Fear of being Transgender OCD (TOCD)

[@ocdandanxiety]

Have you experienced this or something similar? What does it look like?

[@AdilenyCeledon789]

I am currently in therapy for this but I don’t see how erp will work

[@aniayurchenko2629]

@@emilieelmore ikr

[@aniayurchenko2629]

yes

[@Jeremy_Jayne]

It started during quarantine for me, I'm 32 male, always loved being a dude but it feels like a lie! My brain has convinced me that I am and it almost feels like I want it... But FFS, I loved being me! I don't want to live like this, all the things I loved about myself and hobbies seem uninteresting... If that was true, why wouldn't it start when I was younger? My life is over, I can't deal with that. Why can't I have a normal life like anyone else???

[@Jeremy_Jayne]

I have very male tattoos everywhere, I just wanted to be like all the other guys... I've bought dozens of clothes for my girlfriend and ex girlfriends. Sometimes it feels like I have accepted my new self and my old self never actually existed...

[@AllDayArcade]

my recent one is "what if i am actually trans and using TOCD as a way not to admit it." It is literally tearing me apart.

[@caiquefarias5467]

Man, when you're going out and dress some clothe, do you get anxious because youre afraid of disgusting your clothes?

[@helen-jf9of]

YES. THIS IS THE ONE.

[@mihaicraciun8678]

yes same, it's been a month of constant questioning

[@AllDayArcade]

@@caiquefarias5467 i get afraid that I am buying "male clothes" as a denial static. but, I genuinely like them.

[@Shadow77999]

@@caiquefarias5467 afraid of disgusting your clothes Hwhat??

[@cake6851]

I used to be so confident as a man. I could do anything without any regard to gender. Now TOCD has ruined me and broke down my spirit. Its attacking everything I knew, everything I was. Who knew so much psychological damage can be done in 2 months. It's so draining doing ERP for this.

[@ocdandanxiety]

I'm so sorry my friend. I hope you can find some relief. ERP is worth the short amount of pain rather than the months of struggling. Easier said than done of course! You can do it!!

[@toilatrungkien-r4k]

yo bro same :(

[@cake6851]

@@toilatrungkien-r4k Although it gives the occasional jump scare I'm over it now. You'll be fine. Just wait it out until the next ocd theme

[@valy993]

how did you do to get over it completely?

[@cake6851]

@@valy993 CBT/ERP, meds, exercise, socializing more, meditation The most important piece of advice I can give is to stay out of your head. Enjoy life and stop ruminating.

[@rachellashlee430]

As much as I hate this, it’s nice to know I’m not alone, and that others are going through this

[@milquetoaste7144]

I developed it myself a few months ago and it's one of the most stressful themes I've been through thus far (I've had Scrupulosity, POCD, Medical OCD, etc.). It attacks my core in this all-encompassing way that causes me so much constant anxiety. With TOCD, it's literally the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing through my mind at night... sometimes in my dreams as well. The constant body checks to make sure I still like my parts and features. The way that pretty much every little thing meaningless thing triggers me now. Endless cycling through memories both recent and far-off to try and find some inkling of a real answer. Wondering if I even have TOCD at all, and if my mind is just under a dozen layers of denial (That one really makes me break out into a cold sweat). The thought that I do have TOCD, but it's traumatized me so much that I could develop actual gender dysphoria. Things like playing females in video games or relating to something a woman says on TV, or even just seeing a woman and passively thinking that she's pretty, all things that never bothered me AT ALL before, now set me on the verge of a panic attack. It's completely destabilized my mind and the only way I can accurately describe it is agonizing. Back when I first realized I was gay, it just felt so immediately natural, like a light turned on in my head- "Oh, yeah, ok! That's what I am! Huh. Cool." and I moved on, and quickly became confident and secure in my identity. But this experience has been nothing like that. It's pure, existential dread. It's like a lightbulb has turned OFF in my head and now I'm searching around in the dark for something that's impossible to find. TOCD makes me feel like I'm dying, losing myself completely, or that something alien is slowly taking over my mind. All I want to do is go back to the day before this theme happened, and just savor that feeling of being completely confident in my identity, of just KNOWING what and who I am. TOCD makes me feel like I took that for granted. I'm terrified of losing myself to this. I love my body, I love being gay, I never even gave a second thought to my male-ness before this started, it was just an intristic part of me that didn't need questioning. Funnily enough, before this started I was also having OCD thoughts about being straight and in denial, which was distressing on it's own, but TOCD has eclipsed that fear for now. Thank you so much for bringing a light to this topic, I just want people to understand what this is and how it effects us. It's so scary to talk to anyone about any kind of identity-related OCD, as in 'what if I'm straight/gay/bi/ace/trans', because you're terrified the person will think you're just in denial. It's frustrating to feel like you have no-one to talk to, no-one that understands what's actually happening. But there are people who can and will understand. I did actually explain all of this to my best friend, and he has been so supportive and understanding. He even keeps me in check me when I ask him for re-assurances, haha. He knows how I tend to sneak them into conversations now because he's been with me through quite a few themes at this point. The first few weeks of this theme I was an absolute wreck, having constant breakdowns, I lost a lot of weight because I couldn't even eat, but having someone who understood what was happening to me and could just hold my hand through the worst of it really helped a lot. Another thing that really helped (though you have to be careful not to let it turn into a compulsion I think) was just researching OCD and hearing stories of others fighting it, it takes away a lot of the sense of isolation that this disorder can burden you with. I just want anyone dealing with this theme, or any identity-related theme, or just OCD in general, to know that they are NOT alone, and that there are OCD-focused professionals you can talk to who really do understand this disorder and how to manage it in order to lead a happy and stable life.

[@ocdandanxiety]

You're so awesome! Thanks for sharing your experiences!!

[@janray2809]

This is so me!!! Can i add you on fb? I wanna talk about this with someone who goes through this too. :((( Its breaking my life apart.

[@jaydencruz9864]

Wow, we’re going through the exact same thing.

[@bubblegum222w6]

@@janray2809 do you have Instagram?

[@danielparker9674]

we’re going through the exact same thing. this is terrifying. can we connect on insta? my ig is @danieltylerparker i’m sending much love and light to you 🖤

[@louiepop]

My man you just said EVERYTHING I AM SUFFERING FROM RIGHT NOW! I started developing this during this covid pandemic.

[@savannahstaiduhar3225]

Hey do u ever feel sick when you think about what if I've been a man/woman this whole time and my lifes been a lie?

[@louiepop]

@@savannahstaiduhar3225 i don't, but I'm proudly gay, it's just that my mind tells me that there's only one way of being gay which is stereotypically wanting to be a woman, Which is I think I don't want, because I can profess my love for my pet down there. 😂 It became an obsession to me, shall I decide about it now? Etc

[@janray2809]

Hello!! Can we talk?? Do u have an fb??? :((

[@ilovekangtaehyvn]

Bro same

[@louiepop]

Hope all of you guyssss are doing welll, it's been a year. Stay safe and saneeee.

[@maybelous]

Guys I recovered!! It gets better!! I trust you all!! ❤️❤️❤️ You can find my comment from a year (and a half) ago!

[@vananh3591]

How can u overcome it and how do u feel now?

[@kaijutoaster3739]

How did you get over it?

[@maybelous]

@@vananh3591 hi, im sorry for the late reply, i hope youre doing better. i left a comment explaining how on this thread if you still need it. sending you peace x

[@WindowsXPFrog]

Dude, your channel has brought up so many of my intrusive thoughts, I thought the specific ones I had were quite unusual.

[@tblmoon]

same

[@WindowsXPFrog]

I actually recently came out as non binary lmao. I’m pretty sure I am.

[@facuuu2809]

Sameee

[@facuuu2809]

@Mireya leela cortes same situation

[@_justpeachy_004]

One thing that really helped me distinguish true questioning and an ocd intrusive thought for myself was asking myself “ did this start from a thought or a true feeling? “ and every time, it’s been caused from a thought. I’m glad I found that and and realized how to work out some problems. Remember to everyone who is going through the same thing, just ask yourself this. It really works!

[@marlainaabrams8667]

This was the most helpful comment I’ve ever seen. Thank you!

[@_justpeachy_004]

@@marlainaabrams8667 of course! And I’m so sorry you are going through this😥please stay happy and keep fighting! I believe in you!✨

[@charlesroberson1387]

Hello, just wanted to let you know this comment has really helped me. I'm still immensely struggling with TOCD, but recognizing the difference between an inherent wrongness and a voice in my head angrily telling me that I'm not really a man and I'll only ever be happy if I abandon my identity and become a women or some such variant. It's always the latter with me that causes the panic and compulsive self checking.

[@_justpeachy_004]

@@charlesroberson1387 of course! It’s been a while and it’s officially gone away👌after months of struggling, ups and downs and eventually getting better, all I’ve ever wanted to do was help someone else with the same problem. I’m so glad to hear that my advice is helping you! Other things I’ve realized about it are reminding yourself of the experiences with it you’ve never had up until now. Try to find the ROOT of your problem and stop aiming to end the OCD and intrusive thoughts ALONE because everything involving your mind and psyche is caused by something else OUTSIDE. Aim to HEAL THE TRAUMA OF THE ROOT. After the trauma is helped, so are the false feelings, hormone disturbances, and intrusive thoughts. I promise it will get better, have a wonderful day❤️

[@charlesroberson1387]

@@_justpeachy_004 Thank you for the kind wishes, they definitely help with the place I' in right now. I really should try some deeper self reflection, but I have the irrational fear that delving into my own mind will make this obsession worse. That should be a comfort to me though, the fact that up until a few months ago I wasn't concerned in the slightest about rather I'm truly a man or not. Plus I've had different health related obsessions in the past.

[@hollythomson5894]

I experienced this for awhile in conjunction with pocd and hocd. Thank you for talking about these obscure ocd subtypes because it helps people who feel like they’re the only ones going through it

[@ocdandanxiety]

Thanks for your support!

[@clumsyme179]

I have HOCD and tocd both at same time.

[@owen3721]

I identify with all of those subtypes as well, along with a bunch of others (harm, existential, etc). And you're absolutely right that you feel like you're the only one in the world going through it, because it seems so bizarre that you think it's because you are uniquely bad, evil, or weird as a person, and so you can't possibly imagine that other people are going through the same sorts of things.

[@parthsingh1876]

@@clumsyme179hey how are you now if you don’t mind we can talk please?!

[@parthsingh1876]

@@clumsyme179hey how are now can we can talk on this if you are Okk with it please?!

[@olivianorton2373]

thank you for this video. i’ve always loved being as girly as i possibly could. now i’m constantly afraid this may not be OCD, because well, i’ve never been diagnosed in the first place. but all this makes me feel really distressed and scared that i’ve been living a lie. this fear makes me believe that i am distressed because i’m not living in the right body, and i don’t want to be like other girls, when in reality i really do. this is also really affecting the things i do and the way i see other people, especially the guy i like. i don’t think i have it the worst, because this fear is so far out and irrational to me that i can’t even bring myself to think about it. i just always have that lingering “What If” in the back of my head, from the moment i wake up to the moment i fall asleep. i pray for the rest of you struggling with this.

[@savannahstaiduhar3225]

THIS IS EXACTLY ME! I'm so glad to see might have a chance of it being ocd.. 🤍 God bless u, we will all get through this somehow

[@fox877aj7]

do u still feel like this? i am going through this now any tips?

[@toilatrungkien-r4k]

this is me, im a cis male and idek why if im really experiencing social dysphoria or not but i dont experience body dysphoria, i was always living a good life as a male until i know the defitnation of transgender i think i was having a gender identity crisis so that i looked into a lot of tests it never said i was trans but sometimes i want to be a girl and be called as she/her pronouns but in reality i really do want to be like others male, i really want to be a male that i even think im a girl whos trans-man, its just crazy.

[@heyabitches7534]

Hey can we talk on ig ...im going through the same thing i think it would be better if we talk

[@bbykat428]

Ik this was a year ago but I’m going through something similar except my I’m struggling with HOCD (homosexual ocd) tendencies. I’ve also struggled with ocd involving violence (what if I hurt someone even though I don’t want to) or religion (what if I go to hell if I do/don’t do this). I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD either but I still overthink and have this fear in my head all the time. Ik I’m not gay or anything else because I’ve only liked guys my whole life but then I have these intrusive thoughts come in and be like “omg what if your gay”. I think another factor about why it’s worse for me is because I’ve haven’t had a lot of experience with romance. I pray for people struggling with any type of ocd rather if it involves gender, sexuality, religion, violence, or anything else ocd does to us.

