Repairing Self-Abandonment: People Pleasing, Anxious Attachment, and Developing Self-Worth

[@Sophia-yo9rp]

Wow imagine having a dad like Dr Rick.

[@Aja_risingsoul]

Unimaginable!i would love to…

[@choreomaniacle]

Would be great fortune; hopefully everyone at least finds a mentor like him early in life

[@seminatarelli434]

Every time Forest says "Dad" a part of me melts and heals. Thank you for doing these videos and for the value you provide

[@hristuppiteitinu]

What they have is so special, as a father and a son it is healing for me to see

[@lauraluey]

It's absolutely gorgeous and heart-warming

[@mayaliii]

Isn’t it so brilliant and so refreshing!

[@dr.gaosclassroom]

I feel the same way. It is so lovely to see them so close!!

[@sunnyadams5842]

Meee toooo 😊 my dad is such a covert horror show, listening to these two reaffirms my faith in humankind AND MYSELF. They prove to me I was never crazy to believe there was something missing from my father's mind and Love for me.

[@ht7cs]

For many neurodivergent people, especially those with a late diagnosis (and possibly including people with CPTSD) its not merely a situation of choosing to hide feelings and needs. We've often shoved those down so deeply that we don't even KNOW what our needs and want are! It's extremely complicated to work through all of that.

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

count me out, I'm cptsd, brain damaged, mold toxic brain, post stroke and concussions covid swad damaged, etc.....and I NEVER shoved my needs down. I spoke of them, cried them out, requested...and was still shot down. So, not all of us stuff. But it got me more abused. I just can't even be abled a victim in hiding. It made no difference though. I think we have to stop labeling everything and just pain work on the damage, syndromes, and move forward. I didn't grow up with all thee labels I would have been in the 80s and I'm so glad!

[@Superior.scenicmoods]

@@Jennifer-gr7hnjust ask for help is the biggest gaslighting routine pulled on people in trouble…. Its criminal. There’s not enough or adequate help. You have to help yourself. Little steps everyday all day. This app is a fount of the latest information. Eat it up. Practice. And good luck. Get into nature. Grounding. Get out of known toxic environments. I can predict that people will say ‘I can’t’, okay. Then don’t. Sometimes it takes doing what you think you can’t.

[@CharlotteB.]

That's so true! What do you put instead of pleasing and thinking about other people first when you have no idea who you are yourself! That's a huge problem.

[@woodflower1]

@@Jennifer-gr7hnbravo and well said…I hear you 🌸

[@IntergalacticNeonNinja]

❤

[@gdmnsdgl]

“truth-telling is the bridge that gets us across the river of suffering” - omg what a quote

[@microfx]

ends in complete isolation

[@aptkeyboard3173]

Forrest is not a therapist but he is more knowledgeable than any therapist I’ve ever had.

[@renek.6434]

A therapist doesn't need much knowledge in my opinion. They need to have their own issues worked through, so they are not acting them out on you ;)

[@sunnyadams5842]

More insightful, compassionate and able to articulate the more GRANULAR aspects of human psychology! Love you guys and your work. What a treat. ❤

[@tyruswatson2115]

Yes. And I know more that all my therapists. It's sad.

[@SarahSodaJ1]

I have had some very good therapist and a couple of not so good. I have a great therapist at the present time who is educated in childhood trauma. When I was speaking of incompetence I was referring more to the present day with other professionals. I have nothing bad to say about the psychologists, psychiatrists, or counsellors I've seen over the years. It's the medical physicians I've met that are incompetent and even negligent.

[@catherinek5221]

❤

[@corylcreates]

"When safety feels more important than authenticity." Whew this hit hard as a trauma survivor. Learning how to be safe after leaving truly, really unsafe spaces is so, so hard.

[@michaldaumcohen]

❤

[@daichiverse]

it so is. but the fact that one day it's possible to finally be able to stand for authenticity and already have the safety is healing, somewhat. ❤

[@studland123]

Yes, that hit home and made so much sense. I’ve just listened to his Fawning podcast, the wise and intelligent child learns this to stay safe. In a sense , the youngster was a hero. 😊

[@yamlwoz]

I'm 67. Daughter of a covert narc mother. I've been reading and youtubing myself to mental health since my mid 20s. This video has achieved more than I could ever explain. I've still been too terrified to say No to mother, even at my age. You've changed my life. Honestly. Tears of gratitude and relief. Thank you both 🥰

[@HeleneDeCarlo]

WOW!!! Is all I can say as well. I'm 66 years old and grew up myself with a malignant Narcissist of a mother who cared less about my life and well-being. Thank you, Forrest and Dr. Rick for changing my mindset for the better and for a better future. Learning not to put yourself first and ignoring my needs really put me in a dark and dangerous place. I'm thankful and grateful for this phenomenal presentation. God bless.

