Ex's New Girlfriend Texted Me Out Of Nowhere So I Warned Her About Him r/Relationships

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 1 - I was instantly suspicious Betty still had contact with the ex based on her response, and was not at all surprised to hear she’s been cheating on her boyfriend with him. Of course she has to blame his abusive history on OP, it’s not like abusers are wonderful and sweet when they’re trying to get something they want like information on an ex they can’t contact or snoop on and then snap into abuse mode once they know they’ve sunk their hooks in deep enough.😒😒😒

[@xelectrix]

This. I can't wait until Betty realizes he was only using her to get info on OP. He's going to show his true colors once shit hits the fan.

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

I knew it!

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

Story 2: really? OP is a douche nozzle. She wanted to go to the baby shower rather than a funeral. Take responsibility for your own choice.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

@@lisawhereisthecultjam I think you might have meant to post the comment for story 2 as it’s own comment

[@MONKEYDZETS]

Called it

[@Nevertoleave]

Betty is going to be sooo happy when suddenly everything is her fault and she realizes he was only nice to her because he was manipulating her

[@morganleanderblake678]

Betty was never your best friend. She was your arch-nemesis that just revealed herself.

[@paulman34340]

Yep, you learn that many of these's "so-called friends" were only with you because you were the only person willing to be friendly to them and they couldn't be picky! The moment they think they found something better that will cost them your friendship! They'll take it and might even use that to fuck you over for good measure! I had a Betty too! Lucky for me he nuked our friendship in middle school to "no success!" He became friends with my bullies! Since I was good at avoiding and sneaking by my bullies when they were seeking me out! They were getting him to lead me into an ambush! The reason his nuke failed and blew up on him...when he was talking in the school halls! My mother who was working at UPS at the time and made sure to get any deliveries sent to my school so she can check on me LOL came across him as they were stupid to do their planning in the stairwell NEAR THE MAIN OFFICE! She recognized his voice when he talked about HIS PART OF THE PLAN and my name came up! She went nucluar on him and told him to never go near me again! Since we were already distancing, him ghosting didn't bother me! I found out later in High School cause my mom tried to hide it as for me not to get hurt! Love her for that as by that point he was an after thought by that point! But hearing that meant I could go forward in life knowing I dodged a bullet and "the trash took itself out" (found out when I was 25 10 year ago today that he's wheelchair bound! Turns out his new friends he dumped me for screwed him over in High School and he was badly injured! I was in my old neighbourhood and met his mother who told me that! She was always nice to me and never understood why he dumped me as a friend to hang around his "cousin's friends" as his cousin was "my first bully" as well as his! His cousin joined a gang after high school and died in some conflict at 19! Didn't care as I never saw him again after Middle School and was happy for it! Told her to give him my well wishes (my ex friend) if only because I'm not a petty bastard! Don't go by that neighbourhood again! Moving far away, he's just the ghost of my past that helped me to grow stronger in life as I've moved on! But I've never been a fan of "Judas" very much

[@addicted2mako]

Part way through the update I thought that Becky was the girlfriend who messaged OP initially. That would've been an especially f***ed up mind game.

[@yunuenhagane3495]

Oh thats probably what happened or the ex to get back into contact

[@pippo17173]

The fact the friend blew up at her, should already tell you who she is before the update.

[@ivorynk752]

I thought that for a second too, when it was in fact confirmed that it was infact a different person it made the "He's not like that with me, it must be OP's fault."Claim all the more baffeling.Bish, you're his side chick, him actively cheating on his current partner is not a good testament to his character.

[@pippo17173]

@IvoryNK *he will never cheat on me* The phrase that will age like milk sooner then later.

[@lucaswinsor4469]

@@yunuenhagane3495 The last thing about that Story is OP detailing what happened with the girlfriend who contacted her initially. It wasn't Becky.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: Betty really just went "Why would you warn someone who's attacking you based on lies that the person who said the lies is abusive. Smh, what a shitty person. How could you do that to him." huh I bet $5 she's secretly seeing him, and that's why she's having a whiny fit over the fact that Op _~gasp~_ had the nerve to try and warn someone about a toxic and dangerous situation. Edit: "Clearly YOU were the problem because he isn't like that with ME!" Everybody owes me $5. I'm gonna need it for the bail out of jail when I'm done with Betty. (For legal reasons I'm joking.) (Maybe.)

[@ivorynk752]

I don't owe you $5, I also thought she was talking like his new side chick. Hell, for a second I thought Betty was the girlfriend that started the post by messaging OP and just used an alt account for anonymity.

[@kyanaquintero9026]

Lol 😂

[@LizLuvsCupcakes]

If anyone asks, you were at my house, drinking wine and playing with my cat, all night.

[@angygkidd]

you gonna laugh, for what i understand about the last update betty get pregnant (decided not have the baby) and went to live with op grandmother

[@red0421]

Want a buddy for the jail cell? I'll bring a bat 😊

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 1: Betty is the kind of girl that makes the rest of us look bad. Edit: I would've gotten physically violent with this girl oof. Listening "the hard way"? Try me.

[@aluralovell6829]

Betty was fucking around and she was gonna find out.

