Finishing Tasks Isn't Rewarding

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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Preview
00:16 - Reddit post
01:18 - Toxic traits
02:14 - Stressed
04:15 - Stress as a motivator
14:45 - Finding a new motivator
17:15 - Adandon the ideal
18:25 - Imposter syndrome
20:24 - Summary
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Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provided medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved on are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.
All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.

[@mistasomen]

Last night I had diner with a friend whom I haven't seen in 10 years. We ran a great project together for about 4 years. I apologised to him for my failures and thanked him as I thought he was the main driver for the project's success (we never debriefed). His jaw dropped and he told me he had set up the dinner to tell me exactly that.

[@potapotapotapotapotapota]

wait was he going to apologise to you too?

[@mistasomen]

@@potapotapotapotapotapota yeah, we both had the impression that the other was doing the heavy lifting while and both thought our own faults were jeopardising the project. So both kinda had the imposter syndrome.

[@potapotapotapotapotapota]

@@mistasomen lol

[@Spleemce]

It sounds like a comedy sketch set up xd I'm sorry that you felt this way

[@NikHem343]

What a wonderful story to illustrate that.

[@neogodanims6374]

Finishing a task isn’t rewarding when your stressed,preoccupied with studies so finishing a task isn’t rewarding it’s just a relief

[@behindzerosp]

@@User-hq6rr This,it makes you feel mix of sadness and anger you feel trapped like you chested whatever you accomplished

[@destroyerinazuma96]

30% of young engineers in France have no clue what the hell they want. Read on a rather serious website. Btw it wasn't bashing on engineering it was calling out the parents who pressured their kids into going into engineering.

[@danmusiceasy]

@@destroyerinazuma96 Interesting. I went to France to study engineering and almost as soon as I arrived there I felt I had to give it up.

[@lilymulligan8180]

I skipped my college graduation because I didn't feel proud or satisfied with my "achievement." That's because I wasn't doing it for me. I was doing it for my family who insisted I needed to go even though I didn't want to. These days I pursue goals I ACTUALLY want for myself and it's much more satisfying to achieve them.

[@tanjack31]

Damn, I skipped my graduation too for the same reason

[@NightLancerX]

oh man, how many times I heard "you are studying not for us, you are studying for yourself!". Yeah-yeah, as if any schoolboy at 1st grade is thinking like "okay, I exactly know what profession I want after 15 years so I'll begin studying now". Not to mention that "good"[=excellent] *marks* are what being demanded, not even knowledge of subject... And as (I suppose) many other graduates, I entered university not knowing "whom I want to be", but just where parents told me to go. It wasn't like completely out of my interests, it's just was something uncertain as practically any other choice, like how the heck I am going to know I'm like working in some profession before even trying??? Because "studying" is one thing, and it's mostly about "marks", not knowledge, even at university. And even if you study well it doesn't guarantee you anything(or at least - such it is in my country). And it seems my parents expected that I'll join Oxford and become mr. president with a 10k$ salary just because I have a diploma(which by it's own caused another long-term life problems that should've ended last year, but with my luck there was covid first, and then a full-scaled war that seems ridiculous to have in 21th century, and which makes my previous problems irrelevant and in fact turns all upside-down that I even can't tell anyone about that anymore because I'll become "bad" in that case-_-). And all this sh*t is stacked up to such a degree that I don't wanna even talk with anyone about anything, 'cause it'll eventually turn out as this comment - just all-covering different problems mess that no one can understand, because it's too much events happened as of past 3 years alone and throughout my whole life, and I even can't tell what is relevant and what is not anymore.

[@comatensor7080]

Same, but the stress is still finding it's way in my workspace and the fact I'm watching this video instead of working is part of the problem...

[@cawcawmeowmeow]

Same! My thoughts were " I finished, why would I want to sit around for hours? I already did the important thing".

[@jicalzad]

I hear ya, I didn’t skip my graduation, but definitely did not feel all that accomplished, despite doing well academically. At the time, there were like maybe 3 different professions that were encouraged for me. I went with the major in college that I didn’t hate, instead of pursuing the one I actually was interested in

[@Evil-King926]

Part of the reason why finishing a task or achieving something doesn't feel rewarding is also because of outside pressure. At least in my life its always been after getting something done, people say along the lines of "great! On to the next thing, don't slow down now". There is never time to celebrate or feel good cause there is always something more to work towards, so even if you did acheive something its really only 1 step out of hundreds on how to having a fulfilling life. That mindset really fucked with me during my childhood and teens but ive since started to just go at my own pace which has helped a ton for my mental state.

[@gonzalo6890]

That can burn you out pretty quickly

[@Drasora]

Can recommend a great book regarding that topic: Laziness does not exist by Devon Price (PhD)

[@michaelsmith4904]

Or worse if you were taught to be modest in your celebration because you were supposed to be humble and not think of yourself as the reason for your success.

[@DelDel__]

Yeap it's a thing that was already taught to me in school. I was a fast-learning student and therefore finished tasks pretty quick. My teachers just would go "oh you're done? Here, I have some more couple of tasks for you. These were supposed to be homework, but you can do them now, I suppose." Barely ever a word of praise, only more and more work shoved down my throat.

[@Glenners]

The classic "don't rest on your laurels!"