[@gblim398]

Ditto. Male, 59, enmeshed with my covert narcissist mother. Total doormat. Self-loathing. Hollowed out. 😑

[@yamlwoz]

@@gblim398 run if you can. I really understand and feel for you. I'd have gone no contact years ago if I knew that was something you could do. Now I live 50 yards away from mine. Fortunately not within sight. Leave yours behind if you can. Love to you ❤️

[@michaelmcclellanjr9831]

​@@gblim398how do I know if she is a covert narc?

[@gblim398]

@michaelmcclellanjr9831 I am no expert on the subject. In fact, although it has always been very clear to my sibs and me that mom has serious issues, it's only been a couple of years since I figured out exactly what it is: covert (aka vulnerable) narcissism. There are countless videos on this topic here on KZbin, but if you want to look at a quick checklist of the behaviors that define covert narcissism, google: "Charlie Health vulnerable narcissist" And good luck.

[@dr.gaosclassroom]

It is so nice to see a father and son enjoy this kind of heart to heart conversation. I am Chinese. It is rather rare to have this kind of connection between parents and children among my Chinese friends and family members. Maybe I haven't meet enough Chinese people. I certainly do not have this kind of relationship with my parents. I am working on building this kind of connection with my kid. Thank you so much for sharing this. It is very helpful!!

[@_ZiXin_]

yeah it’s rare in Asian households. I’m grieving the potential connection I could build with my parents at the moment

[@Initwithlove]

You are breaking a generational pattern. I’m happy for you.❤

[@dr.gaosclassroom]

I feel the same way. But sometimes, one has to give up when it is simply not possible due to the cultural gaps and historical reasons one faces. I find Taoism offers a lot help when it comes to ease the pain about this kind of loss. I become more at ease once I realise that as long as I accept who I am, it does not matter if my parents do not accept me or reject me because I can not meet their ridiculous exceptions. I wish you the very best and find your own happiness. @@_ZiXin_

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

It is beautiful :) You are WISE for being here, which means you are going to break the cycle I your family and culture!

[@dr.gaosclassroom]

Hi, Jennifer. Thank you for this thoughtful response. I appreciate your understanding and your love for Chinese culture. I am also very attracted to the Italian culture. The architecture, the paintings, the sculptures, the music, and of course, the poetry and novels. Although I had never been to Italy, I would love to visit there one day. I have been watch this channel because I admire their courage to take on radical changes and am touched by his honesty and openness. I find their family so wholesome and educational. Like you said, I need to break the cycle and be the authentic person I am and build my connection with my child from there because it will be real connection. Thank you again and I hope we can all grow to be more loving and authentic as persons. @@Jennifer-gr7hn

[@nwayoo9559]

OMG this spoke to me so much. As a black woman, I have had experience of saying no, which has had consequences. Before I even say no, I am seen as agressive or uppity. I’ve tried to make myself so small to feel safe. I am now cultivating a sense of security for myself, for the first time I am learning to trust myself.

[@ashleyen3]

❤️

[@rannshuman]

You can be free.

[@Hello-hello-hello456]

The sad effects of sexism

[@m.mmussenden8338]

You are awesome. Celebrate yourself.🎉❤

[@Victoria-hz3gx]

I'm a white woman and this is me too x

[@whowearereally6494]

As the youngest of four, and the only girl with a farmer father, I have just figured out that I was never allowed to practice boundaries, which made me feel very uneasy around men, my whole life, most human beings to be honest, but I’ve hid it very well and done some successful things only to have it all come rifling up to the top now - alone later in life feeling like the abandoned child. It bothers me greatly as I want to be there for my sons of my grandson. I want the dream. However, I’m just so sad and hollow inside no one has ever reached out to me. Everyone has always treated me as if I was unusual, even though I treat everyone around me as number one.

[@erinreily5920]

Well said❤

[@Liliarthan]

This seems like a small thing, but the way that Forrest was able to say “the one thing I’m going to ask you to do dad, is not to put the (paper) pad in front of the microphone… put it more to the side of your face…” and then for Rick to respond with compliance (following Forrest’s instructions) and humour! I found my own anxiety jump up as soon as Forrest started saying that, in recognition of times when I tried to express a reasonable need or request in the past and for it to be met with defensiveness or hostility or a whole host of negative responses. To see this interaction feels so foreign to me, and I now feel so sad for my inner parts that held those experiences and wounds and are now telling other parts to shut up and suppress needs as a way to stay safe. 😔 These videos help me a lot, bit by bit, by showing me beyond the content what healthy interactions/relationships can look like. I find myself having deep admiration for you both (and Elizabeth) for being able to heal to a good enough state to form these relationships and the generosity to share these with us. I also find myself experiencing some envy of your relationships, and wishing that I could have that too.

[@linguipster1744]

I felt the same. Something in me was screaming „omg don’t say that!!“. Thank you for putting it into words so well.

