Healthy vs Unhealthy Needs in a Relationship

[@lelachristine4890]

“are enough of my needs being met, that i can grieve the ones that aren’t” love that

[@odalhawthorne]

Healthy needs that aren't met lead to resentment. Communication is key 🗝

[@tuvoca825]

Disappointment maybe. But resentment is not healthy. It implies blame and anger... maybe a form of making them a supplier, rather than a whole person.

[@i.b.640]

@@tuvoca825 having healthy needs not met already is unhealthy.

[@erinb9647]

Thank you. That’s good.

[@valdius85]

Communication became like a clickbate made by HR departments and repeated by YT experts. Yes, communication is important but it still takes two to tango and many times people simply don't care to put in the required effort. It is for sure not mandatory, as a wiling partner can figure partners needs through trial and error, hints etc. There are also universal truths about human needs in relationships, so no one living in 2024 who cares about their relationships should be surprised about the major staff.

[@christenh359]

Healthy needs: 1. 1:04 Respect 2. 1:36 Communicate effectively 3. 2:28 Value and Appreciation 4. 2:42 Safe 5. 5:15 Forgiveness 6. 6:08 Affection 7. 8:03 Accept each other’s influence 8. 9:23 Equality in domestic chores and parenting 9. 9:48 Attention 10. 10:48 Independence (maybe?) 11. 11:48 Honesty and reliability Unmet needs 13:10 Unhealthy needs 1. 14:42 Control 2. 15:53 Constant reassurance 3. 16:42 Avoidance (Fierce Independence) 4. 17:11 One-Sided Effort. 5. 18:34 Withholding the truth 6. 19:17 Assuming your partner can read your mind

[@yesyes6709]

Thanks

[@LisaMUnderkofler-Cochran-om9it]

All so so so true- a relationship generally will not ever work out until the recipient who hasnt had their needs met is a shell of who they were

[@natashaedwards4719]

You’re doing the important work 🙌🏼

[@Eddybo22]

Thank you 🫡

[@BarBara6841-j9m]

Great video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him*

[@SheilaRose-uo3of-o5m]

Its difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let him go. I did all I could to get him back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back*

[@BarBara6841-j9m]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do I reach one.?

[@SheilaRose-uo3of-o5m]

Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex...

[@BarBara6841-j9m]

Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked him up online. impressive.

[@limanino]

Geez. I'm the one who says one thing and end up doing another :( Just yesterday I was supposed to wait for her to come back late from work and go meet her at her house once she arrived there... but we barely slept the night before, so when she was on her way home, I told her I was so tired and sleepy that I couldn't keep my eyes open and asked her if she would be mad if I cancelled. She said no, but she was disappointed. This morning I messaged her using tips from a video I watched on this channel the day before (the name is "Fix your Fights in 30 minutes") and I managed to get her into meeting me today. She gets away when she's mad, so I guess she wouldn't talk to me for about 2 days if it wasn't for that video, so thank you, Jimmy. Your work here is treasure

[@Mandijune17]

If I may say this - admitting that shows me, a random internet stranger, just how dedicated you are to real change and a healthy relationship. While I could sit here and list the things I am justified in asking for and justifiably disappointed by not getting, I want to follow your lead... you are absolutely not the only person who says one thing and does another. Speaking for myself here, not you, I often get lost in my needs not being met to the detriment of meeting someone else's. When I say I will do something because I have full intention to and then I don't do it, I get defensive. Because I know I'm wrong. However... there's a nice warm freedom in admitting a wrong and being strong enough to be vulnerable enough to change. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense here. I just wanted to say that your willingness to post this and the actions you took to address it to affect change are truly admirable. Thank you for posting this. I wish you two all the best!!

