How To Argue Like A Gentleman - Argument Etiquette + Debate, Fight & Confrontation DO's & DON'Ts

To view our in-depth written guide, click here: gentl.mn/how-to...
How a person argues strikes right at the heart of a person's character. Arguments, disagreements, and confrontations will naturally make people uncomfortable, and discomfort tends to bring out buried or instinctive responses that reveal one's true nature.
In 1727, Benjamin Franklin organized the Leather Apron Club. The men in the club came from a number of different backgrounds as well as degrees of education and success. To join the group, one had to answer the following questions correctly:
- Do you have disrespect for any current member?
- Do you love mankind in general regardless of religion or profession?
- Do you feel people should ever be punished because of their opinions or mode of worship?
- Do you love and pursue truth for its own sake?
Why Is It So Hard to Have a Productive Argument?
The belief that a person is entitled to have an opinion, unchallenged, no matter what it is. People who challenge other people's opinions can be seen as disrespectful rather than earnest.
Due to this "opinion protectionism" many people cut themselves off from any discussion because there is "nothing to discuss". They've already made up their mind, which they see as the only purpose for engaging in a conversation about it.
Opinions and beliefs can be quite personal so it can be difficult to not take questioning and criticism personally
Competition is valued more than substance or growth; the goal is to "win" and compromise is stigmatized as "losing"
Traditional masculinity demands that men show no weakness, which is both restrictive and outdated
Now, how do you argue with a spouse?
When you have a partner in life, there will always be arguments because, at the end of the day, you're different people, you have different points of views, and not having any arguments is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
So in those situations, the need to constantly win can really have a long term damaging effect. So keep in mind that it's not always you who has to be right but you have to be open that the other person is right as well, that you give it to them and you admit that.
Don't just brush concerns of your significant other aside or disengage and walk away or maybe pout. It's important to keep a dialogue going and to be honest and open until you resolve the issue and you both forgive each other or admit the other person's position or continue in a meaningful way.
Don't bring up threats like I'm going to divorce you or I'm going to leave you or anything of that kind in an argument because that is designed to shut down the conversation right then and there which actually does not solve the issue, it just stops the discussion and the resolution.
Don't bring up past transgressions or past fights that were already resolved.
Don't exaggerate actions of your spouse or the partner in your argument because that will just enrage them more and it will be more emotionally charged.
Also, don't offer a fake apology or be sarcastic because that will immediately shut down the conversation. A good thing to keep in mind is rather than criticizing the person, criticize the action.
In conclusion, to argue like a gentleman, it's one of the most difficult things to do because it means that you have to be vulnerable, you have to accept that you can be wrong, you have to admit that your opinions are maybe not always right, you have to listen to others and you have to keep the conversation going. This is particularly difficult in a society where winning or weakness as a man is considered as bad but in the long term, if you do those things, if you are tolerant, open minded, and respectful of others, you will get respect back.
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[@bleedart]

I like how he is subtly saying that arguing like a gentleman is about not having a stupid opinion in the 1st place

[@gentlemansgazette]

haha

[@lizardink2900]

This should be compulsory lessons for anyone signing up for Facebook.

[@engelsteinberg593]

How if Social Media is for People with more than 1 neuron. Never have Social Media.

[@thetortillachips]

Does anyone click on Raphael's videos just to check out his outfit?

[@chiaradamore-klaiman8692]

Great advice! When arguing with a spouse, it helps to give up on the goal of ‘being right’ and instead work towards the goal of ‘finding a solution’. This way, instead of you versus your spouse, it’s you and your spouse versus a problem or disadvantageous situation.

[@what_now_]

Dude are you on a skateboard or am I tripping balls here?

[@lalunaphoenix]

Camera shake. It's more obvious b/c of the horizontal line of the shelf.

[@John.Doe-OG]

I was wondering that too

[@Torelel]

He is on skateboard

[@aliaseau-vive2699]

No, he is on a sinking ship lol

[@purenatural5736]

Just an earthquake

[@kakawaiipotato4744]

WHY ARE YOU SLIDING FROM LEFT TO RIGHT I CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON ANYTHING ELSE

[@laurencavagnaro2743]

Kakawaii Potato ikr

[@Robyamdam]

His such a gentleman he's becoming a god

[@Olyfrun]

Oh no why did you mention it!!

