"Fatherless Daughters Tend to Date Motherless Sons" | Ask a Black Woman Ep. 3

[@Kluermoi]

I would love to see a panel of married black women, married to black men and see how they are doing and holding that relationship together... not sure if you all have an episode like that already but I'm binge watching sooo will find it if you do.

[@rjjack8665]

Kluermoi I agree sister being married myself with two girls I would definitely like to lighten some people on how I I influence two women meaning daughters on the love game

[@swatkins67]

Kluermoi me too

[@britniw5427]

Black love on OWN (Oprah’s Network) demonstrates this narrative if you’re interested

[@rjjack8665]

Lachasity Brown yes young lady

[@mlssrsevenseven8160]

Kluermoi, uuuuuummmmm evaluate the people around you!!!!!!

[@ShimmerRain69]

As a fatherless daughter I always wanted a man who grew up with both parents. My husband grew up with his married mother and father-I think it does make a difference.

[@prncessbaby16]

Same with my husband

[@micolespicer9711]

Negative cycles in your family can be broken!

[@blacknrd05]

Never

[@willskywalk]

"I never want my mom to say I'm your mom and your dad because you're not". Perfectly said. I refuse to leave my kids and do like my dad did.

[@avontesm.7125]

Respect King never leave your kids

[@ChocoDippLibrarian]

Shadena, i feel you COMPLETELY. I feel like so much pressure to break the cycle. Especially having divorced parents. Right now ive been working on myself so i can be ready for an emotionally healthy relationship.

[@WillieEarlSon]

I agree 100% with shadena about not showing mercy for one another. Understanding can go along way

[@Ms.TRainwater]

I want to encourage my sisters today with this: Your past doesn't dictate your future. I'm a fatherless woman that was raised by a negative mother. I made the choice to see and seek the positive in people and myself. Because of this attitude all of my relationships with men especially black men are positive experiences. The relationships that didn't work for me were due to the timing of them. As of today, I've been happily married to a black man for the past 12 years and counting with four beautiful children. We are both educated professionals, I'm a teacher and he's a biomedical engineer. Black love is real! Don't let the image and statistics (lies)that they put out about us control your narrative. You set the tone for everything in your life with your words.

[@sheerieh6229]

Thank you for this! I didn't have my dad around either but am married now to a black man and I can't wait to get to the 12 year mark like you 😊

[@negritainthejungle1625]

Taharga B. I love your story. I too grew up in a different environment. I had my dad until the day he died. But my dad my a single parent. My mom got caught up in a religious cult and so she was gone. My dad did my hair, taught me how to cook, clean and sew, taught me about my period, sex, but he was a womanizer. An excellent father but just another broken black man. Intelligent., Electronic engineer. Proud Black Panther and a 33 1/2 degree Mason. Professional, smart, great father, but broken as a man. These are things I didn't realize until I got older. More than half of my neighborhood had father's, then I moved from The Bronx to Savannah GA. Hit and run was the culture. Middle school girls with children, not a child, but children. So it's hard to hear some of these videos because I've lived in 6 States, multiple Cities and 4 Countries, everyone is li different. Keep a Every experience is different. Every state and 'city is like a different country. Idk

[@dirtyred1687]

PREACH TEACHER

[@yanacshell]

You said it a year ago..but I needed to hear it today...Thank you for your encouraging perspective🌷

[@stylewarz_nyc]

Bad boy, street but with a business mind= drug dealer

[@andreb6250]

Every woman wants a Jay Z but none of them are Beyonce

[@babasolaosikoya5947]

😂 😂 😂 😂

[@ladaca-yi1xm]

Stylewarz Y I avoid those type at all cost.

[@jeanettesdaughter]

Not necessarily. Growing up certain places you see the strong men who are streetwise but not dirty, not hustling and just hardworking, protective of their families. Still present and not taking crap. Black life isn't easy for all of us. A by any means necessary type of Black man is my type. Oh yeah the emotional roller coaster of the "daddyless daughter" ... I got tired of thinking every frog was a prince, so I had to change MY own mind about "real men." And I had no blueprint except heavenly Father. The experiences loving earthly men have been challenging but I'm whole. I won. I've been loved, protected and provided for. Married with children. These experiences are available to us, too. As for Becky? Get outta town. No competition imho. Largely I won because I had a magnificent mother who neither deified nor held Black men in contempt. Anyway back to that bad boy trope... Don't stereotype. Who wants a wuss? Real talk.

[@jabjabjabjabjab]

Savage lol

[@AnthoneRay]

Wow! I gained a lot of knowledge from this. I love the transparency in this video man. I don't ever want my future kids to carry this weight of being fatherless because it affects people no matter how strong you think you are.

[@corsicanlulu]

definitely. too many people say it doesnt matter and thats why theyre not careful when choosing a man to get pregnant by and they maybe wont even marry at all, creating another dysfunctional fatherless household. not having a father is already putting ur child in a disadvantaged situation and thats actually abusive. we cant force men to be fathers but we have to do the best in trying to choose a worthy man and marrying him! marry before having a child, thats the first step!! i dont care what anybody says that marriage doesnt matter it does! most couples that are still together and happy.....are married! and most co-habiting couples i have seen growing up are broken up, kids or no kids...so what does that tell u? marriage matters.

