They Say They’re Not Ready for a Relationship...

[@denisesantiagofernandes5957]

I walked away from a situation like this last month. After three months dating, I finally had the courage to ask him what direction we were heading into and the answer was “we’re living different moments”. I agreed with him and said goodbye. My time and energy must be not wasted in vain. I prefer staying single and keeping looking for someone who’s right about me.

[@agss]

Preach girl. I had the same exact situation but he told me he had no idea what he feels about me. Neither get involved nor go separate ways... it wasn't worth the pain anyway.

[@slavslavov3298]

Very similar situation I had with a woman a few weeks ago. She had a lot of things going on in her life, also involving an ex-husband who was trying to rekindle apparently. After four months of dating, I asked the question and also clearly reminded her of my needs & boundaries, since she was pulling away lately. She said she was confused and her life was a mess right now, so I made it easier for her and me by walking away. No hard feelings, I do feel for her and my decision was backed up with a lot of compassion. She was just not emotionally available right now, and that's okay at the end of the day. Few years ago, I would have probably stayed around and "wait" but luckily life teaches its lessons.

[@AliMMADIALI]

You're really serious I loved

[@fatgirlboy9341]

that’s why guys don’t chase girls anymore

[@datdudeinred]

Well i hope you thank him because he truly didn't keep you hanging.

[@abdotube1000]

You are genius my brother. It happened to me. She said she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and marriage. I totally understood and sticked around for 6 months to see if i would get any progress. She knew me very well and knew how much good person I’m. We had a great chemistry together. After 6 months she said still I’m not ready and i left. I had to respect myself and told her i understand, i will take a step back because I’m ready for more than that. I deserve more than love. Maybe it will work if she will make up her mind again and calls me, just maybe… if I’m still available for her. I don’t regret the wasted months, we always learn from our mistakes. My advice for men, and women also, if your crush said I’m not ready for a relationship, just leave politely and find the one who deserves you 🌹 Thank you for reading.

[@vilmacabanbabilonia8214]

No. Don't wait. Run before you get more attached.

[@jsav9979]

🎯

[@insomniacK90]

Just did it, so sweetly. Even told him ive been seeing someone, even though i sit alone between 4 walls. Better alone than with narcissistic bastard who comes and go the last 8 months with the story u r the best women ive met,( like i dont know that) but i cant commit. U get it baby:)

[@jsav9979]

@@insomniacK90 how can they live with themselves really? How can they lay their head on a pillow at night knowing they hurt a good person.. who was nothing but good to them

[@mikewillett5076]

​@@jsav9979. Because they're not a good person, simple as that.

[@mariavonhertzen7660]

Thank You! I needed to hear this today! Gives me strength to follow my path.❤️

[@AntjeMoench]

Love this! So inspiring! My mind has been completely consumed by thoughts of him. It’s been six months since he left, and the pain of losing him feels like a physical ache. The laughter, the memories, the adventures sadly, it’s all gone. I’ve tried everything to distract myself, but the harder I try, the more I find myself thinking about him. How do people let go and move on? It’s been months, yet the memories of him are still so vivid. I miss him more than words can say.

[@AntjeMoench]

A spiritual counselor? That sounds fascinating. How can I reach out to him?

[@AntjeMoench]

Thank you so much for sharing this I really appreciate your honesty and openness.

[@DavidCartmellDJCartmell]

Whether you’re a man or woman or whatever sexual orientation you should never ever wait for anyone’s feelings to change. It’s hard but necessary to walk away and and putting your needs first. Attraction isn’t a choice. A person likes you or they don’t it’s simple logic. A person who wants you makes it easy and effortless and those who don’t make it hard and mess you around. Be with those who celebrate your presence as opposed to those who barely tolerate. Don’t waste time waiting for someone’s feelings to change you could waste a whole lifetime.

[@SamGatiNHO]

I’m a guy and I agree 100%

[@lordbeerus6182]

Amen

[@franchic9565]

"I'm not looking for anything serious." = "I'm into you, I'm just not THAT into you." Brilliant advice as usual, Matt. Especially those last 3 insights. In French there's a phrase: "Tu me fuis, je te suis. Tu me suis, je te fuis." ("You leave me, and I'll follow you. You follow me, and I'll leave you."). Nothing sends a stronger signal to a guy than leaving. It's a real litmus test. That's when they usually wake up and decide to either leave their comfort zone or stay in it. You benefit either way! IMHO a lot of this hoping and settling comes from being scared to be alone. The minute you take up hobbies, interests, and get BUSY, and appreciating the life you're creating for YOURself, BAM! someone cool and perfect for you enters your life. Love the background, BTW, with the books and the plants, very warm, it really works.

[@roydied15]

I’ve found in like 90% of my dating experiences, “I’m not looking for anything serious” almost ALWAYS means they aren’t over their ex and you’re about to get used as a rebound, at least from a man’s standpoint. I’d imagine if I were in the shoes of a woman and a guy told me that, it probably just means they wanna hookup. I’ve never been into hookups and I’ve never really dated “casually” so I don’t understand that concept, but that’s what I’ve personally experienced. I’ve dated 10-12 people in my life now and 4 of those people left after less than 6 months, went back to their ex, and ended up getting married to their ex in less than 6 months after getting back with them lol.

[@Magnus_Kitty]

No. They don't like you. They just want you when it's convenient for them or they want attention. Have self respect and don't be someone's back-up plan.

