Finally explaining my relationship with my ex 💔

Monogamy, marriage, moving in together, changing your last name and more things that make my avoidant attachment style EXTREMELY 🗣️🔊UNCOMFORTABLE 🗣️🔊
❤️ My new travel course damondominique.com/global-cit...
❤️ Non-dusty language classes courses.damondominique.com
❤️ What's going on in this video?
0:00 Did he have to have a hot name?
1:45 Love is the only acceptable form of insanity
3:50 Relationships that end aren’t failures
6:18 My past
8:00 Would you choose career or love?
9:05 My definition of true love
9:50 Cultures around the world agree on this one thing
12:00 Passports getting in the way of human emotion
14:03 You can’t look for love
15:45 The 3 Friendship Tiers
17:40 My ex is seeing someone + Avoidant atachemnt
19:53 Do we fall in love w others or ourselves?
23:05 Open relationships as a sign of your love, not a lack of it
28:11 Affairs
29:03 Why don’t you just be single?
31:20 Desire and acting on it are the same thing (TO ME!)
33:28 “Ethical non-monogamy” LOL
34:50 Dead sex lives + “sex is sacred”
37:25 Only love and fear exist
38:54 I, too, am afraid of marriage
39:40 Last names
41:35 I’m not going to make it through my wedding
42:50 “Oh, no, don’t cry” + crying as a bad emotion
44:40 Is separation the answer?
47:00 The normality scares me
47:52 I don’t believe anyone should sacrifice
49:08 Prioritizing friendship over romance
50:23 Conversation codes: city vs suburbs
52:09 Heartbreak + depression
53:11 Is the whole point of life…love?
54:11 Deleted scenes
❤️ Links you may be looking for
Damon Dominique: Soul Mates, Non-Monogamy & Plagiarism → • Damon Dominique: Soul ...
"I Have Nothing To Be Ashamed Of" Candace Owens & Olivia Bentley → • “I Have Nothing to Be ...
Cool by Gwen Stefani (SO MY STYLLLLLE) → • Gwen Stefani - Cool (O...
Why We Should Inconvenience Our Friends → • Why We Should Inconven...
❤️ More
IG → / damondominique
Courses → courses.damondominique.com
Site → damondominique.com
TikTok → vm.tiktok.com/ZML1NW2rB/
#DamonDominique #Love #Relationships

[@alexmunoz228]

my 55 year old rich aunt after 2 glasses of prosecco:

[@simplysusana]

Haha, my family members also have a drinking problem!

[@bexiexz]

exactly and me

[@melisayslt]

ahhahhhsaj omg

[@dejavu2752]

never-been-married aunt though, right?

[@damondominique]

and honestly how *DARE* he date someone else when i don't want to be in a relationship???

[@rmj2405]

Staaaaahp

[@dianiguyton3064]

It’s giving the boy is mine energy 😂

[@bexiexz]

and for real

[@anniebandana]

Ugh, I feel you. 😒

[@Samoteroxd]

truer words have never been spoken

[@notnyah104]

real ones have been waiting for this one for AWHILE

[@DevynWilliams]

a long LONG time

[@durusevim8057]

a LONG LONG LONG LONG time @@DevynWilliams

[@brokencicadawing]

*talking about weddings* “it reminds me of the club🤧” 💀

[@gabz09_]

that made me laugh so hard 😭

[@sierrahughes7460]

😂😂😂 I was cracking up

[@damondominique]

😂😂😂 glad y’all get my humor

[@JenyaPereira]

Omg I saw this comment right after he said that and I was dyinggg

[@dafrid33]

Ahahahahhah 😂

[@davidb5205]

This outlook towards sex and relationships has always been common among gay men, and seems like it's growing in popularity with straights via ENM/poly, but it still rings hollow to me. Sex (and everything leading up to sex: the tension, the flirting, the teasing) is more emotionally intimate than brunch, even with a complete stranger. Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy might not be synonymous, but they are in sync. Having the natural desire to indulge in something isn't the same as indulging. It's natural to want to eat calorically dense, high-fat, high-sugar foods but, to maintain a fit body, I have to sacrifice my immediate gratification for it. I know gay men intuitively understand this because many of us stick to strict diet/exercise regimens to achieve their ideal aesthetic, but the moment you suggest commitment and giving up casual sex to achieve intimacy in a long term relationship, it's "unnatural" and a goal not even worth pursuing. On a deeper level, I think the reason I disagree is because I see life itself as "give and take." You can't have it all. Close community and belonging requires sacrificing personal comfort. Having kids requires sacrificing freedom and disposable income. Career climbing requires sacrificing family and personal time. Reconciliation requires forgiving the unforgivable. And so on. The "right" choices in life are different for everyone, but there is always a choice being made and a trade-off involved.

[@haute03]

I wish I could like this comment a hundred times. Thank you for sharing.

[@odanilooliveira]

I agree with you so on point

[@lalagulineikenhein2199]

boosting this!!

