How To Stop Others From Hurting You

On today’s show, we hear from a woman who suspects her husband is gaslighting her, a man desperate to save his parents from their toxic relationship with his addict brother, and a mom unsure of how to earn her defiant son’s respect.
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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[@ip4157]

When this guy says 'you can divorce me,' honor his threat/request/suggestion.

[@elizabethbrown5289]

💯

[@JS-tv8sf]

No man is worth giving up kids if you want them. That's way too big of a sacrifice. Find someone who wants what you want. Lots of people don't want kids and that's fine, but you want them. Being a parent is more special than anything you'll ever experience. Your husband isn't worth losing that opportunity.

[@sackettfamily4685]

That's your opinion and she's choosing differently. It's a hard choice to make either way

[@jtlegionnaire6310]

In my former marriage I married a woman who "changed her mind on having kids" it broke me mentally, we got divorced for different reasons later but I'll never risk that again. I want a woman that wants more kids than I do lol.

[@razmiddle9410]

And imagine how she'll feel if he ends up leaving her once her childbearing years are over and has kids with someone else.

[@jeradkiester698]

Don't force kids on a man who doesn't want them... lifetime of resentment could spawn

[@melanieb2132]

@@jeradkiester698 that's right. It's grounds for annulment in Christian marriage. Of course it's not for both desiring kids and not being able, but if one does not make that sacrifice for the other, annulment is granted.

[@sarahrodriguez7101]

Can we just talk about how toxic it was for him to decide he didn’t want kids until after they were married and put that on her to either except it or leave. That’s not love, people who love you don’t do stuff like that too you. That’s pure evil and selfishness.

[@alandalemorris]

😊😊p😊pp😊ppppppp😊p😊p😊p😊😊😊pp😊pp😊ppppp😊p😊pp😊pp😊p😊pp😊😊pp😊p😊p😊😊p😊pppp😊p😊pppp😊pp😊p😊ppp

[@alandalemorris]

P😊pppp😊😊😊p

[@alandalemorris]

Probably p

[@alandalemorris]

P

[@alandalemorris]

P pppppppp

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

First caller. I did not want kids he did. I had them he cheated and did not help with them. It was selfish and painful I loathed him. I love my children but there was a point I regretted having kids with the person I did....seeing them suffer so. You don't have a second life to spare choose the life you want for you not him

[@blueseptember2174]

Oh my goodness. April, I hope things are going better for you now❤

[@ahyaastraya3612]

I have experienced a similar situation and can relate. We can't go back in time and it's challenging to go forward with what is. How do we make choices that we won't regret later on?

[@StuGo1013]

Rhonda, LEAVE! There are so many red flags here! What a bait and switch for having a family. I pray you make the right decision.

[@maryanne2939]

Sometimes 911 is the right call when someone is talking suicide. I got that 3am call from a co-worker was actively working on committing suicide. He had started an IV and intended to inject potassium. I had a phone number but no address and he lived 45min from me. I was able to put him off by saying you woke me in the middle of the night and I need to go to the bathroom. Maybe only nurses talk this way with each other? but I promised to call him right back. Instead I called 911 and the police were able to stop him and get him transported to a hospital for eval and a 48hr hold. I was able to meet him at the hospital and he was beyond pissed off at me. We talked it out over time and he was able to thank me

[@Cyanopteryx]

Oh geez, I would lose my mind in a marriage like that. That's how my dad treated my mom, except they've never even tried to get counseling. There's so many other better men out there who won't gaslight and who would want kids. If you're still in your fertile years, please just leave him.

[@mimimonster]

Me too. And my mom has been through years of cancelling and his power over her is so great, she continues to be silent. I finally had to tell myself that at the end of the day, she is choosing it. Just sad.

[@tethergobrrr]

As a woman who never wanted kids I let a lot of good men go thinking this is somebody else’s perfect baby daddy.

[@fh1980ram]

You're wrong about the "so many other better men out there," and to be fair, aren't many good women either. That's why so many people are choosing to stay single .

[@waynepolo6193]

@@fh1980ram but… there _are._

[@samuelbender8681]

"I need a generation of people that will just start trying to help, and we'll figure it out as we go" OOF lets gooooo

[@Amy-oy5hk]

Dr. John Delony, thank you for promoting the new Suicide Hotline number, and the Veterans line. It’s too late for my Dad who was a Veteran, but I hope this saves many lives! Love your show! Thanks for being you!

