Get Ready, Today’s Episode Has Some Major Twists

[@Sandra-qs1mi]

I was taking my soon to school one morning and he noticed my coffee cup on the dash and said "Mom, you aren't suppose to drink and drive." I then further explained about the difference in alcoholic drinks verses coffee. Not sure he understood at his young age as there was no alcohol in our house. So to him that would have been a foreign drink.

[@erachmah]

So cute!!

[@umerica13]

The caller whose husband has adhd, anxiety and bipolar depression... Thank you for calling, this helped me so much.

[@Scepps]

Grief is so different for everyone, i grieved/cried for my dad on the daily for 7 years, crying is now a lot less and i can finally talk about him now without welling up.

[@msbeecee1]

Yes, like John said, u can cry daily for years and still be functioning in the rest of ur life. That's different than drinking excessively & actively threatening people with suicide 4 years later.

[@joybarrett7265]

I disagree utterly with the advice given to the woman whose husband is depressed. My marriage is similar and thus situation is soul destroying for everyone except the depressed person, who remained largely oblivious to the destruction they caused. 45 years of loving support achieved nothing. 3 months living elsewhere and demanding change as a condition of returning made a huge difference. My husband is now a much happier man and capable of relationships, but so sad to only get to this at 70 years old. The wife needs to demand action, the damage to her and their children is too great.

[@flightoffancy]

I agree with you. My husband was also depressed and ruining our family and I decided to move on and that is when he changed! Too bad it was too late.

[@Joel-pg4yi]

All my life just depression no love

[@FrogeniusW.G.]

That's basically what Dr. John adviced though.. To "turn the music off" and have a hard conversation: "I need either change or seperation.."

[@hollystiener16]

He did give her that advice

[@haroldhampton4640]

Cry

[@andreawalker8343]

Ugh the second call hit me. I’m in a similar situation but with a toxic mother and a deceased sister. You have to cut them off if they don’t respect your boundaries. You’re not helping them by enabling maladaptive behavior and you deserve your peace.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

With me, it's a deceased Mother, and toxic sisters. One is downright mean.

[@YoYo_Ma]

Third caller reminded me of my first marriage, to a shell of a man. Not interested in his kids, not helpful around the house...just a blob on the couch. She works two jobs and comes home to chores??? No. She needs to leave.

[@christinamartinez8132]

My thoughts exactly! ❤

[@kitkakitteh]

What is he but 200# of dead weight? She’d have one less problem.

[@kenwilliams3279]

​@@kitkakittehI lost 150lb. I left my partner.

[@bettyhappschatt3467]

It is empowering to have counceling and see what happens.

[@robinmorgan6350]

I stayed in this exact situation for almost 20 years. It's awful and all amounted to a horrible divorce after giving ultimatums about porn and video games. He's a grown child that I grew to hate and disrespected. Finally woke up to the gaslighting 🎉 I prayed and begged God to wake him up, but he never did, and probably won't.

[@coxrocks25]

When people ask me how I'm doing I'm going to start saying, "Peachier than I deserve."

[@nataliianezhynska5119]

I am an Christian Orthodox Ukrainian, my husband in Ethiopian Jewish. I was worried about his VERY religious family. All they do is hug us, pray for us, cuddle with their grandbabies. Just let your kids be happy.

[@Baronvanhausen88]

Turned ur back on ur culture and people 😬

[@nataliianezhynska5119]

@@Baronvanhausen88 you sound like my ex - "Keep your blood clean"🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Baronvanhausen88]

@@nataliianezhynska5119 it’s true you spit on the graves of all the ancestors that came before you.

[@nataliianezhynska5119]

@@Baronvanhausen88 hahaha. Ok:)

[@Baronvanhausen88]

@@nataliianezhynska5119 sad your parents didn’t teach you the value of your heritage and culture :( but we all make our own choices

[@corneliabruckner490]

John, i would have needed your help 5 years ago. My husband was depressed too. We have two kids. He did not care for anything. I had 3 jobs. I was so alone. I had to watch the man i loved so much drawning. He did not take my hand. I wanted to leave because i could not bare this any lo ger. My daughter even said to me, mum why dont we go. How can you stand this? He hung himself before we left him. But i think he would have done it anyway. He choosed this way. Its nearly 6 years since he passed. I am still alone. Living with him was so difficult, i dont want a relationship anymore!

[@wendycampingmom7510]

I lived in a relationship like this for 18 years. I did leave. My son was 8 and my daughter was 3. They are now 17 and 12. They see their dad but he has not changed. I am sorry for your loss and understand a lot of what you have experienced. Be open to love and a relationship. I am happy now and so are my kids. Hugs to you!

[@corneliabruckner490]

Thanks for your kind words. It is terrible bit for me his dead was a relief. I feel guilty because i think so. But it is the truth. He had a good heart, but the man i fell in love with was gone many years before. ​@@wendycampingmom7510

[@snowboardingchic]

I can relate with the first story. I'm dating someone outside of my faith. My church family all support me and are trying to get to know him, and I visit his congregation with him and I enjoy them there. My parents however are not in agreement. It's always a fight when we go out to dinner and my mother refuses to get to know him. It is what it is at this point.

[@christina3601]

If your mother "who is supposed to be half of the support system for half of your entire life" decided to not support you in any way. "Is disgusting! " to say the least!!! DISGUSTING! Our parents are meant to be there backing us, in any way we so choose! No dragging us down bc they don't agree with our decision or lifestyle!! Her mum needs to get over it & be happy to still be a part in her daughter's life!!! ❤❤🎉🎉

[@Cannedtomatoforsauces]

​@@christina3601 no no I disagree. it depends on the specific situation.

[@angelamcguinness1970]

Is your mother a Christian in name only

[@reneet5858]

​@christina3601 Wrong. We raised six kids. We respected our kids choices, unless they were illegal, immoral to the extreme. However, parents are in no way required to support things that go against the very grain of their moral fiber just because they are your parents. They are individuals too, and have to live with their own conscience.