[@XYZ-qu4yq]

Ready for sex but not ready for a relationship. If you are not on the same page, you must tell him you're not a match because of that.

[@R.James.]

:D You are looking at it from a woman's perspective. Women are wired in the way that they tie love and sex together. In order to have sex with a man a relationship must be established first and therefor you must like him first. Men however are not wired this way. Nature made them so that they want to spread their seed as much as possible to their capabilities. They release millions upon millions of it per ejaculation and they can have a few of them on a day. That means they can impregnate multiple women at the same time basically. But a woman only releases 1 egg a month and it's precious for her. She can't have hundreds of babies from different men every other week or so. So that means men are wired to separate love from sex, or at least more than women. They can "sportf..k" new women every single day for their entire lifes without feeling any sort of attachment to any of them, even if one is the hottest and best. They can even lower their standards depending on their urge, meaning they will try to sleep with a girl who's far below his level in looks. They are simply out for variety, for as much as they can get just like nature intended with flowers. Even promiscuous women who "try to be like a man" can't keep this up. They eventually will cling onto somebody they slept with and are devastated if he leaves. He'll always be on her mind. A man chooses when and if he ties love and sex together. But most of it comes through other ways.

[@Lunaof1991]

In my opinion if you’re not ready for a relationship, then you’re not ready to have sex with someone. Sex - It’s an act that not only comes with risk but also intimacy and connection.. if you don’t want to have relationship, you don’t deserve intimacy or connection and you definitely aren’t worth the risk.

[@SagittariusBabe87]

​@@Lunaof1991💯 I def agree

[@Lazy-bliss]

Should I block him? He wants to stay connected

[@hannahjohnson4475]

@@Lazy-bliss Dont worry about blocking him if he wants to stay connected. The guy I was talking to told me he still wanted to hang out after telling me hes not ready for a relationship and gave me excuses why. we did hang out couple times but after that he ended up ghosting me. So don't worry about blocking him he won't reach out again. saying they want to stay connected or want to hang out still is just an easy way out to be nice

[@MommaARA]

The answer is No. This does not mean they are bad for not being ready or you are bad for not wanting to wait. It only means you are both at different spots in your journeys and have different needs. Trying to force or put up with the situation will leave one person feeling pressured and boundaries disrespected and the other will feel hollow and unwanted. Go your separate ways and seek out those who align with your spot in life right now and for the near future.

[@chikondemusompo7442]

Wow, leaving is the best chance you have at them noticing your value. That hit me!

[@KayRene-l1v]

I’ve seen couples in long term “serious” relationships, with the female waiting for the man to be ready to marry. After years the guy meets a girl and breaks off with his long term fun girl to instantly live and marry the girl they recently met. If they aren’t ready for a serious relationship it means you aren’t the one for them. They are enjoying what you give while they are still looking and waiting for better. Never throw yourself away like this

[@cherrylane79]

The man might not even let this gf now that she is only a placeholder, while he is waiting for someone better.

[@priyankav9792]

You are right...he is just a bastard playing you around nd using, enjoying you..while secretly wating for better opportunitie..

[@Lunaof1991]

That’s shit honestly - bordering on abusive.

[@KayRene-l1v]

@@Lunaof1991 Your comment doesn’t make any sense as you are using a pronoun “that’s” without anyone knowing what you are referring to.

[@Lunaof1991]

@@KayRene-l1v do you not understand English? It wasn’t very complex and most definitely makes sense 😂.

[@chriskirsten8221]

DO NOT WAIT FOR ANYONE!!!!!

[@TraceyBarracloughInspiration]

Life’s fleeting. Don’t settle. Don’t breadcrumb. It’s taken me many (painful, ouch) years to get to this point. And whilst I’m not a relic, I’ve roamed the earth longer than some 😂 Mindset is everything x

[@jan1451]

this was the best video to give me the strength I needed. It confirmed my decision to say bye, bye, bye to the one who didn't make me a priority in his life

[@Amoonflower.]

Hey, I want some advice from you 🙏 can you please help..

[@torilewis415]

I’m so glad I left! Every mindset you gave resonated with the situation I was in. We give ourselves that false hope but “leaving is your best shot at finding something better.” Thank you for this!

[@lucianacastoldi]

Hard pill to swallow even more when someone is awesome to you and they are being exclusive and see your worth and everything else but just are on a different moment and cant have a relationship 💔.. trying to pull away right at this time

[@Cam._S]

I’m a man and I just ended things with a woman who wasn’t ready for anything serious. I made the mistake of over investing and really giving her all I had the first two or three months we were together. That made it really hard to walk away because I kept hoping she would come around. Even after I ended things I felt like if I waited that she might come around in a few months and be open to a relationship. This video helped me realize that I just need to move on and let her go.

[@FranciscoCruz-xz2dw]

Did it change in the meantime? I'm asking because I'm in the same situation. Told her today that I was leaving. But it pains me so much, because she always said she didnt want to hurt me, and is the best girl I've met in 7 years... Was intrigued to see if someone actually got the other person after leaving...

[@mikewillett5076]

Glad the video worked for you. A few years ago I was in a relationship with a woman who went from reluctant and in a funk, to dynamic, smart, strong as we spent time together. She seemed almost addicted to me, I couldn't believe it. A few months in we had an argument. I called once a week after, it went nowhere. A year later I got several strong signs in a short time. Very strong when the signs were added together. A few weeks go by, no call, was sure she would but nope. I figured maybe she wants to but is too proud so I called. A few minutes of small talk, how've you been kinda stuff, and that was that. Since then nothing, nada, zip. What the f**k were those signs all about then? Was so uncanny it was freaking me out a little.

