First Time Hearing Would Anyone Care by Citizen Soldier | Suicide Survivor Reacts

If you, like most of us, never had Happiness 101 in school, let me be your teacher! Learn the EXACT steps I took in overcoming clinical depression, addiction, self harm and going from ready to end it all to happier than I thought possible. amandawebsterh...
I have a special project in the works that will change the mental health world. Patreon pledges will be going toward that (and ongoing projects.) Patreons get priority song reactions, twice a month private Zoom calls with me, personalized pictures, exclusive reactions and a peek at upcoming reactions. EVERY SINGLE DIME GOES TOWARD MY MENTAL HEALTH OUTREACH!!!!!
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This is a request from my Friday Let's Talk Mental Health stream and is my first time hearing Would Anyone Care by Citizen Soldier. It definitely hit deep because I know these thoughts all of too well. These are such common thoughts for people struggling.
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[@MentalAmanda]

💖Keep the mental health conversation going by sharing your story here in the comments. No matter where you are in your journey, you have a safe place here to share your struggles and accomplishments without judgment. This is how we shatter the mental health stigma.💖 And if you need some direction and would like me to be your Happiness teacher, you can sign up for my Happiness Boost course here: amandawebsterhealth.com/happiness-boost/

[@scottlally8374]

Next song by citizen soldier called stronger than my strom

[@icravedeath.1200]

Could you react to fake plastic trees by Radiohead please.

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

Yes, being the answer to would anyone care, is the reason i'm still alive.

[@f2fbassist169]

I've never done ok in therapy. I've always been the "rock" for every one else. I haven't been ok since. I"came home" and right now this is kinda just me screaming at the walls kzbin.info/www/bejne/jJPEd32fjMunrc0

[@coreymartin1890]

You should check out the nearest songs just released today cause this is your sign part 2 released toady, i recommend the song this is your sign that hits really hard.

[@CitizenSoldier]

Thank you for such a great reaction!

[@MentalAmanda]

Thank you guys so much for watching! Would love to have you guys join the other artists (ex. Billy Bob Thornton, John Corabi, Teddy Andreadis) who have stopped by and talked mental health with me. Would you be down to a chat next month (mental health awareness month)? I think it would be very insightful. Love you guys already and I am only a few songs in!

[@firetrucksrule07]

Love ya guys. Please keep what you guys do going.

[@_gacha._.heart_1578]

And ty for the wonderful song that a lot of us including me can relate to 🧡

[@wrightfamily7381]

@@MentalAmanda there new álbum comes out next wensday

[@amandahendrix8980]

Do you know Mha if so I think this would be awesome for Deku/Izuku Midoriya

[@ShaynePlayzGamez]

Citizen Soldier is a band about depression, suicide, and other mental health struggles. The lead singer Jake attempted suicide in 2013 and created this band to show that you can make it through all the struggles. The band has helped me a lot all their songs have related to me to a T its insane how they make you feel.

[@coreymartin1890]

Jake Segura actually wrote the lyrics to let it burn while in the hospital after his suicide attempt and in the song he is referring to "kid" as himself the song is a reminder to him and everyone else to never give up!

[@kampybballer21]

I broke down just hearing that, but in a good way. I am still here because my flicker has always been more like an all-consuming inferno, which ended up burning me indiscriminately. Music is dear to me as it was undoubtedly the crutch I had left to lean on while saving myself. I am beyond overjoyed to finally learn there is a whole band dedicated to my exact purpose and being. Their music and commercial success has inspired and motived me beyond words, and WILL end up being a leading narrative in my own story. Though my story and songs I will reach the ears and minds of those whom need what I so desperately begged for. Bless the futures we all still have.

[@blackphoenixgirl2236]

I was in a dark place when I started listening to citizen soldier the first song that got me into them is the weight of the world. Their music I can really relate to. Their music is more of a therapy then going to a therapist for me.

[@archedfallen4326]

@@blackphoenixgirl2236 I kinda agree with you there I've been in therapy before and then I found music not only citizen soldier but also other artists and different types of music I'm not really going to go into but I used to just hit walls and stuff till I didn't feel the pain of life any more but now I can say that I'm actually here to stay for good and I'm happy about my choice

[@aubreylong9481]

I didn't know that

[@Hana0nana0]

I immediately started crying when the first sentence was sung. I really hate to see people struggling but at the same time it's kind of a relief maybe? to see that I'm not the only one.

[@ak2nda695]

We all struggle in our own way. No one is alone in that. Amanda's vision with helping people with mental health issues is much needed. Take care and don't be afraid to ask for help from anyone, that's always the hardest part no matter what your struggle is.

[@Hana0nana0]

@@ak2nda695 I agree. and yes! I'm really grateful for what she's doing. thank you so much. I've been feeling better recently. hope you're having a great day :)

[@gravedigger3518]

I feel you on that

[@singingwolf8997]

I stumbled onto this song by total accident, and just the first few lines had me reliving some long repressed memories of asking myself these same questions when I was younger. I sobbed through the whole song, and then I just kept pressing replay.

[@MarcusBumgardner-d4e]

The easiest possible answer is it wasn't an accident. Coincidence mabey but no accident. I am in same boat and first thing I did was come to Amanda's youtube to hear her reaction. Her videos talk to me from a survivor and a former addict. This is home for me. I come to watch her videos because she is understanding and the way she speaks touches my shoulder and says " It's OK to not be ok, just don't stay in that place too long. You are loved"

[@davidnissim589]

I personally know Jake, Citizen Soldier's lead singer, and he's an absolute gem of a human. He's been through a lot of bad things, and now he makes music to help inspire other people to never give up. He also helped me on my musical path as well. Amazing man, all around.

[@tonybooy9807]

Hi David, I'm a veteran with PTSD amongst other things. Please thank Jake from me, his songs have really hit home with me. I would not be here today without people like him... Give him my regards please and good luck with your musical future bro!

[@davidnissim589]

@@tonybooy9807 will do!

[@mikefrazier3412]

i would love to meet this person that your talking about but i know it will never happen. im walking down a very very narrow road in hopes of falling off but im still here so far.

