Forgiveness doesn’t lead to Closeness

[@deeps6979]

Forgiveness is unsustainable until the behavior improves.

[@hilarysell66]

THIS! ❤❤❤

[@hilarysell66]

@@deeps6979 I recently experienced this very behavior, so I'm totally on board with your statement!

[@MercyYusuf-v1u]

Yeah so true, when behavior changes its easier to rebuild

[@karakartalm265]

Behaviors improve for a while soon as you show trust, bad behaviors repeat!

[@deeps6979]

@@karakartalm265 This can happen! It's important to acknowledge and reinforce those changes. Don't let resentment or expectation sour someone's progress. A simple tone shift from "there you go again!" to "remember we discussed about this?" is massive in helping someone improve.

[@bellagab3]

I don't want to hear "I'm sorry". I want to see effort and change in whatever is causing the problem. Otherwise it's an empty apology

[@positivevibe7684]

@ bella I agree 💯. I feel forgiveness should be earned. Saying I'm sorry is an easy out. When it's earned, that's showing they are truly sorry. Jmo

[@toonasag]

Agreed! Forgiveness without change doesn't mean anything.

[@LydiaWhitting]

They think it's a cheap ticket.. go past go.. it's worthless..

[@luvfunstuff2]

🎯🎯🎯

[@patriciakubitz1379]

@@positivevibe7684 So, how does a sinner earn forgiveness from the one that died on the cross, Jesus Christ? They can’t because the sinner was loved even before they received Christ as their Savior and repented.

[@roxanahernandez5157]

“Your body is smarter than that, and knows this person isn’t safe.” Perfectly said. Love your content

[@kevywilliams3304]

Love your content ?

[@danniethomas1]

I physically leaned back to hear that because my body knew the weight of what a bar that was.

[@WolfODonnelfan]

True. The only language you can trust is their actions.

[@lyndsaybrown8471]

Facts

[@Jacquelyn-b7m]

PHENOMENALLY true, Thank you. Jacqelyn

[@carrlafleurfam]

Love requires action. Trust requires proof. Sorry requires change.

[@Mitkers]

Love the wording ❤

[@namrataagarwal3279]

Man you deserve an award for explaining it so beautifully

[@rushiaskinnerwallace6175]

☝️

[@ruthmwagner1729]

Thank you so very much for explaining , so clearly, how to communicate with one another. I pray many young couples glean from your messages. You are AMAZING. Much respect and love sent your way.

[@carolross1517]

💯💯💯

[@lindamceachern5467]

Trust once broken is difficult to rebuild. You forgive but you never forget.

[@recoveringsoul755]

And we don't even need to tell them if we forgive them. Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves, to lighten our burden. It's not about them

[@Paul-th6tp]

100% 👍👌

[@jbthao]

@@recoveringsoul755wow love that well said

[@Mo0shii]

Not even forgive anymore

[@kvanover1]

Well said. This really helped me understand why forgiveness alone never felt safe.

[@karenortega2046]

Same

[@carolross1517]

Same...

[@LmB-hn2pu]

“The axe forgets; The tree remembers.” We can practice forgiveness, and continue to grow, but it is so difficult when the axe is family. I understand much better, now, why that is. Thankyou 🙏

[@sannajohanna5579]

This was the best explanation about forgivness than I’ve ever heard! Yes, when trust is gone, the relationship is dead.

[@annathomas8937]

@sannajohanna,Yes, I agree completely. I was never happy with this concept of forgiveness and turning the other cheek. It seemed to favour the bad over the good! Then I realized, God in His Infinite Wisdom makes us realize that we need to Release All the Pain, Hurt and Anger about the perpetrator that Wronged Us. Otherwise the inner turmoil, releases damaging toxins within us, which can result in illness and bitterness etc. So now releasing All that pent up rage, resentment is good for our Mind, Body and Soul. Brilliant, win, win! My secondary problem, is that I - Mistakenly - thought you had to Pitch up with them again. Fortunately NOT. Just Walk Away. Be Indifferent. Their Loss, they've more than had their chances, been forgiven, only to repeat their Narcissistic Indiscretions and Bad Behaviour etc. And, proven themselves to be: continuously: Unreliable, Untrustworthy, Unsafe. Finally, When I cease caring/ loving them, they automatically become Neutralized. There is no longer a Heart Connection, they have proved their worth - Lessness - and can no longer hurt me. The beauty of this inner transformation.is that they can sense this, and loose their power over you. When they become disempowered - as far as you are concerned - you can see past all their surface charm and charisma, and realize they are flat and boring. Alleluia! Oprah Winfrey said, "People, by their Actions, show you who they Really Are." Also, I Thank The Channel for His Powerful Teaching.

[@melissameyer6521]

😊😊😊😊😅

[@melissameyer6521]

😊😅😊😅😅😊😊😊😅😊😊😊

[@melissameyer6521]

😊😊😊😅😊😅😊😅😊😊😊😅😊😊😊😊😊😊7😊😊😅😮😅😊😊

[@narelleking6624]

Only dead if the trust can't be rebuilt. But yeah, if it's not rebuilt then it's over

[@absue]

If the person who hurt you shows genuine repentance, trust can be rebuilt but it will take time. Without that genuine repentance, trust cannot be rebuilt.