[@FranciscoCruz-xz2dw]

@@mikewillett5076 I guess Matt is right when he says that if people arent consistent, then they are just taking advantage of the other person. Sometimes when you are open and talk about your insecurities they might shift and start taking you seriously, but its a hard game...I guess

[@mikewillett5076]

@@FranciscoCruz-xz2dw . Our relationship began and weaved like a story. What I was really questioning is, what about the strong signs that collectively screamed that I'll hear from her or that I should call her?

[@FranciscoCruz-xz2dw]

@@mikewillett5076 are you saying she showed signs that you should call her? She liked you obviously, but for some reason things didnt go well, and thats ok. She was not the right person for you.

[@christinekohler8866]

Believe them when they say it. I’ve been through this twice. Actually WASTED some prime years age 27-35 waiting on the same guy to commit to our relationship. Very sad! Looking back. I wish I could go back and change all that. This time it only took me one week to change the story in my head. Said he is not ready right now. And I’m in full acceptance. Thank God! We stopped communicating early. True blessing! To all the Women out there.

[@PopCultureKing2009]

Well your older now I’m 14 years old and my therapist thinks I’m not ready for relationships and maybe my crush isn’t either that’s why he stopped talking to me and pushed me away after everything he told me he even apologized for hurting me and told me to keep being me and he thinks I’m a nice guy after asking him why do you want to talk to me I’m over it now and he is just an asshole I know not to play games anymore and let someone get too comfortable with me

[@bc82870]

I cannot believe this video came to me when i was in this situation 2 days ago.

[@Ahb2121]

It’s AI / the algorithm. It reads your other apps and activity. That’s why.

[@insomniacK90]

Not hard to hit us… narcissistic ppl r all around us

[@art3mis_frostburn]

Same

[@XYZ-qu4yq]

When a man honestly tells as woman, he is not ready for a relationship, she must believe him. If she wants to be in a relationship, but he doesn't, she should tell him: 'It's not a match then', and she should find someone who is ready for a relationship.

[@zacpdx]

Or a woman…

[@dragonflyj]

"This is what I held out for?" Cant get this question out of my mind. It is one of those lessons that you never forget. Thank you!!🙏

[@igobydidi]

It feels like both a punch in the gut and a warm hug. It always amazes me how he finds the perfect words to create a mind shift 🙏🏾❤️

[@tedtalksrock]

Also, leaving someone who is keeping you on a string gives yiu the opportunity to build strength and self-worth. Because you’ve made a choice that prioritizes yourself. This in itself prepares you to be valued in a relationship. Paying the cost of sacrificing someone to you love who isn’t loving you back, pays off in significant boost in self esteem and confidence. I left the guy who strung me along for years and it was SO HARD…but I made the choice to treat myself with the kindness I deserved and left him in the belief that someone better who would love me was out there. It took 3 years but I met my now-husband, and I was READY for that love when he came into my life in large part because of the strength in my self that I developed through leaving the string-along guy. It was WORTH IT. ❤

[@karenbelaski1294]

Thank you for sharing. I really needed to read this, I've been waiting 10 years for someone who plays with my heart then throws me away. I'm like his personal yo-yo at this point. I'm destroyed inside. I've no self-worth anymore. I'm fighting a battle to try and get well and it's the battle of my life.

[@fenix-rv7tp]

So proud of you!

[@gatorssbm]

Yes meeting your own needs genuinely sets you free, plus I was already used to isolation but the difference is now I can enjoy it with nothing worrying me in the back of my head.

[@vernita0216]

Thank you for this!

[@Sparksflymich]

LOVE THIS TOPIC MATTHEW. I was in this situation for 7 months and decided to cut them off because they said they are not ready to commit. Don't know what the hell does that mean but it definitely hurts!

[@robertlylebadilla9005]

People already know that. All they need is someone to say it in their faces. Thanks man!

[@zacpdx]

Matthew said it perfectly and it’s something I’ve always followed. I NEVER date someone or date multiple people. You can’t be present and it a lot of the times turns into a contest. Slow your roll. You can pass something truly important if you’re not paying attention.

[@purplebear445]

Don’t wait ever . I was in a situaitonship for years but then when I finally had enough I cut contact , it took me about 6 months to heal along with therapy and then I met someone wayyy better naturally attracted him into my life . Now all the problems I had with the first guy are no longer

[@PopCultureKing2009]

Good my therapist told me I’m not ready for relationships and that does not make me happy and I get upset about it I feel like I need a relationship someone that I have a connection with and that makes me smile and laugh and helps me the guy I had a crush on was not into me my therapist says I get upset about that after everything he told me he apologized for ever hurting me because he did this isn’t the first time he did this and he told me to keep being me and that he thinks I’m a nice guy after I asked him why do you want to talk to me I asked if I’m annoying him he said nah ur good he told me a lot of things but people tell you what you want to hear and manipulate you and he got too comfortable with me and I wish I could go back and say something to him but I get scared and afraid because I don’t want to get bullied by guys and told to shut up they are immature they think it’s cool to bring people down but it’s not I’m over it now and don’t care anymore I don’t care about girls or guys I chose to now react differently I’m not playing games anymore and I will not let someone get too comfortable I hope someone comes that is actually into me and wants me.