[@mactrammel]

im dealing with this at the moment and its the worst thing ive ever dealt with. I WILL however give you all a piece of advice that REALLY helps me. whenever i feel calm, which is normally in the shower, i always ask myself, would i want to be a woman? would i want to become trans, would i want to be a female, etc. and the answer is always 100 percent no. this is a compulsion, but it is actually helpful to me. Make sure when you do this that you are feeling calm and collected. so whenever i get anxious again or i get nervous, i tell myself "remember what you said when you were calm and thinking straight". you were confident in your answer and it brought you momentary peace. thats the key. when we get stressed and full of anxiety, we dont think straight because we have too much going on for our brains to process. Thats why these thoughts feel so real. this is super hard to get through but realize that if you wanted to be trans, it wouldnt be because of these thoughts. it would be because its what YOU want. and knowing that would make you happy. it would make you joyous and you would love the feeling. you wouldnt feel a bit upset (im definately not trans, no disrespect). it would feel liberating. i wish i could go back to a month and a half ago before dealing with ocd, and just be me again. i hate this. ive never even questioned who i am before, and if you wouldve asked me what i feel like before, i wouldve been able to give a confident answer and then blow it off as nothing. easy. simple. not with TOCD. it clouds my judgement and makes me unable to give an answer, when i know im a normal straight male and i love being just that. i first developed ROCD about a month ago, then POCD, then Harm OCD, then HOCD, now this. i just really hope that this isnt who i am. i love being me. i wish you all the best @OCD and Anxiety

[@marinavictoria9411]

Thank you for writing this hun, it's very helpful!! ❤ Life is so strange smh. 🙄

[@toilatrungkien-r4k]

same im dealing with it too its really distressing me

[@hellolol6424]

how are you now?

[@hellolol6424]

@@toilatrungkien-r4k how are you now?

[@toilatrungkien-r4k]

@@hellolol6424 its barely happen now but still a thing that annoy me all the time, hopefully you will get rid of it, goodluck

[@enimo9241]

I am a cis girl but I've always been tomboyish and this has been messing with me a lot recently, I have many things I have intrusive thoughts about and I go through phases of being stressed about one thing and then the next thing and so on

[@demapena629]

i relate to this sm. like i dont even know what i really want anymore and if its my ocd or my real personality. its messed up

[@starrynight669]

That's what happens to me too

[@Dusky-Bunn1e]

@@demapena629 Same, ive been really girly and such and it feels like now i’m living a lie or “i’m in denial”

[@jamakasi91]

So, today is 4th anniversary of the day when I fell down in depression over questioning gender. And for the last 4 years I don't think there was any moment in my day that I didn't think about what it means to be trans, whether or not I am trans and if I should transition. It all started about 2 months after I came out as gay, and one night a question popped into my mind "did I mistake being gay, and have I been woman all along?" It was devastating and it broke me. I fell into rabbit hole of questioning who I am, who I should be, whether I am trans or a gay guy who resents his feminine features. I did pretend to be straight male and I have built a identity around that role, but when gender question came up it was (and still is) the primary thing I think of during the day. It follows me everywhere I go, every moment of my day. Every question you mentioned in the video is literal description of my day to day life. And it only stops when I "surrender" and admit I am in fact transgender, but the moment i do that, I don't feel transgender and I say ok, so I am not trans, and obsessive thoughts rise again. Just like you said, while writing these words, I feel a relief that I am just a gay guy who has TOCD, but at the same time there is fear that this is just my attempt to deceive my self and that it's road to denial. I honestly feel so lost, but I am so glad that after 4 years I have come across this video that gave me an idea and at least possibility that what's happening to me is a OCD, rather than actual gender dysphoria. So thank you very much for this video!

[@deepikam7306]

How are u feeling now ?

[@owen3721]

I really liked what you said about admitting that your transgender and then not feeling that way once you make that "admittance" to yourself, only for the thoughts to start again. It's like your brain always wants to be at odds with yourself. The only true relief I've found is not to play the game. When you get a thought about being transgender, just allow it to "sit" in your head. Don't try to push it away or engage with it at all. Just allow it into your head. Also breathe deeply and intentionally relax the muscles in your shoulders. That really helps because from a neurological perspective, OCD is just a disorder of the brain, which is part of the nervous system, so if you physically relax your body, you also calm your mind.

[@KajolSahani-ol1nb]

How r u now

[@ilovekangtaehyvn]

Thank you for explaining this! I never thought about being trans until the pandemic and puberty hit. I've never been diagnosed with OCD but this video makes me think I have it!

[@speedyrafi7312]

hello i know i'm late but im here to share my story. I'm a 16 year old cisgender woman and i've been having intrusive thoughts on the daily. OCD is literally the worst. Its been three days since this category affected me. From a young age I ALWAYS remember myself feeling, acting and wanting everyone to view me as a female despite the fact that I was tomboy. Tomboy DOES NOT mean you are trans. Tomboys are usually young girls rejecting feminity because of the social media. First of all, I realised that this thought "What if im actually a boy and i have been living a lie?" is an Intrusive thought. What does that mean? That its automatic and NOT up to you which means that this thought DOES NOT mean anything at all, its not real. Whatever Intrusive thoughts you've been having will not manifest, but why? Because we don't put the will in them, they are not us and they are NOT based in reality. Now ive been suffering from OCD for the last three years but i remember i always found ways to ease these thoughts. Now with isolation its almost impossible but YOU WILL get through it. TOCD is something terrible and I wish NO ONE to have it. If you take time to think, you will realise that these thoughts are not your hidden desires, these thoughts DONT mean ANYTHING AT ALL. They are just there causing us great emotional distress. I have here some tips to ease these thoughts :D 1) Label these thoughts, as intrusive thoughts. They are automatic and not up to you. 2) Practice Mindfulness. For me personally meditation and exercise was helped me a lot to overcome my fears and triggers. 3) Know that this is the natural state of the mind. Our minds are full of thoughts, mental noise and once you accept that the easier it will be to let go. 4) Face them! No matter how big they are, no matter how real they feel. FACE YOUR FEARS. I believe in you, we can go through it. I wish you the happiest life

[@stevenclyde6280]

Very helpful comment thanks.

[@vbslikerr]

STOP THIS IS THE SAME THING GOING WITH ME I WAS A TOMBOY AS A KID BUT I NEVER WANTED TO BE A GUY but now with gender OCD i feel so lost like I can't even be confident your comment helped me so much i know I'm not alone thank you for sharing your experience and tips!!! I hope you are doing good right now

[@valy993]

This has switched from TOCD to "what if I am non binary" ....months ago I was a happy confident girl. Now I feel a robot and I have night terrors

[@shawty_c]

are you better

[@valy993]

@@shawty_c yes, I am. Now I've recovered completely

[@shawty_c]

@@valy993 thank you for replying :) and how long did it last and did you do therapy?

[@valy993]

@@shawty_c It lasted for about 10 months and I did all by myself watching Ali Greymond's videos on KZbin and following her suggestions

[@ultracringehandybookphile1252]

I'm a cis man and for the past week the feeling has been unbearable. Hope you're doing better! I will visit a specialist.

[@Angel-ip7pw]

Im transgender and have OCD, i have the opposite. Im always like maybe I was wrong? But then I remember how sad I was as a girl and how happy I am now. If you have trans OCD just remember that its ok. You aren’t transgender, I can assure you that when someone is transgender they react differently than what your going through.

[@dogboydove]

as a trans guy dealing with the same thing i can second this.

[@vsg9944]

Thanks guys

[@charlesroberson1387]

Yeah from what I read TOCD can be either which way: CIS terrified they’re secretly trans or vise versa. Thank you for making this comment, seeing both other cis folks and trans people having the same obsessive thoughts I have helps reassure me a bit.

[@ArjackDFT]

Has it gotten better? I'm currently going through it, and while there's plenty of Trans OCD help videos, there isn't really any for Cis OCD or reverse trans ocd i guess you could say, how are you doing now?

[@Angel-ip7pw]

@@ArjackDFT im doing ok. My OCDs been focused on other themes rn and my OCD lately hasnt been too bad. I found some more support for cis OCD on reddit not a lot, but you could try checking that out in the OCD subreddits. But at the end of the day all themes are the same, the treatment for any theme is the same ERP and CBT. Personally what I do for ERP is writing down my obsessions and fears on a piece of paper or typing it out as a suggestion so like “im going to detransition”, “i was wrong i am a girl” stuff like that you could try.

[@controlgaming8112]

Hey every one if you fear of being trans then you are not trans , you feel comfortabel with who you are you dont need to afride of changing your self and people who going through after hocd your just dealing with ocd in diffrent forms dont just afride

[@rachellashlee430]

I’ve never questioned my gender identity until a week ago when I dressed up as a boy for a TikTok trend, and now it’s plaguing my mind that I might a boy. I have always felt confident in my gender identity, I’ve never had dysmorphia, and wow I really needed this video.

[@rachellashlee430]

My brain has been telling me that I’m in denial about it, but I have always loved being a girl. Now I’m hyper aware of what I wear and say and do. I hate ocd

[@demapena629]

@@rachellashlee430 i have one thought thats like ‘what if i was a boy’ and then my brain is like ‘you are a boy’ and it doesnt let go and i have to keep on thinking about being a boy so i my thoughts stop. aside from the body dysmorphia, i was so confident with my femininity and masculinity before and i dont know what to think anymore

[@Dusky-Bunn1e]

@@rachellashlee430 Same here, if you wanna talk i’m here.

[@mashallaheinfachdiehubsche6203]

I've been questioning my gender for MONTHS now and I hate it.. I always liked being a girl and I still like it but my brain always tells me "but you're a boy" "but can a boy lIkE me do this?" "I hate my boobs" but 2 secs later I'm like "yeah I love my boobs, I love my body" I thought I was non binary for 6 months but I'm questioning again and again and I hate it its killing me I don't want to be a boy I don't want this I'm highly jealous of girls who never questioned their gender

[@demapena629]

has it gotten better?

[@mashallaheinfachdiehubsche6203]

@@demapena629 it did :D I still have the thoughts sometimes but I know that they're wrong and it's easier to get rid of them =)

[@demapena629]

@@mashallaheinfachdiehubsche6203 thats cool to know. i just want to go back to how i was before all this :)

[@lwt.faithinthefuture]

@@mashallaheinfachdiehubsche6203 Wie identifizierst du dich jetzt? Womit fühlst du dich wohl?

[@Dusky-Bunn1e]

@@demapena629 I just had a relapse :/

[@sara-ri8pv]

i cried while watching this video. i was so overwhelmed because i've been feeling like this for the past days and i've hearing these words was so reassuring. i've never experienced any type of intrusive thoughts but a few days ago idk what triggered this but i've been having them for days literally all day. i'm scared because my mind keeps telling me i'm something that deep down i know i'm not and that makes me so incredibly uncomfortable. i personally identify as non binary and use she/they pronouns and my mind referring to itself using he/him pronouns makes me nauseous and gives me chills. i just hope one day i'm going to feel better but i have to say this video helped me so much already so thank you so much.

[@iluvmydoggo]

hey! we can talk? i don't know how you're feeling today but i wish i could talk about it with someone who's also witnessing this he/him thing...thank you!!!

[@jamhyla1212]

hi!! I wanted to know how you're doing now? its comforting to know im not the only one dealing with this I just want to know if it'll end. hope all is well

[@demapena629]

i think the ‘he/him’ kept coming at me because i was a more masc than fem girl and i was always wary about the trans thing bc every time i saw a trans person on my fyp my brain kept on telling me im trans just because i was always seen as ‘manish’ and didnt get the chance to explore my real identity

[@krishnasahani1604]

​@@demapena629how r u now dear ru feeling better

[@juno9774]

It's crazy because I've been struggling with this for two days, I was literally thinking about it non stop I was literally shaking with fear, I started feeling horrible, I was questioning my whole life, not feeling like myself. Then I watched this video and read these comments and felt immediately better about what's happening to me. So my anxiety went down and yesterday I was able to get my mind of this, certain that it wasn't gender dysphoria. But when I woke up, I was not feeling as much anxiety about that topic (after discovering it's OCD's) but now I'm getting anxious of not feeling anxious????? I know I'm not anxious because I know that it is OCD but my mind keeps telling me "maybe you're not feeling anxious because maybe you really feel like a man and you accepted the idea"??? And I don't know what to do. Feeling relieved that's it is OCD, lowered my anxiety, but the fact that my anxiety isn't as high as yesterday makes me believe I really have gender dysphoria! It's terrible I really feel so weird about myself 😭 I know I'm not as nervous because I know it isn't gender dysphoria but what if I'm not as nervous because I accepted the idea of being trans???? I hate my mind. I know I'm a woman but my mind keeps telling me maybe not and now I don't feel as nervous when it happens. And I'm trying to figure out if is it because I watched this video and I'm relieved or if it's because the idea of being trans isn't scaring me like yesterday. It's like I actually WANT to feel scared. Is it normal of not feeling scared about it anymore? I'm literally scared of not feeling scared. I hate my mind.

