First time foster parent vs experienced: Foster child hiding or sneaking food

[@anacoanagoldenflower]

I absolutely LOVE the bin idea; as a therapist I'm a very "meet them where they are" kind of person rather than trying to change their behaviors for them, so the bin is a great idea to mediate their needs with my girlfriend's trauma-caused phobia of bugs and open containers once we have our own foster kids!

[@BeczaBot]

I wish you all the best with your fostering journey!

[@Jane-xu5ul]

I have never had a foster child that did not have food insecurities. Giving control and zero shaming over hiding of food or their choices is extremely important towards building trust.

[@foster.parenting]

Yes it can be so so common :( It's good to be prepared - then you are less likely to be triggered when it happens.

[@EternalFlightVV]

Out of curiosity, would your process change at all if the child was overweight or seemed to eat out of boredom?

[@Jane-xu5ul]

@@EternalFlightVV No not at the beginning. I even allow cheap pasta products and sugar Kellogg’s when the children first come to me. Getting into the depths of their food issues needs therapy and people who the child has bonded and feels safe with. When I child comes to me it future is completely unknown and it’s not a time to try and make them change eating habits the coping capabilities of these children is already at a breaking point I never add more to it by changing foods.

[@EternalFlightVV]

@Jane Thanks for your reply! I appreciate your insight, what you are saying makes sense ❤️

[@Jane-xu5ul]

@@EternalFlightVV The truth is that after a few weeks of me cooking extra for them and also preparing my usual healthy meals the children start to ask what we are eating and then ask if they can try it. Leaving it all in their control has worked best for us and speeds up the willingness of the child to adapt to good foods.

[@cassierobertson5778]

I wasn't a foster kid, but I was a serious closet eater. This makes me want to cry. I can't imagine what life would have been like if I hadn't been shamed for eating and ended up sneaking food.

[@drcatboy9278]

same. I was neglected and abused and didn't realize I had food insecurity until Laura's videos. They're so powerful

[@crystalr4650]

I hid a LOT with food and I'd take any wrappers and find something in the bottom of the bin to hide them in. My mom would go through the trash and punish us for eating things and encouraged us to tattle on eachother for "sneak snacking" after school. Yes I'm in therapy 😂😅

[@cassierobertson5778]

@@crystalr4650 that's so sad!!! I can totally relate to moving the trash around to hide wrappers though.

[@NonaMoreau]

@@crystalr4650 oh that sounds horrible 😭 who tf would punish a child for eating?? What was her reasoning?

[@twylenb]

@@NonaMoreau I also experienced shame and punishment for eating food when I was growing up because my family were vocal about not wanting their kids to be fat and unhealthy. I developed a habit of sneaking and binging food that developed into a bad binge eating disorder because of the shame around wanting food, or specific kinds of foods that weren't healthy. I wasn't given treatment for my disorder, only shamed that I was gaining a lot of weight, and was sneaking food which backfired into more emotional eating and binging. Teaching kids healthy habits is so nuanced.

[@Flanneryschickens]

The schedule for cleaning and such nearly made me tear up. Teaching someone that they have privacy and deserve basic respect is so important and it helps make them feel less like a guest or burden in your home. My parents would always remind me that it wasn't MY room, it was my room in their house that they allowed me to stay in. No privacy, they took my door away at one point for a while, it sucked. Letting kids know they have boundaries you respect while still caring for them and their space is so important

[@SarafinaSummers]

Oh god, me too!

[@JuniperLynn789]

I also appreciate that she doesn’t try to push any nutritional preferences she has for her own family onto the foster child. It’s not the foster parent’s job to “fix” a child’s diet to match the way their family eats. The foster parent can be sure to make nutritious and balanced meals, but also offer foods and snacks from brands that are familiar to the child (like lays chips, Oreos, fun cereals, etc.). As they adjust, they will grow more comfortable trying new things, but it takes time.

[@kutanra]

Not a foster, but an autistic adult who had a lot of childhood trauma from well meaning adults in relation to my food (sensory issues) so now I have a very limited diet. Bless my husband he has been very patient and understanding and I've been able to expand my range. But in the presence of others I revert to my safest foods.

