Fulfilling My Dad’s Final Wishes

[@tarapernst]

Every elderly person needs a child like you. Thank you for emulating love.

[@allanelliot1566]

Thanks for sharing with us. .... Your a great Doctor. ....Peace & Love to you and your family.

[@suew6011]

You are such a kind and wise man.. And difficult as it was, you gave both of your parents the greatest gift and blessing - obviously they both felt that you were strong enough to be with them when they took their last breath. As a hospice nurse, I have seen where that is not always the case. It is so difficult to loose a loved one but what an honor it is to be there for their final journey here on earth….

[@doctorhoeflinger]

So true and thank you

[@MA7-6585]

So very sorry for your loss. He passed with you there, and the way he wanted. He just took a (final) nap. Thank you for sharing and for trusting us with these intimate family moments Dr. H. May God bless you and keep you close.

[@p.sherman3158]

I held my mom’s hand when she was dying in my home. I told her what the date was and that it was a beautiful day for god to take her home. She died within a minute of me saying that.

[@cathycolton1387]

My mom is actively dying today. She's got pancreatic cancer. These past few days are my very last I'll ever spend with her. Your video popped up just when I needed reassurance that it's her time and it's ok She chose not to try chemo or targeted therapy. She's 82. It's on her terms. Thank you for the wisdom.

[@doctorhoeflinger]

Every one has a time but letting go is never easy ❤️🙏

[@baxtercol]

I'm sorry. Sending support, prayers and to you both

[@capenlopen1]

You have my deepest sympathy Cathy. We had a similar experience with my 82 yr old mother’s pancreatic cancer in 2022. 🕊️

[@lyngruen8607]

I so agree with your mom. I pray for your heart healing 💖 in time. 💖 Texas Nana Psalm 91

[@Pamela-jb3nz]

Your a good man and everyone needs a Dr. With a heart like yours!!

[@blessall8856]

This Doc is so kind and has a heart of gold.

[@kashmeera6786]

Thanks for sharing your wisdom and pain with us Grateful for such a precious soul

[@samikmukherjee1341]

RIP- you are a good son - they live in you

[@Resilientmeee]

So much loss in your life, thank you for your vulnerability and openness in sharing the wisdom you gained through the losses. These are very important truths, that I promise you, have changed the outcome of peoples lives, and deaths, for the better. I wonder how many people have taken your words to heart and as a result decreased suffering for themselves and their loved ones.

[@minadecorso8835]

Dear doctor, your parents were among the luckiest people, because not only they raised a wonderful amazing exceptional son like you, they died while you were by their sides. It’s never easy to let go of a love one. You had to do it several times. You are very strong. Thank you for sharing your most valuable experiences in life with us. I hope for the rest of your life you always have happiness and good health and share a beautiful life with your love ones. 🙏🌺

[@doctorhoeflinger]

Thank you

[@cremebrulee4759]

That had to be so painful, but letting go when it is time is the last gift we can give. You did the right thing. I'm glad that you had that last week with him. ❤

[@carolynadkins1887]

As a nurse I’ve watched many pts take their last breath. I watched my dad & my brother. I could not watch my mother. She was surrounded by my siblings, my husband, & grandchildren. I couldn’t watch her breath leave her. 😢

[@authenticallyamber99]

Truer words were never spoken. So important to value our families and each day we have with them. My mom died when I was 23 years old and losing her so young taught me not to take any day for granted. When it came time for my dad to pass on thirty years later, we all knew his wishes. He was blessed to live for 85 years and he was ready to meet Jesus. Loss is hard at any age but there is a time to let go.

[@pathurd9595]

Thank you so much for posting videos like this doc

[@doctorhoeflinger]

You’re welcome. I hope you got something out of it 😊

[@Nan-59]

Thank-you for sharing such a personal story about you being with your dad.❤❤❤

[@Megan-x6g8b]

You are a great compassionate human being..And seem to be a great Dr.

[@sandeepasinha8286]

😢😢 im sorry about your dad... RIP❤ Thanks for all the positivity that u radiate Doc

[@patriciajump9511]

❤ This video is a gift to all who may listen to your words, which were spoken so gently, with love and respect. I respect that you ended your talk with the importance of finding out someone's actual wishes, so people can be both empowered and permitted to follow their loved one's wishes.