[@juno9774]

It probably means that I'm healing and that this OCD is slowly going away? I hope it means that because I really want to stay a girl

[@emilieelmore]

I’ve felt the exact same way. Obsessive thoughts are jealous of logic. As soon as you find a logical reasoning as to why your thoughts are not true, the obsessive thoughts are gonna find away to rip apart your logic. Just know that they are just thoughts and they are not necessarily true. Try to keep yourself busy to get your mind off of it

[@riimas995]

I know what you feel like i have the same situation right now and I don’t know what to do my head keeps telling me you want to be a man but ive never wanted to be

[@tblmoon]

I relate to this so much

[@lwt.faithinthefuture]

backdoor spikes ocd. Please look it up!

[@Shadow77999]

Man this guy oozes pure calmness and love, he should let his hair grow and call himself jesus christ lmao

[@jeanalisson]

I just found out about this concept and I'm shocked to read the comments and see this many people who are going through what I've been feeling for the past weeks. I've been trying to unpack this constant anxiety in therapy, but could never really get it into words. Thank you so much for the video. 🙏

[@emmay2932]

Interesting video. For a few months now, I've been thinking I might be trans. The conclusion I came up with was also, "Maybe, maybe not". I allowed myself early on to be right or wrong, and to allow myself to change my mind. I see it as a gentle exploration, which gets rid of any anxiety surrounding exploration. This also works for people who do turn out to be transgender after exploration. Everyone wins if they remove the obsessive and compulsive components.

[@skreemixles5344]

this is something i believe im struggling from, yesterday i was sitting looking in the mirror and i thought, "my body doesnt look very masculine." (I'm a very tall and scrawny 14 year old boy) and thats what triggered this, i was sent into a state of irrational fear. I don't want to be trans, i've always been happy being a boy. I mean, I've always had thoughts where i'd go "Hm, i think it would be cool to be a girl, just for one day." But thats never bothered me. Now I'm terrified by thoughts like that. I've always been attracted to women, but i've never wanted to be one. Since this started, i haven't been attracted to women. i can barely stand to look at them. This is the same with men who have very big muscles and are very masculine looking. I don't want to be transgender, i don't want to transition. I'm confused.

[@beckysberries4441]

I’ve had the same thoughts(but for me it was wondering what it would be like as a boy for a day) and it never bothered me either but now it freaks me out so much it makes me stomach hurt

[@ilhanaali]

Bruh, as an adult imma tell ya. What you are going through is normal and you will like that for awhile cause that is what growing pains are. Some pplz bodies develop late and some early. Dont trip youngin, everyone your age is uncomfortable in their bodies, and their just better at hidding it, that's all. You will grow into your body and until then respect it, nothing last forever. Dont obsess so much cause your body is gonna change so much by time your 25. Enjoy the process of becoming a man, youre till a child and dont worry about things you cant control. I seen short dudes develop late and become tallest dudes by time they were in 12th grade. And I seen scrawny kids before muscular too. Respect the process and eat healthy and muscles are not built over night fam. Keep ya head up and have a health out look about yourself.

[@hironakamuraantonioismyrea8114]

I am so sorry for you for me it started last week just after turninf 19. I cant imagine going trhought this at 14. For me it came with porn addiction that started since I was younger than you. One day I just imagined I was a girl in a video and after that i questioned myself looked for stories and trans forums and I fell in a hole. I hate the idea of becoming trans

[@carloscupo6477]

I am a boy and I've never felt uncomfortable about my gender, I never had problems about being called with my male name. Because I'm italian I've never had problem about using male adjectives, I have never had problems about peeing standing up and I hate making up. By the way I was scrolling my instagram broad and I found out a video called "Are you trans? (Here the answer)", and then a question started blowing up my mind, and I started questioning if I could be. Before that I think I had a form of homosexual odc, and just after a few months I realized that I like girls. Now I am really afraid about the odd that I could find myself as a transgender in the future, and there are moments when I think about something else where I say " I am a boy". When I'm talking to my mother o to my friends i always say things like "Sono stanco" (male way to say I am tired), Sono seduto (male way to say I am sitting down) and so on. I read about dysphoria and that's something I have never felt. Even if I already have the answer to this question, my brain is always looking for a stronger one. I do think this is going to disappear like the last one. Thank you for reading and for giving me some advices. I'll do what you said, and see what happens

[@carloscupo6477]

@@Bluecatwing my ocd is goin away xd

[@mactrammel]

@@carloscupo6477 howd you do it

[@carloscupo6477]

@@mactrammel just say to yourself "I can decide to be anything I want, if I want to identify myself as gay, bi, trans, straight, cis, so I do and I don't need targets"

[@aravind6891]

Same plese help me....how to get out from this

[@yuvarajraj3171]

@@aravind6891 hello bro hope ur good. Try to consult a pshycatrist u will be completely alright.

[@beckysberries4441]

I’m so scared, I used to think I was so happy being a girl and I wanted to look like other girls and I was glad that I was 100% sure about 1 thing in my life(because I’m questioning like everything else because of OCD)But now I’m so unsure. I’m pretty sure I have body dysmorphia which is making this so much more confusing. I never thought that being a boy would make me feel better until I started developing TOCD, now I’m scared that if I was a boy that maybe the dysmorphia would be gone(especially because my boobs are one of the things I hate the most). I just feel so sick right now, I think this might be real and not just OCD

[@0deszuh111]

Same i thought im the only one. Its gut wrenching tbh

[@beckysberries4441]

@Suave Julius I would probably definitely want to be a girl. One time before this was really a theme of mine, I was thinking about like life after life(like if after this life we just start new lives)and I was thinking that would be pretty cool, except I remember specifically thinking that I wouldn’t want to be a guy and wishing I could just be a girl every time. But that was before this was really a worry of mine so I sometimes go back to that thought to try and prove to myself that I literally was thinking that I would rather be a girl, but after using it to reassure myself so much it kinda doesn’t help anymore

[@Matenrose]

I used to tell myself that if I'm panicking, if it makes me uncomfortable, and if I'm freaking out then it must be OCD. I don't have TOCD but I have had OCD issues in general and looking at it that way feels like when it comes down to it, it's all just OCD. When you give into OCD by doing things the OCD controls you to do you feel "relief" but it's temporary relief and ultimately you want to do what Nathan said in the video when it comes to dealing with OCD.

[@beckysberries4441]

@@Matenrose Yeah my problem tho is that a lot of the time I can’t tell if I like it or not, if that makes sense. Like when I get caught up in the anxiety and my brain is trying so hard to make me think I enjoy it the more I think I do, and that my stomach hurting or other uncomfortable feelings are me just not wanting to like it and being in denial. But I’m not really struggling with TOCD anymore, I finally realized it wasn’t true, too bad I have another theme now that’s even worse lmao

[@hellolol6424]

@@beckysberries4441 how are u feeling now?

[@CherOnFlare]

it makes me feel so unvalid as a women i’ve always loved being a women and now my ocd is being a bitch

[@alr.3137]

It's impossible to prove or disprove anything to the OCD. The whole human experience is 'messy', and OCD demands certainty where nothing is fully certain. We all go outside in this crazy world, trying to make the best of it. Accept that you don't know, that you can never know - and try to accept and live in the moment.

[@maverickmondala4845]

I’ve been suffering from this for 6 months and it’s been literal hell. it literally erupted out of the blue out of nowhere and i couldn’t get it off my mind ever since. i’ve always been okay being a boy and like men’s fashion and such. hell i’m even gay and i want to be in a boy/boy relationship! but these thoughts won’t stop and i can’t think straight or even know what’s right or wrong anymore. there are times where it gets better and there are times where it gets worse. there are just random compulsions to think things abt just giving into the thoughts and it scares me knowing it’s been going on for so long that sometimes i think “what if these thoughts aren’t ocd, but it’s the truth...” and i just fall down a dark hole. can someone please tell me if what i’m feeling is normal?!

[@dariusstan8993]

hi, im in the same situation, what really helps me is talking to my friends, my parents, my therapist.

[@duynguyenkhanh1232]

Hey. Do u have insta, I really need somebody’s to share with plss

[@diyasingh1923]

@@duynguyenkhanh1232 Hey, even i am going through the same. I also want to share my thought so if you wanna talk about it, please text

[@fal8111]

i hate this so much. i used to be comfortable with being a girl and now dealing with this makes it so hard. ive dealt with this for months and i just wish i didn’t deal with it in general. anything and everything triggers me like yesterday i was typing on my computer and i accidentally typed ft then i automatically thought ftm (female to male) and my mind was like “you’re a boy” and omg i haven’t stopped thinking about it since. now when i see some guys im like “maybe i want to be them” when i don’t!!! i want to be a girl. i like being a girl. it scares me that i could be in denial but im not. idk if any of this makes sense but i just needed to rant. i genuinely wish this wasn’t a thing. nobody deserves to go through this :/ it angers and frustrates me and i just wish this was out of my mind and anyone else who deals with this. im only 17. i dont want to deal with this

[@isabeau407]

agreed. i absolutely hate this. i keep getting the intrusive “you want to be like him” and it sucks

[@fal8111]

@@isabeau407 it really does suck

[@isabeau407]

@@fal8111 seriously. if you’re attracted to men, do you find yourself terrified that you’re not attracted, but rather want to be him or something? it’s hard because it feels good to find a man attractive but i worry this “good” feeling is really somehow jealousy or something. ughh.

[@fal8111]

@@isabeau407 i definitely thought i responded to this sooner 😭 but i completely get what you’re saying. i cant look at men without thinking i want to be him when i don’t. my mind always goes “do you like him or do you want to be him? you most likely want to be him” and it’s incredibly frustrating

[@isabeau407]

@@fal8111 yes it’s soo frustrating. i have to avoid them altogether or else i can’t stop thinking about it 😭

[@sabi5787]

I'm so glad that I'm not the only person who is going through this thing, i thought I was the only one, i always identify as a girl and all those girly things and I always be happy about that, but one day I was watching some tik toks and I started to thought many things that I never thought, i was so uncomfortable with all those thoughts, i didn't feel free or something like that, something that I wanna say is that I have always been happy that people are as they really are and feeling free, and when those thoughts came to me it was a very strong feeling of anxiety, I felt uncomfortable, something strange since I had never had them before, there was a time that they disappeared, I think that when they disappear is when I feel pretty wearing the clothes that make me feel good, when I am with my friends or my family all that's thoughts are gone, but when I'm alone sometimes they are back and that makes me feel bad, if you're going through to this, you're not alone, ily.

[@ocdandanxiety]

Thank you for sharing your story and helping someone else not feel alone 😊

[@shivangagarwal123]

I dont know know but i am not feeling anxiety and this is causing me more trouble if i like this things or not please help

[@anafigueiredo2200]

yes!!! me too!! I've even looked for my past to see if I ever wanted to be a boy and the answer was always "no" but my brain always wants to say "heeey it's not 'no', it's 'yes' even tho you never wanted to be a man!" and seeing all those tiktoks of people finding out they are trans later in life and didn't question when they were kids and my brain is like "seeee you must be transgender" even tho the idea of me being a man just... doesn't feel right! i don't feel like myself, I don't feel free!! but it's forcing me to be ok with the idea of changing into a male even tho I don't want to! I have no desire to, I think it's more of a curiosity! but since I thought about "huh... maybe I'm a male?" I've been feeling very masculine and I don't like that! I want to feel like myself, I want to feel more feminine!!

[@Dusky-Bunn1e]

@@anafigueiredo2200 I know exactly how you feel. Except it’s made me just feel like i don’t know who i am anymore, and that it must mean i want my thoughts since i’m not resisting. It also gives me disturbing mental images and tries to see how i react, and if i don’t react, my brain goes “SEE YOURE IN DENIAL, YOURE MASKING.”