[@susanollington5257]

I’m so proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone to explore new foods and I hope that one day they will feel just as safe to you as the ones your are already comfortable with, you’re doing a good job at managing your health on your own terms as an adult, which is always very difficult but also very rewarding

[@Serene_Haze]

I imagine this to be one of the most frequent problem foster children face. I know adults who still have issues with food security even though they have a job and plenty of food. Its a lifelong struggle

[@foster.parenting]

Yes, I've heard from many adults, that even as adults, they still keep food closeby in their room, for example.

[@scillaburton2965]

I have struggled with this as well, when I was first living on my own I had very little money for food. I would hardly eat and get blood sugar crashes daily. Once I was more stable financially, I still had lasting issues because of it. I would *always* have to have a snack in my bag and if I realized it wasn't in there I'd instantly have a panic attack.

[@TheKittyWonder]

I was homeless for a long time; I'm not anymore, but I still squirrel food. I live with caring family members who approach this on the opposite ends of the spectrum. The wife is much like OP "here's storage" while the husband is basically "you don't need to do that anymore. Stop it." Guess who I listen to more?

[@kaeligrace]

My daughters came to me at 4 and 6 and although they are biological sisters, their ages meant they had internalized different fears from their early years. We noticed that my eldest would sneak about in the middle of the night and eat.. for instance we would wake up and the block of cheese would have had big chunks bitten off. She was constantly worried about food when we were out. We found it really helped her if we had stashes of food such as granola bars in my purse, the car, her backpack etc. but what made the biggest difference was giving her a snack basket for her bedroom. We filled it with non perishable snacks that she liked and told her there are no rules, you can eat as much of this as you want, whenever you want, and I’ll keep filling it up. She’s 18 and still likes to have her snack basket filled up but I think it’s not so much about food anxiety at this point. We have a grocery app that everyone can access and add to and she will go in and add her snacks. She’s particularly fond of those squeezable apple sauce pouches though so we do really need to be on top of getting her to bring garbage out so that the ants don’t move in.

[@MM-jf1me]

I've read in these comments that even adults in stable living situations sometimes like to have a snack basket or bin in their room -- it's a "small" thing that eases anxiety. Does your daughter have trouble remembering to remove her food trash often? Maybe you could get her a small trash bin (the tiny ones that go on desks and are usually more cute than functional lol -- I think they'd be plenty big enough for food wrappers, though) to go into her snack basket or a gallon size Ziploc bag that she can put her food trash in. Maybe having something like this would keep ants at bay while allowing both you and her to relax a bit about the trash situation (it is just a small thing, but it puts stress on you to have to think of possible food trash, think of negative consequences of having opened food trash, dread that she may have food trash in her room, feel compelled to check either yourself or asking her to take care of her food trash, etc). Anyway, I appreciated reading your comment. You sound like a really thoughtful mama.

[@SarafinaSummers]

I broke down nearly sobbing at the container of food for just the child in their room. My grandparents had me on diets as early as age eight. I was always hungry! I was sneaking candy because I was having seizures from low blood sugar but my grandparents never believed they were seizures.

[@DragonFries12]

The food bin is such a great idea! It offers a place to keep food under their control while still keeping things neat and closed off to avoid bugs.

[@TaraannBudgetsandSelf-Care]

This is helpful not just to foster parents but others as well. We got custody of my stepdaughter when she was 9. She lived in a home with a controlling and abusive stepfather, and a lot of the advice you gave was what the therapist told us to do. You are amazing.

[@robynwyeth1707]

I was in some really bad foster homes growing up and the first scenario you showed was what I had after adoption. My mom made it seem like such a problem for everyone that I just completely stopped eating. It almost killed me.

[@leonardodavinci3589]

I was a neglected child, and oh yeah, the holding onto food is very, very real. I've got a chocolate bar, cheetos, and a bunch of water flavorers along with two filled bottles that live in my room. It's absolutely programmed in

[@TragicallyDelicious]

Yeah for some of us kids growing up it wasn't even just food insecurity it was a safety thing. I know for me if I was in my room I was less likely to be hurt. So I tried to find ways that I didn't have to leave my room if I didn't absolutely have to and having snacks and in there made it possible to be in there longer and to feel safe

[@kateisblue]

A good tip I saw from KC Davis for executive disfunction (brain-says-no disease) that could work here too is getting extra huge ziplock bags! You can use then for dirty plates, used personal hygiene products etc; anything that could cause mold/pests that they might be too nervous/ashamed to get rid of in front of you, or too overwhelmed to deal with right now, but still keep their space functional and hygeinic.