[@walkertranger5746]

If you are so tired .. you shouldn’t drive. It’s unsafe for you and others. If she is mad at that , she needs a reality check

[@tr4sh.doll_]

@Alixir1228 I mean sure, he should have make sure he was rested but if it was not possible and he was really tired to the point he couldn't keep his eyes open it's probably best to cancel plans just for this time instead of driving bc it could be dangerous, I get why his girlfriend would feel a bit disappointed thought

[@FlyingSquell]

If she goes without speaking to you for 2 days, bc she’s mad, she isn’t worth investing your time in. Things happen in life, disappointments are inevitable. The way we react to these disappointments is very telling about how we feel about another person. You need to feel loved, especially when you mess up. When we’re disappointed in someone, it’s natural to immediately be selfish, however, when you truly care about someone, you put yourself in their shoes and decide if you’re disappoint hurt, or angry hurt. In your situation, she should have felt disappointed, but not angry enough to even think about not speaking to you.

[@garden_creature]

@@FlyingSquell Love how it only takes one youtube comment for someone to assume they know everything about another person's relationship and that they should break up over it.

[@hillaryroethlisberger5990]

Start a dating app for people who have to watch this video first! I appreciate the work you're doing.

[@miranina1585]

My little grain of salt, evn a hurt forgiven is not forgot. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting about it. It mean moving forward with the pain the other person inflicted to you. When the person hurt you again in the same way again though throwing the mistake back into the argument isn't resentment, it's supporting the point that the second time hurt even more than the first. My ex kept hurting me in the same way over and over again and I forgave her but at some point started reminding her all the previous time she hurt me the same way, that I discussed it with her, she said sorry and she wouldn't do it again but still did it again. She told me I was just holding a grudge and these were only past and why I couldn't forgive her. It made me think ... I did forgive her, I didn't forget.

[@danielmilliken8903]

Well said I wish mine did that

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Couldn’t agree more. Repeated acts = broken trust for sure

[@Turnsnap]

What about the repeat offender? They are a bad person but I'd like to know why they can't change, why it's so hard for them? I feel like it's difficult for me to change some behaviors as well, maybe it's just incompatibility?

[@brianmitchell4442]

​@@Turnsnapbehaviors become ingrained in our mental pathways. We have to physically and mentally break ourselves away from bad cycles of behavior through repeated efforts. It's not a one and done to change negative personality traits or bad habits for most people. When stressed or faced with conflict most people fall into established patterns of behavior. Humans are creatures of habit after all.

[@shyrory]

That kind of mindset shouldn’t mean bringing it up as a way to blackmail in future arguments. That’s not true forgiveness either.

[@barbagianni7594]

Thank God I found you… my girlfriend would have broke up with me if I didn’t saw your videos and had some awareness. I’m reading also the books you suggested, they’re great!

[@Maria-mz1qw]

Thank you for this! Healthy needs doesnt work with a narcissist. Learned that the hard way.

[@fullgallupfarms]

For sure it doesn't!

[@xuemma-pb7ys]

even a call and be there with me when i had miscarriage …was not reasonable.. calling him while he was enjoying the bar and drinking with friends .My nac ex made me believe that all my needs was not reasonable …but i should respect him by leaving him be the selfish way as he was single

[@runr100]

​@@xuemma-pb7ysMine acted like he was there for me during my miscarriage, but had other priorities by the time I birthed. Choose a healthier partner to birth with.

[@xuemma-pb7ys]

@@runr100mine had 2 kids already so kept convince me it was not good time for us to have new baby ,but i was 40 yrd…and he did not care

[@tatiscolombia]

They push their unhealthy need of control as the most important and your healthy needs are 'irrational' and 'too much'.

[@RiannaMarieMentality]

It’s hard to imagine someone communicating so clearly and pleasantly. Also, congrats on the 1 million subs, you deserve it, your videos are so beneficial

[@Apreeyle]

After 24 years with a man that NEVER apologized. Gaslit. And refused to show affection or have intimacy. And would not communicate about anything. Stonewalling. Voicing my needs over and over. I filed for divorce last month. If they wanted to, they would. And if they don’t, then leave. You deserve real love.

[@Irmapowerbigpondcom]

I love how you say the sentences I need to hear

[@jm7514]

“ How we communicate matters.”

[@sachalopez2157]

How to communicate what you need in the relationship is the hardest part for me. It’s so hard for me to communicate effectively that I just want to give up and walk away from the relationship. I’d rather feel alone on my own than alone while in a relationship.