[@anafigueiredo2200]

@@Dusky-Bunn1e same!!! it just makes me feel like I'm going insane

[@sofivalvar]

I want to f*ing cry. This is what I'm going through. Thank you so much, I thought I was the only freak who wanted to ruin their own life.

[@dollified]

i'm sorry you had to go through that. how are you now?

[@lilythelily6018]

I felt that I was the only girl too, nice to know i' not alone

[@g.kourilo533]

I have the opposite situation - I'm a transgender guy who afraid he may be a cisgender (normal) girl. Early I've been struggling with HOCD, Existential OCD and other types of this horrible disorder. And I have a little advice for you, who are reading it right now: prevent your obsessions from ruining your life. Because all obsessions of your fear of being trans are starting from your own mistrust to yourself and your feelings. I started feel anxiety when I had come out as trans to my mother and then she laughed at me and said that I can't be a boy. And this story taught me that all people think they know our feelings better then ourselves. But it's not true. NO ONE CAN TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE EXCEPT YOU. As a trans man I often have to face with people who think I'm a poser or I'll regret my transitioning, but who really knows better: me, who have lived many years with gender dysphoria, or my obsessions, which appear as a result of mine mistrust to my personality? If I choose the second variant, I'll admit that I don't respect myself. Don't repeat my mistakes. No matter, how do your obsessions appear, but they are always result of your mistrust to yourself. Don't listen anybody and just be yourself. It's the best advice I can you give as a person whose dream is living a usual healthy life. P. S. Thanks to the author. Good luck to you in your activity. You really make this world better, I sure.

[@ArjackDFT]

It's so nice to see another trans guy here. Transgender OCD videos are majority aimed at cis people, it feels lonely. I hope you're doing alright man, maybe you'll never read this comment, but trans brothers forever 💪

[@g.kourilo533]

@@ArjackDFT thanks a lot! You too

[@nuisance1114]

Whenever i ask myself if am trans i panic so much ✌🏼😃 I'm literally crying rn But I don't think I have TOCD or any type or OCD I think I'll better ask my parents to go to therapy just to make sure tho Thanks :) Edit: Holy shit wait you are literally describing me, like I really ask myself those questions about 5 times a week

[@ilovekangtaehyvn]

omg i get everything you just said. I'm going through the same exact thing

[@kayy0kovlogs67]

Do intrusive thoughts ever go away? Because I have them every other moment of the day and without the means of being able to get professional help, I fear that I wont be able to last much longer nor do I want to anyhow. I've been doing research on how to help myself too btw but I really cant do it alone. I'm simply exhausted and disgusted with myself as a human being. Idk anymore.

[@emilieelmore]

I recommend that you get help because your thoughts are not just gonna magically go away but if you can’t get help my best advice Is to just go about your day as normal and keep your self busy. It’s probably the last thing that you want to do right now but it will get your mind off of what you are thinking about. Try meditating, coloring while listening to music, going for walks, playing with your pets, or hanging out with/calling a friend. These are all things that my therapist told me to do and they helped me so I hope you find them helpful too. Also stop seeking for reassurance because it’s not gonna get you anywhere. As soon as you feel that you have the right answer, your just gonna have a bunch more doubts a few minutes or seconds later and it’s just gonna make things worse. Plus if these thoughts your having were real they wouldn’t be causing you so much stress and you would probably be a lot more sure of it. Trust me as soon as I started doing these things I felt a lot better. There are also a lot of online therapy services like better help. Although they are not substitutes for real therapy they can help.

[@ivanignacio7209]

It is not directly about a theme, but watching this guys videos about anxiety and ocd have helped me a lot just to be more relax and to understand how our brain works. Just give a try: kzbin.info/www/bejne/ppTUqKaAgpx3l5Y

[@dariusstan8993]

try talking to a friend, to someone you trust

[@macie-maex895]

Yes they do!! But PLEASE when ever you have a man intrusive thought please don’t ruminate on it and you need to except that the thought is there and just let . It. Go

[@ihaveanopiniongetoverit7664]

I would talk to someone about it, find coping mechanisms and eventually it’ll just be normal for you

[@idkwhattonamethis50]

These have been the longest months of my life. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety disorder for a really long time but never realized I had ocd till last summer. I had my first “ocd attack” after seeing a video of this person saying they wanted to be a man sometimes. Now, I have been comfortable labeling as a woman my whole life. I was born female and I love everything about it. I love makeup and I love doing my hair. I’ve always been extremely supportive of the trans community but have never doubted my identity once until I saw that video. I had so many thoughts and my brain would never shut up. It got to the point where I woke up in the morning and felt like I didn’t know who I was. I felt like I had lost myself because I couldn’t understand what was going on. I did the wrong thing and went to google as my last resort. I ended up confusing my uncomfort with denial and became a mess. I’ve begun therapy since then and have been helped a lot. But I needed help with exposure and response and this has helped so much. THANK YOU!!!

[@icyjiub2228]

I love going to the grocery store and having my brain go: "EGG EGG EGG YOU'RE AN EGG YOU'RE LYING TO YOURSELF EGG" Over and over. I fucking hate it. OCD loves anything where there's some social predisposition towards denial. Denying you're ______.

[@mayramerino1607]

I've had a similar experience as you- glad to know I'm not the only one! I've always identified as a girl (girly my friends would describe me) and I would buy clothes that I liked such as dresses and crop tops. Even wanted bigger breasts as other girls. And I've heard about the topics of trans but didn't feel anything and I was supportive. Out of nowhere one day, I saw a video talking about coming out and someone came out as trans and ever since I felt tense and anxious. My thoughts were like "what if?" And ever since I felt like I lost myself and scared and it led me to depression over the months :/ . My favorite color was blue and ever since the thought and if I were like a blue cardigan my mind thinks "if you are wearing blue, does it mean you are trans?" And I get anxious. I even cry a lot about it because this theme is destroying my life. I have Generalized Anxiety disorder too btw.

[@bella-ey9ii]

@@mayramerino1607 hey! Sorry you’re going through this. :( How do you feel when it comes to wearing clothes or makeup? I’m also struggling with this it’s honestly ruined my life

[@anafigueiredo2200]

@@mayramerino1607 yess!!! me too!! and I sit with my thoughts a lot just to see how I feel and the answer is "absolutely not! I do not want to change!" but then it comes the "but what if you really want to and you're just masking?" and then I get anxious again and I cry a lot! I even tried on man's clothes and I started crying because I felt so ugly and uncomfortable! I started to lose myself! I started researching and researching and came to the thought "yhea maybe you're trans" and then started to panic because I don't want to be trans! I've never had issues with my gender and even now after reading all these comments and being like "yessss exactly!!! I feel like this!!!" my brain still thinks "do you? or are you just faking it to not accept the truth?" and I just go in this cycle again and again and again! "well if you like sports then you may be a boy!" "if you're not into many girly things, you must be a boy!" "oh you're feeling very masculine now? you must be a boy!" with all these thoughts I started to doubt myself and to feel masculine and that feeling just disgusts me!! I hate it!

[@dollified]

i've been feeling like this for the pas month, first they were thoughts wondering “are you a man?” but now the thoughts are saying “what if you're non-binary” it was horrible thinking about this all day and just analyzing everything i do to make sure that i'm not having that experience. this makes me judge my memories, dreams and my behavior all day and it’s exhausting, i always been confident with who i am and never felt uncomfortable with feminine stuff or pronouns or being labeled as a woman/girl bc that's how i feel but at the same time my brain just makes me think i'm just hiding it and now if i see something related to trans people i get anxious and think what if that's how I feel, it is horrible to feel like this but i have hope

[@Thatoneswimmernamedr-lh5vv]

But then I’m not uncomfortable in my body!! It’s just these thoughts ruin everything

[@soleneguyot7041]

I have hocd and tocd for 2 years. It feels like hell. Now, it’s not strong as it used to be but it’s just so anoying and stressfull. I only feel myself when I dream or when I am drunk: I feel like a normal girl

[@juliam2049]

Youre not alone, when im calm i dont worry but im rarely calm....so that doesnt help

[@julias9553]

@@juliam2049 heey guys, can i talk to you about this? I'm passing through the same

[@julias9553]

@@parthsingh1876 heeeyy I'm very good, still have some thoughts but veeeeery veery little

[@julias9553]

@@parthsingh1876 yesss i had both

[@julias9553]

@@parthsingh1876 sure! Do you have Snapchat or Instagram?

[@lilythelily6018]

Thank you for this video, OCD has been killing me this 3 weeks. I 13 Femele never been a particular feminine girl, always been more on the tomboy spectrum, OCD started 3 weeks ago and It was my every waking tought I wanted to stop those toughts in anyway I cuold, even by killing myself. It didn't help that I questioned my gender Identity before and that I knew a lot of stories of Lesbian tomboys who turned out to be TransMasc. As a kid I was even pround of being femele I couldt wait to get my first period, and reading stories about women who made it big and wanting to be like them. OCD for me was this voice that I couldn't stop and that was always like " You want to marry a women and be like the bread winner so that means you want to be a men" " You are just in denaial" " You know that live as a male is better so you want be like them" "You don't waer dresses so you are a male" "Did u remeber that time you pretended to be male as a joke..." and things like that. I found out just a few days ago and I felt like I cuold breath again: OCD is still here but it felt nice to know that this is just a disaise and I'm not Trans, I'm now trying fighting it but there are its ups and dows, but I'm looking positive to be OCD free one day!

[@taylenthompson5717]

omg im 13 and female and i am literally going through everything you just mentioned this just made me feel sm less alone!! i hope ur well 💕

[@krishnasahani1604]

How r u now dear

[@krishnasahani1604]

​@@taylenthompson5717how r u now dear same here i understand your pain

[@lilythelily6018]

@@krishnasahani1604 well i' definatly better. I know what it is and I k ow how to handle it now. Still tho trans ocd pop up sometimes and it still kinds of has me you know. Guess I'm just scared of not being a girl ,I don't want to be male tho,I mean it's weird to explain but sometimes I get scared that i'm not a girl because i'm bot pretty enough.

[@britneydavies7313]

I am straight! I have a boyfriend who I am very attracted to and I have never even thought about trans until recently I get intrusive images and thoughts and my mind chatters making out that I am, although I don’t want to be and know I’m not!! This is very frustrating and I have also had gay thoughts, my mind is saying “I’m gay” when I know I’m not ! It’s so tiring trying to convince my self I’m not, I even feel weird looking in the mirror even going shopping for clothes, please someone help.. If anything I want to be more girly but I can’t help but think if I am or not

[@clumsyme179]

I think we have HOCD and Tocd at same time

[@Anonymous44559]

Girl pls contact me!!

[@aubreyanderson9488]

@@Anonymous44559 wait can I contact you pls 😂😭💔

[@parthsingh1876]

@@clumsyme179please reply Anushka sufferings from same thing

[@brickinapresent]

This video literally describes exactly what i am going through and was going through the past month. I do not think you will ever know how much this video means to me

[@AllDayArcade]

Is anyone else afraid that we are all in denial and using OCD as a crutch for resurrance? Like everyone in this comment section is actually trans in denial and we are trying to lie to each other? Also does anyone else get a weird false euphoria feeling like a tingling behind their mouth when they do something the opposite gender would do?

[@mel0675]

Yes. To every single question lol. I’m worried I’m in denial whenever the thoughts pop up and I don’t get the tingling sensations in my mouth but other parts of the body like last night it was my arms and my chest.

[@AllDayArcade]

@@mel0675 it sucks so much! i feel disconnected from myself, but sometimes I'll do something masculine nad get a rush of euphoria. but then, my brain tells me, i am faking it. fml

[@xeesro2500]

R u good now

[@MaksadbekFayzullaev]

Brooooooo for reaaaal. It feels like a denial, sometimes I question what if I really want to be opposite gender and it feels like I would be okay but I dont want to feel these feelings and the next question comes in but you have these feelings so whats the difference between denial and ocd, people in denial also dont want to be trans and have feelings thats why they are in denial and this literally makes me think everyrhing again and i ruminate 24/7

[@Jpjohnnyp]

I used to struggle with TOCD. I'm a crossdresser/cosplayer and I'm not exactly a "man's man", so this theme slipped in quite deeply when I began to question. I just watched this because I'm glad that this theme is being addressed more. It does sound simple, but it was a bit hard at first. After reading about OCD, I told myself to live normally despite the thoughts and just observe them as they pass by. Do the things you want to do despite the thoughts. And if something is *especially* something that reminds me of the theme, then really do that, just as the video mentioned. I also ended up accepting and agreeing with my thoughts which was basically the finishing blow to this thing. Thankfully for me my form ERP was basically my hobby and each time I looked in the mirror I would feel even better about myself.

