Fair Exchange & Don't. Touch. The. Ships. | 2445 | Best of HFY & Humans Are space Orcs

Original Story:
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/ dont_touch_the_ships
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{TimeStamps}
00:00 Intro
00:07 Fair Exchange by WeeklyFaithlessness0
08:11 Don’t. Touch. The Ships. by Ok-Peak9537
#ScienceFiction #Storytime #scifi
Music Tracks From KZbin Audio Library:
GROWTH_DECAY - Density & Time
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Podcast is Called : ASN Humans Are Space Orcs , HFY and other stories
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This Story is Classified as HFY or Humanity Feck, Yea , but what does the Mean?
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HFY is a story/series that takes a “human element” in either humanity or an “other” (race/species or object) that exists in a “setting” (future or other world/universe) with varying levels of culture, technology, society and history that help show in some shape or form the potential good or bad for humanity’s race/culture. In These stories Humans are often referred to as Human, Humanity, Deathworlder, Hellwolder in reference to the human planet of origin , Earth. This planet is seen by most of the universe as a place where only death and chaos can survive.
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Taken from the FAQ of the r/HFY subreddit.
Humans Are Space Orcs (HASO) or Humans Are (Fantasy Race) Are used as a guide when writing.
In these Stories we normally View humans like the other races view orcs in a Fantasy Novel. We (Humans) share the same characteristics and personalities as orcs. Humans are normally treated as the outsiders and barbarians. Humans tend to be underestimated as well in these stories. Unlike Humanity Feck Yea , these don't always put a positive spin on humans\humanity sometimes looking at the darker side of human and humanity from the perspective of aliens.
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[@warhorse03826]

"don't. touch. the. boats!" habitual linecrosser

[@cybercifrado]

Indeed. I heard it in one of his accents. XD

[@dalemorgan8263]

_Here comes the sun doodoodoodoo_

[@Aminuts2009]

With the appropriate accent of course!

[@michaelyoung7261]

Truly a man of culture

[@war13death]

Except Israel, they got away with deliberately attacking our boats.

[@albruitstuart8408]

It's what we like to refer to as "Proportionate Response".

[@grogvaughan5649]

@albruitstuart8408 my line of work we call it the "John Wick Protocol"

[@NXTangl]

"Proportionate"? No, no, it's a "proportionAL" response. The proportion in question is 1000:1.

[@grogvaughan5649]

@NXTangl proportionate is the past tense.. as in "we make them a part of history no longer relevant in the present"

[@albruitstuart8408]

@NXTangl thank you, the yes, the quote was "Proportional Response."

[@jasonl9682]

Amen

[@Seastallion]

Fun fact: The most powerful navy in history was created because... someone. touched. the. boats! True story.

[@mikethurman3147]

I'm so happy to see an Agro Squirrel / Fat Electrician connection. "Don't touch our boats"

[@Tiewaz]

That seems to be the accurate "proportional response" in the second story, yep.

[@michaellewis3226]

Appropriately proportional.

[@mikethurman3147]

"Proportional"

[@KouuToriProductions]

So the president said, we're going to issue a "proportional" response. And what the Navy heard, was "ice 'em."

[@ArronRatliff]

America: Don't Touch Our Boats! The rest of planet Earth: Dear God Don't Touch Their Boats! Up voted for the beard and algorithm with energy!

[@Practitioner_of_Diogenes]

And that second story is when the galaxy learned two American phrases- "Don't. Touch. Our Boats" and "Proportional Response."

[@Wastelandman7000]

We can laugh at them wanting crude oil, but, anyone else remember what the Nostromo was hauling in Alien? Oil and an automated oil refinery. Still easier and cheaper to make plastics from oil than from biomass I'm guessing.

[@Cl0ckcl0ck]

Oil isn't just fuel. Using it as fuel is one of the silliest ways of using it. Most of our medicines for example started out as oil.

[@danijelandroid]

Maybe the humans invented a miracle plastic that rival steal or we created bio-spaceships which consume oil. Or the humans were removing the oil so that those aliens won't start wars over it. That would make the most sense if the humans came to the alien planet without any ulterior motives.

