Gender Roles in the Community // Honest Tea Talk | Season 1 Episode 9

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About Honest Tea Talk
with Aliyah, LaYinka & Sumayah
Inspired by Jada Pinkett-Smith's 'Red Table Talk', 3 Muslim women have set up a platform to speak openly and honestly, giving viewers an unedited insight into the minds and life of Muslim women. Honest Tea Talk brings deep and often unspoken topics to the table to lay down our masks and start much-needed discussions about matters related to Muslim women and the ummah at large.
© 2019
#honestteatalk #realtalk #gender

[@mahamabrar3869]

Khadija RA was an amazing, strong, successful woman and was the Prophet’s most trusted and loved person. She is and should be the role model of all Muslim women and men

[@aprillpettigrew8468]

Exactly what I was thinking sister! Khadija (RA) had a successful business and the Prophet (SAW) worked FOR HER! So these notions that the panel is discussing are not in the deen/religion. I think that a lot of the changes in the gender roles came during the time that the Persian culture penetrated the religious culture of Islam hundreds of years ago. But I could be wrong. However, even Aisha (RA) taught the Sahabah and women played a major role in the deen/religion. So, the men nowadays are not playing a dominant role in their families, then that is the problem of the mothers spoiling their sons, yet teaching the daughters to be responsible. Isn't it. The girls are educating themselves and men are just hanging out with their buddies. Then, when they get married the woman is educated and has money. He does not. This is an issue of how we are raising our sons which in itself is a gender issue...

[@zarlashtstanikzai955]

@@aprillpettigrew8468 Assalamualaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. It wasn't the Persian culture dear, a lot of these notions were injected or adopted by Jewish reverts. No offense to anyone.

[@arbazahmad5690]

@@aprillpettigrew8468 Nope. They don't get married like that. Majority of the women wouldn't even think of marrying a guy like that leave alone marrying. Go touch some grass.

[@LatinaMuslimAndProud]

I wish there was a show that aired an episode everyday. You don’t know how beneficial it is to watch this !! Mashallah

[@samurai_rose]

This statement “Make yourself small so that he’s okay about himself” is what some people have said to me at different points in my marriage. And as my marriage is about to end, I’m grateful to Allah for protecting me from caving in to this kind of pressure.

[@samurai_rose]

Brother Skutnu are you a scholar, a marriage counselor or a certified psychologist? If you are none of the above, your perspective doesn’t mean anything to me and most women that continue to be abused by sad and immature men 😊

[@samurai_rose]

Brother Skutnu read my comment again and let it sink in.

[@Sunny-yl4rm]

Alhamdulillah, hope you are well 💕 I think the intention behind the advice is good, but because of the wording, its taken the wrong way. Men need a boost sometimes to feel content. To feel like the provider. We shouldn't make ourselves small at all and never have a say, but show that we need him. Even if it's just a small thing we are able to find out ourselves, we show that we value his decision on the matter. A happy husband feels needed and appreciated for what he does. The advice isn't bad but it's wording is put too simply. Especially if the marriage is at a weak spot already. Not making yourself heard, worsens the situation. I pray you've found peace

[@samurai_rose]

@@Sunny-yl4rm I worded my opinion not for the purpose of gaining people’s acceptance. The notion of needing a man sounds problematic on so many levels and that is what is killing a lot of women’s psyche. It is alright to be in a marriage that enables a man and woman to be their true selves...help make space for each other to grow and flourish. It is never okay to diminish yourself in order to please a man. I feel it is insulting to my Creator, Allah, to make myself small for people. Making yourself small is not the same thing as being humble. With regards to your comment, that’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it. I express myself how I perceive life and I don’t make myself small to anyone except Allah. Alhamdulillah I got divorced to move away from a toxic marriage and I’m living well and healthy 😊.

[@Sunny-yl4rm]

@@samurai_rose I'm happy you've found peace 💕😊

[@suadali2969]

My personal opinion is that unfortunately, women are taking on way more than possible for any one human to do without a negative consequence in return. Women are not only working outside the home, and taking care of the kids both physically and emotionally, and taking care of their husbands both physically and emotionally, they are also forced to take on the man's role of being the protector in every sense. Sometimes this is by choice... but alot of the times women are forced to take on this role bc men are not stepping up the way they should and we enable them further. Sadly alot of women end up emotionally broken or even physically ill and at the very least they end up with an unappreciative husband.

[@valeriedhodson3014]

Yup agree masculinity is under attack. Men are becoming more femine and less mature in their male roles.

[@semiraali4684]

Suad Ali it is very well said

[@hyrunnisa997]

The feminization of men is not just a problem for muslims. It is a problem everywhere. Read the book estrogen nation. We are being poisoned by our products, by our food, by the water with synthetic estrogens that are destroying us. Men are becoming more like women, more people are becoming infertile. It's a big issue. I dont have anything against trans gender people but I honestly think the prevalence of it is because our children are not developing properly.

[@sadafahmed9563]

I agree!

[@omotanwa2986]

Thank you

[@tima6245]

I'm glad Sumayah mentioned that many mothers have no choice, my mom is a single mother who took both roles, she cooked, cleaned, worked, took care and raised 5 of us, spend time with us, made time for her deen. She had no choice, she had to do what she had to do to keep a roof over our head and I am forever grateful for her, and Allah that had help us through everything. May Allah grant her the highest ranks in jannah for her efforts. Ameen.

[@annam7683]

ameen :)

[@valeriedhodson3014]

This is so nice. I have no friends never mind Muslim friends. I am a Muslim of one. I am reverting and learning is going painfully slow. Thank you. A women perspective was so needed. 😊

[@thanimoinamkou8372]

We are here for you sister if you are looking for forging friendship with Muslims. Learning is slow and hard even for us born Muslim so be indulgent with yourself, be patient and trust on the path Allah has put you on.

[@valeriedhodson3014]

@@thanimoinamkou8372 thank you so much. Learning about Islam has taught me a lot about God, myself, and people in general. I am very surprised how difficult it is to wear my hijab and how odd people react to it. I could do all sorts of sins and the people I used to go to church with, but wear a hijab and they look at me like I killed their best friend. My pastor wrote me how "I am going down a dark path." But my heart and mind feels the most calm it's ever felt.

[@trevorphillips3340]

Friends are overrated though. I had two friends and they both made me hate friends because both were so toxic. trust me somethings being friendless is a blessing.

[@phareeyaleeu9223]

Salam alaikum sister, I just came across your post.am ready to be your friend. May Allah increase our iman

[@luffymonkey6436]

@Romeo - wait wait wait 😭😭😭✋whites aren’t welcomed but u have a Michael Scofield pfp - I wonder if he came watching this u would have welcomed him.

[@garaadsan.6191]

Just found out about this channel Yesterday, and i ended up watching almost ten Videos and continuing one after the other😂

[@f8thnu2]

Bilan Naxar. Me too. I discovered it today.

[@fevkaladeninfevki]

"Can you be a woman who is strong and still be looked after?" How come no one asks that about men? All strong men looove to be taken care of like a baby so why strong women shouldt?

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

in Islam yes, we have the Sunnah, but in the west they have man hating racist feminism, thats why. Women should make a point and some have to be fair to point ISlam gave women rights before feminism.

[@Sara-sf7dn]

@False sects like shia are judeo ibn saba made Feminism is not man hating nor has anything to do with race, it’s about equality. You don’t even know what you’re saying

[@Theshowoffcollector]

@@Sara-sf7dn feminism is a separate religion from Islam

[@emirovich_]

I apologize and I am sorry for what Muslim women are going through because of today’s Muslim men. This is one of the channels that can contribute to solving this problem.

[@cherryblossom6551]

It depends very much on the environment, culture and place you live in. But regardless of ones starting point, I believe we all need to take a step back and leave a bit of space. Bcs as Soumayya mentioned the gender roles are shifting, so we have to try and work with that not against that. Which means there is no way around compromising. If you want your daughter to absolutely have a degree, then you shouldn't complain why her domestic skills are not as good as your late mothers or your aunties. Bcs certain things come at the cost of the other. Yes, some sisters may manage to get a degree have a running buisness and be on top of their game when it comes to cooking and domestic skills, but it's not fair to put that high standard on each and every woman. I found it in my circle to be very frowned upon if you don't want to go to uni, have a degree or are not a career woman, but at the same time if you aren't married yet don't cook the best of meals and aren't able to entertain your relatives, than you're getting laughed at. Pressure and force is never good, no mattter from which direction. As always I enyoyed your tea talk. BarakahAllahufeekum wa JazakumAllahukhairan 💕

[@lymaabdoul]

Being an african woman and still living in Africa , i can assure u that most career women have domestic skills , bcuz as young girls we are already taught to compromise more that ours husbands and that's sad ! I don't know what a career woman looks like in western countries but most of the time in Africa when it comes to domestic skills there's no difference between a working woman and a housewife!

[@cherryblossom6551]

@@lymaabdoul BarakahAllahufeeki for sharing! That's interesting. So do you find that negative or positive? What would you want to change? I am curious.

[@lymaabdoul]

@@cherryblossom6551 having domestic skills regardless your status is some great. But the idea of a man not helping with chores just bcuz he's a man is something i totally desagree with...