[@9175rock]

Hasnt affect me not a bit. And Im sure im not the few.

[@9175rock]

KiddRogers smdh

[@D.j.2580]

rock that’s what you think...

[@brotherfirst4388]

Once WE correct our Cultural Confusion all else falls in place. See my BroFIRST video section

[@internationaleden]

A fathers absence will definitely have a strong negative influence on a child. It’s hard for both males and females. It’s never too late to get your fathers blessing though. It’s something that can help you A LOT through life.

[@MoChunks]

I just knew this episode was gonna be deep. I feel you sisters. I feel you. The host did an excellent job with that short word of encouragement - love that❤️❤️

[@iCGreen_]

Ballbags

[@olyadubnyakova8901]

█▬█ █ ▀█▀ 18+ ❤ ➨ tinyurl.com/yct4zuyh

[@coreythomas3633]

MoChunks Show love black women

[@Diivasatti]

I felt that womans pain shadena. I love her name. But i knew exactly what she was going through when i was single i did not want to repeat that cycle of bringing a child in this world without their father not present. I refused. Shadena if you believe you will break that cycle , you will break that cycle. Believe and have faith sweety. Great discussion.

[@candyxoxo19]

Shadena really knows the real on what bw go through. Many thanks to her for sharing.

[@chanellebooysen9570]

Same here

[@ashleymccook3810]

Sis about to have in tears.... ✋🏿 I can't , when she started crying it got to my spirit

[@senoracheapee1864]

Ashley McCook me too😢

[@kenn82draw]

Weak af

[@kryssmars]

What shadena said - I FELT that shit in my soul. I remember my mom saying the same types of things to me, and I carried that weight along with other things and as a 30 year old women I still feel that I’m still always ready to be disappointed and remain guarded and hardened. I couldn’t see myself as a mother bc I just didn’t know how I could be a single mother bc that’s what I knew.

[@coreythomas3633]

I LOVE BLACK WOMEN

[@FEMININEINFLUENCE]

Great conversation and Devale did an amazing job hosting and honoring each woman's story. This video is a great starting point but it leaves many black women without the resources of what to do next. I take a stand that men are seeking the influence of the right woman and black women do have options, even if she doesn't want to date outside her race. It's called Feminine Allure™ and it's a way of being that can be taught.

[@bodyworkandptbykraig7609]

Monique Head More women with wisdom and grace like yourself need to be magnified and highlighted. Our problems can be more effectively solved by examining the wisdom and strategies of culture and social science than searching for rescuers in other races or perpetuating the blame game. *Feminine allure is an approach that is physical, mental, spiritual, effective and traditional.* Yet, its impractical to understand the wisdom of it outside of watching our parents, aunts and uncles etc inside of long term, committed and loving relationships. Which is the reason so much weight was placed on shaming Out Of Wedlock Single Parenthood, Encouraging role-playing, Character Evaluation in mate selection, Patience, Humility and willingness to Sacrifice one's self for the ideal of Family as something highly esteemed. BW pretending they have no clue as to how the modern adaptations and loss of standards they are ALSO expressing + missing the fact that Western Culture as a whole is promoting this and attempting as BW to shift ALL the ACCOUNTABILITY on to BM is only making relationships rot, stink and disappear and be avoided at a faster rate.

[@bodyworkandptbykraig7609]

Monique Head kzbin.info/www/bejne/fmeyf3t6oql3btU This video touches on your point and how BW can contextualize their thinking and attitudes to be more successful with men and heal the black FAMILY.

[@FEMININEINFLUENCE]

Thanks for sharing a resource

[@daniellemiller2547]

I'm the woman that's crying. Even to the point I aborted 2 kids because of it. I hate myself for it but i was born in a bathroom as a result of a hidden pregnancy. My mom who passed in 2016 had a baby at 18 with a man at 18 who was my dad, who died in 2017, create me. Two damaged young people had a baby. That baby which is me was first generation college graduate. I'm trying to break the cycle. I love my parents but they were broken. My mom's biological mom was 14 when she had her. I refused to carry on that legacy. Again I'm not proud of my 2 abortions but next time around I want to be my man's wife and raise OUR children together.

[@Miss_Dani_DWhit]

Amen, break those generational curses!

[@daniellemiller2547]

@@Miss_Dani_DWhit thank you for that! God heals and changes people.

[@Miss_Dani_DWhit]

@@daniellemiller2547 Yo'ure welcome. You have a testimony to tell, and God has a plan for you.😊😘

[@youtubeaccount6625]

Why don't you use contraceptives methods?

[@prettycarmencurls]

Great topic.. my mom and my dad fault like cats and dogs. I remember as a little girl on my knees praying asking the lord to not let daddy kill mommy. What kind of fuckery was this. After moving my sister and I and mommy to a basement underneath someone house he walked in the kitchen and told my mommy he didn't want her anymore. My sister and I felt relief for the first time in our life that they were not going to be together anymore. Fast forward to my life today I am happily married and peace and prayer is how my husband and I hold on. Verbal or physical abuse is not love but understanding, respect, compassion and commitment is love. I wish you well Ladies❤️

[@ArabellaCharm]

My parents have been married for over 40 years. Good parents! Still, my sister and I have been unlucky in marriage and dating. Bottomline, it's different times. Their are no men like my dad....under the age of 50. For every loyal, hardworking, though, skilled (can do at least basic handy man skills), loving Black man there are 20 woman (of different races too) in line willing to do anything to get and keep him. I'm not saying having a dad does or doesn't matter, but having a father doesn't guarantee happiness and a successful relationship.