[@psotuszka5]

I love the last mindset explanation - we should have standards and stick to them after all the experiences we have had. Thank you!

[@jamesw9559]

Just walked away from a woman i was absolutely falling for because she told me this. This helped me so much. Especially the last point. Ive been through so much to heal and get over the pain of previous relationships and life events, i deserve more than to settle for someone who doesnt know what they want, even if they are something very special. It makes me sad i had to that but this makes me feel a bit better. Thankyou Matt.

[@zachgeno3687]

Definitely clarity every time I finish a video but then when it goes back in the moment and you try to express yourself and the other half twists it and makes me feel like maybe I’m still overthinking

[@marymartin6896]

You're right. It took me two years to leave. I was being so used because I allowed myself to fall in love with him. Back out looking for my person. Thx for your book. I did get it.❤

[@rickc.3552]

It’s always a bad thing to try to jump into something with someone if they just got out of a bad breakup. Give them the space they need, you can still like them a lot, keep living you’re life

[@kathrynanne6332]

Thanks for this video.. this one hit me a bit hard. I’m in this exact situation, but I’m proud to say that I ended things after the first month. This is growth for me, as I have been in these situations before and not ended it, and been miserable.

[@ng3057]

That got me at the end . Even though I have never been in a relationship, I have been through far too much in my life to settle and yearn for that .

[@carlpacheco2058]

Thank you, it’s exactly what I needed to hear so I don’t waste a moment more in hoping for someone I like to see that I’m boyfriend material, they say they’re not ready and that’s fine but I’m not gonna sit around and wait for them, I gotta keep living my life and I will find the right person for a relationship based on kindness and respect.

[@PopCultureKing2009]

They never told me they were not ready my therapist thinks I’m not and I’m not happy about that and it makes me upset that my therapist thinks he is not into me after everything he told me and him saying keep being you he apologized for ever hurting me and said I was a nice guy after I asked him why do you want to talk to me I’m over it now and I don’t really care anymore and I’m not playing games anymore I will not let someone get too comfortable with me again

[@carlpacheco2058]

@@PopCultureKing2009 That attitude says you're not ready for a relationship

[@PopCultureKing2009]

@@carlpacheco2058 why🙄

[@PopCultureKing2009]

@@carlpacheco2058 your reasoning what makes you say that

[@sakutaro3musik486]

i was in this he told me he needs time, that he doesn´t want a relationship yet, but if he changed his mind he would tell me he also gave me assurance by saying he won´t meet or date other people. fast forward a year later and I found out that he was dating another girl for about 5 months now and has feelings for her and he dropped me like garbage

[@micahrutland9021]

I'm sorry hun.

[@PopCultureKing2009]

@@micahrutland9021mine he never talked to me or opened up I really don’t care I’m over it now I’m not playing games anymore and I learned from that mistake he is an asshole my therapist tells me he was not into me that is not what happened and my therapist says I’m not ready for a relationship and I’m not happy about that maybe he is not ready for a relationship also I guess my therapist is right he wasn’t mean to me he did apologize for hurting me because he did and he told me all this stuff I feel like he was attracted and he was interested in me and he did like me I really don’t know what happened is is because of rumors about me people making assumptions he got the wrong idea about me he didn’t even talk to me and tell me that he doesn’t like me and that he is not interested he could have talked to me.

[@hutchsrevenge2424]

sometimes they only feel comfortable with an emotionally unavailable person or someone worse cause it makes them feel better doesn't mean you aren't the technically better "choice"

[@TheOriginalVelenova]

My favorite thing about this video is that you don’t discount the feelings someone has in these situations because it’s hard to change how you feel

[@joyking1033]

Done this for 4 and half years off and on. Waited wanted this situation to turn around. And waiting. But I know now time is valuable. I don't want to put another year into this. I need to move on. My absence just needs to be there for him to completely feel it that I am completely gone. I don't want to be on rotation, etc. It is unfulfilled and lonely. I had a blast with him. But also I paid for the price too as well. With heartbreak 💔 Thank you for this video. If you had told me to watch this a year ago or two years ago, I would just scroll by. But this spoke to ME. I love the man like crazy. I always will. But I can't do this anymore.i value Me and my Peace

[@Bluesmoke4200]

The genius of Matthew's method is that it speaks to the healthy part of you that knows you should move on because there is no (well nothing is certain but there js little hope) hope but also to the unheathy part that wants the other person to come around. The behavior is the same! And behavior/action is what matters, not mindset. So even on bad days when you feel yourself backsliding and losing strength you know you're doing the right thing even when the goal is getting them backm

[@franchic9565]

Brilliant comment and so spot on !

[@franchic9565]

Brilliant comment and so spot on !

[@TheSnoozeFox]

She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and a month later she’s seeing someone, I never believed her anyway. What a horrible disgusting thing to do to someone

[@Lily_and_River]

Honest question: would you have liked it better if she said you weren't the one she wanted a relationship with?

[@TheSnoozeFox]

@@Lily_and_River Yes actually, then I could have blocked her and moved on, not hope for all these things she promised me

[@Lily_and_River]

@@TheSnoozeFox okay yeah makes sense, I'm sorry she gave you false hope. You didn't block her and moved on anyway when she said she wasn't ready? Or do you mean she could've said it earlier on?

[@AtomiqR]

Sorry you got stung, but "I'm not ready for a relationship" honestly means "I'm not interested in a relationship with you". Sorry if that stings, but I've said it several times over the years and every time I've said it, it meant the latter. I liked the person but not enough to make something serious with them. In future, save yourself the time and grief and thank them for their honesty. It frees you up to find someone on the same page as you.