[@ktpreciouscolors4118]

I very much respect this man's intelligence and open mindedness. 👍

[@stylishoversixty9459]

Well thought out and put together topic as the saying goes "be able to disagree without being disagreeable" thanks for the video!

[@malakf3790]

You guys should really make an app for ios and android 👍🏼

[@alfredgrant1498]

Angel Villalba That is an amazing Idea...

[@QuietlyCurious]

Love this video. Very underrated topic, especially nowadays. Almost a mini-class on civil discourse and ethics.

[@zang9147]

Why can't this get as many views as "Person A utterly destroys Person B" videos?

[@vanillacakez2586]

"...narcissistic dick." Well, no wonder I like this guy

[@roblamastus]

Anyone watch "That '70s Show" and remember when Red would be yelling at the kids and the wallpaper behind Red would be moving around?

[@Redneck_Wizard]

Lol

[@alexdorand]

Your background moves :D I love this video regardless

[@NochSoEinKaddiFan]

I liked this video a lot, there is much more behind the sentiment of a gentleman than style! Parts of what you described remind me of nonviolent communication (Gewaltfreie Kommunikation) by Marschall Rosenberg. In the broadest terms, it is about paying close attention to how you say something to another person without attacking him or her. Instead of "You yelled at me, stop it" you would phrase it more like "I don't want to be yelled at, it feels awfull". This is not a rethorical trick, it is a mindset by which you present your point of view to the other person, offering an insight on your perspective. At the same time it is recommended to remove all judgement from the arguments. I try to do that, but I find it to be quite tough and am far from succeeding, it requires a lot of self control, respect and consideration.

[@DerpyForza]

When even your insults are more intellectual than my casual conversation

[@Viki12ify]

More how to as a gentleman videos pls ;)

[@mandeepbaweja3021]

like How to Pass Gas like a gentleman lol......Alpha did it

[@lmlm_]

Very important skill. Show the other person respect and stay calm.

[@QuietlyCurious]

I'm surprised this video doesn't have more views.

[@as_bxr]

Nice video! Little question: in this video, you are slighty moving left and right. Just a little bit, bit it is noticeable. How come?

[@aliaseau-vive2699]

Apparently camera shaking

[@romola7]

He recorded it crossing the Atlantic in his ship

[@rubytuesday4552]

This is a great video. I appreciate this greatly and I am going to try and adopt these methods in my life.

[@charlesbonerbo9942]

Thank you for this video. You have insight and wisdom.

[@Dinoraptor101]

I like how you referenced Mark Twain at 10:00 :) posting this to attribute the full quote ============== “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” ― Mark Twain

[@jonathanvandersteen8450]

Loved this video! Please do more like this

[@matadorjesusfan6914]

This can help me in my ministry.

[@Ikari777]

Dead on Sven! This was excellent advice and context!

[@shutup1999]

need an arguments gazette channel so my mother doesnt beat me for winning an argument please

[@flora1694]

Excellent advice. Thank you

[@ready4anarchy144]

I love a good argument. But most of the people I talk to just wont argue without raising their voice or getting in my face as if I was attacking them.

[@cocinadieguito1682]

Thank you Raphael!

[@unnamedindividual8783]

it always catches me off guard when you swear in these

[@jumpingjupiter]

Great content but was this filmed on a boat?

[@solomonkain]

Excellent video

[@phippsey3]

Great video as always thank you. PS because tie

[@camgscott]

the camera twitch is really messing with me smh

[@jimmypetelol]

thank you for 10.40. Really need that kind of advice right now

[@TheJackson4825]

more please

[@AztecDread]

1 man + 1 Woman = 3 person family 🤯

[@spudhead169]

This is basically the scientific method as well.

[@Patriotalliance]

Slowly drifts from side to side again...

[@swagmanandy]

A gentleman should never argue, it's unbecoming.

[@ΠεζόςΚαίσαρας]

Why is your library shaking?

