First Time Hearing Hush by Hellyeah | Suicide Survivor Reacts

[@MentalAmanda]

💖Keep the mental health conversation going by sharing your story here in the comments. No matter where you are in your journey, you have a safe place here to share your struggles and accomplishments without judgment. This is how we shatter the mental health stigma.💖 And if you need some direction and would like me to be your Happiness teacher, you can sign up for my Happiness Boost course here: amandawebsterhealth.com/happiness-boost/

[@mickluchsinger486]

Great reaction again, all I have to say is anyone does this to my daughters or grandkids, I have time to do time.

[@wesleylopp9398]

I just wanted to say every thing u said about abuse in a relationship is correct.....but they are women out there who seem to want that type of drama in their life's.....idk why maybe it's the victim mentality having people say oh poor you i can't believe he would do that to you....but I know a cple of women who get bruised up by their man in every relationship they treat them like 💩 always with the pretend drama it's like they will keep on until he looses his temper like they want to get beat up.....my point being it's not always that the guy is a bully they are some very dysfunctional females out there too

[@MentalAmanda]

@@mickluchsinger486 Sshh, there you go again talking about your secret life! Gotta watch Dexter and memorize Harry's Code!

[@MentalAmanda]

@@wesleylopp9398 I have seen people get addicted to toxicity. And in many cases, what you are talking about it rooted in the mindset of deserving it. And I say men just because that is what is portrayed in the video, but I've known women to abuse men too. I mentioned that.

[@toddhill4411]

Just remember that reaching out for help with mental health doesn't make you we can't do it alone everyone need help from time to time I have I am not ashamed I got it

[@garyglass7406]

Chad Gray, in my opinion, is one of the most intense vocalists in metal. Going back to his Mudvayne days he has carried that through his career. Theres always a message.

[@dek86s]

his voice is iconic!! mudvayne forever!!!

[@bastianhoschler7894]

True

[@reaperthemad8731]

He's a huge douche IRL (in my experience) which is a shame.

[@twinstarssystem2857]

"If this reminds you of home You better know you're not alone" is objectively the best line in any song

[@m_i_s_t_a_h__j_]

Growing up with an abusive, alcoholic father, this song always gives me full-body goosebumps. So thankful for Chad delivering his message.

[@UKFreakster86]

Same deal, Chad in Mudvayne and Hellyeah has always had lyrics that resonate with me and even now I've just lost my job I'm in my thirties and I still cant stand to tell my father, I've always been a failure and still feel that way, not on my own, not around my mother and her family but I cant stand to face him in that way because it feels like i'm proving he was right. EDIT: Just noticed ur name and icon, I wonder if that is something we connect over too, my avatars are always the joker as is my online persona in games and my go to Halloween dress up.

[@slowstang88]

Me too, my dad found religion and never apologized to me or my brothers. Even when we're together there's a shame when we interact. It's fucking sad that alcoholism causes this shit

[@aliciajasondodd]

@@slowstang88 it’s a disease it’s hard for me becuz my dad was the best when sober he would’ve protected us at all cost but at same time would loose his temper when drinking would whip us to far with belts hit us whatever it landed if we moved beat my mom etc he finally found religion and got sober in 2008 when he became a grandfather and was the best papa it hurts him not dong it sooner for us and that he’ll is what I’ll always remember that’s what I get when it says hell is where I stay it never leaves you

[@OffbeatLiteracy]

I'm so sorry for all of you, I've been through a couple different traumas myself I'm still trying to work through. But being a father of two and being almost 40 please know you're loved, I'm proud of everything you've accomplished! You're all incredible and please know what happened isn't who you are. I love you all

[@halosandheroes]

After seeing them live, hearing Chad gray emotionally tell us we're his family... Metal with goosebumps

[@davidgaps6589]

We can build our own families. Ones that support and love.

[@halosandheroes]

@@davidgaps6589 The first thing that happens when we get knocked down in a pit? We get picked up. When someone gets too agro in the pit? We protect the bullied. The pit is a self-protected ecosystem. That's what makes us family. We look out for each other.

