In-Between / Trans Butch / new name

[@johnathanfeldhouse3956]

I love how your videos are more of a conversation and an intellectual analysis rather than videos where you tell the audience something. I can tell that as you are talking about how you feel about these things, you seem to figure things out and it seems like its very theraputic. The way you go about your videos make you more relatable, at least in my perspective.

[@TheSLOfox]

+Megan Feldhouse Thank you! Yes, I have found making videos to be pretty therapeutic - it's fun.

[@Mirabella98102]

I transitioned 20 years ago (M2F) and I still kinda think I am 70% female and 30% male, which doesn't really bother me. I think you should do what you want to do. I really don't think that most people today really care what other people do, unless it is something illegal. Enjoy. Experiment. Relax. :-)

[@insimonshead]

hi west! this video resonates with me SO much - a lot of your thoughts are VERY similar to mine. therapy is a GOOD thing - like you, i finally came to the point where i got tired of running around in circles - i needed someone to help me hear myself speak about these things, and to help me figure out what these things mean, for me. and top surgery... YES! i want it SO bad, but at the same time i'm not quite there yet , in my mind... take care, simon

[@felixxferd]

We very rarely see people on here, who are still questioning, and I don't know why that is, since we've all been there once. But I think it takes a lot of courage to come to youtube and be so open about your personal life and your changing views, especially living in a world where changing one's mind is usually looked down upon. [tbc]

[@zzzut]

I don't think you should bother about all those gender labels. You are who you are and it should be ok, no matter what. You have great looks for a woman or for a man. Your voice is absolutely wonderful for a woman or for a man. And most importantly, you seem to be a very nice person just the way you are. Whatever you choose for yourself, I wish you the best of luck. Just make sure you remain a decent human being! :)

[@krozem45]

You know what's weird: I never had trouble understanding that I have a man inside a woman's body. My gender, then, lives in the same paradox as nature vs nurture... My man and my woman need each other to exist and I cherish them both and I will express them both. When I wake up in the morning I lay my hand over my chest and the man in me wakes up totally, no shame at all for his body. I think the name experiment is a great way to do this! West! You are a beautiful in-between. Let's be brother

[@samuelMarx73]

Great video West. When I finally transitioned it was freeing for me. I had denied so much of myself for so long. And now I'm able as I transition to appear more male to embrace the female aspects that I had been denying all along. It sounds like you are finding a happy compromise for yourself. Gender is definitely not black and white. We shouldn't have to live as if it is. Take Care.

[@MisterEmJay33]

Congrats west:) glad your getting more comfortable and coming to terms more with your gender. I really like your laid back attitude and how u handle things. Just try it out and remember nothing's set in stone, just do what makes u most comfortable

[@deoccultist]

I've spent over a year and a half pondering on HRT transition, but I have to say that it's definitely something I need to do. I do enjoy your perspective, though. What kind of amazing world would this be without so much amazing neurological and biological diversity? Who cares what others think; just be you. :)

[@weirdopal1]

Thanks for making this video, I understand how you feel! I have been thinking a lot about testosterone. The idea is both terrifying and exciting! But this is also how i felt about top surgery when I was first thinking about it. Then as time went on, I realized that it was what I needed to do in order to get on with my life. Now I feel great about my chest! Anyway, I know it can be exhausting to think about. Keep making videos! Also, I like trans butch too.

[@mitchftwin]

I know this is one of your older videos, but I love it. I have an intersex condition (Swyers Syndrome) and have struggled greatly with gender dysphoria. Your explanation of “in between” really resonates with me. Thank you for sharing.

[@aidenchan8513]

Hey there! Your videos are very insightful & I appreciate you sharing what goes on in your head. I can relate a lot to what you've said in your videos. I started a blog on my own journey about similar musings. Looking forward to future videos!

[@Liam4230]

I really appreciate your videos. I've been living as a trans guy for years but have started to come to a greater understanding of myself as identifying somewhere in-between butch and ftm, and it's been really helpful to know that there are others grappling with this issue as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us. :)

[@TheSLOfox]

Thanks! No, it doesn't sound creepy - I feel the same way myself, which is why I make the effort to share my thoughts on KZbin!

