Get rid of chronic insomnia by getting rid of sleep efforts and safety behaviors

Sleep is probably the only thing in life that doesn’t respond positively to effort. In fact, the more effort we put into sleep, the more difficult sleep becomes. Only two conditions are needed for sleep to happen. We need to be sleepy enough for sleep (in other words, we need to be awake for long enough) and we need to be in a state of low mental arousal (in other words, our mind needs to be calm and relaxed).
Related video:
Even if you have chronic insomnia, sleep drive always wins - you can sleep and you will sleep! • Even if you have chron...
Putting effort into sleep requires mental arousal - mental effort - and this immediately makes sleep more difficult, regardless of how long we’ve been awake.
Engaging in behavioral sleep efforts requires mental arousal, too - because the brain needs to stay active to monitor for the effects of the sleep effort.
So, if we want to improve sleep, we need to stop trying to sleep. Sleep doesn’t happen when we “try” to sleep. Sleep happens when conditions are right for sleep.
Related video:
As soon as you put effort into sleep, you make sleep more difficult: • As soon as you put eff...
One reason why we can be so tempted to put effort into sleep, to “try” to sleep, is because we fear the consequences of poor sleep - and so we implement safety behaviors such as calling in sick to work after a difficult night (or a string of difficult nights) because we are worried that we’ll make mistakes or not be productive.
We might cancel plans with friends because we think there’s no way we’ll be able to enjoy ourselves or that we might even embarrass ourselves.
Related video:
If you can react positively to difficult nights of sleep you might start to enjoy better sleep: • If you can react posit...
We might actively try not to think about sleep. We might reach for a sleeping pill if we don’t fall asleep shortly after getting into bed or if we wake and don’t fall right back to sleep.
Related video:
The problem with supplements for chronic insomnia (and why they aren't a long-term solution): • The problem with suppl...
Unfortunately, by implementing safety behaviors we can train ourselves to believe that we cannot cope with sleep loss. We can train ourselves to believe that poor sleep always has a negative outcome.
We can also fail to give ourselves the opportunity to experience positive moments or good days after difficult nights. They can also make us actively avoid doing things that might make us happy and less worried about wakefulness.
The result is that, ultimately, safety behaviors make us feel worse over the long-term. We end up increasing mental arousal and perpetuating sleep disruption.
Related video:
Why it is so important not to compensate for a bad night of sleep when you have insomnia: • Why it is so important...
If you can get to a point where you’re able to abandon all effort to sleep and you’re able to abandon all safety behaviors, you create the best conditions for sleep to happen - all by itself.
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My name is Martin Reed and I am the founder of Insomnia Coach®. I offer sleep coaching services that give people with insomnia all the skills and support they need to enjoy better sleep for the rest of their lives. I also offer a free two-week sleep training course for people with insomnia at insomniacoach.com/sleep-train...
You can also find me here:
Website: insomniacoach.com
Twitter: / insomniacoach
Facebook: / insomniacoach
Instagram: / myinsomniacoach
All content found on the Insomnia Coach KZbin channel is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
#insomnia
#sleep

[@InsomniaCoach]

All content found on the Insomnia Coach KZbin channel is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[@shelamatela1079]

Hi, I'm glad I found your channel. I lost my ability to sleep since october 2023. That's 6 months with zero sleep. I dont know why this is happening and my doctor hasn't got a clue. I feel like I could die. Have you ever dealt with anything like this? Is there any hope?

[@hugotielen]

I saw this video 4 weeks ago, and it was the final blow to my ‘insomnia-mindset’. Somehow I gained the insight that I was the only one in the way of my sleeping because of the thousands of ‘sleep efforts’ I was making. After 19 years of brutal insomnia I have been sleeping like a baby for 4 weeks straight now which is an amazing experience for me. Thank you so much Martin Reed!

[@InsomniaCoach]

I love this, Hugo! Thank you so much for sharing!

[@hugotielen]

@@gigi1332 it's funny to read this comment now. Yes after watching this video I completely saw the whole mindset that perpetuated my insomnia and I did sleep solidly for 5 weeks in total. After that I fell back into not sleeping. Since then I have been receiving coaching from Daniel Erichen's 'sleep coach school' (look it up on KZbin) and it has been an amazing support from for me. So now 1,5 years later I am still struggling with sleep but it is much better. When you have had insomnia for so long it really just takes time to reprogram yourself. Or better said: to let go of all the wel intentioned but misguided programms that create insomnia.

[@gigi1332]

@@hugotielen Thank you for sharing this. You would difdently understand

[@bigmack4963]

This really make sense. "Sleep doesn't happen when we try to sleep" Dont feed your sleep anxiety. Stop all those self help sleep routines and go on with your life...

[@InsomniaCoach]

Glad you found the video helpful - it sounds as though you extracted some good key takeaways!

[@boke75]

This guy is, by far, the BEST sleeping coach I have ever seen on the internet. Completely agree that sleep happens all by itself. If it doesn't, keep on living your life as per usual. You just maintain the same life patterns (as long as they're healthy and right). Don't call in sick to work. Don't skip say...your university course tomorrow at 8AM. So just lay off the sleep efforts.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thank you so much for your kind words, Michael! The quality of our lives is usually influenced far more by our actions and behaviors than sleep - so, with this in mind, we really don't need to bother ourselves with all the effort involved in trying to control something that can't even be controlled!

[@dot1910]

I’ve had insomnia since December 2023. There were times I’ve slept for 3 hours and it hit me around 7pm. I had it bad on January 3rd 2024. With no sleep I had work and car broke so I couldn’t sleep to make up for lost hours of rest. Being up for 40 hours my body was on fight or flight mode from the stress of being awake for too long. The next day I felt tired and thought sleeping more than 8 hours would help. For 2 months my mind obsessed improving my sleep and this effort likely fed this anxiety. Recently I went back to my normal consistent sleep time and 7-8 hours. I’m a young male who’s very active and had an anxiety free mind enjoying everyday. I never had trouble sleeping and stayed asleep the whole night. I’d stay up with friends, play games or be on my phone at night, sometimes work different shifts and sleep automatically. My insomnia made every day a prison caused by my fear of not sleeping.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thanks for sharing these powerful insights. It's so easy to end up withdrawing from life as we try to protect our sleep, compensate for lost sleep, or try to fight or avoid being awake at night and/or try to fight or avoid all the difficult thoughts and feelings associated with insomnia. And, that doesn't typically make things any easier.

[@patwarburtonr7488]

Dear Lord thank you for this new day. It is only by your grace and mighty power that we have seen this day. Thank you for your protection and abundant mercies. 🙏 🙏

[@unika23]

This is actually the best video about insomnia I have ever seen

[@camus585]

This is by far the best channel for insomnia, I can't thank you enough for all these helpful information, God bless you

[@InsomniaCoach]

I really appreciate that, thank you!

[@tioantiprogre]

Indeed, this guy gives you hope and actually makes you feel like things will get better (and they will)

[@ArtiPawar-iq7tr]

That's very true!!

[@hopev8495]

I’ve been struggling with lack of sleep for about five years now, and I’ve always tried to articulate to others why ‘sleep efforts’ like deep breathing and relaxation don’t work for me, but have never been able to do so, and was beginning to think that I just wasn’t trying hard enough. This hit the nail on the head. Every example you gave of a safety behaviour is something I have done in the past. Today I didn’t call in sick to work despite having not slept at all last night, and I’m doing just fine. I’ll challenge my sleep efforts and safety behaviours from now. Thank you!

[@InsomniaCoach]

This is FANTASTIC to hear! Congratulations on making that decision not to call in sick to work - by doing that you gave yourself the opportunity to recognize just how capable you are, even after a night of no sleep whatsoever! When you build evidence that proves sleep doesn't completely dictate the quality of your day, you might start putting less effort into sleep and putting less pressure on yourself to sleep - and this is when sleep often starts to get a lot easier!