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

Don't know you but you sound awesome 😂

[@paulman34340]

@@aluralovell6829 What makes it worse. She fell for the whole "Oh he's not abusive to me, so it must be the victims fault!" narritive! I can't believe she fell for the old "crocodile tears!" something is very wrong with her! She wasn't even trying to earn OP forgiveness! She just believed if she forgave her the guilt would go away, that their friend group would accept her back that her EX-BF would take her back! She was vile and frankly to OP all I can say is you will overcome this. One day Betty will wake up from her delusions asking herself was it worth it when she finally realizes OP ex took her for a ride! That normal folk in her position wouldn't listen to a DAMN thing a POS like him would say to try and manipulate you against the victim! But she became the rare few who chose to listen, who chose to believe and nuked their entire life for a scumbag POS! But lets not fool ourself like Betty does! She was ALWAYS this type of person! OP Ex just got lucky she decided HE was worth removing the mask over! Betty wants to go back to her Pre-mask reveal days because turns out there was a reason she kept that mask up! But the genie is out the bottle! I feel for OP with her Ex knowing where she leaves! And who's to say Ex New GF wasn't lied to by Betty, hence why she started harassing OP for the EX! He seems to have some lucky manipulating "Easy women" OP is an exception, feels like he had to work on her much MUCH longer to control her before she got freed! It's sad for her that the one who helped her free herself was susceptible to the manipulation instead! As he just had another weapon to hurt OP with! Betty nuked her life and just wanted to hurt OP when the doors closed in on her (The police taking her away) because she wanted OP to feel hopeless. Because like OP Ex, she is an abuser who only has power if their victim is still affected by them! To Betty it was all worth it....till it wasn't and it's going to be a while before her conscience finally catches up to her and she's unable to lie to herself any further how she nuked her own life. But I can care less for POS traitors like her! She's worse then the abusive Ex and that's saying something with how OP described what she suffered under him (and what Ex new GF will too once she OUTLIVES HER USEFULNESS in getting OP back! That's why they got together! He just wanted OP to get jealous somehow and that poor girl is going to learn HARD she was nothing but a tool! And it will hurt! I feel for her as she doesn't know better! But seriously when your thrown away by him. Take it as a lesson never to be an "easy" woman again! For your own sake! He never loved you, nor ever would have loved you. He's an obsessive creep who only loves OP because she was harder to break down and was a chase for him! In that I mean he doesn't love her either! He only loves HIMSELF and no one else) To Betty and OP Ex! Hope you both burn in hell together like the turds you are

[@jan-ym8jm]

FOR REAL. That shit is so embarrassing, like on top of everything else, you’re gonna make threats now? Bet bitch, BET.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

If were in OP's position: The moment Betty came to my house with a bottle of red wine, talking all that shit, I would be VERY hard pressed to NOT open the door, drag her in by the hair and, after closing and locking the door, proceed to beat the absolute piss and shit out of her. I would also find it a challenge to not jam the wine bottle, cork and all, right up her ass before throwing her bodily onto the street.

[@kissedbypalefirex]

STORY 2: nobody enjoys funerals, i've gone to my aunts,grandparents, even my father's,in jan i will be going to a memorial for a relative who died suddenly..nobody talked about the way they dies (at least i didnt hear it),they shared stories of happier times,fond memories, because funrals are for the living-- everytime op opens his mouth..it just keep getting worst.did op not know about the pandemeic

[@ivorynk752]

When Betty started defending him I was thinking, "What, is she his new side chick?" Well, crap, she totally was. And unless she was impersonating the girl who harrassed OP online that would mean the EXBF is cheating and really has shown no change at all. "He's not like that with me" Bish he is literally cheating right now.

[@grinningweirdo4888]

Damn it Markee I now want something similar to be said at my funeral when I bite the dust. AND THEN THE GRIM REAPER WALKED INTO HIS ROOM WHERE HE SLUMBERED LIKE A BABY, DEATH SLAPPED HIM AWAKE THEN PASSIONATELY STARTED CHOCKING HIM OUT AND AS HIS LIFE SLIPPED FROM HIS GRASP DEATH SAID ‘That’s right I’m your bone daddy’

[@bluemoonslightASMR]

😂

[@FoxValley123]

I am so happy I was not drinking anything because that last line got me

[@amemooress6291]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

He was getting boned by the Reaper 😂 As a goth that sounds really hot.

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

Good Lord! I almost pissed myself!

[@shadowkissed2370]

Story 1: I went through almost the same thing with my ex-best friend. She was there through the horrible physical and mental abuse I went through with my husband. She saw it all. For several years she was there for me and refused to even talk to him. All of a sudden they are very close friends now. I am sure she is the one who told him where I am and everything about my life now because he found me and showed he knew everything. For my own health and safety, I had to be done with her.

[@paulman34340]

It always sucks when these's "so called friends" betray you! I consider myself luck mine betrayed me in Middle school for nothing! Taught me how to be aware of red flag behavior! And I assure I "never was hurt again" by such people! Hope your doing fine by the way! Like with OP1 You and her will survive these shitheads and one day your Ex BF like Betty will come to terms at just how badly they fucked up for such POS! I would not fault you both for never forgiving them as they are beyond forgiveness! Even if for some reason I befriend an abuser of another friend! I would NEVER give them secrets or locations! As I said I'd have to be braindead to even ASSOCIATE with these's types! But it's easy to see your EX BF and Betty fell for the ole "they've changed" game and got themselves manipulated (would be no surprise once your ex had no more use of your Ex-BF, he dropped her like a bad habit! Or just ignored her till he could get a further use of her) I wonder did she pull what Betty did (that "Hard Way" crap before OP got her arrested Shitshow! Seriously the Hard Way made it clear Betty saw nothing she did, the cheating on her BF and betrayal of OP as wrong and let that monster and her own entitlement talk her into making it OP fault somehow! Because if it isn't then what did she lose everything for! She has some type of SAVIOR complex and thinks she's telling OP the truth that SHE'S the bad person! But that's just her PROJECTING what she is! Wonder how long before she finally owns up to her betrayal and being manipulated like that!)