[@mugiwara1730]

Man, people would always ask me how it felt to get into med school, and then how I felt at graduation. Neither time did I feel proud of myself or even relieved, I just felt like I’d accomplished the bare minimum I expected of myself (not even others expectations) and it took too much struggle to even do that. My life is described as being frustrated and depressed when I don’t accomplish something, but almost uncaring when I actually do accomplish it.

[@misternobody855]

I can closely relate to this. I still feel relief those studies are over though….

[@unclesunbro1577]

This resonates. I dont feel much of anything with any accomplishments anymore.

[@victorialamas551]

Omg this is so relatable

[@aster5600]

I’ve always wondered why my parents don’t understand how I can be proud of my academics when it’s taking me double the time to even get my associates bc of my ADHD. I just think in baby steps and that every class I take and pass is a mini success, and that helps me not lose focus on my goal. This video explains that so well, thank you!

[@marcelokj954]

university presented me with subjects of study that got me interested in, but it only happened as I asked what were my reasons to be there. nowadays even I'm not sure if I will be capable of finishing it (it's hard af lol and I have failed multiple times) I got something from there already that I will bring with me anywhere I decide to go next.

[@krabiat]

>:(! strong as hell to keep on trucking even without any reinforcement from your parents

[@NikHem343]

In 2019, I traveled to Japan for 11 days, alone. I know it's not the most outrageous thing anyone has ever done, but for me it was big. I wanted to push myself into a situation that I perceived normal for others, to catch up with being non-anxious about stuff. So my believe was that I was doing something where people would go like "yeah cool, I did the same thing in X" or "I do this once in a while, as well". Since then, I've literally only had people react like "wow I think I wouldn't/couldn't want to do that alone. Not bad." Even from people that I had almost expected to shrug at this. Ironically, it STILL feels like something "anyone can do", but I guess it was the first time that I really noticed how out of touch I was in this regard, laying to much pressure on my shoulders.

[@Silencer1337]

I feel as though my "shoulds" are imposed on me by my past self. "You SHOULD practice drawing and become an artist!" ...that's something I wanted to do when I was 15. Now I can't even tell if I still like it. Wack.

[@gamerdweebentertainment1616]

IKR stupid brain or me :) I want to do gamedev yet, nope can't keep it going over a month. Thinking too big all the time, can't wrap my head around doing something small feeling great or actually learning something.

[@alexkozliayev9902]

@@gamerdweebentertainment1616 gamedev is tough, though. For creative endeavors i found it better to treat it like a game itself. To draw or to programm ro to make a game is easier if you don't treat it as a life or death serious project, but like if you just trying to have a little fun with the tools you have

[@gamerdweebentertainment1616]

@@alexkozliayev9902 don't have that kind of attitude :( welp 7th attempt for last decade will start soon :)

[@alexkozliayev9902]

@@gamerdweebentertainment1616 i know that feeling, i want to make my own game since childhood. I am almost 30, and trying again to make something :)

[@butterscotchwm]

This really made me stop and reconsider all of the things I "wanted" to accomplish.. A lot of times I just want to do things because I see other people accomplishing them and I think "Hey I should be able to do that too. Why am I not doing that?" I almost don't even know how to think about what I actually want in life...

[@lampyrisnoctiluca9904]

I know what I want. I just always see stupid things as more important to be done. "I will start working on my dreams as soon as I finish this." And lo and behold, as soon as that stupid thing is done, another one jumps in its place. I really need to set my priorities straight. Dreams are important. Wasting your life on stupid tasks that need to be done instead is stopping you. We are here to make our dreams come true. ☺️ That is the most important thing in our lives. Anybody telling you otherwise lies.

[@tritiumgaming4554]

14:25 This hit deep. I worked really hard in one class, but I flunked my final and midterm. They were really difficult exams that bore very little significance to the course content. I was the last one to hand in the final exam, and I was completely exhausted and defeated. I thought I'd lose my Dean's list status, after 6 years of actual failure and 4 straight years of real effort. When I handed in the exam, I shook my professor's hand and thanked him. He is a really knowledgeable and caring person, but not the best at teaching due to his very thick accent. He proceeded to look at my exam and say "You know... you're one of the best programmers here, right? I'd like to offer you an opportunity to work this summer." It was a great pick me up, but I still felt awful about the exam. I felt like I let him down. The days later, when we got our grades back, I got a 70 on the final but I got an A for the course. I still don't know whether to feel good or bad about my professor's kindness. One thing is for certain, though.. I don't feel like an impersonator. I also don't feel prideful, either. It's almost like what he said kept my head just above the water to feel both relieved, encouraged, and happy.

[@okaythen-]

Maybe you got a case of imposter syndrome? Your professor is seeing something in you that you can’t. Or you’re just burnt out. Either way I hope you can get that sorted out and feel more fulfilled.

[@NikHem343]

Dude you're literally calling his offer "kindness". What if it's not and he just really wants to have you in his team, before the world grabs you away? From an outside perspective, it feels like you're not looking at this from far enough away. You say you don't feel like an impostor, buy yet he was "only kind" to you, or that you "kept your head above water" instead of actually just succeeding, there's a hint of "it should have been worse" there. But why? Why would it have been worse? It is factually not. Be proud of it.

[@PrettyGuardian]

One of the big reasons completing a task doesn't always feel like an achievement to me is because the reward for completing tasks is more tasks. When I do a good job at work, they'll add more responsibilities and never have they added more pay. Even around the house I'll do the dishes... and then there's more dishes. I'll make the bed... and then it's messed up again by the morning.