[@MyShapeofmyHeart]

Don't be afraid to authentically express your feelings you'll be pleasantly surprised that your partner will appreciate your openness and care about your feelings

[@ntildesley2071]

...or they will use it against you and twist everything around to blame you for everything. One or the other lol ​@@MyShapeofmyHeart

[@LauraJeanz]

It's very hard for me, too. I am working with a therapist and attending CoDA (codependents anonymous) meetings. Both help. Don't give up, you're worth the effort. ❤

[@KJ-lb4tj]

​@@MyShapeofmyHeartthey might if they are emotionally healthy themself. They won't if they aren't

[@samex8275]

I feel this heavy feeling in my heart because this video made me look back at my recent relationship that I was in where my emotional needs were not being met. I did not feel safe in that relationship because he hid me from his family. He was emotionally stunted, and could not become vulnerable with me or open up. I wish I had left sooner when I saw the signs that he was never going to tell his family about me, but I loved him and saw potential which is why I stayed. I let that go on for a year. I am the happiest I have been now because I am the partner that fulfills my needs. But I hope someone with a good heart and full with unconditional love crosses my path someday.

[@astrid8433]

I hope you are the best partner to yourself, like you said and that you meet the best partner for you in future. Don’t let this experience taint your desire to find the right person in future. You’re very strong, emotionally intelligent and insightful just by reading your comment I can see this. God bless ❤

[@samex8275]

@@astrid8433Thank you that means a lot.

[@lisamarieclark6778]

I'm gobsmacked with the lack of words. I'm only 8 minutes into this, and I know that 💯 our divorce was inevitable. Two decades of knowing and over thirteen years of marriage. I went to therapy, and he refused to get couples counseling. Or seeking any help on their own. Our children are older and out of the nest. The little eggs need me to be strong enough for us all.

[@lacrimamoisei2937]

Hi Lisa, the same for me, even I don't really know what that's means. It's painful anyway!

[@suebeesue7472]

its amazing how something will come up with those "little eggs" years down the line that make us stop and take a look back at what we could have done differently to prevent the hurt that they are now going through. My oldest daughter has shown me how much children pay attention to the things that the adults around them are doing. Just this last week she said 6 little words, words that hearing them come out of her mouth broke me to me core. even know i cant hardly type this cause I am about to start crying again. Those words broke me cause that is what I say, have said and still feel to this day. "Why am I not good enough" "Why cant they choose just me" "am I to broken to be loved" Man my heart hurts like hell for her right now.

[@og8425]

Doing God's work. We're moving from a time of duty to knowing what love is and what love requires. 💖

[@gracewaterfarm2023]

Unmet expectations are a huge source of conflict. And quite often they're unmet because we never said anything to let them know! I've passed along that advice to others, including my daughters. I still have unmet expectations, but in my case I have up years ago trying to sort through conflict because it was always my fault. I've been doing a lot of thinking, writing down thoughts and feelings, taking notes while watching your videos, and I have a friend who understands who is praying for me. I plan to write down what I want to say so she and her husband can proofread it and make sure I'm respectful but clear and not tackling too much at one go. If he's willing to listen to me, then we can have future discussing about specifics.

[@silverpony1]

I've never bookmarked a video so fast. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

This means so much! :)

[@ВикторияТурченко-м8ь]

My boyfriend has been failing to meet me for a week, holding over our appointments and cancelling twice without even a short notice or a decent reason. I knew he was struggling with his emotional well-being and overall pressure, so was supportive and didn't hold it against him. Today, I told my therapist I needed a word with her, and during our call, I dissolved into tears due to pent-up anxiety and uncertainy, because sure enough, his behaviour reinforced my concerns of being unimportant and not good enough to spend time with. My reaction stunned me. I didn't even realise it influenced me so. I also managed to pinpoint a trace of concern in me that I was probably overreacting, and that it was okay to cancel, and wasn't a big deal. And I wasn't sure my point of view was something of value up until this video. P. S. Have been watching you for quite a while. Very enlightening and always relevant to the point of hurting)

[@tallyh6992]

I’m not in a relationship, but watching your videos helped me identify some big red flags in someone I dated recently. Thank you ♥️

[@kwesh_42]

I am happy that this channel exists. Thank you.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

This is very kind of you!