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

If I die and a family member blames me for not going to my funeral under the guides of "Well she missed 2 Christmases" I'm haunting them

[@TheFlowerchild712]

Seriously! Like I'll haunt you and your descendants for all eternity.

[@marshawargo7238]

I've got several people I'm haunting if given the chance! I wonder Why OP is so afraid of drowning? I almost drowned in high school, I got caught in a riptide, but now I'm not afraid of drowning. I experienced a complete relaxing calm when I knew it was the end. Then some guy pulled me out & I was Embarrassed at my top being off! Now I'm worried about dieing in a fire.

[@josepolotan6899]

Don't be so sensitive (after all, you're supposed to have died). I'm sure he'll make your next funeral. 😜

[@champslim]

Betty is sleeping with Op Ex. I KNEW IT! He is using Betty to stalk Op. Smh

[@LunaP1]

I was thinking that too. The ex, his family and Betty are all violent psychopaths that have a vendetta against OP for not wanting to be their life long punching bag.

[@paulineisme]

In story 2 op is so blind, he keeps on about how the cousin skipped 2 out of the 28 christmas celebrations he had. That's one in 14 so about 8%. Op missed 100% of the celebrations about the cousins and will never make it right. Just own your actions my dude.

[@sitnspin1819]

No, OP is a selfish butthole.

[@tamsel814]

Op is only concerned with themselve and their friend. It's all about op and the effect the cousins method of death has on op. Instead of about the cousin and the shared grief of all attendees about losing someone dear.

[@mellodees3663]

I feel like he's paranoid and speculating about people's feelings more than he actually understands them. He sounds very selfish and making this situation about him even though everyone else had decided to just move on without him.

[@ACAB.forcutie]

I feel like this was the final straw for the little sister. Like.. that was not a reaction to a single incident. "I don't want you to die, I just want myself to be happy" is what someone who is just tired of their relative's bs and can no longer put up with it says. It's pretty much how I feel about my mom, who I no longer talk to

[@tamsel814]

@@rowan_Something and then op didn't show up. Why even ask for accommodations if you are skipping the event.

[@sarikachahal6188]

Me after Story 1 first post: Betty's involved with the ex. Me after the update: I CALLED IT!

[@untitled-gv3qp]

Yeah, that wasn't hard to see. I don't know what some of those comments were thinking trying to say she was worried about the OP. She wouldn't have any reason to be upset otherwise unless the OP was trying to get back with the ex.

[@emanx222]

It was painfully obvious. I couldn't believe how none of the comments called it, that was almost more shocking than the rest of the story

[@carolroberts4614]

I thought so too, and was surprised that the commenters came up with that stuff!

[@KittenUndercover]

Same

[@luciferandassociates9255]

Story 2: As a person who hates going to funerals, just say you don't want to go. You're making a ton of excuses for the simple answer of "I don't want to go." People will see you as the asshole either way, but if not going mean more to you then what your family thinks just don't go. The only reason I go is to support people even if I'm bloody annoyed at being there, it's a small sacrifice for people I care for.

[@nakidoodles5645]

I also dont like funerals, kind of socially awkward and so im partly afraid of not having the right social cues and doing something bad during such a serious time. The only funeral i remember i spent it with little family members playing cause i had a feeling it was really sad, but wasnt fully sure. I was very young. My mom always asks if i want to go to a funeral for anyone, whether it be family or friends, i always choose not to go. Sometimes i dont know them or remember them too well (i have crap object permanence and it extends to people)

[@partysuvius]

Funerals are definitely optional. People do not have to go if they don’t want to.

[@toshi9742]

It’s the part where OP chose to go to a party on the same day for me. I’ve had to not attend a few funerals for my own mental health and could never imagine attending a party/going out to celebrate something separate- especially the upcoming birth of someone else’s child when the aunt and uncle just lost theirs. Like yikes, OP needs to get some perspective and take others into consideration cos either they’re playing dumb or are extremely ignorant.

[@arrantainsh8754]

The problem with calling people assholes in situations like this is the complete lack of understanding regarding anxiety disorders. The lack of understanding is gonna break people. Do better

[@toshi9742]

@@arrantainsh8754 there’s a difference between not attending a funeral for your mental health and not attending a funeral with the excuse of mental health to attend a party. OP’s the latter and it’s very insensitive of them to go to a party for someone having a child on the same day as the funeral of the one their aunt and uncle just lost. Perspective is everything here and the main issue is not that he didn’t attend the funeral but that he prioritised a party instead.

[@gigicat3943]

Story 2 - Be honest - you wanted to go to a party, This was the last event for your cousin - to remember him. Your whiny friends will have many, many events for their baby. Get therapy and get over yourself.

[@SK98765]

Everyone just ignoring that OP2's friend sounds like a total Karen. Who wouldn't understand you missing a baby shower to attend a close family member's funeral? Personally I don't understand why his family reacted so strongly to him not going. But obviously his family is close and he should've realized they'd be pissed off.

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

Younger sister cut OP completely out. Sounds like there were some other issues too and that the funeral just broke the camels back. Since OP was even in doubt about being the AH, when it was very very obvious, then I think OP has a history of being an AH in general.

[@pippo17173]

I feel like while op is terrible in his own, the other info and thinking more on what he said, it sounds like everyone is kinda awful to me. 😐

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

It sounds like his whole family suck in some way, as does his terribly controlling friend

[@shadowkissed2370]

I think op2 was using her more as a excuse and over exaggerating her reaction to them not going to her baby shower to make it more of a excuse for themselves.

[@rosihantu1]

@PuffySnack even his side of story he comes across as a self absorbed person.

[@Kiwicrushes]

The Poseidon speech 😂 had me going “omg Markee!”

[@Lillireify]

This is why I keep listening to Markee 😂😂 his speeches are too good!

