Forgiveness won’t save a Relationship

Рет қаралды 69,951

Jimmy on Relationships

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 444

@Stillpril Ай бұрын

The best advice I ever got was this: Love Needs Action Trust Needs Proof Sorry Needs Change

@karmennash7479 Ай бұрын

Excellent.

@dmt0430 Ай бұрын

Excellent!

@julievdw6748 Ай бұрын

@@Stillpril Excellent 🌼

@lightnindawn7710 Ай бұрын

Perfect! I wrote that down. Thank you for sharing that ❤

@mollykayramstack6193 Ай бұрын

@@Stillpril love this!! Thank you!!

@julievdw6748 Ай бұрын

They weaponize forgiveness...They think it's like a magic trick that removes all consequences and repercussions... as in from themselves, not from the ones they victimized. No acknowledgement, no honesty about what took place. Doing the bare minimum of external changes and expecting everything to be back to normal because of that. Thank you for a thoughtful explanation in this video.

@juliettailor1616 Ай бұрын

💯

@blowitoutyourcunt7675 Ай бұрын

Yup walking away from a porn addiction aint enough, no repair/understanding was being made on his part. Im still here but feel distrust in my body.

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

They reject accountability.

@MaineGirlOutdoors Ай бұрын

Well said, very true.

@atmakirinkaur63 Ай бұрын

Definitely agree with you! The magic “ word”..! A word that really has no energy or substance behind it..! Without honesty there is no Relationship..! Let’s keep ourselves also honest about not feeding into negative loop patterns that “ feed” those behaviors and lead to giving us hurt over and over again! Breaking through those cycles is essential and if that means a complete reset of where the relationship may head..so be it! It may take many years until we can unmask this type of toxic painful and destructive behaviors that lead to isolation, questioning, confusion, guilt as this people try to make you and counter blame to shift the attention and responsibility to the one victimized by their immature behaviors!

@alenabudiman694 2 ай бұрын

This video is so important. It’s exactly what my husband needs to understand…forgiving him doesn’t mean my body has forgotten the trauma. Repairing a marriage after abuse takes time, even with trauma therapy

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

In order to understand, they will need to *want to understand. Batterers generally don't want to understand, preferring instead to believe that forgiveness is the cure-all, and that it all rests on you, and that if magical healing is not instantaneous, then the problem is your "refusal" to forgive, thus accusing you of not forgiving. "Forgiveness," as perceived by many, puts all the responsibility on the one who "needs to forgive." No one else, apparently, has any accountability. Such are trash doctrines, doctrines of demons.

@julievdw6748 Ай бұрын

@@cacatr4495 I agree. 100%

@divinelove7046 Ай бұрын

@@cacatr4495 Well said.

@JudyChartrand-uv6oi Ай бұрын

That’s so true. The forgiveness to them seems to be a pass for consequences. Someone will suffer.

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

@@JudyChartrand-uv6oi aka a "get-out-of-jail-free-card" that allows them to pass Go. It allows them to skip out on Accountability with the permission/clearance of the one doing the "forgiving," so they think. It allows them to "be made right" with the one they have violated, without repentance, without remorse, without making right or changing anything. The way so many view "forgiveness," it has been used/misused to give a pass to Accountability (they think they are exempt from that), and has thus enabled Lawlessness. Where that is enabled, the family or culture not only suffers but if continued, suffers destruction, because that is what abusers, narcissists, batterers, etc. do, they destroy.

@dappiduck Ай бұрын

Forgiven but not forgotten...

@goblinsRule Ай бұрын

That is resentment, it never works, the real forgiveness accept that the other is fallible and it doesn't reflect you, just them.

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

@@goblinsRule Would you allow your progeny to be babysat by a known P? You preach forgetting, so would you? Are you just going to chalk that up to their being "fallible?"

@dappiduck Ай бұрын

@goblinsRule the point of the video, is that whilst you can forgive someone, it takes time to rebuild the trust, if at all.. ie, forgiven but not forgotten?

@Asperger0815 Ай бұрын

@@goblinsRule No, it's not. It's deciding what is best for you. I have forgiven my ex wife long ago. That doesn't mean I have to interact with her or trust her with anything. She is who she is and my fault was to not noticing it earlier. I can forgive a cheating or abusive spouse, sure, but that doesn't mean I want to be around them any longer. I really admire his wife for staying. I couldn't do it, for my own sanity I had to move on. He is right, there is fogiveness and there ist trust. And while fogivness might be achievable much easier, rebuilding trust is a whole other story. I know for me, I am not capable of rebuilding trust after that kind of deliberate, longterm betrayal. That isn't a mistake or lapse of judgement. That is who the person is. It's a character trait.

