Finally feeling human again and the bitterness trap. |

[@DalCecilRuno]

Mental health is a struggle for people with chronic illness, disability, temporary post-accident recovery... This is tough, but it will teach you strength and resilience, my friend. The journal is so good. I have it on the phone because I do it all digital. You're doing it right. You're taking steps in the right direction. So glad to hear your happiness when you talk about not feeling pain anymore. I'm hoping for a day when I hear Mom say that she doesn't feel any pain. I'm very happy for you! 💜

[@BarrettLaurie]

Thank you. I know you understand so many of these frustrations. My husband teases me that my paper and pen journal belies my early millennial status. 😂🤣 I appreciate you more than you know. 💜💯

[@LindsayPuckett]

Okay when you were talking about waking up without pain and how WIERD it was. OMG. I literally feel disoriented when that happens to me. And almost...high? Like I'm so happy my whole body is nothing but dopamine lol Glad to know I'm not alone. And so happy you are seeing some improvement!

[@BarrettLaurie]

Lindsey I am so appreciative of your voice on AuthorTube speaking to what it’s like living with a chronic illness. You serve as an inspiration to me in so many ways, but especially on the chronic illness front. And as for finally feeling good, I’m still pinching myself I don’t wake up in awful pain! Thank you for being you and being so transparent. You’ve earned a fan for life in me. We smaller channels appreciate you so much. Keep slaying. 💜💯

[@TheManincognito]

4.26 gave me a rush. Someday I will wake up pain free. Glad you have crossed the bridge

[@BarrettLaurie]

It will happen. I thought it never would, but it did. Keep the faith.

[@DalCecilRuno]

Don't worry about the TMI. It is what it is, and it's part of the situation. Im learning a lot about this condition thanks to your vlogs.

[@BarrettLaurie]

Thanks. I go into TMI territory often in these vids, so good to know it’s not as distracting as I imagined.

[@AuthorMorganLee]

Pause! You're from Missouri?! I'm from Kansas! We're writers, crohnies AND neighbors! Lol!

[@BarrettLaurie]

Hey neighbor! Love it!

[@JoeyPaulOnline]

Glad to hear you're feeling better, you've had a hell of a go of things, and to finally find that sweet spot is such a relief, I was the same when Mepo was finally approved for use here and then the wait for the call to get my first dose.

[@BarrettLaurie]

Thank you for the love and support. Yes, waiting on the drug you know will be a game changer is tough. I know you get it. I appreciate you, your channel, and your voice in the author tube space. Sending you love and good vibes.

[@itsshortforlizard1582]

Well that is fantastic to hear! Hopefully this is a new norm for you and you really can return to some kind of normalcy (if the rest of the world decides to join us one day 🤦‍♀️). A whole year. I can't even imagine...

[@BarrettLaurie]

It’s been really hard. Thanks for popping in and saying hello. I hope so too. Stay healthy and well!

[@stephaniewalsh1356]

Hey bb-so so happy you are feeling better! Sorry it took so long due to money. Which yeah, I would be pretty angry too. I’m thankful my buddy is feeling better. Now we have to deal with the pandemic in our state, it’s keeping me in as well. Plus they keep going back and forth in wearing a mask or don’t wear a mask in STL. I just don’t want to deal with all that so been staying in more, plus it’s hot. Humidity is not my friend right now. Yay for you feeling like yourself again! That gives hope to many others

[@BarrettLaurie]

Ma’am…I literally died laughing when you said, “plus it’s hot. Humidity is not my friend.” That told me we’re meant to be best friends (BB4Life) for life! Thank you. It feels good to feel good again. We gotta get you back to 💯 and get this whole Pan pizza thing figured out and grab some coffee and a muffin some AC! 💜😂💯

[@stephaniewalsh1356]

@@BarrettLaurie I can’t wait!! 💕

[@stephaniewalsh1356]

@@BarrettLaurie this humidity…ugh, the worst. Plus I was outside like 10 min on my deck and got like a bazillion mosquito bites. I’m pale as a ghost (redhead) so I look like I have the chicken pox now.

[@BarrettLaurie]

@@stephaniewalsh1356 oh goodness those mosquitos love me too. It’s because we’re sweet as syrup! 💜

[@thewritingsisters]

Wow thank you fur staring this. It’s crazy the implications we don’t cubsyder with regards ti baccunes and the pandemic. It sounds like desire the wait you’re on the trail get path to getting better. Is there a cure for it or just treat the dtmitimd

[@BarrettLaurie]

Unfortunately Crohn’s disease is incurable and recurring. But, at this point I just want to get out of flare so I can reduce my meds enough to be back out in public, when it’s safe to do so. Thank you for your support and love. I’m so lucky to have you in my orbit.

[@dennardjohnson7192]

So this is all new to me. Apparently the doctors believe I am in the early stages of crohn's... I've been getting the fistulas and even have cetons in.... two.... at the 9 and 3.... I am having I guess what you call a bad day and I can't see how you or anyone with this can go on. I've been out of work for about a month and I am due to go back this Tuesday. I don't think I can do it. They bother me at every step, sitting is definitely not an option and I am tired of just having to lay down.... this whole thing has not been easy at all.... I have my wife to talk to but it is nice to also see you on here as well. I don't even know why I am even commenting on here. Maybe I just want it all to go away and maybe just talking about it helps.... I don't know. Thanks for giving me hope though. I am definitely having one of these bad days lol

[@BarrettLaurie]