[@tpinksky11]

It had me going wtf Markee. A little insensitive. 😢

[@snowythealicorn5784]

@@tpinksky11 it was a joke based on op being a dumb head stupid pants.

[@tpinksky11]

@@snowythealicorn5784 Except it’s still insensitive. Even if OP was in the school wrong, it isn’t okay to make fun of their trauma and fears.

[@D64nz]

Markee doing the exact thing OP was scared of, proving people are that insensitive. And just because he hasn't experienced that himself, then admits that actually people will and do talk about the death. Wtf? You just proved OP was 100% right.

[@LightSage89]

Story 1: I instantly had a feeling that Betty was having an affair with the OP's ex. There seemed to be no other reason for her to defend him and accuse OP of still having feelings for him rather than jealousy. And then I began to doubt myself when none of the comments mentioned smelling an affair. But then it turns out that I was right. Oh... OP is not the Ahole.

[@LilyLovecraft]

I love how you mocked the death explanation then had the nerve to call HIM disrespectful. A+

[@mellodees3663]

S2: OP sounds paranoid to me and speculating about people's feelings more than he actually understands them. He sounds very selfish and is making this situation more about him. It sounds as though everyone else had decided to just move on without him.

[@HodajuciParadoks]

Abusers do this, make themselves as victims. OP should report her to police for restraining order against her, if needed...for Ex if he contact her. Ex friend was not a friend tho. She is easy and stupid, mean women...same as her ex. Cut toxic from your life. Abusers are always on their best behavior in the beginning, even best person, always there and caring..and one day snap, abuse starts.

[@lifewithlee6298]

I at first thought Betty was just worried 😟 that talking to the ex new girlfriend was dangerous and was worried for her … nope

[@momop1848]

Story 2: Wait. Are the couple that had the baby shower not even together anymore? I know that's not important to the story, but it's interesting.

[@KristenMSnyder]

That isn't what's actually written, so I think Markee misinterpreted? It seemed more like OOP hadn't talked to them for a year... if Markee did get it right, though, and it's actually the couple who haven't spoken for a year, that IS interesting!

[@ilovesports5468]

Last story. Dude needs to give up “he missed Christmas, she missed Christmas” mess. So what?!?! He /she basically chose a friend over his own cousin and now his/her ass ain’t even friends with her anymore. Blew up your own family for nothing!

[@calmingvoice8646]

The first OP is a really strong and compassionate person to warn her ex's new girlfriend. She's like the opposite of her former best friend, I don't know how they got together.

[@lifewithlee6298]

The ex is something else , how does he get these women 😢

[@SCP01986]

The anglerfish has such a bright light because it doesn't want the other fish to see the teeth hiding in the darkness.

[@carolroberts4614]

My ex was like that! Lots of friends, life and soul at parties etc....different story at home.

[@aluralovell6829]

Betty was a garbage person, not really that hard to pick up trash 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@ilovesports5468]

Older many in his 30s preying on women in early 20s.. easy to manipulate

[@kellylee4696]

It's messed up that OP didn't say a proper goodbye to his cousin, but I didn't think he was an AH because he chose life over the death of his cousin. EDIT: Listening as I type this and the more that OP is responding to comments, the more I'm changing my mind that OP is an AH. I still don't think it was "wrong" that he went to the baby shower, but the comment that's sticking out in the update for me is "Most people were just too caught up in grief and memoriam of my cousin to acknowledge me..." Who the eff does he think he is that people should "acknowledge him"? Sheesh! Get over yourself, OP. Yes, your cousin passed away in one of the worst and most triggering ways for you and missed the last two Christmas celebrations (during a pandemic}, but NONE of these events are about you! Sit down, shut the eff up, and act your age! Acknowledge me.... I'm having Roman Reigns flashes here!

[@mandykawaii1646]

Absolutely my thoughts as well. Although, I thought they were an ass*ole from the beginning. Like, saying their friend gets angry easily and said friend’s was a nightmare at their wedding and was glad they weren’t involved; saying that she would pretty much “throw a fit” if they didn’t attend her baby shower; than turning around and saying “but they are good people”. The cousin missing 2 Xmas *gasp* bc of a pandemic is equal to op missing their funeral. Idc they tried to explain themselves but it did not fly with me bc when you keep on hammering down bout the missing Xmas every time someone says that has nothing to do with anything, it’s pretty self explanatory that this is you train of thought. She could’ve just said “I don’t wanna go”. She would still be an ass but less

[@ghastlyweather1750]

I feel like the excuses he was making were like a way to deflect from his death, he was focusing on him missing Christmas to give himself a reason to hate him and not go to the funeral. I feel like it's a stretch but it like some people do have a mindset of "I haven't seen the body, they aren't dead." And consequently, "the box they're burying is a box. Nothing more, no one is inside."

[@ADWebTV]

Story 2....why is OP so obsessed with if someone did or didn't come to Christmas. Is that the only time they all talk.

[@CandaceDreamer]

Op in story 2 is so full of her self. I hated listening to her update. You can tell she is trying but still doesn’t get how selfish she is and has been

[@Jdrunnin]

The second OP is delusional. Kept fighting completely reasonable commenters. Jeeze

[@NathanielTavington]

Love it when someone goes to AITA and gets all shocked pikachu face when it's a unanimous "YTA". The funeral isn't for the benefit of the corpse, it's for the family. He literally told his family that they're not more important than his entitled ahole friend's babyshower.

[@kayq3231]

The funeral guy is so self centered. The idea of drowning terrifies me. But I'd still attend the funeral of a family member if they drowned.

