Gay Men and Bottom Shaming

[@jerzeemike]

I never got the whole bottom shaming thing. I mean, if it weren't for bottoms who would tops be having sex with? I've tried it a few times in my 30-some odd years sexual career and it wasn't for me but thank goodness it was for the men I've had relationships with. Idk why we spend so much time tearing each other down when there are plenty of anti-LGBT people out there that will be more than happy to do it for us.

[@TwinFalls88]

There's also "sides"

[@zythr9999]

​@@TwinFalls88Who?

[@rahb1]

@@zythr9999 Those who neither top NOR bottom. IE: no anal penetration by penis.

[@LaurenceDay-d2p]

Nothing wrong with any preference - to each his own, and to hell with other people's opinions. Just ignore the jerk's comments.

[@rahb1]

Would love to hear your thoughts on how older gay men can cope with being older and unattractive, and therefore reconcile themselves to having no sex life - despite the desire still being there. I am immensely grateful for being in a wonderful and loving relationship, but I often wonder how I would cope if I were suddenly single again. The last time I went to a gay venue (over ten years ago) I was asked "What are you doing here, grandpa?" and made to feel intrusive and very unwelcome.

[@johngolden891]

One of the saving graces of age is that we begin to find older men more attractive. From my experience, I have met older tops interested in older bottoms.

[@alberto220]

And it shouldn't be like that. You should be able to enjoy being wherever you want to. People sometimes are just mean. If they can respect that, then they're the problem.

[@Toby_the_Glen]

I don't think being old and less attractive is unique to gay men. It's life?

[@BlueUpThend]

I’m sorry you had to experience that. The person who said that to you is not mature. Have a great day sir.

[@user-kp4jh6jo3r]

I'm literally more attracted to older men , given that they have good muscle and facial beard lol . And yeah DONT CHEAT LOL

[@SeanShimamoto]

Thank you! I lift weights, drive a truck, change my own oil, go fishing & crabbing, go camping with the bare necessities, etc...do all the typical guy things...but in the bedroom, I prefer to bottom...and even within the gay community, I’ve been teased and mocked, which has always been disappointing ‘cause I experienced that with straight people and didn’t think I’d have to deal with that in the gay community. I feel that bottoming is actually the more masculine thing ‘cause it takes a real man to expose one’s self and allow yourself to be vulnerable...it’s easy to feign strength, but it’s a lot more difficult to show that strength through actions. That’s my personal opinion. 😁🏳️‍🌈🤙🏽

[@thekajalflaneur]

That's so beautiful! I am feminine in many ways, but I am a top. So it's fascinating this world and life isn't it. Haha. I hope you are well all these years later 💕

[@josephsgroi4474]

Exactly what I think. You really have to be completely comfortable with yourself to bottom.

[@LaurenceDay-d2p]

Good for you. Do what you enjoy, and forget the silly opinions. None of their business anyway.

[@vorpal22]

Very traditionally masculine gay guy here, and while I am somewhat versatile, I LOVE bottoming and am not ashamed at all to admit that, nor do I see why that is something that should remotely make me feel any shame whatsoever. My BEST sexual partner was my first boyfriend, who was extremely "traditionally feminine" in his behaviour. He was mostly a top, and ZOMG, we fit like two puzzle pieces. So. Freaking. Hot! This idea that masculine guys are tops and guys with feminine traits are bottoms is just ridiculous. Do whatever you like with whoever you like and CELEBRATE it!

[@marciom.o3220]

vorpal22 Bottom for a "traditionally feminie" guy???? Disgusting...ahrrgggg!!!

[@vorpal22]

Marcio M. O Ummmm, what? What exactly is disgusting about that?

[@pacmanloving]

vorpal22 Preach!

[@alfajorNYC]

vorpal22 "Very traditionally (sic) masculine gay guy here..." "Power is like being a lady - if you have to tell people you are, you aren't." --Margaret Thatcher

[@vorpal22]

Alfa Jor If I had said, "Very effeminate gay guy here..." would you have said the same thing? I almost imagine you certainly wouldn't have, which suggests that you are misogynistic in valuing masculinity over femininity. I don't. If I was indeed a feminine gay guy (and I fucking love feminine gay guys, and have dated many that were awesome boyfriends), I would have no shame about it and would celebrate that fact. I hardly see that providing context by stating that I am a fairly masculine gay guy on a discussion about bottom shaming and the stereotypes that go along with it is some kind of self-justification and how you read that into that. In other words, you are - again - a misogynistic idiot.

[@KyleKrieger]

this was so great! fluid, insightful, and comforting! Also, the technical stuff is looking so nice! lighting and volume is perf.

[@mitchellbarnow1709]

Kyle Krieger Matthew's hair is perfect too!

[@jacoaucamp2155]

Kyle Krieger and his so handsome!

[@RodrigoSantos28]

Kyle Krieger the kind of complement that you mention on WOWPresents video

[@sarahbarkley9714]

Kyle Krieger I agree completely. Even as a cis woman I gained insight and comfort for not just my loved ones but for myself & my sexuality. I am refreshed & I APPRECIATE Matthews videos so much for not just his knowledge, but how comfortable and open he is. I learn and grow TOO. :) Thank you Matthew. Thank you.