[@rogers5622]

StylistNtraining you are right . I HAVE 2 friends both have parents married for 40 years and they have never been married .

[@LittleMissDeeDee]

I agree that it doesn't guarantee especially if you have a father that's a great dad but a bad lover to your mother.

[@Monaedeezy]

Yes, this is exactly my father in his late fifties. He does everything, no questions asked.

[@candyxoxo19]

StylistNtraining...Thank you. Your comment is on point. Bw are pushed out to date other races of men who will protect, love and take care of us like a princess. I've seen white men who will gladly marry us. They are fully aware we only have limited options. And what's worse is that 25% of the few good black men we have are marrying non black.

[@TURBOBEATZZZ]

White dudes don't want to marry either check out MGTOW lol. They don't want WW so why do you think they'll want BW? All the dating sites proved that the BW is the least desired on OKCupid Tender etc. The ones who desire BW the least of all are WM. Sorry just the facts.

[@josephine_marie]

I can't identify with this at all. My parents were married before I was born and are still together, Dad was always in the household. We should be careful about generalizing about the entire Black woman's (dating) experience, b/c while a lot of Black women and men grew up without a strong father (role), but not all of us. But appreciate hearing their experiences.

[@senoracheapee1864]

Jo they're just speaking generally.. and in general, our father's aren't in our households

[@shelleygreyrealtor]

Jo when I first watched it, that thought crossed my mind too. My parents were married for 30+ years and my mom passed away. So I grew up with both of my parents in the home, but I think they are referring to the fact there are so many broken homes in our community and how do we change that cycle.

[@AngelasTravelAdventures]

Jo i too grew up with both parents still together will be 50 years next November, so i get what you're saying. But reality is, its not a norm, when i share this with others and say its what im looking to have someday many are shocked my parents have been together that long. Unfortunately, marriages dont last this long anymore and many dont grow up in two parent households. Wish it was different, i do believe there are many benefits to having both parents at home.

[@GoogleAccount00]

Jo A majority did not have your experience and that is what they are discussing; but thanks for making sure that you pointed out that you've had it better than most on this topic 🙄

[@LittleMissDeeDee]

I agree with you, but unfortunately, speaking as a British black Caribbean woman, absentee fathers in the Caribbean community is a massive issue her in the UK.

[@RhondaMary]

I grew up in a 2 parent home. The one time i dated a guy from a single mother home was the most toxic and worst relationship i've ever experienced. It was a totally different experience than dating guys from two parent homes. Never again. That one experience scarred me.

[@laj4186]

People PLEASE stop repeating the "stat." The Law of Attraction and the POWER of your Mind are much more creative than any number could ever be. Be Love and Be Open💖

[@sheilaorangd1967]

The reason why some other races I'm more secure or more privileged than black women is because they had a more secure life but if you are black and you and you're a woman and you didn't have a secure like you didn't have a man or father in your life that you can look up to and you have children whether you're married or single the kids need to be taken care of and a woman doesn't need a whole bunch of men running in and out of her house if your parents didn't take care of your if your mother didn't take care of you wouldn't you feel that the children were neglected and that they need to be taken care of not you going out and surf searching for your life and leaving them on their own

[@sheilaorangd1967]

That's why you have to have support groups to help you learn what a woman's are women supposed to do as mothers and I know that I will biological clock starts ticking when we start going into our thirties and sometime we decide to have children on our own but still if you decide to have children or a child on your own that y'all should not be punished because it doesn't have the father in the home it may not even be the father comes around to see the child because he may have his own life and don't want to be involved but it's up to the mother to make a home for that child don't give up that's where the cycle stops

[@Yourstruly_Whitney]

I can't wait for more episodes like this one. My story is exactly like Shadena being adopted by a single mother and not wanting to continue the generational curse. I love how these women were open and the host did a good job.

[@candyxoxo19]

@Whitney Mit..What is your view on single women who adopt kids? Would you ever do that? I'm a single woman so I want your honest opinion.

[@Yourstruly_Whitney]

Candy xoxo Yes, I really want to adopt a child whenever the time is right(finances). I have definitely being praying about it and I'm currently trying prepare for that next step. Whether I'm married or not I still want go through the adoption process. I feel like there are so many innocent children who were brought into this world who don't have a loving parent . I definitely know I can provide that love and stability to a child.

[@candyxoxo19]

@Whitney Mit..You are so sweet to think of lil children in orphanages and foster care. I'm also considering adopting when I retire so I can be available to raise my child and not have to worry about working to pay bills. However, my main goal is to date as many people and to get married so my children can have something I didn't have which is a father.

[@slimj5761]

How can a bad boy have a good mind?

[@judeokoye9466]

That description has never made sense to me, and i have heard it before.