[@lisawest1556]

God bless you. Your parents were very fortunate to have you as their son.

[@blessall8856]

It would be nice if he shared about his childhood and growing up with his parents.

[@American-Jello]

The personal suffering that you have endured likely makes you so much better a physician. I've had doctors that lack empathy, and without knowing anything about them personally, I am often left wondering if it's because they've not gone through personal tragedy or suffered true loss. You have, and in so many personal, devastating ways, from your brother, your parents, your lovely son 😢. Most people would have been driven to their knees and never recovered, but you, from the first, chose to turn your sorrow into action and love for others. I am under the care of a neurosurgeon who is sadly quite dispassionate, and I find myself wishing I was able to choose you instead. I believe you'd listen to me, and understand what I've been dealing with, but since that isn't possible, I'm glad that other people out there will have you as their doctor. You're an example of what finding the opportunity for spreading love in our suffering means, and I'm so grateful to have found your videos.

[@aleccollier9009]

God Bless you! You have such a good heart and a giving person. Thank you

[@doctorhoeflinger]

Thank you

[@merson812]

A wonderful narrative, simply wonderful.

[@maynard1234]

Thank you for sharing this with us. I was with my dad when he passed. He was a strong and very passionate man. He was in late stage cancer and in a coma. His breathing simply got slower and weaker as his time was near. He said to me before he died "for anything I may have or have not done to you Id like you to forgive me also for anything you may or have not done to me I forgive you". I live in peace with his passing. He was 80.

[@DTurk]

What a beautiful gift to your dad. ❤

[@ds2413]

Very powerful message and video Dr. This is the part of life that will never be easy and guts us all.

[@LoriNuttall]

Life is so brief, sorry for you to lose him! I held my dad while he passed. In his case, it was a blessing. It's so hard to be happy for them when it's hard for us that are left behind. He's with your mom and you will see them again. Love to you and your family.🥰 thanks for sharing! You are so wonderful to share your private moments to help and better everyone else. Thank you!

[@doctorhoeflinger]

Thank you! 😊

[@teresacottrell787]

I agree, you really a blessing to all the people who follow your page...I've lost both my parents, my father when I was 12, and my mother much later. I've also lost my husbsnd to cancer and our daughter who died 3 months after him in a car crash. I know you've loss one of your sons too. Yes, there are many lessons we learn from all our losses! Thank you again for your sharing the last moments with your father. My children no my wishes and I have a DNR! ❤

[@LoriNuttall]

@@teresacottrell787 I'm sorry for your losses! For you to still be strong enough to move forward with your life is admirable! God bless you 🙏 Teresa! 💗hugs to you!

[@sylviamacdonald9256]

Beautiful video thanks for sharing loved it

[@doctorhoeflinger]

Thanks for taking the time to watch

[@shantavanee]

Sending prayers 🙏🏽

[@rainsingingwolf]

Thank you for sharing your story. I also had to make a similar decision for my (then) 49 year old brother when he went into cardiac arrest, and was revived, but being medically supported for life. As his condition was not stable nor improving, it was in his best interests to let him go. As his medical POA, it was incredibly difficult and heartbreaking. I do find peace knowing his wishes were honored, and he wasn’t alone.

[@stephanie7351]

You are such a sweetheart. Your parents were blessed to have you, and I'm sure they were both so proud of you... It must have been hard to share those memories with us, but I thank you for sharing.

[@moondancer334]

My Dad passed of pancreatic cancer this past July, aged 80, after fighting it for a whole year. We were all blessed that he got as long as he did as so many diagnosed Stage 4 w/ liver mets never do. At the end I prayed for God to just take him, and we told Dad it was okay to just let go and go home to God. Hardest time of my life, my Dad was our rock and he fought so hard but I was actually relieved when he passed, that he was finally at peace. Am a longtime retired RN and I truly appreciate your videos, God bless you.

