Common Autistic Behaviors - as Observed by a Non-Autistic

How well do you really know someone autistic? The needs of autistic and non-autistic people are very different, but with insight, time, and understanding, relationships between autistic and non-autistic friends, family, and loved ones can improve greatly. That's why I'm sharing my observations and learnings through almost 20 years of being with Chris, who has both autism and ADHD.
Why is this important? Chris was diagnosed with autism late, at the age of 41, and as his spouse, I wanted to understand more about what was happening in his brain to better support him. I struggled to find resources and ideas (especially as a non-autistic spouse) for how to help him. Now I've realized we have figured a lot out over the years - so I'm sharing what we've learned along the way.
*NOTE: This video is NOT intended for diagnostic purposes. I'm just sharing my observations of someone AuDHD (Chris), with the hopes of helping non-autistics better understand how the behaviors of someone autistic may connect to neurological differences. For more on the inner workings of the autistic brain, check out some of Chris's videos!
Whether you have an autistic friend, family member, or loved one, work with people on the autism spectrum, are autistic and struggle to explain how you feel to other people, or are simply interested in learning more, this video has something for you. I'm here to provide the unique perspective of someone who works with some autistic students in education and is very close to an autistic individual - Chris! Our goal is to help people better understand autism and ADHD to live and work better together in a neurodiverse world.
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📌 Timestamps:
00:00 - Intro
00:20 - Understanding & supporting special interests
02:46 - Overstimulation & the need to reset (alone)
04:49 - How the setting can impact mood (& why a safe spot is important)
06:16 - Sleep habits, routines, & helping overactive brains wind down in the evening
09:50 - Specific food loves & how to help with balanced nutrition
11:52 - Adapting to NOT eating out at restaurants (as much)
13:13 - Why maintaining routines is so important for autistics - & which ones to prioritize
15:24 - Different definitions of personal space & boundaries
16:45 - Changes in boundaries & reframing your thinking
🎥 WATCH NEXT:
1. 6 Signs Someone You Love Might Be Autistic: • 6 Signs of Undiagnosed...
2. What's Life Like with a Autistic ADHD Spouse (AuDHD): • Life with an Autistic ...
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📚 FAVORITE BOOKS
1. Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy (Steph Jones): amzn.to/3v3Axyr
-- NOTE: This is about SO much more than therapy!! Highly recommend for anyone who is autistic or wants to learn more about how it feels to be AuDHD
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⭐️ ABOUT US:
I'm Chris and alongside Debby, my brilliant partner, we've traveled, founded companies, and navigated the world as a neurodiverse duo.
Whether it's better understanding the autistic mind, getting productivity tips for ADHDers, neurodiverse relationship hacks and travel tales, or just a peek into our everyday life, we've got a lot to share. So if you want to join a community that's all about improving lives, you're in the right place. Give a thumbs up if you enjoy the video, drop your thoughts in the comments, and hey, maybe consider subscribing? Cheers to a better life!
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[@kensears5099]

Yes, I realize now that I put off going to sleep because it is, to say the least, the MAJOR "interruption" in my day's trajectory, the consummate pattern-shift that somehow violates "what I'm into" at the moment and, moreover, presents the threat that I won't be able to get into it again, especially if it's a particularly engrossing activity of some sort. There is this weird, irrational instinct that "if I stop doing this now (like, say, a writing project) I'll never ever be able to recover it."

[@ChrisandDebby]

I can see all of this with Chris too! Really getting into something and not wanting to stop and lose that momentum. He also feels the need to accomplish a certain amount each day or he has a hard time sleeping. So it's a hard balance sometimes for me - if I remind him before he gets engrossed in that particular activity, then he starts to get early worries about sleep and sometimes gets a little cranky. But if I let him start and then he gets interrupted, it's also frustrating for him. It goes along with something else I don’t talk much about here, but his challenges with time, like estimating how long something will take, understanding what time of the day it is, etc. (Will be sharing more on this soon in a video, so I'm glad you brought this up!) It's also a challenge for me because I'm not sure - is he starting this activity at this particular time in order to avoid going to sleep? Is it because he just doesn't know the time? One challenge is my role because I want to make sure he has the time to explore interests and do things for himself, and oftentimes, that comes in the late evenings when his brain is sometimes the clearest (but mine is already slowly shutting down 😅 ). Have you found any helpful ways to balance this out for yourself? I enjoy reading your comments because all these anecdotes help me piece together more about Chris and other autistic friends I have too.

[@maiaheiss2991]

@@ChrisandDebby the inquiries and the whole conversation helps me a lot to understand myself and how I interact with people and life in general. I really appreciate being able ti be exposed to all the different perspectives. Very helpful.

[@blessed7927]

Exactly me too (not wanting to stop my interest late at night but then being tired next day). Basically not being able to turn off. Eating. Big one. I just want to get it done and MOVE ON TO MY INTEREST. Huge! I am just learning about all this myself. Also, do neurotypical people also struggle with the things above? Pillows, materials, deep intense interests, social recovery exhaustion, eating sounds annoyance, burn out, needing alone time, loner, anxiety, social conversation boredom, smells that bother, sleep issues, BRAIN ALWAY ON (sigh) etc?

[@beebopbug]

THANK YOU FOR PUTTING IT INTO WORDS!!!

[@chrisjansen1943]

I've always had this problem, but it's in a really bad phase right now. I've been getting only 2 hours of sleep (or less) each night for a couple weeks now, and I feel like my heart is going to stop. But I cant stop doing it.

[@freyarobinson804]

I hate losing a special interest because there is always so much more to learn(or experience) about a topic but when lose it I can't force myself to feel the drive like I used to. I still love all those things I just can't get myself to pick it back up, also it makes me feel guilty because supportive friends and family members would buy me things associated with my interests but I won't be able to truly appriciate them like I would've even a month ago.😭

[@commenter5901]

I hate losing a special interest because I don't always have a new special interest and I sometimes waste so much time doing a lot of nothing because I just can't make myself do anything that I'm not very interested in (I have ADHD as well). I'm very aware that others don't share my special interests and I usually choose to not talk at all to anyone I'm not really close to. My husband and teen son are also AuDHD and our special interests don't have much overlap so we often get caught in a situation where we are all just talking at each other and not interested in what the other people are saying. My son's current special interest in tanks and the math behind how they fire, the trajectory and force and all that physics stuff. As a pacifist, I'm not only not interested, but I really don't like talking about weaponry. But more than that, I want to talk about my special interests, but nobody else in my family will listen to me (I've been really interested minimalism, which my boys are not happy with). Online forums are where I go to "talk" about my special interests and it's a decent outlet, but I still want to talk to my family about it.

[@unknownfuture.]

i know the struggles, my family buys me things that they may have seen me so intrested in and by the time i get the gift i lose intrest, and i have to mask my self and say thanks that very thoughtful and then just leave it somewhere for the dust. But know what you mean it like being a kid again and just want that feeling back.

[@FiltyIncognito]

I've managed to successfully work around that by maintaining several interests at once and 'scheduling' them, mixed with some compartmentalization and purposeful self-distraction. (Of course by 'schedule' I mean a loose framework that works in daily needs and health concerns.) Compartmentalization is the mental exercise of mentally taking the things that would occupy my mind and putting them away into their own little mental drawers so that I can more easily put things away to deal with at a more appropriate time. That could be anything from a special interest to a worrying concern. There's a lot that can be said about it so I'll leave that up to you to look up. For multiple special interests, I just found it easier to maintain several at once than going ham on a single one. It's harder to manage time and health, and the interest gets exhausted over a shorter period of time spent. Remember the saying "Distance makes the heart grow fonder". Well it's true to a certain degree with interests as well. And to handle the shifts better, I keep notes. I maintain a list of the interests, document things of note that catch my attention, that I really enjoy or that I'm trying to figure out or need to look up once I'm finished with what I'm currently dealing with. I also write a bit of a conclusion when I need to end my focus session. It helps brings my thoughts on it to a close and comfortably transition to something else, summarizes my thoughts on the subject so I can more efficiently think about it later, helps me to remember what's worth remembering, and makes it easier to start up again at another date by just reading again. Not only does it make me feel like I'm picking up exactly where I left off, even a week or two later, but now I have a fresh mind and plenty of time to mull over that past focus session. It also helps that I worked a lot on how to distract myself to change my current mental direction. The short explanation is "The best way to not think about something is to think of something else", but it also includes being aware of and familiar with your own individual sense of subconscious mental priorities, as in, what does your brain consider more important? A honking car heading straight for you would certain drag your attention away from your hobby interest, but of course you don't need something so drastic to pull your mind away from something. Something of equal or slightly higher importance is enough to assert some control. For example, a reminder of the consequences if you disregard your daily health, or thinking of something else that you also find fascinating. As far as scheduling goes, I first add all the daily necessities, then in between I add in my focus sessions. I experimented with the dynamics of focus sessions to figure out how long I could last on what type of activity, what were the effects of various types of exhaustion, and what kind of balances could I achieve in order to make things eminently sustainable. And eventually I did manage to achieve that, with multiple deep projects going on simultaneously, never having a downtime of boredom or an absence of special interest. And it made my daily ADHD and autism SOOO much more manageable because whenever I needed to I could just open up my notebook or close my eyes and think about any of my projects. I'd even use that as a way to find some mental 'rest' in otherwise unpleasant and exhausting environments and situations. There was a substantial amount of knowledge, skill and experience that went into getting it all right, but I'm so thankful over what I invested to get there. It gave me such a great sense of greater control over myself.