@loft27ss 24 күн бұрын

The point is you can forgive inside but keep your boundaries on outside. I do forgive you, however I do see you the way you are and I don’t want you around me. It called maturity

@Rose_Charboneau3619 Ай бұрын

Immediately upon watching this, tears prick my eyes. I've tried explaining that I've forgiven and it can take years rebuilding trust. Some people don't understand that.

@JudyChartrand-uv6oi Ай бұрын

I forgave someone who hurt me terribly, emotionally over and over. I finally left that relationship. It didn’t remove the hurt and trauma, but I had inner peace with myself. It didn’t change the outcome of the relationship or the person who hurt me. Forgiveness is really for us, not the villain.

@Billy-Sparkle Ай бұрын

“The people who have no interest in respecting me; the people who say that they’re upset with my boundaries are the same people who benefited the most when I didn’t have any.” ❤❤❤

@oliver7011 Ай бұрын

Forgiveness is for me.. Trust is for them to prove themselves.

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

Trust is earned.

@JudyChartrand-uv6oi Ай бұрын

The trust issue: when you have forgiven and if they even apologize, they expect you to now trust them. . What I see is that they broke the trust, and it’s entirely up to them to prove they can now be trusted. It’s not on the victim.

@famouskate9071 Ай бұрын

Jimmy has an outstanding understanding of humans. What a great gift he is to this world, by clearly explaining things that people need to know. If you read this, Jimmy, know that you are helping MILLIONS of people.

@dianeatpeace337 Ай бұрын

Share his wisdom and his videos with your friends and family. He deserves more followers and truly I believe -- around the world -- many more relationships will improve with his increased viewership.

@famouskate9071 Ай бұрын

@@dianeatpeace337 I absolutely agree!

@misspat7555 Ай бұрын

Absolutely. Forgiveness is the starting line, not the finishing line! 🏁

@contactJimmyKnowles Ай бұрын

Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.

@DagsAngel Ай бұрын

Forgiveness does not negate consequences

@nassy734 2 ай бұрын

I just walked away from someone that I thought was gonna be my ride or die😢

@JimmyonRelationships 2 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry, I know that’s so hard

@PaleCanid 2 ай бұрын

Me too 😭

@SOPHI33333 2 ай бұрын

Me too

@cosimavonliebenau8317 2 ай бұрын

Me too. It’s exquisitely painful to let go of my fantasy of happily ever after.

@slavkavancikova5377 2 ай бұрын

Same here. He finally admitted he doesn't know how to love and is set in his own ways. No change desired, so I'm moving on. Enough time wasted trying to make it work alone.

@CT-bc6jh Ай бұрын

My prerequisites for forgiveness: Remorse, repair, reform. The person who hurt someone else should acknowledge what they did and show remorse, attempt to repair the damage (if possible), and demonstrate a commitment to avoid repeating the behavior, imo.

@cosimavonliebenau8317 2 ай бұрын

Sure. Perfectly valid. I have forgiven him, because holding on to anger only hurts me myself, but want him nowhere near my life again.

@JudyChartrand-uv6oi Ай бұрын

Exactly. It’s for your own peace of mind.

@lamomify Ай бұрын

I feel the same. My ex abandoned me and our 3 boys. It was devastating and it was 10 yrs ago. He has married the affair and our son is getting married in 2 wks. Im mtg the “other woman” for the first time since he left. Talk about dread. I feel in my soul it is important that I forgive them both but I don’t have to be their friend. It’s very hard to navigate.

@tinyblonde 29 күн бұрын

Forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things

@Em_Powell_KC Ай бұрын

Consistency over time equals trust. Forgiveness is a separate thing.

@seekingjoy4820 Ай бұрын

Such an important video. You summed up the residual trauma well - yes, you forgive, but it doesn't mean you can jump back in as if nothing happened. You can't. Your internal world has been altered (trust, safety, expectation, confidence, etc). There must be real, tangible change by the person who hurt you; otherwise, it's only a matter of time before they do it again. Thanks for all you're doing, Jimmy. It's much appreciated by many.

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

Not just tangible change, but a *_long_* pattern of doing the right thing, to where it *_overcomes_* the past patterns and establishes a new good pattern. That is how someone becomes *_trust-worthy._* I've never seen any abuser get to that point. They somehow figure that once, twice or maybe three times of behaving themselves should be sufficient for the injured party to trust them completely. Hogwash.

@Sally-ih6ls Ай бұрын

Yes, the second time of betrayal hurts 100 times more

@youthfulbitter2058 Ай бұрын

"Telling someone that they should be over it already" is the reason why i am in counseling 25+ years later. I was told so many times to just let go of an emotional amputation, an arrow to the heart, or a figurative blow to the head. The invisible wounds fester deeper and longer than the physical. Malignant words take root and overtake when the "innocent" bystanders provide the fertilizer.