[@HinaKhan-kl3qe]

To much horrible 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@julievanzile2482]

Waited 2 years for my husband to come around. At the end of the day the choices I made during that time were for both of us. She called and told me he had been cheating with her. Bought her a wedding ring as he was trying to fix it with me. Don't wait. Do what is best for you. This story is different than what is presented but you don't know why or what is going on. Just take care of yourself. Big hugs to everyone. We are all going through something. Be brave and make the tough choices I wish I would have.

[@clarahauser]

I really enjoyed the advice and started tearing up at #5. I will come back to this video when I feel down, it really helped changing perspectives and not giving up. Thank you, Matthew & Team!

[@tenzin0977]

Thank you so much from deep of my heart🙏 I let go a man who was dating me parallel, I saw the red flags after 3 weeks, I am very proud of myself as I feel my growth of self-respect, self- worth+ self-love... The 5. Mindset shift hit me the most: I love myself, am able to set healthy boundaries more and more, and have been through much pain, that is why I am looking for my romantic love of my life💫💜💫

[@thekingtwins8568]

The last one is the one that spoke to me the most! I’ll wait….for the right person!

[@itslingling]

Summary 1. INEQUALITY: Is the situation really equal? Both people can date other people. But the problem is one of you doesn't want to. And the other one does. 2. RISKS: There are risks. Risk of lost time. Risk of not meeting more people. Risk of never moving on and finding someone better. You could also wait for someone for a year and they could meet someone 3 weeks in their life and be with them instead. How will you know you will be chosen in the end? 3. PRESENCE: They won’t truly see your worth if they’re dating many people at the same time. They won’t know you for who you are because there would be many others. They have to be truly present to really see you. 4. LEAVE: This person may not change their mind. Even if they do change their mind, it may not be in the way you want it. Leaving opens yourself to every other possible eligible person. Even if you truly want it to be this one person, the best chance you have at them seeing your worth is leaving. They see your value by missing you and seeing you have standards regardless of how attractive they are.

[@basicinfo2022]

Thanks!

[@glennm777]

I have been doing just that. Everything that you are talking about on here, is exactly what I have been doing, & have done in my past.

[@dwyererin83]

Thank you for sharing these mindset shifts. It helps so much to ask myself the question, "Is THIS what I've worked so hard and held out for?" to determine whether someone is worth my time.❤ I'm loving "Love Life", still reading. 😊 I only wish I had all this valuable information years ago! Thank you so much for the work you're doing.

[@AssasinZorro]

Being honest about the risk was the breaking point for me, everything after that was helping the main idea

[@dorihein4042]

Made me think I don't have the time to wait on a question mark. I am in the last chapter of my life

[@xxannxx87]

That is a good sentence.. waiting on a question mark. Thanks

[@fansiluna]

Wow! #5 slapped me in the core of my soul! But, thanks! This video came at the best time

[@_santosangela]

#3 is so real. I actually said the exact same thing to this guy I was in a situationship with for almost 6 months, and he just shrugged it off, not responding to it in any way. Probably because he knew for himself that that was true, and he just didn't like to acknowledge it.

[@josecevilla5111]

I loved this video too! Another video I NEEDED to hear. My mindset definitely shifted after a conversation with her about going to Vegas for the holidays, when I’ve been persistently been selfless with myself for her and she isn’t even giving me the time to come see me one minute. I’ll admit I’m grieving a bit but I do feel much more relaxed and happy I did something that was in MY best interest and not hers. She hasn’t even tried to contact me back, that tells me a lot of how much I really mattered.

[@thirdefying]

Been 4 months since he left and I truly loved him and cared for him but at the same time grateful that he did that because I will never have peace of mind if I continued to stay with him had he stayed.

[@laurabaker5357]

Hussey is so legit. Truly helping to recorrect the crap mindsets we've normalized with hook up culture. Thanks for the healing man.

[@reikooify]

Matthew, you’re genius! I just nodded to all of your questions you giving us at the end of the video. Please make more of this topic. Love it!

[@danamoore6998]

I recently had a similiar situation. We were on and off, he showed me attention, had me over to his house and then all of a sudden nothing! So I confronted him about his actions and he told me he didn't want to start a relationship right now. Of course i get all the explanations of its not you, you're so great with an amazing personality. It's been two weeks and we haven't spoken to each other since. It's difficult, because I felt I finally found someone real after two years of no one and then he flaked out too. I'm still heartbroken over this. Matthew you make so many great points in this video that I can totally relate too. I'm currently reading your book and it's pointing out a lot of things to me as well. I'm seeing things I've done wrong and need to change. I love how kind, patient and understanding you are in all of these videos.

[@ljiljana83]

This video made me think about that im in so much pain … that im not sure I can get out of it!

[@Ldalton39]

I say this with all respects 100%for you Matthew. On some of your utube videos that maybe we should try to communicate and understand what the other person has gone through. Not so much as dating other people. Just the part where they may not be ready for a relationship and that we maybe or has been through some battles throughout their lives to where they don’t feel like they are safe enough to open up. I’m that person that can feel what other people feel and I have a hard time walking although I did walk away. It still made me feel like I walked away prematurely.