[@primalpagan7632]

This song triggers so many memories for me. 6 years old, just out of a bath and sitting in a chair in the living room. Towel suddenly flung in face, grabbed by throat, lifted and slammed into the ceiling, then flung back down. Because I used the wrong sized towel to dry off with. Thus began the years of physical abuse from the stepfather unit. Just one of the abusers in my life. 46 now and have finally found my self-worth, but still have the memories.

[@MentalAmanda]

I am so sorry that you didn't get the love and protection that you deserved. I am SO happy that you have found your self-worth. Of course you still have the memories, but you also have the best revenge: your healing and happiness.

[@primalpagan7632]

@@MentalAmanda Thank you for your kind words. I also understand your situation of pushing people away. It's hard for me to trust people and would push and sabotage and destroy relationships. Which made my psychosis of needing someone to feel some sort worth very destructive for my mental health. There's a LOT of abusive history in my life, even as an adult with the type of women I ended up with. For once I have become happy with being alone, and have been for about 3 years. I have to say, between no more drama from that and cutting out 95% of social media, I am much calmer in my life and feel more free. Sorry to ramble! Keep doing you and glad you're still here to help others and continuing to work on yourself!

[@michaelhughes1231]

Such a powerful song! Experienced this to an extent. You are not alone is a huge message.

[@brownwestmoreland1077]

Chad Gray's voice was made for heavy metal. One of the most underrated vocalist in music. Hell yeah was awesome but glad Mudvayne are back together.

[@dropkickmolotov]

Wish they'd make a new album instead of making money off old shit. I want new stuff.

[@brownwestmoreland1077]

@@dropkickmolotov me too. It's been almost 18 years and I'd kill for some new mudvayne. I couldn't even imagine what it would sound like now that they're older and prefected their skills. I bet it would be killer.

[@rocmo656]

He's no where near underrated. He's rated perfectly near the top

[@davidgaps6589]

This is where music and your art can be your therapy. I have followed Chad since his early days in Mudvayne, and loved the power and emotion, but I always worried that he would crumble or implode under all that emotion. I seriously worried that he would follow other great, tormented artist. However, he found his family and his comfort through his music. A way to shed the anger. Music can be so powerful for the listener, and the writer.

[@beezysbeatz4924]

Chad Gray was rescued from an abusive home and raised by his Grandmother. The song "Thank You" is for her.

[@brownwestmoreland1077]

Finally Mudvayne is back together. Hopefully they'll be making a album soon. Rest in peace to Vinny Paul Abbott. Greatest drummer of all time. Hope you and Dimebag Darrell are rocking out in heaven now that you're together again.

[@monolit73]

Happy New Year!!! The New Year song for you! Diana Ankudinova - What a Wonderful World The reaction bloggers have already called this cover the best performance of this legendary Louis Armstrong song! You have hardly heard a voice of such rare beauty in your life. Enjoy! She is called the queen of goosebumps, a unique voice - contralto with polyphonic overtones. Full vocal range - 4 octaves (E3-E7). Best contralto voice in the world! She has insane and unique vocals and great stage presence and her performances have over 10 thousand reactions (all of them are collected in my playlists).

[@monolit73]

Diana Ankudinova What a Wonderful World kzbin.info/www/bejne/fYCkanmlbLx-jck

[@Patrick60228]

Thank you so much for finally getting to this song. This was my childhood and now that I have children of my own I strive to never be the same. I think another great song for you would be Hollow by Icon for Hire

[@aaronschimmel2950]

As someone who was raised in a healthy, living household, this song still breaks my heart and brings up so much emotion in me for those that have gone through these circumstances. Chad is right, you are NOT alone!

[@shawnpayton9926]

This song is one of the most powerful metal songs ever! I can't watch it without tears! I love this channel ❤️

[@douglab222]

This rips my heart out. As someone who came from a home of abuse, I recall pissing myself everytime I was used as a punching bag, or getting raped. I am a still impressed I am here today. I can only thank my wife for that.

