Why They Stopped Trying & How to Make Them Want You Again

►► Discover the 5 Surprising Reasons Men Disappear.
Unlock Your FREE Guide at . . .
→ www.WhyHesGone.com
▼
Don’t Miss Out! Subscribe to my KZbin channel now.
I post new love life advice for you every weekend.
►► FREE download: “9 Texts No Man Can Resist” → www.9texts.com
►► FREE download: “5 Compliments to Get Him Addicted to You” → www.SayThisToHim.com
▼ Get My Latest Dating Tips and Connect With Me… ▼
Blog → www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/
Facebook → / coachmatthewhussey
Instagram → / thematthewhussey
Twitter → / matthewhussey
▼ Connect with Stephen ▼
KZbin → bit.ly/StephenHusseyKZbin
Instagram → bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG

[@brownsugar85]

Every time I had a funny feeling, something funny was going on. I do have a somewhat anxious attachment style, but my 'anxious' feelings have almost always been on point in sensing when something was off. I agree that the point is not to ignore the intuition, but to resist the impulse to try and bend backwards to change their minds when they start acting weird.

[@MissMiaAvila]

🙌🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼Amen. This right here!!!!

[@aparker2715]

Just got out of a relationship and felt this way too much and found out that I was right all along and not crazy like I was made out to be. Wasted four years of my life!

[@Belleame42]

I feel this too but then wonder if it's actually my anxiety that makes it happen.

[@elgeebee5250]

sammmmmmmmmmmme i was spot on, even if blindsided

[@amandaa2119]

Sometimes people pull away or stop trying when they're narcissistic and the devaluing/discarding cycles begin. Just saying since it's not always addressed

[@sonayamiller3689]

Can it not necessarily be tied to narcissism? I feel I’m going thru the devaluing/ discarding cycle with my guy, and I’m def not narcissistic. Next!

[@JohnM...]

True. It could perhaps be the test of a narcissistic control freak.

[@jayceegenocide4402]

That begins when their focus is on the next person.

[@amandaa2119]

@@sonayamiller3689 yes hun! It can be tied to other things that are not narcissistic for sure!! The only reason I mentioned it could be narcissism related is because it's not brought up often enough. I feel as though a lot of people may internalize when their narcissistic partners do it. When I say people I mean me and countless others unfortunately. I didn't know I was in a "relationship" with a narcissist until one day I tried to address how I was feeling about situations he put us in as a result of his poor choices. I tried to address it calmly, lovingly, with respect, used I statements, etc and he blew up at me, gaslighted me, made me question myself and my reality, told me I was being over sensitive, etc. Prior to this discussion about my feelings I noticed he stopped coming over during the week like he used to, was texting me significantly less, stopped calling me terms of endearment he used to call me, wasn't hugging me like he had used to, physical and emotional intimacy was dying down, etc. I started putting two and two together after his blow up. I now realize I am seeing every single red flag of narcissism in him. He's constantly talking about himself, doesn't seem to want to learn more about me as a person, everything is about him and his appearance, the lashing out when someone politely provides feedback, etc. It's sad to go through, but I'm glad that listening to these videos, Dr Ramani, and others are helping me to see how they are.

[@ameliaetienne8521]

Interesting point. It’s definitely possible. Maybe this or they become so disassociated and if that’s the case, they aren’t maybe as “healthy” as we thought. The only way to improve is if both parties work together but sometimes one doesn’t want to

[@lisabell2134]

I get distant when i get anxious or feel low. Doesn’t mean i doesn’t like the person anymore, just that i have a lot of personal stuff going on inside me. But i try to be more open about it to the person im dating, so they don’t interpret it like having to do with them.

[@nasho3518]

Have you ever had to deal with breaking up with someone because of your anxiety? My bf broke up with me bc of his severe anxiety, but i don't know if getting help will help him and us or if he doe not want me

[@dancinglikeafairy]

I’ve definitely said the “If you don’t want me just say it” and every time it would be a response with, “ Please we’ll talk about it later” (never do/did) or “I’m freaking out over nothing” but our relationship was over long ago and I made the mistake of falling for the bread crumbs after a breakup.

[@elgeebee5250]

same

[@morganh6977]

I needed this. My boyfriend is showing these exact behaviors and we just celebrated our one year anniversary… I realize meeting his parents and them saying things like “DONT MESS THIS ONE UP, WE LOVE HER” may have made him feel strange? Or less than? I’m not sure! This is my first (what I believe to be) healthy relationship. So this is all so new. But I’m going to really sit with what key things were said. Take responsibility, create desirable moments, and of course communicate openly.

[@m.l.7558]

How you doing?

[@lolitamoonprod]

Talking from experience, instead of being in her head , she should put everything in the table and communicate how she feels, then he is sure to tell clearly what has changed in the relationship from his perspective. If there is no clear and easy communication, I don’t see a healthy relationship in future. Stop playing the guessing game.

[@EE-in2uv]

I confronted my ex about that, all she did was gaslight and manipulate me that I’m insecure and accusing her of cheating. I was walking on eggshells. I was scared to say how I really feel or what I think. And the one time I actually try to communicate and say what I really think. She attacks me.

[@csx6910]

@@EE-in2uv Then you end it.

[@jennybtx]

Dudes don't like to talk about such things. So that isn't realistic.

[@bunniewood]

I dont see that working. She said he's the type of guy who just always says "I'm fine"

[@xdlr22]

@@jennybtx maybe they should though. I’ve met guys that are very straight forward and they’re a lot more worth my time imo. Everyone should be open and honest communicators. Not just women. And not just men. If they’re keeping you guessing too much and playing with your feelings after you lay your cards on the table, just move on. It’s tiring.

[@melisyahay8210]

I'm trying to learn to be more relaxed in my relationships and to be poured into. Instead of always doing the pouring. 😩🤦🏽‍♀️❤️😏

[@snowballandpals]

Then when you meet someone who does the pouring, you pull aways because they're being needy.