[@terrimartinez6547]

And if there's genuine repentance, they can talk about what happened with feeling shame.

[@virginiasanchis1717]

There is nothing GENUINE about narcissists

[@annsmithwick264]

@terrimartinez6547 Did you mean the offending person can talk about their repentance WITHOUT feeling shame, because that is my experience. I made mistakes. I repeated some of those very mistakes. I took responsibility for my own mistakes. I repented to God himself through Jesus Christ. I KNOW I am forgiven and free, and I forgave myself. I now feel no shame or guilt. That feels good and I can talk about my experiences TRUTHFULLY, though some of the other individuals in a complicated relationship(s) cannot do that for me, or themselves, therefore the HARD CONVERSATIONS I am more than ready to have are not taking place and in fact CANNOT take place until.CHANGE happens on THEIR part(s).

[@Lexi_Con]

​@@annsmithwick264 Sounds like you DID feel shame & remorse or you wouldn't have acknowledged your mistakes & repented. Perhaps you don't feel shame anymore bc you received God's forgiveness (which is more powerful & true than man's, imho). Hats off to you! Idk what exactly the other comment was thinking but I believe whoever wronged you will naturally feel some shame/guilt if they genuinely care & want to repair the relationship. Whether they express it or not depends on their level of emotional maturity & other factors. Often the ego interferes with the process. Men in particular (but some women I know) are unable or afraid to show vulnerability which hinders connection. I'm dealing w/ that in my family & it's so hard... ❤🙏🏼

[@elektra121]

​@@annsmithwick264So, just to make that clear, someone that did horrible things to others, over years, maybe destroying their lives completely, took everything away from them, even mur.....ing people - and they, well, just did find Jesus and are now all well and okay and don't feel the slightest guilt and remorse... you expect their victims to be okay with that and to have conversations, it the obligation of the victims to forgive them or anything? When they don't even perceive so much as remorse from their perpetrators?! I ... don't think this is anything but very wrong. Sorry, but everything you said was: "I, me, mine". I don't think you quite grasp what harm you can do to others. And thinking "oh, I just have forgiven myself and, well, god forgives everything- so my victims have to forgive me too". Well, that's not how that works. They may forgive you, but with a mindset like yours, I don't think that would be the right thing. And they absolutely don't owe you nor anyone forgiveness. And it may not even be possible. Maybe I'm completely misinterpreting what you said, but it seemed extremely selfish.

[@aawrnnc]

Yes! There’s a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. You can forgive someone but still keep boundaries because the other person has not earned your trust. It is a balancing act.

[@josephmbimbi]

yep, forgiveness does not imply (full) reconciliation. And with how reluctant people are to address issues, let alone acknowledge, own, and apologize for their wrongdoing in the issue at hand, it's often the way to go.

[@Avery_4272]

@@josephmbimbi Well said.

[@fadekesalami6061]

@@josephmbimbi 💯

[@RamadonPiano]

The question is why do they deserve forgiveness. They hurt you and absolutely do not deserve your forgiveness. Fuck them. I was lead on while a girl had a boyfriend. She said I wish you the best, but I don’t wish her the best. She wasted two months of my life. Fuck her. 😂

[@creatureofstyle]

I own my mistakes and want so badly to make up for them but I'm not sure how to do it. How would someone earn your trust back?

[@flowerchild2409]

this is the most beautiful explanation of why we cant "just forgive and move on", the body is connected to the brain stem, its the primal part of us that knows what is safe and not safe, this is absolutely beautiful

[@LykaFoxbriar]

and so many times I hear "i'm Sorry YOU feel hurt" Not "I'm sorry for the pain I caused" or even "The things that happened weren't ok and I'm sorry". So many times it's about me being the one "acting" or "feeling" hurt instead of the simple fact that they did it or the situation/fight caused the harm

[@luzyluciernaga]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@dracojane6190]

You were being gaslit

[@101realtor]

Well everything I’m told by therapist and read is that you get to choose how you feel. Maybe not freely as it’s based on your past, personality? Etc. The other person would be responsible for their actions though. You feel how you feel…You’re responsible for your feelings. The same action can be done to 10 different people and each person can have a unique and different feeling about it. Just don’t take it that someone is somehow blaming you for feeling a certain way. Anyways, that’s how I feel about all this lol

[@iamsongforsomeone994]

That’s why boundaries are important. You can forgive someone and still establish and maintain boundaries.

[@beautifully_wonderfullymade]

100%. Even if you want reconnection your body remembers and is waiting for safety.

[@ericadelnigro]

The body never forgets.

[@wollypollywakadoodle]

“Your body is too smart for that” “why would your body want to give more of itself to someone who is simply taking advantage of you” Thank you Jimmy for all your help. These words are 100% true. You feel it, maybe not immediately, maybe you ignore it at first; regardless, your body & your soul know.

[@deela262]

Yes. Everytime I want to get closer, my body and soul recoils, .... like when a feather is being held close to a candlelight . A silent, unmistakable, "NO! No more! Not again!" A lot of thing happened and He has changed but I remain haunted by the repeated betrayal of trust and the terrible pains inflicted that got me so ill and almost paralysed.