[@davidnissim589]

@@mikefrazier3412 go to any of Citizen Soldier's shows! They interact with their fans very often, and Jake is very friendly and open

[@gravedigger3518]

By the songs he did I can see that his songs are heart touching honestly some of his songs have me tear up and I don’t cry very easy lol he does a great job on his music

[@chrismadden132]

Hey Amanda I want to thank you. Finding your KZbin channel has really opened my eyes to why I wasn't killed in Iraq and Afghanistan and why I didn't kill myself that night I first heard Save Me by Jellyroll. Two nights ago I got a phone call from a battle buddies wife and she was frantic. Her husband was locked in his cellar and was planning to commit suicide. She asked if I could help. I told her to tell him to answer my call on his cell phone when I call. I hung up with her and called him. He answered and I told him I needed to tell him something. I told him about me almost committing suicide. We talked for 4 hours when he finally went up the stairs and asked the police to take him to a mental hospital so he could check in. I'm traveling to Washington state Monday to visit him in person.

[@damiankynoch7724]

Dude, I've got no words, as I've got no realistic comparison in my life. Sounds kinda empty, but stay strong, and your buddy too

[@chrismadden132]

@@damiankynoch7724 I will and your words show the compassion vets dearly need

[@johnbubba1143]

@@chrismadden132 yo man. That's rough. But thankfully you were there for your battle buddy. You had his back when he needed it. Massive respect man.

[@ak2nda695]

I hope your friend gets the help he needs. He and his family are blessed to have you in his life. I'm sure it's not the only reason you are alive, it's humbling to think that you being there for your friend is part of your path in life. You didn't end your life so you could save his. You might not have known it and maybe it only a small part, but I guarantee it is the most meaningful thing to his family. Please share this channel with your friend(s) and let him (them) know your sacrifice for our country is greatly appreciated. It is sad to me that people think if you didn't die in battle that you didn't make a sacrifice. Anyone who sees the horrors of war do sacrifice their mental health. Thank you for helping your friend you're awesome.

[@chrismadden132]

@@ak2nda695 I owe him my life literally. In Iraq he took a bullet for me. Talking him down was the least I could do.

[@lordthorran9756]

That song hit me really hard. It’s like someone saw my soul and thoughts and put it into a song.

[@jessicasuzanne___]

Same tbh I tried k!lling myself in the shower last year.. ik that probably sounds a little strange but still I'm so glad I'm still here

[@jasonmatkovich6342]

That is ALL their songs

[@TrimmedBeard]

For me I hate myself, hits super hard.

[@WhoIs.Aaj..]

If you haven't already I highly suggest the song that started it all, Let it burn, wrote down in a hospital after the main vocalist tried to commit suicide but survived. I greatly appreciate them and you, I've never had someone dissect a song like this so well so I'm really grateful, Thank you.

[@lostlothbrok7156]

Tears, tears and more damn tears 😭 this was a knife in the heart twisting, awesome stuff 🖤🖤🖤

[@ObliviatedSoul]

Every single Citizen soldier song feels like they've taken an in depth look at my soul. This song, the moment it starts I'm already fighting off tears but the lyric "I've never felt worthy of love" always causes the dam to break. Again this band is SO amazing and so important, I hope you'll continue to check out more of their work. It's hard what to choose, honestly all their songs are worth checking out.

[@gomezmunoz584]

Citizen Soldier is awesome... I feel like they are singing about my life.. I can relate to their songs. I have suffered through for 71 years and still struggling. There are two more songs you should listen to "This is Your Sign" and "Still Breathing".

[@wrightfamily7381]

Both are great songs

[@youber117]

Thank you Amanda Your voice is carrying the sound of everyone needing to be heard. This is the first time I've ever commented on a video. Please keep going. You give a voice to those who have none.

[@phillipweaver8484]

wow , what an amazing song,, first time hearing it. really loved what you said about suicide not ending the pain but just transferring to others. the main reason i have not turned out the light.

[@jibrilamvs]

Citizen Soldier’s music saved my life. Literally. While I never did turn my thoughts of suicide into behaviours; my mental state was exceedingly close to taking that turn. That’s when I came across their music; their song “This Is Your Sign” found me; I listened to it and I’ve been addicted to them ever since. They’ve saved my life and empowered me to continue living. I’m so glad their music has impacted you in such a positive way. I’m happy you are still here with us.

[@pegasus1022]

God the first half of the song was my mantra for over ten years before i was hospitalized. almost three year survivor now. the last part is my mantra now. doing my best every day. thank you so much for this.

[@MentalAmanda]

I am happy your light still shines!

[@jeff8228]

A really "For sure nobody has heard this song" that is all about mental health is "Last Chance" by Anybody Killa. Great song and the video is pretty heavy. Maybe worth a watch if you're looking for something out of left field. Love the channel, keep it up. 👌

[@thekingslime8334]

i cannot put to words the effect this song has had on me. being able to sing those words at the end has brought me to tears multiple times. and sometimes thats all we want.

[@firetrucksrule07]

Citizen Soldier is my number one favorite band. Love all their songs. Love what they stand for and more. Much love.

[@timm2428]

Feel every word of that song and so glad thats not where i am anymore,,to anyone out there listening to this and feeling that ,open up reach out you are so worth the fight so worth tomorrow. Trust me I pulled the trigger and im so grateful im alive now.

[@ledbetter17p]

@Mental Amanda thank you so much for doing this song. I hold this song very close to me personally because I struggle with depression and anxiety every single day. And this song is 1000% how i feel on the inside on those bad days. The things you said in the video about how others react around us people who have these problems is so true. For the past 15 years I have felt alone and not wanted and stuck in that rut with no way out. When I voice how I am feeling I notice more than often people are afraid to even answer or try to be there for you. It's even harder when it's family that does that to you. I have been able to pick out who the real people are in my life from the way they react. Out of those real people just recently in the past month I have found someone who means the world to me and I would do anything in my power for this person. She is now the love of my life and when I am having a bad day it's like she makes it her mission to be there for me and show me that love that I need to pull through. Depression and anxiety are no laughing matter yes those feelings are in our head but don't be those people who just sit there and say "it's all in your head" because that makes things worse for us and makes us feel even more like people don't care. Approach it differently and just show that you care by having a conversation and showing that person there are people out there that are by your side and willing to be there for you in your times of need. Once again thank you for doing a reaction to this song and keep up the great videos.