[@michellec3100]

When I hear that specific example, I think goodness girl, give him time! Don't ask questions, don't push for the constant confirmation, which makes them even more stressed. Complicated. A non fun man wants you to be happy and if you become so questioning so much and appear unhappy , he will pull back more to avoid making you more unhappy. These are men! Less emotional than women generally. To get out of that cycle Pull yourself back BUT without being annoyed or hurt, concentrate on your own fun (mean fun!) things. Concentrate on your own hobbies more. Be fun! Not complicated like 'i think I am not ready to move in together with next lease either, let's do it slowly. I have a lot of work too currently. Nothing to do with you." Anxiety and put pressure on, will burry his love. But it's there. Pull kindly back, enjoy more your own things that you like and maybe did less since the relationship, ..don't show you cannot be happy without that guy. You are happy yourself, do not pressure and be anxious, question, discuss the heck out, no, he proved to love you very much and he will not love you less, but please give him time to be ready for the next big step. Be sour and question will just prompt him how terrible the relationship will be.... Get it? Show your happiness when he does something special. Smile, be happy. Be the confident woman! That uncovers his feelings again. Slow! Take it slow when they pull back. Most women pull back and it's over....because they were sour, reacted annoyed and were too complicated giving him the feeling he never will make her happy despite loving her. It's not not love often. It's the expectation and own insecurities. Let loose to get the power back.

[@zmahmoud1454]

A great advice!!! 💯💯💯

[@refreshingtwist]

Super aware Fearful Avoidant here. Been doing a lot of trauma therapy just by myself lately. Looking into my childhood, seeing why I act the way I act. I'm always drawn to videos like this - about relationships and human psychology. However, I always get SO overwhelmed by all the information about how to make a healthy relationship work. Does anyone else feel like this? Boy are humans complicated. And now try and get 2 of them together to make it work without too much friction. Feels hopeless to me. I keep feeling like I want nothing to do with it. But I know that's the FA in me talking. I shall continue learning and working on myself. But props to anyone that's in a healthy relationship where communication flows naturally and conflict is rare.

[@allthingsying2336]

I feel you

[@learninginlove3785]

I feel like I wrote this comment myself. Going through a similar thing with my boyfriend as the girl in this video and the advice given feels overwhelming and almost hopeless but I think what else would I be doing if I wasn't at least trying?

[@refreshingtwist]

@LearningInLove I wish you luck! I think communication is key. But communication even triggers me. What if they think I am needy? What if they feel I am nagging? What if they feel I'm getting too serious? Oh my. I got issues. I think I'm going to spend 2023 wholly and completely single. Work on this attachment style stuff... because I'm seeing that it is EVERYTHING.

[@learninginlove3785]

@refreshingtwist yes I've been working on my communication skills and reminding myself that if he thinks I'm too needy or to anything than he's just not the one for me 🤷‍♀️.

[@refreshingtwist]

@@learninginlove3785 that would be my thinking too!!! Good luck!!! ♡

[@danielnovak4284]

But when a man stops saying, 'I love you! 'and stops being close and to caress and touch her means they've disconnected. I've seen this in my own marriage relationship. It really stinks to be in this way. If he was mad at you only, he wouldn't stop saying, 'I love you!', etc. He may not want to be close at the time and distant for awhile, but the loss of love is not on the table.

[@edinlifestyle7856]

Courage to communicate compassionately. Something life has taught me is that the greatest issues or imposed issues in any relationship are based in unclear or no communication at all. I would have asked Rain, “how have you brought up your feelings or what you’ve noticed to him?” I willing to wager that she really hasn’t and that’s a missed opportunity. I agree with the idea that she could take action and lead by example to do for him what she would like to experience from him. In being courageous to communicate with compassion with him to say, you know I’m feeling x way lately because I’ve noticed a change in x. And ask, how are you feeling? Tell me what’s on your mind? Then be open to receive whatever his/her answer is. That’s a beautiful opportunity to build greater rapport and deepen the relationship. ❤

[@jayceegenocide4402]

Trust me on this. They pull away because they want the other person they are involved with & are trying to get you to dump them. When they are cold with you they are hot with someone else.

[@csx6910]

Not always. Real relationships can't run at 100 all the time. They've gotten closer and see each other more regularly and she expects the same level of time, attention, and energy as in the beginning which is unrealistic. She's a part of his life, not the sole focus of it. As they've gotten closer, she's seeing that he has other aspects of his life he has to focus on that she was likely oblivious to before because when they saw each other, he made it all about her. If she expects that to continue when they see each other every day, she'll be disappointed to discover that he has other priorities outside of herself.

[@JohnM...]

@@csx6910 What do you make of this true story, and particularly your opinion of the woman: A woman I WAS interested in (she was in a relationship so I walked away to honour myself) when we met for a catch up for the last time (December last year) bitched to me (apparently her gay male girlfriend - yeah,…no) for half the time about her boyfriend, about how depressing he was, how she hated him (used that word - I hate him so much, I really hate him, etc), and (no joke, her exact words): ‘I keep going to bed at night thinking of ways that I can kill him’. 😯 Fast forward to September this year, when I met up with a mutual friend for a quick chat, who tells me this woman kept blowing her off for a catch up, and went swanning off on holiday with the guy!! (Mid summer) Question: what would make a woman change her attitude or emotions SO MUCH from wanting to ‘kill’ her boyfriend, to skipping off happily on holiday with him 6 months later? Is there a ‘rationale’ for that, or is she probably an insecure nut bag?

[@jayceegenocide4402]

@@csx6910 I am speaking from experience. You must not be familiar with modern dating. Dating, apps, social media bringing infinite options. All I will say is NEVER engage in long distance relationships.

[@jayceegenocide4402]

@@csx6910 I understand that but if they cannot match your energy move on.

[@csx6910]

@@jayceegenocide4402 "matching energy" is often code for acquiescing to their neediness. The expectation of remaining the other person's number 1 and only priority is more akin to narcissism. I am all too familiar with modern dating. That's where my response comes from: experience and and observation. Most women consider themselves a prize and expect the man they want to treat them like it. They don't understand that they are only a part of his life and not the focus of it.