[@Giga_Chad0]

Bro ,how are you now?

[@Jpjohnnyp]

@@Giga_Chad0 I actually forgot I had this problem lol. In regards to that, I pretty much over come it. I do recall having had some thoughts, but that's all they are now. Without any fixation or doubts, it's just like random noise and fades away. I still like dressing up and have still dressed up without worries.

[@Giga_Chad0]

@@Jpjohnnyp do u consult any psychologist?

[@Zelly2001]

@@Jpjohnnyp gives me hope thanks

[@maxlawless3520]

Hey man, can I just ask. How did you accept the thoughts? Was there a phrase you used?

[@focuseagle6874]

Hello everyone, my name is Jake and I'm 23. First of all, I want to say this video is extremely helpful, OCD or not, to get some more insight into this disorder and theme. When I was a child, I used to have "pulsions" of seeing myself hurting my family or, my family being quite religious, fearing of going to hell because of my thoughts. You can tell me if it sounds like OCD or not while replying to my comment, I have never been diagnosed so I wouldn't really know. For the last 6 months or so I have been going through something similar to Trans OCD. Lately, it's been going on okay (less terrible at least) since I am getting some supportive and positive thoughts into my head other than these intrusive ones. But it all started once I had thoughts after watching a video about trans people and GRS of "you're a woman". This really got me into this anxious habit and at some times it would get worse as at night I would see myself as a female brain in a male body and be just terrified and telling myself okay now I have to have GD right ? It was and still is quite stressful but like I said I am challenging myself to enjoy the present despite those thoughts by telling myself positive affirmations regardless of gender or mind/body connection. it helps a little. I just wanted to share my story and hope people with identify with it, not mainly for me but for you to know you're not alone whatever it is you're going through. You are WORTH everything and happiness. But most importantly you are a BEAUTIFUL and WONDERFUL SOUL who will get through this. We all are and will. And whatever it is, you deserve SELF-LOVE and LOVE in general in case you might doubt it. Stay healthy and safe you guys and remember there are lots of people with you. I personally told my Dad about it and it has sorta helped, probably has no idea what I'm dealing with but at least I can confide in him. I'm here if you want to talk as well, feel free to send me a reply to this comment if you need to talk. We are stronger than our fears guys and we deserve to do things out of self-love. Take good care of yourself, Lots of love, Jake.

[@beardedlady1586]

I was born male, when I feel feminine in some way I feel happy. Whether that be hanging out with female friends, doing a traditionally feminine activity or even using apps to look more feminine. Does anyone with trans-ocd feel that way?

[@rubbygarlicson1048]

Being transgendender means you want to identify and live as the opposite gender. Doing feminine things doesn't mean you are transgender

[@mrmalcolmmrmalcolm9016]

People may look at this video and laugh at it but this is no laughing matter. This is the latest theme going on with me right now with my OCD, and although you get relieved finding out that you're really not trans at all. It's like your mind makes it a reality, and it gives you a lot of anxiety because you are saying to yourself I really hope I'm not trans but it's like you get all the feelings that trans people actually get such as not feeling comfortable in the right body you're more conscious of people calling you by your rightful pronouns, and the whole night everything you imagine what a trans person goes through tocd can literally do that to you. Now of course you don't have the true feelings of a transgender person it's just your mind is telling you that you are.

[@clumsyme179]

My life is the worst.HOCD and Tocd at same time

[@79464f]

Exactly

[@rubenuron5397]

hey men, can we talk?

[@rubenuron5397]

so its normal to not feel comfortable in our body with the theme?, i was completely fine with my body till this theme popped up

[@lai8457]

@@rubenuron5397 I relate to this. Before I discovered what this was I was starting to believe I didn’t like my body when for literal months I thought I was the sexiest person ever and felt confident. So it is normal in regards to suffering from this theme.

[@samwolff4719]

I’m a 16 yo boy and I just started dealing with TOCD a week ago. It’s made me question everything about myself, and though I haven’t gotten a formal diagnosis yet, I have Tourette’s and have had intrusive thoughts that is likely pure o for years and suffered from POCD before. I have never questioned my gender identity before this, and I never thought about wearing women’s clothing. I keep repeating all of these meaningless phrases inside my head, like female and male, and pronouns, as well as asking for reassurance from my parents. I also have intrusive thoughts about my genitalia being different and repeatedly check to see if I still feel the same way about it. It’s making me want to withdraw and I’ve experienced a few back door spikes already. It all started in one moment where everyone was asked to share pronouns and it snowballed. It’s been causing me to get half as much sleep as usual and it’s messing with me. So nice to see I’m not alone

[@samwolff4719]

I had been reading a lot about gender beforehand (months before this started) but it was always from a male point of view and it was n an attempt to vindicate men, in a way. Now I have words running through my head 24/7 and it makes me think I might be trans. I’d never had many friends male or female until this year but all my friends now are guys. I have a reaction to he him pronouns and terms like man that I never had before and they aren’t super positive. I had intrusive thoughts of me having a vagina for the first week which has faded. Now I have to say she her in my head on repeat but I’ve said words like that in my mind so it fits a pattern

[@femmanemma]

Hey, I’m a 15 year old girl with the same problem. Everything you just said i can relate to and it’s so stressful, I always try different pronouns to see what I like more but I don’t know what I like because if I find something I like my intrusive thoughts say “but what if you don’t like it?” I’ve always been so comfortable in myself and known exactly who I’m and now I feel completely loss and I’m sad almost all the time. I’ve also had POCD and weird sexual intrusive thoughts. If I like a fictional man or think they have good style I think I want to be a boy and it’s stressing me out. I know you wrote this a month ago and I hope you’re better, I just wanted you to know that you’re definitely not alone.

[@lwt.faithinthefuture]

@@femmanemma Going though the same thing, just that I don't want to experiment with pronouns for now. I used to go by she/her and then by she/they but it just felt wrong, so I went back to she/her and that's what I've always felt comfortable with until now that I hsve started experiencing tocd. It's literal hell :(

[@femmanemma]

@@lwt.faithinthefuture yeah, it’s very hard and distressing to go through this but you’re not alone :)

[@owen3721]

@@aubreyanderson9488 Im a 20 year old guy going on 21. I'm in the thick of it rn because that's how life with OCD goes: sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse. But I've had periods where I felt fine for weeks to months. Getting consistent sleep is incredibly important. Most people don't get enough sleep. To get enough sleep, you must be physically in bed somewhere between 9-10 hours per night. No one does this though. Start going to bed at the same time every night. Also, practice deep-breathing meditation, ideally in a dark room to calm your mind. Also, schedule a wind-down for your screens for at least an hour before bed, because blue-light messes with your circadian rhythm. I should be taking my own advice as I'm writing this.

[@r0tting_c0rpseee]

Im scared because i get these thpughts about it and it makes me worry because i dont want to change my gender and then its like my brains trying to trick me into thinking i am or im gonna be one then when my anxiety goes down i become scared when i make scenarios like what if i dont be one right now but become one in the future. Im scared please help me

[@lexidash6620]

Same

[@joao-jw8hb]

oh my god this is literally the worst thing ever, it's fucking heartbreaking just thinking about the same thing all day, all time, Im not able to have a normal life anymore, it's fucking sad. I've never thought about being a girl or whatever but things like me playing with barbies at age 3, or dressing dresses by age me 5, not be able to talk, havng serious social phobya, me being a tiny boy, it all helps with my tocd... it's so heartbreaking not being able to think about your future, or can't enjoy the present, I just wish I could have a different day, I just feel like i'm livong the same day for years

[@Livingwithrocd]

I know logically I have OCD as it has bounced from health ocd to hocd now to tocd. But the fear I could be wrong scares the shit out of me. Truthfully I do feel lost but its probably because the OCD makes me disassociate with who I really am.

[@charlesroberson1387]

Same, I don’t have an official OCD diagnosis so that worries me, even though all throughout my adolescence I had a sometimes debilitating obsession with the fear that I had cancer, also had the fear I was going bald for at least a year. Now this. All my compulsions involved frequently checking myself in the mirror, although for carrying reason depending on the compulsion.

[@shawty_c]

@@charlesroberson1387 not having an official diagnosis for ocd doesn’t mean anything, if you have the symptoms it’s ocd. You don’t need another individual to tell you you do to be sure.

[@shawty_c]

SAME I HAD TJOSE THREE IN THE SAME ORDER

[@charlesroberson1387]

@@shawty_c I skipped the HOCD part but otherwise same. I wonder if there's a common comorbidty with health OCD and sexual prefference and identity OCD.

[@Anonymous44559]

Hey girl please drop your insta!!!

[@chaoarecool]

Been dealing with this for 2years now. Never questioned myself my whole life then boom one thought and my life has been derailed

[@ThePolyArtist]

Hope your doing okay recommend seeing a therapist seriously will help it helped me

[@thebookof5rings]

for me it’s non-binary OCD, i’ve has transgender OCD before and overcome that but i’ve never heard of non binary OCD but i may be suffering from it. i’m a 17 year old boy and deal with internalised homophobia so that could play a part but i’m having doubts whether i like my facial hair or my deep voice or not. i’ve always liked body hair and always had it since a kid but since i was like 15 i was always scared of like growing up in the fear that i will realise i don’t identify as a guy anymore. that’s around when my TOCD started. my thoughts are that identified as a guy in my childhood but as i started going thru puberty and whatnot then in scared i’ll no longer feel like a male and i’ve had this fear of growing up. and what’s also distressing as guy i don’t like the look of big/medium muscles on guys or bodybuilders but my friends are obsessed with it. I’ve had a little body dysmorphia as a result and im just scared i’ll end up on one of those like 100 genders or non binary or something. my counsellor said that it could be because im going thru adjustments, my voice broke in one day and i like it but then again i have doubts. i’m having doubts that i don’t like how tall i am even tho i don’t want to be short, and for some reason i’ve never wanted to be 6 foot or more even tho basically every guy would want to be so that makes me have doubts again. scared someone is going to tell me your not male

[@michaelcueva530]

Reading other peoples struggled with TOCD particularly males (because I'm a male myself), maybe I think I do have TOCD, but it hust scares me shitless when intrusive thoughts like being the one being penetrated during sex scares me shitless, or having thoughts of seeing a beautiful woman and wanting to take it a step further and become like her scares me to death too. I feel you brother. I really do hope to God that we can all become men again. That our masculinity be healed and mended so that its stronger than ut ever was.

[@aprilm8923]

Im suffering with this right now …. I had super bad anxiety the whole week it would mess with me every day and even at night in my sleep . The reason it came at me at first is because I was questioning my sexuality , I was like “am I a lesbian? But I’ve always known that I like men and women” I was scared to look like a masc lesbian and stuff Then my brain was like “what if you’re trans?” And I started having a whole panic attack that made me not sleep and have anxiety this thanksgiving break , I didn’t know what to do . I’ve always love doing girly things like makeup, womens fashion, shoes, nails, hair, etc but then suddenly my brain didn’t want to but I want to still . Every time I would look at a masculine man my brain was like “do you want to be him or a girl?” And I was like NO I WANT TO BE ME THE HAPPY OLD ME , it’s affected with me a lot that I don’t even know myself anymore and it’s the first thing I worry about . I like my body but I wish these thoughts can go away so I can go back and live my normal life that I did .

[@jshell0771]

Hello! How are you doing right now?

[@aprilm8923]

@@jshell0771 hey babe!! Honestly it comes and goes and there are just times where it’s really bad it makes me cry. I think like the video said, just accept those thoughts . It’s gonna feel real as heck sometimes and sometimes might brain would be like what if, but just accept the uncertainty . Just try and remind yourself it’s OCD . And if you’re not diagnosed like me , try and get help asap! This OCD has definitely caused so much mental harm on me to the point where I had to take meds (it isn’t just trans ocd but I’ve been questioning everything). Just know you can get through this 💕💗💗 know that you’re not the only one going through this !! Wish you so much luck !