[@jdons5353]

There's A LOT I disagree with in this video LOL but I think it was a very great and honest discussion to put out there because a lot of people don't question or think about these things beyond the societal boundaries pushed on them. Great video Damon!

[@anthonycimino5187]

i agree! i think a lot of the things discussed here are especially common amongst men in the gay community so interesting to hear more about his perspective

[@benhassid2696]

what did you disagreee with out of curiosity?

[@deviensgenial]

Definitely

[@miss.azaaustralia6729]

For me the manogomy part​@benhassid2696

[@katiea1170]

The only person on KZbin I sit through an entire hour long video on like it's a breaking news broadcast.

[@rayraystinz]

flashback to when he actually did a breaking news broadcast. I love this man

[@luvpotion333]

This was a ride. Thoughts that occured to me while listening: "wow that changed my perspective on life" "I don't agree, but I see it" "wait he's onto something" "that saved me 5 years of therapy" and even got to learn a fun french bit in the end? 10/10 experience

[@ashl.2524]

Perfect comment

[@RaphaelaEdelbauer]

I feel everybody endorses what worked for them in these videos but there is simply no solution for the general problem. It's a paradox - we need affection, and affection is unlike water and food not something you can force to have. We want to control something you can't control, and no monogamy, no polyamory, no kids no family will secure that thing for any of us. There are amazing poly relationships and horrible ones - amazing marriages and happy asexuals.

[@mkdmashup]

well said!

[@gabrielaribeiro6155]

Very well put!

[@malikbarry7542]

Exactly this. I think Damon needs to assess why he’s avoidant because that’s linked to something deeper but also he needs to grieve the relationship he no longer has. Jumping to wanting an open relationship and non monogamy isn’t the answer when he never had a monogamous relationship in good faith

[@user-kv3rj4cv8i]

Word!!

[@bunnykatsoracle3275]

Totally! Well put ❤

[@alexrose20]

I need your birth chart. This level of insanity MUST be studied 😂

[@chateauderose]

He is a fellow Libra and we go crazy when we’re in love lol ❤

[@souvaryrowe5770]

he is truly one of us 😅

[@Ls-wr1cg]

idk if its a gemini placementst thingy or sag placements thingy

[@biegebythesea6775]

@@chateauderose Librans don't 'go' crazy, they are born totally imbalanced. Bizarre the scales of balance represent Librans. They all belong in mental institutions.

[@chateauderose]

@@biegebythesea6775 Ew who asked you? Also sounds like you know nothing about astrology or Libras.

[@Melapuh]

“Invite him over” is crazy 😂😂

[@bexiexz]

omg

[@aishwaryarawat8337]

I have been so invested in this relationship for soo long, I started watching Damon when I was in high school and now I'm graduating college.

[@manuelablancorodriguez]

Same here!!

[@giannammedeiros]

Omg same!

[@knucklehoagies]

Same.... Damon went from enviable world traveler to some neurotic Trainwreck. Idk what happened to him. His ex gets into a relationship and he posts an hour long video ranting about it.... That's concerning.

[@LalaSmiles]

@@knucklehoagiesare you okay? I don’t think he changed. I love this content. He’s not a train wreck. He’s just expressing himself the way most of us do with our friends… this one topic sparked many other important topics

[@simplysusana]

I invested 3000USD, and I lost it all 😔

[@Mikeykneeled]

Monogamy isn't about NOT being attracted to other people, it's about being attracted other people but CHOOSING not to engage because of a commitment you made to your partner - it's about controlling impulse; rising above the animal nature

[@lunalovebuzz]

I'd like to add to this that I think security and emotional stability can also be seen as nature, although maybe moreso human nature than animal nature. That's why I can never take the argument of 'monogamy is not natural' seriously. I'd truly rather experience an occasional attraction I can't act on (and then just go home and act on my 'animal nature' with my partner lol), than continuously confront jealousy and fear, insecurity and reassurance, the stability of the relationship etc.| Also I know that nobody here means it that way but I just want to bring awareness to the fact that the idea that 'controlling your animal nature' is so hard and unnatural is lowkey giving r*pe culture 🙃

[@lotussong8294]

But why do we have to control our impulses? Generally we control our impulses when we know it will bring harm to ourselves or others. But if you are in a relationship where you both agree that sex with others is not going to harm you or your relationship, then why control that impulse? I think we're all different people with different views. If you're someone who prefers discipline and think sex is too intimate to be shared with someone else outside of your partner, then great, stick to monogamy. But there are other people out there who just view it as an act of pleasure and as long as they enjoy it in a moderation that doesn't bring detriment to their or the people they loves' lives, then why not let them engage in it?

[@lotussong8294]

@@lunalovebuzzI think his point though was that you can have security and emotional stability in a non-monogamous relationship

[@joemorales643]

THIS!!!!! Gawd, I hate when the argument against monogamy is "well, y'all believe there's no one else better looking than you?" Who told non-monogamous people that?

[@AnokiLonin]

The animal nature sounds wild tho...