[@janawild4582]

@@christina3601what an entitled attitude.

[@unravel2053]

What's weird is with grief, I genuinely think some people 'get over' the grief, but then due to toxic/isolating coping strategies they stay stuck in the mud, all is negative, everything is turnt outwards, no responsibility for their own happiness. Like an expectation that a good life should fall into their lives due to them feeling like the universe needs to throw them a bone with no self work....Then when it doesn't magically happen it circles back and reinforces the belief that everything is bad and nothing can turn around. It's a hard cycle to witness someone you love do this over decades. I'm finally setting boundaries and focusing on my journey, my one life, my healing, instead of sacrificing it for others who refuse to step forward an inch for themselves. It doesnt mean I no longer love them. I just refuse to go down with the ship.

[@janiceplowman5528]

❤❤❤

[@jjjackson5183]

Entitled.

[@audramitchell9894]

Insightful conversation ❤️🌹❤️ He's stone walling to feel superior . He's wanting to be king in his home . He doesn't know that there are great leaders who connect with their families .

[@leonahendricks6577]

We were at some friends and they had other friends we had not met before. The kids were out in the back yard playing then I hear that they are arguing so I went outside to see what to noisy was about. The other 9 year old girl was arguing with my boys because she has shared that her sister just had a baby and that she was now a aunt. Somewhere in their conversation it was revealed that she was not married and she was a teen. Anyways we have taught our boys that you can’t have a baby until you are an adult and married which this girl was not so in their mind not possible. So my boys started calling her a liar 🤦🏼‍♀️. We had a quick conversation that she wasn’t lying and that it was possible but not the healthiest way to do life.

[@mariemelendez917]

We didn't feed are kids McDonalds my son got very sick at 3 years old from their food. When my daughter was about 10 her friends parents took her on their family vacation, and were stocked that she wouldn't eat there.

[@cswhitwell]

I taught my boys the same about McDonalds/Burger King. Then they started being in clubs with field trips, etc. They refused to eat lunch at McDonald's and we had to have a conversation that it is ok occasionally when they are not given a choice. The same with soft drinks -that it's ok for an occasional treat. They are 16 and 19 now and actively practice this on their own.

[@JaZmine147]

My kids prefer real Burger places over McDonald's by default.

[@Stillpril]

​@@JaZmine147same.

[@snoozyq9576]

​@@JaZmine147pretty sure that McDonalds is real too ...

[@crayonsandcars]

Hi Dr. John! Love your show! I've learned so much.

[@jennyj8729]

I grew up in a religiously blended family of one parent being Catholic and the other parent being Jewish. My parents ended up just showing us everything and let us decide as we were older what we wanted to follow. One of my siblings is even Buddhist now lol so relationships can work between religions!

[@miche6563]

Esp when its thr same god and principles

[@reneet5858]

What a great healthy alternative that so many more parents should consider.

[@BlackStump172]

@@miche6563Yes , it is God .

[@tammybrown5983]

Just a note on the opening chatter about Mcdonalds... I was taking my grandsons for the day ( they live out of state and I was visiting) .. was looking for a place to eat lunch and getting desperate ( they are 2 and 4) , came across McDonald's and bit the bullet. From the back seat I hear my 4 year old grandson screaming.. NO.. NO.. NO... that's diabetes... I dont want diabetes!!! Gosh I love that kid and my daughter lol I've never laughed so hard. Mcdonalds is never my first choice but that day they got McDonald's..they both barely ate..

[@RealGalaxyGamers]

People way over do it! A lot of MCDONALDs is pretty good for you! Some of the stuff is very processed but you just Gotta stay away from it! Also a big thing is if you’re getting a big soda that’s a lot of calories and sugar

[@nikkisigmon8090]

@@RealGalaxyGamers "a lot" heheh~ name a few items, please 🙃 oh, and their sliced apples don't count 😉

[@heavenlymilano]

Amazing kids! Much more aware than 99% of adults🙃

[@yesterdayseyes]

​@@heavenlymilanoit's not amazing they have been taught if they eat junk food once they will get a disease. That's terrible. What is wrong with you?

[@donnaclark9742]

Interesting about the McDonald's strategy. I wouldn't convince anyone what not to like/dislike. Just tell the truth man, give them credit , kids are smarter than you think. Totally different subject...when religion is pushed people almost always rebel

[@katelynbrown98]

This is such great advice for that first caller. I'm not religious anymore and I have to figure out who and how to respect someone else's beliefs. I think it comes down to: do they respect other people's autonomy of having an unbelief, or a non/disbelief. Life IS All About Choices: 1. We choose how we feel about something. 2. We choose how to express how we feel to ourselves & others about said thing. 3. We choose how much we understand how the other person feels. 4. They choose how to respond to us and our own beliefs and identity.

[@jeanettejones6325]

I agree with you so much on how to treat others in different religions Unless they are actively trying to kill me. I am a Christian who loves Jesus and all his teachings with All my heart. The Ten Commandments were issues to teach people how to love each other and treat each other. When Jesus was questioned about which Commandment was the greatest; he answered " Love the Lord your God with all your heart and the second Commandment is just like the first: Love each other. The entire law hinges on these two Commandments. If you want to see a real follower of Christ; look at their life. Are they loving other people? All people. The homeless, the addict, the prostitute, the rich, the poor. By their actions you will know them❤

[@theinspiredgardener6434]

First caller, what if her family has trouble with you not being Jewish? I’m sure they would like there daughter to bring up their grandchildren with their traditional religious beliefs. You’re going to get it from both sides.

[@cgggg5988]

Yup

[@kellibuzzard9431]

I was thinking the same thing. If the mom is Jewish, the kids are in the Jewish tradition. By default.