[@MentalAmanda]

I am so happy that you survived that and found love. You never deserved any of that abuse.

[@Adaephonable]

Thats absolutely brutal. You are very strong for have made it through all that.

[@TxFlyBoy1]

A great reaction to a very powerful song. I am usually blown away by your equally powerful reactions to they lyrics presented to you. Thank you for providing a platform for purging the harmful emotions and demons from our own lives. I realize that it may be too soon, so I am very willing to wait until you are ready...but I would really, really, really appreciate your reaction to the new performance by Floor Jansen featuring Henk Poort singing "Sweet Curse" a very moving song about the emotions involving a breakup of a loving relationship... I am truly sensitive helping you maintain your own momentum as you heal from your recent divorce, so I will wait as long as it takes. When you are ready, I will be thrilled to see and hear your reaction to that song, the lyrics and the performance by both Floor and Henk. God bless you. You ARE helping many, many of us, and for that we are thankful.

[@ScorpionHeatseeker]

If you decide to revisit Hellyeah I recommend the song Love Falls or Moth.

[@tylercoley8353]

Their song moth hits all too close to home for me since I lost my brother I cant listen to it without breaking down every time but maybe it's all part of my healing process I'm not sure

[@DavidGelinas-wt5zp]

Moth hits me too

[@seanb390]

I get chills every time I listen to this song. You can really feel the emotion.

[@vamwolf7712]

The most important words are these: "You're not alone "

[@conspiracyx8916]

The song is about Chad Gray (Singer) telling a story about how he was physically and mentally abused by his alcoholic father growing up

[@ATrainHC]

I took my cousin and concert buddy to see them on their last tour around here... what I didn't tell them is that I went with VIP tickets so they could meet the band. One of the best nights of my life! Chad even hugged my cousin! These are all super nice guys.

[@01Ghaynes]

wow Ive waited so long to see someone react to this song. Im glad it was you

[@azazelnof8]

Mix of Mudvayne and Pantera members . This song and Moth are two of my favorites by them, the lyrics always hits me in the feelings.

[@Blizzard0fOz93]

I understand. I’ve seen the results of abuse, in the form of one of my friends. He is basically a nervous wreck, in general. One of the nicest guys I’ve ever known, but constantly in fight-or-flight mode. Me and a bunch of our other friends are trying to help him sort of heal that scarring, but it’s slow going. But yeah, I understand how bad things can get, even if it’s on the outside of the situation.

[@UKFreakster86]

First time here, your reaction and expressions to whats happening in the video and what you talk about had me as an instant subscriber. Keep up the love and the good work. We all need to feel that kind of connection.

[@darkdarius1438]

The lyrics for this song are probably the most direct that Chad (formerly Mudvayne) has written. I had an instant connection to this song from the first time I heard it

[@chrishowell6549]

I haven't even watched this yet, but I literally got chills when I read you were going to react to this. It's a no brainer.

[@michaelcowan6254]

This hits home. I have been there and done this. But I did overcome it. My only downfall is that I never questioned authority. Because I was told not to ever question authority. Still to this day I don't question authority. My dad beat it into me. I have things that I would never tell anyone. But I did better. I have been married for 41 years now. Raised 3 kids. 2 daughters and a son. I am retired now. I still have flashbacks sometimes from a movie, song or hearing someone else talk about it.

[@davidgaps6589]

Proud of you Michael. Break that cycle. Raise you boy to never beat women and raise your girls to know their worth and never tolerate abuse of any kind. Sounds like you did this.

[@MentalAmanda]

Very proud of you to press forward with love and convictions to do better than those before you. You deserve love and healing!

[@KestrelAerial]

Thanks again for another of your videos. I saw an inspirational quote this week which I wasn't sure would fit with this but it does to an extent. The quote is:- If you believe you can, you are halfway there. I think that for someone I an abusive relationship if they can find the belief they can get out, then they can, they need to find the belief that the support is there. Love as always and happy new year.

