When an Emotionally BROKEN Man is Using a Woman, He’ll Show These Signs!

[@EmunahFL]

One rule I was taught and have always lived by: _"If a man pressures you, or makes you wonder where you stand, or if you feel confused at all, stand down and back away._* And don't give some emotional speech about it; just simply become less available and step away from that 'whatevership' and do *you.* Go out with other people, get busy doing other things. You teach people how to treat you. When they see you're busy and living life, they may either decide that you're worth getting to know better, or they may not. The point is, you have to put yourself in a position where you're not beholden to their whims, where you are not codependent on their treatment of you to know your worth. Start acting like you know your worth, and when someone starts treating you like the above, add tax!

[@fareladee5970]

🎯 !!

[@MaryDunford]

Agreed. People are complex. Relationships aren't. If they want to be more than friends, they'll say it and back it up. If they don't, then they may be friends. If they can't even behave like a friend, they're not even friend material. And who, in their right mind, would want a deeper (more vulnerable) relationship with someone who can't even be a friend? It's not complicated.

[@karissad7382]

Very well put~ and thank you for sharing ~~~~~>💓°•○☆💕

[@carolm4545]

Wise and witty words which need to be heeded!❤

[@gracewinseverytime6612]

Very well stated 👏

[@traceyrichardson9550]

It is just EXHAUSTING, having to wonder if someone is interested in you. Well, if you have to wonder - he isn’t. 😢

[@zenlife321]

I hear you, it’s hard

[@jyes23.]

Thank You. I'm so angry right now

[@yrgarcon]

This is a effed up Lesson and goes for pretty much any relationship I think. If you have to wonder, spend your time scratching your head, being anxious and worried well that IS what the essence of the relationship is about. We don’t get that bc we were most likely not conditioned with love. We accept bs bc we’ve yet to learn how to give ourselves the love we deserve thus and when we do these ppl wont be a fit for us, bc we know they aint about love.

[@vickigarvie4093]

​@@yrgarconAin't that the truth 😊

[@petinathomas6096]

Yeh who wants to be his therapist

[@dp2849]

Do NOT engage with a guy who says he doesn’t want a relationship. You CANNOT change his mind. Don’t date potential. It’s a waste of time.

[@juliasky4764]

Learned this the hard way😔

[@deedee446]

​@@juliasky4764same

[@amakchamrukshandadevi1628]

I am currently dealing with this man. I am confused he says that he likes me and loves me but doesn't want to commit to me

[@deedee446]

@@amakchamrukshandadevi1628 ask him why

[@Sunqeeist]

⁠@@amakchamrukshandadevi1628i feel you. Im dealing with the same thing too. He said he likes me. Get jealous when i go out with my friends and talk with other men. And he’s possessive. But when i want to step to another level with him, he just said he doesn’t want commitment. The reasons are: we have different belief, his wife passed away due to child birth so he doesn’t want it to happen again. I just don’t understand him sometimes. I think he just wants the boyfriend benefits, my time, attention and without any commitment labels.

[@caronadams4486]

Everyone is damaged goods. If you're waiting for a person without baggage, you'll wait forever. Look for the one who recognizes his own issues and is working on overcoming them. You must be willing to work on your own as well.

[@artchem1]

Very good point! Thank you ⭐️🧡⭐️

[@carmenl163]

@aalu5638 That's not having baggage, that is actively breaking some ground rules.

[@noemimorales3069]

Exactly. Everyone is different and broken in their own ways.

[@seeyalater2953]

Everyone has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack! 😊🙏

[@Nat-mw3bz]

His message is for MEN!!!

[@happinessbegins444]

“They are not looking for a girlfriend they are looking for a mother or a nurse” got to me and I’m glad!!

[@Kazzas73]

Me too!

[@nattybumbum2]

me too

[@happinessbegins444]

@@Yoto-hr7un haha I think some of us have been there!😂

[@anglosifiedluso1511]

totally agree, I sent him this link a couple of days ago...haven't gotten a reply yet 🤣

[@happinessbegins444]

@@anglosifiedluso1511 And that’s how you know girl. That’s how you know!😂

[@Marie-or8uj]

If he's confused Just refuse Don't get used 😂

[@AztecanQueen45]

Too late 😭😞 but thanks for the rhyme. He sent me mixed signals but not until after he convinced me he was all too interested. My fault for not knowing better.

[@carmaela2689]

Perfectly worded

[@eortiz8264]

Simple and easy to remember. Thank you.

[@food4thought692]

Bars! 😂

[@BubblesandSudz]

Exactly

[@JasmineBliss]

Avoid any men and women whose actions do not match their words. Run!🏃‍♀️🏃

[@reneegardner2286]

number 1 🚩

[@Blessed1283]

So true.

[@EmpressDivineFeminine]

facts

[@navimarlow]

This!!! 💯💯💯💯💯

[@baggergurl16]

Yes!! I’ve said this before too. All you can do is do yourself a favor and put some distance between you two.

[@lynnw7155]

Then there is the weak man who is attracted to strong women. He ends up resenting them for being strong and decisive and tries to tear them down. I married one of those.

[@DivineAlignment-ll4wf]

Me too

[@gaelle4328]

Narcissist- they suck …literally.

[@sherryceltic9856]

I divorced one of them.

[@SilverGreenEyes18]

Those are guys with mommy issues. Grew up with either single/ divorced mother or had a very weak father. They are attracted to those women while hating them at the same time because of the unsolved Oedipus complex. Those that I know have got physical punishments from their mothers and that's especially what contributed to the attraction/ repulsion thing.

[@DesiraeJ]

They have a name Narcissist

[@miathompson6490]

A user will confuse you. And he will accuse you of being a user.

[@lisanjohnny1]

Omgosh that’s so true. I wasn’t with anyone for over 5 years and he accused me of using him when he had nothing to offer but charms

[@missysmessage722]

Yep! Moved into my house and asked me if I was using him 😂 get the f*** outta here dude 😑

[@Traveleatrepeat.240]

Absolutely correct.

[@gloriavazquez3049]

If a man has trauma from his past and has not done his inner work to heal -- he will hurt you. Ladies, make sure you are choosing a healthy man who has healed. You deserve healthy love!

[@lizzieh431]

Especially the childhood trauma. I'm facing a guy like that. Childhood trauma is more rooted compared to getting hurt from a past relationship.

[@williardfesto5162]

Childhood trauma stems deep

[@nzingahoney]

Confirmed

[@Kazzas73]

If a man interferes with your happiness and state of mind…… let him go! Love yourself more!

[@sheliasmith2884]

And I did.

[@GSXR750wx]

Same goes for the women. She ignored me on my birthday last year and I was smashed to pieces. Then we got together again. Each time I walk away, she breaks down. When I go back, she pushes me away. Typical disorganised/ fearful attachment style. Today is my birthday and she has disappeared. I was expecting it. I don't care. I have grown. She can't have me back. Some people have so much baggage that they can't be in a relationship with anyone. I had the same problems, I had trauma and abuse. I worked on myself and healed myself. If unhealed people push you away, it is just a reflection of them, not of you. They'd have pushed away anyone in your position. Keep working on yourself, keep growing. Soon they'll be miserable without you. Not my loss, definitely her loss. Happy birthday to lovely, loveable me. Onwards and upwards!

[@koubenakombi3066]

The same for women.

[@SilverGreenEyes18]

That's selfishness. How are you supposed to grow and develop if you only care about your current needs? This "happiness" thing is a scam that leaves people lonely and miserable in the end

[@Kazzas73]

@@SilverGreenEyes18 not selfish! Why would anyone put up with B.S just so they aren’t lonely? You are only lonely if you want to be. The world has billions of people in it. Get some friends and you’ll never be lonely.