[@ericmyers853]

Five years? Wow, It's only been about five months for me. I'm sorry to hear that you've been dealing with this for so long.

[@chrisd1977]

Eric Myers how is it going for you..has been 4 months for me..I’ve started on Martin’s course and had a good week last week but have had setbacks this week so far

[@chrisd1977]

How’s it going for you ??

[@ericmyers853]

Chris Van Elsen I’m on week three of the course. I’m doing much better than I was. I haven’t had any really bad nights in the last couple of weeks, and if I have a bad night I know what to do, so I’m not too worried about it.

[@mstmfor1449]

Insomnia sure can be brutal to deal with. Currently been awake for 4 days straight while blocking out all anxiety and worry but still no luck. I honestly feel so alone and wish I could speak with people going through the same struggles I’ve been going through.

[@InsomniaCoach]

A big insight here - "blocking out all anxiety and worry but still no luck". This is a classic safety behavior! You are engaging in a behavior (trying to block out all anxiety) with the goal of creating sleep! So, no wonder it's not working! You might want to enroll in my free sleep training course for some constructive tips that will help you improve sleep: insomniacoach.com/sleep-training/?ref=youtube072420 I also have a forum where you can connect with others who have insomnia: insomniacoach.com/forum/ I hope this helps!

[@pilarboutte392]

mst mfor - you’re not alone. I too think I’ve overcome anxiety etc, but stay fully awake for days at a time. Lots of fellow insomnia folks right alongside you. Not that that helps you necessarily, but know you’re not alone.🙏

[@pilarboutte392]

Insomnia Coach I’ll check out the links. Thank you 🙏

[@eggnoy]

Dude..i am walking in ur shoes. I know the feeling, trust me. Big hugs

[@motherofanangel2291]

You're not alone I'm suffering sever insomnia I feel alone too

[@monicamamidi]

This advice is one of the best I've ever come across , I've been dealing with insomnia for a few years and it's back again in the last few days because of external triggers which has caused me lot of anxiety but I'm learning to understand that it will get back on track by itself . Started exercising and also haven't showed up to work bec i thought i wouldn't be able to focus there . Thank you so much for this advice .

[@trishbirchard1270]

This is the second episode I’ve watched and I can’t tell you how happy you’ve made me!!

[@debbiemoore9104]

Thank you for this sensible information. Often past research has led to articles about the dangers of not getting enough sleep which definitely didn’t help matters. I’ll listen again and see if I can apply this advice and let go of the anxiety caused by other people’s advice.

[@fg.noronha1552]

Thank you very much. Martin. I just discovered your channel, will make every attempt to follow your advice. After years of RLS and insomnia, I finally find guidance, ,relief, and someone who cares❤

[@Miltersen]

Thank you.

[@InsomniaCoach]

You're welcome.

[@ArtiPawar-iq7tr]

You are the best!! Someone who really understands the insomnia.. Thank you for sharing the video..

[@donnaward7535]

¡Gracias!

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thank you for your support!

[@reycfd7753]

Thank you very much!

[@InsomniaCoach]

You are very welcome!

[@quely1977]

Wow. This is very insightful. Thank you. ❤

[@InsomniaCoach]

You're welcome!

[@skylerschain729]

Thank you for sharing this wisdom. This is the first piece of advice about insomnia I’ve ever heard that actually resonated. Sleep hygiene and other ticky tack measures (not to mention our cultural obsession with “good sleep”) can have a ruinous effect on people with sleep anxiety and make matters worse. This feels like helpful advice from someone who actually gets it.

[@bzrent88]

Wow, by far the best advice I heard in awhile.

[@InsomniaCoach]

I appreciate you sharing that!

[@hilalkarademir2402]

I have insomnia for 2 years and this channel really helps me controlling over my insomnia. I 'll also try to avoid safety behaviours thank you so much ❤️

[@InsomniaCoach]

This is great to hear! Thank you for your kind words, Hilal!

[@roncr8n115]

Thanks!

[@InsomniaCoach]

You are welcome Ron - and thank you for your support!

[@lotusli9144]

Martin, another great video! Thank you for posting this! I started to have sleeping issues in Feb. I got better after I watched many of your videos and understood how sleep drive works. My fear about not sleeping faded. After two months of good sleep, I experienced a string of bad nights, which reignited my "attention and efforts" on sleep. Sure enough my mental arousal got heightened, which leads to the current several good nights and several bad nights cycle. Overall my sleep isn't consistently good, stable and predictable. It's REALLY hard not to pay attention to sleep when your sleep quality isn't great. Prior to Feb, sleep was never a thing in my life. Nowadays it has become an epicenter. I definitely did well with the cognitive part of the process (identified my irrational and debilitating fear and replaced with coping thoughts etc.). As a result, my overall fear and anxiety level have dropped. But I haven't seriously implemented the behavior part of the process (sleep restriction etc.). What do you recommend? I can't wait to get my good sleep back and move on with my life. And yet, this thought might be considered a safety behavior?

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thanks for the kind words, Lotus Li! Glad you found the video helpful. It sounds as though you've done a lot of great work on changing the way you think about sleep - so at this point, perhaps the behavioral elements are the missing link to consistently better sleep, especially if you find yourself spending a lot of time awake during the night. With that being said, it does sound as though there could still be some unhelpful thinking going on - for example, that you can't move on with your life until you get your good sleep back. Perhaps moving on with your life NOW will actually help you get good sleep back?!

[@meimei1919]

Just listening to your voice and diction already relaxes me.

[@mariofats]

Best coach for sleep I have ever heard. Thank you.

[@InsomniaCoach]

That means a lot. Thank you for your kind words!

[@samwalker5744]

Great videos thank you

[@InsomniaCoach]

You're welcome - and thank you for your comment and support of the channel!

[@bobGmitter]

Great video

[@wintertargaryen5269]

Thank you so much you can’t imagine how much you have helped me with this video ❤❤❤

[@InsomniaCoach]

I appreciate you sharing that with me! Thank you, and you're welcome!

[@colocynthin]

The best insomnia coach available in internet

[@InsomniaCoach]

That truly means a lot to me. Thank you for your kind words!

[@psampson454]

Martin sticks to the point in his response and does not over clarify or go into too much detail which can lose the listener. I come away calmer and more hopeful. Thank you.

[@InsomniaCoach]

That's really helpful feedback. Thank you for sharing.

[@vivifalabella]

It is a very useful video, Martin. Going through fears of stress by not sleeping well for a long time.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thanks for sharing, Vivi. Fear and stress is a totally normal and understandable response to the difficulties we experience as human beings.

[@Alozaps]

Hi Martin, thanks so much for all the helpful sleep content you put out. I'll keep this as brief as possible out of respect for your time: for over a decade, I've been dealing with a strange breathing condition where I constantly feel the urge to take a deep breath. We've never been able to figure out what causes it, but I think it could be some kind of tic because thinking about it always triggers it. It can happen at night too when I go to bed, and I'm terrified that, in certain cases like the aforementioned, it may prevent me from sleeping, or at least prevent me from getting essential deep sleep and eventually even kill me. I've always been able to get to sleep, but I just can't shake the anxiety that this breathing condition could wreak havoc on my sleep in certain circumstances. I do find that I have odd sleep behaviours like dreaming right after I fall asleep and waking after 20 minutes or so, and I also always wake up early in the morning. At this point, I just want input from an expert who knows about sleep and can reassure me that my breathing condition can't prevent my body from getting the sleep it needs, even if it gets triggered as I fall asleep. I need the peace of mind because for the past little while, it has been eating at me on a daily basis. The reality is that I don't know for sure if this could be deadly. Who should I talk to about this? Should I see my GP and get referred to a sleep specialist? If you could offer any reassurance yourself, that would be great too.