[@MarthaWoodworth-f9s]

I have apologized to someone O hurt, and we had a nice conversation afterward. I want to continue the relationship but I fear I’ve lost them. Should I keep trying to keep up the relationship or let go? Is my punishment that It won’t ever happen again? This is not a romantic relationship: it was a friend of several years. I once heard someone say: “Sometimes one apology is not enough.” What do you think k? Should I keep trying? I miss the person. We had so much in common.

[@MarthaWoodworth-f9s]

I have apologized to someone I hurt, and we had a nice conversation afterward. I want to continue the relationship but I fear I’ve lost them. Should I keep trying to keep up the relationship or let go? Is my punishment that It won’t ever happen again? This is not a romantic relationship: it was a friend of several years. I once heard someone say: “Sometimes one apology is not enough.” What do you think? Should I keep trying? I miss the person. We had so much in common. 😊

[@yourconnection9303]

And even when some people say that they're sorry, they're just uttering words.

[@fadekesalami6061]

So true! I detest this. It so irksome.

[@keypath45]

Exactly, and their actions says otherwise

[@lindamceachern5467]

@@yourconnection9303 they are incomplete apologies. Complete apologies involve a change in behavior. Understand that the only behavior you can change or control is your own. If you accept an empty apology, you are enabling their behavior and that's how you contribute to the situation.

[@yourconnection9303]

@@lindamceachern5467 I agree. Actions speak louder than words.

[@lynnodonovan4204]

That’s what I call a “shut up apology”. They say sorry but they really aren’t sorry at all. They just want you to shut up.

[@carlossoler-m4y]

Challenges in relationships are a normal part of life, but there’s always a path forward. My marriage encountered major difficulties, but with proper guidance, my wife and I managed to resolve our issues and deepen our connection. If you’re willing to put in the work and collaborate, solutions are always within reach. Keep hope alive; there are answers out there.

[@daniel-w5g1u]

I’m facing serious problems in my relationship and can’t stand the thought of losing her. I love and miss my partner greatly and am willing to do whatever it takes to have her back. Any advice or guidance you can provide would be deeply appreciated.

[@carlossoler-m4y]

Saying goodbye to someone you cherish is consistently difficult, yet in my case, I received support from a spiritual advisor who kept my marriage intact. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

[@daniel-w5g1u]

I'll promptly look her up online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that following this path will bring about positive outcomes for me too; I long for her deeply.

[@carlossoler-m4y]

Yes. You definitely should

[@yeahey5947]

what a lovely conversation between two people that dont exist

[@AliciaGuitar]

Same with children. As long as your child is endangered, you can never forgive and move on. I never felt safe until i knew my children were safe.

[@GenXBeeKind]

Amen.

[@christysdeals4u]

So true... i would have panic attacks daily from his manipulation/gaslighting/threatening garbage (his past trauma of abuse/neglect projected onto me 24/7) and he would constantly ask me to just forgive him... so glad he is gone!!

[@D.R._Iris]

AGREED. Forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you. You forgive them because YOU want to let go of the burden on your shoulders. But you do NOT have to Trust them when they are not safe.

[@mariamedel3114]

They not safffe

[@davidestabrook5367]

Forgiveness is overrated and it should come after the apology, the change in behaviour, the restitution and justice. If those necessary precursors aren't given, than the person hasn't earned forgiveness. Some things and people truly are unforgivable, and telling people that are denied justice, that they need to forgive to move on, is toxic forgiveness and profoundly unhelpful. I'm not against forgiveness, but I am against the idea that not forgiving prevents people from healing. If you want people to heal, they need understanding, acknowledgement and justice, way before it's appropriate for forgiveness to come into play.

[@D.R._Iris]

@davidestabrook5367 Forgiveness isn't for them -- especicially those that choose to never apologize -- forgiveness is for you. It receives a resentment, hatred, hurt, etc that only you have the power to choose to let go. You can't force people to apologize and make amends. Don't give them that power over you, they don't deserve your heartbreak, stress, trauma, or emotions. You have the power to make a choice: don't forgive them and let them live rent-free in your mind. Or, evict them from your mind. Forgiveness doesn't mean that they are right. Forgiveness doesn't mean that they're allowed to keep acting toxic. All forgiveness is is a way for you to RELEASE their hold on you. Until you choose to let them go you are in chains - their chains (and they might not even know or care). Forgiveness doesn't mean that you need to let them keep walking all over you. Rather, it means you've chosen to take the higher ground, and decide that people like that need to be avoided. They may never care that you forgave them, or ever know about it. That's fine. They don't need any more if your time is efforts. But you deserve to not have THEIR mistakes weighing you down.

[@usero-e9y]

Forgive is like the person who steps on your feet on the bus, he says I'm sorry! and you say oh it's okay, I'll be fine, but your foot still hurts... you need time to not feel anything and feel ok...

[@sabrinamassastein]

Expanding on that, forgiveness doesn't mean you won't move your foot the next time they walk past you on the bus. When we're hurt, we want to avoid it, so we avoid a repeat. When it comes to physical pain, this is extremely helpful. (Don't touch the stove!) But when the ultimate goal is to heal a relationship, not *just* to avoid being hurt again, we're going against that natural instinct to avoid the hurt. That's why it takes effort, patience, compassion, understanding, etc. from *both* parties.

[@heraturcoaz5131]

Forgiveness means i know you will hurt me again and again doing the same exact mistake and it won't bother me.