[@texuztweety]

Divorce him. He's a liar and an immature man. Find someone to have kids. This is too much

[@fh1980ram]

Easier said than done. Men don't want to get married now.

[@BradKandyCroftFamily]

If he had been honest about not wanting kids up front, it would have been okay. But he LIED from the beginning. That's huge!! I would have left over that.

[@brightpage1020]

Momma with disrespectful little boy, Thank You for this call!!! Listening twice. Many of us are paying attention. You are not alone. You are just brave enough to make the call. Thank you.

[@hansonallie]

I don’t think it’s a bad thing that our culture needs hotlines. From what I understand there are MANY ppl w/ suicidal thoughts where family/close friends are the LAST ppl they would want to know.

[@kerisallee3976]

16:20 we have a rule in our house that if I make a new recipe and they don’t like a it…they are allowed to ask me not to make it again. I am not going to waste my time or money if they aren’t going to want to eat it.

[@rlbnd1]

Same rule that I had at my house.

[@laurajennings7205]

In my family growing up we also weren’t allowed to say “ This dinner is gross”, but would have to say “small portion please” code for we don’t care for it, lol

[@TheEsperKing1]

I like that! It's a respectful way to say it. Might have to try it for my family.

[@crewboy23]

The amount of times me, my brothers and my mom have told my dad, the food is gross, makes me super surprise he continued making dinner almost every night. He defense was, yall can starve then lol. My father was a stay at home dad.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Lol❤

[@KhassiaK]

Sounds like a good compromise code, but it's still offensive to the cook of the house trying to ensure your nutrition & well being. Depending on the age of the party complaining, maybe nutrition, meal prep & planning education is in order so they are not only set up for good health success in life, but also grow to appreciate what they're currently getting and the work that goes into it. Bear in mind, this should be taken with a grain of salt if the current cook is neglectful or makes only unhealthy meals. In our house, if you complained about the food, you got a double portion!

[@waynepolo6193]

@@KhassiaK It’s also offensive to the child who grows to feel unsafe when experiencing or wanting to express their real feelings, or else suffer the feelings of rejection and deprivation.

[@jam20230]

Does this conversation make anyone think, what's the point of getting married, seriously?! How many hundreds/thousands of calls to Dr John, with people changing in marriage. Is marriage really worth it? Why do people do this to themselves? Tying their whole life to a whole other human being for the rest of their whole life, struggling in circles thinking how to make things better, when they do this to themselves. The caller sounds like she's dealing with a little kid. Nah, ma'am your life is worth more than this crap. That man's not respecting you, not giving you kids, gaslight you. If you were dating, these would be red flags and you'd run the other way. Why do you stay for such abuse after marriage? Why do we do this to ourselves?

[@ashleyduckworthyt3224]

The point of getting married is to solidify a permanent relationship. Marriage doesn’t change anything except your taxes so If you find someone healthy and willing to be a part of your team then ITS SO WORTH IT. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and it’s amazing. But getting married should only happen after you know your partner has shown they’re willing to put 100% into your relationship. We have a culture of folks marrying their trauma instead of a partner. If you choose a partner you’ll be set. If you choose your trauma you’ll suffer- plain and simple.

[@thatlisagirl71]

He is a narcissist..pure and simple. They are hard to get away from, and will make you nuts with all the gaslighting. He only cares for himself and using you to feel better about himself, Ms Rhonda. I am only 15 minutes in and have yet to hear dr John use that word…narcissist.

[@nikstar1313]

May I agree but you can’t diagnose ppl, neither can Dr D. Also. It would be great if you write “I think” before you “state facts”. Roll my eyes out of my head but love and compassion to you ❤

[@dvir7510]

Gosh a gasslighter who makes you give up having kids?? Im sorry i realy feel like you are worth so much more!!

[@theydontknowmeson007]

Exactly Dr John. We need less complaining and more connections.

[@aprilwashington96]

Caller 2 and 3, John is a Master at these crisis and trauma calls!!! Not so much when it comes to marital conflict calls, but crisis and trauma is definitely is strong suit. He reigns King in those areas. ❤❤❤

[@kerisallee3976]

I need Dr John to go on Cinema Therapy!!

