Finding 'The One' - Matt Chandler

Matt Chandler explains how you know you married “the one.”
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#dating #marriage #courtship

[@makenzieelizabeth350]

When I think of "the one" I don't think of it that way. God knows who I will marry. I think of it as "the one God has made for me".

[@KeithThompson52]

Amen, I like that sister.

[@Don-sy7mg]

But if we truly believe in God’s sovereignty.... then if “the one” does exists. Then we wouldn’t miss that person. They would not marry another person if God ordained them to marry you. Now we do have free will to marry who we want, but I still believe God’s sovereign will is still done through the choices we make. I don’t necessarily believe in the “perfect one”... BUT I do believe God has a specific woman aka the one for me. And I believe through His sovereignty, I will meet her soon.

[@jeflarremore7170]

I believe God allows us to marry whomever we choose. His "ideal" is someone whom we are well matched with, but His ultimate expression of love is to give us free will to choose. God's will is not a point on a map, rather we are to stay in God's yard, to paraphrase James MacDonald. Because we have free will, we can marry ANYONE we wish. However, what is the best choice? Personally, you can put any two people together and the relationship "CAN" work IF both are dedicated. Western ideas let us think we have the corner on the marriage market. Arranged marriages in Eastern culture truly exemplify the concepts of commitment. There is no "ONE". There is only your dedication to following Christ and commitment to your spouse.

[@steflondon88]

If literally says “do not be yolked with unbelievers “ and don’t be unequally yolked

[@jeflarremore7170]

@@steflondon88 let's continue that thought. What does "unequally" mean? In what areas should two people be equally yoked? Are any two people truly equal? The easy "church" answer is, "They should both be believers," but have you ever met two people who are equal believers? Paul said if someone is married to an unbeliever not to leave them. So unequal unions exist. Jesus says to take on his yoke because it is easy. Hmmm, but I'm not equal too Jesus. I am made equal to Him through the grace of God and salvation. Since no one is equal, it would be impossible to find someone "equally yoked" to marry. But, it is our choice whom we choose to union our lives with. It's best to choose someone who is a believer.

[@adenjohnson5733]

@@jeflarremore7170 would you not agree then that the goal should still be to find someone equally yolked? Even if that can never be truly done by our definition, the Bible defines the role of a husband and a wife and it’s my belief that you are equally yolked if each partner is spiritually mature to the degree that they can a) handle the commitment of the covenant of marriage, and b) seek the Lord as two that have become one. I think to be equally yolked has a much simpler definition than you make it sound if I am to base my view off of the word.

[@jeflarremore7170]

@@adenjohnson5733 Our focus should not be, "God, help me collect a list of attributes some person has to meet before I will consider them." (legalism, elitism, arrogance, a basic Pharisee). Paul's intent and the context of this scripture was to keep Christians from getting divorced and looking like the rest of the Corinthian society. In a couple more breathes he says if you are single, stay single, if married stay married. "Equally yoked," is not so much dating advice as it is stay true to your vows and station in life. His "dating advice" is "don't get married." The intent is to please and serve God and win people to the Kingdom. But people have a hard time with that. If you want to find the perfect mate, be the perfect mate BEFORE you meet them. Be married to Jesus. Be a Proverbs 31 woman, be a Romans 12 man, with the intent of doing God's work. Exhibit the fruits of the spirit, get rid of the deeds of the flesh.

[@jeflarremore7170]

@@adenjohnson5733 and I appreciate you challenging me on this because it's promoted me to look deeper at a few things.

[@carmenvljn]

You've taken the sovereignty of God out of the picture - we can't mess up His plans (0:22). Leah was the unwanted wife (who Jacob married after Laban deceived him, and he ended up working for Laban after he deceived Isaac) and yet she was the mother of Judah, the ancestor of Jesus - and Jesus was not God's plan B or C.

[@Don-sy7mg]

Dash Cam Adventures R Us DUDE yes! That’s what I’m saying! We literally take out the sovereignty of God when we discuss this topic. If God has ordained for you to marry a specific person, you aren’t going to somehow mess up His all-knowing & all-powerful will by marrying someone else.

[@godschild5647]

Beautifully spoken 👏👏👏👏

[@SergeobeeLovedoneOLIC]

Amen!!!

[@HeatherOnia]

Bravo!

[@stephenscott4396]

Ok. So if they become "The One" when the ring is on the finger, then how do explain divorce?...were they actually not "The One"???