[@julio20maxxx]

lol

[@ronzacchi]

I totally agree and it is also equally damaging to tell a top that his preferences are solely based on society and he hasn't given in to the pleasure.

[@MicahMann]

I'm always amazed at how many relationships NEVER take off because "sex roles" tend to end everything before it can even start. If a top finds another top (or a bottom find another bottom) that click on EVERY level except the bedroom roles, frequently I've seen so many that bail and possibly lose the opportunity to have something special. Seems like a difficult way to find a lasting, meaningful relationship.

[@aaronroseman]

Sexual compatibility is very important. If two bottoms have great chemistry, but they’re not sexually compatible, then they’re better off as friends because someone isn’t going to be satisfied sexually.

[@VerbaleMondo]

I am a top and I love all the bottoms in the world! You deserve all the love and respect in the universe! 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽😁😁😁

[@saran2622]

Damn. Why it sounds like cishet men saying for cishet women.

[@prismo769]

Sorry but comment sounds super weird and sus👀

[@ericbly3517]

Why gays r feminine

[@brentduanefoster]

Agreed!!!!

[@sofitocyn100]

Lol. Why do they deserve respect ? What do they do to deserve respect ?

[@kurvapicsa]

I'd like to see a video about the subject of the fear of "growing old" as a gay man

[@nfc598]

kurvapicsa great idea

[@brooklynbayou1359]

I call that fake news.

[@albertcombie]

@@proclusyellioupolos197 That's what I thought... Then years seemed to be passing quicker and quicker. I just can't believe that I am now an old man !!!! But for my generation, to have the chance of ageing is a f.... chance! Lost so many friends in the 80s and 90s...

[@LaurenceDay-d2p]

It is unfortunate that the gay world worships youth, since everyone grows old - that is a law of nature. Men who "fear" growing old are wasting their energy, since they will grow old whether they like it or not. All this nonsense about face lifts, Botox, etc. is just a waste of money. Accept age as a fact of life (which it is) and adjust to it. I did.

[@aikanedelahay7143]

What happens in the bedroom is private. If you have any class at all, you keep everything discreet. Talking about that outside, shows no class and no adult judgement

[@thescranline]

Matthew I'm really greatful for this video. It gave me some very valuable info, and I think the points you made were really important. Nick x

[@monstergod888]

I tried to be the bottom more than once but when i realized that it is not for me,i just gave up,it's not shame,i really can't do that!And a lot of guys who are bottom don't want their boyfriends to be the bottom too,because they don't like to be the top,it's complicated!

[@zythr9999]

Wrong guys? Really can't be forced. You either are or you're not.

[@LaurenceDay-d2p]

They should seek and find a compatible partner who will satisfy their preferences.

[@conjureconnect6969]

I think there is a problem with a lack of tops. in my area there's next to no tops. every one is either a bottom or vers. I personally think that the majority of vers are bottom leaning. so it's fustrating that I can't find my counterpart.

[@harismughal99]

Bruh! In Pakistan we have 80% of tops....lmao

[@albertciali2536]

Good that you are very HONEST. Tons of bottoms 5 tops. 😏☹

[@albertciali2536]

@@harismughal99 uhmm yummy!

[@thomaswest2583]

It honestly feels like there are more bottoms then tops in my area it's kinda annoying

[@jesse8368]

I love this. The empowerment of people regardless of sexual inclinations and proclivities. Just spot on.

[@michaelhenry6137]

As a gay bottom i will never ever ashamed of my role..it is the best role for me.

[@LaurenceDay-d2p]

Do not be "ashamed" of any preference - your satisfaction is all that matters. In the past I met a macho bodybuilder who like to masturbate while his butt was smacked with a riding crop. Good for him.

[@BadarAkmal]

I loved this video it makes a lot of sense. As a gay guy myself being versatile can be confusing because as a child I've mainly brought myself up as my dad would be at work most of the time & when he was home he spent very little time with me. So it's had an affect on my life & how i see things. I'm currently at university & live with a straight flatmate who happens to be 6 ft 3 inches, rugby player body & well very masculine whereas i'm 5 ft 8 inches, slimmer body & gay. Now it's obvious that there will be comparisons between he two of us which happens all the time. He's very understanding & i think it helps that he talks about his feelings to me & it helps me talk to him however being brought up in a family with 5 older sisters. There are things that i don't know which all my straight & gay friends know & the only thing i know that they don't has got to do with my culture. I've even spoke to my flatmate about this & he says it okay because it's not really my fault that no matter how much I've tried to spend time with dad he just doesn't spend time with his son. He always looks at the things i taught myself & says not many people do that. So a lot of the time i do compare myself to other guys but i always remember that at the end of the day we all have our differences & its all understandable.

[@mikemathieson3700]

What a beautiful looking man...perfect skin, perfect smile, intelligent well spoken ....the whole package.

[@andredejager3300]

Ecactly if he was older bald and wirh less than perfect looks....you wouldnt have watched....there are good decent gay guys without the looks

[@babyucon]

I don't bottom shame but I do think there's far too many bottoms, atleast in my neck of the woods (Northern California). Back in the day, most guys were versatile so I guess I'm stuck in that era.