[@donnariner1910]

I am so glad you had that last week with your Dad. And that you were able to recognize when it was time to let go. I'm an RN and a hospice nurse at heart. I have some difficult conversations with families sometimes, especially during that first round of Covid. Thank you for sharing.

[@emeksb4823]

😢😢Thank you Doctor Brian for sharing.

[@bjones8698]

Thank you for sharing this. A reminder to have meaningful conversations about life and death. A reminder to enjoy the moments with those we love. May God continue to bless you and your family.🙏🏿

[@yellowdayz1800]

Let's face it.. This man is so mature. I just love it. (coming from severe dysfunctional family. It is so beautiful to behold such maturity. 🎉)

[@joanhutson]

I felt comfort listening to your story. Please know there is no greater honor than taking care of a dead love one. Thanks for sharing. God bless.

[@dianehernandez6051]

I too was with each of my parents when they died. I think that is one of the greatest gifts you can give a loved one...be there. Interestingly, they both died on September 14th...20 years apart. Thank you for your channel.❤♥️

[@lauraohio]

😢I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this. Life is so very short and most importantly.. so precious ❤

[@MaryamAfshar-p4i]

oh my God, you are so patient, my dream is to become a neurosurgeon one day

[@keac84]

Thank you for sharing. 😢 May his memory be for a blessing.

[@chlomyster8526]

You did the right thing. I felt like my parents would live forever. They're not in their 20's anymore, and along with health issues, no longer had the stamina to keep fighting. Best to let them go onto their next journey.

[@tburgher1]

My husband and I have already had this discussion. We have humanely euthanized our fur babies instead of protracted treatment except for our very first fur baby. I’ve always regretted the surgery a little because what felt like a quarter size tumor was actually a very large tumor and the healing time during his last three months was very hard on him. We finally had him put to sleep. Since then we do not want our fur babies to suffer. You’re doing a great service by sharing your experiences. Thank you!

[@paris0626_]

Thank you soooo much for sharing these journeys with us. I too was alone with my mom when she took her last breath. I was so grief stricken, I did not realize how such it honor it was that my mom shared that journey with me; she had 2 other living children at the time. I was so blessed to be given such a beautiful, precious gift. Again, thanks so much for sharing this story...it REALLY...hits home...❤

[@bigmacbricky4866]

Life is so cruel at times, makes you think what’s the point of it all having to go through all the heartache and then die yourself.

[@mustanglady7843]

Thank you for sharing your experiences with the death of your parents. I am sorry for your loss. When my parents passed away I was sad to see them go but I wouldn't wish them back because they were in heaven and at peace. It makes a difference in the letting go. Thank you again for your words of wisdom.

[@dawnb7457]

Very loving and kind.

[@lilbatz]

The hardest thing to do, is nothing at all. Especially when you are trained to "fix things." You gave a great gift to your father. Don't ever forget that.💕

[@kathyferrara4444]

I understand that completely. I did CPR on my dad too. It was a bit different for us because my dad was in hospice but was a full code. My mom’s wish. So I helped with rescue breathing. But when the paramedics got there they continued until they got to the hospital. The hospice nurse asked me how I could do that on my dad. I said I have been in this field so long that I just kick into high gear. There is time to fall apart later. It is a tough thing but now I know someone who did the same thing I did. Thank you for that. 🥰

[@doctorhoeflinger]

Yes. It was almost a knee jerk reaction for me

[@antoniotiberi1569]

I had to do the same thing with my mom. You did the right thing. God bless you and your family.

[@maryvardakis41]

Thank you for sharing. You have reminded me to focus on the more important things in life. You have a very caring manner that is soothing.

[@Skp186]

What a gift to be able to spend that time with your Dad that last week and how respectful of you to understand it was his time and not try to keep him alive artificially......Sure your parents were very proud to have you d their son! Thank you as always for sharing with us.