[@jeflarremore7170]

Hey Stephen. Jesus was asked this very same questions by the Pharisees. His response was, "Moses allowed divorce because your hearts were hardened." In other scripture God says he, "hates divorce." Humans are flawed and make mistakes. Marriage is one of 3 institutions created by God - marriage (the first), the church and government. People make bad choices, have hard hearts and do not stay dedicated. "The One" is your choice, not a person on God's list of people.

[@FarahDoumani]

They become "The One" you are deliberately choosing to keep and serve and love "through sickness and health, poverty and wealth, good and bad, till death do you part".... When you agree to divorce, you are choosing to deliberately break this covenant that YOU started in the presence of the Respectable God. I am ready for more explanation with so much personal experience if you desire.

[@joshuatheo1419]

"The one" is Greek-Roman paganism

[@zelda0521]

I don't know the people Matt has been counseling one on one, so his perspective and approach maybe totally brilliant in his context. None the less, from my perspective, I think he's been attacking the straw-man that serious young Christians have shallow concerns and questions about finding the right person to marry. Is there any pastoral advice that can be given to us, beyond making fun of hollywood romance? Frankly, not even my un-believing friends take hollywood romance seriously, so it's frustrating to see pastors doing nothing but belabor this same point. Personally, I find Paul Washer's teachings on choosing the right person to be most explicit and helpful. He teaches that we should pursue marriage only when we receive a divine calling (similar to the calling to ministry) for a specific person. I would like to see other pastors offer more explicit and clear advice, whether they agree with Paul Washer or not.

[@brocky]

+zelda0521 I think he was very clear. Matt Chandler made it very clear at the end that there isn't "the one." The way you know is when you marry the person. Up until then one can prepare to be a godly husband or godly wife. One can do their part in growing in wisdom and stature through biblical wisdom. "The one" is the one who the person marries. The "calling" for ministry is also very unclear, to be honest. "Calling" is an over-spiritualized word that we created. It doesn't say in the bible other than the calling we have to follow Jesus, to disciple, to love God with everything and love others. Besides that what we define as 'calling' is a spiritual term that we place for a more practical word which is 'love.' I find it that young people "over-spiritualize" things they don't need to. Marriage is not a calling but it is a privilege. I respect Paul Washer but that idea that marriage is a calling is something hardly anyone would accept especially for non-believers. The best clear advice we can give to young people and to non-believers is to practically prepare for marriage - get a job and keep it, fight sin, have healthy boundaries, be surrounded by God seeking community, pursue godly values and character, walk with the Holy Spirit, and boldly pursue that person when one feels ready.

[@zelda0521]

+brocky You See Brocky, Matt Chandler clarifies in this video that the term "the one", when used in his previous sermons on dating, refers to the unrealistic hollywood fantasy. But the problem is, that's not what all young Christians mean when we say "the one". Matt sort of acknowledges this, at the 0:50 mark, that there indeed is "the one" in some sense (different from the hollywood meaning), but he just thinks we can't know until the ring is on the finger. Furthermore, it seems to me from your response, that you think I brought up non-believers because I expect Matt or other pastor's dating tips to apply to them. That's not the case. I brought up non-believers to illustrate the point that even the supposedly less wise and totally unspiritual people don't subscribe to hollywood romance (in my personal experience). Therefore it's frustrating for us to see pastors like Matt spend much effort on a problem that I don't perceive to exist, while my questions and doubts (which are shared by others) are rarely addressed. "The one is the one who the person marries" is a true but unhelpful statement. It's akin to telling a brother who is worried about tomorrow "what will happen will happen." When I ask for guidance on finding "the one", I'm not expecting the pastor to give me a special tip that will bring me a beautiful and flawless wife that guarantees a happy marriage. I expect marriage to be hard, as most if not all marriages I've observed seem to be difficult. But I want help in deciding, which woman should I choose for myself to suffer at the hands of, for the rest of my life? To whom should I commit my unconditional love and sacrifice? How do we decide, when there are multiple Godly people to choose from? And this isn't even a tenth of the list of questions that I personally have. Do you see my plight? Everytime I look for guidance on choosing a spouse, I often find the same rhetoric that is bashing hollywood romance. The reason I pick on Matt and this video, is because I've seen his full sermons on marriage, and I was left with the same disatisfaction. Also, there were actually other people in the comment sections providing similar feedback as mine. "I respect Paul Washer but that idea that marriage is a calling is something hardly anyone would accept especially for non-believers." This sentence of your makes little sense to me. The fact that non-believers find something hard to believe, have nothing to do with whether it's true or not. I agree "calling" is a muddy word, with different definitions by different people. The best I understand of Paul Washer's usage of the term in his sermon on marriage, is that a calling is a strong desire and determination in one's heart to sacrificially serve a specific person, people, function or cause. Now nobody is saying that all our good desires for ministry and service will come true, I want to clarify because I feel like people won't give me the benefit of the doubt if I don't. But, according to Paul Washer, we definitely shouldn't move forward in dating or onto marriage if we don't feel a strong desire to serve the other person. Basically, Paul Washer's definition of "the one" goes: "the one you should pursue", is the person you feel a strong Christ honoring sacrificial love for. This is actually helpful advice, because when I ask for help on finding "the one", I don't really mean I want to be able to identify the exact person I'll marry before I even get to date or know her, I mean I want to find the right approach to "the one". I am fully convinced of his teaching, but I do want to hear other pastors and Bible scholars take on this issue.