[@MentalAmanda]

I had a guru once tell me that something being in your head is the worst place that it can be because you can't just walk away from it.

[@justsomeawesomeperson6396]

Yup. I still have the same username, but i’ll change it once my headache stops from being ill. Anyway. This song kinda reminds me of when i was in a relationship with a girl who really struggled with suicidal thoughts at times. I still sometimes dream of how sometimes late at night i had to force her down until she got too tired and fell asleep, just so she couldn’t do anything to hurt herself. Or i had to find her in the woods because she ran away saying she would end her live. It happened a lot, but i’m glad i was always able to help, even if she hated me for it. And i’m glad i even had the courage if she threatened me. I had a dream about it again last night, and i’m not sure why. It’s not something i think about really, but i never talked about it either. I’m just happy that she’s better now and that she found her own way in life, even if we had to go our separate ways because of it.

[@briansgamesandanime]

The transfer of pain from me to others is the main reason I haven't at least tried to end it all. I feel I'm a burden on people. I would think it's just in my head if not for the fact that I've been told I'm a burden on them. So I suffer in silence. I've done things in my past that I loath myself for. And it's alienated me from the people I've hurt. I can't change the past but I try to be a help to others I see struggling. Thank you for reacting to this song. I'm not ashamed to say I cried like a baby when I first heard it. It's the very words I scream to myself everyday. If it's not too much to ask, could you react to Blue October's "Hate Me"?

[@MentalAmanda]

The people that said that to you have their own demons and pain. When a hurt person doesn't know how to process or manage the hurt, they try to project it and transfer it to other people. You aren't a burden. You're worthy of love and patience. There are plenty of people who will understand and will see your value, myself included.

[@briansgamesandanime]

@@MentalAmanda I try not to be negative towards people like that. They're fighting their own battles just as I'm fighting mine. My depression and anxiety will be a life long battle and I've finally come to terms with that. Although I do have good days too.

[@Starline_Creationz]

This song was so helpful and emotional as a suicide survivor myself 😢❤ Thank you so much, Citizen Soldier!

[@jamiegoddard562]

Me too survived five suicide attempts and three years of self harm dont do that anymore keep shining your light and thank you amanda for being there

[@Starline_Creationz]

We all are here for you, Jamie.@@jamiegoddard562

[@KaiLucasZachary]

I've watched this video multiple times so came back to comment again: I love how you nodded yes at the lyric "Would anything change?" ... but then you shook your head no at "Would you all be just fine?" We need more people like you in the world who genuinely understand this feeling. Your reaction is amazing. If only the basic population could understand what people with mental illness go through and then the people who are left to deal with the aftermath of a suicide.

[@cyrusmcintosh3051]

I've been crippled for a short while, it's truly showed me a darker side of people, and a more vulnerable side of myself. I checked myself into a facility via taxi when I was alone.. but I was alone for almost a month, half of that was in a cemetery in Tulsa Oklahoma. I remember hearing voices and talking to people who weren't there. I learned I have schizophrenia which is EXTREMELY terrifying. I thought I was there in the cemetery for a couple days, I was apprehended by law enforcement.. thank God because it turned out I've been there for weeks. I was severely emaciated and on the verge of freezing to death. I was thankfully rescued and don't get me wrong at the time it was tremendously terrifying. But today I'm sooo thankful! Psychosis is unbelievably powerful and if you even suspect that you might be close, please go to someone you love. I never knew I was a missing person.. and I never knew that some people.. even considered me deceased. It was so cold. Anyways I'm sorry it's so long, but I felt like leaving this.. just in case❤️

[@MentalAmanda]

This is a crazy story with a wonderful ending! I am so glad that you made and got the help you deserve!

[@diamondbentley7469]

Citizen Soldier is my favorite band because they're songs help me through my darkest days. 😭

[@mcginnig]

This one does hit home. I have been able to distance myself from the words now that use to start the darkness. I used to always hate the night after being divorced 3 times and staying alone because of the wrong people who were in it. I have family and kids and grandkids who love me which I think helps but I had to move away from my two daughters and the grandkids to help my mom and dad. My son lives with me which has helped but still missing the kidos and daughters. Recently my dad passed from Dementia/Altheimer's, but I can't go back to the kids yet because of my mom who is still with us. I get the feeling because my brother who has always with our parents will need help after that. Uggggg So I am trying hard to teach him to survive without mom but that's a hard one. I just have way too much on my plate for most to deal with, but I keep going. Still it nice to hear you talk which calms me and give me a great feeling. Thank you.

[@1999657]

I relate to this song in so many ways my depression constantly puts this thought in my head,. I suffer from severe depression and some days are harder than other days. But i don't ever want to give up i still have so much more to accomplish. Im getting my masters right now and i just passed my special education teacher certification. THis band is awsome and has allot of great song. THis is my first video and i like the message.

[@tyj.lodbok5520]

When I was a teenager I attended to take my own life, my younger brother who is now an addict saved me at the time. I went on to grow up and have children with a terrible human being who treated me like trash. She make me loose my kids which broke me once again. My best friend saved me and drove over 300 just to come check on me. I'll always be damaged by it but thankfully I have a good woman now and my still best friend who cares. We need people like that. We all do.

[@MentalAmanda]

We are all "damaged" or "broken" in some way. But last I checked, broken crayons still color just the same.

[@TheSkitzoDrengr]

This is the second time you've talked me off the ledge. For that I thank you.

[@tonybolen6841]

Well again you have made a grown man cry 😂 but there's nothing wrong with with that thank you so much girl for what you do ❤️

[@johnbubba1143]

Damn these onion slicing ninjas sneaking in here.

[@adventureswithjosh1897]

😂😂😂😂😂😂 bro I work at in n out why this so relatable Fr haha 😆 😆 😆 😂​@@johnbubba1143

[@areilly263]

Citizen Soldier's songs are some of the most moving and emotional songs i've ever listened to. Especially when going through thoughts and feelings such as these. "weight of the world" and "i am not okay" are another two incredible songs by them.