[@matadorjesusfan6914]

9:06-9:09 How to be savage like gentleman

[@thegreyman6486]

I do not necessarily agree with my own opinion, it is perhaps more important to be able to laugh at yourself when you realise you are wrong than worry about being right all the time, after all who likes a know it all???

[@aventurasemserie1468]

@gentlemansgazette Awesome video! I realized with your videos that i'm on right way to be a true gentleman and changing my life for better. I have a question: If i have lots of friends who don't follow the four rules and i ask how can deal with them, probably your answer would be to see the video "How to Deal with Jerks Like A Gentleman DOs & DON'Ts", but where could i find people who are a true gentlemans? Thanks a lot! Greetings from Brazil!

[@MongolTier7]

5:44 Did I hear what I think I heard?

[@MoreUngaMoreBunga]

“I will cleave you in twixed!”

[@mcsmith1003]

I got distracted, he has a big book on cufflinks and another book on luxury trains?

[@nathanhall2804]

@Gentleman’s Gazette, what on Earth was going on with the shaking and skateboarding from left to right?

[@Eric-sy1xu]

Sven can you gesticulate in an argument? Because it appears to suggest so in the thumbnail, i want your confirmation if at all possible.

[@alvinz4865]

9:56 I'm that kind of people.

[@normanbates2543]

I know you already made a video about tweed and that was verry helpfull but I would really appreciate if you would make a how to wear tweed video since I love tweed

[@arminrazzaghi2297]

I camera really shaking or im high?

[@durbantonyo]

Great video. Thanks for the great content. Another person who argues like a gentleman is Jordan Peterson :)

[@bryangitsham]

EARTHQUAKE

[@itsenzo3000]

yo, why you sliding to the right?

[@bryanfinkell9022]

Of course " They were all White men " What ? Why bring someone's ethnicity into your video. Its divisive and offensive. But then again what I know. I break down crying every time I here A way Down South In Dixie !

[@brokenarrow7871]

At approximately 6:47 stated,”...masculine morons...” Shortly after that point “...great leaders of the world...” showing a picture of the 44th President of the United States of America. On the point of the encounter with the angry driver, this is why the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution is important. It is not “health” to confront another man that my have friends with him, Glock, Colt, Smith and Wesson LOL Sir I believe you and I do not share similar views on many social and cultural points Shall we, agree to disagree and keep the videos on style Thank you

[@adanantonio3976]

Soy gentleman

[@harrisonrichter9414]

I like the fact that you put Obama's picture when talking about the best leader, and not #45 (who clearly isn't a gentlemen, whatever you think of his policies)

[@financialservices4944]

Play your own game, you never win trying to play someone else's game (re.the parking space dude). You lost me when you showed that idiot Obama and saying about great men/leaders.... are you serious??

[@ausphere_7397]

I'm having a family problem right now. And your vid here is exactly what i need. I feel like watching a father figure i never had. I thank you, Sir Raphael. Best luck to you in all your endeavors.

[@jdhsingi]

The slider effect is distracting.

[@WinnieThePooh333]

5:43 wow calm down there fellow haha

[@dragonmaster7841]

Sven was floating in thin air.

[@benwang31]

Am I the only one who finds the bookshelf in the background disturbingly hilarious?

[@dragonmaster7841]

This is great. Not only dress like a gentleman but act like one.

[@anything896]

you must've warped stabilized this the screen tilts on your arm movements

[@giovannigallardo6675]

Aaron Yeah, the way he moved from side to side while the bookshelf stays still.

[@sergiogarcia478]

I LOVE IT! I'M GETTING DIZZY JUST LOOKING AT IT!

[@gentlemansgazette]

It's called a slider ;)

[@anything896]

It's obvious it's a slider. However, it seems shaky, distracting, and doesn't pull off the look it seems you're going for. Personally I like the Edelkrone slider for this professional interview feel

[@matadorjesusfan6914]

This is something that Christians including myself need to learn

[@michelsputnik9912]

This is a resume of the book of Adolph Freiherr Knigge some way projected in a modern world. In fact, dealing with narcissistic peoples is hard, but seen in a long time they fail in respect. Thanks for remembering us the basic rules.

[@FsimulatorX]

I started to watch this channel to learn more about men’s fashion. But now I realize it also holds invaluable lessons that are increasingly becoming harder to find on the internet.