[@highpriestbeaver1158]

Chad is a powerful writer

[@LaborRevolution209]

You're one of us.. Its in your voice. Love you ❤

[@darkdarius1438]

And a shout out to Vinnie Paul. RIP. Such a loss :(

[@swedisheinherjer]

Happy new year Amanda! I really hope that 2022 will be a better year for all of us!

[@thetornprince138]

Yes this is Vinny from Pantera's band after his brother died.

[@deathjoker666]

My sister went through verbal abuse. Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. I hold my sister for about 20 minutes her crying on my shoulder. She was married for a while not going to say how long but enough to make her very upset to cry like that.

[@deathjoker666]

If somebody else hurts her, I'll rip their jaw apart.

[@davidgaps6589]

Abuse is always harmful, whether physical or mental. Neither should ever be tolerated.

[@RAVENBROKENWINGS]

February 14th will make 10 years since I re-found my voice when I divorced my abusive ex wife, and I won't let anyone take it away ever again.

[@dewaynewalker2430]

Thank you this is one of my favorite songs and speaks very closely to my life and how I grew up and in some ways I'm still in my hell

[@MentalAmanda]

I hope you can find the door because the other side of Hell is breathtaking. Trust me!

[@dewaynewalker2430]

I'm hoping I can but to the truth it's been quite difficult and I'm stuck in a place that isn't bad but not ideal for me either and I'm really depressed and I want to get away from this I'm stuck in both mentally and physically to be free and actually find some degree or level of happiness at least that's goal

[@MentalAmanda]

@@dewaynewalker2430 I was stuck for SO long and it felt so helpless I was ready to end it all. There are SO many more options that your Shadow doesn't want you to see. If you want to learn the roadmap that brought me out of the darkness, you can check out the free 5 day challenge I offer: www.happinessboost.life

[@beezysbeatz4924]

Thanks for what you're doing! Keep at it, you are helping people. I love this song!

[@WarMooseEternal]

Using voice to text to type this right now I'm shaking too bad and crying too hard to really make a lot of sense. This song reminded me of my biological father and the hell he put me and my mom through. The sorry bastard abused me and my mother when I was young and the rage and sadness I feel every day from this is portrayed in this song. He tried to come back in my life when I was 23 and gave me a Bowie knife for my birthday and the voice said let the anger out and do it.... But I didn't.... Why is all I asked him... Why did you fucking do it you pathetic excuse of a human. I watched you walk away when I was fucking 7 and you come back now?? Do I care if you have heart problems no. You filled me with rage at a young age and made the monster I am. I finally found the outlet to let it out and let the pain and the rage out. I here recently found out he may not make it longer cause of fluid buildup around his heart and personally I don't care. I'm sorry... I didn't mean to lose it...

[@MentalAmanda]

Don't be sorry at all. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to open up. You aren't obligated to feel bad or accept his apology. All that matters is that you have your outlet to heal. Which you very much deserve.

[@Schatje79]

I remember one particular relationship I was in that showed red flags but at the time, I thought they'd get better while others I didn't recognize. It didn't take long for things to get emotionally abusive and occasionally physical. Threats of suicide if I left, threats of arrest if I tried to stop her from going through with it, guilt trips, manipulations, the occasional smack, etc. She knew she could get away with it too because I'm a bigger male and she's a church-going mormon girl who had everyone fooled. Near the end, I was so boxed up and broken down....I was lucky enough to get her to dump me through my own manipulation. Soon as it was over, I blocked her everywhere, changed numbers, etc and never looked back.

[@MentalAmanda]

Proud of you!

[@Ivantheterrible81280]

The stigma that only men are the abusers in a relationship is simply asinine.

[@Groggymorning4me]

dont help or try to help her huh? just manipulate her because she made you feel too much too soon? everyone left her. just like you. maybe if you were stronger you'd have had the strength to take her from her pain and show her there's more to life. fuckin whimp. that's why there's real men out there. for women. watch roma army's videos. she knows how strong men are. and love them for it.