[@HeyItsCj_1993]

Im new go your channel. I have depression, anxiety and adhd. My depression is really bad right now and I'm going through hell right now trying to improve my life. I dont have a support system and i often sit up when i should be sleeping and just think about everything. This song and others from citizen soldier hit hard for me. I feel completely alone but trying to push for better times.

[@MentalAmanda]

Hey there. First of all, welcome, I'm so sorry that you are struggling right now. If you want to chat about what you're doing and what's working and not working or just vent, feel free to message me on IG (@mentlamanda) or email me (in video description). We can find better times!

[@virgilevans9967]

You know a person is Worth a Thousand Words When you Stand on the Field or just Sitting at home waiting to help Someone in all I've listened to this Band for a while now and Each Song Gets Better than the last. I've Seen and been through hardships and Times where I was Put to the Test I've been a Survivor all my life bc of the Scars I Carry on the inside that Haunt Me bc of the Damage that had Been Done to Me long ago

[@wendigodestroyer665]

Ever since I discovered them through my journey through depression this band has easily became my favorites every song and every album surprises me with how deep and how much they relate to you.

[@SirWigglesALot]

Felt this song a few times especially throughout the last few years.

[@arois1198]

Very often i can hear voices in my head saying these things to me for hours, sometimes yelling at me to just end it already before my life gets darker, i dont know if its just me or some other issue but they dont leave me alone, most of my actions are made because of what they tell me, they make me scared of everything, as hopeless as they make me feel ill keep trying to fight them off, Im trying to understand my worth even though they try to drown it out, I hope i can get them out of my head one day.

[@MentalAmanda]

I call my voices my Shadow. It's not just you and you aren't crazy. The voice never really "goes away" but you can learn to shift them, work with them, tame them 💖

[@oopsie2181]

I'm not gonna stay quiet about this anymore... I've been battling with depression, severe anxiety, and more; but everyday eoth my family and friends I have to put up an act so much that I try to convince myself that I'm ok... I had people who fought for me but I can't talk to them anymore... and since I've acted so much it affected me with these thoughts that I'm just a mistake and Citizen Soldier, yourself, proved to me that I'm not... Thank you, :)

[@MentalAmanda]

Thank you for sharing with us. Proud of you for your bravery in opening up!

[@hero-kun2314]

I'm glad you shared your pain with your watchers and even shared your past experiences and I hope you are doing well today and screw the people who hurt you. You are lucky you still have people who cared for you. Unfortunately, I don't have that but you know what I have? Myself ☺️, I care for myself

[@MentalAmanda]

And now you have ME. And this community of amazing weirdos!

[@damienosullivan193]

@@MentalAmanda weird is my favourite form of humour lololololol

[@gordonmcmullan1087]

As someone who does suffer depression and has a few failed suicide attempts I just want people to know there is no cure. Many of us are able to treat it and quite the voices that tell us we don't deserve anything but those voices will always be there. But we need help. The constant mental assault we weaken the strongest defences. Thank you for posting this video. And showing others who may have someone going thru this the fight is never over. But each day we live is another victory. God bless

[@colourr2222]

This band has helped me immensely through horrible things. I heard this song a few months after I attempted and it sends chills down my spine every time I hear it and after I heard it for the first time, I felt like I had power over my life again

[@sarcasticallygenuine6852]

I would highly recommend Citizen Soldier to anyone struggling with mental health, and even people who aren't. Their songs speak to a wide range of experiences, and listening to them has been cathartic (and insightful, when it comes to other's struggles that I do not personally relate to). I've been trying to remind myself that everyone is fighting a war in their lives, even if I can't see it, and it's helped me stay patient when interacting with other people.

[@hayley.p01]

Thank you for talking about everything and letting us know we aren’t alone❤️ Citizen Soldier have amazing songs, my favorite one to listen to when I’m in a bad place would have to be If I Surrender. It’s such an amazing song

[@Thereptilesquadshorts]

i cant help this feeling i been depressed and i really wished i wasn't alive rn but i stay strong for everyone that loves me and i hate faking my smile but i cant find happiness even me being a youtuber doesn't make me smile i just hope anyone going through hard times stay strong

[@MentalAmanda]

Sometimes, the things that used to bring us joy, like KZbin or other passions, just stop hitting the same way when we’re in a dark place. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean those things aren’t worth it, just that you’re going through something deeper right now. I have had to take breaks too. If you notice, I've scaled back my content recently. It's A-ok to take breaks or explore other things. You don’t have to carry the world on your shoulders for everyone else, though. It’s okay to take time for yourself, to acknowledge how hard it is, and to ask for support. You’re not weak for feeling like this, and staying strong doesn’t mean faking a smile-it can mean just holding on, even if it’s by the thinnest thread. I hope you give yourself the same care and love that you’d want for someone else going through this. You matter even when it feels like the world is too heavy. Keep holding on. You don’t have to go through this alone.

[@darkwolfgaming499]

this song came on my pandora 13 minutes after I was informed about my friends suicide. I stop talking to him after he and I had a falling out. it kills me cause he tried to reach out to me and I was so mad at him. now I feel so much regret for not helping him. this song is the only connection I have to him now. thank you for reacting to it.❤

[@MentalAmanda]

He knew below his Shadow that you still cared. His struggles just outweighed his coping mechanisms. It's not your fault. 💖

[@lavender-rosefox8817]

This is one of the songs that actually brought me back from the hypothetical edge

[@RagnarBoW]

I was in the dark place that this song talks about for a long time. I'd say decades of ceaseless struggle against myself. I started to turn things around about 9 years ago. Therapy was one big step, and changing my diet and exercise to take better care of myself. I was really bad at therapy to start with, and I took some antidepressants (it took a while to find one that seemed to help). One of the most important lessons I took from this part of the journey was to stop trusting the voice that was telling me I wasn't worthy, that no one cared, and that all was worthless. That voice did not have my best interests at heart, would say anything to undermine me and my efforts, and slowly, day by day, I learned to recognize it. And one day, I managed to push it to arms length. It's not easy. The voice is still there. But I'm not in its clutches anymore and the burden is not unbearable. I have the safety net of people who love me now. I managed to climb out of the pit far enough that others heard me calling for help. And with their help, I'm alive. I've spent so long in darkness that I feel I have a lot of catching up to do. If you are in that darkness still, even though it seems like there's no way out, just take that one handhold up. Take that one small step in the right direction. You might surprise yourself for where you end up. There are those, like Amanda, who will reach down to help your journey out of the pit. You just need to give them the opportunity to try. You are worthy, and the voice telling you otherwise is not to be trusted.