[@jcstuart6978]

I can relate to the caller from Idaho with the brother - Dr. John is right, there is nothing you can do except to continue to lead by example. I would also suggest creating as MUCH community around YOU as possible. Because eventually, community = accountability. And once you start to model accountability and community, those in your family who lack proper boundaries and proper intentions will have to face your example and that should, in theory, help everyone involved in your family. Keep stepping out and making the right decisions and keep praying for your brother and parents.

[@bevanbuckwheatshea5520]

Too many people are dependent on other people to have a fulfilled life. Be independent and dont depend on other people.

[@kendradamm1428]

John “It probably would help if I knew what my own show is called” Baloney, Delony! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@ineedhoez]

How to stop others from hurting you? Easy peasy. Eliminate all people from my life! See. Super simple!

[@salonsavy6476]

No Contact!!!!👍👍👍

[@SarahR2D2]

@@salonsavy6476 100%

[@jeradkiester698]

Buy a dog, die alone!

[@TheShubLub]

That's super unhealthy...

[@SarahR2D2]

@@TheShubLub you must be the lonely one

[@nataliestark8243]

Thank you for the 3rd caller. I'm going through something very similar, but with a son a little older. Trying to find him a trauma counselor.

[@turnovertheleaf5505]

He missed the mark on this one. The husband is probably a narcissist with a core value (learned from parents) of a man-controlled environment. She needs to gain independence and focus on herself. She will NEVER get emotional support from him. Sorry. He will only be strong in helping to fix things, anything that puts him in a control setting, or where his opinion matters. He needs therapy. But he will probably manipulate the therapist or become a victim in his stories.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Thank you

[@sds6303]

And he will NEVER go to therapy bc he doesn’t think there’s anything about himself to fix. Dr. John definitely missed the mark on this one. You should never confront a narcissist about their gaslighting bc they’ll gaslight you even more!

[@jessicabender1301]

Rhonda, he is suffocating you! He is outsourcing his emotions to you, then blaming you. You have a child not a husband

[@d.taylor3760]

Unfortunately, Lucas will have to make more choices in 20 years: To take care of his aged parents because the brother won't. To take care of the brother after the parents die, the money is gone, and he never learned to stand on his own. Or not...

[@wendyface6473]

Kinda similar. My siblings talk awful to mom at the holidays and i just can't go anymore. Thanks to this. I can tell mom that i can no longer go and watch them talk awful to her - she can - it is no longer safe to be to be around the toxic bs of family holidays. It is just bad all around.

[@kimberlysmith7625]

Rhonda....you admit that you knew going in that he didn't want children. Ten years into your marriage, that hasn't changed. As the years tick by, you won't resent him. You'll resent yourself. Between now and dead....what do you want? You have one life to live. I'm not a proponent of divorce but disagreeing on something as pivotal as a desire to have a family is a deal-breaker. You may have made a mistake in commiting to someone who doesn't see your future together as you do. Decide now if this is something you can live with.

[@melanieb2132]

I thought she said he changed his mind.

[@Alyssaa3461]

John doing a south park reference has made my day. He can’t get any cooler!!!

[@lauracurnan3255]

Love that you mention 988!. My family works there. Ty again.

[@hjq0023]

So i can totally relate to the addict brother whos parents are totally enabling the addict. Because mine were the same thing to me. Ever since i walked out of the toxic enabling dynamic. I have been financially independent. Havent done a drug for over a decade. Barely ever drink. If i do it might be in one occassion in a year or something. My point is that the parent enabling dynamic totally sucks. Grateful to be out of it

[@brightpage1020]

Just have to say buying a home is awesome and amazing and stressful in the best way! What an incredible reward to enjoy! To offer yourself a place for family to grow, dreams to develop, and maturity to ripen is one of the best investments in yourself you can make.

[@Mysterious_Moon]

Love that Everclear song. Great hometown band 🤘

[@allil87]

Thank you 😊

[@Paradise-on-Earth]

I SO love your show, Johns wisdom and the whole content. What I intensely dislike is how you rolemodel how friends should "tease each other". To me, it just feels like gaslighting and meanness to be so rude to each other and to talk smack about each other. I hate it especially in this context where people indeed would need joyful FRIENDLY rolemodels of good relationships. Is this an USA- thing? If so, I pity you. In my country, you would not accept it.