[@LittleRedBee]

Thank you for this video. And yes. Only one person trying will make you unhappy and eventually make you sick.

[@emrosesupmat]

While waiting for the right time I know the right man will come in my life someday. Only God knows who will be the man . I am 46 years old. I value true love Joy peace and happiness and honesty live Love Laugh each day everyday. I love your content.

[@Lotusawj]

If you want healthy needs than there is no room for toxic behavior.

[@azuresea8086]

Helpful ! Each of these could be a video topic. Also maybe add a reminder that giving your partner a chance might include explaining yourself more than once. We sabotage ourselves by assuming that if they didn't make changes quickly that they just don't want to change. Change takes time so instead of that assumption, choose to find another way to explain it. But before you go at it each time, get their opt in by asking them if they'd be willing to revisit that previous request.

[@k3coddington]

This is the first time I've heard someone talk about Terry Real. I got two of his books few years back in an attempt to understand my husband's issues. Terry's work is so inciteful. But adding the information that you share has given me tools to help get us on a level communication field. We are both conflict avoidant, so it is really hard for us to actually "fight", this leads to so many stuffed-down feelings. He has listened to some of your videos and agreed to make a start, after 41 years of marriage, to try to develop the connection we need. Thanks so much Jimmy.

[@donttreadonme2]

@@k3coddington is he watching any videos? If so, is it helping? I'm trying to hold out hope with my husband/cov narc. Deep down, I think I know the chances of him ever getting help or even thinking he needs help with any "issues" he (or we) may have, are little to none. 😔

[@k3coddington]

@donttreadonme2 Sometimes, but only if I send him a link. Then he'll say, "That's interesting", and do nothing more. Sigh.

[@BabyJayOnline]

So much respect for your channel, thank you for sharing your knowledge. You are helping me understand relationships. That is a blessing, thank you!

[@rebeccae3458]

Around the 4 min mark: I would add that invalidation is also just ignoring the feelings altogether. When you open up about what you're feeling and are met with silence and them just continuing with what they were doing.

[@llamasinimpalas]

Also known as stonewalling

[@emmycochrane]

This is truly helpful thank you! I’ve been the one in my relationship being defensive, and invalidating my boyfriend who’s done so much for me. It’s time I change for the better and show him I want this relationship to be a healthy one. Thanks again so much this makes me feel better knowing more on what I can do. ❤

[@gaiusbaltar8915]

This video was really great. You touched on a great many nuances of this topic and treated all of them with great care. I especially appreciate that you hold both sides accountable. Questioning whether you have truly been respectful when bringing something up, "'I feel like you don't care about me' isn't a feeling", "It makes sense that the way I phrased this made you defensive" and generally pointing out that you need to be accountable for the things you do. Because let's be real here, these are the problems men seem to face more often when dealing with women. Doesn't mean men aren't causing their own share of problems in relationships. But these are the problems *men* face. And it really makes me feel heard to hear them addressed respectfully, because next to nobody seems to do that these days. These issues either get swept under the rug because the content is actually intended as feel-good emotional reinforcement for women, or it's being brought up in the redpill community as a means to justify resentment against women. Both of which is bad. Thank you for actually doing what you say you would.

[@A-0-x9v]

That's really interesting, because as a woman, this video speaks to my healthy needs that weren't being met by my ex-husband. Almost all of them. And I hear mainly from women that men are unable or unwilling to validate their emotions as equally valid and respond to them with sensitivity as Jimmy so eloquently explains.

[@sachacain9119]

This is the third time I have watched this. Jim, this is all great advice. My ex-husband and I went to a counselor. He had the seasons so manipulated that I was always the bad guy. We went for two years and I paid for every season. I am praying that at some point I will find someone who can have all these wonderful qualities.