[@jshell0771]

@@aprilm8923 thank you for your kind words, wish you a soon recovery ❤️

[@bella-ey9ii]

Omg the girly things! I love doing all those things and all of a sudden I’ve just been feeling weird about it. although I’ve always loved doing my makeup. This stuff is honestly really exhausting. 😞 any tips??

[@jshell0771]

@@bella-ey9ii ask yourself if it started with a thought or a feeling, because I’m 99% sure it was a thought, especially if it exhausts you, and that means it’s just ocd. It will pass, trust me, just remind yourself whenever you think about it that it’s ocd, not real gender dysphoria

[@AllDayArcade]

does anyone else get like a weird feeling that they are about to cry when they get a thought? Its hard to explain, but it feels like my eyes are about to cry. Yet, I never cry even if I try to force it. It really freaks me out.

[@charlesroberson1387]

That's probably how the anxiety manifest in you, whenever I first fell into this I felt like I was on the verge of vomiting for a solid week straight.

[@Dusky-Bunn1e]

@@charlesroberson1387 YES

[@BlackPhoenix331]

I dont know what to do anymore. I was on a good way to be more my old self even had moments where i though what was this stupid thoughs but than suddenly i though in a female voice and felt like i am a women in a mens body again. WTF happened to me?

[@welltoadd]

the trouble started when my ocd started framing my comfort with uncertainty as a certainty in of itself. i had been perfectly fine just not caring enough to worry, until intrusive thoughts started telling me that the fact that i wasn't afraid of uncertainty was 'certainly' a sign that i was trans, when really, that tolerable lack of absolute certainty was a part of the human experience, and becoming the opposite gender in hope that it would cure my uncertainty would just make things worse.

[@duynguyenkhanh1232]

Hey, do u have Insta , I want to share. I always love being a boy, every time people tell me that I look handsome I will think of it for whole daybecause I’m really happy, like that compliment makes my day.after coming out to my parents, they support me for who I am and I feel so lucky to be their son. I thought now I can love a boy without being scared to be caught by anyone and then I saw a Trans picture, i really admire them because They are so brave to show themself that way, but it didn’t mean I would be like them, afterthat, it obsessed me like the only way to be gay is to become a girl. So depressed at the moment, I don’t want to lose my male features

[@welltoadd]

​@@duynguyenkhanh1232 I do have an insta, maybe I could talk to you. It's been a month since I wrote this comment, to be honest I'm pretty much over the whole TOCD thing. I'm happy as a cisgender person again, and am not afraid of being transgender anymore. I overcame it! In fact, now I think it's funny I ever felt that way. It will get better for you too, trust me. If you want to talk you can send me your account.

[@talia4255]

@@welltoaddhey can we talk abt it ?

[@MaksadbekFayzullaev]

But it feels like a desire. I don't want to feel these feelings, I have TOCD and it feels so real. It feels like it's real me, and I am that, it feels like I am in denial, It feels like I would actually be okay with the lifestyle of my fear, and I am scared that I might be what I fear. I tried disregarding, I can disregard it but it feels like these feeling always will be there with me, it feels like I always have the feeling of "want", or "enjoy" but I dont want to have these feelings, if they are always here and I always disregard them then what is the difference between denial and OCD? If its chronic and i always have these thoughts/feelings when i see or read triggers then how can i say its not part of me? The only thing i am saying to myself is i have never had these feelings/thoughts before in my life, 19 years. But these thoughts and questions are making me ruminate 24/7.

[@zeke1876]

my experiences are kinda mild but even tho it’s mild, it’s SUPER DISTRESSING. i haven’t attended any treatment but i just cope up with it the way he said it. i just kept agreeing with the thoughts i have. i would just tell myself that “yeah i am transgender, i’m so happy that i am” or i’ll just make it as a joke like “ok i would love to be pretty and have big tiddies” and it decreases the feeling of fear. i still doubt who am i really but yeah, that’s how ocd works, it makes you doubt who you really are. i still have it but i’m handling it well now. i would just want to tell everyone who’s experiencing this that please don’t be hard on yourself, i know it’s difficult to agree with the thoughts but it really works. it takes time, it’s a long process (i am also still in the process) but everything will be alright.

[@79464f]

Thank you

[@anafigueiredo2200]

the thing is that I fear that if I agree with the thoughts, I actually become transgender later in life and I don't want to! I'm not comfortable with that!

[@ciclon5682]

@@anafigueiredo2200 agreeing with the thoughts doesnt mean you have to accept you will become transgender or will have to experiment with your identity, what they mean by accepting the thoughts is accept the uncertainty and the possibility, in the end it doesnt really mean much on your end, but is more of a way to not give the OCD thoughts something to make you ruminate about, if you give it a certain answer, it will find something to counter it and make you doubt, but if you tell it "Maybe i am, maybe i am not and its not my interest to figure it out right now " or "Yhea, maybe i could be transgender or non-binary, or not" then you are not giving it anything to work on, you cant counter something that is not certain, by allowing yourself to uncertainty and not fully knowing the answer to the question, the OCD cannot doubt it, becuase its not able to be doubted. This isnt magic, the thoughts will still be there and the anxiety and fear will still happen, but you need to learn how to sit with it, accept that you have these thoughts and that they are just that, thought and feelings that dont have to command your life, over time, your brain will understand that these doubts are not a threat anymore and they will eventually cause less and less trouble, or even go away alltogether.

[@ninibarlo]

Hello! My thoughts started when I was with my boyfriend, I have never questioned my identity before that,I was 20 years old, my nightmare started in 2015, from nowhere dp/ de started and after one year, I was looking at my boyfriend in the eye and I had feeling that his identity went in my soul and felt like different person, guy, than I searched it and found out dysaphoria, I obsessed over it, I was questioning every detail, I had feeling that I was different person,what if I don’t like my nails, my make up, what if if I am in denial and stuff like this. I searched also that if u imagine yourself as a opposite gender you must feel relief, and I felt relief when I imagined.. ( in childhood I used to imagine that I looked like other people or I can transmute, I sometimes even couldn’t look poeple in the eye not to feel this )I read that if you feel relaxed when you are called “he”, that’s it and I had feeling thaT I was fit in every symptom.. after some time it went away, and for two years I was free from this thoughts, but couple months ago I got engaged and felt very stressed, I started questioning my love for my partner, I felt very dissociated, had many intrusive thoughts and I imagined myself for another person(guy) and found relief and started panicking again and it came back again, When I watch video, film, I continously imagine myself as another guy, even if this guy is fat, old and ugly my brain finds relief, I can’t feel myself again, questioning everything, I have hocd also and I have groinal responses on every women, it’s disaster. Plus I have constant dp/dr for 6 years Please help me..

[@owen3721]

I've had a very similar experience based on what you've written, but from a male perspective. I've had dp/dr thoughts ever since I was a little kid, and I had a really bad bout with them around this time a couple of years ago, where for about two or three weeks I felt almost constant anxiety about being out of my body and also, really strangely, about not knowing what exists beyond the edge of the universe. I really wanted to know what's outside of the universe, and since there was no way to answer that, I drove myself crazy.

[@isabeau407]

how are you feeling now?

[@jakthebomb]

Hmm... I knew since I was 5 that I was supposed to have been born a girl. I struggled my entire childhood and early 20s with trying to fit in being a guy and failed miserably. When I discovered what Transgender was, I had a period of time where I was processing it. But I don't think it was ever an OCD. However, my entire life, I always think about my gender and how I was born wrong. I always compare my body to women I see in media and get sad that I wasn't born a female. But I never questioned "Do I want to be a girl?", I knew firmly that I was supposed to be one and if was presented with the option to push a button and instantly be reborn female, I would press it without hesitation. I despise the idea of being a guy, it bothered me so much that I would rather be dead than live another day as a guy.

[@charlesroberson1387]

Thank you for this comment, people who are actually transgender talking about how their experience drastically varies from TOCD helps me feel more confident. I'm a cis male 22, and until recently never had an issue with that. Never felt weird about being a boy as a kid and didn't have any distress during puberty as a teen. Several weeks ago, when my anxious thoughts were at their peak, I remember thinking: "If I have to be a girl I'm going to kill myself." Because it would feel like a false identity to me, and I'd hate to live that way. Sounds similar how you felt being labeled as a guy. I wish that made these thoughts go away, but unfortunately OCD obsessions do not surrender easily.

[@amiramir-qg7xv]

people who think OCD is just about germs and organizing are crazy i can’t even begin to number the times i went through questioning the most weird known and easily proven things about me i once convinced myself that i converted just for the thought of another religion and i was 12 at the time and my brain tortured me for a whole month and i felt like i was gonna die, i was once obsessed with secret communities and religions and convinced myself that they are true and they’re ought to get me and i might be one of them but not know it somehow and i would cry about it. i still remember the day i found out about death when i was 5 and couldn’t sleep because i was thinking about enshrine everyone and was just scared i’ve gone through these loops wholes time and time again and know what it can be like to be confused but this video really helped me. OCD can be a real curse

[@aylin3473]

i've only had this really badly for like 2 days (before it was sometimes intrusive thoughts like "you're not a woman you're non-binary" but now it's like my main obsession when before HOCD was my main obsession). i've always been a girl. ever since i was really young i loved wearing dressed, i loved makeup, dolls, pink, etc. i am very feminine and i love dressing feminine but now my brain tells me that i'm no longer going to enjoy dressing feminine. or that i'm going to start feeling uncomfortable with my body, even though i used to pray that i would have a bigger chest and i spent years obsessively wishing i was curvy and not skinny. i always felt comfortable being a girl, with being called feminine terms, but now this terms make me anxious because my brain says that i don't like them, or i get hyperaware and feel scared that i'll get anxious hearing those terms. gender neutral or masculine terms don't feel right to me, and when i talk about myself in third person i still use she/her. literally just three days ago i was perfectly fine wearing a dress, being called pretty, etc. but now my brain tells me i don't like those things anymore, that i'm going to want to start dressing masculine or that I'm going to start hating the color pink when i used to love it. i want to go back to worrying about HOCD ... that sucked but was better than this...my gender is a lot more important to me than my sexuality, since i don't have to act on my sexuality if i don't want to and if i'm trans i feel forced to transition when i don't want to and have never thought about transitioning.

[@ak-qw2kv]

Same,my hocd was stressing but not that much but tocd is ruining my life btw how are you.

[@linormekamel2605]

@@ak-qw2kv do u still have it ? I’m suffering hard from this now :(

[@owen3721]

I had HOCD really badly a few years ago when I was in 8th-9th grade (I still get those thoughts sometimes but they aren't really distressing). I'm a sophomore in college now and I've had TOCD since early June of 2020, and it's so much worse. I feel like OCD has phases where it picks and chooses new obsessions to ruminate over, and the one that you're experiencing in the moment feels the "worst" and the ones you've experienced in the past feel less bad by comparison. Also, I wonder if there's a common path from HOCD to TOCD.

[@rana-hw7gq]

How r u? I been with TOCD for 2 weeks now, and I ruining me, I’m so happy and confident and comfortable with my gender , and whenever I’m taking a shower I’m really happy, and suddenly I get a thought of “u dislike ur body” and I’m like “I don’t..... right?” And when I’m dressing up in the type of clothes I wear (Lolita fashion) I’m happy and I suddenly get the “one day you’ll hate this” and my mind only says “it won’t, right?” I can be so happy all day and then I’ll get a feeling of “ur not happy with that” and I’ll be like “but I like this” and it’s just a cycle of “I’m happy-> no you aren’t-> this dress is pretty I wanna wear it-> no u don’t-> I’m happy being a girly-> no u don’t, one day you’ll hate it and there’s nothing u can do-> I like being a girl-> no u don’t” it’s so annoying being sure about my gender and having my own brain making me feel like I’m not

[@aylin3473]

@@rana-hw7gq my TOCD isn't as bad anymore, i barely get any thoughts about gender anymore. i used to always get so many intrusive thoughts about gender but not anymore. it just kind of went away for me? maybe because school started so i've been busy with that but i still do sometimes have triggers/thoughts about it but i've learned to just dismiss them. i am scared that when i'm less busy it'll come back and that will be torture. i'm Christian, and something that helped me was reminding myself that God is the one who created my gender, not me, and that i'll always be a girl and nothing can take that away from me, including TOCD.

[@imnotthatstupidlol3330]

This is the single video that showed me, that I'm probably just trans lol. My OCD makes me think the opposite, that I'm actually cis, and THAT gives me some flippin anxiety, let me tell ya.