[@marrrweee]

Thank you for saying that - and bless your strong heart for continuing to choose to find love for all of your different parts ❤ you know, one thing about it (😂) is that I just *know* reading these kind of comments that we are soooo much more than just survivors or something like that. The overwhelming majority of us have soo much compassion, peace and love inside of us that it’s honestly practically overflowing. The only wall to that well just happens to be something that, let’s imagine, some evil corporation built many years ago that is starting to break down, and the righteously angry but peaceful villagers are chipping away at, brick by brick. There’s my lil piece for you :) as you gave to us. Good luck ❤

[@Liliarthan]

@@marrrweee thank you, and I completely agree. In fact, I think that out of all of our experience with pain and suffering, it’s allowed a lot of us to be able to recognise and connect with others who are in pain. Once we are able to heal to a good enough state (and it doesn’t have to be for every aspect of us), many of us go on to become healers and passionate advocates. I wish you all the best on your journey, also 🪴

[@iw9338]

Yes, I too feel a bit of envy. When I see mother's and daughter together it makes me sad I didn't have that.😢😮😅❤

[@chasing-mental-clarity]

It made cringe too, but I’m still unsure as to why exactly. I’ll try to dig. I think for me, I see it as saving face, or putting the other in a negative light. In my experience and culture (Mexican) you don’t put others in a negative light and correcting someone publicly is to say you’re doing something wrong, therefore you now lose credibility or whatever. I think it’s a mix of my culture and my experience with authority figures as a child with adhd and such. Alas, I recognize that there are other ways of thinking about this, and there is a way to look at this that doesn’t cause my nervous system to flare for really no good reason 🙂

[@skyyy1977]

One of the reasons we say yes is because of a void inside that makes us unsure what we need. So beneath self abandonment is a lack of self. It’s easier (almost always a relief) to say yes when somebody else proposes something. At least for a while I’m becoming what they need, there’s no void. This is lifelong work in getting to first know and then come to love our selves. Edited at 8:17 when Forrest says “lack of a strong interior”. Yes! Exactly. I’ve found through somatic therapy that I do in fact have a robust interior, but it’s buried so deep that my therapist and I gently joke that around others my “signal gets weak” 😅

[@Penge362]

This resonates so much, thank you for the insight.

[@donnamarchetti2129]

What a good way to put it: around others my signal seems to dim and I can’t access it much.

[@skyyy1977]

I credit my lovely therapist for it ❤

[@sunnyadams5842]

That hit me too. Around others my signal gets muddled and too weak or too strong. Been working to close the gap between my public and my private self...selves? 😂It's a little scary sometimes.

[@Hello-hello-hello456]

Sometimes it's just a knee jerk reaction because of people-pleasing tendencies

[@hamishriddell2113]

Bless the algorithm for sending me this today. Thank you for the deeply compassionate way you explore this topic.

[@MrWhatever1234567]

Blessed be the algorithm 🙌🏼 I got mine today too

[@saloshniejagathesan1577]

The penny just dropped for me... I never ever thought of ' self abandonment' until this video popped up! We know and resent what others have done or are doing to us, yet we go ahead and do it to ourselves!

[@iw9338]

Wow, it's so true😮

[@CreativeArtandEnergy]

This topic is HUGE. I'm going through it asking for more support.

[@LiminalDrag]

Wonderfully insightful video. The belief that I'm the "worst in the world." The self-loathing and shame whenever I do or say the wrong thing just destroys me. I'm so angry and disgusted at myself for not preempting or controlling something that should have been obvious. It turns everyday stuff into a long string of traumatic events. I must be perfect and invisible at all times.

[@TashaCreatesStuff]

funnily enough i feel the same way. You've articulated it well. Today, someone in my family told me I hurt them by saying something insensitive. I remember making the remark but i'm still struggling to see how it could be taken that way. I feel shitty when I think about something I said, and still shitty when I say something I haven't already been feeling shitty about.

[@meerakothari4683]

Thank you for expressing this so well. I feel the same way. It's like seeing my inner world put into words. Thank you so much for taking the time to share. 😊🙏🏼

[@ooulalah4333]

Been to many psychologists and psychiatrists over decades and none ever addressed self-abandonment. This concept is life changing. Seems critical to understand this in order to stop beating one's self up and make positive life changes.

[@vestaosto]

The Enneagram talks about a certain "life strategy" where people "delete themselves", which is the Nr. 9. Might be interesting for you.

[@micheleinacharles-hazellem1968]

It’s just brilliant

[@TheOneTheyCallTim]

I have spent the past 4 years working on my abandonment issues and I never once thought to flip the table and see that I abandoned myself.