[@wilsonsothernames]

glad you've found a place, name and new strategy for yourself even if it works for the moment. i love a new strategy.

[@brinky7177]

I actually don't remember how i ran across your videos. But because of how comfortable and safe these make me feel I'm thinking about starting my own vlog talking about my own gender questioning, and even sexuality maybe. So thank you.

[@TheSLOfox]

Thanks for your comments. Yes, I've also realized that people are often, or usually, more accepting than we might expect. I teach young adults, and they are always respectful towards me and I can tell that they like me; many people do not seem as concerned about our presentation as we may expect! I need to keep this in mind too.

[@felixxferd]

Hey West, I wanted to take the time to thank you! I really appreciate your honesty on here and how you really talk things through. I think we often process issues on our own first until we came to fabolous decision, and then we go online and present it quickly and all wrapped up to the rest of the world. But sometimes we need to glimps into each others confusing gender-jungle to really understand. [to be continued :P]

[@lyndseymoon2134]

This is just such a great piece. I really like it. I completely have the same questions and more that I sit and ponder. It is like you are my words. I just wish you all the best

[@crashburn549]

West- I myself, identify as "in-between", although I have been in transition (hormonally) for over 2 yrs. As far as pronouns go, I prefer "male" associated pronouns & nouns, but yet I don't feel 100% male & not 100% female. I too embrace both sides of myself, being born female, and now, being socially recognized & labeled as being an male embodied person. I know that most people would label me as an FTM, however, I feel connected to personally identifying as being in-between. Kudos- Great Video.

[@butchtalk]

Hope you feel better, West!

[@TheSLOfox]

Yes, somebody mentioned that to me a long time ago and I looked it up, but I don't feel it fits me personally, since I'm not "neutral" in my gender at all; I am definitely masculine. But thanks for your comment!

[@PerpetualTomboy]

I love the name West! Makes me think of one of my favorite authors - Nathanael West. Regarding the boxers, keep in mind that a glimpse of that waistband can be inspiring! I'm always cheered whenever I notice a female (I never know if they're trans* or butch or tomboy or whatever) wearing boxers because it makes me feel more normal in MY boxers! (Mind you, I see underwear much more than the average person as I'm an ER RN!)

[@TheSLOfox]

I just went and read it - perfect! It's so much like how I feel. Thanks for recommending it.

[@karenm5109]

Really interesting and useful video from someone who is also questioning, and has been for several years. In fact, all of your videos have been very useful, so thank you. Good luck on your journey.

[@ZeBeFruity]

Hi West! love your name. I'm so sorry about your bike accident but glad you're not injured worse. Danny

[@celineypie]

I think "West" sounds rad. You're great.

[@burlfish76]

I also wear men's clothes(have since I was young,more of gender neutral Ts and jeans) also I have broad shoulders I never fit (and am glad I never had to wear) "girls" or "women's" clothes.Whenever I had to (for jobs etc) I'd be SO self conscious the whole time and couldnt wait to get back into my normal clothes. I wear boxer briefs for years now and it's just so normal to me I've never thought about it. When my hair is short or in a hat I pass all the time (not trying to) but it makes me smile.

[@krw72]

I like the dialogue idea. I will try it with a conflict or other dialectic some time. I do remember a battle when I was about six weeks in but inner friendships are being forged now!!

[@ClosetTransgender]

I love the letter writing technique. Way to be in between! Good one. Good one.

[@RayneStrifeSway]

Hey fox. I have been trying to put out more about my own journey but seemed to never have the language or the total video savvy ness..but im going to try some more so hope you check em out sometime. But l watch your videos i feel and learn lots from your and am grateful to add a new colour to my palate that is my painting of self..thank you

[@Another951]

Hi West, I strongly recommend the works of Ivan Coyote. This is a canadian author who discusses similar topics throughout their works. They use the pronouns "she" in the media but has mentioned a preference toward gender neutral pronouns elsewhere. They wear a binder. They go by Butch sometimes and Trans others. I'm in the same boat as you are...conflicted. Your videos a very helpful. You are not alone.