[@1992jkwj]

​@@Cl0ckcl0ckarent sulphides made in part with oil as well?

[@carminedesanto6746]

Habitual Line Cosser in SPACE 😆

[@smugfrog8111]

"Ohh shit, there's about to be more Suns out than Tatooine!"

[@elaniarkady7351]

2nd story: Yup proportional response

[@LegendStormcrow]

2 stories about Space America. Noice.

[@proberts34]

An interesting take on the FAFO style of story. "FA, and we'll give you ONE chance to make it right, before you FO." 🙂

[@bewarethegreyghost]

Some of these HFY authors watch The Fat Electrician, and it shows.

[@mattbrown5511]

Hoorah. This 11 Bravo upholds that the Fat Electrician is watch worthy.

[@jeanannd]

Story 1: Maybe for petroleum jelly and other such products? Story 2: Good rule.

[@jonnypena7651]

A lot of vegetable alternatives, maybe gas for old collection cars? xD

[@Norbrookc]

Oil is very, very useful for making various products. Most of the plastics we use come from oil, in addition to other useful chemicals and lubricants. So after Earth would have burned up or used most of its oil, it would become something you'd still need, so... trade for it from another planet.

[@nicholaswion846]

@@Norbrookc Most of those products come from the parts of crude oil that are not suitable for energy production, so its not really an either/or relationship. The more likely reason, is that regardless of how many other methods of production that they have discovered and developed, with the high level of energy demand that such a society would have, there is simply no beating the cost efficiency per unit of energy ratio that natural petroleum delivers. That is an extremely important stat when providing energy on an economy wide scale.

[@robertstoneking7916]

Likely past large scale energy use but lubricants, plastics, food additives, medications.

[@Wastelandman7000]

Probably for plastics and lubricants. If you can make it to the stars you don't need it for fuel. But, you still need to make circuit boards, insulators, and lubricate your machinery and the like. You can make this stuff from vegetable products, but, its a righteous pain and requires a huge investment in both creating biomass and processing it. Probably cheaper and easier to just trade for it.

[@GenStallion]

Lets actually add that to the checklist. Just give us a reason.

[@kurtismiller9544]

For DA SKWERL and his Nest

[@quoriander]

And for his many acorns!

[@erushi5503]

Story 1: Probably a merchant fleet looking for oil to sell to traditional car enthusiasts on terran worlds Story 2: "DONT TOUCH MY BOATS!!"

[@achimdemus-holzhaeuser1233]

BOOP!

[@georgepatton93]

**terrified Japanese noises**

[@ericlestick7325]

If you touch our boats we'll have to give a "proportional" response.

[@BattleshipOrion]

If Fat Electrician, and Habitual Line Crosser went into space: Fat Electrician: *TODAY I'M GONNA TELL YOU THE REASONS WHY COMMUNISM IS BAD* Habitual Line Crosser: Don't. Touch. The. Boats.

[@Norbrookc]

American history... touching America's boats results in very bad results for the country that does it.

[@cybercifrado]

Which countries were those? Oh, right. Most have been lost to history. ;)

[@Aminuts2009]

Remember the Maine! ... Takes the Philippines away from Spain.

[@michaellewis3226]

@@cybercifrado Few are still around in reduced capacity. Spain, Japan and Germany.

[@cybercifrado]

@@michaellewis3226 Yeah, the comment was meant to be hyperbolic.

[@wendal4506]

You forgot one of the originals the Barbary pirates

[@Inufan2005]

Nice to see our boat doctrine made it to space!

[@mackenziedrake]

Excellent as always. I worry about the folks in the first one.

[@seanbolster7603]

It was a pt 1 to the 2nd. Lol. In my head anyway. America wanted that compound 710

[@EricTheKei]

For the Squirrelgorithm!

[@luzifershadres]

"So, what do you need the Oil for?" Human merchant: "Well, a lot of humans like the sound of combution engines. While 90% of combution vehicles run on very safe and envirement firendly fuel, there is an backwards colony in the Bernard sytsem called The New United States of Ford-America (Trademark). These guys not only bioengeenered themself to live with the polution and workship Henry John America Ford the 112th like an god, but also drive around in 20m tall armored truck, running on Gasoline. And yes, there are even bigger 40 m tall monster trucks. Even their mother nation the Northern American States of Terra, calls them lunatics. And that means a lot when we talk about trucks."

