Find your Kojima name with my simple 11-page form | Unraveled BONUS

[@polygon]

You can download the name generator here: bit.ly/kojimanamegenerator And when you're done, please post your explanatory monologue, or else how will I know who you are? - The Lewd Improvisationman

[@nickd.9955]

Thanks dad

[@theshamanite]

Aquarius pre-Ophiuchus. I'd say we have the same sign Brian, but the chaos God Ophiuchus decided to make a point that he existed and we all hate him now for it.

[@natezabinski5615]

@ Drawfee do a drawing challenge for this.

[@garrettgrisso8180]

polygon has uploaded other things to scribd, including the faze clan / tfue lawsuit that i didn’t know about and apparently has something to do with water conservation in colorado and in the limited amount i’m willing to read of legal documents it doesn’t seem to be a joke

[@macdoo99]

Hi, I’m Peeler Conurbation, and if you’re wondering how I got this name, well, let me tell you. I realised that as people come together, they are torn apart. I, peeler conurbation am a VIOLENT SPY with PSYCHIC PARASITES who seeks to tear people apart literally before they come together figuratively.

[@storyspren]

Ah yes, the three states of matter: Solid, liquid, and naked.

[@Captain-Dju]

You sir just made me choke on my coffee, well played !

[@Sir_Bucket]

And remember children: heat the liquid to makes it naked

[@superfunkyjam]

there is a fourth state, solidus

[@LeAlejx]

Are you the legendary big boss?

[@storyspren]

@nik _ Gaseous Snake maybe?

[@NinjaCupcakeAttack]

it feels strangely intimate watching unraveled without bdg in a suit

[@SwimmingInSunlight]

Bdg after dark

[@crowe3301]

it feels like youre skyping your friend at like three in the morning

[@disastergirl888]

Oh, that’s what it is that feels so wrong about this episode...

[@musicsaves71590]

I think you mean The Lewd Improvisationman

[@ageha_vercor]

And also the look into his actual fears and childhood humiliation? How raw... I also am terrified of horses.

[@PurePlummet]

You know, for someone deathly afraid of horses, you've essentially created a racehorse name generator.

[@mrsb50]

Genuinely flawless observation 😂 if there’s a horse that ever shares my Kojima-given name-Big Werewolf Sahara-I’m putting mega bucks on it winning

[@JimboDoomface]

Can you bet on a horse to lose?

[@johnnyshortfor]

As someone whose result was Old Naked Horseman, I really cannot disagree more, but that's a personal thing

[@elfiot]

@@johnnyshortfor naming a baby horse that would be a power move.

[@johnnyshortfor]

@@elfiot …funny you mention that since my mom’s two mares are foaling this spring

[@finnfarrell8069]

“These names represent my coworkers for who they really are” The old wet gamer

[@badernera7497]

hmm.

[@ellana5076]

the tree pee

[@whatashittyname.6460]

Mine is Big Naked Lickable Catman. Help.

[@RabbiHerschel]

@@whatashittyname.6460 I got Kukri Revolver. There is only one kind of help I am qualified to give.

[@Akira.0.]

​@@RabbiHerscheltwo actually, kukri and revolver

[@BlueSeaBox]

Without the suit, that moustache is somehow far more threatening.

[@Mamontiny]

His name is Horses Trident after all

[@dantel4170]

@@Mamontiny what gives YOU the right to call him by that name?!?!

[@FoxEatingBamboo]

It manifests equine vibes.

[@MrWilson812]

Especially with the nail polish. I'd say his code name fits pretty damn well.

[@deeveevideos]

Exactly like he's someone you don't take candy from or van rides from

[@TheManTheMythD]

That feeling when you spend 30 minutes on an introspective and highly personal journey of discovery to find your deep and meaningful name, only to suddenly become Hideo Kojima at the very end.

[@SteezyLovejoy]

Feel like that's somehow the most Kojima ending

[@d.s.bernard8907]

I rolled in the 60’s on two d10’s and that was an absolutely terrifying moment

[@Stormthorn67]

Metaphor for life

[@vacuousloki1648]

Nice

[@karelia1227]

This is the paradoxical experience of being a trans girl.

[@brandonmichaelheimbach452]

“Writing Teacher”. It’s literally my job. Great. I’m an NPC...

[@nixel1324]

: ^|

[@imannatasha3302]

I like how you've accepted your fate

[@Madhattersinjeans]

We're all npcs to someone.

[@ranga274]

It's not the worst npc you could be, you can be useful

[@spongyrus5861]

I Mr. Writing Teacher i’m « Anxious Student » !

[@averagebardenjoyer]

“what is your most embarrassing childhood memory?” i don’t know, Brian I repressed all memories before the age of 17

[@ahobbit1273]

Saaaame

[@MidoriNatsume]

Perhaps it's existing.

[@LostSoulSilver]

Same lmao

[@dread_wolf2301]

Yo same and I'm 14

[@the-letter_s]

@@dread_wolf2301 omnigrade amnesia moment

[@s0phtt]

Everyone: *has a big crazy name* Emily Heller: Emily Heller

[@hazimasdfa6897]

rolled a 69 I guess

[@blarg2429]

@tobias f But Hideo Kojima first rolled a 69, thus converting him into a copy of a random person among those who filled out the form. Don't question how I know this.

[@Miphiel]

Hello Emily Heller I'm your new clone Old Heller

[@v.s.1889]

Emily Heller(Emily Heller)

[@tleilaxu42]

Mr. Emily Heller is totally a Kojima name.