[@InsomniaCoach]

I am not a doctor, but let me say this - if you've been dealing with this issue for over a decade, the fact you are still here with us suggests that the problem isn't something that is going to wreak havoc on your sleep or kill you. Since thinking about this issue seems to trigger it, it does sound as though the issue is related to heightened arousal. Many people who focus intently on something that usually happens without conscious thought (such as breathing or walking) find that whatever they start thinking about becomes more difficult! Distraction can be helpful in this case; when we give our mind something else to pay attention to, it becomes harder for it to obsess about things that might trigger worry or anxiety. Dreaming shortly after falling asleep or waking after 20 minutes or so or waking up early in the morning isn't particularly odd, so I don't think these are things worth being concerned about. Furthermore, please be reassured that the body will always give us - at the very least - the bare minimum amount of sleep we need. The body also does remarkably well at compensating for difficult nights - this can happen through the generation of more sleep after a period of less sleep, but it can also happen behind the scenes, whereby the body puts us into deep sleep quicker and spends more time there as a proportion of our overall sleep. In other words, the body always takes care of sleep by itself. We don't need to get involved by putting effort into sleep or compensating for difficult nights of sleep. I hope this helps.

[@Alozaps]

@@InsomniaCoach It's true that I'm still here, but I had never thought about the possibility of this thing triggering as a result of my mindset, so it never became a problem. It probably sounds strange, but this is a complex issue that I couldn't hope to explain in the comments here. Relaxing my face and my breathing seems to work well. The signs mostly point to this not being a problem or a threat, but it's the possibility that is stressing me out. I suppose I'll give it a few more weeks and see how my sleep goes. Thanks do much for the advice.

[@InsomniaCoach]

@@Alozaps You're welcome. Sleep isn't something we generally have to worry about - when we do worry about sleep that's often when sleep disruption occurs!

[@musa8180]

thank you so much this i belive will help me , ive been finding to sleep hard for the past months and been forcing to sleep.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Great! Thanks for the feedback and for sharing your experience!

[@guppy1776]

This is crazy. I never dealt with long bouts of insomnia before, until the last 6 months. I used to break all the "sleep hygiene rules" and still sleep just fine. Then last spring I started implementing all these new routines to "optimize" my sleep. And yes, they did work great at first, but then I started having insomnia like I had never experienced before, laying awake all night feeling jittery like I'd just taken 3 shots of espresso. I've been stressing out trying to find the solution, and this video is making me wonder if I unintentionally sabotaged myself with all those protocols and routines which just ended up creating rigid thinking and stress around sleep that wasn't there before. Its funny because I went on a trip for 3 weeks around christmas where I neglected all my routines and slept better then than I have at home for 6 months. This is such an interesting video.

[@timothyeasker5181]

Found this channel yesterday. Just amazing info/ content. Destroyed all the things about sleep I took as fact but found out was fiction. Only been dealing with this for a couple months. Had a really good night's sleep and feel so incredibly hopeful. Thank you so much!

[@InsomniaCoach]

Great stuff! Thank you so much for sharing, Timothy!

[@gigi1332]

This is such a powerful channel for me. You have literally helped me so much and I was at rock bottom with this Thank you

[@InsomniaCoach]

I appreciate you sharing that!

[@vikasgupta1828]

Thanks

[@InsomniaCoach]

You're welcome!

[@ross1972]

I cant stop yawning watching this.

[@rinchua463]

My insomnia is back again these few days. This is really something I need to hear right now. Thank u Martin.

[@InsomniaCoach]

There will always be ups and downs, Rin! Nobody enjoys fantastic sleep every single night for their entire lives! As long as you avoid the temptation to implement thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate insomnia, your sleep will very likely get right back on track all by itself!

[@melodyadarlo5357]

100% argee to this..I've been suffering from insomnia for 20 years now..the more I think about sleep, the more i dont sleep..i always amazed by myself of being in good condition all day long despite of being awake most of the nights..i got a good sleep straight for 1 month when i less think about it, and then when my mind gets to realized my sleeping problem, i dwell again of having a sleepless nights..sometimes i want to give up, but im hopeful and still positive to overcome this❤️i dont seek for any medical advice for im afraid of getting "drug dependency". One time i tried over-the-counter melatonin meds but it doesn't work for me.

[@TheMgarvey]

This was the best talk on sleep and insomnia I’ve ever heard. Thank you 😊

[@InsomniaCoach]

Wow, I appreciate you sharing that - thank you!

[@varadaanirudhan1993]

God bless your soul! Thank you so so so much for this wonderful, useful and reliable channel on insomnia!

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thank you so much for your kinds words! You are welcome!

[@hugotielen]

Great video!

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thanks, Hugo!

[@GouravRoyChowdhury]

Hi Martin, thanks for sharing these information, really helpful. My insomnia comes phase wise, if one night I don’t get sleep I worry so much that this last for about a week and then if one night I get a good night sleep I again come back to routine. Whenever I don’t get sleep I fear it may lead to high BP or it may affect my heart and thus I get involved in more safety behaviours and the whole day I’ll keep thinking of sleep. Currently I am going through the no sleep phase and it’s so debilitating.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Difficult nights are tough - no doubt about it! First of all, there's no evidence that chronic insomnia causes any health condition whatsoever. Secondly, I would suggest that when difficult nights occur, you recognize and acknowledge that and that you try to be kind to yourself. Then, I think it can be helpful to ensure you engage in activities (no matter how small) that keep you moving toward the kind of life you want to live - even after difficult nights and even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings. Finally, it can be helpful to avoid engaging in sleep efforts - because the more we try to control sleep (and anything else that's out of our control) the more we tend to struggle.

[@michaelrivera6989]

So right.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thanks for sharing, Michael!

[@gigi1332]

Amazing. Thank you so much. Been suffering from this for almost 15 years 😪

[@InsomniaCoach]

You're welcome! Sorry to hear about the 15 years of insomnia. We can't change the past, but we can make changes in the present that might make the future a bit brighter!

[@gigi1332]

@@InsomniaCoach Could you please provide a link where I can sign up?

[@InsomniaCoach]

@@gigi1332 If you go to insomniacoach.com and click the green "START NOW" button you can choose a payment option and start right away!

[@gigi1332]

@@InsomniaCoach Thank you

[@InsomniaCoach]

@@gigi1332 You're welcome!

[@medicalgossip820]

Your voice relaxes me and makeme sleepy...

[@InsomniaCoach]

Well, I'm glad to hear that! Half my work is done before I even figure out what to say!

[@jimjam528]

This is the best video I've seen on sleeping struggles. My goodness, thank you. I've been struggling to sleep for a week now, barely recall getting any in the past seven days. I've been struggling so hard with it because like you mentioned in the video, I fear the consequences of not sleeping enough. "What if I'll never sleep right again?" "What if it causes major health problems?" "What if it means I won't be able to enjoy myself anymore?" I've been engaging in lots of safety behaviors to try and sleep...like meditating with the goal of sleeping or getting out of bed if I can't sleep within 15 minutes (a "rule" I despise because I'm a very time obsessed person...applying this to sleep just makes things worse by making sleep feel like a countdown!) The biggest thing is that I've been putting my life on hold for this. Doing less of the things I love like drawing and writing and getting ready to hang out with friends. I've tried so hard to fight for sleep when it seems what I really should've been doing this whole time is just living my life as normal. It comforts me to know this lack of sleep isn't dangerous and that there is a simple answer that doesn't involve something like medication or doing a bunch of crazy exercises. I have more hope now. I figure you've heard many stories like mine. It makes me feel better that I'm not alone.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thank you so much for sharing. It sounds as though you now have a clear awareness of the opportunity you have to reclaim your life from insomnia (and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with it)!

[@mrfernandog123]

Hey brother I'm going through exactly the same thing... did u resolve the issue?