[@susanoline5823]

I think a big detriment is the rapidly attainable information we have. Before all this computer shit, lol, we had to take time to look up a topic or go somewhere. It took a good week to write an essay!!! Now a person can literally look up vast amounts of information in minutes. Just Google... dinosaurs, robots, snails, sea shells ... so much information is available that the pleasure of learning is diminished. Too much of everything... except sleep!!

[@victoryamartin9773]

You're an amazing scientist and a very skilled linguist! Thank you for sharing that wisdom.

[@GonkyWonkler]

When a trusted and loved comfort food stops working for you, it can be stressful for the autistic person too. Being abandoned by ol' faithful leaves a void, not dissimilar to replaying a song over and over until it's exhausted of emotional fuel, or devouring a novel (or a series), reaching the end and feeling like you're left treading water.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thanks for sharing this! The parallel with finishing a series is really helpful to illustrate this and is also something Chris shares - both with TV series and book series. I hadn't really thought a lot previously about the feelings associated with this finality and change. This is part of why I appreciate this community - I can keep learning how different behaviors connect and also more of what might be happening in Chris's brain. So thank you! And by the way, I read this comment to him, and he's like, "That's exactly like me! Do you remember how hard it was for me when I finished reading The Last Kingdom series?" 🙂

[@GonkyWonkler]

@@ChrisandDebby I'm glad for the community too, because I'm relatively new to understanding what makes me different from others, and still have much to learn. Happy my comment helped. Thanks for your video, and your feedback.

[@NiaLaLa_V]

omg so true. I got food poisoning from my favorite soup 35 years ago and I am still p*ssed off about it!

[@user-rz5vl5ft3k]

When you find a food you can eat, you eat it until you are sick of it and might never eat it again. Staying up late is also a safe time of the day when there are no demands from society.

[@johncooper7242]

that is so true ...no demands from anyone ...even Family. Night time is a special time for us cats , a chance to read , study , research our special subjects of interest to the greatest depth possible. ... I think more clearly at night time and the small hours but the price paid is sometimes fitful sleep and sleeping in late to recover. I wonder if other Autistic men also have particular difficulty making small talk and socialising as I do. I can talk for hours about my special interests to anyone ........but small talk ...forget it.

[@user-rz5vl5ft3k]

@@johncooper7242 I have a nephew and brother in law who share those traits regarding small talk. My nephew's entire life pretty much exists at night when everyone else is sleeping. It has been this way for years.

[@wolfxlover]

I benefitted a lot from going to sleep around 8 p.m. and waking up around 3 a.m. It made it easier to wind down because no matter what I'd be waking up early (5 maybe), even if it took me hours to fall asleep. Then I have that alone time in the morning time to just exist happily before the day really starts. (this is response to john cooper with the trade off of sometimes poor sleep from staying up late, just wanted to add another perspective that can potentially help)

[@user-rz5vl5ft3k]

@@wolfxlover Nice. I always liked the early mornings too when I was younger. Late nights early mornings. Now it's late nights late mornings. LOL

[@tirainthewoods]

Been looking for more nuerotypical perspectives on autistic traits that aren't just trying to be insulting. Really good video to see how we think differently.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thank you! That's definitely our goal is to help everyone understand both sides - it can help both sides be able to see the differences, which can be hard to understand without direct insight into it. We're working on more like these too, so hope you'll check those out in the future 😊 Let us know if there's any topics you'd like us to talk about too!

[@GrungeGalactica]

True! I’m questioning if I might be, as I’m adhd and learning how neurotypical people’s brains work is really handy sometimes.

[@thegracklepeck]

Agreed. This was a very nice take on things. I dislike when I see more sterile discussions of autism where folks seem to think autistics lack empathy when maybe it's just that we don't show it on our face as well. Or we misread a situation and aren't sure how to respond and it comes across that we do not care but that's not the truth.

[@dreamthedream8929]

​@@thegracklepeckim very sensitive to facial expressions, especially if the face looks in some way angry or upset, it can put me out of mood

[@julierhan]

Wow, you are such a supportive and understanding partner!

[@IntheMOMENT22173]

Geese, I wish I had a partner as attentive and observant as you are. Your husband is a lucky guy.

[@danzilthard.7248]

"Two is company, Three is a crowd." Is the first colloquialism I understood instinctively. I saw that it was supposed to allude to romantics, but to me it was just a perfectly sensible rule for everything.

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

I didn’t think it was supposed to just be about romance… The whole saying is “two is company, three is a crowd” so that doesn’t indicate romance. 3 is an odd number so someone will tend to feel left out

[@danzilthard.7248]

@@ultravioletpisces3666 I don't think it's supposed to be exclusively for romance, but every time I ever saw it used it was as an easy letdown to a third wheel.

[@thegracklepeck]

​@@danzilthard.7248I've always struggled with the "third wheel" concept. I know as an adult that this means someone hanging around a couple when they aren't wanted because the couple wants some one-on-one time. But looking at the description logically, wouldn't a third wheel just stabilize a bike or whatever it is that you're using since triangles are usually good? Like a tricycle, wheelbarrow, or something else. Maybe I'm overthinking this. 🤔

[@uchi3v]

@@thegracklepeckin my language this is actually called "the fifth wheel" in direct translation so i guess meaning like a backup wheel nobodys really needing

[@stephaniecohn365]

As someone who is Autistic, when I have overload, while I can't have more inputs, like talking or questions, I DO like to be with someone calming (co-regulation) and deep pressure like a weighted blanket! Being alone or with someone when distressed or overloaded varies by person and by situation. Always ask them (in advance)!

[@ChrisandDebby]

Yes, absolutely it varies so much by person, situation, and even the day (like how much sleep they have been getting, recent stress levels, etc). I also have heard from other people that sometimes things like big hugs from a trusted person can help a lot when overloaded, esp if they can be the one to initiate it. And this is great advice - asking in advance! Thanks so much for sharing this!! ❤️

[@stephaniecohn365]

@@ChrisandDebby You're welcome! I'd recommend looking into Interoception and Proprioceptive Input to learn more :) That input (like hugs, weighted blanket, other deep pressure) can be very regulating for many Autistic folks, and for me I think it's because it drowns out other less intense (than the proprioceptive input) inputs, which lead to the overload in the 1st place!

[@blessed7927]

Agree with @stephaniecohn365 that I need my calm regulator person but also need space 🌚 🌝

[@cristoledomaria]

Congratulations on being such a supportive wife! My husband has been really supportive too, and it is such a relief to have people like you in our lives. You have NO idea how important this is.

[@dreamscape405]

I WISH I had someone THIS understanding in my life~ super late diagnosed woman at age 50, and this really gives me Hope that there really are other compassionate people still ❤🥂💃

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thanks so much for this ❤️ and I'm glad that you found it helpful and inspiring. With your diagnosis coming pretty late, I'm sure it's been challenging throughout life to understand what was happening with you so hopefully this can also help you know you're not alone - you just have your own unique needs and ways of communicating and doing things. There are lots of amazing people out there - just need to find one amazing enough for you! 😊

[@neridafarrer4633]

Hey, that's me too! I also got my diagnosis at 50, and I'm a woman.

[@fdevlin5932]

Not diagnosed yet but as a 51 yr old man skilled at researching my special interests, I don’t need a professional diagnosis to know. The main angst is wondering how my choices in life might have been different had I known, but it’s a relief to finally have an answer to the questions that have plagued me my entire adult life: “What is wrong with me? Why am I like this?”

[@stevenledingham5004]

I get that. I’m 73 now, diagnosed at 39. I finally found someone who understands me and I understand her as well. Just had our fifth anniversary.

[@Jophiel50]

@@stevenledingham5004that is so awesome! Thank you for sharing this and Happy Anniversary!

[@13vo7]

I have autism it is like energy and thought accumulates instead of passing through. A train of thought goes so deep and complex. I read that autistics have more localized pockets of neurons in their brain which explains their very specific interests. Neurotypicals have more strands expanding across the brain, "bigger picture" perspective. Hypersensitivity and niche interests make autistic people experts in whatever they passionately pursue. Einstein had autism. My grandpa had autism and loved to build and invent stuff. The inner workings of clocks and machines fascinated him. He looked at anything and understood how it worked. He tried to build water generated energy devices.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Sometimes being autistic can be frustrating and downright brutal, but with the right environment, we can do so much. I really enjoy talking with others who are autistic because they think in deeper ways that I understand and really appreciate.

[@Eleeyore]

Watching this/ listening to you talk about your partner, his needs and how you support him in such a loving and curious and self-evident way made me emotional! Like at no point did it seem like you think of him as a burden while also acknowledging the ways in which things can be challenging. As someone who’s only just started coming into their autistic self and staring to learn and accept myself, that’s really wonderful and encouraging to see

[@willd6215]

This is something she's clearly worked on over time and as she stated in the video she wasn't always as supportive and used to push him too much to her wants. So yeah it's not easy and you have to work on it over time. Good to forgive yourself too as long as you learn and grow

[@ChrisandDebby]

My wife Debby is my best buddy. She’s learned to make adjustments in how we communicate and live and it helps me be a better husband and a better person. I never feel judged or manipulated which is so important, especially when you’re late diagnosed and have to relearn who you are and heal from a lot of trauma. She also helps me by pointing out consistently the positive and unique aspects of how I think. I hope more people develop Debby’s understanding and patience towards us autistics. I think this is already happening!!