[@usagiroxie]

I walked away from a man like this after only 2 months. Childhood trauma or not, he was definitely a user. His words and behaviors didn't align. Even though I've only seen him a handful of times, I could identify patterns, especially after he revealed his true self. I was very nice to him. I'm happy I remained kind and firm in my beliefs, but it was time to let go, mourn the man he pretended to be, and focus on my mental health and life goals. Ladies, run away from men like this. Do not delay. It will take time to heal.

[@sabrinakalam9876]

I feel this dated a man for a few months. He was highly intelligent, a lot of fun and there was an insane amount if attraction. But fundamentally he was broken, he was pretending to be serious and wanting a relationship but his actions said otherwise. Had to cut him lose also after a few months as emotionally I was getting nothing.

[@ijeomaemmanuella6880]

I feel you almost similar to mine

[@MK-wb1vu]

Wow, I went through the same thing a few months ago! I’m still healing and pretty much gave up on dating. It’s exhausting trying to figure out who is who and what is what… 😞

[@ijeomaemmanuella6880]

@@MK-wb1vu I feel the best thing is to pray before dating and go with whosever your heart feels at ease after praying .

[@sheliasmith2884]

Amen

[@desertrose111]

I want to add that many broken men are unfortunately wrapped with good superficial things except for emotional wealth, which is what confuses many intelligent women. Just because the garbage bag is golden color, it doesn't change whats inside. Prioritizing emotional availability over amazing traits is the most self loving thing a woman can do for herself. Do not confuse familiarity and history with someone with love, love takes a lot more than that. Do not try to fix a broken man. If you can't change the man, change THE man.

[@empress_me]

YES!!!!! TO ALL OF THIS!!!!

[@suzannaflores1164]

Nice comment thanks

[@TamagoEgg]

Prioritizing emotional availability over amazing traits. This sentence!!!

[@VulcanXIV]

Watch people react to being told to ditch a woman with baggage.

[@Simmeryyy]

That golden color makes it look like a gift bag, full of possibilities . until you open it up and peak inside - find out it truly is hiding garbage within 😢

[@bugsbunny857]

Love yourselves ladies. It's hard to walk away from the familiar but we have to break the cycle. My dad is a broken man. I always wanted better for my mother but she chose to be a martyr. I refuse to have the same sad life. He's right, most men are looking for mothers they can take advantage of. They put their hurt into you by treating you like shit

[@chidimmaomeje7606]

I experienced this when I was with my EX. He was abandoned by his mother before he got adopted by a Foster mother. Man was always accusing of most things that went wrong in his life. It was as if he was punishing me for something I don't know about. I couldn't stand it any longer.

[@JH-td4mn]

Yep. They are often Narcissists or Sociopaths.

[@desireelamarche7149]

Vows don't count when there's abuse! The vows say in sickness or in health... Not in abuse and take it

[@desireelamarche7149]

@@louiseyvette2261 yes, I just don't agree to stay with or remain married to an abuser. At that point, the vows have been broken

[@desireelamarche7149]

@@louiseyvette2261 I understand perfectly

[@Mllet3d]

I'm ashamed to admit this, but I was this type of guy. I walked out on so many potentially lovely relationships for no reason... Reflecting about those whom I wronged so many years ago, I've literally cried so much I could not cry anymore. Currently I am doing my best to make amends. If this is any consolation for those who have suffered, that some people like myself suffer and have profound regrets about what I have done to others. My apologies,

[@KrispyKrunchee]

❤

[@goldenwaterchild2788]

❤️

[@franceslynn5537]

Thats great to acknowledge that.

[@ashm676]

Some are too self centered to acknowledge let alone say sorry and mean it. As for making amends, nobody does this.

[@natalieflanagan175]

Fair play to you for acknowledging your wrongs on those women. That takes courage and alot of healing so well done you.

[@d-padqueen1103]

I dated someone like this. He was lovely... but suddenly went really cold. Turns out he was still hurt from a breakup, he started talking a lot about it - and I walked away, there's nothing you can do for someone emotionally unavailable.

[@zoew.2253]

Similar case but slight difference. Mine was lovely at the beginning then switch to hot and cold, words and actions don’t align. I noticed he’s emotionally unavailable towards me but not to other girls. And subsequently he soft launch he’s new found gf on social media.

[@christiehoffer5707]

Amen to this-if they won’t do their own work, they won’t get better. We have to save ourselves.

[@SilverGreenEyes18]

Yes, a lot of men out there are emotionally unavailable and not interested in dating because they are still attached to their ex. A lot of incels/ manosphere guys are like this. They are very monogamous but hate it and pretend otherwise

[@redleeks6253]

That's how men treat their wounds. They use other women as band-aids.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Same but I still care about him. In person we had a special chemistry and great conversations but i also sensed sonething cold and this was very painful. Im between dates he went quiet on me 3 or 4 days. In my mind it felt like a constant message to me: you don't matter to me. You are not in my thoughts. He would initiate meeting up consistently but due to weekly business trips abroad we met once every other weekend. I told him, I am fine with quality connection over quantity in terms of frequency bc a special connection is rare to find but what confuses me is after being close 3 days no text. Well we ended the connection and he said 'bad timing' and " I'm emptionally unavailable". His last text was 6 weeks ago: allright..next week I will be travelling but after I'm back we can talk". So I went from sad to happy that he wanted to reconnect and fix it together. I replied : sure..no pressure. He never texted me again and I felt humiliated,hurt and angry bc he didn't need to text that while I was trying to let it go.

[@KnightGeneral]

Users exist. And Brian is right, there are "good" users too. When you noticed an unhealed man, Avoid this kind of guy as much as possible. Let him heal. Let him go.

[@christinemerritt974]

RUN AWAY!!! Drop him like the broken mess he is.

[@nicolenicole319]

Thank you for this video !! Really helped me with a situation that ended a few weeks ago but still has me sad . 💜

[@HaploStrong]

Users are women & men, I have been wading through this Earth for a long time now. Just stop using each other. Be true to your self.

[@proverbs3126]

wish someone would have told me this--Let him heal. Let him go. GREAT advice!!

[@knitnpaint]

Best advice ever. I spent 3 years in misery with an unhealed avoidant man. Don’t do it. It is so painful and crazy making.

[@leonablack3516]

Solution is not to have sex , find out his character first , dating is for collecting data , you will be less hurt if it dosnt work out. A partner that is truly interested will go at your pace and understand. No pressure.

[@andanotherthing619]

Absolutely!!!!!!!

[@simsim876]

Well said

[@iLilith11]

I agree or at least don't get attached date multiple people

[@reneegardner2286]

very true

[@MicroCenter-s8e]

Praise God. So many women give it up so easily. Earning my trust and marriage is the way.

[@AlleyCat-1]

If you have red flags at any point in your dating relationship ... RUN ... don't walk to the nearest exit. Narcissistic Sociopathic, broken child men don't change, don't work on themselves, because they don't see or believe they are the one's with the problem. You can't "fix" them, you can't heal or help them heal, you can't hold them up enough, you can love them enough, you can't support them, you can't ... anything enough. They will push you so far down a black hole, you may never find a way out. It will be your fault they are unhappy, cheat on you, that it's not working out, etc. It's not worth the turmoil you are going thru or will go thru, it's not worth changing yourself in hopes you'll be what makes him happy. Because you'll never fill that black hole within him (or her). I know ... in almost 30 yrs, the only thing I managed to do .... was to lose who I was & become miserable. I can change me ... but I'll never be enough of anything to fill that void that has forever damaged him, long b4 I came around.