[@zelda0521]

+wcr4 Yes, maybe Matt has way more stuff in store, and I hope he does. but I still want to make my complaint, in hopes that Matt and TGC will cover dating in more breadth and depth than the same message (hollywood romance is bad) that I don't have applicable to myself or the friends around me.

[@Aevans786]

@@brocky so if marriage is a "privilege " are the unmarried unprivileged ? They just haven't attained that "mark" of good enough to be granted the "privilege " That's awesome

[@lukeharris6138]

✝️

[@DaHamburglarGT]

Amen!

[@MrSuperman2307]

Girls use that phrase I’m not “the one” whenever they dump me lol 😝😢

[@bruceklein9917]

"There is no "One". There are only good ones and bad ones. This is the Soul Mate Myth" - Rollo Tomassi

[@erichchristian8743]

How interestingly Armenian in some way.

[@doctrinalwatchdog6268]

Thumbs down!

[@BruceJC75]

Psssssh, if poverty comes, she’s gonna be gone…

[@phammoura1]

Okay so the Bible says God hates divorce. Let's say you got married young to the first person(love) of your life. You're into your marriage 15-20, 30 years etc., and you feel things slipping away .......the love, the passion, the romance, the chemistry, the mind to mind connection, etc. is not there anymore. Are you supposed to be unhappy for the rest of your life and stay married because the bible says so?

[@freedbyyeshua533]

Pete Hammoura Is your happiness more important than keeping God's command? I hope not

[@sujithmedari1852]

Love is a commitment and not a feeling. What God is calling us to do is be selfless. He says that it is when we give that we truly find life and contentment and calls us to do the same in marriage even when we're not "feeling" it. I believe that there is a breakthrough of love that is given by Him that will flow into the marriage on the other side of that type of commitment.

[@RyanGalazka]

Does God give up on you when you sin against him? when you follow your fleshly desires and not him?

[@nautical81]

Pete Hammoura Yes. And faithfully. If you've lost that mind to mind connection, someone got lazy. Extend grace, because you yourself will need it, and work through those issues. Pursue your wife! If she's being a butthead, pursue her anyway. You're obeying your call to be Christ in this regard. Jesus didn't come into our lives because we were so lovable and willing.... but for those of us who do follow him, his relentless pursuit and patient, passionate love us what drew us in. Marriage is allegorical... If it's never hard, it's because something's wrong. But if you handle the issues through prayer, scripture (ideally with your wife) your faith AND your intimacy WILL grow! (But you, not your wife, is meant to lead this effort! It's a lot easier for a woman to submit her heart to her husband if he knows how to handle it!)

[@FarahDoumani]

No dear... You work on it and "Love your spouse as Jesus loved you".... If things became "evil" and irreversible (such as harming you or the kids in unacceptable ways, and being a bad influence on the kids) then make sure your kids are your first and most important ministry, and get your divorce (For Christ has set you free, so do not be enslaved by anyone)... And... I don't believe in "too young" to marry... Around the time when the NT was written, girls and boys used to get married round the age 14-16. I am speaking out of experience with: a divorce following a marriage caused by an unexpected pregnancy, and a currently very blessed second marriage which caused me all the aches in the world. I am ready to talk to have a conversation if you desire.