[@dazed_and_amazed1296]

I am Mexican living in the United States. Teasing us a very normal part of both cultures. I personally feel like some people take it too far. I don’t like being called names and wouldn’t tolerate it but it seems this is normal banter. I can do some light teasing but I have my limits.

[@icedtea4me575]

“I’m going to have adjust” who I vote for.

[@marshareed1438]

Gaslighting is when a person purposely makes you question your reality bcz they don’t want to be responsible or when they’re purposely trying to make you feel crazy. For example. My ex even after he got hearing aids still told me that I didn’t tell him something. He never once said, honey I can’t hear you… He refused to take responsibility.

[@nancydtrujillo2389]

i have brother that has a drug addiction and and diagnosed with metal illness who also chooses to be in and out of my moms house. When he is out he is back in jail for sure! Its very hard to help parents who deal with this pattern so ive done what delony says. Intry to stay away from brother and dont open my door when he comes for money , food. I feel terrible to say no but im not gonna fall for this routine anymore..i also try Not say anything to my mom about brother anymore. Mom doesnt need to hear my comments anymore.

[@carriebell3566]

Girl, it better ends with you leaving, preferably soon. I’m here to tell you that you do NOT want to see what happens after a while of what you’re going through.

[@otsam1050]

I'm a man and she shouldn't settle for having no kids 🙄

[@jeradkiester698]

Agree, he needs to move on and let her go find another. That should be a total dealbreaker. No man should ever have kids he doesn't want either.

[@malteserjones1502]

I guarantee that if the first caller’s husband and her divorce. He will absolutely get remarried and have kids with his new wife.

[@susanjean3114]

For the individual who's brother is an addict. Abandoning his parents is not a good idea. Setting boundaries is a good idea. Tell his parents he will not attend their gatherings if the brother is there or he can invite his parents over to his place over the holidays and not invite his brother. Show compassion and keep the door open to his parents but set boundaries.

[@purelightapologetics4930]

*addict

[@susanjean3114]

@@purelightapologetics4930 LOL Gotta love auto correct

[@elainer2876]

First call...advice to be clear about what you need...waste of breath...I am married to narcissist and have been very clear about what my needs are....He simply refuses to meet those needs and actually uses that info to punish me by withholding what I need to work me over to be more in control. He does other things I dont ask for or need and then expects excessive praise and adoration for those things...crazy making behavior! You end up becoming dead inside, feelings stuffed just to survive, because any response is the wrong response if authentic, and you get blamed.

[@caroldorsett8170]

Exactly

[@here2laff397]

Take a shot every time the 2nd guy says “uh”

[@TheEquiss]

I can’t with the uh uh uh

[@mirosDV]

It sounds as if he has very high standards for himself and edits his thoughts constantly. I may be projecting. :)

[@lightningguy4897]

39:00 to skip that second uhh caller

[@RespekfulFungus]

I live in Okc, my moms name is Rhonda, I had to double take, lol.

[@sarahcouture24]

I can relate to the guys mentally ill brother whos parents are helping him out with a place to stay and is addicted. I wonder how much empathy or understanding the caller might have for the struggles his brother might be going through? How is that relationship? I sense a lot of resentment and judgement, but is there a connection there with his brother at all? Does he know much about his heart or have education about his disorder? I don't really feel like the caller cares all that much about the personal experience of his brother or what he may be going through in his life. Maybe I'm wrong, but perhaps that relationship needs to be cultivated? Perhaps a better connection with his brother where he isn't in the position of deciding whether or not he is doing what he "should" be doing would help the situation, because any hostility or animosity the brother may have expressed towards him could be a result of the brother feeling shamed, unwanted, unaccepted, or dare I say, unloved by the caller.

[@electricelectric1500]

No preview of the next episode?

[@cherylamundsen4653]

How many people with kids wish they could run are staying for the kids

[@bevanbuckwheatshea5520]

Heaps I bet.