[@cryscris]

God please bless me with someone who NEVER pulls away and is an expert communicator. He’s not going to play games and will be consistent and we will grow in love more and more each day. My personal love fairytale story ❤️‍🔥

[@buliameenoladayo3074]

They problem is when women did find the expert communicator and someone consistent and loyal, they subsequently find that person boring and a clinger. Because a typical loyal, self respecting guy is usually focus and non spontaneous and the average woman always wants the funky alpha male. Women often wouldn't be able to strike a balance and end up loosing such guys as they look for "non existent" perfect male partners

[@cryscris]

@@buliameenoladayo3074 not true for me. I actually did have someone who was an expert communicator, he was average and a regular guy. To ME he was special though. We had a rare connection that we BOTH felt and it was so refreshing that I got clingy and pushed him away 😅😅😩 I feel it’s not over between us because his last words to me was “you’re a good person” and he knows I genuinely love and care for him. However he said he needed some ‘space’ because I was smothering lol. So I’m taking this time to work on myself so that when we reconnect I’ll be the best version of me firstly for ME then him. I’ve learnt how to create ‘balance’. If he returns I’ll never let him go ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

[@buliameenoladayo3074]

@@cryscris I am glad that ypu are one of the few exceptions to the norm. I am equally glad that you've found someone with such attributes and are hopeful that you could reconnect and make it much better. Being in love with someone who is expressive , loyal, self respecting and realistic is really pricesless and often undervalued. Meanwhile, I dont think being "clingy" in a romantic relationship should be resentful. I will rather have a loyal , expressive , realistic, "clingy" partner than a non challant pretentious cheater

[@cryscris]

@@buliameenoladayo3074 thank you ☺️ which I why I know we would reconnect because he WILL realize that he’s made a mistake and will be missing out on a genuine, loving, caring, amazing person. If he does, it will be HIS loss. Conversely he’s been through a very toxic relationship and I’m really hoping and manifesting that we reconnect because I want to show him what genuine and healthy altruistic love looks like. I always told him he just has to be himself with me and his heart is safe with me. I would prepare meals for him, listen to him, took an interest in HIS interests and was very open in the bedroom with him (he never requested anything out of the norm tho). He always told me that I was different and have so much love to give. He KNOWS all of this so I believe he’s having regrets now and wants to reconnect. He’s just trying to find a way to do so lol.

[@buliameenoladayo3074]

Wow! If all you said here is really true, you are definitely different and he will definitely realize that and will make every effort to reconnect soon. You are obviously are in love with him, so its good to give it a go again when he returns. Its been a while I heard a lady taking interest in a man's interest or emphasizing on BEING JUST HIMSELF. These days ladies want you to be what they expect of you, however miserable that makes the man it doesn't matter. The only element missing for me to understand the genuineness of your love for him is HIS FINANCIAL / SOCIAL STATUS. From the very first day, I have had ladies display immense spotless affection towards me to the point of being clingy when they think I had money and could provide them expensive lifestyles. Their pledge of undying love died instantly 😄 when they realized that I'm a very comfortable man with cautious spending habit and know how to live within my means. I was not ready to be an ATM machine 😄 to anyone particularly in the name of love. If your relationship with him is hypergamous he might not likely return

[@allenmciver1888]

This is clearly mapped out in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. When men get really close, they pull back, not because they like you less but because they have to maintain their Self. The author descibes it as a rubber band. He pulls a away, but will snap back. Once he knows he's still him self, he'll feel safe to move back. Its healthy and its part of being an independent human.

[@alejandraware243]

Every Audreys opinion its so full of wisdom, I just love her 🥰

[@stormdancer0]

Hey, most of your advice is directed towards young couples. Could you do one for those of us who are dating in our 50s and 60s? It's remarkably frightening to be dating again after 30 years of marriage and 4 years of widowhood.

[@lisah3625]

Was thinking exactly the same mid life dating can be very confusing!

[@guillermolmp]

Great question! … I’m 60 and going through similar circumstances:(

[@marisaflores-march7112]

Yes please! Widowed for 6 years, 55 years old now, just started dating again. Casually dating right now, going slow...but what does dating mean these days, casual/non-commital is ok right now but what are the "rules" these days on that? (Frequency of seeing someone, how much to call etc...)

[@bindicat9070]

Yes I would like dating advice for over 50s

[@naph8189]

So, I was seeing this guy for about a year and a half. He didn’t want to commit initially because he didn’t want a long distance relationship. Despite this, we still carried on talking everyday and would spend time together when we were in the same country…We became quite close but yet I could sense that he was holding himself back. He wasn’t very caring, thoughtful, affectionate or intentional with me. I eventually moved back to the same country as him and he was open to getting more serious with me. The topic of us actually being in a relationship came up severally (brought up by me 100% of the time) and he would always say he needed more time. He enjoyed spending time with me and felt we needed to get to know each other more. I agreed to this because I genuinely feel like I loved him. I was willing to be patient and see what the future had in store for us. Despite him showing signs of seriousness (going on a staycation together, buying me gifts, hanging out with his friends, meeting his parents), i couldn’t ignore the fact that I felt like I still needed more from him. The care, attention and thoughtfulness I would show him was never fully reciprocated. This was brought up on several occasions and it would always be the same excuse, ‘give me time’. I got fed up on several occasions and would try to break things off but he would always fight against it and encourage me to stay and be patient with him. He didn’t want to lose me and wanted to keep trying. Eventually I had had enough and told him I thought we should end it, for the first time ever, he didn’t fight it and we ended things. He claimed that he tried his best to give me more and give me what I deserve. He said he would try to convince himself that it would happen but it never did. He said he thinks I’m perfect on paper and have all the qualities he wants in a wife but just couldn’t explain why that wasn’t coming across with his actions. He doesn’t know whether it’s because of the timing, or stress from work, or the fact he hasn’t taken a girl seriously for over 5 years, etc, but he thinks it’s best we end things ‘for now’. This obviously was hard to hear because I don’t know if it means that there’s something wrong with me. I just know that there’s another girl out there who would never had to ask him for any of the things I was asking him for, it would just come so naturally to him. I really need advice on what to think. Please help me, I’m honestly crushed. I really loved him.

[@Ag.mar.]