[@contactful]

Thank you so, so much for sharing this. I’ve watched many videos about relationship issues and intimacy and this is by far the best one I’ve seen in terms of summing up the issues I faced in my relationship. We just broke up yesterday because of several of the issues you so clearly and concisely talked about here. It honestly felt like you were speaking to my specific situation. A few of my (healthy) needs weren’t being met, and after many, many difficult conversations, and attempts to change things I finally reached a breaking point. I had to accept that my partner simply wasn’t willing to or interested in doing the work needed for continued intimacy and connection. He showed me that through his choices. It took a long time, but I finally had to let go of my (unhealthy) need to make the relationship work even though I was the only one actually trying. It’s disappointing and painful, but I know the choice I made yesterday to finally let go of that need to make it work was the right one. And this video just deeply reaffirmed my certainty about it. Thank you so much. 🙏🏼

[@charisdonelson3621]

6:41 Jimmy, it’s so brave the way you share your passion and frustration in these videos. Both the funny ones and the constructive ones. Thank you for giving us the words.

[@farrukhalavi5460]

I don't need to watch this video... I need to watch it over and over again

[@melissaj2207]

Congrats!!!!🎉 ONE MILLION! Tons of diligent work pays off!! Great job!!!👏

[@dariadavis4277]

I really enjoy watching your videos, I was kicking myself all day about my fights with my boyfriend, and these videos give me powerful insights about how to overcome challenges with men. Thank you. I am forever grateful!! 💜🙏

[@GALIALORBERFELD]

I love my partner telling me he loves me or show it to me in different ways .. but this video really opened my eyes not to become to needy .. last partner was more compatible to me in that way and I was enjoying so much , but we broked up for other reasons . This new partner doesn’t like to call me or text me so much. Very little in comparison to the other . I guess I just need to regulate myself into the new way of my actual partner and appreciate the other nice things he does have . Thank you for all your info .. it’s amazing !

[@qposton25]

Ive tried family counseling and 1 on 1 therapy and none of them broke it down the way you just did. Thank you

[@Inari4877]

You weigh up both sides, if your other needs are being met enough then you grieve the parts that are not being met because you can't have all needs met 100% of the time and you become okay with grieving the 'extras'. That part of the video had me in tears. I'm so stuck on this right now.

[@Hannutha420]

I never had a relationship but the knowledge you provide is so important and valuable to me. Thanks for the work you do.

[@PowderLlamma]

Thanks for helpful advice. As a deeply entrenched avoidant entering midlife, I realized my life approach had pushed away any decent person and I was surrounded by other enablers like myself…I became exhausted with the moral flexibility of those close to me as well as my myself. Dropping the it’s ok for me, but not for others is a must before any of the other concepts can be actualized.

[@Hannah-fy2sf]

Listening to this as I work on recovering from abusive relationship. This helped validate everything I did to try and solve our problems. I kept trying. I worked for almost a year to try and get communication and solve problems. But after being shut down every time, and a huge stressful event, I gave up. A side of their character I never saw before became exposed when I tried to leave. Someone who used to make me feel the safest in the world, who helped me escape an unsafe living situation, became terrifying to me. It’s verging helpful to hear my therapist and sources like these reaffirm I did do all the right things. I did all I could. It’s not my fault. I’m trying to remember that.

[@quiltscatsandkids]

It was a lot of information all at once so it’s possible that I missed it. But I feel like in my relationship that one of my biggest needs that is not being met is when I finally allow myself to be vulnerable and share my thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. he wants to “fix my problems“ instead of just being a compassionate listener and giving me some sympathy or empathy.sometimes I just need to share how I’m feeling and I don’t need to fix anything.

[@shannahb4777]

I have that problem, I'm like him. I'm a fixer because I don't want someone I care about to be hurting. I learned to ask from the start, "do you need me to just listen, fix and solve and come up with solutions, or do you need me to fight for you?" This has been huge for me

[@shannahb4777]

*"or do you need to just vent?"