[@profanepersonality]

I have an alcohol dependency, and I would never lay a hand on a women (nor would I emotionally abuse a women, or ANYONE). In fact, I was attacked by my girlfriend, and just took it and tried to run away from her. She didn't have a weapon, so that is all I could do to defend myself as I believe. My dad has an alcohol dependcy, and my uncle did as well. Neither would lay a hand a women. Their father was very physically abusive to their mom, however. My dad was emotionally abusive though, which is why it took decades before we could have a relationship. I guess I made the cut of the 3 out of 10.

[@MentalAmanda]

I hope you know now that you deserve love. You never deserved the abuse. Physical or emotional, it makes no difference.

[@robertb5810]

Best wishes for your journey Amanda, you are a very kind soul. Love your videos.

[@h0rnhead]

this song always speaks to me this song is my childhood, the lyrics "The strangle holds, the insulting names The wound up shirt around his fist The nose to nose, beer-stinking breath" hit me hard

[@tomletlow1258]

With this song or the song "Better Man", look into his eyes. I think these songs may be very personal to him. It looks like he is remembering it.

[@krisl3569]

First time on here and I love the band hellyeah and his old band as well and this song hits home very heard for me I'm 40 now and still feel the pain from when I was a kid and still have the mental and physical scars but now I find my escape in music and I give my kids the best memories I can give them as now I live for my kids as I don't want what happen to me happen to them and I hope everyone can find there peace and happiness in there life and don't let the past control your future

[@Ryan-kf4pf]

This song really hits me, 32 years later and I still have so many scars on my back from the belt. Was beaten by my mom and her boyfriend my entire childhood, fed table scraps (fat, gristle) like a dog, molested, raped. This song brings back some of that pain but the message it conveys is so powerful, wish I was able to listen to this when I was a kid perhaps it would have stopped a few of my suicide attempts.

[@MentalAmanda]

I hope you know now that you never deserved that. You are worthy and lovable and I hope that you are surrounded by people who remind you of that daily 💖

[@Fathersmidmeals]

You know which channel I think is super underrated?? Metal Piano Music. The guy spends weeks composing classic metal songs into classical/relaxing piano pieces and he hardly gets any views. I love his arrangement of The Sentinel by Judas Priest. That guy really deserves support

[@coreywickramasekera9968]

That's the singer from MUDVAYNE, in case you don't know by now

[@fredhill6962]

It is sad to see and hear what people have to go through in life. Its been a while since I commented on this . I was back in the military I went through some hard times. Never be afraid to ask for help we are listening just call are names we will be there. God love you and God bless.

[@chrishowell6549]

You said to please not stay. I take that as something you'll never forget. I think you prove it over and over again.

[@rustiemenard5636]

By complete accident I stumbled across you video reacting to Fade to Black. Hush immediately came to mind. These two are heavy hitters for me ( no pun intended). I have several more if you interested, however some of them may need the "lyric video".

[@shaunmaxedon9233]

You should definitely check out better man by hellyeah, its another deep one

[@OffbeatLiteracy]

Dark Amanda is present with those facial reactions. Thank you for caring so much that it came through a bit but I’m so sorry you understand it

[@fwierocks]

As a victim of physical abuse from my brother, this song hits really hard. I didn't have escape. I was heavily bullied at school and then abused at home

[@MentalAmanda]

I hope you are safe now and know that you are worthy of love.

[@davymurphy3073]

Thank You, Love this song even though it takes me back to my childhood. Really sad part is no alcohol was involved in my situation. Check out Concrete Angel By Martina McBride

[@melvincrocker8188]

Respect what you said I went through stuff for several years looking for what I never had always ending up with people that went through stuff that I went through who were only looking for a victim someone to take their frustrations out on you got to be careful now everyone wants what you want not everyone wants to do what's right they're looking for someone to hurt because they've been hurt they want someone to blame because they've been blind they want someone to suffer because they suffered but that's not anyone's responsibility it's yours you got to fight for what you want you got the be out there every day I'm looking for what you never had have respect and understand for the people that went through that and not letting them do the same to you because they're messed up

[@davidcarter1157]

The part that always hit me hard was “you just can’t stand the touch,affection weights too much, you push everyone away” .. that was the story of my life .. because of the abuse … I ALWAYS pushed ppl away! Until my wife who saved me.. was patient, caring and understanding.. didn’t push me and waited for me to come to her about things. My mother dealt with the physical but I got a lot of mental, emotional and verbal. I told myself at a young age that if I ever had a wife and kids they would not ever know this feeling! And from me .. they never did!