[@Imded02]

Oh I RAN when I saw the notification 🏃‍♀️💨

[@larafasbender9740]

SAME

[@Nikthehermit]

I’m playing this out loud on the MTA just to feel something

[@liyana8556]

I LITERALLY GASPED

[@amyyu6195]

damn all i was hearing was avoidant attachment style, fear of commitment and fear of rejection but it was so interesting to hear these thoughts actually articulated

[@maxg4458]

yeah fr this is all I heard as well

[@tamiwithani]

For me, having sex usually turns into the having brunch, etc. That's why open relationships will never work for me. I also just don't have the energy. I'm a teacher. when i get home, i barely have time for ONE man

[@lsnqkcnqkpnkpsnqpjcbpq]

say this LOUDER

[@silversleep731]

Teacher tired is 🧠 🛌

[@raymondf3670]

Damon, I'm going to just say this " sex turns into feelings " ...Yes open relationships are fun until someone starts having feelings.

[@tinytron]

there will always be emotion ! it’s impossible to have no feelings whatsoever towards a person you are vulnerable enough to be naked for.. and emotions get messy..

[@xavierdoisneau3472]

I think making a blanket statement about what happens when you have sex is based on assumptions from the societal norm that sex = relationship. I think the point still stands that just because you feel emotionally connected to one person does that mean you’re connection to your partner diminishes. Perhaps it’s not a zero sum game.

[@liviam273]

Exactly! You find more painful if your "soulmate" goes to a brunch with somebody than the person having sex with somebody, BUT sex is exactly the activity when people are getting emotional AND then they might realize, they WANT to go with that person for brunch and explore them in other level!! Its like be ready to receive pain in the silver plate :D

[@blossom-yw8fe]

Therefore it’s better for the third person to be casual one time thing than occasionally hookups, I guess

[@ertcg8885]

Wait until he falls in love. He will change his tune, feelings will be hurt.

[@tristanclewis9512]

Damon really said: "my ex is my man, and my man, my man, my man too. Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, AND HE'S STILL MY MAN ON THE WEEKEEENNDD" 🎶

[@lindsay_dee]

I think we need to exercise restraint in life, and also accept that we aren’t entitled to always be satisfied moment to moment. That’s why I believe in monogamy. I mean, choosing a partner you’re sexually attracted to helps. But because there will always be a risk of developing feelings is always there. I am personally made more whole as a human knowing i am offering the utmost respect, love and dedication to my partner by sacrificing the option to shag whoever i want for the sake of a meaningful relationship. I think food is a great example that simplifies the same concept. We have endless great food, that in the moment eating is so satisfying. But we know if we eat everything we want, we get fat or ill or whatever. Same with not making sacrifices in relationships with monogamy. It’s sacrificing momentary satisfaction for a deep, all committed love. Loved this whole video - you set my mind on fire Damon!!

[@gabrielaribeiro6155]

Damon making us think through why we are the way we are, and live the way we live., as usual. Love that about his videos. Thanks for sharing your perspective, it gave more food for thought

[@julietdipadova23]

This!!!!

[@miranjurisevic2345]

Oh sister thank you for putting it so eloquently

[@alx.burgir]

Good that this works for you. But not everyone needs to „exercise restraint“ to be happy. Different things work for different people.

[@lindsay_dee]

@@alx.burgiryeah absolutely - it’s less that it works for me and more that I’m a realist and I know that I can’t always have what I want when I want it 😅

[@tiffytattoo2450]

Quick reminder that love is always conditional. There are conditions to love. Being kind, respectful, non violent, good communication etc are conditions. There's no shame in having conditional love. It's called healthy boundaries. It's being an adult.

[@ckelly7411]

you're wrong, both exist but only one is real - unconditional. love is not something you get like a prize for meeting all necessary conditions, its given freely and sometimes you love for no reason at all, you KNOW if you respect someone, sometimes the day comes that it dawns on you that you love them, too. respect, kindness, trust, adoration, all other things you can feel for someone are EARNED and given as a result of their character, love is not and that's whats special about it. I know this in my experiences with my own alcholic and abusive late father, that love is not a choice that comes with criteria and conditions. I do not respect him, trust him, and before he died suddenly i had no contact as a necessary boundary. but i still visit his grave once in a while. because that's my dad, unfortunately, and i love him despite all he's done to me and all I've had to do to remove him from my life. that's why death, break ups, betrayal, friendships ending are all so hard. suddenly you have a whole lot of love with no where to put it, either because they left or because they chose to mistreat you and you must do what's best for yourself. you can love someone and still know that for your safety and health, you must put limitations on their access to you. if someone ever tells you that they will stop loving you if you do something, that's not love, that's manipulation and likely means they never loved you to begin with. falling out and in love is not a choice, although i wish it were because i wish i didn't love my dad and so many others who have hurt me. please don't people they have to do anything to receive love, that's simply not how it works and can be very damaging to young people in situations like i was in. i was taught what you're saying at a young age and withstood so much abuse so that I could be "loved" if only i respect and forgive my father, that i would receive it upon upholding his conditions.