Dennard I know what I am about to say is going to be hard to hear, but don’t lose hope. The pain is unbearable. I wasn’t walking, sitting upright, or doing much of anything until I was well into my Remicade cycles and on the immune suppressant before like magic that stabbing pain back there went away. I have diary entries filled with bad days. Before I was diagnosed and put on remicade. Each entry sounds more desperate than the last, looking for even the slightest relief. A full night sleep without waking up to pain. Sitting down without being in pain. Walking without feeling uncomfortable. All of it. Hang in there. The good news is if they think it’s Crohn’s they will get some biologics in you soon to calm the fistulas down and your life will slowly come back to you. Don’t feel bad for commenting. I’ve been right where you are. I do these videos because I couldn’t find videos like this when I first got sick. Fair warning if you’re a new subscriber, most of my content is related to my writing career, but I do monthly vlogs and special videos sporadically that are Crohn’s, fistula specific. I answer every comment, so if you need to talk, I’m right here. Hang in there my friend. 💜💯

[@dennardjohnson7192]

@@BarrettLaurie thank you for replying. The hardest part is not really knowing what is happening to me. Because of the 3 maybe 4 fistulas, the docs believe I am in the early stages. But as I watch ALL you "let's talk about butt stuff" videos, it feel like we have damn near the same thing which has help me some what understand better what is happening to me. I definitely haven't been sitting for a while and I don't know how I will be able to fake being alright at work. I am a carrier for the Amor truck guys and sometimes the route can take us from in town to out of town. Sitting from 20 minutes to an hr to get to a stop and walking making these cetons rub together 😩😩😩... I just don't think I am ready... but when you are to sole providers... I am running out of options but to just buck up and take it. I feel like I am going to let my family down. I feel really scared thinking about the families future safety and security, my job, and if anything will be the same again. But I know this is still early. I just wish I knew what was ACTUALLY happening to me. I know you symptoms may sound strikingly like yours, but as of know, we don't know.

[@BarrettLaurie]

@@dennardjohnson7192 I'm going to be honest with you, I could not work. Physically, I could not. Now, if I didn't have to fool around with my insurance company for remicade, I would have been feeling good way back in summer of 2020. instead it was May of 2021 before I got the treatment I needed. I know you can power through and do whatever you need to do to survive and stay insured. I would be hounding the colorectal doctor for some sort of pain med solution if sitting at work will be required. I would also get a donut, but without the powerful pain meds I was physically unable to sit upright. I know how frustrating it is to not know what is happening, especially somewhere we can't really see. It was awful. I know my next advice is easier said than done, but you have to try to let go of the things you can't control because stress can have a negative impact on your symptoms if it is Crohn's. I know how badly I wanted to punch my cousin (who has Crohn's as well) gave me that advice. However, I do remember the day I began to just manage my pain and do my best to follow every advice and guidelines from my dietician (increased water intake, benefiber 2X a day, miralax once per day, and higher fiber diet) that I was able to better prioritize my needs. I also leaned into medicinal marijuana which is legal here, but it was a Godsend in helping me relax more and stress less before the Remicade jumped in to save the day. I hope you get your answers. You always have a friend in my comments section. Keep me posted man. I'll be thinking about you and sending good vibes your way.

[@DalCecilRuno]

Not the same at all, but kinda, sorta. Just now I can resume my paperwork to maybe soon get a disability certificate to get some small benefits, discounts, and law protection so I can get some kinda job somewhere. I moved here in November 2019, lost my job in March 2020 because pandemic took all the travelling jobs away, and everything was shut down so no disability certificate either, so no new job, so a lot of problems. It's been rough and depressing, but I rarely mention it in my writer platforms. Conclusion, in my different way, I relate to that feeling of "this could have been sooner." You're not alone, friend.

[@BarrettLaurie]

I’m so happy that hopefully you can get a disability certificate soon. I will keep checking in on you to follow along in that process. I’m thinking about you.

[@AuthorMorganLee]

Remicade is magical! I've been in remission for 5 almost 6 years thanks to Remicade! Edit: Yes, I am commenting as I watch lol. Omg, insurance is so aggravating! I hate it. I had to switch to a biosimilar for Remicade this year instead of the original Remicade and I'm terrified it'll mess up my remission. All because insurance wouldn't pay for Remicade. GRR!

[@BarrettLaurie]

Remicade is my magic nectar! I swear by it. Literally saved my life. I have heard that certain insurance companies are changing people from remicade to other biologics. I'm sending you all the positive vibes that this doesn't have any sort of a negative impact on your remission. That is my biggest fear. With my dosage of remicade my GI has said that if I go off of it I won't be able to go back on. Very stressful since it worked for me. I can't tell you how happy I am to have met a fellow writer and Crohnie all in one! Bonus that your my state neighbor!

[@AuthorMorganLee]

@@BarrettLaurie ​ Yes, Remicade saved my life as well! I'm glad you're doing better! That fear though is no joke. On the one hand you're happy that it's working and making you feel good then on the other hand you're trying not worry about when and if something will go wrong! But yes, I too am so happy to meet another Crohnie and writer! I've been wanting to talk about Crohn's more on my channel because there aren't that many Crohns youtubers left. When I was first diagnosed there used to be a lot more.

[@BarrettLaurie]

@@AuthorMorganLee oh geez. I’ve only been on AuthorTube for a year so I’m sad to miss the golden age of Crohn’s and AuthorTube. If you do Crohn’s content I will be front row center cheering you on. Although, I’m going to be your cheerleader for your channel period!

[@AuthorMorganLee]

@@BarrettLaurie Well, thankfully Authortube is still growing and thriving. Crohn's disease community, not so much lol.

[@lovemydna]

I wonder do you still have the same views on who's jabbed and who's not