[@marcosro5891]

The plot in you - letters for a dead friend, is...really deeper and the feeling on the song is just...uff

[@MorganS89]

what i hear every day in my head. i cant sleep and because im different i get such negative words every day its all i feel

[@leonmislo]

Your words remind me of two songs by Citizen Soldier. It calls "My Little Secret" and "Hand Me Down". I think you will love it when you feel always awake.

[@MentalAmanda]

I'm different too. I used to hate myself for it. Now I am SO grateful because to be normal is to be average. Nobody wanted Cs in school. We shouldn't strive for it in life either. The only words that matter are the ones that you tell yourself. Your inner voice can be changed regardless of what people have told you or what tapes are stuck in your head!

[@MorganS89]

@@MentalAmandaIm so sorry that you have to go through this and i heat you i really do I idk if you remember me telling you about my friend that ended her life a bit back but it has been so hard not to do it myself. I Just don't know how to think because the negativity is bad and so toxic that I cant escape the thoughts especially when i have been left broken mentally and physically and emotionally. Just driving along wondering how long would take if i jist let go of the wheel or drive off a bridge or just eat a bullet. Im trying do hard to make changes in my life and life style but just getting deeper and deeper in the abyss. Idk if i can take much more. We talked About losing my father AMD brother as well and the visions and heart wrenching Wont leave my mind.

[@MentalAmanda]

@@MorganS89 Lifestyle is a great foundation, but the focus has to be on rewriting the tapes in your head that trigger these thoughts. Trauma therapy majorly helped me with a couple of my situations. Perhaps EMDR. You could access both online.

[@conv1cted752]

Ty so much again for your words of caring an sympathy. I was having a bad day and watched this reaction. I love this song and band in general. You are amazing and even over the internet, on KZbin, your words are power. Be blessed. 4+ years clean an sober an still going strong.

[@MentalAmanda]

Proud of you!

[@Xharvisonm]

The thing that broke me was after my 2nd attempt waking up to my husband holding my hand tears running down his face and his broken "why wasn't I enough" I realized then how much my life meant to those around me even if I still don't feel worth much on days I think back to how broken he looked and my resolve to never let him have that look on his face again is enough to pull me through

[@MissSirenita]

Hey girlie, new here just discovering your channel. I’ve dived into the rabbit hole of Citizen Soldier and the many times the songs saved my life by just being heard is outstanding. Current favorite is their newest song: Still Breathing. It’s amazing and gives me the same vibes as this song, specifically the ending.

[@pageslater1360]

so deep and meaningful, i live it

[@Butmunch666]

Thank you for all of this.

[@Knucklesgirlll]

This is my to go to band, when I'm feeling depressed, I have an incurable disease 😔 this band is the band that saved me.

[@muffinstheterror6459]

The questions that keep me awake are why do i even try i pretend to be happy so noone will worry about me rn my depression is hurting me but i always keep a smile on my face 😊

[@MentalAmanda]

I've definitely been there where you feel the need to wear a mask to protect others. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to acknowledge them. Sometimes, just expressing what you're going through can be a step towards finding some relief. That is why this community exists. You never have to wear a mask here because we acknowledge that we're all struggling and want to cultivate a community of authenticity and support

[@jasonconley771]

With all of the issues I deal with from the military, these are exactly the questions I ask myself every time I have and "episode" as the therapist calls it! Because I have been to some very dark places. Places I don't want to go back to, but afraid I will someday and I won't be able to make it out the next time!

[@MentalAmanda]

If you ever find yourself veering toward that place, please know we're here to guide you away. You're not alone.

[@jasonconley771]

I@@MentalAmanda It had gotten so bad that I had sat in my floor with my back against the wall for almost 3 full days with several empty Jack bottles around me and a 9mm next to me. I had nobody or nothing. A friend of mine happened to stop over and when I didn't answer the door he peaked in the window and saw me sitting there. He broke my front door and my chin, neck, front of my shirt and jeans were covered in blood. I had been coughing up blood and didn't know it. He took to to the hospital they pumped my stomach and put me on morphine. I was there 4 days and still nobody. Doctor came in and told me that I was bleeding internally so they had to run a drain tube. I just sat there staring out the window until they released me. Had to call a "your ride" basically a taxi to get home.

[@MentalAmanda]

This breaks my heart 💔

[@krystopherjohnson2082]

3:00 I tried for the first ten years I was hurting to tell others. All it ever brought- from my relatives especially- was abuse and abandonment. When it didn't result in one of those two things, it became "oh yeah- try being me!" and whatever pain I was going through got trivialized before I could even try to open up. I have suffered alone for 23 years- starting with my mother and step-father trying to kill me multiple times starting when I was 3. The law ignored it, my relatives blamed me, and everybody else trivialized me or abandoned me the moment I opened up at all. It has reached the point where my wife- the only person who didn't immediately abandon me when I opened up the smallest amount- is about to divorce me and take our son because I'm finally breaking down and she thinks I can't be trusted to be around my own son. The worst part is that I'm finally breaking down BECAUSE of her starting to do exactly what others have always done as soon as I tried to truly open up to her about what I've been through instead of just mentioning that I'd been through hell. I was put into in-patient therapy because of it, and I am only even opening up to people now because the ones I'm opening up to can't abandon me for it since it's strangers on the internet.

[@MentalAmanda]

I am so sorry that you have been surrounded by people, including your own family, that have tried to silence you or make you feel unworthy. I live with BPD and abandonment is crippling for me, so I understand how isolating it can be (have been tossed aside plenty of times.) I see your pain. I hear your experience. And I promise that abuse is NOT tolerated in this community. You are safe and welcome here and we love you and see your worth.