[@builttoblast]

Just came across your channel and I have to say that you are a very eloquent, thoughtful, respectful, honest, and intuitive man. Sure, some of your education & training probably helped with that. I'm of the mind that those traits must have already been present in some capacity to have the kind of impact that you show in your videos in how you communicate & share your teachings & experiences. You took what could be a complex topics and made it rather easy to understand & follow. As a fellow gay man, I've found myself trapping myself into those boxes & labels more times than I care to count. It's basically hogwash when you get down to it. Why have a label when you can have a life? Thanks for sharing your videos; I wish I'd found them sooner. If, for nothing else, to know that not all of the therapists in the world can't look as handsome as you... :) All the best!

[@davidfernandez6264]

I totally agree with u on that 100% all the way

[@Alekogymnos]

How refreshing, Mathew, that intelligent, sophisticated, unbiased views such as the ones you make in this video are reaching the general public. It's about time that we all realize that having sex (gay or straight, bottom or top) is just part of the nature of things and nothing to be ashamed of. Keep up the good work. You're wonderful!!!

[@Paul2377]

Thanks Matt. Versatility is the way forward!

[@marciom.o3220]

Paul2377 There´s no such a thing...just a bunch of shaming bottoms to be honest!!

[@larrytk525]

+Marcio M. O There IS such a thing but we're near extinct..lol

[@Telegmo]

Your rhythm of speech is so magnetic. The flow of this video is simply appealing, making what you are speaking about all the more interesting.

[@thefilipinojoe]

I've always been on the fence. Some guys I am interested in topping.. others I am interested in bottoming. Sometimes I do both, but rarely. I am usually either totally interested in one or the other- not both. I always feel awkward about this because I don't always know what the other guy is gonna want to do when things eventually evolve to sex. In getting to know a guy, this is not ever anything I would discuss.

[@tonydrabenstott4745]

Hi 💬💬💋

[@toyoscio]

Why not? LOL

[@furlvr1961]

There is a beauty in knowing your innate role and not having to guess whose doing what tonight! 100% bottom and proud of it!

[@shubhamboseroy]

Thanks Matthew, for bringing this very very crucial topic up. Bottom shaming needs to be talked about. The thing is, this issue can't just be seen from a micro lens of personal attitudes alone, but needs to be observed from a larger symptom of socio-political structures that oppress all of us. Because I understand the issues gay communities in your part of the world face. But in some third world countries and regions with a "shame/honor society" structure like India (US has a fear/guilt society structure), being a bottom or being effeminate has far dire level of ridicule, discrimination and objectification that it comes along with. One thing I was hoping you would touch upon is how this bottom shaming is a result of patriarchy. Patriarchal structures seek to establish who is the man and who is the woman in order to preassign the power distribution and social hierarchies. The gay community just doesn't transport this structure, but rather adopts it (Some of the most hurtful bottom shaming, femmephobia and transphobia happen within the community.) The harsh truth is that gay men are more than comfortable in retaining and utilizing their male privilege and dominance by sticking with the partriarchal positions set for them just by virtue of what's between their legs. The problem is, we can't really tackle the larger homophobia, hatred and discrimination aimed at us from heteronormative spaces unless with recognize the deep-set patriarchy that is causing all of it, including all kinds of intolerance within the community. If we just keep trimming the branches when its convenient to us, it's not really a long term solution until we entirely uproot patriarchy and openly reject it. It will work only if we do it together.

[@gerardogutierrez9637]

This is so good and I have always thought about this. Hope this reach more people within the community.

[@matthewgroom8689]

Really good to hear you speak openly and simply about something a lot of us are full of shame about.

[@HappySlayer81]

I wrote a paper on this subject but that was about 5 years ago. I actually think people's attitudes have changed a lot. Living in a city with a high concentration of gay men has made me witness of the change in this attitude. More people are comfortable stating that they are versatile and even my friends complain that everybody is a bottom now and nobody wants to top, lol. I have tried bottoming and even though I don't love it, it's really about what you are doing for the other person.

[@hey4966]

HappySlayer81 I agree I’m a bottom and if my boyfriend wanted me to top every once in a while I would..the issue is I wouldn’t want him to think it would be a new constant thing for me to top him..I had an ex assume since I topped once in a while then I must be vers..nope still a bottom and that’s not changing any time soon😂 so now I’m a lot more cynical about dating vers guys

[@Phineas1626]

Your last few words encapsulate the whole point of sex with another person.

[@shakawalker1249]

@@Phineas1626 right

[@MatthewJeans]

I definitely don't like labels. It's an instant turn-off when a guy asks me that. I also don't believe you have to be one or the other. Good to see you trying to help educate people about this.

[@Songsthesecond]

I hate when people say top or bottom just be verse and also you don’t have to tell us

[@JNeil1975]

It’s funny when people ask me “are you a top or bottom?” Me: “ummm, I do both!”

[@tonydrabenstott4745]

Hi 💬💬

[@0101executioner]

so you are a switch

[@lolikonanam717]

U r vers . I don't want to top and dont have desire to do so.

[@flexaroundtheworld]

Thank you for making a video about this. I don't understand why it's so pervasive even within our own community to figure these things out immediately to label people. There was a time I feel like 10 years ago when you could meet someone at a bar and the conversation didn't immediately need to turn to: "so what's your role?"