[@alexisp6755]

I feel accomplished when I'm doing tasks around the house but for work, it's very tiring and I don't feel too much accomplishment. The job I'm at now I won't be at forever so it's alright but I feel that

[@Bendilin]

Finally an issue that I... do not resonate with whatsoever to any degree. Not that every video needs to be about issues that only effect myself, of course. Actually completing a task is about one of the only things that brings me joy, whether it's completing a chore around the house or completing a video project I've been working on for weeks. I just... bask in a great sense of accomplishment. My issue is that I then feel fulfilled and then slack off on other things, feeling like I "earned" a break. What I really need to do is get my rear in gear and keep being productive, as starting something is by far the hardest part.

[@saulhernandezaguilar8383]

Just don't rush yourself too much, the feeling of achievement is easy to forget. Keep enjoying every little step good luck

[@goodvybe679]

Personally I just do my work either asap (in the morning before I get distracted) or all in one go at some time in the week. I only earn the rest of the day off if I finish all my work, then I can do anything I want and that's when I feel accomplished because I'm thinking "now I can do the things I'm excited to do". Basically I just enter a work "flow", not thinking about anything else until I'm almost finished. I used to be stuck in work mode because often I procrastinated things and so I had to be "ready" otherwise I would forget. But then I would go from watching KZbin to just stressfully watching KZbin and be too exausted to do it and so I learned to just do it all in one go and before I got distracted. If I leave the "flow" and take a break tho I can't get back in because of things exciting me which if I ever get stuck in a task (and thus tempted to leave it) is brutal lol. I've been doing coding recently because I've always been interested in game development (and I just had too many ideas to not do it) but man is it really pushing me in that regard lol. You spend like half of your time figuring out why something isn't working But yeah hopefully you can take something from that, Dr K made a vid called "Dr K how do I focus" and that might help.

[@Evelot]

Well no Wonder it brings you so much joy, i mean your brain automatically knows it can now slack off and be lazy. Maybe the reason why accomplishment is the only thing that brings you joy is because you know as soon as you’ve done it you get to do anything you want

[@Bendilin]

@@Evelot An interesting perspective that may describe some people, but not myself personally. Especially with, especially if it's something I made and posted online, I then spend my time like a child with a crayon drawing trying to show it off and get acknowledge that I finished it. The job is done, now to relish in the job itself being completed.

[@gillycooper8305]

No, don't fall into the trap of feeling like you always need to be productive. I feel like I resonate a lot with this video, and part of the reason I never feel accomplished is because I always feel like I need to move onto the next thing, it ties into the "finishing what you should be doing" part of the video. You earned your breaks, keep taking them.

[@dinckelman]

8:00 I feel this so hard. When I got into school, and even more so, when i graduated from it, my family were almost in tears from excitement. Meanwhile, i've never been as miserable in my life, only felt relief from the financial stress, and didn't feel any accomplishment at all. Like sure, i got my paper, now what?

[@lampyrisnoctiluca9904]

Yeah. But I need that hang-it-on-the-wall piece of paper! How am I supposed to find a proper job where they are not into exploiting you maximally allowed by law and then giving you a minimum wage for it? How am I able to be a productive, accomplished and thus respected member of the society without it? Laugh all you want, not being one was so painful that I returned back to school in my thirties. I will get my masters and then the things will be easier for me than they would be without it. I have already learned something about something about networking while here. As soon as the exams are over, I am looking at how to network on the proper higher level I didn't know even existed before starting my master's. See, I already got more than the much needed piece of paper after just a little less than a year.

[@nielsdeleu9989]

Main takeaway for me: If you mostly sense relief after completing a goal then it might not be a goal you wanted to achieve in the first place. Abandon the "I should" and try to figure out the "I want". Don't forget to give yourself credit for your contributions along the journey to prevent impostor syndrom. The real tricky part is if you've lived a life mostly controlled by "should", deeply internalising them. It can be difficult to rediscover what you want, and when you do, how to pursue YOUR goal without that toxic stress as fuel. To do something for the sake of the action is both liberating and akward at first. No one will tell you when to start. There's no deadline except those you impose yourself (careful, toxic fuel!). Nor will anyone tell you how to do it, so choice paralysis will tempt you to distract yourself with copium. So far the only solution I can think of, and am trying, is to sit with that akward liberating feeling and focus on what game (read: goal) I really want to play with. Anyone else know of ways to move out from a life of shoulds and using stress as motivation fuel?

[@michaelsmith4904]

Especially when “i should” becuase of societal obligations, like “i have to make sure my family is fed”. Sometimes i imagine when i am old and about to die it will be a relief, but i also blame my childhood for training me to simplyendure adversity.

[@nielsdeleu9989]

@@michaelsmith4904 Let's keep figuring out ways to go from "surviving" tot "thriving". Reframing helps me as well. Your example "I should keep my family fed." can be reframed to "I want to be someone who contributes to the welfare of my family." That way you have more leeway in how you do that. If you want that as a goal of course ;)

[@Alexander507]

There was a stream a while ago about the early life crisis which I found helpful. Basically, you let go of the shoulds and instead identify values that you personally care about. Then you use those values to build a standard for your own life.