[@JadeMarie08]

Wow...I literally have no words...your reaction...was how I felt when I first heard this song...CS is literally my favorite band...theyve helped me, and they continue to help...every day....I know a good amount of their songs...by heart...that's how much I love their music..

[@chrishill8015]

Thank you (I think). This song sums up how I feel sometimes, to a tee.

[@shunt5001]

GREAT SONG, DEEP MESSAGE 👌

[@davidgaps6589]

@george castle we see you, and would miss you. Together we will hold you up, and before you know it, or even realize it, you will be helping to hold up someone else.

[@reapthelight]

I love how you broke this down. From someone who battles PTSD from combat, I get it. I face my demons every damn day and I know I am not alone here. However, we have GOT to start embracing an attitude of conquerors not victims. I understand we may never completely remove this from our lives. But we have to shed this cloud of victimhood. If we stay in that frame of mind, we never allow the good or light to shine through. Too many seek the attention and not the help. We all have good and bad days, but it’s time to grab depression in a chokehold and deny it power! Keep up the good work! Sometimes people need to hear that voice which understands and can articulate what they are feeling but they can’t seem to put it into words. You are that voice and you do it so well.

[@MentalAmanda]

I agree wholeheartedly. I refuse to say that I am a 'victim' of sexual assault or abuse. I'm a survivor!

[@1withthelion]

I have an iTunes playlist that I made as a chronological timeline of someone in a deep depression, a lot of those songs are from Citizen Soldier, it encompasses everything from what triggers the depression and the cries of those that want to go to the person that took their life. That’s how I imagined it would go for me

[@MentalAmanda]

Glad you're still here!

[@1withthelion]

@@MentalAmanda Wish I could say the same to a member of my state’s furry community, not to mention all the trans people who are no longer here, if I could’ve saved them all I would

[@MentalAmanda]

@@1withthelion I wish we could save everyone.

[@Falling2Pi3c3s]

Love Citizen Soldier's music, they keep me going. They help me to fight my demons day in and day out. Depression is so exhausting and to keep on fighting and just survive does get too much. All you can do is try to not give up, not easy.

[@maikhpunkt2005]

One of These Songs i hear every day... Could you make a reaction Video of "Citizen soldier - i'm Not okay", or never ending Nightmare? Edit: OK, definitly "I'm Not ok"... Heard it a few minutes ago and at "wont to be alive" i've Had to cry so hard, it was so painful 😭

[@Stewie7795]

I wonder if anyone would care.. this song is exactly how i feel.. it's hard to take back your life when your own family puts you down, makes you feel so alone and worthless and a burden..

[@CaptAlCaboose]

Not sure how you normally pick suggestions. But I do have a song I think you would like, and a it is a song that helped me get me through my depression when I had it. Though I am out of my depression now, the song can still make me cry, both because of the thoughts I had at the time, and thinking about how much better I have it now. So if you ever get the chance I would love for you to hear or react to the song called Fall From Grace by the band Times of Grace. And also Thank you very much for your videos.

[@MentalAmanda]

The vast majority are from my Patreons or those on my Friday live stream, but sometimes I have extra time and grab one from comments! Glad you're still here. Keep fighting!

[@CaptAlCaboose]

@@MentalAmanda I very much hope you do listen to this song then!

[@rustybrown8296]

To see you do a reaction to The song Ghost by Badflower! Would be epic coming from yourself! A suicide survivor. And a blessing to all of what I now call myself! Which is one of your channel subscribers! 😀

[@JimMaynard-zv2pw]

That song very, very deep. It’s what I go through with my PDS from Iraq kicks in

[@MentalAmanda]

Thank you for your service.

[@drinkbreak]

love this song

[@bartangel4867]

This is very intelligent description and overview. I don't suffer any mental illness (although my doctor disagrees and so do lots of other people) and I never been shot at with an actual weapon. ( i was physically hurt but never shot at) but I can relate to the position that is described in this video and your very good overview of it. maybe I feel this way because this is what I would say but I like the way this music video and you put it. however as far as people bringing you down because they were hurt themselves. While that does happen quite often and I caught myself doing that. Some people have it well and they are still assholes because that is the way they are. and while I want to be loved by my family and my friends and those who mean well and even those who had difficult time and are just lashing out. There are people that i don't care how they feel about me. i just want them to fear me.

[@dylanthomas725]

This song has so many of my own feelings in it. And I love that you are reacting to it ❤️

[@keithmeyers1823]

I’m a combat veteran with severe ptsd, depression and anxiety. I was 19 when I deployed to ramadi Iraq. I’ve seen an done some shit that haunts me today. My flashbacks an nightmares feel like I’m back over there. I’ve been back for 17 years. I had 2 brothers commit suicide this yr in the same month. They prepared us for combat but not to come home. Reach out if you suffer from any of these. See ya in Valhalla brothers.

[@MentalAmanda]

I hope you can find strength and your brothers are at peace. Thank you all for your sacrifices in protecting me.

[@MrNiccholas]

I've never heard this. . . Powerful. I'm struggling and have been asking these questions and others. Would anyone even notice if I wasn't here? It's a question that I am scared to answer.

[@MrNiccholas]

I had a nasty rollover accident 11 months ago and sustained a TBI. I pushed through my symptoms and continued working. . . Until I couldn't anymore. I was sent to a neurologist who sent me for a Neuropsych battery of tests. Just got the results and it showed significant damage. I'm currently on disability and don't know if I will ever get back to my old job. The test also diagnosed me with Depression. The accident and a recent breakdown caused me to consider my life and existence. What have I done to make the world a better place? What benefit does my existence bring? Who would even notice if I was gone? The answer to these questions hurts me more than any physical pain I've endured (which is a lot, I've broken bones in my back on 2 occasions.) I've done nothing of importance or substance with my life. I am so limited with what I can do, I bring almost no value to the world. And there is a very small number of people who would ever notice if I was gone. Oh how I wish I could be out of pain and not feel tired all the time.