[@jameshendry3797]

as a life time bottom, good luck putting me in my place, have always been self-empowered

[@furlvr1961]

There is nothing at all wrong with "boxes". We all have boxes to every day life. Boxes can also be labels, and there is nothing wrong with labels. Gay people are unreasonably petrified of labels and I don't know why! We all have labels attached to us. For instance: I am a gay man. I am right-handed, I am blue-eyed and I'm a son, I'm a brother, I'm an uncle, I'm a musician, I'm more introverted. I'm a Registered Nurse. Some of these things I chose and others are innate. All of these things are essentially descriptors of what makes me, me! And they truly are benign. I'm also a (100%) bottom guy and being so does NOT make me feel less masculine. In fact, it is empowering. There is nothing more wonderful or fulfilling than giving yourself over to a Top Man to provide him with the most pleasure you possibly can, and one that is so satisfying for him, that he wants to be able to do this over and over again! Bottoming is where it is at!!! :-) Now, if only I could find that Top man counterpart!

[@copycat7815]

where do you get all that confidence from

[@TheNeidfaktor]

such a handsome man *.*

[@val-schaeffer1117]

He is a good bottom too.

[@BHARATSINGH-xi5en]

Hello

[@val-schaeffer1117]

Calm down racist

[@DAWAHCrushed6]

He's a power bottom

[@paulcooper7295]

DR. DEMPSEY I SAW THE ABOVE VIDEO. YOU ARE AWESOME. THANK YOU FOR PUTTING THIS TOPIC IN PERSPECTIVE. THERE IS SO MUCH BOTTOM SHAMING ESPECIALLY IN THE AFRICAN AMERICAN GAY CULTURE.

[@AlonsoLioneth]

I like the way he talks.

[@ben-b4068]

+Alonso Lioneth yes very effeminate , assuming he is the gurl :D

[@ernestfox4880]

Was that sarcasm? Assuming we all watched the video, I'll "assume" he's a man and not a boy or a "gurl". Yes, he's very articulate, because he's probably a scholar and/or public speaker. His carefully chosen words definitely mean he wants his message to come across, but it seems every so often someone with a low IQ and short attention span process the message of his entire video to "effeminate", gray t-shirt, and candles. Watch the video again and I challenge you to find the irony in your comment and why it comes across as infantile.

[@AlonsoLioneth]

What are you talking about man, I just like the way he spoke and expressed his ideas.

[@ernestfox4880]

Referring to ben-b dude

[@AlonsoLioneth]

I may have had the same thought!

[@wendellmayes]

I really wish you'd do a video on coming to terms with the way that we look and with gay men valuing attractive men more in all areas of life.

[@YesItsMeGuys68]

As a top gay male , I believe beta males ( bottom / submissive / masculine ) are wonderful and should be cared for for the gift they offer us dominant men .. we need each other to find our sense of Yin & Yang . I celebrate you bottoms !

[@arturocas90]

+Mark Boston I have recently become involved with a man. I'm a bottom, he's fascinated with the way I bottom and (I use your words) "celebrates" that hability as he says anyone can top but not everyone can bottom. I consider myself masculine enough, just a regular dude who happens to be gay and happens to enjoy bottoming but I do not feel comfortable with it and social stigma that comes with it. I am ashamed but he tells me I should be proud...he makes me feel a little better about myself. Let's see how I feel eventually.

[@ThatConcertKidFatale]

+Mark Boston Yaaas

[@az929292]

+lisa fedef I thought the same thing.

[@YesItsMeGuys68]

Because some men are simply one OR the other .. NOT at all switchable nor wish to be

[@bottomass7740]

Mark Boston So sweet,thank u from my bottom stud

[@hritikgupta4104]

This is such an important topic and I don't think anyone literally anyone has addressed this issue. Kudos to this sweetheart!

[@Nightbird.]

I like how Matthew kept using the words "irrational" & "rationally". But as a Gay male..all I see are a bunch of irrational men in my community not dealing with reality..putting each other down..playing mind games..body, sex & race shaming left and right..and just generally being obnoxious assholes. Which is why I made the decision years ago to not have any Gay male friends and just stick with my straight buds. And I can honestly tell you I no longer have drama issues..or any of that other craziness that comes along with most Gay men. Am I generalizing here? You better believe it. Is that fair to do? Of course not. But has that been my experience and I can only go by what has happened to me? Absolutely. I only find intelligent, educated and nice gay men like Matthew in videos..not in real life..and that in itself is a terrible reflection of what the Gay community is like today. If you're not like this (and of course you're not..lol) then please don't be offended by my comment because it obviously wasn't meant for you. Have a great day. =)

[@tally1604]

+Nightbird fully agree. being around gays from gay districts like the village or castro makes me want to start gay bashing.

[@ktong3956]

+Nightbird Ha! I agree completely. All the seemly sensible, knowledgeable, respectful, mentally sane guys are only on the videos but not in everyday real life.

[@Nightbird.]

Ktong I know right? It's just sad man. I'm like..WTF do I have to do to find a good gay man to be friends with? Offer cash? Dinner? Tickets to Disneyland? LOL!

[@davyjones8141]

I had to watch it twice coz I didn't pay attention to a word you said and was just staring at you... Good work man.. Bless you

[@Markalanharman]

Who did your dental work?

[@tyamada2167]

Mark Harman Dracula LOL

[@meyou3509]

God

[@Markalanharman]

Alexander Harmon Yeah, right.