[@karenrusso3773]

​@@heraturcoaz5131It will always bother you when someone hurts you, either emotionally or physically. You can choose to forgive and give it another round, but if someone keeps repeatedly hurting you, and you keep choosing to stay and get hurt, something is wrong. Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. (Just my opinion. I hope you are safe).

[@positivevibe7684]

@@karenrusso3773 I agree 💯. Very well stated. It's called suppressing how you really feel if you are accepting the hurt over and over.

[@annsmithwick264]

@karenrusso3773 Physical abuse should never be tolerated and we need to help and support victims instead of turning our heads and not wanting to involve ourselves in someone else's messes. We could be assisting in actually saving someone's life. (Spoken by a former Social Worker in the field of the abuse and neglect of children and a Counselor/ Court Advocate in a Battered Women's Shelter ).

[@sonjacillie1534]

This is the best explanation of forgiveness I have come accross. AND it makes me realize that I have forgiven, yet I don't feel safe with this person and don't want a close relationship with them. It is such an important distinction. I do have peace around what they did, how their actions hurt me, and I know they did it from their "hurt - dysregulated - intergenerational trauma". I have forgiven that AND I don't want to be in close proximity to them. THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@SandraDellavalle-y7c]

yes...I can relate to what you've said. I think I've forgiven the hurt he caused me (even though in the past, his apologies always came so quickly, as if he knew I would forgive and forget so easily, all the time). But the last , and final hurt was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak, and he hurt me during a time in my life when I needed some TLC because my mom had just passed away. He was nasty and cruel to me when I was emotionally drained and raw. How do you "forgive" your spouse for clearly not caring about you?

[@iamnotmyhandle]

​@@SandraDellavalle-y7cI'm so sorry that you experienced that. Sending you hugs 🫂

[@mysteepulcine2510]

People (therapists, teachers, friends) always told me growing up to just forgive my narcissistic dad. It wasn't until I was in my 20s and far far away from him that I realized you can't forgive what is still actively happening. If you spend serious emotional effort to forgive someone and then the next day they do it all again, it feels even worse than if you had just remained guarded. So why would I spend even more of my time and emotional energy on doing that over and over? So now in my marriage, I know better. I will put in the work to forgive when he puts in the work to change the behavior - not before.

[@priscillawhitley8620]

You are so smart! Being safe is the number one priority.

[@Kunskapstorst]

Yes…and that applies to relatives as well. I have forgiven my mother, I believe her own upbringing must have contributed to her poor behavior as a mother but I don’t trust her one bit. Every time I tried to build a better relationship she hurt me. I REALLY wish it was different but for now I have to distance myself from her and with that comes guilt unfortunately. Life isn’t just rainbows and unicorns…

[@LisaRobinson-we1ms]

This is true and remembering our own behavior in these situations is always important, sometimes people are going through their own personal hell loving their family very much bit dont know how to deal with the toxicity they're going through. B being kind to each other is so important, judgment is a lotnof what I hear and im 80 yo learned being kind is more beneficial than judgmen. Lufe can be hard, I'm sure your mother loves you more than you know. Thank you

[@stingray0033]

"your body is too smart for that, it knows they aren't a safe person" 🎯 This caused the demise of my narcissistic relationship (thankfully). I didn't even have any evidence of what they were doing but my body rejected everything about them. I didn't even want to be in their presence. Later I found out unspeakable things had been happening. The body really does keep the score.

[@c.j.peterson894]

My husband was diagnosed with narcissistic socialpath disorders in 2015 by a doctor. But,by that time,my husband had already made sure that I couldn't leave him. My health is almost ruined after 25 yrs of verbal,emotional, physical, and financial abuse. So, I just trust the Lord and pray that he will open doors for me to leave without losing everything. You are absolutely right!!❤❤

[@Butterflymagic22]

Losing everything isn’t as bad as it seems. It’s never too late to leave. Material possessions are not worth staying in a situation like that. Your peace, sanity and safety are far more valuable. Sending you so much love and strength, you can do this. 💜

[@heatheratkinson7178]

Tho the actual facts of the future remain unknown, u still have life. He is sick and u may have seeious health concerns, but thru the Lord all things are possible. Maybe action is required. Ask for help. There is an important lesson u may b missing. Pray in your secret place becuz the Father will see and hear. Have faith love Him and your neighbor. Life will get better. He is with us always.

[@AlinaLeeArts]

They have homes for battered women. Take advantage of that if nothing else. I've been homeless, and I also know how trauma gets processed in the body. All you are doing by staying is allowing him to suck the last drops from you. Good luck.

[@marialakshmi2330]

In addition to Jimmy, can I recommend the crappy childhood fairy 🧚‍♀️ Watch some of her videos about codependency and other things. Best wishes 🤞🏼

[@LauraSchendel-ko1qk]

@@Butterflymagic22. I agree! I stayed with an abusive husband because we had just got new furniture and I thought that it would make things better. It didn’t. I had to leave. That was 40 years ago and that furniture is in a land-fill somewhere.

[@debraperry6091]

I love this. I hold no grudges, but I don't trust easily. My trust has been violated far too many times. Forgiveness isn't the whole answer.