[@maria-922]

Embarrassed how fast I clicked my god

[@maxg4458]

Damon, interesting take. But can I offer some food for thought: do you ever feel like you're self-sabotaging? I mean even you yourself said you're avoidant and polyamorous and meet most of your connections at clubs.. maybe theres something there that prevents connections? And a secondary point, you and your ex have been separated for a really long time (right?)..why are you, in your own words, being "petty" about his new man? Shouldn't that be celebrated?

[@haute03]

Thank you for commenting this because I had the same questions. I noticed a few contradictions in terms of his theoretical take on relationships versus what he's actually doing and feeling. Really curious if he'll answer these.

[@JemimaRose]

I think someone having a s*xual affair often results in them emotionally cheating on you (even if it didn't start out that way or last that way to begin with) & that's the problem.

[@gabimb9066]

I feel the same way. When people feel the need have sex with other people, most of the time is not only physical, or even the fun of the momentary connection. Most of the time there is manipulation involved. The thrill of the chase. There’s always someone on one side that has the need to feel chosen and special and someone who wants to “feel alive” again by recreating the sensations of a new relationship. How many people would go into one of this situations if the other person tells them “BTW im in an awesome relationship but you seem kinda cool to hang out for a while” and accept it sincerely and fully?

[@user-nf7go8iw3g]

@@gabimb9066 I agree and i thought damons view, that if you have to compromise for someone then they're not the right person for you, was selfish. I think love is all about compromise, loving someone enough to not do everything your body wants in that moment. It a lack a of respect for me to not be willing to do that for someone else. But this view is coming from me who is monogamous and has a compelety different experience with love and relationships.

[@krystalsoong740]

Re: affairs 28:38 I actually think the biggest reason why people cheat is because they don’t feel fulfilled and/or connected in their relationship, thereby seeking that connection elsewhere. It’s less about finding your individuality again, but more about feeling seen and valued by another individual.

[@angeloc7486]

Or their just pigs

[@jonna0900]

Really interesting perspective! I wish I could be this carefree in relationships. If I tried to convince myself of any of this, I'd be emotionally gaslighting myself lol. To me, the point of marriage isn't never being attracted to other people. It's the choice to make a commitment to someone regardless, which I find admirable.

[@gabrielaribeiro6155]

I heard someone say this once, and found it beautifully true - "being in a marriage (long term/monogamous relationship) is waking up every morning and choosing to love the other person". What starts as attraction can only become love if you let it, if you choose it. You choose to spend time with the other person, to share who you are and to understand who they are. You choose everyday a life with the other person in it. And so you choose to love them.

[@zar3125]

i'm absolutely *living* for these video essays

[@LoveWillFindU]

Doing this in a “i heart Paris”shirt is ICONIC

[@beans_thecat]

My thumb automatically clicked on the video without fully processing the magnitude of this video.

[@7GeorgeB1]

oh the Damonators have been WAITING for this one...

[@111aster]

damonators😭

[@TheVintageBallad]

honestly, no matter the topic, I just love listening to you talk lol

[@naimat9965]

the point about Ethical Non-Monogamy is that it is based on consent rather than going behind someone's back. I think there is a big difference between cheating/affairs and having a polyamorous or sexually open relationship. And that this isn't really talked about here worries me, because I think it is crucial to be mature enough to talk about ones desires before just acting it out and hurting people. So to say that the word "ethical" is not helping the "cause" I think is just wrong. It is helping people having healthy conversations about their relationship.

[@stevenrostkowski9366]

That's right. Damon: you should read "The Ethical Slut" by Hardy and Easton.

[@adventureswithwonu4467]

as someone who dabbled with the open relationship concept, more in theory than in practice because let’s be honest, it’s hard enough to find one person you’re compatible with and maintain that relationship so multiple is tricky - i think i’m floating back toward a monogamy leaning mindset. I’ve never been a jealous person and there will always be a sense of openness and freedom i hope to have between my partner and i but i think the reason so many people end up in these kinds of relationships is not because that is the only person we must love. but rather i think there is a certain richness you get from going deeper with one than wider with many. it’s the reason people go to the same barber for years. sure they could spend years sampling and having a rotation, but it’s nice to go to someone who already knows what you like and how you like it. idk my minds not completely set but from a stance of safety and care mentally, spiritually and physically im thinking for me i see romance realistically only being feasible between me and one other - in order to leave that other space for family friends and self actualization. i don’t aim to be a full time lover Edits after watching the whole thing: I definitely think there are things about marriage that women need to take into consideration more than men from a safety aspect so im not totally surprised by your perspectives i also think in the same way you creatively imagine types of non monogamy you can also image monogamy. when studying in berlin my host parents had a nice apartment where they shared one room but had spaces within the house that were exclusively theres. my friends aunts (lesbians) had seperate homes but were still monogamous. you can have distinctness and seperate ness and still have only one partner. inconveniencing friends yet if you need to compromise with a partner they’re not your person?…i guess i don’t understand. I think the beauty of compromise in any relationship is that youre extending yourself because you want to (hopefully) and not because you need to, growing yourself spiritually and combating some of that “selfishness that fuels depression” that you spoke of