[@marychartrand1270]

I watched this video, as well as the video on Cindy’s postpartum insomnia today. I cried two minutes into her speaking because I was so relieved to hear someone else talking about my own personal struggle. My baby is now 5 months and sleeping 10-12 hours a night, and I’m still having occasionally fully sleepless and several poor sleep nights. The pressure I put on myself to sleep when the baby was sleeping, and the loss of all my sleep hygiene and predictability in the early days, paired with my PPD/PPA experience, meds, and then weaning off of meds.. it all just snowballed into me having no idea how to sleep naturally or regularly. I’ve got lists of sleep hygiene rules to follow and I’ve googled myself into a hole. This week I have decided to focus solely on abandoning my overthought sleep efforts, as well as my isolating safety measures, and limiting my time in bed. Wish me luck and thank you for giving me a new lens to look at my sleeplessness through

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thank you so much for sharing, Mary. Best of luck to you, and I hope you'll return with an update if/when you feel ready to do so.

[@mrfernandog123]

Hey Mary did it help?

[@peacegiveitachance9273]

Good information. Chronic pain is my kryptonite.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Glad you found the video helpful. I'm sorry to hear of your chronic pain - that sure can make sleep a bit more difficult.

[@frankie.d1127]

Mr. Reed, first off thank you for such amazing insight. One of my safety behaviors is that I always dread stomach cramps/discomfort after missing a full night or 2 in a row- any advise how to challenge and cope with that? Thank you!

[@anshulkundu5028]

You are god! You literally saved me . Thank u very much , all other's stuff on KZbin about sleep is shitt...

[@InsomniaCoach]

I am humbled by your words, Anshul! Thank you!

[@christinap.8716]

Every time I tried to work on a morning shift, I would get *sleep performance anxiety*. Ever since I resigned myself to the fact that I would always have to have a job that starts in the afternoon or evening, I have consistently fallen asleep effortlessly.

[@ilitree6267]

So, basically, we need to separate our being and doing from sleep, as it is not an ability but a constant that occurs naturally based on the body’s needs. While we cannot influence sleep occurrence, we can influence our mentality and behavior during sleep, which can result in deeper sleep or frequent wake ups? I love this video of yours, it’s so well made.

[@InsomniaCoach]

I think that's a great summary, ilitree! Thanks for letting me know you loved the video!

[@michaelthau1007]

Great video Im 52 and have been having sleep difficulty for the past 2 years. Go to bed 11pm and wake 3 or 4 am. Tried everything, all the sleep hygiene!! For now on im not going to fight going back to sleep. So frustrating! I pray for all of you Michael

[@wtDrake]

Any update?

[@InsomniaCoach]

I think everyone with chronic insomnia has tried all the "sleep hygiene" stuff - and, by itself, it's not an effective treatment for chronic insomnia. So, it's not surprising that you found sleep hygiene didn't help! Have you tried any cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) techniques?

[@wtDrake]

@@InsomniaCoach funny you responded just now, Martin! I just started listening to your podcast today after hearing a couple success stories on your YT channel. I've been dealing with this for almost 3 months but I agree the over emphasis on sleep hygeine is probably doing more harm than good. I'm going to try sleep restriction for the first time tonight and see how it goes.

[@InsomniaCoach]

​@@wtDrake Thanks for sharing! Making the decision to try sleep restriction is a big step - and it's certainly not an easy technique to implement. Prepare to recognize the power of sleep drive but, at the same time, be sure to give yourself time to adapt to your new sleep routine - and be kind to yourself during and after any difficult nights!

[@secoosecoo]

i will put his picture to my table even watching him makes me relax

[@sunce0072]

Great video! I still keep a sleeping pill close by, just in case. I guess I should put it away so I can't see it. The good news is I'm sleeping better, but on occasion especially when I don't fall asleep within a certain time I tend to get anxious. Talking about an hour or so. At that time I remember when I didn't sleep for 3 nights which was a year and a half ago. So on those occasional nights, I fear that it's gonna happen again. That's when I take the pill. Half a pill works. The funny thing is that I function pretty well even on sleepless nights. Stress hormones? I know what I'm supposed to do, or not but sometimes my brain just takes over. I could be sleeping well, or close to it for weeks and then one night...But at least now it's mostly one night. It's just frustrating that I fall apart because of one night.

[@InsomniaCoach]

If you know that you function well even after no sleep, why do you think you are worried about the possibility of no sleep? The good news is that sleep drive always wins in the end. It's impossible to remain awake indefinitely! Furthermore, any sleep you get - even after taking a sleeping pill - is sleep that is generated by your body. No pill can generate sleep (but they can create sedation and they can lower that initial obstacle to sleep; usually sleep-related worry/anxiety). You might find this video helpful: Even if you have chronic insomnia, sleep drive always wins - you can sleep and you will sleep! kzbin.info/www/bejne/bmm8pXxqjMqBqbM I hope this helps!

[@InsomniaCoach]

@Dr.Araham Physician Sometimes it takes me a while, but I do try to reply to all comments!

[@joecas6484]

Can you please share what sleeping pill you used. Nothing is working for me

[@seanking6184]

I’ve had bad insomnia for nearly a year now and I needed to hear this, I’ve been trying everything to make my sleep better from improving sleep hygiene to meditation to pills and all I think about is sleeping when I try to sleep... sleep efforts can paradoxically make it harder to sleep XD I’ll be viewing your videos, thank you for all the help to many.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thanks for letting me know this video was helpful, Sean! All those sleep efforts can be quite exhausting, right?!

[@SteveFoi]

Any updates, my man? Did that put u to sleep?

[@seanking6184]

@@SteveFoi my sleep has vastly improved over the long term simply from not worrying about how much sleep I get and being consistent with my sleep windows :) Still have bad nights here and there (I’ve always had some predisposition to that since I can remember) but as long as I don’t stress myself out over it my sleep gets back on track quickly enough :)

[@SteveFoi]

@@seanking6184 oh, i see. U know, as soon as the day starts, I try to ignore I had a bad night and do everything I'm supposed to do like a normal person: exercise, study, work, play games with friends and all that stuff. But at the very moment I close my eyes to sleep, I remember I'm an insomniac and the cycle returns. ☹

[@InsomniaCoach]

​@@SteveFoi Your brain will probably continue to play the "I'm an insomniac" soundtrack as though it's the world's number 1 hit record - however, it's just a soundtrack. It's background noise - a thought. Nothing more, and nothing less. Sometimes it can be helpful to acknowledge the thought (rather than trying to get rid of it) and then redirect attention toward the present moment (those comfy sheets, how the pillows feel, how your body feels) and perhaps even to consider what activities you will be doing tomorrow that help you live the kind of life you want to live, regardless of how you sleep and regardless of the radio station your brain decides to tune in to?!

[@miawatkins7553]

Pre baby I conquered my Insomnia (more or less) by just accepting it and moving on. I still had bad nights, and could rarely sleep before an anticipated event or different location, but I was much better. I believe I have some other sleep issues going on (nocturia, OSA) that I never addressed, but the anxiety was pretty much gone (with good sleep hygiene and bed time routine). It took two years of struggling. Now, I'm right back where I was. I have started Anxiety medication and am able to fall asleep, but I wake 3 times to use the restroom (stress, baby delivery, and weak bladder), get back to sleep mostly fine, then wake around 4 in the morning as that's when baby used to need me. Now struggling with this new issue of morning waking. I know I just need to abandon sleep efforts as I did before. But I don't know if I should continue the acceptance path with the new morning waking, or implement light therapy and sleep restriction (never did those before). I'm asking my Dr to send me to sleep lab as I do need to investigate why I have such broken sleep. It's clearly postpardom anxiety, but also the nocturia and potential sleep apnea could be barriers. Again though, I'm looking for cures. I just need to relax and carry on with life, which I have been getting better at. It's a huge anxiety for me though and I'm re-learning to cope with it and cope with being a new Mother at the same time (baby no longer sleeps in my room). The added fixation of baby sleep is also not helping, luckily she sleeps well, but I was OBSESSED with her naps for the longest time, over that now. Please please if you can advise if I should make efforts with the morning waking and fragmented sleep or just keep on keeping on. That being said, I'm going to go make breakfast and get on with my day.