[@ShopgirlNY182]

Loved this video Matthew! It hit home with me bc my bf was love bombing me at the beginning, then wanted me to move where he is but I said let’s wait and see how things go in this LDR then he said he wasn’t ready to move in together but then said he didn’t want to wait more than 2 years for us to live together but as I was thinking about our potential future together and moving my life where he is he went out and bought a condo without telling me when he suggested we buy a house together next year. When I found out about this condo he then said he was struggling right now and needing a break and I said let’s just breakup and so we did. This was a years worth of mixed messages and I just got tired of it. So glad we ended things before I moved my whole life there when he wasn’t even sure about me.

[@denisegeva6419]

I walked away after 10 years waiting for someone to be on my page …. I went through a lot of hurt and pain ….. however we have stayed friends and I need to cut the chord but cannot ….. for him it’s great as he still gets alll my good qualities (without sex) plus new girlfriend… why am i so needy of this ridiculous connection!!!!!

[@bencalloway3908]

If things aren't progressing, it's time to call it quits

[@jack-gx]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.

[@MoloSaidu]

I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.

[@jack-gx]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach one?

[@MoloSaidu]

Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@jack-gx]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@ericatorres8944]

This video and the Dating with results training pushed me to walk away from my 9 month situationship.

[@MichaelSlator]

Best thing I ever did was walk away from a using, time waster. I held on for far too long waiting and waiting for change. One year on? Best thing I've ever done. Calm life with zero worry or stress. You just don't see it at the time and think there's no other future. Walk. You will thank yourself so much in the future. That's a guarantee.

[@Mkr7942]

I am in a slightly different situation: limerance, rather than dating. But even so, finding it hard to move on. This video spoke to me regardless,. especially the final mindset.

[@aquafina6544]

When they say that crap it's usually after they have gotten you to sleep with them. Ask them b4 you sleep with them and once they tell you, bounce bcus THEY DON'T WANT YOU!

[@kimgordon3695]

you meant: to sleep with THEM

[@zacpdx]

Well, (mostly men) will tell you whatever they think you want to hear and when shit gets real, the truth comes out

[@aquafina6544]

@@zacpdx that too but, I'm not saying ask immediately upon meeting. You should be spending time outside of cars hotels each other's homes no friends homes either. I'm not saying you can't attend a function at these places, I saying don't overstay your welcome and NEVER EVER stay overnight or for hours alone. Next while these jackals may tell you what you want to hear, they can't keep up the masquerade and who he is will surface. Lastly, as women don't date these males blindly you should have a plan and use the dating time as a vetting process.

[@lindaread9838]

Not really sleeping with you but not being open to anything 😢

[@acasidelove]

I learned a hard lesson through that...and they went great lengths to gain my trust only to shatter it into million pieces..

[@bethandalaska]

Hey Coach! ❤ I waited 3 and 1/2 weeks (continuing our connection and talks and communication on various levels)…. and someone that said he was “looking for FWB” has changed his mind and decided he wants to pursue a relationship w me 🤙🏼 I probably would not have invested too much further into this connection if it had gone the way i thought it was going for a minute (he actually pulled back at week 3 and said he was going back on the dating app)….. but just a day later he admitted that was a reaction. He’s now decided he’s wanting to continue on an exclusive level….. and that is a mutual agreement (in the most supportive way). I connect a LOT with the message of this video….. as it usually does not work out “my way” - just wanted to share the true life story of a “change of mind” by the man i’m pursuing 🥰💗👌🏼😎

[@Cindy-g7c]

This made me realize that I need to stop WAITING for him to make the decision of, IF he really wants a relationship with me or not! He’s giving me NOTHING and I’m still sitting here giving him a chance and it’s only been 2 months!

[@graciereeder5375]

In this situation right now. I really needed this wake up call, thank you! The last one really got me 👏

[@MsBanana15]

Thank you, I needed to watch this today. It was the reassurance I needed that I made the right decision by walking away from my ex who would keep telling me this after six months of no contact. Thank you Matthew, I appreciate this.

[@MrLalobarrera]

Hey Matthew. Thank you for your video. The scarcity and conformity mindset concept really hit me. Thank you for helping me reflect and reevaluate my goals and value. This video made me think about all the trauma I’ve been through with different people. I have a goal, for a family, for a house, but in a big city like LA, I keep meeting wonderful people that want to “go with the flow” and have sexual intimacy almost right away. When I ask about their career, emotional, personal goals, they don’t seem to have an answer and seem to be very focused on the present “living the moment, go with the flow, you only live once” mindset. However, these thinking ways have lead me through pain, because I do want to date with intention, with goals… Currently, I am conflicted with someone who treats me amazing, gives me their time, but says they’ve never given it thought to a home, to a family in a future. Not saying I want to jump into creating a family right away with this person, but I like to know where this person’s mindset is at. I’ve gotten to the point where I question whether I’m the person who is wrong. And for a moment, I did believe it. After some thought, I’ve concluded.- there is nothing weird with a 35 year old man (me) wanting to date with intention and with purpose, I’m not wrong. I validate my goals and your video reinforced my romantic and personal beliefs/ goals. Thank you.

[@MuhRidey]

The power of goodbye

[@suzhampton]

This was poignant. I SO regret I didn't know about situationships and this type of stuff two years ago since it would have saved me a tremendous amount of heartbreak. Thrown-under-the-bus life lessons are still being learned but the silver lining is I'm being forced to fundamentally change in positive ways to be happier for the rest of my life. I'm "growing into gratitude" for my mistakes, and for his mistakes...slowly but surely. I believe the five mindset shifts in the video are spot-on but to be perfectly honest, I don't know if I would have acted on them since I was so deeply smitten with this man and I lacked the ability to understand my needs, set boundaries, and stick with them. But now, after experiencing all this pain, I probably would.