@ellasoriginalchannel9713 Ай бұрын

THANK YOU. FINALLY SOMEONE ON OUR SIDE AND NOT GASLIGHTING US. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

@contactJimmyKnowles Ай бұрын

@SnarkasticSunny Ай бұрын

Indeed!

@NoixDeCocoSplit 2 ай бұрын

As someone who suffers from chronic depression and insecure attachments, my ex made the right decision by ending the relationship with me a month ago. I was way too crippled and paralysed with my own insecurities and my own toxic behaviors rooted in trauma to be able to reciprocate love the way he deserved it. I come from an abusive household and I never had the courage to help myself. I've been waiting forever for someone to help me, I've never learned to love myself. This is my time to do the work to heal and avoid doing the same mistakes. I cannot make someone else feel loved if I don't love myself. And this is so important in order to build a healthy relationship. Thank you for your videos, they give me an amazing insight and help me confirm my own limitations and what I can do to be a better person.

@xWabbli Ай бұрын

Wow, you're doing great by having this self-reflection. I recommend reading the book "CPTSD" by Pete Walker.

@kristinaadams2745 Ай бұрын

@@NoixDeCocoSplit Crappy Childhood Fairy Adam Lane Smith Healthy Gamer GG Are some great KZbin channels for healing if you haven’t already found them May you find your serenity 🕊️💪

@Camper292000 Ай бұрын

That's a powerful post right there! Give yourself a pat on the shoulder and believe that you are going to get to wonderful places. Keep up the hard work!

@fedesperanza1867 Ай бұрын

Wow, you have incredible self-awareness, indispensabile prerequisite for healing. Best wishes on your healing journey!

@franchescavalentine6798 Ай бұрын

God loves you, he heals. He healed me. It took time, but I did the work. Now I can love back

@sharnjitsharonlalli212 Ай бұрын

Forgiveness is about understanding your under story and their under story for both sides and then working towards better communication where trust is built and closeness in time 🙏🏼💗

@VenusianLissette Ай бұрын

this is perfect & lovely, thank you :)

@dwermes Ай бұрын

Thank you for saying "depending on the betrayal, forgiveness is impossible" (or something like that). My mother put me on a very long 3 + year healing journey from serious long-term childhood neglect, lack of self-esteem that I've only been able to build in the last few years, and inability to stand up for myself which has led to some pretty toxic relationships. I don't want a hoarder, addict, and controlling individual as a mother anymore. She hasn't fixed it and only by keeping her away can I be calm and not feel anxiety spikes when she wants to spend holidays together. People tell me that I should forgive her and try to find ways to have her in my life, but they don't get it. I don't want to be like this anymore and now I have to fight to make ME.

@divinelove7046 Ай бұрын

Good for you! Stand up for yourself and keep telling yourself you are worthy of something so amazing.

@LML262 Ай бұрын

Very good for you. I pray you find the best version of yourself that you respect and love deeply.

@jojamison2062 Ай бұрын

You know, I don’t think I have ever said to anyone that I care about their feelings, or “Thank you for telling me how you feel”. I do care, but I’ve never said it before. Thank you so much for making these videos!

@vivianMarvin-z6k Ай бұрын

Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.

@LunqCharlotte Ай бұрын

Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.

@vivianMarvin-z6k Ай бұрын

It's interesting! How can I contact a spiritual counselor most efficiently, and how did you find one?

@LunqCharlotte Ай бұрын

Father Obah Eze is a wonderful spiritual counselor who has the ability to bring back your ex.

@LunqCharlotte Ай бұрын

He can assist you; he is Father Obah Eze, and he possesses immense powers.

@vivianMarvin-z6k Ай бұрын

I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤

@Plantladytiff Ай бұрын

Yes. Really good advice. This is what my ex was not understanding. Whenever I talked to him about what he did to hurt me, he would turned it around on me claiming I’m picking a fight or that I’m always telling him how awful of a person he is… he never had remorse and never wanted to change his behaviors. He would demand respect and demand I don’t talk over him, but yet he would stomp all over my boundaries. I have forgiven him but I haven’t felt close to him or safe or security with him for a very long time.. he never wanted to heal what he broke.. he would tell me “get over it” or tell me we need a reset.

@kristinaadams2745 2 ай бұрын

Forgiveness is a component of the grieving process and it is for our own healing💚

@GreenEggsAndGram Ай бұрын

Forgive but never forget. It’s just that.

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

@@GreenEggsAndGram Seeing is believing. Anything less than that, I won't believe, for their words are lip service, in vain, empty. Show me your change. I like Missouri's motto, Missouri is the 'Show Me' state.

@vikkiweigel2504 Ай бұрын

Not necessary

@Musicismylove888 Ай бұрын

Consistent change in behavior. That is very essential to building trust.

@RYUShotokan Ай бұрын

Complete forgiveness means your forgive..trust is something else. It has to be rebuilt.