[@tyamada21]

+Bartholomew Henry Insecretently unapropriate to say the very least.

[@JohnDoe-um2qk]

Satan

[@ronsmith2241]

I am gay and always was. I am neither a top nor a bottom and not sexually active. If I did, I would definitely be a side. Just my choice. Btw a 51 year marriage to my accepting wife did not change a thing. I cared for her with MS for 26 years. She wasn't able to ambulate for the last 15 years. That's life I guess.

[@Alex90680]

There is nothing wrong with not being aggressive or dominant. We penalize passivity among men because that's how we differentiate men from women. Sadly, that's how we've penalized women as well. She's bossy, but a man's assertive and takes charge. This double standard has a gay man's equivalent. Like I've told people before, just be you and like what you like, both in and out of the sexual act. Unless you're hurting others, or you do it without another person's consent, then things should be fair game, without the penalty of being shamed for it. The world is divisive enough. The sources of adversity that the LGBT community should never come from ourselves.

[@cynthiamaluka227]

Amazing. Your are an excellent communicator. Professional, relatable and straight to the point. Thanks for speaking up and teaching people belonging to all the colours of the spectrum.

[@SuperKeefee]

How to get through Social Anxiety and Depression in the LGBT community. When you don't have the courage to speak up and get the support that you need, in order to get help for what you are going through. I find it difficult to talk to anyone about what i am going through. I cant be the only one feeling this way?

[@okimlistening2u]

Keefe Munro Keefe, it's been my experience both as a teacher and counselor, that you are a typical male. Most guys have a huge problem in opening up to others and rarely seek help. That is most unfortunate because of the unnecessary emotional pain it puts them through. If you are in uni or college, see if there isn't some professor that you feel comfortable with enough to talk to after class. Otherwise, trust your instincts regarding a loyal friend and talk to that person. Know this, Keefe, you are NOT the only one with the feelings you are experiencing and it's very helpful for you to realize that by talking to someone. All the best.........Ray

[@fawaz4545]

Keefe Munro find open minded people from the internet and talk to them

[@TaikiFouLung]

Man your voice is so calming it's crazy. what a gift!

[@samovmcqueen3743]

omg what a great video . i loved it . thank you for sharing

[@teams3345]

My partner and I of 30 years were asked on a cruise by two professional women we had dinner with “who was top or bottom”. We had looks of shock on our faces. They immediately apologized. Is was so awkward.

[@zythr9999]

Did you answer them?

[@teams3345]

@@zythr9999 No. Because we are neither. We are more oral.

[@nicolasmontagne4993]

I also think that bottoming is very demanding since you have to deal with some level of pain and discomfort. When you do it for someone you have feelings for, however, it can be very enjoyable because you totally offer yourself for his pleasure and the sensation of being filled with the other person's body and giving him pleasure is very intense. It is a sort of bond that nothing else can compare to. I wouldn't do it with men I do not know or care for, though.

[@tahafizan1153]

hy Mr..

[@oquefizhoje]

Ithink i disagree. There is no pain or discomfort when doing it properly. At the end of the day it is very pleasant indeed. Bottom or Top at the end both mostely preafer coming in a mutual masturbation. That is what it is.

[@robertrainford6754]

It’s always very unhealthy and often causes hemorrhoids.

[@jasonscroggins7990]

Psychology, genetics, and hormones determine a lot about one's sexuality and preferences.

[@divaelaine]

I'm sorry could you repeat that please ? Your cuteness caused me to space-out momentarily !!! :)

[@zachariah3023]

I disagree with trying to make a Top Bottom out of curiosity and a Bottom to Top for Curiosity it's disrespective.

[@ericblack9407]

I don't think it's putting anyone in a box to be a bottom, top or verse. It's all about what works for the individual...

[@yegventures]

Finally, gay videos that have mature discussion. Thanks for this. I'm tired of watching the popular gays on KZbin because they are so superficial. Thanks Matthew.

[@officialkanyau]

I've tried bottoming, even bought a toy so I could practise a lot more. The problem is that when I have something in there I feel like I wanna poop. I've tried at least 4 times now and I still don't get that good sensation I keep hearing about.

[@ciel222]

fckingkim Well it means bottoming is not for you.

[@foxytroy]

fckingkim Sometimes it doesn't take a toy to make you feel good, finding the right person who is patient and who you emotionally connect with can help make you get that sensation. The pooping feeling is normal when something enters your body down there. Like an enema solution, it stimulates your body's smooth muscle movement (also known as peristalsis) in order to defecate. I would say it takes awhile to get desensitized to that feeling so find a good partner to experiment with.

[@maysw1439]

fckingkim When I bottom the most important thing is being clean. So an enema is a must. Second I need to trust a lot in my partner (my first time was very painful and after, that #*+&%!! laughts at me saying: "Why r u so mad?"), or being in top of him, so I can control the penetration. At first I feel like you the sensation that I wanna poop, but as I keep going it turns out great. But if I have to tell I prefer topping than bottoming.

[@jakemarko1889]

fckingkim maybe you should finally poop then lol

[@vorpal22]

fckingkim It felt like that to me a lot the first few times... but I grew to fucking LOVE LOVE LOVE it and it no longer feels that way.