[@moredetonation3755]

It's like an 80s dad dropped into the modern world and was given clothing by the kid who found him

[@gabejones8112]

I don't think this is allowed to be how spot on it is

[@jaredbumblecrum]

Id watch that show

[@kaylaburrell4637]

That’s actually good

[@Anuc13]

I filled out the entire goddamn worksheet only to end up with the name "content eating nothingdoer" this was the slowest self-burn I ever had to endure and I doubt I will heal from this, thank you lewd-imorovisationman, you have forever left a scar deep in my soul

[@egg-lady7899]

Amazing

[@felixhenson9926]

holy shit

[@animan095]

I'm scared now

[@Bigballhaver3]

*the lewd-improvisation man

[@comparethequeercat]

I mean i got old porn camera so lucky you

[@gracegrrl007]

I legitimately cannot get over one of BDG's names being "Big Brain Producer" like this has to have been planned somehow but I know it wasn't

[@tweer64]

I think it was just "Brain Producer".

[@gracegrrl007]

@@tweer64 If you pause around 8:37 when all of his names (aside from The Lewd Improvisationman) are onscreen, Occupational Name is spelled out as Big Brain Producer in its entirety! but let's not kid ourselves, Brain Producer would be JUST as good.

[@owl3550]

Oh god, my name is The Big Failure.

[@jeanetten.s.8557]

You called?

[@Silverwind87]

Mood.

[@ThyOni]

Bro because im gererally nickname crist i ended up being fcking J e s u s c r i s t

[@ThyOni]

So dont worry my son you shall be well adventured in your little succes

[@thesavagefour4290]

Nice

[@rachelgordon5491]

My boyfriend got "The Horseman" I got "The Horse" Brian I don't like this 😀

[@carbonmonteroy]

I'm pretty sure the horseman's supposed to ride the horse, not the other way around...

[@truesoulghost2777]

Then it works

[@bellabrodie4740]

This made me laugh too hard for how late it is

[@mangoblaze]

Hi Bojack

[@madhatt3r93]

Oh wow, youre dating Bojack?

[@opekamma]

To be fair this is just being given 10 minutes to make a D&D character

[@dicorockhimself]

10 minutes? Guess I'm going fighter XD

[@AlmostUselessPenguin]

If I ever run a session I'm making an npc using this.

[@opekamma]

@@dicorockhimself I made a wizard as my first character ever to sit in on a running session in 15 minutes! It was terrifying, but I think she's still my favorite, since now shes an npc in it. She got a backstory eventually, and also a big ol farmer wife she met when I was still driving her

[@dicorockhimself]

@@opekamma impressive as you r first too? I just mentioned them as a 15 minute character sense you have so few choices lol

[@partialbullet2215]

Almost Useless Penguin Just do this with ever NPC

[@chuck_duck]

If Kojima is ever held hostage, they better show him this

[@polygon]

hopefully he will find it of his own free will :')

[@chuck_duck]

@@polygon well yea. I don’t want Kojima to be held hostage. I just can’t help but picture the situation of Kojima being shown this while being held hostage. It seems funny.

[@alexl9985]

And then make him eat 16 carrots

[@bek7562]

Too late, already happened

[@png32]

"Old Gay Programmer" No backstory needed.

[@junebuggeryy]

I'm going through the forum with some friends, and there straight up isn't a place where the number of carrots you can eat in one sitting comes back up. Like, unless we are wrong, the carrots are NEVER relevant again. BDG just wants you to confront how many carrots you can eat in one sitting as a form of psychological warfare to prepare you for your new life in a Kojima narrative. EDIT: btw- Cursed Gamestopper here

[@MegaPagliacci]

Crona Bla that makes it even better

[@dutch_asocialite]

>Cursed Gamestopper Damn, that's actually almost cool sounding. Sounds like some Big Game ringleader who captures the best people from around the world and puts them in an inescapable compound to ??? war as a business. Just can't believe it's wasted on a KZbin commenter. Also Fish Fame here.

[@nstewart1623]

Hey Cursed Gamestopper, it's Chill Proctorman! You should always know how many carrots you can eat if forced. Always.

[@tamby_teeze]

Honestly, I kinda suspected that.

[@MortimerSeptimus]

Hey, I'm your clone, The Cursed Howitzer

[@protodevilin]

N A K E D T R E E H O U N D Sounds like a legit MGS boss.

[@madhatt3r93]

Sounds like a motherbase solider in peace walker or phantom pain lmao

[@levantdiggerus3473]

That’s a damn cryptid.

[@colewegner7576]

Dark Souls

[@WaterWolf.]

Anecdote Odyssey - I imagine the explanatory monologue for this particular character would be quite longwinded.

[@levantdiggerus3473]

Two and a half hour, unskippable cutscene. WITH QuickTime events.

[@brandon10301991]

But at least it would be humorous.

[@matthewschneider6725]

"Burgerstruggle Doppelganger" really rolls off the tongue like a metric ton of superballs.

[@J3Puffin]

This is an amazing name, I will fight anyone who disagrees.

[@EinFelsbrocken]

This is the pinnacle of a Kojima name.

[@felixvelariusbos]

I didn't realize that you could win at this...but good sir, you very much did.

[@aidafowl]

Isn't that the guy who plays Sherlock?

[@putridmoldyman306]

Would burgerstruggle struggleburger be better?

[@jayekaplan4955]

my name is "The Old Shrieking Dishtowel" and i'm not sure how to feel.

[@driftercarbon]

Feel like a boss, cause that's what you'd be with a name like that.

[@tundra1992]

Definitely shriek worthy

[@Scorpion23341]

As The Old Clown, I can relate

[@Corbomite_Meatballs]

I bet everyone knows when you clean up...