@AngelColene 25 күн бұрын

WOW, I NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS VIDEO 50X until it is engraved in my mind heart and soul. I just divorced my narcissistic husband of 30 yrs, and he now has somehow...twisted things so perversely & turned my 24 yr old son against me, now my son refuses to talk to me or let me see my new born grandson. Devastating, demonic influence!! So hard to deal with. But I know that God will turn this all around, and my son will eventually see the Truth !!! Praise Him !!! Thank you for continuing to post your amazing insightful videos!!! God Bless you!! ❤ People need them !! ❤ Praying for you Jimmy and your wife.

@misery8264 Ай бұрын

I vividly remember being attacked for "Not listening to the apology and not loving him enough to accept it" after being lied to over and over again. I was the problem, because in that moment I had had enough. If youre someone who wants to forgive people, it can and will be used against you at some point.

@onlyforgoogle6590 Ай бұрын

My ex was abusing me and said these exact same words "why can't you just forgive and let it go? Water under the bridge. I said I'm sorry" It wasn't that simple. I don't think it ever is. He thought he could just say the words and it "make it all better". I eventually told him we had to split up and he had some work to do before we could ever think about being together again. I didn't realize the abuse for what it was until I took some time away from him. I was able to feel at peace and have a sense of "balance" back to my life and not be in a constant state of anxiety. It was the abuse that was triggering my past childhood abuse that I thought I was "over" but it turns out my body remembered the trauma that it had survived once and I spent my entire life being with people that were safe and not abusive. He never changed his behaviors and in fact the abuse got worse to the point that he became physical. I got a no contact order of protection and I had to enforce the no contact. I have forgiven him and I still have empathy towards him for his upbringing and the situation but I can't have him in my life at all. My body knows the trauma and even the thought of speaking to him upsets my entire body and mind for weeks. I am now taking no contact even further to put his photos/videos/messages out of my phone and visual space. There were some really great times with him but the bad times and abuse far outweighs any good times with him. For me to survive and thrive I have to keep him out of my life because he has not changed at all.

@JH5visuals Ай бұрын

Praying on restoration in my marriage

@caz2870 Ай бұрын

You covered all the areas I needed to hear. Now I don't feel so bad removing myself from a painful situation 🥺

@dmt0430 Ай бұрын

Jimmy is really sharing some profound truths. Thank God somebody is. I forgave my husband years ago and don’t hold it over his head, but there are enormous boulders of consequence between us. That is HIS burden to work on to remove thru repair and new behaviors.

@contactJimmyKnowles Ай бұрын

@nataliaturner4845 Ай бұрын

@cacatr4495 On the contrary, I'd say they absolutely understand that rebuilding trust is their burden for shattering it in the first place. But nothing feels as good to them as _getting away with betraying you_, so they resort to manipulation tactics to get you to think you are being unfair & unkind to them & to ultimately blame yourself for everything ("you're making a big deal out of nothing", "you are SO insecure/emotional/irrational", "why can't you just get over it?")

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

@@nataliaturner4845 I think your reply was accurate, such that I will delete my earlier comment. Thanks.

@contactJimmyKnowles Ай бұрын

@@dmt0430 Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Jimmy Knowles.

@contactJimmyKnowles Ай бұрын

@nataliaturner4845 Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Jimmy Knowles.

@PowderLlamma Ай бұрын

A video on how long “hurt feelings” can dominate every situation would be nice. Repair is important but I don’t want to feel like I’ve lost myself in a relationship because I made mistakes out of unhealthy and impulsive behavior.

@ValentynaDemyan-y5l Ай бұрын

😢I keep giving love but no one to give it back to me and it was so sad but I won't stop loving love is very beautiful

@Airsofthunter112233 Ай бұрын

As someone who did the betraying in the past and is trying to work through how to rebuild trust, this brought me to tears. I thank you for all your insights you share in all your videos.

@emetee217 Ай бұрын

For me, I thought I wasn't forgiving him. However, I finally figured out that I realized his repeated actions just showed me who he truly was. I wasn't replaying the events because I 'couldn't let them go,' as he accused me of doing. I was replaying them because my brain was trying to show me he was fine with communicating meanly and cruelly.

@stacyjacobson4024 Ай бұрын

This is where I live now. I feel not safe and he says that I am the one with the problem. I am at a place where I do not feel comfortable speaking what I need or how to move forward. I have no feeling of connection, or being validated. The consistant refusal to work on our future and to do any work.

@sharonb519 Ай бұрын

You can’t un-ring a bell. Once you hurt me, I’ll never look at you the same again. Never.

@contactJimmyKnowles Ай бұрын

@odalhawthorne Ай бұрын

My husband and I have been talking about this for about a year. It's so validating for us to hear this expressed outside of our personal conversations.

