Why Did He Stop Chasing You? | Matthew Hussey

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In this video, I share with you 3 mistakes we can fall into that have the potential to hurt desire.
These 3 insights could mean the difference between piquing someone’s interest and a situation just fizzling out.
Once you’re aware of them, they’re extremely easy to spot . . . so you won’t inadvertently end up “8-Miling” yourself. (Trust me, it’ll make sense when you see the video.)
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[@EllieM_Travels]

I was broken and someone else who was also broken approached me. We became friends and shared all our fears, our feelings, our deepest thoughts and insecurities. We’ve healed and grown by supporting one another, and we’ve been together eight years.

[@TheRasberry777]

Wow wish I could be that blessed

[@tutsybassista]

That's what happened to me! After 20 years, 2 kids, and a contested divorce, I found out that he was a narcissist! He never truly loved me, but he loved the fact that I loved him....

[@gemmah6012]

Why can't we just be ourselves ...I think broken people are the most beautiful ones

[@PumaM90]

I am

[@LeadedCoffee]

In a different world, this would be wonderful but today, in this world, 80% of us will be lonely forever

[@ariellauschi3933]

I know right..why can’t i just be me and if you wanna love me then do it

[@ariellauschi3933]

@@LeadedCoffeei know right…sometimes i think im a spoon 🥄 😞😞😞

[@katemitchell665]

If you moved to another country where English wasn’t the main language, you would learn that language so you could communicate with others. . Men don’t speak the same language as women so I’m not sure how learning how men think and how to communicate with them is not being ourselves? It’s no different than learning another language. .

[@natashaollie6421]

to put it simple: BE CONFIDENT, BE INDEPENDENT, HAVE SELF-ESTEEM

[@natashaollie6421]

@@annaku_lickalicious true. but the fact is some women, like me, are not comfortable on their own yet due to the lack of 3 things i mentioned above. But i perceive Hussey’s real intention with this video is to assure us that we’re just as worthy and should be just emotionally independent, with or without men

[@sallybella8824]

Fake it!

[@Trixylynne]

That part

[@beverlyfernandez9101]

Thank you you saved me 12 mins. of my busy live.

[@MarshmilloJB]

EDIT: Valentine's Day 2024, he said he's preparing to marry me. I get to look at rings now 🤭 Thank you, Matt, for everything. Thank you to everyone who was supportive in the comments. Solutions: 1. It totally makes sense that you’re into me 😉 I know my strengths: flirty, confident, cute, funny, wholesome. 2. I’m not afraid of you hurting me because I have confidence in my coping if you do, and I have the power to hurt you too. So let’s not hurt each other. 3. Here’s what I love about my body. I’m going to focus on accentuating what I have: I’m fit.

[@thematthewhussey]

Very nice 👏

[@Tygafttf]

ew egotistic

[@frannybanny9683]

What if everyone tells you that guys are scared of you BECAUSE of self-confidence?

[@MarshmilloJB]

@@thematthewhussey thank you! I love your advice, so well articulated

[@MarshmilloJB]

@cake thanks for coming to my defense. I appreciate it :D

[@mindtheprivacy]

"Someone accepting us, is not the same as someone desiring us." Mic drop, jaw drop, wow!

[@Lili.H]

The bottom line is: In order for someone to love you for you, You MUST love yourself first !

[@lolaispure4296]

YES!!!

[@DavisonVideo]

That's not true. Broken ppl love each other all the time.

[@COSMICCFREQUENCY144]

No one is broken unless you choose to be

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

This is true because even if someone does love you, you can’t fully accept it because when you don’t love yourself you feel unlovable so when someone loves you, it makes you suspicious… it makes

[@Zathren]

Man. That number 1 reason hits hard. Having low self-esteem is a real killer. Glad that I've started to see my worth for a relationship.

[@thematthewhussey]

Congratulations!

[@danielleemch8991]

@@tannerw1332 just be patient with yourself and her don't rush things and let her know that you are interested girls like that but also allow space in the relationship and work on yourself you are confident you are amazing you are enough and remember you deserve to be happy good luck 🤞

[@kayleecutter8020]

Having too much self-esteem can also kill a relationship. It’s a matter of balance.

[@NaraOfCambodia]

@@kayleecutter8020 Low self-esteem can be attractive but in the sense of making they wanting to bring you up or protect you. Too much is just going to be disappointing and annoying. So I agreed.

[@veronicaana]

Low self-esteem in general is debilitating and keeps you from fulfilling your potential in life. I just wish I would have learned this sooner.

[@Boertje247]

I have sort of aged out of the dating pool (I’m 70) and I have a fun, wonderful and fulfilling life, loads of male and female friends, volunteer work, family. So my ‘date-dar’ is certainly not on full scope. An older man sat next to me at a concert, and our two groups were bantering. I realized we were kind of flirting, and I asked him if he WAS flirting, and he just smiled and said he was! Sha! I was so flattered/amazed, and he said it was hard to find interesting women to chat with. We met for coffee a couple of times, and I found out he is 52. When I told him how old I am, he refused to believe it until I showed him my ID. Pretty funny. I said the Joan Collins line when he asked if I’d have a problem dating someone 20 years younger, “If you die, you die!” Life is where you find it! Never give up!🥰😊

[@susansheehan7965]

70 is not too old for dating!You must look amazing

[@Boertje247]

@@susansheehan7965 no, totally ordinary looks!