[@WaitingForTheTrumpet]

Saying "I'm sorry" is just words. If you're truly sorry, you'll show it. A true apology is found in action.

[@annadonahue4119]

Truth

[@ninedynastystore]

Yep, changed behavior

[@rn5979]

In my view, your body and your conscience are too smart for that. Thank you for talking about this

[@madelynngrutz4763]

This makes so much sense. I knew it but didn’t know. I had some really close friends who hurt me super deeply and, even though we’ve all apologized and clean the slate, it still feels broken, unsafe, and just sad to be around them.

[@LauRa-re9un]

This man is so intelligent, I love this videos.

[@rushiaskinnerwallace6175]

Agree. Truly gifted at conveying important truths and nuances as well as effectively teaching much needed emotional and relational intelligence.

[@loxleybattle2591]

Excellent point. We cancel their debt but they haven’t made any/enough deposits to make it a trustworthy relationship. Also, if they are making 100$ mistakes/wounds/debts and then occasionally throw a fiver$ our way, that doesn’t mean they are truly investing/invested in the relationship.

[@daniellebauer3678]

Wow. Well said. I appreciate your words. You are healing people you will never meet. Thank you. ❤

[@javireyes7333]

😂i Hope to meet him someday

[@snuggleb100]

I'm so glad you explained that. It explains why my narcissistic husband was never trustworthy. I could never trust him no matter what he said.

[@Sweetbonbon01]

🤯🤯🤯 YES! That’s EXACTLY what I was looking for! A PERFECT explanation! Forgiveness doesn’t lead to #1 safety and #2 connection. I can forgive you, however if I still don’t feel safe then I’m not going to come closer. I don’t have to return to a toxic relationship just because I have history with it

[@naheleshiriki5496]

Exactly this. I had to explain this to my mother. She would say "Well if you forgive me for what I've done then why can't we just be friends?" I tell her "For the same reason I don't get back together with my ex's. I'm not obligated to get back into that toxic relationship in order to prove that I've moved on from what was done to me during it."

[@lindamceachern5467]

@@naheleshiriki5496 I'll take from the comment below yours. If your mother is genuinely repentant trust can be rebuilt.

[@naheleshiriki5496]

@@lindamceachern5467 She isn't. She's a covert narcissist incapable of change. I was her scapegoat for years. She is actively promoting the idea of destroying an entire political party at the moment and should probably be on an FBI watchlist.

[@annsmithwick264]

@lindamceachern5467 Unless this Mother is truly TOXIC though some misguided Therapists and other professionals and even trusted friends can try to convince you that other people are " toxic" when that, in fact, may not be the case. In this situation. Of it being a person's own Mother, it would be best if both Mother and Daughter made a concerted mutual effort to have the necessary hard conversations to repair and reestablish a healthy loving ❤️ and whole relationship.

[@tiffanystafford9453]

Well. Said. 100%

[@kirsikka3752]

Mother should not be a friend.

[@bobbiejean864]

"Your body is too smart for that...." So true!! My body used to react and my brain would have to "catch up" and figure out why my body was responding that way. It didn't make sense until I read the book "The Body Keeps the Score". I finally understand.

[@dellahhilburn1891]

It’s hard to forgive when they truly aren’t sorry.

[@GenXBeeKind]

Exactly 💯 It's not humanly possible to "forgive" anyone who is not sorry for WTF they have done wrong. And last I checked it isn't your responsibility to owe them anything, including "forgiveness", for their wrongdoings.

[@annadonahue4119]

​@@GenXBeeKind Forgiveness frees the forgiver from all the situational trauma. The transgressor is still the transgressor.

[@FieldArrow-s7v]

Thank you and said perfectly... needed this for certain family members 😢

[@gorunsko31]

Wow! Thank you. “Relationship lives or dies based on trust.” Spot on. This has been my experience. I forgave for peace ☮️ but closeness is gone and not coming back, because of lack of trust.

[@annadonahue4119]

Well said

[@bLopezzz]

Wow… you literally put into words how my body acts or reacts with certain people. 😭 these videos are so informative but they break my heart. It’s like all the pain and wounds surface back up.

[@nick-fester-]

You gave great advice in one of your other short videos. We give and give and give until we can give no more to that person. You become emotionally empty for that person. Then you can move on even if they are in the same room as you. I reached that point with my 78 yo mother last week. It no longer hurts.

[@non-ofyo-business3399]

Forgive but don’t forget. One of my favorite sayings. They showed you who they are and you better not forget but let yourself have peace by forgiving

[@charn011]

I love this explanation. It answers years of self blaming that something is setting with me because I feel I have forgiven that person, but am always on guard! TRUST! Makes total sense!! ❤

[@lindahamilton3234]

Best explanation about forgiveness!! Understanding that forgiveness does not mean I have to feel good around the person I've forgiven. It puts a definition in a box around it that I can live with. Thank you so so much.

[@sayusayme7729]

Feeling the same, beautiful explanation of broken trust

[@Bike4Life231]

A lot of people have told me I need to let go and forgive for all of the abuse my soon-to-be-ex purptrated upon me and our kids for the last 20+ years. This is exactly why. Because there's been zero trust for a very long time. Forgiveness and trust are definitely connected. I don't have to forgive to move on. And I certainly will never trust someone who continues to hurt myself and our children.

