Express your gender authentically

In this video I offer my recipe for critically examining your gender expression in the pursuit of your most authentic self.
Critical Gender Recipe:
Is this important to me personally?
Is this something I'm being told I should do?
What will I do with this information?
By examining your own gender expression from the perspective of what feels best for you, you can begin to construct a sense of self which is both stable and comfortable, and which will hopefully help you find a path to happiness. It's scary! But don't let the fear of what you may find out stop you from asking the hard questions.
Gender Policing video:
• When others police you...
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[@jessymae1997]

They should teach about gender in school like in Health when they taught us about growth and development and they talked about puberty and stuff they should have done a unit on gender and the spectrum. I feel like it would be helpful for school age kids who are confused about their genders and would help the next generation be more informed about all the different gender there are. It might even help them figure out how they identify in the process. .

[@LuxanderReal]

Shaving is definitely one of those weird cruxes between figuring out what you want to actually do versus what society expects you to do. I'm transmasculine, and I stopped shaving my armpits like, a year ago. But I still like shaving my legs. Even though it might make people gender me as female. Because that's how I prefer my body hair. The only time my armpit hair is visible is when I'm at the gym, and I wear a sportsbra at the gym. So people probably gender me as female there. How confusing it must be for them, when I answer questions in Deep Voice and stretch my arms with visible armpit hair while obviously having boobs and no package to speak of. :p

[@arimg4495]

I cut my hair and walk around in "men's clothes" and I love it, but I'm constantly afraid that people might mock me. Especially when it comes to body hair or wearing a suit...

[@mehlover]

I feel this is the best way to figure out your gender expression. I do a similar version of this when I decide how I want to look. Like my side shave is important to me and makes me feel happy everytime I shave. Helps me feel closer to my nonbinary identity.

[@claratiefengraber]

I really love your gender videos ashley! and im really thankful for them. i myself am afab genderfluid and i guess im expressing myself pretty masculine. but i do shave my armpits bc i feel like i have to do it. but i do not shave my legs tho which is kinda paradox. i just shaved my head. ive had short hair for a year now but last week i shaved it off and tbh i couldnt care less what others think. i express my gender the way i want. im pretty alternative and ppl would say boyish but thats who i am and i prefer it that way. i wanna be more myself. im more of the weird kid to others but idc. i should be myself. and i wont let gender policing get to me.

[@danielfolger4608]

Thank you so much for making this series. I've been very confused and very uncomfortable with figuring out gender expression my whole life. I always put on "girl" clothes and makeup when I felt I needed to be formal or look nice, but often it ended up feeling like I was wearing something out of place, or a silly costume (not that feminine clothing is silly, it is just out of place on myself). It felt/feels like a show, like I'm doing it to impress people and fit into this expected role of what I should do. Yet I don't want to swear completely off of feminine expression just because I'm being conditioned to fit into "one or the other"/boy or girl. So much of what I think and do seems to be dictated by what I perceive is being dictated to me to do. But it feels so wrong and like I'm erasing myself for the convenience of others. The way you talk about gender and expression seems to me one of the most intelligent and articulate I've come across. In both your worldview and gender identity you search for the whole truth in such a purposeful way that's very inspiring. One of the most admirable qualities I think in anyone is the ability to search for and identify truth, and not floating through life only conforming to societal expectations/never asking the hard questions. Thank you for making these videos.

[@kas1794]

I've been trying to ask myself those same questions recently too, but I find it very hard to separate what I actually think is important and what I'm told I should think when gender norms are shoved in your face constantly as soon as you step outside. I realized I have to just try out different things (like not shaving body hair) and see how I genuinely feel without those outside pressures. I also like to not shave my armpits, but I'm scared to actually do it in the summertime because my skin just isn't thick enough yet to handle all the negative comments and whatever... but I so admire and appreciate when I see girls rocking armpit hair confidently in a tank top!

[@ajaxbird2348]

So there is this person that my classmates assume is male that we see sometimes at things where there is more than one school present. And the person wears a miniskirt over leggings. And my classmates think it's "so weird" that they are wearing that. Even if the are male, I hate that they feel the need to even think about it, you know?

[@MingusTale]

You made me think about choice and body hair. Shaving my armpits is definitely for me. its the only one I do consistently, and i dont really like having hair there. Legs I make a different decision every time but it still seems up to me. And downstairs, when I try to do stuff to that it's definitely a pressure thing, and I think it just looks weird when I do it. So maybe I should stop worrying about that.

[@tonantzinarcos3932]

thanks forma the vídeo I'm very femenine in my gender expression but I stopped shaving last year and I feel way better with myself now. I'm more comfortable with how I treat my body now not giving into gender policing and just mean comments from the outside world

[@rachelk3259]

It's really difficult to come to a conclusion between those two questions sometimes. I know I've struggled with it, but it gets easier once you start making your own decisions and learning who your authentic self is! Love these videos, Ashley!

[@invalidclosedaccount6810]

Hi! This video is so important. Thank you. I'm agenderflux and I now have to wear a dress for prom. I like the dress and when I feel feminine, then yeah I'm OK with it. Though I'm not happy with the idea of going to prom in it, grr. I would be much more comfortable in a suit. Too late to back out now, also my family want me to do so because I will regret it of I don't wear a dress. They don't know about my gender identity.😊

[@sleepyzebra11]

+Tay Ace i think it's ok to sometimes conform for the sake of the people you love, just not all the time, and as long as it doesnt hurt your own sense of self

[@judasplaylists8854]

Whoa, i never thought of it that way. i'm going to use this, thank you so much

[@mizzraika]

I asked myself the same question last August. I realised I shaved my legs and pubic hair because I was told to. I stopped shaving them. I still shave my armpits because I like the feeling and found it helps prevent sweat puddles, as I'm a heavy sweater. Some things are told, some things are personal choice, and both are worth thinking about.

[@musicluffler]

Hahaha YES! Just wanted to give you a shout out and let you know I love your channel, Ashley! I've been really excited about presenting more androgynously lately, but on the days on which I'm dressed 'too boyish' I get weird looks in public versus the days I present as more feminine. (I'm going to keep presenting however I feel like, because screw gender norms). In high school I was super SUPER insecure and essentially only did what others expected/wanted from me 100% of the time, so I went through this whole period where I was super obsessed with shaving my legs every single day. They had to be shaved, like, perfectly and not a hint of stubble was okay, and I would constantly freak out and be self-conscious over whether they were 'stubble free' enough...but now, true to the real me that was buried underneath all along, I don't shave my legs in the winter and I almost never shave my pits haha. Anyway, you're awesome; thank you SO much for making these videos, because you've really helped me feel confident about myself and I wish more people could be as open-minded and accepting about gender!

[@milufan1]

Sería genial que alguien tradujera los videos 🙏

[@squid7592]

Ashley, you are brilliant! Keep up the good videos!

[@mayragarcia6683]

I literally am crying this is so amazing!!! I learned so much! Thank you for being the only other non-binary I know

[@cassiehyatt4967]

I love this video so much, and it helped me a lot. Thank you so much.

[@selinammj]

👌🏻

[@hiramlopez398]

I recently came out to a lot of my friends. Telling them I was now a woman but I can’t watch these videos in front of my parent someone help

[@fckyrface]

GO BADGERS!

[@lisamika]

what is your ancestry dear?