[@Felixr2]

As Watching a Video, I envy you

[@autismeister]

I’m Cello Death. You see, when cellos are getting old and overused, I come in to guide their eternal souls to the afterlife.

[@iguessmynamesriya7658]

So like a psychopomp who in life was a great artist until a tragic death at the hands of a man from your past led you to become a guider of spirits and general muse for those who come after you?

[@ojcorp]

Cello Darkness My Old Friend

[@jeanetten.s.8557]

@@iguessmynamesriya7658 *furiously writes that down*

[@joshchamber9]

I can safely say, that after nearly a year of this video being uploaded, that my best friend and I still have our Kojima names as our Phone Contact names.

[@exzyyd392]

"Kojima often creates characters that have a lot of different names" - Revolver 'Revolver Ocelot' Ocelot -

[@warren_waters]

Major "Revolver 'Shalashaska' Ocelot" Ocelot

[@erraticonteuse]

@@warren_waters Don't forget "Adamska"!

[@Oszy333]

Liquid "Major "Revolver "Shalashaska" Ocelot" Ocelot" Ocelot

[@QuicklimeTime]

"I AM -SHASHALASHKA- -SHALASHISHKA- -LASHASHASKA- -SHISHKA- *OCELOT* "

[@lopenash]

Major Adamska "Shalashaska" "Liquid" "Revolver" Ocelot

[@MapleMilk]

"Audience watches Brian take a strangely personal 11 page quiz" That fits a description for a certain website

[@dinolandra]

You mean... Uh... Polygon.com?

[@OMalleyTheMaggot]

"All you need is a full set of RPG dice..." *stands up to go get my dice* "...and this 11 page form you can download in the description" *slowly sits back down*

[@joewoods532]

This was me as as well. I'll get on to it later

[@QueenAshe]

@@joewoods532 this was two weeks ago, I require an answer

[@joewoods532]

Still getting to it

[@joewoods532]

i did it. i am now the zeppelin man

[@Starchild719]

I do get the joke but I was able to do it without the worksheet more or less

[@uwuingallnight7381]

Imagine doing the whole worksheet just to get ”the harpoon”. THE HARPOON. YOU MADE ME RELIVE MY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES FOR THIS? I even did my other names too but since I rolled no conditions they’re just ”[my name]”, ”Lira Studier”, ”Gemini cat”, ”the harpoon”, ”Vibe”, ”dull knife”, ”Drink” Drink?? These dice are mocking me, I’ve never seen a kubrik film and they know it

[@henrynelson9301]

Vibe is really believable tbh

[@alexlee4154]

Vibe is the edgy anti-hero's name. He's a cyberpunk character or something

[@VijoPlays]

Bro, Vibe would go hard in a Kojima game though

[@uwuingallnight7381]

@@VijoPlays i guess that means the name is *a vibe*

[@aldar8240]

dude being named the harpoon sounds kickass

[@snoopynwoodstock99]

"The Lewd Old Simone de Rochefort" so does this confirm that she's immortal?

[@dantio3195]

and a clone, obv

[@ufofighter16]

Simone a Great Old One? Yeah that makes sense

[@Ghostslack]

LITERALLY the perfect name for simone

[@Bhazor]

That dang lewd old Simone de Rochefort

[@hare6663]

"The Lewd Old Simone de Rochefort" is just simones normal name

[@bearrorist5658]

Also sounds more like a dark souls boss tbh

[@mery7798]

"Big Solid Turtle" Backstory: You see, I'm a big turtle

[@gynt6740]

María París but are you solid

[@mery7798]

@@gynt6740 oh I'm pretty sure I am

[@partialbullet2215]

María París Aaaaaa Sex jokes

[@robynthethird4776]

I did this with my friends, and one of them was Big Fucking Student. Goddamnded extraordinary.

[@captaincrash9002]

ayy, it's coco jumbo

[@trademarkshelton]

DANG IT! I got through 6 minutes of this just to find out I was Hideo Kojima. Not sure if I'm even allowed to watch the rest of this

[@reguba3534]

"The Tongues Kiss" I don't wanna talk about it.

[@evan-bunch-of-numbers]

That's a shame, it feels like it has an hilarious backstory

[@ikaro342]

The internet wants to know. Please?

[@chayapunk2276]

Please I beg you talk about it...

[@andrewboyacigiller8985]

Yes you do....

[@homemacai]

Reguba you really should

[@waffleless]

“Horses Trident” sounds like an actual MGS name.

[@dacq9038]

And a Homestar Runner character

[@dipinbk8852]

I can already hear Campbell saying that name

[@1234fakerstreet]

Trogdor's nemesis!

[@h3tty]

I legitimately got the name “someone’s whole arm ripping my eyes out or something man” I played by the rules how did this happen

[@radardjz7275]

Only Kojima knows

[@ivygreenleaf2722]

Just go with the initials. You're now 'swarmeoosm', congrats

[@h3tty]

Ivy Greenleaf thats got a ring to it

[@dawnbray8325]

Have you prepared you explanation yet?

[@thecooldude3255]

We need an explanation

[@Patch-lz9yi]

"I couldn't let it define me, so I became what I couldn't handle," was a line I did not expect to write today. To think it came from a monologue explaining how my name is "The Internal Organs" because I nearly passed out during a dissection lab.

[@lemonboy5498]

My name is “Anime Noncomplementary Behaviour”. This was supposed to be a cool name, Mr. David Gilbert. Edit: I tried again and got the name “Big The Sneeze Fart” so maybe my original name wasn’t so bad after all

[@rattyeely]

Better than Otaku convention I guess...