[@jessicacamp22]

We lost our mother 2 years ago this September. I truly envy my sister for being able to express her grief so openly. I am grieving just as much as my sister but my body just won’t let me break down. It won’t let it happen and it’s the most frustrating thing in the world because I miss my mother so much and I would give anything to have her back here with us. 😞

[@teamjacob2388]

🙏🏾🙏🏾praying for you friend

[@larissaalcorn3406]

I lost my sister 9 years ago, and my personality is just built to carry on. I was DEEPLY saddened, but some people just don't sit in it the way others do. Each person deals with it differently. Neither way is wrong.

[@debbielockhart7762]

​@@larissaalcorn3406I'm like you. I've lost 3 siblings and my father. The first loss (my brother) was devastating as I was still a kid (12). The others have been mich easier. I loved them.all, but I'm just not built for depression or dwelling too mich on things.

[@patriciaque197]

May she come to you in a dream 🙏💛🙏

[@CamperEra]

Sorry about the loss of your Mom. Everyone reacts in different ways. Don’t be hard on yourself. I was taught that comparing yourself to others isn’t a wise thing to do. You’re unique…we all are. Be kind to yourself and be thankful for who you are. Also, my oldest son married a girl named Jessica. Our last name is Camp. So I have a Jessica Camp too!

[@jennifert2953]

True story. We pulled into McDonald’s and my third child (less than one at the time) saw the Golden Arches and said”fries”. It was her first word.

[@zionb5342]

🤣

[@mariatorres9789]

That's gross.

[@ODrane]

@@mariatorres9789right? What a deplorable, out right diabolical thing to just comment here on this KZbin video. I Can’t believe we live in a society where this is ok. Why couldn’t this individual just comment a wholesome, harmless little story?

[@mariatorres9789]

@ODrane Is gross that someone is feeding that toxic crap to a baby. It's even grosser that someone thinks it's harmless & cute. 🙄 I suppose you didn't cook for your children, either? How selfish, smh. You realize, that addicting chemical they have in the oil that flavors their fries, is the same chemical used to make yoga mats?

[@therealdeal3672]

ALL seed oils are very harmful to human health and not fit for mammalian consumption. They've only been in our diet for the last 100 years. They started out as industrial lubricants before some wise guy decided that they could make a buck or a few billion by selling them to humans and to the food conglomerates. The McDonald's french fries were healthier even though still not healthy when they were fried in beef tallow. They actually tasted better too. Fried food in any kind of seed oil should be avoided. We take eating many things for granted that are just not things that existed before the last 100 to 200 years. That's why there's so many Health problems. We're not fully adapted to the garbage we consume. A kid saying "fries" as their first word is actually heartbreaking.

[@sondermusic4476]

Praying for Monica ! I literally just went through this.

[@Vlad-fb9fb]

How is it going now?

[@ArtAbsurdist]

Taco Bell is wayyyy NASTIER than McDonald’s. Take it from someone’s who’s worked at both.

[@sheilaroberts8650]

💯 We got violently ill after eating Taco Bell 20 years ago and haven't eaten there since! I do eat McDonald's once in a while.

[@joniatoms9798]

I what ways?

[@kellibuzzard9431]

That was my response, too. 😂😂😂😂

[@ericaaubie860]

ArtAbsurdist I am not that crazy about Taco Bell.

[@ericaaubie860]

​@@sheilaroberts8650I don't care for Taco Bell.

[@jvsaints]

Sadly, my experience with fundamentalist Christians came from my sister-in-law. I have never been around more unloving people. That was it for me. Our last conversation, she said she sees evil everywhere. Frankly, I do not understand. My darling nephews were laughing while at my house telling me they had never seen The Simpson's. I realized that our belief system did not match up.

[@SharonOnTheNet]

I really would like some pause between one conversation and the next. The abrupt transition seems harsh to me. I need a few seconsd to process, or digest or grieve, if that makes sense.

[@sarabear7828]

Click pause. It’s a video.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Lmao 😂😂😂 you have the power of pause, dear 😂😊

[@whitedarcie]

I was disowned because I dissociated from my families religion. Since my Dad died, ten years ago, she has no contact with me. I'm sad. She made her mind up. Now she has dementia.

[@QuietAZdesert]

Would love to listen more. However, the theme music is SO LOUD that it blows the ol ear drums out. I can't turn the ear piece down & back up fast enough. Will try again - a diff podcast. I have enjoyed several of your shows - but some just have too much variation of volume on the Theme &/or commercials. 😌

[@saribrown7156]

My ex husband had depression ”seasons” as well. He would just lie in bed under the covers. I didn’t know about his depression when we got married and he never mentioned that. He brought it up later. It’s really hard for the partner to witness that, and no matter what you do or say help. His life choises were a lot of the time bad, as well. Like quitting a job because he didn’t like it. I wasn’t working so he was the sole provider. We got kicked out of an apartment because we ran out of money due to him quitting a job and not having another one before quitting, one car was repoed etc. He was a good man with a good heart, but in a lot of ways like a child with depression issues. I’m from another country, and we decided to move to where im from. I came before hand to get a job and a place for us. He got denied his passport for unpaid child support. Him and I don’t have kids, he has a child from a previous relationship. So i travelled a few times to be with him. Then one day when i’m back in my home country and we are having a Skype chat, he says he doesn’t love me anymore and we should split up. I couldnt believe it. Prior to that moment, he had been changing as a person. I noticed his personality change, he started smoking pot etc, all kinds of things he never did before. He had also been suicidal. I knew he tried to kill himself twice when he was young, but i though it was all in the past and he was all better. Well he started to talk about that again towards the end of out marriage. Man, that was tough times. He was great, but also such a broken person.

[@boxelder9147]

Wow. You sound like a saint. Sorry you had to go through that. Hope you are doing well/happy

[@saribrown7156]

@@boxelder9147 Thank you. Yes Im all good now. Been several years. But can’t say it’s been an easy journey.