[@mkadri97]

yes i very much agree. living in the US i have experienced this too, where we were encouraged to go to school and get our degrees and be successful in this way but at the same time cooking & cleaning were expected to come naturally to us and that we were supposed to be in charge of our households. i can't do both at the same time, and it's so much pressure.

[@emirovich_]

The problem arises when a man feels threatened next to a strong woman, which can result in humiliating the woman, in order to feed his ego and regain his position of power, which he thinks he is entitled to.

[@farhiyodahir2457]

There are also women who are breadwinner but still want a spouse who can give financial blanket. So they look down on their choice of spouses for their short coming, at times it’s deliberate humiliated their spouse in front friends and family. That is when I think it’s the only time that woman should be educated because they become intelligent and ignorant.

[@alhassangangu4357]

Sumaya made a very important point. A strong woman outside but ordinary at home will bring a lot of benefits to the marriage. But some strong women outside want to take " the ism the ceo or boss" mentality to the husband, it will lead to break up of the marriage

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

some want to chill in the house, feminism and religiosu extremism are both bad!

[@fatimahaido3780]

I once stated I thought that there was a type of man who didn't feel masculine unless he had someone to step on and the Imam I was discussing with, a deeply conservative man who most around him call an extremist, replied, 'they're in the majority.' When I said this I wasn't merely referring to the genders but also the treatment of the poor which, in my country at least, is atrocious. It's either dismissive or excessively paltry... anyway, I posted the following in response to someone else in this video's comments section. "Alhamdulillah sis, I appreciate your position. However, some of us do not choose this path of 9-5 because of feminism but because of the manner we've seen our mothers/aunts/sisters/friends/grandmothers treated. I do not choose to work because I want to 'have it all' but because in my country (Nigeria) many men willingly discard their wife/wives and CHILDREN for outside tail (someone I know declared he'd divorce all four of his wives so that he can marry a younger woman. His first wife was 9 when they wed and he, 18 - she used to hide under the bed so no he didn't allow her to mature before engaging in intimacy and she cannot fend for herself because she was never given the opportunity to learn). Imagine being given N100 (one hundred naira) to eat (a meal for one person costs N200 on average) and do laundry (detergent costs N120 in bar form) whilst he has N2000 tucked away which he uses on himself as you and the children STARVE; this was an actual Shari'a court case here. Some of us choose this because other than Allah, who can be trusted? If one is tested with such a husband then one of the only recourse available to a woman, in this age, is her own finances. Her Protector is Allah alone and what of His rizq He gives her. In case anyone's thinking 'relatives can ...' etc. Remember that not all families can be relied upon. Since my mum passing, I could tell stories for days (it's been 8 years since). 😔 Then there are those men that do provide for their families but even Dajjal might be ashamed by the manner in which they behave. Just a few examples: forgoing school fees because he wants to add another wife; spending money on whoever he's committing adultery with; taking from his adult children (in excess) who are just starting out to appease a woman not their mother (or kind to them) even though those children are desperate to make enough to be of service to their parents and community; stunting the education (Islamic and otherwise) of his children in pursuit of his own dunya pleasure... Muslims need to stop asserting what motivates others to make certain choices. At best we can speculate (for only He knows the truth of EVERY heart) and if we are going to do so let's be balanced in our approach. I saw what happened to my mum. I saw what happened to my step-mum (also deceased). I see what happens to women around me. I see how despite being 'provided for' they are riddled with health issues such as hypertension, ulcers and diabetes. I see how these women take out their frustrations on everyone other than the source... I also see how Shaykhs who caution against the mistreatment of women in the ISLAMIC CONTEXT are mocked and dismissed as 'malaman mata' (women's Imams). The western paradigm is GROTESQUE but so is the one I've just laid out now. In fact, the latter is worse because it justifies itself in the name of Allah (s.w.t.) which, in case you're wondering, fills me with rage for my only Love is Allah (I have no one else and I desire no one else). I am not a feminist but everytime I am told it's an all around bad thing I'm forced to wonder: why did so many turn to it in the first place? Might it have been because no one was listening? As an aside, the phrase 'toxic masculinity' came not from feminists but from men who worried about how the feminization of masculinity would lead to two outcomes, hyper aggressive men or weak men (they didn't imagine both could happen simultaneously), and how to prevent this. Their noble goal was then weaponized by MRAs. While the phrase is now wantonly wielded by ignorant polemicists including some feminists... but this is a separate discussion. I will be damned if I allow what happened to my mother and others (not saints by any stretch of the imagination 😏) happen to me. This is why I work because I know I, to the men of my place, have NO VALUE (other than sex satisfier/maid/baby factory, against Islam's assertion that we are COMPANIONS thus more than just these) and can easily be discarded. It is a Godless, utilitarian approach to another human being. If the man decides he's had enough, it will be hard but at least I am unlikely to end up destitute and unable to provide for the children's needs that don't seem to cross most men's minds. I have had to go without basic sanitary goods because of this so no one can tell me I'm imagining things. Eg two months without soap. To BATHE. In case you think this might not be serious understand this. Many non-Muslim women convert to marry Muslim men here and after intense torment by their husbands and suspicion/judgement by in-laws and fellow Muslimahs, in the event of a divorce or death of spouse (sometimes before this) they leave the Deen. As one of my step-mums who converted when she married baba (he's never been physically abusive to any of us but sometimes it's better to be hit at least there'll be proof dunya-wise and physical pain to distract from the emotional) put it, 'they say Islam is a religion of peace. I have found none.' She left the Deen before their divorce so naturally he used this to justify the divorce (and character assassinate her) even though there was only constant quarrels between them for years beforehand. I know we ought not to speak of anyone by name when making criticisms, and although I didn't, this post makes me uncomfortable. In order to keep it short, which it isn't, I could not speak in hypotheticals. Allah forgive me. I also didn't think anyone'd be inclined to believe this if it isn't straightforward. By the way, I expect no one to believe my account but I ask all who do read this (heros in my book 😅) to consider the possibility that I am being truthful. Sorry for the wall of text. Peace to you and all of His Creation. Salam alaikum."

[@fatimahaido3780]

Oh and you"re right. No one should approach anyone with a superior attitude. The scenario you painted leads to marriage break up but if a man treats his wife not as his companion but as a thing then it leads to lack of trust and true intimacy making the marriage a living hell

[@valeriedhodson3014]

No human is perfect. Wven good men can let down their wives. I was left with three kids, two who are autistic, alone with no means at all. Than my husbands girl friend called child protective services on me because I had no food in the house. The kids and I lost our house, car, and most everything we owned. Never circle yourself on a perspn, even a husband. Trust fully in Allah and make sure you have a way to feed and shelter yourself and your kids. A good husband will respect this and not be insecure. Its a goid thing having a safety net if things fall apart. The kids and I are good now. My youngest still has issues but is ok. She would hide food in her room for years after my break up with her dad.

[@tayyabalatif7487]

Gracy Jones May Allah give you ease and make you strong enough to take care of what you need to take care of

[@HananOZ]

@@tayyabalatif7487 Ameen ameen

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

May Allah make us more trustworthy. Did you revert to Islam, was this before or after? your ex husband needs to read the Sunnah!

[@abdullahawk]

Mashallah Sisters, very good talks. However, i am married to a very strong lady and we are both very deep in our respective fields in our careers. Its all a give and take relationship. We both have shared roles to play with our two boys and keep our relationship healthy.

[@fatimahaido3780]