[@lauraluey]

I felt so emotional when Rick showed the different perspectives of the small circle self and the big circle world/ others, compared to the big circle self and the small circle world/ others Seeing it put so simply allowed me to feel a deeper recognition of when I feel most likely to self abandon - is when I feel small compared to everyone around me, and I somewhat automatically believe and feel that I come second to everyone And conversely, when I feel more grounded within myself in the times where I am just being myself without needing to try and be anything other than who I am in that moment, and how freeing that can feel I generally only feel that self-assurance at certain times when I am by myself, and I have taken the time to choose to encourage myself that I'm okay being who I am I want to practice working on being that encourager and acceptor of me, allowing myself to be important in my life. The visual reminder of the circles was helpful and is something I want to intentionally embody This is the first video of yours that I have seen, and I am so grateful to have stumbled upon it, particularly because self abandonment is something that deeply impacts my life, and I adored the energy and thoughtfulness you both brought to the conversation Thank you, Forrest and Dad :)

[@confusedbutgotthespirit]

hey, i just wanted to say that what you said really resonated with me, and that if you wanna chat about all this, idk, just discuss how self-abandonment affected our lives and how we’re coping with it - feel free to hit me up :)

[@lori6156]

I have to say I have listened to at least 100 different podcasts on grief, shame, family dysfunction and dynamics and you have provided many “aha” moments to resolve self abandonment! So Glad I found your podcasts! Thank you and Happy Easter!!

[@Lisa-tk7ku8dr4k]

Absolutely tragic childhood and just thinking about talking about my needs or receiving empathy is such a hard thing to except. I would get beat yelled at or attack for showing emotion. I was told to not show my depression anxiety or feelings. Im a woman divorced and these topics are such hard topic but its good to listen that there is help.

[@devonsteinke]

Im convinced that God drew some of you to this video in a timely point of your life because thats how i feel for myself too.

[@Mary-ug1et]

Oh so right

[@L4LA0412]

Yes

[@EV4UTube]

I'm convinced there is no God; people just select everything Good and blindly attribute to God and everything Bad and attribute it to something else. What other entity, with the same attribution strategy, would not be deemed as wonderful? Here's an idea, how about we acknowledge and honor the tangible, measurable, demonstrated hard work and dedication these guys invested and avoid paying homage to an invisible, inaudible, intangible, imperceptible sky-daddy. Just a thought.

[@Zar2244]

​@@EV4UTubeAgree. Where is God in war committed on innocent civilians?

[@turquoisoul]

You're absolutely right. God bless you 🙏❤

[@iAmAnimalMedicine]

Can’t heal alongside a narcissist but you can run far away from them and heal yourself. Dear fellow narc scapegoats, I’m sorry your dad happened to you, you deserved better and it’s not in your head. I believe in you. You’re special, you’re talented, you’re smart, you’re a good person, you’re worthy of respect and you’re resilient af. all ya gotta do to earn your keep aka be unconditionally loved is to exist. I’m proud of you. you’re gonna go far, kid. Ps that’s a good dad

[@SDMeadows1111]

If I could only express in words how helpful this episode has been. To many, therapy is simply not accessible, financially or otherwise. Thank you so much! 🙏🕊❤️

[@sunnyadams5842]

And it is completely possible to heal without therapy if you can be honest with yourself. If that is a presenting issue- being deeply out of touch and in denial- self-therapy probably won't work out too well to move you into a different pattern of existence. You'll just justify and solidify the same dysfunctional and maladaptive mechanisms that you are actually trying to shed. Good luck everybody. Be Honest.

[@leila595]

One thing I did abandon myself for is the interaction... like... the life experience that was, at that moment, better than no life at all. It's a damaging option, either way, because there's cost in both choices. I was so bored in a household full of negativity and emotionality that never concerned me, always, always the self-centered adults around. Horrific in its own way, boredom and the feeling that you're just withering before having had a chance to grow. Like waiting to slowly decay, whilst still alive.

[@Teirarara]

I feel like I could have typed this. Thank you for putting these feelings into words.

[@awomen1072]

Like a flower wilting in the sun..I always felt I was living in a waiting room at docs or dentist kind of feel..😢

[@oliviacadena2036]

I can definitely relate to you!!! Awful feeling that is!! ❤❤😢

[@leila595]

@@oliviacadena2036 I'm sorry that you went through it as well.. Warm vibes your way!

[@marrrweee]

Wow very poetically put - ❤

[@awakening383]

Just wanted to say how much I deeply appreciate you and your dad making this type of wisdom accessible to us. It is truly healing and so needed in this world. Thank you.

[@jiji_arra]

This is one of the most well done pieces of content I have heard for trauma survivors and healers of C/PTSD, and I have absorbed an abundant amount of content on the topic. I have written word-for-word notes during this talk and plan to revisit it often and incorporate it into my healing journey. Thank you, immensely. 🤲🏼

[@northerngaltrue]

I did the same thing! Pages of notes. I intend to post the yellow pad diagrams and check in with myself daily. Where is self in relation to other?

