Family Scapegoats and Chronic Illness (Ace Quiz)

Join my online educational and peer-support community for FSA adult survivors on Substack. Learn more by visiting familyscapegoathealing.substa...
WHY Scapegoat's can't "just get over" their (abusive) childhoods: What's the connection between childhood abuse and chronic illness? Scapegoat Trauma expert Rebecca C. Mandeville (author of the best-selling book on family scapegoating, 'Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed') explains why family scapegoating abuse (FSA) can result in a variety of chronic illnesses, as confirmed by research addressing Adverse Childhood Experience(s) (ACEs). She also shares why therapists who understand the consequences of scapegoat trauma will often recommend "going no contact" with abusive family members.
💡*TAKE THE ACE QUESTIONNAIRE:* www.acesaware.org/wp-content/...
✅ You can purchase my best-selling book on family scapegoating abuse (FSA), 'Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed', on Amazon: amzn.to/3sEaqcx. Or buy from your favorite online book retailer via this secure Universal Buy Link (UBL): books2read.com/intro2fsa.
💡Read 12-Step based book on living with chronic illness, pain or disability (I helped edit this book): www.amazon.com/Living-Chronic...
💡Watch a related video from my channel: Why Scapegoats May Need to Go 'No Contact' to Heal: • Going 'NO CONTACT' Wit...
🔥Trigger Warning: If you feel activated watching this video, turn it off and perhaps return to it at another time or consult a licensed Mental Health professional. Viewer comments may contain descriptions of child abuse and neglect and can also be activating.
Relate to this video? I'd love to hear from you in the comments. BE AWARE THAT YOUR COMMENTS ARE PUBLIC.
Rebecca C. Mandeville is a thought leader and recognized expert in abusive family systems. She is also the author of 'Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed: Help and Hope for Adults in the Family Scapegoat Role' and a clinical expert in KZbin's Health Partner Program. You can visit her website at scapegoatrecovery.com.
💡 INTERNATIONAL SINGLE-SESSION SCAPEGOAT RECOVERY VIDEO CONSULTATIONS: Due to the prohibitive length of my waiting list for weekly sessions, I am now offering Single-Session Consultations. Learn more by visiting www.scapegoatrecovery.com/sca...
💡Learn more about my work on FSA, my book, and my FSA recovery coaching services, visit scapegoatrecovery.com.
💡DISCLAIMER ONE: This channel's focus is on understanding and recovering from what I named 'family scapegoating abuse' (FSA) and is GENERAL and INFORMATIONAL in its scope. It is NOT a substitute for clinical assessment or treatment. It is suitable for both Adult Survivors and Clinicians. I am unable to advise you on your specific family situation. READ FULL DISCLAIMER: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/you...
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🔥 COPYRIGHT NOTICE: My videos focus exclusively on understanding and recovering from what I named 'family scapegoating abuse' (FSA) during the course of my academic and clinical research. THESE VIDEOS ARE COPYRIGHTED AND CANNOT BE SAMPLED AND USED FOR OTHER PURPOSES.
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🔴 NEED HELP NOW? Being scapegoating can be extremely traumatizing. If you feel in danger of harming yourself, this is a list of international hotlines where you can speak to someone: blog.opencounseling.com/suici... You might also find some appropriate resources here via this site for people struggling with complex trauma symptoms due to personality disordered parenting, etc. outofthefog.website/toolbox-1...
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Copyright 2023 | Rebecca C. Mandeville | All Rights Reserved
#scapegoat #scapegoatrecovery #narcissisticfamily #dysfunctionalfamily #toxicfamily

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

1) Join my new FSA Education online community for adult survivors on SUBSTACK at familyscapegoathealing.substack.com/. Subscribe for free to receive my FSA-related articles or become a paid subscriber to access Community features where you can engage with other FSA adult survivors via Group Chats and Discussion Threads. 2) Purchase my introductory book on Family Scapegoating Abuse (Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed) via this Universal Buy Link, which includes links to Amazon: books2read.com/intro2fsa.

[@raven4090]

This book is excellent, and I would highly recommend it!

[@louiseparham-l8k]

I have started reading this book.

[@BhavanaShivu]

Is there an audio book available?

[@vanessamorey3812]

The scapegoating of family members should be considered criminal and punishable by law.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

The first step is to get this form of 'invisible' (psycho-emotional) abuse properly recognized - one of the reasons I have devoted my entire career to researching on, and raising awareness, on FSA.

[@frankmeyers7304]

Well please keep up the good work and let us know how we can help.@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse

[@louiseparham-l8k]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse I don't know about the US but in the UK there needs to be an increase in mental health awareness on the whole to begin. Mental health disorders are still very much stigmatised here, but the above commentator is right

[@maydavies888]

​@@louiseparham-l8know that the UK has Stage 4 Islamic Cancer, the mental health aituation will get much worae bit then everyone will be traumatized, which makes it more likely that people will eventually get treated if they aurvive.

[@kevingalbraith6579]

i totally couldnt agree more, im actually currently going through this and its at the worst stages of it, its making me sick as hell @beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse how can i help i wanna help and devote the rest of my short life left to this cause as well

[@franklinplayz6323]

I didn't know this was an ACE too. I lived with being teased, mocked eye rolled. Told I was over sensitive, they were so cold and horrible. Then she started her own negativity on my son. Thank god we got away!

[@Grammamellow1]

Me too. Thanks for sharing this. I was feeling a bit like I was trying to gaslight myself. This brought me right back to reality. Thanks.

[@elizabethd.2398]

When I finally allowed my suppressed rage to come out, I had to scream into a pillow several times a day so my neighbors couldn’t hear me. I would drive on the freeway with my windows rolled up screaming at the top of my lungs and telling my narcissistic mother what I thought of her. I cried uncontrollably for weeks (CPTSD). I imagined grabbing her by the throat with both hands and repeatedly slamming her head against the wall as hard as I could until blood spurted out of her mouth. I envisioned her like a raging octopus who had me and my siblings in her tentacles, unable to escape her grasp. 🐙 I also had to visualize severing the invisible toxic cord that bound me to her -- this took several weeks. The fury was fierce. Lucky for me I had my own home and was able to do these rituals in a safe space. Once I severed all emotional ties with her, I felt a tremendous relief come upon me. It took another 5 years before I went no-contact with her. I now live a peaceful life. This isn't for the fainthearted.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

No, it isn't. You crawled through the flotsam and made it to the other side. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@samme1024]

I have felt several feelings of rage towards both parents, my brother, and a few "frenemies" AKA flying monkeys who delight in trying to ruin my life. After 5 years, I am finally calm and getting ready to go no contact. However, I still sometimes have fantasies of rage. I guess it's a part of the process. I wish you well.

[@Tinyteacher1111]

It sure isn’t!!

[@treeofwolf4539]

Giggles! A lady would never do that. You're amazing!

[@doricetimko5403]

Truer words….❤

[@fifilafleur5555]

This makes me furious. I now have metastatic cancer. My sick family ostracized me for more than a decade when I stood up to my dad’s wife. My dad is her enabler and abusive himself. I hope they all answer to a higher power one day for the evil they have done.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

There's a reason I call it 'righteous rage'....

[@tiabiamama]

They will, I swear it. They will eventually have to experience all the pain they caused you. That's why they say, "Let go, let God.#

[@ruthl2976]

I also am currently fighting cancer after being ostracized for over two decades by my 6 siblings. I try hard to stay positive which takes me lots of effort. It's true that the body keeps the score and they are just not worth it anymore. I wish you healing and peace🙂

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Holding a good thought for you@@ruthl2976

[@Not-the-usual-BS]

😢😢same here! My father is the classic example of the enabler .. he went along with my stepmother pathetically like a true coward instead of defending me and my brothers like he promised my mother before she passed away that he would !!

[@pelletier4432]

Every single day is difficult when the whole body system is painfully inflamed and disease starts in mid-life (after all the childhood stomach aches, endless sinus infections, body racing through excessive cortisol poisoning). To anyone wrestling with guilt or worry about leaving: It literally will become a matter of your quality of life in later years. It can take your life away from you. You are not a human garbage can for others' toxicity. Make your way to as soon as you can. It's really that serious.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Well said. It can really hit hard in your 50's and 60's, I am finding...

[@pelletier4432]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse So sorry to hear. It really is a blessing to have a safe space with a professional who knows the real ins and outs. Thanks for your work. ❤

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

@@pelletier4432 My pleasure. Truly.

[@Tinyteacher1111]

LOVE THAT ANALOGY! Thank you!

[@Lyn_Marie_]

Thank you for this very information. I have 4 Autoimmune diseases. The very first rheumatologist I went to asked the question ‘have you ever had some kind of trauma in your childhood, or anytime in the past ?’ I was curious why she asked that. She explained that the majority of her patiences did. There’s a connection between autoimmune and inflammatory diseases, when there’s past trauma.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Glad to hear more practitioners are aware of this.