[@susansheehan7965]

I just meant that you must look very young and young at heart ❤️

[@abcdefghijk8925]

Get it girl!!

[@e.ravencraft]

THANK YOU for taking the time to write that out to share with us! Truly beautiful love story!! Healthy ★ and well- earned, I'm sure ♥︎ May you have many sexy fun giggly sweet healing safe moments to come! ✨️

[@andreaborbas77]

Mistake #1 Showing that we are surprised someone is into us 1:36 #2 Telling someone you're afraid they're going to hurt you 2:42 #3 Talking about parts of yourself you don't like 4:13

[@Haunted_Izzy]

I do all that

[@lemoncakes8687]

@@Haunted_Izzy me too 😂

[@cengel1951]

Same..wow .. so easy to fall into. Guess I'll have to see myself "fabulous of course". Get in line sugar.. You can't hurt me I'm fun size😘

[@see_me_roland]

Oh damn I'm fucked. But honestly please deal with my insecurities...🙄🙏🏻

[@rinieindiranauly4379]

Yupss i might did 3 of these things okaay bye now...

[@richasharma2366]

When you really fall for someone you eventually end up doing all these 3 things the point is who stays with you after you tell them these 3 things !

[@Just_fun4044]

Yes

[@Yuegos]

@@Just_fun4044 no

[@Jessie-ny9kd]

True

[@imaynotshow]

I think it's a beautiful sign in a relationship if you feel safe to communicate an insecurity or a fear. Maybe not at the first stages of the relationship, but it's definitely normal to feel insecure about something at some point, even when you're confident, and it's easier to solve those issues if you communicate them to your partner. A person that truly loves you won't use your vulnerabilities against you. If knowing them makes them feel less sure about you then they're not the one!

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

Thank God for that comment!!!!!!!!!! Thank you truly. I was just sitting here listening and thinking of all the people I have met who have done these things at one point or other and that, short of it being so extreme they require professional support, it has only made me see them as more deeply human and my empathy kicks in. I honesty do not want to have to pre-plan a strategy for preventing someone from having no interest in me, especially if I show a deep pain or vulnerability.If they are going to ditch, then ditch now. If they think all the power is theirs because someone feels nervous or tentative, then I personally would rather see the back of them. Who think like that? Really? I have never known anyone who thinks in any of these ways. Anyone else?

[@Liurika]

This is too good. I've done several of these thinking I was being "transparent"

[@gaby_xo907]

Me too

[@mariaakopyan-dignifieddivo5694]

I hear you, you're definitely not alone!

[@maxell008]

Ohh yes

[@sparklingfashion6276]

But you would never feel attracted to someone who did what you were doing.

[@Liurika]

@@sparklingfashion6276 totally right, sometimes we're just so blind to how we actually portray ourselves

[@stayhappylittlemermaid]

Don't ever be afraid to show who you really are, because as long as you are happy with yourself, no one else's opinion matters.

[@Zathren]

Potentially one of the worst things you can tell someone. If many people take issue with how you behave on a regular basis, it might be time to look inward and see what you can do to be more likable.

[@luzvez]

that’s worst advice on Earth.

[@mariaakopyan-dignifieddivo5694]

Yes!! Love this 🤩

[@danielleemch8991]

Amen ❤️

[@danielleemch8991]

@@Zathren yes definitely self-reflection is so amazing 🥰

[@ZenoGoreng]

The person I fell for pointed out things she didn’t like about herself, even told me she’d lost her self-worth, but I didn’t see what she saw. I saw a lovely, wonderful, strong, beautiful woman. We’ve never been together and never will be (not because of this), but I really hope she will rediscover the value she’s lost (in her mind) throughout her life. If only she could see what I see when I look at her, that’d be awesome for her. Hopefully someone else can make her see.

[@AliothAncalagon]

Its better for her to start seeing this for herself than for someone else to make her see it. But many people have self esteem problems I guess.

[@ZenoGoreng]

@@AliothAncalagon Yes, of course that’d be even better. You’re right. But I do think she needs a little bit of help with that.

[@rowanelessar5892]

@@AliothAncalagon It's a two-way street. People with self-esteem issues are usually that way for a reason. While the bulk of the work, unquestionably, has to come from them to dismantle the negative self-talk, most likely caused by being beaten down in some way by others, it does also take having a good support system of loving, kind, and empathetic people in their life to stand by them and nurture their process of healing and growth without judgment. Ultimately something will have to trigger a switch in the brain that allows that person to discern the difference between the negative self-talk as being simply a habitual voice and defense mechanism that's separate from their Self, rather than truth.

[@rowanelessar5892]

@@ZenoGoreng The truth is we're social creatures. Our survival; physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, relies on community and connection. While the work put into our personal growth has to come from ourselves, we also won't thrive without that loving and nurturing connection from those around us.

[@ZenoGoreng]

@@rowanelessar5892 Yeah, very true. I hope she finds people that will support her and be there for her in that way. I’d love to be if she’d let me, but right now that doesn’t seem possible and anything I’d say may only do more damage. So hopefully others will be able to give her what she needs.

[@sunnik1019]

Confidence is the sexiest thing. Not cockiness, confidence that stems from a calm, stable place of high self-esteem and knowing who you are and what you deserve because you recognise your own value - THAT is so goddamn attractive and magnetic! Confidence and humility 👏🏼👏🏼

[@voice_of_a_little_lady]

That going to the movie analogy was phenomenal.