[@slimj5761]

Hold my Balls.... i know right

[@marsmaro343]

Ho logics 👍🏿

[@negritainthejungle1625]

A bad bit is usually defined by how he treats women and the law. Alot if business men are bad boys. Some are also great actors. They play the part well in the corporate world, but speeds excessively, beats his woman, cheats on his women, molest children.....etc. Great mind, but has no soul.

[@blacketernal7139]

slim j Its what they see on tv. It tugs on their emotional heart strings so it makes sense to them.

[@AngelasTravelAdventures]

Im loving these conversations, we need to have them. The guy hosting is so encouraging and he needs to do one with the brothers too, cause there are some real messed up philosophies out here. My heart broke when she began to cry and i could relate tremendously with the girl in red. My parents have been married 50 years but my father as hers was physically there but emotionally absent, i dont blame him its how he was raised, man provides which he did for us (my 3 brothers) and my mom but i would have taken conversations about life over, his working so much any day. So in my life, like her, ive dated physically available but emotionally absent men.

[@AngelasTravelAdventures]

DaMayorOfNewYork oh boy . .. now youre telling me how i think or would think. Youre not GOD and you CAN NOT speak for me. BTW they have other videos up now, if youd like to watch them, with men only on panel, he was part of it. But of COURSE, you haven't watched that one, you only troll the ones with females right?.. . .

[@AngelasTravelAdventures]

DaMayorOfNewYork Hate to tell you, youre WRONG.

[@negritainthejungle1625]

My dad was in my home, but he was a womanizer. I have friends who had both parents and still ended up in bad relationships. So I'm not sure. I was lucky enough to find one of the greats. And I appreciate him EVERY day.

[@SeychelleSunshine]

Their stories all hit me in a special place. I'm a daddyless daughter of a "Disney" dad and irresponsible mom. My jancro for a father was financially useless. He beat on me, verbally degraded me, and let friends touch me. The few times I was with him, his girlfriend helped my mom raise me. His lack of restraint is why there are 6 of us with 3+ moms and he failed every time. Due to him, I have a fear of abandonment and are scared of men. My mom did what I believe was her best, but I think she was too damaged for motherhood. She had 7 of us with 4 men, which got us separated after she died. Each man abandoned us, yet she never learned differently. As a child, I started to resent her stressed out parenting because it seemed like she and my father chose for her to be a single mother. She was always working and I was a 2nd caregiver in place of a dad, so I wasn't allowed to be a kid or have my own problems. I was my younger siblings' emotional rock, and had to shield them from effects of adult problems I shouldn't have known about. After she laid to rest before my 14th b-day, I went to child services and lived abuse by other kids. Due to her, I fear motherhood and failure. Because of them, I know what I don't want in a partner or friend; but that only gets you halfway to knowing what you do want, and damages your openness to receive it. I also have the fear of becoming a parent, and not ending cycles. I didn't have healthy examples of relationships, marriage or parenthood. I saw countless perpetual single moms and women abused and used by triflin' men. Somehow, I didn't fall into the same mindset and become a teen mom like my mom or addict like my father. I see a black lady therapist, avoid repeating my parents' choices, am hyperaware of red flags, and invest in my personal growth first. I've been with my love for 5 years; he's supportive, gentle and my best friend. We first bonded over being 1st generation Caribbean-American, him being Haitian and me being Jamaican. He's also devoted to ending cycles, and is the only man I've ever felt safe enough with. I affectionately told him I hope we marry and consider kids one day and he agreed. I used to think I was too damaged for wholeness again, so I'd never find healthy love. I'm determined to have the life and love I deserved. Whew this was a lot. I don't usually share this much

[@coreastarks9037]

This show keeps it 💯, and I love it ❤❤❤❤!!!!!

[@andreb6250]

To me the disconnect is black ppl talking to each other truthfully and honestly. There are a lot of hurt people out here but both men and women don't want to show their vulnerability cause we're conditioned to be strong. Without taking the time to sit down with each other is keeping us in this state

[@iCGreen_]

Sitting in my office after hours, watching this.... It hurts my soul to hear my Sisters talk like this. As an educated, single black man with no kiddos I can't stand to hear these truths. I think as modern black men we need to understand the cycle better. As boys we may not have had our father in the the home and it affects us in certain ways. Most of us (especially those that don't have a sister) genuinely don't understand the modern black woman. The black woman that "had to be strong". You're the other side of the coin.

[@bobbynewton312]

SIMP alert!!!💥💥💥

[@tomguu7260]

They had to be strong...What does that mean??? I hear it all the time. Does it mean wallowing in the mess you made?

[@ddlyify]

The woman at 4:59 touched me. Ma'am, you WILL break the generational curses over your family. You deserve to be protected and handled appropriately. I pray for healing. The hurt in your voice got to me....

[@SittaLuvz]

Its hard to see this woman be so broken by her fear of never finding a mate. You can, you will. Most African families I know are married couples, and I blessed to have many examples of whole families. They are possible; therapy and prayer are key. Build a strong foundation, and let God be at the center of it all. I will all of them, healing and the love they desire,.