[@boxelder9147]

As a depressive myself, I dont enter into relationships and dont have children. That would be too selfish of me

[@betsywoolbright8059]

The Cannabis probably kept him from going over the edge. I know it did for me when I had copper poisoning.

[@k.l.massie8702]

I don't think someone who tries to kill themselves, just "gets better."

[@sarrahconley3143]

Man my Mom is a store manager of McDonald's. I don't think I can win that fight with my kids. 🤣

[@Author_I]

As someone who deals with anxiety/depression, I have avoided my spouse because I don't want to burden him with my internal pain.... I understand how the husband is not wanting to put that onto his wife. By him opening up, it will ultimately help him move forward. It starts with him feeling safe enough to come out of hiding... the shield of protection comes down.

[@NeoSoulCrew]

What does not burdening your spouse have to do with slacking off at home all day not contributing anything to the household?

[@NeoSoulCrew]

What does not burdening your spouse have to do with slacking off at home all day not contributing anything to the household?

[@tonii2019]

“It’s good to see ya’ It’s good hear… I can’t even hear you… It’s good to be with you!” 😆👌

[@sonyaakhanna]

I laughed so hard

[@Caseinpoint1777]

😂😂😂

[@TH-eb5ro]

Some people just opt out of McDs and soda and never get into it. I know a few families that raised their kids no junk food, no soda and are now married and they don't eat it. They were taught to eat healthy. I have not had a soda in 30 years, they taste like chemicals to me. Years back Nutrition Action Newsletter had a breakdown of ingredients and I have not had one since.

[@judykeown]

On the flip side I’ve seen some who obsess with it since they were denied when they were young. Moderation is the key.

[@moodboosters1019]

Great episode once again. Thank Dr. John 😇

[@tylercrouch4255]

I think it is important for the guy who no longer is a church going Christian to have a conversation with his Jewish girlfriend. If being Jewish is a major part of her then more than likely he will need to accept the Jewish religion. Also what it looks like if they get married, will the wedding be a Jewish style wedding? Does she observe the Sabbath? How will she want to raise the kids? I also wonder how the girlfriend will tell her parents that she is dating a Christian, not practicing? But the rest of the advice I would agree with that Dr John gave. One area where couples have problems is religion.

[@catherinenelson4162]

Dr. John, isn't it best to raise your children in an honest and balanced manner? It's that balance that matters!

[@kencurtis2403]

My son was not given soda so he hated it. He got in trouble in elementary school for dumping his soda into the trash can. He said he was not asked if he wanted a soda it was just given to him with no option to get water instead. I was so mad he got into trouble for not drinking the soda.

[@almaz1648]

School and daycare are terrible. I only bought 100% juice, then dilute it for my son. As a toddler, people would offer him juice and he'd ask for it to be diluted. Enter daycare and elementary school. They gave him candy and full juice.

[@Raminakai]

Some people do not like soda because it's fizzy.

[@sackettfamily4685]

@@Raminakai yep, it attacks my tongue and hurts a little bit. I only ever get sprite or root beer and rarely. Very rarely. If I'm getting a sweet....it's ice cream!

[@mistymountainhopper]

Why did he dump it in the trash? I think if water was truly not an option then that's grounds for investigation. But throwing perfectly good food/beverage out is spoilt brat behaviour, I'd scold my child for that absolutely.

[@mistymountainhopper]

Also as you stated, he got in trouble for dumping the soda and not because he didn't drink the soda. Your words matter.

[@prolifemama]

You won't eat McDonalds but you'll eat Taco Bell 🤣?? My family and I have an ongoing joke about Taco Bell (which we love btw haha). We're Catholic and abstain from eating meat every Friday. We often joke that it's okay to eat Taco Bell though bc it's not real meat 🤭🤭🤭🤭

[@Mousicaddict]

HAHA

[@lindawer]

Choosing to not eat meat on Friday is a personal choice and no longer a specifically Catholic requirement. Just informing the non-Catholics out there.

[@1jesus2music3duke]

Like Protestants who crave Chick fil A on Sundays

[@lindawer]

@Damon D that’s a different topic. My point was to make sure outdated and incorrect perception of Catholic practice wasn’t conveyed to those unfamiliar with the church.

[@maryann7619]

@Damon D Grow up.

[@sarahhunt2376]

My husband withdraws himself from everyone when he is depressed, even the kids. He is the same way, he gets really antisocial and I have no idea what to do or not do. I just try my best to keep the place nice and comfortable for him. If I pamper him for a few days he comes out of it. And yes, trash and animals were his chores, and they no longer are because they don't get done. He can go to work, but anymore duty and he can't handle it. I'm not bashing him, he just can't mentally take on that burden. No, I don't nag and I never did. I just give up and take on the house work. The intimacy thing is exactly the same too. It is a season though. When he is more stable he is like a different person. Worst thing we wives can do is blame ourselves or think it's us causing the problem. We aren't, they just have the battle within themselves. I almost left with the kids several times and he didn't know it. Now I'm glad I stayed because we are in a sunny season and his heart is really gold.

[@tech4uro]

She is hands down my favorite actress - she is so awesome in her roles.

[@raqlionchaser]

Really appreciated that first call. Thanks for calling in Michael!

[@frommyownbackyard3209]

First call, that was great advice.

[@fh1980ram]

A guy who doesn't take his own religion seriously wants to marry a woman who does take her religion seriously. That's gonna be interesting.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

He thinks he is better than her. Gonna be real fun.

[@RiverWoods111]

He doesn't have a religion he is spiritual, not religious. Just because you don't believe in the Church doesn't mean you don't have faith that you are serious about.

[@Nonya12608]

John, the first caller's parents possibly sending him books, and trying to talk him back into it, is not respecting his boundaries, not just loving him. Respect is a two way street.

[@Lisa-k5o2n]

I understand completely Micheal. They would have a prayer meeting after this. I believe they would love on them.