[@bluetitmi6]

West is an awesome name! I'm also struggling with the decision if I want to go on T and have surgery. Part of me thinks that I'm living in an age when you can actually do that - it's only been possible for the past 80 years of ALL human history to actually go on hormones, other part of me thinks I'm screwing up my health and won't be any happier after it because other issues will arise (family, job) It's very upsetting, sometimes I feel that having a choice is a curse heh! Hope you feel better!

[@julesweiss6950]

I just found your videos today and I'm so happy I did. I have very similar thoughts as you and it's very comforting finding someone with a similar situation.

[@curbsideexpression]

Hey West!! I am an in-betweener also. I find it very difficult to find a term that suits me correctly. I am not male and I am not female, I'm somewhere along the gender spectrum between the two. I go by the name Zee, (not my assigned name at birth) I feel this fits me better. The gender nutral kind of life is hard for me but I feel I don't fit anywhere else. It's nice to come across someone else similar to myself in this way. :)

[@TheSLOfox]

Yes, I have read a whole lot by Ivan Coyote and totally love her! Thanks for your comment.

[@TheSLOfox]

This is helpful; thanks. I'll think about your question!

[@TforMeToo]

I've always joked that dad wanted a little girl...and got me. I've always felt physically like a male in mind's eye, but emotionally I'm more female. Third gender or two-spirit are the best description. Full transition would not be right for me. I've been on a low dose of T that keeps me higher than F normal range, but barely at the bottom of M range. For me, that has done wonders for my psyche, bringing enough change to feel more "correct", without drastically changing outer presentation.

[@RockinUK]

Great video, West! I was thinking while I watched it that you should probably go down to the beach or pool if it's too cold over there right now, and check out some other men's bodies (non gym!!!) to see how non-massive & non-hairy you might be if you did use T. Also, like you my internal male is often fighting for attention, so I'll probably use your tip of trying the letter to see what he would have to say to the current me, and see what my female would like to say to him. Good tip thanks! :-)

[@astrog8tr]

Have you read "Stone Butch Blues"? Good book but VERY heavy. I like West, btw. Fits you somehow.

[@TheSLOfox]

Thanks, Jesse! Interesting to hear your thoughts about top surgery. I've been watching all your videos.

[@CGladly8]

I appreciate people like you who are able to share your intimate thought process in relation to your gender. I was always reluctant to share my questioning for fear of not being able to defend the validity of my identity. Of course, that is only my own insecurity. I outwardly am viewed as FTM for it's simplicity for the people in my life who identify with the binary, but ultimately, I myself identify as trans-masculine. I will always identify with a part of me that was and is female.

[@Hhhhhhhhh186]

This video reminds me so much of myself, where I am currently. I am always saying, "Yeah no... I'm not gonna transition. I'm not going to do it. I mean - yet. Not anytime soon. Not me. I'm good. I'm happy and good." And then my partner looks at me like 🤨 I'm in denial. I just changed my name among friends and it feels so good shedding my old femme name. Like discarding a shoe that never fit.

[@MainelyButch]

This is a very insightful video. Shared on my youtube group page Butch Perspectives I may even do a similar thought video. Trans-Butch...hmm...describes me well too!

[@beatricecouser2908]

The noise you made right before drinking at 8:51ish was really cute. And I feel exactly the same about the word 'queer.'

[@TheSLOfox]

Well, I view "transgender" as an umbrella term; whereas "transsexual" means that one is changing one's body--one's sex--transgender, to me, means that one has shifted at least a bit from one's "assigned" gender. The whole reason why I don't call myself "trans," but rather the combo of "trans butch," is that I'm a bit trans, since I do not identify 100% as a "woman" yet I don't identify 100% as trans or transsexual, so "trans butch" is a combo of the two, which accurately represents me.