[@alponca5943]

Great message for sure! Over all each group needs to defined itself on their own the floorplan of what they are. Ultimately we need to stop using the established guidelines of what sexuality is, the establishment its not going to change but we can create a new way of being instead of wanting to change the established. Top or bottom enjoy your sexuality and be open to it all!

[@oson3061]

this video has earned my subscription :)

[@Jay-rf3kj]

Being a little older has its upside. I have been shamed in every way imaginable and for the sake of my sanity and what I have left of my masculine identity have come to the conclusion that I cannot afford to let others show me the way, and reasons, to hate myself. Not being a girl like gay man who can and does bottom as well as top is earth shattering to some onlookers but quite unremarkable from my corner of the world. Get over it and look for the reasons to appreciate who and what you are. I have but others are simply confused by an already confused public at large and transfer debilitating behavior without so much as a thought. If they are lucky they might end up on your couch. Knowledge from well balanced persons who also look handsome and respectable helps everybody. Loved this video.

[@ShartySpice]

There is NOTHING "less valuable" about beautiful bottoms…I've seen bottoms that I would walk through fire for. I suspect it's bottoms who are shaming other bottoms. As a top, I fully encourage bottoming!!

[@bottomass7740]

Giuliana Rexic Thanks for sticking up for us bottoms.U sound like a manly top,so sexy!!!

[@user-zy9dh7vp9p]

Giuliana Rexic There's definitely some truth to that. I know so many bottoms who use bottom as an insult.

[@amednunez6401]

Yes very true but some tops also objectify the hell out of bottoms which is disgusting

[@davidfernandez6264]

@@bottomass7740 u know I'm honestly a manly top

[@shakawalker1249]

@@amednunez6401 right

[@JustFindRyan]

I'm so happy to have met you so many years ago at GMHC. I am so proud of your successes. XO

[@MattGriffin11]

I don't think in the gay community that being the bottom necessarily means being "feminine" or "submissive." In any relationship, whether heterosexual of homosexual, both partners have to work with each other, giving into the demands of the other so that both partners can enjoy the pleasure of sex. Personally, I would be turned off if a bottom (or even a top) were essentially feminine or submissive, but I also wouldn't like my partner to be overly dominant either. Give me some instructions! Then we can work together as equals... I guess I'm just not absolute dominant or absolute submissive person in general. I find a balance between the two. It works for me.

[@davidfernandez6264]

Hey I just would like to say that I read ur comment and I actually agree wit wat u said 100% all the way and I really mean that from the bottom of my heart

[@epicurist]

Just came across this. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. This is also a cultural stereotype. For example, as a person of Asian decent, we are almost always looked upon as submissive or bottoms, which is not always the case. I appreciate you bringing this to light and part of the conversation.

[@DenverWilliam]

Awesome video. And did you mean to say "sexually assertive" when you said "sexually insertive?" Either way, it may be laugh a little. Thanks!

[@LMC931]

***** No , he meant insertive, because he said receptive when talking about the feminine roles

[@marciom.o3220]

***** Insertive seems to be the proper word in this specific case.....Tops have to be insertive or they are not tops at all..btw....find me an insertive top, pleeeeeaaasse.....hahaahh

[@Alekogymnos]

***** No, he meant to say INsertive. Get it? It's a pun.

[@Dennissiple]

LMC931 not feminine. Bottom. A position, not a rank.

[@stephenlennox8268]

Great video! Had to watch it a few times before I could hear what he was saying, what a dreamboat.

[@iseektruth64]

Hello Matthew! Thanks for your great video. Here is my experience on this topic. It is kind of long but if you can get through it I would love your feedback. The whole top vs bottom thing has been quite a conundrum in my gay life! Until I was 23 I had never had anal sex period, neither top nor bottom. I had read about it in erotica but had never even thought about trying it. Up to that point it had only been mutual masturbation or some form of frottage. I had never even had oral sex and didn't really have the desire to either....actually I still don't....another story altogether!! Anyway, when I was 23 I got a job at the local YMCA working the reception desk in the fitness area. One day I met this basketball player from Georgia Tech who was in town for a senior internship at a local plant. He was black, as I am, but he was much bigger than me and very very handsome and masculine. I had NO IDEA WHATSOEVER that he could even be gay. I just chatted with him like I did any other customer and one day he invited me to his studio apt because he wanted to "make friends in the area". I was so naïve then that even then I had no idea he was hitting on me. I went to his apt. more out of a feeling of obligation and actually dreading that I would have to hang out with him and talk about basketball and other sports, which I truly hate and know virtually nothing about(even though I am built quite athletically and everyone thinks I am into sports)! Well, one thing definitely led to another and much to my shock and great delight, within an hour and a half of getting to his apt I was on my back on his bed with my ankles around my head and him deep deep inside of me! The very first time in my life and at first it hurt like hell, he was big all over as it turned out! But I quickly got used to it and of course had my mind blown to smithereens! I am the son of a preacher man and all my life had tried to no avail to "get the Holy Ghost anointment"....well I'll tell you that my first time bottoming has got to be the closest thing I have ever experienced to what I imagined an anointing would feel like!! It turned me into a dedicated bottom from the get-go! Through the years I have tried topping, always using a condom, but it just never felt right. I never once achieved orgasm while topping even though I went through the motions and many of my partners wanted more so I must have been making the right motions! This went on well into my 30s with me being almost exclusively a bottom. You must remember that those were the years when the aids epidemic was at its height and people were dropping left and right. So condoms were de rigor...all the time...every time. At least for me and my sexual partners anyway....I made sure of it. Then one day, quite by accident, during intercrural sex (thrusting between the legs with lube) with a particularly hot guy, I penetrated him (and he didn't bother to tell me that I had) and reached orgasm!! I knew that I had felt way better than other times we had had intercrural sex and again got my mind blown and it wasn't until afterwards that he told me that I had actually been inside him when I came!! I couldn't believe how good it had felt! The only reason I could think of that it had felt better than other times I had tried being a top was that this time I had not been wearing a condom.... We were both negative so it didn't bother me very much but I got to thinking that maybe the condom was the reason I never got anything out of being a top. I wasn't about to try being a top without a condom though on a regular basis so I just thought about it for more than 10 years. All this time I had never had a boyfriend or even regular fuck buddy that I would trust enough to have condomless sex with so I never tried it. Then when I was about 46 I had a partner who seemed to be becoming a boyfriend and we were together long enough to be tested multiple times and decided to go bareback. And to tell the truth...I LOVED TOPPING! I do not advocate bareback sex except within a monogamous relationship and after stopping having sex with this guy I went back to condoms and again find I can't top with any degree of pleasure. I think when I was circumcised they cut off too much or something, or maybe I have some deep seated psychological block against them or something, but my sensation is GREATLY reduced by condoms. So I am back to bottoming full time again and can't wait until I find another guy who I feel I can trust enough to top without a condom. I'm going to be 51 soon and am getting kind of tired of waiting until that happens....!