[@FlamingZelda3]

Note, any conditions from section 4 go AFTER "The" if you have the "The" name. So you'd be: The Big Sneeze Fart

[@DareMurdok]

Congrats, you're a comic relief character, hated by everyone in the game, but oddly charmed and loved by the fandom!

[@hiddenpb6261]

So its Ruyre Annobe then?

[@yep1tsm3]

"The Lost Voice" sounds like the spookiest horror game character

[@arandominternetperson437]

"The lost voice" sounds like a collection of voices that try to persuade people to their death so they can collect theirs

[@Angel-bz5jm]

Taking notes

[@funnyfella8198]

Sounds like it came straight out of dark souls

[@wendolynsaurio2426]

Sounds like a dark souls character, or a Blasphemous one if translated to Spanish "La voz perdida"

[@thegalaxydonutshow]

I’m literally just “The Big Fear”

[@blarg2429]

More like The Big Mood amirite

[@luuketaylor]

Gotta change your username from TheGoodUsername to TheBigFear right away, then!

[@Reac2]

Let my spice that name up a bit for you. Lets make its "The Even Bigger Fear"

[@nexokor6091]

"You have proven yourself to be stronger than even The Fear. I now pronounce you with the title of Big Fear."

[@PhantasmPhoton]

Its just alt history MGS You have surpassed even The Fear you are The Big Fear

[@vinziweihs6585]

Someone: "And who are you?" Me: "Liquid. Antmouth Liquid."

[@jackmahoney1001]

Where did Antmouth come from???

[@bigmike9947]

@@jackmahoney1001 Maybe tangible fear?

[@htoad360]

Jeep. The Big Jeep.

[@the-letter_s]

MY NAME IS HIDEO KOJIMA.

[@Nokturnt]

Frost Plasma is my Kojima name.

[@polarsbear668]

BDG: "names with "The" at the start represent fears, unstoppable forces." looks at list of names from the crew, sees: The Old Wet Gamer. Now Thats a really unstoppable force

[@Jakewake52]

I think “The Tree Pee” is a much more terrifying force... What happened to you, Nicole...

[@JazzyisHappy]

HI, I'm Hideo Kojima, and if you're wondering how I got this name, well, let me tell you. I rolled a fricking 69 in section 4. On the other hand, ignoring that fateful role in section 4, I would have been Lacking Cashier.

[@TrippleDogDare]

Hideo Kojima it is

[@olliehug1132]

I would like, but you're at 69

[@JazzyisHappy]

@@olliehug1132 oh, it's beautiful

[@divnolid9613]

And now you have 69 likes

[@divnolid9613]

@@falsel1fe aw, man, that just sucks

[@markeep6055]

"The Ripped Pant" "Lazy Student" "Ego Student" "Marker Student" "The Unintentional Kojima" "Solid Fracturedman"

[@miguelmoreno9380]

eeeeyyyy im Ego Student too

[@TheStripeTailedFiend]

Solid fracturedman sounds like an actual mgs character name.

[@bryce4395]

Unintentional Kojima XDDDD

[@azmodanuno2879]

@@TheStripeTailedFiend or a rejected mega man boss

[@smolselene9453]

@@TheStripeTailedFiend Does Sleep Artist sound like a metal gear solid name though? Probably not. Anyways, I'm Sleep Artist and if you wanna know how I got that name, let me tell you: The Lewd-Improvisationman forced me to fill out a really long form thing or whatever it's called.

[@E3kHatena]

Brian, I know you left Polygon, but I feel the need to write this comment regardless and hope someonf from Polygon passes it on to you. I just went through the trouble to figure out my Kojima name, and I got "The MP5". That is not a human name, Brian. That is literally a kind of gun. I nearly went through the trouble to put together another name out of sheer frustration over being dubbed The MP5. Your breed of chaos is troubling, and I will definitely lose sleep over this. Best of luck on your future independent endeavors. Signed, The "E3k" MP5.

[@RhysLloyd2611]

How's it going MP5?

[@thelastcube.]

now you know why he left Polygon, you were after him

[@caramelldansen2204]

I see nothing wrong with this name.

[@fade3173]

So what's your surname after MP5? K or SD or A3 or what?

[@adt4864]

You can be like revolver ocelot except for MP5s

[@kideatspaper3618]

“The Unintentional Racist” thanks i hate it

[@partialbullet2215]

I knew it

[@yce9phire592]

That sounds almost like a real nickname X'D

[@patriotslover1014]

somehow also mine

[@41-Haiku]

People call me this but I've never introduced myself this way.

[@patriotslover1014]

@@41-Haiku People call me this minus the "unintentional"

[@rewgge]

please refer to me as the "Hentai odyssey man" from now on

[@baronofhearts6107]

Your profile picture makes this comment more hilarious and threatening

[@SolaceSoLong]

otacon?????

[@calciieumspersonalacc1782]

Can’t tell if I’m blessed or extremely cursed but I got Hideo Kojima as my name

[@Ezullof]

Blursed

[@usuariofuturista]

HIDEO KOJIMA?

[@nitro_phase4539]

IS THAT YOU?

[@manuelcartagena8052]

MR. KOJIMA!?

[@ADudeNamedLucky]

I got “The Evil Friend” and I can’t even fucking complain. That makes perfect sense.

[@AssumeASphericalMinjerribah]

"The Big Noise" Thanks! I have panic attack-inducing noise sensitivity!