[@inkbottle6609]

Story 1- right when Betty said she could break them both up if she wanted i immediately concluded: oh, she's the ex's mistress. Red flags rising in unisson. How can people be that obvious?!

[@samssams666]

"She skipped Christmas too for the past two years" WHAT DOES THAT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT?!

[@skullphantom705]

That Poseidon speech LMAO

[@ochitakishi2350]

That last story, hope his family doesn't decide not to show up to his funeral

[@peteranon8455]

S2. That's a lot of words for "I don't want to go to a funeral." If 28F would really be offended that you didn't go to a baby shower, I'd drop that friend.

[@potatoempress5731]

Hahahaha I love your voice acting in Story 2

[@silentmuse6660]

Story 1: I hope Op slams the door in that witch Betty's face when she tries to come crawling back to Op, because everything Op said was true and that her 'lovely and caring' affair partner wasn't so loving and caring as she thought. She is gonna feel the ex's wrath now that she is no longer useful to him now that Op has (or should) cut her off. Abusers will always act like the good guy, garnering sympathy and acting like they miss the person the abused, and you know why? Because it will either get them their victim back, or get them a new one.

[@paulman34340]

Indeed. Will be funny when she's shocked the "kind caring man" she got fooled into think he was shows him her true face! The face she ALREADY KNEW HIM OF HAVING! But easily fooled herself into thinking she "imagined it!" She only bothered OP because her life was nuked with the revelation! Despite the fact OP only found out BECAUSE HE NOW EX-BF FOUND OUT AND TOLD OP! And now it's clear it's made the rounds and all the friends she gaslit and lied to use against OP now know she was cheating with the asshole and lied to them about how things were really going! Using them to help an abuser abuse OP again! And what did she think would happen if OP got back with that monster! Would she be the "mistress still!" What a fucking fool, she deserves what she gets! The "I have changed" does not, nor ever will work on me! And I'm the type who believes in giving a person a chance to redeem themselves! Just that some people can pass the point of no return and you have those like the Ex of OP who haven't changed and are just putting on a mask! Believe me you can tell when someone bad is trying to change and be better! And when their putting on a mask! It's hard to keep a mask on under scrutiny as the "real you" cracks under enough pressure! While someone actually changing won't even TRY to hide their flaws as their trying to show they've changed! I thank my teen years/10's I interacted with ALOT of the latter and some of the former in my 20's to know the difference in my 30's now!

[@ivorynk752]

How odd, for in the second story for OP to think Funerals are about discussing people's deaths. I haven't been to many myself, but they usually just lament the loss and then try to remember the good times they had together and try to find comfort in the presence of other friends and family. Plus it's a funeral, if they needed to step away from the crowd to collect themselves for whatever reason, that is usually understandable.

[@SCOOBYGD]

I knew she was defending him for a reason.

[@ameliaantique5345]

I wasn’t able to attend the funeral of my friend who committed suicide. After I went to the wake I just could not force myself to attend the funeral as well. It was too much for me. I’ll never ever judge someone for not attending a funeral. We all grieve differently.

[@Yukikun22]

I knew where the first story was going immediately lol WHY ARE THERE SO MANY STORIES LIKE THIS? I always wonder about the psychology of this sort of dynamic. To be there for your friend as she goes through all this terrible abuse and then (while in a relationship no less) start talking to her abuser thinking 'oh he must not have been that bad! All those sleepless nights I stayed up with my friend while she cried for help, all the times I listened to her struggles, going to the police with her, staying at her place so she didn't have to be alone, etc etc must have just been her being dramatic! Oh and he wants me to cheat on my bf so he can cheat on his (much, much younger) gf? Sounds good! OHH AND HE WANTS CURRENT INFORMATION ABOUT MY FRIEND....not suspicious at all!' I'm guessing she must have been abusive herself(or was a serial cheater and he never had evidence) based on what the OP hinted at being told, so she got off on being a 'savior' for OP and I'm assuming the ex played into that complex to get her sympathy and convince her that he wasn't a bad guy.

[@louellacharlton4425]

When a girlfriend suddenly stops or changes her adittude entirely it always means she and ex have something going on! This was my first thought as I read the post! Maybe that is wrong thinking, however life has a way of repeating things! This is the only thing I could think of that would change her way of looking at this. Never look back OP, just look forward to new and better things in the future. Tyvm Markee. Stay safe please, peace. Happy New Year!

[@CanonSkyrissian]

story 2: op, pls just take the L and go

[@MsSamiam2]

Bahahahahaha😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@Vallyrah]

Story 2: I don't blame anyone who doesn't feel that they can handle going to a funeral/memorial. Not everyone can handle funerals. Self-care is important, especially when it comes to mental health.

[@coreymartin6486]

OP wasn't opposed to funerals. He was opposed to speaking of the details of a watery death......which nobody does that at funerals. Furthermore, if he had such an aversion that was so severe he should have sought therapy a looooong time ago, not just now. Then he gaslight his own late cousin's missing Christmas as an excuse why it justifies missing the funeral..he did it multiple times.......and he did it in the update against the cousin's gf as well. That's extremely messed up.

[@dylanadavis2118]

@@coreymartin6486 omg right. Honestly who tf cares if he missed two Christmases, now he's gone and he's going to be missing a lot more. Furthermore this clown thinks it's ok to judge his cousin missing Christmas during a global pandemic... Like, what!?! If he had just been like "aita for going to a baby shower instead of my cousins funeral? My cousin passed away recently and I have decided not to go to his funeral because I don't think I can handle going for my mental health. I went to my friend's baby shower that was on the same day because I needed something to distract me from this loss. My cousin and I were really close and I know he would understand. I still planned on going to the burial but I just couldn't handle everyone talking about him when we hadn't really seen each other because of the pandemic and it hurts that I'll never see him again." I'm sure people would have been understanding but op was definitely an AH making up all sorts of really lame excuses.