[@Kristen-ek9rz]

I'm glad to hear that your doctor addressed the trauma as well. I learned that my autoimmune disease, and other conditions, came from past life trauma. My rheumatologist heard me, without voicing any judgment, when I told her about this. The more I release the old energy from the past life trauma, the conditions are improving, over time, of course. I wish you healing on your journey.

[@denisedevoto5703]

The doctor who diagnosed with me with chronic fatigue said that I probably needed to see a counselor for childhood trauma. These doctors know what is going on.

[@sharonsharon7775]

I too have autoimmune disease I have chrons. I died in the 14 hour operation I met my mother there she sent me bk because of my babys. I'm empath iv had abuse all my life my father beat my mum she slit her wrists to get away from him he then smashed a whisky bottle in her face my mum lived thank God my mum was a gentle soul I miss her so much I started meditating 6 years ago I have terrible anxiety and panic attacks meditation helps I was also sexually abused by my cousin at 8 he was 20 I dont have anything to do with my nark family eny more but only since November last year I can still feel my core ringing from the trauma thank God for yours and others videos I never new I was a scapegoat until January this year I'm 57 . Take care gentle souls much love and great blessings from a sister in uk love you all ❤

[@chewbaccassecretlovechild2607]

What autoimmune disease do you have? I have Anklosing Spondylitis 😢

[@BlueMosaic5]

Chronic stomach issues, anxiety & depression

[@taralilarose1]

Absolutely! And we're having an autoimmune epidemic!

[@prismbrandingrealestatebra6301]

Taking 2 to 3 hours to fall asleep.

[@Gemmarose9012]

Ugh, the stomach issues!

[@pamb8797]

It's been a lifetime of chronic illness and injury whereas siblings did not experience the same. So this message, Rebecca, is validating and painful to see how family scapegoats are hated and destroyed. We survive decades of fight-flight toxic stress. We typically pick bad relationships, as young damaged adults, so the stress is ongoing. When childhood symptoms become full blown health crises as adults, the narcissistic family rages and bullies. Then we get told we're faking or exaggerating. In my case, I was told I "ruined the life of my mother and so many others". I don't know how I did that as a straight A student, suffering the fawn response, people pleasing empath, etc. I was also blamed if anything happened to my mother (she ended up in ER when I tried to set limits to her excessive, intrusive phone calls. How did my malignant narcissistic father's violence and alcoholism not have anything to do with her martyr ploy drama?). We have no buffering protection and never will. I feel righteous rage and will never go back to so much entrenched hatred (evil in my opinion). It took decades for me to recover while they kept trying to pull me down. There is hope for others as my vitality has returned and now I maintain improved health. I am in the flow away from them. My fantasy is thinking how validating it would be to be present during their life review - for them to finally have to face what they've done to us and they have to see what we said all along was true!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

This about sums it up. Thank you for so succinctly describing the predicament of the FSA adult survivor in an invalidating, narcissistic family system. Glad you found a way to continue on - and eventually thrive.

[@Mia-gu4qh]

Wow this sounds exactly like my life! Thanks for sharing! Glad you are feeling better, I hope I will too.

[@thirstonhowellthebird]

Wow love what you wrote. So many have survived this sick dynamic just as you described. It took years to get my health back too and I can so relate to the righteous rage. They earned it. Hopefully you’ll tell your story because they help others know they aren’t alone.

[@Tinyteacher1111]

Ha ha! I always think about that as well!

[@chelseacraft4669]

I used to worry about that, until I realized they actually have brain damage/missing amygdala. It’s not their fault. They are broken. I’ve got to move on. I can’t keep obsessing about justice, and finally being listened to. That’s never going to happen. Two of them are dead now and all the others are a waste of my time and they don’t give a damn. So I was forced whether I like it or not to move on because it’s over and it’s never gonna happen. I am what matters now. Not them. But I also know if I don’t face all the realities from the past then I can’t move forward. So it’s wonderful to listen to these videos and get confirmation and validation. But insofar as I will ever come out on top the righteous victor one day… I’ve got to let that go. It’s toxic and won’t do anything but weigh me down like a lead balloon. It’s not easy, changing those thought patterns and habits but I’m working on it.

[@Andrea-lp4bb]

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for almost 25 years. It has destroyed my career, social life, I am on meds for sleep… could only have one child. I am the family scapegoat…. The rest of my so called family are fit and healthy

[@iwonaula9]

Omg - my story too.

[@crisl9079]

Same, I found my CFS was from reduced ability to clear toxins, especially mold. I’m getting better but I know family drama/trauma and scapegoating plays a big role.

[@rcristy]

Makes perfect sense. If your sympathetic nervous system is constantly firing, it's in constant fight/flight, which means compromised blood supply to major organs because your body shuts down repairs to send blood to your legs to run from the tiger. The nervous system doesn't differentiate between chemical, physical,emotional stressors. This chic is brilliant.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I have a clinical series I did for this channel focusing on complex trauma - It is for both survivors and therapists - Link here, if you're interested (the video descriptions will indicate which ones expressly address C-PTSD): kzbin.info/aero/PLXSLEoZOeKOEoeIx75TNU59TjSc2YHo7W&si=cl8hXOgEW1W7TC6D

[@Magicmeatbag]

It really is a rather evil part of the human experience. People taking their negativity and dumping it on someone else's existence in order to increase their own success in the world around them. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative colitis in 2009 and It took me a decade to finally get my health back while the rest of my family lived out normal and healthy lives.

[@Tinyteacher1111]

I know the feeling! I have had very little support since I got sick from breast implants, mold, and now Lyme. Plus, a LOT of trauma for the past few weeks until last week. I feel like I’m the character in “Custer’s Last Stand”’

[@kristin9970]

Sadly, “they” do not live happy and healthy lives. They are broken and most likely have no love for themselves. They are lonely because they can not confide in anyone for fear of “losing face”. They do not know how to control their emotions, therefore they are controlled by them, and they are NOT self-aware. They are weak and frail. We are strong, we are self-aware and we are caring and loving. Qualities they attempt to steal from us.

[@tiabiamama]

I used to tell my older scapegoat sister to not let mom talk to her like that- to call HER fat, to call HER ugly, to do anything but take it. When she grew up and moved out, I was surprised to find myself put into that role.

[@elouisetimpson2981]

I recently had a psychotic break….. family secrets became clear. Whilst in this psychosis I confided in someone. This someone has told many people and now I am public enemy No 1. This has been the worst experience of my life, but no turning back. I feel v unsafe and have isolated again until I gain my strength back….. sorry for rant….. but I am greatful for Information you give and others.✌️

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Very sorry to hear it. Glad you're here.

[@leanita7549]

Keep going❤

[@doricetimko5403]

Wishing for your continued healing, regained strength, and many blessings as you move forward.❤

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Elouise I hope you’re doing ok and getting good after care.

[@elouisetimpson2981]

@@melliecrann-gaoth4789 thank you 🙏….. I am getting there. Hugs 🤗

[@delyndacorsetti7204]

This is very true. I think it's an added issue to be the scapegoat of two narcissistic parents, with physical abuse trauma that started at a very young age. You don't take care of yourself. You don't feel worthy of it. Out of six kids, I am the only one with a long list of health issues. I'm no contact. These videos are incredibly helpful ❤ I'm so glad I found you. Thank you!! I took the quiz, my score is 6

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're welcome!

[@N0N4M30]

I actually do take really good care of myself as good as I can being sick with EDS but I also suffer many more health issues that stem from the abuse and no matter what I try or do they won’t go away

[@denisedevoto5703]

I have an Aces score of 6 too. Was diagnosed with ME in 2001. It has been an extremely difficult life path.

[@Tinyteacher1111]

I hope you can heal! 🙏

[@Gemmarose9012]

They’re not going to kill me! I’m on my way back to full health and wholeness!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

YES!

[@HDPersonal777]

Same!! Yes! Thank you! Hooponopono technique helps I think too!

[@frankiedfourlegs2316]

I was diagnosed with severe inflammatory bowel disease. After 6 years of suffering through all available medications, chemo and biologics, I had a total proctocolectomy. I am the family scapegoat. I can't say family was supportive during my long battle. Yes, there was abuse physical, emotional and psychological. I have recently created distance.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I hope this video (and the ACE quiz) validates your experiences.

[@chelseacraft4669]

Keep that distance because the longer you’re out of it the more you grow, and heal and advance until you wonder why you ever wanted to go back in the first place . 😂 good luck.❤

[@kimberlygabaldon3260]

IBD here, too. I was told that it was all in my head & that I had symptoms because I BELIEVED that I was going to have symptoms. Then asked why did I choose to have this illness.