[@LynnMcAllister]

“Truth telling is the bridge that gets us across the river of suffering” I love this quote ❤ thank you.🙏

[@Userinterfaceexperience]

Your dad's voice is just so healing on its own. Sending lots of wonderful good vibes to you.

[@shureenaimar6159]

I can’t say how grateful I am to have come across this episode! I really needed this! Thank you Forrest and your team so very much!

[@ForrestHanson]

Thanks for watching!

[@angelagreen7388]

Story of my life! Five years ago I finally learned who the narcs and who the people pleasers in my family were. My eyes were open and realized my worth as a person and deserve better. To this day, I still struggle with self abandonment especially when left alone, losing interest in hobbies or projects. But I've made the first few steps to self love, but, the struggle is still there. Watching your video has given me the hope that I needed and most importantly things I needed to hear. Thank you so much!

[@antoinettebefree]

Thank you for bringing up the points at 38:20. The acknowledgment was important but I replayed to see if I missed something that could be integrated and 😕. As an educated Black woman with a big mouth…life for me ain’t been no crystal stairs and folks always trying to put certain people in their place. But I’ll continue to walk with this question since self abandonment for me became illness, surgery, and then dealing with medical racism. Le sigh. Beautiful conversation nonetheless and beautiful to witness a healthy parent-child relationship.

[@lulusworld2703]

Oh my goodness Hansons! You rock! This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I connected to the loss of my self connection. There is real grief there.There is a wound and so many parts that I feel I have not cared for. Thank you, both of you for providing a guiding light that I so needed... It made me think: in a world where we spend years in school with some of the topics we are forced to learn is actually pointless knowledge that we will never use. Yet neither our teachers or our parents ever teach us how to navigate our inner worlds, how to manage ourselves, our emotions, how to learn to embody ourselves fully, how to be resilient, how to keep the nervous system regulated and robust etc... Instead here I am at 54, still dealing with parts of me that I have denied and abandoned because that was how I learnt to cope. The worst part is that I am not alone in this... So the question is ...why?Why are we not taught the skills to become fuller human beings? In the very least, to navigate life with greater skill?

[@buffienguyen]

thank you Forrest for thinking about a diversity perspectives :) therapy tools are not always universal and applying them selectively is definitely a skill

[@bleachedout805]

Dude you are the only person that has made any sense of the subject of mental health on this platform.

[@desertbanshee3649]

I appreciate Rick’s suggestion of healthy anger, when we are fed up. 37:03

[@CocoKmimi]

This hit so hard. I couldn’t keep listening. Childhood trauma/neglect drove me to be resilient. But the pendulum swung way too far. My resilience is driven by a need to be in service to others (absolutely to the extent of self abandonment). I’ve made progress over the years in therapy. However, my daughter died suddenly three years ago and all growth stopped. The only thing that got me out of bed for three years is my malignant disease to please, “they need me. I have to provide for them. Who else will do it?” I need to come back to this video in a few days because I can’t unravel. If I remove the blinders, I may collapse

[@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat]

38:32 Right on! As a female there will be repercussions for me.. I am trying to be around people safe people where I can start to set boundaries to stop unfairness or being talked down to.

[@DerekRichardson-k8c]

I am curious about self-punishment. Belief that I am bad leads to self-sabotage. Probably unconsciously.

[@Heyu7her3]

Used to be called self-flagellation as penance

[@adimeter]

Hello. I'm in the process of repairing early childhood abandonment. I was fortunate to meet up with Ross Rosenberg for a few sessions. He was instrumental in helping me learn how to say NO, I don't want to do that. Growing up my parents trampled over and destroyed every boundary I needed to grow up normal. I'm better now, thanks to Ross. Sayin NO is a most valuable self esteem building tool. From California, 76 yrs old.

[@rannshuman]

"I am not intimated in your mindstream" is an empowering truth. This has helped me so much to "feel fine inside". I will be thankful for that phrase every day. Thanks Forrest and Rick ❤

[@PollinatorR]

The interaction between this father and son is sweet. They clearly respect and love each other. So many smiles! 😄

[@ChiqueChiing]

I absolutely love your father son connection, very laid back.

[@radudeATL]

I don’t even know who I am because of all of these issues. It’s like every thought, idea, or desire I have is stupid and I think about either how I’m supposed to act or think or what I should do that is all about keeping up appearances, if that makes any sense. It’s an incredibly insecure and sad place to be.

[@JenniferVanderLeigh]

You noticing that is a knowing that provides a path forward. A path to notice what matters to you, what doesn’t and so on. If you listen to that, you will find your way. You’re already on your way.

[@lisa3lisa33]

It’s the programs we have running in the subconscious.. look up Bruce Lipton and/or Joe Dispenza.

[@leelee9421]

Same. All I know is that I relate to you and this and that helps me not feel so damn alone.

[@angelicacroitoru4946]

I feel the same, too much disociation in my live, too much neglect and trauma that makes me feel that I have no self .

