Friends’ Emily - The Tragedy of the Runner-Up Love Interest

Friends' Emily Waltham is the most hated version of a "stepping stone love interest," the First Runner-Up (or the greatest threat to the show’s main couple, Ross and Rachel.) Since viewers are rooting for her romance to fail, even the Runner-Up’s good, “lovable” qualities are held against her. Let’s take a closer look at Emily and what we can learn from her side of this story.
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[@chapyboy98]

The fact that Ross ended up with Rachel shows that Emily was right.

[@Glory-Compass]

In real life I don't think a relationship between Ross and Rachel can work out, they're just too Toxic and Immature

[@HuntingViolets]

I feel like Ross and Rachel broke up not long after. They will always break up until they finally move on.

[@sophieamandaleitontoomey9343]

And after everything they’ve been through, they’ll probably just break up again and again, torture each other mentally and emotionally, and yell at each other over and over again as they’ve done again and again for ten years.

[@normadgarmez7026]

Yep, but they'll probably be a break in no time.

[@ria7633]

Actually they got married afterwards I'm pretty sure. In the not as popular spinoff that Joey is in he says that his friends are all married off to each other

[@christophergarrett7082]

Ross did Emily the worst. You really can't blame her for wanting him to cut off Rachel after saying her name at the alter

[@trinaq]

Me neither, while it was a bit of a stretch, Emily was completely correct to be wary of Rachel, and not trust Ross to stay away from her.

[@samf.s.7731]

Well, there's also Mona. He treated her badly. Julie too. Only 2 that got out easy were Carol and Charlie, and it's because they wanted out. Can't blame them, Ross is not a catch 😂😅

[@christophergarrett7082]

@@trinaq Mona deserved better

[@briannalee1998]

Exactly! Out of all the people Ross wronged, he definitely wronged Emily the most. Even worse than when he wronged Rachel by sleeping with another woman and trying to hide it from her.

[@briannalee1998]

@@trinaq exactly!

[@user-jb7tq7ko7e]

Emily was love bombed by someone using her as a rebound and she gets treated like the bad guy by his friends who know DAMN well what Ross is like.

[@briannalee1998]

Ross is a mentally abusive and selfish narcissist

[@thanhhuynh2044]

Had this roommate who broke up with his gf A, bc he dreamt his gf A cheated on him (which was true). Tho he cheated on gf A with girl B several times, who became his gf. Later cheated on gf B many times, while she was travelling the world ( we told her, but “he said thats not true”) … to makes things crazier. He cheated on his old gf Z with gf A. Still many people adore this guy…

[@nchl5340]

@@thanhhuynh2044 Sounds like a guy no decent person would even puke on

[@stinadunlop9804]

@@briannalee1998 he's just as bad with his children. He basically forgot about Ben once he had a shiny new baby to play with.

[@user-jb7tq7ko7e]

@Stina Dunlop on that note, Rachel was ok with going to france and taking Emma with her, and Ross would have to occasionally go to France in order to see Emma. Ross makes good money, so he can afford to do that. His excuse to Emily as to why he couldn't move to England to be with her was that Ben lived in New York. He's willing to go abroad regularly to see Emma if necessary but not Ben? Ross only had Ben in New York yet Emilys ENTIRE SUPPORT CIRCLE, her family and friends were in London yet he didn't consider that a good enough reason for her to stay in London

[@aycaaltay9929]

Emily, Julie, and Mona are lucky to get out of their relationships with Ross. All were great women who deserved better.

[@raem7846]

Mona was honestly the most patient and reasonable person on the planet, and could have done so much better than Ross. I do love how they actually joke about how ridiculously forgiving she is, like they know she's written to be the interstitial love interest.

[@mlsb9591]

And Bonny

[@florenciabalori3625]

I loved Mona! She was waaaaayyy out of Ross' league

[@NewhamMatt]

"What was the matter with Mona?" Soon after breaking up, even Ross was forced to admit that she was one of the most stable love interests any of them had.

[@anigodess]

I do like when Ross says “In a way, I judge her for not leaving me sooner.”

[@trinaq]

You can't really blame Emily for being paranoid following Ross' blunder. ANYONE would be humiliated if their fiancé blurted out the name of their ex in front of their friends and family. And to make it even worse, she sees them trying to board a plane for their intended honeymoon.

[@briannalee1998]

Exactly! If I was in her shoes, I wouldn’t want to be around Rachel or want him to be around her either.

[@lilil9752]

I agree asking Ross to stop seeing Rachel was reasonable, but marring him after he did that, not so much.

[@alyzu4755]

@@briannalee1998 I wouldn't want to be around either of them. ☺️

[@suburbantimewaster9620]

I don't blame Emily for being hurt and not trusting Ross but, if she really felt that she couldn't trust Ross, then she should've ended the marriage.

[@tommysmith7031]

This is the comedy in the show! Obviously, Emily has her right to be angry.

[@Amberk1985]

I’m glad they brought up Love Bombing. Ross is a great example of what the crazy whirlwind romance looks like. It is great until it’s awful. If someone wants too much too soon, Run! 🏃‍♀️

[@briannalee1998]

Yes! My mom dated a narcissist and married one and they always love bomb someone!

[@AxxLAfriku]

I was a boy. They were two girls. Can I make it any more obvious? I am KZbin's ALPHA MALE. Acknowledge it, dear qmbe

[@kanikagaral7637]

He was a bad person and o really creep. Still fojt know how people justify his actions to any of the women in his life. And why he ended up with rachel when she was at the peak of her career.

[@erikadlloyd5586]

Yes! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

[@eceg9750]

@@MechaJutaro what the fuck

[@christinelee4780]

The worst thing about Ross is that he is perceived as a sensitive guy, when he is actually a very toxic person. Emily had every right to demand that he severe ties with Rachel after saying "Rachel" at the altar, and he said she was unreasonable. Ultimately, Ross and Rachel deserved each other, because they were both awful.

[@lolalavrai]

Their poor kid

[@flovonnejohnson707]

He is the prime example of the fake nice guy. The one who is nice on the premise of getting something out of it.

[@delusionalmilkshake]

@@flovonnejohnson707 the blue print of the ''nice guy'', if you ask me

[@az21bob666]

no he not you dont know what you talking about.

[@delusionalmilkshake]

@@jadedjimmy really? Cause i met many people, mostly man, who think exactly like him, constantly defend him and don't see anything wrong

[@magorzataogorek1542]

The only thing Emily did wrong was not break up with Ross as soon as he said Rachel's name

[@eleonorepb4565]

It was complicated to do that, she was ce confused by what happened, she couldn't act logicaly

[@kaoryakasaka6835]

​@@eleonorepb4565 I think it's also because she was looking for a possible explanation on why he did that. Since she was blinded by his romantic *cough* creepy *cough* gestures, she ended up manipulated into giving Ross a second chance, although it was obvious to everyone else(even to Ross's own friends) that he did nothing to deserve it.

[@DylanLovesBrenda]

Agreed she went on with the wedding I would have left lol

[@cassiecavataio2982]

10000%

[@Seba1CR]

Writers thought viewers wanted more of Emily so they scripted her into the next season

[@clairasva9243]

Honestly, imagine this situation in real life. They all acted so above her and “cool”. If you heard the story, there would be no way, you would think she was the villain at all.

[@ddwow566]

But Monica straight up calls her crazy and summoning

[@louis-stephane1391]

I mean the villain of the story is Rachel. You don't go to someone weeding to ruin it

[@ddwow566]

@@louis-stephane1391 i agree!

[@AirQuotes]

Yep this is a classic YTA

[@lucia-xatay]

@@louis-stephane1391 yeah but when she got there she didn't really do anything. i mean just showing up shouldn't inherently ruin the wedding unless the couple is already on shaky ground as it clearly was lol

[@ImekaSF]

I always felt so bad for Emily. Ross was awful to her. I got so sick of the Ross/Rachel crap and all of the collateral damage their terrible relationship left in its wake.

[@briannalee1998]

Ikr?! Emily deserved better. I’m sure she married someone who was actually in love with her

[@cgarcia3614]

Girl, same. I don't get why anyone tuned in for the Ross/Rachel drama. I hate will they / won't they relationships like theirs; theirs was so toxic and annoying to watch. I don't even like Ross so it was definitely the least favorite part of the show. Strangely enough though, the ending where they do get together still manages to make me cry, lol. I just like to root for happiness, I guess-plus they had a kid so I'd like to believe they finally managed to be a happy family. So that's nice, I guess.

[@fabrinamacedo7257]

I hate Ross and Rachel relationship! Chandler and Monica are waaay better

[@Angi3_6]

I pretty much skip any episode that focuses on them. Which is a lot.

[@bianventura]

@@fabrinamacedo7257 Right!!! And Ross is the worst he keeps blaming the women he dates but it's really him that's the problem.