Masha Allah, brother. You are a gem. May Allah protect and bless you and your family. Salam alaikum. I've seen some weird comments so what I'm about to paste is no reflection on you just want to get some uncomfortable truths out. I hope someone reads this, it's long... Oh, and I was responding to a sister "As an Alhamdulillah sis, I appreciate your position. However, some of us do not choose this path of 9-5 because of feminism but because of the manner we've seen our mothers/aunts/sisters/friends/grandmothers treated. I do not choose to work because I want to 'have it all' but because in my country (Nigeria) many men willingly discard their wife/wives and CHILDREN for outside tail (someone I know declared he'd divorce all four of his wives so that he can marry a younger woman. His first wife was 9 when they wed and he, 18 - she used to hide under the bed so no he didn't allow her to mature before engaging in intimacy and she cannot fend for herself because she was never given the opportunity to learn). Imagine being given N100 (one hundred naira) to eat (a meal for one person costs N200 on average) and do laundry (detergent costs N120 in bar form) whilst he has N2000 tucked away which he uses on himself as you and the children STARVE; this was an actual Shari'a court case here. Some of us choose this because other than Allah, who can be trusted? If one is tested with such a husband then one of the only recourse available to a woman, in this age, is her own finances. Her Protector is Allah alone and what of His rizq He gives her. In case anyone's thinking 'relatives can ...' etc. Remember that not all families can be relied upon. Since my mum passing, I could tell stories for days (it's been 8 years since). 😔 Then there are those men that do provide for their families but even Dajjal might be ashamed by the manner in which they behave. Just a few examples: forgoing school fees because he wants to add another wife; spending money on whoever he's committing adultery with; taking from his adult children (in excess) who are just starting out to appease a woman not their mother (or kind to them) even though those children are desperate to make enough to be of service to their parents and community; stunting the education (Islamic and otherwise) of his children in pursuit of his own dunya pleasure... Muslims need to stop asserting what motivates others to make certain choices. At best we can speculate (for only He knows the truth of EVERY heart) and if we are going to do so let's be balanced in our approach. I saw what happened to my mum. I saw what happened to my step-mum (also deceased). I see what happens to women around me. I see how despite being 'provided for' they are riddled with health issues such as hypertension, ulcers and diabetes. I see how these women take out their frustrations on everyone other than the source... I also see how Shaykhs who caution against the mistreatment of women in the ISLAMIC CONTEXT are mocked and dismissed as 'malaman mata' (women's Imams). The western paradigm is GROTESQUE but so is the one I've just laid out now. In fact, the latter is worse because it justifies itself in the name of Allah (s.w.t.) which, in case you're wondering, fills me with rage for my only Love is Allah (I have no one else and I desire no one else). I am not a feminist but everytime I am told it's an all around bad thing I'm forced to wonder: why did so many turn to it in the first place? Might it have been because no one was listening? As an aside, the phrase 'toxic masculinity' came not from feminists but from men who worried about how the feminization of masculinity would lead to two outcomes, hyper aggressive men or weak men (they didn't imagine both could happen simultaneously), and how to prevent this. Their noble goal was then weaponized by MRAs. While the phrase is now wantonly wielded by ignorant polemicists including some feminists... but this is a separate discussion. I will be damned if I allow what happened to my mother and others (not saints by any stretch of the imagination 😏) happen to me. This is why I work because I know I, to the men of my place, have NO VALUE (other than sex satisfier/maid/baby factory, against Islam's assertion that we are COMPANIONS thus more than just these) and can easily be discarded. It is a Godless, utilitarian approach to another human being. If the man decides he's had enough, it will be hard but at least I am unlikely to end up destitute and unable to provide for the children's needs that don't seem to cross most men's minds. I have had to go without basic sanitary goods because of this so no one can tell me I'm imagining things. Eg two months without soap. To BATHE. In case you think this might not be serious understand this. Many non-Muslim women convert to marry Muslim men here and after intense torment by their husbands and suspicion/judgement by in-laws and fellow Muslimahs, in the event of a divorce or death of spouse (sometimes before this) they leave the Deen. As one of my step-mums who converted when she married baba (he's never been physically abusive to any of us but sometimes it's better to be hit at least there'll be proof dunya-wise and physical pain to distract from the emotional) put it, 'they say Islam is a religion of peace. I have found none.' She left the Deen before their divorce so naturally he used this to justify the divorce (and character assassinate her) even though there was only constant quarrels between them for years beforehand. I know we ought not to speak of anyone by name when making criticisms, and although I didn't, this post makes me uncomfortable. In order to keep it short, which it isn't, I could not speak in hypotheticals. Allah forgive me. I also didn't think anyone'd be inclined to believe this if it isn't straightforward. By the way, I expect no one to believe my account but I ask all who do read this (heros in my book 😅) to consider the possibility that I am being truthful. Sorry for the wall of text. Peace to you and all of His Creation. Salam alaikum."

[@muhammadgbadegesin8043]

Masha ALLAH. I had no idea the sister was a Yoruba from Nigeria. I am as well. I agree with what she said about Nigerian woman. My mother, grandmothers, and great grandmothers on both sides all were businesswomen, yet they still raised their children and took care of their families.

[@shai746]

Knowing the massive impacts of my mom, I always wish the best for my wife, daughter and all women. The family is an important aspect and a basic unit of every society and so we shouldn't adopt behaviors that destroys the family. Majority of "successful" women complicate their marriage life. We are in transition from how couples lived several years ago while understanding and knowing their roles. The family roles are changing so fast and so must we understand and choose the appropriate way to coexist. In a nutshell, it's a mutual duty to love, respect, support, care, and most importantly let look up to Islamic ways. Thanks 😊 🙏

[@salmakhalid4387]

I think education is important, you never know how useful it can be for a woman, even if she ends up being a housewife in the end. If a Woman's husband falls ill and she has to be the breadwinner, or if the woman gets divorced and then she can at least earn and have her independence, taking care of herself and family and not feel like a burden on her parents (not saying that she is but some people feel this way). Unfortunately there are many things we do which are not in teaching of Islam. Like women travelling alone. My husband cannot drop me off to work and at work there would be a mix anyways unless you work in very limited areas where it is women workes only for example a shelter for woman. It isn't easy to find a place of work for either man or woman which will not be mixed in some way. Schools are mixed unless it is those Islamic Schools which have separate ones for girls and boys. Universities are mixed, I am not aware of any which are for men or for women only. You cannot go out without mixing in some way even if you go out with your husband or brother etc. You go out shopping, let's say you and your husband, a woman nor a man may serve you, you don't have a choice, whoever is available will do so. It isn't practical in current life not to mix in some way however hard you may try. You can try your best but how it works out isn't in your hand or favour. When I had my baby I did not get to choose that I needed a female Doctor, I got a male who was the one available. We may be able to choose for minor appointments but when it comes to emergencies you cannot and there is nothing wrong with that. Where you can avoid, you can try to avoid, and where you cannot, you simply cannot.

[@starsighting7167]

Omg so true i knoe a couple whos husband got layed off but his wife was working as a nurse and she was able to help out Alhamdulilah

[@mkadri97]

alhamduallah thank you so much for having this discussion. i feel like i am starved for these conversations and i am thankful you are having them and that you are publishing them online so we can see.

[@rilyb4033]

MashaAllah I really enjoyed this conversation. What I take away from this is we need to do a better job at raising our boys to be strong, confident men. I find that traditionally girls are raised to have lots of responsibilities and prepared for their role as a wife but boys are not as much except for the part where they have to provide for their familes. They end up putting theylir value as a man on that so when a woman is educated and fend for themselves it is threatening to the man. How about we learn to be well rounded individuals before marriage so we can come together be there for each other. The beauty of islam is that the gender roles are very open and actually gives us so much room to create the family dynamic that works for our individual families. And Allah knows best.

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

May Allah bless you in your endevours, thats why I love the point at 24,45 . women don't know how to act with their man or son due to man hatred feminism, they have to acknolwedge this similarly like men have to reject extremism and woman oppression in name of din. Islam is that beautiful balance, the Prophet peace and blessings on him had different types of relationships to show us different things are possible!

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

your point about being balanced individuals is what Islam teaches and there are different types of teamworks plus relaitonships may go through phases of growth. May Allah guide us. Amin!

[@fatimahaido3780]

@@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543 I agree with you about the genders complementing each other. Alhamdulillah, I appreciate your position. However, some of us do not choose this path of 9-5 because of feminism but because of the manner we've seen our mothers/aunts/sisters/friends/grandmothers treated. I do not choose to work because I want to 'have it all' but because in my country (Nigeria) many men willingly discard their wife/wives and CHILDREN for outside tail (someone I know declared he'd divorce all four of his wives so that he can marry a younger woman. His first wife was 9 when they wed and he, 18 - she used to hide under the bed so no he didn't allow her to mature before engaging in intimacy and she cannot fend for herself because she was never given the opportunity to learn). Imagine being given N100 (one hundred naira) to eat (a meal for one person costs N200 on average) and do laundry (detergent costs N120 in bar form) whilst he has N2000 tucked away which he uses on himself as you and the children STARVE; this was an actual Shari'a court case here. Some of us choose this because other than Allah, who can be trusted? If one is tested with such a husband then one of the only recourse available to a woman, in this age, is her own finances. Her Protector is Allah alone and what of His rizq He gives her. In case anyone's thinking 'relatives can ...' etc. Remember that not all families can be relied upon. Since my mum passing, I could tell stories for days (it's been 8 years since). 😔 Then there are those men that do provide for their families but even Dajjal might be ashamed by the manner in which they behave. Just a few examples: forgoing school fees because he wants to add another wife; spending money on whoever he's committing adultery with; taking from his adult children (in excess) who are just starting out to appease a woman not their mother (or kind to them) even though those children are desperate to make enough to be of service to their parents and community; stunting the education (Islamic and otherwise) of his children in pursuit of his own dunya pleasure... Muslims need to stop asserting what motivates others to make certain choices. At best we can speculate (for only He knows the truth of EVERY heart) and if we are going to do so let's be balanced in our approach. I saw what happened to my mum. I saw what happened to my step-mum (also deceased). I see what happens to women around me. I see how despite being 'provided for' they are riddled with health issues such as hypertension, ulcers and diabetes. I see how these women take out their frustrations on everyone other than the source... I also see how Shaykhs who caution against the mistreatment of women in the ISLAMIC CONTEXT are mocked and dismissed as 'malaman mata' (women's Imams). The western paradigm is GROTESQUE but so is the one I've just laid out now. In fact, the latter is worse because it justifies itself in the name of Allah (s.w.t.) which, in case you're wondering, fills me with rage for my only Love is Allah (I have no one else and I desire no one else). I am not a feminist but everytime I am told it's an all around bad thing I'm forced to wonder: why did so many turn to it in the first place? Might it have been because no one was listening? As an aside, the phrase 'toxic masculinity' came not from feminists but from men who worried about how the feminization of masculinity would lead to two outcomes, hyper aggressive men or weak men (they didn't imagine both could happen simultaneously), and how to prevent this. Their noble goal was then weaponized by MRAs. While the phrase is now wantonly wielded by ignorant polemicists including some feminists... but this is a separate discussion. I will be damned if I allow what happened to my mother and others (not saints by any stretch of the imagination 😏) happen to me. This is why I work because I know I, to the men of my place, have NO VALUE (other than sex satisfier/maid/baby factory, against Islam's assertion that we are COMPANIONS thus more than just these) and can easily be discarded. It is a Godless, utilitarian approach to another human being. If the man decides he's had enough, it will be hard but at least I am unlikely to end up destitute and unable to provide for the children's needs that don't seem to cross most men's minds. I have had to go without basic sanitary goods because of this so no one can tell me I'm imagining things. Eg two months without soap. To BATHE. In case you think this might not be serious understand this. Many non-Muslim women convert to marry Muslim men here and after intense torment by their husbands and suspicion/judgement by in-laws and fellow Muslimahs, in the event of a divorce or death of spouse (sometimes before this) they leave the Deen. As one of my step-mums who converted when she married baba (he's never been physically abusive to any of us but sometimes it's better to be hit at least there'll be proof dunya-wise and physical pain to distract from the emotional) put it, 'they say Islam is a religion of peace. I have found none.' She left the Deen before their divorce so naturally he used this to justify the divorce (and character assassinate her) even though there was only constant quarrels between them for years beforehand. I know we ought not to speak of anyone by name when making criticisms, and although I didn't, this post makes me uncomfortable. In order to keep it short, which it isn't, I could not speak in hypotheticals. Allah forgive me. I also didn't think anyone'd be inclined to believe this if it isn't straightforward. By the way, I expect no one to believe my account but I ask all who do read this (heros in my book 😅) to consider the possibility that I am being truthful. Sorry for the wall of text. Peace to you and all of His Creation. Salam alaikum.