[@MargoJen]

It’s so hard to let go of other people’s expectations. Freeing really.

[@jm7514]

‘Abandoned authenticity to be safe’ , all of this is fascinating, but if you are not financially secure, none of this matters, not only these gentlemen, but all mental health.

[@Wolf-Man88]

As a teenager and going into my early 20s, I abandoned and lied to myself and others for years. I'm still healing and still needing to monitor my feelings to see if I'm being genuine or not. I grew up in a household where I felt like I couldn't express myself without judgement and I also had to lie about my sexuality because I felt like I wouldn't be accepted. I'm now 35 and recognise an anxious attachment style that I'm trying to improve into a more secure attachment. Thank you for your video 🙏🏽

[@LorizaRamzan]

Much needed episode! Please can you talk about negative experiences growing up being bullied by extended relatives rather than parents being the bully (e.g. loving and caring single mum living with her abusive brother/ sister and their families) and not being in a position to speak up for ourselves

[@denisel780]

I have watched this three times already and know I will be watching it again and again until it is all ingrained. Without a doubt the BEST podcast ever on this topic. You two covered everything and made it make so much sense. I can't thank you enough!!

[@ForrestHanson]

Wow, really appreciate that

[@lolongubeni1748]

Wow!! This is an entire academic lecture. The duo’s energy is dynamic, am glad I discovered this channel ❤!

[@DeAndre_McDonald]

Forrest, I want to thank you and your father for taking the time to help me understand the unique dynamics of Mental Health Counseling. I am beginning a Masters of Counseling program at NCSU this summer. My hope that I can understand how to ask questions and learn the art of listening to assist others in freeing themselves from past traumas and show up as their best selves.

[@Siara259]

As much as I love the advice, the audio is too soothing and calming, I kept falling asleep 😅

[@chasing-mental-clarity]

Ma’am lol

[@bonnarlunda]

The right video, at the right moment in time. Just listening to these guys talking made old tensions wither away. I was genuinely yawning and sighing through it all.

[@RobertaFierro-mc1ub]

I love listening to these two! They always explain things in a way where you feel like you'll be alright. They are calming for me.

[@directedbyleo]

40:30 this part! The WORLD needs to hear this

[@SilentTrip]

this is more healing than any therapy session ever

[@ShesAbsurd]

When he said he’d start with empathy… I almost cried

[@liloleist5133]

Lovely listening to both of you, interacting and complimenting each other, that's in and of itself is already healing.

[@arjulala]

I suffer from this in a huge way, its been articulated so well on this pod cast. Thank you

[@manuelrielo1422]

Forrest and Rick thank you so much for this. I am only 13:38min into the video so far, but I am absolutely loving the quality of questions and interaction between you. Beautifully and inspiring that father and son can interact so respectful and attentive

[@lisashelton5468]

I’ve never seen you before, but I love seeing you with your dad. You guys look just alike. It makes me smile. I can already tell this is a good channel to watch.

[@AutumnHazel21]

I had multiple adults (not my parents luckily) who blew up at me for small things when I was a child. A neighbor, a friends mom, coach, teacher, etc, and this completely traumatized me to the point that I fawn whenever anyone is challenging me. I have a hard time speaking up for myself when it comes to people generally but especially "authority". I feel scared of most people and find myself trying to make myself as small as possible so I dont "get in the way". These videos are so helpful and I am learning so much about myself, and my body is basically sighing in relief because I feel so understood. Thank you for sharing this information and insight, I hope we can all heal and learn to love and appreciate ourselves.

[@mmmitchell6887]

Phenomenal and helpful and healing discussion. Thank you guys for caring enough about our community to help us understand all these important underlying issues. As I’ve learned about trauma, I’m convinced a lot of people have probably killed themselves, not knowing the impact trauma has had on their repetitive decision-making failures . Thinking it was them selves and internalizing the negative outcomes, because they were unable to see the patterns and the causes for them.

[@cheechchong3021]

I learned more in one hour than I did with months of talk therapy / very good guys - I let the ads play out in full on this one 💰

[@sagetenshi]

Immediately into the topic here. Saving this now and really looking forward to listening to it while I get out for a walk this evening. Appreciate you both! ❤️

[@troyjacobs8530]

It is such a deep relief to hear Forrest and Dad talking about integration in the context of self-abandonment, and the need for real honesty and loving communication. What you two discussed just then was what I discovered after spending some years chasing psychic experiences and gurus. Integration is love and the act of loving is integration. I sent this video to the person who first helped me integrate via an eye contact meditation and a long, honest discussion. Guys, thank you for showing up and doing this. If there is anything we fans can do to support your projects, please say so.

[@LoveBeyondCapacity]

Sometimes I just watch to smile at your lovely relationship with one another. So sweet and solid.

[@aprilhancy7277]

I lost conviction today which is why I was seeking out videos. Thank you for reminding me that we can jump into helpful techniques at any point in our day. You both lightened the energy of my day.