[@xplorcraftsnsigncarschic7384]

This is one of my favorites...well spoken and explained live these videos! I wish I knew these tools, this understanding n knowledge to save my marriage a decade ago I didn't know how to fight right, or communicate better as I was isolated and controlled and wasn't allowed friends or family to reach out to... This is awesome..thank you for doing these videos

[@christinasophieschultz5081]

My parents make me sick. I clearly, and maturely TELL reflected my needs tell and they pull away every time. I ask them every time why they act this way. No response. This makes a peaceful grown up life with family members impossible. And the worst is, I’m actually right but they make you feel sick, wrong and worthless. Because they disrespect me. I just want to run away from them. Thank you for your video ❤

[@neowolf09]

I absolutely love that quote, i appreciate you sharing that. And the addition of unhealthy needs. Addressing questions I might have before they're asked, thank you so much for your content. This was very helpful for me. I learn so much from this channel and I don't think I'd be healing as well as i am from my relationship traumas without your content. Id also like to add that this kind of advice is useful for all kinds of relationships, friendships and family members as well. I can't thank you enough for what you do. 🙏🙂‍↕️

[@ScottNewsom]

I'm so glad to have come across your channel. You've helped me in my understanding of both myself and my partner in immeasurable ways. With the clarity you've helped me obtain through your gently understanding and quite often, humourous depictions of how each side is and can be, I'm hopeful my partner an I will be able to start our healing journey. Keep it up. Thank you so very much.

[@marci.0222]

Hey Jim, As a former teacher, I want to applaud the great content you share! Because you have so much excellent content- it would be helpful for me if you would take one item and select the additional information as support. You are doing that, but because there’s so much content coming so quickly it’s difficult for me to digest. I thought I’d share that because if I am feeling that others may be as well. Thank you so much for your work and again, for sharing all of this important and helpful information!

[@amandabarrett2472]

He literally talked about both of us. I cried through the whole vid

[@marinadecassi]

People with need for control don’t perceive it that way. This is a particular unhealthy need that would benefit from an exclusive video in which you can give examples of what control might look like and where is the hidden need for control in it. Thank you. 😉

[@imshubhamcodex]

Nice man, you just gave me a different perspective to think, relationship is something people don't talk about.

[@mybootscamewithoutstraps]

This video was so bang on for what we're going through right now and I sent it to them. Truly hoping they take the time to listen, hear what you're saying, and take it seriously. Really wild for me to watch this randomly and have it be so spot on. Ty Jimmy.

[@niki9669]

Love this video! I am shocked when I see how many dating and relationship Coaches here on KZbin recommend that women "submit" to a man. This sounds so last century and is just the opposite of what´s been recommended here. Thank you so much!

[@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh]

There have certainly been a lot of misconceptions and negative connotation and emphasis on women submitting, but it’s definitely about mutual submission. Loving someone sacrificially is a form of submitting in a way and Ephesians tells men to love their wife as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her. Not just women submitting to men. It takes a lot of humility to be in a healthy relationship!

[@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh]

There’s definitely been a lot of negative connotation and emphasis on women submitting to men. But the sacrificial love God calls men to love their wives, that’s a form of submission. I think there’s a lot of misconceptions and unfortunately even abuse of these verses and terms. But it takes a lot of humility from both sides to have a healthy and mutually fulfilling relationship.

[@niki9669]

@@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh I'm not a native speaker so I'm not completely sure about all connotations of the word submission. But I wouldn't call it submission at all. I'd rather call it surrender. And if in a couple both surrender to each other that's besutiful.

[@Misyeli]

​@@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xhLOVELY ❤

[@SuperNerd57]

@niki9669 As a native english speaker, and a believer, I think “surrender” is a perfect word to use in this instance. The word “submit” had negative connotations in english because it has been misused so much to say that a person should obey and serve a person in authority without question, even to their own detriment, but that is not the intent of the teachings mentioned above. We are meant to serve and sacrifice for each other equally, meaning I should be able to trust that even if I am vulnerable and giving toward my partner, I will not be taken advantage of, and they will likewise pour back into me with vulnerability and giving, and know I will not take advantage of them.

[@sarahkercheval8964]

Been watching you since the beginning and I am sooo happy you kept making videos! So helpful! Ty for your help in my relationship ❤❤❤❤ you’re def one reason we are still together

[@Lou41038]

Thank you Jimmy. So much. Understanding English is a gift especially to learn about your videos! It helps a lot!