[@MentalAmanda]

They are very lucky and I am proud of you for coming so far!

[@davidcarter1157]

@@MentalAmanda yeah, she has been a blessing beyond what I expected… life sucks sometimes but if you just hang in there and fight … you can change it.

[@01Ghaynes]

that Drummer is Vinnie Paul from Pantera, brother of Dime from Pantera we could go on but sure someone has covered the ins and outs of all the past that scars me

[@KaotikMotorsports]

Yes the drum sticks are on fire…… the drummer is also the same drummer of Pantera

[@brianread3994]

Chad from mudvayne/hellyeah all the songs he writes its things grew up with and saved my life got to meet him amazing singer and person all songs are from part of his life and we can relate in a way

[@jeff5671]

this song is so sad but absolutely one of my favorites from hellyeah

[@darkdarius1438]

Awesome. The one song I really wanted you to hear :)

[@innocentbystander1853]

Puscifer - “Grand Canyon”

[@jeffgallucci4558]

Check out Skin & Bones by Fit For A King or any of the Life of Agony requests that have been made. Have a good weekend. Thanks for sharing!

[@jacobtulak2090]

Vinnie is playing his D DRUMS drums

[@lewismann-do2ce]

I think that this song is based in Chad's real life. I grew up in an abusive family. Not physically but emotionally. I am 60 yrs old and still struggling to grasp my reality. Keep up the good work.

[@MentalAmanda]

We are here for you.

[@jeremeywilson2318]

He has one of the most distinct voices!! You need some Alice In Chains though or Say Hello 2 Heaven by Temple of the Dog 🔥

[@tonybolen6841]

I love that song! Never saw them live but I have seen mudvaine live forget to reamber is a good song have you done black by pearl jam that song still gets to me I had a friend of mine kill himself to that song he was 15 years old and I'm getting ready to turn 45 it was over a girl

[@MentalAmanda]

So heartbreaking!

[@tonybolen6841]

Always keep your head up time will not always heel but does help much love for all of you guys

[@tonybolen6841]

@@MentalAmanda just a thank you your doing the right thing girl keep it up 😁

[@karlobujanec9450]

aaaand yes... that was Winnie from Pantera!... with the fire sticks...

[@jiffyneumeyer5418]

I’ve been in that kind of situation. Not at home with family, but with a foster family

[@Willic235]

Now I know this is an old video. I didn't read all the comments but Chad Gray this was actually basically his childhood. I think when he was teenager he was pulled out of his parents custody and his grandma and grandpa raised him in Illinois if I remember right. Don't quote me on this it's just like I don't remember the interview on it as much as I used to.

[@erichawkins8287]

This song and sooo mean other metal song keep me alive when I was younger and these where I went to get the anger out and sadness and everthing else

[@aliciajasondodd]

Hell is where I stay is a metaphor that it’ll be always with you

[@jeffc.459]

Check out Hollow by Pantera. Kept me alive.

[@RavenStudiosTM]

I stayed. But I stayed for my mom, because she was too afraid to leave. I know this hell; I was in it for 11 years.

[@MentalAmanda]

I hope you are healing now!