[@connorlong7283]

as i always say even i the dark you can find light it just might and usually is very hard to find it, I am still looking for it

[@inspiringmusic258]

Look up "If I surrender" or "Hand me Down" by Citizen Solider, its amazing, and is my feelings at the moment

[@tommystyles5475]

Thank been close to my breaking point thank U

[@jonathonjohnson8488]

i was sexually assaulted at 8 years old. both of my children passed away, its a long story. first my son passed away from a misdiagnosis, and from the death of my son my marriage folded. She divorced me took my house my cars my assets of 50k. then gave up my daughter for adoption. i get a phone call from the foster parents stating that they were struck by a drunk driver killing my daughter on contact. i gave up on life now i suffer on the streets my family gave up on me i gave up on myself and i dont know what to do anymore and its songs like this one that keeps me going

[@MentalAmanda]

You have been through SO much loss. If you weren't struggling, I would be worried. You're welcome here on the channel anytime. Share memories of your children, of your mistreatment. Feelings. Fears. Anything at all. Would you be open to a grief support group? I think that might help (it helped me when I lost my mom unexpectedly and when I lost a baby.) I can help you find options if you like.

[@adventureswithjosh1897]

Honestly I've been going through a lot and this song really makes me cry because it it's so personal to me I just have a lot of stuff going on in my life and I feel those thoughts often your words really helps me thank you with this song combined is just incredible i can't thank you enough

[@demitennant8936]

I wish I could meet this artist of these songs or even just have a call with him x I’m in such a dark place atm I just need some help down the right bath with everything going on in my life at the moment and I’m terrified of my future if there is one xx

[@MentalAmanda]

We're here to listen and hold space for you if you want to share what's going on.

[@alexkitner5356]

Wish there was someone in my life that understood the way you do. One of my playlists, the that goes on when things are the hardest, has a number of songs you've reacted to. Another suggestion, Aaron Lewis, Epiphany , So Far Away, Something to Remind you, What hurts the Most; Evanescence my Immortal, Seether Broken w/Amy Lee and Shinedown 45, 5hough that may be the hardest.

[@MentalAmanda]

If you want to hang out with a bunch of cool cats that get it, here is our Discord so you can have a bunch of us in your life! discord.gg/RgHt36Ct

[@alexkitner5356]

@@MentalAmanda I just saw this but the discord invite expired. Can you drop me another? Really appreciate it, light at the end of the tunnel keeps turning out to be the light on the incoming train...

[@MentalAmanda]

@@alexkitner5356 discord.gg/EC5mJ7dB

[@elven4648]

I’ve watched several different reactions to this song. This is the first time that I have actually cried! Thank you. For both your reaction and your positive affirmations. With this one video you won a new subscriber. There are so many others I’d love to see you react to. Irreplaceable, Bedroom Ceiling, This Is Your Sign, Just Be Happy, and several others

[@nickmoortgat3345]

same man its hard for me to show emotion but i have alot empathy so when someone cry it goes easier

[@ArcheTypeNightcore]

Please react to - Words That Don't Exist also by Citizen Soldier it got me into tears same as this one...

[@j3zproductions]

Let me just say………..I’ve practically been withering for my whole life…….n been chronically suffering all this time……with noone with enough care to help…………not even my mother………..all I have is Christ…………..and a TBI………..so I understand………………………….

[@MentalAmanda]

You have us here in the community!

[@mariascott9101]

Music has saved my life without music I would probably be dead

[@peacefulhowlscorgis]

I'm a big fan of the citizen soldier and I just find this video as someone who feels worthless and a mistake and a burden. not worthy of love and better off alone, and "thinking who anyone care" so meany times parts of the year is hard but I keep going, even if getting out of bed feels like Gravity is pushing against me I want to fight for my family and friends. because I've witnessed a good friend of mine jumping off that Clift and not know it and not able to do something to give them words that could make a difference, and its every painful. and I wouldn't be able to put my friends or family through the heart break and wanting to just wake up hoping its a bad dream and things will be okay . as same one who was hurt by a friend and constantly being abandoned by them and would take everything out on me to it made my depression scream loud telling me things. it was hard but the good friend group I have helped me find it in my self that I'm stronger then the person wanted me to think and I took the hard step of leaving them. to anyone who needs to hear this your strong your beautiful and worthy and its okay to leave people who hurt only want to hurt you and not care about you or give you the same energy back. It's hard but you have to do it because your so strong and priceless,

[@adambaker6794]

The ideas stated in the song are things I've thought about for months now and they just are very difficult to fight at this point, but I'm still going.

[@justsomeawesomeperson6396]

And you can keep going. You are strong, and we’re all glad you’re here. I’ve been there too a lot of times. Even quite recently. That you’re talking about it is a very important first step to fixing what’s wrong. I hope you start feeling better soon mate. We support you

[@adambaker6794]

@@justsomeawesomeperson6396 thanks! Name ironically helps this message lmao

[@MentalAmanda]

The fact that these are lyrics in a song shows that there are MANY people that feel just like you. Many have faced this and overcome it. You got this!

[@AjTheDarkestNarrator]