[@Funflmsify]

Right?!?!! It hit home for me, as his analogies often do. ☺️☺️☺️

[@Lisa25219]

I'm 64 yrs old and have no interest in ever dating again but I am mesmerized by your videos. You explain the psychology of it all so well and it is fascinating.

[@vhayashi7369]

Yep... I'm completely turned off too. Been screwed over my entire life. I'm 44 and completely exhausted by men's crap. This is why women quit trying because men either want to control and abuse us or they want someone to abuse them. And all my female friends are single too, there's no men anymore. The good ones are taken. I even tried being friends (I always do) for 15 months and he still deceived and lied to me the entire time!!! 🤷🤦

[@wideawakerealist2141]

Agree. Unfortunately, unless you’re genetically blessed and look great well into old age and/ or are cougar material ( lol I am sooo not) the only men happy to overlook our ageing very much changed bodies and faces are very boring old dodderers looking to replace the passed away wife in the kitchen or die hard old bachelors living with their mothers. The attractive and interesting men with something about them, some years younger most likely, are not remotely interested in elderly ladies, even in those without typical old ladies interests/ habits . ( unless they’re narcissists on the hunt for supply, then they’ll happily spin you a wonderful fantasy of a second spring initially) Logical acceptance of stark reality has to replace emotional wishful thinking, and I for one are done with it allI. It is what it is. . My life is okay, got family, friends and no worries and that has to be enough now. ( I am late 60s) The only men who’ll see my body will be doctors and undertakers. Lol .

[@wheninmacau4100]

Same feeling...🥰

[@wendymann7929]

I feel you.

[@stephh.3320]

You never know...my beautiful stepmom, met my dad, whom she referred to as the "love of her life" & her "Prince Charming" for her next/last 24 years of her life, at the age of 66! Their story gives me tingles! After 2 failed, hard marriages, she wasn't looking for it and it (my darling dad, a recent widower)came knocking on her door thru their mutual friends telling him about her! My advice is to never give up hoping God will bless you with a wonderful person to share your life! Hugs 🥰😇

[@EFJoKeR]

#3 - Have to add : "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Just because you think it's ugly, maybe the other one thinks it your most attractive feature...

[@anuradhamasand6066]

Our interpretation of IT..is to b understood. It's subjective...Also with more exposure...around a brodened definition of Beauty, embracing all body types...it's just our interpretation...as people's mind sets r broadening too. ..they r growing....

[@anuradhamasand6066]

Tho thr will- ever- be- those- exaggerted comments, trolls.... But i feel...thr has been growth of...being ok with a broadened definition of Beauty......

[@rowanelessar5892]

Negative self-talk is a very tough habit to break. It can take as much conscious and consistent, moment-to-moment action of reversal and elimination as breaking an addiction.

[@thematthewhussey]

Very true

[@UrbanwarriorTheSOV]

It's taken a lot of work but watching this video showed me that I'm making good progress ❤️😃❤️you can do it!

[@parvathya9131]

This Man is making a huge difference in my life....

[@Funflmsify]

Same.

[@ER-km6tn]

1:31 Showing we are suprised someone is into us 2:38 Telling someone youre afraid they are going to hurt you 4:12 Talking about parts of yourself you don't like

[@NaraOfCambodia]

Just maintain a balance. People who are too confident are arrogant and naive. Being too brave is just reckless. Seeing only your good points is just being naive and narcissistic cause you don't know what you need to watch out for.

[@jokhaalhabsi5029]

Oh noo number 2 I did it omg 😱😱😱😱

[@NaraOfCambodia]

"You went to the toilet?" jk

[@mw8142]

Someone I truly cared about. Told me he didn't need me in his life, he has his coworkers. I asked him out. He turned me down. I shouldn't trust him. I also saw him going out/ flirting with other women. I decided to disappear for awhile. My feelings were hurt. I needed to regain my composure. Then I ran into him. He said he was happy to see me and he missed me. I asked him "Are you ok? I was shocked than he missed me. I feel as If I'm Steve urkle and he's Laura Winslow. He is my king. He is continously rejecting me.

[@jacquelynhoagland3371]

@MW you really need to believe a man when he says he doesn't need you in his life. I'm thinking he may have been missing the strokes to his ego knowing you were into him. When you got distant, he wondered what happened and had to check in to see if anything had changed. Go and live your own beautiful life. There will be a man out there that will appreciate you and want to be with you.

[@kawan5851]

Just hide your feelings and emotions as it is a turn off for others. As a society we are failing miserably. We will be rewarded for hiding our feelings.

[@OurHearts4Christ]

Literally what was going through my mind listening to this, “Don’t communicate, lie and pretend you’re okay, hide your trauma, this deeeeeefinitely won’t come back to bite you in the behind later! If you pretend you’re confident they’ll stay! But make sure you can fake it the rest of your life of course.”

[@rebeccc]

Right! What a society we live in! 😒

[@Celia-xj1ui]

@@OurHearts4Christ he was talking about dating though not like you can never be honest when you're in a relationship but usually laying all your insecurities out in the beginning isn't attractive

[@akiremoncosplay5007]

@@Celia-xj1ui Exactly, in dating you should be honest, otherwise you're entrapping the other person into a relationship under false pretenses of what you are not, be honest and up front, not a two-faced douche.