[@frankiedfourlegs2316]

​@kimberlygabaldon3260 I am so sorry. This disease is horrible and very hard. Additionally, without a supportive and understanding family, it can make it even worse.❤

[@doricetimko5403]

Sending you love, healing, peace and many blessings

[@Langolin1998]

I’ve always told myself, I could better get over, and move on from my childhood trauma from my narcissistic mother, but for the fact that it’s continued on into my adulthood. I live with chronic illness, and I do believe a lot comes from all the mental, emotional and even physical abuse, starting from my family, then by partners I chose, then back to family, as my sister went full-blown abusive after I went no contact with her due to her allying with an ex of mine and with my mother. The three set out to destroy me and my health problems doubled! It’s hell on earth!! Living in a constant fight or flight mode, for what feels like decades, it’s detrimental to your body!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

It is indeed, and there is empirical research to prove it!

[@zakiyyafarrakhan1098]

I suffer with Inflammatory Arthritis as well as Connective Tissue Disease, Longterm abuse since age 5… and it’s so unjust that these predators are not held accountable it’s sickening

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Very sorry to hear this. Thank you for sharing this with us here. I wonder if your connective tissue disease relates to Ehlers-Danos Syndrome (which I have…hypermobile type).

[@lolo9553ify]

Wow. The body knows, as they say. When I left my home for the first time, I was surprised at some of the relief I felt. I thought I would simply die on my own but there was also something amazingly freeing about it. When I moved back home, I started to cut, all over. I had freezing dissociations. I was attending college and had to find a way to quickly unstick myself. I cut to unfreeze myself, to flow again so I could do my work. It was only after I started to face the abuse I experienced growing up and deal with it in therapy that I was able to stop cutting. I had inflammation, IBS, chronic insomnia, eczema, ptsd nightmares and made some progress wth all of these issues once I addressed what had happened in my life. It eats away at you until you address it. Others may rebuke you for standing in your truth but you are the one standing in your body and you are the most likely to be your own salvation. Listen to you.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

"you are the one standing in your body and you are the most likely to be your own salvation. Listen to you." Love this, thank you. And well said!

[@alyciahall1111]

Yes! Our HPA axis controls basically everything in our body and there’s plenty of studies now showing strong correlations between childhood abuse and disfunction in the HPA axis which is underlining so many conditions like autoimmune, cancer, etc. We just end up living in a constant state of fight and flight and that’s so unhealthy longer term My ACE number is a 9

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you, Alycia. Well said. I'd add 'freeze' and 'flight' (and 'force') into the mix as well in regard to trauma responses.

[@alexismerrilldragonqueen6552]

This is the video I have been waiting for. I always had headaches and stomachaches and skin issues and trouble sleeping as a child and NOW I have severe heart disease, severe Crohns disease, skin issues, mental health struggles, and quality of life changes. I still don't sleep well consistently either. The other day I decided to cut off my dad from my life after a big fight. I don't need that shit anymore, and after a life of him blaming me and raging at me, I'm fucking done with it, excuse my French. I took the ACE Quiz and my score was 6, which means I had a moderately abusive childhood and of course I have health problems.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Glad you found it helpful. Rooting for your nervous system - may it find relief from toxic stress.

[@RationalNon-conformist]

Eating well can really help - look into carnivore, it has helped many people find healing.

[@karenp2903]

This hits home! I am 72 and my bullying family denies my symptoms of aging. It’s unbelievable!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Be sure to watch my video here on Traumatic Invalidation, Karen, you will likely find it helpful.

[@dotsyjmaher]

Having been immersed in it... ALL my life... I do not see how anyone can survive without going no contact... I FINALLY managed no contact 30 years ago and STILL suffering... The rightgeous anger FINALLY arrived a few years ago and that is when I started to make some progress.. Your videos are EXTREMELY helpful..thank you

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're very welcome, thanks for letting me know.

[@user-pw5di9wz1l]

In my family I was in the scapegoat role. From a young age made to feel like something was wrong with me. When I accepted this I felt belonging and familymembers treated me kind but belittling. Like I could never be a person with dignity and all they would see were my weeknesses. Everybody had the right to walk over me. When I started expressing myself and having boundaries it got worse. I had a really hard time being around my family because their behaviours towards me became more abusive. I developed depression, anxiety and misophonia which all added up to me being seen as flawed. After leaving the house the contact went ok for about 10 years, I never stayed over night and wouldn't spend to much time in their company. Then the dynamic changed. Once more the scapegoating became more apparent and painful. I felt in my heart and my body then that if I stayed in contact I would eventually end up sick because of the stress. I made the choice to end contact to protect my mental and physical health. It's interesting to hear that there is a real connection between chronic illnesses and abuse. I wouldn't say I'm more than a three or four on the ace. Even so I felt that my body reacted to what was happening.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

It is a tragedy when a child is preyed upon by hostile forces within their own family - the place where they should feel safe, loved, protected, and cared for.

[@melliness123]

Yes...Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Psoriasis , chronic sore throat, dry eyes...yes aware of ACE..all doctors should use this.

[@kaynock1585]

Thank you for this much needed video. I have Fibromyalgia, myofascial pain syndrome and chronic migraine. My malignant narcissist father shouts at me when I’m sick and have to take time off work and he uses phrases such as “when you can be bothered to go back to work” What could be more evil than this? Please, someone tell me. Rebecca you are an angel 😇 🙏🏻

[@taralilarose1]

Hi Kay darling....I so empathize with you as I suffered with a similar painfully debilitating syndrome from age 21-27 until I finally got correctly diagnosed. No one even apologized for not caring or even worse believing me. Eventually I was healed (by an implant specialist & God) and I hardly ever have any of those symptoms anymore. I'm telling you this so that you don't give up hope or do something to harm yourself. You need to put distance between you and your highly abusive father. Perhaps you can stay with a friend or sympathetic family member.

[@kaynock1585]

@@taralilarose1 Hi Tara thank you for your empathic comment and advice. It’s good to hear you got over your medical conditions, there is hope for me in your words. I do try to set little boundaries but when he starts to rage I quietly retract because it’s just way easier in the moment than having to fight the game of mental chess that I’m never going to win! I live alone so thankfully I have peace and quiet the majority of the time. Thank you so much for kind words, they are very appreciated 🙏🏻

[@Blueyedgal227]

I can relate. My narc alcoholic mother tells me to quit talking about my health and yet has so much compassion for others health. I have an autoimmune, cptsd, digestive issues, thyroid nodule 80% cancer, and had a hysterectomy and now hormonal imbalance. All these health challenges for many years and mom is so rageful to me especially when drinking. She stayed with my sexual abusive father and doted on my brother as the golden child... I walked on eggshells my whole childhood and still have the fear response in my body as a protective response...I've spent my life dealing with health and trying to fix me when it was never mine to carry!

[@kaynock1585]

@@Blueyedgal227 That’s absolutely awful, I am so sorry. That is a lot to deal with on its own but then adding a lifetime of emotional abuse and torment well, it’s a wonder you remain standing. I hope there are happier days ahead for you and I hope you have good friends who can support you. Keep going and stay strong. You are not alone in your struggle for peace.

[@elizabethdarley8646]

Suicidal feelings dominated my mind through my young adult period. I was determined to heal myself and my GPs and my husband and my traditional Catholic church priests and friends today are completely understanding of the abusive family systems. Your work here, Rebecca, is precious to me because I got out of being the family scapegoat this Christmas 2023. I am 61. Thank you Rebecca.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you for letting me know. Very glad to hear that you are being supported by those who matter most to you. This is not always the case, sadly.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuseyes

[@thetruth3325]

I lived practically my entire life in a tight and overactive state. Back pain from feeling entrapped in toxic relationships . Thanks for explaining everything

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're welcome - not everything, but a start!

[@thetruth3325]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse I understand ... There is so much to navigate. I think it can help to go no contact and take time to reflect... You start to see all the pieces adding up to where finally ... You start achieving a sense of coherence and can work towards alignment

[@Tinyteacher1111]

Me too!

[@Heyokasireniei468sxso]

Brilliantly put , learning about the ACE scores helped me alot in my recovery , because if you cannot fight back externally and have no boundaries that plays out internally as well as above so below as within as without Your immune system becomes compromised , especially if you are sleep deprived , malnourished, if you live a toxic lifestyle . Also it effects the thymus(tcells) in regards to a lack of oxytocin , The lack of rest not giving your body time to repair , leading to like you said toxic stress which increases cortisol insulin problems (and oxidative stress) which will break the body down the brain & gut is also connected to the immune system , and emotions can affect dna good or bad when its your own blood(family) doing harm to you , its almost like your cells attacking your own cells , your protectors becomes your violators it can make some prone to allergies , nervous system complications ( due to cognitive dissonance should i stay should i go )inflammation, (weight gain or loss) skin &bone health (teeth)issues depression all forms of defense skin&hair in particular , like hair falling out due to stress(telogen effluvium) , skin issues due to porous boundaries , even issue with vison because the things you seen and took witness too , even your hearing can be affected to end up with selective hearing because of the things you had to tune out bowl issue , because you cannot let go , you cannot release so your body holds onto whats toxic it effects bone health (b cells) even mobility like when you cant even get out the bed , when every step hurts it can effect hygiene and eating habits which leads to more problems and of course memory issues Thank you for putting this out

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

My pleasure - glad you feel it is helpful!