[@ceecie5776]

I have never heard that phrase before, I did some research and I’m so glad I have a name for what I experience a lot of the time. Genuinely thank you for leaving this comment.

[@Torrens28]

this is actualy cool

[@amoth7757]

God I thought I was the only person that had something like this, thanks for making me feel a little less alone

[@coreblaster6809]

your villain identity is wearing perfect noise canceling headphones while you sonically murder people using noise guns

[@starling1742]

So ur like batman

[@wilbraley1660]

“I was born a normal kid. Didn’t stand out, average in every way. I was set up for a good life. Then, all of that changed when my mother dropped me. I began my first fall, and I haven’t stopped since. At any point in time I can be found in a perpetual state of falling, regardless of location. It may look like I am standing or sitting, but I am actually just falling very slowly, infinitely and forever. I have become the essence of The Falling.”

[@StupidPoetry]

that's actually kinda cool!

[@Flowtail]

Shadowy government institution: you’re hired

[@yce9phire592]

Seems like you captured that peculiar feeling pretty well

[@widdershins3785]

"... some might say that we're all falling to somewhere..." "That... that doesn't scientifically work out when-" "*Enjoy the Fall!*" /Dramatic Gun Fire

[@shockedcurve453]

Cobra Unit: *Welcome aboard*

[@Fluffehbunnehh]

"The Old Blackbird" Now that's badass.

[@HiddeWinter]

thats actually cool, im the bedwetter death

[@justjoking5252]

That's cool, I'm Hideo Kojima.

[@Coconut_Juice255]

MWAHAHAHAHA you think your pathetic name can stand up to THE FAT THERMAL FLYING SPIDERS

[@Danmarinja]

“These names… are meaningful in a way a given name cannot be.” We all saw Emily Heller’s name was literally just her given name, right?

[@adambulmash6880]

Yes. Yes we did XD

[@kshounishbhadra-bhaduri8602]

his occupational name is big brain producer oh my goodness

[@MeKsTeR330]

I had one name: The Pissing Myselfman

[@partialbullet2215]

Have you told any of your co-workers

[@BigMac8000]

Y'know, there's a lot of characters in kojima games that do this. You get to hangout with Otacon, every guard Snake has ever REALLY messed with, Norman Reedus and.... I'm sure at least a dozen other people. Oh, Meryl. I feel like Ocelot has done this, Raiden must've. I'm sure there's more I'm missing. Ya fit right in.

[@madhatt3r93]

Mr kojima, is that you? 😮

[@mitchellwade1355]

I got Thirsty Piss Pants Man

[@RB__Sun]

i got “the insignificance”, but am apparently sometimes also hideo kojima. someone should have told me

[@MrsTold]

The insignificant hideo kojima, hideo kojimas insignificant clone

[@BigMac8000]

That is hauntingly on-brand.

[@WatchVidsMakeLists]

*nice*

[@jdrock5265]

Eyyy, it's me, ya boi, Ego Transporter, back at it with another intergalactic UPS order

[@NerdilyDone]

I legitimately love this.

[@mejhdhhicbfshihids652]

Hey I just got an email saying my shipment of dilithium crystals was delivered but I can’t find it anywhere (I ordered it to be delivered to Earth, Sol, Milky Way if that helps)

[@SorowFame]

@@mejhdhhicbfshihids652 intergalactic delivery to Earth is always slow, have it delivered to the moon and pick it up from there, you’ll get it at least 3 months earlier.

[@mejhdhhicbfshihids652]

@@SorowFame Thanks for the tip

[@SorowFame]

@@mejhdhhicbfshihids652 you’re welcome

[@garryfitzgerald]

I spent 48 minutes trying to find my Hideo Kojima name; working tirelessly to fuel the never-ending cesspool of human curiosity that is my brain and it ends up being *"The Watching Brian David Gilbert-man"* Thank you, Brian.

[@thelastcube.]

you found your role in life

[@r2-dj420]

Casual unraveled is simply too powerful

[@butterfamily7671]

"The Old Wet Gamer" is my favorite early youtube era AVGN clone

[@WykeRowerMedia]

The tree pee The TREE PEE It's so much better

[@z-beeblebrox]

He exclusively reviewed early Atari games and Pong clones, and produced the entire series shirtless, on the dive boat owned by the salvage company he worked for without their permission

[@MisterAppleEsq]

This is such a solid joke.

[@drpibisback7680]

@@z-beeblebrox That sounds rad, I'd watch that.

[@hampstergame566]

Well "Cactus Missile" isnt the name i was expecting but i think that its a... Well its a name...

[@PotatoPatatoVonSpudsworth]

I'm "The Old Storyteller." I didn't get into this to be burdened with something so cool. Now people are gonna expect things of me! Help!

[@sumdud2129]

I could offer help..... In Exchange for a story perhaps?

[@Quirderph]

Step one: grow old.