[@Kann841]

You’re right on!!! Thanks so much for sharing. I needed to read this today

[@colmmeade1824]

Every word u wrote speaks volumes of my so called relationship who believe it or not had raped his sister at 4 years of age repeatedly for 6 years - knew something was amiss the only thing I can say is hindsight is a great thing

[@Irispia97]

well said, but there is a reason you stayed for 30 years. two unhealthy people are more likely to last in a relationship, than one

[@AlleyCat-1]

@@Irispia97 to keep the explanation short, staying is a matter of convenience. I got nerve damage 19 yrs ago, a few yrs ago ended up with an S. I. Joint issue, a couple yrs ago ended up with a knee issue in the same thing. Fighting a losing battle (marriage) is no longer a priority. Everyone's reasons are different & until you are married to a narcissistic, adulter, liar ... you can't understand.

[@WakeupAmerica777]

I was with my ex narcissistic husband for 30 years. I didn’t stay married because I loved the abuse. He changed over the decades. We also had two kids. I married till death do us part. Don’t judge anyone as nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. My ex isolated me emotionally, financially, and physically. It was a calculated plan on his part. I was naive and gullible and very young.

[@theprodigaldaughter2957]

Literally my ex. Super fun and flirty in the beginning but then flipped on me like a switch. Started acting like me communicating my emotions that were “negative” meant that I was always starting fights when really I was just trying to have a conversation. He also said my past caused him trauma. Then he iced me out completely even though he told me he wanted to marry me. What the heck. 😂

[@TheCoffeeCat]

Oof! Have we dated the same guy?

[@anjijack5392]

​@@TheCoffeeCatI, too, was wondering the same thing! 🤔😂

[@swiftkarma4436]

I've had him too

[@proverbs3126]

So good he is an ex!

[@LittleBambi777]

Same here. Talking about any feeling is starting a fight, he said he only wanted peace so I left him alone 😂

[@Jace28142]

Married to a child broken man. Waste of the longest 17 years. I told him I was done being his babysitter. I wanted a partner, friend, lover. He wanted a chief cook and bottle washer. He didn’t know the meaning of how to be engaged in life. It was all about his needs.

[@anniamarie3809]

so many men are addicted to instant gratification.

[@ZFern9390]

I was married to that guy for 22 years 😢.

[@jimjam8949]

Most people don't deliberately use people. But a lack of any interest in trying to understand yourself and how your behaviour affects others is the biggest red flag for anyone. A man who is still a child won't be able to have an adult relationship.

[@natashaalicia2.0]

Yep I just got out of a somewhat relationship with an emotionally broken man who I know deep down inside is and can be a good man. But he chooses to be an asshole especially with someone who treats him well. He's attracted to women that don't want him or don't think he's good enough. But the women who actually like him he treats like crap. My advice to any lady reading this sweetheart regardless of whether you see something inside of him You have to leave broken men alone if you want to be happy.

[@MiaNome77]

Thank you for sharing this! I went through something similar with someone I dated for a couple of months. He started out seeming like the "nice guy" and then subtly let his asshole behavior out, picking at things here and there about my physical appearance and putting down things I liked -- which in the beginning, he supposedly liked and said I was cool. I never understand people who roll out the red carpet for those who treat them like shit, complain about that, and then turn around and treat the people who actually care about them like they don't matter. I'm glad I got out of that and I take solace in knowing that what goes around comes around. I feel much happier now and like I am really becoming more of the amazing woman I was always meant to be :)

[@deedee446]

​​@@MiaNome77 was in the same situation as you recently. How did u recover? What helped you to recover? Im still very traumatised and its a struggle to accept that someone did this to me. It was my first ever relationship as well. He kept comparing me to his ex and told me that he still loves her and prefers women that look like her

[@peacelovehope-jq1ry]

I feel this so much. Took me about half a year to slowly start to feel better again. He replaced me in less than 2 weeks. Luckily this woman dumped him after 2 months in an even more worse way than he did to me. He was devasted, but within 3 weeks he was dating another woman. I agree, you have to leave them, unless they are self-reflected and willing to actively work on their issues. But most of them are hoping that love will heal and fix and save them - this never works out in the long run, it's actually the perfect recipe for disaster. And in the end they'll happily blame it all on you. What I learned from all of this: Don't give your all to someone else. Leave a bit for yourself. Make yourself your priority. You are responsible for yourself and investing in yourself will always pay off. Don't ignore red flags. Trust your gut. When something feels wrong over and over again there's a good chance something is wrong. And never date the guy who says he's an asshole, even when he absolutely treats you like a princess. Take a close look at how he treats other women and people in his life. It's only a matter of time until it will happen to you. Sad, but true.

[@deedee446]

@@peacelovehope-jq1ry a man who jumps from one relationship to another and has several rebounds will never be happy. The women will realise that they are the rebound and dump his ass. I was a rebound girl and treated so secondary. If he moves on to another woman, she will be treated the same and the cycle continues. These men will end up miserable

[@peacelovehope-jq1ry]

@@deedee446 In my opinion he's unable to deal with his emotional pain and difficult situations in general. And it's easier to find someone who eases your pain and distracts you for the moment, than actually dealing with your pain and take time to heal. The thing is, even the best relationships aren't always easy or perfect, so sooner or later their issues will come back to hunt them. They are only running away. I wish I could finally let go, but I can't yet. I'm worsening my pain by looking up what's going on in his life. And it hurts that he appears to be somewhat happy with his new gf. They are together for 3.5 months now. I'm sorry to hear you got treated bad. It would be easier for me to let go if he treated me secondary, but he treated me like a princess (unless he was jealous), talked about our future together all the time and said he's going to marry me. Our mutual friends later told me that he was talking about how wonderful and perfect I am and how much he loves me all day long. No one could believe it when he left me and he was crying more during the break up then I did. No one could believe how terrible he treated me after the break up and how he just threw me away as if it was the easiest thing in the world. He's literally acting like I'm dead to him. It hurts to know that he most likely idealised the women after me just as much as he idealised me and that he tells them the exact same things he told me for months.

[@lyght01]

Guilty as charged and super ashamed... I refuse to get into another relationship until I've done some solid work on myself... I'm not putting another innocent soul through the job of taking care of my unresolved trauma

[@raqhelreklaw1295]

Thank you

[@christinajackson6520]

Ditto. Here’s to ever evolving 😁👍

[@jodirussell5962]

Ha! Are you still single 😂 It will take me a while to be available again, but I’m building my lighthouse and moving forward

[@lyght01]

@@jodirussell5962 yup

[@martapiano428]

Wow that hit me hard. The last guy (childish, fun, putting blame on others, not taking ownership, looking for a nurse/mother, can't talk about emotions, ridiculing me when I give negative feedback) is my soon to be ex-husband. I did not know there is such an exact type described in psychology. I have been feeling used by him for a looong time.