[@sunnyb390]

12:35 In therapy, there’s a thing we really want, or a thing we really need whether it’s reconnection with ourself; maybe it’s the ability to say no to other people when we really want to say no to them. Maybe it’s just feeling safe by ourselves as an individual. Whatever it is to build ourselves up. Whatever it is gets built up it’s done so by trying out doing that. Trying it out was really freaking scary because it went really poorly in the past and that’s why this self abandoning behavior developed. …vitality affects and feelings bypasses fears of true self being known.

[@biljanalipic]

One of the most helpful and insightful podcast I've listened to! I know muself really well, and am well integrated, despite some big traumas I've experienced. But I still struggled (doesn't it continue anyway! 🙃) to see how to chose not to abandon myself in certain situations during which I would feel pushed away and abandoned by others. I needed to rationally understand what happened in those moments so I could allow myself to reimagine my story of the self and be ok with my creation in relation to other humans. Im saying humans because for me it has always been about the human kin, and how to remain natural/whole (a state I know well) inside the human relationships. To me, you both explained so well this balancing act! I can now expand into the world again with less shame, doubt and fear. A heartfelt thank you for being you and also, both, for modelling an easy and flowing way of relating. 🙏🏻❤️

[@sunnyadams5842]

"Expand into the world." I like that. I am trying to do that authentically. It's weird!! I thought I was ok for so long. Lolo

[@biljanalipic]

Yes, me too! 😅 But nothing, in my view, is wrong per se. Just life needing its own time to be ready, again, I'd say! Can't push the river 😉 Well, you can try, but then be prepared for some splashes! Lol Anyways, to me it feels like time has arrived to begin risking when it comes to showing up in the world again, in a deeper and an even more authentic way. It's often uncomfortable as well as fulfilling. But I kind of feel it is important not to pathologise any part of the process. In a way, I can only do what I am doing now because I did what I did before. I was authentic before, as much as I could be then, just not enough to fulfill my potential. Or rather, I knew my potential, but didn't know how to free it from some deeply repressive dynamics, which took parts of me to self-abandonment, lack of self-worth, guilt and shame. But these are always parts of us, I believe. Phew! All the best on your journey!

[@eves-critiques]

im grieving so much for the things and opportunities ive been losing for this self abandonment issue, but at the same time im trying to change this old beliefs inside. This conversation is helping me to build this bridge. Thank you so much ❤️

[@deannabarnhart82]

Always appreciate your insights as I listen to your podcasts, but this one was full of those 'uncomfortable, eww" moments. Thank you for your encouragement and making awareness available to all of us in an understandable way.

[@maevey3]

Dad is fantastic! Thanks fellas!

[@unaa9380]

Thank you for including minorities in the convo, it’s rarely considered

[@vanessaeriksson1212]

This podcast exchange on this topic is among the best discussions I have ever listened to. THANK YOU ❤

[@chasing-mental-clarity]

I am seriously in shock about how on point and truthful this all is from Forrest and his father. You guys are onto something, keep it up. You’re speaking to so many of our realities, and putting names, stories, words, to the internal feelings we’ve all had locked up in a box we never thought we would open. You all rock.

[@jeanie4703]

Fantastic explanations. I’m noticing, as a chronic other- focussed woman of a certain age, an automatic urge to quickly share this. It certainly deserves a wide audience, but I am learning to hold for myself first. 🙏

[@wildhorses6817]

Yes, it can be very unsafe being in a family with a potentially physically abusive person. It is very complex. I really appreciate this discussion.

[@LegallyBlondeRae]

I really appreciate your positive sayings or affirmations to repeat. I noticed my inner self cheering me on the more I said them. It feels good to recognize I MATTER! The statement "I'm not implicated in their mindstream" reminded me of a saying/motto that I heard just yesterday that I wish to also adopt: "If you are not in the arena also getting your 'butt' kicked, I am not interested in your feedback." - Brene Brown So powerful! Thank you for these most valuable podcasts. Feeling grateful while healing.

[@mgn1621]

Good point Dad Rick…..I think a huge part of society disintegration currently is we are disconnected from nature…the natural processes…which includes us, as we are nature also.

[@sunnyb390]

Yes! … Forest Hansen, “Self-abandonment is not so much what the pattern of behavior is. It’s more the internal function that it’s serving the person. And in this case, I think that the function is just total security seeking…. Like you are performing these behaviors because you feel like you have to in order to stay safe.” “ That’s why you were feeling disconnected from who you feel you are inside.” 5:09

[@learner-long-life]

It is wonderful to see a gentle and clear communication style in both the father and son.

[@نادرالیراحمان]

This i weird. Because this topic is what I was occupied with this morning and while I was thinking of this, it came in my recommendations.

[@Shanpres1234]

Me too!