[@rivkabaranowski1642]

It's impottent to be honest about want you want from life when dating (lifestyla, kids/no kids,marigge..) And what's the purpose dating for you. Peaple, please do not wast your time with the wrong person (for you) And be on the look out for red flags (to avoid a toxic relationship)

[@Diana-jk4mi]

I'm trying to like your video but I can't. But thank you so much for talking some sense into bad situations. I'm dealing with addressing my issue of overcoming being a controlling person. I've sought out counseling and hope my new realization will put a new positive spin on my therapy.

[@purelightapologetics4930]

I’m just curious, why don’t you like the show?

[@toto-dh9dw]

Sorry to heat about hubby didnot want baby... i had the same situation 12 years married.. and i left him... as he dis not show any willingness to fight for us.. allowed me grief otherwise i wpuld be very resentment 😢😢😢😢

[@madgeowens2333]

She needs to leave him now. She should not give up having children because he decided after the marriage to change his mind. He is self centered and will eventually leave her alone.

[@robertaturk]

You are asking him a micro managing targeted question that feels like (but may not) have an addenda behind it. “Are you going to the store”? Putting him on the spot, causing a defensive reaction. He has to correct you or defend why he doesn’t want to get your things. What a pain. Switch gears Offer what your needs are I need X at the store - if you are going, will you get A,B,C for me? OR Ask an open ended question. Where are you going? This way he doesn’t have to correct your missassumption of “store” which is exhausting and creates resentment. To get a better response - stop asking addenda based questions.

[@purelightapologetics4930]

*Agenda

[@silvesan9162]

Ok

[@MrDedvalson]

Leave.

[@bunniewood]

What a selfish husband yikes

[@nikstar1313]

So sick of the codependent nature of people!!!!!!

[@bevanbuckwheatshea5520]

I agree. Being independent and single and not relying on other people to fulfill one's life is MUCH better and healthier.

[@MrMistajone]

UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH

[@hansonallie]

Yeah… it was a little “extra”…

[@brandyk]

Not everyone wants to commit suicide because they think other people woukd be better off without them. Sometimes they are just in pain too long, hopeless, frustrated and perhaps even angry n woukd rather just be gone before they begin to think worse of themselves or have to. The older you are the more this is understandable. I dont know what the answer js but i agree with what be said about it should tell js alot about our society that we need so many hotlines. We are failing as parents, siblings,friends, coworkers,neighbors etc. Stronger n more consistent relationships would be a bigger help and not only in getting someone help bitoften them not feeling this way in the first place. That said people are legitimately afraid if burdening friends bc even fairlybgood friends in other ways are so often not up to the challenge and alot of them will resent you for burdening then. When people do commit suicide so many people say if only i had known. They are kidding themselves and others n giving themselves more credit then they deserve. Not everyone of course but the truth is they are not as kind and supportive and selfless as they might like to think. Ask me how I know.

[@melanieb2132]

I think his change of mind about kids is grounds for annulment, from a Christian perspective of marriage.

[@gloriack7976]

How do you figure? 🤔

[@melanieb2132]

@@gloriack7976 it's true if you are a Catholic, anyway. Frankly, christian marriage is about giving each other your wholeselves.. including fertility. That doest mean 10 kids, but we are called to raise up the next generation of children and it's part of the sacrament and vocation of marriage.

[@gloriack7976]

@@melanieb2132 I believe you in theory. But scripturally I don't see that as grounds. Please show me.

[@melanieb2132]

@@gloriack7976Read 1 Corinthians 7 and Ephesians 5. Back in the day, they had no science to prevent pregnancy, so this was just a given considering the natural consequences of the marital act. It is not explicit in speaking about divorce, but divorce was so uncommon through history it wasnt a consideration. It is written in Catholic law for allowable cases for annulment.. There is a biblical case for allowing such divorces/annulment.

[@KhassiaK]

@@gloriack7976 Biblically, the 'spilling of seed' is expressly forbidden and seen as wicked as it violates the Adamic & Noachide era commandment to 'be fruitful & multiply'. G-d actually kills Judah's 2nd son, Onan for blatantly 'spilling seed' because he didn't want to have to raise up any kids in his late older brother's name (Gen 38:9). This is part of the Levirite marriage requirements within Jewish families per Deuteronomy 25, but clearly was pre-existant in Hebraic culture within the children of Israel/Jacob. Therefore, maintaining the family line was a very big deal to go to such safeguards.