[@zaynebs7296]

It doesn't matter of your mom is a successful career driven woman or a housewife. What really matters is the quality of time you she spends with her family not the quantity. If we'll be pointing out examples of families where the moms are absent, we should point out AS WELL example of families where the mom is there 24/7 but sadly is negligent, or isn't affectionate enough, etc. It's how you spend your time together, what you teach them, how you love them, and the values you put in them. That's what matters. And this goes both ways, for husband and wife both. just because you're providing for the family doesn't mean you're off the hoos from being emotionally present as well. My father works all day, but the few hours he spends with us, the few minutes of bonding we spend each day, He's THERE. And I'm closer to him more than i am with my mom who is a housewife.

[@dejiakin9102]

Taking care of the home is so much for a woman already, she could work before she is married or where there is good understanding btw her and her husband but if the husband is able to provide all that is needed and he is supportive to his wife then she doesn't need to work, it will be more beneficial for them all, the kids, the mother and father too if the balance is met. The major problem we are facing today is that the government has failed and made standard of living unbearable that women now have to go out to work to support the family. Every woman married should be entitled to a pay from the government, including widowe, single mum, divorcee with kids. Its also disappointing seeing some men becoming irresponsible towads their family responsibilities these days. May Allah guide us and bless our mothers. Aamin

[@captain9035]

May Allah reward you greatly for such a wonderful education. U are solving one of our problem as ummah

[@servantofallah7866]

I found this discussion to be interesting especially in regard to men being raised up to put the woman down and the statement you made about shayukh who tell women to "tone themselves down" so the man feels "he is the king". A man should not feel he has to or put his wife down instead he is there to build her up and support her and vice versa. I also found the definition of a "successful and strong woman" to be quite intriguing too. Say we raise our daughters to be strong and financially independent. Do we encourage them to after having gained the skills then to work in mixed environments that will compromise their deen? This can be problematic later on if they expect to marry a righteous husband who's gheerah would rightfully so come in to action if her desire was to continue to work in such an environment. This wouldn't come from a place of trying to put his wife down. This comes from the reality of working in corporate environments where there is little to no regard to given to having men and women work separately or from behind a screen with the guidelines that the prophets wives followed, including Khadija RA. These environments require that the wife who is now an employee must build relationships with the opposite gender and the problem is that those interactions have potential to dilute and degrade a marriage because the wife is now accessible to other men at the workplace on a consistent basis. Then there is the other side where the men will have no gheerah or care and will force their wife to work in these environments for the sake of money. If working in such environments has to happen it should come from a place of necessity and unique scenarios and circumstances. However I understand some sisters will feel why should it be a necessity and not just because I want to. I respect that but they will have to deal with the impact that may have on their marital life. This doesn't mean drop education. If women are truly very dedicated then they should be trying to create work environments that are suitable for them. Or finding alternate routes to exercising their intellectual capacity to the fullest. So we must take the context of the times and working in the west into consideration when deciding how realistic it is that we can say that women who have bought into the idea of being financially successful and wish to do so in a corporate setting and not a business of their own are ultimately making compromises that aren't beneficial to the family except from financially. Are these men they work with believing men who are "lowering their gaze"... even some "muslim men" don't lower their gaze and righteous husbands who do lower their gaze would be suffering a great injustice if their wife is accessible to such men at the workplace. This isn't a healthy recipe for a loving relationship and as much as I'm all about willing to understand that couples will do what works for them. The majority and the men who have any sense of gheerah would feel uncomfortable with their wife working in such environments and that's not coming from a place of feeling inferior but a place of gheerah which is commendable and not coming from a bad place but a place of love. That's why if women want to empower women and ensure they have a beautiful and loving family life and a true sense of belonging. They should be sharing this reality and encouraging their fellow sisters to set goals and aspirations that align with what Allah has guided us towards. I think an emphasis should be placed on helping create pathways for muslim women to exercise those desires of achieving success in this dunya be it women only businesses etc so that they can if they wish to have it "all" be the breadwinner, mother and wife. Having said that at what point will we concede that if all women decide to do this in a marriage and take away all the responsibility from a man's life surely that would make his life miserable because without responsibility any human will feel a growing sense of dissatisfaction and uselessness making their existence seemingly futile. This does seem to explain why suicide rates among men may be higher then ever as they aren't taught the importance of becoming men who are capable of being compassionate and most importantly capable of taking on responsibility and in that vacuum women have assumed the role of the man. This is problematic because it can truly make a man feel like he doesn't bring value to the marriage. So I very much agree with how you sisters said allow the man his space to be a man. Moreover many women end up becoming exhausted from taking on the 9 to 5 responsibility whilst fulfilling the rights of her family and husband leading to resentment in the long run. So we should approach this with balance. Allah knows best, he knows better than any "ism" when it comes to gender roles and how harmony is achieved. He created us to balance and complement each other. Women have a set of responsibilities which are honoured greatly such as motherhood and also gaining knowledge about the deen just like men. They are also encouraged and should seek knowledge and education and they are to be treated as the Queen of the home and are primarily responsible for nurturing their children and help raise and educate them with the help of their husband so thay they too can be good Muslims on the straight path. These aren't simple and easy responsibilities, they require hard work to be successful. So having a righteous husband who fullfills your rights because he loves you, provides and is qawwam and a compassionate rajul is only there to create a harmonious family which ultimately helps improve the ummah and society as a whole because that is what societies are made from: families. What more of a public appearance would we want or need other than contributing actively together in creating prospering families that Allah would be pleased with. Which leads me to the final point if women or men decide to start being completely individualistic in regards to matters of the dunya then the family structure will fall apart and then we are back with people not wanting to get married at all or broken families, single mothers/fathers making it far more difficult to provide what the children would require growing up and inevitably broken hearts all around. May Allah(SWT) guide us all and make it easier for us and give us spouses and children who make this life and the next a blessing.

[@EnglishGeekWahoo]

You are the only Muslim not feminist thinker here.

[@Hurairahgiri]

Beautiful reply. I am listening to the three sisters and MashAllah they have great points to add. However I really appreciate you pointing out the other side and matching realities with our deen. As a man, I'm getting to learn alot from the videos and MashAllah well written comments like yours.

[@yuyuazah88]

Women, we can have it all but not all at the same time. This is the fact that, like any other life stages, women, too, go through different stages of life and accessibility of resources.

[@protectyourthaghr]

I agree with the comment at 26:03 that we should do "what's right for us...and it doesn't matter if it's in line with what other people tell you it should be" BUT as long as we are sincere in keeping within the boundaries of our religion. Whether it's to do with how we're raising our children or whether we should continue with our studies or not, by living in non-Islamic environments, there are boundaries that we inevitably do end up crossing especially when it comes to segregation between the genders, hijab, and like someone else mentioned, student loans (interest etc.). These are genuine concerns raised by our religion. Alhamdulillah, many brothers and sisters do put their aakhira first so they either leave these things for the sake of Allah or strive to find halal alternative routes. Ultimately, even if we enjoy educational, monetary, job-satisfaction success etc., most likely we will lose blessings in other aspects of our lives by not giving up things that we love (for the sake of Allah), by not trying hard to find halal alternatives or having the patience and trust in Allah to wait as maybe He might find a way forward for us in the future that may be better for our worldly life and our after-life.