[@ytuberguy544]

I'm so glad I clicked on the video today. The started me thinking about the whole aspect of our society trying to lift themselves up by putting other people down. White guys who are the most physically fit and have a lot of stamina are considered better than everyone else. I've heard it said that lighter skinned African-Americans are viewed as better than dark skinned African-Americans. Macho gay men are considered better than feminine acting gay men. Well-built or "beautiful" women are considered better than other women. And the list goes on in every aspect of our society. It appears that American society has or is continuing to devolve into a brute tribal mindset, even among gay men. It is a form of internalized homophobia. All people are equally valuable and deserving of respect , no matter physical or behavioral aspects of their being. Our society as a whole is psychologically and emotionally sick!!

[@WhirledPeace]

I thought this said 'Bottom Sharing'.. I was like... Ummm what? This was a much nicer subject. As a top, I never look at bottoms as someone different, less or more Their personality defines that. I just want to find a bottom who wants to get married..eventually. ☺️

[@enzedbrit]

I find it sad that you have to identify your sexuality so rigidly. "I'm a top; I don't take it up the arse." Anyone who has to define themselves as one or the other is sexually immature.

[@jeffcampbell1555]

+iliterati That's a ridiculous presumption. The reasons any of us like what we like sexually are poorly understood. Is your knowledge of the subject somehow ahead of current science? Doing something that doesn't turn you on is sexually immature. Whirledpeace wrote a happy, affirming statement. What entitles you to misstate his point in quotation marks? Or to imply he doesn't know his real sexual turn-ons?

[@enzedbrit]

+Jeff Campbell if you want to define your sexuality by taking it up the arse or giving it up the arse, go for it. I'm a gay man; I like men. There's my sexuality. If you are like me and aren't limited by the desire to categorise yourself as either one or the other, then this whole video is pointless and also disappointing as it restricts sexuality to cock-in-bum fun.

[@davidfernandez6264]

@jos I totally agree with u on that 100% all the way

[@drewsean27]

I would just like for you to know that I had kind of given up listening to therapists and counselors because I just couldn't trust whether they were being genuine or not, which is something I'm sure I needed to address with a therapist :), but I have listened to numerous videos of yours and many of them have given me something to apply to my life in some way. I really enjoy your insights and suggestions. You definately picked the right career path for yourself. I'll continue to watch and enjoy.

[@lross8617]

I prefer to bottom but in my relationship, we do both. I bottom more, but at the end of the day, topping is really good and fun now and again and vice versa for my bf and bottoming :).

[@sailorbuoypetrov5948]

35 years in to a very happy relationship (now marriage) I have always found that I love both. When bottoming, I feel warm, protected and loved. When topping, I love him so much.

[@codestud3]

The very essence of bottoming is a brutal physical act. There's nothing loving about it. It is not affectionate.

[@saebica]

Joe Code stud indeeed

[@jeffreyhard3846]

What about body shaming and gays. It's a huge issue in our community, how do people deal with always being compared to men with fit lean bodies?

[@juliedevine961]

I never realized this "Bottom Shaming" even existed.

[@officialnoahyang]

i feel both ways of wanting to be held and wanting to hold someone, same applies to positions.

[@mezmerized4lifejay654]

You are beautiful bro, i doubt anyone would shame you lol

[@joshuaa588]

I am a top man and I love my bottoms. will never shame them. they are what I need otherwise id be using HANDSOLO..

[@The3alooy]

You're awesome. subscribed. :)

[@christopherzhao4664]

Thank you so much Matthew! This video is amazing, not only because of the content, but more importantly, the way how you address the issue. i had bottom shaming issue not long before, and probably i'm still going through that. But luckily, I have watched your video. Thank you thank you and thank you!