@debbieforhim7800 Ай бұрын

Wow this is great to learn. When I think of seeing my brother again, I get freaked out a bit and filled with anxiety. His wife has decided she hates me and he goes along with it....Years of hurt, rejection, bad treatment from them because of her hateful stance. I have forgiven but there is ZERO trust there and I no longer want to see my brother.

@PaleCanid 2 ай бұрын

I forgave and forgave and forgave. He would yell at me to just forgive him and let it go stop talking about it. I kept trying to explain this to him, that I have forgiven him however that doesn't mean we have security and trust back yet. It would just make him angry. We are separated now 😭

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

He would say "Drop it." I said calmly that we needed to talk about it because it was hurtful, it did damage. He sternly said "DROP IT." I said we need to resolve this, it has hurt our relationship. He yelled *_"DROP IT!! WE ARE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT!"_* That meant that he was not willing to resolve or fix anything, that he was not going to be accountable to fix or change his behavior, and that he was going to continue being abusive, which he did. If I had had wisdom at that point, I would have left then. *_Trust is earned. It takes a long pattern of doing the right thing to overcome past violations. Abusers don't like accountability, they refuse it because it requires them to humble themselves, which they aren't going to do._*

@CT-bc6jh Ай бұрын

Wherever you are, I hope you are safe and thriving.

@shaina9088 19 күн бұрын

I just went thru the same thing today 😢

@natabriela Ай бұрын

The curiosity about me is something that I never see and it really breaks my heart

@lelawells4673 15 күн бұрын

I felt that too in my marriage - hard to explain to others why it hurts so much, but it does! We so need to feel seen...

@PeachyPatriot 3 күн бұрын

This was so helpful. I have been feeling scorned because my husband hasn’t “gotten over” a betrayal. It wasn’t anything serious but it still hurt him. It’s been nearly three years and it still comes up and I have acted like “why can’t you just get over it? Why do you keep raking me over the coals?” But now I see that all I need to do is be compassionate and just reassure him…no matter how long that takes. Thank you.

@Classykrafty Ай бұрын

I've learned through hurt that once the relationship is in the need of being saved it's probably too late.

@stephaniebrannan594 Ай бұрын

There is a difference between forgiveness and fellowship and I think that is a hard concept for most. If you are seeking forgiveness, it will take time and consistency to rebuild that trust. If you’re willing to do the work though, the relationship could be stronger than ever.

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

That is absolutely the case. The difference between the two is vast.

@juliedevlin6175 Ай бұрын

LOVE LOVE LOVE this, Jimmy! Great explanation! So important that we understand these concepts. Religion often pushes us to forgive but doesn’t provide enough detailed understanding of the concept, and without a clear grasp of all the implications, forgiveness can actually keep us in harm’s way. I had to learn that while I may forgive someone on a spiritual level because we are all flawed human beings, I needed to keep a strong guard up against them and not allow my heart to soften toward them because they would just strike again. There are levels of forgiveness, access and closeness that we need to wisely maintain or adjust as needed.

@contactJimmyKnowles Ай бұрын

@klk3230 Ай бұрын

So true. Forgiveness was given. But the betrayal continues. Bye bye I'm worth more

@contactJimmyKnowles Ай бұрын

@pavschodyko6531 2 ай бұрын

Works with family too.

@Eunice.Aceto75 2 ай бұрын

Absolutely. Works with any relationship

@onepartwild 4 күн бұрын

You're right. I've been set up to be hurt all over again in the same ways. I'm married to someone who is so toxic to me. They make me feel alone, unworthy, worthless. I feel myself spiraling back into the same depression it took me years to overcome after we separated. He hasn't changed at all.

@Deb_Creamer Ай бұрын

3:44 🤯 I finally came to this point, took 10 years, and ran. In the beginning we can walk away but when we ignore this long enough it becomes a running away for saftey. Please dear reader, dont wait too long like i did.

@selinasamson9241 Ай бұрын

My Partner and I are both willing and working on it. Forgiving and taking accountability. It is so hard. Our Daughter is three now. If it wasn’t for her, I would leave this whole situation. I know, it will work out someway or the other and I am grateful for the loving little family I have. Still hard though.

@DaisyChain44-d3x 29 күн бұрын

"So what do you want... an apology?" ...that was the last thing my narc sister-in-law said to me over a year ago and she still hasn't apologized, instead she sent homemade fudge for Christmas, sigh ....

@ShraddhaPatel-g5j 2 ай бұрын

Thank you Jimmy for all of your videos. It has helped me in being more aware of what it looks like to be in a healthy and self-aware relationship.

@estheryefanov676 5 күн бұрын

Wow I’m impressed! Keep doing what you’re doing! Your kindness and light is shining bright for everyone. Friendly reminder that we reap what we sow……Good or bad!