[@solidcatink]

you just described my ex so accurately, i'm wondering if they are the same person

[@lizziel2433]

Don’t think so, legion of them. Mine was the same

[@creatureofstyle]

Same here too

[@gigi9301]

Yes! This guy hand-wrote a letter to me and drove over and put it in my mailbox. I took the bait, called him. Four months later, I’m too complicated ~ And he was a robot in the sack. He’s never been married or even lived with a woman And.. no kids/ I asked him if he ever got anyone pregnant and he said yes but he told her his whole family is crazy so she should not go forward; Damn! He just wanted to see if he could catch me~ release followed

[@jenifernadeau]

And we wonder why we didn't nip it in the bud early and walk away right? That's because things within us needs healing from our childhood if we are not recognizing the red flags early , setting boundaries and putting ourselves first. Because we teach people how to treat us. The reason other people and situations come along is to be a direct mirror to reflect back to us what needs healing within ourselves. We are accountable for whatever we attract because we emit a vibrational frequency. So whatever we don't want to attract, we have to know ourselves well enough , be aware of our frequency , whether we are in alignment with our true self or not, and change ourselves to become what we want to attract. If we are attracting something we don't like or don't want, that comes from a subconscious Childhood Program running in the background that we are not aware of, there is some emotional traumas that we experienced that we didn't even realize were emotional traumas which created the way we speak and act. It's amazing how to learn that whenever we see another that we do not like it's because it's a trait that is in ourselves. You will not find a truly healthy, aligned and balanced person vibrationally attracting to a superbly unhealthy or unhealed person with deep woundings and manipulation tactics

[@sourcehealing82]

I met someone who is exactly like this and I’ve never had my heart broken as bad. It’s taking me years to get over this broken man. I’ve met someone new and thankfully it doesn’t hurt anymore.

[@lisaschmidt8466]

That’s powerful. You’ve moved on. Congratulations 🎉

[@marylynncrosson273]

So happy for you. I hope this happens for me!

[@Kazzas73]

Congratulations on moving on with a new partner.

[@kariay50]

That's great. Hope it blossoms into a healthy and serious relationship that you both want.

[@sheliasmith2884]

So happy for you you deserve it.

[@Peacealways247]

All of this is absolutely correct. Even the most wise woman can be deceived. I'm learning my lessons but it also makes it hard to trust anyone else. Actions speak louder than words.

[@linconnu6957]

Absolutely, but it'll be more simple if it was just men The sad truth is that if you replace "men" by "women" it is still true You can't trust anyone until you see how they are when you are in a fight with them, and still, you can't be sure

[@itsjustme7487]

I married a broken man. His brother's wife warned me, but I didn't believe her. I was a fool.

[@anniamarie3809]

I think as women we think we can fix them. or help them. Im realizing the same. Its been painful....but these men manipulate us.

[@DeniseH-cf8yl]

I'm sure we've all been there 😢

[@Blessed1283]

I am really sorry. I hope you are better now.

[@itsjustme7487]

@@Blessed1283 Thank you. I am.

[@Rosie82333]

I don’t think you should blame yourself for giving someone the benefit of the doubt. You did your best and you learned from the situation.

[@HeartDrivenTarot]

But there are men who say they want a relationship but are still wounded and end up pulling away. They just want the girlfriend experience but no long commitment.

[@gabriluna1019]

Yessss

[@GodsSparrowSpeaks]

E X A C T L Y

[@GodsSparrowSpeaks]

***EXACTLY***

[@bethharley-m8h]

Correct😢

[@Iam.4aym]

MY EX

[@ekaterinaozernaya6628]

i know a guy exactly like that. confusion, silence treatment for months, hot-and-cold behavior... it was a torture. and it took me time to realise - it was not me, it was him who was damaged. and it was a very painful experience, because he seemed like a "good guy"... thanks God he is out of my life now. i wish him all the best though. and i will know better next time) thank you, Brian!!!! you are the best!!!

[@wandayarbrough]

No this well. I wish mine the best too with his addiction and gets well.

[@zoew.2253]

I went through hell in the past thinking I was the problem. I chase for validation and closure. Not anymore after I went through a deep shadow work on my relationship and my attachment style. Thank you Lord.

[@FollowingJesus17]

I met a guy online who was a little bit consistent at first after we slept together he became distant sending messages and then taking hours to say anything back. Very distant very avoiding he told me he's not ready for a relationship because he's broken. I caught myself always waiting for him to reply and it just didn't happen. Or it happened hours later. He was very younger than me But we had chemistry

[@FollowingJesus17]

​@@zoew.2253I'm anxious attachment. I blame myself for his distance disappearing acts and avoiding. All I did was be loving and kind to him

[@lumity238]

Funny I met someone like that named Brian. 😮

[@Bronte866]

Here’s my 3 cents - Do not give your body to a man who hasn’t committed to you. And, as was stated here - any guy whose behavior is inconsistent or who says he doesn’t want a relationship intends to use use you. Never see, date or interface with this f boy again.

[@andersnielsen6044]

I am sorry but then you will have to live the rest of your live in celibate..

[@INFJ2]

​@@andersnielsen6044I doubt it. She has standards and self esteem. It's too bad you don't think there are respectable men out there. I've seen them.

[@andersnielsen6044]

@@INFJ2 Or you think you have seen them.. Naivity is not a sign of standards or self esteem..

[@daxter7913]

Best strategy. Hard to implement, especially after a long drought. Woman get too emotionally involved when they hand over their body to just anyone, then complain how they’ve just been used by a creep

[@tabbylove86]

​@@daxter7913yes and I am done.basically I am so alone and desperate and this senior guy is 4years older and desperate too ,and he touched my hand and that itself felt super uncomfortable and I confronted ,he apologized and gone.he is gone.such a good man is gone.and I am now celibate ,alone again and wha to do oth my life.

[@YaYa-ke1zr]

100% facts. If interacting with him negatively impacts YOUR mental health, then get out. Save yourself. I wish someone had told me that years ago.

[@Justsayin2000]

I recently walked away from a broken man for good. I am having trouble dealing with how much disrespect I tolerated. It physically makes my stomach turn.

[@eastcoastmusicmachine7989]

It doesn’t matter whether the man hurts women accidentally or on purpose: the end result is the same.

[@markoembarko9045]

My boyfriend does this. He says often that he's not intentionally trying to hurt me, yet repeatedly does the things that I've communicated that hurt me. Hmm.

[@UnicRat]

How true!

[@eastcoastmusicmachine7989]

@@markoembarko9045 my ex husband used to say that. Leave that man now if you can, it’s only going to get worse over time. The more you excuse, the more a man will try to get away with

[@markoembarko9045]

@@eastcoastmusicmachine7989 Thank you. He dumped me two months ago, but it has been a blessing. I tolerated too much crapola! I'm glad you are free now too. These types of men are a mess!

[@sandblackbondchickcruz462]

Never ever takes ownership!! Very childish!! Blames me for everything!

[@TheCoffeeCat]

Mine waited 2 years for me to move across the country to his city, into his house (he didn't want me to get my own place), to FLIP on me. He literally waited for me to become vulnerable and to have no one around to help me, to turn on the abuse switch.

[@misottovoce]

That man is some variety of narcissist. I hope you have moved on.

[@TheCoffeeCat]

@@misottovoce I have, but not before spending one more year trying to make it work with him. I couldn't even process such a drastic change in him, wanted to believe the person I knew for 2 years was the real one and not this one. So for one more year I tried many strategies to "get that person back", nothing worked, he even manipulated the couples therapist. Got a place for myself and moved out - the day before the move, he hugged me and begged me to stay. Unbelievable. Moved out anyway.

[@lyn3339]

Same happened to me . I moved back to the uk from abroad . I left him after 6 months , moved back to my own house which thankfully I still had . 3 months later I went back to give it another try ( or to check if I was still stupid 😂) it was worse . I gave it 5 months , didn’t see any changes so I left for good . He’s tried to draw me back but I’m done . The last time he rang I asked for the money back I’d lent him . Apparently he owes me nothing . Not heard from him again 😅

[@Ladymagentabennett]

Shera says you will never truly know a man until you are left in a situation where you can’t get away from him: living arrangements, loss of job, pregnancy, etc.

[@TheCoffeeCat]

@@Ladymagentabennett Exactly, she's wise.

[@juliegaudet7816]

A Broken Man will Break You. Put your Boundaries in place and work on healing yourself.

[@ells80]

No. We break ourselves and they join us with our permission.