I think that, if you moved to his country and started hanging out with him in person more than 8 months ago, you need to let him go. Maybe he will change, but you can't bet your happiness on an unlikely situation like that. You said yourself that he has never brought up the subject of being in a commited relationship with you. That in itself shows his lack of interest in commitment with you. He was being selfish in stringing you along like that; as Matt's team said in other video, wanting all the perks of being a boyfriend, with none of the responsibilities. Ending it with you was actually probably altruistic of him, he freed you, and now you can try and meet someone who will actually want the kind of commitment that you do. Cry, be upset, go through that pain, and eventually, date again.

[@charr007]

Happiness is a state of mind,don't put your happiness into others side because always you can find yourself lost ,nowadays women and men acting like kids without gratitude and this is a key to daily life.

[@selynasteriska]

Oh man, this all sounds so exhausting...

[@wittynamegohere]

I know right? It honestly gets to be too much.

[@KayKayz94]

I dont want to have to compete with other beautiful women to ensure my partner desires me. This is the thing. Yes I can put on a dress and steal the show, but that's not always how things pan out and I don't always have the time or resources to do that. So say there's another attractive woman in a pretty dress around, and he's noticing her instead, even though I put effort into my appearance... that tells me I have an unstable guy with shifting values on my hands more than anything really.

[@MrColdNoodles]

This just happened to me, I met his family, it went great! But then one we almost immediately lost that connection. And when I warmly asked him about it, he distanced himself for 2 days then ended the relationship. Hed never had a relationship last for very long and he had never lived with anyone. He's 45.

[@Indite_Biden]

When my ex stopped trying to do little things make me happy, then said he wasn’t jealous of other guys hitting on me and then he actually told me to date other guys….I finally realized it was really over. Lol

[@janewildly]

This is the time to show tenderness & vulnerability… then you watch how they deal with that and you get your answer

[@michaeldiffey3791]

As a man I can tell you that guys process things in silence. Bringing his girlfriend to meet his family is a big deal and now he could just be processing everything that is going on. He's probably also planning on what the next step is. Men aren't going to work it out by talking about it, that's what women do. She needs to make sure she is not projecting her feelings on to his actions first. Make sure there are no other red flags that would make you think it's something else. Don't feel obligated to do more to try to get him back because you might be acting out of character and that could change what he is originally liking you for.

[@luwisdon6364]

Hi friend, Are you trying to attract or win back your Ex, specific person (SP), restore a broken Relationship marriage, reunite with your soulmate/twin flame or banish a third party From your relationship.Dr peter is the best .💯😍

[@sues.3527]

After hearing her letter, there's something about it that makes me think that there's another woman involved. Perhaps at work or something. 9 months is pretty quick to change behavioural lanes..., that usually happens after 3 or 4 years after a couple lives together. I've been in similar situations, and if you think he's kind of checked-out, it's because he has. She wrote the letter because her intuition is telling her that something is off. She should trust that. Or at the very least, trust and verify.

[@csx6910]

Doubtful. If there was another woman, the _last_ thing a man would want is to move in together. That kind of activity requires freedom of movement which he wouldn't have if she essentially knows his activities and whereabouts the majority of the time. The 'honeymoon' period is over and she's seeing more of his life with her not the absolute focus of it the way it was in the beginning because of the increased interaction. I, and a lot of guys I know, have experienced this very thing. In fact, I'm going through it now. Our schedules only allowed getting together a few times a week so when we did, it was just us doing what we'd do ignoring everything else. And that was possible because I'd make certain possible distractions were taken care of beforehand. Now, our schedules have shifted so we see each other more frequently, but I can't always make sure everything else in life is taken care of so I've had to tell her that she can come over but I'll be taking care of x, y, or z and we'll have time after. Then there'll be times I'll choose an activity that she likes that I don't particularly care for and other times she'll want to get together and I'll let her know we can but I have an activity already planned that I enjoy that she might not. This very much seems like she was the focus in the beginning but is starting to see more of his life and how it requires time and attention as well and she interprets that as 'drifting away'. If she's not careful, it'll become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[@sues.3527]

@@csx6910 One of my friends got married while he was cheating and another one lived with the guy and the relationship with the other woman started before she moved in. That said, I DO hope you're right.

[@stiffdogg06]

@@sues.3527 In GENERAL, men who are looking to cheat or are cheating do not ask to move in together. Your friend is an outlier.

[@sues.3527]

@@stiffdogg06 Oh yes they do!

[@lisaheubach9159]

It may be a few factors... Approaching 30 is a big thing for most people... Men feel life is too short for the moment and be impulsive. Also after 6 months a relationship does go through changes.. he could be setting in with her and just being together is important for him.

[@elindunas]

Good advice! A thought, are people with low self esteem more prone to pulling away? "If this person likes ME so much something must be wrong with him/her".

[@vp5134]

Loved that you mentioned Esther Perel. And Brene Brown the other time..

[@rafaelsayno724]

Let me just say that me as a gay man , dating a bisexual man, your content has been very helpful. I keep saying "yes" "uhuh" when you discuss situations that happen to me when Im dealing with stuff. Thank you!

[@misschains]

My ex boyfriend took me to meet his family after 4 months together, 2 days later he started triggering me on purpose so we would fight, then a few days later -valentines day- he left me. I felt safe after meeting his family then he admitted "pushing the buttons" on purpose to prove himself he doesn't like me. It left me broken and devastated. He knew all my insecurities and abandonment issues. He said the most horrible things and blocked all contact, I keep trying to understand what happened and I feel lost.

[@kanaler5924]

He sounds messed up. You're better off without him.

[@kellypaskiewicz1252]

Look into narcissism... He sounds like a narcissist. Going through it myself. You wonder what, the, fun, happened... You can't figure out how he went from your best everything to a complete stranger that threw you away when he knew that was your biggest fear... If this sounds like what your experiencing, my heart goes out to you... You are in for quite a mess.... But knowledge is power.. the person you thought you knew does not exist.... It's the single most painful thing you wouldn't ever wish on anybody.. I pray it's not your situation too.