[@salamander8301]

The gaslighting Ross does to Emily was text book. He gave her literally no reason to trust him, love bombed her everytime he screwed up and made her out to be the crazy one. It's not an uncommon story and it's completely traumatizing

[@az21bob666]

none of those think are two, he did not cheat, did not love bomb her and did not gaslight her. ps she wanted him to stop seeing rachell before the wedding.

[@starlaminde8436]

Ross equals toxicity

[@Irishgui83]

I love David Schwimmer as Ross. He's a phenomenal physical comedy actor who can also do drama extremely well. But fk me, was Ross the most toxic guy on the show.

[@lauraslade5308]

@@az21bob666 he sent her 72 roses for every day he knew her after he said another woman's name at the alter. That's love bombing

[@az21bob666]

no it not, that saying you sorry

[@muyo77]

I was so mad that Rachel thought it was her "responsibility" to tell a man, who was about to marry another woman, that she wanted him.

[@The-bi5ry]

And then when he breaks up with Emily, she says she won't pursue him anymore cause she doesn't go for divorced men

[@emilyd.6371]

She wises up and doesnt do it

[@raem7846]

In fairness to Rachel, A) she doesn't actually tell him, because she realizes at the last minute that it would be wrong, and B) she thought Ross was still in love with her, and well, she was correct

[@freesuckerMCR]

In all fairness, Rachel never actually goes through with it and even "lets him go" when she sees them hugging and understands that he finally moved on and is happy with Emily. The whole "responsibility" thing is just something she tells herself when in reality she just wants to hear Ross tell her that he's in love with her too (which in the end, she was right).

[@2029-jo]

Rachel was the worst

[@donnamacauley4080]

Emily is overhated. She was badly treated by Ross and even though her behaviour in series 5 was a little controlling, her feelings were disregarded by Ross so he could accommodate to Rachel’s so many times during their relationship

[@briannalee1998]

I never hated her. I’ve a.ways hated Ross.

[@donnamacauley4080]

@@briannalee1998 lol same but I read that when the show was airing at the time, the audience hated her

[@jenniferpajor5365]

@@donnamacauley4080 when the show was originally on, so many people shipped Ross and Rachel that it was hard not to hate her. But looking back, I think this video is spot on. And also the video which described Ross and Rachel’s relationship as “toxic.” It’s really hard to sympathize with either of them, quite frankly.

[@amityislandchum]

Even when the show first aired and I totally bought into the love story of Ross and Rachel, I never hated Emily. I always thought it was obvious Ross ruined the entire relationship, and I felt bad for Emily. The only negative thing about her was that she stayed with a complete asshat like Ross.

[@dddddddddddddddd6368]

never bought them trying to get us to hate on emily. She was perfectly reasonable. Ross royally screwed up not once but twice and hes trying to escape majority of the consequences

[@Nightman221k]

The way she gets written like the bad guy for no reason (or her reactions to a disturbing situation for HER) reminds me of a fanfiction where the writer hates a couple so they write one like a cartoon villain.

[@pqm2012]

She was...but they add more reasons for her to be mad (like her seeing them on the airport to greece) so She is seen bad by the friends because of their dynamic, but as audience we should have given her a major pass.

[@briannalee1998]

Ikr?! They should not have villianized her.

[@trinaq]

Precisely, Emily is villainised, despite being the clear victim here, she seemed perfectly pleasant initially, yet they made her turn unreasonable to make Ross and Rachel more sympathetic.

[@GabesEdtiz]

@@trinaq all in order to feed the ever growing toxic relationship that was Ross and Rachel. I swear, most writers these days don’t know how to write healthy relationships to save their lives. Everything always has to be overwhelmingly problematic

[@cepahreinholt8710]

@@GabesEdtiz you should try parks and recreation. There a two of the best couples in this show. You just have to wait a few season.

[@joeyleblanc4284]

just imagine having your fiancee saying the name of his ex at the altar, and then consider to go to Greece with her on your honeymoon, just to be caught by you at the last minute, and then still hang out with this same ex every single day.

[@ninab.4540]

If you're smart, you dump them on the stop.

[@Polly-dl7bu]

@@ninab.4540 well, she did want to put the work in. Sure, she should have backed out before the priest said "man and wife" but love can blind you for a minute. She wasn't wrong to try and fix their marriage. Ross should have put himself in her shoes, but this is Ross we're talking about. If he's wrong, he whines and eventually gets his way... Emily was just too invested to at least try. Had they not gotten married so quickly she probably would have backed out sooner

[@NotTodaySatan557]

Could never be me

[@Echo-mg5em]

I always found it incredibly selfish of Ross to get upset with Rachel for initially not wanting to attend his wedding-demanding that an ex join in like that is too much. She was ultimately wrong to second guess and make that trip, but her first instinct was right.

[@briannalee1998]

Exactly! Like wtf? I wouldn’t want any exes at my wedding. It’s like Ross wanted her there to show off and be like, “I found someone better.”

[@kahkah1986]

@@briannalee1998 I think it was him trying to be too nice, too much like he didn't want to leave Rachel out. It is impossible to be that cool with something that emotional, though. He was asking too much of her, basically asking her to deny her negative reactions to prove she was fine and and he hadn't broken her heart. In a real life situation like that, you may well have done. That is your prerogative, they were aware of the possibility in the abstract when they got involved with you that it might not work out, but you shouldn't expect them to celebrate that with you. Tbf, he was made to go to his wife's next marriage and was laughed at for feeling uncomfortable, so he was maybe re-enacting it on some level?

[@handsoaphandsoap]

They do a variation of this storyline in How I Met Your Mother and it’s just as frustrating lmao, though with a more satisfying outcome tbh

[@symmetrykidkun8]

Right! My sister got married a couple months ago, and she had the hardest time getting her fiancé to not invite an ex-lover to the wedding. And this was not the first time she had expressed her feelings about it. While I love my brother in law dearly, he just couldn’t understand why inviting someone you used to sleep with to your wedding would make your fiancé uncomfortable. He then went to the absolutely wrong friend to “get advice,” and this friend ended up complaining about my sis and calling her a bridezilla, AT THE WEDDING, TO HER BRIDESMAIDS.

[@whyy9927]

@@symmetrykidkun8 ooofff 😬 marriage over before it started huh..... (jk seriously tho your poor sis seems like a very uncomfortable situation to be in I hope the husband understood in the end....)

[@amityislandchum]

The saddest part about this is the actress got hate mail and nonstop harassment from fans of the show in real life. She said people would even scream at her in the street. She hated the experience of working on Friends, and basically had to stop working on American TV shows because of it.

[@christopherb501]

And people act like persistent hatedom is a *recent* phenomenon.

[@user-jb7tq7ko7e]

Oh no 😢

[@MsMiscellaneous]

That’s sad

[@24Lorn]

In the Sixties, in Italy, RAI made a wonderful tv-series-rendition of David Copperfield. The (great) actor who played Uriah Heep couldn't even WALK in the streets that people would angrily shout at him and insult him. The poor lad!

[@gulnarayun]

Oh no, that's terrible 😢

[@charlikuran286]

I 10000% don't blame her for not wanting Ross hanging out with Rachel after that while "I take the Rachel"

[@trinaq]

Me neither, I'd have been as paranoid as Emily was, and it didn't help that she sees them boarding a plane for what was supposed to be HER honeymoon!

[@briannalee1998]

Exactly! I wouldn’t have wanted that either

[@Otterice]

I could understand not wanting them hanging out alone but where she lost me is expecting them not to be in the same room ever. She is expecting one Rachel to give up her chosen family or Ross to give up his blood family.

[@iuliatvigun]

i don't know if you know but the 'the' in the wows is actually 'thee' as in 'you'. it's an old English pronoun :)

[@naomiheart1863]

i never hated emily she is obviously a victim of circumstance and ross she just had bad luck and didn't see the red flags but none of that is her fault

[@dutchgirlful]

Reminds me of my ex. Got lovebombed at first, then I was treated like a burden. Whole relationship felt like I was interviewing for a job I had no chance of getting anyway. When we broke up he cried and said to himself out loud "relationship number 4: failed...". Not even 5 minutes after we broke up I was already reduced to a number.

[@psychedelicbreakfast9578]

Now that one was a nutcase... Glad you got rid of him. Hope he finds another loony that's his equal and bothers no one else.

[@emiiii]

Wow lol you definitely dodged a bullet. Good call 👍

[@178fluffy]

Fuck!!!! That's messed up

[@btrixlestrange6432]

I'm sorry you went through that. It's good you got out. I had a similar experience. My ex love bombed me, manipulated me, neglected me and wouldn't let me out of the relationship until i finally said enough. I'm so happy to be free of him.

[@Akira-dc7is]

On a brighter note you definitely dodged a bullet.

