Gabor Maté in Conversation with Tara Westover: The Myth of Normal

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Gabor Maté in Conversation with Tara Westover: The Myth of Normal
Join renowned physician and author and bestselling author Gabor Maté (In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts) with New York Times-bestselling author Tara Westover (Educated) on an epidemic of toxicity in our society - and Maté’s clarifying new book, The Myth of Normal.
Investigating how stress, work, racism, social inequality, political polarization, and generational trauma have overtaken our culture, Maté examines the societal roots of illness, and offers a groundbreaking path to healing. Hear him and Westover discuss his research, the benefits of changing how we look at disease, overcoming trauma’s effects on the body and psyche, and much more.
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[@joslynperryelliott456]

Dr. Mate, I want to thank you every time I have had the opportunity to hear you speak. I cry as a mother, daughter, and recovering sensitive child.

[@helenryan2848]

Another excellent podcast with Gabor Mate. His knowledge and wisdom about human needs are very enlightening and helpful for all of us open to learning.

[@EveningTV]

such an important topic. I realized that one of the most upsetting things about Tara's story was that these men who limited her and other women did not hold themselves accountable for being their protectors. I realize that we are evolved past thinking in this way, but it seems to me that this is the very least the men in a culture like this should be responsible for it would be being protective of the vulnerable members of their family. In Tara's family she was controlled by men who did not care to keep her safe. For some reason that was the thing that really got to me. I think it hit too close to home.

[@user-lt6vj4gq4l]

Dr Cabor Mate …… speaks my language ! Sound analytical knowledge applied & shared with others for the greater good. Such a beautiful man ……having faced such personal traumas with subsequent understanding of personal triggers affecting reactions. Understanding oneself is a necessity to personal growth, resilience with aim for ( at best ) optimal contentment.

[@limitisillusion7]

This conversation is the beginning of humanity becoming conscious. It's like puberty for humanity. We are just children who don't even understand our ownselves.

[@BlueCoore]

Interesting take, i always thought of this in this exact same way, just as fractals and the conways game of life, we are just in a era and so on and so on, it’s consciousness manifesting itself through matter

[@laurettaleone6482]

Thanks for doing this interchange with Westover and Mate. This is such an important conversation to be having. The system we ALL live in is toxic to us all. Breaking this down, as this book and these 2 are doing is so key. Even modeling talking about it, as a conversation is so deeply important. Something I feel has been missed, as an Early Childhood Educator, is this focus on "independence". As was mentioned in this conversation, two year old's say NO, as they are seeing they are separate and found their voice and have heard NO a lot, ugh. Independence AND dependence are two extremes , that are not healthy. Interdependence is actually KEY to living. The child does need to know that someone will come to help them, so they learn this interdependence throughout life. This is something missed when discussing development and relationships. Thanks so much for your courage to bring these things out in the open for discussion. Collectively we can find a path out of patriarchy, the system we have lived in for thousands of years. The system of power over. This new path , an ethics of care (Dr. Carol Gilligan) is a more human and humane environment to reach for.

[@FrogLehane]

I think this is the best conversation with GM to date. Very interesting and unique, thanks for sharing!

[@matthewcarlson3408]

I resonate with trauma. So much so because it gives me an angle that helps me to view my experience through a compassionate lens ,and this actually see it without the distortion of fear.

[@drendelous]

26:05 Gabor, thank you for you being on Earth with us and this meme

[@deannastafford5762]

When we say No as a child , to or parents we get in trouble . I feel that this is why we can't say no . We feel we won't be liked as we get older . It's that we always got in trouble.

[@johnmachesky4185]

What a incredible mind.

[@andrearenee7845]

Until this country becomes the best it can be individually, it can't possibly choose one who is better to lead. Beautiful presentation. Hits home. Thank you, Dr. Mate.

[@namrathapotharaj9551]

Absolutely loved this conversation. It is so real. So real. "We find partners who are at the same trauma resolution as we are" - Upon reflecting on myself I see how this holds true across all of my closest relationships! It also is something that helps me be more accepting of myself - it's not about coming into a relationship as a "perfect" person to make it work - there is no such thing - it's about coming into a relationship with a mutual understanding of working on ourselves and growing together.

