The Hidden Reason They’re Not Committing to You...

[@atty.veronicainoturanosg3487]

I got strung along for years, I truly loved & supported him during his darkest moments, but then he chose to marry somebody else.

[@redfeather-rf]

He did you a favor- deep inside you know this-- may you find true* love-♡-

[@thematthewhussey]

I'm so sorry you had to experience that. The great news is that a. This has the potential to change how you approach things from now on, and b. Because you approach things differently you have the potential to attract someone far better for you!

[@Dandelion1312]

Be honest with yourself. He had already shown you previously that he was not going to choose you as his priority, the difference is that you only accepted reality with his marriage.

[@TeresaJeanna]

Same thing happened to me except I never saw it coming. We were engaged and he left a week before the wedding to knock up his newly hired, much younger secretary.

[@SWGTBruno]

To everyone one reading the comments and thinking that having the "casual" or "not looking for serious relationship" as a shield for a fear of rejection (even you're repeating that to yourself.. ), abandon that right now!! I felt into that trap, and i hurt myself so much that i am really considering of giving up on love and just continue the persue of my goals and objectives alone ( like i've been doing for the past 5 years.. and to whose i want to have a partner with.. so i can share mine with her's.. ) Being like that not only can push the other person away, but also giving the wrong intention that you "don't care that much" because you are just trying to protect yourself for another broken heart.. we need do embrace the moment, and give ourselfs the chance of love, being clear about our intentions and having the commitment to put the effort into what we want, but also have our standards and limitations right up in front, the sense of comunication and most important, be willing to hear and take accountability, and dont settle for anything else that we deserve. To everyone living a beginning of relationship by now, put the effort, build the peak of friendship with that person, because thats the peak of love..

[@dewalta]

Thank you so much for this comment! I was recently being pushed away (after 1,5 years of dating!) by someone who said they wanted a relationship while also being afraid of commitment and closeness, so that they never actually committed internally… while asking for a lot of attention, help, emotional and actual real life support! That very disassociation in the name of “self-protection” resulted in outright emotional abusive behavior by them in order to “protect themselves” - and to test how i would respond (as i found out after the fact). When I kindly communicated my needs and boundaries (around actions and behavior not fitting their words) my needs around commitment suddenly were “too much”…. It’s the classic modern dating paradox - wanting committed relationships, while not being committed to working on our own fears, practicing the act of pushing people away (or not letting them in) will result in making the very thing we are craving impossible, inevitably causing chaos and a lot of pain. Now recovering from having put myself out there for someone who said they wanted me, but pushed me away at the same time…

[@SWGTBruno]

@@dewalta Thank you also for your kind words, it really amazes me how people can be so hot and cold sometimes, you really need to be in a place for calmness and happy with your life to have room to let other happy person enter.. this works obviously both ways.. and in that case it seemed that the person didn't knew what she wants.. wanting a commitment and being afraid of relationship is already a red flag, becasue its asking for your exclusivity in the first place for nothing, and thats not a good sign, i can also see that you enjoyend the presence of that person in your life, thus the time and effort you have pour into it.. could this be the case that you were the only person fighting for this to turn out good? maybe.. but this for sure will reassure your standards for the next person that you will let enter in your life.. and believe it will be even better! I hope you're doing well and give yourself the value you deserve!! Love and relationship should be smooth, should bring peace, calm, should be the one you feel vulnerable with..

[@dewalta]

@@SWGTBruno the first comment was a lot about my suffering and I need to add my personal growth part around my experience: So of course I stuck around and tolerated my boundaries being overstepped based out of my own issues, which would be desperation for emotional intimacy and safety as well as putting myself second based on strong empathy and compassion for others suffering. This is something that has been chasing me for many years and I am finally addressing in therapy. While empathy and compassion is a great thing, it should never cause anyone to tolerate their boundaries being overstepped. By repeatedly engaging in over empathetic connection with people, I invited the very behavior that hurt me into my life. Only I am to be held responsible for that, as we can never change others - but we need to learn to walk away, even if we strongly feel for them. That’s a tough one for me… 🥲

[@amoon.93]

​@@dewaltathe common theme I see today is wanting relationship benefits , wanting the other person to commit to you without actually being in a relationship giving all the freedom to do anything while also breadcrumbing the other person... 💤

[@LadyDixon92]