[@glenbutler9611]

If a man is upfront about not wanting to be in a relationship, please count that as a blessing! Chances are, he'll never be ready! He's going along for the ride and is nothing more than friends with maybe benefits.. You'll be the one left heartbroken and devastated!

[@iLilith11]

They don't have to be upfront... They're rarely upfront... 😊 They pretend they want a relationship, they mirror your interests, use you and leave. My advice is to fuk without any emotional investments... Date multiple people... Never attach. Be free and happy 😊

[@juliajohn6488]

His upfront about it now, I feel stuck, three years been like this,then last year around August he blocked me, this year in April, he's back, sadly I didn't move on yet, am going back into this old cycle and I find it hard to move on 😭💔 am so inlove with him. I've been good to him and I don't know why he's treating me like this, I'll try and leave one-day

[@klara7655]

fwb also doesn't work because they discard you when they got enough emotions and get bored

[@adk5997]

@@iLilith11 this is the problem. Would be great if these were upfront!!! But these low life men are not!

[@adk5997]

@@klara7655 fwb is basically having escort he doesn’t pay for. Disgusting men. We ladies need to stay away from trash men is the only solution.

[@danieb4273]

The troubling part there are more men out there like this than you realize.

[@katiemarie5146]

Brilliant, AGAIN !!! "Right on the money"... "When you feel DRAINED after a date"...Walked away !!!

[@HS-bu6wo]

My last boyfriend was a "vulnerable" covert narcissist. Never saw it coming. He seemed like the most authentic, mature man I'd ever met. Once he had me, he started devaluing and cheating on the DL.

[@reneegardner2286]

omg yes

[@sunbeamfactory5171]

You'd think everybody on the internet has dated a covert narcissist. NPD is actually incredibly rare, and only a qualified clinician can diagnose it.

[@ladyvirgo013]

​@sunbeamfactory5171 Narcissist are not rare at all, just many undiagnosed ones because they don't think they have a problem, it's always someone else with the problem according to them

[@rubybonsparkletits2323]

​@@ladyvirgo013 they are a lot more rare than people claim online. Having full blown NPD is absolutely not the same thing as being a nasty human, nor is it the same as someone who has narcissistic traits. Both of those types of people are CONSTANTLY labelled as narcissists when they simply aren't. I've also been learning about attachment types recently, did you know an avoidant attachment type has an incredibly similar cycle of ghosting/ going cold and then circling back a few months later? An untrained person might mistake that cycle and an avoidant person as a narcissist. They really are a hell of a lot more rare than people make out on the internet. Which is sad for the people who have legitimately had their lives turned upside down by an actual narcissist. It dilutes the severity of truly dealing with one and they are dismissed if they try and speak up

[@lisanjohnny1]

He must be related to my exes

[@L3XECUTE]

Any one who has to use someone has nothing to offer!

[@mermaidtales4009]

Well said!!!

[@GodsSparrowSpeaks]

Yes! This should be in the top comments

[@sarahgodshall3531]

I can tell you that being used by a guy hurts like hell especially when the guy doesn’t want to talk about the fact he used you. Not to mention get frustrated when you’ve brought up the fact you felt used.

[@kelliepatrick519]

If a man isn't in it for marriage, then he's just using you. Period.

[@blessyGel]

​@@kelliepatrick519That's so sad what to do ..how to get out or real love and get married ..these wrong ones haunt

[@blessyGel]

True wish some one was der to save me and tell these traits were gonna lead to sadness God saved me I want to feel safe ..he is now with my friend going out enjoying I can't even text or call out ..he won't communicate .or stop him..

[@angelad.williams6298]

I'm not a nurse, a purse or a rehab center, though I let someone treat me like I was. Never again.

[@daniellemroz8548]

Oh my gosh you mean it's actually a thing a group of men who actually claim they have a nurse with a 👜 Purse Substance abuse head on the nail

[@charlotteboyett-napper4780]

Love this!

[@AdrenaWest787]

Can’t fix a broken person. Best to move on , get them out of your life and do you . Best revenge is doing nothing at all.

[@peacelovehope-jq1ry]

You can only support them in case they are willing to work on their issues. But most of them aren't. They keep hoping that "the right person" will come and magically fix them with their perfect love. But this will probably never happen. At the end one of them or both of them will end up heartbroken and devasted. Best revenge is to make yourself a priority and become the person you always wanted to be. Don't let these kind of bad experiences taint your good loving heart.

[@peacelovehope-jq1ry]

Also take your time for healing and reflecting yourself if you often end up hurt or treated unjust by others.

[@mercyhial9656]

Absolutely true doing nothing is best and just leave them ....

[@memyself8901]

Loving someone who always accuses you of things you didn't do hurts. ALWAYS loving and then always being ridiculed...

[@anneyoung2310]

Good piece. Most secure women don't have time or energy for intimacy avoidant broken men.

[@lillieknight]

You perfectly described this man I was seeing who I had to cut loose. Finally got to where he didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything because “whenever you leave the house, you have to spend money.” Women need to understand that when they leave that’s a good thing and cut them off forever.

[@merlinsvdd]

Amen.

[@helened6896]

If they don't want to do things, they are focused on self. If they are broke all the time, they need to wait on a relationship until they are prepared to relate in more responsible ways.

[@merlinsvdd]

I had a similar situation where he didn't want to spend money until he wanted to come to my house and that was crossing boundaries already. I felt uncomfortable coz he didn't earn my trust fully yet. Anyway, this guy is blocked forever.

[@jayc342009]

As a man i kinda agree with him partially, i had an ex who wanted to go out ALL the time and spend money.

[@marvinpercival4717]

U not so important to him as u think men always win because tgey r more lonely women than there is men.

[@kimberlypeterson9234]

Avoidant attachment style - my estranged husband has this and I spent 10 years being patient and thinking I could love him enough… it is exhausting.

[@straykittsco.950]

My ex of 5 yrs was a 'childish man'! Very surface level when it came to our relationship. Loved joking, being the center of attention but was useless for everything else. And after a couple of years I was just his mother! Paying all the bills, doing everything for him, and when I brought that up as an issues he would say things like "relax" and "why are you so dramatic?!"

[@ayintovah3132]

How could you pay for a man? I'm glad you got rid of him.

[@klara7655]

people need special awareness to avoid these people. parents should do this but often have toxic traits themselves are in codependency

[@patriciamay2690]

Some men will never be ready for a relationship!!

[@xiexie89]

I was going to therapy for 2 months, no resolution. Couldn't put my finger on this guy I was dealing with. Your video literally hit the nail on the head and now I have my own personal closure that I did the right thing by walking away. Thank you ❤

[@whitebirchtarot]

I always assumed that a person’s actions spoke louder than their words, but when I fell in love with someone who told me upfront that he wasn’t looking for a committed relationship, I didn’t believe him. Why? Because he basically let me move in with him, repeatedly told me he loved me, and we had so much fun together. But he wasn’t kidding, and as soon as he met someone he liked better than me, he was done with me. I don’t regret the seven months we spent together, but it still hurts. So if someone tells you they’re not looking for a committed relationship, believe them, no matter what they act like! Sometimes words speak louder than actions. In my own defense though, I wasn’t really looking for a committed relationship either until I fell in love with him. Ouch!

[@helooo-h2y]

why does this sound like my story💀

[@whitebirchtarot]

@@helooo-h2y I feel for you. It sure hurts. Don’t give up. The best revenge is living well. 💕

[@nicolenicole319]

Gosh .. my heart hurts reading your story.. I hope you’re mending well and finding better relationships with friends and a nicer man 🌟

[@whitebirchtarot]

@@helooo-h2y I’m sorry to hear that. It really hurts!