[@Chocomunchie]

Mine turned out pretty cool too. _The Dark Water_

[@PotatoPatatoVonSpudsworth]

Eli Babad | You got it. Here:

[@PotatoPatatoVonSpudsworth]

The scar-speckled moon hangs in heaven's black void like a white tumour, its rebellious light joined by a spreading rash of stars. They gaze upon the gently-cooling corpse of a dead world. Her still face now tinted a faint blue with ice and snow, her cold flesh dotted with the once-living, the once-warm. The man is no-longer certain if he is living, although he knows he is not warm. He lurches, slowly, through a frozen forest. Long-dead trees sprout from the snow like twisting black hands, grasping at the glittering sky. The man is wrapped in a ragged coat, his face is hidden behind a gas mask with one broken lens. From behind jagged shards of glass, a bloodshot eye stares forward. What little flesh and bone that can be sees around it has been pulled and crumpled, so that the eye bulges from its socket, threatening to squirt out with the slightest shift. The way the man moves is wrong. The way his limbs zig and zag beneath his coat, the way his back seems to fold like a broken beach chair. He is dragging a rusty weapon behind him, the husk of a sword with a hooked tip. Both the man and the sword could have been elegant once. You can tell by the shape of the coat and the curve of the handle. Both have also been twisted and warped by time, divorced of any past function. Snow crunches in an uneven rhythm as the man slumps his way through the night, the sword scratching across ice behind him. His breath twists and bites like barbed wire, each exhale a death rattle, yet Death does not come. It has been many years, and still Death has not come. There is a faint snap that echoes through the forest's frost-claimed limbs. Beneath him, the man's shin folds at a ninety-degree angle. He falls without complaint, and the world returns once more to silent serenity. Then, faintly, the man groans. One hand reaches from the snow, sporting gnarled fingers that pat the freezing ground, and eventually grasp the blade of the dropped sword. Gently, the man pries himself upwards, draped over his sword like an old crone with a cane. He shakes his useless leg until a broken brace slips into the snow. Very slowly, the man hobbles to a nearby tree. He leans on the dead trunk, then squeezes the hilt of his sword. When he strikes a branch, it breaks like an icicle and tumbles to the ground. The man lets himself scrape down the trunk, until the branch is within reach. From a pocket, he procures a cord. As he begins to fashion a fresh splint, he looks up the stars above, and starts to sing. *"I pray to no gods...and no demons...* *For the world they've made was bound to fade,* *And there's nothing we can do.* *I say, to those gods...and those demons...* *What right have you to leave me here,* *In a world so cold and blue?"*

[@Peranolde]

Name That Lacks Subtext: "Sweaty Games-Man" I feel called out.

[@partialbullet2215]

Controller/Keyboard: I’m I a joke to you

[@swiftwolf2950]

Brian’s nail polish game is stunning

[@pyrosmantia8117]

I'm sitting here with 2 week old, chipped to hell, black nail polish that I should have taken off by now feeling pretty inadequate

[@Katastr0phic_Katicorn]

Right? And that color is gorgeous!!

[@Pantano63]

That's so weird, is he gay?

[@sleepingmakesmefeelgood3571]

@@Pantano63 well, you don't necessarily need to be gay to use cosmetics.

[@Pantano63]

@@sleepingmakesmefeelgood3571 But it's sorta feminine, isn't it? Just caught me off guard. Not like I mind anyway.

[@thearchitect813]

My kojima name is "Old Naked Catman". I literally can't do the explanation section how could this happen.

[@scepta101]

Alright this one seems the most likely to actually make it into a Kojima game from what I’ve seen

[@austinluther5825]

All of us with the Old prefix sound like total creeps. Signed, Old Voyeurism Jacketman

[@alepenagorbe9135]

Are you Idris Elba

[@snichelsticks8653]

@@austinluther5825 wha.... where did VOYEURISM come from?

[@austinluther5825]

@@snichelsticks8653 Okay, it was a while ago. But I think it was from the Mads Mikkelsen part.

[@dancerlegs]

I got “The Accidental Flashingman” and i’m real upset

[@yce9phire592]

And now I'll die laughing X'D

[@radiosilence8060]

i know im six months late. but i need to know the fucking backstory now.

[@inkterp5322]

@@radiosilence8060 AGREED

[@moraleslopezdiegotenoch8810]

I need to know

[@bionic2250]

I got "The Impermanence" and honestly I wasn't expecting to get something that didn't sound like shite so 10/10 great video

[@spooky6703]

I got Kickflip Loneliness, I feel like I'm on the leading end of the bell curve

[@Demonnafire]

My “The” was The Drowning which sounds like a horror movie title

[@funnyfella8198]

@@Demonnafire the drownening

[@DapperestDave]

I got Money Walking as my name

[@jamescampbell2353]

The Skinless man. Help, I’m very chill with no skin

[@sirensongss]

I’m Heartbroken That we don’t know Pats true name

[@kappaross6124]

They can't let Pat's True Name get out there or the cursemongers will find him and fuse him to Simone again

[@TrafficJamByCam]

I get the feeling Pat would be Hideo Kojima!

[@kappaross6124]

@@TrafficJamByCam if we get more episodes of Game Ogre I'll make sure to thank you but also tell Pat and Simone you're to blame.

[@CodfishJoe]

@@TrafficJamByCam nice

[@DawnApon]

Surpressed, by the -patriots- polygon

[@cilantrolime]

I got 'Self-Conscious Student.' This thing *WORKS*.

[@Qtoyghs]

Hey everyone, it's me: Big Naked Syrian Hamster.

[@ahobbit1273]

That's amazing.

[@kingpopaul]

I feel like you could remove one of the first two words, or even both.

[@jhubeJELLO]

horny on hamster

[@Qtoyghs]

@Jay Marlin That's what I got when I went through the form.

[@NothingButANumber317]

Bdg: "Trident. Thats 3 stabs at once" Hope he never goes to the midwest and sees the pitchforks there

[@carbonmonteroy]

No one tell either of these people about the Man Catcher, which souds like a Kojima name of its own

[@kuchenjaeger2164]

@@carbonmonteroy I had to google that. WTF do some people come up with?

[@shmeeflyton734]

I spent a solid half hour looking up Mads Mikkelsen and Joy Division only to discover that my name is Aquarius Kelpie Crossman.