[@joanmiller76]

Ya...suck it up buttercup... Why your feelings so childish??? We can't always be held...you must walk on your own...with positive thoughts. Not crying about things that haven't happened yet....c'mon man

[@welllivedlife-desireeg2804]

1. Is so true. I was talking to a guy for a few weeks then he eventually asked me out on a date. When I accepted, he kept saying "why are you going out with me? You could get someone so much h better. You're so beautiful." He kept saying that right up until the day we were supposed to go out. He literally drove me away because of his insecurity. I kept telling him how nice he was and that I was looking forward to meeting him but his low self esteem wouldn't allow him to believe me. I eventually met someone who was very confident from the beginning and we've been together 2 years now.

[@genxx2724]

That guy sounds like a real dork. He’ll never get anyone. No self-respecting woman can go out with or marry a guy who says those things.

[@chuckgoodman3828]

In other words, he didn’t treat you shitty enough!

[@welllivedlife-desireeg2804]

@@chuckgoodman3828 No. My point was, he couldn't accept that my being attractive didn't mean I was better than him or he wasn't worthy of dating me. He placed too much emphasis on my outer appearance or looks and it didn't matter. I was interested in him but his low self esteem would t allow him to accept that I genuinely wanted to meet and get to know him. It ended up turning me off. My boyfriend now said he was intimidated by my looks but never showed it and we got to know each other. He didn't let it stop him. We're still happy together.

[@sunnik1019]

Mansplaining exhibit A 😂 Stop projecting your insecurities and twisting and misinterpreting the whole point of what she said. Did you even understand this video dude??

[@sierra7672]

#2 is the one I screw up on every time I swear, the fear of being cheated on rips everything to pieces.

[@jdh6723]

Been there, done that. Can't be arsed anymore. You give away the best years of your life in and out of deceitful, abusive, narcissistic relationships that you reach a point where you.just.get.tired.of.it.all. I'm no longer that pretty, no longer that cute, the men no longer beat a path to my door - and I'm fine with it. The thought of trying these different 'behaviours' and 'tactics' to attract The One (yeah right...needle in a haystack, anyone?) is frankly too exhausting to contemplate. I'd rather sleepily contemplate my belly button than run myself ragged trying to 'catch a man'. I'm concentrating on my daughter, my family and friends - doing and loving ME. I can please myself finally, and not a 'MAN'.

[@annecumine1893]

Totally agree most guys are not trustworthy! Waisted too much time trying and giving my time only to be insulated and abused.

[@io100x100]

Soo if you have low self-esteem you're going to stay single 🤓 it's something I've been trying to work on for so long, and sometimes it's nice to open up with your partner about it. Without being scared to "push them away"

[@guy8646]

Great points. Another consequence of this behavior that the video doesn’t address is that it over burdens the other person with the obligation to shore up your insecurities by constantly offering compliments or reassurances, which leaves their own emotional needs neglected. Everyone feels insecure, unsure, and vulnerable at the beginning of a relationship. If one person is constantly expressing doubts about themselves, it drains the other person emotionally and makes them think the insecure party is incapable of supporting them when they need it.

[@sparklingfashion6276]

Yes 🙌

[@dickbond3836]

I'll second to this addendum re: shoring up compliments for the other person's list of vulnerabilities that leaves the party who does this emotionally neglected. First hand, personal experience, I made that mistake. It did not cause much problem to me beyond loneliness for 20+ years, then suddenly, when I went through mid-life crisis, landed, got wounded badly and was hurting yet I started emerging stronger and authentic so now I hear that my conflict avoidance (that I tend to label to be cowardice) not only was enabling but my praises (otherwise specific, valid and proportionate) caused her transformation so her endeavour to be excellent became oerfectionism and behind her silence there was/is disgust and resentment that eroded so much of her self-esteem to near nought that extreme over-competence/confidence is the only way to create some internal balance to function that, in oractice, means that a passive-aggressive who constructed her sentences in any given situation in a way that sounded like she was apologising for her existence overnight overnight ended up on the other extreme end of that spectrum called sense of self that created a proper narcussistic persona that had a special amnesia that edits out events from experiences depending on the scenatio in which that particular event recalled so she can make malevolant, toxic remarks to hurt someone or to try and be seen as a victim or martyr.

[@Nyghtshayd1971]

This comment!

[@vickymareverwa1144]

I have been doing all these 3 ,um grateful today I have learnt

[@MyDuckSaysFucc]

Yep. I am going to get real though - a year into my last relationship I began to share these insecurities. My partner didn’t provide any emotional support so it just went down hill from there. Once you become exclusive with someone, test them out. If they can’t provide any emotional support while also making their needs known, it’s not going to work out.

[@JuliaMarieH]

I’ve always been insecure about being too awkward to attract a man, but the guy I’m talking to recently told me that my awkwardness is actually one of the things he likes about me because it’s endearing and makes me more approachable, as he’s a bit awkward too. Our insecurities really can be turned positive!

[@dinosaur___7209]

I’m having the same thing happen to me right now lol!

[@lhutch1315]

🥰

[@raquelmyers4990]

I tend to try to not rush things and feel someone out before I really share my feelings. And lately most guys are complaining that I am not sharing enough. Kind of frustrating

[@barbarar5869]

Damn if you do, damn if you don't! Share too soon, you scare them away, share too late, they have lost interest. It's hard to find the right timing.

[@roser8911]

Also.. they lost attraction to you or they’re confused.. they’re not sure weather they want you or not.. they’re thinking. Or they have anew supplies.

[@filipina5919]

In short be confident with who you are and what u can bring to the table. Stay optimistic even though things may not work out the way we want it to.