[@DominicanaChika]

I still can't forgive Rachel for going ALL THE WAY TO LONDON and ruined Emily's wedding. "Its Ross, how can I watch him get married." Simple, Don't. Go. To. London.

[@raem7846]

Yeah, that's pretty much the worst thing she does, and the show definitely frames it as a bad thing. But her reasoning was that she believed that deep down, Ross still had feelings for her, and to be fair to Rachel, she was right.

[@kanikagaral7637]

Well she did go there she was eight about ross not over her. And she in no way tried to stop the wedding or ruin it. Ross did that on his own. And emily sticking with him after that was her biggest mistake.

[@DominicanaChika]

@@kanikagaral7637 yes it was a mistake because henkept lovebombing her to convince her to stay because his Freudian slip

[@kanikagaral7637]

@@DominicanaChika and ??? She is not so stupid and naive to bite his love bombing. We all know when its time to move on she knew too but her ego got the best of her.

[@stephensehrbrock5613]

@@kanikagaral7637 this is an insane cope. The only reason she went to the wedding was to tell Ross she loved him her entire goal was to ruin their marriage. Why do people give her a pass. Are you going to ignore her trying to sabotage his other 2 relationships with Julie and Bonnie??

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Ross treating Emily like the Rebound Lady. Literally the biggest nightmare.

[@briannalee1998]

Ikr?! Poor Emily

[@morbidsearch]

Emily wasn't really a rebound. Ross dated two other girls between Rachel and Emily, and Ross and Emily weren't meant to be on a date when they went to the opera.

[@MariaHossain]

​@@morbidsearch Emily was actually THE REBOUND RELATIONSHIP, it doesn't matter how many people you date after a life-alterning break-up, the immediate next "serious" relationship is the rebound relationship and for Ross, it was Emily while for Rachel, it was Joshua.

[@Kereru]

I didn't even realise people hated Emily! I always just felt bad for her.....I mean Ross pressured her into the relationship and of course you'd hate your husband's ex whose name he called you at your wedding. We're supposed to be team Ross and Rachel just because they're main characters but from an outside perspective they're definitely the villains of that plotline

[@Dee-jp6no]

It was a different era. People didn't dissect things like they do today. Now every action, decision and word is put under a microscope. Sometimes it's a good thing, but sometimes it's excessive. If everything were perfect, the show would've been boring. DS & JA had a special connection, so fans & the actors themselves, wanted R&R.

[@BratzRockAngels]

​@@Dee-jp6noDid people lack critical thinking though? It's not very hard for people to just place themselves in someone's shoes and imagine if their partner said someone else's name at a wedding and also went on the honeymoon with said person and be upset by that.

[@Jonathan-ug9yu]

It never fails to amuse me that after so many years the well of material detailing how awful a person Ross is hasn't even began to run dry

[@tjenadonn6158]

Ross is Dennis from It's Always Sunny but with more social success and a better ability to mask his sociopathy.

[@dinakisa1049]

My thoughts exactly. This channel really hates Ross (and Ted from himym). Ross is just insecure. Can you really blame him after how his first marriage ended and how his ex treated him afterwards? Rachael is also to be blamed. She's also just as dysfunctional as Ross.

[@Frosting1000]

@@dinakisa1049 lol let em hate Ross. He sucks

[@Stonytude]

@@dinakisa1049 Ross sucks all on his own before anyone damaged him. Remember teenage Ross?

[@Sarah-eh7bw]

Right, like he’s a consistently written and solidly entertaining character in the context of a comedy show, but in real life? You’d definitely run screaming from such a self centred weirdo.

[@ddwow566]

I hated how everyone Called her “controlling” when she was right. They are codependent and crazyyy

[@natirasohumana]

She was right but what she was asking of the friends (not Ross) was too much. It was just a sign it wasn't going to work never.

[@BratzRockAngels]

​@@natirasohumanaI agree.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Everyone thinks ‘Friends’ is cute till you realise you know that clique that feels like a cult, your individuality is effaced and your role is decided by everyone else.

[@kayk480]

Yes! I know a group like this! They’re in their late 20s/early 30s and do literally everything together and always hang out as a homogenous group. Half of them ended up dating each other and anyone that tries to date someone or join the group as an outsider, ultimately gets pushed out. As a teen I loved Friends, but watching it back as an adult, the codependent cliquey-ness seems a bit odd to me

[@PokhrajRoy.]

@@kayk480 Well said!

[@thisnigerianlovesdrinkingg4522]

Phoebe’s therapist boyfriend said this and they dismissed him as crazy when he was right

[@MyKrabi]

YES!!! Totally a cult.

[@dinakisa1049]

@@thisnigerianlovesdrinkingg4522 janice too mentioned such a thing

[@shrutikaanand7587]

Always felt the same! Emily was super fun and then took a left turn so fast. They ruined her just so the audience would sympathize with Ross and Rachel.

[@trinaq]

Precisely, if Emily had been a main character, then the sympathy would have been entirely with her.

[@agnessofiacastrocarvalho774]

In their defense the actress did was pregnant

[@ayameisastar]

@@agnessofiacastrocarvalho774 If they had wanted to they could have written that into the plot. Her being pregnant by Ross (or her ex bf) could have been a great plot point but they already decided how they wanted to use her

[@stevenlannister184]

If they had to ruin her to make people sympathise with those two, then it shows had awful they were being.

[@briannalee1998]

Exactly! Even though Ross completely betrayed her

[@user-uj2ku5fk7c]

The difference between the portrayal of Emily’s (very understandable) insecurity around Rachel and Chandler insecurities about Richard, a guy that Monica barely sees anyway is baffling. edit : chandler insecurities are framed as normal even though Monica is there to reassure him while Emily is portrayed as overpossesive and controlling even though she has plenty of very valid reasons to be worried . That was my point.

[@thevideocommenter3061]

To Chandler, Richard is the pinaccale of man and Chandler is known to be inconfident, how is it baffling to you?

[@HectorT52]

I find chandler's insecurities realistic in some way, although they did dirty to emily who is a lot more understandable.

[@eps3154]

Hmm.. do you think all the writers were men? Surely not! 🙄

[@raem7846]

@@thevideocommenter3061 I think that's Anna's point. Chandler's insecurity about Richard is framed as relatable, even though Richard doesn't really represent a threat to his relationship since Monica is genuinely over him. Yet when Emily feels threatened by someone who IS a threat to her marriage, and whom Ross is clearly still in love with, she's framed as some shrill harpy. Her insecurity is far more justified than Chandler's, and yet we sympathize with Chandler and vilify Emily.

[@themoonkeeper271]

@@thevideocommenter3061 the difference between A. Chandler’s insecurity around Richard (which is seen as relatable and realistic) vs B. Emily’s insecurity around Rachel (which is seen as her neediness/nagging) is baffling.

[@nataliagarofalo626]

Also can we talk about Julie? He literally only got with her to get over Rachel. Also she is so pretty and an interesting character I wish we could’ve seen more of her.

[@stuffwithsoph8264]

I don't think Ross was that calculating but yeah Julie got done dirty

[@sophieamandaleitontoomey9343]

It legitimately angered me when he dumped her for Rachel and how terribly Rachel treated her for being with a guy she wouldn’t have looked at in that way if Chandler hadn’t spilt the beans. That whole situation is aggravating.

[@ummokay2611]

She was adorable and rather lovely

[@itsyaboiskyler2519]

Yes he immediately dumped July to date Rachel and at the end they didn't even date,they dated a few episodes later

[@morbidsearch]

The worst thing was he only dumped her because "she's not Rachel". He came so close to realising how superficial his attraction to Rachel is.

[@rodan9773]

Ross and Rachel are the most toxic people in Friends ever.

[@briannalee1998]

Yes!

[@ryanappleton3653]

When Ross and Rachel are separated, the group and show enjoy an unprecedented, however temporary era of peace. Yet when they're together, it's a poisonous paradise.

[@8victoriada8]

Rachel still had some redeemable and developed moments, while Ross.... Really what changed about him by the end?

[@thelastwriter4000]

I don't know I think all of the characters have their flaws. It is pretty hard to gauge which are the most toxic. Like is Chandler or Monica really better than Rachel?

[@tjenadonn6158]

It's Always Sunny is what Friends would be if it took place in real life instead of in Sitcomland. Six sociopathic trainwrecks making each other and everyone they encounter miserable and going nowhere in life.

[@vaishnavimendu4257]

I always thought they wrote Emily everything opposite of Rachel, like an anti-Rachel just so Ross can realise that he still loves Rachel.

[@briannalee1998]

Me too

[@normadgarmez7026]

Yep and after analyzing the situation, the studio did a poor job at it.

[@the_glitter_is]

Not to mention the double standard when it comes to male & female runner-ups. In SatC, Notebook, You Got Mail, etc., they are great guys who we sympathize with, to the point we condemn our female protagonists for hurting them. Compare this to the disposable, female runner-up, who is villainized for being a bitchy foil who is the only thing keeping the couples we root for apart.