[@metalmark1214]

I call on patrons to request 1 of 3 spectacular songs for Amanda to react to. All are perfect for her channel. Alter Bridge - Blackbird, Tremonti - Marching in Time, Shinedown - Monsters. All offer a lot to discuss. Thanks

[@melvincrocker8188]

Not many people know the true meaning of abuse that's why we're so messed up and why we want different to give what we never had to just be accepted and we live with it they tell everybody make it change for the better they don't know what the hell they're talking about cuz we're out there every day doing it because we never had it

[@GreathSentina]

I love the Lyrics, because while I wasn't physically abused, I was Mentally, and emotionally abused. I swore to myself, I'd never put my future children through that Hell, or my future wife. While my mentally / Emotionally abusive parent did change, there was times when I plotted their death; just for putting me, my sister, and my other parent through that Hell. My Dad would drink and get drunk, while he never laid a hand on me, as I said, he would yell, cuss me out, and other crap. But I've learned so much from him, and his mistakes. I've said parent because while he was Drunk it wasn't him. It was but it wasn't. But after "Finding God" he gave up drinking and devoted himself to God. It was easier and harder to live with him, but that's another story. For another time. This was my second time seeing you react to this song (i 'm not saying you've reacted to it before, just my second time watching it). But I was paying close attention to your face, and I agree that the video is upsetting. I get upset watching it too, but the lyrics are soothing. Well Amanda in conclusion I love your channel and you as well. Keep up the good work!

[@MentalAmanda]

I went through emotional abuse as well and it's every bit as horrific as physical abuse. I hope you know now how loved and worthy you are 💖

[@GreathSentina]

@@MentalAmanda yeah I do.

[@davidgaps6589]

Thanks for doing the video. Not personal experience for me, but I love Chad Gray and I thought this would be a good therapy one for others. That look on your face though!

[@roberthunton8175]

Don't be around toxic and abusive poeple because you fear being alone you wouldn't drink poison if you're thirsty

[@sdpistolero327]

Check out “a song for the hopeless” by All That Remains. It helped me through some tough times.

[@melvincrocker8188]

I just saw your suicide survivor there's not many of us who would talk to each other those of us who know who understand this is one of my favorite bands because that man that's singing now it's a suicide survivor an abuse child it's so hard to get help for stuff like that especially if you got trauma no medicine or therapy can help and all you do is struggle day to day to survive especially if you're suicidal no one knows what it's like no one cares there's no help no one will ever understand what it's like to be beaten down everyday your life for this like to be beaten until you can't move can't speak cannot scream no more because you're in shock and I'll get you is fill the blowd and everyday it's just a struggle just to wake up in the morning no one will ever understand what that hell is really like he does cuz she's a child of abuse just like he says this song you better believe you're not alone

[@MentalAmanda]

I have been raped, abused, abandoned, betrayed and neglected. I've struggled with addiction, self harm and was diagnosed (among other things) BPD. I know trauma. And there absolutely are people who care and another side to the struggle. I promise.

[@thehyperdragon]

first! love ya amanda!

[@dannylance5212]

The rope broke on me, right when i crossed over. Cant put my mind around it sincenit happened 2 months ago

[@MentalAmanda]

I am here for you. You can reply here or email me (in video description)/send me an IG message (@mentalamanda). I will listen to you.

[@coreywickramasekera9968]

The drummer is Vinnie Paul from PANTERA

[@joelsautter762]

Please react to stitched up heart lost in my mind this song helped me find my way

[@shawnmcmurray2551]

FFDP's new song is well worth listening to. "The Tragic Truth". It's about addiction. I think you should react to this new song.

[@TaZ-MaN307]

R.I.P Vinnie Paul (drummer)

[@chrisparmarter8442]

"Oh hell no..." Actually the band is called Hell YEAH. I swear sometimes people recommend songs to trigger you. LOL But it's also a great chance for you to use your experiences to help others. So...

[@beezysbeatz4924]

"Love Falls" by Hell Yeah might be a good one too.