[@16Meily]

He's the one who did all of this. Why do I still like him?

[@danielsullivan9271]

As a Gay man who is very empathic, I am learning so much about myself the past 18 months since the last man I was with. I was drawn to vulnerability of men. I liked to be the one that was the hero over and over but then I got hurt. You are right, not to tell them too much about yourself too. I used to tell these men they were not alone etc. Tell them about myself. Then I end up doing everything the relationship and they do not put anything into it. They must help themselves. I thought it was nice. No wonder regular guys did not like my approach and I ended up with toxic men. Now, the lesson is, I must learn not to do this again. To me I feel being nice wins all. Human nature is very hard. Personally, gay men are so much harder I feel.

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

What I find sux is when people stop chasing in long-term relationships! Gotta keep that spark happening!!! What can keep that spark happening is remembering that space is OK and to keep pursuing our own hobbies and goals 🧚‍♀️

[@thematthewhussey]

Couldn’t agree more

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

@@thematthewhussey took me a while to realise this!

[@MT-yx5cu]

This is why I prefer to stay single. I dont have the desire to put in the work it takes to maintain someone's affection or to keep a spark going. No judgment to those who prefer having a life-long partner or spouse.

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

@@MT-yx5cu for me something simple as my significant other even saying 'let's go on a little picnic or a walk together' is enough....I'm not talking about any effort that's totally expensive or grandiose, just a bit of attention and some effort goes long way to keeping that spark going.....can't have one person do all the planning or they won't feel special anymore

[@MT-yx5cu]

@@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light for most that's not enough and people change constantly as they grow older and evolve. There are so many nuances to what it means to keep another person happy longterm and it's ever changing.

[@nicolahanlon6487]

Brilliant video. I'm a woman dating a man at the moment and these are the exact reasons I'm losing interest in him, it goes both ways.

[@USNBLUE]

True

[@LegacyLex]

Totally. I'm a woman and guys i've been talking to have done all of Matthew's examples as well, so this definitely applies to both sexes. Guys do this too. A lot of them need to watch this video lol

[@thematthewhussey]

Absolutely goes both ways

[@sunshinedayz7032]

Yes!

[@mila91s73]

@@thematthewhussey i love you these helped me

[@GoOutside321]

- Low self esteem - fear, avoidant, victimhood - insecurity

[@carlosverde-datingtips7001]

Great tips! Confidence is everything when it come to dating… If you lack Confidence - the quickest way to learn to be Confident is by not shying away from life’s challenges. The more you face them head-on, and eventually overcome them - the stronger you become - the more confident you are. So basically, the more courageous things you do - the more confident you become. The more you run away from your problems - the weaker you become! Anyway, that’s my two cents. -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips

[@haydeevee6314]

This is amazing insight!! 👏🏻

[@carlosverde-datingtips7001]

@@haydeevee6314 thanks! I appreciate you.

[@stacielara9856]

Love these tips.

[@carlosverde-datingtips7001]

@@stacielara9856 I’m glad you do! Lol - I appreciate you!

[@NaraOfCambodia]

Just, despite your confidence, don't try to do everything yourself. That's one way to repel others.

[@cheetahcat3940]

My bf is self conscious about his teeth. But i genuinely love his smile and i always tell him that his smile is everything. Sometimes people are too critical of themselves.

[@krowkovtuber]

i LOVE how there's NO background music. so simple, calming, and healing.

[@sharon8121]

I blew it with confiding a problem too soon and something that was in the past at that. Dating is not a confession session. Your absolutely correct!

[@zitaorosz1975]

I don’t understand why would anybody put themselves down in front of a person they actually care about.

[@tabbiecat6268]

Dang, all these hit hard 😪cause these all literally apply to me 1. I have a hard time believing anyone would be interested/attracted to me much more that their desire for me will stay after they talk and get to know me 2. I do believe the people that are attracted to me have the power to hurt me because to me, clearly, they are out of my league 3. I feel the need to express my low self-esteem and insecurities about myself and my body, just because I like to be straightforward and express something human and vulnerable with them. And yes maybe I do want comfort from the one person who might not see my insecurities the way I do

[@phyllidaacworth5212]

You took the words out of my mouth! That's exactly how I feel 9 years after my last relationship. I would be astonished if someone wanted to date me, I have been hurt enough to practically expect that and I feel very unattractive because I don't get that kind of attention from men and, if my clothes show any cleavage the attention I do get is always from men I wouldn't want to be with.

[@soniashelzi2237]

Lord .. it's so hard especially when your parent was so critical. Loving 100% of one's flaws or not so flattering parts is a work in progress. Great points. I agree with not liking to hear someone bring themselves down. Good reminder to focus on positive. ❤😊❤

[@Stonystarmilk]

As a guy I felt like I wasn’t good enough and I left I regret it cause my low self esteem killed me and basically made me feel I wasn’t good enough I hope one day in the future she comes back in my life when I’m better

[@snowwalker9999]

Too late for me, I made a little bit of both mistakes number one & two and she lost interest fast. She went from constantly thinking about me sending me messages to ending it in less than half a day after that. Lesson: I was not ready yet. I should wait and heal from the last one first.