[@Miss_Dani_DWhit]

Ladies, Part of choosing a partner starts with "SELF-WORTH." You have to know and BELIEVE that you DESERVE God's absolute BEST for your life. Also try something new, many woman have married men they never thought they would, because they had some type of list in their mind of the ideal black man. One of biggest things we have to understand is that the foundation of friendship is very important and really getting to know a person and their family history is fundamental. I am still learning who I am as a single woman and I find peace in this journey. Lastly, If you're currently dating or desire to date, I recommend reading "The New Rules For Love, Sex, and Dating" by Andy Stanley, and "The Don't Before I Do" by Emily McKnight. I pray all of these ladies are blessed with a man that is beyond what they could ever dream of.🙏

[@Msheepz]

Wow, great conversation. As a woman that grew up without a father, even after 42 years it still hurts my heart not having a father. A father is suppose to be the first man you love and he's suppose to be that example of a real man. I worry for my beautiful daughters who deserve a great guy, but pickings is few as the lady in the gray mentioned earlier.

[@rachelsweets]

Shadena had me in tears. All the ladies were amazing

[@Scenerio100]

Rachel Sweets i fuckin love herr odee

[@kenn82draw]

Amazingly typical.

[@BreenyLee]

This was excellent.

[@senoracheapee1864]

These should be longer

[@brianlove-el6096]

Dont bring a child in this world until your happily married. It's that simple

[@jessygane3580]

Quick question what if you don't find someone and want a child what then?

[@avlivinggolden]

@@jessygane3580 Wait. Single parents are destroying children and communities.

[@takiaab3]

Wow! That fatherless daughter/motherless son comment really resonated with me. My husband's birth mother was not in his life, until he was 12. Even afterward, she was occupied with her marriage, other children, and her own struggles. He still never got from her what he was looking for. I came along looking for someone to fill the void that my dad left and he was basically looking for the same thing. We should all take the time to heal/do our inner work before getting into relationships.

[@darrylstukessr120]

This is to Shadena - Just as you have the desire & drive to be successful, and you may have had to beat the odds, and the mindset concerning being successful while black in this country: I encourage you to keep fighting to maintain that mindset to break the cycle you want to break. Don't settle for less.

[@stellasituma]

Growing up my father was my hero. I literally looked up to him. Right when I hit 16, he passed away while on a work trip in Zambia. Fast forward to today, I can fully understand his actions. Then he wasn't a superhero anymore. He was a human. He made mistakes and all that. But that makes me choose his good sides to emulate and I love him for being human and for being my loving father when he was alive. I am now married to a great man who is from a very stable two parent home. I also think that as a woman, we must be true to ourselves and we must be kind to ourselves. Many times we are our worst critic instead of being our best cheerleader. We are stronger than we know it. Love and light daughters.

[@shelleygreyrealtor]

He is a great host!

[@patrickramsay2631]

Yeah for not calling them out on their shit

[@msladypmodel]

@Dr. Robert Neville wow really. He not like that at all

[@msladypmodel]

@@patrickramsay2631 wow. He not like that

[@mlssrsevenseven8160]

YOU DON’T WANT THE “AVAILABLE” MEN OFFERED YOU DESIRE THE ONES’ YOU IMAGINED (sorry their unavailable)

[@niasintellectualproperties7780]

While everyone's experience is different and there's a need to be careful, I really appreciate the dignified way this was handled. I especially appreciate the courage of the young woman ... who tearfully expressed her feelings. We need more dialogue like this to inform and educate each other, as people of color, to help break some of the negative cycles that are in our community. Please keep up the good work.

[@yaazzyy8410]

What a great conversation amongst these beautiful women. Shadena comment resonated with me "We can all sit here and be strong but at the end of the day we all want a good man." That was 100% Real. Wish the segments were a little longer. :)

[@TYREEKPOOLE-ju5mx]

I grew up with basically a single mother and my father wasn't around so I had to raise myself into being a man and I was the oldest so I had to help out my mother and these women nowadays black woman they don't want a good black man because when one comes into their existence they throw him away so this is BS with a lot of these black women, they want to be so independent and strong but dependent at the same time so they really don't know what they want until they get about 40-50 until they actually mature and become a woman but it will be too late then they will be damaged goods with a lot of emotional and psychological problems and the man that wanted them back then don't want them anymore and that is the truth.

[@ranellpunis1753]

I’m in absolute tears 🙏🏾 wonderful message and WONDERFUL host

[@marshacreary2442]

I'm so glad that you have addressed the issue of fatherless daughters, fatherless sons, motherless sons and motherless daughters and the complex and inter-generational trauma associated with those relationships

[@WorldwideJamal]

Much Respect to these Ladies. These conversations are long over due.

[@TURBOBEATZZZ]

Im married to a great BW and we both come from broken homes. It's a huge uphill battle especially since we are both rejects from previous marriages. One thing for sure is that we are both tenacious and that tenacity is what has keep us together for almost 7 years now. We believe in God (Yahweh) being the head of our love. When we can't stand each other and have a blow up it's Him and our love for Him that keeps as together. I believe that she is my queen. I call her my rib lol. We are 1 and we are weak without 1 another. Anything worth having is gonna take work. She's so right when the last lady said that a real Black women is worth the effort. My baby is my diamond. I love her with my whole heart and our children too. God has blesses me to find her, and she definately is blessed to find me too lol!😂 Sisters don't give up. Keep growing in God and stop falling to temptation and He will bless you. My wife prayed for a man like me as I did for her and He answered. Nuff said😉.

[@danavixen6274]

This hit me hard on so many levels. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt truths my sisters!