[@aliitrat]

Did he say narcissistic dick while smiling at 5:45, if yes then that insult was so pleasing, Sven for the president.

[@CrossoverGameReviews]

How to win an argument: 1.) Carry a gun.

[@aronarnarson]

Why is the camera tilting with his hand gestures and why is he slowly gliding to the left at times

[@alucardakashiya]

How to argue like a gentleman, elegantly slide side to side while talking sense.

[@benjaminharrisongray9079]

I had to meditate on this to get a better understanding, so here is what I have come up with so far. Growing up, and being that both my grandfather and grandmother were trial lawyers, I have a tendency to debate like I'm Perry Mason. I am overly analytical to a fault, in my opinion, and a perfectionist, so in the past I have been known to rant & break down every little thing a person has made a mistake on or done wrong and especially with those closest to me because I have some care about them, but perhaps I have been misguided in those occasions. That's IF, these days, I argue at all, which I really don't try to anymore, because now I can't shake the subconscious perception arguments only annoy most people despite the subject; this is just from my own experience. So I am apt to usually drop it and move on. If a person feels enough that they are right, they are going to be right and I can't force the situation or else it's argumentative "energy" starts to force me instead. That's where I'm at where it comes to this subject.

[@danielthecowboy9145]

i notice that the camera subtly shakes when he talk like an italian (with his hands)

[@SpartyTime]

I'm surprised you didn't mention to make sure you and the person you are arguing with are on topic with each other. If one person is arguing A is B and the other is arguing C is D, no one will every exit the argument satisfied. I'm always amazed how many arguments (especially online) I witness where both sides are technically right and simply refuse to "hear" the other person.

[@aadityakiran_s]

Why are you moving from side to side and shaky camera too... But still. All that adds to the charm of the video

[@richarddouglas1873]

Absolutely first class thinking. Thank you

[@soapmode]

9:51 is excellent advice. Some games have no benefits to being played, and you have everything to lose by being baited into them.

[@scarfacepug4844]

I you pretended that’s The Godfather book on the right it makes this video 10X more badass

[@nonemo138]

What exactly is up with the camera? Or is it the background? Or is it Sven? This is messing with my mind.

[@nazizatasfia5566]

he said that the Leather Apron Club asked 4 questions to get admitted but he only stated 3. What's the 4th one? And what's wrong with his camera? Its keep tilting

[@Blabbermouth-w5w]

Okay, Elon Musk does NOT admit mistakes.

[@MarkNiceyard]

That snare drum in the background is so annoying that I have to leave this channel.

[@aadityakiran_s]

Amazing video..

[@GabrielPereira-ud3ph]

C

[@varazdatgrigoryan3]

You should hire a driver for such kind of situations 😂... Thank you for meaningful video. Truly useful tips

[@estherp4867]

Camera shakes a bit in this one, and you're shifting from left to right in many of these bookshelf-background videos. It's a little distracting for some viewers who think you have some really informative discussions in your videos.

[@kalenderquantentunnel9411]

Present your point one time! If it didn't convince only continue in answering questions if there are any but one time has to be enough. Afterwards just listen, learn from it or change your mind. Saves a lot of time and prevents from arguing with people.

[@saeeda3098]

Life is like a box of chocolates someone said. You never know what you were getting. Being a gentleman in the wrong neighborhood can get you in deep trouble don't you think ?

[@matadorjesusfan6914]

God kinda put this in front of me for me to learn for my ministries

[@josephconley1991]

I would enjoy a video about gentlemanly cars and transportation modes. Cars speak a lot about individuals.

[@kalel0192]

Raphael, as you make more videos, can you gradually try to increase the speed at which you say "Welcome back to the Gentlemen's Gazette"?

[@Stephen-eire]

I don't think I would have been allowed in to the lather aprons ( Freemasons) 😂😂. Thanks for the video.

[@havok2579]

Admitting that you are wrong isn't showing weakness.

[@dipro001]

Was there a very long earthquake going on in Minneapolis the day of this video, Sven?

[@Lycan_24_7]

Great philosiphy and advice. We would be so much farther along as a species if we all followed it.

[@bboy6surme]

Excellent !