[@matthewcarlson3408]

I have definitely come to the conclusion that I don't want to become transparent on social media. Too many people who are trolling. It took me a while to finally concede trying to open up on social media. It deeply bothered me that I couldn't attain the freedom of self assurance to be authentic on social media. But now through some hindsight I understand. And actually I feel more empowered or free that I know I don't need to share with everyone my journey. I am actually pretty close to revamping my Facebook to just include my family. Or just shut it down completely.

[@stevenfinch4238]

That Amazon review made me want to buy the book even more... which I did. 😉😅

[@ruhied957]

Dr Gabor, thank you .. I come from india where self reliance was and is still part of our culture. After freedom from colonial rule Gandhi created an education system and awareness of the importance of self reliance...sadly Nehru who was the first prime minister, educated and was more westernised chose the economic growth system that we have today - trade, endless trade...Westernised rich middle class Indians look down at tradition always of living.... so there is endless pain in society with high suicide amongst young, hugh traumas have created a society addicted to wealth power and greed and the rest creating a perpetuating environment with tremendous ill health .. not to see the hugh wealth divide that has not been truly dealt with ...❤

[@sabotagesabotage7927]

Navigating this paradoxical world I realized that why i can’t I hear his voice? I realized he is not quiet I am just conditioned into a world of aggression and extreme expressions.

[@David-ww2sg]

So glad that you released this! I was worried I had missed it when it was originally recorded. Thank you so much! I love listening to both of the great humans

[@laurettaleone6482]

This "buying things" that is discussed here, I feel is directly connected to Bowlby's work. He talked about the Anger of Hope, and the Anger of Despair. In his research he saw that children in the hospital, away from their parents...would yell and such when they could not see their parents. If this was not resolved, they would shift into the Anger of Despair. Stop yelling and did not make eye contact. Turned away from human contact and moved to things. Blankets and stuffed animals, etc. A trauma response to disconnection from loved ones. No repair done. They turned to "things". I feel that this cult-ure, that Dr. Mate explains, is damaged by our system, buys "things" because of this, that Bowlby's research showed. The Anger of Despair. Connections have been damaged and not repaired. Something to think about as we reach to move out of this old system.

[@amberfuchs398]

Thank you for sharing that insight from Bowlby's work. "The anger of despair", I gotta remember that.

[@adamgorelick3714]

Shopping is a national ritual in the West; less about acquisition of things than the compensatory "high" that accompanies buying something. I've observed this in myself. As if more stuff equals a more complete me. We live in a society that both constantly shoves this paltry consolation in our faces and reinforces the sense of disconnection and inadequacy which feeds compulsive consumption. I've not read Bowlby's work, but intend to.

[@sanjosunshine7091]

Oh thanks. I need to read this person. Didn't know about that. When i was young i was thinking if nobody there at least having money would be good to be able to do good things like travels , go out and buy things you like. The most heart wracking for me felt when you have neither of them. But having people would be preferred.

[@testtest2609]

Attachment with the mother is the most important thing for human beings. Mothers can only attach according the way this patriarchal/capitalist world treated the mother tho (to preempt misogynist blame on women/mothers for everything).

[@ruthm1384]

@@testtest2609And this world does a good job separating the child from the mother as early on as possible, via nurseries and schools where there are no real mother/parents there to attach to, just a cruel and frightening environment where the child is basically left to fend for him/herself and seek comfort, reassurance and direction from the other children, i.e. other immature beings that cannot possibly fulfil the core needs of a child.

[@jzz1019]

GM, fkn amazing…

[@Gunni1972]

Neural marketing gives me this warm fuzzy feeling of being cared about, and for by a dropping concrete pillar.

[@Patizm]

Great interview and important problems!

[@whitehawk45]

36:43 love that he's referencing Jordon Peterson around this time but doesn't name him haha

[@l.w.paradis2108]

"What was I afraid of?" "Why didn't I show my true feelings?" Erm, so as not to lose my livelihood? Could that be it?