[@joannabusinessaccount7293]

Laura, watching you makes me want to cry. You are such a wonderful foster mom. You are so chill, respectful, and adult like. Thoughtful without being fake sweet. I have not fostered nor have I ever been fostered, but watching you makes me want to cry for the kindness that all children deserve and need. Bless your heat, Laura!

[@joannabusinessaccount7293]

I grew up in a very good secure home but remember even being a bio child, when I was a teenager, I hid cans of Campbells chunky beef soup and a big bag of potato chips under the sofa because I was just craving fatty, salty, junky food so much in my growing body. It’s wild to think I did that! Food to a growing child, particularly a growing teenager is so, so, so important.

[@anikastork5549]

I think you put words to the thoughts I've had on this channel for a while! I'm definitely trying to emulate this adult-like recognition of kids!

[@MarisaAndChew]

I need a bin for my room! This is genius. I keep my personal snacks in my room BC I need to eat with meds and otherwise they're often gone from kids or their friends helping themselves. My kids are both the perfect weight but my oldest has struggled with disordered eating so I have never said no (now that they're young adults) to snacking, I just ask they leave it on the list or the empty package on the island so I know what we may need. But, I do keep a few things in my room like crackers, and protein bars etc and I always worry about bugs with the crackers and open packaging. This is really a great idea for less waste and keeping bugs away! Thank you!

[@brooke_reiverrose2949]

BIG love to all the people in the comments relating their traumas… I see you ❤️

[@NeurodivergentQween]

I love this so much.. I had a terrible problem as a child sneaking food. We weren’t supposed to really eat anything after dinner at my moms house. Although at my dads house the kitchen was open 24/7, So this wasn’t an issue there. I started binge eating when I was with my mom because really we weren’t supposed to eat anything other than meals, but when I got home from school I’d be so hungry. I used to have hoards of wrappers by my bed and my mom would freak out. I guess she never understood why I was doing what I was doing.

[@GnomePickles]

I tended to keep supply points as a kid cause I knew that mom and her boyfriend would fight so if I got hungry but couldn't leave my safe spot I could have a snack. It is a behavior that I have unfortunately sort of kept as an adult, so this one kind of spoke to me.

[@RNcantsleep]

Laura, I’ve never been a foster child (nor a foster parent) so I have no idea how you ended up in my KZbin algorithm…but I LOVE your soothing videos. You are an ANGEL from above, with a very special gift. That is all. 💕

[@Alice_Walker]

Same! 💜

[@foster.parenting]

That is so kind, thank you for being here! I'm glad I ended up on your feed! I have no idea how the algorithm works haha

[@hawkfeather6802]

I wasn't in foster care but I do have a bin of food I keep in my room. Long story there but it makes me feel safe knowing I have things in it. That and I have low blood sugar so it's good to have snacks close by.

[@Michele_fr.]

My girlfriend is a child therapist and I love the bin idea and just the idea of giving them options of what to do or have. Thank you for sharing this so other foster parents can learn {💖}

[@zacgallenlover911]

Omg! I am currently fighting an eating disorder and am fearful eating around others. My therapist suggested to keep a bin by my bed of snacks so i can hide and eat or have them on hand if i’m too weak . So smart

[@Alice_Walker]

I had an ED for a long time and I can totally relate to that fear. Sending you much love, it can be such a tricky fight and I'm glad to hear you have help and compassion for yourself 💜

[@zacgallenlover911]

@@Alice_Walker Thank you so much. It’s so hard. But today i went out to dinner with my mom and grandma for exposure therapy and it went AMAZING!!!!!!!

[@Alice_Walker]

@@zacgallenlover911 oh that's BRILLIANT I'm so pleased for you 💪🏻

[@tericoe5116]

My good friend was a foster parent. She always found food and clothes squirreled away under their beds. So very sad to be so food insecure.

[@Im_Iconic-Youre_Ironic]

This is so informative and just highlights all different issues that any kid could have

[@bq1428]

My daughter was in foster care when we adopted her. She is now 34 and still kept food in her room but she doesn't plates of food under her bed. She was a failure to strive baby so Dr's said she probably always keep food in room. She tells me & I know because I don't want her to be ashamed. Love her dearly & well worth all the quirks ,just makes her speacial❤🙏

[@alexandragrace8164]

I was homeless as a teenager after going through the child protection system. Your videos inspire me so much and sometimes they make me cry. Thank you for everything you do. I hope some day I can be as good a foster mum as you!