[@mckenziereed9501]

I think your perspective aligns more with your specific lived experiences. The types of relationships you describe would harm women disproportionately due to how society is currently constructed. Pregnancy (as you mentioned), financial, abuse, etc. Although, LGBTQ relationships do experience abuse at a high level as well. In order for this to work, society at large would need a huge overhaul! Edit: Also, I think you should look into the history of marriage. Now, marriage is viewed differently socially vs legally. But for most of history in many places, marriage was closely tied to a person's rights and place in society. Without marriage, many did not have any rights (namely, women). Marriage has been important because it provided protection in some cases but reduced rights in other capacities.

[@lostmybadger]

*straight women

[@crontainer8950]

Also avoidant attachment isn't always like "u dont think ure worthy of love?? oh no" but rather can be rooted in lack of emotional literacy--- romantic relationships often are the most primally triggering and just bring forth behaviors we've experienced as children and can even be generational :( idk i'm working on mine too

[@jessicatda]

THE LIBRA IS SHOWING

[@mystical_cupcake]

I may not agree with you on everything, but I sure do respect your authenticity and vulnerability. Thanks for sharing your outlook on life so openly with us!

[@emem4936]

To imagine that I've been watching your vids since Damon and Jo channel and it's NOW that we get the full story. My god😭😭

[@florence8747]

I think you have a negative perspective on relationships. People are happy in monogamous relationships. I think the main issue is that most people tend to stay in relationships that don't work and then become unhappy. I think it all comes to being scared of being alone, and not answering to some instincts as if different partners would make people happier

[@pigepige4137]

Hmm Damon i feel like your definition of love in a romantic relationship and how you don’t like having serious talks or personal talks are kind of contradicting. How do ever reach unconditional love if you can’t have serious talks?

[@damondominique]

bc im all action bebe! show me, dont tell me! ❤

[@pigepige4137]

@@damondominique I agree on that point, but I also looove the serious talks (it makes me feel closer to the person idk). This is why I love videos like these hahaha it really shows me how different people can think

[@moneyisweird7862]

OMG this ex you can never get over!! But that avoidant attachment style....i sprint away from avoidants they are the devil lol but love you though.........why would you want to meet their new partner???! You are a masochist lol! Oh Damon sending love & light x

[@Hannah-us2cu]

what i concluded from this video: damon, you’re not over your ex. go to therapy xxxxxxxx

[@carolinamarin7436]

Yessss for sure lol

[@soniaelena.]

yes. keep pouring 🫖🍵

[@minztee0910]

As an avoidant attachment style girlie in a questionable situationship, i clicked so fast!!!

[@janaybridges]

After seeing your chart it really all adds up. LOL. The avoidant attachment really popped out in this vid, babes. Parting thought: isn't total devotion in a monogamous relationship an example of unconditional love? I love you so much that I won't give into my primal urges while away. Attraction is normal, of course, but we don't have to act on every attraction. Relationships are a commitment. Life's greatest work. Anything else is a situationship. Sincerely, a Scorpio venus who's been married for 8 years 💌

[@oliviacurrado]

looooved this video even though I might not agree with your thoughts about open relationships. I just always enjoy hearing your thoughts and opinions about all these different topics, super interesting and eye opening. I don´t typically watch videos of people just sat down talking at the camera for an hour but you do it so well that I love watching every second.

[@oliviacurrado]

btw I made this comment before finishing the video and now I´m at the part in the end where you ask if we are getting something from this... well there ya go, I definitely am getting something from these videos hahaha

[@hawabarry]

13:28 Damon the timing of this video is so perfect. I ended my relationship of a little over a year with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago. He is Northern Irish and I resonate so much with the effort it takes to make an international/intercultural relationship work. It can be so challenging to try and plan the future when you know there’s so much goddamn paper work involved, leaves a lot less room for spontaneity. And this is coming from an American who could easily fly between New York and Dublin and stay for weeks long stretches multiple times a year. I think about how it would ever work between those who don’t have the time or money to invest. We are in the trenches lmao

[@sherboni]

It's fascinating to see someone with such opposite views on love and relationships as I do! I also used to be terrified of commitment but I live with my fiance now and there's so much more joy in my home than there used to be. I loved having my own space but there's something so comforting about being deeply in love with a person and them knowing your personality inside and out, all your quirks, your interests. That's also why I vastly prefer monogamy, I want to spend all my time with this person that already knows me rather than spending any more of my energy on a stranger.

[@daisybellaa28]

The way that this video will probably become one of Damon's most viewed 😂 people come for the travel and French content but stay for the TEA 🍵

[@hannafromatlanta]

DAMON in his FEELS!?! Thank you for sharing us in your world💖

[@BlueCysStudios]

Okay having watched this, I feel very validated. I don't agree with everything that was said but the vast majority really hit home for me. Thank you once again for putting words to my life's experiences.