[@mssaarahn]

Thank you sisters for sharing such an insightful conversation. The questions were thought-provoking and challenging, lovely topic. I pray for your continued success x

[@shaguftakhadeer9610]

Huh... A Much Awaited Video And I Apologise In Advance Because This Comment Gonna Take Time To Read First Of All Jaza Kallah Hu Khayran For Coming Together And Helping To Solve So Many Issues Related To Muslim Women.. I Really Appreciate That And Now Coming To The Video Let Me Talk About My Side Of Society Well I Belong To India And Most Of The Muslim Conservative Family From My Society Have a Very Old School Thoughts About Us Women Forget Being About Independent Women Here.. Thats The Whole Different Case... Like Sister Aliyah Said If A Women Have Strong Voice Or If She Is Opiniated And If She Is Aware Of The Role Of Women In Islam And She Dare Speaks About It... BOOM, She Is Khallass Not Only She Will Be Tagged As A West Side Feminist But Even They Will Make sure That Her Voice Gets Shut.... Now Coming To The Second Point Like Sister Aliya Said We Need To Appreciate The Person Behind our Success Be It Women Or Men I Agree 100% About This.... That Person Took A Step Back Just To See You Being Succssful More Than Them So Its Important In A Relationship To Appreciate Eachother Efforts And Now This Brings My Third Point Talking About Single Mothers Well I Have A Huge And A Very Great Amount Of Respect For Single Mothers.... Being Raised By A (Kind Of) Single Mother I Know The Hardships And Challenges One Has To Go Through.. And Its Not Easy My Mother Never Ever Broke Into Tears In Front Of Us..Coz She Wanted To Make Sure That She Looks Fine And Strong In Front Of Us But Deep Down Inside She Was Broken... I Can Never Thank Enough To Allah Azzawajjal For Making Me Born Through Her Womb . She Is One Of The Biggest Inspiration To Me..... And My Last Point Is On Agreeing With All Three Sisters About Giving Space To Eachother.. Its Necessary To Step Back And just To Be There For Your Spouse.. Impulsive Behaviour Can Worsen The Situatuons Sometimes....I Really Loved This Episode...It Was Full Of Powerful Conversation And Wisdom..Learned Alottt From This...Jaza Kallah Hu Khayran.... May Allah Azzawajjal Bless you 3 Sisters For Doing Such Good Work May Allah Azzawajjal Bless You With Good Health,Wealth,Contentment And Peace... Aameen Sumameen

[@anonymousanonymous870]

In Africa men take care of their families financially, but in UK its look like women are taking care of their families financially emotionally. And the children are in day care

[@user-bz8vd3ru9f]

That’s an over generalization sister . I’m African raised in Nigeria and at least where I’m from , that’s so not true. Some guys can be quite irresponsible not just in the Uk but everywhere

[@saaa.aa9578]

I feel like it'd be great to have a different guest on each episode just to change things up a bit

[@HonestTeaTalk]

That's to come, inshaAllah, if we go ahead with Season 2.

[@monkeyofdancexxx3105]

In Shaa Allah!

[@hasiyanagode2279]

Mashallah such powerful conversations. May Allah (swt) reward & bestow more knowledge and wisdom on the three of you and make you three sisters neighbour's in Jannah. Just love how authentic you sisters are and how your individual personalities & mindsets shine through in each episode...can honestly relate with all three of you. Mashallah would have loved to have any of you as my mentor...so much to learn from your individual experience. God bless you & your families! Jazzakhalla khayr xxx

[@yusufmusa316]

Please don't get me wrong or misunderstand me when I say this but when the sister spoke on how do we define success it's like she defined it from a worldly point of view when Allah specifically tells us in the Quran what success is for example,surah 3:105,surah 3:129,surah 3:132,surah 3:190,surah 5:35,surah 5:90,etc. so we have to be very careful with what society see as success and what Allah tell us what amounts to true success because on the day of judgment you will not be able to take worldly material things with you only your deeds, so be careful as to what you attribute to define success as. Alhumdulillah

[@nouunii]

fell in love with this podcast ❤️

[@bushrazia6881]

Loving these talks MashaAllah. New subscriber 😍

[@ummoftwoplusone4905]

As salaamu alaikum, I would like to add my two cent. I believe that women can earn an income by starting their own businesses like Khadijah رضي الله عنه when I think of striving to be the best or strength, I look to the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) and the Sahabiyat as role models. There’s a balance we cannot jeopardize the integrity of Islam for Western or cultural standards.

[@MohamedAli-xt8zq]

jazakallah khair sis. I enjoyed watching your discussions. As a husband who is married to a strong independent woman. It has its challenges, I have been very supportive in her goals and dreams. I paid for her education for more than 3 yrs, held the house hold down ( cooking, cleaning, raising our children while working a full time job). She is currently employed and making money and does not contribute any dime to our house hold. I am ok with that Alhamdulliah, but her mouth and energy has gotten too much for me to handle. This show has put a lot of things in perspective for me. It’s time to make changes in my life. Pray for me and my family insha Allah.

[@Theshowoffcollector]

One of the rights of the husband is that the wife must obey him. The wife needs the husbands permission to work, so if you want to order her to stop working, if she doesn’t you are free to divorce her. From what you said she doesn’t seem to be contributing anything to the marriage, not your happiness nor raising the kids, sounds like a leech to me.

[@nyashamahleko7007]

​​​@@TheshowoffcollectorIs the Woman capable to decide if her husband goes to work or not.Does the husband has to obey his Wife.Or are all those rules and regulations only for Woman. Your comments didn't sound right. And if the Husbands reject,are the Wife able to divorve

[@fjeilani]

"That type of a man is rare" oh yes!

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

I peronsally don't think the situaion our sister described there was optimum, i think we should of looked at it from the Prophet peace and blessings on him with Khadijah situaiton, that relationships can go through phases so it can be more commons but she brought up spouses sharing rewards so thats good too and can motivate for either side. plus in Islam theres teamwork, in feminism there is racism and man hatred and destruction of the family so women can pay taxes to banks so the background is different!

[@Sara-sf7dn]

@False sects like shia are judeo ibn saba made Feminism is not man hating nor does it have anything to do with race, it’s about equality. Don’t lie to prove a point

[@Gowawbara]

I guess the problem appears when there are two leaders in the hous! There is an Egyptian saying "A ship with two leaders sinks". If there is a conflict or different opinions on something, the last word should be to the man of the house, as long as it does not interfere with Allah's commands, and as long as he has earned it! as the aya says: بمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ "Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other, and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth." these are the two factors of having قوامة

[@carlsmith3709]

Are you married

[@jahanghir528]

@@user-vx2qn2vs8u no you absolutely cannot. There is a reason why the above Aya was given. And it makes practical sense. There can only be ONE leader in a realationship.

[@igahsoh76]

Keep going!! The is a really brilliant program , I-am a muslim male and I like this program

[@muslimah7331]

I don’t agree.. being a woman who has experienced both worlds.. dependence and independence... id choose dependency over and over!! Working is a hardship.. and for me it changed how I viewed my husband as a man “feeling like I could survive without him” was sooo wrong for me.. there is no worldly pleasure no amount of money worth losing myself to be “a strong woman” I was stronger as a wife!

[@kabamfatu6654]

I love this conversation🥰. Sometimes got people telling me how intimidating I am but I careless. 🤣😂

[@kikidoyoulovemeheheheh]

Spot on sis @ 13.19, that is soooo happening now in the younger generation.... Very very interesting topic, something we all need to be thinking and talking about

[@africanqueenmo]

Great conversation. Sumeiya now I understand why I relate with you cause of the US experience.

[@semiraibrahim7684]

Aselamualeykum sisters HTT, I am hooked to your show and I am learning a lot. I appreciate every flavor you all ladies bring to the table in terms differnt opinions on the same subject matter.It's very impressive, MashaAllah. May Allah increase you in every way abundantly. I just watched this particular episode with my his and and it's funny he said, " I deal with a hard headed woman everyday and she likes to be taken care of. I wouldn't change a thing." Alhamdulilah watching some topics with our spouses can make them see where we are coming from. 😍😍😍

[@boringunoriginalname]

12:23 couldn't have said it better myself! The penny really dropped here 🙌

[@ladanadam8640]

Great episode! I love all of your unique inputs. think gender roles is a topic which has been oversimplified in the Islamic discourse , namely coming from men, it’s great to hear what Muslim women have to say. And just on another note completely, I LOVE what you guys are doing. Strong women speaking for themselves, it’s about time we broke out of the conventional roles that we have been given from so called Islamic figures. Yay to women speaking for themselves, I am here for it! May Allah reward you guys 💕😊

[@whisperingwhiskerss4877]

Alhamdulilah. & we need more of this.

[@stupidintellect2474]

Very good topic mashallah, JazakumAllahukhair sisters. What baffles me is that if a wife was to neglect the chores and the cooking, a man would either look for a second or want to divorce and people would encourage and support that decision. But if a man was to be so absent in the life of his wife and children, women should just put up with it? Its a different thing if he's involved in lots of projects outside of work but if he's just sitting at home doing nothing, it's absurd! And I don't accept the whole 'oh he's been working poor thing so he can't even pour himself a cup of water or read a bed time story to his child.' you get women all over the world working and then cooking and cleaning and looking after the kids everyday, and the man who is scientifically stronger in body than woman, has to take it easy after he comes home from work??? I don't mean to say that he should do everything in the house whilst working, but living in balance is what is taught in Islam. Treat each other with kindness, doesn't mention the woman should be more kind to her husband than the other way round. It's all there in Islam, equality is a major theme. It's sad we allow culture and double standards to govern our lives. And by we I mean Muslims in the community with influence.