[@julieb7790]

I just love your videos. I feel like they are so helpful not just for foster parents but they also help me as a single mother and survivor of DV. When kids have experienced trauma, even if they’re still with a biological parent, it can be so hard, and you have just the best approach to handling difficulties that arise. Thank you for making these, you are such a kind soul and you are changing lives ❤

[@linda-akaswjosdotschka8648]

I'm obsessed with your creative and informative videos. So much to learn! I can't foster parent, but I use what I learn for my novels which also feature kuds from difficult homes. Thank you for supporting caregivers in every shape or form with your creative content!

[@BeczaBot]

Good luck with your works!

[@bestaqua23]

I grow up in a community where most older people suffered some sort of long term food insecurities ( my grendpernts where Jewish in ww2 ) and this never really gos away .my grendma use to eat everything with an extra piece of brad ( including pasta and sweet sweets ) will the other grendpernts always had a house full of cans.

[@kaileychambers6969]

I want to say thank you for making these videos. Not only do they obviously help people better understand the needs certain foster kids might have, it's also nice to learn about these issues in general. Thanks to you making videos like this I've noticed I have a habit of hoarding some food in my room like this. I've figured out it probably has something to do with childhood trauma relating to reaching food and also anxiety about leaving my room when people are over. I don't think I would've thought about this otherwise and I appreciate the opportunity this has given me to try and heal. Thank you

[@brooke_reiverrose2949]

WHY are you so wonderful 😭

[@kaieastty8948]

Thank you for all the help. I want to be a foster parent one day once I am more financially stable, so helping me know what mistakes NOT to make is helpful. Love your content, keep up the good work!

[@spokenme08]

I never realized growing up what our frequent “fun rice and bean nights” really were. My parents grew up in rural areas in the 60s and 70s. They were poor but were able to access farms,get meat during hunting season and their family gardens. They still refuse to eat certain things though.

[@KindredWoD]

My mother worked in foster care for over a decade. After school each day, I would grab the city bus to her office and she paid me $5 per hour to sit on the floor in the copy room, do my homework, and feed confidential papers into the paper shredder. This was over 20 years ago when everything was still on physical paper and everything was just starting to go digital. The paper shredder wasn't a big commercial one, just a household one the office could afford, so it overheated and shut off after about 100 pages and would have to be left to cooldown. None of the office staff had time to simply sit there and feed all that paperwork to the shredder, so my mom paid me to do it. I heard countless stories from office employees (names always kept anonymous), foster parents, and even the foster kids who would come into the office. My best friend in middle school was a foster girl who lived in a group home. (Natural parents were both in prison for physical and s**ual abuse of her.) Knowing the things I do now, videos like yours mean so much to me. I know the deeper stories. I know how hard it can be for foster kids. I know the little quirks that make many of them unable to do things that non-fosters find perfectly normal and easy. Thank you so much for making these videos and giving an inside look at what it can really be like and encouraging people to consider being a foster. You are amazing and I appreciate you. Keep up the awesome work!

[@katekramer7679]

I love your videos so much. I'm so glad you included a transition to leaving more food in the kitchen as they become more comfortable. The only thing I'd be concerned about is trash. If the kid can keep food in their room, how do you also create a way for them to throw away trash that feels safe for them?

[@Fidi987]

The transparent containers could be a problem for kids who were reproached or punished for having candy etc. in their room. The transparency would always remind them that foster parents can see what they are storing and silently judge them for that. My parents did not have big issues with us having or eating candy and were even happy when my brother, who had Down's Syndrome, began to sneak candy into his room, because they believed that was a sign of mental growth - being able to keep secrets from parents. And then one morning we woke him up for the holidays and noticed that he had fallen asleep with an unwrapped chocolate bar still in his hand under his pillow. 😂 He must have wanted to sneak in a chocolate bar before sleep without my parents noticing and fallen asleep over it. For kids who have been yelled at for having (too much) candy, it could have been a problem if parents and siblings had witnessed that.

[@bunnys9704]

If my mom knew to not come into my room to search my drawers and trash for candy wrappers maybe I wouldnt have such a horrible relationship with food today. Having said that - arent you worried that the child is gonna eat way too much snacks? What if they eat that entire box of cereal bars in one day?