[@riasb]

I love love loveeeee thses women. Such inspirations. God bless them all in every way and bless the interviewer and the team!

[@Blackdiamond929_]

There is a strong need for healing and mercy between the black man and woman . ❤️ As men and women we are simultaneously experiencing our own struggles while blaming one another for the inadequacies that were for the most part instilled in us or just caused by our environment as children . Heal, forgive & Love then hopefully we can build for our future generations of babies . We need a softer approach to heal ourselves . Harsh words never really achieve much xx

[@coilsofwobemanifest]

My biggest fear as a child was being alone. I never dated in high school was scared of boys. The black males made fun of thick hair. I waited until I was 28 then he left me with two girls became a single mom I’m restarting my life

[@sysbm4life923]

All of these womens heads are messed up, their mothers got down with ain't shit men, and gave their daughters horrible role models that will cripple them socially for the rest of their lives. The sad thing is, all they can take from the experience is how strong their mothers are....the cycle continues.

[@uniquejrny]

This was an amazing conversation that needs to be continued. My question is if the majority of black men were also raised by single mothers how do we break this cycle?

[@1st_b]

uniquejrny Simple. Properly vet the guys you let between your legs. If a guy being family oriented is important to you, then select for that. If a guy being a thug is the top criteria (🤡🤡🤡) then select for that but don’t act surprised when he gets what he wants and moves on the next gullible mark.

[@deannachristine845]

This episode hit home for me all of these ladies said everything that I been saying and thinking especially the one who was crying she was really on point.

[@ddavis8988]

What i notice is that single fathers never try to be mothers. But single mothers at a very high percentage try to be fathers. Problem is the fail most of the time.

[@sheilaorangd1967]

Everybody is playing the blame game and if you have a child out of wedlock with a father leaves you after the child is born whatever it may be it's not the child's fault it's not the child support that you got pregnant is not the child's fault that you want to go out and have fun it's not the child's fault that you don't give the child food neglect No Love and if it was done to you why would you want to do it to someone else so stop playing the blame game and pick that little chip out of your head and take care of the child or the children

[@Neoldsoul]

Such an inspiring segment. We really do need to have more of these honest discussions

[@Dollfacepod]

My dad left a few months before I turned 8, I'll be 20 next year, I've never been in a relationship, I tend to date or have affairs with older men, I find myself attracted to older guys, it's like I'm looking for my father in them and it hurts because I have people around me who are in relationships and fall in love but it's difficult for me...it just never happens and when it does I run from love or if I try to make it work it just never happens...ever. And I'm scared because at this point, even though I'm still young, I just don't know if I'll ever find a good man and like the lady who's crying is me cause if rather die alone than be a single mother, divorcee or widow with a bunch of kids to raise alone, I want a big family, I want my kids to grow up with daddy and mommy, thats why I don't play with marriage, for me it's once and that's it. I can only pray that God gives me an amazing husband and helps me keep my family together in the future

[@johnsanders6721]

Sophia Omitogun Seek God first. Live for Him through the salvation that comes from Jesus. What you sow is what you reap. Live for Jesus.

[@MrJoennachi]

Let's talk

[@camillenaar9413]

Thank you for this responsible platform.

[@ncsfinest21]

Ive dated black woman that grew up without a father. I grew up with both my parents and they are still married to this day. The one issue I have with black woman is that black woman with no father figure have a problem with a black men being leaders when the black woman had to be independent the whole time and be brought up independent. Black woman have had to become leaders which I have no issue with. But the caveat is that when you have a black man that knows how to lead and the black woman is used to leading (or maybe not like the way the man leads), there is a power dynamic can get ugly. Lots of arguments. But then I always ask "Where did you learn leadership from a mans standpoint?" They always say they havent. The black fatherless woman doesnt understand the mind of a Black man that is a real man. It'll take generations for us to correct this and perhaps this is the worst time because there is alot of fatherless black woman out there. And I dont know if its possible for a black woman to just go from oh Im independent to ok here we can be equal or you can take the lead. I would love to end this black curse but its very very difficult for us good black men. I have no kids 39 yrs old and I want to have kids and a family but I dont see it happening with the way black fatherless woman think. Maybe with a woman who has had both parents and seen the leadership of a father and can recognize it.

[@KariFromYoutube]

A tons of problem and no active solutions...I’m so over these conversations they’re so one sided and fake...

[@birdiewolf3497]

Well, most black people need therapy. I mean there is a lot of unprocessed trauma that happens in the black community, this is one of them. And that girl crying really brings the point home because she knows that dysfunction breeds dysfunction. And you have to actively work to step out of that cycle. That requires a certain acknowledgement your trauma and how it affects your life. I recognize how hard and strange that is because black people never had the chance to sit down and work through their trauma and we have suffered A LOT. All we do is pass it down generationally.

[@birdsview2785]

I agree.100%

[@NathanSmith-dd4fg]

The best topic and conversation on this channel by a good distance. No typical puff topic for once. This was a conversation with substance and that matters. Well done.

[@jcjc3914]

Great panel of ladies! Beautiful conversation and so important!

[@MrBdavis99]

This is a wake up call for our brothers who are raising our black girls. It's time to uplift our women now.