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

Men and women don't always work the same jobs. Men work alot more then women statistically, what you said has to be seen in a case by case basis to be fair, I haven't seen it though!

[@wasieladollieh5341]

Agree with sister woman should impower themselves because in todays time not to take over the man power ,, but to be independent ❤️🤲🤲love your topices sisters from South Africa

[@jamalzehlic6210]

God bless you ladies It's just wonderful

[@TheAzzzouzi]

May Allah bless you ladies . Our first lady Khadijah may Allah be pleased with her she was a successful business woman stayed home and had men run her business because she was taking care of something much important then being successful and that is taking care of the family and the kids .may Allah guide us all to the right path and show us the path of happiness.

[@anonymousanonymous870]

Well said, because some people make it seems like she was out there in the office sweating with men. They forget that she has men working for her.

[@muslimah7331]

Alhamdulillaah!! Yes a lot of women use her success as proof against the woman’s role.. Allah created us with the best role.. wife! And mother! She was the best example in all aspects... she gave her profits to the poor and needy and never dealt with men I love my role as a Muslim woman

[@designcalligraphy7395]

the amount of women who use her to justify them working outside in mixed places is alarming. They also tend to froget that after revelation, the prophet was the one who workded.

[@piqueny8872]

Most women before marriage are forced to work to help provide for her parents home. And also that is the only source of income for her own life. So after marriage that mentally is in her mind, she must work to feed herself and also emotionally controlled by her husband she must contribute towards the household. On top of being told the household work is her job. Some girls to escape the in-laws she finds a job to get peace away from them for a few hours

[@ForMyRabb]

Sumaya said exactly wats happenin to me, m not really sure if i want to get married... i would rather not, if marriage is like i see it on people... the negative stuff is bigger than wat u would actually enjoy in there.

[@asiyahad-deenislam5289]

MashAllah., I truly love this channel ESPECIALLY this topic.

[@abdisamad6762]

Sister my AllAh bless you all I think you doing wonderful work please continue as it's very important bless 💗

[@SSBMA1994]

Nowadays its hard to survive when only one person working looking at our current economy. Its a smart move to have dual income so at least if one person get strike with a challenge like laid off from work/ hospitalised, you have a backup salary. At the same time I feel balance is necessary. Kids sometimes dont need all the riches in the world. They can survive on lesser than we thought so long as they have our attention and parental guidance and support. So BALANCE. I don't believe in nanny raising my kids, unless its my mum. But I will not do overtime work or if the situation permit, I would compromise and do just part time to be able to properly raise my kids. Its also important for wives to work to protect themselves so they are not 100% reliant on their husband. In the event that your husband is abusive, you don't want to be trapped and stuck because of finance issues. Or if he divorce you, you all of a sudden not know how to survive on your own. So.... Wallahualam 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@saadatualhassan1881]

MashaAllah I love all your videos. I very much appreciative of watching it.

[@maxinec1616]

This is RICH!!!! Oh how women need this sage advice!

[@ayshabinthnoor]

yes, 26:11. Do what works work for you. Realising this is one of the most important tasks since our patriarchal system has taught that certain things are the 'normal' and anyone who deviates is to be shamed. The system as one that privileges men it is mostly women who are shamed for doing anything that that is not 'acceptable'. So for women, it is not so easy to just turn it over. The years of conditioning and the fear of being judged is very high. Talks like yours, the discussions you bring forward will surely empower us and facilitate us in breaking free from these invisible chains.

[@hyrunnisa997]

That sound track is giving me the feels! I love it. I went and found it on spotify. 💃💃

[@kamuigirl1]

I searched for the Nasheed literally EVERYWHERE but I was not able to find it. Could you please tell me the title?

[@alizehnoor3383]

its called YAWROOD bt ALAA WARDI

[@poweraida9563]

I honestly love the metaphors ♡

[@sturner4570]

Sumayah I could never say it better myself in ALL of these episodes!

[@usmanfaraz2057]

This channel is beneficial, the somali sis really does drop gems.

[@al.345]

yess I was nodding my head to every point she made, shes a clever woman mashallah.

[@stupidintellect2474]

Yes, her name is Sumaiya. I love how she just gives it straight. Mashallah, may Allah bless her and the rest of the panel❤️

[@anonymousanonymous870]

Women by nature love to stay home and take care of home.

[@hali1455]

Nope

[@user-vx2qn2vs8u]

Guess I'm not a woman then

[@ibrahimbah2081]

Ma's all ah I really enjoy watching your program ..

[@inesahmed883]

Powerful talk MashaAllah keep going my Beloved SISTER'S. May Allah Reward your entire family.

[@fjeilani]

oh can't wait for the next episode. when will it be put out? What date exactly?

[@saidamoin1739]

Sister Layinka is ♥️.. May allah bless you all. You're initiating so many unspoken topics so honestly and in a balanced way. Allah Bless you all ☺️

[@voicesofsilicon2445]

13:20 exactly what I felt. And I'm about as far away from being a Muslim woman as you can get. These conversations are seem very relevant across the board. Our parents traditional relationships often seem unenticing.

[@mediocreatbest9203]

these sisters spitting some facts out here 💯

[@aaizarehman2876]

This is so beautiful❤️

[@zamzambeauty8058]

Men get intimidated with educated women, women with career...it happenedto me and I was shocked...but my point of view if someone is getting that it mean am doing better then him and I have no business with what you feel.. Its his job to be at the position where he feels comfortable. I do me, do you!

[@Ssookawai]

Don't talk education and career with a man. Let him "deduct" by himself what you're doing and stay vague like I work for a company in Telecom without saying if you're the CEO lol. Put your personality, your femininity and your joy of life forward.

[@Theshowoffcollector]

I’m a man and don’t feel intimidated by you at all

[@humagilani8897]

Spot on a women who can speak and knows her preferences is a threat to certain men not all but men who are bought up backwards where every time a women working comes up Islam is thrown at them as it’s not permissible

[@amerelliotrancekeehl6287]

@18:07. Even they admit it. Part-time work, being involved in community, writing, etc. Is possible. But both parents working full-time is ridiculous... Not possible. Work-life balance as non muslims is easy because they don't have to worry about disciplining and educating the children.

[@SF-pm1ov]

Sippin’ my tea also Umm Raiyaan 😆

[@ThePetit1989]

That was complicated, but that's all that family is. Many sacrifices to be made to maintain and endure.

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

be a team on the Sunnah.

[@sanaa.2195]

I think if the men is men enough, a women's strength wouldn't bother him, he appreciates her, and values her and protects her. We are really talking about him becoming insecure, if he is in a good place himself he shouldn't have a problem. I think they can both make it work if they both give in a little. If they are not arrogant and appreciate each other no matter who is the alfa. Both can devide the chores and make it work. I think a great great idea is to involve the grandparents. My parents both worked, my mom a teacher and my father in the police force. We spent our childhood with our grandparents and I think was great for both parties. Our grandparents were retired and I don't think anyone could have treated us better. May Allah grant them Jannah. Amen A beautiful conversation sisters ❤️

[@NorthPhilly-zr7xc]

As a man I agree both need to be strong to and extinct

[@shaamadam7893]

I really like this content. Masha Allah

[@iamshahin]

🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽❤️❤️❤️ jazakallahkahir for this

[@zakabea4023]

The problem is that do we have that kind of women in the community? I mean strong, educated, faithful women. I was looking for that kind of woman for years, but couldn't find one. I wish if I can find a wife who can correct me when I make mistakes, gives me her opinion with confidence, or who can stop me when I take a wrong path in life.

[@sadafahmed9563]

Don't agree with gender role reversal entirely. In my opinion and from observation women who take on too much are dying of exhaustion mentally, emotionally, physically, it's too much, you can't have it all. I think women in general are taking on too much nowadays due to false hood of feminism / its impacting on everything. As a woman I definitely want a provider /stay at home I'm fed up with 9 to 5 crap feminazi crap has exhausted me! Yes I work part time and yes you should educate yourself not to be dependant-yes but having a good husband to provide is a blessing! It saves me from the overwhelming pressure! How much can a woman take?? Unfortunately in my office in /work my environment I observe single mothers /working mothers are jealous of women who work part time- and who have a husband who provides! Yes husbands must equally help too avoid exhaustion! Don't get me wrong I don't judge women who are single /women providing.... under they unique circumstances. Therefore no one should judge me if I decide to be a stay at home mum- and yes I've worked and am educated... but now I decide to stay at home be a mother while hubby provides and helps inshallah!