[@foster.parenting]

In many situations, these habits resolve over a few weeks or months after routines and trust is established. As with everything - it's important to consult with your pediatrician, therapist, and professional team :) Also, when kids are super focused on food and you are worried about overeating, this book is an AMAZING resource. I keep it on hand - it talks about every issue that may come up - and it is all grounded in trauma informed care. (Amazon Affilaite Link amzn.to/3Jl5C4J) - Love Me, Feed Me: The Foster and Adoptive Parent's Guide to Responsive Feeding by Katja Rowell M.D.

[@MM-jf1me]

​@@foster.parentingThank you for the book recommendation!

[@mysticmonkee]

Not going to lie I started getting recommended and watching your videos after I read a 52 chapter fanfic where the main character was a foster child, this videos are really nice

[@foster.parenting]

The internet is wild - it's reading our minds!

[@jolenebardal]

Wow is this how things are done now? I wish it had been the approach when I was in foster care and came from a home that tried to starve me. This blows me away.

[@MM-jf1me]

We all wish this is how things are done now across the board! Generally, the training of foster parents is variable -- I'm grateful to people like Laura who do their best to gently educate the public without pointing fingers (at people who are genuinely trying their best).

[@juliz2500]

Thank you so much for your videos! I enjoy watching them although I'm not even a foster parent myself. I work at a youth center with kids (ages 10-18) though, most of them have also been through a lot in their lives, and I learn so much from you! One question: how do you deal with situations where kids share very painful details from their past? Especially when they talk about trauma but in a very disconnected manner, as if it's something trivial? I experience this a lot at work, and I try to be there and listen, I don't ask a lot of questions but also I try not to change the topic to not seem disinterested. I think these moments are very delicate because sometimes they share things without even realising how overwhelmed they are and asking too many questions can make them relive emotions they cannot handle. On the other hand, I want them to know that I hear them and will not shut them down.

[@mungbean345]

I have wondered this, too.

[@Just_One_Tree]

There can be a lot of power in saying things like: “you didn’t cause that to happen”, “that wasn’t your fault”, “you did what you had to for survival”, and/or “you deserve to feel safe and be safe”

[@charlottebuddhistvihara1354]

I get real still and say "I'm sorry that happened to you."

[@susanollington5257]

I suppose I usually say something like I would if something really bad happened to a friend “That’s awful, you didn’t deserve that, do you want to talk about it?” If they say no, then don’t push it, but you can say “I’ll always be available if you want to talk or you want help with anything”

[@Flanneryschickens]

"Thank you for trusting me with that. I know it's not always easy to talk about."

[@goodwillbunny5773]

Do you want to keep the bananas in your room? That is a hoot! I love ❤️ your videos. My mother got her foster care license in September 1954, when I was 6 years old. She had foster care until December 1995, for over 41 years.

[@jrs4780]

Another amazing video. You are truly an angel on earth for what you do for the children and the compassion you show for all. The educational value of your videos is priceless for all parents!

[@martinevanloon2695]

Geeze you are good at this! What a blessing to have you as a foster mum!

[@hyobro8392]

I can relate, idk if that's common but i would literally cut each wrapper to shreds because otherwise it would be found (i do arts and crafts so it kinda blended in i guess)

[@Backpackguy12]

The love that you put into your kids is one of the reasons I believe God is real. Whatever that means

[@heididaniel7825]

I'm looking at having bio kids in the future and also considering fostering. I've watched a lot of your videos and one thing I've picked up on is that it is important to have different and reasonable expectations for foster children that might be different from what you would have for children in a less tumultuous environment. For example, you might expect a child who doesn't have any food sensitivities or trauma surrounding food to eat at the dinner table and try one bite of a new food while you might find that offering a dinner of their choice in their bedroom is a better option for a child who has negative history surrounding food. I think it is important in any family to adjust expectations depending on the child and their abilities and not always have exactly the same rules or disciplining methods for each child; however, this gap/difference would be a lot bigger in families with both biological and foster children. I could see that leading to conflict or a sense of "them" and "us" if different rules/expectations were set for children of similar ages. How do families deal with this or is it just best to not have bio and foster children of the same ages?