[@katyw.6526]

Thank you for this! When one doesn’t even see that they’re currently wronging you and insist they have nothing to apologize for, it even makes it worse… especially if they’re asking for relationship without even apologizing. 😢

[@GenXBeeKind]

Run from that BS.

[@jjustjjosh97]

So my theory of this is the body will be able to forgive as well and go into a relaxed state after constant patterns of safeness. Like it needs to know it’s safe again. I’m currently in this situation with my girl where I consciously forgave her and moved on but my body still remembers everything. I want to heal from this because I see that she’s trying and genuinely loves me. It’s hard not to feel guilty from my body reaction.

[@tiffanystafford9453]

Trust your body. Give it all the time it needs. It's your one true compass that will never fail you. Wishing you the best.

[@Jen-nc7fg]

Thank you. I have a narcissistic ex. It's been over for over 2 years now. I will never forgive him for the hell on earth he put me through, nor do I want to forgive him. He attempted to ruin my life for almost 7 years.

[@sarahjmount9221]

That was really good, thank you. You can also forgive someone but have nothing to do with them at all. Forgiving someone is more for yourself than for the person who hurt you. So that you’re not holding on to any resentment that will keep you stuck in your life.

[@Thepath99]

So true . I can forgive but trust never again. And more we stay with someone that we don’t feel Safe more we feel the effects on the body and mind. It is just not healthy.

[@nubeinggoddess9376]

LOVE THIS!! 🙏🏿 So many people conflate "forgiving" with "rebuilding trust* which leads to diminished mental health from disappointment of unchanged behavior & the confusion. Been there! Self love IS sooo important ❤

[@priyanesan3299]

This is GOLD! Well said. I was struggling with forgiving Narcissistic people

[@twinklestar4664]

think of it like they owe you a debt. You dont have to forgive them. It is better if they dont take space in your head, so getting to a places you dont feel like they owe you anything is best(forgiveness). you never have to think or feel nice things about them and you never have to allow them to take anything from them again(closeness?). forgiving what they owe you just means letting go of getting what you deserve from them

[@annadonahue4119]

​@@twinklestar4664yes

[@justcreepy8592]

Thank you❤ That helps to understand why I feel that I not able to cancel my upset feelings.

[@JustAmenty]

This is very true. I was in a relationship that was flawed, for many years. I stayed even though I was completely unhappy, this person would call me to the lowest anytime they were unhappy, this person had hurt me on more than one occasion physically, and every time that I just said " it's okay" I didn't mean it, it built resentment and feeling like I wasn't safe to be myself, it caused me to shut down on many occasions during any type of bickering, I left that relationship and this person wonders. Why, says it came out of nowhere, doesn't understand why I would do that after 15 years. The fact of the matter is I'm not happy and I don't feel safe so why should I keep myself in this situation? It took 15 years to get the courage to leave. Anyone who's in an abusive relationship knows that you can't just leave, and also you're so blind to the signs and they make you think that you are the problem, and that all the issues are your fault and if you just work on yourself then everything will be better. For all of you in abusive relationships, I truly understand and I truly hope that you get out because anywhere else is better, trust me

[@tsh44447]

You are "spot on" ! Trust no longer exists & with that being understood, I cannot reinstate yesterday with them. 🎉

[@someoneimsure]

This can apply to any relationship. And sometimes you have a right not to forgive, too.

[@pamkyzar1456]

There is nothing that is impossible to forgive. God’s word is clear,” Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” Also, “If you hold a grudge ( a hurt or a transgression), against anyone, your prayers will be hindered.” TRUST must be rebuilt over time.

[@querida1809]

​@@pamkyzar1456 agreed.

[@tamoeri]

​@@pamkyzar1456okay, and now translate that for someone who doesn't share your faith.

[@SuperNerd57]

Like he says here, forgiving someone is just releasing the debt they have toward you. If you are in a situation where a person cannot or will not repay you for the hurt they’ve caused, choosing NOT to forgive them and holding onto resentment and the desire to be “even” only succeeds in harming yourself. All you are doing is dragging out the pain, like picking a scab over and over again. Forgiving someone is not admitting defeat, giving up, or saying the hurt someone caused is acceptable; it’s taking the power away from that person to continue causing you pain when they will never make up for what they’ve done. You may never trust a person again, and you have every right to distance yourself from someone you can’t trust, but forgiving them is the only way to fully free yourself from what they’ve done to you.

[@walkertranger5746]

@@tamoeriat some point in our lives , we have all caused pain and hurt to someone else. We are all fallible and not so high and mighty that we can not forgive. Not forgiving only fuels bitterness and anger internally, it’s best to forgive and let go and move on

[@teresahamilton3229]

So true! Forgiveness brings peace to my life, and there is no reason why my life becomes messy because of someone who hurts my feeling and faith in human. They broke my heart, lost my trust in them, that's their loss. I got a new lesson and see their trueself. Then I spend days reconnecting with myself, forgive and move on. I'll be healed for myself and ready for someone else better.

[@carlagrado7201]

It is very difficult for me to trust again when people hurt me. It is very difficult for me to trust in the first place as I have been through so much... but when I lost trust I lost it.