[@whitebirchtarot]

@@nicolenicole319 thank you. Actually, I did find a nicer man and I married him. Unfortunately, he passed away. I will miss him forever, but it’s true when they say it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. This hurts so badly that you would think that I would forget all my other hurts, but it doesn’t work that way. Thank you for caring. 💖

[@Dahlia_sunset]

This is very common unfortunately. I notice it all the time. There's actually a name for it... Woman that invest too much are often codependent without knowing it and it seems extremely hard for these woman to work on this or leave him because of the addictive dynamic. But it can totally destroy her. Glad you bring us more awareness.

[@RC-eb5hq]

Even after identifying my own codependency, working for several years to heal, including CODA, I ended up in another huge mess... narcissistic man-child. Not avoiding my own responsibility, but seems there are just so many of them out there these days. I can usually trace their problems right back to a mother that spoiled them. Mothers, please raise your sons to be men, not children!

[@reneegardner2286]

narcissists and codependents go together yup, also borderlines and narcissists bc we're born people pleasers

[@mcgarrtirishgal3903]

A broken man uses you to build up his confidence so he can pursue another woman 😭 😐 😡

[@user-gu6vf3je1d]

Bingo.

[@user-gu6vf3je1d]

This is the take away that women will never realize and men will never tell her.

[@privacy3116]

Ditto a broken woman will do the same

[@terintiaflavius3349]

Facts

[@chatsu5441]

True

[@dawnowens1951]

It’s easier to find and learn a new hobby than to have a relationship!

[@weireffie29]

Most men emotional broken have mental health issues dating back to childhood issues. Very troubled past and need to start the journey of healing and take time for himself.

[@klara7655]

yes and they blame ex gfs. mostly it is much deeper imho. that was my experience. I am disorganised and I have dated almost all my life these guys. currently I date anxious guys, this is often worse because they blame me for everything :(

[@vapeking466]

As 51yo man who just found out I may have this. I had no clue until now. My son's mother was with me five years. We had a child together even. Then one day like flipping a switch she just called it all off and never attempted to fix or rekindle. This crushed me as I had never had that happen before and this was my best relationship ever. I had imagined us being together forever. I have been alone every since. I lost mom and dad both the same yr not long ago and then started getting like brutally lonely which now I believe is leading to depression for the first time in my life. I been trying to figure out why I can't connect with anyone and that when I discovered this avoident attachment type. I took a test that says I'm that type but I don't have alot of the symptoms maybe mine has gotten better over time but still not right. I don't recall any issues as a child other than bullying. Now Im worried the loneliness is gonna kill me literally. I wish my ex could have at least communicated the issue so I could have been working on it on along. I hear it takes yrs to fix. My ex replaced me in under a month and was married but divorced all within a yr. She now has 4 baby daddies two don't even claim the kid. Perhaps we both had issues. I found a young like 23yo girl on here the other day that I believe may also be a dismissive avoident and it is so sad. She just wants a genuine connection with someone but can't feel one she says. I'm starting to think this is a much much bigger issue than we realize. I suspect it comes from my being sent to a daycare. It was just one lady but she cared for several kids. Perhaps she had to ignored my cries and I put up a wall as protection and the wall is still standing 51yrs later. I honestly believe I would still be with my ex had she better communicated and worked with me. I would have gone to counseling she never offered and honestly she wouldn't even speak to me and even held my son from me for a year. That really tore up my son more though since we were close back then and saw each other daily. God help us in this depopulation agenda! 🙏

[@sadiqua7]

My ex is definitely an avoidant, but also emotionally immature. When I brought up the inconsistencies and opted to leave, he wanted to talk, but never initiated the conversation. 2 wks later he decides he needs to fix himself and couldn’t be in a relationship. Cowardly text. Ghosts me then 2 wks later texts he never not wanted to speak to me again. Then ghosts again. At this point he can stay buried. How you leave should respect what you had imo. I’m left dumbfounded because he chased me for 2yrs! Got up to the plate and fumbled. Waste of my time.

[@Mermaid03_03]

My avoidant chased me for 5 years. I’m an FA so I ghosted off and on as well. He ghosted last then came back and ghosted again weeks later smh. 8 weeks no contact and he’s blocked.

[@alankusevitsky6831]

As long as you learn from it, it's not wasted.. all the best.

[@timmywitty1432]

Sounds like a narcissist.

[@sheilamaclean968]

same with me - love bombing for weeks, making plans, texts every night and throughout the day then.....dwindling...then blank. no explanation, ghosted me now for 4 months. PTSD is a relationship wrecker. A broken man most definitely.

[@highsez934]

This is like my ex but he is more coward and blame me for not reaching out for him in no contact period, when he was the dumper of the relationship like wha--😓

[@judyb0216]

They collect a jar of hearts when they should stop dating or having sex with anyone. He said he wasnt ready and in therapy. I caught feelings and got burned. He was an avoidant dismissive.

[@missysmessage722]

I recently noticed, *the older i get the shorter my relationships are* 😂 It doesnt take me nearly as long to catch on and dip out now days.

[@shaniskin_ke]

I was just saying this today😂😂.

[@indumiso1]

Same!!! 😂😂😭

[@koubenakombi3066]

"Even your cat may love him!" - That made me LMAO

[@carolinelaronda4523]

I hate how my dog loves my POS narc husband ( soon to be ex husband) . He loves my dog more than me .

[@klara7655]

true my dog might also have issues like me. he likes these guys too:((

[@mlreed8929]

I know a guy like the one you were talking about. He goes out with a lot of different women, and he acts like he's in love with each one. He gets them hooked on him and then he keeps them on a string. He lies a lot and is always giving excuses as to why he couldn't call or text them back or see them that night. Once I called him out on always saying he's been "busy." I told him that I had heard a man say that if a guy is always busy, he probably doesn't care much about you, and then he quit contacting me. I believe he's gotten a few women pregnant, too! I'm glad I never got intimately involved with him. He also lies a lot. Thank you for this message. There are many people who could benefit from hearing it! Blessings to you!

[@itneverwillbefar]

This was really validating. I like that you bring up trauma and attachment styles. I think it's important to remember that while some of these people are completely aware and have no issues using people, a lot of them are in deep denial as a way to cope. Realizing this has helped me move on more cleanly from these types of relationships because I am able to have compassion for them even while seeing how destructive and hurtful their behavior is. When I hold onto anger at them it's hard to move on.

[@davesmith826]

Agreed absolutely, and I'll only add that this video PERFECTLY described my ex - a woman. She had a rough childhood and I had a world of respect for her because she'd carved a life out of one of the worst hands anyone has got. However, she was emotionally stunted, partly because of that childhood but also because of bad experiences with other men as an adult. Any attempt to move from the casual to the serious ended in disaster. I found myself giving a lot more - emotionally, financially, physically - to the relationship than she did. I called it off when I realised she was still on dating apps. The gall of that still shocks me, but she's singing from a well-worn hymn book. More men than women know the words, but the song is not exclusive to one sex and it's important for everyone to be aware of that.

[@meredithbarrett8395]

YES!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for this.

[@she_sings_delightful_things]

That's wonderful advice

[@mariedoucet-pc7mh]

This was perfect! Please continue this work. It’s important that victims of unevolved men know they are not alone and it’s not them, it’s the broken man child.

[@colmmeade1824]

Broken child syndrome

[@olivianabs6523]

Broken man is a damn rollercoaster

[@InLoveWithPeace]

Period

[@thebookbella4764]

It was really inconsistent. I was so emotionally invested at the beginning and then I got more distant to protect myself. The inconsistency was still there, but it hurt less. I communicated with him all the time and it didn't do any good. Sad it's over, happy I am without that conflict.