[@JAF1323]

I can’t give you a professional answer, but I can give you my own opinion as a biological child of foster parents, who later went on to adopt. For my parents, they had heard about birth order, but they didn’t understand how important it was until they had a child, who was older than their oldest biological child. This meant that they really were not prepared to deal with, the circumstances of this particular child because they had never experienced this specific age with their biological children. I think that it’s good to have biological children all the way until they are adults, so you have some experience of what it’s like to have a child at different ages. However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t have biological children and foster children in the same home or that you shouldn’t. I think that you should. Sometimes, it works better for families to ignore birth order. Other times, certain age ranges work better. Depending on the agency and their rules, certain genders may work better because certain agencies may require that, a foster father not be alone with a foster daughter at all, which can be difficult if the foster mother is working. Translation: basically, Some agencies say that the foster parent, who is the father in the home, can’t watch over a placement in the home Alone, which makes it difficult if his wife, the mother in this situation, is working. I really don’t know about this situation (food insecurity)specifically because we didn’t have it in our home, and we were younger when we did. I think that it’s more important to actually talk to your children. It’s so common to hear people talk about open and honest conversations, but I honestly never remember having one about this topic. It was just like being told what was going to happen; I was told that we were going to foster again, and that was that. There was no discussion whatsoever and no room for any opening, so to speak. It ended up working out, but I had a lot of resentment that I’m ashamed to admit now. I wish I had a better answer, but this is all I can come up with for the moment. Please feel free to reply with any questions. Thank you so much for reading.

[@kaelynn4744]

I knew a foster family who had a child with severe food scarcity and hunger trauma and they did not know how to handle it. It ended up getting violent and they gave up on the poor girl 💔 this education is so important!

[@rosalynsloan6887]

At what age do you recommend implementing this? I have a 2 yo in my care who needs to be supervised 100% of the time, so i can't give him the privacy. Even if i could, the food would almost definitely get thrown everywhere rather than eaten. Advice?

[@foster.parenting]

For little ones, we definitely need to supervise eating to ensure safety (and to help so it doesn't get thrown everywhere)! Usually these things are incorporated when the child is responsible and mature enough to handle being around food and there aren't choking concerns like you have with little ones. For young ones, having water and milk nearby can help them feel secure. I choose sippy cups that don't leak if it's sitting in the chair with them (for example).

[@username9999]

I've wondered how this works if you have your own kids in the home as well as foster children. How do your kids handle having different rules than the foster kids? I guess this wouldn't work if they were sharing a room. My child would not stay out of foster child's food. I hope to foster when my child is grown. We were almost licensed, but then we had an unexpected move.

[@orangew3988]

I suppose, age dependent, you just have to prioritise respecting other peoples belongings. Like, that isnt always gonna work, kids are kids, but if your kid has a box of their food, and can understand how upset they would be if some went missing, it makes it easier to help them respect the foster kiddos food bin. For both kids its about making them feel like they dont have to steal, because they always have snacks to go to.

[@kytruth1027]

I think it would definitely depend on age. I believe bio and foster children should be treated the same and a lot of foster families do that. If you have a child that's old enough to keep food in their room without it being a safety issue, you could always just make sure it's "healthier" options instead of comfort for your bio if that's a concern. If you have smaller bios that wouldn't be able to have food in their room, you could just make sure the foster kids keep it hid or up high to where they couldn't get it. I think it would be important for bio kids to respect the foster childrens privacy and space, including their snacks.

[@rosalynsloan6887]

I am struggling with how to handle different expectations around food between my bio children (4 & 6) and foster child (2). Welcome any advice.

[@charlottebuddhistvihara1354]

​@@rosalynsloan6887 "We want "2" to feel like she's in her own home, so she needs to eat like when her own mommy is feeding her, so she can feel good and safe."

[@Hedwig-gj2di]

This is great but I have a question. What if they're snacking right before meals and they're never hungry for the meals?

[@alsinakiria]

When it's close to meal times and you don't want them snacking distract them with toys and games. These kids have gone without food and it can take months or years before they stop feeling anxious whenever they don't have access.

[@orangew3988]

​@@alsinakiria this is such a good idea. You can link it into routine, we walk the dog and then together we make dinner.

[@katielear6570]

Love this!

[@jacksyoutubechannel4045]

How do you deal with it when, despite reliable food, places to keep food, etc., the child has had food difficulties for so long that they're seriously overeating (like, to the point of feeling ill or vomiting)?

[@rosalynsloan6887]

Following

[@susand2729]

She has other videos where she suggests keeping the kids' hands busy with tactile play between snacks, encouraging them to eat outside/while doing other activities, etc to slow down eating if they might eat so much they would get sick.