[@brittanyhomeschoolmom1574]

Good video. I would like to add that sometimes it's really hard to forgive and that's ok. I struggled so much to forgive someone. I was never going to trust them again, but I wanted to have peace, so I tried and tried to forgive them for my own sanity. I was so frustrated and angry with myself that I was still so angry and bitter with my abuser. That's when I realized that I needed help. I gave it to Jesus and let it go. Then I was able to find peace and healing. A little while later I realized that all the rage and bitterness were gone. I had peace. Only through Jesus.

[@annadonahue4119]

Agreed

[@jazzyj2k25]

My GOD..,this exactly what I told the Narcissist.,I can forgive but I can’t forget the pain intentionally inflicted upon me..,I DO NOT TRUST you!!! I told him it’s hard to deal with someone you never know when they will turn on you….thanks for confirmation I know I ain’t crazy!!!!

[@quellequeen]

Actually this is the most real thing I've heard about forgiveness, trust (or lack there of), and your body that I've heard in a long time. I don't even know if I've heard this but it was great to hear something truthful & real today.

[@SMtWalkerS]

So true. You can accept and forgive. But you still can't trust them. They have shown you who they are.

[@cheralewhite8253]

This is facts. Why my grudge and side eye stay strong. Cause some people can apologize, but still be trying to play you like a fool.

[@gooodmorning4526]

This is reassuring. I had someone criticise me for not forgiving my parents for the way they hurt me. They basically said I obv haven't forgiven them and I'm still mad and should just let it go, but that's hard to do when they're still in my life and they won't change even after ive expressed my feelings to them. Of course I'm still frustrated and can't just move on. Ik this video is meant more for someone in a relationship expecting forgiveness and for things to return to normal, but it was weird to have a stranger try to therapise and criticise me, and this made me feel better about my own feelings

[@JohnGlen502]

This is often from people that had good parents and they just can't understand some parents were so damaging as only you know.

[@jolynn2271]

Trust has to be earned.😮❤

[@rhiannonh.7463]

Actions speak louder than words. Which is why if a person only apologizes but still behaves in a way that hurts you, they are only apologizing to pacify you and will hurt you again. True change means that person steps outside their comfort zone, adapts to changing themselves, and makes it a permanent change. Anything less than that is someone who doesn’t not care about your emotional well being, repair trust, and show they are capable of being impeccable with their word. Highly suggest reading the four agreements for anyone in here needing to change.

[@suemurray286]

I absolutely agree with this narrative/explanation. I always wondered about the difference between forgiveness, yet, not trusting. My sibling once attacked with a knife, then, second time with fists. Yes, I forgave my sibling. Trust them? Never again. Strange how that same sibling still doesn't understand why I no longer wish to go to lunch, have dinner with them, etc.

[@justme-light]

I love that you transmuted your pain and mistakes into a positive, healthy and loving relationship not only with your wife, but with all of us who resonate with your journey...thank you ✨🙏🏻❤️

[@esmora98]

My Ex Narcissist NEVER said SORRY.There was occasions he would say yeah i did it or yeah what done is done,what do you want me so say sorry or ask you to forgive me? And I told him from day 1 NO I dont want you to say sorry and no I dont need for you to say sorry! Really if you are sorry you WOULD SAY SORRY, not ask me what I want to hear or what you need to say to me.

[@MaoliosaParry]

Absolutely spot on!! Your body is too smart. It knows they arent a safe person and they're taking advantage of you. So true!

[@Monicalia]

I always hear "forgive them for yourself" and no matter what, I find myself unable to forgive someone for myself. Because in that moment it feels like I am freeing them off any accountability, I erase the hurt they caused and act like they didn't do anything wrong. It doesn't mean I am bitter or I can't let go or I think about the past all the time, but when there is no change in their behavior, there is no forgiveness on my part.

[@FatalDegree]

Plutonic friend for 18 years, the sort of friend you can go on an impromptu days long road trip & not fight about the spartan conditions or anything else..... Started a romantic relationship & discovered the PURE EVIL ..... could write novels & have both physical & many emotional scars. I DO NOT FORGIVE THAT PERSON! .!.!.! It has been almost 3 years and I am still learning to forgive MYSELF!!!!!!!! I am fortunate to be alive, I am fortunate for another gift. I don't feel any need to live well by forgiving the evil. I will forgive myself, that's enough.

[@saradejesus8313]

As always, you’ve put it so eloquently and perfectly. Everything you’ve said equally applies to forgiving my (abusive, neglectful) parents. I’ve forgiven them (to grant myself peace), though they never acknowledged the harm they did. And I won’t go back until they acknowledge the harm, apologize for it, offer to make amends, etc. So basically, I’m never going back.

[@Wouldntyouliketoknow1111]

So true. Thank you for these reels, they’re so good and concise ❤

[@melissaj2207]

Forgiving can only truly happen when there’s repentance. A change of behavior. If not, you “can” forgive, like he said l, to have peace. But it’s also a gift to yourself… you can feel calm again. Which can give your health back to you. Which is valuable. And in the meantime pray for a real change. People only change themselves. His video are all good and true. I guess my favorites are the funny ones. Like where he’s the big brother of himself! Genius 😂 Bring in all the relatives Jimmy, that would be good! Like the mother in law… 😅

[@ScalesOfLife]

“I’m sorry” and “I forgive you” are just words. They mean nothing if there’s no action or efforts to change being shown

[@SerenaHe-z3k]

I don't forgive, I don't forget. I just choose peace, and grace. But I stay alert, and I stay away.