[@VioletEmerald]

@@nielsdeleu9989 similarly instead "I want to avoid my family starving" (bad/bare minimum goal) it can be "i want a happy family that can enjoy meals fully and we have the freedom to eat even relatively expensive things (whatever this means to you, a specific thing is probably good to keep in mind like it's fun to go out to restaurants multiple times a year/month/week etc), i genuinely want this life.

[@nielsdeleu9989]

@@Alexander507 Could you share a link or a few keywords to search by? Was it from Dr.K? I'm open to other ppl as well.

[@michaelsmith4904]

What about the extreme version of this, where you wish you hadn’t tried to begin with because your success came at the expense of what seems like a wake of chaos?

[@gracee.4657]

In a scene in Bojack Horseman, Bojack tries to brag to Diane, but she asks him "if you actually won the Grammy's, would that make you happy?" And Bojack said no.

[@LyraeOSile]

Dr. K, you should teach how to teach. I'm thinking about that because I teach at university and some of your videos have helped me a lot advising my students on how to study (learning, attitude, motivation, etc) because it helped me recognize certain patterns some of them have. And the more I listen to you, the more I think you should help teachers teach to young people after high schools.

[@utahnl]

I cant even remember the last time i felt a sense of achievement or accomplishment, most of my life has been just doing things i was pressured into doing by my environment, i can ask myself who i was doing it for, it wasn't for me and it definitively wasn't because i wanted to. I can ask myself what i want, i wouldn't know, no clue, i just don't care anymore. There was a time when i was young where i was happy just being me and anything i achieved felt like an achievement at some level, but for so long i've just been feeling like a ghost of a life that has long since ended and i'm just lingering like an echo of something that ceased to exist a long time ago.

[@hervymarquezgarcia1079]

Hearing Dr. K ranting about others imposing goals in regards to medical school and I'm sitting here like; 🤔... You wanna talk about it Doc? Going deeper, chances are that he is/was a bit resentful about it but he did come around to finding his own purpose in helping others. He's talked about the should and is, but not about what could have been. Wonder what his thoughts are on regret? Regardless, Dr K. is reaching out to thousands of people with his videos, myself included. So regardless of the deeper meaning of this, I am thankful to him for choosing to stick to this path. Shout-out to the coaches too, Mark. You're cool homes

[@SIC647]

He had talked about how he went into medical school, because he didn't really know what he wanted, and being a doctor was as good as anything. And it would pay well and make his parents proud. Then nearly flunked until he found purpose in it.

[@TheOmnisniper1]

I have never felt so relatable to a Dr K video in my life lol. I am the imposter syndrome. Everytime I achieve something I always tell myself "Well everyone can do this. This is nothing to be proud of." My daily life at work used to be me just thinking getting through another day is a victory as long as it doesn't come crashing down because that means I haven't found out. Anytime people asked me what I did, I always told them but made a remark saying something along the lines of "But it's really not that hard" or "Anybody can do this". No more. I'm going to start recognizing my behavior patterns and I'm going to change them. I'm going to praise myself when I do a good job. I am worthy dammit!

[@OneSongCloser]

Great, another video to help me get one step closer to finishing college. Only downside is that now I know solutions to key issues, and now I have no excuse to ignore them! Thanks Dr. K, another great insightful video inside my psyche, laid out well enough I can come back remotivated and pissed off (because I have no excuse 😅)

[@alexisp6755]

Haha I feel this 🤣

[@tkonethousand]

This explains A LOT. There it was a job position that I desired for so long, I was rejected constantly also I have to deal with my family being disappointed of my failures all this time. After almost 4 years I got the job. I didn't feel happy or joy, all I thought it was "man..." Don't get me wrong I love my job and I have here for 3 years but still...

[@danielpetti3077]

I feel exactly the same

[@williamake4783]

For me, my impostor syndrome isn't that anyone can do it. It's that I just expect myself to already be good at it. When I'm at work, I just automatically crush it without thought or challenge. When I play my video games, I pick up on complex topics and strategies almost immediately. I feel like maybe my challenges aren't big enough, but my guess would be that I would expect myself to crush the bigger challenges. I cannot give myself credit for something that I've made a habit, unless maybe giving myself credit for making that habit? But it's just a habit, and I didn't instill it. My parents did. So I don't own it.

[@ShePudding]

My life goals have always revolved around running damage control on other people’s pain, and in return, having my own recognized. Friends need support? Dedicate everything you have to helping them survive the storm. School? Fuck it and survive. Unimportant background noise. I already “knew” my future would be taking care of my disabled mom, alone, to some degree. Turns out, as time went on, everything got worse for everyone and I ran out of ways to help. Nothing was ever fixed, there is no feeling of accomplishment/fulfillment anymore, because I’m all but certain all I can do is throw myself at our problems long enough to keep the family afloat a bit longer. Every year I come closer to really acting out, only to remember my loss would damage us far beyond anything a home repossesion, or totaled car, or permanent injury, or loss of income, or fostering my own kin (or else noone else can take them) has done to us yet. I just need to… go on. But this makes it make sense. It used to be rewarding to help- now I only live for the eventual relief, but *that* hasn’t manifest in years. Thank you Dr K. Holy shit. I can’t really do anything different but abandon them, so… nothing different then. But maybe, if the kids really *do* go home this year, I’ll have the time to start playing video games again. A little escapism with little achievements. Clean the house top-to-bottom… a diet… make some me-focused, goal-oriented tasks to achieve? That I can take my damn time on, heh. Wow. Probably bad that that already feels overwhelming. Meh

[@lompeluiten]

When I was in Uni, I tried to really understand the subject, but even the teachers were like: Everybody here is just here to pass grades.... You already have an C, why are we debating awsners? Maybe because I want to UNDERSTAND! This was an killer for my motivation.