[@camillej4593]

I’m glad your commentaries are back markee!!!❤❤

[@runaruinous]

story 2. Not the AH but could have just said they weren't comfortable with attending the funeral or just didn't feel close enough to the cousin to do so. Yeah it would have been nice if she went but frankly neither the family or the friend are entitled to her going to either event.

[@someanon1984]

Story 1: I was shocked that none of the commenters suspected that Betty was sleeping with the ex. That was my first thought and I honestly started to feel like maybe I was just jaded when people insisted that Betty was just feeling fatigue at being OP's main support.

[@kateroberts1095]

I love Markee's winy voice in the second story reading the OP comments. A common saying is that funerals are for the living.

[@minsugasmelanin.6656]

my prediction. betty is sleeping with the ex and she didn’t know that he had moved on to a new girl and she found out through OP.

[@MandyLina123]

I tried warning my ex’s new gf about him too and I got a similar reaction. Apparently people don’t like heads up about things. 🤷‍♀️ Oh well. If she ruins her life, its her fault for ignoring my warning.

[@coreymartin6486]

Last story- Op"s story is weird....like something doesn't add up and I'm wondering if he's glossing over information or withholding further info that could cast him in a bad light. His responses are.....childish...not even immature, persay....but sound almost temper tantrum-like. He avoids serious questions by just repeating how much he's grieving for his cousin. Something is off on him. After update: "my cousin's gf missed christmas..."....I literally spoke out loud after hearing that in disbelief. What is wrong with this dude???? His obsession with Christmas to gaslight people, even his own late cousin disturbs me.

[@starbird3939]

Story 2 - YTA They would never discuss how the person died. I think the family would not appreciate people going into gory details. This whole phobia sounds like a lie. OP abandoned his family to go to some girl’s party. That is just… uncouth. If this woman could not understand a funeral is more important than a her babyshower, then she is not a friend to keep. The sister basically assumed Op does not care for the family. Also skipping two Christmases during the height of the Pandemic… yeah.

[@Sandy-op4rt]

The drowning story what whAT WHAT !??????so when The OP didn't go to the funeral it was about her and when people begin to ignore her it was about her and when they had the burial it was about her and when they were mourning and trying to move on it was about her and how good she is and how she's going to take a woman under her wings even though the woman in question did more for her family than she ever did wow I think this is what they call a narcissist

[@roelthas]

The "friend" hooking up the abusive ex was the obvious option, I don't get why none of the top comments mentioned it to OP.

[@amemooress6291]

Can someone explain how just hearing about death by water can trigger someone's phobia?

[@sablemoreno5095]

You know the best/worst part of story 1? Now that Betty isn't a line to OP anymore, the ex is gonna drop her SOOOOOO quick she's gonna get whiplash. Girl lost her bf, friend, and her affair partner because (while being an ass) she couldn't keep her mouth shut. She dished out her own karma and getting arrested is a cherry on top for OP

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

Story 2: "Everyone grieves differently" also applies to OP! People say that on reddit all the time when it's convenient for their arguments yet not a soul applied it to OP's situation.

[@d.l831]

If it was grief…people would get it. It was the excuses and reasons they actually gave that make them the AH😂

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

@@d.l831 I missed the part that OP's trauma around water was an just an excuse. The whole they missed Christmas twice thing was what OP was just an excuse to cling to when everyone in their life as well as a bunch of online strangers were ganging up on them. They all invalidated OP's trauma and feelings. If OP was your child who you knew has trauma about large bodies of water and has a phobia of drowning would you still give them grief for making an adult choice to not go to a funeral of a relative who had just drowned? OP is probably struggling psychologically with the cousin's death as it just reaffirmed their fears on top of the loss.

[@vacuum2297]

Several people said him to go to therapy. And he didn't just skip the funeral he gone to party. He can't act all surprised that his action hurt his family. If you act like an AH because of mental health you still act like an AH

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

@@vacuum2297 I agree with the your last statement but it doesn't seem like OP going to the funeral would have helped his mental health. If anything he could've inadvertently caused a scene if he had a panic attack mid-funeral. He made it clear to his family that even though he cared for his cousin he couldn't do the funeral but he would attend the burial due to his past trauma. That seems like a mature adult decision to me. OP going to a baby shower whilst the funeral that he had already decided not to attend was going on kind of appears like he was trying to cope by not just sitting at home alone with his thoughts and fears. It's not like he said he'd go and then no showed. It seems like this close family chose to vilify OP for making an adult decision to keep them from witnessing to possible fear based breakdown or a panic attack.

[@vampire9545]

Uhh no, NTA in funeral story. The whole fucking time op would be there she'll be thinking about the water. A celebration of life is a much better alternative. As for talking about death, every funeral - well wake - I've been to they're gossip mills which includes the fucking cause of death. Only thing op did wrong was tell others not to talk about it. Also it's a fucking cousin, not a sibling

[@TheBailingling]

Betty has been put in a fog by the ex, daaaang.

[@jenniferhanses7064]

The Funeral: NTA. You are not required to go to the funeral. I'm not sure why people are so adamant about OP being TA because she didn't want to go to an event. Asking people not to discuss the details... you can't control what other people say, and it isn't appropriate to issue a gag order. But she didn't do it in such an extreme way that I'd say she was TA about. The proper why is when someone breaches to the topic you say something along the lines of "Can we please not discuss this? I find it highly disturbing."