[@kellystanovich3337]

This is exactly my situation. But I am still in it, I just protect my peace as much as possible

[@thebookbella4764]

@@kellystanovich3337 you got this! It's hard, but keeping yourself away from it is how to love yourself better.

[@FollowingJesus17]

Same with me I will send him a message and it would remain on the one tick for days or he would say good morning I would say something back and his vanished for hours. Very inconsistent and lots of disappearing acts . We had sex and he could climax. I think it was due to his stress levels. There are so many mentally disturbed people out there who try to enter relationship. If we are not healed we will internalise there behaviour and blame ourselves

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

I adapted myself too by staying quiet and leaving upto him but it was still hurtful and it would still be on my mind not knowing if he was gone or not and walking on eggshells not to bother him. I had this image in my mind of a warm smiling man with open arms and I thought that's what I deserve. To feel wanted and appreciated. I don't need attention all day or even not daily but 3 or 4 days nothing and saying ' we can call once a week' but it never happened and feeling this invisible rule that I should not call him. He wanted to keep control. On his terms. It takes so much energy and headspace and very little in return.

[@annstar2793]

Just listening for a brief time confirmed why I don’t want to be “getting back out there,” and dealing w this.

[@adihaddad]

My ex was consistent for 7 months, telling me he's a good guy, that he will wait for me to learn to trust him, showing up when needed. Once I started to feel comfortable he completely flipped. Woke up one day and then suddenly everything was difficult in life, suddenly the things he said he loved about me were an issue, my goals/needs were suddenly an issue and a cause for conflict. After a year together he just texted me saying he has issues and he can't do it anymore and disappeared. A good life lesson indeed.

[@Elizabeth-pn4ug]

At least he texted you and left a message.

[@roscothestowaway]

I can't believe this spot-on, insightful video popped up in my feed the day after I had to break things off! Last night, I was in painful despair, this morning I felt numb. After watching this and reading many comments, I now believe I dodged a bullet. Lovely man, but his incongruent behavior was messing with my self-esteem. So glad I prioritzed my mental health. Thank you everyone for helping me feel grateful so quickly!

[@krazykirl1129]

This is fantastic advice. It is hard to say goodbye to someone like this, especially when you've already made that connection. But it's for the best. Open yourself up to someone who isn't dealing with issues like these.

[@gracia130]

God can only fix and heal the life of a broken and lost man. No human being can fix their past traumas except themselves and God.

[@Tbn48ibp]

My best friend of now 8 years is this man exactly. He had a childhood trauma and hadn’t done the “work” (therapy)…I had to walk away. This video describes him perfectly!!

[@Rosesraspberries72]

Very sad 😢 I’ve just recently been seeing a real sweet guy, but yeah he’s been broken. Too hot & cold for me, and I only heard from him when he wanted something from me. Such a shame for we could talk about anything and have a good laugh. But I had to honour my own self worth, self respect & self love. I had no choice but to walk away from him. I hope he finds what he needs to find in order to heal his broken heart.

[@misottovoce]

Bravo, you!

[@WissemDZLondon]

You are so strong.. good for you for following your brain and not your heart.. it’s not always easy! ❤

[@Rosesraspberries72]

@@WissemDZLondon oh it was my heart that I followed. The brain/ego would of just kept getting used. It was my heart that reminded me that I deserve better ✨🙏♥️

[@margiemaine5806]

Spot on, Brian! As usual, you never disappoint! I finally escaped from a bipolar, up-and-down, year-long relationship. This guy looked good on paper but after 8 months, I realized I was feeling more and more confused and unsafe. He always made excuses for his wrongdoing and even blamed me for "making him" break into and search through my phone! Your wisdom has made me wiser and I will no longer wait so long to run from these wolves in sheep's clothing!

[@auriculares02]

I dated the last type - emotionally childish man. You are spot on. He’s 41, professionally accomplished. Poor thing, probably spent all his time on his career but not on personal dev’t and his relationship with people. But I wish him the best.

[@sweetcandicedj]

Same here! He is the same age. Good guy, fun a lnd sweet but Emotionally childish and broken. Releasing him with love & prayers. I’m glad I woke up at the 6th month and didn’t prolong dating him. I never felt closeness when we’re apart, things are always surface level. Then later I learned he has fear of abandonment maybe from 2 failed engagements (from his soc medposts) which was in public years ago. :(

[@Annabaffa]

I was dating this guy “casually” (cause he didn’t want a relationship) for 6 months. He even met my family and friends. (But I never met his) I really liked him but the lack of attention hurt me and I couldn’t even claim for that. So I started going on other dates and when he found out, he got upset. Because apparently he wanted it to be “casual but exclusive” whatever that means

[@samscarletta7433]

It means he only cares about his own needs at this point. Let him GO!

[@ImNoDarlingNikki]

Yup in that situationship, although I met his family that meant nothing he got mad when I started going ouut with other men. I asked are we exclusive he never answered just that he thought he was "special" and I would not do the things that he and I did. Whatever ninja!

[@annchurchill2638]

Broken men are usually unaware they are broken.Some men will tell you they need your love.They almost demand it. Then, once you love them, they have NO PLACE TO PUT IT.Then they will try to destroy you.I suspect they are deeply damaged by and unloved by their mothers.The most emotionally needy men I have been with were all doctors.(They find me across crowded rooms ).I've been called a healer, so I think doctors need healers.

[@shoutatthesky]

Some great sweeping generalizations there! Well done!

[@malubasic2267]

Probably the doctors had substituted their mother's love for workaholism which is demanded in medicine.

[@Jewelmind]

😂yikes. Run...

[@marvinpercival4717]

I find i always run into needy women always some emorional bs but love and feelings. Not even jesus wanted tgem fact jesus refuse to deal sexually with women.if most men follow jesus women will be humble.take sex out the equarion women turns up empty.that is why i would advice men to pay for sex and not buy the whole cow.

[@jeanannedupratt7075]

You could most probably be an empath dear. Start looking after yourself. Also, walk away, if you see the red flags. Don't waste your time. Get a man who loves you.

[@sylviareisman6662]

Drug addicts and married men can also disappear and reappear. NEXT!

[@klara7655]

these kind of married men should have NEVER married! I don't understand the women they have married, how can't they see what idiot they have married?? I guess they are too anxious. because these guys show it in everyday life. I can say from experience and dated them in loose relationship or fwb. had to break up with them or they ghosted me

[@33Jenesis]

I just vetoed a guy. He’s divorced for a year after a 20-year marriage. He told me his ex is a narcissist but what ge described sounds like she just fell out of love with him. In a way he pinned the failure on her personality disorder, no mention of his own behavior and conduct in the marriage. That is a red flag in my book unless I can get the scoop from the ex to verify. He’s 64. However he really behaves like a 40 year old. His ego seems easily bruised every time I offer any suggestions. He still relies heavily on his body, looks, and athletic prowess (he’s a triathlete). I am some years younger than him but I have stopped relying on my looks and body 10 years ago. Now I am grateful to be healthy and mobile. He puts up a friendly gregarious and energetic front, subtly flaunting his triathlon achievements and cars. Unfortunately I don’t place high value on what he values the most. Thankfully I took time to put him at arm’s length to observe and listen. After 2 months I lost interest and permanently friend zone him.

[@vkrgfan]

He sounds like a Natcissist himself. They always trash talk their exes.

[@mstwilight1612]

@@vkrgfanso true

[@carriannb]

Hi Brian I brought your book back in 2018 and soon found my now husband. We are still going strong. Thankyou for all that you have taught me.