[@loganbrown6184]

This is in no way me trying to be like "Oh my story is the worst" because I know there's worse that happened to people than what I experienced, but here's my story. My mother was/possibly still is an alcoholic, who's also bipolar. Those two things make for a hair-triggered, quick-to-temper person, and she was. I endured 14 years of physical, verbal/emotional, and neglect abuse one of her favorite things to hit me with was either a horse crop or a metal grilling spatula you know the ones with meat spikes on one side and a serrated edge on the other. She'd constantly go out to bars, use the child support money she got from my dad and blow it on herself. She'd use food as a tool, for example, if we didn't do a chore a certain way (like certain dishes she had a preferred way of washing, certain ways to fold clothes, etc), no lunch or supper depending on the time of the day. The water in the house was done with a salt pump, but she'd purposely forget to get salt and so it got lots of iron in it, making it practically undrinkable. Having to go to school with cuts and bruises all over your torso and sometimes legs, having to explain to teachers and classmates "Oh I just played outside too rough in the gravel part of my property." She'd purposely go for the torso and legs cause your clothes hid most of the marks/bruises, if she did hit anywhere near the head it was to the back cause your hair covered it too. She wasn't stupid she knew if she hit us in the face it would raise questions from CPS to the courts and the school, but that didn't stop her from using one hand on our cheeks with her nails digging in some, and one hand around the throat in one particular instance screaming right into my face in a drunken haze "I should've aborted you when I had the chance" then threw me across the room. These events and many similar ones like it happened for 14 years, till 2 weeks after my 14th birthday she forced me to help her pack all of her things because she signed an employment contract for a company all the way in Alaska (I'm in Ohio for context). So not only did I help her pack, I watched her leave too. Now onto my father, during the shared custody that my parents did, from the ages of 7-9, I was sexually molested and raped by a step-brother at the time who was 14 when it started and 16 when it ended. He held a blade to my throat anytime he'd want to have his way with me, and him being twice my age of course I was scared shitless and did what he wanted. But here's how my biological father comes into play, he witnesses 8 separate times of us almost in the act and did nothing. When police did get involved he got the stepbro a lawyer so that his sentence was reduced. After my mom left, I was forced to live with my dad from 14 till I was 18 when I moved out, during that time he started to uncover what my mom actually did to me, and from the ages of 14-17 I racked up 21 attempts on my life. I just couldn't deal with the fact that I allowed all this stuff to happen to me, I hated what I saw in the mirror, I felt disgusted, enraged, and sick. To top it all off, While I was being beaten, starved, and verbally degraded I was being bullied in school because I was acting strange for a kid my age, especially when they found out about my molestation/rape that happened, and the bullying continued when I was at my dad's house aka through high school. So to say that I have issues is an understatement, but I know there are far worse stories than mine, and I empathize with those who have had it worse than me, and may our recovery come when we are good and ready. Sorry to just dump all of this here, but thank you if have read this far.

[@MentalAmanda]

No need to apologize, that's what this community is for! Trauma isn't a competition. It doesn't matter if there are worse experiences, this is yours and your feelings, emotions and struggles are valid 💖 I hope you know that you never deserved the abuse or violation. You are lovable and worthy and I'm proud of you for the work you have done and look forward to hearing about your journey as it unfolds.

[@loganbrown6184]

@@MentalAmanda I do thank you for the very kind words, it's just from previous times where I've told my story where I'd get replies of, "there are people who have it worse than you, get over it" or something similar, while yes that it's true doesn't mean that my experiences are any less or greater. So that's why I apologized beforehand, plus after going through the things I did, I have become a very apologetic person. And feeling like I shouldn't express things, but I'm slowly working my way out of that. So thank you again, can't wait for your videos, stay safe, ttyl Amanda! 😄

[@alexjensen8724]

Hey you should react to Logic 1-800 pretty nice song

[@twinstarssystem2857]

highly recommend let it burn and would anyone care by citizen soldier! my little secret is good too. honestly, they're all good XD

[@jeffreyodachowski7517]

Great song. Everyone's been through some kind of shit..if you need help, Please ask for help from someone, somewhere. Please...most people, are helpful.

[@Wulphie7278]

The only thing alcohol does to my prefrontal cortex is it makes me tired

[@annie3624]

Will you react a Indian band (Bengali) Ausomapto ?

[@josh_h812]

You wouldn't know by Hellyeah. Great f*#$in' song 🤘🏻

[@chrisflores9832]

You should listen to a killers confession numb and shore they go together and are promoting suicidal awareness