[@foster.parenting]

yes, thank you susan! :) This is also an incredible resource - it talks a lot about this, and all of the information in this book is grounded in trauma informed care. (Amazon affiliate link amzn.to/3ZGz9vm) - Love Me, Feed Me: The Foster and Adoptive Parent's Guide to Responsive Feeding by Katja Rowell M.D. Definitely speak with a professional if you are noticing concerning or dangerous behaviors.

[@cakejoy]

I don't allow food in any rooms outside of the kitchen/dining room in my home; bugs, and our dogs are big concerns. We have this rule for ourselves as well obviously. Is there another way to provide this without having the food eaten in the room? I would love to ease this anxiety for a kiddo and we do offer all the other things the video mentions. We have a bucket that their treats go in in the pantry, etc.

[@joannabusinessaccount7293]

Maybe you can re think about the tile. Would it be possible to teach the child how to clean up after themselves or use a plate or bucket to catch the droppings? Or, maybe put a bin with the child’s name on it just outside the room or in the room and say, the food is there for you and only you. If you want to eat it, please take it to the kitchen or backyard to eat. Or, maybe take the child grocery shopping to let them pick out the foods, and mark it for them only?

[@MorningMeasure]

Like, no, probably not. There are things you can do to keep crumbs off the floor-you could put the snacks for them in individual tupperware containers and stick with less messy things, for example. Make sure anything put in those containers are safe for dogs in case crumbs do get dropped, could be another. If there is a desk or table in the room, you could ask them to eat there. Or if there is another place in the house that is totally theirs and is hidden from places people could be and is easier to clean (like a playroom, or a desk with curtains), that would be much better than having no personal private spaces with food.

[@charlottebuddhistvihara1354]

I suggest that you give the foster child or children special permission; the child having control over some food can be important. If it triggers OCD in you, try to breathe thru it. Maybe explain to the child, "I'm sorry, I have anxiety around food being outside the kitchen, so as long as you take extra care to leave no crumbs or wrappers or other trace of the food outside of your bin, you can keep your bin in your room."

[@LeCielIndigo]

Frankly, I think there is no other way around this. The kids somehow need a place to be able to eat in private because most of them have hunger trauma.Just make sure that the foods are safe for the dogs.

[@emullinsstreams]

I don't have foster kids, but I wonder if the bin idea would be good for toddlers/kids in general who always ask for snacks before bed/naps?

[@gingerjerzak1948]

Unless you're The one who's food gets eaten by someone else makes me so mad

[@MelaniePerez-yu4rv]

Do you have any Foster care emergency placement contacts in canandaigua new York

[@amandagrayson389]

I remember trying to teach about food insecurity to white, privileged middle schoolers. There was one boy who couldn’t understand why just having cereal and milk in the house was a bad thing. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@raylingomen2562]

My husband and I have just finished our foster parent classes, waiting on some paperwork to be fully certified with the state. I'm really concerned about the food aspect, I have celiac disease and can't have gluten in the house, and we have a son who is autistic that has a specific diet (and not the greatest self control), we generally cook everything from scratch and don't keep typical store bought snacks on hand, we keep pretty "clean" diets for a myriad of health reasons. So I'm concerned about how to meet the child where they are at, everything we've been learning in our classes and even in your superb videos has me thinking we're supposed to chuck our standards and start getting chips and mac'n cheese (which I can't even have in my home due to severe reactions). How do we navigate both needs? Food insecurity really is a big deal and I want to be able to navigate that in a healthy way for the child. I'm open to suggestions.

[@marygilbert6105]

There are gluten-free mac and cheese options at most grocery stores. Not knowing all your and your child's specific dietary needs, I don't know if that helps. When I discovered that I am gluten sensitive (not the same as celiac), I found some options for snacks were gluten-free dried fruit and nut bars, usually in the section with cliff bars and/or the section with dried fruits and nuts. I also found some good options in the (usually small) gluten-free foods section. I consider these snack foods as "sometimes foods", not stuff I eat every day. I usually keep k

[@raylingomen2562]

@@marygilbert6105 I think I'm trying to figure out the balance, cause those things are so pricey we don't get them often and we generally don't have any processed sugars in the house. I like the idea of having food that is always avaliable, for us right now that is generally fruit that my kids can grab whenever, I was also thinking raisins. But if kids are used to top Ramen and fruit snacks, then me offering almonds and raisins will likely fall flat, or if I splurge and buy gf granola bars, well they are so pricey that I can't afford to offer an unlimited amount of them, but I don't want it to seem like there is a food scarcity issue, I want them to feel comfortable grabbing food to eat. Maybe while they're at school I bake so there are snacks available on the table each day? But that is not likely very realistic, once or twice a week sure but every day might be out of my reach.

