there are not many good sources on relationships (romantically or not). But I always found help in classic literature and Tibetan Buddhist teachings!

[@anglobostonian]

@@SagaJohanna thank you/tack for the assistance!

[@mcwebbysam8672]

I can't go work either .you are really beautiful

[@SimicChameleon]

The show feels unauthentic and acted for the show. I saw some episodes and they are portrayed as children. It obsessive of traitism instead of character; even so, they aren’t taught standards to do well in real world.

[@SagaJohanna]

I think their parents and the show didn’t help these people be the most authentic and best version of themselves…

[@SimicChameleon]

@@SagaJohanna I was shocked the LA lady wasn't aware of how accounting and artist studio require for work stuff. I am an artist and it requires to be punctual and ambitious at real world. I know some autism in person and they find it respectful if you help them goal-oriented or motivated in life; eventually, they will see you as a good role model to help in the adult world. The other people who use the autism card to get out of accountability has become miserable life in paradox; also, it is not good because of complacency and not an improvement. I learn from MLK is that your personality and actions describe your character than traits or skin colors. I think some episodes are just using the low common denominator instead of goal-oriented people for the audience. The reasons Temple Grandin is respected by others because her parents set her to be successful in real world and responsibility. Chris chan is opposite and they treat Chan as a child forever and fail in real world.

[@elizabethbrown3037]

Wow, this neurotypical human right here has just been educated! Thank you!

[@SagaJohanna]

Thank you so much for your words and for listening!! ☺️

[@jacobthetttefan7233]

I hate love on the spectrum

[@SagaJohanna]

Same

[@jacobthetttefan7233]

@@SagaJohanna That’s good. :)

[@jessicajaerosenbaum115]

No I think you're misunderstanding the show.

[@SagaJohanna]

I of course understand that is not the intention of the show, but this is what happens. Especially with the media around it and the fact that they’re trying to make ND people date like NT people

[@jessicajaerosenbaum115]

@@SagaJohanna no see I think that's where you're wrong. Have you watched enough episodes? I don't think there's a positive to you putting a negative spin on this. Why are you? What's the point? It's something positive, helping people obviously and bringing a wonderful positive awareness for all.

[@SagaJohanna]

I am autistic and have found dating terrible. I am expressing an important opinion. I’ve watched the whole first season. Many sexist stereotypical remarks, and definitely a view saying that being in a relationship is better than not. But please watch my full video since I mention it all there :)

[@jessicajaerosenbaum115]

@@SagaJohanna yea okay I'll give you a chance. I haven't watched that much of the show yet. I'll watch your video and luk. I'm open minded.

[@SagaJohanna]

@@jessicajaerosenbaum115 Of course. You might have a different opinion, you can still be open minded and disagree. Many people like this show. I don't. That's ok. Remember it's always better to listen to the other person before you tell them they're wrong. If you haven't watched my video you couldn't possibly understand my argument.

[@32446]

There’s nothing wrong with this show. It’s helped my autistic son no end. He also loved this show

[@SagaJohanna]

Doesn’t mean other autistic people can’t have a different opinion. We’re all not the same you know 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@aleisterlilywhite1109]

I’m autistic and also enjoy the show but we’re not a monolith. I’m glad you and your son like it too but it’s good to respect all opinions.

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

Well I’m autistic and I find the show to be very cringe. It embarrasses me actually. It is patronising and infantilising, and does not represent me as an autistic woman at all. Everyone is different!

[@SagaJohanna]

@@buttercxpdraws8101 patronizing is exactly how I found it too!

[@aussiefurbymogwaifan6621]

@@buttercxpdraws8101 I saw one episode today and also found it cringy too

[@TheRadtech2011]

I don’t feel like we watched the same show. Because majority of your points is exactly what I watched. No one made them act any other way then themselves. The restaurants looked like they put them in very secluded areas , they all seemed to WANT to be in a relationship, the coach just told them that even if you don’t like what they do it’s ok , just be respectful. All the people most definitely let there likes and dislikes known. People on the spectrum most definitely let you know what’s up. Which goes hand in hand with wanting the person you are with to feel heard and loved. I loved the show and think it was wonderful . I am so happy for those who found someone who made them happy. This show to me is great because it helps those who otherwise felt they couldn’t find someone to love them for who they are. And if they don’t like someone they move on. I actually had to pause the show at one point because I was so emotional and happy for one of the couples and how happy they both were. I think it’s a beautiful show that actual helps those on the spectrum have those not on the spectrum understand it more.