[@DavidChild-ty2od]

Yes, I'm a night owl. I generally can't wake up before about 09:00 and sometimes I don't go to bed until 06:00.

[@AbolishTheATF]

Same here, I’m glad she mentioned it because I don’t see circadian rhythm disorders get talked about much, especially considering how hard they are to deal with.

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

I rarely go to bed/sleep before midnight, and lately have stayed up until about 2am.

[@Clare_LateDiagnosedAutist]

2am to 10am seems to be my sweet sleep spot, not always convenient but and sometimes, less sometimes more.

[@poot-poot]

I go to bed at 4am or later 😅

[@Tilly850]

As an autistic person who is older and now living alone this video is helpful to see where I have adjusted my life to accommodate my own stuff. This "window" into the perspective is really great! Thanks, Debby!

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thanks for watching! I'm glad you enjoyed it ❤

[@ChrisandDebby]

It's also amazing to hear how you've learned to adjust to your own needs - I hope more autistic people can understand that is okay and completely necessary to do! Chris and I are still working on this together too - it's hard to unlearn old habits but also very important to do

[@curiousmichael]

I’d be curious, if you’re willing to share, about what adjustments you found you’d made?

[@Ackermanmedia]

As the father of an HFA child and quite possibly undiagnosed kid myself let me say this material is great! This is what society needs! More understanding of the autistic spectrum will only help people relate and grow stronger relationships. Autism can be a superpower if you understand how it affects' one's life. Thank god Elon shed light on this and openly discussed his spectrum experience.

[@jamgart6880]

I’ve just been diagnosed at the age of 51. I feel all these things your husband does and it’s such a relief after all these years to know, or to be able to explain, my over stimulation issues and the need to reset. I’ve always been called lazy over the resetting (by ex partners especially) and the more I would try to push through and not reset, the worse I would get and I’d just want to run away and go somewhere peaceful. I still wish I had a cabin by a lake to escape to! lol But finally just knowing these are actual things that happen to other people feels like fresh air I can breathe, rather than twisting myself tighter to mask and do what ‘everyone else does’ 😊

[@ChrisandDebby]

It's so interesting you mention the cabin by a lake as an escape - that is Chris's dream too! (As long as there's forest/trees there too) I find it fascinating the spots where there are parallels with other autistic people too - helps me understand what "peace and quiet" looks and feels like a bit better. I'm glad to hear you're finding some answers, and you're right that it's so important to understand yourself and your needs, rather than what seems "normal" and what you might have been brought up to believe. Chris is still in the process of relearning a lot of this too, so we're navigating it together. The misconception of "laziness" is something I'd really like to bring more awareness to, which is part of why we are both sharing on this channel. I hope that the cultural definitions of these can shift with time, especially for neurodivergent brains, as I know ADHD can have this challenge as well. Thanks for sharing this and for being here!

[@jamgart6880]

@@ChrisandDebby Thanks for posting! 😁 It helps x

[@stevenledingham5004]

You have described most major characteristics of my life. I was diagnosed with AD/HD & Autistic Spectrum Disorders at the age of 39. I’m now 73 so after years of work on myself I’ve improved or figured out adaptations and adaptive behaviors. Thanks.

[@koriwaldrip7426]

Yep I have both too! I was diagnosed with ADHD but not autism as of yet

[@stevenledingham5004]

@@koriwaldrip7426 they are related anyhow. Many of us have been saying this for years.

[@ChrisandDebby]

That's amazing to hear how you've adapted! Do you have any suggestions or things that have worked well for you? Chris and I are always trying to learn and think of ways to be more flexible and make important adjustments, and based on the comments here, it seems like there are lots of other people in this community who could benefit from this too! Would love to hear what works for you 😊

[@stevenledingham5004]

First steps for me were: 1. Learn to stop, everything, stop talking and learn to listen. Stop and reflect, pause before you do something quickly. Stop and think before you you spend money or commit to a meeting or project. 2. Write things down 3. Improve your reading skills, start reading a book, magazine or an e-book. 4. Practice conversational skills. Watch what others do when talking. Ask people what they like to do or are interested in. 5. Pick somebody you trust, even a friend to ask for advice when you are unsure about how to handle something. Copy or model some of the social mannerisms and behaviors. 6. Learn to set boundaries, the purpose of life is to live within limits. Learn deferred gratification. 7. Change takes time, lots of it. Repetition is essential, “fake it till you make it.” Changing habits takes time. Think in terms of weeks and months, not days and hours. 8. Pick an important pattern or habit you want to improve over time. Only work on learning or improving one or two patterns at a time. You should start to see improvements between 3-6 months. Don’t practice these technique for three weeks and then give up. Set your first goal to create this stuff, these patterns and behaviors for six months. Second goal 1 year. Initial patterning takes 2-3 years, sometimes longer. 9. Use lists, daily planner, calendar a lot but keep it simple 10. Repetition and rituals are your friends. If you like to put your clothes away in your special way, do it the same way all the time. If you like the kitchen a certain way, set it up and do it. For some simplifying clothing saves you time. Rituals (don’t go overboard) will make you feel safer and save you time. Re magnets are your friend. Keep to do today and grocery lists, and frequent numbers on the fridge. 11. Get a cork board and make a success wall, put notes or rewards when you have successes both little and big. You can use a dry eraser board for quick lists, especially for those you live with. 12. If you are in a relationship you could have date nights. It doesn’t have to be a big night out all the time, movie night, make dinner together, share something. 13. Alone time, we all need it. 14. Guilt free recreation. 15. Medication can often heal but not without techniques, self programming and pattern rituals creation. Remember the best weight lifting for the brain is pattern matching. Other areas money management Household tasks Children Relationships And more later D. S. Ledingham March 7, 2021

[@amys5087]

Excellent. I'm adhd and my new neighbor friend seems to have autism. Fortunately I had read a little bit about it before meeting him. He's very regimented by the clock though he's retired. And I had a very very rough time with any communucarion with him. But i persevered for literally (6) months and I feel we.finally got there to a comfort level. This is exactly what I needed to know in dealing with him. Actually its the best autism video that I've seen. i think at first I overwhelmed him with my adhd chattiness. And then i learned his personal regimented daily schedule. At first i dont think he really wanted to talk. But he seems to have figured out that we cant be friends if we dont even talk. I dealt with my not understanding on those days he seemed to back off. Much less of those days now. I thougjt he didnt like me but at most it would last 2 days. So yeah, long story. He's a good musician too. 😊

[@keylanoslokj1806]

Wow you must be over 70 to be this patient

[@ChrisandDebby]

I'm so glad you found this helpful! Sounds like your neighbor should be appreciative too - and I can understand that you might have overwhelmed him at first, but I bet he's also seeing your adjustments over time. It's wonderful how you're making adjustments to help the relationship too - I think this is the best way to help any autistic people out there is to be understanding and willing to adjust! Thanks for sharing this ❤️

[@tdesq.2463]

Cool! 👍

[@peterhovestad4654]

Autistic and spent last 12 years with an adhd partner. My advise is, don’t.

[@tdesq.2463]

@@keylanoslokj1806 "Old Soul" is the term, I believe.

[@Liminal-Escalator]

I've tried to get better at feeling comfortable at social places like bars etc, but I can't seem to ever really enjoy such things. There's rare moments where if I'm really buzzed I'll be comfortable if I find someone to rant about the occult,meditation and such and am able to lose myself in the conversation. Otherwise I'm so restless and pacing around and feel so awkward and out of place. The only way to get over the anxiety is sitting crosslegged or some comforting way and closing my eyes and meditate. But then I feel like people are watching me and thinking something is wrong with me and have a hard time relaxing because the possibility of someone coming up and saying something right when I'm getting calm could shatter my nerves and make me feel even worse. I feel like I've become so used to masking and not doing anything that will lead to possible extra stress over the years. Though better at trying to just be natural now. My best friend didnt believe that I'm that messed up until I told him how if I'm really pushed I've done things like shriek like a banshee or hit myself. I'm thinking it's not just social anxiety because it has never gotten any better over years of pushing myself. I heard that if something is anxiety you can train yourself to be more comfortable in situations... Not sure how true that is. I feel like from pushing myself so hard to overcome things that I've burnt myself out and now I'm so on edge in public with a bunch of paranoia that has gotten worse after trying to see if I'd get better. I've been more of a hermit now and hopefully I didnt mess myself up for too long. One thing I noticed is that I get super anxious if I ever sit normally in a chair. I have to be sitting crosslegged or on top of one leg.

[@user-rz5vl5ft3k]

As a kid I always "climbed the wall" with my legs when sleeping. I move a lot in sleep and prefer heavy covers. Never adapted to being in crowded social situations. It is too over-stimulating to be in a crowd.

[@InsideItself]

The crossed legs apply pressure which is comforting almost like stemming 😅

[@derekkerr6158]

What I've found with food for me is that I made it a special interest of mine. I went vegan for a while for health reasons and had to try new things. I enjoy new foods but I do need specific textures. I research recipes and cooking techniques and have books on food preparation. Also having a garden for fresh foods that I enjoy helps. Now I can get my reset time in by cooking alone and gardening. This all led me to expand my palate and focus on nutrition as an interest.

[@ChrisandDebby]

This sounds like Chris's dream! We would love to have a big garden later and space for him to relax and cook and be outside in the garden or greenhouse whenever he wants. Love how you adapted to your own needs by focusing on nutrition and what works best for your palate 😊 any plans to make a cookbook with food ideas designed for the discerning autistic palate?