[@duynguyenkhanh1232]

I really need to talk , do you have insta. From the day I suffer from TOCD, I get Rocd too

[@vananh3591]

@@duynguyenkhanh1232 bây giờ bạn cảm thấy ntn , tốt hơn chauw, mik đang bị nó , ko biết nên làm sao

[@WhayYay]

I think I struggle with this because it's the ultimate fear for me, not knowing who I am or what I want until it's too late, and I end up old having to work even harder to pursue something I knew I wanted decades ago. I started mentally torturing myself on purpose as a way to get through parental abuse, I thought if I could put myself through hell then I'd have enough strength to get through them, now I've subjugated them and I'm the strongest and most free I've ever been, and I don't know what to do with this freedom. I can do whatever I want now yet I choose to act like I'm still hiding from them in my room, I'm getting way too old to be acting like this and I've got to start giving myself discipline by actually pursuing the things I know I want to do yet am in denial about.

[@hidgelack]

Hi, This is Luca from Italy. I've been struggling with TOCD (or actual gender dysphoria, who knows? this is ocd right?!) since 6 years ago. I always struggled with my sexual orientation, or at least I was always been afraid of being homosexual. Then after one year of relationship with my girlfriend (we never had any issues in or out of bed) I said her that I had this thought about being gay. She immediately left me (I couldn't blame her, as she said that the sole idea of me being with a man repulsed her). Right after we broke up, I started to the develop the idea that instead of being gay I might be transgender woman in TOTAL denial (as you see me you would never think I might be trans). 6 years after still couldn't tell myself who I'm, hoping one day I will find out.

[@user-g-49]

How r u now?

[@Doofy_Ideologies]

This shit makes me so suicidal, like I can’t get rid of it and when I feel I have it comes back in phases. But atm it’s just always in back of my mind. It’s scary. It only started happening when the first lockdown happened. I don’t know what to do cos therapist scare me and I don’t know what my doctor would say. I need help tbh. I feel it’s child hood trauma or even just lockdown that has set this off and it doesn’t go! Please someone tell me what I can do to get rid of it

[@theholysynopsis5100]

I’m going through the same stuff and I’m at the point of suicide too. I have never once had these thoughts before Covid happened and ever since then I’ve had hocd and now I’m not sure if it’s tocd or not but I keep having compulsions of having the opposite private part and I am a male. I know I am I just don’t know why all these thoughts are screwing with me.

[@theholysynopsis5100]

When I thought I had hocd too I had a fear that I was bi or something but I never had those thoughts when I was younger and I’m 19 now which is driving me mad because I shouldn’t be feeling the way I’ve been feeling. I’ve tried accepting these thoughts for what they are but they keep coming back

[@user-g-49]

How r u now?

[@user-g-49]

@@theholysynopsis5100 how r u now?

[@davidpaul9060]

Thanks for this....have wondered for years if I were trans or not....at 69 now,divorced,originally came out as gay....have obsessed ovher the last 5 years or so if I were indeed trans....has occupied every inch of my life now....even have tried hrt several times,got scared threw it away...just tired..can't accomplish anything,house and personal hygiene a wreck.....can't continue on with this....

[@xeesro2500]

If you have family spend time with them or go outside or workout.

[@jasonaeolus5966]

My nofap 90 days streak cure my tocd , it's start fade away .

[@JoeWilikers]

I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD but this is something that could be what I am experiencing? I go back and forth from being sure of one to the other albeit doubting it. I feel like I’m in a limbo and can’t do any masculine or feminine activities. Constantly check in the mirror to see if I would make a pretty girl etc. I feel kinda anxious but like a good anxious?

[@lupinnlockwood]

In my case it’s the “what if I am NOT trans”. Oh well…

[@xeesro2500]

I'm a male and I've played sports my whole life and dressed like a male and am one of the popular kids at my school, I have never felt like this in my life, I know I'm not trans but the thoughts just keep coming and I don't even feel like my self anymore. I just want these thoughts to end

[@xeesro2500]

@@randomtv3258 appreciate that fr

[@nofacebadman7207]

Same here bro been happening for like 6 months for me and I want to it end but I feel like I got no control of it , thats the shitty part of pcd

[@xeesro2500]

@@nofacebadman7207 same and the shit don't even make sense because my whole life I've never even thought about being a girl, I even used to make fun of guys if they were feminine, it's like this shi makes me feel like less of a man

[@nofacebadman7207]

@@xeesro2500 its over for me now I'm dealing with hocd it sucks man. For me my tocd came from my hocd and those are the two I struggle with

[@xeesro2500]

@@nofacebadman7207 it's started with hocd then turned into this

[@magikal_madz5351]

Id be curious to know if someone who has TOCD actually transitioned. Also, how would imposter syndrome fit into this?

[@candere1611]

There are people with tocd who tried to transitioning and regretting it later on

[@magikal_madz5351]

@@candere1611 oooo got a source? google is only giving me a bunch of blog posts about this stuff

[@nathanielgransell506]

@@magikal_madz5351 there have been people on r/detrans on Reddit who have, and figured it out that they really weren’t later. You could also check the Medium article about this specific OCD theme, I think they have some statistics there

[@DrinktheEdgySauceNOW]

I have a theory that they letted their ibtrusive thoughts Win.

[@dear_dearan]

trans girlfriend broke up with me and started asked myself "how could I get her back ? What if I was not the one I thought I was " and oh boyyy, i continuously have this "WHAT IF" thought, and i now just flee everything about trans. I literally KNOW I'm not trans, and that when someone called me with girl pronouns i felt disgusted and HATED it, but that thought is still here and smashing my head till no other thoughts come in

[@jaybirdvlogs7279]

i relate to alot of this, even though ive never had an ocd diagnoses and i dont experience ocd symptoms in other areas of life. I've questioned my gender for 4 years. However unlike many people in here, I dont feel like i was "always completely comfortable as a girl". And unlike other people here, I'm not scared of being transgender, I actually kind of *want* to be transgender. however the constant obsession with trying to find a label has definitely disrupted my life. I need to accept uncertainty, maybe I am trans, maybe I'm not. I have managed to accept uncertainty for some periods over these 4 years, the level of symptoms isnt stable at all, and the times when I've accepted uncertainty have been much more productive. but ive watched sooooooo many hours of transgender content on youtube, and i need to accept that at this point watching more isnt going to help my confusion. maybe i am trans, maybe I'm not.

[@jaybirdvlogs7279]

UGGGHHHH! Returning to this a year later. Still have not managed to ease my anxiety about this!! Except now I do experience OCD symptoms in other areas of life lol.

[@jaybirdvlogs7279]

I am finally free of this obsession! I have been for about a year! Past me, I have no idea why you thought that TOCD was your first ever OCD type experience? Before that I had sexuality OCD and before that I had Religious OCD.. past me, what were you on?? 😂

[@bluevinsmoke9176]

Hey, thank you for the video! I have TOCD and HOCD and I started to control my HOCD, but TOCD is really scary. The thing that triggered it, is that one of my friends told my that he feels that he’s trans. And also, I like the body swap fetish, so I’m scared that deep inside I want to be a woman. I like the body swap fetish in a sexual way like if I was a woman I would touch myself, and not because I want to be a woman because I feel bad with my body. I’m perfectly fine with being a man, but the thoughts continue to pop up.

[@Hhhj0312]

I’ve been able to control my hocd a bit and continue to struggle with tocd

[@dimitrinvs]

I have both and tocd is the scarier one because being me being gay would be shocking but atleast it would still be me, with tocd, if I'm trans I'm like a whole other person.

[@clumsyme179]

@@dimitrinvs same friend same.HOCD will atleast be ok.but Tocd don’t even let me live life

[@ellismcg4754]

Not sure if this would help or not, it's me trying to be logical lol, but trans people probably feel like being trans or "becoming trans" wouldn't be them becoming a whole different person, it would be like them becoming themselves. (I'm not trans, so if anyone is and they can weigh in then do so) but reminding myself of that logic helps me sometimes

[@krishnasahani1604]

​@@dimitrinvshow r u now. I'm also gay and I know this from my 13 years i never question about my sexuality from my entire life but now I really worried about

[@mateosanfitz9625]

Is it possible to have obsessive it intrusive thoughts without them being a sign of OCD? Cause I don't think I have OCD, but I've had experiences in which I got obsessed over thoughts that became obsessive, including believing that I might be trans. It suddenly hit me while watching a show about a trans girl last year and ever since I actually thought and I still occasionally think I might be trans. I am gay and a bit feminine, and I used to be the "girly boy" when I was growing up. And I'm gay lol. But I never suffered dysphoria during my puberty. Right before these thoughts and feelings hit me like a truck, I was actually frustrated at my lack of "masculinity" and the lack of male friends, of how I was insecure when making friends, and of my physique. I was about to get into the gym right before quarantine. Some days I feel I'm ok with living as a boy and that U don't need to transition, or that those feelings of "dysphoria" are not strong enough to willingly start living as a woman for the rest of my life. Other days however I do believe that I might need to transition or at least "take a chance" and explore my feminine side. I usually go on forums and people tell me that both I am or I am not trans, though I never questioned if it might be OCD. My therapists proposed me this notion, but I rejected it, and to a certain extent I still do. But seeing that Trans OCD is a phenomenon and many experiences are similar (sudden "realization" out of nowhere, feelings of fear, anxiety, confusion). It was truly awful the first weeks, now I take it better. I still don't know if I am trans or not, because I do have a "feminine" side.

[@HiDaddy-nf7bp]

Ik this is two years ago, but I’m a cis girl and I have a little bit of masculine on me, but that doesn’t make me any less of a woman. I struggle with this and it’s scary, but it’s normal to have a little bit of a girlish side, it doesn’t make you any less of a man.

[@greengoddessasmr]

I’ve been thinking this since I was like 12. I’m a girl but I’ve always had theses thoughts “am I actually a boy” I’ve always had theses switches where I would be uncomfortable with my body and then not and thinking about how my life would be if I was a boy. It’s embarrassing but I’ve never told anyone. This video helped me thank you. I think I’ve been dealing with some sort of ocd because I obsessively think about everything in everywhich way

[@Shadow77999]

Were you one of those socalled tomboys?

[@ecowo57]

I've spent 5 years confused about my gender identity, obsesing over it, researching everything there is to research about it. I've tried different pronouns and names, but it just gives me horrible anxiety. The thing is, I don't think I have ocd, but I relate deeply to this aspect of it. However, if you could link any sources that have gone through clinical trial, I'd be thankful, just to check if I actually relate or not

[@diyasingh1923]

Is there any medical test to confirm your gender identity?

[@daiaimaru5618]

Hey Nathan, thanks alot for the support you provide to people!! I have a small question, which is: Is putting so much value to what people think we really are to feel reassured that we are what we want them to think/know is a type of OCD, or is it just lack of confidence? Thanks again for what you do 🙏🏻

[@ocdandanxiety]

Good question. Most of the time this is a personality type. Each person could be different. Sometimes it can be part of another OCD theme.

[@hironakamuraantonioismyrea8114]

I want to hug you. Or hug someone that understands me. This started last week I WANT TO GO BACK TO NORMAL. I WANT TO FEEL OKAY AGAIN FUCKKKKKK IA MA ANGRY RIGHT NOW AND ALSO ABOUT TO BREAK AND CRY I AM A GUYYYY I DONT WANT TO BE TRANS OR TO HAVE OCD why meee??? Good ehy meee? I am alresdy crying. I cant

[@liamjacqmin6191]

Feel you

[@hironakamuraantonioismyrea8114]

@@liamjacqmin6191 how are you doing man??

[@SPOREFAN04XL]

Nathan, can you do a video on sleep anxiety (i.e. intense anxiety about not being able to fall asleep when having a sleepless night)? I’ve been suffering from quite a few of these sleepless nights lately (thankfully I was able to get some sleep in the morning when the sun came up) but my anxiety has been AWFUL recently because I’ve been worrying about not being able to sleep practically every night for almost a week now. The anxiety about not being able to sleep leads me to not be able to sleep and as a result, I’ve been sleep deprived. Are there some techniques you can provide people who are suffering from anxiety and sleepless nights so I and others going through the same thing can finally break free from this horrible cycle? I would much appreciate it!!

[@savannahstaiduhar3225]

My mind keeps saying "u want to be a man"or like u want to cut your hair short when I dont! (Atleast I think so) would this be ocd..?

[@cake6851]

Yeah. If you've been fine all your life with being a woman then randomly you gained these thoughts of being a man then its tocd. I am largely the same but I'm a man.