[@GodIsGoodAlways-e6q]

What a true gift to have such a loving family and the time you did get to spend with them. I know they’re right there next to you as you continue your journey this side of heaven. Sending hugs and God’s love. ✨✝️❤✨

[@shirleyjones9460]

I was at both my parents' bedside when they passed away and I am so grateful every day I was there. It broke my heart but the gratitude helps with the sadness. I lost my sweet mother 21 years ago today. I lost my father Christmas eve of 2018. I miss them terribly every day. 💔

[@60mscarolc]

It's good you could understand that you needed to stop. Many people wouldn't be able to comprehend that. I'm sorry for your loss

[@amywaye8890]

♥️♥️♥️. Well said. I as a nurse did both my parents hospice nursing. Best gift on both ends as they went on their terms with dignity and no pain

[@beverlybalfe115]

Thank you for sharing your Dad's final journey. I am so grateful. Honored. To have been able to share in such a sacred moment. I so appreciate how you told everyone watching to "have those conversations" with your loved ones! If we don't know, then we second guess, suffer undue guilt and stress. It's already a huge loss.. thank you for honoring your dad's memory and helping others to start the process of talking about these things so when that time arrives you know you did what was right for your loved one who is at that moment unable to say. I too have lost both of my parents. I was so glad we had opportunity to process those difficult conversations so I don't have the worry of 'what if'.

[@doctorhoeflinger]

Definitely hard to lose both parents. I feel for you. But thank you for the nice message and encouraging words

[@shazgannie9982]

You did the right thing. My DH had a DNR in place after a massive stroke. He lived over 11 years and got to see our two grandchildren born. I always checked with him about keeping the DNR. He'd respond with a strong " yes" in spite of inability to talk

[@ahmedsaeedmob771]

Thank you for sharing that with us. I have witnessed by dad and two (very close) aunts passing. Many a times when some elderly loved one is at his end, they have multiple other complications as well and using vent or other life support prolongs their pain, they are technically alive on life support but wont be able to live in the absence of that with no hope of recovery and increase of quality of life. I know its a very hard decision to let a loved one go, but at times it is the right decision. Everyone will go at their time so its best to let them go when the only option left is being a vegetable on life support

[@JackieOgle]

I'm so sorry. Maybe he was ready and you gave him that gift. Leaving on his terms. God bless you.

[@barbarapace5826]

You are so sincere ! May God always bless u

[@maryadame44]

Your dad is in great peace. And you will see him again and be in his arms🕊

[@elizabeth3405]

I was there when my mom was removed from life support, as per her living will, and I was able to help secure her gown once all was removed. I was there the next morning when she took her last breath. Holding her hand and I will never forget both moments. Being a 35 year healthcare worker I have seen a lot and was so glad that my parents made their wishes known and I was able to honor her. Miss you so much my mom 💜💜💜💜💜💜

[@nicolcacola]

You wanted to take your dad out but you were in residency..your dad wouldn't have wanted you anywhere else. For a father seeing his son carry on his legacy in such a meaningful manner is a heritage and honor ❤ He MUST have been a great man to have produced such a son.

[@rebeccaching5928]

Once again, you're amazing.

[@ronsmith2241]

Well done. In Australia, it is very wise to record our wishes in our Advanced Health Directive and also the Statement of Choices. I have done that.

[@walterbortz355]

Very touching- thank you.

[@amyjones5660]

You are so correct, there IS a time to let go. And knowing when you have arrived at that time is so very important. Sometimes continuing to live is not the best choice, dying is sometimes a better choice. We are only humans and we will all die one day, this is for sure. Please talk to your lived ones about this he what if, and let them know your wishes.

[@mhughart8299]

I think everyone should watch this video. You truly are a wonderful son to be able to think about what your parents would want. Sometimes we become selfish and want are loved ones to stay for ourselves instead of letting them go. I always told my kids when it’s my time just let me go.

[@5DNRG]

Everyone should have a DNR set up with their PCPs. God bless your compassionate work as a physician.

[@amenplayz6205]

R.I.P To your Dad, May he live on in your memories❤

[@rjsophia3712]

Thank you for sharing.❤️

[@ofeliamendoza9545]

God bless you to be such a caring man

[@suzyq6767]

So true...tomorrow isn't guarenteed. It's hard to let them go. My little girl sat in my lap as they took her off life support, and she passed. I didn't want her to live a vegetable, and she wouldn't have wanted it either. After all the family left, I stayed with Grandma overnight in the rehab facility, and she passed. She chose to stop all meds a couple of days before. Both are bittersweet memories, but I wouldn't want to have missed them for anything.