I was in a situationship for 9 months, hoping it would evolve into something else. Guess what, it never did. I suffered a lot, and I recognise I could have left that dynamic at any time, but I didn't. Until I had enough, said my peace and deleted his number. Shortly after, I met someone new, and all of a sudden, things that had been nearly impossible before, like having difficult conversations, became part of the natural progression of getting to know each other. No stringing along, lots of interest, commitment, good communication, honesty from the beginning, etc. I have a really good feeling about this person. It just goes to show that the scarcity mind forces us to stay in situations we don't deserve or feel comfortable with. I'm glad I was strong enough to leave and keep on looking for someone who sees my value and respects me as a human being. Don't give up yet ❤

[@NSoutherland_WellnessMD]

Many times " lets just see where it goes" is a means to avoid the fear and freak out that occur when you tell a person you want a relationship. I once had a man tell me he didnt want a second date because I " liked him too much" and he had other folks on his plate ( I appreciated the honesty but was confused. At the same time you meet people who have moved your relationship to something serious after one conversation ( I dont know you like that). It is challenging with a capital C.

[@thematthewhussey]

That's why it's important to set an organic pace, which means enjoying things, but not over-investing in someone in the early stages, that way we won't resent them if they decide they don't want a relationship after all, nor will we fall for the person who tries to move things too quickly. I hope to see you on October 22nd for 'Casual to Commitment'! www.lovelifetraining.com

[@JAISSUSSU]

I've watched Matthew's videos for many years and now I've lost hopes in guys 😆

[@thematthewhussey]

There are men out there saying that about women too! Are they right to have no hope in women? Absolutely not. There are good PEOPLE out there.

[@zero1188]

Agreed. Most people dont get what they want because they are not honest. Simple as that. If you are looking for a relationship just say that

[@ShopgirlNY182]

I definitely did this by saying “I was open to marriage but it wasn’t a requirement” but that wasn’t being honest to myself or to him.

[@thematthewhussey]

Great self awareness!

[@CarpeDiem2805]

People don’t get to “learn” their prospective partners- they rush into things too quickly. One needs to learn the other’s values.

[@thematthewhussey]

Agreed!

[@oishang2024]

This is very confusing because people don’t know what they want, they’re too busy trying to go with flow and that’s very dangerous too!!!

[@caiseem1987]

I can’t entertain more than one at a time. I’m too busy and don’t feel like dealing with multiple men wanting to sleep with me and constantly getting myself out of that. So one at a time is my only option. I don’t give a shit about enough people to have to talk to more than one dude every day. That sounds like absolute hell, I’d rather not talk to any at all.

[@SWGTBruno]

The issue here, in my oppinion, is that most of the women wants that kind of attention, and the even bigger issue is that there are men available everytime.. Im really without any energy left for dating, and tired of this generation of easyness of choose, its so easy just to swipe and find "greener grass" on the other side, that people don't put the minimum effort into anything by now, and that's just sad.. but here we are.. we need to accept it.. :)

[@cherrylane79]

@@SWGTBruno What kind of men? 90% of men online are after ONS or FWB. Men swipe everyone, women only 10%. Nobody cares about anyone.

[@thematthewhussey]

Nothing wrong with that approach at all, it just takes discipline to not over-invest when we like someone, and to stay invested in all of the other wonderful parts of our life so that a new person doesn't occupy too much mental space before it's actually reached the point where they should be taking up that much space.

[@if7363]

Pretty sure it was not meant sleeping with several. It's for the talking phase when you get to know them

[@anastazjamalczyk7683]

You won't believe how timely this message is and how I needed to hear that! Thanks a million! ❤

[@thematthewhussey]

So glad!

[@MargoBercun]

Scarcity mindset and fear of having a hard conversation to set your own standards and boundaries by being kind and honest with what we want….truly truly.

[@thematthewhussey]

♥

[@cayennehase4278]

Thank you for a wonderful reminder, Matthew. Love your work and would enjoy more shorts. Greetings from Germany. 💖💫💖💫💖💫

[@thematthewhussey]

Will work on more shorts for you! Thanks, and hi to you in Germany.

[@FranciscoCruz-xz2dw]

That Girl is refusing to have the hard conversation. Yes, its hard, but its the best way not to get hurt. Or to have sucess!!

[@macareuxmoine]

Relationships have become completely transactional. There’s always the keeping open of doors to see if a better catch might come around. The person that feels less attractive will sell themselves short and diminish even more in attractiveness. You just learn to hate people. It’s just a reflection of our worsening societal conditions in the romantic realm. And dating platforms etc. exploit people’s desperation along the way.

[@frengtterma4102]

I met someone in the fourth scenario that kept me at arms length due to fear of rejection. I think people like that suffer from narcissism in a way that they see us as someone to please them and God forbid we reject them that would hurt their ego. I think situationships happen because of narcissism, lack of empathy and cowardice. And it is a sign that you should walk away from these people.