[@v9b23j]

He could be feeling engulfed and need space to maintain his independence and autonomy. If that's the case, he may return to his attentive and affectionate state once he has space for himself. This is a great opportunity to have an honest and open conversation without making any assumptions and arriving at conclusions prior to listening to each other. Having uncomfortable and difficult conversations with your intimate partner is one of the necessary skills to nurture a secure relationship.

[@lisaheubach9159]

Perfectly said - open communication is essentially a key element for any relationship... If you value what you have, it's important to speak about it in a caring, loving way. Not critical, as that puts walls up. Maybe take up a new hobby together, as this is a growing point .. don't allow it to stagnate

[@AmieOlsonalo]

This is exactly how I would handle this situation, completely agree

[@amykemp8375]

Jameson is so insightful and funny and always so right ! Love you all

[@marjoriepowers5115]

I think it’s true you need to have a sense of urgency in a relationship. That’s what keeps the heat alive. Love needs to be established but you need to also learn how to flirt with them even when it’s established.

[@sandbucketbaby]

Thank you, Matthew and team for sharing your insight. I have spent the day listening to a variety of your youtube posts and various interviews. So insightful! From the various conversations I've listened too, I really appreciate the message that time will pass, and how do we want to spend it. This message is so important for people stuck in an abusive relationship or non commital relationship. Thank you, again, for sharing your message.

[@popy580]

Omg! Is Audrey your partner? Lol I didn't know before this episode. SHE is my most favourite ones! Graceful and Beauty with Great energy and advices. I look forward to WHAT SHE SAYS , sorry Boys 😜

[@nush8528]

Why do we have to be the one to keep the desire high? That's like forcing someone to like or love you or forcing them to stay interested and maybe the reality of things getting serious has maybe just scared them and making them change their behaviour

[@justcharles7429]

We’re only ever “lacking” what we’re not giving. If you’d tart treating someone the way you want to be treated and there’s STILL no receptiveness then sure assume the worst and do what you must. But first take some responsibility and communicate desires.

[@laishahamdi26]

Gréât vidéo ❤ Thanks to all of you ❤

[@elgeebee5250]

She has got it spot on. Let me tell you her intuition is spot on. The reasons why she does not know though. He needs to communicate, because he knows he has changed too. It's not up to her to push.

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

My ex was constantly saying that everything was Allright buy I knew it wasn't. Then after 4 months of prolonging this dead already relationship got the courage to break up with me. This is so pathetic

[@tangatawhenua1477]

Don't be boring start an argument with him, bring the passion back 😂

[@babandeeprathore]

I didn't really like that the onus was put on the woman in this case to get someone else to desire you. Why does your partner's desire have to be based on how someone else perceives you? Isn't that outside validation from your family or strangers. Women want to be liked because they are...not because someone else is now giving them more attention so now you perceive me as high value again. I agree she can communicate her needs. Why is it the woman's job to bring the spark back when he's the one who's in fear and needs to sort that stuff out for himself and then come back with the cuddles (lol)

[@Themixtapeplaylist]

Agreed.

[@luvkjj7118]

I agree with you as I am a woman. However, let’s face reality. Although it’s not said out loud, but men are sensory animal. They (only) attract by the physical appearance of a woman. That’s where their desire is coming from. That desire is not unconditional, nor is based just by thinking you are a good person. We women really can’t change how they men truly think or feel. To talk it out loud or to communicate would seems causing their repellent thoughts like putting obligation on them. That’s problem I want to know how to solve as well. But I am giving up at this moment. Think about it, do you (me) rather stay peacefully in the relationship, or to pursue an unattainable fairy tale standard of love with another man hopefully out there without compromising my value? Of coz, I might be exaggerating, but that’s the reality…😢

[@babandeeprathore]

@@luvkjj7118 I agree the desire of a man initially comes from physical appearance but after that all your characteristics, how you are, what you believe in, your intellect, your personality comes into play too. Our sole purpose is not to attract a man and keep him. We are amazing as we are and if a man wants to spend time with us that's great and if we want to keep spending time with him that's great. Maybe just let them be lol and do your thing. Why do we need a man to desire us anyway, are you not desiring or loving yourself in some way? Maybe in this instance it's best to let the man be and do your thing and enjoy yourself. that in itself is attractive and you're not even trying, you're just doing you. I do think if a man loves you, he will naturally want to give to you and make sure you know he desires you after you communicate about the shift you've noticed. I think there's plenty of good men out there, sometimes we just need to work on ourselves to attract the same energy. There's no shortage of men.

[@tigerpaws111]

Because as much as it annoys us that’s just how men are. They are attracted to the physical first the same way we are attracted to emotional first. Desire for men is mainly physical and chasing after what they can’t have.

[@natalia_00123]

Because the person asking questions is a woman.

[@dave-j-k]

Great video, any chance you can do something on dating for those of us in our 50's and 60's ? I'm a widower dating a lovely divorcee but its nothing like back in the day and seems a very confusing and complex world. I had never heard of lovebombing and many of the other terms there are now. I am working out some anxiety but feel i have always had that, she seems a lot cooler than i am having trouble reading where we are at some times.

[@kivigray0423]

Took them a while to get to it in this one, but it was so worth the wait. lol Great video.

[@kimkjrulff1731]

Hes just not that into you . Facts .

[@karolinaparmas]

People, we all have to grow up and take responsibility eventually! :D

[@loveisthedrug3579]

I'm glad I finally got to see your wife. I wouldn't have expected her to be anything but gorgeous and MAN is she beautiful. I'm sure inside as well as out. That's what I came to the comments for but that being said, your words make lots of sense and i am sure you have helped many people by doing what you do. One of the few "self help" gurus I can get behind. Keep up the good work 👍

[@leonie563]

While I enjoy Matthews work, not sure he knows it's probably not great to have such a q&a sesh with partner on panel. Something to watch.

[@YolandaGirl]

This makes me feel worse about my breakup. He pulled back after I got back from a trip and immediately got covid. It's impossible to keep things spicy when you're sick lol. I pulled the "just break up with me now if that's what is going to happen" and he said he was sorry he made me feel that way but was willing to work on things. That night, he didn't come home. The next day he said he had been unhappy for a while. I'm upset he didn't communicate to me but I also feel like I pushed him. I can't stop blaming myself. We broke up and now he won't talk to me.