[@doctorhoeflinger]

Yes they are life experiences that makes us stronger

[@sandyjacobs6202]

No matter how old we are we love mommy and daddy in our hearts I think there is a little part that always a little child as I always say when they go they take apart of us with them

[@Nehusker67]

Appreciate your content. It truly is helpful. Thank you ❤

[@ritatharp5238]

Thank you for sharing this. It's extremely hard to let a parent, especially a good parent. What a blessing that you were there for both parents as they took their last breath🙏❤️ Bless you doctor.

[@doctorhoeflinger]

Thank you

[@cbac796]

Thanks for sharing!

[@BrianKennewell]

Sorry to hear RIP 😢

[@goldengirl6805]

This has made me cry, thinking of my parents and younger brother. Unfortunately I was not there're moment they passed. All 3 different reasons why. Breaks my heart. 😢😢😢

[@doctorhoeflinger]

Thanks for your comment ❤️

[@roseangela2797]

You are a man after the heart of Our Lord.❤

[@kristinm7388]

It made u a better docor and more importantly a better man !!!

[@Omoroka1]

You did right, I wish to not be ressurected after I am gone. We need to accept that death is a new beginning, a beautiful one's if we walk with Jesus, our Lord ❤ thanks for sharing

[@Healthyhealings]

You know Doctor experiences are so different, yet the same. My mother recently passed VERY SUDDENLY AND UNEXPECTEDLY and myself, my dad and brother all witnessed this at home. It’s a day and a trauma I will never forget! But even though my mother was not ill, I saw that same look in her eyes as I was doing cpr on her… I am continuing to struggle with this entire experience and perhaps this is in some way therapeutic for me??? I miss her dearly

[@barbdaines6299]

You're simply AMAZING

[@1scootergirl]

Thank you. Many thanks.

[@ArpitYadav-650]

Great Neurosurgeon Dr Brian Hoeflinger ❤❤

[@pamransom4179]

My deepest sympathy and God's blessings

[@talishaperry7380]

Doctor, thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss. I have a similar story... I sat almost directly from the ER room alone, where the ER doctors did chest compression on my father repeatedly, and they gave him 3 to 5 doses (or more) of Epinephrine... actually, I lost count. This went on for nearly an hour. It was heartbreaking and painful to watch. The ER doctors continued only because my mother and sister had not arrived. Well, it took those two forever, even the doctors asked questions. FYI: Mom had trouble turning off the house alarm. We agreed to let my father go, knowing the condition he would be in had he lived.

[@triumfant2]

That is such a touching story to share with us. I watched my. Mother pass. I was ok with her passing I knew it was time. I knew she would be at peace❌❤️

[@gv030]

Very True Dr. 🙏

[@lauriep6831]

This was so moving.

[@lisastratton5145]

You’re an honorable son. ❤😢

[@lisaleitner9012]

❤ you are a wise man😊

[@letycampos5295]

🙏🏼 God bless you 🙏🏼

[@letycampos5295]

My dad is 99 years old. I'm his only caregiver. I've been living with him for 18 years. Post Covid took a toll on him. Thankfully he didn't get sick with Covid. But we stopped walking and going to the senior center as a precaution. He's doing pretty good for his age, just aging of his body. More recently his liver isn't fairing well. But I know he won't be here forever and that will be hard. 😥😪

[@tzzlite]

EXCELLENT video!

[@sandramiller6996]

You are fortunate to have a wife and son to be with. Your parents were fortunate to have your family you and your wife continue with. The greatest blessing is when you look into your children's eyes and see you and your wife. The other great blessing is when your parents looked into your eyes and knew that you were thier good son. This before God called them home, that was only of gods choice. I am my parents just as your are yours. Our children are ours, etc... peace be with you.

[@bigd4561]

Dang. Heavy. I was there to say bye to my mother but missed my father. Still wonder. I relate.

[@universale3323]

You're so special.

[@susanmorgan4003]

Thank You