I’ve been struggling with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and other stuff and it’s been difficult… since I was 13 I thought I would literally never see Christmas. I made threats against myself and I meant everyone of them too. Almost been admitted to hospitals three times cause I would never talk about why I felt the way I did. And honestly I really never knew why like I was bullied a lot and I was sexually assaulted near my home by a guy I thought was my friends and sexually harassed in high school by a random dude I didn’t know in the dark during class, I punched the kid in the shoulder after I told him to STOP twice and he refused. I was never popular in school so the school told me I was in the wrong and just gave the kid two days of iss. Like yeah that’s totally going to change something. In 2020 October 10th my friend committed suicide I will NEVER forgive myself…I feel like it was my fault like I wish I saw his post sooner… but I didn’t. His friend was rude telling me god do I hope ghost haunt him. I swear I miss him so much like I accept what he did but I just hope he’s not in pain anymore but it would’ve been nice for him to at least try… today I’m 18 and still struggling with everything. Ptsd is a pain and everyday I’m afraid someone will come in the house or he will come back. I have gotten lots of support before I was 18 from the suicide hotline. I’ve even made some funny conversations I’ve kept just to remind myself I have to stay for that person cause she was really helpful but she wasn’t the only one that saved me… in 2021 I texted 911… honestly never knew you could… but I have terrible anxiety to call people so I texted and asked them to send a female cop cause I felt like hurting myself and they did they asked where I was, my mom was worried cause she heard the police sirens there was two cop cars the female cop and there was a male cop and I told her I didn’t want the male near me and she was very nice about it but he did have to be around for safety reasons of everyone. I was patted down to make sure I had to weapons. It was a little funny cause there was people in the dog park looking like lol at least I didn’t like steal anything. But I did get to ride in the back of a cop car that was honestly kinda cool af. But I was so scared to face my mom cause I never knew the guy when to talk to my mom. I was very close from being taken to a hospital that day also. Me and that female officer are still in touch till this day and she’s proud that I graduated high school. I never liked my high school my senior year was crap my government teacher would make sexual jokes towards the females and he would tell females to go kill themselves which was totally uncalled for and unprofessional! It was bad! I got sick of his shit one day and gave him an attitude and I emailed my superintendent he NEVER did shit none of them did. They didn’t even start the investigation! Me and my friend got bullied by the teacher! Idk why maybe cause Women are cooler than him idk. But he was terrible. I feel bad for the kids that a freshman today they are stuck with him until he retires. Never go to Texas schools! But yeah anyways Citizen soldier is my favorite I drew their logo and posted on instagram and they liked it and I thought it was so cool! Cause I know how busy people get even when they make music so I never really thought they would like it. My friend thought it was so awesome too cause after I got him to listen to the band he was a little jealous lol. But it’s not about likes or anything it’s about supporting each other. I also relapsed yesterday so one month and 13 days out of being clean of hurting myself. 😞 anyways have a good day.

[@MentalAmanda]

It sounds like you've been through a lot. I am proud of you for finding strength to continue your recovery 💖 Forgiving ourselves can be a hard thing to do, but we have to realize that we can only do the best we can with what we have and know at any given moment. Your friend knew beneath all of the pain how much you cared.

[@FatCuddlyPanda]

I remember watching this music video after I failed my attempt at suicide, and I've never felt so miserable, hopless, and outcasted in my life, and then I started thinking how can I prove people wrong because my girlfriend at the time was cheering me on, I was so blinded by my sorrow that I didn't realize what I had, thank you for reacting to this

[@MentalAmanda]

I hope you know that she was toxic human sludge and that you are worthy of love. Glad you're still here!

[@robertoverton7985]

I don't feel like anything is worth it anymore. I lost my daughter in 2020 at the age of 3 my mom last year and my dad a month ago. I got no one left.

[@MentalAmanda]

I lost my parents in 2005 and 2007 and had a miscarriage in 2020. The loss and grief can seem insurmountable. I cycled through addiction, self-harm and suicidal ideation for SO long. But I finally got to a point of realizing that if I end it, there's nobody left to share their love with the world. So I find ways to keep their love and memory alive. I'm so sorry for all of your losses and I will tell you first hand that you never "get over" them, but you do get to a point where the grief shifts and you can start living again and not just surviving.

[@robertoverton7985]

This band has pulled me through many a dark time in the last 2 years.

[@babysnoops14]

I try to end my life back in 2019 because I was bullied and the teachers could see what was wrong but didnt help. So I did it again few times after that year. 😭 I was so close of doing it today but its ok. I have stop posting videos on my channels because of my mental health and uni but people don't understand why I stop. I lost people because of it all. I don't really have any support on my channels. 🥺

[@MentalAmanda]

You have almost 1000 subs (I just subscribed too.) You're doing great! Your mental health comes first. Numbers on here will fluctuate (I have it too.) It's not you!

[@damienosullivan193]

question : would anyone care? Answer: YES!!!! Absolutely.

[@damiankynoch7724]

Fxxcking right!!!

[@MentalAmanda]

The proper answer here is "you're go**amn right."

[@raymondhall42]

As a suicide survivor this band saved my life I dont no how and why but they did

[@KaiLucasZachary]

The reaction was amazing in itself, but then you had an instrumental of "One More Light" playing at the end. I'm in absolute tears.

[@christophercastillo4476]

This band has helped me through so much. You should check out there song called still breathing

[@dudestop1894]

Sending love from Britain

[@dudestop1894]

The most I've cried all year it's been a hard year but I'm still breathing and not giving up although i should be sleeping rn

[@dudestop1894]

Also pretty sure if i don't change my ways this summer i won't survive another year so I'm gonna put on my war paint and face my demons love you all

[@dudestop1894]

I tried again yesterday and failed again but i won't let that stop me

[@dudestop1894]

Could you do a reaction to wanted by citizen soldier? love you Amanda stay strong 💪

[@dudestop1894]

Also my mom has just gotten used to me self harming and thinks it's normal

[@nickharper6682]

I can tell you first hand as a suaside survivor how bad it hits the ones who love you, especually the ones you didnt know loved you, 2 years ago inside my house whitch is wired with security cams everywhere, i took my life, and was found shortly after doing so in time that EMS managed to make my heart beat again, i was found by my mother, father, sister, and brother who came to check in on me as i hadnt texted any of them in a week at the time, now they didnt get my heart going until after i got into the ambulance so my family thought i was gone for good. They told me i ended up flat lining 3 times total, but im still here, first thing i did when i got cleared from the hospital a few weeks later, went into court ordered phyco theropy as a ulturnative to being charged with attempted suaside and yes its a real charge anyways first thing i did was reviewd the security cam footage of that day i died. Because i know how lonly and empty i felt when i took my life and seeing how devistated and scared my family was to find me dead on the floor, it was an hd security cam so i could see the detail and the devistation in there eyes and horror on there faces, because moments before hitting the floor dead i felt i was alone, no one cared and i wasnt loved and was hated by all, but as i watched the horrer show of the cam footage i broke down hard because i could see how loved i was and how people i thought hated me had actually loved me all along, i am fotunate enough to see what suaside did to my family after i died temporarily

[@MentalAmanda]

I am so grateful that you are still here with us and I hope you keep healing 💖

[@lilwoowoowoozie9242]

check out 'Still Breathing' by them

[@Lulu-xl5cm]

That's my current fav song