[@Heyokasireniei468sxso]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse always

[@Caroline_T]

I checked every single one. And yes, I have had chronic fatigue and migraines as well as IBS.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

🙏

[@crisl9079]

😥

[@Eye2C33]

Yes! Autoimmune.. had to spend thousands at doctors which ate up all my savings from hard work…. they discarded me at my lowest time when I had to close my business…. And having no finances. Gaslit me and told me I was overreacting and just needed to go make some friends (as if I ever had an issue with that before being sick, unlike them 🙄)

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Devastating.

[@meowzamew]

Both parents are highly narcissistic, abusive, addicts / alcoholics with lots of intergenerational trauma, so I’m not surprised to score a 9 on the ACE or that I’m incapacitated by toxic stress & other symptoms discussed here. Also feeling triggered today from a well meaning but ignorant person’s dismissive & invalidating comments and found this video particularly helpful & timely. Thanks for posting!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Glad you caught this video - and you're welcome!

[@Faith_Chi]

Yes, it's a shame that the non-scapegoated dismiss what they don't know - which is in actuality highly damaging! Most people aren't really that self-aware, and the most self-aware are those that have been hurt. xo

[@adamflint2377]

Got type 1 insulin dependent juvenile diabetes at age 10. This disease is on my narcissistic father’s side and he got adult onset type 2. Now that I’ve learned about scapegoating and narcissists I really think my disability contributed to me being his target. It did not make him proud or give him supply. Maybe the diabetes, an autoimmune disease, was caused by the trauma I was experiencing. My father disinherited a life long diabetic which is not love. I was a bed wetter as a young boy I feel caused by fright and insecurity.

[@spacegirl226]

I'm sorry to hear about your diabetes. Your comment makes me wonder about my own family. When my mother was 11 years old, her mother was murdered by a jealous alcoholic boyfriend. My mother saw her mother's body lying on the sidewalk bleeding out. When she turned 17-18, she developed type 1 diabetes. I believe one of her sisters had type 1 diabetes too, so it was definitely in the family. Then when my brother turned 13, he developed type 1 diabetes. My mother felt guilty that she "gave" my bro diabetes, and their relationship has been one of complete and total enmeshment and codependency for decades. My brother also has multiple diseases too -- thyroid, addison's, and probably others that aren't diagnosed. When my brother was acting out at a young age, instead of getting him help, my parents ignored the problems and fought with each other about how to deal with him. He is completely and totally ruined. And I think it's their fault. And I hate them for it. For what they did to him and what they did to me. Thanks for your comment. It's got my noggin joggin'.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@@spacegirl226my brother had a horrendous childhood. My mother should have been jailed and my father for accomplice- he developed type 1 diabetes in his early 20’s. I’m the only person in my family, of many siblings and I’m quite a bit younger than him, who would make this statement about our parents with regards to this brother.

[@warriorforthelamb]

I can't say enough good things about your videos, your knowledge, and your insight and compassion. After nearly 60 years of living through FSA, I finally see the pieces of the puzzle coming together. Do you have a list of experienced therapists around the country who help people with trauma and FSA?

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you. I am currently putting together a certification program to train licensed clinicians and certified trauma-informed coaches into my FSA Recovery Coaching process. Then I'll be able to offer a list of FSA-savvy providers on my website. Stay tuned!

[@leilanoorani2976]

Definitely waiting for the list to come out. Thank you! It can be added trauma trying to explain your situation to therapists who just don’t get it.

[@Faith_Chi]

Regarding 'No Contact', it can be easier beginning NC when just creating space away from the toxic family of origin for a shorter duration - to start 'clearing your head' of the confusion so you're able to see what's REALLY happening. As afore mentioned, some people don't even understand the exact cause of their internal suffering. The abused blame themselves. My own journey began in fits and starts until I stopped making excuses for them and gave them back their shame and blame. Saw that it was they who were/are at fault and that the toxicity started with them. But that is difficult to do because they are your parents and especially with your mother there is an extremely strong bond (due to biology). I refused to go along with their toxic narrative and so I am ostracised. This cuts to the core and hurts like no other hurt. (All the good memories from my childhood are now soiled and can never bring the joy that they did...) I have had 2 days now of feeling almost OK, without the depression and anxiety running amok. I read until I understood about the role of the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems, which explained a lot of why I feel like I am going crazy at times. I am feeling a little more at ease realising it's not my fault that I feel so low and terrified at times. Be good to yourselves, the fellow scapegoated - and thank you to Rebecca, I read your book Rejected, Shamed and Blamed and I find it helpful and recommend it to others.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you for this very powerful and enlightening message. Many important insights here. Glad you found my book helpful and I appreciate your recommending it to others.

[@peeppeeping1389]

This one hit hard. Medical neglect is one reason I am disabled today, breathing problems, weight gain from Lipedema/endocrine ignored. Got asthma diagnosed in college but damage already done, COPD by early 30s. Disabled by my late 20s, autoimmune illnesses off the charts. My ACE scores is very high.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Medical neglect is an important aspect of family scapegoating abuse (FSA). You might watch my video, 'You're Faking It', if you haven't already.

[@peeppeeping1389]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Thanks I'll check that one out. Well they told me I was faking it, even COPD as an adult. Sheesh.

[@jenni4claire]

Same. Asthma, lipeopedema, hypothyroidism, gallstones, etc. No health care until I grew up and move out, by which time alot of damage was already done.

[@peeppeeping1389]

Its horrible you faceed this too.@@jenni4claire

[@annewoods3528]

My father told me I almost died as a newborn. There was no physical illness. I simply wouldn't eat. I am sure I was a fail-to-thrive baby, knowing my severely degenerate narc mother. I wet the bed constantly and had severe migraine as a kid. The only response I got from my family was that I was difficult. The monster proudly told us that her coworkers praised her as a saint because she had to raise children that were devil incarnates. Yet, no one intervened. Rebecca, you are brave. You have the compassion and integrity to call out the need for child abuse victims to stay away from their parents. Jay Reid, a KZbin therapist that you referred to in your post, also makes this point. For too long, we relied on human nature for child rearing. In closed society like Chinese, it's even worse than that. Filial obedience was constantly drilled into kids. I can't think of any teaching about how to love and nurture children, only how to honor parents. I'm so grateful for your raising awareness of FSA. I'm confident it'll resonate worldwide like the me-too movement. My friends in Taiwan said me-too is going viral in Taiwan right now. Same will be FSA because human nature is the same no matter where we live.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you, Anne. A powerful message here that I hope many read.

[@annewoods3528]

Even when scapegoats couldn't get out of the abuse, knowing that the problem is with the pathology of the abusers, not the victims, will help them not absorbing all the venom into their souls.

[@womanclothedinthesunq7574]

Anxiety is your body telling you your consuming something bad for you. Run.

[@jansmith3158]

Continuous Stress creates vitamin & mineral deficiency. Get tested including "non iron deficiency anemia" this test is Ferritin test and full vitamin/mineral deficiency test. Also, look into "adrenal fatigue' = this is very common for all adults due to stress however, if you are in a toxic relationship you most likely have adrenal fatigue that needs to be healed with a good clean diet, rest & relaxation and vitamin/mineral specifically b complex, D, magnesium, potassium, k2, iron (but get tested for ferritin prior to taking any iron).

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I 100% agree. I had to insist on Ferritin test and I was VERY low - needed iron supplement (liquid) to effectively address. Thank you for your informative comment.

[@jansmith3158]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse thank you for your response and wonderful videos. take care.

[@spacegirl226]

Last year I had to have a massive blood transfusion because of severe anemia. My HGB levels were on the floor. I've had anemia since my teens when I was having severe menstrual cycles, and well, decades of abuse and neglect tend to compound problems that were already there. The blood transfusion helped some, but I never did get up to normal range. Now that I'm sinking again, I can definitely tell a difference in how my body feels. Unfortunately I'm still stuck in an abusive situation, but I'm doing what I can to help myself. Thanks for mentioning the anemia. More people need to check on it.

[@jansmith3158]

@@spacegirl226 ps watch Dr Berg, Dr Eckberg, Dr Ken Berry, videos on healing the body. Get your health back.

[@lesliegann2737]

I have fibromyalgia and arthritis in my back along with periodic inflammation. According to an article I read, fibromyalgia is pretty much exclusively a condition that is brought about by past trauma. I also suspect that at least certain kinds of arthritis are more prevalent for people who scored higher on the ACE test. My husband, also a past scapegoat of his family, has arthritis in his back as well. I looked up what % of the population has arthritis and it is only 20-25%.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I agree with your suspicions.

[@BookishNaturopath]

Same here, fibromyalgia (which includes migraines, IBS, etc). Definitely correlated with being in the scapegoat role. I feel like my life will never be normal. Thank you for sharing. It’s validating to know that it’s not just me.