[@AlysiaBriggs]

I just recently started watching your videos and I extremely enjoy them. I’m on KZbin everyday most of the day and I’ve never felt like a certain one is exactly for me until now. Hearing you verbalize exactly how I’m feeling has given me the strength I need to put my goals back in perspective and made me remember that what I want or need is most important if I truly want to be happy. I appreciate your insight. Thank you

[@SadieRTrego]

Well everything you spoke about is so me.. I met some who said she wasn't looking for a relationship, but just wants to be friends, and me being me. I keep holding out hoping things will change...

[@yesyoga]

Thank heaven for you saving me time and heartache. 👏🏼😢❤

[@WuCandice]

Helpful to hear about mindset of watching the many movies at one time to make the idea of rejection diminish … as in the person didn’t really even get to know me to even truly reject me

[@baxtermaxtor]

"...with you"

[@franny3995]

I’m in this exact situation right now and this has really helped thank you.

[@aniaania-e1m]

Last week he broke up with me after 2 years. He always told me he's not ready for a relationship. I was waiting patiently. I told him I can give him as much time as he needs. I've never loved someone as much as him. I did everything to be the best version of myself for him. And he just left me when I didn't expect it. He wanted to be friends and stay in contact but I refused. It's so hard for me to avoid texting or calling him. I still have hope that he will miss me and understand his mistake. But I feel so stupid and naive.

[@mariavonhertzen7660]

❤

[@hayleylewis1062]

I think that I would be absolutely silly not to think and be blinded by the love that I hoped would be and not see the situation for what it is. I held out for a year , the man I love cycling in and out of my life when it suited him but to build me up only to let me down numerous times and the last time the worst having seen each other only to be told even a phone call was too much like a relationship and he didn't feel like complimentary, I was in such pain and now I see, that this type of relationship is not something I should hold out for, even if I have feelings for him. Thank you for this video, very helpful to bring me to realize I'm not alone in this type of situation. God bless you and your family and Merry Christmas 🎄

[@colleenmccabe5135]

I’m in a non-relationship with a man that I really like. He’s emotionally closed off, but he’s very good to me, and I value his friendship even though I’d like more. Your last question got my attention. Yes, this is what I want. He’s not dating other people and definitely shows a preference for me when other women are around. BTW, we’re both in our 70s. He’s a widow and I’ve been alone most of my life. So, yeah, I am willing to settle for this.

[@queenj.8i895]

You said something key - you value his friendship. So you’ve made a choice to accept what it is and what it ain’t. I don’t think that’s the same as “settling”, that’s choosing to define the relationship in a new way that actually works for BOTH of you. I think that’s mature. …As long as you’re GENUINELY ok with it staying a friendship for the long-term. May the Lord give you the desires of your hearts sooner than you expect! 🙏🏽 God bless! 🦋

[@amandayorke481]

Oh yes, I know this scenario inside out! I'm in my late 60's. There just don't seem to be any single guys around, not my age anyway, or if they are, they want much younger women, tho I look much better than many my age, mainly due to daily exercise, with my own home, a modest pension, highly educated, enjoy a wide range of cultural pursuits ... WTF are they looking for? And, yes, I'm friendly with a widower who I'd actually crossed off my Christmas card list, after I asked would he ever think of re-partnering & he said No. Later, he said he hadn't meant that & he WAS interested, but then he acted very ambivalently & wouldn't acknowledge what he was doing. I find it impossible to read him. We share a lot of the same interests, so avoiding him is really hard work. I did meet an older guy, also a widower, for coffee for a while, but he was very dull & constantly replayed his happy marriage, & never organised a proper date for the weekend, so I stopped taking his calls.

[@Jenjenn1111]

Hopefully, he doesn’t find the one and leave you heartbroken. It’s fine right now until he meets the one that he does prefer over you. If you’re happy settling, that’s all that matters…good luck!

[@juliaskagfjord6207]

@@Jenjenn1111 this is such a key point when as a woman you've mistakenly settled for second best. It becomes a serious painful thing the moment he finds one he is actually into for real.

[@lillymck]

This is a great comment. I am 60 and I am a widow. I have had children. I don't see the need to be constantly with someone. I don't think it's who I am now. So saying I don't want a relationship doesn't mean I just want to use you. It is a statement about where we are at this stage in our lives. I want a connection, a friendship but I am not convinced about more than this.

[@vernita0216]

I was in this situation a little over a month ago, and Im just started to feel the actual sting of it now (and thus, Im here at this video). What I will say is that I naturally made the right decision and gracefully removed myself from the situation once we had the "Where is this going" conversation. I did not pander or prod him. I just accepted his position (although I absolutely wanted different). Im proud of myself honestly cause a decade ago I would've waited... Content in my own delusion, and thus broke my own heart. I dont know if I miss the actual guy or if I miss more what I'd hoped we'd be. Perplexing, but at least I made the right decision. ALWAYS choose yourself 🤲🏾.