[@CB19087]

12:54 it really upsets me when they serve food on non traditional platters! Like a chopping board instead of a plate 😱

[@ChrisandDebby]

That's so interesting! Have you tried asking the restaurant for a separate plate if this happens? Chris doesn't seem to have this exact issue, but he does feel strongly about the glasses that certain drinks come in. But once he realized how strongly he felt, we will request that the drink comes in a glass he likes (i.e. putting a cocktail in a rocks glass instead of anything with a stem - he does not like martini glasses or ones with thin stems at all). Seems to help but it's also hard to always remember to ask for this!

[@MJ-wi1tc]

I’d say all these habits exist in non autistic people but autistic people are more sensitive to things others don’t notice so they stress certain points more.

[@toddrf4058]

I was going to add for neurotypical watching this how critical crowd noise is. My wife actually tells me to put on noise cancelling headphones in airports when we travel. She can see me starting to elevate before I’m aware of it. I turn on foo fighters as loud as I can and it’s total therapy. Then she bought me noise cancelling AirPods so it’s even less obvious. It’s been a game changer for travel along with TSA precheck.

[@spencerandersen3274]

I use Loop earplugs! I don't go anywhere without them. I have noise-canceling headphones, too. I use both on planes, and sometimes at the movies!

[@GeovaneOliveira48642]

I'm currently in the process of getting a diagnosis at 29 and your channel has been really helpful, I am realizing now that I've lived a big part of my life in an overstimulated state that made me shutdown and not want to leave my room. Thx

[@rycarr]

I fall asleep pretty easy the challenge is staying asleep. I wake up a dozen times a night, but at least once a week I'll be awake for a couple hours before I can sleep again. But I totally get all of the behaviors you've mentioned.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Yes, Chris also has a hard time staying asleep (and falling asleep too). Have you found anything that helps with sleep? Chris has adjusted things like not drinking water late (or else he's up multiple times in the night to go to the bathroom), reducing screen time, meditation, quiet and cool space, etc. but many days, not a lot works aside from major adjustments to environment and schedule (which isn't always possible), or just doing a lot during the day to tire him out more. That's rough if you wake up a lot and if this keeps you up for a long time when you wake up - I'm trying to learn more about this too, especially how to adjust the environment and how to help settle Chris's very active brain. A lot of the resources I have found unfortunately seem to be written by people who are not autistic, so I haven't found a lot of helpful information for what to try for an autistic brain. That's where a lot of meditation, screen time changes, quieter stimulus-free areas, etc. are the main pieces of advice, but it also doesn't always work. We're currently working on collecting resources and information from autistic people to help everyone in the community understand what alternatives might help, as well as documenting what helps for Chris too. There's been a couple podcasts from AuDHD therapists that were helpful for both of us in terms of reframing our perspective on what to expect for Chris's sleep, but not a lot on what can actually help, so it's sometimes a lot of trial and error. Thanks for watching and your comments!

[@rycarr]

​@ChrisandDebby Oh boy, bear with me. I've been using trial and error for about 5 years now to get to where I am. A lot of what I've found may not work for everyone. Routine is a big important part of mine. I have a specific bedtime routine I perform every night at the same time (not always possible but I try). I'll perform the routine even if my body isn't in the ready to sleep state. I have a certain sensation, I don't know how to explain it, but it's instant like a light bulb turning on, when it's time to go to sleep. I have about 20 mins before I lose that. So I need to drop everything when the sensation of "I can sleep now" happens. If I miss the window I have to do something until it can trigger again. I'm big on scented candles and I have two specific scents I will only ever burn around bed time. I'll never light that scent at another time of day. So my body associates that scent with sleep. I don't drink caffeine within 2 hours of bed time. I can sleep, but it will be restless if I have caffeine. I'm a big gamer, so I have some low energy drop in drop out games I'll play while waiting for the sleep sensation. Something that helped early on is I would listen to focus sounds, rainfall in a forest was one of my big helpers. Room temp has to be in a specific range for me, too hot or cold and I can't sleep. I need fans turned off, moving air will cause restless sleep for me. My phone automatically goes into night mode turning on do not disturb (certain numbers can still call through) but it also sets the screen to a warmer color. Leading up to bed I'll switch to warmer lighting in the room I'm in. Maybe a candle or lamps with warm bulbs. Around the same time I tried focus sounds I also would do sort of meditative things, but while in bed. I'd do my best to empty my mind and I would time it with breathing exercises. Empty a little with each breath. What worked best for me was very slow even breathing. Slow breath in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 and breathe out over 4 seconds. A few repeats of that I'd feel my body sinking towards sleep. I realize those last few are the generic things you see online and you've probably already tried them. I found my ready to sleep sensation more reliable. I found that my routine, scented candles and being aware of my internal sleep mode (it took years to figure out how to read it) are the biggest helps in falling asleep fast. Even with all of this there are times where I'm stressed out and I won't be able to sleep for several hours. Last night I slept almost immediately, but according to my sleep tracker I woke up 7 times, most for less than 5 mins. One of them I woke at 1am and I couldn't sleep again so I had to wait for the body's ready to sleep signal to trigger again which happened just before 3.

[@ZhovtoBlakytniy]

I've been noticing I can't sleep until I know my husband is asleep and I hear those first snores. Before then I have this strong urge to just chat about every thought I'm having, which will keep both of us up late (that was the early days of be married lol) so I started playing brown noise or rain sounds for sleep which kinda helps with quieting my racing thoughts. He'll fall asleep because I'm not chatty, I'll fall asleep because he's asleep. I'll wake up a bunch of times, but I'll fall back asleep as long as the sound is going. Melatonin 10mg and 5htp help me stay asleep for longer and fewer times waking up.

[@BrickNewton]

For me I like to listen to a KZbin channel to help go to sleep. It's just someone answering questions from viewers about previous videos. His voice is soothing and helps my brain focus on just one thing. But still wake up during the night.

[@user-ym2lo4bi6c]

Just came across this video. Chris is blessed to have such an understanding and accepting wife. You are special!❤ He is fortunate to have you!

[@afhb7447]

I'm French and it's so difficult in France to meet someone without being on a Cafe or restaurant! It's feel like people can't meet or talk if they're not in front of food or coffee if they're not smoking. And French rarely know anything about autism even if that evolve very slowly. So sometimes I feel like France is not autistics friendly at all : we have to do "la bise" even to strangers sometimes, understand when we need to use formal or informal pronoun, degree in vocabulary too, wearing nice clothes everyday even if that's inconfortable, walking a LOT in complexe or crowd streets even when we use a car etc... And they're a lot of stuff you can't do too, like eating your own food or go with your dog in public place, inside library, attraction park, cinema, but also beach or some parc etc Here, just wearing a hat or sunglasses can be judge really badly in some context, so even when they know you're autistic they can't really accept it sometimes, cause in our culture it's all about being respectful to others by following social rules, not accepting that people can be different without being disrespectful. Sometimes I wonder what's the matter for autistic in others cultures in comparison.

[@ZhovtoBlakytniy]

Similar in Ukraine. People know about autism, usually some younger people do. But older people lump all differences in mentality, psychological, and neurological together and just think we're all "slow" or " insane" which is just awful for everyone experiencing something and it is hard to get help, and most people have a big fear of reaching out because of this reason. This mostly stems from government gaslighting in soviet times, mental institutions were one place to send "inconvenient" people. Things also change slowly, but getting better. I live in the USA and everyone is marching to the beat of their own drum, so it is a lot easier on us experiencing autism. Wearing hats and glasses will not be strange unless you are in an office or church, maybe.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Yes, definitely agree that the culture makes a HUGE difference! We currently live in East Asia and have spent a lot of time overseas in different countries, and the variance in terms of "autism friendliness" is massive. All the things you mentioned would be really challenging for many autistic people, but if they are cultural expectations, how do you navigate that? For example, Chris does not like hugs most of the time, so it can be hard in certain parts of the US where hugs might be a common greeting, especially for family, even if you don't know each other well. What you mentioned about it being the norm to meet in a cafe or restaurant is also common where we live, so it's challenging (but possible) to get friends to understand that a lot of the time, it's just not an option. One thing that Chris has begun explaining that somehow seems easier is that he has stomach issues and lots of food sensitivities, so he can't go out to eat. Most friends are okay then just meeting somewhere like our office, which helps Chris a lot to have a space he can control better with temperature, sounds, and other things related to the environment. Have you been able to try any adjustments like this? Would be interested to hear how you navigate adjustments in France too!

[@ChrisandDebby]

@@ZhovtoBlakytniy one of our goals for sharing our experiences is to hopefully help lots of cultures better understand that these stereotypes are very outdated, and actually a lot of autistic people are very capable. This also connects to exactly why many adults weren't diagnosed as kids because they got good at masking and also because the ideas of what autism looks like have changed so much. Thanks for sharing this too - very interesting to learn about how things vary around the world, and it's good to hear that where you live in the US helps to accommodate you better!

[@thegracklepeck]

It was difficult visiting Germany with this as well. I was trying to explain to my in-laws about my autism diagnosis and they did not really understand what it meant. Adding that I am deathly allergic to cigarette smoke and it was quite the experience. 😅 I had to wear a mask most places outside because I kept having asthma attacks.

[@emmaslow]

I live in France too and this is also my experience 😢 x

[@hoppycafe]

You explained this so nicely. You two obviously have a good relationship.

[@sparky4786]

This is so well thought out and prepared. Thank you!