[@cindy7733]

omg! yep! my medical issues are completely invalidated by my family. wow! i never knew anyone else went through this. it's heartbreaking.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

This actually came up fairly often in my original Family Systems research on what I eventually named 'family scapegoating abuse' (FSA). Linking you to a related video - see if it applies: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bmibmoGBjbiqfqc

[@themytragicmagic]

CPTSD is nervous system dysregulation which further causes sickness.Heard Somathic Experiencing helps much. Trauma is stuck in the body, not in mind. I didn't know all of my chronic problems came from being scapegoated. Better sooner or later I guess.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I refer to this in my Clinicians series playlist here on my channel.

[@jacobeickhardt84]

From Victim yourself to helping others in a graceful Way! DAMN you are cool Rebecca!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

😎😉

[@TheCatholicGirl]

I was severely ill for at least a week or two since the first year of my life.

[@TheCatholicGirl]

*every year

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

These things can indeed begin very early in life. With a distinct pattern such as you describe, one wonders about a particular trauma (PTSD-type event) that is unconsciously being revisited / replayed.

[@HDPersonal777]

Same! I had pneumonia as a newborn! Born from 2 extreme Narcissists. I heard the delivery nurse was evil too!!

[@johnjohnstone9805]

When my family are around, they like to envelop me in their put down jokes and humor, seems to be the only love language they know. Then shame me on top of that if I don't like it.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I know such families well...

[@tacticaltruthteller]

Scapegoats unite! Rebecca, you have a special place in my heart because you speak the truth and are shining a light on this nightmare that plagues the dreams of many. I am not going to be warm and fuzzy about this because nothing about it is. As a scapegoat, you have been marked for deletion. You are expendable. Your purpose in life is to bear the sins of your tribe and be sent out into the wild on your own in order for this tribe to be able to feel better about themselves. You are the sacrifice! You are not a human being, you are a dumpster for all of the issues present in the dysfunctional tribe. Who doesn't love a good dumpster fire, right? Of course but, how do we set it ablaze? That's easy. Reject, shame, blame and antagonize. Rinse and repeat. Do you finding yourself JADE'ing? Justify. Argue. Defend. Explain. = JADE If so, you are on fire and don't even know it. You feel the heat but don't know where it's coming from. You feel the pain and you don't know how to make it stop. You are being poisoned every single time you interact with this tribe and you wonder why you're sick. Feel free to spend your time and money on going to therapy and whatever if you want to but, I'm here to share the shortcut... DISAPPEAR! Never talk to these evil people ever again or they will eventually destroy you. Eliminate that possibility and live your best life without them and don't look back. That's what they want you to do and the longer you hang around, the worse they will make it for you. It's time to go and I mean right now. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you so don't take it personally. Your tribe is broken and that's not your fault. Get to a safe place and surround yourself with safe people. Do not believe the lies you were told that you have an obligation to your family. Phuck that noise. They are obviously not obligated to you. They don't love you. Accept that and move on. You are strong enough to survive on your own which is why you were selected. No, it doesn't have to make sense. These monsters don't live in reality. You are the only one who can save yourself from the misery of being the scapegoat in their narrative. Go on now, the freedom you seek awaits you and if anyone gets in your way, turn into the Hulk and smash them. No more playing nice and don't you feel bad one bit if you have to get ugly. Consider yourself a prisoner of war who is trying to escape and you will do so at all costs. This is your life we're talking about and it's worth fighting for. Give up on them but NEVER give up on yourself!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

It is a nightmare, indeed. In my book, when addressing dysfunctional family scapegoating dynamics (versus narcissistic dynamics) I mention intergenerational trauma and the pathological Family Projective Identification Process. My (transpersonal/clinical) position is that the scapegoat in these families (often the family Empath) is unconsciously bearing the TRAUMA for the family (many generations of it), versus the family system's "sins." Just another way to look at it. Again, this would not always be the case in a narcissistic family system, as I've mentioned in videos here, my book (Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed) and several of my articles on FSA.

[@tacticaltruthteller]

​@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Sin creates trauma. We are saying the same thing, I think. I am a highly empathic INFJ sigma male. I did not want to see what I was seeing and no matter how hard I tried to turn a blind eye to the horror, I could not keep lying to myself. I started to question my own reality and that's when I knew something was seriously wrong. I'm highly allergic to gaslighting and will call that out immediately which generally results in an argument with the other party trying to dismiss and deny my experience and reality. No! Not on my watch! Whether it be pathological patient identification or a narcissistic family system, evil is at the center of it all. These sick creatures attack everything stated in Maslow's hierarchy of needs and in some cases, scapegoats resort to lethal solutions because their abusers are relentless and cause them to lose all hope. I do not condone violence. What I do condone is meeting the psychological warfare with equal force in order to neutralize the threat. Rebecca, we are dealing with terrorists. No one should ever negotiate with a terrorist. What do scapegoats really want? Peace. Love. Acceptance. Understanding. Respect. If you are the scapegoat and truly want peace your only option is to completely withdraw from the group who is persecuting you. Do not even think about trying to go through any kind of therapy with them as it will only result in more pain and wasted time. Never let any kind of religious beliefs thwart you from leaving your family. God does not want you to suffer and you have been given the gift of sight. Trust your intuition. If you think you are being surrounded by wolves it's because you are. Get to safety and don't be afraid to do what is best for you.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

"Emotional Terrorism" and "Soul Homicide" are descriptive terms I have used in my work with FSA adult survivors. Thank you for sharing your experiences and perspective.

[@TimesUp8888]

​@tacticaltruthteller As my family's prized lifelong scapegoat, I have to agree with everything you said. It took many years of therapy and so much physical + emotional healing work to even begin to see this even existed. . And nearly 15 more to consider removing myself in recent years. The lack of NEW abusive or neglectful etc behavior has finally opened up the space to heal the deepest parts. ❤

[@tacticaltruthteller]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Thank you for the reply, Rebecca. I am grateful for the opportunity to converse with a real human being who is brave enough to deal with real issues. Keep up the great work!

[@e.1766]

I wish there were more questions on the ACE. It doesn't ask abt siblings in the home/forced competition & allowed physical abuse of siblings, forced labor, medical gaslighting, chronically Being Told you're lying, even in situations where there's Evidence you're not. There are alot of experiences that I wish were listed on the quiz that aren't. Thank you for linking it to this video so we can all take a look, & Thank You for your videos 👍❤️

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I also would love to see a completely revamped ace or a different type of quiz altogether, One that acknowledges systemic (family) abuse.

[@BhavanaShivu]

I scored 8/10 on the ACE test. I always undermined my suffering. Unbelievable. Thank you Dr. Rebecca Mandeville for nailing this kind of abuse.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're very welcome. With such a high score, you may want to check out this resource list I put together for FSA adult survivors: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/

[@BhavanaShivu]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse I can’t believe I got a reply from you. I will check out the resources and get a copy of your book as well. I finally feel understood. Thank you so much for your research and the book. I wish you recover fully from your gall bladder surgery.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you - your good wishes are appreciated.

[@glenwatkins5351]

"People like that need to get over it." Said about Rosanne Barre when she said in an interview that she had been sexually abused.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Sad - and angering. Nobody should have their painful, traumatizing experiences dismissed in that manner. Yet, it happens all the time.

[@HDPersonal777]

Funny, my extremely narcissistic mostly absent (thank goodness!) father was Rosanne Barre’s and Tom Arnold’s Attorney in LA when they were married. My dad who is beyond an obvious evil narcisist, would often call her a bitch when I was a teenager, so I knew she was onto him!

[@janegreen5301]

Thank you Rebecca. In my heart, even as a small child I have always known there was a correlation between our experiences and our health. It seems like EVERYONE in my family and I mean EVERYBODY just want to take a pill to get over EVERYTHING. ME, I have always ask what is causing this. I heard I was crazy for even asking. I have a beloved dog with sensitive skin. I make all her dog food and treats. At a cousin camping trip I was told I was crazy. Scored 7 on the ACE quiz. Thank you Rebecca for your caring help. Your knowledge, understanding and wisdom have helped me SO MUCH 😊 Interesting to hear you say that in just the last couple of years this information is coming to light. Thank you for shining light in darkness. I appreciate you! Jane

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Likewise, Jane!

[@franklinplayz6323]

Hi Rebecca, Happy Saturday! Yep, my son developed a chronic stomach condition. He went on a fod map diet, we did lots of gentle things. It's better now. He got his school report today. He is only 1 year on from me estranging us. He is in great health. He had in his school report 'good interpersonal skills' and 'well placed to succeed socially and academically'. This time last year he was awaiting assessment for mental health, unable to go to full time school and was expected to need specialist trauma onform provision. He had been badly abused from many directions, many ACEs. Getting away from them has been like stepping into the light and health. ❤. Thanks for your work

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're welcome - wonderful news about your son!

[@morriganwitch]

I was a scapegoat and I am the only one in my family with an auto immune disease xxx

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Very interesting! My first survey of 2023 is still up (until 8/15) and I ask about this sort of thing, it is on the menu of my website at scapegoatrecovery.com.