[@lampyrisnoctiluca9904]

Upon returning to school in my thirties to get my masters, I learned that there is more untold stuff that is more important than the stuff they are trying to drill into our heads. For example, I learned something about something about networking. That something was such an important thing that I am disappointed it is not taught in the highschool. Not even in graduate school for that matter. It is just something that I found out about almost by accident. I did deserve to be told that quite important little two-minute-to-tell thing. Realising how important it is would not be possible if I was not paying attention. In about a year, when I graduate, I just know it will be quite useful.

[@Glenners]

17:20 I think we need a whole video on this. Living your life for yourself vs for other people (parents, significant others, etc)

[@RemotHuman]

I did really bad in college and dropped out for a year. Now I am proving to myself that I can do it (and building up my skills + knowledge so I really can), and I am starting to prove that I can. I wonder if the motivation goes away after you achieve your own goal, idk. Actually expectation was something I thought about for why I did badly. I do sort of resent any pointless expectation that is someone else's goals for me to serve a broken system.

[@pandax5359]

Hey... I don't know if it's a good place to ask. I have an anxiety disorder and I just started therapy to process my childhood bullies. But I'm sort of facing a lot of anxiety during my freshman year, I don't look at my lectures because I want to hide at home, in my bed and have my anxiety attacks. Going to university gives me panic attacks in the morning. Should I continue to see if it gets better or drop out?

[@RemotHuman]

@@pandax5359 @Pandax I'm sorry idk. Just know that if you do end up doing badly its not the end of the world and there's still ways to make it up in college and there's still other paths in life where you'll be OK, so maybe you can take your time. Idk if those words will actually help you or not but I tried so. God loves you no extra requirements. I feel like this wasn't a good enough message but I'm just gonna send it

[@pandax5359]

@@RemotHuman It's okay man. I mean the most accurate answer is probably idk right. Because noone really knows what's the right answer I guess. I really appreciate what you've mentioned and even just taking the time to reply to me

[@blondscientist]

@@pandax5359 you are not alone. I wake up every day at 4am and spend 2h convincing myself to get ready and go. I am doing a PhD now. Story was the same during my MSc. I think I wasted 15 years of my life being miserable. I still believe it was the best choice (I am an immigrant). However, if you think you could have a happy/productive life without the thing that is causing you stress (degree) - then it's worth considering you only have one life. I will never get my 20-ies back. Plus all the stress can start affecting my physical health (I overeat because I am stressed). And health is the most valuable asset. Life is about making decisions. They all have a price. Nothing is ideal. Be proud of yours and whatever you decide, you'll make it. Just one step at a time.

[@ZombiePowerDrink]

This has been true about almost everything I've ever done I've lived my whole life for my parents

[@YoungTatertot]

What an amazing video and great timing for all the students about to start fall semester. Glad to have this change in perspective for my exams and how to deal with imposter syndrome myself.

[@YoLyrick]

This nailed me…. Ooooof - I didn’t even walk graduation for my two degrees and didn’t even have a graduation party for either…. 😬 it was just…(done) and next…

[@dhplaz1475]

Because if the quest is stressfull or irritating for example, the pleasure from the achievement will only neutralize the bad feelings that you had beforehand, so you go from feeling bad to feeling normal due to the pleasure of achievement and pain of stress neutralizing each other.

[@VioletEmerald]

I do like this way of looking at it. The other thing I've noticed is like. Sometimes I'm not even fully letting go of the negative emotions. Like i feel so ashamed of myself for the amount of procrastination and then after i finish I am like "at least I'm done but I still feel so much shame over the days and weeks and months leading up to this and all the procrastination"

[@thecodebrief]

This is why I build enjoyable processes rather than focus on tasks. The world will never run out of tasks to give you and most of them don't really mean anything.

[@kiralindstrom7656]

Woke up today asking myself how to start changing this within me. Thank you thank you

[@kazumazu3632]

Back before I dropped out of college, I never felt comfortable with anything I ever did, just pure dread, stressed, painfully anxious. The way I coped was video gaming and alcohol, if all there is pain then how does one not get overwhelmed? Its like everything in life is a grindhouse that isn't fun I'd rather not play at all.

[@m.cymcym7418]

Really nice video. Paused several time to think about what you were saying. A few things cliked in my head. Thanks 😊

[@MR-ns8mp]

Thank you, this explains so much. I can relate to this so well for several reasons. I can't remember feeling accomplished after completing anything, even basic tasks or things I want to do. I now get some support with mental health after becoming extremely dysfunctional, but even when I get positive feedback for tackling tasks, I still feel no sense of achievement, and mostly don't even realise I've made an improvement or steps forward unless someone points it out. They can show me logically that I've taken a step of whatever size, but I never actually feel anything with it. Not even when my partner encourages or praises me. Hopefully I can work on this now.