@LadyLauraK Ай бұрын

💜 Thank you! As usual, you do an amazing job explaining a touchy subject, with grace & clarity.

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

The first and main thing that many ask is "Have you forgiven them?" as if that will solve everything. They asked it in the context of domestic violence where the narcissist was chronically disrespecting while the one being asked (about forgiveness) was the one trying to fix things. It felt as if that was the only idea/focus/proposed "solution" they had, as if they had no idea what to say other than "Have you forgiven them?" There has been no accountability in the false church. Truth has not been upheld there, nor ethics, integrity, principles or precepts. Over the last fifty years, they have practiced antinomian notions, that of lawlessness, ignoring the attitudes of the heart and the fruit of it. Accountability has been rejected. Truth cannot do its work where it is rejected. Forgiveness doesn't enable accountability or change, but it does enable the abuse to continue.

@julievdw6748 Ай бұрын

@@cacatr4495 I agree.

@mariatriantafyllou-g3d Ай бұрын

Forgiveness does not come to save any relationship but as a result of understanding that one is human and makes mistakes. Forgiveness doesn't mean I necessarily want you in my life, it means my life moves on and doesn't stop at what happened with bitterness

@gailboerwinkle9315 Ай бұрын

Good talk…. Many never want to examine or change

@wendykarle3114 Ай бұрын

One Thousand percent everything you said, thank you for this.

@contactJimmyKnowles Ай бұрын

@Midnight.in.the.Garden 2 ай бұрын

This headline hurt my heart as I scrolled by- I forgave because it was good for my heart- but the trust was never repaired- it takes two to repair the trust, and sometimes that will never happen, and you have to choose your demand move on. Thank you for making this video- somebody out there is in a fragile state and needs to hear this. ❤

@carly-0-7 Ай бұрын

Amen

@janinemelanie8391 Ай бұрын

I hope you’re ok ❤

@kubokoko7162 Ай бұрын

Forgive doesn't mean forget. I don't want to hate this person and I don't want to be friends either.

@danyoudigit 2 ай бұрын

This video couldn't have come at a better time.... For myself and what I have to tell my children. Thank you so much.

@LifewithJennyintheUSA Ай бұрын

This is your best video, in my opinion!

@JodyKrupp-ox5ty 19 күн бұрын

This….one of the best video advice I listen to yet!!!!❤

@normastevens8166 2 ай бұрын

Currently experiencing my partner not contacting me after talking on the phone and he flipped out and accused me of being ungrateful for anything he’s done/does for me which is totally untrue, we’ve been together for 8yrs now but we don’t live together it’s a mutual choice as we both have our own homes and my children still live at home with me, in the past I’ve always been the first one to make contact with him to try and resolve things but I’m waiting for him to make the first move as he’s always said he can’t live without me now it’s time for him to show me this and be a man of his word as actions speak louder than words!

@atnoc8738 2 ай бұрын

Yes!!!

@divinelove7046 Ай бұрын

Stay strong. You deserve only the best.

@njhart6236 Ай бұрын

The narcissist has a demon problem. He has allowed evil into his life, usually in the form of rebellion against God, and he practices narcissism to destroy people because the more damage he does, the more power he acquires from the dark side. Narcissism is a form of witchcraft, plain and simple. For my family, we have memorized Psalm 91 (the most powerful prayer for protection) and Psalm 140 (which exactly describes the different attacks that narcissists use). There are many more chapters that speak to these types of attack because in the Psalms we find the prayers of King David (before he was king) when he was being targeted and stalked and attacked by King Saul because the king was jealous of David and wanted him dead. (The king used his entire army to attack David.) The Imprecatory Psalms are the prayers of someone crying out for God to fight on their behalf to protect them from evil and to punish the wicked person.

@cockycookie1 Ай бұрын

How are you? Did he reach out?

@buildwithhealth2032 2 ай бұрын

Thanks!

@jinxedwolves Ай бұрын

My older sister used to yell at me, for hours at a time even if it was the middle of the night and i had school the next day. She was trying to correct the unhealthy behavior i had of blowing up on people when i got stressed. I told her it hurt me when she did that and i didnt feel like she was a safe person. She said she was sorry i felt that way but thats the way she has to do it because i dont remember/pay attention when she tries to correct my behavior without yelling. If i tried to step away to cool off or ask her if we could schedule this talk later, she would refuse, saying no one has time for that, she's busy all the time, i just want to get away from this conversation, if she is important to me, I'll stay, etc. I would be shutting down while she's yelling at me. She isnt sorry for the way she goes about it because she says its the only way it works. I feel such resentment toward her for that. Even though our relationship is okay most of the time until I make that kind of mistake again. I thought she was done, ready to end our relationship a while back because she had to drill this lesson into me year after year for a decade and i still wasnt getting it. I tried but i just dont know how to forgive her for hurting me, even knowing i hurt her too.