[@the-letter_s]

i didn't even know what NPR was or who Kurt Russell and Kubrick were. and i rolled 69 on the d100 so none of it even mattered.

[@itsaspiracle]

i am “saliva schedulerman” “the accidental imprisonment” “read emails” “recovering simping cat” and “turret splinter-stick” what a rollercoaster this past half hour has been

[@youtubedj9298]

Is it read/reed as in to read or read/red as they have been read?

[@itsaspiracle]

@@youtubedj9298 honestly, great question - i think it was present tense, though. as in to read.

[@youtubedj9298]

@@itsaspiracle Norman Reader of E-mails

[@thelindseys6423]

I am.. "Rusted machete spider." You see, I was a scientific experiment between human and spider dna. I was a successful specimen but I escaped. I now work for *secret orgonization* wielding only a rusted machete.

[@JohnSmith-ex8iw]

So a murderous spider-man

[@rexcake]

Why is this legitamitly cool?

[@JimboDoomface]

That's terrifying

[@sjblurry7659]

I literally went through this whole thing and rolled 69 on the kojima condition... Guess I'm Hideo Kojima lol

[@lemonscented7703]

nice

[@LucasDeziderio]

CHILL THE FUCK OUT, KOJIMA!!

[@JEST3R_]

@@THI4F too late

[@npc6817]

yo man, you too? Koojima gang forever

[@JimboDoomface]

Big fan.

[@WildcardZwei]

"Convoluted and Extra" should really just be Brian's slogan now.

[@blarg2429]

He should get it printed on a business card.

[@rawovunlapin8201]

_"If I can't be accurate I'm sure as hell going to be extra"_ - Brian David Gilbert

[@benevolentworldexploder5395]

For real, I think he'd get along well with Kojima.

[@PewPew_McPewster]

The real secret to Kojima's naming system is that it's one part pop culture reference, one part Buddhist Dharma name, and one part sexual innuendo. BDG has of course perfectly and correctly identified this in his analysis and worksheet.

[@jotunnblue]

Hey, quick question, did you realize that these names would come out to be SO CURSED? Signed, Naked Lickable Cocker Spanielman.

[@MrsTold]

I am crying. There are tears.

[@kaylaburrell4637]

Oh noooooo

[@axolotlking1072]

Hi, I’m Liquid Lickable Ginger Catman, and I think we were designed to be nemeses

[@artificernathaniel3287]

RIP! 🤣🤣🤣👌

[@fenris610]

I'm DYINGGGGGG

[@snelleplanga3894]

Hi, I'm Big Laundry Man, and if you're wondering how I got this name, well, let me tell you. I was out on the streets, walkin' through the bad part of town. Suddenly, a guy approached me and said: give me all your money big guy, or this is gonna get *dirty* real quick. As 6 of his fellow goons surrounded me, I put both hands up and said: "Well fellas, I don't mind a little dirt on me from time to time, as long as y'all consider that... I ain't programmed for delicate cycles." Them boys had NO IDEA what hit 'em. After a couple of some sweet blows they all hit the ground simultaneously. I wiped my hands off my freshly ironed jeans, and said: Looks like these boys need to ... *hang out to dry*

[@kellyrascon]

I really enjoyed reading this but that last pun 😂

[@quinnmarchese6313]

*cues Won't Get Fooled Again*

[@bekksplore4669]

May I have permission to borrow your personae for a dnd NPC because my goodness it would create a great soap opera tangent

[@snelleplanga3894]

@@bekksplore4669 Granted!

[@K1n6D3D3D3]

Snelle Planga This is fucking badass lmao, I picture this 6’6” 300 lbs Southern Kung fu fighter who runs a secret crimefighting operation from his laundromat

[@palikki]

10 Minutes of Brian David Gilbert Interviewing Himself

[@Juanitlitzilopochtli]

I did the worksheet and I got “The People Man”, I like it.

[@SorowFame]

Wow, not just the full worksheet but the full the full worksheet? I’m impressed.

[@Luciferkragoth]

"Big Alone Pirate Man" Wow, it really is written by Kojiima.

[@ShutItKyle]

“Greatest physical fear: Horses.” *The McElroy Brothers have joined the chat*

[@lizabee484]

Kyle Osborne *A rare Mr. Worldwide Webster has appeared*

[@jjcrazyman010]

YESSS THE MBMBAMbinos are here!

[@sanders_billy]

*Jack Woltz's prized stallion has left the chat*

[@RipDippler]

Somehow I knew there was a large BDG MBMBAM crossfandom

[@TheDanishGuyReviews]

"Orb is a very sexual being."

[@Dcheeks_gaming]

everyone else: i had to fill out a whole deep reason why I'm named this. me: eat cabbage

[@imkemae8536]

I got "Bombastic Scholar" sounds pretty dope ngl

[@rubiesncreme]

"What is a piece of military hardware that you think looks cool even though war is bad?"

[@carbonmonteroy]

Tank Silencer. I put Tank Silencer and got Cat Capricorn out of it.

[@thejaystag]

I got an Occupational Name, and it's pretty damn accurate: Honest Idler

[@BE-ew2pt]

I'm Liquid Morningstar, and as a female character in a Kojima game, I'm DEFINITELY going to be half-naked at some point for handwavey plot reasons.

[@madhatt3r93]

You breathe through your skin now, how do you feel?

[@BE-ew2pt]

@@madhatt3r93 Still somehow have asthma :/

[@dr.doctor2620]

do you have a sister? name her solid morningstar if you do.

[@sindrimarsteingrims]

@@dr.doctor2620 and don't even get me started on their mother, Naked Morningstar.