[@joob40]

Your level of understanding is really amazing and comforting to me.

[@deborange8231]

As an adult-diagnosed 65yo autist in a successful relationship, I say well done. Sounds like Chris is lucky to have you. I stopped using the term “special interests.” It seems okay for a child (isn’t that special!) but not an adult. I speak instead of my “fascinations.” Luckily, my spouse’s life’s work (therapist and counselor) dovetails nicely with my primary and lifelong fascination, which is human behavior, psychology, emotional motivation, etc (adopted, no doubt, as a matter of survival.) we actually now work as a team with other couples and with groups. Kudos to you both for doing the inner and outer work of figuring this all out. You inspire me and gladden my day. ❤️

[@bethludema6904]

I would love to see a companion video about the strengths of autism in a relationship! There's a definite stigma that autists are not good "relationship material" and I think you could really go a long way toward debunking it. As a mom and sibling of some AuDHD'ers, I can say that they love with an intensity and focus that is amazing. And the honesty and authenticity of their communication and feelings is so healthy in a relationship! We talk a lot about the intense emotions in a negative way, but we forget to remind people that the positive emotions are also passionate and powerful. And I love getting to see the world through their super senses, it's so much more in every way! Lots of people are commenting on your patience and understanding, which is great, but I'd love for you to explain to them what you get out of the relationship as well.

[@ChrisandDebby]

This is a fantastic idea for a video! There’s too many things I love to include in just one video, but I will give this some time and thought. Thank you for your suggestion!

[@StillthatguyJake]

I'm so very appreciative for this video! As a late-diagnosed autistic human, there are a lot of things I've had to learn about and accept in myself. So many of the things that those of us with autism beat ourselves up over or shame ourselves for are many of the things you've discovered, discussed, and seem very accepting of! This was a fantastic perspective to hear, not only as someone on the other side of the autism experience, but also as a tool to share with those who are close to me! Thank you for this! I Can't tell you how quickly I added this to my autism playlist!

[@DiabolicalAngel]

Your patience is commendable. Thank you for sharing this with us.

[@itisdevonly]

Thank you for making this. It was very compassionate and understanding, and it's nice to see allistics who have the capacity and willingness to understand and accommodate our differences.

[@sophie4636]

You are such a LOVELY wife!!! Such understanding and compassion ❤

[@xCaramelle]

I'm relieved to see a bit of wholesome neurodiverse relationship content! You have such a good vibe about you, Chris is very lucky to a partner that's willing to learn and adapt within the relationship ❤

[@atlee4271]

Thank you for showing so much compassion in this video. I’m autistic and relate to a lot of these things and you worded them better than I ever have. It was also interesting to hear about autism from the perspective of someone who is not autistic. I’m often curious about how our worlds differ, so this was a really enjoyable video. I will be sending this to my loved ones - I think my mum would enjoy hearing from another neurotypical and it would benefit my friends, both autistic and not. Thank you for this video!

[@ZhovtoBlakytniy]

This is a great video ❤ you really impressed me with your understanding. Not every autistic person is exactly the same, but many of us relate with these scenarios. I'm AuDHD myself, and I can totally relate with the needing routine, craving variety (and often getting burned by venturing out, which strengthens my need for sameness). I know I am not exciting to hang out with in conventional ways, I warn people about that, but I can occasionally surprise people who know me 😊

[@looplop]

This is pretty much spot on from my experience, being autistic, so, looking from the other side. Thank you so much for sharing the awareness. I’m now almost 50, it was a long, challenging road being late diagnosed. ❤ thank you for being so patient.

[@crybebebunny]

This is the 1st time that I see you on the channel ❣️❣️❣️. You and him have given me hope that my oldest son might get married someday. He is at this time 31.

[@sashawhitehead7378]

Thank you for sharing your personalized perspective. You are a sweetheart.

[@SpecialEdTalk]

This is a very good video. Not only for spouses, but also for those parents with newly dianosised teens.

[@vanessaprestoncreative]

Debby, you are so patient and caring and clearly you do a lot to accommodate Chris. I wonder if you can share anything about how Chris understand and respects your needs? I wish my spouse would watch this to understand me and our autistic child a little more ... so much of this is relatable for both of us. 😉 We also travel with our own pillows and sometimes even sheets.

[@_D_A_V_E_]

As a male with ASD1, I appreciate you noticing these things and being so accommodating. Your husband is very lucky.

[@shortiezgame]

Ah such a necessary video, thank you. Would be great to have a video on how you deal with the NT emotions, compromises, negotiation and validation.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thanks for this suggestion and for watching! I'll give some thought to this for a future video - you're right that it has the potential to be complicated. I think the best quote I have learned along the way was something to the effect of "autism is an explanation, not an excuse." I'm lucky that Chris tries his best to make sure he thinks about his needs but also the impacts for me and our relationship. He works at things to help us both too, such as how to improve communication together. All relationships take work and involve certain compromise and understanding from both sides, but having one with very different needs due to very different neurologies can add another layer to that, for sure! Thanks again for this great idea - let us know if you have other questions or suggestions for videos you'd like to see 😊

[@thegracklepeck]

Having special interests that you dive super deep into and then you switch to something else is very relatable. I don't have the official ADHD diagnosis but I do have the official autism diagnosis as an adult female. The place that did the assessment did not assess me for ADHD because they just didn't do those (which I found kind of interesting since they both can go hand in hand). But I'm 99% sure that's why I jump around with my special interests (auDHD). I've got all of the sensory issues and all of the other things that very much label me as autistic. I don't struggle as badly with social settings as an adult now but I do remember as a child it was very hard. My main issues are executive dysfunction and overwhelm because of sensory stimuli. Everything is just so much more exhausting when you can't filter out noises well or other sensations. I am able to be spontaneous when it is on my terms and the ADHD aspect takes over but it's very much here and there and I still need a lot of recharge time after. Also I don't sleep well- I never have. So I can sleep for 9 or 10 hours and feel like maybe I rested but it's unlikely that I will feel ok with less than that. Also I think I have some other health conditions that may be playing into that so I'm not sure it's entirely an autism thing but I do find it very difficult to wind down and to stay asleep. Being prone to stomach issues as well, comfort food is important. Texture issues and flavor issues make eating difficult. I take a multivitamin every day to try and help get any nutrients that I'm not necessarily getting regularly because of my diet. As it is, making food regularly is complicated and takes a lot of mental effort for me. Eating out can be challenging as well because of noise. And since I don't regulate my body temperature well, likely due to EDS and POTs which contribute to some of this, sometimes I go places and it's really hard for me to be comfortable. And it's really not fun to feel ill when you're out somewhere trying to people. Agree with Chris on the crowd thing too. I don't want to feel trapped or like I can't escape if needed. I like spaces where I can interact if I want or I can back off from people and still relax some if I want. And I go through sensory seeking moments and sensory avoidant moments. It waxes and wanes. Some days I want ALL the colors and movement and upbeat songs, other days I go out of my way to not speak much and to withdraw and relax. I don't know of any other autistics feel this way but often speaking audibly uses a lot more energy than writing something down/texting.

[@NewSettlementCity]

Fantastic video, thank you so much, it's videos like these that help my wife and I better understand the fluid dynamics of my autism in a relationship setting.

[@newell.fisher]

Thank you thank you thank you for this 🙏 It was SO affirming of my "symptoms"

[@monaami555]

I was diagnosed with ADD, but autism diagnosis came out negative. I think what you are describing matches a lot what happens in our relationship. I find it risky though to call it "common autistic behaviors", based on one person. Even if one researched a lot. But it is a great overview of how you can make a relationship work despite of some "weirdnesses" from the neurodivergent side. It is also surprising how some solutions are similar to what we came up with - there should really be some manual out there! It takes so much time and soooo many fights to figure out this stuff on your own. I wanted to share how it feels from my perspective, for example sleeping separately when I have a need to be alone. It's that feeling "really? I am allowed? but like, seriously, you're ok with that?" It feels like someone just told me I was granted 30 days of extra paid vacation, or has just cleaned my entire apartment for me and now I can just relax. What seems to be an annoyance for a neurotypical can become a minor adjustment for them, and is an enormous gift to the neurodivergent one at the same time. I think this is where many of our fights came from. What helped was a realisation on his side how much this means to me, and realisation on my side that for him it is not that much of a deal, once he understands "why". But, before there was any realisation on any side, it was me who had to realise that I had a specific need that was not met. It is very very hard to realise your needs if they are uncommon among other people. So for me, ironically - I would get frustrated with myself, just like he would get frustrated with me, for "being weird". Only when I slowly started to see this stuff as "my needs" and not something I should eradicate - my life quality improved dramatically. This is why I believe it is a real thing, not just "attention seeking" or "wanting to be special". It's like I was living in a cave all my life, sick on the edge of survival, and someone allowed me to live in an apartment with elecriticy, a stove and a warm shower. Like, I didn't know water could be warm (metaphorically). I did not know I could live with someone without having a meltdown every few days. I did not know it was possible for my partner to still like me after I left in the middle of his favorite band's concert. I did not know it was possible to join a festival and have him go with me to a quiet place every half an hour, and in this way enjoy events like this together. I did not know I could be in a relationship and actually sleep through most nights. I did not know I could be with someone and not have to eat food that kept making me sick..