[@TheSLOfox]

I don't think so - I'll look for it. Thanks!

[@MrImportrans]

I can't stop myself from thinking "What would make you happy?" when I see your videos. All that analyzing, though incredibly good and useful, seems to get in the way of the more simple approach: what would make you happy? And it doesn't need to feasible (like, a bouncy castle the size of the white house), but as soon as you can put that into words, you might be able to see where you should be heading. Also, you seem to say "but I'm not transitioning" as if you want to comfort someone (yourself?)

[@TheSLOfox]

I feel similar to you - if I could be reborn, I might choose to be born male. But I don't think I want to transition. I too am glad there are others like me!

[@TforMeToo]

On the underwear topic, I've worn mens briefs my entire adult life, just a style without an opening in the front. I've never had a single strange look in the gym or elsewhere, and I'm a very self-conscious person. I keep waiting for someone in the gym to blurt out "those look just like my husband's", but nothing has ever happened in 20-plus years. I know many women that wear boxers as well, just because they like them and they think they're comfortable, rather than for any gender statement.

[@TheSLOfox]

Well, I appreciate you watching my vids and considering my thoughts. However, I am a bit bothered when people make assumptions like that. Just because someone shifts a bit more to one side of the gender spectrum, does not indicate that they will eventually shift all the way to the far end of the spectrum. I've thought in extreme detail and length about transitioning, and over these many years I've never gone so far as to want to take steps to do it, so personally I don't think it will happen.

[@craigistheman101]

What I recommend is simply reflecting on how you see your ideal body to figure out if T or surgery is right for you. I figured out that I definitely want top surgery but T is still in question

[@TheSLOfox]

Thanks for your comments. I don't really dig "bigender," since it implies having two genders, which I don't totally feel, and also I guess I just feel mentally uncomfortable thinking of myself as not a unified whole! too bad! :) About your other comment, yes, I do think that my discomfort/dysphoria could potentially just be reversed if I went on T.

[@TheSLOfox]

Thank you!! :) Yes, I also sometimes feel like having a choice is a curse!

[@clairehall3212]

Hello! As an English person, your explanation of 'pissed' was genuinely useful! Teehee. Ahem, no, what I actually wanted to say is that I also wear boxers despite having a female body and hearing you describe that was uncannily close to how I feel, so that was awesome and helpful, thanks. Also, have you thought about pronouns at all? As West, would you want to be he, she, or would you go for something a bit more neutral like 'they'? Thanks!

[@jail.2501]

cont. West is an awesome name, and i agree, i think it is perfect for you. thank you for shareing your thoughts on being in-between. there are not alot of people who do

[@AndyMcKeever12]

Hi! Just found you...am glad you're here! It's been great watching your vids & seeing you process feelings about being ftm or not. I'm a newbie ftm, although won't be transitioning now or possibly ever. But, I plan to have top surgery! / Your therapy exercises might help as I prob have to do the same...compromise between the "2 of me." As far as the "trans" label, it works for me because, in reality, I'm always transforming, whether it's gender, or spirit, or body, or age, etc. / Thx so much!

[@canadianjensen]

You are great just the way you are, don't change a thing.

[@burlfish76]

Love your video. I Identify a lot with what you are saying.. but I'm more gender neutral-to-masculine (I'm not quite sure what my feminine side is (unless you count my body, ha!) So I'm not trans per say, but I've mulled the FTM and/or just top surgery ideas. I once said to my friend I'd love to have the flat chest of a (man?) but the rest as is, but sometimes I'd like to know what my voice would sound like on T etc.. I'm in a very secure yet questioning phase and am glad I found your videos :)

[@WyldFire777]

I feel the same way about the word "genderqueer," although it does technically describe me, so I do use it. But you're right, it's not descriptive enough. Personally, I think my favourite word to describe my gender identity is "androgynous," but the definition for that is usually just used for someone's looks as opposed to identity. I don't really like the sound of the word "androgyne" though. Oh well.