[@coriredford3589]

That is an undeniably cool name though. Maybe too cool for a Kojima name.

[@lunarheavens2819]

My name is Colorblind Nothing. Thanks, BDG. This does describe me perfectly though. If anyone wanted to ask, i got the 'you are how you currently are' condition and the name that lacks context. my current body state is colorblind, and the last thing i did was literally sit at my desk thinking about nothing for a couple minutes, which i rephrased into nothing.

[@falloutphan7341]

I bought a set of RPG dice specifically so I could figure out my Kojima name without using random number generators. I'm 100% serious. The dice have arrived today. Will update when I'm done. I also haven't watched this since it was uploaded so I forget most of the questions but let's go-- Edit: Hi, nice to meet you, I'm The Old Tank.

[@StefanoTheBrazilian]

Hello, The Old Tank. You can call me many names, but I'd rather if you called me Hunger M48 Cyclone Knife Polymeraseman

[@falloutphan7341]

Hello, Hunger M48 Cyclone Knife Polymeraseman, nice to meet you

[@SubscribingMilotic]

Hello The Old Tank. I'm The Abandonment. Now good luck, you're on your own.

[@J3Puffin]

I hope that, now that you have the RPG dice, you get a chance to use them for something else.

[@KelnelK]

Hello The Old Tank, I'm Piano Cabinman

[@AugustQ-p1w]

I'm The Guns. I can't even begin to imagine how I got this name, personally, but I am from Texas so maybe that's it

[@jakie5590]

I’ve come back to this and actually done it- i am now your clone, Guns Odyssey 🙃

[@iguessmynamesriya7658]

@@jakie5590 cooler Daniel

[@inkterp5322]

sorry, you're from Texas and you chose to go with "maybe?"

[@makman13]

I love "The Old Wet Gamer." I'm taking that one as my mantle.

[@puttiplush]

Your youtube username is my answer to 2.9 greatest tangible fear.

[@Couldnt_Be_Bothered]

They call me Catgirl Eternity on the streets, and Bose-Einstein Condensate Cat in the sheets.

[@willabyuberton818]

This actually looks like a really good way to make mostly unclaimed internet handles....

[@calicobunny]

Hi, I'm Eat, and if you’re wondering how I got this name, well, let me tell you. I ate.

[@krisosphere9940]

Well than you should change your name to Ate then :P

[@hahafunni4807]

good name

[@lily5291]

If I ever write a book, I'm naming a character that.

[@SomeName_AlsoHandlesSucc]

But why

[@snifferofasbestos1257]

Im Eat jon its what i do

[@CassReidIsSomeone]

"Mads swings around a pole, his tassels swinging flirtatiously, giving it his all, knowing that this is his last time on the Thirsty Pigeon stage. As he bows the DJ brings the music to a halt and all the girls emerge from the wings. Misti begins a slow clap that quickly spreads around the room. Gentlemen stand and wipe the tears away. "Mads realizes, this is all for him. Stunned, he scratches the back of his head when Paul, the biggest bounder in the tri-state area with a scar over his eye and an oversized peacoat, slowly walks to the stage with an envelope. His hands shaking, Mads opens it. Turns out the gals and Mama, their recently departed mentor known to always have a menthol and a shoulder to cry on, have raised enough money to pay back the business loan from the Bank. This new adventure was daunting, a non-profit dedicated to veteran canines is always a risky bet, but now Mads has a net of protection. "His hands shaking, he looks into Paul's eyes and says, "What can I do to repay you all?" "Paul, his eyes fogging up, simply responds, "Remember us."" . . . Anyhow my name wound up being The Hungover Crocodile.

[@Flowtail]

Cassie Reid thank you, that story was lovely

[@partialbullet2215]

What is with this fanfic bullshit

[@lampshark]

Me and my sister filled out the worksheet to make a character name for our new Stardew Valley run, then we decided to the worksheet for ourselves, so “What were you doing right before doing this worksheet?” “Doing this worksheet” We thought nothing of it until she ended up with a name that lacks subtext. She is now known as Doing This Worksheetman

[@ValekHalfHeart]

"Beardless Naked Lickable White Cat" Thanks Brian

[@HeroLink18]

That sounds like a Scribblenauts object.

[@jackmaverick8588]

You know Brian worked hard on this name generator when he's filming sitting down in his normie clothes

[@s.g.7572]

Hi, I’m The Mugman, and if you’re wondering how I got this name, well, let me tell you. I was born on the 1st of October, which as we all know is National Coffee Day, so my mother celebrated this wondrous day with a nice hot mug of coffee. Alas, tragedy struck, and she actually drank the basin of baby fluids that I had been born in, whilst I was misplaced into a large mug of coffee, which was then taken across the hall and given to a cyborg mother who drank me down. Well, after being C-sectioned, I wasn’t ready to give up on life that easily, and used the coffee in this cyborg’s stomach to sustain myself until my unknowing surrogate went to relieve her bladder. Then, I slid right out. Unfortunately, imbued within her bodily fluids was cyborg serum, which combined with the coffee to give me otherworldly coffee making abilities. I used these abilities for my own nefarious purposes, aiming to get revenge on a world that wronged me, and in the process earning the name...the Mugman. Tremble at my approach.

[@rexythet.rexfromjpreadabou186]

CUPHEAD 100

[@theladoflads7884]

This went so far away from the rails while simultaneously losing none of its momentum This read like a jet-propelled train crash, and I was similarly invested

[@RailfoxStudios]

The hero we deserve, but not the one we need right now.