[@sittingaloneinvip]

you seem like such a good spouse

[@randydub6868]

Thank you. I came across your channel on Chris’ food video. As a step father of a 28 year old “highly functioning autistic” who lives with my wife and me for the past eight years, I saw signs, but did not understand. As I came across more KZbin videos on autism, I kinda understood and accept now. What concerns me with my stepson is when he does something, he’s focused on that task, but forgets to pickup the trash after him in the kitchen for example. One big one is locking the front door after he does throw out the trash. My wife (his mother) thinks he can rule the world, always upbeat and tooting his horn. I want to get him to fine tune certain things so he might be able to Iive with himself and be self sufficient. Another recent incident was when he drove (yes he drives and sometimes it scares me) to the transit station and parked to take light rail to work (yes he works part time) he had prepaid for parking on an app. Well, he entered the license plate wrong on the app and when the security person scanned his code, no. He was directed to park and pay at the pay station. He parked in the wrong section and paid and still got a parking ticket. I wanted to walk him through before doing this but his mom said he got it. Well, he got the ticket, hehe. He’s had about seven jobs since he’s lived with us and has been let go four times, quit the others encouraged by his mom. After seeing this video, I think his mom is an undiagnosed autistic. I’m just concerned that we can’t take long trips because the home won’t be standing when we get back, Thank you for your channel and videos.

[@richardmcmellon216]

Thank you for this one! There were so many points that I was 'Oh yes! ... That's me!' What I really love is your observations and accommodations. We have to work together and it goes both ways, but being open and talking about this helps so much.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thanks for this! And completely agree - the best way is to understand each other well so we can work together…better for us all 😊

[@emanuelacarlamarabini8797]

This video is really precious, as it confirms me many intuitions I am having and provides practical advices on how to behave with a beloved one. Thanks so much 🙏

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thanks for this! Love hearing that it’s helpful for you ❤️

[@laurasmith686]

I totally agree

[@Jophiel50]

As a parent (my son has a’tism and a I have a lil’ ‘tism myself), I REALLY value this video and your contribution to our world. ♾💎✨. Much appreciated!

[@iamyou111]

This is so good 🩷 thank you !🙏🏻

[@hopelessnerd6677]

Spot on! I get a lot of push-back for not wanting to eat out. In fact, I'd rather spend all day cooking what I like (even though we had it YESTERDAY) than go to a restaurant. If I do go out, it really needs to be a place I'm VERY familiar with. I wish my parents had known about my autism 60 years ago. My life would have been very different.

[@ChrisandDebby]

I’m the exact same as you when it comes to restaurants. I also really like having control of what goes into my meals.

[@nicholasszepes5972]

Yes! The alone time thing particularly stood out for me. When I shut down and need alone time, being asked questions and trying to be spoken to makes it last longer and leads me to extreme frustration. Asking "what's wrong" in those instances does not help me

[@ChrisandDebby]

Same for Chris with the questions, but tricky because I didn’t realize for so long. I grew up thinking it was important to talk through it or be right there and ready to “fix” the situation. It’s so helpful to learn more and realize how vital alone time can be. And our definitions of “quiet time” are also different due to different sensory preferences. So much to learn! Thanks for sharing your experiences 😊

[@s0cializedpsych0path]

The thing about us is that we can EASILY learn how to roll with things.... when WE are ready to do so. When others tell us to do so, it feels like they're trying to hijack our autonomy. It's a matter of not accepting who we are and expecting US to contort to make you comfortable. Im not saying you do this... in fact, I would believe it if you told me you're one of the few that don't. It's a misconception caused by NT's assumption that there way is the right way. If you keep trying to force us, it will never happen. If you want us to learn something, learn what interests us about our special interests (this takes effort), and use that to make it interesting to us. We'll learn it in no time. A good way to do it, is to ask us a question about the thing, that you know we can't answer. The know-it-all in us will NEED to learn it ASAP.

[@s0cializedpsych0path]

I just want to make extra sure this isn't received as criticism because honestly, you are one of the most loving and understanding NT partners of an autistic person, I've EVER seen on here. He's a lucky guy to have you ... (...and I know you know this) and you're lucky to have him, too! If you ever question whether or not you're meant to be, just watch this video back. If it weren't, you wouldn't have this level of love and understanding.

[@nv3363]

I can eat the same cereal for breakfast everyday. But also sometimes I won’t want it anymore for a long time.

[@ruthhorowitz7625]

I love that you're working together to make things work. Too many couples get divorced after one gets diagnosed.

[@ChrisandDebby]

❤️❤️❤️

[@randyvanheusden732]

Most of the things you covered, fit me to a tee and others were not quite as tight a fit. The sleep, the social situations, and those certain subjects that I am stuck on. I do not know what to say and who to say it to in social settings with a group of people. Those stood out for me, but most of it was like a fit, as if though you were describing me. Nicely put together and thank you for sharing.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thanks for sharing this! And yes, like you mentioned, autism can look different for everyone but I’m glad you found it useful still. Always fascinates me to hear about all the similarities and differences within this community 😊

[@GrungeGalactica]

I can understand a club/bar, but why do restaurants & coffee shops have loud music? I don’t get why all these “social” environments actively work against having conversations 😤. I usually prefer smoking area’s because of this, it’s just a shame about the smoking/vaping & cold part 🙈

[@SummerOf1987]

Wow, you are such a great wife and person! ❤

[@zeromonster3381]

Thank you for making these videos. You really nailed it. I related to all this.

[@ChrisandDebby]

So glad you are enjoying the videos! Thanks for this nice comment 😊

[@MonStarGuy]

This is helping me understand so much about myself.

[@bonappetit173]

Tail end of last year I was told by two different Physicians that they believe I am autistic. As an AFAB person the level of masking that I’ve been doing most of my life to the benefit of others has caused me to develop very intense long lasting depression, anxiety and panic disorder. It’s been so mentally taxing that I’ve almost attempted a couple of times due to how incredibly stressful it had become. I was always trying to make sure that I looked like the “go with the flow” type of person anywhere I went bc I felt like that was the best way to keep people in my life and not alienate myself… it really really impacted me in such a negative way. I relate so much to this video and I’m glad even at 32 that I’m finally finding my way and being my authentic self.

[@ChrisandDebby]

I know what you mean when you describe the effects of masking for most of your life. It’s a lot of trauma you have to understand and work through. Although many people won’t understand the incredible challenges you’ve had to face, some will. I love hearing that you can now be your authentic self. Good for you!! Keep on learning and thanks so much for being here.

[@objectivityisourfriend9631]

Wow you really nailed this one. Describes me except for not liking restaurants. Although I will say - I need to go to the SAME restaurants over and over and over and over. I am very very picky. I dislike going to new ones unless I am out of town, and there are some types of food that I cannot stand and can never eat no matter what.

[@julierstjohn]

Thank you

[@joannlarson6386]

I have to hear a podcast with the right voice, the pillow, the blankets ect, so relate.

[@notiddymothbirlfriend]

I feel the most loved when I tell my partner regretfully that today is a no-touch day and he texts me a ghost hug/digital hug gif. I've legitimately teared up a couple times because he just accepts it and rolls with it when past boyfriends have gotten incredibly upset/hurt about it or even tried to force me to be okay with touching or hugging on a no touch day.

[@lizziegreeneyes]

WOW, I just can't thank you both enough!!! This video really gives me hope, silly as that may sound. I've recently self diagnosed myself as AuDHD and it's been a wild adjustment for someone in her late 40s... So happy to have found you!

[@ChrisandDebby]

So glad you enjoyed it!! Thanks for being here - really loved reading this message and hope your journey into better understanding yourself is going well ❤

[@alexs5574]

Great video! Very well explained. Chris is lucky to have a partner like you. 😊❤️

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thanks for the nice feedback and for watching! ❤️

[@nateemory3994]

You pretty much described me exactly. I’m bouta send this to my mom who is neurotypical cause you put it all really well

[@ChrisandDebby]

So glad you found it helpful, and hope she does too 😊 thanks for being here!

[@whitedrake6933]

Watching this I got kinda uncomfortable. I feel like if someone is in a relationship with me, she’ll have to deal with so many oddities and adjust to so many things compared to if she was with someone non-autistic…. Is it normal to feel this way?

[@Caseybrooksnature]

I feel the same. I like the idea of a relationship, but I often feel I'll be an unnecessary burden, especially when there is almost certainly someone better out there than me. I'm a struggle enough for myself to deal with😂. But idk. There may be circumstances and relationships out there that are just right, where my strengths and weaknesses compliment someone else's. The conclusion I've come to is that I'll learn to and prepare to be a perfectly happy single, but I won't completely throw out the idea of a relationship. If a good one comes along, I'll try and be brave enough to give it a go... idk tho. We'll see. For now, my pets are plenty of company😅

[@vikicha13]

Same here, feeling like a special snow flake 😢😂

[@toddrf4058]

I want to add another perspective and this comes from my neurotypical wife of 30 years. All of us have strengths and weaknesses. There are plenty of neurotypical folks who have major character flaws. My neurotypical wife sees my strengths and understands my weaknesses. When my psychologist finally diagnosed my autism it made our marriage stronger because my wife now felt even stronger that my weaknesses were actually baked into my wiring and not willful actions on my part. It also helped me be more accommodating of myself. I was no longer being “anti-social,” I was “regulating” the chaos. Many of the things described by Debby here are exactly experiences that my wife and I have faced. But you adapt. Thats really what marriage is about. I am grateful that I have a neurotypical wife because our children have the opportunity to understand me better through her eyes and I can see how my communication can affect my relationship with my kids. People have agency. Don’t dismiss an neurotypical wanting to be in a relationship with you. They are seeing something that makes them feel confident and happy to be with you. Just remember to be open and communicate as challenges arise.