[@launchpad53]

I feel so sorry for this lady, her husband will not change, he has time of his life with her doing it all, why would he want any different ?

[@nicolettemoore7711]

Absolutely! It's gotten worse over 5 years they've been together she is enabling

[@jenniferpearce1052]

A guy on his phone all day on the couch is not having the time of his life. He's miserable. I'm not saying she deserves what she's getting. It's crap for her too. But he's not loving life at all.

[@DannyD-lr5yg]

> “leakage” > “but not like a dirty diaper” > “well, kinda like a dirty diaper” > “blowout”

[@cecilliachi]

That 3rd call was tough. There is a lot of hurt in her voice. My heart goes out to her and their 2 year old

[@FrogeniusW.G.]

Thank you Doc., you're great. ☆

[@ShiningForHim247]

Thanks for calling, Monica... same boat

[@TheHopeofIsraelWorldwide]

Thank you for the great advice God Bless

[@krystlesykes2623]

You got my thumbs up with that last solo lol

[@jjjackson5183]

My son lost his belief when he was still just a kid. But he respects my belief. One day he looked at me and said, "You must be so worried about me after I die." I told him I was. But that I was praying. My 3 grown children have been honest about the state of their faith. And they know where I stand. We respect each other enough to know that we must be honest about something that is so very foundational to our lives. Never underestimate the power of prayer. The LORD said, "Raise a child up in the way he should go, when he is old, he will not depart from it." I give my children and grandchildren to the hands of Jesus.

[@lorenl9262]

This sounds like a "don't ask, don't tell" concept. Be truthful and let it ago!!! Kudos :)-

[@charitymontgomery4285]

The second call gave me an unnerving feeling. I feel like the older sister wants an excuse to cut her younger sister out. I might be wrong. There’s just something uncomfortable with it

[@christinhowarth6156]

I had to rebuy the song 🎶 a think called love 💕 cause I had the CD and have no idea where it it ! Such a good song

[@amaristhecrow7084]

OMG!!!!!! My family was like that with Mcdonald’s. When I went to college I found out how good it can be. Then I became obsessed because of the previous restriction. Now I am fine and regulated again. But we were truly raised that way.😂😂😂

[@LandtoHouse]

My wife had chosen the cell phone couch life. Turns out she was having another affair. Its very sad.

[@Mousicaddict]

Sorry to hear that. To me, that says it wasn't about you. It was something in her.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

She wasn't happy.

[@TimesUp8888]

Some people are incapable of being happy, and deep down they prefer being miserable. Or just in denial, whatever toxic thing works best for them. Sounds kinda harsh, hut live long enough and you'll see it's pretty common. Best to stay away from the Debbie Downers or "helpless" types.

[@pennyk1943]

Religion is very important in a relationship especially in marriage. My husband and I are of the same faith and this helped us a lot when we had kids. Our friends who married outside their faith come to church alone and some have let go of the faith because they can’t bother with all the “hassle”. This means the kids are not introduced to a faith. In my family God comes first and this way has helped us in our relationship. If they are both atheists then I guess it doesn’t matter.

[@Kivlor]

I made that mistake. Every Sunday is a chore, not only because I take the kids alone, but they want their mom to come and she won't. She undermines their moral upbringing regularly, and it is a constant point of contention. 0/10 would not recommend.

[@eileenwatt8283]

​@@Kivlor Does she believe in God ? If she does then pray at home with the family and you continue going to church. She might find church toxic. Attendance is down in many faiths. The younger generation not buying the hypocrisy of the clergy. Church is the building. Beliefs is what people think.

[@Kivlor]

@@eileenwatt8283 @eileenwatt8283 She says she does, but she largely buys into modernist relativism, which is an issue. I don't try to make her come to church, and I understand she had some bad experiences with the church she attended as a kid. Unfortunately it doesn't stop at the church problem for her. She will not pray at meals with the family, or say prayers with the kids at bedtime, even if they ask her to.

[@annelouise-qz9vx]

Very well said! You put God first in your marriage and your spouse and you are equally yoked. Without those two things in place, I think it is nearly impossible for a relationship to make it for a lifetime.

[@vicki8042]

I always told my kids that McDonalds was closed. If there were cars around I said they were cleaning. My hair dresser always made fun of me.

[@BlackStump172]

Easier than arguing.

[@colleenackert5022]

As long as you explain to them why McDonald's should be avoided or eaten in moderation they will have a chance. Lying to them teaches them nothing. They will grow up and make their own decisions in no time

[@_JanetLouise]

.... amazing insight, Doc .... thank you

[@lifelvr9509]

The first caller, oh my gosh. My husband and I no longer practice the faith that the rest of his family practices, and no, we do not tell them. They have no idea and we're keeping it that way. Here's the kicker...we're in our 70s and have been married 45 years. Reason? We want to stay in his parents' will. For a multitude of reasons that would take writing a book to understand, we've earned that!

[@maryanne2939]

Read the book written by Cokie Roberts(Catholic) and her husband Steve Roberts(Jewish).

[@mmmmlllljohn]

Parents should not have conditions on their love and caring for you, Michael. Good luck!

[@susanjean3114]

I disagree with the advice given about the sister who is still grieving over her mother's death. Its only been 4 yrs and she had a violent death. Her sister is probably still processing it and needs to talk it out. It will help her to accept it. When my mother passed, I was one of those who needed to talk about it. Whenever I would bring it up other family members woud shut me down or change the subject. So I paid someone to listen to me... a grief counselor . I asked them I was was crazy for want to talk about it. He said no. Talking about it helps you to process and accept it . Supressing or not talking about it actually will delay the process. I went to two sessions. I am happy to say now I remember my mother with laughter and fond memories. I remember how she lived instead of how she passed. Others in my family are still not able to talk about her at all. Very sad.

[@Formoneyclicksandviews]

Your situation sounds different. You were shut down. This lady keeps talking and seems to refuse to deal with her grief.