[@susivarga7303]

On the flip side in countless romance movies the female heroine is more than welcome to cheat on the male runner-up, his only sin being working too much and not wearing a pleaded shirt 24/7. While male cheaters are basically heartless brutes.

[@roeliethegoat]

Although I agree with the general statement, the girl Noah is seeing in The Notebook is actually not a clingy jealous woman, and we see her getting hurt and then welcomed by Allie. I loved that scene.

[@pamelalansbury94]

@@roeliethegoat I think they were talking about the guy Allie almost marries, I don’t remember his name but he was played by gorgeous James Marsden.

[@natirasohumana]

Notice how you're always hating women

[@ellieespinoza8088]

Honestly, the only good thing to happen during Ross and Emily's relationship was Chandler and Monica getting together. Emily deserved so much better😥

[@pendragon2012]

I always felt bad for characters like this. Same with Karen in The Office and several others.

[@emilyd.6371]

They should have explored that trope with Karen. Better example than Emily.

[@VioletEmerald]

Seriously yeah. Karen is a much much better example. There's so much more depth there and Jim is less polarizing of a guy than Ross

[@louis-stephane1391]

@@VioletEmerald yeah. People love Jim so using him as an exemple makes more sense than using Ross who is hated by most women following this channel 😂

[@Bobonnie108]

And in the Office Jim was even surprised that Karen wanted to continue working AT HER JOB after they ended their relationship.

[@TheLeah2344]

As someone who has been on the receiving end of being treated like a stepping stone, I could relate to Emily. The first guy I fell in love with used me until he found the girl he really wanted. He also would talk down on me just because he didn’t think I was the one for him.

[@cgarcia3614]

Girl, no. You deserved better. Sorry you went through that.

[@millsgurl8358]

Sorry that happened to you.

[@crystala7x182]

Wow, what a jerk! You deserve better 💖

[@latronqui]

It's horrible. I've had a relationship like that too. Virtual hug.

[@RoopeRontu1999]

I hope he's dead. You deserve better.

[@favour3734]

I LOVE that this video emphasized the disposable love interest issue we have in media where, it's okay to cheat on, neglect and writers go to extreme lengths to villainize them just in service of the central fated couple. I always hated it and worked to make sure in real life I was open and considerate with anyone unfortunate to fall for me when I'm fixated on someone else

[@raem7846]

I might be wrong, but I feel like male DLI's are portrayed differently from female DLI's. Like, the man has to be shown to actually be a douchebag (think The Wedding Singer), while the woman merely has to exist (Cameron Diaz in My Best Friend's Wedding, though, to be fair, Julia Roberts rightfully does NOT get the guy). Worst of all, of course, is the mom in How I Met Your Mother. But then, I don't watch a lot of rom-coms or sitcoms, so I could be totally wrong.

[@quasalor1480]

Me too. I have always thought about how so many shows and movies portray it as totally understandable to treat people as disposable as long as they stand in the way of true love or whatever. It pisses me off so much.

[@favour3734]

@@raem7846 Wow, great observation. Reminds me of a discussion thread I saw about 'The Notebook' (another example where it's OK to cheat cos it was for 'true love') having the other guy not be a complete jerk being refreshing cos he usually has to be for us to approve of his disposability. The woman just has to be in the way of our couple and boom! Can't think of any exceptions at the moment so I'm running with your theory

[@favour3734]

@@quasalor1480 Yeah, this concept really offends me I just didn't have a name for it till this video. All other movie tropes I don't like didn't have a real world impact on me, that's how much this bothers me lol

[@bluebird1914]

Thing is, the general idea of disposable love interests isn't bad. In my opinion, it's a good way to develop characters in ways that you wouldn't be able to do as they are. But majority of the time the love interest is either an asshole, or makes the mc an asshole. Like is it so bad to have a relationship that ends in a realistic way that doesn't demonise someone?

[@plexoniolopez996]

Wow, it gives me anxiety to know how traumatic it must've felt for Emily to go through all that chaos in such a short period of time.

[@msfriendsfan4ever788]

I don't blame Emily for not wanting Ross to stay friends with Rachel. But they made her unresonable, when they had her make him give up his appartment and furniture, because Rachel had used it

[@cocolime6496]

it's like they were going out of their way to make her over-the-top unlikable because they knew she was justified

[@jackiehansen2421]

And forbidding him from hanging out with her also meant cutting out his friends and sister since they are always together and Rachel lives with Monica

[@briannalee1998]

I don’t blame her. Never did.

[@cocolime6496]

@@jackiehansen2421 true, but that also opens up another issue: how these 6 were always in each other's space all the time. did they not have separate interests? other friends? but that's just another of several problems with that show

[@raem7846]

Yeah, that might be unreasonable, but it's normal for a newly married couple to move to a new place together, no? I saw it as Emily wanting a fresh start with Ross, as opposed having to fit into his pre-established life like an afterthought. Let's not forget that she was also about to give up her home and her entire life to be with him. It's fair to want to feel like your new home belongs to YOU, not just to him.

[@ciscotheyoutuber1002]

Hated the way they did Aiden in Sex And The City, like girl... you're still friends with the guy you cheated on him with and then you're acting like his the problem because he doesn't trust you

[@briannalee1998]

Aiden deserved better. Maybe he and Emily got married!

[@raem7846]

What I appreciate about Aiden is that at least SatC doesn't frame him as the bad guy. 100% of the fault is placed, rightfully, on Carrie's shoulders. We know he deserved better. I also like that he spends precisely one episode bordering on Abusive Boyfriend territory, but actually realizes it and corrects his behaviour. I would love to see more of that on screen- characters actually working on themselves.

[@jenniferpajor5365]

Aiden deserved SO much better.

[@viviandarkbloom9232]

Julie, Mona, Charlie, Emily and even Janice are really good girlfriends, they care and act responsible and even own up to their mistakes. Janice I believe was a wonderful person.

[@georgenkansah659]

Yeah I agree only exception is when she cheated on Chandler with her husband and vice versa

[@itsyaboiskyler2519]

She was the best , although she did cheated Chandler with her husband and also she was always such a girl boss like when she agreed to meet qith Chandler only to show to him she is pregnant and see his suprised look on his face was literally a girl boss moment,it was sad that all the friends found her annoying and i believe just because of her voice ,but she was really awesome

[@buntobilli]

Yeahh janice was more emotionally aware than the whole lot of them put together.

[@subratanandy2142]

​​@@georgenkansah659hat was a terrible thing to do on her part really . But in her defense ( still not an excuse) 1. Her husband was already cheating on her when she started seeing Chandler and she was in the process of divorce . 2. When she cheated on Chandler, she didn't think Chandler actually wanted a monogamous, committed relationship with her as he had dumped her inconsiderately on many previous occasions and really just wanted to hook up with her . But she never tried to make excuse , or manipulate .

[@NiamhCreates]

Oh I totally saw it from Emily's perspective. Emily is one of the most reasonable people in the entire show... and I love "Friends", lol.

[@trinaq]

While forcing Ross to never see Rachel again WAS a bit of a stretch, you can't help but feel sorry for Emily. Plus, if she'd been a main character instead of a supporting one, then she'd have been sympathetic, and Ross and Rachel villainised.

[@MsMinoula]

His priority should have been to save his marriage even if he needed to stay away from all of his friends for a while. He could slowly return to seing them after repairing the trust between himself-that last part was impossible though as he was indeed in love with someone else.

[@briannalee1998]

Exactly! Anyone in her shoes would have done the same

[@Nightman221k]

It is a weird position to put someone in, making her feel like she was far less important to him than Rachel despite being his wife. Honestly, the was this series trivialized the idea of marriage as a thing that was important in the good times and bad in Ross's storyline is kind of just sad.

[@kells4315]

@@MsMinoula To be fair, I think the main issue was that in this case, since they got together SO fast, the concept of valuing this marriage higher than his best friend seemed very odd. Showed how not ready they were to get married that he wasn't willing to sacrifice anything for her.

[@MsMinoula]

​@@kells4315 Marriage is serious no matter what. Your friends may be close to you since infancy, even if you didn't marry "too fast" you could still say to your spouse that "these are people I'm with since infancy I cannot take time apart" following your rational. It is more about what he really wanted, though. Yes, this happening fast is an indicator he wasn't serious from the start but I disagree that this anyway makes iit OK not to prioritize his woman.

[@oreganospiceable]

Emily divorced Ross while Rachel gave up her dream job for him, so who really is the tragic figure. Also: I feel like the Mona plot later was almost a satire of how poorly he treated Emily. "At this point I judge her for taking so long to dump me."

[@trildi]

I hated how dumb they made Mona look. Like ffs. And Rachel giving up her Paris job was even dumber writing.