[@sekaitherborn3618]

No you did the right thing. He did let the relationship rot and said he was being unhappy for a while when it was too late. There is nothing you could have done, what you did was the thing to stop losing your time with that person, even if it hurts like hell.

[@YolandaGirl]

@Sekai Therborn thank you for saying that. He really should have said something sooner. 😞

[@sekaitherborn3618]

@@YolandaGirl He is an idiot. And he is not special either, it is pretty common from what I have seen to pull back once the honey moon phase is over, and instead of working on the relationship let it get worse, drag the situation on and then tell the other one they have not been happy in a long time. So the other person feels like shit while he was the one who took their power away by staying silent. If he had really tried to work things out he would have told it sooner. So next time you feel regret over how the break up went, just remember he is just a basic bitch, and that next time you won't tolerate that bullshit anymore :) Good luck!

[@queenj.8i895]

He wasn’t it sweetheart. We have to learn to love ourselves most, next to God. Many blessings 🦋

[@nush8528]

It was his idea to have her meet his family and his idea to move in together so if he's in his head it's his own doing but why does it make us feel like we are the ones making things serious?

[@charr007]

Many people having childish behaviour obviously is not going to end well all this,emotionally responsible is anyone?

[@IamwhoIam333]

This sounds like my new relationship. I don't give much credit to feelings. For me actions speak louder than words. How does he treat you in public and private 🤔💭 hmmmmm which is different than family.

[@Evermore2017]

Listen….commitment is the fertile ground the flower grows.

[@paullakowski2509]

Most of these emotions are heavily exhausting , why can't it just be down time?

[@brandylee1238]

My boyfriend was madly in love with me a week ago but he has misses his depression and anxiety meds for 3 days cold Turkey. He hasn’t responded to my text or calls and this morning he broke up with me out of the blue, no argument or anything. I’m so hurt and wondering is this he doesn’t want me anymore or is this the cold Turkey on the meds

[@emilie_b5346]

does those podcasts happen live somewhere? and can we give comments when it happens, if it happens ?

[@Shubhamkumar-ud9hh]

Hey, do you make videos to help men also , who have been used in relationship 🙏?

[@Berryandmango]

Would love it, if the lady and Mr Hussey would update us. How did it go after this?

[@s.beccari4678]

Could just be getting lazy and complacent... Alot of men forget that the courtship never ends

[@hillarysmith1880]

I have been seeing a man for 9 years . We have had our ups and downs. 3 months ago we went on a night out..at the theatre booked to have a meal at our favourite Italian opposite..during the evening I felt that he wasn't with me..as a couple..at this point I should say he was diagnosed with aspergers at the late age of 66. As we left he asked me what's wrong .I said I felt alone. He went on a massive melt down I asked him to shut up. He carried on so I told him to get a taxi back I didn't want him like that when I was driving home..I got back home he had gone his car wasn't there he left his overnight stuff at mine. I left him for over 10 days I texted him when dud he want to collect his stuff He came over the next day moaning he had to get a taxi it a 10 minute drive away max. And my temper. He was railing against me. I said that all I said was I felt alone. It was him who had the melt down I haven't seen him since. I told him that I think he overreacted due to his aspergers. He won't accept that. I made it clear that I wasn't going to accept the blame. He said he wants to live his live alone. I was his longest relationship he had ever had. I have spent hours researching about aspergers..some behaviour us unacceptable.i am in a mess we never lived together..why am I so upset I have MS in my council bungalow .he lives half an hour away from me. Owns his own home.i can't give up my security

[@arttech1053]

what a great show !

[@caroldavis9289]

Doesnt really work in a LDR when they pull away. No reason, no explanation...

[@srikrishnavasanth3895]

*For example* Your parent(father/mother) left for a week for some work when they comeback there is an excitement right. Okay, after one week you are normal to each other and there is no excitement that you previously have is that mean you doesn't love your parents anymore NO CHANCE. just because you're not feeling the same don't worry it was feeling that was gone not the love.

[@jennybtx]

I think he's just getting anxious. He's committing. Give him a break. Bring up how nervous you are. Bring it to his level.

[@Berryandmango]

There always seems to be a “however” when things are going well. I don’t understand.

[@alexandriasmith6494]

What are your views on couples getting space?

[@valerie4912]

This was just odd to me. Why sit around and discuss what the guy could potentially be up to or thinking? There is room for negative and positive assumptions, yet somehow the focus was quite negative. I think the focus should be (if anything) on helping the individual asking the question how to effectively communicate AND or advise therapy or counselling. I don’t think you realize just how damaging it can be for someone to listen to the MANY reasons as to why their partner is behaving the way they are by a handful of strangers.

[@Synchrothron]

I totally agree. Giving more ideas to ruminate about is very contraproductive for moving on. I'm a guy and if I'm serious I'll show it with my actions. If I'm not serious, I'll let her know, because time is a super valuable commodity and I'm not going to waste anyone's. I have ADHD and I have the obsession to analize every potential cause/outcome/etc. If I look up advice from professionals, I don't need another 1000 strings of rabbit holes to go down with my thoughts. Just let me know what can I do and what are the benefits and consequences for doing that.

[@joesottilare609]

Shes 30..had fun boys and been ran thru dozens of times most likely..now she wants at 30 to bond and lock down his commitment..maybe just maybe..he feels he could and should do better for himself...he just took a long turn on the ride and he's ready to move on..to someone with less baggage and body count..😅

[@sharonsherwood1890]

You sound just like my boyfriend. But to frame the desire, he should want to respond back to her in the same way, NOT to think ,oh now I got to do this.

[@Kim-kw7fo]

The title of this video suggests you can MAKE someone want to be with you again. I'm curious to know why would anyone would want to MAKE anyone do that. Matthew, could you explain please?