[@InsomniaCoach]

That sounds really difficult - thank you for sharing. If you know from experience that sleep just cannot be controlled, it might be worth moving away from trying to control sleep (while also being kind to yourself). You might find my podcast episode with Cindy helpful, too: How Cindy tackled the insomnia that appeared after her baby was born by accepting nighttime wakefulness and eliminating safety behaviors (#31) - insomniacoach.com/cindy-insomnia-acceptance-ep31/

[@nemomen14]

i should have watched this last night!

[@eddakraynak5951]

I’m working on those safety behaviors. It won’t happen overnight, but I am making progress in that area.

[@InsomniaCoach]

That's great to hear, Edda! If you keep moving forward, you will always make progress!

[@raissounitarik1567]

Hi Martin thank u for the video it's very helpful can you please make a video about hyperawareness ( being aware of the moment of falling asleep ) and how to distract the mind from it it's like the pink elephant thing thank u !

[@InsomniaCoach]

Hello Raissouni! You might find this video on hyperarousal/jerking awake as sleep is happening helpful: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gXfPqZyOl76El8k When it comes to distracting the mind, visualizations can be helpful. Imagine yourself somewhere and picture every detail with all your senses. Or, try to imagine what might happen next in a book you've been reading or a show you've been watching. If all else fails, you could just get out of bed and do something you enjoy instead! I hope this helps!

[@kollateralschadensbegrenzu4929]

So happy i found your channel. This makes do much sense. I struggle with sleep for a looooooong time. It started with school ending 30 years ago: I started to be afraid of making a living. And that stayed with me. Alcohol helped to find sleep, but I quit drinking completely 5 years ago. Main problem is my monkey mind. It’s so seductive… sometimes it helped to trick my mind: oh I don’t want to sleep I just want to rest. Sometimes prayer / listing up what I am thankful for at this day helps to make me dizzy. Sometimes cooling packs help (can’t sleep when I’m too heated). But I can’t utilize anything of this. I think I need to rebuild a ‚sleep self consciousness‘ … if there is the slightest doubt if I can sleep the night - I won’t. Sometimes I get really tired in the early afternoon and thinking oh I shouldn’t sleep now … but it is easy then. Greetings from Cologne 🥱

[@ComeOnPeopleThink]

the majority of the time when i don't get a full nights sleep i perform better the next day not worse..

[@spottedpardalote]

Most of your stuff is so helpful Martin but the commenters have worsened my anxiety. I used to only suffer for insomnia for short periods because I thought it always went away.. these chronic insomniac story’s for decades are causing me so much stress

[@user-bl7hs9bt9t]

Then don’t read them bud

[@JBPALU]

'if the conditions are right' This is intriguing. I started with insomnia 6 months ago and it's now chronic. Stress and anxiety caused by an impending divorce the likley trigger. Now I'm alone and an insomniac. Just me and my hyperarousal. Lets say I'm committed to CBTi and follow through, my personal life (sombre, alone etc) are not ideal conditions. So would it be even worthwhile starting CBTi? My current average is 3-5 hours sleep even with a 2mg pill. Which is a lousy return and thats why I'm intrerested in CBti. Thanks Martin for the helpful insights

[@InsomniaCoach]

I think that any time we notice that we might be engaged in behaviors to try to make sleep happen or get rid of wakefulness, it can be helpful to explore a new approach - something that CBT-I can help with. It's definitely not the only "way" - but it's an effective and evidence-based option!

[@zeussatrid7126]

martin , sometimes Im about to fall asleep and i get this jolt that wakes me up and then its hard to fall asleep again, are you familiar with this?

[@christophdenner8878]

Thank you, I'm watching this at 3 a.m. I have been taking sleep medication for years. Currently I'm in a burnout and tried to wean off my sleep medication - no chance, it was a total failure. I never got more than 3 to 5 hours of sleep even after 3 weeks without sleeping pills and when I was already so extremely tired. I do fall asleep rather quickly, but I always wake up after 3.5 hours of sleep, fully alert, and then my mind starts racing and I can't get back to sleep. Usually I stand up, make some herbal tea with relaxation-inducing herbs, take valerianae root pills, take melatonin, etc. Lots of effort. I do fall asleep again (sometimes) at 7 or 8 am, but that's time I usually have to get out of bed for work. Even after weeks of poor sleep and as I'm already so tired that I have problems with simple daily activities and chest pain, my body still doesn't sleep a "normal" night of 7-8 hours. I'm getting more and more desperate. I will try out your recommendations, thank you!

[@InsomniaCoach]

That sounds difficult, Christoph - and, as you implied, so much of the struggle might be coming from all the effort to make sleep happen, get rid of wakefulness, and the ongoing effort, energy, and attention required to try to fight or avoid any difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with sleep disruption. I wish you all the best!

[@ElenaRata-iv5pk]

I think you should stop asking yourself to sleep 7-8 hour it puts more pressure on plus 5 hours isn’t that bad . I think it’s more stress that affects us more then actually not sleeping. Hope you’re better now!!

[@ebrahimm.7121]

This is a fact that trying for sleep adversely affect our natural sleep. Keep our mind bold enough to face any eventualities the next day after losing full night sleep. Mind is everything!!

[@InsomniaCoach]

Such a great insight right there - thanks for sharing in your own words!

[@chayillovemiscreola4922]

Good day sir! I wasn't able to fall asleep last night because I think I was trying too hard to sleep. I was also not feeling well, I have fever and muscle aches which contributes to me worrying about my health if I won't get sleep. Is it okay if I would stop forcing myself to sleep today, and let sleep just come later in the night?

[@asierxzx3737]

nice video everything you said is true but i'm a person with an overthinker that's what make harder for me

[@InsomniaCoach]

Some brains do like to think more than others - perhaps yours is more advanced and evolved compared to others! Perhaps you have a gift there! If you try to stop it from thinking or try to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings, that might end up creating some struggle and make things more difficult since the mind cannot be directly or permanently controlled!

[@PapatK9]

Finally someone said it! All these crazy ass sleep hygiene things I didn't need 3 months ago. I was suddenly obsessed with that which only seemed to make me more anxious about sleep. This has been a very helpful channel. And even if I don't get good sleep, I'm not stressing out about it like I was. "Your body doesn't forget how to sleep." DUH! Thank you!

[@InsomniaCoach]

You're welcome! Doesn't it feel great to liberate yourself from all those unhelpful sleep efforts and rituals?!

[@PapatK9]

@@InsomniaCoach Incredibly! Granted some of them do feel helpful for life or general health. Not eating so close to bed certainly makes for more restful sleep for me. However, you said it best. The only thing required for sleep is a quiet mind. Once I stopped stressing about it sleep found me just fine. Thank you so much for these posts!

[@PapatK9]

@@InsomniaCoach Just a follow up, my sleep has been completely transformed after a solid 3 months of legit insomnia. Not every night is a great sleep. I'm still figuring out how to improve it through better diet, etc...but my insomnia has not reared its ugly head.

[@InsomniaCoach]

@@PapatK9 This is so great to hear - thank you for the follow-up!

