FTM: Choosing a name, getting used to it

I'm recounting my process of choosing my new name, why I chose the name I did, how it was weird at first to have a new name, and how I've gotten totally used to it and identify with it now.

[@alexhaney100]

I chose Alexander because my previous middle name was Alexandra, so I already had some connection to the name. But I changed it right when moving to a new city, so it was super interesting because no one had to get used to it except me. No one questioned that being my name and i remember sometimes they'd call me and I wouldn't answer at first haha. It's so weird getting used to a new name. But it's been almost five years for me as Alex, at this point my old name is just very strange. I seem to remember you going by West at some point too?

[@TheSLOfox]

+Out of the Closet. Into the Woods. Yeah, I did go by West for a very short time (I barely remember it!) and now it's my middle name. Yes, it is interesting how the new name goes from being weird to normal, and vice versa for the old name.

[@TheValkyriekat]

Out of the Closet. Into the Woods. My middle name is Alexander. I think it's a strong name. Regulus, my first name, is slightly ambiguous because it's rare. Best of luck in the woods, Alex.

[@dannythealien1569]

As a child, my birth given name, Lydia was a rather mature sounding name, atleast to me, and it was something I never really related or correlated to myself- who I truly was. Instead over I grew to link it ro my school achievements( I was quite the over achiever, haha). However as I grew into a teenager, I decided I had had enough of it and decided to change my name. First I wanted to go by Minerva. Turned out to be a bad fit, and nobody really called me by it. Next, I just went with my middle name, Daniella, or its nicknames Danny/Dani and Ella. I had always liked my middle name but no one called me by it either, and I was too shy to tell others I'd changed my name. And so finally, a few months later, I found the absolute dream name- Delilah. Delilah, it always was a beautiful name to me. A certain air of grace and I loved the nicknames it could have- Del, Lilah, Lily, etc.(I've always been a sucker for nicknames). And so, I finally decided this was my true name, my new name. 😊

[@rtemis2623]

I actually chose my name pretty at random with no significant meaning behind it and I don't regret it surprisingly. It just felt right and I didn't feel at all uneasy with how whimsical the decision was so I didn't even question it; I'm typically an extremely cautious person when it comes to big decisions. I suppose I could say it felt intuitive. I just thought it was a cool name, I never even met anyone with it. I imagined how I would write it in a signature and I really liked what I came up with. It doesn't sound at all like my birth name, actually my family is Spanish and they always comment on how I should have chosen an easier name to pronounce hahaha. But where I got it from was just a book character I really identified with from a kid's book I read when I was in middle school LOL. I never even finished the book. Sometimes I do feel some regret that I didn't include my mom in the decision but at the end of the day I knew I wouldn't have liked the names she would have chosen. We grew up in different countries after all. Also while I wasn't disowned or anything, the coming out process wasn't fun or enjoyable, I felt really uncomfortable with my super dysphoric childhood/upbringing that I felt the need to sever ties with, and I felt a strong need to overall just recreate myself.

[@TheSLOfox]

+∆rtemis Cool story! I think going by intuition totally makes sense. I'm glad you got a name you like.

[@thenovids77]

it's interesting how much getting used to changing name takes, despite how much we want it. I've recently stopped misgendering myself in my head which is great. I'll still say Luke even when I'm thinking about what someone who I'm not out to would say. I do catch myself every time I think of my own name/pronouns though

[@shenji4696]

Thank you for this video. I'm struggling with the same problem right now, changing the way I think about myself and getting used to my new name and pronouns. Also, I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but I have to say you're soooo attractive!

[@TheSLOfox]

Thank you! :)

[@Deansski]

Thank you for this video. I always find your stuff enlightening. I am very lucky that the shortened version of my birth name is unisex and has been what most people have called me since my early teens. I also have a similar experience with the term "dead name". I am respectful that others feel strongly about it. I sometimes cringe when I hear mine, however I never want to deny my family of the name that they chose for me. It really depends on who says it. I sometimes think about changing my name to something that I was never referred to as before my transition. Anyway, thanks for the food for thought :)

[@colgan2731]

Good to hear about your thoughts.

[@j4jools292]

Hi Allen, Just wanted to say, I love your videos. Love the content; always interesting and thought provoking. I often find myself nodding and 'mmmmmm-ing' with your take on the topics / subjects you talk about. A bit spooky sometimes as it feels like you've dipped inside my head and verbalised a lot of my own thoughts on some of these topics :) I'm 51 and pre everything at the moment, however, I am about to change my name. It will be my first 'official' step toward my transition. I remember watching this video a while ago (I have been following you for sometime now) and it definitely helped inform my own choice of name. As you have, I have gone with the 'male' version of my given name, Julie, to Julian. As with yours, I think it is age appropriate and an easier 'change' to get used to. I won't go for a 'replacement' middle name, so I'll just have a first and surname. My nickname is Jools and I have been known by that name for many years. I'm happy to keep that as it is gender neutral and I like it. I had considered having it as my new name, but it sounds odd with my surname. Julian sounds much better :) I always look forward to seeing your new posts, so please keep them coming. They are definitely appreciated this side of the pond!