[@marlbankian]

Excellent food for thought

[@marlbankian]

Excellent food for thought !

[@kimmer5370]

Wow. So good in many ways. I especially liked the Q and A at the end

[@DianaLizette-jd7sh]

My brother would truly appreciate joining Dr. Mate on any platform you'd allow him on to if given the time.

[@Awesomequeen280]

So good

[@DD-si6qm]

Very intersting insight

[@olgacruces468]

beautiful! thank you

[@camillegratton7262]

love this ,so important

[@alexanderbelous6031]

Tara, good to see you.

[@chaitrar9211]

❤❤❤❤

[@superyelloworanges]

The host keeps interrupting him

[@nassrin]

22:14 😮

[@Alberto-or7js]

What date did this take place?

[@elsh332]

I am repeatedly hurt by my mother, even as a 42 year old woman. Now I feel so validated because it's her non-actions that do the most damaging hurts to me. My grandfathers sexually abused me, and she never protected me. She shut me down when I told her about one of them in my teens. It hurt more than the abuse. She was supposed to believe me and protect me, but she denied me and ignored it. I have tried so hard in the last 10 years to have a relationship with her, but a recent hurt because of her non-actions have left me absolutely disgusted with the way she doesn't treat me. She wants to be reassured that she didn't cause or contribute to my severe mental problems and awful life, but that is delusional of her. I know I've hurt my children through both abuses and non-actions. I own it and admit it, and that has helped my children heal, and they forgive me. But my mother doesn't ever admit to her wrongs or her lack and I don't know how to heal. I wanted to be seen, to be loved, to exist as someone who matters to my own mother... but I do not. And it hurts so unbelievably bad. How do I heal from that?

[@testtest2609]

You have to grieve (which includes feeling your anger) not having the mother/attachment you needed. Also she probably shuts down at your grandfather's SA probably because she has the same issue & shuts down (check out the freeze state which is involuntary). Attachment with the mother is the most important thing for human beings. Mothers can only attach according the way this patriarchal/capitalist world treated the mother tho (to preempt misogynist blame on women/mothers for everything).

[@sheiladuke3289]

❤ God Bless Your Courage ❤❤

[@sheiladuke3289]

❤ Put Yourself First ❤😇 😇 ❤

[@l.w.paradis2108]

Why do you have to lose yourself and live inauthentically to make a living?

[@brianvanlijf6007]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/nHaTomOGga9qlcU

[@nc01sadh]

Because of the toxic culture that exists in the society.....

[@marinaamparo]

I am very interested in your terapia with ayahuasca, it is any way I can’t get an answer🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@Intherealmofhungryghosts]

Love that his son is wearing a wu-tang shirt

[@dameionnotte286]

So how as a parent, do you not make these mistakes?

[@AnnaMarieBooth.Educator]

Depressing realities!

[@brianvanlijf6007]

if anything Gabor Maté's and many other psychologists' insights are hopeful instead of depressing.

[@SuperDex66]

So after 30mins I'm wondering is this about 'normal' with a sprinkle of how good Hillary is?

[@salmeraestrosos4404]

The host cannot stop interrupting

[@andreantony5017]

PLEASE

[@dnnsmtchll]

good overall slight fall near beginning from the son

[@bwritest]

He doesn't take JP's name even. 😂

[@xyzllii]

Gawd....all that whining and naval searching. I'm glad I live in Ireland where we prefer to laugh than winge.

[@Butterflybabexoxo]

Yeah because there is no trauma in Ireland.

[@ADHDad]

I'm really disappointed in 92nd Street for having this con man on.

[@MultiKarola]

con man of what?

[@TheKukusfsf]

😂😂😂

[@ELL289]

Wow, what’s your problem?

[@ELL289]

He’s not a con man. From your screen name I take it you have ADHD? It’s fine to disagree with him, but many people find his book, Scattered Minds very helpful. If you don’t, please be specific, otherwise no one will take you seriously.

[@lyndkent-cl2oe]

Well you don't know or understand anything about addiction!....Do your research...(you may find some info on ADHD)...??