[@milomazli]

yesssss!!! my prayers have been answered!!! Thank you Jimmy!!!!!

[@leaa.n.a.1263]

Thank you, Jimmy, I love your channel. It's so great to know I'm on the right way and to get those helpful tips. And so much to learn 😊

[@emetee217]

Sometimes the past mistakes keep repeating themselves as new fights. Don't feel like you're "holding on to resentment," when what is actually happening is painful invalidating behaviors repeating in similar ways. Different fight/same argument.

[@jennifercox-arnett5602]

Hell yesss! You took the roof off the place for me! I couldn't have said it any better!🎉😊👍👏

[@brokenpremise]

Very comprehensive video. Your ability to articulate and frame relationship issues with fairness and deep caring ( and great advice!) is truly impressive.

[@tatiscolombia]

Thank you so much. I'm in the process of healing from an abusive relationship and I feel this pointers are really useful to build a healthy relationship in the future, or recognize early and unhealthy one and take actions.

[@justarandomonion25]

You're still doing your intro and I already felt my feelings are validated.

[@ΣοφίαΔομιανοπούλου]

It's like listening about my relationship with my husband. I am the "needy" who attacks because I feel ignored, not appreciated and definitely not safe.

[@javrodriguez823]

Wow! What a powerful video! This hit to the core completely. Thank you for sharing these very important points

[@scottmcmillen3015]

The Gottmans’ studies found that how participants handled the first few minutes of a conflict had *predictive* value for whether they would be together six years later. It is not accurate to say that it “determined” whether they would. It’s not “A causes B;” it’s “When we observe A, we are more likely to observe B, and vice versa.” This may seem like a fine distinction, but it reminds us that it’s never as simple as doing one thing to have a healthy relationship. Those first few minutes are a good indicator of broader relationship dynamics, but it’s not as though they are the one moment that counts. Edit: Still a great video filled with wisdom to live by. Thank you for laying these topics out so well.

[@dianakosa5915]

Thank you Jimmy! That was hugely helpful! You hit on a number of things my husbsnd and I are struggling with. Your advice and insight are right on the money on so many relational topics! Keep doing what youre doing. Its helping so many people!!

[@sadiaswr]

You are so right, 3 years in to marriage our communication was pretty solid respectable but year 4 we have our first child wow communication is messed up. Needs not met everywhere its a mess. Relearning. It hurts to correct yourself!!!

[@monicahenley6055]

Thank you. Both my fiancé and I watch your videos. You have really helped us learn how to have a healthy relationship

[@small11989]

Wow, this whole video sadly summed up my past marriage and all the faults it had. So sad, but “I can see clearly now the rain has gone” ⛅️

[@skrepon13]

My typing skills need to get better. I am watching a lot of your videos and taking notes, but even at .5 speed, the amount of information you are providing is amazing. Probably because I have so much to learn yet. But still, thank you for the clarity these videos are providing to me. I hope to use this to save my marriage.

[@Unfilteredalyssa1227]

This honestly made me cry. Its helping me heal by hearing all of this

[@emsee5438]

These communication tips work in friendships and families too. Any relationship…not just romantic

[@Joy-mm3cz]

Absolutely. Also can help in the work place too.

[@JETTSTACHI]

I asked my partner to please not leave me alone in the path of an approaching hurricane. I'm a 63 y.o. female and can't move or see like I used to and was very afraid. He said, "you'll be fine," and went to stay with other family members. The storm passed. It was terrifying. Other than tripping over debris and bruising some ribs, I was physically spared. Mentally and emotionally, still suffering. Am I too needy? I don't want him in my presence any longer.

[@Joy-mm3cz]

No, you are NOT too needy IMO. I wouldn’t leave a partner that has some challenges ( mobility/eyesite) during an upcoming hurricane. If I couldn’t be with them(due to whatever circumstances) I would bring them with me to where I was going (ex: family members home). IMO, that is someone who doesn’t value your need for physical/emotional safety.