[@krw72]

I called myself Nigel when I was 9 but I picked it for similar reasons.

[@firestone8]

Alan is a good name. It suits you.

[@ljasjeff2346]

I think your name is a perfect fit. My first name is gender neutral, but I need to change the middle name. I plan to use the boy's name my dad called me when we were having outdoor fun together.

[@thelogicallunatic6004]

Well Done Sir!

[@TheSLOfox]

+G. Kelly thank you!

[@librarylynx650]

So I chose Ash as my new name ( it was ilina before) so it's not similar but I didn't really hate my name it's just wanted a name that's more gender neutral and also an important aspect was my comfort character in an anime( also called ash) and I really relate to that character due to trauma / mental breakdowns that we both had. So choosing the same name as my comfort character means alot to me but it's still new and strange to me because I'm used to my birth name but I guess that will be solved by time and expierementing.idk if anybody feels like this too because I don't want to become my comfort character but the meaning behind my new name means a lot to me.But when I hear ash I think of the character so I guess i need time to make it more comfortable to be my own(btw I decided to change it like 2 days ago so I guess it will take some time)

[@jennyheinrich7928]

you have a cool name OK I like it very much ok it's great

[@krozem45]

I've been thinking about names a lot lately. How strange that people who love you and have known you, have to stumble and learn a new name like you are a stranger...

[@tobyr3]

I'm glad you were able to keep an 'l' from your previous name.

[@brennanpines7559]

Right now I'm going by Brennan. But.. I've been really second guessing it :/. I'm too scared to change it tho bec I've already changed it a few times :(. I want to go by Eamon officially.. But I'm scared people will be mad

[@thunderstormgaming9099]

Brennan Pines don't be, they might get angry, but who cares, r u changing THEIR name? no, so don't let it get to you, I want to informally be called izaya, but not everybody likes it over isaiah.

[@felikso]

Picking my new name (though it might change after I come out to my parents with family names and stuff) was actually rather easy! The only negative I thought to it was how I would answer when people asked where I got it from. I was scrolling through the explore page on instagram, and saw a post where someone were talking about how different their life would be if they had been named "Gregalicious" at birth, and part of me saw the "Greg" in that and began thinking over and over how awesome it would be if people called me Greg, and there was a realisation that people would if I asked, so there wasn't really any question over whether I liked it or not, haha.

[@felikso]

Returning to this video about a year later, and I ended up changing my name to Felix instead. Greg didn't really fit me, and being someone who is a massive classics nerd and loves ancient languages, it made a lot more sense to have a name that represents that part of me.

[@MrImportrans]

Didn't you go by West at some point too? Anyway, I think the hypothetical roommate would just have laughed if they'd seen your old name on some mail. I was in that situation and he was like, Dude, they really messed up, that's not even close to your real name. ;) He just figured the local government (!!) had made a mistake.

[@TheSLOfox]

+MrImportrans Oh yeah, I did go by West for a short time. :) Now that's my middle name. haha, that's funny about your roommate. It seems that if a trans person passes well, then others never even think about the possibility of them being trans; most people just don't have that level of awareness.

[@achilleus9918]

your mention of the canterbury tales made me laugh- i'm studying the wife of bath currently (her name is your original name, right?) which is one of those books that i can appreciate the importance of but that isn't my thing... the character's pretty funny though. but yeah, whenever i've thought about changing my name my mind has immediately gone to fictional characters. anyway, i relate to your point about not wanting a flashy name. "esmé" is just unusual enough that people regularly mispronounce it (esmee instead of esmay etc), but i would feel odd having a name that's too different- additionally a lot of popular types of names for nonbinary people my age sound very american to me, which doesn't suit me at all, being a very unassuming english kid. i'm still deciding whether or not i want to change my name. esmé is technically gender-neutral, i mean french noblemen used it (the feminine form being esmée) in like the 17th century or something, but now it's almost exclusively female in english-speaking countries... i like my name a lot, but i also don't like that people assume female when they read it. i thought about doing what you did and picking something close to my name- ethan, for example, but i've never found anything that clicked or felt like mine.

[@TheSLOfox]

+Esmé Yes, as I remember, the Wife of Bath is named Alisoun (Alison)? I can't remember which story had a character named Aleyn (Allen), but it was a funny story, I think. Hmm... I can see how it'd be frustrating to have a name that everyone thinks is a girl's name. Have you looked through baby name books? I've always loved doing that, for any purpose. haha. Esmond? Ezra? Eamon? :)

[@sherckianofasgard]

I've been considering a name change. My birthname is technically gender neutral but it is mostly used for girls so I've been thinking of making it a middle name since I still like the sentiment and the sound of it, but I don't want to introduce myself as it.

[@ethanryans7673]

My new name is completely different than my original. There was a male name that was very similar with literally just one less letter. i thought about the name for years but no matter what happened, i simply didnt like it. And it was hard trying to find another similar name because my name is Unique and made up. I just picked one that i liked. Either Liam or Ethan and Ethan was the first name i said out loud when someone asked so thats mwuah. Ethan Ryans Heard