@TVHouseHistorian 13 күн бұрын

Such an important discussion, Jimmy! I love listening to your voice. It’s got such a genteel and nourishing sound to it… but in a votive sort of way.

@tracytreason Ай бұрын

things ive learned in this video is that i found out more about my previous relationship and how it really went. everything you said was basically reading off of what happened, i couldn't change, i wanted to very badly but just couldn't i didn't know what or how, or what exactly what was wanted, then the other person decided to just break off for their peace, they see that they don't deserve it, and it's understandable. they don't. both intentions were pure, i just know now what to do in my next relationship

@divinelove7046 Ай бұрын

Plain and simple. You can work on forgiving someone but you never forget what they said to you that was hurtful. And when they never apologize, that just shows a lack of maturity.

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

When a person humbles themselves and has remorse over what they did, they will *_ask you for forgiveness,_* not merely "apologize" which only says 'Sorry.'

@divinelove7046 Ай бұрын

@@cacatr4495 I guess that is all I can hope for at this point.

@annettehansen6047 26 күн бұрын

I have always struggled with anger , resentments, and unforgiveness. I have been working on it with a therapist and 12 step sponsor, and it is getting better. I was told that resentments only hurt you, not the wrongdoers. I had to write down my resentments and how they affected me to see the damage to motivate me to let go. I also had to write down my part in the resentments so I could see where i was in the wrong, make amends, change behaviors, build my character and reconcile relationships if appropriate. Obviously there are some situations you don't play a part like if you were abused. I really get into psychology and human behavior so I like to understand why people act how they do for example mental illness. It helps to have compassion on them and to wish them well. This is NOT justifying or condoning it just helps to understand, have compassion, and wish them well. Its also not good to get revenge, not only because of consequence but they will get their karma and there will be justice. If it motivates them to change and make amends be happy for them.

@RoundSomeStuff 5 күн бұрын

There is no such thing as unforgiveness. It is the Protestant equivalent of Catholic guilt, which Catholics hold onto even with Confession / Reconciliation. Having mentioned it though indicates some religious terminology will not be misplaced below. You mention being told you need to do certain things which suggests pastors of a church, who don't understand Relationship, Attachment, Detachment and are just using you to push their ideology. Having said that reconise that people who are said to holding onto unforegiveness are generally holding onto the hope that the person who betrayed your trust will apologise so as to rebuild trust, and then open the door to forgiveness. This pairing of apology / forgiveness brings about re-attachment AKA Reconciliation. There comes a point though when one realises the Other isn't interested in re-attachment and Self must also detach from the Relationship. In detachment one needs to first attach to God, and then hand Other and the hurt they caused over to God, who made them and to whom they are accountable, and whose problem they are. This means excising them from your life. But then comes re-attaching to Self as existed before that Other came into your life. This is where forgiveness of Self comes in. But forgiveness to re-attach still needs apology or acknowledgement of error. In this case Past Self has to acknowledge making specific errors. If Past Self won't acknowledge then it was hypocritical to have expected Other to acknowledge error, right? So own the mistakes you made eg of projecting your attachment needs onto Other for your own emotional need. Then Present Self forgives Past Self for those mistakes. When the memories and hurts recur then remember you have let them go to God and they are not yours to engage with any more, so apologise to God for indulging in resentments that don't belong to you and accept his forgiveness.

@trecain512 Ай бұрын

Thank you.. you have been quite helpful in my healing and growing process. Every time i watch one of your videos, i learn something new, and i try to apply it to my life🖤🖤

@Dana-op6ex Ай бұрын

I appreciate your videos so much. You're an excellent teacher. Love your role playing videos too; the wigs are hilarious. We have to laugh, right?! Thanks again, very thought provoking always. Thinking is a 'good thing!' Take care.

@zero1188 2 ай бұрын

Its called resentment. Resentment is when you feel upset because the person moved on and you are still thinking about the event. You resent them for moving on to fast

@BlinkinFirefly 2 ай бұрын

Yep. Resentment and contempt are both relationship killers. Gotta talk about it. Get the feelings out. But also repair and have a plan with your partner for moving forward. Otherwise that resentment just festers. Been there. Mine lingered because I simply could not establish trust with my toxic partner :L

@fruitascension5089 Ай бұрын

What they did, doesn't just go away because an apology happened, you forgave them. It takes a long time for that broken trust to heal, to knit back together, just like when a broken bone needs to heal over months. The pain (equal to "resentment"), slowly fades away as the broken bone (broken trust) is healing with proper care. And, putting stress on the broken bone (the broken trust) too soon is going to re-injure and cause malunion or nonunion of the two broken parts. So, trust has to be rebuilt, and that requires lots of care and attention, not neglect, not re-injury, not rehashing. Both parts need to do all that's needed to knit back together.