[@robertaturk]

My father was a pillar in my life. He was a bulwark - steadfast and loyal but basically a support in the background. We were at the Senior Center and his buddy asked him how he was doing - he pointed to his pills in his vest pocket and shook his head. A month later I called my folks and if he answered the phone he usually handed it over to my mother right away. But this time he didn’t instead he said, “I love you.” A week later he died - his heart blew up - I couldn’t get myself to go home for 3 days. I spent every Wednesday evening for the next 6 months in a grieving support group. We all heal differently and we need to honor that.

[@elizabethann8228]

⁠@@Formoneyclicksandviewshow do you know she’s not dealing with her grief? Everyone’s grief looks different. Sometimes we get stuck. I disagree with John’s response, too. He advised her to tell her sister basically “ I will ALWAYS BE HERE for you and LOVE YOU “ …. YET…. He turns around and advises her to say to her grieving sister that this topic is off limits. 🤯 Sorry, but that’s not a Christian response. He did say that everyone grieves in their own way and timing. Yet he ALSO is puttting a time limit on this HORRIFIC and traumatic death of her mother! We’re to bear the burdens of one another. Especially family. I can relate to the sister that is grieving. I seem to feel things deeper and am more sensitive by nature than my family. Some things that are easy for some are not easy for all. But to me, the bottom line, is that John’s advice isn’t Biblical. I would have advised the big sister to suck it up and be sensitive to her sister so she can feel safe SOMEWHERE!!! As she said , her sister is alone. Yes, she can get counseling, go to her friends, but when you’re alone at home, those friends are already burdened by their own families and your counselor isn’t always going to listen. This call made me feel ill, tbh. 💔💔💔 I feel for the sister. Her only biological sibling won’t support her. This was a STEPFATHER who MURDERED her mother. 😢

[@lenka156]

I always said to my kids soda is like chemical factory, full of bad chemical stuff, they like to drink water or some home made drinks with no problems. They are all adults now. Same with Mc Donalds. In case of emergency I learn them, what to choose from the menu , some healthier options and they never crave it. My children were no "saints", we had other problems with them, but this worked.

[@careforashow]

John, ground the tone and send it across the room. Something a choir teacher taught me 😂🎤🎶 Best song right there!

[@cassieblack1776]

The outro singing 🎶 😂 chefs kiss 😘 👌 “ do the voice! I believe in a thing called LOOOoovvE ooOOHh ! “ You can’t not do the voice in that song 😂

[@leahg4333]

Resentment happens when I dont have boundaries. There has to be a balance with tolerance.

[@cayad2591]

HAHA! You missed your calling! you should have been the lead singer for a The Darkness cover band! 😆😉that was an excellent ending to an excellent but tough show. i got so much from this. got some clarity on a situation i am going through....will probably have to have another listen!

[@alexandramccarthy4648]

I never took my son to fast food places and as he got older he tried it couple of times only to find out why we never ate at those places.

[@Jarcano8]

I hope he is true to himself. ❤

[@candygrove4268]

Oh man the opening is so familiar to me. Our daughter wasn't allowed to watch The Simpsons. She was in highschool and it was a class lesson. LOL She says to the teacher I'm not allowed to watch this. LOL Poor kid we ruined her.

[@jdubo1998]

Bruh, I would get Family Guy or South Park, maybe, but the Simpsons. 😂

[@teresaf4251]

I couldn’t watch The Simpsons growing up either! Haha😭

[@rebeccaarcher5139]

So calling the situation with Rebecca's sister an issue with grief is a mistake, I believe. This is an issue of manipulation and control. I don't think this "it's all about me" problem started when the mom was killed. That horrific event only revved up the cycle. This sister may be dealing with unresolved grief, but her narcissistic behavior has reigned for too long. Setting healthy boundaries is, indeed, the right course. I want to call a spade a spade: the main issue isn't grief. It's manipulation and control.

[@spiritualservicesgodbless7641]

I am listening to this tonight with my husband

[@mrs.harris933]

Lol we did the same with my kids in regards to mcDonalds and soda. If a parent took them, they’d absolutely act the same way. That’s hilarious

[@murraybeachtel8585]

If one of my kids grew up and told me they didn’t have faith I wouldn’t be upset with them, but feel like I failed them. My friends are not my responsibility and I 100% respect and understand how people arrive at that place in their lives, but I would question who I am as a believer if my kids didn’t know God like I do. It’s no new story our religion is often corrupted by nationalism and exclusionist ideologies. I want to show my kids the real Jesus though. John is right though you have to be honest and open. If this guy’s parents are good ones they’ll still show him nothing but Love. Best hopes for their family.

[@mayc8674]

I didn't take my kids to church bc i did not want them to have a belief of God as churches make "him" up to be. Besides every religious person i have ever known are so hypocritical it is unbelievable to me that churches don't remedy that trait in ppl. rather make it more pronounced. I talked to them about God and to trust that "he" would be there if they needed help and support that no human being could give. I taught them to pray and rely on a higher being for support especially on dire situations.

[@micahwright5901]

Read Romans 9. Only God is responsible for your children’s salvation. You made the gospel available.

[@murraybeachtel8585]

@@micahwright5901 Appreciate the reference the Romans.

[@aprilhumen1229]

@@mayc8674you are NEVER a hypocrite or sin???

[@delightschwartz2155]

For many dogmatic conservative Christian families, their own child leaving their church is the hill they'll die on. Mine disowned me for ten years. I say: Prepare for the worst, hope for the best and hopefully things will fall somewhere in the middle. Treat your folks with courtesy, but deal with that subject from a position of calm assertive strength, especially when it comes to the young woman in question, as the brunt of any blame will probably be directed unfairly at her. One of my relatives was an Adventist pastor who bullied his family and kids for years. At his only granddaughter's wedding he blew up, shouted that "this is heresy" and stormed out after utterly humiliating family and guests, because they had the audacity to serve glasses of champagne and sparkling apple juice for celebratory toasts. Guess who died alone and unloved!? But only after decades of acting a royal ass and making his spouse and two generations of children miserable, in the name of the Almighty. I invented the term Christian Taliban in his honor lol.