[@omphilemoerane2569]

This is the second segment of Ask a Black Woman I watch and there is again a woman on the panel complaining about men and their split focus on different women. I don't even date anymore because I feel like there is always someone else i'm competing with. Even when you are going steady with a guy, he's always either got a side piece or a back up for when he feels like he's had enough of you. I've even spoken to my grandmother about this and she was just like hey it's kinda always been like that and that's just how men are. But it hurts!

[@LittleMissDeeDee]

Tbh I agree with you but I think the modern day woman is starting to operate similarly

[@11213Mind]

I don't date either because I don't agree with the behavior of entertaining multiple partners at the same time that society has normalized..We live in a time of a degenerative /depraved culture of i must have it now and gimme everything i desire .

[@God.sDaughter]

Ricky Of course you didn’t understand her point. She’s saying for loyal women out there, it’s tough to love a man because in one way or another the man will ultimately cheat or have a side woman or have girlfriends. It’s just difficult to love since we women love with all our souls.

[@shelsgyal4305]

Big up to MN for bringing this to light

[@cymbamcreynolds8838]

I'm so glad one woman mentioned the importance of present fathers being emotionally available to their children. All they have to do is literally have an active parenting role to bond with their children (ex. helping with homework, cooking for them, playing board games, going to report card pickup day) instead of passive (ex. coming home and telling everyone to leave them alone). Children remember the time or lack thereof that parents invest in them. Ppl with passive dads say that it's like being raised fatherless with a mom who's still forced to be mom and dad to an extent. I'm glad I have an awesome dad cause if he was absent or passive, my romantic choices and tolerance for bull would have lead me to more negative relationship experiences

[@MusicCrackhead]

Gotdamn! This episode right here, should’ve been longer. Thumbs up!! 👍🏾

[@NatashaRaisorGlam]

Love these deep sista’s. Thank you, I have these same issues. This is the conversation I needed to hear💯

[@trippin9298]

I think a big problem is ppl don't look to settle down earlier. I've been married 8 years and most of my friends are married. We all met our wives in hs or college. May not have dated during hs or until the end of college. Most ppl are encouraging to sow their oats and settle down later (like Gab Union told the Curry's). However, what too many ppl find out too late is that the pool of available partners doesn't get better with age. In fact it often shrinks and gets worse. Then ppl often make some major compromises to find a partner or they stay single. Or they become single parents. That doesn't mean settle down with someone you're not happy with but it does mean don't pass up that good man or woman when u find them. Look early. Don't waste your 20s with the wrong ppl. Also too many ppl are advised not to settle down until they're financially stable. The risk with that is that everyone wants a finished product. If u wasn't with me on the way up, then why would I risk half of what I've built with u? That doesn't mean settle down wit some guy who can't keep an income or job. Hope this helps.

[@ocherry95]

Facts!!!!!! Great episode. Ya'll made me cry!

[@brucesummers5319]

Sometimes it's hard for black men to be emotional we don't want to be looked upon as weak or whiney men. So remind us that when we are alone with you that it's ok to tell you about our struggles and insecurities so we can share our feelings more.

[@SmayesFamChan]

That’s why it is imperative that black women select decent fathers for their children so that more you men have a positive consistent role model to learn from. That in itself will increase the number of black men who aren’t in jail or mentally dysfunctional and don’t see the value in the intact family. The women before you created this plight for you now you all are left to fix it...

[@prncessbaby16]

And husbands

[@Miss_Dani_DWhit]

I agree. Choices, choices, choices are major factors in the single parent households, not all but some of the choices could have been avoided.

[@purpleposh1230]

That fear hurt my hear too. Stay strong, you still have sisters out there to support you no matter what

[@AlwonDomz]

The only way to break this cycle is for every black man and women to take full responsibility for what we control. Our character, our partners and our level of understanding.

[@bizzybizzo1478]

Have you ever wondered if yiu missed out on someone that you passed up on....I have. I think the right person wont be easily identified on the outside.

[@carladw3380]

Brian W That's so so true. I'm praying everyday to open to who my right person may be.

[@AngelGoddess44]

❤❤❤❤ Love this WHOLE series, please keep it up!

[@chachi1843]

I clicked on this because am black, but being African I can't relate to these issues, these are black American issues.

[@9175rock]

Chansa smdh

[@petittall557]

I agree wit you brother. I'm African too. I'm not generalizing or being judgmental but they need to get married first before having kids and stop such things as long-term boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. You don't need to be successful or wealthy to get married. Africans parents are not wealthy, but they get married and raise their children to be self-sufficient and keep focused in life.

[@MsVirgoTrini]

@Chansa i agree, I could not fully relate either. Myself, my friends, classmates, church, neighbors or anyone i associated with, came in contact with, or knew had both parents in the home. It is unfortunate that the fatherless homes are such a massive issue here. (No I am not Black-American but Afro-Carib...)

[@Feliciatanktop]

Same. African dads usually stay. I’m Nigerian and I don’t know any Nigerians without a dad (besides death)

[@sheilaorangd1967]

Nobody wants a bad boy you want a grown man I mean you have a bad boy that's going to be your son and you going to be taking care of him and trying to make a good decent man out of your son stop the stupidness about bad boys no shooting somebody in the mall beating up somebody on the street raping old women be careful what you wish for because you might get it

[@Makeda0303]

Thank you so much Queens!!!