[@Synchrothron]

To be honest, I don't think it's a good sign if you have to play games to keep somebody interested. Sooner or later you'll want to meet halfway again, but they are still trying to maintain a distance. Relationships should have a natural flow and if you find yourself building dams to keep the river in bay while the other person just does whatever they want, you'll end up seriously heartbroken.

[@Chrissy.H]

You spelled “stop” wrong in your title

[@trfrierson]

As an anxious person. I just ask them but make what I want to know as a check up. Hey I noticed you are a little distant is everything ok, is there anything i can do for you and usually they tell you.

[@luvkjj7118]

Thanks for the advice. And may I ask what are usually their answer to they reason for distancing?

[@jin9479]

I will. Thank you so much! I also curious about how he answer to you.

[@eevee7853]

is there an answer?

[@morganwhite2176]

This one is a no brainer…. unfortunately, European families, they have a lot of influence. Even though he covered it cleverly at first so that she wouldn’t think it was his family who said something… one of his family members have definitely said something to him and he is reacting to it gradually. Sadly seen this happen with a lot of my friends.

[@Lana-S]

Could have been also love bombing in the early stage (narcissistic behavior)

[@aprilwilcox5065]

I agree that when you feel something is off, you are usually right. But on the other hand... In my experience, when a man feels he has won you. Meeting the family is an example of this.... Once they have won you, there is a sense of comfort and they no longer feel the need to try. Humans are basically lazy and don't feel like they need to put in as much effort. That goes for both men and women

[@danielnovak4284]

Sorry after hearing this, I got a red flag that he may be try to cover for maybe playing around with other women. This is a big question. Why is he distancing himself when you're sitting together? For example, if I'm in love, man, I'd be close to you and not distancing myself from you and not stop saying, "I love you!", etc. and you're meeting my parents, traveling together, and moving in together. Wow!

[@Jess-wk5jo]

My questions for you over affairs. 1 is it turth that Not every affair involves sex. ARE still affair or do people need sex for affair or cheating to happen ur not. 2 Can someone cheat or affair without having sex? 3 is it turth that Cheating doesn't always have to involve sex or even talking about sex.

[@mistrock322]

I've noticed he always says, "why he left or why he pulled away." Women pull away too and leave so we should be addressing both sexes.

[@beltop5]

At 5:47 she just answered this question for me. Skip the rest and just listen to his wife.

[@csx6910]

Not fully through the video yet but a couple things; fuck-boys are always 'on' because you see them sparingly so when you do, they are devoting their attention fully to you. Real relationships don't operate that way. Life and it's stressers are part of it and will eat up time, attention and energy and because you're more a part of their life, you will see how those things have to be spent elsewhere aside from on you. Early on in a relationship(first 6 months), people do devote more time and energy into the other person but that's always temporary as they figure out who you are and if you can fit into their life. Let's face it, maintaining that, presumably until death, is too much to expect. Is she going to do everything that drew him to her forever? Or will she(or already) relax her behavior as well? Realisticly, yes. If she expects to be the sole and greatest focus on his life, she will likely lose him as she expects too much of a sacrifice which, really, will likely mean he becomes less and not as attractive to her. Be interesting to see how this ends.

[@luvkjj7118]

That’s very true. That's totally the point! because of the shifted focus in life from the love relationship. After all, not everyone is interested in maintaining high quality love life like those on drama. And not everyone cares to communicate or improve themselves. They think it works perfectly fine to keep some space or distance for minding their own business, and they don’t think it’s necessary anymore to compliment or care for the girl’s emotion after securing the girl.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

Why do I feel like this was just Matthew and his fiancé working out their issues in a roundabout way?

[@leonie563]

Yeah I was wondering the same. I can't think anything more scary than having Matthew and his brother and work team talking about intimate things....with a boyfriend/girlfriend or fiance in the room. It might be better that she has her own podcast separately talking to men perhaps if she works in same field of work. But he may be able to handle it but they are both young so I think it's a flag to watch. He also seems a bit like he's stumbling over content....which is unusual. I saw another podcast with a man & woman and it looked toxic. I wouldn't risk that tightrope, especially not in USA where relationships fail so often. He has quite a long list of ex's, which I was surprised about....

[@jrr4475]

These men on the podcast sound like they are blaming the woman, putting the responsibility on her, and bailing the guy out.

[@csx6910]

Is it so inconceivable to think that women aren't perfect and that they have a part in the problem they perceive themselves to be in?

[@tomdrummy4984]

He asked her to move in and she said no? He is no longer sure that they both want the same things.

[@csx6910]

It's interesting to compare the male to female responses to this. Men are more intellectual while women are more emotional. She seems to only view it through the lens of emotion so she loses the bigger picture.

[@alexandermatthewsmusic]

One thing I hope I don't lose it the reverence for a partner... I've been single more than 20 years not from lack of trying... Single is actually single only like 3 dates in that time not fu+-*& round... People can be pretty frivolous when it comes to relationships... Just hope I'm not just f[~^% annoying if I ever meet someone because I will looooove them ...

[@PaigeSquared]

He is not fine, he is passive aggressive.

[@abdulazizismail1706]

My girlfriend just broke up with me few days ago and my heart is in so much pain, constant breakdowns and i have never felt so lost and hopeless in my life. We have been together for 9 years where majority of it was Long Distance. We were in High School together but then after, she had to move back to her country for university and now work. We have been trying so hard to make it work over the years since both of us are from different countries. We’ve been trying so hard to land a job at the other’s country but to no luck. We still love each other but she has felt that it seems like we were not going to happen anymore and it seems that fate is going against us. I tried convincing her to stay and keep trying with me, but it seems that she has made up her mind. What should I do? I still want to make it work with her. Please help me

[@Chowah]

Sending u strength bro

[@abdulazizismail1706]

@@Grace4me111 i’ll look into meditation! Thank you! And yes, I would love to marry her and it was part of our plan for a long time, but since we couldn’t land a job at each other’s country and move together, we couldn’t get married yet because we didn’t want to marry and continue living apart. Or would that be a better option?

[@abdulazizismail1706]

@@Chowah thank you so much, i really need that & i truly appreciate your support!