[@daiaimaru5618]

No matter how real it feels, but it’s very obvious that this is OCD. One of the proofs is that you asked here to feel reassured, which is a very common indicator of OCD, which I also suffer from.

[@davidmango8270]

@@daiaimaru5618 I've been fine with my gender and then when i was 19 i started having instrusive thoughts of being a girl. But i keep being satisfied with being a man and happy im a man and then not necessairly satisfied when i think of being a girl sometimes. Is it tocd? It's back and forth

[@daiaimaru5618]

David Mango I’m not a doctor but I did a good amount of research so I’d be glad if I could help. Thereby, let me give you some hints according to my very humble experience. OCD attacks the sufferers’ weak points. It makes them doubt the things that they are sure about. You probably have searched and sought reassurance and said to yourself “this is just in case”. You probably have experienced something called “torture logic” (which I was surprised that it’s something recognized and not only me who suffers from), which is like saying, for example, “I’m not a trans” then “oh what if I’m lying to myself” then you might say “convincing myself that I’m not lying to it probably means that I’m lying just to feel reassured” and it goes on and on. And now probably you are seeking reassurance by asking this question in the comments and probably you are just inquiring about your case. But anyway, the details you’ve provided sound very much like OCD. And I’m writing to reassure you which probably gonna do more harm than good. However, I’m in the same boat, so I really wanna help even though I’m not helping myself to treat the OCD that I have, but I hope you’ll stop seeking reassurance next time and be the boss in your OCD’s stead. Seek a professional help. And remember, what I said may or may not be 100% accurate.

[@davidmango8270]

@@daiaimaru5618 But i mean sometimes through the day I'm absolutely proud of who i am, then i doubt. It's not that bad, it doesn't give me anxiety, and sometimes it goes away. It goes away when my ocd focuses on something else. When i had other kinds of ocd, it left my mind

[@charlesroberson1387]

Thank you for making this and addressing the adaptive nature of the OCD anxiety. Because ever since I found out TOCD is a thing, and everything I read about it described verbatim what's going on inside my head, my thoughts are now all: "Oh, you're just saying that you are, your OCD isn't even real, you're just in denial," even though I've had obsessive intrusive thoughts like this throughout my life, just never on the basis of gender identity until recently.

[@charlesroberson1387]

@@avemag7561 I am better now, not entirely cured because I still have reoccurent obsessive thoughts, but they seldom cause me the same extreme distress as they used to-- I have talked to a therapist a bit, definitely reccomend ERP.

[@charlesroberson1387]

Another update: I barely ever think about this anymore. Every once in awhile something triggers me and I almost fall int a panic, but I just force myself to be apathetic about it. Brain is currently in search for another thing to terrify me, but this one is pretty much over. On the off chance someone is desperately searching for answers in the comments, I'd love to give you reassurance but as we know that's counter productive. So just listen to this guy, let the answer be maybe and stop trying to solve an unanswerable question, hard as it is.

[@user-g-49]

@@charlesroberson1387 yo dude could we talk I’m going through the same thing

[@charlesroberson1387]

@@user-g-49 Yeah sure, you have a preferred method of contact?

[@charlesroberson1387]

@@user-g-49 yeah, dunno how much I can help without reassuring you too much, but do you have a preferred method of contact?

[@caiquefarias5467]

always i gotta go out and put some clothes, i get anxious because i'm afraid of disgusting my clothes and prefering use women's clothes

[@clumsyme179]

Do anyone have this like…when you look at mirror you feel like opposite of your gender and don’t even look yourself at mirror and you are so confused that you think you are trans for sure even if you had always wished to not to.and jealous of people around you they don’t have such thoughts.and when you say even if I’m trans I will not transform and your mind says it’s a rule to be followed.I never even had thought of being my opp gender and now I think if I turn out how it will be being opp gender and have no anxiety and feel neutral.I mean can really just questioning can change how you were.

[@julias9553]

heeyyy, can we talk about this?? im going through the same!

[@vosjules]

I just want to thank you for this video. I was uneducated on OCD and I thought I was crazy for a long time. Now I finally sought help and I'm on my way to a diagnosis

[@jebjohn7889]

I literally can’t even think a girl is pretty anymore with worrying that oh because you thought that that makes you trans I have always been confident as a boy and never had any doubts about it I have literally zero dysphoria symptoms and when I think about being trans I literally feel terrible and I have a worry that what if I’m in denial about it and that is the worst part because it literally makes me feel like I’m trans and I don’t wanna be my tocd says what if you do tho I just want it to go away and also I think even if I was I wouldnt be happy and I would regret it and also I’ve always played with boy toys I ride dirtbikes and four wheelers I do many manly activities that I enjoy a lot and Ives always wore boy clothes and I am fine with my pronouns he/him and the worst thing is I’m not diagnosed with ocd but I have a lot of the symptoms and it’s even worse because then I think what if I don’t have ocd and I’m just in denial and I love when I have facial hair and stuff and my problem is my tocd makes me think I don’t know what I am some days I know I’m not trans some days I don’t know and it’s terrible

[@Ari-uz4lq]

Literally just last week I snapped out of an episode of TOCD (and realized that similar episodes I've had over the years were likely OCD and not genuine questioning). Mine wasn't specifically about being trans, just about whether I should medically transition (I'm nonbinary but have NEVER wanted to take hormones or have surgery). It felt SUPER urgent to figure this out RIGHT NOW; I was researching and reading forums all day (even at work), and scaring myself by learning about the effects of hormones, bad recovery from surgery, constantly checking how I felt about my body, etc. I even reached out to gender therapists in the hope of someone helping me figure out what I "really want." Basically felt like I was going crazy. How I snapped out of it was partly exhaustion, but also while talking about it to a trans friend, mentioned that it felt like I had acquired this questioning (unlike other parts of my identity which feel solid and more innate). I also recognized that the hyped-up over-caffeinated urgent feeling I had during this episode was exactly the same feeling as when I dealt with OCD about food safety or medical anxiety. It's totally unlike how I felt when I learned I was asexual; that one was a calm "yep, that sounds like me!" I'm a mild case (I think) and just being able to label this as OCD and find similarities to the feeling of other OCD episodes helped me to distance myself. I hope this comment helps someone! This is a truly miserable disease lol

[@vexarose]

Question, Can TOCD cause false gender dysmorphia? Because my trigger is when I look at women, something tells me “you’re not a woman” and it makes me believe that I am not and a feeling inside me grows that I am not. However when I have other themes occupying my brain, I think of TOCD and it is basically pathethic and I feel like a girl 110% of the time. My intrusive thoughts are “I don’t feel like a girl, being a boy matches my personality, I relate to boys rather then girls.” And it makes me think “Am I trans?” Even writing the question down makes me wanna say “ofc not!” But then something tells me “You feel like a boy” and it makes me not feel like a girl. But I don’t feel like a boy aswell, or I don’t feel non-binary, so I don’t get it anymore.

[@DrinktheEdgySauceNOW]

Yes, your brain is trying to trick you.

[@ahmedsudaisbatuaan]

I couldn't fathom if i were to become a woman coz'i want to have sexual relationship with woman and have kids with them but, this TOCD ruined every values i have, i don't go to gym anymore, don't hang out with men anymore, i could have died if i join the military, served to prove my self as a warrior and a hero and never found out i'm about to develop this in the future

[@xeesro2500]

Your a man bro, u cant just randomly become trans, u good bro trust I'm going through the same thing we jus gotta remember we ain't trans

[@DannyLopez07]

@@xeesro2500 update ??

[@user-g-49]

How r u now?

[@lolanaenamilo2395]

I know that reassurance is a no but can you tell me just this once if my thoughts meant anything. I was always a tomboy and felt kind of bellow other women in femininity. That peaked at 16. Back then I saw a quote that said "I am a gay man in a womans body". I thought I related to it but I then thought about it better and realized I did not. Then I wondered what do I feel like though and I remember thinking I feel neither a man nor a woman, I feel like a neutral. This thought did not continue and I almost forgot about it's existence afterwards. But idk my envy for male physicality, my more musculine character tell me I am trans but I like feeling like a woman? I need help... I had hocd before tocd, just a clarification

[@otozinclus3593]

You propably dont need this anymore, but: What helped me was this: It doesnt matter if I am trans or not. Trans people dont transition to be someone else, they just step closer to who they are If you are a tomboy, or a tran man, in the end it doesnt matter. All that matters is that you should just do what you want. Maybe you are a girl, maybe a male, maybe non-binary, in the end it doesnt matter. Just do the stuff you like Your thoughts alone neither tell you are trans, neither tell you are cis. Even trans people sometimes still feel like ther biological sex, sometimes even cis people think about them more of the opposite sex. In the end if you are trans or not doesnt matter, its just about doing what you want

[@titi9899]

Please answer me it ruined my life! I am even scared to asking you if i'm trans or not! 2 days ago i opened a page about someone who was a girl at birth and then transitioned to a man! I read all of his posts and suddenly doubt my gender and searched on internet and took the quizes and some said you are and some said you are not! I freaked out and cried so much and asked my friend and she said she was sure that she is a woman! I told her i don't feel like i'm woman anymore and then freaked out and searched online then checked in the mirror as i checked more i felt more that i have dysphoria but i had never this thought in my life before!!!! I am so scared cause i feel i accepted that i am trans cause now i hate my body and i am depressed!!! I think about my husband and i cry about us! I can't find the love between us anymore😭 I can't tell him cause i think he would think i'm crazy! I had panick attack and i had repettetive thought and ocd before! By the way i don't think i had ocd or atleast it wasn't in this level! and think my therapist was wrong! Is it really ocd?? What if i became transgender suddenly?? I think i developed to dysphoria i am not feeling myself anymore😭😭Is it possible? Why i suddenly hate all the women?? I used to follow them and liked being one! Now i hate me and every woman i see! Cause i doubt being a woman! and i can't go to the therapy with this issue! Hope you understand!

[@titi9899]

@OUR STUPID REACTIONS I can't, i think i don't have a problem with being a man!! I see myself in the mirror and i think i hate being a woman! I think it's getting normal to me. What if it gets normal? I think i'm layering it with OCD and it's not OCD! I think the anxiety is fake!

[@cake6851]

Its okay lady. I went through the exact same experience. From doing online tests, to panicking to looking for advice on forums. I've been where you've been and beyond it. Just remember the person you were still exists in your heart. Please perform ERP (aka sit with your anxiety until it goes down) and try getting a therapist who will help you sort these issues out. Also don't expect immediate results.

[@titi9899]

@@cake6851 Thanks! I feel better now

[@emilieelmore]

If your freaking out about it this much it’s obviously not true. Try to keep yourself busy to get your mind off of it

[@IJBOLMEXICANAS]

Going through this rn I have to keep quiet I have non supportive parents. Im at brink of my life where I wanna kms.

[@PijaJak]

Yesterday I had an intrusive thought what if I'm trans. And now all I can do is think about my past. As a child around like 4-5 I was very "boyis", I played with cars and basketball. I remember acting like a boy. I pretended to be Bart Simpson for some weird reason. But then I started elementary school and I stop doing these things. After puberty I became pretty feminine. I love being a woman now but with these intrusive thoughts I can't stop thinking what if I'm in denial? This is causing me so much anxiety. I don't want to be trans. I have nothing against the trans community. I just don't want to be trans. But now I cant stop thinking if I was always attracted to men or maybe I wanted to be like them? I feel so lost. I had this thought maybe 2 years ago for like a day but it disappeared and reappeared yesterday

[@talia4255]

how are u now? i can relate to what ur saying

[@PijaJak]

@@talia4255 I've doing better. Still have these thoughts a lot but I'm trying to distract myself and not do any compulsions. Just trying to ignore my thoughts and move on which is actually helping a lot

[@DrinktheEdgySauceNOW]

I have fear of my TOCD stop and then i realize im trans, plz help.

[@ChristianKnight-1054]

Find a psychiatrist as soon as possible. I'm also suffering from it.

[@BlackPhoenix331]

My problem is that i sometimes think in a different voice and when this happens i also feel like a different person. It came really bad a few days ago where i have again a swutch. Now i feel like i am a women who just feel like my old self.

[@GalaxyGal-]

Is it possible for a transgender person to have the opposite obsession that they're not really transgender, despite an having obvious history of gender dysphoria?

[@stevenclyde6280]

Yes

[@JosephAnok]

Hello