[@TheSLOfox]

Thanks so much! :) I'll check out those videos.

[@felixxferd]

So thanks for sharing your thoughts - damn good job West :P PS: I hope this didn't sound creepy.. It's late and that's when I get emotional xD

[@jaysongamble1111]

i was watching ur earlier video and i said to myself, this person is totally gonna transition, despite what she says and i saw this video and i totally cracked up lol.

[@TheSLOfox]

Why did you crack up? In this video, I didn't say I was going to transition, and in fact I'm not going to.

[@TheSLOfox]

Well, I think those reasons are OK for me, since I think I would be really uncomfortable, mentally, if I were furry, and I know I would be at least average furry. Also, something I meant to mention in this video and forgot is that I have no urge or special desire to be called "he" and have others view me as male... so that's perhaps a bigger reason.

[@TheSLOfox]

Thanks. Well, KZbin is where people have been using my "new name" the most so far. Of course, the only other person I've talked to about it is my wife, and we almost never use each other's names (just sweetheart type names)! I realize that at work is where I hear people use my name the most, and ironically that's the last place I'd change my name, if I ever even decided to do that in the first place. Sooo... not sure yet how this is going to go.

[@SashaSobolJr]

As far as labels are concerned, there's also transmasculine.

[@12thLeveIWizardKing]

I have mixed thoughts too and I continuously think about transitioning and have been for years now. It's exhausting. I can't imagine myself transitioning mainly because I can't imagine coming out at work to coworkers and clients and asking them to call me a diff name and I can't imagine coming out to my family. So when it comes down to it, I feel like most the the reasons why I don't want to transition is because of other people. This is all so confusing.

[@nimbusnina]

I had trans feelings this week. We had a day at school, that you would dress up as the opposite sex. First I was really exited, how fun it would be, how cool it would be if people really thought I could pass as a guy. But when the morning came, I started to feel insecure, having thoughts like "why am I so excited for this, are the feelings of being trans coming back to me?" etc. But Im not trans, Im happy as I am, but it was super fun day, I totally passed as a guy, people didnt recognize me :)

[@Neka696]

Hi West, writing down the "male" & "female" part is really relevant. To me, I can relate the top surgery issue in order to please both sides. Besides, the term "trans butch" is not really appropriate to me at least. Does perceiving your female ID gender differently is enough to imply you might be trans ? i think being trans is meaning you do not want to be ID as a female. We can argue what is feminine or masculine, but being trans means to do not want to be perceive as a female so far.

[@TheSLOfox]

Thank you! Yes, I'll try. :)

[@reem930]

Even if you're trans it doesn't mean that you have to transition. (: Transitioning is different for everyone could mean just top surgery, just T.. So on. And the whole "is it possible to be these two things at once" counterintuitive feeling is very familiar to me because for some reason I feel pansexual some days and asexual the next.. Counterintuitive yes, but it makes sense to me, in my mind.

[@Neka696]

I think getting a top surgery won't give my female identity away. This is how i want me & others to perceive my female identity. When your "male side" encourage you to transition, does he want you to be perceive as a male ?

[@12thLeveIWizardKing]

But sometimes it jut dawns on me that other people in my life accept me as I am. They accept how I present masculine. It's only myself who can't seem to accept me as I currently am. For example, I am the same as you with underwear. I wear boxer briefs and I am very self conscious about the band showing cause I feel like people will think I'm weird to be wearing men's underwear.

[@yourpalwes]

West! you always make me think so much. i love it. and i dig your name choice. how is that going for you now that it's been a couple weeks?

[@Dani8owie]

Cool, I'm glad. Thank YOU for all your videos :)

[@christinehaley8097]

I'm wondering if West, Austin, and Alan are the same? It doesn't matter. I would just like to know.