[@tigerpaws111]

Ask her to marry you. Even if you both agreed you didn’t want to until you landed jobs in each other countries I guaranteed if you went to visit her and asked her with a ring and all then she would have said yes. Maybe not do that right now but give her space if you are meant to be together then you will, if you guys start talking again and things start going well then just take that step and do it. The fact you weren’t engaged or married after 9 years would have put a lot of stress and anxiety in her head if that’s what she wanted eventually so that might have contributed to her breaking up.

[@abdulazizismail1706]

Hello everyone, i just want to update and it really breaks my heart to say this but she has said she actually started developing feelings for someone else leading up to the break up and she has decided to completely end things with us and will pursue this new relationship. I have to let her go and be happy for her. Now I will just try to move on. I just want to thank everyone for all your messages. I truly appreciate your support ❤️

[@773superprguy]

I wonder if she has opened up of how many fun boys she's been with to him? 😂

[@sgaf7001]

I'm done with this pull and push game. Imagine getting mixed signals from a guy for 8 months only to find out that he's already dating someone else. Please don't talk to someone about having your last name, living at your home, and a romantic future with you when you're already doing it to the woman you actually like and probably other naive women out there. I did not even watch this video, I just want to rant. 😂

[@chriscodling6573]

8 months is execive, after 2 weeks you should know where it's going in my opinion.

[@sgaf7001]

@@chriscodling6573 I did notice within 2 months. I avoided him for weeks after I realized, but he found a way to contact me again. It was a cycle of mixed signals -> confusion-> avoidance -> reconnection over and over again. In the end, this is the reality lol. I'm kinda stupid for allowing that to continue for that long. Well, I likeD the guy. I already cut every communication that we had though. It was the best way to start the year.

[@chriscodling6573]

@@sgaf7001 the thing for girls to realize is they have to make a man want to/ need to commit. We don't have the same desire to commit because we don't get pregnant. If a girl is naturally feminine and makes the guy feel like it's his responsibility to look after her then that the only way he'll be compelled to stay. It's hard for girl in first world countries to behave that way because live in this society makes you feel like you don't need a man. But study girls that live in poverty and how they treat men is how all men want to be treated. Hell even guys that live in first world countries go to third world countries just so they can feel what it like to be with a feminine woman.

[@blagicahumm9559]

Your fiance is gorgeous, and she sounds very sweet

[@lmiller1413]

Sorry. Make no excuses. A shift is likely, most likely, a premonition that something bad is coming. Im sorry. 9 months is not very long. The shift matters. Dont make excuses. Dont rationalize, " He is just having a bad day, etc. " the shift likely means more.

[@iammartinamihajlova]

The guy is having buyers remorse 😂 we can try and intellectualize it all we want but we probably isn’t really ready for a serious relationship and nothing she can do can change that currently.

[@psully212]

It's amazing there is almost 3million subs and 5 likes and 0 comments so first. I don't have anything additional to contribute. Have a nice day.

[@773superprguy]

What is more amazing how she's described everything he is doing for her in the relationship. Yet what has she's doing and why are these commentators talking about her needs? I think we as men are straight up tired of never being enough, my feelings he's tired of her.

[@AO-wg9ne]

🙄

[@STRThermal]

First girl....maybe the guy found out about all her "fun" boys.

[@hollymorgan3323]

Are you kidding? I watched this as a genuine interest in how men think and all I came away with the woman needs to try harder and go on a walk with tight pants on? Jesus there must be more to men surely? 😢

[@tigerpaws111]

Sadly from my experience he’s right. :/

[@Yeodoongiiie]

if she wrote into this radio show..... there must be something she is feeling, she can't really put to paper. sure, her ways of viewing signals can be off after a lot of F boys..... and sure.. she could just be addicted to that rush F boys are so good at creating, so when it settles, in a real relationship, she loses her sh!t 😄 idk...BUT .. if she's this insecure about it, and writing in, i'd say something's off. maybe it's with her. but then she should perhaps be single for a while or she will just push all good guys away.

[@KayKayz94]

I dunno about that last point. Not everyone is blessed with the appearance of this lady in the video, so getting other dudes to desire you to make your man treat you better seems like an unsustainable strategy especially as you age and go through life challenges where you don't always want to flaunt your physical beauty for the sake of creating desire. Seems like a shallow way to motivate someone.

[@jin9479]

Me too. I thought same. I was thinking myself...........🥲 Is it really impossible to find someone who love my own attraction and thinkings?

[@sharonsherwood1890]

If 2 people are in love, I can't see why the desires wouldn't be the same

[@sharonsherwood1890]

@@ud5n yes bur it hurts more when you think their on the same level and later see different

[@gd3598]

@@ud5n avoidant attachment. worst experience with abrupt pulling away and shutting down you'll ever live through. like someone flipped a light switch from deep love to i want to be alone forever in literally an overnight... confusing and hurtful AF

[@guel2319]

i love how your content is never sexualising women like a lot of dating cOaChEs do but yoga pants was v weird advice. she goes out with him and gets witnessed for the beautiful attractive woman she is, yeah! but spicy pants are weird :)

[@zadabeasley]

The guy in this scenario sounds like he’s in a power struggle and on the spectrum of a narc. Devaluing/Discard only happens with toxic personalities such as narcissistic relationships. The dating scene is too draining. The push and pull, along with the lack of consistent investment as become too much to recover from. As a result of years of not meeting good people that are available for real love and consistent, I’ve decided not to date. Since people are complicated, we can be friends who focus on having a beautiful, supportive friendships.

[@logan-vq3dm]

wait what are these videos for women???

[@dazza8551]

I enjoy PG13, there is no need to use vulgar words in conversations, videos, podcasts, etc, it makes me cringe

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

Introducing you to his family means nothing. Words means nothing. I don't know what counts today to say that the guy is into me or not : /

[@kanaler5924]

If you found a healthy partner you would know if he's into you after a while.

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

@@kanaler5924 yup they are at the beginning only. Then if you want to break up they beginning you to stay and your empathy is working... : / that sucks so much

[@MASTERLUKEYSLOC]

Guys who don’t practice semen retention will always progressively lose interest because they are literally shooting their desire away with every ejaculation.