[@carolinaprincess2137]

same here...i made the same mistake yesterday and i can feel he has lost interest on me already

[@katrinarussell4144]

I recently lost the love of my life (he left me for someone else). He used to be madly in love with me and I was over-the-top happy and never had a greater love for someone. I realize that I did all the wrong things according to this information (although I was positive in many other ways), and, but perhaps he lost his desire for me. I do think he still loved me, but...probably the desire left. This person is overall handsome, but has a serious skin issue (his face). I looked past that, and think I might have put my appearance down in a way so that my vulnerability would make him feel he could be vulnerable with me, as well. In other words, I thought we could be honest and RELATE to each other - building a stronger connection, but I guess I should never have been honest about how I feel about my appearance and just pretended to be okay with my flaws, if that's what drove him away. I don't like playing games - but I guess that's what you have to do. :(

[@TP-nx7uf]

I have BPD and being vulnerable with someone feels like putting salt into a wound and rub it as hard as you can. It´s so painful I have not been properly vulnerable with anyone in my life, never had a relationship that would actually get past the intial stage of getting to know each other. I once tried it and was happy for like few weeks before he stopped texting me out of a sudden...it was insane, like someone took my heart out and smashed it with a hammer. I am in therapy for 7 years now, but relationships are still so scary to me. I hope that one day I will really go out there thinking we can equaly hurt each other.

[@joyandpeacefullaughter5307]

Sometimes, NARCISSISTS use the first part to get their Empath hooked on especially if their Empath has so much love to give and is Naive. They act like they are broken and say "I'm going to hurt you, why do you love me?"

[@mihaelap9281]

I did none of these mistakes and still got the cold shoulders. Sometimes it's just not meant to be, things get colder and relationships nowadays aren't for long terms anymore.

[@andreacelico8978]

People have lost their values and at the end of it if someone cares about you they don't seek to find and highlight every "mistake" you make.

[@mette1983]

I need to watch this video 1000 times bc I do all these things ALL THE TIME🙄😅

[@thematthewhussey]

😂 glad you have it in your back pocket now!

[@mette1983]

@@thematthewhussey yep😅

[@anamhasan24]

It starts with self love you guys. Really take the time to see your own value first

[@hadiza1]

Agreed... Don't give up the things you like because of someone you like too....

[@leosthrivwithautism]

I have the utmost respect for this guy! I really do. One of the biggest issues I always experience was that I stepped into a date giving everything and I got nothing in return. What I mean is that I was looking for a really chance for something to flourish but all I got was was crossed arms and a closed heart. Here is the thing. When a woman knows she likes a guy she doesn’t take time to take him because she knows another woman will. They are quick to move. When I give went on dates a month would pass Two months passed and all the signs led me to believe she’s into me. So I make the move let’s make it official and start a relationship and she runs. I’ve changed my ways and I’m going to let the woman that likes me show me she does than I’ll talk to her. Because I don’t want to go on dates where I get dragged along with someone that isn’t sure what they feel. It was making me depressed, wasting my time, and my money. I’m a man I insist on paying when I go on dates. It’s always my pleasure. But it came to a point where I said enough. I deserve to live my life and have fun and feel good. Instead of being miserable out looking for a relationship. But the reason why I am a great man that I am is because I’ve been following the teachings of this great man and many others. Great video!

[@peachtea0446]

Yano I always heard people say "Love yourself before you can love others" or "How can you expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself?" and after listening to this video, it makes a lot more sense... WOW. Thanks Matthew!!

[@Terahbelly]

Everyone in this life is insecure about something no one is perfect, just because we tell our crush that we feel insecure and become negative doesn't mean we should stop explaining how we feel, if someone likes you they will like everything about you even at your worst, if they stop liking you just because you can't see your worth then they just aren't for you or they don't like you enough to begin with to support you and your growth.

[@christinevillanueva54]

You may need therapist. Nobody wants to keep hearing negativity from their partner, it's disheartening. Yes we should be loved at our worst, we all have bad days, but shouldn't be daily habit of your loved one being held hostage to your insecurities.

[@vattenflick]

For #2, the truth is no one is ever "safe" completely, not even someone with high sexual market value dating someone with low sexual market value. The lower sexual market value person might opt out for any reason: lack of attraction or compatibility, their own insecurity, life stuff going on... I completely agree with the message that there are no given "victims", even if there a real underlying power differential in the relationship. Both people have the power to walk away once they realize that the relationship isn't right for them.

[@CareBear-og6pe]

You’re exactly correct! Bottom line: be confident.

[@SoWestMeetsEast]

Pertaining to your last talking point, "Telling people something you don't like about yourself." The last woman I was involved with: the first week we were talking, we were up until 4am once or twice just talking all night. She started to say her pitfalls so I could navigate them. While technically talking about things she didn't like, but she was also doing it in a constructive way. "I know I have this trauma, and I'm asking for your patience while I work on it" it was a yellow flag, but if she didn't tell me, I would've had so many more unanswered questions in the closure phase.

[@j.p.4658]

She wanted to work on it. How was that a yellow flag?

[@SoWestMeetsEast]

@@j.p.4658 Because she waited until a thorough guy came along before she even started. You should be healed or at the very least well into the process before you seriously date.

[@TreasuredDay]

And, by the way, each person, imo, should love every single part of oneself - thoroughly and equally. For each part of oneself serves us in some way. Never forget it, and hold onto it with worthy self love.

[@lauralinden6840]

Please…

[@zhenhuo607]

The right person will stay if you are really meant for each other. No things like these.

[@dreamchaser7603]

That’s so true! People don’t understand the difference between friendship and chemistry, so they end up having sibling-like relationship instead of passionate and romantic one, especially those who are married.. I look at them and don’t want that thing

[@michellepetersen9794]

Raise your energy, you attract what you radiate. 😊

[@lheiachoi4506]

🙂 CONFIDENCE is always the key to achieve what we want in life .