[@raem7846]

Ross has such a toxic effect on the lives of women that you almost have to admire Carol for thriving despite him. What's interesting is that in all his relationships, Carol was the only one who was indisputably the "bad guy" (she did cheat on him after all), yet she's the one who's never shown in a negative light. Love that for her.

[@JLDReactions]

@@raem7846 Well, they also discuss in the show that Carol was the one who made Ross into some type of sycophant. That's one of the reasons he became so paranoid that Rachel was cheating on him with Mark.

[@raem7846]

@@JLDReactions Yes, I discussed that elsewhere. The thing is, sometimes marriages end. It sucks, but how you move forward is up to you. Carol didn't force Ross to be jealous and controlling. He got there all on his own. At some point over the DECADE after his divorce, you'd think he'd have gotten over it. But he chooses to take out his jealousy and resentment on every woman he's with, apparently for the rest of his life. That is a ROSS problem. Dude doesn't need to get married again, he needs therapy.

[@az21bob666]

but he really not jealous or controling.

[@ashleek2987]

I think the problem is people are so quick to blame Emily as the problem and Emily is so quick to blame Rachel as the problem. Ross is the problem.

[@starlaminde8436]

Amen

[@subratanandy2142]

I don't exactly see Emily blaming Rachel . She should have , though . She blamed it all onto Ross and told him to maintain distance from Rachel . Rachel had absolutely no business going to the wedding or the honeymoon !

[@kaoryakasaka6835]

​​@@subratanandy2142 yea, but no one forced Ross to offer the second honeymoon ticket to Rachel(out of all people) in the first place. Rachel shouldn't have accepted this offer, but she was in no way more responsible for the whole drama than Ross was. After all Ross is an adult that makes his own decisions. If he truly wanted a future with Emily he wouldn't have said "I take thee Rachel" at the altar regardless of whether he used to love Rachel or not.

[@anisaafsar4528]

Fun fact: Ross saying "Take the Rachel" at the altar originally wasn't going to happen until Ross accidentally said it while they were practising lines. It was perfect as Emily was pregnant in real life and wanted to leave the show as well which is why the "Take the rachel" was the perfect solution

[@bunbacheso]

“Ultimately, no person is disposable.” So, so true. This actually encapsulates my problem with the movie Runaway Bride, where things are presented as if it’s okay for Julia Roberts’ character to treat others like they’re disposable because she hasn’t figured out who she is yet.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Emily and Mona actually deserved better. They are Queens!

[@kells4315]

Poor Mona! Left her at the movies! x_x

[@sashacat936]

They moved on from Ross, that's actually what they deserved

[@sashacat936]

@@Apo12345 Bonnie was great, I wished she would have stuck around longer by dating Joey, he was even interested in her after she shaved her head ! (They did date in my headcanon though, still wished we could have seen it on-screen)

[@JLDReactions]

Mona was a boring character though.

[@asmerX100]

@@JLDReactions ross was equally boring tho...always talking about dinosaurs all the time even he knew his friends dont like it...but mona always fascinated with paleontology...so that made them a perfect couple

[@ayeshamodi6345]

God, it makes me feel terrible that during my first few watches of Friends when I was a kid, I actually fell for everything they set up and hated Emily. Growing up and rewatching this show made me realize just how badly she was treated.

[@petergibney8412]

That gut punch after the ceremony was the MOST well deserved thing in the history of television 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@nancytrowbridge3085]

I think Emily should have given Ross the gut punch as soon as he said Rachael's name.

[@petergibney8412]

@@nancytrowbridge3085 Your Right!!!! That would have been Funnier 😂😂

[@melissam597]

Should have been lower 😂😉

[@Angi3_6]

I will forever hate RossxRachel. Felt so bad for all of Ross’s love interests.

[@sergioguinto4172]

except for ross's brief moment with janice

[@marionsimard4223]

The worst being Mona... Poor Mona always mistreated

[@briannalee1998]

Right?! They deserved better. Especially Emily and the teenage girl

[@c.s.804]

Well, not Charlie. Remember she started off with Joey, then she suddenly dumped Ross for her crazy manipulative ex

[@trinaq]

Likewise, I felt the most sorry for Mona, Julie and Elizabeth the student, though at least Julie found happiness with Russ eventually.

[@PapillonBleuNoir]

The way you described Ross is how I feel the majority of men who want a committed relationship are. They want someone to make them happy, but they aren't at all interested in how they could make someone else happy.

[@Spinogrl2000]

The difference between Ross and most men is I don't believe most men do it deliberately. From the accounts I've read from marriage counselors, a lot of women feel like their husband's don't care about them as a person, and they break out sobbing. Then they talk with the men, and they break down crying, because they don't know what they did wrong and what they need to do to fix the relationship. I think a lot of women have a hard time communicating what they want, and men have a hard time taking a hint. I've learned in my marriage that hints don't work with men. You practically have to give them a neon sign if you want something, because otherwise they're going to be blissfully unaware that you're not content. Obligatory "not all men", but it sure is a lot of them.

[@Vr4z1el]

Exactly this. Ive experienced this with so many men and then they wonder why women dont conform to the relationship dynamic and be there just to be the their therapist basically but the men dont realize they didnt put anything into the relationship to actually make the woman want to do those things for the man in the first place.

[@lilymoon2829]

I just started rewatching FRIENDS as it is my comfort show and I'm going through a rough patch, and I just notice time and again how superior the girls are to the guys in terms of communication... like, they're not perfect, Monica is a controlling trainwreck but she is an ace communicator, Phoebe is completely insane but she just has this empathic sense about people and is so caring, Rachel is a bit immature but she is extremely honest. The guys are just creeps. Even the main three- sometimes especially the main three. And while the girls keep working on themselves and questioning their decisions, it's not until Chandler gets with Monica that any of the guys even think about doing some self-improvement work. They even joke about how little the guys change a few times in the series... it's seriously disturbing! But, honestly, pretty accurate to my own experience as a young woman, because we are constantly told to see ourselves as the problem and work on how we relate to others, how we communicate etc(remember the one with the "Windkeeper" self help book?) whereas men are allowed to coast or just told to be good little patriarchs but never taught what being a good man should really entail (not all men ofc but as a general rule women tend to be much more attuned to that kind of thing) 😅

[@rebecca8525]

What’s so creepy about Chandler?

[@dickmonkey-king1271]

Well, most men are born perfect and then blossom into new dimensions of perfection, so I'm not sure why we would change...??

[@jthomasmack]

Meh. I agree with in the show aspect but I know plenty of woman who genuinely have it less together with their male peers. You can't paint people in such broad swaths.

[@blyss.x]

To be fair what's wrong w Joey?

[@MadameTamma]

I remember watching the characters in the show talk about how awful and unreasonable Emily was and thinking, “are you talking about the same person?” I can’t think of a single thing she did or asked for that was out of line

[@raveenasavadi655]

This video just convinced me that Ross and Ted are virtually the same person.

[@marymiller6188]

💯

[@briannalee1998]

Literally

[@stormthrush37]

Absolutely agree 100%. Emily was definitely done dirty in the show bigtime. It always bothered me to see how she got portrayed as the bad guy when in context a lot of the requests were pretty reasonable...like not being around the girl whose name you said at the altar and almost went on your honeymoon with. So glad to see a video about this.

[@briannalee1998]

Right?! She was not the bad guy at all. She had every right to hate Rachel and to be paranoid. I say this as a Rachel Stan.

[@lensal8372]

Ross was never actually in a relationship with Emily. To be in a relationship means to actually SEE the other person, to want to get to know them. For Ross, it was all about "getting" emily like you would try to get some object, and then rushing to marry and show off the relationship (without even actually knowing her) to aggrandize his own ego, which is actually how a narcissist thinks. What bugs me the most is that after saying the wrong name, he tries to dismiss it as a joke. He's never actually sorry, he's just worried how it made him look in front of people at the wedding, and that he's going to be divorced a second time- So for Ross, it's really all about him. Honestly, I think Emily was lucky that it didn't work out- it probably would have been a toxic relationship anyway.

[@VioletEmerald]

This is an interesting take and i appreciate your point of view and opening my eyes to a different perspective. I am definitely not going to think of him as a narcissist though. He's so clearly mortified and embarrassed and hoping to save face by calling it a joke which is different than a narcissist's cruel "joking" tendency as if something mean is just fun. Both are gaslighty but Ross throughout the show cares and is sorry to hurt people unlike a narcissist. but the writers treated this situation wut Ross being more self centered for added comedic effect and also Emily as less sympathetic for the same reason

[@hermionegranger6405]

Reminds me of in HIMYM when Ted was getting married to Stella and Marshall asked him about her favorite color etc and Ted couldn't give him an answer because he didn't know.