[@vhyfy899]

Damon, we truly care about what you have to say; that’s why we’re here, baby! I watched your video from start to finish, and let me tell you, the way your brain works is absolutely fascinating. It’s evident how much traveling has broadened your perspective on life. You’re not afraid to ask questions or to disagree, and yet, you always manage to explain things so tastefully and respectfully. It’s really inspiring! Your content evokes emotions and prompts me to reflect on my own life perspectives and question them. You’re one of my favorite people on the internet EVER, and I hope you never lose your curiosity or stop sharing with us.

[@gabz09_]

love you global citizen king!!!!!! so glad to hear you’re staying in paris for four more years 🤪

[@maximamariamaler]

I'm in the Métro and I'm screaming

[@heewontheory]

beautifully summarized, deep and insightful, damon! (almost painfully) accurately depicting the current state of many young adult relationships rn.

[@saloal31]

I love the video essays! I think it’s a very radical choice against the increasing amount of short format content on the internet. It’s refreshing and I feel much better watching this for an hour than scrolling mindlessly for an hour. Thanks Damon!

[@CookieFridays]

First of all, I love these videos, love hearing what you have to say about topics. I've thought this before when you talked about non monogamy, but I do what you're doing is generalizing by saying that monogamy is not natural. There are billions of people on the planet and if monogamy is not natural for you, it doesn't mean it's not natural for some other people out there. Everyone has wildly different values. Also, everyone has wildly different sex drives and I think that's important to note. I don't enjoy casual sex and so it would be impossible for me to accept my partner having sex with someone else and getting out their "animal urges". That's me. I really want companionship and emotional connection more than anything. A lot of people end up feeling betrayed if their partner shares an intimate connection (sexual or otherwise) with someone else. Lastly, I think the fact that, like you said, you don't worry about pregnancy or family is a big one. That's a big reason why some people do everything possible to stick together and form a solid family unit, for their kids and to have a "traditional family". I am reading a Spanish book and it's amazing how a few decades ago, it was the norm just to marry for practical reasons like survival, having children, money etc. Nowadays, obviously we're past that kind of... desperation? People back then would even put up with domestic violence or other nonsense (which obviously also exists today). So... basically, I think if non-monogamy works for some then that's fine, and if monogamy works for others, that's good too. I think certain things can mess kids up, but that's my opinion... and I'm not into the multiple spouses thing and having a whole gaggle of kids by multiple women though lol. But if you want to be non-monogamist then that's what works for you and people should do what works for them, I mean it's better than cheating obviously lol.

[@gabrielaribeiro6155]

Thank you, that was very well put. I agree, there is not one right way for relationships, we're all different and so are the relationships we build with each other. I would like to add on to the "values" bit. Because people have different values, we prioritize different things, which becomes the basis for our decisions/actions. This is, in my view, the source of the compromise/sacrifice that Damon mentioned at 48:40 . There is indeed a big association of those two terms with monogamous relationships, but the way Damon put it, it seemed to suggest it's expected a person compromises who they are to the benefit of the relationship. But it's rather the opposite? People can compromise/sacrifice to their own gain - because they see how keeping the relationship with the other person is more important/makes them more happy/is more beneficial to themselves than what they "sacrifice". It's not that you lose something, but that you win something. One could even say that instead of sacrifice it's rather an investment. Also, when Damon said he believes that if you have to sacrifice or compromise they're not the right person for you, it really showed that he's not planning on having children. There is no way you're having kids with someone without any compromise whatsoever.

[@NabilaIrene]

WOW. There are sooo many things you said that I have contemplated but never allowed myself to come to these conclusions directly in a way you did. Made me realise I have a lot more to reflect on!

[@rommelnunez]

is this oversharing if we are all invested

[@sicily2907]

The amount of people that disagree with your takes is why I'm always coming back. These are the discussions no one wants to have but are so eye opening ✋🏻😤

[@liina_milb]

you have literally managed to put almost all my views on love and relationships in a coherent video

[@bydefnedogan]

baby freedom is KEY like not me getting frustrated WITH YOUUU 😭😭😭 i never knew i needed this one….. xxxxx

[@mahsa065]

As a 39 year old, I had to pause so many times during this essay and think about the many limitations I've put on myself and what I really want from a romantic relationship. Keep them coming. ❤

[@Navarro94]

Love these essays of yours. I share the idea of everyone's own individuality. Taking it away would just make things boring and ruin the whole thing for me.

[@octopussii]

You are a rare gem on YT, Damon! So authentic and thought provoking. I'm saving this video because I could only watch half of it! You should have your own podcast, man!