[@JETTSTACHI]

@@Joy-mm3cz Thank you, Ms. Joy. Unfortunately, it wasn't the first time he's made me feel unsafe, but it is the last time. God help me. Bless you!

[@Thingwithlegs]

Get that man out of your life

[@sallybella8824]

You get to choose him again or not choose him again. It's up to you. I sure wouldn't. Screw that. I'd move on.

[@SOS1818]

Omg, no... you are 1000% okay to feel that way, my heart goes out to you.. that must have been so sad and scary to go through.. I'm sorry he wasn't there for you when you needed him :(

[@chaneirashiny5113]

Thank you very much your videos help me to lead a healthy relationship for my environment and myself❤🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@sagesufferswell]

You just described my current situation. Thank you for validating my experience.

[@nataliemilloy1304]

This was awesome! Thank you! Will you do a video about control hidden under the label of boundaries or needs? Love your content!

[@monicanelson3279]

Super great. I feel like I can actually put theory to practice to get better in my relationship watching these. Thank you!

[@ShannonP216]

Always full of such good information.

[@dianayanchovska9920]

That was very helpful, I needed to hear it. Thank you for what you’re doing, it’s invaluable!

[@_mateofajardo]

This video is insane. Your words got me literally verbally saying "oh my god" . Will definitely re-watch this video for note taking.

[@housr6]

The sorry that repeats the what was heard. The same skill we use in business when listening. Complement with an actual, so it isn’t empty. Do it in the relationship- listen so you can repeat, what you actually heard not thought 😊

[@chaosthedj]

Thank you very much for sharing and doing what you do! Your videos are going to help me to become the man I need to be, for the both of us.

[@ckfodel]

Thank you for this. ❤ exceptional timing.

[@sonyavail1585]

He always puts my thoughts into words

[@milomazli]

14:50 unhealthy needs. AMAAAAZING!! Thanks Jimmy!

[@m0012]

5:30 it gets confusing when there's a frequent repeat issue, at a certain point when you're forgiving every week or every day it just doesnt work towards building trust anymore

[@irayy]

Congrats on hitting 1 MILLION man

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Thank you!! :)

[@Joy-mm3cz]

Wow, I hadn’t heard that if a partner does accept the influence shared that relationship usually ends 81% of the time. That was definitely a huge factor in my marriage. I wanted to do couples counseling to work on our communication and he refused. So I started therapy and went for about 9 months before I realized he wasn’t ever going to go nor work on his part of the relationship. I ended up leaving after 24 yrs and only then did he say he would try counseling. We never ended up going(other outside circumstances/covid). Ty for all of your advice/videos. I’m much better off. Physically and mentally than I’ve ever been.

[@daljitvirdi1024]

Thanks Jimmy for another great video and for your expertise and advice 😊💖🙏.

[@marisa9217]

Thank you so much for this valuable content! 🧡

[@illyriarose]

Your wife's plants are amazing!!

[@b-randy1382]

By far one of the best videos on KZbin! Thank you so much! Also, where are these healthy men? 👀

[@tarawarren8573]

I didn’t feel anything that you described.. I’m no longer with the individual.. I went to a counselor and was told if I had the resources to get the hell out.. and I am happy on my own. Lesson learned. The relationship was unrequited..

[@joydavis1670]

Good stuff. Thank you so much. Keep it coming

[@deborahmontgomery7881]

I got the book about conflict to connection by the Gottmans and I want to say thank you. It really helps me put things in perspective.

[@laurenorourke8344]

Intimacy and sexual needs are super important

[@sharicoburn5475]

Can you talk about how our partners treat others, not just us? A disrespectful, uncivil person is still going to eventually do it to us too. Seek truly good people.

[@wendyandfriends]

Excellent and very helpful, clarifying video message. Thank you!

[@mae.]

This was really helpful, thank you. I am a highschooler trying to navigate my relationship. Your videos really help me to do so and to understand what maturity means. I really appreciate your videos so much. You have no idea how helpful you are. If you have a podcast of some sort, please share it. I would be very interested in listening.

[@reinettevisser6320]

Great advice. Thanks so much.