[@HoodieHorizon]

When I first read through that story I was like “ok yeah Betty is definitely hooking up with the guy” then I read the comments and felt like a dick for judging, but nope, she was hooking up with the guy. Never doubting my gut reaction again

[@d.l831]

I went through exactly the same thing!😂

[@6ftgentle863]

I knew her friend was screwing the ex. I hope she gets the life she earns

[@adjwindu70]

Story 2. Ditched a family funeral for a friend baby shower... YTA. Family could have used the support.

[@tamsel814]

But his cousin missed Christmas... Twice... /sarcasm

[@xelectrix]

Also, the second excuse OP gave doesn't even really make sense.... did they hold the funeral at a beach? And people don't usually talk about HOW someone died at a funeral. Wtf? It's also gross how they are trying to put some blame on the friend by mentioning how the friend "gets sensitive when people don't attend her events." I'm sure she would have been fine if you told her you couldn't attend because you were going to your cousin's FUNERAL! Edit: between the update and OP's replies to comments, OP comes off as insufferable and selfish and I have a feeling this isn't they first time OP has done something like this based on the sister just being done with them. That seems harsh for this one incident, so I'm suspicious.

[@taylorslade961]

Story 1: I'm screaming. That is NOT where I expected things to go. I hope OP is doing better.💜💜

[@ondank]

OP in story 2 is actually terrible. Like genuinely terrible. Why are they making stuff about them. Its so gross. Honestly it seems like this was a final straw and that OP was awful in general. Also, the fact that OP now doesn't speak to the friend is genuinely just the perfect symbol of this

[@Khaisz.]

Story 2: OP is not the AH for her reasons to not go, she thought she couldn't handle it and choose not to go. OP is however the AH in the comments about the missing Christmas stuff.

[@oldwelshlady6584]

Ohhhh a shower has water in it too!!!! Bloke/bird is an ah!!!

[@platinum_noelle]

The moment OP mentioned Betty defending the ex, I said out loud "Betty's gotta go". Also, I wonder if he'll start ignoring Betty now that she's no longer a window into OP's life, since it's pretty obvious that's why he gave her the time of day- so he could prove he can turn the person who helped her escape him against her.

[@Tsuki_Itsubi]

Story 1, I immediately suspected Betty of being with OPs ex. She pushed her to get away but then wants to defend him? I've seen it more than enough to know that was coming, and it still sickens me. I feel so bad for OP having to go through it all. As someone who also escaped a terrible abusive ex, I'm rooting for her and I know life gets easier and so much better than it ever seemed possible when caged and belittled

[@ajzephyros7454]

I haven’t watched this yet but I already think I know what story it is

[@blix_xo]

S1: I've actually gone through this. 6 months free. Ex-best friends' new gf came wanting info on him if rumors were true that he had other women other than myself, and I gave her proof...PROOF~! But she judged me over him even after telling her about him cheating on her as is. Ugh. Story is very deja vu and immediately I knew something was fishy with Betty for her to have that reaction. Not shocked with the update. 😁 Oh dear me. Wait until that pretty mask falls down, then it'll bite you in the butt and realize OP wasn't the issue. Of course, it's the opposite with Betty. He needed to push the narrative, being the good one. There is no trust anymore with the friend. No way, no how. It's sad.

[@grey2366]

Story 2 is pretty sad. Because, let's be honest, what would it look like if OP HAD attended that funeral? No, I mean really, let's think about the scenario of OP attending the funeral and then someone saying something in earshot of them that triggers this particular phobia of his. Would this family be that understanding of him having a full on breakdown or panic attack or whatever that might entail for OP? At someone's funeral no less? Sure, someone who doesn't know OP might think he was just very distressed over his cousin's death, but let's be real here: based on how the family is reacting to them not coming, I don't think they would have been any more sympathetic to OP if this had been the situation and likely would have treated him just as bad if not worse for 'making a scene' at the funeral. As far as I see it - it sounds like a damned if you do one or damned if you do the other to me. It seems to me like everyone grieves in different ways and like OP was judged for how he grieved. Remember: funerals are not for the dead - they are for the living that might benefit from them.

[@sfsin3380]

Problem is Op is self-centered and has got the cause and effect wrong. They didn't kick him out of the group chat for skipping the funeral they kicked him out after Op unprompted went on a self-centered rant on that group chat about how they can't talk about their grief at all on the family group chat. Op made tried to make this all about Op.

[@MrAlwaysOnTen]

@@sfsin3380 yeaaaaa but I don’t wanna pick up my phone to see how the family’s doing and go into a panic attack. If he’s self centered and they don’t wanna accommodate him at all it means he learned it well from his family

[@jammie7822]

"Forgive and forget" only seems to come up when someone has a guilty conscience 🙃

[@tashacooper1753]

This drowning story sounds like my mom a river stole her best friend so she fears water and made us fear water

[@aichelsworld]

Maybe I was just being too jaded, but when I hear the story and how Betty reacted, my instant thought was the best friend and the ex has something going on between them and shaking my head at the replies defending the friend. Guess I'm right after all.

[@herewego8686]

"It's not my fault" oh someone MADE you not go? Someone MADE your friend a drama queen?

[@FallenAnaki]

Husband: "He missed TWO Chrismases and he's going to miss this year's too!" 🤦🏽‍♀️💀

[@ShanniBananni]

I *hate* funerals. It's emotionally overwhelming and soul destroying. I wish our society didn't connect love for the deceased with attendance at their funeral. Imagine losing someone that you love dearly then having to sit through a meeting where people are screaming and crying and everything is setup to remind you that he's dead. He's dead. He's really really dead. If it weren't for social pressure, I'd never go.

[@arsenikkimyrkytys]

I hate how OP of story 2 tries to use the baby shower as an excuse and kinda tries to put the blame on the friend. You're the one who chose not to go to the funeral, your friend didn't make you do it. Just own your decision.