[@dnk4559]

The body really does keep the score. Every time I was around my FOO I would feel sick to my stomach and end up in tears or with an emotional hangover after any gatherings with them. I now understand what family scapegoat abuse is and why my body kept warning me when my heart wasn’t ready to face the truth that my family had no love for me. It was a very painful thing to face but also so very healing to finally protect myself from people who do not have the capacity to see me.

[@katia_g213]

I'm still wavering on forgiveness. Some days I'm fine, and other days like today I'm just angry and hurt all over again. The behavior improved, but the trust is still gone. I don't know how the trust could be gained back, and that's what gets to me.

[@positivevibe7684]

@katia Rebuilding trust takes time. It's nothing you can do on your end to rebuild the trust. It has to come from the person who betrayed you.

[@loniwatson8110]

This is 100% accurate. We are too intelligent to forgive with open wounds. We need to.stitch the wounds to heal or heal and be gone for ever.

[@julias3386]

I feel like many abusive parents claim they want forgiveness. I have forgiven my mom but it’s not really what she wants. She wants the old status quo but me forgiving her doesn’t mean I won’t protect me and my family from her. She doesn’t understand that. I mean she also thinks I hate her but I love her a lot. It is just much safer to love her from a distance I guess…

[@suzyanderson7395]

So much truth here. And yet, I don't regret the effort to be the one who forgives. You end up having to forgive yourself for letting it go on as long as you did. Bizarrely, I have outlived those who I couldn't find peace with. Old and tired, unfortunately addicted to cigarettes and coffee and occasionally binging on mind altering substances. Here's the thing. They were obviously doing their best by me. They were absolutely, positively amazing and beautiful people who couldn't move past the injuries they themselves sustained from the world. Even the people I could label narcissists were only trying to cope. They also wouldn't have been in my life, had I not called them in so that I could heal something within myself. This work is important. Thanks for creating this content.

[@paytonward2169]

Letting a toxic person back into your life isn't forgiveness its ignorance

[@cynthiagalvan837]

Wow. Ouch ! lol your so right.

[@annsmithwick264]

@@paytonward2169 Why don't you call out the abusive, toxic offender, instead of victim blaming?

[@paytonward2169]

@annsmithwick264 I didn't mean that as an insult... it's never a victims fault for being abused. My point was targeted towards people telling victims to forgive their abusers and let them back into their lives.

[@Crystals_and_Witchcraft]

I understood your original statement. Clearly

[@careottjuice]

Why ? You want them to change ? 😂 If no one is with them, they can't hurt anybody ​@@annsmithwick264

[@houseofemberz]

Thank you so much for that clarity !!!! I always wondered why I couldn't be in relationship any more with that person

[@-PokemonPullPartyParadise]

This is the BEST CHANNEL ON KZbin!!

[@lizh4817]

This was everything I got out of counseling and you said it in one 30 sec clip! You better PREACH!!!!!! This is so true!! This is what I am struggling with now with my narc ex and I’m ready to forgive but not go back. Thank you!

[@tnels5027]

Facts, facts, facts...truth, truth, truth... In all relationships... Many, many thanks for all your videos🌻🕊️🫂

[@itp2inc66]

Wow! This explanation is next level clarity. It’s like you took all my feelings and applied the exact words to describe them. I’m writing your words down on a piece of paper to read them to myself. Thank you

[@nicolehayes6020]

Explained perfectly 👌 Tu Jimmy ❤❤❤

[@AprilmcwMcw]

So beautifully said … they aren’t a safe person and the body knows that 💯 facts

[@infatuated9970]

Forgiving is a choice, forgetting isn't.

[@CrystalEsch]

This is exactly 100% right - especially when you've been cheated on. You let go of the resentment for our own sanity and wellbeing, but it doesn't heal the hurt. Nothing that your partner does, no matter how much they "change" or how sorry they seem to be, will bring back the trust or sense of safety they took away.

[@dietitianmama]

Thank you for explaining this!

[@smh6205]

I needed this. I've been criticized for saying I'll forgive, but not letting go. Now I can say in "words" what's actually happening. I can't trust or feel safe, that's exactly why we're not healed. Thank you.

[@BitsyGem]

Because sometimes we don't have a choice.

[@FNLN-s3e]

They can repay. The problem with forgiveness is that abusive people use it as endless do over. They need to make it up to us.

[@MrDeathbyReaper]

How do I pair this up with being able to ask for forgiveness and show my willingness and effort to become a safe place for my spouse?

[@anastasiaeastridge2942]

Keep watching Jimmy's videos. He addresses this in many others. But my suggestion: Be there, do what you say you're going to do. Serve with joy, listen, make room for her short comings.

[@deeps6979]

@@MrDeathbyReaper Acknowledge and take ownership of what you've done to cause hurt. (I almost said done wrong, but it's entirely possible for two "right" people to hurt each other.) Ask for input on changes to make, so your changes help the situation. This lets your partner know that you're open to influence and taking their feelings into consideration.

[@youdeservetofeelloved342]

This is so important… I would forgive and forget … for ten years till my body started responding, cry, stuttering, getting lost in time and space….