[@jfpalermo]

Loved the story,... still rolling in laughter at the ending.

[@commiedeer]

"Don't. Touch. The Boats!" I totally read that in Mandatory Funday's voice.

[@lawrencespruyt5053]

First story, we probably found a way to make ICE space ships. Lol

[@barelyasurvivor1257]

Thanks for another great read of a great story

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank you for the reading

[@deussalt4479]

For the Agro-rythm!

[@tdofducksplays]

DO NOT TOUCH THE HUMANS BOATS!!

[@roberthayes7679]

Another great one.

[@Jakes3130]

Thank you sir

[@larrythompson8630]

It’s a shame the lives lost. But often. Fewer lives are lost in total. Rather than a “proportional” response every time.

[@allenmorgan1007]

For the Algorithm, for the Author(s), for the Holographic Voice!

[@charleswidmore5458]

nice story for independence day.

[@RealArcalian]

Greetings, Mentlegent! For the Rhythm that is Algo Story 1: Humans are Uplifters Story 2: Proportional Response

[@shrillcrayfish6168]

Dont touch our boats!!!

[@kathybarekman5454]

Love ❤ your work and your voice ❤ ♥

[@KroMagnum4]

Excellent.

[@Tejyasn]

Much response. Very proportionate. Don't touch America's boats.....

[@LordMekenshi]

I assume the oil was just a matter of tradition, or so they didn't pollute their air

[@andorfedra]

Second Story: I think the representative should have been from Japan, instead of Great Britain. it would have maximized the irony of the moment. Great short stories regardless.

[@markojotic]

The idea that aliens come for our resources was always a silly SF trope. There are thousand of times more fuel and water floating in space and easy to get than on a planet.

[@johnnyrotten3175]

4 D 🐿️ ❗ ❗ 4 D author ❗ 4 D algorithm

[@merlinathrawes746]

A space faring civilization needing OIL? Possibly for lubricants, but I can't see it being needed for fuel. In other words, keep your hands off or lose your hands.

[@McKavian]

If you have not signed the Geneva Convention, we don't have to follow it.

[@crowgaming2137]

actually, we do. Right up to the point the other side doesn't Then, its free real estate

[@jmichaelramirez2510]

To make plastic! 😮

[@genericuser984]

cool

[@EAZ36588]

Kind of the Brits to give them the warning

[@spqrpraetorian]

A galactic year is about 250 million years, at least from the SOL systems point of view. So that empire existed for 32 billion years?

[@ardillamente]

Story 2: Operarion Space Mantis

[@ardillamente]

Or Operation Zorak

[@MidnightSmoke]

Don't touch the ships is a good rule. Here is a like and comment for the stories, for entertaining me, to help your channel grow, to appease the great and powerful KZbin algorithm demon, and get you the recognition you deserve.

[@oldbutnotdead1]

For the algorithm

[@chrisdufresne9359]

I could have sworn that the first one was already done by Aggro. Am I confusing Aggro and NN again?

[@GR3YD3ATH]

🚢🚢🚢

[@christopherg2347]

Why are the space faring humans still using oil?

[@thomasmandell3002]

@@christopherg2347: petroleum based and made products are probably still cheaper than biomass based and made products.

[@merlinwizard1000]

6th, 3 July 2024

[@TheRealInscrutable]

200K

[@charlesashton6273]

😀

[@jbfrank7519]

Fta

[@marvinjohnson2488]

America has a habit of screwing up any one who touches their boats here. Why would it be different in outerspace?

[@beingsneaky]

hmm you find more hydrocarbons(oil, tar, gases) and water out in space then you would every find on or under any planet so no they did not need to trade for the oil.

[@Marcus_Postma]

I was thinking the same thing

[@ianharrison5758]

I assume it would be more of an excuse to open trade. Oil is oil and space may have more but gaining a loyal ally with a later apparent unequal exchange, that’s more valuable than the oil could ever be

[@t.p.3456]

For the algorithm 👽👾🤖🌌🛰🚀🛸🌠