[@Sara-sf7dn]

@Sadaf Ahmed A woman working 9-5 is not crap or feminazi & feminism is about having the choice. Stop using buzzwords

[@fatimahaido3780]

Alhamdulillah sis, I appreciate your position. However, some of us do not choose this path of 9-5 because of feminism but because of the manner we've seen our mothers/aunts/sisters/friends/grandmothers treated. I do not choose to work because I want to 'have it all' but because in my country (Nigeria) many men willingly discard their wife/wives and CHILDREN for outside tail (someone I know declared he'd divorce all four of his wives so that he can marry a younger woman. His first wife was 9 when they wed and he, 18 - she used to hide under the bed so no he didn't allow her to mature before engaging in intimacy and she cannot fend for herself because she was never given the opportunity to learn). Imagine being given N100 (one hundred naira) to eat (a meal for one person costs N200 on average) and do laundry (detergent costs N120 in bar form) whilst he has N2000 tucked away which he uses on himself as you and the children STARVE; this was an actual Shari'a court case here. Some of us choose this because other than Allah, who can be trusted? If one is tested with such a husband then one of the only recourse available to a woman, in this age, is her own finances. Her Protector is Allah alone and what of His rizq He gives her. In case anyone's thinking 'relatives can ...' etc. Remember that not all families can be relied upon. Since my mum passing, I could tell stories for days (it's been 8 years since). 😔 Then there are those men that do provide for their families but even Dajjal might be ashamed by the manner in which they behave. Just a few examples: forgoing school fees because he wants to add another wife; spending money on whoever he's committing adultery with; taking from his adult children (in excess) who are just starting out to appease a woman not their mother (or kind to them) even though those children are desperate to make enough to be of service to their parents and community; stunting the education (Islamic and otherwise) of his children in pursuit of his own dunya pleasure... Muslims need to stop asserting what motivates others to make certain choices. At best we can speculate (for only He knows the truth of EVERY heart) and if we are going to do so let's be balanced in our approach. I saw what happened to my mum. I saw what happened to my step-mum (also deceased). I see what happens to women around me. I see how despite being 'provided for' they are riddled with health issues such as hypertension, ulcers and diabetes. I see how these women take out their frustrations on everyone other than the source... I also see how Shaykhs who caution against the mistreatment of women in the ISLAMIC CONTEXT are mocked and dismissed as 'malaman mata' (women's Imams). The western paradigm is GROTESQUE but so is the one I've just laid out now. In fact, the latter is worse because it justifies itself in the name of Allah (s.w.t.) which, in case you're wondering, fills me with rage for my only Love is Allah (I have no one else and I desire no one else). I am not a feminist but everytime I am told it's an all around bad thing I'm forced to wonder: why did so many turn to it in the first place? Might it have been because no one was listening? As an aside, the phrase 'toxic masculinity' came not from feminists but from men who worried about how the feminization of masculinity would lead to two outcomes, hyper aggressive men or weak men (they didn't imagine both could happen simultaneously), and how to prevent this. Their noble goal was then weaponized by MRAs. While the phrase is now wantonly wielded by ignorant polemicists including some feminists... but this is a separate discussion. I will be damned if I allow what happened to my mother and others (not saints by any stretch of the imagination 😏) happen to me. This is why I work because I know I, to the men of my place, have NO VALUE (other than sex satisfier/maid/baby factory, against Islam's assertion that we are COMPANIONS thus more than just these) and can easily be discarded. It is a Godless, utilitarian approach to another human being. If the man decides he's had enough, it will be hard but at least I am unlikely to end up destitute and unable to provide for the children's needs that don't seem to cross most men's minds. I have had to go without basic sanitary goods because of this so no one can tell me I'm imagining things. Eg two months without soap. To BATHE. In case you think this might not be serious understand this. Many non-Muslim women convert to marry Muslim men here and after intense torment by their husbands and suspicion/judgement by in-laws and fellow Muslimahs, in the event of a divorce or death of spouse (sometimes before this) they leave the Deen. As one of my step-mums who converted when she married baba (he's never been physically abusive to any of us but sometimes it's better to be hit at least there'll be proof dunya-wise and physical pain to distract from the emotional) put it, 'they say Islam is a religion of peace. I have found none.' She left the Deen before their divorce so naturally he used this to justify the divorce (and character assassinate her) even though there was only constant quarrels between them for years beforehand. I know we ought not to speak of anyone by name when making criticisms, and although I didn't, this post makes me uncomfortable. In order to keep it short, which it isn't, I could not speak in hypotheticals. Allah forgive me. I also didn't think anyone'd be inclined to believe this if it isn't straightforward. By the way, I expect no one to believe my account but I ask all who do read this (heros in my book 😅) to consider the possibility that I am being truthful. Sorry for the wall of text. Peace to you and all of His Creation. Salam alaikum.

[@Abdullah12794]

Jazakumullahu khayran for the talk show. I appreciate you sister’s efforts for these videos, but just one thing which I would like to mention is that if you guys could please emphasis on what Islam firstly says about these topics and what is the ideal role according to Islam. I know that you guys were talking about exceptions where there are necessities etc but most people might not get the actual message that Islam tells us about these certain roles etc. May Allah bless you sisters, ameen. 💛

[@safiyahh8950]

Masha Allah😍 please can htt talk about the right and responsibilities of spouses so Cultural practices doesn't supersede our religion🤗

[@zakariyawise271]

I was a woman who felt like a married single mother and he was the type to use the deen for his benefit. Funny thing I tried to allow him to provide. he lied about the money he was making and put us in a place to loose our home. Never again will I trust that way. I have to care for my children with the help of AllahSWT

[@amalfarax4770]

Plz plz came back Guys we miss you so much😭💔

[@adeolaosinowo2576]

Love you sisters....Layinka👍

[@Akil_at_Will]

Assallumalakium As a Muslim man i agree that a real "Man/King" should not need his "Wife/Queen" to be quite or not be strong inorder for him to be, thays not a Queen either. Weak men not Kings need foot stools. I believe that you should have a balance on priorities and understand & agree of each others roles and respect at all times. And sometimes WE do have to stroke each others egos but in different ways which is part of a marriage

[@amthebestist]

i want to be part of the panel, this is beautiful

[@MohamedSamyAlRabbani]

A woman no matter how strong, never wants a weaker man.

[@Sara-sf7dn]

@Mohamed Samy What exactly? You can stop speaking for every women, I wouldn’t care if my spouse is weaker than me

[@MohamedSamyAlRabbani]

@@Sara-sf7dn That is not true, countless women express their hatred of "weak" men, Muslim men, are definitely encouraged to be strong and masculine and effeminate men are definitely strongly condemned. Islam does not redefine gender roles, they are already defined by Allah.

[@Sara-sf7dn]

@@MohamedSamyAlRabbani Lol are you trying to tell me I'm wrong about my preference? I don't care if a man is weaker or smaller than me, it won't change his character towards me. 1. You said a "weaker man" not a "weak man." 2. Your reasoning doesn't even make any sense, no where in Islam does it say that a woman isn't allowed to be with a man weaker than her. 3. Nobody mentioned anything about being "effeminate." That's pretty sexist to say. Some women are naturally stronger than men. Stop using strawman arguments lol. 4. You have no right to speak for me as a woman nor speak for every woman. Stay in your lane.

[@nickmewe1552]

A husband is the head of the family and its guardian. He carries this responsibility because his physical makeup makes him more fit to carry the burdens of life and support his family. God the Almighty says: “Men are protectors of women, because Allah has made some of them excel others and because they spend their wealth on them…” [4: 34].

[@daralfurqan8764]

Salaam, just worth adding that I also came across a lot of sisters who dropped their university education in the UK due to the student loans and riba which is different to giving it up all for a man.

[@TheAbuFulaan]

Dar Al Furqan There’s no riba in student loans.

[@daralfurqan8764]

Riba is applied to student loans when the student, after their education, is in full time employment and earns more than the minimum yearly amount for repayment. So yes, there is riba in student loans. A few might say riba is permissable in this circumstance due to necessity but that's an entirely different point altogether and subject to the 'ulama view and scrutiny (and there is a question mark on whether it is even agreed upon). Despite this,I have not come across anybody that said there is no riba in student loans. Even the student loans company themselves say riba is involved, as a low interest rate is applied on a yearly basis, during repayments. It is stipulated in the annual repayment letter, the loan plus the yearly interest is clearly set out. Here is the link to the student loans company's website: www.gov.uk/repaying-your-student-loan/what-you-pay . You will see for plan 1 loans, the ex student currently pays 1.75% and for plan 2 loans, the ex student pays between approx 3.3% to 9.3% depending on how much they earn.There are also several types of riba based transactions which the islamic scholars have discussed at length and the works/articles on this are numerous: (Shaykh Uthaymeen's video on riba: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oaGqeaR9mNmXb7s)Allah SWT knows best.

[@AB-no2he]

As far as I remember and please do correct ME if I'm wrong I think once you reach a certain age like I think retirement or something for student loan it gets wiped out as in even if you have some due you don't pay back because youve retired or something

[@TheAbuFulaan]

Dar Al Furqan 😪 You have no clue brother/sister. The sad thing is it looks like whatever I say will not change your mind about this matter even if I completely debase your argument, so I won’t even bother.

[@TheAbuFulaan]

A B that’s true and because of this and several more conditions it is not considered as riba under the sharia. Interest and riba are NOT synonymous as many people are mistake to believe so

[@bibz8003]

This is GOLD! Real Talk! MashaAllah thank you ladies! I'd like to add also it would be great for the gents who feel threatened by strong women to remember our Prophet SAW married his boss! Please can you do a spin-off episode from this examining women's expectations of other women that then feeds into men's attitudes towards gender roles? i.e. are Muslim women who are resentful for having little choice but to take on the 'housewife' role because of culture really resentful of new additions to the family (i.e. sister in laws) who are able to negotiate their role and put their foot down for things they weren't able to? is there some subconscious feeling that 'I had to suffer therefore so should you'? This is never expressed so directly but I have witnessed it in the way expectations are indirectly referred to.