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

There can be resentment because they never bothered to abandon their violational behaviors, and make things right, having no remorse.

@PostThaMost Ай бұрын

I dig that comment. For anyone reading, don't let the cause of resentment be your own lack of speaking up clearly and often. That would be like not telling your dancing partner they're stepping on your feet every night for years and then resenting them for not caring that they hurt you. Give them a chance to fix their steps by telling them clearly and respectfully how much it hurts getting stepped on over and over. Most partners want to avoid hurting their partner. If they won't hear you out or they simply don't care, cross that bridge when/if it comes.

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

@@PostThaMost Excellent metaphor, very well expressed. I'm sure your post will assist in understanding.

@lizzywilliams9880 Ай бұрын

Thank you Jimmy 🥰🙏🥰 I'm inspired, again 🙌 Years in and out of therapy and interesting relationship choices and THIS is the clarity 💝 thank you 💖

@camrob408 8 күн бұрын

Thank you. I really needed to hear this. Helps with closure.

@savanaahava7647 Ай бұрын

Omg. I needed this now, divine timing ❤❤❤

@NinjaMaxHaven13 Ай бұрын

This reminds me of a text i get on my birthday. It ruined my day. A family member texted me happy birthday, but then talked about a divide in the family and how she "doesn't understand it". I literally told her that people i went no contacts were homophobic and made me feel unsafe. She simply told me to forgive and have grace. I didn't get an apology from the homophobic people treating me wrongly, so how could i trust being around them. I'm not a doormat, they need to earn my forgiveness. If they don't make things right, too bad. They can miss out on my life.

@TetyanaS-vi7gx Ай бұрын

This is so true! Thank you for the video.

@noplanetb2293 Ай бұрын

Your courageous and sincere presentation is SO true... please keep sharing this message, every generation has to learn it....

@iw9338 Ай бұрын

Excellent thanks very much 😅

@craigmerkey8518 Ай бұрын

I had several very uncomfortable conversations with my parents during the last years of high school into my first year of college initiated by me! They were unable to accept any responsibility... I already knew what the outcomes would be, but wanted to give them an opportunity! ! A few decades later nothing has changed but I have !

@Chantal103 Ай бұрын

Thank you for this. It really clarifies so much.

@Geoffreys-adventures Ай бұрын

Forgiveness is a process, and it takes time to heal one's self and to build safety and trust back into the relationship. It starts with boundaries and leads us to do that inner work to find peace with that inner turmoil to find ultimate peace comes from within.

@psingleton7955 Ай бұрын

So refreshing. It only took me 55 years to understand this but it is liberating to your mind and spirit. Thanks for sharing.

@contactJimmyKnowles Ай бұрын

@sharieallen2719 Ай бұрын

Thank you so much for this Jimmy. I never knew what love truely is about. I was abused by some family members and had to deal with them. Consequently, I have put up with men's abuse for years, not knowing what real love is. I'm 69 years oldow realizing not a one took accountability or apologized for all the pain they caused me. I have let go of a futile 16-year relationship now. 😢 Hurting so badly!

@contactJimmyKnowles Ай бұрын

@sharieallen2719 Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Ringo starr.

@Stillpril Ай бұрын

Forgiveness requires repentance. Everything else is just moving on.

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

But few seem to know what repentance is, as many define it as simply saying 'Sorry.' No, it means completely forsaking the violational behavior, in action, for real. *_It is not lip service, it occurs in reality._*

@cacatr4495 Ай бұрын

or skipping over it because they don't want or know how to deal with the truth.

@mollykayramstack6193 Ай бұрын

I don't forgive him and don't have to. That gives me peace.

@contactJimmyKnowles Ай бұрын

@traciedeeful 2 ай бұрын

Needed to hear this today...thank you🙏🏼

@turnerturner3281 2 ай бұрын

Thank you, I needed to hear this!

@fruitascension5089 Ай бұрын

Perfect. Couldn't agree more. Thank you.

@MrKelley24 Ай бұрын

The ax forgets; the tree rememberes

@VenusianLissette Ай бұрын

excellent as always, i really appreciate this, thank you! 🔑

@andnowyouknow3363 24 күн бұрын

Astonishing how some people guilt trip you for not trusting them after they only say "sorry". As if it is some magic word that makes everything okay again. Like how dare you still be hurt and be on your guard instead of fully opening yourself for someone who feels entitled to you not holding them accountable!

@najouayeuse Ай бұрын

This help a lot! I'm truly grateful for u ❤😊

@bw6066 Ай бұрын

Thank you for explaining this

@stefanp89 2 ай бұрын

Thank you, Jimmy, I really needed to hear this today as this is exactly what I have been struggling with intensely the past days. Lots of love, keep up the good work!