[@strictlynotraitors8004]

@@PapatK9 That was acute insomnia buddy, body automatically fixes itself. If you have had proper insomnia, you'll know how hard it is. I'm on my 15th day without any sleep at all, now that's just some hardcore insomnia. I have been suffering for the past 5 months. I've tried looking into CBTi but honestly it's all a scam, they are all after your wallet. If they really wanted to 'help people', their prices wouldn't be disgusting.. that's like asking a homeless person to pay you for a piece of bread. I've not been able to work, feel suicidal due to getting zero to no sleep, i am out of pocket and almost about to lose my family and these so called sleep experts have no other interest other than your wallet.

[@fantasticsituation9461]

hi Martin, thankyou so much for your channel, ive suffered insomnia for years and finding this channel is a godsend. wanted to ask two things: whats your opinion on blue light blocking glasses? i bought a pair of truedark glasses and i would say they helped me alot, but perhaps this is a sleep effort. do you have any advice about stopping yourself waking up in the night? my primary insomnia is getting to sleep but also i often wake up several times needing a wee and would love to stop this.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thanks for your kind words - glad to know you're enjoying the channel! I don't think blue light blocking glasses do any harm but they're not something I usually recommend since I have yet to hear from someone who found their insomnia was cured as soon as they used blue light blocking glasses (and that makes sense because chronic insomnia is fuelled by sleep-related thoughts and behaviors not exposure to blue light). Waking during the night is a completely normal part of sleep and usually only becomes an issue if we worry about those awakenings. Here's a video about this: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aWOcoHmwjdKqe68 I hope this helps!

[@fawkes.6820]

For the life of me i have been putting a giant dark beed sheet to make my room dark for months, i have been thinking about sleep and the consequences and also a mix of a bad sleep schedule i finally understand. WTF been so worried but now i understand

[@InsomniaCoach]

If the only thing disrupting sleep is light getting into your room, putting a dark sheet over the window is probably going to be quite helpful. If you recognize a lot of sleep-related worries and find that concern about sleep is influencing your behaviors, then a bed sheet on the window probably isn't going to help!

[@wince9537]

I feel like this video is directed specifically at me haha I feel called out

[@InsomniaCoach]

Well the good news is, now you know your insomnia isn't unique - so you know you don't have to live with insomnia forever!

[@sarwatsheikh8278]

I am a driving instructor....and I dropped down my job because of this condition I am dealing with nowadays. I think I made the right decision.

[@InsomniaCoach]

You are the expert on you, Sarwat! Did quitting your job improve the quality of your life, make you happier, and lead to better sleep?

[@sarwatsheikh8278]

@@InsomniaCoach No! I am struggling. I used to have a vigorous routine as a driving instructor, when my husband was living in another city. Then he came back, it was December and during December we usually stop taking students. So what happened...my vigorous routine changed as my husband came back from the other city and started taking all house hold responsibilities. So, no driving students and no responsibilities. Now...maybe that was the reason why I stopped feeling tired at all. On the other side, I was having some family stress as well. Maybe that was a reason why I started developing insomnia.....don't know what exactly the reason was. Thing is....at 10 pm, I start feeling a bit sleepy so I go to bed and I try sleeping but instead of a deep sleep, I get a bit of strange "sleep" I cant explain it.....its like..going into the valley of sleep but returning back :)) And then I get up, but stay on bed....then after 1:30 I tell myself that now my mind has a right to sleep :)) Then I close my eyes......and I get a deep sleep until 5:30 am and then again I sleep until 6:30 am and then again at 7:30. Its all fine right? Its not bad.

[@InsomniaCoach]

​@@sarwatsheikh8278 Your insomnia is pretty much a textbook example of insomnia, Sarwat! So, nothing unusual or unique is going on and this means that implementing the same techniques that people with insomnia have used to get their sleep back on track will almost certainly work for you, too! Since you are no longer working, it becomes even more important to add some kind of structure to your days. Adding enjoyable and enriching activities to your day will improve the quality of your day and prevent your mind from spending the entire day thinking and worrying about sleep. Being active also prevents you from being too sedentary, which strengthens fatigue. If you are currently going to bed at 10:00 PM and starting your day after 7:30 AM, this means you are allotting at least 9.5 hours for sleep. So, allotting a more appropriate amount of time for sleep would likely be helpful - as would getting out of bed whenever being in bed doesn't feel good. I hope this helps!

[@sarwatsheikh8278]

@@InsomniaCoach Thanks for your help :)

[@InsomniaCoach]

@@sarwatsheikh8278 You're welcome!

[@shane-lentz]

Great video! For me, I've noticed that I tend to obsess over certain sleep hygiene tactics. Most of the time I try to not use my phone or TV in bed, but ironically, I think I sometimes fall asleep faster when I use my phone or watch TV in bed, probably because I'm not thinking about sleep in those moments. Have you had experienced with instances like this? It's hard for me to strike a balance between using my phone/TV to relax while also associating my bed with sleep.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Sleep hygiene doesn't address the thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate sleep disruption and this is why sleep hygiene isn't an effective treatment for chronic insomnia! As long as you aren't spending the entire night in bed on your phone and you know from experience that using your phone for a brief amount of time before giving sleep a chance to happen is helpful, there's probably no need to change this in the name of "sleep hygiene"!

[@kesterjohnpalarao6861]

I can definitely relate to it too

[@jennifercroce5921]

Hi Martin, thank you for your advice it has been so helpful. I have never struggled with insomnia before in my life. However, the past month or so has been brutal, I have been going to sleep at 5am-8am every morning and then having to work 9-6:30pm. Sometimes Im up for 24 hours and it's terrifying, bc i feel like I can't trust my body, and I develop such anxiety and OCD thoughts about not sleeping, fearing I will develop a health issue or complication due to lack of sleep. It's frustrating, and horrible and I am not sure if this sleep disturbances is caused by anxiety and stress or something else? How can I tell if I have acute insomnia, chronic insomnia, or just sleep disturbances? I believe at this point my body is used to such a long stretch of no sleep and such a routine of this horrible sleeplessness that my circadian rhythm is off. Do you have any helpful advice for getting my circadian rhythm back and helping me have ATLEAST 5 hours a night? Thank you, Martin.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Sorry to hear how difficult things are for you right now, Jennifer! Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to make yourself get at least five hours of sleep each night because we cannot control sleep duration. In fact, it's our attempts to control sleep and avoid nighttime wakefulness that actually supply insomnia with the oxygen it needs to survive. Nothing in your comment sounds unique or unusual, so I don't see any reason why you won't find the information I share on this channel helpful!

[@samanthathompson9812]

Just wanted to say that I've been through this and hear you. I find it helpful just to know others struggle with this. Make sure you're not on new meds that caused this, like the Pill. Once you've made sure its not new meds that casused this, it's probably a vicious psychological cycle fed by cortisol (stress). Do things for your general health that lower your stress Tell yourself it will pass eventually. It will.

[@mrfernandog123]

Hey jen I'm going through something very similar. Did you get better?

[@Rahul69726]

this is actually quite difficult to do but yes, i remember the good old days when i used to go to sleep everyday at 3 am or whatever time i feel like and wake up 7-8 hours later. Now after insomnia i made a sleep schedule and still sometimes fail to get a full night sleep. Insomnia happened to me because of stress and drugs, but it is still somewhat continuing because of anxiety or to the fact that I am getting old.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Sleep changes as we get older but that doesn't mean we are destined to struggle with sleep as we get older. It sounds as though sleep used to be quite effortless for you in the past - perhaps there's an insight there that suggests you don't need to "do" anything for sleep to happen and that any "trying" might be creating a struggle that could be making things more difficult.