[@justinemot2282]

definitely Ross has a lot of narcissistic tendencies. The insecurity, the desire to prove something to the general public - especially an image of him that is not real, instead of finding his true self. He even acts quite cruel towards many people & his mind conveniently blinds him as if it never happened. He is not the hardcore narcissist though and he is able to have compassion towards others. But more often he will think how others will see him instead of thinking about how others will feel if he acts his way(

[@user-jb7tq7ko7e]

VioletEmerald narcissists hate being embarrassed more than normal people

[@subratanandy2142]

Any relationship with Ross would be toxic. Even Mona , who accepted everything about Ross and appreciated him so much and was so gorgeous, was treated horribly .

[@inescastellano7960]

The "English rose" trope could have its own video analysis.

[@probablyalive.2665]

I hated the way Karen was treated on The Office. And there are still people who think that Jim and Pam were right in that situation. Yes - BOTH of them were wrong. Jim of course was the bigger culprit given that he was her boyfriend and was so unfair to her, but Pam should never have admitted her feelings so publicly, in front of his girlfriend as well as the people she works with and has to face everyday. Admitting your feelings is not a bad thing, and Pam would have been justified in doing so had she done it personally, in a conversation b/w just her and Jim. After that if Jim decided to treat Karen the way he did, then he would be the only person to have wronged Karen. But Pam embarrassed Karen in front of her co workers (and i know Pam didn't outright say anything to insult Karen, but just imagine yourself in her position, wouldn't you feel disrespected?).

[@AgnessaMo]

The one thing I hate more than the "Pam's fire walk" scene is how 90% of the comments under it on KZbin are in the subject of "you go girl!", "what an inspiration". Like no, it wasn't cool to act like that in front of Jim's girlfriend and all these witnesses. But that's the way those shows are made, the audience won't care for other people's humiliation if it's in the protagonist (and OTP) favor... and those comments prove that the strategy works.

[@briannalee1998]

Yep!

[@chipacita90]

I always looked at that scene as Pam's woke up. She was a very insecure person in a toxic relationship herself for so long, feeling dragged in a job that really wasn't her dream job. The fire walk represents her realizing that she has a lot to offer but is scared at the same time. At that time she got rid of those fears and just went for what she wanted (recognition among her coworkers and Jim's affection back). However I do feel the way of doing that was over the top but I don't blame her for (finally) say and do what she wanted.

[@probablyalive.2665]

@@chipacita90 That scene was meant to be interpreted that way. It was very much meant to signify her realisation of self worth and that's great for her and all. And this is coming from someone who actually genuinely loves Pam and Jim as well as their relationship with each other. Really, PB&J are my OTP. But was it really necessary for the writers to make her self discovery come through a scene where she disrespects, humiliates and undermines another woman and her relationship? Because, like i said, of course that wasn't Pam's intention, and she didn't directly say anything to disrespect Karen. In fact, Karen was barely a part of that speech. But if I was in Karen's place, it would feel so uncomfortable hearing that declaration of feelings in such a public setting. Oh and let's not forget, not only did this happen in front of her coworkers, Jim ultimately chose Pam due to that declaration. And now she has to go work with these people every single day, who'll know that Jim was dating her while in love with someone else. I mean no wonder that she ultimately left. I am sorry, I don't mean to come across as aggressive. It's just that this is the one scene where I find myself unable to justify the actions of these characters that I love very much. The treatment of Karen was, in NO WAY justifiable. And I just can't tolerate the fact that not only so many people defend it, but they cheer for it (not talking about you, just go to the comments section and see).

[@georgenkansah659]

Ohhh....noo, okay I don't know if it's a preference or it's because I'm a guy but if I were in Karen's shoes 1 of these 2 would have happened 1 is that I actually wouldn't feel disrespected because she didn't say anything insulting to "me" and also, knowing how difficult it is to make a declaration of emotions like that, especially in front of everyone I would feel sorry for her rather than disrespected. PS we are not married we're just dating. 2. The disrespect and the anger would come only if I find out then or later that my "boyfriend" was also in love with her the entire time. Karen, however, knew before the bonfire that Jim was still *very much* in love with Pam. In other words She was willing to stay in a relationship with someone who was in love with another person which is toxic if you ask me but I guess that's why I don't think Jim and Pam did anything wrong. And they were so clearly in love with each other that they both wouldn't have been happy in different relationships and, Jim and Karen would have broken up regardless of Pam's speech

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Is it just me or is the Emily and Ross Arc based on Prince Charles and Lady Diana? Isolation, Whirlwind Romance and the fact that there’s a stronger bond elsewhere. Maybe I’m reading too much into this. Other than the couple I’ve mentioned, we’ve seen it everywhere.

[@Frosting1000]

Yes!!

[@joycezale5433]

I think the carol situation really broke ross. He felt that he needed a woman who seems unreachable (rachel) to boost his ego. Then when he lost rachel, he wanted to get with any woman to get back at rachel. Then when he lost emily, he started to have anger issues. He's simply a desperate man. He gets controlling in relationships because he basically bases his worth on getting a woman.

[@rebecca8525]

I agree completely! I think that Ross never got over Carol and just used every woman he dated- including Rachel-to fill the void in his life left by Carol. My theory is that Carol, not Rachel, was the love of his life.

[@MIKE2111ful]

Ross is the og simp

[@joycezale5433]

Also, I remember one episode when Ross was threatened by his daughter's male baby sitter because the male babysitter looked "feminine". It was later revealed in the episode that he was brought up with toxic masculinity principles. So being, not only cheated on, but cheated on with another woman was humuliating to Ross. We can really underestimate how being cheating on can affect us psychologically. Of course, Ross didn't not handle being cheated on really well, which then led to how badly he treated other women throughout the rest of the series. However, according to toxic masculinity, when a man gets cheated on, he's a loser, a wimp, a simp, etc. I mean, look at the will smith situation. Men deserve just as much sympathy when they get cheated on as much as women.

[@kaoryakasaka6835]

I also think if his friends weren't pushing these toxic stereotypes on Ross about him needing to ask a woman out ASAP(when he divorced a woman he loved like days ago) and a guy going to therapy being "uncool", Ross probably wouldn't even go for Rachel, and if they did get together, they would've been a healthier couple. Chandler and Joey not just letting him process his trauma in peace also played quite a big role in this.

[@yeyenico1151]

This is why I love Kdramas in recent times. Choosing between a two love interests as they're both great people and makes it very hard for the main character to choose. Also love that they don't villainize one character to make the other look better. You end up rooting for all three of them to find happiness.

[@mauve9266]

Any recommendations?

[@ceciliagustafsson6712]

@@mauve9266 One spring night or Something in the rain or Guardian: The Lonely and Great God.

[@bunny-dz5bz]

@@mauve9266 record of youth, Cinderella and the four knights, strong girl bong soon, cheese in the trap and my very favourite, reply 1988 are solid love triangle kdramas!

[@mauve9266]

@@ceciliagustafsson6712 thank you 😊 I really want to get into Kdramas

[@mauve9266]

@@bunny-dz5bz on the list they go

[@Saeiyu]

I still don't know how she still married him after saying her name. I would have cancelled the wedding right then and there.

[@briannalee1998]

Same!

[@mysunflowers7]

That’s why I have no sympathy for her.

[@nikkichehrazi]

I think she was caught up in the moment but I do agree that is was foolish to continue

[@laurenc2976]

This was fascinating. They really did try to vilify her character and pretty much succeeded. I didn't even realise myself how controlling and suffocating Ross was in this relationship which also mirrors how insecure he was when he was with Rachel. No one really stood a chance entering this claustrophobic, incestuous friendship group. Emily had a lucky escape!

[@BratzRockAngels]

Ross had serious possessive and controlling issues. You saying "incestuous" makes me remember when he literally tried to kiss his cousin and freaked her out.

[@honey0474]

This unfortunately reminded me of a relationship I had at 19. He was 23 and was my supervisor at work. He knew I had a crush on him so he pursued me. Little did I know that I was just "target practice " before aiming for the real thing, a college friend that he was crazy about. Once he was secure enough to push their connection out of the friends only level, he dropped me like a hot potato, saying "Oh, you knew that this was just a temporary thing" The cruellest thing a co worker would say to me in the computer room (it was the 90's LOL) I'm sure she had feelings for him too when they were just friends but became paranoid when she knew we were dating. Classic Rachel behaviour.

[@subratanandy2142]

Omg , these guys are like plague. I had one as well . He did the exact same thing and cheated on me with the best friend . He forced me to commit , then went back to the best friend. I always sensed something between them and was called paranoi , but at least because of my suspicion I didn't fall deeply in love with him so it was easy to break up.

[@faizahanif9515]

Ross was like this in his every relationship and whenever something happens in relationship, he makes it all about himself and totally ignores other person's needs as a human being apart from being with Ross

[@marthalynx7941]

I never felt anything but strong empathy for her character... I mean... C'mon! I always hated Ross though, but in a good way, he was an awful character but hilarious too.