[@joyfarmergal1222]

Fostering babies might be a better fit as far as food issues go, as long as that's an age you're comfortable with and enjoy.

[@susanollington5257]

I’m not a foster parent but I had a couple of ideas you could consider Firstly, I would guess that you may be able to advocate for more funding in the case that, in your specific situation, you would need to buy more expensive food to meet both the needs of yourself and a child Next, depending on the age and willingness of a child (don’t force this) they might like to help with cooking their own snacks, which can even help kids to feel as though these foods are more safe for them Finally, I honestly don’t know the extent of coeliac and the issue of gluten, but would it be possible to keep snacks with gluten in a specific place in the house, to be eaten in only that place, and have that place include a sink and soap to wash face and hands etc? In this case, if you have another adult living in your home, that adult could help with this side of things You don’t need to take on any kids you can’t manage - you need to take yourself into consideration. That means trying to figure out what things will be a sign that you need to say no to taking on a kid.

[@donnaperyginathome]

I have similar concerns. I want to foster but the stipend in Alabama is so low. My daughter has Celiac but she just graduated college, so she will be moving out. However, simply I cannot afford chips, sodas, etc. and no way the stipend here will cover those things at current prices. I also cook most things from scratch, which would work fine. It's really sad that food prices should keep people from fostering.

[@nataliapanfichi9933]

😂😂🎉🎉❤❤.

[@aimee2718]

2nd! Hello😂

[@foster.parenting]

Ty for watching!

[@onepiecefanboy0190]

the phrase "sunday is our grocery shopping day" is so wild to me lol. Shops being open on sunday in a mostly Christian country is totally mindboggeling

[@kristiharman2843]

That’s why I love going grocery shopping on Sunday mornings lol

[@mindyblack235]

This was your takeaway from this great video?

[@MorningMeasure]

Of course. We're working the other 6 days.

[@onepiecefanboy0190]

@@mindyblack235 no. this Was an aspect of it. do i have to comment about every little Nuance or am i only allowed to say "wow great video!"? i liked the Video too, but that doesnt mean i have to put that in my comment. i just wanted to Show my opinion about diffrent cultures.

[@pmaronto1600]

Do people act like this , or is she being so dis attached just acting ? Or are you supposed to be like this for thier fragile situation.

[@thefabulousdancerandmore4122]

1st

[@foster.parenting]

👋 hi!

[@thefabulousdancerandmore4122]

​@@foster.parenting hi

[@SlashAndInkOfCrimson]

Food insecurity is such a life long thing to cope with. My great grandmother lived through the great depression at 12 years old. When she died at 92, even though we saw her very often, had meals, and checked up on everything...we found she had stored food in every available shelf and crevice in the house. We always left her house full, and with leftovers. Like she was afraid the food was the last gift she'd ever be able to give us.

[@JaneAustenAteMyCat]

It's all about respecting the child as an individual human being with desires and boundaries and needs and things they're not even aware of but that need to be respected as you would an adult, just with that added guidance and sense of safety and security,. I'm learning so much watching these! I hope one day I will be well enough to foster. It's also made me painfully aware of my own mistakes with my children when they were younger, plus aware of the mistakes my parents made with me and how I often felt unsecure/unsafe and in need of reassurance that never came. I wonder how much I copied that behaviour from my parents myself in my parenting? Anyway, I'm learning and it would be my joy to one day be well enough to provide a child a home for however short a time and these videos are absolutely brilliant. I think everyone involved in the social care arena should watch and learn, especially social workers who too often seem to see children as 'cases' rather than human beings.

[@susanollington5257]

Try not to blame yourself for mistakes you made as a parent - when we know better we do better and you were just doing the best with what you had. I’m really sorry your parents weren’t the best role models for parenting and that you’re struggling because of it. If you continue to reflect on yourself and always aim for self-improvement with a learning mindset, then you will always be seeing your faults, but you’ll also be improving every single day, and that’s what would make you a better parent or foster parent. You can do this!