[@edwardtwins]

What about if your sleep efforts are technically ways to get you relax during times of high anxiety? I do find my night rituals ever since my insomnia started almost 2 months ago, (podcast, lavender, sleep tea) helps me relax enough to nod off the bed. But I have had times where i've felt very anxious because I've not been able to do this with enough time, which leads to being worried about not sleeping and then sleepless or bad night. Would it best to throw this all out the window? (I never used do this all before) I'm just concerned if I don't do these, I will feel anxious and unrelaxed, leading to a sleepless night? Thanks for your videos, very enlightening.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thanks for the great question - in my opinion, what determines a "sleep effort" is our intention. If we do "x" in an attempt to generate sleep then that's a sleep effort, and sleep efforts aren't helpful since they imply that sleep can be controlled (when sleep cannot be controlled), they increase arousal as we monitor for the effect of the effort, and they can erode sleep confidence if we believe we need to do "x" for sleep to happen. Before long, we can also find that we have a long list of rituals that we have to do before going to bed - and this increases arousal and doesn't help create good conditions for sleep! If we have anxiety and we find that a specific relaxation technique, for example, helps lower that anxiety then this wouldn't be a sleep effort since the goal was simply to lower anxiety and promote relaxation! If, however, we practice relaxation with the intention of generating sleep or sleepiness, then that becomes a sleep effort. I hope this helps!

[@Gxzza]

@@InsomniaCoach I sometimes can't figure out if I am doing something for general anxiety or for a sleep effort, like I'm secretly doing it to help sleep, like running, cold showers etc. I know they're good for general anxiety but deep down hope they also help my sleep, any ideas?

[@InsomniaCoach]

@@Gxzza If you ever find yourself trying to figure out if an action is "working" or find yourself thinking that something you are doing isn't working, you might be engaged in an effort.

[@denisebranquinho2377]

Hey!!! Martin! How are you doing? Today's video is super interesting. I was reading that... I don't know if you agree... That to have a good night of sleep we just have to work hard, so hard, but so hard... In order to get so tired that when you go to bed, immediately fall sleep. I thought there was some sense in this statement. I worked in a bakery just one day, but I remember that in this day i slept well. Perhaps it was the case that i went back to work...

[@InsomniaCoach]

Working hard can generate fatigue but not sleepiness! If you just woke up after a great night of sleep and then ran up 20 flights of stairs, you wouldn't be sleepy - you'd be tired! The only thing that generates sleep is spending enough time awake (and being calm enough for sleep to happen). An important insight you mentioned was after working in a bakery one day, you slept well. This could indeed have been influenced by the fact you worked - because when we work we typically have to get out of bed by a certain time and our minds are focussed on many things other than sleep! The result is more time for sleep drive to build, and less arousal!

[@denisebranquinho2377]

@@InsomniaCoach You are absolutely right. The problem is that I don't want to work anymore. I LOVE my free time. I need to find another strategy. I am gonna find, i am gonna watching all your videos!!! I will share them with my friends who have this kind of sleep problems, as well. Thank you so much! Cheers!

[@InsomniaCoach]

@@denisebranquinho2377 No need to work if you don't want to! Consider filling your days with fun, enjoyable, and enriching activities (regardless of how you sleep) instead! If your days are great, who cares how you sleep? When you don't care about sleep, sleep becomes a whole lot easier! Thanks for your support and for sharing the channel with your friends!

[@eastmeetswest3330]

Insomnia Coach I think generating sleep is not the issue. It’s the quality of sleep that leads to quality of life that matters. And being calm doesn’t just happen...??? This is so confusing to me. It especially doesn’t happen when your cortisol has been raised for days, mimicking a brain of someone on meth. I think my issue is that I will just be faking that I don’t care about how I feel when I don’t sleep. But I do... I really really do and I think everyone here does.

[@InsomniaCoach]

@@eastmeetswest3330 We have a lot of control over the quality of our life - arguably more control than how we sleep. Ultimately, we make the choice of what to do each day - if we don't do anything enjoyable or fun because we had a difficult night of sleep or because we have insomnia, we perpetuate difficult days and a poor quality of life. Insomnia can absolutely make the days more difficult, but there are things we can do - independently of sleep - to make the days better. When our days start to get better, we might worry a bit less about sleep and this can actually lead to better sleep.

[@brettrobinson3578]

Interesting perspective although somewhat different advice than my sleep specialist has me doing but I do understand the difference between actions for relaxation vs actions to force sleep. I guess a question I have is...you mention that there are only two things necessary for sleep. Why then, can I be exhausted and in a somewhat peaceful state of mind and still get barely any sleep that night whereas, before insomnia, I was sleeping 8-9 hours a night? Surely my body hasn't lost its need for sleep in six months. Is it all just an unconscious psychological fear/anxiety and how do I tackle it if it's unconscious?

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thanks for the great question, Brett! First up, it might be worth emphasizing that exhaustion isn't always the same as sleepiness. Ultimately, if you are in bed and sleep isn't happening then that might be down to one or more of the following reasons: 1. You aren't sleepy enough for sleep at that time 2. You are putting effort into sleep at that time 3. You are putting pressure on yourself to sleep at that time 4. You are trying to fight or avoid the thoughts/feelings that can come with nighttime wakefulness or are otherwise trying to control your mind at that time I hope there's something helpful here!

[@ebrahimm.7121]

Your video is interesting to me. To make confidence that if I don't get sleep, don't worry. If I can't get sleep nothing will be happening next day and don't try for sleep. Don't take the pill. Is that right?

[@InsomniaCoach]

I can't tell you whether or not to take a pill - but you might find it helpful to explore the belief that a hard night will lead to a bad day (by doing things you enjoy during the day, regardless of how you sleep)! As you mentioned, not trying to sleep can be helpful since trying to do something involves effort and sleep does not respond well to effort!

[@demotrifonopoulos1036]

Hi Martin, is sticking to a sleep window a sleep effort? Do we need to eventually abandon this technique as well ideally? Thanks

[@InsomniaCoach]

I think that depends on your goal, Demo! If the goal is to make sleep happen, then it's probably a sleep effort. If the goal is to help you move away from chasing after sleep by going to bed earlier, staying in bed later, and/or napping during the day, then perhaps it's the opposite of a sleep effort! Many people move away from a strict sleep window as they move away from engaging in a struggle with sleep.

[@SteveFoi]

Hey coach! But how can I manage to keep the "effortless" method at the very moment I close my eyes? I mean, even when I'm too tired and my eyes are automatically closed, as soon as I become aware my eyes just closed, I start to be hyper aware of my sleep again and the little brain zaps (adrenaline rush) comes in again. ☹

[@InsomniaCoach]

You might want to simply give your brain permission to be aware of sleep and even to generate some cool little brain zaps and adrenaline rushes if it wants to do so. This is just your brain trying to protect you - even though you are completely safe! Thanks, brain!

[@quansun4634]

What about long commute to work? That is my concern especially commuting after work to go home. Dangerous.

[@harshbutfair8993]

Caffeine, is it totally out of the question? I'm currently off coffee, but drinking more tea as a result, so my caffeine intake probably hasn't reduced that much.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Caffeine isn't a perpetuating factor behind chronic insomnia, but it can disrupt sleep. I think as long as you limit caffeine intake once the morning is over, it's not going to have a big influence on sleep.

[@alberto8991]

I'm traying to cope the insomnia with all the things that im learning in your channel but when i have poor sleep the Next day i feel my anxiety to the roof and with Strong headeaches for that reason is hard not think on the Need of sleep :(

[@InsomniaCoach]

It might be worth exploring what it is about the idea of sleep disruption that is generating anxiety. Here's a video about this: How challenging sleep-related thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors can help you improve your sleep - kzbin.info/www/bejne/j2GloIWbn8xskKc

[@alberto8991]

@@InsomniaCoach thanks for your reply

[@InsomniaCoach]

@@alberto8991 You're welcome - thanks for contributing to the channel!

[@mrfernandog123]

It's hard not to think about when you feel the effects of the sleep deprivation so true... How are you doing now bro?