[@gamerdweebentertainment1616]

I see why journaling is effective :)

[@MR-ns8mp]

@@gamerdweebentertainment1616 It'd be a good way to track progress and stuff, yeah. Do you journal? It's another thing I've never been able to get myself to do

[@gamerdweebentertainment1616]

@@MR-ns8mp tried a bit, quickly fell off not enough time with my current life situation which planning to change, but comes with a hefty price of broke af :)

[@Crimzone]

This is next level. Amazing. Thanks.

[@cindy2948]

Thank you for posting all these videos, i really need to hear it

[@zinka777]

I have a vivid memory of finishing law school (which I absolutely did not want to attend but my "should" parents did). The relief I felt the day I graduated was overshadowed only by the realization I now have to do this law thing until retirement. Makes me laugh now, sure didn't feel like laughing then 😂

[@lampyrisnoctiluca9904]

How's your career going?

[@chiefchimchar]

I didn't think I had Imposter Syndrome when he first mentioned it, but it turns out absolutely everything in this video applies to me. Dr. K is truly a blessing, this channel has helped me in so many ways in the last 2 years.

[@ditrixgenesis781]

The explanation of bare minimum really hit the mark. If you make it, congratulations, you're exactly where you were expected to be. Now go further if you actually want to feel good about it.

[@Jazzmaster1992]

I believe constructing ideas of ourselves, and developing expectations over outcomes only to be disappointed in both, is what people are alluding to when they say things like "it's the journey, not the destination". Sometimes even when I do something I really enjoy, and feel motivated, even if it turns out fantastically I have this brief period where I'm not as happy or excited as I thought I would be after achieving what I set out to do.

[@zxzz4207]

We don’t get rewarded unless we do “achieve” is the problem Im sensing. You don’t get evaluated (at least by others) based on progress you get evaluated based on wether or not you crossed an arbitrary goal post, wether in school or in corporate setting. Goals that are set by others or by you yourself. You are literally, at least annually, reviewed by other people for what you “should have” achieved. It’s not necessarily good practice but it is what happens. Constructing a internal sense of self is very difficult when the external world judge so rigidly.

[@unclesunbro1577]

I dont even feel relief anymore when I accomplish anything. I barely feel anything when I get anything done.

[@itocc5811]

There a lot said in this video said something so truthful, all my life in school I got good grades but not because I want to get good grades, but rather I didn't want to feel shame. And, work the extra hours to finish all task of matter. And, people would say wow you got all of that done and this and that. But, all i felt was a sense of relief. "I'm tired, I'm glad is all over." Didn't feel like acomplishment.

[@darkcreatureinadarkroom1617]

This is the best video about procrastination that's not explicitly about procrastination 🖤

[@sillygirl1139]

Really great video, thank you!

[@noellerecoskie3008]

Dr. K literally explains the reasons why I failed out of university. I went into getting a degree of environmental science not really knowing why. I was passionate about the field but it was more about getting a good career in the future. I am also very perfectionistic, and stress was my only motivator. This would actually cause me to fail exams and classes because I felt like I needed A's and B's so no amount of starting studying would make me feel like I moved forward, so I would just procrastinate. Then I was always living in a stressful state of mind. I'm still deciding whether I should go back to university or not in the upcoming year

[@xKumei]

This makes a lot of sense! Now the only problem is that what start out as my goals quickly become stressors and they are no longer "worth it."

[@msaters8166]

moving halfway to an ideal goal feels lika a failure, moving five steps forward from where you are feels like a success. Wow that was super big thanks for make it so clear for me, I have problem of everytime wanting more when accomplishing something, that it's not enough, I should accomplish more, faster, better even if it is a real step forward and I'm the reason of those shoulds my head is just so idealized and I can't leave this idea, what could I do with this?

[@kokodigo]

What I've learned is that stress-based motivation just lead to feeling of relief rather than feeling of accomplishment. I actually experience this one, for example when doing school tasks I was doing this for the sake that I SHOULD do it rather than doing it because I want it. Which lead me to feel stress since there's pressure that I feel that if wouldn't do it I feel like a failure. So when I actually finish the tasks I just feel a relief. My brain was like "Finally, I am done". Then theres no stress anymore.

[@gamerdweebentertainment1616]

Then comes question how to make yourself want it :) I want to be engineer... but maths man, maths go over my head.

[@meeps0283]

this was actually super helpful and kinda eye opening. thank you.

[@xkenny1995]

Damn I watching you for year+, but this one did hit home the hardest!

[@God-ld6ll]

"If one is in need of improving.The one who will be doing the improving, is the one who needs to be improved."

[@hassanbeydoun2460]

3:30-3:44 That sudden change of emotion can be used out of context lmao😄 We love you Dr. K

[@bits_and_bytes2220]

i really like that you repeat about the topic a lot in the video helps much

[@vsalbuq]

I feel people won't get this by watching the video (even though Dr. K said it), so I'll say it here: How to get motivation? Answer the question: What's the point of doing this? The more good and convincing answers you can come up with, the more motivated you will be.

[@psiga]

Thank you for this video. Unrewarding task completion is my issue for sure -- but I don't believe that "imposter syndrome" is the root of my issue. It's really about as simple as all of my non-work options being so comfortable that I just do them instead, unless I am actually "in the mood" to do some work. This means that I really am making progress, but it's not happening very quickly or smoothly, and I'm not building my tenacity and self-motivation skills. I feel like the literal proverbial grasshopper, fiddling away spring and summer. Frankly I'm wondering whether to invest some time and money into hypnosis / self-hypnosis, to see whether I am one of the statistically lucky few who are reasonably easily programmed, so I can cheat-code myself into feeling as much motivation as I want myself to feel. Either way, I appreciate this video, and love this channel so much. Looking forward to the inevitable Golden Play Button!