[@ThePatoty]

I always enjoy listening to you and your advices for life. You are a huge help for all of us ❤ thanks Matthew to help me to think wisely

[@PTTINR]

My God…I’m in tears right now. This video was all I needed to make the decision to leave a piece of $@*#€ I’ve been dating for the last 11 months. After all this time he still does NOT want to be exclusive. Mindset Shift #5 simply and clearly explained my love life and situation for the past 10 years. I’ll watch this video on repeat, write out all 5 Mind shifts and know them by heart, and block this man out of my life for good. I’m heartbroken tonight 💔

[@revoflexxer]

The last part of the video bro was exceptional....though the entire video was amazing🧡thanku so much bro 😇

[@noloveforthehaters]

"I'm not ready for a relationship (with you)"

[@harpreetKaur-vc1un]

Matthew, I repeated the last bit to myself and honestly this is not the thing that I’m going through will stop me from walking on the path that I created for myself after so much hardwork.

[@babehkaye]

I have found something over intentional which has made it seem to me almost necessary while I felt I required less emotions than I was able to hold about the person. This is what I learned from the heartbreak recent. While I felt I needed to learn about relationship experience better. These videos are truly a value to better hold space for myself eventually & essentially the goal is to hold your own space as some may matter to many people. A space I seem to have mistook is where I went wrong of which couldn’t have met me more incorrectly. I have wants and values yet beginning again, the love is difficult to think about. Thank you for reading, thank you for sharing Matthew !

[@LuciaCasucci]

I would like to see a living example of someone who sticked around , invested more and ultimately got in a relationship. Probably as likely as winning a lottery

[@genievedawkins]

Kate Middleton aka the future queen

[@Ahb2121]

To the person who said kate Middleton… we don’t know the state of her relationship behind closed doors and whether she actually won the prize she deserved romantically. Bless her though and hope she recovers. ❤

[@soniashelzi2237]

Loved your book!!❤ Thank you for helping us navigate the the big ocean 💙 some fish gotta throw them back! Sometimes they take the bait and you're like omgosh release them quickly. 😅 be happy with yourself. I would never settle again. No thank you.

[@mendilryan2546]

Thank you, you saved my life 3 days ago. I was talking to a girl for almost two months, i met her on a meeting app. I accepted her talking to multiple guys, and i had a pressure on me like what if i go far and finally she stops for someone else ? So i waited enough for her to be secure about dating. After several periods of lack of engagement in the conversation and a lot of subjects i suggested to get at times short and uninterested answers, i proposed a date again explaining it's important to progress. And she was still postponing without giving explanation nor reason. I blocked her when she got angry after the 2nd date proposal, like I was the one putting pressure on her while i waited 2 monthes talking by sms every day. I was feeling constantly anxious and about to depress but watching one of your videos helped me to realise i was right leaving her and i felt so much release after.

[@Intothelight94]

Number 5 is gold….exactly- and the answer is hell no!!!!

[@kittygomah]

I have been so beartroken recently when a guy I had a soul mate connection with changed his mind about going out together. I met him at work and it seemed like we both fancy each other. Today I found out about his girlfriend of many years and I was only a side option for him.😢

[@flash_flood_area]

Had that happen recently, too. It's the worst😢

[@Jenjenn1111]

That’s terrible…it happened to me too. Like, who do you think I am? It is NOT ok to use me while you work through your problems with your girlfriend. I felt so used and betrayed…but I’m healing.

[@kittygomah]

@Jenjenn1111 I don't think they have problems, he just wanted to have sex outside relationships. All married men I know at work cheat on their wives.

[@kittygomah]

@Jenjenn1111 he and girlfriend don't have problems.he just wants to have sex 😏

[@musicworship4520]

This is exactly what’s happening to me right now so I feel like this video is a god send. I was meant to watch this. I ended things with him after a month so no longer in this confusing vortex.

[@adhdHD09]

THIS GUY JUST HITS ALL THE RIGHT SPOTS EVERY SINGLE TIME. Can’t count how many times I’ve gasped while listening. Especially the 5th mindset. That just woke me up. I was pursued by people all my life but have never felt ready until now (27y/o). I was on the apps and met someone who pursued me for 2 months only to tell me, when I asked for exclusivity, that they were not ready for any committment. I was very confused and hurt, and sadly I am still holding on to that hope of them reaching out and changing their mind. But is that really the kind of relationship I want? Is that what I HELD OUT FOR after all these years of investing in my education, my looks, my personality, and social skills… after working hard on myself and finally reaching a place of self actuality, why am I holding on to a person who doesn’t see my worth? It’s been a month since the breakup and it hasn’t been easy but I am slowly moving on. And these videos have been a huge part of my healing.

[@igobydidi]

I pray you completely heal and find someone who realises just how much of a gem you are 😊❤

[@sheila7909]

Bang on.......he dose want a relationship just not with you are they are waiting for something to change from you 💔💔

[@SummerWichael]

Thank you Matthew. The whole video resonated with me and gave me clarity.

[@narmadha.ganesan]

Love your work and content so much! Have followed you for years and have watched so many of your videos and interviews (& of course I’ve read your books including ‘Love Life’!). I love your relatability and the compassion with which you share your knowledge. Such good work! Thank you - for the constant reminder of ‘is this what I’m going to settle for? No!’ I’ve been holding out for so long for more than abuse, inconsistency, being unsure about me, & breadcrumbing! I’m on the list of people that through your videos got out of an abusive relationship and more recently an unsatisfactory situationship. Still haven’t found my person to settle on and in the meantime learning to not settle for something that’s not worthy of me, my time, & energy!

[@LALA-fy8ng]

thank you Matthew for every video, sharing your advice

[@aniketrawat5457]

Man , I can't thank you enough 🥺🥺❣️❣️