[@FeelTheRainOnYourSkin]

It's definitely normal. But let me tell you! Neurotypical folks are 🤫kinda boring 🤫 ;-)

[@hugbloom2664]

I think love transcends all that stuff if you've found the right person and have good communication and respect between you. There's also the possibility of finding love with someone who is neurodivergent themselves and has a greater capacity to understand. For my partner and I, some of the things mentioned in this video are just second nature. But even if it's not a love/romantic relationship, I think it can be easy to have a lot of great qualities and take them for granted. but that's what others like about you and for them it's worth the effort to learn how to get along with you. We all have strengths, might be loyalty, intelligence or creativity and so on. Videos filled with 'problems' are never going to make us feel great. Remember your strengths 💜

[@alexis-n.a]

You’re just describing me, and I need to show this to my fiancée because he has tried his very best to help me with my genuine struggles lol it’s crazy how nice and understanding my fiancée is for me🤦🏻‍♀️ Edit: I’m not diagnosed but my a few of my guy friends have been sincerely shocked when I said I wasn’t actually diagnosed as autistic- because I used to always say I am… since I truly believe I am lol / also I am diagnosed with ADHD… definitely should have further requested diagnosis though

[@QualiaRebelations]

This video has made me think I am more autistic than any other piece of media before. Ugh. I guess it would be good to get a diagnosis.

[@chrisjansen1943]

All these things can be applied to anyone. Literally every single thing mentioned in the video describes me perfectly, and I don't have autism. I gave a like though, for the reason that I value your clear commitment to your partner.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Hi Chris! What you say might be 100% true and I understand where you are coming from. The difference for me, being autistic, is how my brain and body respond. We also might do the same behaviors as each others, but for very different reasons and also feel very different in our brains and body doing them. For example, you and I might both be interested in marine life, specifically sharks. For me though, if it’s my special interest, it’s all I’ll talk and think about. I’ll devote hours late into the night, while you’re sleeping, spending time seeking answers to my questions. I’ll stay focused on my shark binge for 36 hours straight without eating or drinking…. A few times each week. Without reminders, I might get sick for going too long without sleep, food, or drink. Not spending enough time on my special interests will lead to meltdowns and autistic burnout. Another behavior Debby talks about is needing alone time to reset. The reasons you and I need to reset might look very different. If not given this alone time, would you experience physical pain? Diarrhea? Intense headaches? Insomnia?How about a meltdown? So yes, we might share the same behaviors, but there are a lot of other factors at play when you are autistic. Thanks for sharing and being here. You’re not the only one who has these thoughts. I appreciate you voicing them in a respectful way. I hope I’ve given you some good stuff to think about. -Chris

[@chrisjansen1943]

@@ChrisandDebby Lots of good things to think about there, thank you. They way that you describe these things, I started to wonder if I might have an undiagnosed situation going on here, because it honestly sounded like your wife was describing my own life. Coincidentally we share the same first name! You've prompted me to consider speaking to a doctor about it to learn more, because to be honest my life has been a dumpster fire for the exact same things that you experience. I recently lost my job because I stayed up for 5 days without sleeping, because I wanted to learn about animation and everything to do with it. After several days I forgot about the obsession and moved on to something else. My life has always moved in waves like this. Thank you for the video and the response!

[@Jwalker76]

Im someone who has only just discovered im autistic and being single thought this video maybe something i cant relate to. Actually really liked how much information about autism and autistic people. I hope that one day i find someone who cares for me as much as you two care for eachother.

[@andrewwhite4348]

Dang I’m 33 and this is the first time heavily considering the fact I could be autistic. I relate heavily with every characteristic that was mentioned. Thank you

[@ChrisandDebby]

Continue researching. If you still feel like you might be autistic after you dig, might be a good idea to get a diagnosis.

[@Snakeplisskin440]

I've never been diagnosed (34 years old next month) but it's become apparent to me lately that I'm probably AuDHD. I had focused interests growing up. I was delving deep into learning about technology and computers at the age of like, 5. Later became gaming and PCs into my 20s. It was a cars in my early 20s, then we got a house and I got more into like car detailing and learning everything I could. I got into doing DIY stuff and wood working lasted about two years, then I bought a camera and got deep into photography, nature and birding (I learned so much about birds). After this realizing I'm probably non binary, I gave up societal norms and got into clothes, makeup, nail polish, wasn't even really an identity thing, I just thought it was fascinating and love it. Figuring out androgynous outfits is fun. Learning how to work with body shapes, learning eye shadow was a learning curve but I got it down pretty good. I get a lot of compliments. I find it really silly how we gender things. I also got really into plants and gardening the last two years. I've done so much landscaping. Planted a bunch of bulbs. I understand Chris' interest in orchards. Plants are fascinating! I definitely relate to the overstimulation thing. I had this issue a lot growing up and my parents didn't understand. I would get overwhelmed at family functions and people would be like, "You should talk more, come out and hang out with people." not realizing I'm like, tapped out on socializing. When I go places I need to know where certain things are and have certain things sometimes. Like hydration, if I'm gonna be hungry I need to make sure there's food I'm gonna like nearby. Am I gonna be the temperature that's comfortable. The sleep thing definitely ohhhh yeah. Since forever. My mom used to yell at me for being up at 2am watching Cartoon Network. As I got older I just stayed up. I was up til morning some times. Even getting up at 630am for school didn't exhaust me enough to go to bed at a proper time. I would go to sleep at 1am and repeat. I would fall asleep at school or take a nap after school. This continues even now. I'll probably be up until 3:30am, get up at 9:30am for work, come home, eat dinner, and take a half hour nap on the couch. It's been a ritual for a very long time. Something that does help with the sleep tho! Avoiding stimulants after 3-4PM or so. Especially sugar. Nothing super sugary late in the day. Caffeine doesn't really get me going but it does help balance my brain a little bit. I used to think I wasn't ADHD because coffee and pop would hype me up but then I realized it was the sugar. I brew my own black/green/white teas now and only add 1tsp of sugar to them. I also like tea because it's more of a slow boost instead of coffee or energy drinks which are like instant then gone almost. I definitely relate to having routine but also impulse for the ADHD. It's like a constant battle. I have safe foods. I don't think eggs for breakfast are safe anymore. I'm gonna have to figure out some way to alter the flavor because I like having a complete breakfast. I crave tea daily, it's been a thing for, since 2012 basically lmao. I have to have milk too to balance the bitterness. I'll literally send a delivery driver from work (I work in pizza) to stop at the gas station to pick up a small bottle of milk if I'm at work. I usually use soy milk tho. I don't like almond or oat, it's too watery for my liking. I just realized I wrote full on response to this video. I do this a lot xD I'm thinking about finding a ND therapist to help me. I'm really happy to hear your patience and understanding. My girlfriend and I have come to the realization that she probably also has autism. Hers is more different than mine. I'm wondering if everyone that's ND has a scale that's ADHD at one end and ASD at the other. And if you lose traits from one as you move towards the other. She seems to have ADHD at times but she's not as hyperactive, she's more focus driven. But she shows signs of emotion regulation, overstimulation a lot. Basically any emotion in excess can lead to crying and I feel bad sometimes. She also struggles with meltdowns. I do this occasionally but it seems to affect her more often. I wonder too if it's pass things. I used to shut down more frequently but I've learned to pay attention to what's happening in the moment and work through it quicker. Kind of like, with autism having a struggle sometimes with taking things literally and causing distress when someone may have been joking. I now don't take things as seriously and I avoid distress this way. I'm hoping may be she seeks ND therapy also. It's really beneficial to learn the why's and hows for things to get through the day. I'm gonna subscribe to you guys! Great job on the video. I like the text, sometimes it's hard to follow vocals. Oh you asked about other things. I'm not diagnosed but I recently learned about emotion delay. Sometimes things that should cause me upset don't hit me right away and I'll experience the effect later. I also have a lack of emotion to things sometimes which I kinda hate. Like if someone tells me something sad I won't emotionally respond to it later. There's also the stimming too which I often do. I do echolalia (imitating sounds, words, phrases) I do it a lot when I'm nervous. I probably do the "rocking motion" without realizing .It's not usually rocking but some other repetitive movement. The more I talk about this the more I'm sure I'm somewhere on the spectrum. Anywho, take care you guys!

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thanks for subscribing and also for your comment! Chris and I both enjoyed reading it and he was nodding his head in agreement for so much of it. I'm glad you brought up the part about emotion delays - this is something we're planning to do a video on in the future. What you're describing sounds a lot like Chris, where sometimes he will hear something but he doesn't fully process it for hours or even days and then when he does, he has a strong emotion. It was hard for me to understand in the past - I felt like, "This already happened so long ago! Why are you upset/frustrated by it now?" So I really appreciate reading about the experience of this because this is exactly how he described it too. At the moment, especially if it's something where the news isn't great, he seems calm and takes it in stride, but much later (compared to me), he brings it up. So that's interesting that it's not only him! He also has certain phrases and sounds he likes a lot and even uses them when he's having periods of meltdowns and is finding it hard to communicate fully. They are both his favorite sounds but also his "safe" words. It took me quite a while to understand that he isn't using those sometimes for the meaning but rather the feel of the word or sound, which is really interesting to me. (He has another video where he talks about it some - I'll link below!) Anyways, thanks for your comment and for being here! (And don't worry about length - we read them all but don't always get to respond to them all, but the comments are still helpful and insightful, especially for me to learn more about the wide spectrum of autism!)