[@carrieharp]

This is your best video yet! Finally feel validated. Do you consider scapegoating the same asbullying? Can you bully and scapegoat yourself with negative thoughts and environment?

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you! Scapegoating includes elements of bullying (covert and overt), but one cannot underestimate the projective aspects of this form of 'invisible' abuse, both systemic and individual.

[@klarmy8824]

Reading the comments below, I can't add anything more except that I totally agree with you all. Thank you so much Dr. Mandeville for your validating content. I watch your new video every week without fail.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you for being here.

[@claytonheals]

Fibromyalgia diagnosed around 15 and chronic fatigue from hyper vigilance and dissociation. Thanks for making these videos. They are really helpful! =)

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Good to hear - and you’re welcome!

[@Mia-gu4qh]

Thanks for a informative and confirming episode! The part about it shall be flowing in the body is so true, my body is in absence of flow-very stagnated!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're so welcome!

[@41Wanda]

I have asthma/anxiety. I have noticed a very noticeable improvement in the symptoms I have with this illness since going no contact with my toxic family members. Stress is a huge trigger. The longer I stay away from them, the easier it is to heal and recover. I never knew there was such a test. Wow what an eye opener! Thank you again, Rebecca!!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're welcome, Wanda!

[@proofpositive11]

Thank you, Rebecca. This is a very empowering message. 💙

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You are so welcome.

[@nicolebazinet5655]

My 55th birthday just passed two,days,ago. I wrote,a letter to my father addressing my mother’s verbal abuse which is severe, as well as his standby sometimes chiming in abuse. Well I not surprisingly did not get any phone calls or well wishes for the first time ever on my birthday. I simply stated that an apology for my mother’s screaming, swearing and all out insulting insanity would never again be tolerated by me. Interesting, how I no longer accept this role so am no longer deserving acknowledgement. On the day I was hurt, but now I am feeling more validated for doing the right thing. I am trusting free of them, and to be honest will probably feel much relief when they both leave the earth plane. I’m sure even though I’m liquidator of the will, shenanigans will take place. Im ready, yes I ll fight, as my righteous anger is the fierce protector of the sweet and kind little child still inside of me. The healing can now start more completely. Thank you for this amazing video, and how beautifully you explain and validate everything FSA survivors go through. My emotional support dog is also a tremendous help,as,well.❤

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you, Nicole. And what a wonderful birthday gift - you gave your SELF!

[@spacegirl226]

"my righteous anger is the fierce protector of the sweet and kind little child still inside of me" I felt this on such a deep level. I tell my counselor often that my anger is my shield. As long as I'm still getting attacked by these demons that call themselves my family, I don't think I'll be able to heal fully until they drop dead. I can't go no contact or move away, though I am desperate to do it. I'm trying to get back on my feet after two years, but 40 years of crap now needs to be dealt with and I struggle with my health and my emotions and finding a job. I am exhausted to my soul, and I want it all to end so I can finally have some peace. Take care of yourself!

[@therealdeal3672]

I see that the quiz has changed a little bit over time. I probably first took it 15 years ago. And I've been an eight or nine on various ACEs quizzes but I'm 7 on this one. Am 62 now and have been lucky to be very healthy my whole life until March 2020 when I got covid and have suffered from post viral syndrome ever since. I also have a rare infection on my ear cartilage from a spider bite. It's possible that my immune system was depressed in combination partly because of being a covid long hauler but also because of stress and my history as the scapegoat of the family. Having surgery on the ear this week and going to be on antibiotics for 6 to 12 months. Had never heard of that until this experience. I'm hoping to be able to regain my previous level of Health. But I realize that my history makes it possible that I just won't.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Holding a good thought for you...Let us know how you are after your surgery if you are comfortable doing so.

[@therealdeal3672]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse thank you. I appreciate you. You've prompted me to reflect and recognize a lot of things in my family history that I had managed to avoid recognizing until I started watching your videos. The surgery is outpatient. I'm actually more worried about the 6 to 12 months of antibiotics. Not that I'm looking forward to the surgery at all of course, except that it's essential to the process of resolving the infection. I'll let you know how things progress. I appreciate your support to your community.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

How did your surgery go? How are you doing?

[@therealdeal3672]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse you're sweet, thank you for asking. It's two weeks after surgery now and the infection is not really much better. It's not cleared out. It's still producing. Trying not to be too gross. The doctor increased my antibiotic dose which we both knew was probably necessary based on the recommended dose for this particular organism being higher than what I was already on. The infectious disease specialist doesn't come on board until September. Doctors like long holidays, apparently. Still pushing through and keeping the faith that this too shall pass. If things look the same next week she's going to do another office surgical procedure and open it up some more. I haven't mentioned that this is actually on my external ear cartilage where the spider-bite occurred. I'm thankful for the fact that it's very localized because it has a low probability of becoming systemic especially since they figured out what it is and can now appropriately treat it. They were shooting in the dark with antibiotics for the first five months because we couldn't get a culture. This organism is notorious for being hard to isolate. It actually just becomes pathological when it gets under the skin and has an anaerobic environment. I hope that you are doing well.

[@CyndiGeary]

Happy weekend Earth Angel! Thank you for posting this video Rebecca. Your knowledge & wisdom in this subject is very grateful appreciated. Sending you & everyone in this community much love and many blessings to heal from this insidious abuse. 💛🫶🌟

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you, Cyndi, have a wonderful weekend!

[@DHW256]

I completed the ACE questionnaire and checked seven boxes, and probably should have checked an 8th. Getting beaten, cussed out, demeaned, subjected to acts and language a child should never face, were daily when we kids were young, and all of us -- including the golden children (though not as much) -- were subjected to the abuse. I could go on and on how our narcissist, scapegoating mother affected us, but you can already make accurate assumptions what we scapegoats and golden children endured and still endure. Looking back, I'm thankful for those few people who were aware and added value to our lives, who let us know we mattered. I'm middle-aged now, and last year I called Mrs. McGraw, who was my 2nd and 3rd grade teacher, and I thanked her for being there for me. She remembered that I was her assignment, to help me find a path to self-worth, and I let her know she made all the difference.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

What a beautiful gesture on your part. I'm sure she was very touched by it. Here's a resource list I put together for adult survivors of FSA in case you are looking for more support: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/

[@Starprome]

You are amazing! I had a Narcissistic Grandfather. My Father was always the scapegoat in his family as he is the empathetic, loyal and trauma bonded child of a large family. He would absolutely bend over backwards to make others happy and was criticized and villianized his whole life by certain family members who have learned from his Father how to treat him. Even the other family members who really aren't bad people don't do much to help him. I have decided to back him up and and help him as he gets older as he now has Parkinson's disease. Now the criticism has turned to me as well and I am taking a walk in his shoes with him...scary😢 Absolutely cut throat! I feel more empathetic for his years of being an alcoholic. Thank you for doing this very important niche work. My father and I are going no-contact with toxic family members and their groupies. Feeling more freedom everyday and my father is actually feeling better as well. Unbelievable

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

YOU are amazing!! What a journey you are embarking upon, both within and without. Let me know how it goes. Linking you to a list of resources I put together for FSA adult survivors in case you need additional support. Your father might want to take a look at my book - I've had people in their 80's write to thank me for helping them figure out what the heck happened to them their entire life. One such person wrote me in this way and ended her message with "Now I can die with some peace." www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/

[@karenkuske5567]

The whole metabolic panel. Spent 2 years bedridden near death. Made it out and never want to go back to that dark place.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

🙏

[@peacebewithyou81]

Thank you 4 the truth. And informative, willingness to speak the honesty about these issues and to any therapist out there that sometimes , mistake the clients issues as complaining and no changes happen. SAS sometimes it's because. Some of us feel if? we really say the things we feel we are afraid that, They will sum it up to our paranoia .and that maybe they can't help us dig deep enough with out makeing us feel like we just need to block it out.or even people, example long life freinds and other family members may!! or will!! say.well!!!! , thats just how they are say your prayers . You can't do nothing with them there never goin change and just take care of yourself .because they never goin chamge..in other words there's no tools or words or steps in a process format to assist us dealing with on going lifetime never ending.most extreme skilled lieing family members even freinds perceive you as yor not trying. .its like a spider web, we are stuck in ..like it's some kind of Neverending h-ll. The weave from beginning was woven so tight. I wander how could one member of family, start a weave so tight!! In family system in others minds.and family situations. Not even knowing the future of each outcome..conditioned , they think you should, or should of think exactly like them regardless if how each member changes fir worst manipulative mindset.in future through the years, . we are or I hve actually been called the one with no back bone. Many times.always no excuse, when I can't keep up..my down falls are pin pointed..then !! all others eventually in family end up thinking .we are awful 4 not being able to tolerate or keep.up 4 them.even though now barely do. but in the mean time .its a pure h-ll like no one can emagine mentally.they clearly, just can't see it..because the rest are so skilled at perc ieving what looks 2 be true, that us not!! thank you 4 speaking in all these topics and your welcoming video, of encouragement of knowing this abuse does exist..complex web weaving us inly way i can describe how it feels!! .they weaved, For years ahead of time..to cover there manipulative bases.. God bless all that deals with these issues. 🙏 ❤️ 🐻

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Indeed, very difficult to imagine what FSA is like if you haven't been through it. And few seem to be able to tolerate truly *listening* and learning from the adult survivor's experiences.