[@kaiyodei]

i have 0 relationship experience and might be some kind of neurodivergent. this is going to be vital for me, and devastating and filled with anxiety. when you aren't attractive and you act weird, and someone is into you it is supprizing. I've never had anyone not from the internet be into me. ask me out, flirt with me. nothing. all during middle school and highschool boys wanted to harass/tease/whatever me more than love me. and if I had friends, they might of been outcasts themself.

[@incassable]

One important point is missing : drama ! don’t be annoying, don’t be triggered, relax !

[@LegacyLex]

So true.... whenever a guy acts surprised that I compliment him on something or am interested in him, it completely turns me off and I lose interest lol. You're so on point with all of these.

[@capdan68]

I'm getting from this that we should hide our insecurities and pretend we are confident when we are not. That's exactly why I avoid relationships in the first place. It's too much effort to wear a mask 24/7.

[@kewlade719]

I know a man who has struggled with all three of these issues. It hasn't been easy

[@KylaFuller]

See and I was worried that people would think I was cocky. I’m confident in myself but I don’t like to feel like I’m bragging when people ask me about myself.

[@alyajewellery]

A sociopath said “you are too good for me” undermined all his games.

[@sheinanogales489]

These are all true ..just because I'm too afraid about hurting and being too negative about myself. I hope to rise up as an optimist person I love him so .. going for a big goal♥️♠️

[@thomasczthomash1859]

In my experience, when women get comfortable in a relationship they always want 'the conversation' about their ex boyfriends. They want to tell you every detail of past relationships, body count, etc. because they can't leave it in the past. Then the relationship is dead.

[@Roderik95]

Man I had this happen on a first date with a girl. Huge red flag. I ghosted the shit out of her.

[@mysfiction]

If you can't handle hearing about your partners past that's a you problem, not on them. You should be able to, with tact, talk to your partner about your experiences as a human.

[@PumaM90]

@@mysfictionIf they don't want to date a girl from the streets they don't have to.

[@MsKiminky]

I'm not sure I agree with mistake 3. I really believe in being your most authentic self..showing some insecurities is simply human . At some point your insecurities will come out anyways, we all have then we are human ! I am not saying go on and on about your insecurities but if you are having intimate conversations I think it is perfectly acceptable to mention some of your insecurities, for example if you have been hurt in the past it can actually be helpful for them to know how and what happened. It's important to learn who the other person is and so I really believe you need to be as genuine as possible and that is what will help you find the person who will love you for you . Believing that you are worthy of love is so important when you start dating. Know that if they don't call you back it's not because you are not worthy of love, it's simply that you weren't compatible. Everyone is worthy of love. So knowing and believing that will help, but be yourself..trust that yourself is enough for the right person, insecurities and flaws included

[@maddyharvey7414]

Yes! For me, I told my partner in a casual convo early on that I was not feeling 100% in my body lately…but it was centred around me being DETERMINED to get back on track with my fitness and health because it wasn’t where it used to be. I wanted to be vulnerable but also show that I’m strong enough to address it. He ended up telling me that that moment really drew him closer. He felt like he saw a human side of me but because I want to work on those feelings and the cause of them, it shows self respect. I’m not saying you have to fix every gripe you have about yourself, but I think the point is that if you aren’t happy, you care about yourself enough to try and change that. It shows strength and confidence.

[@kristenfromOZ]

Seriously this advice should be taught in schools. This takes the cake. Honestly some of the best dating advice there is. Thankyou for this oxox

[@TheAttractionTriggers]

*Be honest, brutally honest. That is what's going to maintain relationships.*

[@carmelsegev7072]

Honestly Matthew, even being in a long term relationship, I get so much value of your videos. I’ve been watching you for years now, and you just have this amazing way of expressing things, even when you know the things you talk about deep inside and understand them, you just put it all into the right words that truly make you realize how right you are. Love your content, you have literally changed my way of thinking.

[@phoebeanna-margarite8476]

Or just maybe sometimes, the guy doesn't see your worth and hasn't healed parts of himself or at least started to. So he tries to see your flaws and call you out on them. In order to hide his own pain. The guy is not always in the right. It's not always your fault. Women are not always the one who need manuels or try too hard. Many men are closed off or play mindless head games or are too much into their head and create problems when something could feel right in the long run. Yes sometimes people do have low self esteem that definitely needs addressing before going forward in a relationship. But noone is perfect and there is such thing as working on it and second chances. These are waves. They are not permenant problems. People need to work on things if they care for one another. If there is true chemistry, and if a man sees this not as fixable or worth it and moves on quickly, then really he is not work anything. People have to understand real relationships there is a time of beginning and end, and then there is also relationships worth fighting for. Don't always believe it's you. Take time and really look at the problem and see what's going on. No relationship is near perfect. See what is happening what can be fixed and most importantly your worth.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

I fully agree 👍

[@abstract3213]

I agree. I once knew a man who was exaggerately judging me, was overly critical. I need quite some time to understand that he must have problems with his own self worth, but on outside he seemed so confidant. He'd never see the real me, but some distorted picture that makes him feel better about himself.

[@jenniferg.9017]

This video came in such great timing!! Lol I was about to word vomit to him about all my insecurities. Thank youuu

[@hienienguyen6766]

I am so glad that i realized that i am not letting a man to take away my confidence. Jealousy is not pretty. Its not a good thing.

