FORCING A CHOICE: Is Giving Your Ex An Ultimatum A Good Or Bad Idea?

[@ClayAndrews]

Next up, check out how to emotionally connect here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/n5rMaJ9oo7hkl5Y

[@lphlamb]

Broke up 2 months ago, we’re together for 5 years. we split because she lost the connection with me because a job I took had me working too much. She’s suggested that we remain friends. I gave up the job because it was way to demanding and now have way more free time than I did before. I’ve tried to practice no contact, but have struggled with it. I have been able to get myself back in check and get on with my life. But when she calls me, everything I’ve worked on gets ripped apart by hearing her voice and find myself going crazy when I don’t hear from her again. I would love to get back with her but I just feel stuck.

[@TGIFLive]

Hi Clay, I followed all the advice from your videos and we have built our emotional connection back up to a place where we're very comfortable with one another. It actually didn't take too much work though because our break-up was oddly smooth and we went right back into being close friends almost immediately afterwards. She did mention at the time of me accepting the break-up that her feelings for me were "complicated" (she broke up with me because I had broken her trust). We currently spend a lot of time together at her place, she's constantly in contact with me, and our connection is very strong. And it's clear that she continues to have feelings for me, and her actions speak a great deal about how she feels about me (but there's no physical intimacy between us). What should my/our next steps be?

[@skybri69]

I love this advice! ❤

[@serenitygilles7064]

comment 2 ha! ty for the vid. You never age I swear! When you have been left, breadcrumbed for so long tho...plus it's hard for us anxious attacment style pplz. I used this info on what to say lets see how it goes!

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks for the comment, If you have what is called an "anxious attachment style," first of all try to avoid owning that label. The more you identify as that label, the harder it will become to grow and evolve out of it. Secondly, learn how to soothe and manage your anxiety through techniques that we cover such as Thought Challenging or other forms of managing anxiety. Look into CBT, it's a powerful tool.

[@norrisvii13]

Hey Clay need your help .. My ex broke up with me in August.. did the begging & pleading but after went into no contact & they reached out to me .. they have now been back in my life since September.. we’ve done a bunch of things since then even been hanging out , talking every day , on the phone .. literally have done alot but in this process I was confused because I couldn’t figure them out because they acted hot & cold all at the same time .. in the beginning of December we agreed to move forward & take a day at a time but last week we got in a argument over something dumb after we had such a great weekend before that argument & haven’t been talking like that .. in the midst of us not talking I texted her just trying to get reassurance that we are still on the same page I didn’t really get a response but it’s still a very awkward stage that we’re in right now .. idk what to do .. the feeling of uncertainty is the worst

[@zebel2day4]

What if I don't give my ex an ultimatum but remind her that she wanted to split and that I don't have control to change it. I'm working on myself.

[@lmfisher650]

My husband told me two weeks into our separation that 'he wanted to see other people' (reason for our separation was because he was emotionally cheating which lead to monkey branching). I told him, 'if you go f*** her, don't ever come back to me'. That was me upholding my boundaries. I don't want used tarnished goods back. She is only going ever get my sloppy seconds. 😂 He always wanted to go to her because he is a serial cheater. He can realise the hard way that the grass isn't greener on the other side. His choice. I'm gone.

[@tristanleon8706]

Clay i need your help! My ex told me we need to work on ourselves and our mental health then said she cant be with me right now but its not never just not right now. And says she wants me in her life but i told her only if we're together since i cant see her with someone else. I dont want to wait around because when we broke up all she said was "one day at a time" or "time will tell"

[@Froobernator]

Hey Clay, I got some questionable advice and I made this exact mistake. I didn’t leverage the connection and she said that I was very important her but she wanted to stay friends for now and I declined. I really want us to work and I think I ruined it, I’ve been out of contact for a week now and I’m lost on what to do from here. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[@serenitygilles7064]

focus on you more, it's hard at first but totally healthy!

[@ClayAndrews]

Yeah, so when you "paint yourself into a corner" with an ultimatum, what would probably work to recover from that is to tell her something like, "Hey I've had some time to think about what you said. I'm sorry I responded so harshly, and I want to let you know that I actually think it makes sense..." and then use that as a lead-in to a Same Team conversation.