[@caryngayfield6218]

Thank you for helping me understand the abuse I suffered. I have learned about narcissistic abuse from KZbin on channels like yours. In my case it was my mother who caused a severe upset in my life. I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in the mid-1980's and was in the ICU when first becoming sick with this disease. For several days I was in diabetic ketoacidosis and was comatose. The best way to describe this was that my mother seemed to not care that I was going to be dealing with the long term consequences of having a serious health problem. My mother died a year ago at the age of 87 and I am first learning how to understand what happened. When I first became ill, I was under tremendous stress and my life was miserable. I feel that God brought me back from being nearly destroyed. I am 60 years old now. On some of your other videos you talk about taking care of yourself as being important in recovering from this kind of abuse and I think this is very true. As a narcissistic abuse survivor I neglected myself in order to take care of and be focused on my mother and to make her happy because I felt that was the only way for me to be happy.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're very welcome, and I am so glad you're here and that my videos are helpful. Also, that you made it through and are where you are today. Linking you to a list of resources I created for FSA adult survivors in case something catches your eye: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/

[@GoodGodManWTH]

I can give testimony that all this is true and I wish I would have applied the advice I was given from the beginning. It sounds just unthinkable to leave family but it’s necessary. If I went to church on a reg basis and looked up to religion for peace and help, I was a holy roller, if I didn’t I was wrong on many aspects,. If I was skinny which I was by nature then by stress I was disgusting thin and needed to eat , when I was literally 20-25# over weight damn your fat! I haven’t seen my family in 20 years except for a funeral by the way because my ex plays the organ and piano every Sunday for his church and family needed someone to play for the funeral… for what? Free! I tried suicide 3 times in my life… and after I was away for a good while I did better. I don’t think about it as much as I used too. Sure every now and then I think about vaguely because it had become a habit. I feel better nobody is making me feel I’m damned if I do or don’t! And my pets well they are pure joy, ok like 98% of the time. 😁 I’m thankful for you and your channel it brings me peace until scapegoating is identified and we can find good clinicians by the handfuls in our area. ❤️✌🏼😊

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you for sharing some of your story with us - and I'm glad you're (still) here.

[@sunshinerain5676]

I took the Adverse Childhood Experience(s) ACE Questionnaire as you sugessted: I scored a 10 out of 10. I did not realize the extent... it all seemed so "normal" to me, because I have had no other frame of reference. Thank you for providing this truth -- that it was adverse -- & far from normal. I am grateful for your research.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

That is a high score, indeed. Glad you're here. Linking you to my updated resource list for FSA survivors: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/

[@sunshinerain5676]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse I am glad you are here too! May all that you are doing bring you many blessings. 💖

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Interacting here with subscribers is one such blessing!

[@carrieyacono]

Yep! Enometriosis, endometrial hyperplasia, fibroide tumors, (hysterctomy 2 years ago!) colitis, fibromyalgia, spinal buldging/compressed disks, two dropped feet, asthma and severe allergies, von willabrands disease, cptsd and adhd! What i am handling from the malice from my sister upon birth! I’m only 47!

[@GraeMatterz]

I'm so glad I found your channel. I learned of FSA via a comment on an abuse survivors' subreddit so I did a search. Just the first few articles I skimmed checked all the boxes. Then I found your book (which I've ordered) and your channel. I've started watching them chronologically. I had taken the ACE quiz several years ago and the only question I could answer 'no' to was the one about incarceration, so evidently I score 9 ACEs. While I've had therapy in the past it was long ago (started about the same time cPTSD was being defined) and at that time my therapist said that I would be diagnosed with PTSD because of my childhood, but she couldn't give me that diagnosis as I was never in combat. I learned about cPTSD about 4 years ago. I've attempted to restart therapy to address this new information and how it impacts myself but I've struggled to find a mental health care provider to address these issues as even those who claim to be trauma informed I've found lacking in just the knowledge that I've found online. I do hope in the future you will be able to do continuing ed classes for FSA/FST. They are sorely needed. This video has been eye opening and gives me an insight to the persistence of the chronic pain/neuropathy I've experience for decades (initiated by several work-related injuries and worsened over time). In addition to your suggestions of how to reduce inflammation (some of which I've been doing like chamomile and lavender), I'd like to share something I started taking recently that I've found helps with mine: Palmitoylethanolamide (PEA). According to PubMed, "PEA is an endocannabinoid-like lipid mediator with extensively documented anti-inflammatory, analgesic, antimicrobial, immunomodulatory and neuroprotective effects. It is well tolerated and devoid of side effects in animals and humans."

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Very glad you're here and thank you for sharing a bit of your story with us here. Linking you to my list of resources in case you need additional support. www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/

[@Patty-dm2zd]

Wow this is so helpful. I have two lung diseases that I have always believed are a result of decades of scapegoat abuse and having married a malignant narcissists. I truly believe now in solitude and good food, walks, writing, and hugging the trees, I have am with my true self the peace in my heart, even though has suffered and been challenged for so many years, is there and cannot be rocked by, manipulated and condemned by, or coerced by anyone. Do I get it right all the time and are able to recogognize when someone does not have my best interest in mind? Oh no. But there is progress, yea. Thanks so much, pati. e to recognize

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you for sharing your experience of recovery and healing from FSA. Beautiful - and inspiring.

[@janroberts1384]

you are so accurate with your understanding the effects of SGA, i've never known anyone i can talk to about lt. thank you, please keep teaching.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you, and I will!

[@DharmaBelle]

Thank you! Yes, a self recognized scapegoat here.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You are so welcome - and welcome to this community!

[@user-ek2fn3qg8w]

Thank you My Psychiatrist of 8 years told me I need a Trauma Therapist LMAO Veterans Affairs Doc I was stunned that she admitted it

[@happygucci5094]

Thank you for this series Ms. Mandeville. I am at a loss for words.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You are so welcome.

[@arthemisechevarie5753]

I’ve learn a lot today,me and my older sister were both scapegoat in a dysfunctioning alcolic environment abuse.We’re both suffering today.We both have auto-immune issues.Thanks again!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're very welcome!

[@t.h.nguyen5193]

I have experienced multiple traumas but am learning to let go. That said, holding onto them will hurt us only. As Dr. Eger, the Holocaust survivor, stated that we are both Hitler and Mother Teresa. Holding onto anger is like poisoning ourselves and expecting the other person to die. Eventually, our body will suffer. Forgiveness is the only way to rise to the next level. Playing victim will keep us stuck and attract similar circumstances. We don't how our parents suffer as children. If we were in their shoes, how would we handle them? There is also past life if we believe in reincarnations. Many near-death experiencers came back and testified that we had lived many different lives.

[@susiereclusie]

thank you so much for this video! i was diagnosed hypothyroid as a teenager that was found through investigating some sort of POTS (i don’t think there was POTS back then) but didn’t start really falling apart until i moved to a different country, went no contact, and worked on my mental health. it doesn’t seem fair! i have had more surgeries and symptoms and dx’s in the last year and a half then ever before, and so much pain! it’s also very difficult to get doctors to listen 😢 i am so grateful for your videos and book. 🙏🏼

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

🙏

[@lfv9010]

From a child i remember having stomach aches and now have chronic digestive issues and recently, high blood pressure at 65. As a youngster I also became addicted to sweets because it's been said they raise the serotonin levels in the brain although I didn't know what depression was but many times just felt alone, sad, dejected, wary, weary, confused and angry. It was only after a suicide attempt in my early thirties that I realized my oldest sister and mother were actually enjoying the end result of all their efforts and couldn't believe they'd actually forced my hand into such a legacy, as if the smear campaigns and extreme drama and cruelties weren't enough.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I myself had similar symptoms and understanding how to tone and regulate my Vagus nerve has been helpful. Something you may want to look into.

[@raven4090]

I'm watching this lying down because of chronic illness. I have many of the conditions you named here. One that I complained of first was arthritis when I was 7. They said I was making it up when I said my hands hurt. It got worse as other things added on. On good days I can clean house. On bad days it's hard to walk. Doctors don't take me seriously. I've improved a little since beginning to self medicate with NDT. You're SO RIGHT about it helping to make a safe environment for yourself! I can't say how much I appreciate your videos!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Good to hear. Yes, the invalidation and medical neglect can begin very young - this was evident in my FSA research.