[@piggsvinner]

Thank you for your videos, I really enjoy watching them! one thing that I reacted to in this one was when you started to talk about mens bodies. your identity is independant from your body, and you can be trans and not be on hormones! you gave me the impression that you dismissed the idea of being trans (for this time) partly bacause you don't want to be "hairy and bulky", are those good reasons? (for one, your body doesn't define you, also there are skinny and hairless men to)

[@TheSLOfox]

Thanks, Forest! :)

[@TheSLOfox]

Thanks for your offer. But, in response to your P.S., there is a such thing as trans butch: one can identify as anything one wants to.

[@piggsvinner]

..and West is a nice name, it suits you!

[@ClosetTransgender]

West. Not North. Not East, but West. I like.

[@jail.2501]

great video. you and i have that In-Between feeling in common, i think. ive been questiong for years, have only been open to a few about it and there is always something in the back of my mind that makes me question transition. then i think is that really right for me. i dont know. i too have tought about top surgery and even hormones but have not gone through with itand im not totally sure why. i have been back and forth w a new name from Jai, to Jaison to Jakob and i dont know whats right.

[@TheSLOfox]

heh! Thanks! :) I like thinking of my underwear as inspiring. :)

[@astrog8tr]

Try using iMovie-- should be on the computer. It's a very easy program and made for this sort of thing. It's what I use. (Love the MacBook Pro.) The term trans* covers lots of folks, who are not at all transsexual (wanting to change to what they might perceive as their correct gender). There are lots of different ways to define this: gender fluid, non-binary, etc.

[@Neka696]

I see. But my point is Once you are playing with gender by being butch does not questioning your female identification since sex and gender are not dependant to each over. So when adding "trans"next to" butch", I think could now questioning your assigned sex. In other terms, maybe moving from "transgender" to "transexual". Like you mentionned, butch does not questionned their gender.

[@Dani8owie]

Did you read the article Autostraddle posted- "Butch Please:A Butch By Any Other Name" ?

[@blackflamesofmystery]

Have you ever heard of the term neutrois?

[@TheSLOfox]

Thank you!

[@TheSLOfox]

Thanks a lot!

[@zachariejude8198]

I really appreciate this video, I've been having some of the same thoughts lately as well. I tried testing my chosen gender-neutral name with one friend, but then came to realize that people don't really use each others' names in one-on-one conversations. How has that been working for you?

[@poly88888888]

also, i always thought that lesbians are fine with their bodies and they dont have wishes to having a mans body, they want just to be masculine (butch lesbian) I really dont know. I am a trans person, so i am not that educated about butch lesbians , i am sorry if i said something offensive

[@poly88888888]

i dont disagree with that, of course sexuality contains several zones between male and female, but all these zones are included in these two dominant edges, so it makes sense for a person to identify based to male or female. Everyone can feel body dyphoria, even a straight person. But gender dyphoria feel usually the people suffering from gender identity disorder and they wish to change their bodies (usally) as much as close to the opossite gender, the "brain gender".

[@crashburn549]

Hmm Interesting, I love Cancers...I feel I could write a book about them, as my last three gfs were Cancers.... Just Curious... It makes sense Why I feel connected to you in an intellectual way. I'm astrology buff.. love it.

[@crashburn549]

West- This is random, but Im curious to what you zodiac sign is? Im going to guess, you're an Aries?

[@TheSLOfox]

haha - no, I'm a Cancer. Why?

[@TheSLOfox]

Gender is certainly not as black and white as you seem to believe it is. There can be gray areas, combinations, mixed feelings, and so on, just as there can be in many other arenas of life. As a side note, not all butches are lesbians. And many butches do have a bit of body dysphoria, even if it's not enough to make them want to actually change their bodies. Try not to think so black and white.

[@branden4510]

Hey West, I think the correct terminology you may be fishing for is 'Androgynous'. I would define it as a gender-neutral term that's not geared toward what I consider a sexual orientation/preference. I identifiy 'queer' as a sexual orientation, though it's not as negative as one may seem. as you said, its only as negative as you make it, (like bitch- a term meant to define a female dog in heat- UK folk have no problem using it, especially in the correct- (next post)

[@TheSLOfox]

haha - excellent!

[@EveryoneLovesAHero]

I also totally think you will eventually transition.