[@sarahcouture24]

Both my parents blamed me for their divorce :(

[@liigachka3]

Your parents are adults, they made the decision to mary and then they made the decision to get a divorce, not you. My mom blamed my younger brother for my dad divorcing her. Her logic was as follows - we were just fine when 2 older kids were born, but after baby number 3 husband started cheating and then he filed for divorce, so baby number 3 is the culprit. I think now knowing my father is a narcissist and loves only himself and my mom is bipolar and she is not good controling her emotions most of the time, dad somehow manipulated her into this thought that things could have been better, if only they had less children. Just to put a blame on somebody else, because he is never the ne to blame, even though he was the one cheating and dedbeat father. This happened many years ago, now the story has changed - mom says I was the one who said our brother was to be blamed for the divorce. 🤨 I was 5 when the divorce took place, and I only blamed my fathers mistress, because in my mind at that time she was the evil witch destroying our family... Some families are just toxic.

[@AngelaMay66]

I'm thinking telling someone to divorce thier family is wrong.

[@reneroo277]

I'm sorry but this guy is toxic.

[@os5634]

Dr. Deloney I have been watching your channel for a few years now and 99.9% of the time I agree with what you have to say. This time however I totally disagree with the advice you gave the caller who asked about his brother. I don’t think that there is ever a time that you should separate from a family member because they have mental issues. His parents love both him and his brother and they shouldn’t have to choose which son they see for the holidays. He may not agree with what his parents are doing or how they are handling the situation. The advice you gave that young man also doesn’t help the situation. To tell him to say say that if his brother is there for the holidays that he will not be there is wrong. As an adult sometimes you have to suck things up and just do them. My sister suffers from depression and although we are total opposite and have absolutely nothing in common, I will always be there for her. I feel that sometimes you may have two children that wake up, get dressed, do the exact same thing on a particular day and one child would will have fun and the other will struggle throughout the day, even though they did exactly the same thing. My husband‘s brother has spent most of his life on drugs at one point or another. He’s irresponsible can never keep a job for a long time but we don’t cut him out of our life because his life doesn’t stand up to our standards, we still invite them to family functions. I would not take him in as a permanent houseguest but for a few hours or even for a week we should be able to deal with him. we’re adults that’s what we do. We also don’t give him a pass. We tell him what we expect when he is in our home but don’t try to control things in someone else because they choose to give him a pass. I also told my husband that you have two children that watch how you interact with your family, and if you decide that you don’t want to deal with your brother anymore or speak to him, there may come a time in their life when they will have an argument and stop speaking to each other or they may come a time in their life that they get angry at you and decide that you are not worth the trouble of trying to resolve the issue. you can pick your friends you can’t pick your family. you should never turn your back completely on your family. you can set boundaries but those boundaries doesn’t include telling your parents if he’s over, I can’t handle him so I’m not going to show up. That’s the problem with this society nowadays that nobody can handle situations anymore so they choose to not speak about things and turn around and run. I understand you’re the professional, but I still believe you’re advise wasn’t the best. .

[@mombythesea2426]

Family first means putting your kids before others- even family members. If someone with a mental illness or addiction poses a risk to my kids, I'm not going to be around them.

[@Pattyfinn21]

Deloney didn't advise him to turn his back completely on his family.

[@cloverlengocphuong2197]

video importee dans ma tete.

[@joeystewart4487]

Again, John you use leaving as leverage and as an option when it is not warranted. You are not biblically guided in your counseling. This is a surprise to me being under the Ramsey umbrella

[@brandyhoefer482]

Aásź vs dxxx. X x z s

[@brandyk]

The husband in the first call will never own that he made a decision that hurt his wife in her soul. He would resent her for making him feel this eayteven if she never mentions it n doesn't resent bim. He will likely always think she does n to assuage his own guilt whenever there a problem or argument he will say "Thats because you resent me for us not having kids. It will be his own guilt driving this but he will project it onto her i believe. She may think sbe will kr should get credit for staying with him despite him changing his mind but it doesnt usually work like that. I wonder too why he decided he didn't want to n how soon after they were married. Does he worry about the marriage not working out n not wanting to pay child support?