[@raven4090]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Yes, I remember reading about that, and finally feeling like someone cared. I was the identified patient and a bunch of things they called me. But not anymore. Yay! 😃

[@marialorda8921]

Thankyou very much, Rebecca. You go deep to all the big big family drama, generation after generation. my 5 siblings and I are trying to stop this disaster. Some of us are doing it conciously. I hope we can do it with help from lovely persons like you and also with the help of Jesus Christ and all the angels, ancestors, etc. ❤❤❤❤❤

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're very welcome, Maria!

[@mirandalaswell]

scapegoat here. I also happen to have progressive MS and lupus. your channel is opening my eyes. just bought your book and I’m sure it’ll be an enlightening read for me.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Glad you bought my book. Linking you also to a list of resources I put together for FSA adult survivors: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/

[@wendylou3612]

This is so interesting. I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis, Psoriasic Arthritis and chronic uveitis at age 49 but had symptoms from around age 10. When the Rheumatologist asked me about any childhood trauma I actually thought he meant as trauma from e.g. a car accident!! Now at 62 I'm joining all the dots of ghastly sibling bullying that I'd forgotten about until now as we're all thrown together navigating our parents' end of life. It was through trying to find a reason for AS to be triggered in me that directed me here. Very interesting.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Hi Wendy, based on your comment, you may want to watch this video here, as well as the video on family mobbing I am releasing this Saturday: kzbin.info/www/bejne/nX-rhp2pbdF8bLc

[@wendylou3612]

Thank you 🙏

[@carrieyacono]

It’s hard to seperate narcissism vs generational trauma! And this is a seperate type of abuse i could never articulate before you!!!!!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Yes, it is very complex and unless one has in-depth training in Family Systems (not 'internal' Family Systems but the original 'Family Systems' field where we actually worked in rooms with families) one will tend to over-generalize, simplify, and lump everything into 'narcissistic abuse', when the fact is, scapegoating can - and does - happen in ANY type of dysfunctional family, not just a narcissistic one, as validated by my years of research on what I ended up naming FSA. I mention this to some degree in the video I'm releasing tomorrow, which you won't want to miss. Glad you're here.

[@carrieyacono]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse me too! Thanks!!!! Literal breakthroughs with the last two videos…..there is other trauma in my fam….generational for sure….and probably some narcissism…..or what has develeoped into symptoms that look like narcissims, not just on my end, but all the way around! I can relate to that frustration rage but is it the same for me as it is my sister as it is my mother??? We all do it. They are who i learned to be that way with! There’s so much to unpack!

[@Mia-gu4qh]

Thanks to all of you who share your own problems and want to share mine back with me. I have severe mast cell problems, poor digestive with pain as well as major muscular problems. All of the above increase 80% when I am in contact with my parents.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

🙏

[@fighterpilot247]

I was the scapegoat, and I was the only child out of four children that was sick. I never related my multiple illnesses to the 3 family narcissists.

[@librarylover6414]

I have a number of chronic debilitating illnesses. The number on the ACE quiz was very high . I was / am the scapegoat now with 3 sisters who essentially have abandoned me. Parents are long dead.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I hope you find something of value here on my channel. You may also want to read my introductory book on family scapegoating abuse (FSA), 'Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed', which was based on my original family systems research.

[@susanhand1966]

I scored an 8! I live with chronic pain & several different illnesses. Just recently diagnosed with Anemia with blood count at 5.9. Did have blood transfusion and in the midst of healing with meds. I would have died if I hadn’t finally left my hometown and went no contact. I’ve been saying my family members are witches who casted death spells on me. Jealousy=pure evil. I’m finally in the righteous anger and can’t wait for your book so I can stop replaying certain times of abuse in my mind (where I always froze and bowed to their demons by apologizing for the abuse, like I deserved it)..forgiving myself & self care is where I’m at..I know I keep thanking you but I must, you are God sent🙏♥️♥️

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Rumination is a common experience for FSA adult survivors. It can be associated with complex trauma. I discuss FSA and complex trauma in my book.

[@susanhand1966]

Thank you for replying to all of my comments. I know I’ve commented on every video, can’t help it! It is what it is right? I genuinely hope you are feeling better. Our health and well being are so important, bless you🙏🤗♥️​@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Getting stronger every day since surgery - Hopeful I am on the mend!

[@bchristian85]

The pandemic destroyed every aspect of my life by taking away all of my coping mechanisms for dealing with CPTSD. Since March 2020, the CPTSD has become all-encompassing and completely taken over my life, and has made my lifelong worst nightmares into reality. Also since March 2020, I've been experiencing non-stop health anxiety along with chronic pains. I'm constantly worried about dying before I get the opportunity to heal. I'm almost 40 and have nothing to show for my life. This really sucks.

[@LPoppy2023]

I hope your book comes out an audio form soon **I would so love to hear it

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

I am working on it. I have the professional voice actor/narrator now so we are getting there. I hope to have it out before the end of the year. Subscribe to my newsletter if you want to get the announcement via the menu on my website scapegoatrecovery.com.

[@leslieclipp9303]

I could not even walk across the room without insults and sarcasm hurled at me, ever. Ever. Now I have crippling arthritis everywhere, anxiety, ptsd, depression, underemployed, and all else.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

So very sorry to hear this. Linking you to a list of resources I put together for FSA adult survivors in case you see something that might be helpful for you at this time: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/

[@theprofessionalpeer]

I am now physically ill, thanks to my father and family system. Toxic rage was my fuel and was useful until my body began to breakdown. I am living proof of what you are describing. It is now my life's work and I facilitate a trauma-informed training at a local hospital. What I never realized was that rage mixed with cortisol was eating me alive. My muscles were so armoured, I was visiting the chiropractor 2x a week and a RMT before the pandemic just so I could move. I had a demanding job and was very active... I'm not sure if I'll be coming out of this tail spin. A shame western medicine and especially, Psychiatry refused to listen to me for 40 years...they are still at a loss and I am on my own. (even, working at a hospital). It's a joke. I have said, pretty much what you have since my teens. Well there... I can feel the rage and I can't anymore because the consequences are too high and I can no longer risk getting sick. Thank you for getting this message out is is so overdue!

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Rage is often masking intense grief. I discuss disenfranchise grief that scapegoated adult children experience in my book, 'Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed', as well as this video here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bpqrl5aNgNiFn9U

[@samme1024]

I'm trying so hard to move out of this situation! I pray my physical pain will diminish when I go; Please pray for me in this transition. I just need a safe place to go to.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

🙏

[@HDPersonal777]

You can heal!

[@samme1024]

@@HDPersonal777 Thank you!!! 🙏💛🙏

[@carrieyacono]

Yes! My mother did not buffer me from my older sister who poured all of her “blame & shame” into me at upon birth! My parents were already on their way to a divorce when i was conceived and by a year and a half later after my birth it was finalized…..my older sister was between age 5 -7 at the time! My dad wasn’t there…..my mon was constantly working and always took my older sister’s word for it no matter! She would be lie to my mother’s face and i would get into trouble! A lifetime of this has put my health well over the edge! At age 47 i’m struggling to function and i struggled through the first half of my adulthood on soooo many levels! That are crystal clear now with this information but wasn’t then! But i never stopped asking my why! Why was i doing what i was doing why am i in the places i am in why?????? Why why why?????

[@louiseparham-l8k]

Once again thanks for an eye opening video. I never even heard of ACE before but it is certainly in line with my experiences both as child and adult. I have had plenty of put downs and insults from family and relatives to fill a whole book. My narc alcoholic father and narc brother have both swore at me and called me all the foul language names they could lay their tongue to beginning with C and B. Even my mother used these names to me sometimes. I am now struggling with alot of depression and anxiety, insomnia and excessive tiedness. I spend alot of day in bed and feel in pain emotionally. I find it difficult to face the day.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

So very sorry to hear this. Linking you to a list of resources I put together for FSA adult survivors in case you see something of interest: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/

[@Lisaperry1001]

I cannot thank you enough for your loving content. I have just ordered your book and two others you recommend. Your message needs to be heard and I will and have already shared it. Thank you again 🌸💐

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Thank you, Lisa, I truly appreciate this, and I hope you find my book on FSA helpful.

[@krisluvsutube2684]

Wow. So much great info here. Thank you for the video and quiz . I got a score of seven. I nearly died at six from appendicitis (had developed gangrene) and I always thought my childhood home was largely to blame. They told me I was just "trying to get outta going to school"..."she's faking". That's just a peek into the hole. It gets way worse. Its hard to heal from all this knowing you have chronic physical pain (not to mention the emotional) and why that is deep down. People will say "Your way too young to have all that going on". I was way too innocent to have been born into a hate filled home as well but folks just don't get these things unless you've lived it.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

Be sure to watch my video here, 'You're Faking It!" I discuss this in my book (Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed) as well.

[@krisluvsutube2684]

@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Thanks I did. Great video.

[@user-hn1sw4cf7x]

Thank you.

[@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse]

You're welcome!

[@kaystephens2672]

Hang out that dirty laundry. Yeah!