[@ChrisandDebby]

Here's the video where Chris talks about some of his stimming and repetitive behaviors - including his favorite phrase "I am shyyyy" kzbin.info/www/bejne/d6Osf4mVbN-FapYsi=NiGZWuUbwKqwWmXN

[@ChrisandDebby]

Sorry, now I'm adding such a long message - but also love that you referenced learning about birds. We have developed a newfound appreciation for birds in the last couple years, especially after a trip to Australia where they have amazing birds like wild cockatoos everywhere!! Highly recommend that anyone autistic goes there for a visit someday - such an amazing place 🇦🇺

[@RXP91]

So this was interesting me. I have all these traits bar wanting to touch, I always want to touch/be held & I always always have time for that, even when I'm full on melt down. I believe I have ADHD, dyscalculia & I had no social exposure to the opposite sex beteween 8 and 19 (single sex school). But it's wonderful to see how a couple communicates & moves things along for the betterment of both, rather than "this means you don't love me" thoughts. My food pattern was identical. I used to eat the same 2-3 meals every single day for years. But then I had to make some changes due to high cholesterol. I can say I miss eating grilled chicken/fries/rice daily but because I got into the science of it I'm good at eating a diet full of diversity. But without knowing the "why" (the science) I couldn't eat that way. Knowing the why helps me get over my aversion. I often used to gag at food I didn't like as a kid.

[@CamStubbs]

Thank You Debby, much appreciated. Can you please dive deeper into the meat'n'taders of how aspects of autism & adhd seem to combat or compound each other from your perspective 🙏 pretty please 🙏 (aka adhd enjoys some spontaneity while autism requires preparation and the break afterwards)

[@regig.9493]

I found that picknicks work well for our family. We take our favourite foods, something special or even a take out, and sit in a park in a nice setting, with a nice view etc. It's different to home, but not overstimulating.

[@davidspencer1558]

This was very helpful as a person who believe I have both ADHD And Autism. I have tried not to impact on my wife. But that's impossible. Thank you.

[@cornRipper]

Yeah so much of this mixes with us, and my boyfriend might also have some autistic traits too, because we both can’t get bothered by what works for each other. We enjoy sleeping in separate rooms because he needs it ice cold and lots of white noise from the fan and AC. I need music and something warmer… also more blankets and stuffed animals which irritates his skin and makes him feel warm. Don’t get me started on cooking or social things! 😂 Thank you for this video!❤ I can’t wait to show him

[@ss5gogetunks]

Hey Kudos on this, it's refreshing seeing someone Non autistic who is so understanding, willing to really understand what it's like from our perspective. Also pretty interesting to hear from your perspective what is different about us. Since my dad and sister are also autistic, and I suspect my mom was too, our experiences seem so "normal" to me. I've only recently been learning that how my brain works isn't "normal."

[@ChrisandDebby]

Debby is awesome! I’m gonna go give her a hug and a little butt tickle after I finish this response. After reading your wonderful comment, this is what popped into my head: But that’s because people like us have never had a say in what’s ‘normal.’ I think society will start broadening her perspective on what normal is and that will include more and more of our unmasked behaviors. I bet if I hung out with you and your family, I’d think you were all pretty normal. We autistics should be allowed to behave like our brains our programed to be and not be labeled abnormal. It’s getting better and better each year for sure though, and that’s very very exciting for me!! -Chris

[@BlueOrchidWolf]

My wife and I are both on the spectrum, and let me tell you balancing nutritional needs can be a major challenge. For example lately my wife has been loving a specific brand of chicken strips and has been eating them for at least half of her meals for a few months. We've started looking into indoor hydroponic plant growing systems to help supplement our diets with fruit and vegetables because we're both super picky about anything that isn't fresh, and we can customize what we grow to our tastes and grow things year round that we wouldn't normally be able to find because of the season. Fingers crossed it works out as we hope!

[@ChrisandDebby]

The chicken strips made me laugh because I have gone on chicken nugget binges myself! And fun fact that I learned recently for an upcoming video: chicken nuggets are the number 1 food that autistic kids “save” for later (usually in their pockets) 😂 I love that - might need to borrow it as an adult and sounds like your wife might appreciate it too! If you do the hydroponic system, I would really like to hear about that more so please send photos or video to us here or via email! Not long before I got really into orchards, I was intrigued by hydroponics and aquaponics. Debby even found a giant facility in Germany and arranged a private visit when we were traveling to see how they did it! So that is awesome - I hope you and your wife go for it!!

[@themoran2]

I find it interesting what a difference it makes when you're diagnosed as an adult. I was diagnosed quite early as a child and I've had my whole life to adapt to these "special" needs. People with autism are just as capable to adapt as neurotypical, all it takes is a little bit of time, awareness, and willpower.

[@ChrisandDebby]

I agree with you 100%

[@FiltyIncognito]

The sleep issue has been my worst struggle. At one point I would just sob when it was time to sleep and I got in bed, and spent almost all my waking hours screaming in my head from all the stress and frustration. The short term, long term and permanent health problems it caused... I wish I had known earlier I was autistic, what that meant, and had healthy ways to deal with it. For those still struggling with coping, here's my method: foam earplugs meant for industrial jobs, and playing static noise very loud near my head as a noise screen. Typically the volume where my head is is over the safe limit established by OSHA, but the earplugs reduce it to well under the safe limit. It's jarring at first being such loud noise but the brain quickly gets used to it and tunes it out as background noise. After spending so long with severe noise sensitivity I've learned that it's sudden spikes and changes in noise intensity that are the worst and trigger those very uncomfortable and sometimes even painful alarm responses. A loud but constant sound profile, on the other hand, causes zero alarm response. As such, I looked for sound tracks with the widest bandwidth of noise that maintained a consistent profile the whole way through and finally found some 8hour+ soundtracks of brown noise. The deeper frequencies helped to cancel and cover up a lot of the sounds that propagate the most, including heavy steps and closing doors/cupboards/etc reverbing through the building structures if the noise screen is deep enough. Having a subwoofer helped a lot. Another option to use as an alternative or addition are foam noise baffles. You can buy foam of all kinds of sizes and consistency from thefoamfactory. They have stuff shaped specifically for sound absorption but you can also cut your own some some relatively cheap tools. I'd suggest making a kind of box shape (4 walls) that you can place over your head and goes midway down the torso, with enough space for air circulation. Remember to point the triangular/wave pattern shapes AWAY from you as it's those shapes that disperse and absorb sound.

[@teacherchipiona6508]

newly diagnosed and binge watching all your vids

[@ChrisandDebby]

That’s so awesome to hear!! Glad you found your way here and thanks for the support!

[@jent2348]

Great video! I haven't seen any from the spouse's perspective before. Music is too loud though.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thanks for watching and for the feedback on the music! We will adjust that in the future 🙂

[@loisschultz8889]

Your presentations are well crafted. Because I know what Chris looks like, it was annoying to me to see all the non Chris male photos. C’est la vie. You two seem like the perfect couple. You and Chris make it all seem so “normal”. I have been diagnosed, at 74, as autistic. I am glad the world is being more informed through videos like yours.

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment! I’m working on gradually adding some more videos too - and maybe this can be a new “normal”? But what’s normal anyway?! 🤣 And we are glad to have you here - definitely hope that we can continue to help more people better understand each other too!

[@AvoryFaucette]

Oooooh that anxiety about morning appointments! I'm an AuDHDer and I'm pretty sure I have delayed sleep phase syndrome, so early mornings are tough anyway, and I never schedule anything earlier than about 10am for that reason, but even so, sometimes I just cannot sleep AT ALL because I know there's something important and my brain seems to think "if we sleep we might not wake up, so we should STAY UP ALL NIGHT." This happened the other day when I slept for about 2hrs, then woke up with my brain insisting on strategizing a planned trip to Costco with my partner the next day in Great Detail, and then of course the longer I couldn't sleep, the more my brain needed to generate all the possible scenarios for getting food and how I'd handle them, so even though I eventually decided to skip the trip by 9am I hadn't fallen asleep anyway and ended up doing a very bleary Costco trip and then being useless all day 😂 😂 Empathy for your husband!

[@libertinadarbini]

My husband of 35 years has similar traits to your spouse. I used to think he was ”high maintenance” when it came to eating out, being in a crowded space, etc. Many years ago when one of my daughters was diagnosed , I finally understood why she was being overly controlling in regards to her environment and schedule. I thought “Aha!” this explains my husband. It’s interesting in how my daughter and my husband get annoyed with each other even tho that are so similar!

[@louiseisobel]

Texture and sound and light matters 😊

[@elizabethCorkins83]

9:50 I eat a lot of cereal & fruit, with oat-milk. I kinda buy a lot of frozen fruit (mixed berries) in 3lbs bags. Lots of cereal & granola. I also like natural fruit cups (usually peaches lately). I don't cook much anymore. But if I have a craving for a warm meal, I try to have a couple different microwave meals in the freezer just in case.

[@intelligentgluteus-maximus4720]

Needing alone time: an analogy would be to having a pot of boiling water and then turning off the stove. We (the autistic person) is able to control the stimuli, reduce the overstimulation and can let the water come back to room temperature, if you will.

[@louiseisobel]

Total presence, patience, peace and space and comfort and deep special interests ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@roberttravers7587]

Great video!😁

[@ChrisandDebby]

Glad you liked it!!