[@VeylmanTheRock]

The tricky thing for me is that I only function with high amounts of stress. Anything less is not getting the job done so I crash and burn. Cramming on the last day and producing results that are "good enough" is the basis of my entire life so far. If it's a personal goal of mine, the progress is painfully slow, only if I have outward motivators I feel like I can be at half of my best. Like I know what to do and how to do it but I just don't do it without lots of outward stress.

[@pourcelaine]

I don’t even really function but I get close at least yea with stress. I feel like my only options are be stressed and miserable and earn a modicum of income to support myself in this capitalistic hellhole, or do nothing and….become homeless?

[@irvinmethod9088]

Since there's nothing that I "want" (the very idea of working or putting effort in general horrifies me, but I still have to work), guess relief is the best thing I'll get in my life. Btw, my brain does not reward me for "fighting against it", "challenging myself" or whatever. If anything, it becomes another source of stress from self-imposed expectations that lead nowhere. I cannot trick my brain with these artificial stuff, because at the end of the day I'll still have to work tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the day after that too. If you fill a cup that's already full, it will just overflow. I'll keep looking for a way to recover my happiness, but grinding is not the way.

[@ryancxe]

This is super interesting, I never considered that people could be so stressed that pursuing goals no longer feels fulfilling to them. Surprising the changes that stress makes to how we operate...

[@raktimnath8205]

Thank you sensei ❤️🙏😁

[@shisuiki]

I don't even feel a sense of relief when completing a task, more something along the lines of "That was bullshit, i shouldn't have had to do this, this didn't need to happen" especially tasks related to difficult situations. Yes, i acknowledge that difficult things happen, and that i've gone through many of them, but the bitterness still persists

[@zariyahcampos3565]

Omg this is the sign! I have been ruminating about this for almost two years yet no one can tell me what I am really looking for!

[@lydiachong1274]

Sometimes finishing a task isn't rewarding because there's hundreds of other tasks you need to finish. Life is a treadmill of neverending tasks.

[@thomasomelie]

I have zero motivation towards anything in my life anymore, except tasty food and even that I can live without, I don't feel like I have goals anymore, my whole life feels empty and even trying something new feels useless not bc I'm gonna fail but bc I probably won't be satisfied or even feel good after doing it

[@deotexh]

Omg that's so me, I need this video

[@-_-_-_-_]

I don't even feel relief. I just feel nothing when i accomplish things. It's like I'm listening to someone else tell me about their accomplishments.

[@stephieann6541]

That video summarised my life.

[@TheMidnightBandit]

I'd love to talk with you Dr. K, aboot how Stoicism and CBT have definitely improved my life. Mindfulness has allowed me to further myself to where I am today. Schizoaffective Disorder has been difficult to say the least, but I'd hope that with my charismatic nature, and plethora of knowledge regarding recovery, we'd have a pleasant convo. I'm not so much a gamer, although I'm a beast on DiRT 2.0 VR, and Forza Horizon. I hope that your work towards helping those that seem to have nowhere to go in such an insidious internet realm, that you'd feel that you've helped a decent amount of folks. Cheers.

[@isma3il2005]

What if there is no way to motivate other than stress?

[@gamerdweebentertainment1616]

Then get help :) Weird how that works, I need to think what I'm doing right now. Changing my life but it'll create financing stress and with that I hope to get my shit together :/

[@Verrisin]

what else is gonna motivate me, than stress and fear, lol :D - The reason I make money to buy food is stress to not be hungry, so to speak. - Things that give me nothing don't motivate me to act. EDIT: (Yes, I have not finished the video. I expect to learn more after 15:00) EDIT2: 15:40 - oh god, he made it 1000 times worse. As if everything isn't pointless to begin with. I have tried for a life with a bit more comfort and money, and failed miserably, depressed and broken.

[@gamerdweebentertainment1616]

Currently making a huge change probably and oh boy I will be broke AF :( and being broke creates stress/anxiety :/

[@tylercriss6435]

I don't desire anything. I need stress to motivate me forward.

[@DenzCasuela]

Now I understand why I never felt accomplished because I never chose what my college would be (I took an exam and just went with what I passed) and just stuck with it for 4 years and doing the bare minimum to never had a failing grade. I never really had any goals in life and just went with it. My family never had any expectations for me. So, was it impostor syndrome all along?

[@kdjourney51]

You keep up with Reddit! ❤❤❤

[@ultimategamer765]

God I hysterically laugh when he does that Indian accent 😂😂

[@zainmehal9950]

BETA YOU ARE SO SMART

[@ultimategamer765]

@@zainmehal9950 ??

[@zainmehal9950]

@@ultimategamer765 Beta as in बेटा as in my son in Hindi/Urdu :D

[@superturtle64]

This one was a pretty good one

[@evanc8057]

Wow this described me to a T and I never even realized it

[@alexdegrace6373]

Finishing task is dope

[@SilentVinyl]

Fascinating

[@slimbrady6004]

I just finished an entire medical course yesterday and only felt a very small feeling of relief. I left the class after working my ass off for so long and only felt dull.