[@itz.brandonlee8364]

I'm actually in the same situation right now. I've been talking to a woman for almost a year and I've asked her before where we are going. And she pretty much said she doesn't want to rush which I understand however I think 1 year of getting to know each other and video calls etc is a long time in my opinion and turns out she tells me well take it slow and see where it goes. So I'm trying to re-evaluate where I really need to put my time in if I should still pursue or slowly pull away.

[@thematthewhussey]

One year is way more than enough for someone to know if they want a relationship with you. If you continue with a situation that is less than what you want you are putting yourself first. You have to be true to what you really want, not be what someone else needs you to be just so that you can keep them in your life. Much love ♥

[@lilcrazylilclassy]

Thanks for this video Matthew, I follow you from Algeria since around 2016 ❤🎉

[@thematthewhussey]

No way! That's amazing. Thank you for following!

[@KaraSanyal]

we do this together honey, over time we'll keep saying we have this thing, we have this thing thats light hearted and low maint. its even less low maint than it already is, adam. hug from audrey, someone you think is awesome jamieson is not indifferent

[@julianemohr5528]

I was with someone for almost a year and was having feelings after 5-6 months. He started with a clear position of not wanting a relationship and after asking him if he had feelings, he admitted to have feelings, too. Still no relationship even if it had the character of one. I felt the beauty of having no pressure to commit too soon and to be sure to have feelings. Still, it is so hard now that he finally decided not to be with me anymore and he wants to find out how it is to be alone.

[@if7363]

It's very typical to person with Avoidant attachment style. 5, 6, 7 months in is when dopamine drops, that's when they break up.

[@soap8850]

Thank you so much! I really need this now

[@michaelblower7363]

I fancy someone who is long distance too. I want a relationship with him but I feel like it's not possible. 😭

[@behuman2476]

Same with me but I am moving to his coutry anyway for studying I don't know if things could work out with us becuase he said we wants to be friends😪

[@KaraSanyal]

seeing where it goes. is the only person i want to keep seeing

[@代田延]

this format really suits me

[@KaraSanyal]

it hurts it becomes easier, adam

[@RiekaChikuda]

this video’s take really clicks with some of the things I've been reading in the book Magnetic Aura from Borlest

[@LALA-fy8ng]

10:41 I can`t HAHAHAH- see where it goesss, where it flows lol

[@賀富奎]

really liked this video

[@KaraSanyal]

create some kind of a loop of that, matt hussey

[@user-cd2jl4is4k]

And thn there is a time when get into a kind of limrent' situation towards this particular person...n it hurts...

[@KaraSanyal]

options open

[@KaraSanyal]

hi matt hussey, its supergirl and adam

[@TakuoTakuda]

best!!!

[@andreasandor8165]

It also depends on the location. I live in London and no 1 I repeat no 1 wants a relationship. I have put a lot of intentions into finding a person who I am compatible with and also wants a family and all I ever found men who wanted casual sex. I'm 42 I find it very tiresome keep finding this kind of men. I also think London is a very toxic city where if you want a relationship and a family and make it clear people look at you how outdated you are. So I think environment where we live matters a lot.

[@lindasomma6868]

Yes

[@KaraSanyal]

fine

[@KaraSanyal]

chill, adam. omg honey

[@KaraSanyal]

who wants a rel when the thing that works is not being avail

[@Niro7837]

We cannot explain everything with words

[@KaraSanyal]

matt

[@KaraSanyal]

deep down i really want this seriously with adam but it feels very unsafe very dangerous to. kara

[@maidajaafar]

love lots

[@cinderellaflaherty]

I really like this person but i don't know how to approach it with him. What do I say?

[@cherrylane79]

Ask him out for a coffee?

[@cinderellaflaherty]

@cherrylane79 We are past that stage, we have been on and off for years.

[@KaraSanyal]

it is the best there is i

[@KaraSanyal]

hmm wait when was this posted haha

[@KaraSanyal]

ajay

[@KaraSanyal]

uh oh

[@hadiza1]

💜💜💜

[@claracruz9066]

❤

[@Niro7837]

Beautiful bodies changing. ugly bullies changing, but why can’t I look away from this handsome full man?

[@cherrylane79]

The problem is that it's so easy for men ( and to some women) not to care. And so many won't go into therapy, esp. men. Dating is hell and also becoming increasingly dangerous.

[@KaraSanyal]

yes hi hug lick

[@InViSiBlEGuy1]

They didn't commit because they are a bad person

[@ausroyal]

First!

[@Niro7837]

You talk about something realistic, but in my mind is very unrealistic

[@Curiousgal600]

First

[@KaraSanyal]

[@lindasomma6868]

Yes