[@wehojm7320]

I enjoy viewing your long format vlogs. This makes up for that period, last year, that you were posting less frequently. This vlog feels like many of your thoughts, mostly about various aspects of love and friendship, that were bubbling just below the surface broke the surface and you had the opportunity to share your ruminations. I appreciate listening to your point of view of things. Please, more long format postings. Take care.👍🙏😎

[@DebInstead]

i agree with you on a lot of these points but the congratulations for a couple that's lasted many years / raised a well balanced kid is a nod to all the external forces that typically would divide them by now. I think it is an admirable feat and a testament to love, commitment and dedication to be in such a long term relationship and worthy of a congrats and tbh it's a little bit rude you retracted it. i agree that those who end a relationship that's run its course also deserve a high five but this is the expected / more common outcome and so it's less surprising

[@antheazobrist5717]

Damon c'est tellement rafraîchissant de t’écouter parler de ces sujets. I feel like I’m having one more conversation about these topics with a friend. Keep them coming, luv em. Let us be a part of your flow of opinions 🥰 love from Switzerland

[@ericcalhoun6625]

Damon I cannot stress enough how many BARS this video has omfg. Literally taking all of my thoughts and explaining them perfectly thank you queen!

[@bootsmade4walking]

I LOVE how you edited the video to emphasize the HEART on your chest ❤ :,) u inspire me as an artist. Would you ever do a video on becoming a youtuber (privacy, growing ur channel, etc.)?

[@solanag1826]

no more struggle love!! let's celebrate letting go and moving on 🫶

[@jamieramirez7439]

It’s beautifully refreshing to have your perspective because although I may not agree with the everything said, you aren’t afraid of expressing things that people are unwilling and uncomfortable sharing. I respect it because you are literally working through it all and here we all are with you doing our best to live authentically to our beliefs while working through them. I was literally checking over and over when you had a another video coming, the different kinds of love is real and should be appreciated in appropriate ways where we understand its importance and really look into why we know they are important. Keep these essays coming 🫶🏽

[@bshaliii]

Damon, I took so much away from this!! I've been inching towards the mindset with which you approach romantic relationships, but you really put it all together for me! Idk if I see 100% eye to eye, but I found this video super useful and might have to rewatch on regular speed lol

[@ScottJMulligan]

re: "are these videos worth making" which you ask at the end - yes, this is good stuff. Keep going. It's nice to hear an insightful person thinking out loud about these ideas.

[@MAELOfficial]

the thing about open relationships is that it's all honey and milk as long as you're their primary, but nobody guarantees you that you won't get replaced. Especially if both of you are not 100% genuinely up for that lifestyle; if one of you wants or plans to have a monogamous relationship at some point in life, this will have to end - and the other party will get hurt. So, there u have it. This can easily be compared to friendships as we all have several close friends, but there's usually one that stands out, or there are different activities that you prefer doing with one or the other.

[@crontainer8950]

love esther perel!! also LOVE the concept of u loving the version of u in the club & the parallel of people who cheat because a part of themselves is awakened & gets to receive nurturing, validation, and love

[@indywright346]

It’s the way I’ve been re-watching all your videos this past week you have no idea I’m so excited for this

[@madamoisellechampignon5340]

OH MY GAHD. FINALLYYYYYYYY - THE LORE I HAVE BEEN WAITING FORRRRRRR

[@counting_sheep7064]

Damonnn!!!!! You fucking COOKED with this video I stgg! omg so many of my “unpopular” opinions about love and relationships were voiced so perfectly in this essay I didn’t even know I agreed with all the same ideas as you. Well done 👏👏

[@Rilows]

I love how Damon’s videos are so curated and organized while begin chaotic and disorganized. There’s a common theme to the video. But he goes back and forth, and then changes subject, then makes a joke, and gets serious again. You can tell the scenery is curated. He’s got notes written down. But he ain’t following them, nor is he sure about where he’s going with his argument. Keep it up Damon. Cheers from Argentina

[@kschoeck]

I love these long talks. They are so deep and hit so many points of observation in society

[@meritxellcilliers7515]

Im usually one of those stealthy viewers that don't ever comment but I'm emerging to say this is the best video I have watched in such a long time. Thank you for this. Genuinely. I know a lot of people in the comments maybe don't get it. I just want you to know. I fully got this video. I'm 100% the same with how I think about love and relationships. Also this long essay/ friend chat format that opens up from experience. Also absolutely my cup of tea.

[@CarlTippins]

Your friend is 100% correct! Loving someone isn't giving up on any part of you, or denying part of you, or something that would cause you to stop doing something you love to do. If you're with someone you should be with, then they accept (I hate that word, but can't think of another one right now) everything about you accept everything about them. My late partner and I were together for 10 years before he passed away from cancer. Our sex life was the same after 10 years as it was at the beginning of our relationship (at least 5 days a week). That never diminished. We also had outside interests that we were passionate about and we understood that and there was never an issue about that because we knew it was just part of what we loved about each other. Our individual creativity was never a burden to the other person, it was part of what we loved about each other and probably one of the things that drew us together. Maybe there are some people who are meant to be be in relationships and some people who are not meant to be in relationships. If you're stressed out about living with someone, than maybe you fall into the later category. I'm not saying one is good and one is bad, it's just the way people are.