[@kayli9950]

the lady in the blue. i relate to her completely and i have from the age of 4. i am 20 now. you ARE the only one who is ALWAYS going to be there for you. We some girls are brought up by our mothers to be tough and self reliant, and struggle to find an in between. That lady in the grey @ 4:46 and on. I felt that. the lady in the black started crying and i'm going through the same thing now. I loved this episode.

[@Lost_Entrepreneur]

these need to be longer...I felt that pain when sister started crying...but she was absolutely right when she said black men and black women are going at each other and there is no understanding between them....conversations like this are very important... I think next time they should look at happily married black women versus single black women and they can see the differences in their mentalites

[@johncapo2843]

# ACCOUNTABILITY no one in the crowd is blaming mom for their situation logic & emotion are like oil and water

[@Virtygo22]

A lot of men want to date fatherless women. They think they are easier to control and influence. My parents have been married for 35 years and when I tell men that me and my dad are like bestfriends I can see the intimidation in their eyes.

[@gustavmeyrink_2.0]

Just to give a non-american perspective: I am about as white as your average fish belly and my wife is black African. She was widowed in her home country Zimbabwe and due to traditions and the havoc wreaked upon that country by Robert Mugabe she had to come to Europe alone in order to be able to feed, house and school the children she left behind. Zimbabwe is probably the world's worst country to be a widow in, my wife lost everything she and her husband had to her in-laws and she even had to literally buy her own children back of them. Either way we met, fell in love got married and had her two daughters join us here. Those two are the most wonderful children anybody could wish for! I am their dad and they will be my daughters for the rest of my life. I help and support them the best I can and the older just finished her Masters degree while the younger one has won a prize for being the most outstanding student of Mathematics in her chosen university. Both know that I would do absolutely everything for them and are probably grateful for that but I see that merely as my parental duty. I made my bed and I will sleep in it. PS: dating according to your skin colour strikes my wife and me as profoundly racist. I hope my daughters will eventually find a good partner (male or female as long as they are happy with their choice it is all good) and we don't care if he is white, black, brown, yellow or purple. Under the skin we are all red like twins and have so much more that unites us than separates us.

[@YallAreHilarious]

I had this issue for years… being with men that did not know how to stand as men. With age, experience and self-work, I stopped feeding into the lie that as a black woman, I am required to give my love to a man that needs healing. I’ve done the work on myself and continue to do so, I need a man that did and does work on himself consistently and cares to be the lead of the relationship where I can rest in my femininity

[@rajsingh9542]

I'm Indian it's pretty common in our families too. the father is emotionally absent the families are dysfunctional but I do think black women are very desirable and strong. I wish I could be like this

[@garyh5366]

Out of all of these sisters on the panel only one sister seem to have a good relationship with her father. I wonder what would happen if these sister had a professional, spirit filled counselor, or another traditional family to counsel them and give them a example of what a healthy family look like. We as black people need not to be afraid of counseling and working on our issues and working hard for a solution! GOD want all people to be whole. The question is do you want to be whole. You also must do your homework in selecting a great counselor. Married or single is to be whole first Shalom!

[@Fiskgyrl2]

He is such a great host, I hate the episodes are so short though

[@chanellebooysen9570]

That single mother fear cuts sooooo deep I get u sis😢😭😭😭

[@MooBerry2009]

The sister that was crying is verrrrrry beautiful

[@amarabrown7451]

This made me feel a pain in my stomach. I'm from the Caribbean but it seems the plight for black love transcends countries and I feel exactly what these sisters are saying

[@ce9416]

I can't co-sign to this. I didn't grow up with the father because my mother is widowed. But my parents were married my sister and I were planned my parents did everything right so I'm lucky I guess. But my father died when I was two years old and honestly I've never seen the need to have a father because I had a strong mother and I had very strong female role models. I will admit now that I have a stepfather I can ask him things regarding my dating life I can talk to him about men or the guys I've dated. Ultimately it doesn't change my viewpoint but it does sometimes help me get a man's perspective.

[@GracefullyKaren]

Love this conversation. I learned something from this segment. Thank you ✨

[@martinfaleye8094]

5 mins in and this has opened my eyes.

[@msj5807]

my mom was also a single mother and I think men like to date more passive women because they feel the need to control their partner. my mother also put a lot of emotional misconceptions in me by passing trauma down. that happens. being fatherless and dating based on our past traumas happens. men not appreciating women and over judging and not focusing their affections on one woman. not valuing women. one woman. these issues are beyond race, but if it takes a show interviewing black women and claiming these problems as black rather than uniting women, at least they are not being ignored. if we need to use the hot topic (referring to media, not downplaying ANYONE'S struggle) to spread awareness of the mistreatment of women in our relationships and society -than so be it. I'm all for it. one day women will unite rather than pigeon-holing our pain and isolating our struggles. God Bless

[@gloriasmom2045]

Revolutionary. I Love this!!!

[@awakingmind5251]

Brother, you're talking to broken and scarred women about how to be whole. How does that work? They first need psychological counseling so that they can heal, grow, and become whole. There's alot of trauma that's not being addressed with these women. The only one keeping it real is the one with the braids.