[@Liisa_011]

I swear to God these phones track your thoughts not just yiur texts and calls.😅

[@KalebForseen-q3t]

because I am myself, the way I was raised, the situation(s), and my specific factors - I feel like I can't be myself ever. I feel like I can't take up space. I can't even just go about my own business when other people are around because I feel beholden to them somehow. It's awful.

[@ooulalah4333]

I got the most insight from Dr Ricks eloquent way of explaining self abandonment. If he doesn't, he should have his own channel.

[@Sophia-yo9rp]

I was going to put this on my playlist until I got to 25 seconds in and I am not going to listen to the entire video. You and your dad are just lovely...pure beautiful energy. I think I am going to enjoy this listen so thank you in advance.

[@NanditaDa]

The questioning and exploring of rebuttals on behalf of other populations is so so so useful! Thank you so much for that.

[@_S0urR0ses_]

Thankyou for posting this!! Yea the truth hurts. I’m dealing w so much stress depression and beating myself up right now. Why is it so easy to go from the beginning of self abandonment to so much of a deep stage of self attacking. It’s like a chronic disease. It reminds me of how denial or addiction. becomes. It’s almost worse as far as the deception goes. I say this because you believe you are doing a good thing and it blinds you to the point you begin to hate yourself. Another part being I start to hate myself for neglecting myself and as long as I continue to serve everyone else I do not focus on regretting my own neglect!

[@julie5668]

Forrest and Rick have a lovely, fluid and open relationship that is interesting to watch.

[@Artlover2803]

I have this urge to take breaks from the video coz it's true and overwhelming. I distract myself temporarily by doodling ,sipping tea or watching sports of my fav drama and come back when i can take more. These are great podcast 👏 better than 1 hour session with a psychotherapist.

[@jakobdoshe9078]

Thank you for this! I don't know how many times i've rewatched the "Facing the fear of our authentic self being seen" part. Really hit home for me!

[@sairamuffins]

Appreciate the bit where you address positionality, and put things in context. The tiny pause and acknowledgement of that kept me listening :)

[@Ambawoumba]

Thank you Henson for bringing in how it is for women ! I was thinking throughout the episode, listening up to this point, around min 38, that this is all fine and dandy that as a grown up you have more agency than as a child. But what if it isn't true in many cases ? Because you are self abandoning because you are oppressed en masse as a population? Then it's not even self abandonment, it's enslavement and survival. I carry on listening now, just wanted to express my gratitude, looking forward to hearing the rest of the discussion

[@sagetenshi]

I wrote down tomes of stuff from this! Great discussion, loved it. A lot of your discussions have very tangible effects on my own process of figuring out what's going on in me, of who and how I am, but I think this is the first one that will have a tangible impact on a talk I'll be having with someone later this week. Not that that means the chat will go fantastically, but I think if I can sincerely reflect on and absorb some of what you talked about here I may end up with a much stronger chance of having my own back during that dicsussion, fighting my own corner, which is something I very much struggle with. So thank you both, as always, for helping so directly. Keep up the excellent discussions!

[@randitruitt1671]

Parts of this message has been really hard to hear. I've had to digest it over the course of a week. I came back to it and am glad that I did. You guys really know how to cut through the muck! Thank you!

[@3foldartco]

This was so helpful to me. Thank you. I'm in the process of healing a Mother wound, and that's where my own self-abandonment began, very early in childhood. Thank you so much for the practical ways to do the work to stop abandoning ourselves.

[@GGL5254]

Forest and his Dad are the gold star of this KZbin channel. Both are incredibly intelligent. Forrest with the detailed commitment of preparing for theses podcast and his way of asking the perfect questions like he was reading our mind and then Rick with his comforting way of giving the therapeutic insight and answer with real life examples. I learn so much every time. Thank you gentleman!!

[@candaceheidenrich6278]

Fascinating….”I am not implicated by your mind space.” Also, the points about inauthenticity as tied to safety (gender differences at work and life to protect oneself)…What a father and son duo. This was a very powerful session….”we are already nature….the all of you…”

[@coraliehoney]

This is exactly the advice and discussion I've been needing to hear since I was 13. I didn't realize what this has been half my life has been self-abandonment, I'd thought it was solely social anxiety. This is *such* a good video.

[@LG-br3fe]

This is my first time watching your podcast and I really enjoyed it, especially the way you and your dad interacted. It shows me what a healthy father-son relationship looks like. It is especially encouraging to me because I didn't know my father growing up and was raised by an abusive single mother. I had a lot of childhood trauma that led to severe self abandonment, people pleasing, self rejection and self hatred and very low self worth/esteem. I am now 52 years old and starting to really heal for the first time. Thanks for sharing these truths. God bless you both.

[@megyerizsuzsadora]

Great to see such a beautiful father-son relationship! Thanks for the meaningful conversation🤗✨

[@kkey4700]

I didn't know I needed to hear this - I was just doing this 5:25 this morning. Thank you for this insight.