[@kateemma22]

When no one pays attention to you at a burial: well, this justifies going to that baby shower instead of the funeral! Everyone should have thanked me for being there!

[@Tackygloo]

Maybe i've listened to reddit stories too much but story 2, i dont like how he talked about the cousin's girlfriend. He probably meant nothing by it but my brain jumps to the worst conclusion and thinks hes gonna try and make a move on her or some shit lmao. Either way, dude is lucky his family is so forgiving. If my family was as close as his, I dont think i would be.

[@k3upikachu]

Story 2 -I think OP just wanted to do something fun rather than go to a funeral, and that is shitty. I'd be so disappointed in them if I were a family member

[@HeoBaby24]

Why should it matter? Op did nothing wrong for not wanting to go to a funeral.

[@fandomfan2800]

@@HeoBaby24 THIS!

[@roelthas]

I don't think the last OP really got it.

[@terrex28]

Missing the Funeral: funerals are for the living, it's a choice for closure for some. I don't need it, I didn't even go to my own father's funeral. If it makes you uncomfortable, you are not obligated to go. OP's family needs to get over themselves. OP can support other family in other ways. I honestly can't believe how rabid people are being about this. People are responsible for their own mental health and others should be more understanding.

[@ilovesports5468]

First story. Dude in his 30s and keep going for early 20 year olds. He’s going to try to baby trap the next one.

[@saralee6710]

I don't go to funerals, anyone's funeral. The reason that person is the AH is because they just didn't want to go to that person's funeral, and started making several excuses about it, and to add insult, explaining parts they could attend. People may talk about how he died at the burial as well. So, they are willing to risk it graveside, where people will have time to chat after, but not the service which is usually prayer, songs, and an obituary, but no one speaking to you. Just say, I wasn't close enough to him to blow of my bffs baby shower. I have very vocally said, do not call me and I will not be going... my parents are aware I have no intention of going to theirs either, I cannot see them dead. I prefer my last memories of people I care for to be them alive. However, if you are just choosing whose funeral to attend, and which parts, based on your social commitments, then you are basically saying, "Let me check my calendar," for something you have no issue with if you're free. You have the right not to go, and they have the right to be upset.

[@peteranon8455]

S1. I wouldn't tell any of my exes' new piece anything. Zero win scenario. Plus, what happens when you do break up your ex from his current? Now you have the full attention of someone who now has a lot of time on their hands.

[@laurenjones9924]

Drowning funeral story- Anyone else thinking OP was attention seeking and making herself out to be the victim? Or is that just me? Like how can I be the center of attention for an event that has nothing to do with me? Oh he died in water? I’m terrified of water! I just can not go to the funeral because of my crippling anxiety! I couldn’t stand to hear the details, but I’ll tell you the details because you don’t know how to properly feel sorry for me…. Oh better get ready for that party! 🎉 No! I’m not the Ahole! I just can not stand to hear about water. Water.. water water water water waves water 🌊 waves 🌊 water waves and water moist Eek! No! my little sister and other family are just done with me! Seriously though, wonder how many of these antics they dealt with over the years and the was the straw that broke the back… wow. Just wow. You have got to be complete POS to do that and have some real audacity to continue to insert yourself and try to constantly put yourself at the forefront of grieving family, then act like you’re the victim because you were removed from a group chat. OP sounds like a JN.

[@skyelindsey687]

“It doesn’t matter what y’all celebrate or don’t but since he didn’t come celebrate Christmas with us twice I didn’t go to his funeral. But that’s not the reason I didn’t go it’s because he drowned and I’m afraid of drowning but he still missed Christmas twice. I swear my reasoning isn’t because he missed Christmas twice but he missed Christmas not once but twice.” They really think if they say it enough times we’ll actually believe she didn’t miss his funeral because of Christmas .

[@youngloki1]

Normal people don't get what anxiety does to you and everyone deals with grief differently

[@notconvincedgranny6573]

Story 2: NTA. No one should ever be forced to attend a funeral. And FYI - people DO discuss how/what happened after the services. Call it what you want, but not everyone is able to deal with death this way and they shouldn't be ostracized for it. Has nothing to do with paying homage to that person because guess what? They're beyond all of this. You want to honor someone? Do something positive in that person's honor. Plant a tree, sing their favorite songs, etc. Again, OP is NTA, even if there was nothing else happening that day. Those family members doing all this for not going to a funeral are using this as an excuse.

[@kimanireid6111]

Story 1: the moment Betty started defending op's ex it was clear as day she was sleeping with him

[@KhadaJhin04]

OP using the argument that he didn't attend the funeral because the cousin didn't attend Christmas celebrations for two years is like when I joke with my sisters how if they die before me, I will not attend their funeral since they won't attend mine. He's willing to do on this hill instead of just acknowledging he messed up, and he brought up the trauma because he thought reddit would feel bad for him, buddy you were celebrating, that's heartless, you weren't just sat crying in your room after shutting down every tap, because you're so traumatized of drowning in your living room, just apologize, grief is strange, you don't have to be in shambles to cry over someone, it might hit you later, and I certainly have never needed a family member to show up for two consecutive Christmas celebrations in order for me to attend their funeral.

[@tabeechey]

Yeah my first thought was "Betty is either sleeping with ex, or wants to."

[@JMac7395]

Story 1: immediately concluded Betty was either sleeping with OP's ex or was attracted to him smdh. Betty was NEVER OP's friend. She probably lusted for him during the abuse. How messed up in the head are you to want to be with someone who previously harm your friend on a regular basis?

[@MONKEYDZETS]

First story what a twist Betty a witch lol I love how everyone defend this evil woman