[@behindzerosp]

When I got the results of my final for my Bachelor degree I cried I felt alwful even tho it was A- I got angry at people praising me and saying they are proud. For me it was all luck that I got one of the essay questions I was reviewing the privious day [ we had 26-28 essay questions to learn to write about and they give you 2 to choose from to write about]. It was similar 12 grade when I was choosing bachelor I had no guts to go against my parents suggestions because I wasn't even sure what I want to study and was affraid to work and wanted the whole story to end so I just went with what they want after a bit of resistance....and hated myself after that

[@n00dles4]

12:01 Yup :(

[@happycoder72]

this guy is a beast

[@eddebrock]

That's why videogame bosses mean nothing to me. I don't feel accomplishment after beating them. I'm just happy I don't have to deal with that asshole anymore!

[@custos3249]

Because there's nothing to achieve. Always, there's something else tomorrow or it's a mere countdown before I have to do it again. Even without procrastination, there's no end.

[@tails2490]

I was JUST talking about this all week lol

[@healtyme2194]

Completing a tasks feels like a rewarding when we can be grateful that we got it done

[@cademyers7235]

Dr K help! I have imposter syndrome and can’t stop crawling through the vent systems at my university!

[@zariyahcampos3565]

I have a question, maybe it is okay not to abandon the shoulds completely? For instance, just set a very realistic scale of accomplishment? Will that work?

[@cantorofleng7837]

Win game, feel nothing; lose game, life ruined. What I need is the endurance to finish this game of current employment/housing/debt, so I can do something I care about.

[@Goldn_Hrt]

I don’t procrastinate to avoid stress. And once I finish a task I don’t feel accomplished. I’m like meh. On to the next. Anyone else like that? Should we be feeling ecstatic?

[@TheNerdyPengwin]

I feel accomplished when I learn a new concept, in the moment that it occurs. I don't feel accomplished for figuring out how to use that knowledge to score well on an often aribitrarily designed test to test my knowledge. Because I've found that feeling like I did well and feeling like I knew absolutely nothing has absolutely no corellation to what my final grade will be. 🤷

[@TheNerdyPengwin]

That's why taking a test feels like a relief that it's over. The only other time I feel like I'm really accomplished is when I apply for a new job and spend 2 hour tailoring my resume and writing a cover letter - regardless of whether I actually get the job or not.

[@LukeLane1984]

I'm experiencing this all the time right now. The only thing I feel after completing a task is the relief of the anxiety of having to complete the task. Edit: And this anxiety starts at the very moment of I realize I need to perform the task. It's not because of procrastination. Although, that does happen and does make it worse.

[@duskshadow25]

Finishing a task is only rewarding if it's something you enjoy doing; otherwise, it's just a relief because it's over and you don't want to go through that again.

[@gamerdweebentertainment1616]

and if you don't enjoy anything? :/

[@duskshadow25]

@@gamerdweebentertainment1616 Then you need to go out more and explore. Try out new things. If your pool of choices are limited to what you're comfortable with in life, then you're probably not going to find what's enjoyable yet. A person only grows when they're out of their comfort zone. If you're comfortable with where you are, then you're not growing.

[@Soma2501]

Depends for me. I graduated university but I don't feel any fulfillment because I still don't have a job and feel worthless because of it. On the other hand, I'm making progress at the gym which feels really nice. I was also building a 3D printer which was fulfilling until I stopped for a bit because I got stuck and now keep avoiding the task even though I want to finish.

[@Astro2024]

Do you include that you're building a 3D printer on your resume?

[@Soma2501]

@@Astro2024 I haven't. Not sure If I should include that I built a PC as well

[@seekingfinding6204]

I have PTSD just listening to him talk about the exam date coming up.

[@alfredhitchcock45]

Stress and procrastination- sense of relief Internal motivation - relief or accomplishment- regardless amount of study Shame gap - shoulds Ideal version of yourself SEA parents Ideal vs Real Living up to expectations vs Exceeding Imposter syndrome Cognitive structure- outside of them - lucky Others - smart and hard work Difficulty taking credit for their actions

[@xKumei]

I feel like while I have this problem, my circumstance wasn't addressed in the video. For me, I give myself the credit and all that, but it rather than feeling accomplished it's just like "It's over? Am I missing something? That's it?" It's like listening to a music note lose its strength until it stops. I think it stems from thinking things are going to be harder than they actually are. So I am left just thinking "Well what's next then?" Like I recently finished my first year of university with straight As after having dropped out a few years ago. I understand it's an accomplishment and I deserve the credit and I appreciate how far I've come. It just wasn't nearly as challenging as I thought it would be. Honestly dealing with my mental health was more challenging than the actual content. Hoping that next year's classes are harder, I am also planning on taking 18 credits per semester now since I think I can handle it.

[@DavidSchwegler]

I feel my problem is slightly different. It's not just other people's requests that feel like "have to", but my own as well. As soon as I decide to do something - anything, small or large, and of my own free will - I feel it HAS TO be done. Eg if I want to get some objective in a game done today, I'll sacrifice my sleep because now I feel I "have to". Or, I can decide I want to go get myself groceries, and if the store is closed I get really upset, because it becomes a "have to". Even though objectively I DO NOT have to do it - I just decided I wanted to arbitrarily today, and it's really not a big deal to do it tomorrow. It's like I am playing both roles, and having the emotions of both as well.