[@briannalee1998]

Same! My mom HATED Ross, so did my sister, and so did I.

[@user-jb7tq7ko7e]

David schwimmer is one of the best actors on the show, thats why you liked Ross. That character would never have been likable if not being played by such a great actor.

[@marthalynx7941]

@@user-jb7tq7ko7e exactly!

[@francesescalera2579]

I disliked Emily the first time I saw the show. As all the characters saw her in a negative light after the wedding. However I now realize she loved Ross but he didn't or couldn't love the same back.

[@briannalee1998]

Yeah I don’t blame Emily one bit

[@goldilox369]

Yes, the writers did their job well. She annoyed me, and I hated their relationship. But, this makes me think completely differently about the whole situation. I never put myself in her shoes and she was justified.

[@briannalee1998]

Honestly I agree. I’ve always felt so bad for Emily and thought it was bull how the show tried to make her into a villain, as if anyone in her shoes wouldn’t feel or do the same things she did. Ross totally love bombed her! My mom dated a narcissist who stole money from her and that’s what they do, it’s a con. Ross aggressively pushed Emily into this relationship, pushed her to marry him and leave her life behind for him, was possessive, gave her an ultimatum to marry him, even though he knew he still loved Rachel enough to say her name at the wedding. Then tried to leave on THEIR honeymoon with Rachel, she caught him red handed. But did Ross apologize or offer an explanation? No He made Emily into the bad guy for not initially taking him back and harassed her and her family without giving her time to process everything that happened. Then when she did have some space and took him back, and set boundaries, he continued to demonize her for not wanting him to be around Rachel when A) he made no sacrifices for her, B) Anyone in her shoes would be wary of Rachel and C) He lied to her and didn’t stay away. I’m glad Emily got away. Emily was right not to trust him. Ross wanted to have his cake and eat it, too. Emily probably found someone better who didn’t rush her into a marriage. Ross displays all the behaviors of an abusive boyfriend: love bombing, controlling, she has to make all the sacrifices, demonizing, not emphasizing, emotionally cheating, gaslighting, harassing and insulting her family. She’s better off. During the whole relationship Ross was like, “my way or they high way.” No one ever took Ross’ actions into account. He was a toxic person overall. Great video!

[@kaitlynhall2112]

It’s amazing that it was Hugh Laurie that called Rachel out of her bullshit

[@Passions5555]

House? It's been too long since I have seen this.

[@GaiaShield]

They weren't in love, they barely knew each other. They were only getting married because she overstayed her visa and had to go back home and Ross went insane with a proposal because he had to stay in the US for Ben. Nothing about their relationship was reasonable.

[@briannalee1998]

Nothing

[@mysunflowers7]

Thank you. People are so quick to jump in and sympathize with Emily when they were barely in a relationship.

[@lillb643]

It was just lust

[@we-need-to-talk-about-it]

When I first read “Emily”, I thought it was going to be about Emily in Paris. Please, The Take, could you make a video about Paris? Maybe about how it’s represented in movies, how it’s romanticised and they only shpw those 5-6 ubiquitous touristy places in every movie? I would love to see your take on that.

[@temiigbaroola1363]

This was so insightful. I’m amazed at how much a sitcom from 20 years ago can teach us about ourselves and how we develop relationships

[@KeremGregorio]

I’ve never heard of the term love bomb until now. I jus got ghosted by a boyfriend who love bombed me and he even talked about us living together after weeks of stating dating. As a person with abandonment issues being ghosted hurt but this video has helped me realized that I was lucky to be forced out of a relationship with a person to whom I was disposable... Just putting it out there in the KZbin world to see if it helps someone else.

[@anissa14733]

Finally someone said it

[@torrijosisnice5750]

I was so in love with Emily she was completely done wrong!

[@briannalee1998]

Same!

[@pixelpulse0755]

Does anyone notice that in shows like "Friends" or "How I met your Mother" that when they portray the main guy as doing something really wrong and people call them out on it, the writers seem to back track. Like instead of portraying him as the "bad guy" they make the rest of characters go out of character and be over the top or they pull a last minute "see he's still a nice guy" card out of nowhere to discredit all valid evidence. They don't even seem to reflect or admit that they were in the wrong, they just always believe that they're in the right and that the whole world is wrong.

[@itubedv]

I just don't know why she would continue with the wedding after he said the wrong name, i mean i NEVER understood that, like in a real situation cause we know why in the friends universe she would still say yes but dayum they did her wrooooong

[@briannalee1998]

Yeah if it was my wedding, I would have walked out

[@-insertname-6174]

I disagree that Racheal is less polished, she comes from a wealthy family, I really don't see a difference between them except Emily is way more mature 🙃

[@-insertname-6174]

@@hakasims Haven't watched the movie

[@-insertname-6174]

@@hakasims Ok I see how that applies to this

[@demonbre]

Wealth and culture aren't the same thing.

[@vanm.8130]

When I was younger I hate how Emily wants to make Ross drops his friend growing up rewatching friends you understand her why she became that way and how she felt. Its when I realize friends needs to know their limits too, and when you are going to commit to someone commit fully.

[@DreG884]

I just realised Ross Geller, Ted Mosby and Carrie Bradshaw are literally the SAME people! 🤣🤣

[@nitsugazemag]

It’s funny how more objective you can see the show now than back then. During the initial run, I guess people were so invested in the will they/won’t they of Ross and Rachel that many didn’t quite consider how problematic Ross was. He was essentially a man child that couldn’t mature properly into a fully functioning adult because he didn’t “get-the-girl”. I just wished that his character actually learned from his mistakes than assert them over and over to get what he wants and how he wants. Love bombing is just another example on why he was the worst of the group. Even Joey was able to mature toward the end. At the very end, he traps Rachel in a similar way. Why couldn’t he move to Paris? It’s not like his first kid was really that much of a factor in life if the later seasons, even the finale, indicate. He could have gotten a ticket and gone with Rachel. No, she has to undo her dream to fit into his need to have her with him in New York 🙄

[@emiiii]

Yes, I agree with you. The best ending would have been if both Ross and Rachel had finally learned to let go of each other.

[@amityislandchum]

The show was never meant to be binge-watched, and it basically invented the "OTP" in a sitcom. At the time, we all just wanted to see Ross and Rachel happy together. It's only after watching the series 10 billion times and picking it apart that it becomes clear how fucked up these people are. That's why it's still fun to watch if you don't take it super seriously. It was never meant to be a realistic depiction of a love story. Honestly, I feel like How I Met Your Mother deserves all the hate that Friends gets. It started 11 years after Friends, yet is still extremely misogynistic, LGBTQphobic, and whitewashed. Barney commits hundreds of rapes over the series, and it's treated like a joke. 🤮 It's so much more toxic than Friends could ever be.

[@nitsugazemag]

@@amityislandchum it’s not really about seeing it a billion times; it’s more like seeing it from a distance from the time it originally aired. I saw episodes here and there on the original run and it was really funny, at the time, and I was rooting for Ross and Rachel, but it is seeing it as an adult many years later that ideas, perceptions, minds have opened to see what’s problematic with it. I’ve only saw HIMYM once from binge to the original aired finale. I found it funny, but the main character’s whinny nature was reminiscent of Ross. It was mostly a revamped Friends with clear differences and more obvious misogyny. Ted is Ross, Robin is Rachel, Barbie is Joey and Phoebe, Marshall is Chandler and Lily is Monica. Arcs are shuffled around, but the differences are predicated on a more lenient network, instead of a cafe they go to a bar, and most of Friends is augmented and distorted to become HIMYM. Looking at that series now, I wouldn’t be able to see it having a different and older perception.

[@tabathaalshalhoub1653]

@@amityislandchum yeah I tried watching How I Met Your Mother when I was in college. All my roommates loved it. And I was like, that guy is a rapist and Ted is a sociopath. Would *you* want to be with either of them?! If Barney treated *you* like that, would it be ok?! And then everyone was passive aggressive towards me for a month since no one could watch it anymore lol

[@dinakisa1049]

@@tabathaalshalhoub1653 all himym characters are quite problematic. I guess such characters make better stories that normal average people.

[@easyveganfoodie]

Loved this!! It’s so true. Ross’s jealous behavior when Emily is hanging out with Susan is ridiculous since she’s not a lesbian and Susan is married to carol. It makes no sense. Yes, there’s his trauma from carol leaving him for susan but they have a coparenting relationship. But on the other hand Emily barely knows Rachel, and the fact that Ross said her name on their wedding justifies her concern of them hanging out together.

[@raem7846]

Also, yes, it must suck to have a marriage fall apart because your wife falls for another woman, but, like... get over it. I understand that that's used to explain his over-the-top jealousy, but people break up and get divorced all the time. If you let that poison all your future relationships, that's on YOU.