[@sarahhunt2376]

Michael, you will be the black sheep 🐑 I'm there right now, changed to the Hebrew faith. It's hard, but truth is what you need to share

[@laurairlbeck916]

That's so funny about your son refusing to eat at McDonald's. I had a similar thing happen when my son went to a birthday party and I was grilling him afterward on what they'd had to eat. He told me they'd offered him a soda, but bc I'd never let him have soda he turned it down. So like you with your son, I told him hey if you're at a party and I'm not there, go right ahead and have a soda. But like you, I wonder if he'll believe me about the things that really are dangerous. Lol

[@IFBBProYeo]

I feel like there's something so much bigger happening in this woman's marriage. I understand that with depression, even daily tasks can seem overwhelming.. But his triggers seem pretty run of the mill daily life duties. That to me says that it's not about taking out the trash. It's about something else.

[@merylparks1584]

I’ve always been the different one too Michael, isn’t always easy but your parents will love you and wait till they see your children, they’ll turn to mush

[@CoachRedRochelleStrauss]

My kids are like that! We never went to a fast food drive through. Lol. My kids went crazy on fast food when they moved out! Lol They are over that now.

[@5thdimensionliving727]

Dr John. I absolutely love your show 👍👍 great channel . Thanks for all your great work 🙏🙏

[@juliekoszelak9918]

Religion is such a weird thing. No one "knows" anything, and yet we argue about it.

[@kim_858]

If Micheal's parents are True Christians, they will whole heartedly, accept his girlfriend for who she is...and love them both without boundries.. My best friends daughter who is a christinan, married into a Jewish family, and both families were thrilled to know their children found someone of faith and integrity to spend the rest of their lives with..❤

[@sandralambchop]

I am non religious person but I am spiritual & I believe that the word of God is ‘Love’’. No matter the religion, no matter the practice, no matter the country, no matter the community, this is the one truth.

[@ez2u1]

Please explain about your remark “ cool you’re not a Christian anymore?”

[@tinam761]

As someone with ADD/ADHD … the white board can be a very helpful tool and necessary. Monica… I can’t agree more … marriage counseling needs to be a must and a financial priority ( work on debt later- divorce is more expensive). I myself ended up with resentment, built from hurt, that I could not get out of and my marriage of 19 years ended. Please also be sure to take care of your own mental health. 💕 I’m sorry you are faced with this situation.

[@LilyGrace95]

Third caller got me a little. I _am_ that partner: I'm neurodiverse, and I'm a freelancer in the arts. It is a _tough_ industry right now, and I have days where I just cannot get out of bed at all until my partner comes home, or a week where I don't look for work because it feels so exhausting and futile. However, I make dinner every night. It's my one thing. And some during the bad periods, my partner will ask me to do one thing. Never two, just one: "can you empty the bin today? can you put a wash on today? can you shower today?" And it helps so much - no matter how bad I feel, I know I'm capable of doing one thing, so I do. And then he comes home, sees that I've done it, and tells me he's proud of me, which just makes me want to do it again next time he asks. It stops me spiralling, and keeps me even just a tiny bit productive/active. Seriously, if your partner is struggling, just ask them to do one thing in their day. If they don't, tell them it's okay. If they do, give them aaaaall the praise. it genuinely means so much, and you'd be amazed how much it helps the relationship.

[@RiverWoods111]

I am also ND. I got am all the NDs! Anxiety is a huge thing for me too. I found for me that DBT and Meditation were huge for me. Through my meditation, I started to see that freelancing (and again for me) the clients were not good for me, in that jobs were not great for me. I have started my own drop shipping or Print-on-demand business. I am watching a ton of videos, and reading a ton of books on how to make it successful. I am having a blast doing it, and it makes it easier for me to get up in the morning and jump in the shower right after my meditation. I get to create on my terms. Find a niche area/special interest that you want to design around. Maybe a message you want to send out to the world. Then just focus on that one subject. While you're designing study how to market it online. I am using Etsy as my main store, but I have a few other stores too like Studio6. My Neuropsychologist from day one told me that NDs do so much better when we are self-employed, and I don't know about you, but I am better when I can design for design's sake in my niche vs have to design for others who don't speak my ND language.

[@LilyGrace95]

@@RiverWoods111 Gods yes! I've tried the 9-5, and zero hours, and it just doesn't agree with me at all. I need to choose my own hours. Unfortunately, my main line of freelance is acting, so I don't _quite_ get to be my own boss all the time, but it's the price you pay for doing what you love, right? 😂 Scheduling was my main thing - being able to just have the day off when I needed it, to slot in the "me time" between jobs... Gods it's vital. I have that now and I'm so much better off.

[@itsonlyatail]

I was diagnosed with ADHD at 65…I’m now 68, in someways it makes my whole life make some kind of sense and in someways it makes my suicidal ideations even worse because of the sadness that what I could have been if I had what I needed to make a real life, with friendships and normal relationships, at almost 70 I have blown my life up and just laying here till I die.

[@DrFrankenschtein]

Sounds like you have severe depression and/or melancholia and need to seek treatment. Btw, "neurodiversity" is the word that describes the idea/concept that some people's brains work differently compared to others. You're looking for "neurodivergent", which is a non-medical umbrella term that doesn't encompass depression.

[@Olive47223]

I don't mean to sound harsh but why are your actions okay? Did your partner agree before they became your partner? This sounds alot like my ex husband. At least while we were married. Once I had enough of living my life around someone, their needs always first, their wants always trumped. Why is your husband only asking one thing of you okay? So he just has to pick up the slack? He has to plan around you? What if he has a bad day during your bad week? He is allowed? Or does he have the pressure of always working because you don't. I don't see this as an equal relationship. I read the other replies, I just don't see how that is okay

[@joycejudd5109]

Interesting, that Michael mentioned nothing about his girlfriend having the same conversation - mom...my guy was raised evangelical...not jewish. I suspect her parents are going to be just as shocked as his.