[@stupidintellect2474]

Bibz8003 I agree with part of what you say, men should not feel threatened by strong women as we have a beautiful example in our prophet SAW and his wife. And yes, she was his boss, but I believe their dynamic would have been so different in their marital home. They would have spoke gently to each other and advising one another. Man and wife have their rights and certain freedoms, I resent all this trying to trump one another for power. Marriage is not about having the upper hand, its about coexisting in harmony and supporting one another and making decisions that works for both. I do also believe that nowadays being a housewife is hugely looked down upon, and so our attitude towards it should be reassessed. There's nothing but honour in the role of a woman who looks after home and family, let's also remember the prophet's other wives who weren't business women. And might I also add that it's culture that's made the woman oppressed. Islam does not encourage the tight-knit-every-one-knows-your-business lifestyle where the woman marries not only the man but his whole immediate and extended family. If this was taken care of, imagine how liberating it would be to be a housewife, in charge of your own home and children who's secrets don't leave the marital home. So yh in essence, men have a lot to change, and if change happens then great but then we'd also have to change ourselves accordingly.

[@bibz8003]

@@stupidintellect2474 I wasn't suggestion a power struggle within their marriage of any kind. But she was clearly a strong woman and he was not deterred by that. Strong men wouldn't be.

[@bibz8003]

I was also not demeaning the role of women in the home whatsoever. I was referring to culture

[@stupidintellect2474]

@@bibz8003 no problem👍🏼 I agreed with you otherwise as what you said is universally known to be right. perhaps that part of your comment needed clarification.

[@sarahamid3925]

Enlightening conversations.. Just a comment on the “stepping down so he can step up”, I find this quite of a risky move. I have seen many women who have unwillingly taken up on both the roles of a woman and that of a man to fill in the gap and shortcoming of the husband. Some would not even seek to work and provide..It’s quite prevalent sadly. I’ve also heard people saying the women are at fault for taking up both roles and for not giving him the space to sort it out. I remember an example where a sheikh told a working women that she’s responsible for what happened to her child who got in an accident while the mother was out working. She was deemed responsible by the whole community, including her family who thought it was never her role to provide even if the husband made refused to look for work. But how could one blame or hold the women accountable women, especially a mother, for trying to fill in the gap and look out for her children. Would a strong woman be willing to sit back and wait for the husband to change and do something?I wonder how far and for how long should this be tolerated. I’m afraid we are placing too much pressure on the women to step up.. not too much, just enough so that the man is in the right level and space to do what he’s suppose to do, maybe.

[@omotanwa2986]

Who wrote this song? Very soothing

[@fjeilani]

I totally agree that women can study work run her own business - Khadeejah R.A was a business woman. *however it has to be by islamic rules* mixing is haraam, staying privately with a non mahram opposite gender alone is haraam(khalwa), taking loan is haraam, a woman working without the necessity where a man is earning enough money for the whole family but still insists on working outside neglecting her roles as a mum and a wife is haraam, a working woman who displays her beauty with make-up and to her best clothes(does not follow the guideline of hijaab islamically) in a mixing environment is haraam, once all these are solved then a woman can work. Allah says: وَقَرْنَ فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ وَلَا تَبَرَّجْنَ تَبَرُّجَ الْجَاهِلِيَّةِ الْأُولَىٰ ۖ وَأَقِمْنَ الصَّلَاةَ وَآتِينَ الزَّكَاةَ وَأَطِعْنَ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ ۚ إِنَّمَا يُرِيدُ اللَّهُ لِيُذْهِبَ عَنْكُمُ الرِّجْسَ أَهْلَ الْبَيْتِ وَيُطَهِّرَكُمْ تَطْهِيرًا Stay in your homes and do not display your finery as pagan women used to do in the olden Days of Ignorance. Establish your prayers, pay the obligatory charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. O family of the House, Allah only wishes to distance fault from you, and to cleanse you, and to purify you abundantly.

[@fjeilani]

LaYinka Sanni jazakillah kheyr sis for your reply. I'm here to learn my sel. isn't a woman in Islam by default meant to be inside her home? unless there's a need eg e.g. if she's a single mom, or if both couples agree to work and share roles according to islamic rules. I would love to learn/know if a woman out of necessity can work while her deen is compromised whether it's allowed.

[@aishaahmed7199]

@@LaYinkaSanni if there isn't a need to work the woman is best to stay at home and focus on her household as there's where she is to receive the blessings and reward from Allah. I find that many women who work can't balance the home with the work and often the home is neglected in some aspect. Working women often present themselves as independent (not always) and the man feels not needed. I've seen a case where a sister ended up working and raising the kids and studying when she could've slowed it down and focused on her kids more then ended divorcing. Her husband was working but she took the advice from family to stand on her own 2 feet and not rely on him, which is where the problem started. This notion women are told today to not rely on husband to provide for her is causing rift and splitting. A man needs to feel needed and relied upon, its in his nature to protect and provide once that's stripped he feels she is in competition and not in need of him thus he resents her.

[@caracara300]

@@fjeilani Shaykh Bin Baaz amongst other scholars have mentioned it's completely fine for a woman to work, even if there is no need. A lot of people work and it causes no problems in their marriage..

[@al.345]

But what gave you the conclusion that just because a woman is working that she will be neglecting her family? And in certain jobs they want to have you wear good smart clothes,that isnt haram stop making rules up which are to your own assumption and opinion please.

[@al.345]

@@LaYinkaSanni Idk how she came to the conclusion. I work as well as my husband and I am definitely not neglecting my husband or my child. The same needs to be said for men too, they cant work all day and neglect their kids and wife..

[@Gowawbara]

21:40 I deeply disagree with that, Allah is The Provider الرزاق, the man should be the one earning and spending on the family, and a women will not get less رزق if she stayed at home. Allah will provide the man with what his all family needs, it is not just "his" income, it's the whole family's income. There are many proofs to that in Quran and sunnah, it's hard for me to gather it in English right now. What I want to say is if we truly believe in that, we should not have the mintality of needing the income of a women to help her man, unless he is not there and she does not have a ولي to take care of her, or he is not incabable of earning money for a physical disability. Sorry if my English isn't that good, I hope what I want to say is clear.

[@Gowawbara]

​@@creativeideas012 It does not matter where we are in the world, Allah is the same everywhere. If we really believe he is The Provider he will be. عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَنَّ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ قَالَ: "أَنَا عِنْدَ ظَنِّ عَبْدِي بِي إِنْ ظَنَّ بِي خَيْرًا فَلَهُ وَإِنْ ظَنَّ شَرًّا فَلَهُ " Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah the Exalted says: I am as My servant excepts of Me, so if he thinks good of Me then he will have it, and if he thinks evil of Me then he will have it.” Source: Musnad Ahmad 8833 Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to As-Suyuti

[@omotanwa2986]

Most married women do mom and dad role because these men just want to take advantage of a strong woman 's hard work.

[@lavarball7538]

Strong, independent “don’t need no man” mentality women die alone, get a cat and get ready to be alone

[@ruslinamuleng9832]

What 's the name of the Anasheed. I Love it.😊

[@Pinkypromise8812]

Yawrood, Alaa al Wardi.

[@athaar.a]

Thank you thank you thank you. Jazakum Allah khayr. However I do think that both a man and a woman in a marriage can both be ”out there” in the public sphere, doing their thing while having a happy marriage.

[@zahidanasreenkhan8818]

When I hear women say "I am successful, I am strong and powerful" I see a problem there that many women fail to see. Its a lack of humility and disease of pride. Such an atitude and self grandeur, is not really going to allow man to do the job and responsibility assigned to him by Allah swt that is to lead. All leaders are servants to their people. Such women will likely battle every instruction by the husband and be confrontational because she importance on her opinion being heard and not only heard but obeyed.

[@zahidanasreenkhan8818]

Only Allah swt is strong and powerful, we humans are weak and need

[@Khwaab]

Subhan´Allah, I have been surrounded by strong women my entire life and never heard anyone utter these words. On the contrary, they have cried, they have prayed and always credited Allah when I have called them strong. Never in my life have I heard the words you mentioned. No offence sister, I´m just saying.

[@samiramahmud4673]

This show is so beneficial Alhamdulillah.and it is true that men don’t like women who know a lot especially those working and earning more than him. I would like to share a story of mine that I shared with a friend of mine .when we were talking he was like how is your Studies and I was like everything is well Alhamdulillah.That am about to finish my degree and start my masters and start working inshaAllah,and he was like hold on don’t and his advise was get married and just settle down in life.Imagine!!!!! We need to change the mindset that people have and we will inshaAllah

[@nathalyrolon3374]

Through out history women have needed to work. At least for me it has been this way in my country. If I don't work I can't take care of myself. Unfortunately we need both of our parents working to pay the bills.

[@mouctechy]

make him feel like a king. very funny but interesting as well.