[@EMuro-wu7uy]

Wow, I went out with a guy, he ghosted me after three dates. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, by the way, this worked out more in my favor. He seemed more interested in sex than me as a person. I put in a healthy boundary and he backed way up. The red flags and his behavior told me all I needed to know.

[@janespitfire9884]

You are right. Men newly divorced are hard to get to close to emotionally. Then there are men cruising for sex only ...they move too fast. Also widowers are bad news till they heal.

[@presidentamanda7468]

Widowers are terrible news. I just tried dating one and he used me for sex but pretended that he loved me and could finally move forward because he met me. Just as fast as he came into my life, he was gone. He said he felt like he had another child. The ironic part is he was the one getting drunk every night… he was the one who couldn’t talk about emotions. And yet, I was the immature one? He felt like he has another child bc he asked me if I wanted him to make me breakfast and I said okay and he toasted me a bagel? Unbelievable. I should’ve listened to my instincts and that this man was trouble.

[@makesnodifference]

@@presidentamanda7468 Psychological projection is a helluva drug. People who do this are utterly broken and toxic

[@andersnielsen6044]

All men cruise for sex... Sorry... ;)

[@Iam.4aym]

Wow that’s so rude

[@lumity238]

How Rude ... The only men I met want sex and that's all ...

[@lauraw.7887]

This just came at the right time as I was praying for an answer for the behavior of a man I’ve been interested in. Not a bad guy but he is very inconsistent in his behavior towards me. He will show interest for a while then treat me like he doesn’t know me. Most of his friends are married women. It’s very strange and exhausting.

[@juliafisher5844]

Run!!!

[@repentjesusiscomingsoon1529]

@@juliafisher5844 AMEN, YES, I'D RUN!!!!

[@Trw-ke5oo]

Definitely explains why I am experiencing the things that I have with this man I am with. I will not reparent, try to rescue, or continue to try to counsel, or reason.. and all I know is I have my emotional health to protect. I love this man and what you spoke about resonates deeply. Thank you. ❤

[@hopelessromantic1763]

I needed this. I'm in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. He is really nice at times..but then the other times I don't know him. He start arguments then it's my fault. He yells someone messed u up...but it's him. He shuts down for days..leaving me chasing wanting to know whats wrong or what did I do. This weekend we broke up over the TV. He told me to leave him alone and haven't heard from him in a week. Donr think that I ever will. I'm hurting.

[@SeaofMadness-lz6ig]

Look for respectful relationships. I'd rather be alone that get yelled at all the time. Find relationships that make you happy with people who treat you well at least most of the time. It's not worth the stress trying to change someone

[@strollingthroughparadise353]

Your description about this kind of man and his behavior is perfect. You really know what you’re talking about. It has taken me months to feel myself again after knowing a man like this. It all happened just as you said until I woke up and said enough! Thank you for verifying what I finally woke up to this.

[@alejandraquintana692]

It’s really cool to find people who actually want to be better. It’s sick how people really just use people… try to “confuse you” to make you stay. Fk that. Everyone value yourselves and say NO. If it doesn’t feel good, it’s not meant for you and that’s that!

[@LindaT..KeyWest..NJgirl]

WOW, you are SO spot on accurate with this! I feel like you're talking about a guy I just dated and broke up with because I kept seeing these red flags. I've learned to listen to my sixth sense and always try to fix the situation. You're right, you can try to fix the situation but in this case he needs to fix himself. Thank for for confirmation!

[@belindahutchinson5333]

Yep...spot on. So true. Ask someone who has been there..also you will be making excuses for their behaviour towards you.

[@tinalasquety]

wow, "they're looking for someone to heal their wounds." EXACTLY!!

[@mumo9413]

Yup! Just got out of a relationship! His response " this is too good to be true!" I'm secure just being myself, talking, expecting reciprocal respect, laughs, everything really good! Then, the sudden break up by text? We're in our 50's lessons learnt. He obviously isn't use to reality. Told him he needs to heal & know what he actually wants & is prepared to give & what he's prepared to receive! Moving on!

[@missjackie7983]

Take as much time as you need to heal from the last relationship. Heal until you are whole! Then, if you choose to do so begin to look for an equal, not a project. You're looking for someone who takes care of themselves and has the capacity to take care of you too. Someone on your level that you can respect and vice versa. Don't fall in love with potential My table is SET and yours should be as well. you got to bring something to my table besides a fork and knife! When you are confident in what you bring to the table, you don't have to beg and chase anyone to sit down and eat! What category do they belong in? Partner, project, parasite or pond? Putting people in the wrong category will mess your life up! Pain prevention is tied to people being properly placed in your life y'all!!

[@anniamarie3809]

u r so right! I wish i could go back in time and not make the mistake i am having to live with now. Ladies you are worth a good man. Stop settling for these f boys that have no ambition, no future plans. all they want is their porn. let them have it. Move on and find a real man of God.

[@arneliashort4647]

I like this. I’ve never heard of a “pond” in this context. Can you explain that to me please?

[@missjackie7983]

A pond is a general catch all area

[@arneliashort4647]

@@missjackie7983 thank you! Makes sense

[@robertadurante1110]

This was an extremely helpful and enlightening video. Although my relationship with an emotionally broken man is in the past this was the confirmation i needed. Throughout the relationship I was aware of the red flags but I was hopeful I was mistaken. I see it now and I see that men like that are indeed not for me. Thank you!!🙏

[@Flowerchild26]

No one ever says “I’m not ready for a relationship,” to me because they know I wouldn’t sleep with them if they said that.

[@aleacejordan]

And that’s y u ask them what they’re looking for before they ask u !! If they turn around and ask u before they answer , name characteristics ur looking for ! Then ask them again . But don’t tell them , what you’re looking for bc then they’ll just pretend . Actions actions, actions ! . Forget what he tells u. What has he shown u ?! Most can’t pretend more than three months .

[@Cheekycupcake-d5j]

I really like you Brian, I wish more women would listen to you. I’ve always lived by “if you like me and I like you, lets go, if he acts any kind of weird, I run the other way and never look back

[@andrewmulligan6844]

We are all broken . Even you

[@jd606]

AMAZING!...YOU HAVE JUST ANSWERED EVERY QUESTION I HAD AND EXPLAINED EVERY BEHAVIOUR I WITNESSED...AND BLAMED MYSELF FOR NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH?.....MOVING ON SWIFTLY....THANKYOU❤

[@originalgoldengoddess]

I was this emotionally broken woman. Now I’m just honest and say I don’t want a relationship or ready for a relationship. I need to spend more time alone in my own independence before I even consider a serious relationship. I need to heal.

[@starfox300]

So you need to jump in bed with 10 random dudes?

[@marylynncrosson273]

Proud of you!

[@Dsonsee]

Best of luck in your journey! What do you think is needed to be able to heal?

[@helened6896]

Good for you!!!

[@starfox300]

@@Dsonsee my ex gf said the same thing, her way of healing was sleeping around

[@popsicletoes77]

Thank you - have been exhausted by a seemingly great guy who gets skittish every time we get a little closer. He's described past break-ups and divorce, always expressing that the other party was the one who wanted to break up. I can see his pain while having these conversations. When I ask how he has dealt with it, he states he doesn't believe in going to counseling, as he went with his ex-wife and the person they went to was a "quack". As a nurse, I have a tendency to attempt to heal others, but realize that this person is in need of professional help to heal himself. Hard to walk away, but I can't continue with the confusion and sense of rejection that goes along with this painful, one-step-forward, two-steps-back cycle.

[@kimmuzah3707]

thats the real guy im dating....and I was totally confused. I prayed to God to reveal this to me and boom you came showing this video.Thank you so much

[@TrueLoveLovesAll]

Avoidant men can pull away, even though they are interested. Sad truth.