[@razmiddle9410]

Well yeah, because he's calling about his issues. How she chooses to deal with her parents potentially being surprised (and they might not be, if they're reform) is her business.

[@joycejudd5109]

@@razmiddle9410 I get that. I just think it's interesting that neither of them thought or mentioned her going through the same situation. It might have helped him if he could consider her doing it as well. They could encourage each other to be strong through this. just my thoughts.

[@Vlad-fb9fb]

@@joycejudd5109 really good point Joyce

[@queenbee3647]

Why even drag families into your business unless you are planning on marrying the person?

[@lisafeck1537]

My thinking also. Likely they will have a harder time accepting a man with an evangelical background. The couple are in for a very hard time. Also he didn't mention how does he think they are going to raise the children.

[@lisajeter9511]

Trust me I we’ve been in a similar situation. I thought my husband was Bipolar for years and I made every excuse I could come up until I ran out of excuses. But finally the day came and I found out was a Narcissist was and I got it! Instantly knew what his problem was. Nothing could have gutted me more than that realization and the more I learned the sicker it made me! I too am a Fixer but that’s what a Narcissist searches out is a Fixer. 23 year in with my husband and we can go weeks without saying a single word to one another. But the minute he needs some attention you can’t shut him up! But I don’t trust him enough now to want to entertain a conversation with him. Just as quickly as the wind can change so can he! My peace is too ignore him and keep turning up the volume on the TV now. That’s the only way I can handle his games anymore. You can only put so much into a failing relationship before you jump ship!

[@Ringgaard1983]

Boy am I glad I didn’t grow up in religious toxicity. Having to fear telling family I’m not religious as if it was a disease- that alone tells you, that religion os BS

[@SUZANNECARPENTER-ou3je]

Everybody grieves differently. A parent being murdered is a traumatic event. She is not at peace with this yet, and that is grief. When my stepdad died of cancer, I grieved terribly. A year later my doctor put me on depression medicine. It has been 16 years, and it still hits me at times. Two years ago my natural dad died, and grieving isn't as awful as my step-dad. My dad lived in another state, so I didn't see him as often. My mom nearly died when she took the Moderna vaccine. She got blood clots in all four quadrants of her lungs. Her nurse actually slipped up and told me she was dying. I almost fainted and I began begging God not to take her. She survived but was on oxygen for a year and couldnt do anything more than walk from the bed to the chair. She did get better, but it took a long time. My point is that grief is different for different people.

[@kimadams8757]

Sorry John but your advice to that woman was off base. Its a sensible male perpective but just doesnt work. Monica; you and I both know you can be depressed and do housework. You can be sobbing and do housework. You can be panicking and do housework. You can have lost the will to live, and still do housework. This is not depression. This is wallowing. This is not unique. It is an extremely common dymnamic. He slacks off, you pick up the slack. He leans out, you lean in, so he leans further out. It cycles until youre begging him to do just one tiny thing and hes telling you you need to ask nicer. He is (semi-consciously) making a CHOICE to do as little as possible and leave the rest to you. If you have a heart to heart discussion like john suggests, what its going to get you is a lot of empty promises, because thats minimum effort. If you issue an ultimatum of leaving unless he gets therapy, he might drag his feet to a therapist, but that will be it. He will never step up. He will keep doing the absolute minimum effort possible, including galighting and blame you. Stop waiting. Men like this only change when they see you leaving. So leave. Do not sit down and have a heart to heart about what we are going to do as a team and with respect and blah blah blah. He will use that to keep you in this same place. Stop giving him space and time and empathy. Say "Im done spending my energy and happiness on someone who doesnt even appreciate it, let alone reciprocate. If you want to scroll your phone all day, you can do that in a studio apartment, or a cardboard box for all I care. If im going to do everything myself, i can do it just fine without a couch ornament. Im looking for rentals, and calling our real estate agent. If you want to stay in this relationship, race me. Once im out im not coming back." And then start steadily making arrangements packing. He will ask you what he needs to do to keep you. By that he means "what is the minimum amount i can contribute so we can keep the same dynamic where you stay miserable and i get to keep doing almost nothing?" Do not give him specifics, because then he will do just exactly those things and act like youre unreasonable for wanting more. Tell him to act like a man, act like a partner, act like he gives a damn about YOUR life, YOUR happiness, YOUR free time. He can google it, he can ask a counsellor, he DOES NOT need your help. What he really needs is for you to WITHDRAW your help, because hes using it as enabling. If this pattern doesnt flip immediately, leave. Married women die younger than single women, married men live longer then single men. This is why. He is a vampire literally stealing years of your life, hours of your time, sucking your health and joy and whats he doing with it all? Curing cancer? Having amazing adventures? No, hes pissing it away into his phone, thats how little he cares. Life is too short and hard enough without dragging 200lb of dead weight. Leave, and stay single. No woman who leaves a man like this regrets it.

[@ronhall5395]

Love the darkness. Crazy music for us crazy people.

[@richthepup]

Foof... well done John. This was a slew of tough ones

[@TeresaLeeSwanson]

For anyone dealing with issues in marriage a great book to read is Boundaries in a marriage by Dr Cloud and Dr Townsend.

[@joywebster2678]

Monica, dont add in diagnostic words you think apply but havent been given to your spouse if you really want help. As a psychologist i have a entirely different response to you calling your husband bipolar suffering depression, vs a husband suffering anxiety and depression, that is sometimes in a normal mood, but reacts with bouts of depression.

[@shirleyscott8879]

As a Christian, I love and respect Jewish people. Christianity is not about hate.