[@marlonelias]

I'm versatile LOL!.!.

[@vicaustyn]

This is an awesome discussion you've brought up Matthew! Followed, thanks for sharing!

[@skinnywhalelegend]

Everyone assume I'm a bottom because I'm asian. 😢

[@dodahbay7313]

Everyone assumes I'm a Top because I'm black.

[@shakawalker1249]

Lol

[@shakawalker1249]

@@dodahbay7313 right

[@kristiancarlson5724]

Thank you so very much for helping our community to understand how to navigate this changing society. And, for making it just a little bit easier to progress towards an accepting society. Thank you very much!

[@zythr9999]

Bottom?

[@jianzheng8030]

I am so shallow cause I just subscribed to your channel because you are so good looking. #shameonme

[@rudolfix7772]

Jian Zheng he REALLY is, though

[@yannicklhopital6299]

Just love what you do and find it inspirationnal ! You havn't posted a video since forEVER so please go for it we're waiting !!

[@perplexiglas1]

sexually...INsertive?! damn. right to the point. no pun intended.ha!

[@tyamada2167]

Andrew Deveau LOL I betcha say that to all tha boys ;o)

[@ShaneKinahan]

Just found you and you're kinda amazing 😜

[@stevenmatthews2278]

Have you ever tried to spend the night with a guy and wonder if they are top or bottom or versatile? What are some ways to approach that subject that isn’t going to seem like I am overly sexual. I don’t hook up so when or if I get to that stage in a relationship, I want to be able to know what they are, and who is supposed to make the first move?

[@markusmn]

Your so cool. If I was a therapist you would be a good role model :) peace

[@davidsellers5401]

so nice to hear all that you have said~~ thank you! going to binge watch all of your videos now!!

[@nicolavarva]

All perfeclty true! And damn hot!

[@johngolden891]

An excellent video! Thanks for posting. Everyone should be free to be the person they really are without shaming over sex role, looks, body size, length and girth of the "instrument" etc. When I went to university, I knew was attracted only to men, but was entirely inexperienced. Through the LGBTQ+ student group, I met a really nice guy, older and experienced guy and it was with him that I had my first experience. He was very patient and made love to me beautifully. It was a great experience and felt perfectly natural. As I gained more experience, I met a very handsome, masculine fellow, but once in the boudoir it turned out that he was exclusively into bottoming, so I topped for the first time and enjoyed that. It isn't often discussed, but one's mindset while topping can be very different from when bottoming. Some Native Americans refer to gay people as "two spirits" and perhaps this is part of what they are referring to. John🌈

[@danpatlewlewis6294]

Spoken like a true bottom!

[@marciom.o3220]

danpatlew lewis Any doubt? ahhahahah

[@andredejager3300]

@@marciom.o3220 its all about looks in the gay world....ugly good guys stay single

[@tonydrabenstott4745]

@@andredejager3300 hi r you looking for a relationship I am💬💬💋

[@thillman85]

Terrific! A very insightful assessment of why ashamed people shame others... (I.e. It's easier/safer than challenging the social construct.)

[@iskatel39]

You are so damn cute, I really do not care about your gibberish speech, coz you are too young to know anything about life, but still, it is cute and hot that you are trying to be cool(professional in a way) 3 blocks from you, (no worries)

[@antoinetterusso7974]

iskatel39 m

[@JasonYJS_xoxo]

Personally, who wants to be profiled for how they look? All guys are free to choose, whether they want the subdominant end or the dominant end, pretty much the same diff as a straight relationship. At the end of the day, all relationships are reciprocal, regardless of whether you're dominant or subdominant. Am I right for saying this or is this going to be offensive?

[@kevint2878]

I think that one thing that was uncomfortable about being gay was how much I felt encouraged by the community to feel bad about myself for being effeminate.

[@person.X.]

It is a strange world! I love ladyboys who are basically very effeminate gay men imo. The west is really weird about sex and identity it seems to me - all too political. I prefer being a top but will be a bottom too if my partner wants . Not part of the conventional gay community - just not relevant to me at all, more a political identity than a sexual identity.

[@demetriusburley3686]

People were a lot nicer to me when I finally came out …. Only problem is I hate when ppl ask about my love life

[@HML2004]

You’re absolutely correct that somehow “masculinity” whether heterosexual or homosexual often treat “feminine” traits as a negative attribute. I’m not quite sure why men, particularly gay ones, find intimacy embarrassing and shameful despite knowing that there’s a yearning for it. I’m sure you’d agree straight men desire intimacy and not just sex. Perhaps the idea of being vulnerable or giving up control to trust someone is considered feminine and so men find it shameful.

[@chochobob1]

Matthew, I agree with you. You can not be a good top or bottom if you havent tried both. If you do not know what the bottom is feeling you are not a good top. After 38 years, my husband and I don't play top and bottom we switch.

[@secretlifeofaho312]

You have a really zen presence on camera...thanks for putting out this awesome video! :D

[@zacharielleyva]

Hey! thank you Matt!!! i used to be a top gay, but to female at the same time. And some day i realised that there was a lot of good things i was missing... well, what i'm trying to say is: rhe better way to live a real free life, is being yourself and let yourself explore options... kind of, i'm just thinking and havin a good time knowing that i'm not the only one that actually thinks about the rol issues is just a state of mind...