[@jenniferpajor5365]

That over-the-top jealousy was a hallmark of Ross’ character. He acted the same way when Rachel started working at Bloomingdale’s and was around Mark. And then even when Mark came back near the end of the series and got Rachel the job in Paris.

[@amityislandchum]

@@raem7846 The WORST thing this show ever did was validate the "I'm jealous and paranoid because I got cheated on in the past 😥" bullshit. It's so common for men to use this excuse to justify their abusive behavior, and I hate seeing it played up as cute and innocent in TV shows. Everyone gets betrayed or cheated on at some point! It's their responsibility to deal with their feelings and get over it. It's so dangerous to keep teaching women that it's our job to "fix" broken men.

[@rebecca8525]

Ross never got over Carol.

[@az21bob666]

it make a lot of sence, he did not think his wife wsa a lesbian and she allreasy sleep with her knowing she was married so yea there no reason to think she not do it again.

[@Missmagazinebura]

Ross and Emily should have broken up . They didn’t need to get married

[@trinaq]

Agreed, though apparently they were supposed to last for longer, but Helen Baxendale's pregnancy meant that she had to stay in her native England.

[@lorzl1287]

Great video :) I remember as a young teen thinking "wow, Emily is so wrong and I'd love a guy like Ross!" Then becoming an adult and now it's "fuck you, Ross. Emily 10000% in the right"

[@rebecca8525]

I, too, loved Ross when I was a teenager. Now I realize that he was a creep. I still love David Schwimmer, though.

[@vulpes6144]

People always remember Emily as the bad guy when Ross is the one who is mostly responsible for all the mess.

[@NINELAJESUS]

This is excellent writing by you all.

[@Emily-df9dk]

Honestly, even watching that for the first time, I balked at Monica calling Emily “Controlling.” The man said the wrong name at their wedding! She was a saint to him for sticking it out a second afterward

[@pqm2012]

I love friends. Hardcore fan. Love Ross and Rachel! But I always thought people were unfair to Emily. Obviously the friends are going to take Ross and Rachel's side but I think it's completely reasonable Emily was so mad!!! I mean can you imagine being in her position!

[@briannalee1998]

Yeah I always thought that, too

[@janneth2211]

I have been saying this since forever … I TOTALLY AGREE WITH EMILY👏🏼 I can’t believe what Rachel and Ross did to her

[@me034]

As much as I love Ross, I am Emily's team all the way on this one. I think the only irrational thing she did was rush the wedding, everything else was perfectly reasonable. If your group of friends is more important than the person you are marrying then you shouldn't be getting married point blank.

[@kanikagaral7637]

Dude friends r very important. And no way u leave ur friends for anyone. Especially when all they do is support u and be there for u. Reply would have been reasonable if she had broken up with ross. U can't marry a weak loser like him and then try to control eveything.

[@me034]

@@kanikagaral7637 friends are important. But people move away from their home towns, and their friends all the time. Is not normal that a ground up adult can't imagine his live without seeing his friends daily but no problem if his wife suffers. He did mess up, big time, and he at least should have kept to his word of not seeing Rachel until Emily arrived for his wife's mental health. If that was not acceptable for him, he should not be married to his wife, she is not the one if she is not his priority. Her demand was not unreasonable.

[@kanikagaral7637]

@@me034 well if emily was that bothered by him and so unsure she shouldn't have married him in the first place. He was an ahole and he did mess up big time stating rachel at the alter but whatever happened after is emily too. And yes i wont give up my friends just coz my husband is insecure. And she didn't just want him to stop saying rachel she wanted all his friends to stop seeing her. See how pheobe and mike dont have this issue. Mike is not like emily. She was right in the beginning then the writers wrote her as jealous insecure mess.

[@me034]

@@kanikagaral7637 if Emily was irrationally insecure sure, it would be unreasonable to ask of Ross that he give up seeing Rachel. But she was right to be insecure, Ross should have prioritized rebuilding Emily's trust, the fact that he didn't is further proof that he loved Rachel more than Emily and she was right to call it quits.

[@me034]

She didn't ask him to stop seeing his friends, she ask for Rachel and she happened to be with his friends regularly. Mike and Phoebe don't have that problem because Phoebe didn't have an ex in the group. More over Emily was fine with Ross hanging out with Rachel before, he said her name in the altar and trying to go on their honeymoon with her. Emily trusted Ross around Rachel until Ross proved he couldn't be trusted around Rachel....

[@hamdialihassan1586]

Alright hang tight, I’m about to rant. I never disliked Emily. I thought simply she made a mistake in marrying him after he said Rachel’s name. When the pastor said ”shall I go on?” She should’ve right then and there been like ”no, hold on a minute. I wanna speak to him in private” and then proceeded to cancel the wedding and break up with him cause for me saying another woman’s name is solid evidence that he most definitely is in love with her and I’m not about to enter this mess. If anything I’d be glad he did it before we were officially married so that I can just leave without a messy divorce. And this brings me to my second point: arguments could be made that Ross and Rachel were in love through all 10 seasons. Let’s take a walk. Season 1: He’s crushing on her. Season 2: She’s crushing on him Season 3: They’re officially together Season 4: They’re on the verge of getting back together but he can’t let it go that she wants him to take full responsibility and by the end of the season she’s trying to stop his wedding. Season 5: She admits to him that she still loves him but he’s married and it’s just not the right time. Season 6: He doesn’t wanna get an annulment because he’s still in love with her. Season 7: There’s still physical attraction and they sleep together. Season 8: They’re expecting and Ross offers her marriage. He thinks he’s just doing the right thing because she’s pregnant but in the back of his mind he’s kinda gitty about the thought of her being stuck with him and eventually falling back in love. Season 9: He’s contemplating them getting back together so that the 3 of them can be a family. Season 10: He realizes he’s been in love this entire time and is now being threatened by the thought of her not being in his proximity any longer. So yeah, there you have it folks. He should never even have bothered Emily or anyone else for that matter.

[@lovefromwonderland]

I wish that Ross and Rachel could look at each other and decide whether or not they loved each other instead of running around their feelings for seven or so seasons. So much drama could've been avoided, like my god

[@Maellegasy]

Never hated Emily but rather Rachel. She's like the Carrie Bradshaw of Friends. People seem to like her just on the basis of her being the main character when she's pretty toxic herself.

[@creativia6639]

When I rewatched the series a few years ago I had similar thoughts about her. Thank you for putting it all into an intelligent video!

[@Nro52]

THANK YOU! I always hated the treatment the show gave to Emily, and always loved that character. As you said at the ending, good for her for getting out of there. Love your takes. Thanks for sharing!

[@henninggirl261]

I’ve seen a bunch of articles saying what they think happened after the show ended, and 9 out of 10 say something like Rachel ends up resenting Ross for limiting her professional success and his continued controlling nature. So she gets another opportunity overseas and takes it.

[@briannalee1998]

Probably. The fact that he never considered going to Paris with her and needed HER to give up her dream job to stay with him, showed that Ross still only put Ross first and was still unwilling to make the monumental sacrifices he expected from women.

[@raem7846]

I would actually have loved to see a show that followed single-mom Rachel trying to make it in the Paris fashion world. Like Emily in Paris, but less shitty.

[@bethcrumpton476]

I thought I read that during an episode of Joey's spinoff show, it was briefly mentioned that Ross and Rachel got married.

[@VioletEmerald]

@@briannalee1998 he couldn't go be with her because of his son Ben. They made that clear. But what was also so awful about the finale plot is that regardless, he was going to lose getting to see his daughter Emma nearly as often if Rachel left and took Emma. It's pretty awful to move across the ocean after agreeing to co-parent for better or worse with someone. That goes for Rachel moving away from Ross or Ross moving away from Carol. This is a sitcom that oversimplifies it and makes the focus a dream come true career thing and a dream come true romance thing with the kids "minor" side note type obstacles but come on they are the biggest factor in all this. Rachel got a spectacular career opportunity in Paris but could she REALLY not get a nearly as spectacular fashion job in NYC? It's not like the choice is so simple as having a career at all vs Ross.

[@user-jb7tq7ko7e]

VioletEmerald thats nonsense. She'd outgrown nyc, she works in fashion so of course she'd thrive in Paris

[@norah4892]

I must admit I was guilty calling Emily jealous of Rachel and Ross's relationship. And now the more I watch The Take the more I understand their toxic relationship. Thank God, Emily dogged a bazooka!!

[@bellatrixevans]

YEARS. I have been saying this for YEARS

[@strawmonk301]

Just wanna say that this channel is so enjoyable and thoughtfull!

[@oceanasong]

Your deep dive analysis are fantastic - love this channel!

[@rishit3559]

I was always waiting for someone to speak about Emily the way you did, people were to afraid to speak about the injustice they did to this character just because they wanted Ross and Rachel so they hated the first person who actually fell in love with Ross.