[@joewalker8098]

Hi martin i am currently struggling with insomnia for about 6 weeks and started sleep restriction 4 days ago. I find i am literally falling asleep infront of the tele at 11pm but as soon as i go to bed at 12:30 i am wide awake then end up only getting about 1 or 2 hours max. Its only on the night i don't have a sleeping pill. I have decided i am not having anymore as they make me feel awful the next day. Will this fear of the bed go away over time? Thanks Joe

[@InsomniaCoach]

Hello Joe and thanks for your comment! Feeling really sleepy before going to bed and then feeling wide awake when you get into bed is a classic symptom of conditioned arousal - because you have experienced so many unpleasant nights in bed, your mind has learned to associate the bed with unpleasantness and so it fires up the arousal system to protect you from that unpleasantness! The good news is that since this association has been learned, it can be unlearned - primarily by getting out of bed whenever being in bed doesn't feel good. You might find this video helpful - What to do when you feel sleepy early in the evening but don't feel sleepy when it's time for bed: kzbin.info/www/bejne/laCQqmtmndhkbMU I hope this helps!

[@joewalker8098]

@@InsomniaCoach thanks Martin. Your videos are so reassuring and informative. They really have kept me grounded and calm through this period. And even better i got 6 hours last night with no pill (i couldn't quite make 12:30 though) feeling positive for the first time in weeks today. Sending a huge thanks from Brighton uk.

[@InsomniaCoach]

@@joewalker8098 This is great to hear! When you can recognize that your insomnia isn't unusual and understand the reasons behind all the symptoms you experience, you can then feel a lot more confident when it comes to addressing the problem!

[@mrfernandog123]

Are you doing good now joe?

[@jordanc1910]

I love this and of we think insomnia can kill us we are dead wrong.. theres a healty man in Vietnam name Thai ngoc that hasn't slept it 41 years... read about him and he said it hasn't affected his health that he carries 110lb sacks all day long. Read the story.. may give you comfort to think sleep can't kill you. It's for the mind and mental health.. not really body. You will live.. I go days past weeks on little to none but I try too hard

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thanks for sharing, Jordan! I am certain that Vietnamese gentleman has managed to get some amount of sleep over the course of 41 years - but his story proves that it's possible to live with untreated chronic insomnia indefinitely because the body will always generate, at the very least, the minimum amount of sleep we need.

[@tombellamy4857]

Hi Martin, I've been sleeping great recently and conquered insomnia. Now I've moved house I can't sleep again, is this normal? What can I do about it?

[@InsomniaCoach]

Completely normal, Tom! Our sleep is usually disrupted when a big change happens, or when we are sleeping in a new environment. Usually, the best reaction is no reaction - because it's our reaction to temporary sleep disruption that often sustains that sleep disruption!

[@privateprivate2421]

I've had insomnia for 26yrs. I e just accepted it but last 3yrs it's got much worse.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Sorry to hear that - there's always a way out, though! Sally had insomnia for 60 years and was still able to put it behind her: insomniacoach.com/sally-insomnia-60-years-ep19/

[@ryandr4714]

What about avoiding light from ur phone or computer a hour before sleep? Is this behavorial counted as sleep effort?

[@InsomniaCoach]

If you're doing that in an attempt to generate sleep or sleepiness, it sounds as though it might be a sleep effort!

[@colinpatrick2729]

Am i doing a sleep effort by staying up to feel sleepy or getting decent excercise during the day not being sedentary as i know it builds more sleep drive is that an effort. Trying to stay off mobile phone screens at night - sleep effort?

[@InsomniaCoach]

Usually, we see people going to bed earlier - before they feel sleepy enough for sleep - as a way to chase sleep and try to make sleep happen. That's definitely a sleep effort. Staying out of bed until you feel sleepy usually means we spend less time in bed so I'm not convinced it qualifies as a sleep effort. At the end of the day, I guess this might come down to semantics and that might become distracting - so how about we reframe this as unhelpful sleep efforts (such as going to bed before conditions are right for sleep) and helpful sleep efforts (such as not going to bed until sleepy and being active during the day)?

[@colinpatrick2729]

@@InsomniaCoach thanks Martin yeah i definately see them.as being helpful. Im still working from home so my options are still quite limited for excercise and light first thing after waking up plus when commuting i would normally be up at 6 instead of 7. Is it cortisol that drives the arousal when your sleep drive gets overriden? I know it rocks the boat with circadian drive melatonin etc?

[@InsomniaCoach]

@@colinpatrick2729 Lots of people work from home and sleep just fine - just as many people aren't exposing themselves to light first thing or exercising first thing and yet still sleep fine! Cortisol is a stress hormone and our arousal system can temporarily suppress sleep drive, but sleep drive ALWAYS wins in the end!

[@colinpatrick2729]

@@InsomniaCoach thanks Martin just always confused as my cortisol was tested at 5 points in the day and before bed and it was within normal range and curve was normal too

[@InsomniaCoach]

@@colinpatrick2729 There's never any mystery to chronic insomnia - although it sure can feel that way! If you recognize yourself in any of the stories on the podcast or in any of the videos I share, then you will almost certainly find it helpful to implement changes that help build sleep drive, strengthen the body clock, and weaken the arousal system! This helps set the stage for sleep and ensures you aren't engaged in behaviors and/or thought processes that can perpetuate sleep disruption.

[@boke75]

The tough part is getting out of bed at 5AM after being awake all night. Just have to accept the fatigue during the day and ESPECIALLY : not to constantly ruminate about sleep during the day. The trick, folks, is limiting sleep thoughts only, say, 2 or 3 times only during the day (even if you are quite burnt out, eyes burning, even nauseous). If they pop in your head, just push them away saying : "we'll think about this at the next 20 min period". YOU CANNOT PUT SLEEP ON A PEDESTAL ! Good sleepers give 0 thoughts about sleep. That's our aim.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Getting out of bed around the same time each day is hard - especially after a difficult night! Setting some time aside to allow yourself to worry and think about sleep all you like can be helpful, too - if nothing else, it might also help us realize that although thoughts can make us feel uncomfortable, they don't have control over us. So, why bother trying to fight them?

[@luisestrada4900]

​@@InsomniaCoach Man your answer gives more hope that you so much

[@rafacaro9388]

I been suffering from insomnia since 99. It has just got worse till today. Fucking gate this. Sleep is a luxury.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Sorry to hear how difficult things are for you, Rafa. I wish you all the best and hope you're finding the channel helpful.

[@user-bl7hs9bt9t]

Unfortunately no matter how much sleep drive builds, people will still not get enough of that “eventual” sleep. In fact many people go many days with zero sleep before they get 2 hours of sleep and then it’s back to not sleeping. This why “sleep drive always wins” is not true since insomnia wins especially in the long run.

[@nanu-nv6zq]

So if I haven't slept in a day or 2 and I need to keep doing all the things I normally do..say I want to and I do them..but my body is aching so bad..head ache, chest pains, burning eyes, palpitations..just feeling yucky in general and can't focus....how do I deal with that ? Thanks for replying in advance

[@InsomniaCoach]

Well, what's the alternative to doing things that matter to you? The only alternative I can think of is to do less (or none) of the things that matter to you when all this difficult stuff shows up. Is that going to make things better?

[@Soph1k99]

I overcame my insomnia one year ago but a few nights ago I went to bed a little later than usual and I was thinking "oh no its too late to fall asleep now, I dont have enough time to do it, it'll be morning soon, etc" and it kept me awake all night.. I hate triggering thoughts and I have no idea how to deal with them. Also, the fact that I had bad sleep the night before keeps bugging me the next day, specially when I suddenly feel tired or yawn and then I remember it's due to the fact that I barely slept, then I end up feeling terrible.

[@InsomniaCoach]

Thanks for sharing! Is there any difference in how you respond to a difficult day (independently of sleep) and how you respond to a difficult night? Are there any insights there, that might be helpful?

[@mamaluigi56649]

​@@InsomniaCoach😊