[@SagaJohanna]

I think it's misrepresenting the autistic community and that's what my video is about. "People on the spectrum most definitely let you know what’s up." sentences like this scare me, because I think this is not true. One of the biggest struggles for autistic people is "masking", and it is quite the opposite of this statement.

[@Kometheus]

Exactly, no justifiable way to hate on this show objectively. What's the alternative? Don't make the show and have these people never meet. Stupid video, senseless hate. And your idea of using it as an excuse to "not be able to work" or "not be able to be around people" is stupid. There are autistic people who have worked through that and been able to interact how they want to. Not "normally" but as they want.

[@theacroguru]

i find you oddly very expressive. its that cuz u happy in life? whats your main interest?

[@SagaJohanna]

I have many interests, mainly classic literature :)

[@donharris8846]

Your perspective is exactly right, unfortunately. I couldn’t watch beyond the first episode because the show’s producers made a spectacle of autistic people for the amusement of non-autistic people.

[@SagaJohanna]

Yes, it was clear to me it was made FOR non-autistic people, not for EVERYONE something at least in that direction...

[@kaiyote7924]

this show is awful in that its a show that is basically neurotypicals telling the story FOR autistic people instead of the autistic people showing the world their perspectives.

[@SagaJohanna]

Yes I do agree!

[@Eugen3huckleberry333]

As a queer man I laughed when you said it was hetero normative. Since there were literally 2 homosexual relationships. Cry me a river😂😂

[@SagaJohanna]

I only saw one season, so must've changed!

[@katieg1763]

It’s not about you.

[@SagaJohanna]

Did not claim that!

[@katieg1763]

@@SagaJohanna yea you did.

[@katieg1763]

@@SagaJohanna Just get one of those clicker counter things. Then watch your video and click every time you said “I”. or “My”. Geez o Pete myob. You don’t get to decide for other people. Selfish much? Oh wait.

[@timothyegan3114]

so if an autistic person says they want a relationship and talks about how important it is to them and how much they would enjoy it's somehow wrong in your view because you think society is portraying that and somehow that's then bad of someone says a relationship is high on their list of priorities? i seriously do not get a single one of your arguments if you don't want to be in a relationship then that's fine but that doesn't mean there's any issue with other people autistic or not that want partner. i really think this is a bit sad because your portraying yourself as some kind of warrior for autistic people and crapping on this show implying they are taking advantage or that this is done how hurting people when all the people on the show are clearly there because they want to be there and many of them have had huge benefits from being on the show and have embraced the celebrity/social media following they have gained from it and used it to become successful. I think you're being a bit dishonest in your motives. Why can't you be happy for them? I haven't heard a single argument you have made that shows some sort of damage or negative impact to the people on the show or anyone watching the show.

[@zakaroonetwork777]

I would like a date with you. Im Artistic.

[@SagaJohanna]

No thanks

[@zakaroonetwork777]

Bwaahaaaaa 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Culwhickbeocca]

Did she just say Neurotypical White perspective? What kind of bull crap is that? One thing is not related to the other (neurotypical vs race). Boy it was hard to care for the rest of what comes out of her mouth after that.

[@SagaJohanna]

Intersectional ❤️

[@Culwhickbeocca]

@@SagaJohanna I get that much. And I disagree with it. I don’t buy the belief that people should say things like “white perspective”. It’s repulsive to me. If I want better relationships between divergent people of any kind, including between races… the differences need to be appreciated and not written off as “white” perspectives, for example. Did you know that some people would say using good grammar is a “white” thing and is also racist? That’s disgusting. So any black person that wants to speak properly might end up feeling like others will accuse them of just trying to be “white”. Disgusting. And if someone comes from the “hood”, and moves into a better social class, maybe they will feel like white will look down on them because they use a different vocabulary. That’s disgusting. That is a matter of hatred and hard hearts. If I want a better society, I will stop putting pressure on black or white people to adopt any belief about themselves because of the color of their skin. I resent it to the core of my heart. If you want races to get along, then understand them individually.