[@beckieearth7687]

Damon you are a revolutionary and I bloody love you. I'm sending this to all my pals big time. Need more tipsy conversations like this 100%

[@ConservationCooks]

I honestly love these videos of yours. I'm enjoying a few glasses myself and it's like we're having a drink and chatting and I think that it's great to hear someone talk so openly about their personal philosophies

[@chester14rw]

This is the earliest I've been to a vid --- except for the DamonAndJo tea

[@isa.belle.alison]

I was KILLING myself laughing this whole time... to sit and talk to Damon for hours over wine might be top 3 on my bucket list

[@ishanshah7521]

I applaud your honesty and really value hearing about your experiences. Not enough people talk frankly about these subjects, and as a younger person navigating related subjects it's very nice to hear your take on it. Thank you for sharing this, and for making your incredible art. Writing this from Paris as I study abroad, inspired directly by you and the years of admiring your art and watching it change, evolve, and grow.

[@lauralol186]

I could listen to you for HOURS! It‘s the way you’re honest.

[@DiamondFlame45]

Love is nuanced. So take the path that aligns with your values but also be prepared to take the consequences from it. You want an open relationship? Don’t get upset when your partner sees other people.

[@LoganCChaix]

Clicked so fast to watch this one. So interesting to listen about your views. I think one of the elements that is missing but again it’s because we aren’t the same is “choice” part. Some people, like myself make the choice to love a person while knowing humans aren’t made to be in monogamy relationship! Our world is so infinite it’s hard to make a final choice, and we shouldn’t have to tbh, but some of us are also comfortable just choosing one lover to spend the rest of their life with. And some other will never make that choice cause they don’t feel like it and that’s right for them ! Too many different kind of love and as long as you get the kind you need you will be content and happy :) but society do pressure us in only one direction for sure

[@gabrielaribeiro6155]

That's exactly it, thank you for writing it so well, helped me organize my thoughts

[@mindyb1394]

I love your video essays! I can sit through the entire video and still be left wanting more. Thought provoking content but without any pretentiousness.

[@adrienntorocsik7404]

I think your video essays are great, they show me to see the world through a different perspective. They make me think about topics I usually do not really question.

[@raphaelpertois7765]

stopped everything I was doing to watch this - I've always agreed with your views on love (IG stories and excerpts on KZbin) so far you're putting into words such complex feelings I've had (especially on spending time with your friends and people you *know* rather than others lol)

[@kanelle7821]

Love your mind and admire your courage ❤ Bisous from Martinique

[@sdiga192]

Damon, thank you for all your thoughts, listening to you makes me feel so comfortable and literally makes me see my life more positively. Hands down, every single time!!!

[@esmeraldagamgeetook2454]

The bit about wanting someone you love to have that beautiful romantic experience with the eiffel tower in the background was spot on. In polyamorous circles we call that compersion (the joy you feel in knowing your partner is experiencing joyful romantic or sexual connections). I've always really resonated with non monogamy and relationship anarchy (this is where you create a relationship from scratch, choose together what you want and don't, what expectations you want to hold each other to). I'm in agreement with you on marriage. I can't let go of the history of sexist/ religious control and I hate the government involvement but I'm also kinda love the idea of people you care about gathering to celebrate love. Also hate how we consider shorter relationships failures & the moral weight we put on sex (religious indoctrination imo). Love that you messaged the sex worker, she was treated horribly in that interview but she did a great job. I've really just been nodding along most of the video. Obviously you have some attachment issues that you need to heal, but so many people don't realise the deep commitment and love that is often involved in non monogamy. My partner and I consider each other birds and our relationship together a garden. We want each other to fly free and experience life fully but we always come back to each other and the beautiful safe haven we have created.

[@urbansun3824]

Never clicked so fast

[@chiaraliane]

Damon I get so much from these long video essays and literally hang onto every word. So please keep sharing them!!!

[@ALSALNM]

When you mentioned that we should be able to travel freely because it can get in the way of human emotions, I really understand what you meant. I think I haven't had a relationship because of that. People here have a very different view of relationships than I do, and it's really interesting that I share the same views as you despite us being very different people. I have always told myself that maybe I feel this way about relationships or i have an attraction for multiple people because I have only lived in my village and haven't had the chance to meet the right one, but it's actually just how i feel about this whole thing whether I'm in one place or travelling all over the world.

[@baura-kb8iq]

I think I'm definitely in the boat of "relationships take work" BUT I do think there should be an initial click or attraction. Friendship or Love, I think you have to have similar values and interests (similar but not all the SAME, that would be boring lol). Can't say I agree with the sexual/emotional love separation but I do agree that staying in a monogamous relationship can be a slippery slope into becoming one person/losing your identity. I feel like I fell into that trap in the beginning of my relationship atm but I'm taking steps now to be my own person again. It was especially hard because I moved somewhere new where I only knew my partner- so it was easy to latch onto them (NOT healthy). Super interesting video! 🙇‍♀ been watching for years now, and I love all the topics you cover.