[@everettedl]

The move analogy really hits home. I really never thought about it like that. Being manipulative in trying to shape someone's view of us, instead of letting them enjoy us and figure out for themselves how much they like or dislike us. Bravo Matthew, bravo!

[@soww9014]

This whole video HIT ME FASTER AND HARDER THAN LIGHT. 🙂

[@lulucantyouseesee8461]

I love the background of your video. Those trees swaying in the wind👌 What a serene view you must enjoy😊. Blissful. 💯Agree with what you are saying in this video

[@PocketRocket5]

Really glad I’m starting to change my belief on my worth, my mum brought me up to be strong and independent and dignified. Men knocked me down and then mum reminds me I am an amazing woman with so much love to give to the right person and the ex didn’t see that because of his own insecurities and wanted to bring me down to his level because as my best friend says, ‘he was punching’ .. I really appreciate these videos Matt, thankyou for what you do 🙏❤️

[@BitchyQueen69]

Matthew,your Mum has to be so full of pride having born a beautiful,wonderful,super intelligent man, obviously with a huge heart and you're compassionate, and you seem to get the "human condition"quite well.I really enjoy your videos,and I do learn something about myself each time and what things I can improve upon,in the unusual relationship I'm in at the moment! Thank you for putting your intellect out there for all to listen and learn from...and you're also very easy on the eyes,too! 😉🥰What Woman wouldn't want you to be her guy! And,I hope that if you're in any relationship, that the two of you are very happy and full of LOVE!❤❤Have you written any books about how you got into this kind of work? Do you have a bio out on yourself? I'd like to know all about how you know so much about the right way to go about relationships? Keep up the great videos!👍😉🥰❤❤❤❤❤

[@ashasagar7857]

Can't tell how much I cried listening to this. I had always portrayed as if I am not wanted or valuable. 😔

[@RunninChic620]

Hang in there, now you’ve gotten new information and can make changes. I’m sure there are beautiful things about you that you are yet to realize. 💚👊🏽

[@angelaguirre4694]

same... i have a bad case of inferiority complex... i avoid all good looking or smart or competent people because i'm always intimidated by them... i have a boyfriend now and before dating him, i've already done all what was mentioned in the video... i really feel not worthy to be loved and that he's someone superior to me. he tells me he loves me every day but i cant take out this insecurity. im regretting saying yes because im also telling myself, we'll break up in a month... i love him too and i know he's being sincere but i cant help feeling this way.

[@valerieshinia8526]

Hugs love

[@anabltc]

Hahaha yes yes and yes Esp the third one A lot of women are like that when we're younger, and ironically, later in life we start to love our bodies more. I like everything about me nowadays, provided I'm healthy, relaxed and had a good night sleep 😂

[@DarthUr-zd2hp]

Sounds like solid advice for superficial dating and hooking up scenarios. While it may not exude confidence to express doubts and expose one’s own insecurities, at least it’s honest and open communication. If you’re serious about someone then I don’t see how showing your hand can be wrong. At least that gives the other person the opportunity to make an informed decision about which way to go with it.

[@tamarathejudeochristianmedium]

My cousin told a man I was dating “Don’t hurt my cousin” and he was immediately turned off and ended our date. I didn’t ever tell her that I was worried about getting hurt 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@loricameron635]

This is great! Ya kinda got to own who you are and not put pressure on someone to make you ok. It does kill desire. It is unattractive when expressing your insecurities is actually getting manipulative.

[@nataliewoodruff6818]

I'm doing this in my relationship. Changing my energy now ty for this

[@83ttaylor]

Me too

[@GoblinsAreAGirlsBestFriend]

To an extent that is absolutely right. My ex was really self-depricating and had low self esteem and at first it was cute like "this sweet, awesome guy??? thinks I'M??? TOO GOOD???" but after years in a relationship... that dynamic can turn toxic so quickly. Granted we had an unhealthy relationship, but towards the end all I could see when I looked at him was the worst version of himself that he kept telling me he was. I ended up believing him because things got too hard. Not good.

[@SilentPhilly]

A guy, that I'm dating now, has said on the first date "it's surprise, that you've chosen me", but I think he is super) but he is enough self-confident, at least pretends to be. That's why it wasn't a problem.

[@jeanbest9995]

Love this! Thank you so much for this! ❤️❤️❤️

[@angiemasimore]

I feel I need to re-watch this because I've always struggled with my self-confidence but I really like the insight here. I know that while I haven't actually voiced certain things I do feel them inside and maybe I'm projecting it without realizing it. Gives me something to think about...

[@bagisruben]

The person I was dated said he was afraid he would hurt me .... nice thing to hear. 😕

[@TeamCat1128]

Can’t even count the number of times I’ve “outed” all the negative parts of myself. Sometimes for no reason at all other than just making conversation. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@btstakescareofmewhenimsick4892]

I did the opposite of all three, but i think he stopped chasing anyway

[@micah5847]

This is so incredible. I've been struggling with literally all of these thought patterns in my early relationship and youre totally showing me how that comes off to the other person!! And youre doing it so lovingly that I feel reminded of how I'm loved how I am. Thank you so much!!

[@tianiemitchell5692]

Insecurities where you constantly say I'm afraid of this or that shows that their not even paying attention to whatever the person's already giving them and to appreciate.

[@rachelc6330]

I needed this …. I needed to see this . 🙏🏼Thank you